>> IT HAS BEEN EXACTLY ONE YEAR NOW SINCE THIS PANDEMIC HAS BEEN
A PART OF OUR LIVES, AND SO MANY OF OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN UPENDED.
I THINK THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE IT IS OUR WORLD HAS BEEN
FUNDAMENTALLY TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.
( SUNG TO TUNE OF "ONE WEEK" BY BARENAKED LADIES )
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: HAPPY QUARANNIVERSARY!
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES DR. ANTHONY FAUCI
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HHOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
BUT, FOLKS, THIS ISN'T JUST ANY OLD "A LATE SHOW."
TODAY, MARCH 12, MARKS THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE
LAST SHOW WE DID IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER BEFORE WE
STARTED BROADCASTING OUT OF A DISCARDED ALTOID TIN.
AT LEAST IT WOULD MARK THE ANNIVERSARY IF I STILL FOLLOWED
THE CALENDAR OF THE BEFORE TIMES.
WE ALL NOW LIVE IN THE PERPETUAL MONTH OF "SWEATS-TEMBER."
TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT THIS YEAR THAT WE, TOGETHER,
SPENT APART.
BECAUSE THIS IS "A LATE SHOW'S QUARANNIVERSARY SPECIAL:
THE YEAR THAT TOOK 100 YEARS BUT WAS ALSO SOMEHOW ONE LONG DAY."
>> Stephen: SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THE PAST YEAR.
THINK ABOUT HOW WE COMMUNICATE NOW!
LAST FEBRUARY, IF SOMEONE SAID "ZOOM ME," YOU WOULD HAVE SAID,
"WHAT?
YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDER.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE WE'RE IN A VERY CROWDED BAR!
HAY, CAN I HAVE A SIP OUT OF YOUR BEER USING MY BARE FACE?"
THIS TIME LAST YEAR, WE SUDDENLY ALL FOUND OURSELVES IN LOCKDOWN,
WHICH ALLOWED US TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH OUR FAMILIES--
ALSO, QUANTITY TIME.
BECAUSE SHORTLY AFTER THIS TIME LAST YEAR, SCHOOLS CLOSED ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.
IT STARTED AS KIND OF A "SNOW DAY," THEN BECAME A "SNOW
MONTH," AND FINALLY A "SNO WAY I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UNLESS
MY KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL."
AS WE LEARNED MORE ABOUT THE DISEASE, IT GOT A LITTLE
SCARIER.
FOR EXAMPLE, WE FOUND OUT "YOU CAN BE INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS,
HAVE NO SYMPTOMS, AND STILL BE CONTAGIOUS."
THAT'S RIGHT: JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT, DOESN'T MEAN COVID
ISN'T THERE.
IT'S LIKE TERMITE DAMAGE, OR THE LAST FIVE NICOLAS CAGE MOVIES.
SO IN APRIL, THE C.D.C. BEGAN RECOMMENDING THAT "PEOPLE WEAR
CLOTH OR FABRIC FACE COVERINGS WHEN ENTERING PUBLIC SPACES,"
WHICH REPLACED THE WHITE HOUSE'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FENDING OFF
COVID: MASSIVE DOSES OF PRESCRIPTION-STRENGTH BEAN.
BECAUSE IT'S AMERICA, IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE MASK WEARING
DEVOLVED INTO A POLITICAL ISSUE.
APPARENTLY, SPREADING AEROSOLIZED VIRUS IS A CHERISHED
FREEDOM.
WHO CAN FORGET PATRICK HENRY'S FAMOUS CRY, "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR
GIVE ME DEATH!
OR SLIP ME SOME TONGUE AND GIVE ME BOTH!"
AND THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE YEAR, WE COULD ALWAYS LOOK TO ONE
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL AS A BEACON OF SCIENCE AND SANITY: OUR GUEST
TONIGHT, EPIDEMIOLOGIST AND MAN EXPLAINING HOW BACK RUBS CAN
BOOST THE IMMUNE SYSTEM, DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
FAUCI WAS SO POPULAR THAT, BACK IN APRIL, HE BECAME A WRITE-IN
NOMINEE FOR PEOPLE'S "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT A MAN BEGGING YOU TO STAY SIX FEET
AWAY THAT JUST MAKES YOU WANT HIM MORE.
SHOCKINGLY, THE WINNER TURNED OUT TO BE MICHAEL B. JORDAN,
WHO, WHILE NOT AN EPIDEMIOLOGIST, HAS BEEN
PUBLISHED IN THE "NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MAMA LIKE!"
I'M EXCITED TO TALK TO DR. FAUCI.
WE TRIED TO GET HIM ON THE SHOW ALL LAST YEAR, BUT HE WASN'T
AVAILABLE.
THEN AROUND JANUARY 20 HIS SCHEDULE STARTED FREEING UP FOR
SOME REASON.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THE GOOD DOCTOR, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU
A LITTLE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE DURING THIS QUARANTINE.
YOU SEE, FOR ME, AND PERHAPS FOR SOME OF YOU, THE PAST 12 MONTHS
HAVE BEEN BOTH TERRIBLE AND WONDERFUL.
IT WAS, AS DICKENS WROTE, THE BEST OF TIMES AND THE WORST OF
TIMES.
INCIDENTALLY, I'VE BEEN IN QUARANTINE FOR A YEAR, AND
THAT'S AS MUCH OF THE BOOK THAT I'VE READ.
A LITTLE TROUBLE FOCUSING.
YOU SEE, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE WE SAW THE TOLL
THAT THIS PANDEMIC HAD ALL ACROSS AMERICA, WITH PEOPLE
LOSING THEIR LOVED ONES AND THEIR JOBS, AND HAVING TO ADAPT
TO A STARK NEW REALITY.
AND, OF COURSE, THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION REALLY SHANKED
THEIR RESPONSE.
IT'S IRONIC THAT THEY DISCOURAGED MASKS, BECAUSE THEY
SHOULD BE ASHAMED TO SHOW THEIR FACES IN PUBLIC.
BUT THE PAST YEAR WAS ALSO THE BEST OF TIMES, BECAUSE WHERE OUR
LEADERS FAILED, WE SAW AMERICANS STEPPING UP, HELPING EACH OTHER
OUT, WORKING TO GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
AND EVEN THOUGH THIS VIRUS GROUND A LOT OF THINGS TO A
SCREECHING HALT, IT WAS INSPIRING TO SEE AMERICANS FIGHT
TO MAKE SURE WE STILL MADE PROGRESS, WHETHER IT BE TAKING
TO THE STREETS TO DEMAND AN END TO SYSTEMIC RACISM OR TAKING TO
THE VOTING BOOTH TO BRING NEW LEADERS.
AND LIKE A LOT OF YOU, I HAD BIG PLANS WHEN THE QUARANTINE
STARTED.
I TOLD MYSELF I WAS GOING TO GET IN SHAPE.
AND ONE YEAR LATER, I AM IN A SHAPE.
SO MISSION ATTEMPTED.
BUT THERE WERE POSITIVE THINGS, TOO, LIKE A FEW MONTHS INTO THE
QUARANTINE WHEN I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE
SOURDOUGH BREAD.
I HAD BEEN TRYING FOR MONTHS, BUT I COULDN'T MAKE IT WORK.
AND THEN, AND THIS IS TRUE, A STRANGER SENT ME A 150-YEAR-OLD
SOURDOUGH STARTER.
IT ARRIVED IN THE MAIL, FROM SOMEBODY I DID NOT KNOW, AND
LOOKED LIKE PAINT CHIPS, BUT I SAID, SURE, I'LL PLAY "FOOD FROM
A STRANGER ROULETTE!" AND IT TURNED OUT GREAT!
IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE, BEFORE THIS ALL
STARTED, I USED TO HAVE AN AUDIENCE.
WOW!
THAT MAKES ME SO NOSTALGIC-- AND CREEPED OUT.
WHY WAS I TOUCHING STRANGERS' HANDS?
AND WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?
WAS I A VECTOR?
BACK IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER WITH THE BAND AND THE AUDIENCE,
WE CALLED WHAT WE DID "THE LATE SHOW."
BUT YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT FOR THE PAST YEAR, WE'VE BEEN
CALLING IT "A LATE SHOW," BECAUSE IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE
SHOW WE USED TO DO.
IT'S A VERSION OF IT.
AND, I PROMISE, WE'LL GET BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" JUST AS
SOON WE WE CAN DO IT IN A WAY THAT'S THE SAFE WAY FOR MY
STAFF, CREW, AND AUDIENCE.
BUT IT'S ALSO THE BEST OF TIMES BECAUSE, OCCASIONALLY, I DO HAVE
AN AUDIENCE OF ONE: MY WIFE, EVIE.
WHEN I WAS FIRST STARTING OUT IN COMEDY, I REMEMBER THINKING, "IF
I CAN MAKE STRANGERS LAUGH THE WAY I MAKE EVIE LAUGH, I'LL BE
DOING OKAY."
AND NOW I LITERALLY CAN'T MAKE STRANGERS LAUGH, BUT I DO GET
TO HEAR EV FROM TIME TO TIME.
AND I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT I REALLY LOVE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE
VIA ZOOM.
WE'VE HAD SOME AMAZING GUESTS, AND I'VE HAD SOME REALLY
FASCINATING CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM IN THIS NEW ZOOM FORMAT.
I THINK THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING NO AUDIENCE, IT
BEING JUST ME AND THE GUEST, LOOKING IN EACH OTHERS EYES,
THAT'S JUST MORE INTIMATE SOMEHOW.
ALTHOUGH, I PROMISE, AUDIENCE, WHEN I WAS INTERVIEWING
CLOONEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU THE WHOLE TIME.
IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE WE HAD TO FIND A NEW WAY
TO MAKE THIS SHOW, ON THE FLY, AS WE WERE DOING IT.
IT'S LIKE REBUILDING A TRANSMISSION WHILE YOU'RE DOING
60 DOWN A FREEWAY.
AND IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES BECAUSE MY STAFF AND CREW DID
IT.
THEY MADE IT ALL HAPPEN.
AND, INCIDENTALLY, THAT INCLUDES EVIE AND OUR THREE KIDS, WHO
WERE ALL ROPED IN TO BE CAMERA PEOPLE, ELECTRICIANS, AND
PRODUCERS WHEN WE TAPED THE SHOW FROM HOME.
AND I LOVED THOSE MOMENTS WITH MY FAMILY.
IT WAS A CHANCE TO SAY TO THEM, "LET'S PUT DOWN ALL OF THE
SCREENS AND DEVICES AND SPEND A LITTLE TIME TOGETHER MAKING SURE
DAD'S SHOW IS ON OTHER PEOPLE'S SCREENS AND DEVICES, BECAUSE DAD
DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK ANY OF THESE SCREENS AND DEVICES."
WE DID "A LATE SHOW" FROM SO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES: A TUB, A
FIRE PIT, A PORCH, A SPARE BEDROOM IN SOUTH CAROLINA FOR
FIVE MONTHS, AND NOW HERE WE ARE IN WHAT USED TO BE A
SUPPLY CLOSET IN THE ED SULLIVAN OFFICE BUILDING.
IT'S BEEN A TOUR TO REMEMBER, SO WE'VE DECIDED TO REMEMBER IT
WITH THIS ACTUAL "LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT" CONCERT
T-SHIRT.
IT'S GOT A ROCKIN' LOGO ON THE FRONT, AND ALL OF THE TOUR DATES
ON THE BACK.
EVEN THAT ONE SHOW WE DID DOWN IN DELAWARE FEATURING SPECIAL
GUESTS JOE AND DR. JILL BIDEN.
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE TWO CRAZY KIDS?
WE ALSO HAVE A MASK WITH THE SAME LOGO AND A MUG, AND A MUG
RIGHT THERE.
AND WHAT QUARANTINE MERCH WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SWEATPANTS
WHICH SAY "NO SWEAT, ALL PANTS."
AND ALL OF THIS IS AVAILABLE colbertlateshow.com/covidtour,
OR YOU CAN JUST SCAN THIS Q.R.
CODE WITH YOUR PHONE.
AND WHILE WE AT "THE LATE SHOW" HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE
ABLE TO KEEP OUR BUSINESS GOING DURING THIS PANDEMIC, A LOT OF
SMALL BUSINESSES HAVE NOT BEEN SO LUCKY.
SO, WE ARE DONATING 100% OF "A LATE SHOW'S" PROCEEDS TO ACCION
OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.
A CHARITY SO NICE THEY FUNDED IT TWICE.
IT SUPPORTS SMALL BUSINESSES IMPACTED BY THE COVID-19 CRISIS.
SO HEAD TO colbertlateshow.com/covidtour,
OR SCAN THE Q.R. CODE RIGHT HERE, AND PICK UP YOUR OWN "LATE
SHOW" SWAG. IT'S STYLISH AND COMFORTABLE,
COMFORTABLE, AND PERFECT FOR RELAXING ON THE COUCH AFTER A
HARD DAY OF WORKING ON THE COUCH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SUPERSTAR SEXY SCIENCE MAN,
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO OUR QUARANNIVERSARY SPECIAL HERE AT
"A LATE SHOW."
LET'S SAY HELLO TO A MAN I'VE MISSED FOR A YEAR, JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: HELLO, YINDEED, STEPHEN, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, HOPEFUL.
I'M HOPEFUL, WHICH IS A DANGEROUS FEELING BECAUSE YOU
DON'T WANT TO GET BURNED, BUT I MEAN, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
EVIDENTLY, ALL ADULTS ELIGIBLE FOR SHOTS BY THE TIME WE GET TO
MAY, STARTING MAY 1-- AM I RIGHT WITH THAT?
IS THAT WHAT BIDEN SAID LAST NIGHT?
THAT'S GOT TO GIVE YOU A LITTLEERATE OF HOPE RIGHT THERE.
I'M TRYING TO LOOK ON THE THE BRIGHT SIDE.
>> Jon: PULL YOURSELF UP ON THE ROPE OF YOUR HOPE.
COME ON.
LET'S GET IT.
>> Stephen: I-- I'M JUST WONDERING IF THERE'S ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING YEAR THAT WE'VE JUST
GONE THROUGH, IS THERE ANYTHING OUT OF IT THAT WAS A POSITIVE
FOR YOU IN YOUR OWN LIFE?
>> Jon: I THINK FACING THE INTERNAL, THE THINGS THAT IN OUR
BUSY LIVES WE MAY NOT GET A CHANCE TO SIT AND DEAL WITH.
WE'RE FORCED TO DEAL WITH THEM IN THIS TIMES.
I THINK THAT'S A POSITIVE, ACTUALLY.
>> Stephen: THAT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE STOCK?
>> Jon: YUP, YUP, YUP.
AND BE WITH THOSE-- IF WE WERE TRAPPED WITH THOSE WE LOVE, IT'S
ALSO A PLUS, AND I WAS.
SO THAT'S A GOOD THING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
AND YOU DID IT WITHOUT DRINKING ( LAUGHS )
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S DARE-- THAT'S DAREDEVIL BEHAVIOR IN MY
OPINION.
GOOD FOR YOU.
GOOD FOR YOU, EVILICA NEVELE.
>> Jon: HEY, RIDE THEM!
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY HOPEFUL MUSIC FOR US TONIGHT?
>> Jon: YES, YES, LET'S SEE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE CHIEF MEDICAL ADVISER TO
THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE VOICE OF REASON WHO GUIDED US THROUGH THE
PAST YEAR.
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW, DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
DR. FAUCI, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, STEPHEN.
I APPRECIATE IT.
>> Stephen: I'VE WANTED TO HAVE YOU ON FOR A YEAR.
WE'VE TRIED TO HAVE YOU ON ALMOST EVERY WEEK FOR A YEAR.
WE COULD NEVER GET YOU.
AROUND JANUARY 20, YOUR SCHEDULE REALLY OPENED UP.
WHAT CHANGED?
( LAUGHS ) >> EVERYTHING.
>> Stephen: GOOD.
I HOPE IT KEEPS CHANGING.
NOW, I'VE GOT A LOT I WANT TO ASK YOU, BUT THE FIRST THING I
HAVE TO ASK YOU IS ABOUT WHAT PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCED LAST
NIGHT, IS THAT BY MAY 1, ALL ADULTS IN THE UNITED STATES WILL
BE ELIGIBLE FOR COVID-19 VACCINES.
HOW-- HOW DID THAT COME ABOUT SO QUICKLY?
THAT'S MUCH SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
>> WELL, WHAT, AS YOU PROBABLY HAVE NOTICED OVER THE LAST
COUPLE OF WEEKS, THERE HAS BEEN A REAL CONCERTED EFFORT TO GET
MORE VACCINES AVAILABLE, FOR SIGNING CONTRACTSs, FOR
EXAMPLE, WITH MODERNA AND PFIZER TO GET AN ADDITIONAL 100 MILLION
DOSES A PIECE FROM THEM, TO GET A TOTAL OF 600 MILLION DOSES.
J&J, WHICH WE ORIGINALLY CONTRACT FOR, FOR 100 MILLION
DOSES, A DEAL WAS MADE FOR, YET AGAIN, ANOTHER 100 MILLION
DOSES.
SO IT WAS A QUESTION OF REALLY MAKING A FULL-COURT PRESS TO GET
MORE VACCINE AVAILABLE.
AND AS YOU DO, YOU GET THROUGH THE PRIORITIES SO THAT YOU GET
TO A POINT WHERE YOU REALLY HAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE TO EVERYONE.
AND THAT PUSHED IT BACK BY A COUPLE OF MONTHS, WHICH IS
REALLY GOOD NEWS, WHICH MEANS WE LIKELY WILL HAVE THE
OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION VACCINATED MUCH, MUCH
SOONER THAN WE ORIGINALLY HAD PLANNED.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE CHANGES FROM THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION
TO THIS ONE IS A SENSE OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY HAS
A LARGE ROLE TO PLAY IN COORDINATING HERE.
IS THAT PART OF IT, THE FACT THAT THE-- PRESIDENT BIDEN IS--
IS STATING THAT ELIGIBILITY FOR ADULTS WILL START MAY 1.
IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TAKING A LARGER ROLE IN DISTRIBUTION
AND ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS?
>> IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE ENDEAVOR, STEPHEN, IS THAT
BEFORE, EARLIER, IN THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION, A LOT OF
DISCRETION, A LOT OF AUTHORITY, A LOT OF DECISION MAKING WAS
LEFT TO THE STATES THEMSELVES, WHICH THERE STILL IS A LOT OF
THAT, TOO.
BECAUSE THE STATES INDEPENDENTLY ARE VERY IMPORTANT IN THE
IMPLEMENTATION.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TELLING THEM EVERYTHING TO DO.
BUT WHAT WE HAVE MORE NOW IS A COOPERATION, COLLABORATION, AND
WHAT I WOULD CALL A SINNER GEE BETWEEN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
AND THE STATES TO GET THINGS DONE.
AND THAT IS REALLY, I THINK, VERY GOOD NEWS.
I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THROUGHOUT THE PREVIOUS YEAR THAT THERE
SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTERACTION IN THE SENSE OF SIN
JIEZING, INSTEAD OF SAYING HERE'S WHAT YOU DO AND GO DO IT.
IF YOU SUCCEED, FINE.
IF YOU FAIL THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, WHICH IS NOT, I THINK, THE BEST
WAY TO DO IT.
>> Stephen: NOW, FOR A YEAR NOW, YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISING US
WHAT TO DO.
CAN YOU ADVISE US HOW TO FEEL?
BECAUSE I MEAN, THERE'S A-- THERE'S A CHANGE IN THE AIR.
THERE REALLY IS.
AS I WAS SAYING TO JON BATISTE EARLIER EOH, THERE'S A SENSE OF
HOPE OUT THERE, AND WE DON'T WANT TO GET BURNED.
CAN WE BE HOPEFUL THAT THIS IS GOING TO COME TO AN END SOON?
>> YES.
NOT ONLY HOPEFUL, YOU CAN BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT THIS IS
GOING TO END, AND WE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL.
THE QUESTION IS WHEN?
AND I THINK IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT'S GOING ON NOW,
PARTICULARLY WITH THE AVAILABILITY OF MULTIPLE, HIGHLY
EFFICACIOUS VACCINES THAT ARE SAFE AT THE SAME TIME THEY'RE
HIGHLY EFFICACIOUS, IF WE DO THAT TOGETHER WITH A GRAL
DIMINUTION OF THE STRINJENCEY OF THE PUBLIC HEALTH MEASURES-- YOU
DON'T WANT TO TURN THE SWITCH ON AND OFF AND SAY, OKAY, WE'RE
DOING WELL.
LET'S STOP EVERYTHING THAT WE'RE DOING REGARDING PUBLIC HEALTH.
WE DON'T WANT TO DO THAT -- >> Stephen: BUT THAT'S
HAPPENING.
>> YES IT IS.
>> Stephen: ALL OVER THE COUNTRY IN VARIOUS STATES.
PEOPLE ARE GOING, "OKAY!
EVERYBODY BACK IN THE POOL."
LIKE WHAT-- WHAT IS THE CALMEST WAY YOU COULD SPEAK TO THE
STATES THAT DECIDED IT'S OVER, AT LEAST THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO
BE DONE ON THEIR END IN TERMS OF MITIGATION-- MITIGATING THE
SPREAD?
>> WELL, I'VE SAID THAT PUBLICLY MANY TIMES, ALMOST ON A DAILY
BASIS, STEPHEN, IS THAT IT IS REALLY RISKY.
RIGHT NOW, EVEN THOUGH THE CASES ARE COMING DOWN IN A VERY SHARP
DECLINE, OVER THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, IT STARTED TO PLATEAU A
BIT.
AND IT IT PLATEAUS, IT'S PLATEAUING AT AN UNACCEPTABLE
HIGH LEVEL-- ABOUT 50,000 TO 60,000 NEW INFECTIONS PER DAY.
AND EVERY TIME WE'VE SEEN A PLATEAU AT THAT LEVEL, THERE'S
ALWAYS BEEN THE RISK OF GETTING YET AGAIN ANOTHER SURGE.
AND WHAT WE DON'T WANT TO DO IS GET ANOTHER SURGE.
WE WANT TO KEEP IT COMING DOWN-- IT MAY NOT BE AS SHARP AS IT HAS
BEEN OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS OR SO, BUT IF-- A MONTH
OR TWO.
IF WE CAN GET IT TO COME AND CONTINUE TO GO DOWN, AS WE GET
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE VACCINATED, EVERY DAY OVER TWO MILLION
PEOPLE ARE BEING VACCINATED.
IF WE KEEP DOING THAT, AT THE SAME TIME AS WE KEEP A CERTAIN
AMOUNT OF THE PUBLIC HEALTH MEASURES GOING, SUCH AS EVERYONE
CONTINUING TO WEAR A MASK AND NOT JUST SAYING, "HEY, THINGS
LOOK GOOD.
LET'S JUST GO RIGHT BACK TO WHERE WE THINK WE SHOULD BE,"
WHICH EVERYONE IS EMPATHETIC WITH THAT NEED TO START TO GET
BACK TO NORMAL.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO DO THAT.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET ALL THE KIDS BACK TO SCHOOL.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET BACK TO WORK IN THE WORKPLACE AND NOT BE
WORKING FROM HOME SO THAT YOU CAN GET THE ECONOMY GOING.
IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, STEPHEN.
IT IS, GUARANTEED, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
BUT WE'VE GOT TO DO IT PRUDENTLY AND CAREFULLY.
>> Stephen: NOW, I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS SINCE BEFORE IT WAS
COOL BECAUSE I INTERVIEWED YOU ALMOST EXACTLY 10 YEARS AGO.
IT WAS IN MARCH OF 2011, AND I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
CLIP.
JIM.
WHAT'S GOING TO BE THE NEXT BIG, YOU KNOW, HOT NEW DISEASE?
WE HAVE SARS, WE HAD SWINE FLU.
AND WE HAD BIRD FLU.
AND I WANT TO GET MY GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT WORKING ON THE NEXT
THING THAT'S GOING TO SCARE THE POOP OUT OF THESE PEOPLE.
TURKEY HERPES.
WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?
>> THE INTERESTING THING IS WE DON'T KNOW.
THERE IS ALWAYS A THREAT OF EMERGING AND RE-EMERGING
INFECTIONS.
AND ONE OF THE FEARS WE FACE IS NATURE IS THE WORST IN THAT
RESPECT.
IT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE, A LOT OF TIMES JUMPING SPECIES FROM
ANIMALS TO HUMANS.
>> Stephen: I KNOW ANIMALS ARE DANGEROUS.
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE IN POLLUTION.
HIT THEM FIRST UPON KILL OR BE KILLED.
NOW, HOW DID THE NIGHTMARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT COMPARE TO THE
REALITY OF COVID?
>> YOU KNOW, IT MATERIALIZED, STEPHEN, UNFORTUNATELY FOR ALL
OF US, YOU KNOW A CONTINUATION OF THAT CONVERSATION WOULD HAVE
BEEN MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS WHAT I INITIALLY HINTED AT IN MY
DISCUSSION WITH YOU IS A BRAND-NEW VIRAL INFECTION THAT
JUMPS SPECIES FROM AN ANIMAL RESERVOIR TO A HUMAN, THAT'S
RESPIRATORY BORNE, THAT HAS TWO FUNDAMENTAL CHARACTERISTICS --
ONE, IT SPREADS EXTRAORDINARILY EFFICIENTLY FROM HUMAN TO HUMAN.
AND, TWO, IT HAS THE CAPABILITY OF A HIGH DEGREE OF MORBIDITY
AND MORTALITY.
AND, UNFORTUNATELY FOR ALL OF US, THAT'S COVID-19, WITH
ALREADY A HALF A MILLION PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES HAVE DIED,
525 MILLION, WITH 28 MILLION INFECTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN
DOCUMENTED.
>> Stephen: WELL, AS WE SHOWED, YOU'RE A-- A VOICE-- NOT
CRYING IN THE WILDERNESS, BUT CERTAINLY CRYING IN WHAT CAN BE
THE WILDERNESS OF POLITICS.
FOR YEARS OVER PREPARING FOR A PANDEMIC LIKE THIS.
WHAT HAS IT BEEN LIKE, AS A MAN OF SCIENCE, WHAT HAS IT BEEN
LIKE OVER THE PAST YEAR TO SEE FACTS, SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH,
SCIENTIFIC MEDICAL ADVICE POLITICIZED, RATHER THAN
UTILIZED?
>> WELL, IT'S BEEN VERY DISTRESSFUL.
AND IT'S IN MANY RESPECTS VERY PAINFUL, BECAUSE AS A PHYSICIAN,
A SCIENTIST, AND A PUBLIC HEALTH OFFICIAL, WHEN YOU'RE DEALING
WITH A FORMIDABLE ENEMY-- IF YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT
METAPHORIC-- THE ENEMY BEING THE VIRUS, THE ONE THING YOU NEED
SUNEED EVERYONE PULLING TOGETHER, REALIZING THAT THE
ENEMY IS THE VIRUS, NOT EACH OTHER.
AND THE WORST POSSIBLE THING-- AND I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE IT BEFORE, STEPHEN.
I'VE BEEN INVOLVED IN A NUMBER OF OUTBREAKS OVER THE 37 YEARS
THAT I'VE BEEN THE DIRECTOR OF THE INSTITUTE, AND I-- I'VE
NEVER SEEN A SITUATION WHERE THERE WAS SUCH INTENSE
DIVISIVENESS WHERE SIMPLE, COMMONSENSE, NO-BRAINER PUBLIC
HEALTH ISSUES TAKE ON A POLITICAL CONNOTATION.
IF YOU WEAR A MASK, YOU'RE ON THIS SIDE.
IF YOU DON'T WEAR A MASK, YOU'RE ON THAT SIDE.
IF YOU WANT TO CONGREGATE, YOU'RE ON THIS SIDE.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CONGREGATE, YOU'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE BECAUSE THE VIRUS IS GOING TO DO
WHAT THE VIRUS IS GOING TO DO, REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOUR
POLITICAL PERSUASION IS, REGARDLESS OF HOW DIVISIVE YOU
ARE.
AND THAT WAS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING TO SEE THAT.
IT WAS NOT HELPFUL-- IN FACT, IT WAS QUITE HARMFUL.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE WORKED FOR SEVEN PRESIDENTS, SO IT'S NOT
THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH POLITICAL
CONSIDERATIONS, NOT OF YOUR OWN BUT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE
WORKING FOR.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE USED THE GODFATHER AS A MODEL OF
BEHAVIOR?
DO YOU GIVE PRESIDENTS AN OFFER THEY CAN'T REFUSE?
WHAT IS-- WHAT IS THIS GODFATHER MODEL?
>> NO, NO, I USED IT BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME, WHEN YOU GET
THINGS LIKE THE SLIGHTS THAT I'VE HAD AGAINST ME DURING THE
PAST YEAR, HOW YOU CAN CONTINUE TO FUNCTION AND WORK IN A
PRODUCTIVE WAY, AND I JUST USE THAT PHRASE FROM THE "GODFATHER"
THAT MICHAEL COLIIONSAID TO SONNY, HE SAID, "YOU'RE TAKING
THINGS PERSONALLY."
HE SAID, "IT'S NOT PERSONAL.
IT'S STRICTLY BUSINESS."
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER FANTITIZED ABOUT DUMPING A
HORSE'S HEAD INTO RAND PAUL'S HEAD?
( LAUGHTER ) NO, NO, BUT I THINK HE M MAY HAV
FANTASIZED DOING IT THE OTHER WAY WITH ME.
>> Stephen: DR. FAUCI WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK THE DOCTOR IF HE HAD A
CHOICE OF EACH OF THE THREE VACCINES, WHICH WOULD HE PICK?
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
DOCTOR, ONE IN FOUR ADULTS HAS RECEIVED THEIR FIRST VACCINE
DOSE.
OBVIOUSLY, THE VACCINES ARE ROLLING OUT FASTER THAN WE'D
ORIGINALLY EXPECTED.
IF YOU HAD TO PICK BETWEEN THE THREE VACCINES THAT ARE
AVAILABLE TO US NOW, THE PFIZER, THE MODERNA, OR THE JOHNSON &
JOHNSON, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE?
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE?
>> NO, I DON'T, STEPHEN.
I-- I WOULD PICK THE ONE THAT WAS THE MOST READILY AVAILABLE
TO ME.
ALL THREE OF THEM ARE HIGHLY EFFICACIOUS.
THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CHARACTERISTICS.
YOU KNOW, COLD STORAGE, ONE DOSE VERSUS TWO DOSE.
BUT IF I WALKED INTO A CLINIC AND I WANTED TO GET VACCINATED
AND SOMEONE SAID, "YOU COULD HAVE THIS VACCINE NOW OR WAIT A
FEW WEEKS FOR THE NEXT ONE," THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET
VACCINATED AS QUICKLY AS YOU POSIBLY CAN IN ORDER TO PROTECT
YOURSELVES, YOUR FAMILY, AND THE COMMUNITY.
SO I-- I DON'T HAVE ANY FAVORITE.
I HAPPEN TO TAKE THE MODERNA, BECAUSE IN THE CLINIC AT THE
N.I.H., WHERE I AM, THAT WAS THE ONE THEY SHIPPED TO US.
BUT IF THEY HAD SHIPPED ANOTHER ONE, I WOULD HAVE READILY TAKEN
THAT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE MOST EFFECTIVELY DELIVERS
BILL GATES' BRAIN-CONTROLLING MICROCHIP?
>> WELL, THERE ARE A COUPLE.
ONE MICROCHIP FROM ME, AND ONE MICROCHIP FROM BILL.
IT DEPEND -- >> Stephen: GOOD, I CAN'T WAIT
TO BE TURNED INTO YOUR ROBOT ARMY.
HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO BE LIVING WITH THIS CORONAVIRUS?
ARE WE GOING TO TAMP IT DOWN OR ARE WE GOING TO WIPE IT OUT?
>> YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, STEPHEN.
I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
WHEN YOU DEAL WITH VIRUSES THERE ARE THREE WAYS YOU CAN DO IT.
YOU CAN EITHER CONTROL IT, YOU CAN ELIMINATE IT OR YOU CAN
ERADICATE IT.
WE HAVE ONLY ERADICATED ONE HUMAN VIRUS AND THAT'S SMALLPOX.
WE HAVE ELIMINATED SEVERAL FROM COUNTRIES.
LIKE, WE'VE ELIMINATED POLIO FROM THE UNITED STATES.
WE HAVEN'T ERADICATED IT, BUT WE'VE LIMITED IT.
WE HAVE CONTROLLED OTHER VIRUSES.
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IS AT LEAST SOMETHING BETWEEN CONTROL
AND ELIMINATION.
I'M NOT SURE WE'RE GOING TO ERADICATE IT, BECAUSE THERE ARE
SO MANY PEOPLE THAT ARE INFECTED WITH IT NOW.
BUT LET'S MAKE THAT AN ASPIRATIONAL GOAL, TO ERADICATE
IT.
BUT TO AT LEAST CONTROL IT AND TO HOPEFULLY ELIMINATE IT IN
MOST OF THE COUNTRIES.
>> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT THIS PAST YEAR
HAS MEANT TO YOU PERSONALLY.
OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS THE SORT OF THING THAT YOU'VE WORKED YOUR
ENTIRE LIFE TO TRY TO COMBAT.
THIS IS-- THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TRAINED-- TRAINED FOR.
BUT IT'S ALSO MEANT THAT OVER THE PAST YEAR, YOU'VE GONE FROM
BEING THIS GUY TO A LOT OF PEOPLE...
TO BEING THIS GUY FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE.
DO YOU-- DO YOU ENJOY BEING AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED DOCTOR
RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, I CERTAINLY WANT TO BE TRUSTED.
I DON'T NECESSARILY DWELL ON THE ATTENTION THAT I'VE GOTTEN.
>> Stephen: SO BEING ONE OF THE SEXIEST MEN ALIVE IN
"PEOPLE" MAGAZINE WASN'T PLEASURABLE AT ALL?
YOU'RE UNDER OATH, SIR.
I WILL REMIND YOU THAT YOU'RE UNDER OATH.
>> STEPHEN, BRIEFLY IT WAS SORT OF AN INTERESTING CONCEPT.
WHEN YOU REALIZE HOW FAR IT IS FROM THE TRUTH, BEING SOMEWHAT
OF A REALISTIC PERSON, I THEN GET BACK TO MY JOB.
>> Stephen: DO YOU-- ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE VERB
"FAUCIING?" >> I HEARD IT RECENTLY, YES.
THAT'S WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT WEARING A MASH OR SOMETHING.
YOU "FAUCI" THEM.
>> Stephen: AS I SAID, YOU ARE SORT OF AMERICA'S DOCTOR RIGHT
NOW.
PEOPLE LOOK TO YOU FOR ADVICE AND FOR CALM.
WHO IS YOUR DR. FAUCI?
WHO DO YOU TURN TO?
>> YOU KNOW, MY DR. FAUCI, UNQUESTIONABLE, HAS BEEN THAT
WAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME, IS MY WIFE, CHRISTINE GRADY, WHO IS
ALSO WORKS AT THE N.I.H.
SHE'S THE CHAIR OF THE DEPARTMENT OF-- OF BIOETHICS.
AND SHE'S REALLY GOT A VERY GOOD HANDLE ON REALITY.
I MEAN, SHE REALLY IS ABLE TO HELP ME OUT WHEN-- THERE WAS A
TIME IN THE BEGINNING WHEN I WAS JUST WEARING MYSELF DOWN THEY
COULDN'T EVEN BARELY MOVE.
I WAS WORKING 21 HOURS A DAY.
AND SHE KIND OF GRABBED ME AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, WE'RE IN A
MARATHON.
WE'RE NOT-- WE'RE NOT IN A SPRINT.
YOU'VE JUST GOT TO BE ABLE TO GET SOME SLEEP AND OCCASIONALLY
EAT."
SO SHE-- SHE'S REALLY, YOU KNOW, WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE
COME BACK, I'LL ASK DR. FAUCI WHEN HE AND I CAN HIT THE CLUBS
AGAIN.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD, IF YOU COULD, DO DIFFERENTLY ABOUT
THE LAST YEAR?
AND I DON'T MEAN ABOUT KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW NOW ABOUT THE
VIRUS OR ITS, YOU KNOW, AEROSOLIZED SPREAD OR SOMETHING,
BUT JUST SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY NOW THAT YOU SAW HOW
AMERICA REACTED OR FOR ANY LEVEL?
>> YEAH, YOU HAVE TO SAY-- AND I KNOW YOU ARE INDICATING DON'T GO
THERE-- BUT YOU WOULD HAVE TO SAY, WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH AN
EVOLVING OUTBREAK, WHERE YOU KNOW NOTHING FROM THE BEGINNING,
AND EACH WEEK AND MONTH THAT GOES BY, YOU LEARN MORE AND
MORE, ONE OF THE CHALLENGES-- WHICH IS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT--
IS TO MAKE A DECISION ABOUT A POLICY OR A RECOMMENDATION WHEN
YOU DON'T HAVE COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE.
AND THEN WHEN YOU MONTHS LATER KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, YOU SAY, YOU
KNOW, IF I KNEW THAT BACK THEN, I REALLY WOULD HAVE ACTED OR
SPOKEN OR RECOMMENDED A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENTLY.
THE CLASSIC EXAMPLE IS THAT WE DID NOT KNOW FROM THE GET-GO
THAT THIS VIRUS WAS EXTREMELY UNIQUE IN THAT MANY OF THE
PEOPLE WHO WERE INFECTED HAD NO SYMPTOMS, AND A SUBSTANTIAL OF
PORTION, UP TO HALF OF THE PEOPLE WHO TRANSMIT VIRUS,
TRANSMIT IT WHEN THEY HAVE NO SYMPTOMS.
EITHER THEY'LL NEVER GET SYMPTOMS OR THEY'RE IN THE
PRESYMPTOMATIC STAGE.
IF WE HAD KNOWN THAT IN THE BEGINNING, I THINK WE WOULD HAVE
BEEN MUCH, MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE IN SHUTTING THINGS DOWN.
BECAUSE UNDER THE RADAR SCREEN, UNTIL WE REALIZED IT, THERE WERE
A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO WERE SPREADING IT IN AN INSIDIOUS
WAY, WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT-- NOT DELIBERATELY, BUT WITHOUT
EVEN KNOWING IT.
AS SOON AS WE KNEW THAT, THEN IT BECAME CLEAR WE WERE DEALING
WITH A VERY, VERY FORMIDABLE VIRUS.
>> Stephen: NOW, AS I SAID, AMERICA'S DOCTOR.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I GET EVERYONE'S ANSWERS HERE.
CAN YOU GIVE US RAPID FIRE ANSWERS IN A SEGMENT WE ARE
CALLING, "DOCTOR'S ORDERS."
NUMBER ONE, IF YOU'VE BEEN VACCINATED, CAN YOU GIVE THE
VIRUS TO OTHERS?
AND SHOULD YOU STILL WEAR A MASK?
>> YOU CAN GIVE IT TO OTHERS.
YOU SHOULD WEAR A MASK.
BUT RECENT DATA ARE INDICATING THAT THE LEVEL OF VIRUS IN YOUR
NASOPHARYNX, IF YOU'RE VACCINATED, IS EXTREMELY LOW.
AND I THINK IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS FROM NOW I MIGHT MODIFY
THAT STATEMENT AND SAY IT WOULD BE EXTREMELY UNUSUAL THAT YOU
WOULD TRANSMIT IT.
BUT RIGHT NOW, JUST TO BE CAREFUL, WEAR A MASK.
>> Stephen: SHOULD WE EVER SHAKE HANDS AGAIN?
>> ( LAUGHS )
YOU KNOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO
WANT TO SHAKE HANDS, BUT I THINK HUMAN NATURE PEOPLE WILL GET
BACK TO THAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THE C.D.C. GUIDELINES FOR
VACCINATING PEOPLE?
IF I GET THE VACCINE, CAN I HIT THE CLUB TWO WEEKS AFTER I GET
THE SHOT?
>> NO, YOU SHOULDN'T HIT THE CLUBS UNTIL WE GET THE LEVEL OF
VIRUS DOWN SO LOW THAT THERE'S NO THREAT TO HIT THE CLUBS.
>> Stephen: IF SOMEBODY HAS ALREADY HAD THE VIRUS, SHOULD
THEY STILL GET VACCINATED?
>> ABSOLUTELY, YES.
>> Stephen: CAN WE STILL USE "I'M QUARANTINING," AS AN EXCUSE
TO GET OUT OF PLANS THAT WE DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF, EVEN
WHEN THINGS GO BACK TO NORMAL?
>> ( LAUGHS )
I THINK YOU CAN, IF YOU WANT TO, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OUT OF
TIME SOON.
>> Stephen: AND THIS IS THE UNIVERSAL QUESTION THAT EVERYONE
IN AMERICA, REALLY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS ASKING: WHEN CAN
LATE-NIGHT HOSTS HAVE AUDIENCES BACK?
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE REASONABLY SOON.
I THINK WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT IS A GRADUAL
GETTING AUDIENCES BACK-- NOT NECESSARILY FULL CAPACITY-- AS
WE GET INTO THE EARLY FALL.
IF WE CAN GET THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF PEOPLE VACCINATED BY
THEN, I THINK WE COULD START TO TAKE THOSE STEPS TOWARDS
NORMALITY, WHICH, IN MY MIND, MEANS GETTING AUDIENCES, AT
LEAST PARTIALLY CAPACITY.
>> Stephen: DR. FAUCI, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
IT'S A PLEASURE TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
WE'RE DO IT MORE FREQUENTLY THAN ONCE A DECADE, I HOPE.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
I APPRECIATE YOU HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, EVERYBODY.
WHEN WE COME BACK, AN APPEARANCE FROM THE PRESIDENT, VICE
PRESIDENT, AND ALL THE BIGGEST NAMES IN HOLLYWOOD.
NO BIG DEAL.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> OH, YEAH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MISINFORMING THE PUBLIC!
>> WE OFFERED TO BE A CONTROL GROUP.
>> WE DON'T DO BAD THINGS TO PEOPLE.
>> WHAT'S THE VIRUS AGAIN?
>> THE CORONAVIRUS.
>> OH, THAT'S THE HARDEST.
>> IS MAN REALLY CAPABLE OF ALTERING THE FORCE OF AN
INFECTIOUS DISEASE THROUGH CROWD CONTROL?
>> I'M LOCKED IN A HERMETICALLY SEALED VEHICLE WITH A HIGHLY
CONTAGIOUS PATIENT.
>> WE ARE GOING TO BE SUCH GOOD ROOMMATES.
>> JUST BECAUSE I'M IN A PRIVATE HOTEL I CAN'T WALK AROUND
WITHOUT A MASH.
>> EVERYONE, SING THE AMERICA SONG
♪ BASEBALL PARK AND THE FOOTBALL TREE
♪ IT'S THE MOST FREEDOMMEST PLACE IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
LIKE A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE, I'VE SPENT MUCH OF THE LAST YEAR
DOING MY JOB OVER ZOOM.
AND JUST LIKE YOU, THAT MEANS SCHEDULING WORK MEETINGS WITH
PEOPLE LIKE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND MEGAN THE STALLION.
BUT HERE'S THE THING: WHEN I INTERVIEW THESE EXCITING
CELEBRITIES OVER ZOOM, THERE'S A LOT OF TECHNICAL STUFF YOU HAVE
TO ACCOUNT FOR.
FOR INSTANCE, AFTER EVERY INTERVIEW, WE HAVE TO SLATE,
MEANING SAY OUR NAMES, COUNT TO THREE, AND THEN CLAP, IN ORDER
TO MAKE SURE THE ZOOM AUDIO SYNCS UP WITH THE VIDEO.
OBVIOUSLY, WE NEVER INTENDED THOSE SLATES TO AIR, BUT IT
TURNS OUT WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAY, RIGHT NOW.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: GORGE, BEFORE I LET YOU GO, WE HAVE TO DO A
SPECIAL SLATE.
STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
AND IF YOU WOULD DO THAT WITH YOUR OWN NAME, NOT MINE.
>> BRAD PITT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JANELLE MONAE, ONE, TWO, THROUGH.
>> BOB DeNIRO, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> BILLIE EILISH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TIFFANY HADDISH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ANDY SANDBERG ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ZAHN DAYA, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> CATE BLANCHETT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO PUT THAT INTO A MONTAGE.
WE HAVE TO DO A SLATE.
YOU PROBABLY HAVE TO DO THE SAME THING.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS: STEPHEN
COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
NOW, YOU DO THAT BUT WITH YOUR NAME.
>> THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY WOULD HAVE
DONE STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> Stephen: EVERYBODY DOES.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT ONE -- >> Stephen: WITH YOUR OWN NAME
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE, BRYAN CRANSTON.
>> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY STEPHEN COLBERT.
MEGAN THE STALLION, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> DREW BARRYMORE, ONE, TWO THREE.
>> SALAMEH HAYEK, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: GOT IT WRONG.
BUT CHARMING NONETHELESS.
( WHISTLING ) >> JON BON JOVI, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> DOLLY PARTON, ONE, TWO, THREE?
IS THAT WHAT I'M DOING?
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT, ALL DONE.
>> BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MARIAH CAREY, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY, ONE, TWO, THREE
( WHISTLING ) >> KAMALA HARRIS, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> JOE BIDEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: PERFECT, YOU'RE A NATURAL KID
( LAUGHS ) >> JAKE GYLLENHAAL, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> STEVE?
>> Stephen: NO ONE CALLS YOU STEVE!
>> MERYL STREEP, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: THESE ZOOM DAYS BEING WHAT THEY ARE WE HAVE TO
MAKE SURE WE'RE TECHNICALLY BUTTONED DOWN.
LIKE DUCT TAPE AND CHICKEN WIRE MY BROTHER, ED, MY OLDER BROTHER
ED CALLS ME STEVE.
TOM BROKAW OCCASIONALLY CALLS ME STEVE, AND TOM HANKS CALLS ME
STEVE.
>> I MEAN-- >> HEY, STEVE, HOW ARE YOU.
TOM HANK, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JAKE TAPPER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TANDY NEWTON, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> YES!
YAY!
MWAH!
( WHISTLING ) >> KATE WINSLET, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
GOD I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO BURST INTO SONG NOW.
>> Stephen: SO WE HAVE TO SLATE DO YOU.
>> SARAH PAULSON, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> RICKY GERVAIS, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> CONE AN O'BRIEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MINDY KALING, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TREVOR NOAH, ONE, TWO, THREE ( WHISTLING )
>> ANDY COHEN, ONE, TWO, THREE!
>> ANDERSON COOPER-- I DON'T KNOW, DID I DO THAT RIGHT?
>> SEE, I'M CLAPPING.
>> Stephen: PERFECT!
PERFECT!
>> CHANCE THE RAPPER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ALLISON JANNEY.
>> AARON SORKIN,.
>> MARTIN SCHIFF.
>> CHRISTIAN BAILS.
>> RYAN REYNOLDS, THREE, TWO, ONE.
WE DO IT EVERY DAY GLI MIGHT POP A BALLOON.
>> CHER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> QUEEN LATIFAH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JULIE ANDREWS, ONE, TWO, THREE
( WHISTLING ) >> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
JON STEWART, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THAT'S IT.
NOW, LET ME SEE TRACY.
>> SAY HELLO.
AND THE BOYS ARE HERE, TOO.
HELLO.
HI, EVIE.
LOOK HOW EVIE IS NOW-- EVIE IS THE PRODUCTION ASSISTANT.
SHE HAS TO DO ALL-- SHE'S, LIKE, PRODUCING THE SHOW DOWN THERE.
>> Stephen: YOU SLATED, DIDN'T YOU, JON?
THERE, DO IT AGAIN.
THIS IS UNSUSTAINABLE IS HOW I WOULD DESCRIBE THIS.
>> Stephen: THANKS TO GEORGE CLOONEY, JOHN OLIVER, AND
EVERYONE IN BETWEEN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
THAT DOES IT FOR OUR ONE-YEAR QUARANNIVERSARY SPECIAL.
TUNE IN NEXT YEAR, WHEN I HOPE WE HAVE NOTHING TO COMMEMORATE.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR MY GUESTS RINGO STARR, LUPITA NYONG'O, AND
MAGIC JOHNSON.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org