1 00:00:01,868 --> 00:00:03,069 >> SHRIMP TAILS? 2 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:05,405 THAT'S WHAT AN L.A. MAN SAYS HE FOUND INSIDE HIS BOX OF CINNAMON 3 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:07,073 TOAST CRUNCH. 4 00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:10,810 ACCORDING TO REPORTS, THE MAN OPENED THE BOX AND NOTICED THE 5 00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:14,180 FIRST SHRIMP TAIL, SO HE LOOKED INSIDE THE OPENED BAG AND SAW 6 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,384 ANOTHER, THEN PRETTY MUCH FREAKED OUT AND CLOSED THE BOX. 7 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,787 GENERAL MILLS HAS REFUTED THE CLAIM SAYING, "WE ASSURE YOU 8 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,323 THAT THERE'S NO POSSIBILITY OF CROSS CONTAMINATION WITH 9 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,759 SHRIMP." 10 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:27,127 >> HEY! 11 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:27,894 WHAT'S GOING ON? 12 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:32,132 E'RE MAKING CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH! 13 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,233 >> WE'LL HELP. 14 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:34,067 GREAT! 15 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,001 I DO THE BAKING. 16 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,071 >> I SHAKE ON CINNAMON AND SUGAR! 17 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,340 OOPS! 18 00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:41,574 >> AND I ADD THE SHRIMP TAILS. 19 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:42,375 HE HAS -- ISSUES. 20 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:45,945 I'M TALKING THE POOP AND THE SEA BUG. 21 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:50,083 DON'T LOOK ME IN EYES, BRENDA SAID I WAS A LOUSY CHEF WHEN SHE 22 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,152 LEFT ME, BUT NOW SHE'LL SEE. 23 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,052 YOU'LL ALL SEE! 24 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:54,087 >> I THINK IT'S CLEAR WHY BRENDA LEFT HIM. 25 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,122 >> WHAT DOES SHE KNOW? 26 00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:59,225 YOU HAVEN'T LIVED TILL YOU'VE EATEN THE EXOSKELETON OF AN 27 00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,460 ARTHROPOD IN MILK. 28 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,061 THEY'LL STAB YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT WHEN YOU EAT THEM! 29 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,897 HAHAHA! 30 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:05,965 >> TASTES SAD. 31 00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:06,499 LIKE SALTY GARBAGE. 32 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,201 CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH! 33 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,003 TAKE ME BACK, BRENDA! 34 00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:14,140 FROM GENERAL MILLS, THE MAKERS OF CHEERIOS. 35 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,708 >> NOW WITH CRAB CLAWS! 36 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:20,046 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 37 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:26,052 TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES DANA CARVEY, AND MUSICAL GUEST 38 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:35,428 IMAGINE DRAGONS, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "S "STAY HUMAN." 39 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:36,296 NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING 40 00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:42,335 IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 41 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,037 >> Stephen: HEEIVED! 42 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:47,574 WELCOME ONE AND ALL. 43 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,441 TO "A LATE SHOW." 44 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:52,245 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 45 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,481 FOLKS, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 46 00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,983 GLAD EVERYWHEREY'S HERE, TOO. 47 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,185 YESTERDAY WAS ANOTHER GRIM DAY FOR AMERICA WHEN A GUNMAN WALKED 48 00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,754 INTO A BOULDER, COLORADO, SUPERMARKET AND KILLED TEN 49 00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,256 PEOPLE, INCLUDING A POLICE OFFICER. 50 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,958 IT'S UNSPEAKABLY TRAGIC, AND I CANNOT IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT THE 51 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:09,395 GRIEF OF THESE FAMILIES AND THIS COMMUNITY CAN BE APPROACHED 52 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,166 WITH WORDS ALONE. 53 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:16,703 THE ONLY SUITABLE WAY TO HONOR THESE VICTIMS IS WITH ACTION. 54 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,172 BUT OUR GOVERNMENT CONTINUES TO DO NOTHING. 55 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:23,776 NOW, DUE, APPARENTLY, TO PANDEMIC SHUTDOWNS, IT HAD BEEN 56 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,111 A YEAR SINCE THERE HAD BEEN A LARGE-SCALE SHOOTING IN A PUBLIC 57 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:28,314 PLACE. 58 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:31,150 NOW WE'VE HAD TWO IN A WEEK: BOULDER AND ATLANTA. 59 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:34,187 EVIDENTLY, THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR AMERICA'S GUN VIOLENCE IS 60 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:37,090 PUTTING ALL OF US UNDER HOUSE ARREST. 61 00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:39,158 THE RESPONSES FROM GUN APOLOGISTS HAVE BEEN 62 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,293 PREDICTABLE. 63 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,394 THE COLORADO STATE SHOOTING ASSOCIATION RELEASED THIS 64 00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:45,098 STATEMENT: "THERE WILL BE A TIME FOR THE 65 00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:47,901 DEBATE ON GUN LAWS. 66 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,269 THERE WILL BE A TIME FOR A CONVERSATION ON HOW THIS COULD 67 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,304 HAVE BEEN PREVENTED. 68 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,106 BUT TODAY IS NOT THE TIME." 69 00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:55,141 WHY NOT? 70 00:02:55,208 --> 00:03:00,113 THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS, AND THAT'S WHAT I 71 00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:02,949 SAY ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY EVERY TIME THEY SAY IT EVERY TIME IT 72 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,151 HAPPENS. 73 00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,253 EVEN THE IDEA OF BEING IN A "GROUNDHOG DAY" SITUATION IS 74 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,791 ITSELF A "GROUNDHOG DAY" SITUATION. 75 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,693 REMEMBER, EINSTEIN SAID, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS DOING 76 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,163 THE SAME THING AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS. 77 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,698 ALSO, SAME DAY GUN PURCHASES. 78 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:19,732 WHOSE STUPID IDEA WAS THAT? 79 00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:24,771 THANKS 'EINSTEIN.'" ANOTHER GUN FETISHIST WEIGHING 80 00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:28,608 IN ON THE TRAGEDY IS COLORADO REPRESENTATIVE AND H.R. 81 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,644 SUPERVISOR FOR JOHN WICK, LAUREN BOEBERT. 82 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,614 LAST NIGHT, BOEBERT TWEETED, "WHILE WE ARE STILL AWAITING 83 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,183 IMPORTANT INFORMATION AND DETAILS IN THIS CASE, RANDOM 84 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,154 PUBLIC SHOOTINGS AND SENSELESS ACTS OF VIOLENCE ARE NEVER 85 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,222 OKAY." 86 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,158 WHERE DOES SHE FIND THE COURAGE? 87 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:49,062 "SENSELESS ACTS OF VIOLENCE ARE NEVER OKAY," IMPLYING, OF 88 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,864 COURSE, THAT INTENTIONAL VIOLENCE IS FINE. 89 00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,934 YOU KNOW, THE KIND HER BUDDIES PLAN ON PARLER. 90 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,203 OH, SPEAKING OF CAPITOL HILL, THERE WAS A SENATE HEARING ON 91 00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:01,174 GUN VIOLENCE ALREADY SCHEDULED FOR TODAY, AND REPUBLICANS KNOW 92 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:06,646 THE MAJORITY OF VOTERS WANT SOME FORM OF GUN CONTROL. 93 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:09,248 SO THEY IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT. 94 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:12,085 CASE IN POINT, LOUISIANA SENATOR JOHN KENNEDY, WHO 95 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,587 OFFERED THIS DOLLOP OF DISTRACTION: 96 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:23,863 >> I DO THINK WE OUGHT TO KEEP THIS IN PERSPECTIVE. 97 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:29,168 WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS, IN THE LAST YEARS IS, 98 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,436 OF COURSE, TRAGIC. 99 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:37,243 AND I'M NOT-- I'M NOT TRYING TO PERFECTLY EQUATE THESE TWO, BUT 100 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:41,214 WE HAVE A LOT OF DRUNK DRIVERS IN AMERICA THAT KILL A LOT OF 101 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,150 PEOPLE. 102 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:49,122 WE OUGHT TO TRY TO COMBAT THAT TOO. 103 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,256 >> STEPHEN: I'LL TAKE THAT DEAL! 104 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:53,626 LET'S REGULATE GUNS THE WAY WE REGULATE ALCOHOL AND CARS! 105 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:57,263 GOT TO BE 21, GOT TO PASS A TEST TO GET A LICENSE, GOT TO HAVE A 106 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,599 REGISTRATION AND INSURANCE. 107 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,768 IF YOU MOVE TO A NEW STATE, YOU GOT TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, AND 108 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:05,304 YOU CAN'T GO OUT LOADED. 109 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:12,345 LATER, SENATOR KENNEDY SPUN A DIFFERENT LINE OF FOLKSY B.S. 110 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,681 >> I DON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE A GUN CONTROL PROBLEM IN AMERICA. 111 00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:19,252 I BELIEVE WE HAVE AN IDIOT CONTROL PROBLEM. 112 00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:25,124 >> Stephen: OH, WE DEFINITELY HAVE AN IDIOT CONTROL PROBLEM. 113 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:29,295 IT'S PEOPLE WHO DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT THIS COUNTRY HAS LONG HAD A 114 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,563 GUN PROBLEM, "JOHN KENNEDY." 115 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,299 SO, WHEN IDIOTS LIKE JOHN KENNEDY REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING 116 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:36,936 ABOUT GETTING RID OF IDIOTS' GUNS, IT'S CLEARLY TIME TO GET 117 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:37,637 RID OF JOHN KENNEDY. 118 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,807 AND THAT MEANS VOTING THEM OUT. 119 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:43,042 OF COURSE, A LOT OF OTHER IDIOTS OUT THERE HAVE TRIED TO 120 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,311 UNDERMINE YOUR FAITH IN VOTING, LIKE THE EX-PRESIDENT'S 121 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:49,415 EX-LAWYER AND "HUNGER GAMES" SOCCER MOM, SIDNEY POWELL. 122 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,785 AFTER BIDEN WON THE ELECTION, POWELL WENT AROUND LYING THAT 123 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,388 DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS, A COMPANY THAT MAKES ELECTION 124 00:05:55,455 --> 00:06:00,493 EQUIPMENT, WORKED WITH DEMOCRATS TO RIG ITS MACHINES TO ENSURE A 125 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,728 WIN FOR JOE. 126 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:07,433 IN RESPONSE, DOMINION FILED A $1.3 BILLION DEFAMATION LAWSUIT 127 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:13,506 AGAINST HER. 128 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:13,940 BILLION-DOLLAR. 129 00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,007 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 130 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,076 AS THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYER, HER STRONG SUIT IS 131 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,277 CLEARLY NOT "WINNING IN COURT." 132 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,380 BUT POWELL IS DEFENDING HERSELF, IN THE DUMBEST WAY POSSIBLE, 133 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:25,918 ARGUING THAT HER LAWSUIT SHOULD BE TOSSED BECAUSE "NO 134 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,688 REASONABLE PERSON" WOULD BELIEVE HER CLAIMS. 135 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:29,922 IN A WAY, SHE'S RIGHT. 136 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,457 NO REASONABLE PERSON COULD HAVE BELIEVED HER ELECTION-RIGGING 137 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,359 NONSENSE. 138 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:37,363 WHICH IS WHY SHE SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH NO REASONABLE PERSON. 139 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:41,167 TO GET OUT OF PAYING A BILLION DOLLARS, POWELL'S LAWYERS HAVE 140 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:45,371 ALSO CLAIMED THAT HER CONSPIRACY RANTS WERE JUST "OPINIONS AND 141 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:49,375 LEGAL THEORIES" AND NOT STATEMENTS THAT THE PUBLIC WOULD 142 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:52,111 IMMEDIATELY BELIEVE. 143 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,179 YES, I REMEMBER THEM NOT BELIEVING YOU. 144 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,914 WHAT WERE THEY CHANTING ON JANUARY 6? 145 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:55,481 >> SIDNEY POWELL'S THEORIES! 146 00:06:55,548 --> 00:07:00,119 ARE WORTH INVESTIGATING! 147 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,387 NOT THAT WE TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY! 148 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:05,258 ON AN UNRELATED NOTE! 149 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:06,325 HANG MIKE PENCE! 150 00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:09,428 >> STEPHEN: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY, 151 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,565 POSTMASTER GENERAL AND BAD GUY IN A KIDS MOVIE THREATENING TO 152 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,569 TURN THE SKATE PARK INTO A CAR DEALERSHIP, LOUIS DEJOY. 153 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,438 EVER SINCE BEING CHOSEN TO HEAD THE POSTAL SERVICE, DEJOY HAS 154 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:23,943 CHOSEN TO DESTROY THE POSTAL SERVICE. 155 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,380 DURING THE PAST ELECTION CYCLE, DEJOY, WHO IS AN ALLY OF THE 156 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,982 FORMER PRESIDENT, MADE CHANGES TO THE POSTAL SERVICE THAT MADE 157 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,985 IT A LOT HARDER TO DO MAIL-IN VOTING. 158 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:37,023 IT WAS SO EGREGIOUS THAT, JUST BEFORE THE ELECTION, A FEDERAL 159 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,626 JUDGE BLOCKED HIS POLICY CHANGES, CALLING THEM "VOTER 160 00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:43,095 DISENFRANCHISEMENT," BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY DEJOY HAD SLOWED MAIL 161 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,230 DELIVERY. 162 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,565 YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOING A BAD JOB WHEN YOU MANAGE TO SLOW 163 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:49,435 SOMETHING WE ALREADY CALL SNAIL MAIL. 164 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,671 UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE KIND OF STUCK WITH THIS GUY. 165 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:55,141 PRESIDENT BIDEN CAN'T JUST FIRE HIM, BECAUSE HE'S NOT 166 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:59,011 TECHNICALLY A POLITICAL APPOINTEE. 167 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:01,447 AND DEJOY HAS NO PLANS TO MAIL HIMSELF A PINK SLIP, AS HE 168 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:05,518 RECENTLY TOLD CONGRESS: >> HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU 169 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,721 PLANNING TO STAY? 170 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:09,522 >> A LONG TIME. 171 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,024 GET USED TO ME. 172 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,459 >> STEPHEN: SO, HE'S BASICALLY LIKE HERPES THAT LOSES YOUR 173 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:14,293 PACKAGES. 174 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,496 AND OUR POSTAL SYSTEM COULD GET WORSE. 175 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:21,200 IN FACT, DEJOY HAS UNVEILED A TEN-YEAR PLAN THAT INCLUDES 176 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,436 HIGHER POSTAGE RATES, SLOWER SERVICES AND REDUCED POST OFFICE 177 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,704 HOURS. 178 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:27,473 THOUGH HE HAS INTRODUCED ONE-DAY PACKAGE DELIVERY, IN THAT YOUR 179 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:33,079 PACKAGE WILL BE DELIVERED "ONE DAY." 180 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:40,419 SWITCHING TO LIGHTER NEWS, THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC. ACCORDING 181 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:41,988 TO A NEW STUDY, SINCE THE CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN BEGAN, 182 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:43,589 AMERICANS HAVE GAINED AN AVERAGE OF NEARLY TWO POUNDS A MONTH. 183 00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,491 AND ONE COMPANY THAT ISN'T HELPING IS KRISPY KREME, BECAUSE 184 00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,561 THEY JUST ANNOUNCED THAT, IN ORDER TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GET 185 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:53,199 THEIR COVID SHOTS, THEY WILL BE GIVING FREE DOUGHNUTS TO ANYONE 186 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,233 WITH PROOF OF VACCINATION. 187 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,768 THIS OFFER PERFECTLY SUMS UP AMERICANS' PRIORITIES. 188 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,536 "LIFE-SAVING MEDICINE? 189 00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:58,771 WAIT, THERE ARE DONUTS? 190 00:08:58,838 --> 00:08:59,939 OUT OF THE WAY, GRANDPA! 191 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:05,578 I HAVE A PREEXISTING CONDITION OF NOT HAVING A DONUT IN MY 192 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:10,950 MOUTH!" I COULD GO FOR ONE. 193 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,686 OH, GOD, YES. 194 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,254 >> YOU HAVE TO HAVE COFFEE. 195 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,424 >> Stephen: I'LL HAVE YOURS THEN. 196 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,593 KRISPY KREME SAYS THAT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, VACCINATED 197 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,028 INDIVIDUALS CAN GO BACK EVERY SINGLE DAY AND CONTINUE GETTING 198 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,497 FREE DOUGHNUTS. 199 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:29,568 THERE'S THE INEQUITY INHERENT IN OUR SYSTEM. 200 00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:33,272 OUR SOCIETY IS NOW BROKEN UP INTO TWO GROUPS: UNVACCINATED 201 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:37,276 PEOPLE HIDING IN THEIR HOMES FOR FEAR OF INFECTING THE ELDERLY, 202 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:41,580 AND INVINCIBLE GODS, BESTRIDING THE WORLD WITH UNLIMITED FRIED 203 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,649 DOUGH. 204 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:48,688 WHILE WE'RE ON BREAKFAST, I'VE -- DONUTS FOR BREAKFAST, RIGHT? 205 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,855 OH, ABSOLUTELY. 206 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:55,561 >> Stephen: NOW WE'RE ON SOME BAD NEWS, UNFORTUNATELY, FOR 207 00:09:55,628 --> 00:10:01,067 SUGARY CEREAL LOVERS THIS WEEK, BECAUSE 208 00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,902 A TWITTER USER REVEALED THAT HE FOUND SHRIMP TAILS IN HIS 209 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,136 CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH. 210 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:04,837 HOW COULD ANY PART OF A SHRIMP GET MIXED UP WITH CINNAMON TOAST 211 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:05,705 CRUNCH? 212 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,239 DID I MISS A SEASON OF "DEADLIEST CATCH?" 213 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,775 FIRST OF ALL, SHRIMP TAILS DO NOT BELONG IN BREAKFAST CEREAL. 214 00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:14,814 SECOND OF ALL, SHRIMP TAILS DO NOT BELONG ON SHRIMP. 215 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,716 THEY ARE HARD, THEY'RE SHARP, AND THEY DO NOT TASTE GOOD. 216 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:20,486 I DON'T WANT THEM IN MY PASTA DISH ANYMORE THAN I WANT HOOVES 217 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,556 ON MY BURGER. 218 00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:27,593 CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH DENIES PUTTING SHRIMP TAILS INTO THEIR 219 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,596 PRODUCT, EXPLAINING, "AFTER FURTHER INVESTIGATION WITH OUR 220 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,866 TEAM THAT CLOSELY EXAMINED THE IMAGE, IT APPEARS TO BE AN 221 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,868 ACCUMULATION OF THE CINNAMON SUGAR THAT SOMETIMES CAN OCCUR 222 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,571 WHEN INGREDIENTS AREN'T THOROUGHLY BLENDED. 223 00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,506 WE ASSURE YOU THAT THERE'S NO POSSIBILITY OF CROSS 224 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,608 CONTAMINATION WITH SHRIMP." 225 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:47,179 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, C.T.C.? 226 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:48,180 THOSE ARE CLEARLY SHRIMP TAILS! 227 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,548 THIS IS LIKE THE LUCKY CHARMS LEPRECHAUN SAYING: 228 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:52,518 (IRISH ACCENT) "AFTER FURTHER INVESTIGATION, 229 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,787 WE'VE DETERMINED ME LUCKY CHARMS DO NOT CONTAIN MOONS, STARS AND 230 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,555 CLOVERS. 231 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:59,492 LOTS OF SHRIMP, THOUGH." 232 00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:03,496 THEN, THIS AFTERNOON, CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH DOUBLED DOWN ON 233 00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:06,599 THEIR DENIAL, TWEETING, "WHILE WE ARE STILL INVESTIGATING THIS 234 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,567 MATTER, WE CAN SAY WITH CONFIDENCE THAT THIS DID NOT 235 00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,803 OCCUR AT OUR FACILITY. 236 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,705 WE ARE WAITING FOR THE CONSUMER TO SEND US THE PACKAGE TO 237 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:15,341 INVESTIGATE FURTHER." 238 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,611 YES, THEY NEED THE CONSUMER TO SEND IN THE PACKAGE SO THEIR 239 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,579 EXPERTS CAN ANALYZE IT IN THEIR C.S.I. LAB, WHICH OF COURSE 240 00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:24,583 STANDS FOR CEREAL SHRIMP INVESTIGATION. 241 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:28,554 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 242 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:39,598 I'LL BE TALKING TO DANA CARVEY ♪♪♪ 243 00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:49,375 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, 244 00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:52,912 EVERYBODY! 245 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:57,349 LET'S SAY HELLO TO THE CREATOR OF THE BEAUTIFUL NEW ALBUM "WE 246 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:57,683 ARE." 247 00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,251 GO GET IT. 248 00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:00,853 MR. JON BATISTE. 249 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:01,887 HELLO, JON BATISTE! 250 00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:02,755 HOW ARE YA? 251 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,458 >> Jon: YES, DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY, BABY. 252 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,525 THAT'S RIGHT. 253 00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,462 >> Stephen: I'VE GOT TO ASK YOU ABOUT SOMETHING VERY 254 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,664 IMPORTANT -- HOW'S YOUR BRACKET? 255 00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:18,737 >> Jon: OH, MY BRACKET, FOR THE "MARCH MADNESS" THAT'S GOING 256 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:19,839 AROUND! 257 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,740 >> Stephen: I HAVE TO IMAGINE AS A NATIONAL BASKETBALL 258 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:25,077 CHAMPION YOURSELF -- >> Jon: HEY. 259 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,413 >> Stephen: -- YOU FOLLOW THE GAME OF HOOP AND STICK. 260 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,148 >> Jon: YES, YES. 261 00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,316 YOU KNOW WHAT? 262 00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:35,054 I HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING IT AS MUCH THIS YEAR, BUT I FOLLOW 263 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:38,257 COLLEGE BASKETBALL, AND I THINK THERE'S NO STICKS INVOLVED, FROM 264 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:38,824 MY RECOLLECTION. 265 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,092 >> Stephen: WHAT? 266 00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:44,430 YOU DON'T GET A CHANCE TO HIT IT WITH A STICK IF SOMEONE TRIES TO 267 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:45,431 STOP YOU? 268 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,999 >> Jon: I THINK THAT'S ANOTHER GAME, STEPHEN. 269 00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:50,569 >> Stephen: WELL, WE SHOULD ADD SOME STICKS, MAN. 270 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,972 THAT WOULD MIX IT UP NICELY. 271 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:57,643 TWO OF THE GUYS -- I'M THINKING OF QUIDDITCH. 272 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,245 THOSE ARE THE BEATERS. 273 00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:00,946 THAT'S THE BEATERS IN QUIDDITCH. 274 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:09,722 THE BEATERS HIT THE BLUDGER. 275 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:12,124 HOW'S YOUR QUIDDITCH BRACKET? 276 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,894 >> Jon: OH, STEVE, THAT'S ONE I DON'T HAVE TOGETHER YET. 277 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:19,165 >> Stephen: I'M PULLING FOR BULGARIA. 278 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:20,900 THAT VIKTOR CRUMB IS AMAZING. 279 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:26,038 HE USES THE BRONSKI MANEUVER TO PULL UP AT THE LAST MINUTE. 280 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,575 NO WAY IRELAND IS GOING TO BEAT HIM AT THE WORLD CUP. 281 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,311 >> Jon: WOW, I TRUST YOU. 282 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,547 >> Stephen: I FOLLOW IMAGINARY SPORTS, JOHN. 283 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:35,714 >> Jon: THAT'S GREAT. 284 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:36,749 I'M WITH IT. 285 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:39,818 >> Stephen: JON, DO YOU HAVE ANY SPRINGTIME MUSIC? 286 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,422 THIS IS THE FIRST SHOW WE'VE DONE WHEN IT'S OFFICIALLY 287 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,056 SPRING. 288 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,624 >> Jon: SPRING IN THE HOUSE. 289 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:49,728 >> Stephen: YEP. 290 00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:56,235 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: I'D LOVE TO HAVE 291 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:57,469 HIM ON. 292 00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:58,571 THAT WOULD BE GREAT. 293 00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,540 >> Jon: YOU WOULD HAVE A GREAT CONVERSATION A WITH HIM. 294 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:02,775 >> Stephen: I CAN'T WAIT. 295 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:03,275 IT'S ALREADY DONE. 296 00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:03,876 IT'S DONE. 297 00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,177 I WOULD LOVE TO DO IT. 298 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:06,145 JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY! 299 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,714 THANK YOU, JON! 300 00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:12,785 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDY ICON AND ONE OF THE FUNNIEST 301 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:17,790 POPLE I HAVE EVER WORKED FOR, PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," 302 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,758 MR. DANA CARVEY. 303 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:20,626 HELLO, DANA CARVEY! 304 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,562 >> WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE SEISMIC HERE. 305 00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,331 LET'S JUST RIDE IT THROUGH. 306 00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:29,902 >> Stephen: YEAH, SURF THE MADNESS. 307 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,338 >> HI, STEPHEN, HOW ARE YOU. 308 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:32,938 >> Stephen: GOOD. 309 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,206 BRINGING THE ENERGY DOWN. 310 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:37,776 WE'VE HAD ENOUGH FUN, LET'S GET INTO IT. 311 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:44,917 >> THERE'S A PANDEMIC OUT THERE, DDAMMIT! 312 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:48,187 >> Stephen: DANA, YOU KNOW I HAVE QUESTIONS, I'M A 313 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,256 PROFESSIONAL BUT I WANT TO DRINK YOU IN. 314 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:51,790 LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 315 00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:53,826 HOW IS YOUR WIFE AND BOYS? 316 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,527 MEV THING'S GOOD? 317 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:56,395 >> EVERYTHING IS GOOD. 318 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,030 I HAD PANDEMIC BRAIN A LITTLE EARLY ON. 319 00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,399 >> Stephen: DID YOU GET THE PANDEMIC? 320 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:05,337 >> NO, I JUST GOT PANDEMIC BRAIN WHICH YOU HAVE A LOT OF THE 321 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,240 INCONSEQUENTIAL CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR WIFE WHEN YOUR LIFE 322 00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:09,208 SLOWS DOWN. 323 00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:13,612 I WENT TO THE ELSON'S TODAY. 324 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:17,316 YESTERDAY THERE WAS SIX PEOPLE IN LINE, TODAY I WENT RIGHT IN. 325 00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:20,419 SHE SAID, YEAH, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE TOMORROW? 326 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,021 THIS WENT ON FOR WEEKS. 327 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,257 FINALLY, I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO WATCH LOVE IT OR LIST IT BECAUSE 328 00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:28,294 WE DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO KEEP THE HOUSE, AND THEY 329 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,094 MIGHT SELL IT. 330 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,163 SHE GOES, YEAH, I'M IN, I'M ALL IN. 331 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,332 AND THEN WE GOT DOWN TO RAIN. 332 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:34,466 YOU KNOW WHAT? 333 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,903 I THINK IT RAINED -- WHEN WAS THE FIRST RAIN THIS YEAR? 334 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:41,640 WAS IT OCTOBER OR -- YEAH, SO THAT IS WHERE I WAS FOR ABOUT A 335 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:42,374 MONTH AND A HALF. 336 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,676 >> Stephen: I LOVE THAT, THOUGH. 337 00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,378 I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE PARADISE TO ME. 338 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,881 I JUST LOVE THOSE KIND OF CONVERSATIONS. 339 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:49,748 >> REALLY? 340 00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:51,450 >> Stephen: BECAUSE MY MIND CAN WANDER. 341 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:52,785 >> YOU NEED FOCUS. 342 00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,053 >> Stephen: YEAH. 343 00:15:54,119 --> 00:16:00,059 NO, BUT I LIKE TO KIND OF HAVE A CONVERSATION I CAN KIND OF DRIFT 344 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,160 AWAY IN. 345 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,828 EVIE WILL TELL YOU. 346 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:03,929 EVIE'S HERE. 347 00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:05,564 DO YOU LIKE THOSE CONVERSATIONS HE JUST HAD WITH PAUL. 348 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,298 >> I DO. 349 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,400 >> Stephen: THOSE SOUND LOVELY. 350 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,570 NOT ALL OF MARRIAGE CAN BE MAKING LOVE ON A MOUNTAINTOP IN 351 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,072 A THUNDERSTORM, DANA. 352 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,040 >> MOST OF IT IS, THOUGH. 353 00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,409 OH, NEWS FLASH. 354 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:22,581 LOOK, IT GETS SEXIER AS YOU GET OLDER, LET'S JUST LEAVE THAT 355 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,282 TOPIC ASIDE. 356 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:24,316 >> Stephen: 100%. 357 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,618 YOU'VE GOT TO UP THE ANTE. 358 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:27,519 PT IT THAT WAY. 359 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,789 >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER HAD IT UP THE ANTE. 360 00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:34,526 >> WELL, I WASN'T GOING FOR THE PUN, I WAS JUST SAYING -- 361 00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:37,329 >> Stephen: YOU LEFT IT OPEN FOR ME. 362 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:41,200 >> YOU'RE LIKE BURGE ESDZ MEREDITH WHEN HIS GLASSES GOT 363 00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,736 BROKE IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE, THERE'S TIME. 364 00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:44,737 THERE'S TIME NOW. 365 00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:49,007 >> Stephen: I FINALLY HAVE TIME FOR ALL MY PUNS. 366 00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,175 >> PERFECT. 367 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:51,443 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY ENJOYS THEIR DANA CARVEY FROM KNOWING 368 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,178 YOU FROM TV AND THE FILMS. 369 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,279 >> THANK YOU. 370 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,316 >> Stephen: BUT YOU'VE BREACHED A NEW MEDIUM NOW, IT IS 371 00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:03,389 THE NEW PODCAST, PUT IT ON THE CAMERA OVER HERE, HITS 372 00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:04,656 "FANTASTIC! WITH DANA CARVEY." 373 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:05,791 >> YES. 374 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,794 >> Stephen: WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GET INTO THE PODCAST 375 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,995 GAME, DANA? 376 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:13,532 >> I ALWAYS TOLD MY MANAGER, I SAID WHEN THERE'S 2 MILLION OF 377 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,266 THEM, COUNT ME IN. 378 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,835 I'M NOT JUST GOING TO JOIN A FAD. 379 00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,804 ( LAUGHTER ) NO, I GOT SOME STRUCTURE. 380 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,841 MY BRAIN WAS SLOWING DOWN, SO I THOUGHT, IF STEPHEN COLBERT CAN 381 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:26,245 DO FIVE HOURS OF TELEVISION A WEEK, I CAN TALK INTO A MIC FOR 382 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:26,879 45 MINUTES. 383 00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:29,381 SO YOU WERE THE IMPETUS. 384 00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:34,453 BUT MY SON, HE WAS THE ONE WHO SAID LET'S DO ONE WORD -- HE'S 385 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,891 IN HIS 20s -- LET'S DO ONE WORD, DON'T DO A FANCY THING 386 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,559 LIKE DANA WANTS THIS. 387 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,394 LET'S DO JUST ONE WORD. 388 00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:43,128 I SAY FANTASTIC A LOT. 389 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,096 >> Stephen: SURE. 390 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:48,400 AND I USE IT IN PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE, IRONIC WAY 391 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,568 RATHER THAN NEGATIVE. 392 00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:52,938 SO IF I'M DRIVING DOWN THE STREET AND SEE A YUPPY WANDERING 393 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:57,509 IN THE INTERSECTION CAUSING TRAFFIC AND MAIHEM ON THE CELL 394 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:03,115 PHONE, INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT THE ( BLEEP ), I SAY FANTASTIC 395 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:04,116 >> Stephen: VERY HEALTHY. 396 00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,451 IT'S VERY HEALTHY. 397 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:11,056 THERE'S MORE COVID VARIANTS -- FANTASTIC! 398 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,024 THAT'S THE IRONY. 399 00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,459 THAT'S HOW YOU CAN USE IT. 400 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:14,226 IT'S FANTASTIC. 401 00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,427 >> Stephen: I HAVE A SIMILAR THING. 402 00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:21,099 MY SIMILAR THING IS THAT MY EXECUTIVE HERE TOM PURCELL AND I 403 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:24,703 HAVE A THING WHERE SOMEBODY SAYS, OH, THIS THING IS GOING TO 404 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:28,540 HAPPEN AND I DON'T LIKE IT, AND I GO, DO I HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER 405 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,074 THAT? 406 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,375 AND THEY SAY, NO. 407 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,244 THEN I SAY, I LOVE IT. 408 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,445 THEN I LOVE IT. 409 00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:34,680 >> THAT'S IT. 410 00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:38,884 I ALWAYS SAY SWEET CHEEKS WHEN I'M DRIVING AROUND, I SAY, LET'S 411 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:42,421 GO, SWEET CHEEKS, COME ON, SWEETHEART, COME ON, LET'S GO. 412 00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:45,724 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE NEGATIVE AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME, 413 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,693 I'M HAPPY DANA! 414 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:48,393 DO YOU BELIEVE ME? 415 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,928 IT'S JUST ONE BIG PARTY. 416 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,797 >> Stephen: WHO'S YOUR CO-HOST? 417 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,332 WHO'S CHRIS RIOS? 418 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,501 I NEVER HEARD TO HAVE THIS PESON. 419 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,002 I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO TRUST HIM. 420 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,638 >> SHE'S NOT A PROFESSIONAL PERSON. 421 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,642 I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE ON MY 422 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,176 PODCAST. 423 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,511 SHE CUTS MY THEY HAVE. 424 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:07,613 NOT LATELY, DON'T BLAME HER. 425 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:08,480 SHE'S A BEAUTY EXPERT. 426 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,483 I NOTICED SHE HAD A REALLY GOOD LAUGH. 427 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:16,688 IT'S KIND OF LIKE JOHNNY CARSON, ED MCMAHON WAS SURPRISED WHEN 428 00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:20,125 JOHNNY SAID I'D LIKE YOU TO BE MY SIDEKICK. 429 00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:22,528 HE SAID, REALLY, ME? 430 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:26,765 AND JOHNNY KNEW IT WAS A LAUGH, AND LAUGH IS OXYGEN TO PEOPLE 431 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:27,933 LIKE US. 432 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,237 SHE'S THE SOUND TO THE PODCAST AND KEEPS IT LIGHT AND FUN, 433 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,640 WHICH IS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE ON MY PART BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE 434 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:35,541 COUNTRY NEEDED A REST. 435 00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,075 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 436 00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:40,145 WHEN WE COME BACK, EVIDENTLY DANA IS ABLE TO CHANNEL JOE 437 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:40,946 BIDEN THESE DAYS. 438 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,883 I WONDER WHAT MR. BIDEN HAS TO SAY. 439 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:45,551 ♪♪♪ 440 00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,727 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 441 00:19:55,794 --> 00:20:01,934 WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOST OF THE NEW PODCAST, HERE IT IS, 442 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,369 "FANTASTIC! WITH DANA CARVEY," MR. DANA CARVEY. 443 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:08,006 ONE OF THE THINGS YOU TAUGHT ME, I FREQUENTLY IMPART WISDOM FROM 444 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:11,710 DANA CARVEY THAT YOU GAVE ME TO YOUNG WRITERS AND COMEDIANS, AND 445 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:15,814 ONE OF THEM IS YOU HAD THIS RULE WHICH IS FUNNY WITH A SOUND OFF. 446 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:16,882 >> IF POSSIBLE. 447 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,919 >> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO THE PEOPLE WHAT FUNNY WITH THE 448 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:22,187 SOUNDOFF MEANS. 449 00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:25,757 >> FUNNY WITH THE SOUNDOFF GIVES THE AUDIENCE PERMISSION TO LAUGH 450 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:31,096 IN AN UNBRIDLED WAY, AND WHEN YOU DO -- YOU KNOW, LITERAL 451 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,932 PUNCH LICENSE, THEY HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE PUNCHLINE AND THEY 452 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,167 LAUGH. 453 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,669 CASE IN POINT, I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, WHEN WE DID THE FIRST JOHN 454 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,905 BOLTON ON YOUR SHOW -- >> Stephen: YES. 455 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:44,610 -- THERE IS A LOT OF WHAT WE CALL "I LOVE LUCY," THAT WAS THE 456 00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:47,446 KIND OF ORIGINAL SHE'S PUTTING THE CHOCOLATES IN THE THING, SO 457 00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:49,414 WE DON'T NEED TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING. 458 00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:54,486 WE CAME BACK, BOLTON'S MUSTACHE WAS BIGGER AND YOU AND I WOULD 459 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,587 JUST NOT REACT TO IT. 460 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:56,655 >> Stephen: RIGHT. 461 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,558 O THAT WAS FUNNY WITH THE SOUNDOFF. 462 00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,727 FIRM, THERE WAS QUITE A LOT OF LAUGHTER THAT NIGHT. 463 00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:04,763 >> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE DOING THE PODCAST NOW AND THE THE 464 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,367 SOUND, THE ONLY THING YOU GET -- NO SOUND, NO FUNNY, HOW DOES 465 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,436 THAT AFFECT THE WAY YOU APPROACH >> WELL, THEN YOU GO BACK IN 466 00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:12,704 TIME. 467 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:17,442 THEN IT'S LONG-TERM RHYTHMS AND LONG-TERM SORT OF RIFFING ON THE 468 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:21,446 HIGH SCHOOL WATER POLO COACH WHILE YOUR FRIENDS ARE STONED IN 469 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:23,315 THE VOLKSWAGEN BUG AND YOU'RE IN THE BACK SEAT. 470 00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:27,552 SO NO ONE CAN SEE YOU BUT YOU'RE JUST GOING ON AND ON. 471 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:31,089 AND IN THE PODCAST WORLD, A LOT OF PEOPLE'S EARPLUGS, YOU'RE 472 00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:34,026 JUST GOING RIGHT INTO THEIR BRAIN RHYTHMICALLY. 473 00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:37,963 THAT BEING SAID, WE'RE TAKING A BREAK AND GOING TO PUT A LOOSE 474 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:38,897 VIDEO CAMERA ON THE SHOW. 475 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:43,502 SO THANKS FOR BRINGING IT. 476 00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:44,269 FANTASTIC. 477 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:45,404 ( LAUGHTER ) THE INTERVIEW IS GOING 478 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,772 ALTERNATIVE FACT SO FAR AND THAT'S A SINCERE FANTASTIC. 479 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:50,709 >> Stephen: I THOUGHT SO, TOO. 480 00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:54,012 I DIDN'T MEAN TO UNDERMINE YOU. 481 00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,180 >> WHAT? 482 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:58,016 >> Stephen: YOU'RE SO FULL OF WISDOM IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'RE 483 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,018 ALWAYS IMPARTING WISDOM. 484 00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:04,222 I ALSO HAVE IMPARTED THIS TO PEOPLE -- YOUR THEORY AS TO WHY 485 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,892 HAVING CHILDREN AGES YOU RAPIDLY. 486 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:08,760 DO YOU REMEMBER EXPLAINING THIS TO ME? 487 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:12,164 AFTER THE CARVEY SHOW WAS OVER AND I CAME OUT AND WORKED WITH 488 00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:15,233 YOU ON A MOVIE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS, YOU WERE LIVING IN A 489 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:19,671 HOUSE ON POINT DOOM THAT HAD BEEN OWNED BY LIKE AN 490 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:20,572 INTERNATIONAL ARMS DEALER. 491 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:21,707 >> YES. 492 00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:24,676 >> Stephen: IT WAS ALL JUST LIKE GLASS AND GOLDEN SWANS 493 00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:27,512 WHOSE WINGS WERE HOLDING UP TABLES AND -- 494 00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:30,749 >> SCAR FACE WOULD LIVE THERE, YEAH. 495 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:32,751 SCAR FACE WOULD HAVE LIVED IN THIS RENTAL, YES. 496 00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:36,154 >> Stephen: AND IN IT ALL THESE GLASS TABLES HAD THESE 497 00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:40,292 SHARP EDGES, AND YOU SAID YOUR THEORY WAS -- BECAUSE YOU SEE 498 00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:44,162 DEXTER TOM COMING DOWN THE HALLWAY AND THEY BEGIN TO 499 00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:48,166 STUMBLE, AND YOU PICTURE THEM GOING INTO THE TABLE AND BLOOD 500 00:22:48,233 --> 00:22:52,571 EVERYWHERE AND YOUR ADRENAL SQUIRT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO RUN 501 00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:56,575 WITH YOUR SONS TO THE NEAREST HOSPITALS TO SAVE THEIR LIVES, 502 00:22:56,641 --> 00:23:00,112 THEY RECOVER, DON'T HIT THE TABLE, AND THE THE ADENLEN IS 503 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:02,047 STILL IN YOUR BODY. 504 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,883 >> NOW I REMEMBER TELLING YOU THAT AND YOU GOT VERY QUIET AND 505 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:08,053 YOU SAID, I'M JUST GOING TO MY ROOM FOR A LITTLE BIT. 506 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:12,224 SO IT MUST HAVE AFFECTED YOU IN A VERY PROFOUND WAY. 507 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:16,461 >> Stephen: TRUE, I'VE THOUGHT OF IT EVER SINCE. 508 00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:17,996 >> THE OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION IS NOT GOOD. 509 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:24,202 >> Stephen: T THE ADRENALINE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ELSE SO IT 510 00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:25,670 DEVOURS YOUR KIDNEY. 511 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:26,938 >> CORRECT. 512 00:23:27,005 --> 00:23:29,474 YOU REMEMBER HOW FASCINATED YOU MADE MY KIDS FEEL WHEN YOU WENT 513 00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:30,242 INTO IS IT POOL. 514 00:23:30,308 --> 00:23:32,511 >> Stephen: NO, I DON'T REMEMBER. 515 00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:34,079 >> SO WE HAD THE SWIMMING POOL. 516 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:37,749 STEVE AND YOU, AT LEAST ON ONE OCCASION, WOULD GO TO THE BOTTOM 517 00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:40,786 TO HAVE THE POOL, SIT INDIAN STYLE AND HOLD ON TO THE DRAIN 518 00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,020 AND YOU WOULD STAY DOWN THERE. 519 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:46,091 AND MY SONS ARE, LIKE, FOUR AND SIX, THEY'RE LOOKING DOWN AND 520 00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:49,461 GO, WHEN'S HE GOING TO COME UP, DAD. 521 00:23:49,528 --> 00:23:51,696 HE'S SURE BEEN DOWN THERE A LONG TIME, DAD. 522 00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:55,367 I GO, I DON'T KNOW WHEN HE'S COMING UP. 523 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:57,102 HE'S GOT A GILL OR SOMETHING. 524 00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:57,736 YOU WOULD SIT THERE. 525 00:23:57,803 --> 00:23:58,637 DO YOU REMEMBER THAT. 526 00:23:58,703 --> 00:23:59,905 >> Stephen: >> Stephen: I VAGUELY REMEMBER 527 00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:07,112 BEING SO ANXIOUS ABOUT MY LEVEL OF EMPLOYMENT WITH A WIFE AND A 528 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,514 CHILD THAT I WAS PROBABLY DOWN THERE TO HIDE FROM THE WORLD, 529 00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:13,018 THAT THE WATER WOULD BURY ME. 530 00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:14,820 >> ANYWAY, I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON. 531 00:24:14,886 --> 00:24:19,257 >> Stephen: I'M THRILLED TO BE ON "FANTASTIC! WITH DANA 532 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:20,091 CARVEY." 533 00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:21,593 >> YOU WILL BE TORTURED AT SOME POINT. 534 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,829 I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU ON AND DIG DEEP. 535 00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:24,563 NOW, WHAT'S NEXT? 536 00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:26,965 >> Stephen: ARE YOU INOCULATED? 537 00:24:27,032 --> 00:24:28,834 >> YEAH, I GOT JABBED TWICE. 538 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,135 I TOOK IT TWICE. 539 00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:32,771 >> Stephen: AND TWO WEEKS SINCE YOUR LAST JAB. 540 00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:35,140 >> PRETTY MUCH, I'M GOING TO SAY YES. 541 00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:38,143 >> Stephen: YOU'RE IMMORTAL THEN, NOTHING COULD KILL YOU AT 542 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:38,910 THIS POINT. 543 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,111 >> I DON'T KNOW. 544 00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:43,748 I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY BLAME MY FRIEND DR. FAUCI, BUT LET ME 545 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:47,185 TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, THERE'S VARIANCES, YOU KNOW. 546 00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:50,188 LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT THIS JOB, YOU KNOW, IT WAS A 547 00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:52,324 CIRCUMSTANCES, I AGREE. 548 00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:54,092 IT WAS TRUMP AND ME. 549 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:56,161 GUESS WHO'S STILL STANDING? 550 00:24:56,228 --> 00:24:56,428 ME. 551 00:24:56,494 --> 00:24:57,195 OKAY. 552 00:24:57,262 --> 00:24:59,965 AT FIRST I SAID DON'T HAVE A MASK. 553 00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:02,067 NOW I'M SAYING HAVE A MASK. 554 00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:02,601 I GO FREE. 555 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:03,802 DON'T PUSH ME. 556 00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:09,307 I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I HOPE IT'S OKAY IF IT GOES ON A 557 00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:14,412 FEW MORE MONTHS, I GET A GOOD TABLE, PEOPLE LOVE ME, I GET FAN 558 00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:20,385 MAIL, I GO ON CNN EVERY NIGHT, I FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, 559 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:24,322 I'M GETTING FRICTIONY WITH MY WIFE. 560 00:25:24,389 --> 00:25:25,590 IT'S A LOT DIFFERENT. 561 00:25:25,657 --> 00:25:30,295 SHE WAS HAVING SEX WITH ANTHONY FAUCI, NOW SHE'S BANGING A STAR! 562 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:31,963 NOT MY MOST ACCURATE IMPRESSION. 563 00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:35,567 >> Stephen: I WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN NOW DR. FAUCI IS ONE TO 564 00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:47,012 HAVE THE MEN WHO MURDERED LUCA L KABRATSI. 565 00:25:47,078 --> 00:25:49,447 >> I SAID, PICK A PATH AND DO THE IMPRESSION. 566 00:25:49,514 --> 00:25:51,416 >> Stephen: YOU SAID, YOUR IMPRESSION DOES NOT HAVE TO 567 00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:53,051 SOUND LIKE THE PERSON. 568 00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:55,420 >> JUST THE FEELING. 569 00:25:55,487 --> 00:25:58,056 HERE'S MY OR GIN ON MY FAUCI. 570 00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:02,294 I READ ABOUT HIM IN THE BASKETBALL TEAM. 571 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,463 HE'S 5'4:00". 572 00:26:05,530 --> 00:26:09,067 THEY SAID HE'S A ROUGH AND TUMBLE GUARD, ALWAYS FIGHTING. 573 00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:15,340 I LOOK AT HIM, HE'S HEAD OF EPIDEMIOLOGY, SHARP ELBOWS. 574 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:19,144 I THOUGHT, UNDERNEATH THAT NICE GUY SANETIST HE'S KIND OF A 575 00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:20,679 TOUGH GUY, DON'T PLEEP WITH ME. 576 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,081 YOU CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. 577 00:26:23,148 --> 00:26:29,487 FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, STEPHEN, GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF 578 00:26:29,554 --> 00:26:30,255 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A BIDEN? 579 00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:32,023 HAVE YOU WORKED ON YOUR BIDEN YET? 580 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:34,292 >> I HAVE SOME HOOKS. 581 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,428 >> Stephen: HE'S TOUGH. 582 00:26:36,494 --> 00:26:37,195 WHAT'S YOUR HOOK? 583 00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:39,197 WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST. 584 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:42,267 >> Stephen: I DON'T REALLY HAVE A HOOK. 585 00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:45,270 I'VE GOT THIS 1/2 SMILE. 586 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:46,905 THAT'S IT, JACK. 587 00:26:46,972 --> 00:26:48,073 COME ON. 588 00:26:48,139 --> 00:26:52,310 EVERYBODY GET IN THE STOOD BAKER, ME AND JILL ARE GOING TO 589 00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:53,845 TAKE YOU TO THE MALT SHOP. 590 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:56,581 COME ON, EVERYBODY ON THE TRAIN! 591 00:26:56,648 --> 00:26:58,216 >> YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. 592 00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:02,087 HIS VISUAL REMINDED ME -- BY THE WAY, THAT'S A FUNNY TAKE ON HIM, 593 00:27:02,153 --> 00:27:03,288 BECAUSE THAT'S PART OF HIM. 594 00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:07,459 I DO HIM AT THE TOWN HALL WHEN HE'S LIKE THE GENTLE FATHER TO 595 00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:12,097 THE COUNTRY, AND HE LOOKS LIKE THE ALIEN WHO CAME OFF THE 596 00:27:12,163 --> 00:27:14,332 SPACESHIP IN CLOSE ENCOUNTERS -- >> Stephen: YES. 597 00:27:14,399 --> 00:27:18,436 FOLKS, COME ON, FOLKS, LET'S GET REAL, I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND 598 00:27:18,503 --> 00:27:19,170 HERE. 599 00:27:19,237 --> 00:27:20,739 YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO DO THE THING. 600 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:25,577 WE DID BARACK, WE DID THE DEAL, YOU KNOW, AND, UH -- MY DAD, YOU 601 00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:28,413 KNOW, MY DAD LOST HIS JOB IN SCRANTON, NO JOKE. 602 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,182 NO JOKE, I'M NOT BEING A WISE GUY HERE. 603 00:27:31,249 --> 00:27:33,251 HE SAID, POPS, WHY DID YOU LOSE. 604 00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:37,055 HE SAID, JOEY, I DID. 605 00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:40,025 MOM SAID THE COOKIE CRUMBLES. 606 00:27:40,091 --> 00:27:40,825 HERE'S THE DEAL. 607 00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:42,560 NUMBER ONE THE THING THAT THEY SAID. 608 00:27:42,627 --> 00:27:44,262 NUMBER TWO, THE TWO PART. 609 00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:44,963 FOLKS, THREE. 610 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,664 COME ON, I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND. 611 00:27:46,731 --> 00:27:48,066 NO ROCKET SCIENCE. 612 00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:49,868 HERE'S THE DEAL, COME ON, NOW. 613 00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:52,837 HE TOLD -- HE KNEW, HE KNEW IT FLOATED. 614 00:27:52,904 --> 00:27:56,574 HE TOLD BOB WOODWARD, JOANNE WOODWARD. 615 00:27:56,641 --> 00:27:58,910 HE TOLD BOB REDFORD -- EXCUSE ME. 616 00:27:58,977 --> 00:28:00,578 YOU KNOW, BUT, FOLKS, I CARE. 617 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:01,579 I CARE A LOT. 618 00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:03,548 PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, AND I DO. 619 00:28:03,615 --> 00:28:06,951 AND MY MOTHER SAID, YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE IS. 620 00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:09,521 THAT'S HOW IT GOES, THOSE PLACES. 621 00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:12,123 YOU KNOW, WE CAN DO THESE SHOTS. 622 00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:14,092 WE CAN IN FACT DO BETTER THAN WE DID BEFORE. 623 00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:16,861 SO I DO THE SINCERE GUY. 624 00:28:16,928 --> 00:28:18,430 >> Stephen: I LOVE IT. 625 00:28:18,496 --> 00:28:20,098 THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 626 00:28:20,165 --> 00:28:21,266 >> GREAT. 627 00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:23,168 BUT THERE'S A LOT THERE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU JUST DON'T WORRY 628 00:28:23,234 --> 00:28:27,505 ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE'S 78, HE GETS A LITTLE CONFUSED 629 00:28:27,572 --> 00:28:28,506 SOMETIMES. 630 00:28:28,573 --> 00:28:30,475 IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE ATTACKING HIM PERSONALLY. 631 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,979 BUT YOU HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT, YOU KNOW, HE'S -- WE'RE 632 00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:37,115 GOING TO TRY, WE'RE DOING THINGS, YOU KNOW. 633 00:28:37,182 --> 00:28:38,416 YOU KNOW, COME ON. 634 00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:42,253 HERE'S THE DEAL, LET ME -- LET ME JUST -- I'M NOT KIDDING 635 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,988 AROUND, NO JOKE, FOLKS. 636 00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:46,357 MY DAD LOST HIS JOB IN SCRANTON. 637 00:28:46,424 --> 00:28:48,560 I LOST MY DOG. 638 00:28:48,626 --> 00:28:51,229 I'M NOT KIDDING, I'M NOT BEING A WISE GUY. 639 00:28:51,296 --> 00:28:53,031 AND HE ALWAYS DOES THE LIST. 640 00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:56,067 NUMBER ONE, THE ONE PART, NUMBER TWO, WHAT THEY SAID. 641 00:28:56,134 --> 00:28:59,737 NUMBER THREE, YOU GET THE DRILL. 642 00:28:59,804 --> 00:29:00,805 IT'S NOT PONY SOLDIER. 643 00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,373 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 644 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,908 THAT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE SAID. 645 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:07,512 SO THAT'S WHAT I'M GATHERING FROM IT VISUALLY. 646 00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:14,486 BUT, YEAH, IT'S A CHARACTER NOW. 647 00:29:14,552 --> 00:29:15,653 IT WAS BIDEN. 648 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,890 IT WAS MORE OVER THE TOP THAN MY IMPRESSION, GO ( BLEEP ) 649 00:29:18,957 --> 00:29:19,591 YOURSELF! 650 00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:20,792 HE SAYS IT DIFFERENT EVERY TIME. 651 00:29:20,859 --> 00:29:23,061 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK BUT DON'T GO AWAY. 652 00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:26,498 BACK WITH MORE DANA CARVEY. 653 00:29:26,564 --> 00:29:30,535 ♪♪♪ 654 00:29:39,844 --> 00:29:44,315 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 655 00:29:44,382 --> 00:29:47,352 WE'RE BACK WITH DANA CARVEY. 656 00:29:47,418 --> 00:29:51,723 DANA, DO YOU STILL DO AN OBAMA AT THIS POINT? 657 00:29:51,789 --> 00:29:54,025 >> I DO OBAMA A LOT. 658 00:29:54,092 --> 00:29:57,228 I HAVE OBAMA'S LIKE A SIDEKICK ON MY PODCAST. 659 00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:01,232 HE JUST COMES IN, DANA, DANA, I'D LAKE TO COME ON. 660 00:30:01,299 --> 00:30:02,200 I CAN'T THIS WEEK. 661 00:30:02,267 --> 00:30:02,834 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 662 00:30:02,901 --> 00:30:04,669 WELL, I'VE GOT MY SISTER ON. 663 00:30:04,736 --> 00:30:08,039 SO YOU'RE HAVING A HOUSEWIFE FROM CONNECTICUT INSTEAD OF THE 664 00:30:08,106 --> 00:30:09,707 LEADER FROM THE FREE WORLD? 665 00:30:09,774 --> 00:30:10,475 I DON'T THINK SO. 666 00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:12,577 MICHELLE, HE'S NOT HAVING ME ON. 667 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:15,647 NO, LEAVE THE EGG SALAD OUT. 668 00:30:15,713 --> 00:30:16,881 I'LL GET TO IT LATER. 669 00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:21,019 DANA, I GOT TO BE HONEST, I LOVE HER DEALER, BUT IT'S PANDEMIC 670 00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:21,953 STUFF. 671 00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:24,889 ( LAUGHTER ) HE COMES AND PITCHES SHOWS TO ME 672 00:30:24,956 --> 00:30:27,759 NETFLIX, SEE WHAT YOU THINK, STEVE? 673 00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,227 I GOT A BIG DEAL, THINK OF SOME IDEAS. 674 00:30:29,294 --> 00:30:32,330 KIND OF LIKE A BAR SCENE LIKE EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME AND 675 00:30:32,397 --> 00:30:33,631 THEY ALL HANG OUT IN THERE. 676 00:30:33,698 --> 00:30:36,501 I THINK IT'S CHEERS. 677 00:30:36,568 --> 00:30:38,369 MICHELLE, THEY DON'T LIKE IT, BEEN DONE! 678 00:30:38,436 --> 00:30:43,575 HOW ABOUT THIS ONE, BIG OLD BOAT, SINKS, I CALL IT GIGANTIC. 679 00:30:43,641 --> 00:30:45,543 I THINK IT'S TITANIC. 680 00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:46,477 ( BLEEP ). 681 00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:48,913 I DON'T WANT TO SWEAR TOO MUCH ON THIS SHOW. 682 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:52,450 >> Stephen: CBS, ALL ALLOWED NOW. 683 00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:53,585 >> CBS, ALL LATE NIGHT. 684 00:30:53,651 --> 00:30:55,820 I DO THEM AS A FRIEND OF THE PODCAST AND HIS RELATIONSHIP 685 00:30:55,887 --> 00:31:02,427 WITH MICHELLE AND ADVISING PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKEL. 686 00:31:02,493 --> 00:31:06,097 >> Stephen: WELL, I HOPE WE SEE A LOT OF MR. BIDEN IN THE 687 00:31:06,164 --> 00:31:06,931 FUTURE. 688 00:31:06,998 --> 00:31:10,235 I THINK AMERICA NEEDS YOUR BIDEN, DANA. 689 00:31:10,301 --> 00:31:12,303 >> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN COLBERT. 690 00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:15,006 STEPHEN -- STEPHEN -- YEAH, EVEN STEPHEN. 691 00:31:15,073 --> 00:31:16,841 YEAH, STEPHEN JACKSON. 692 00:31:16,908 --> 00:31:21,579 JACKSON, EASY JACKSON -- YES, WE WILL, WE WILL, STEPHEN. 693 00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,615 WE WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME. 694 00:31:23,681 --> 00:31:27,619 >> Stephen: OH, MR. McCARTNEY. 695 00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:28,519 MR. McCARTNEY. 696 00:31:28,586 --> 00:31:31,956 DID YOU SEE I HAD RINGO ON THE OTHER NIGHT. 697 00:31:32,023 --> 00:31:34,525 >> YEAH, RINGO, ME BROTHERS, YOU KNOW, PEACE AND LOVE. 698 00:31:34,592 --> 00:31:38,329 >> Stephen: CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW GREAT RINGO LOOKS? 699 00:31:38,396 --> 00:31:39,497 >> HE'S FREAKY. 700 00:31:39,564 --> 00:31:42,267 HE WAS, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, HE MADE SOME KIND OF DEAL WITH 701 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:43,501 SOMEBODY. 702 00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:44,102 YEAH, IT'S WEIRD. 703 00:31:44,168 --> 00:31:46,537 HE'S LIKE A LITTLE KID. 704 00:31:46,604 --> 00:31:47,705 HE'S 80. 705 00:31:47,772 --> 00:31:50,975 >> Stephen: I THINK IT'S THE PEACE AND LOVE IS WHAT DID IT 706 00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:53,611 FOR HIM ( MIMICKING ) 707 00:31:53,678 --> 00:31:57,682 >> AND I DIDN'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS, RIGHT, GEORGE? 708 00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,651 >> Stephen: YEAH, WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS. 709 00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:04,522 PAUL AND JOHN WERE THE PRIMARY SONGWRITERS OF THE BAND -- 710 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:08,726 >> Stephen: THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME I WROTE A LITTLE SKIFFLE 711 00:32:08,793 --> 00:32:14,299 SONG CALLED SQUIDY SQUIDY SQUIDY, LOVE MY LITTLE SQUIDIES, 712 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:16,067 ROCK AN ROLL. 713 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:25,576 AND JOHN AND PAUL SAID THE BEATLES DON'T DO SONGS ABOUT 714 00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:29,380 MOLLUSKS, AND THEN CAME OUT WITH OCTOBER PUT'S GARDEN. 715 00:32:29,447 --> 00:32:33,017 >> I DO PAUL McCARTNEY DELIVERING NEWS BECAUSE IT 716 00:32:33,084 --> 00:32:36,321 DOESN'T SOUND SO BAD THROUGH THE YELLOW SUBMARINE. 717 00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:39,123 >> DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE VACCINE, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST A 718 00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:42,960 THING THAT GOES INTO YA, AND, LIKE, GIVES YOUR CELLS 719 00:32:43,027 --> 00:32:43,895 INSTRUCTIONS. 720 00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:48,333 SAYS, HEY, CELL, COULD YOU GET A BIT SPIKEY? 721 00:32:48,399 --> 00:32:49,734 SPIKE YOUR CELLS UP. 722 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:51,502 LIKE, HOLD ON, WHAT'S ALL THIS? 723 00:32:51,569 --> 00:32:53,304 OH, WE'RE JUST ASKING. 724 00:32:53,371 --> 00:32:54,138 IT'S INSTRUCTIONS. 725 00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:57,842 GETS A BIT SPIKEY ON YA, YOU KNOW. 726 00:32:57,909 --> 00:33:01,212 AND YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM GOES, WE SEEN YOU NOW. 727 00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:03,181 WE GOT YOUR EYE ON YA. 728 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:07,352 IF WE SEE YOU AGAIN, WE'RE COMING AT YOU WITH YOUR 729 00:33:07,418 --> 00:33:07,885 ANTIBODIES. 730 00:33:07,952 --> 00:33:08,486 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 731 00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:09,654 SO THAT'S ALL THE VACCINE. 732 00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:11,823 SO DON'T BE SCARED. 733 00:33:11,889 --> 00:33:16,761 >> Stephen: HAS A REALLY GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, EVIE. 734 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:20,498 >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT A CONVERSATION BETWEEN -- CAN 735 00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:22,967 ANTHONY FAUCI HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH PAUL 736 00:33:23,034 --> 00:33:26,437 McCARTNEY ABOUT PAUL McCARTNEY'S VIEWS OF THE 737 00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:27,205 VACCINE? 738 00:33:27,271 --> 00:33:28,272 >> SURE. 739 00:33:28,339 --> 00:33:30,908 YOU KNOW, I LOVED ALL THE COLD CAPPERS THAT YOU DID. 740 00:33:30,975 --> 00:33:35,246 I LOVE THE, HEY, HEY, HOW YOU DOING, HELLO, YOU KNOW, I LOVE 741 00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:38,449 THE CAN'T BUY ME NOTHING, YOU KNOW, ALL YOUR SONGS ARE, LIKE, 742 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:39,217 REAL SNAPPY. 743 00:33:39,283 --> 00:33:41,552 BUT WE NEED A PSA FROM YOU. 744 00:33:41,619 --> 00:33:42,954 PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF THE VACCINE. 745 00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:45,523 WE NEED YOU TO GO IN THERE AND SAY IT. 746 00:33:45,590 --> 00:33:49,360 >> I WILL, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT AFRAID OF IT. 747 00:33:49,427 --> 00:33:50,862 I'LL TAKE A JABBER IN THE ARM. 748 00:33:50,928 --> 00:33:52,363 GIVE ME A SECOND ONE. 749 00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:57,835 I GOT A BIT LOOPY, A LITTLE CROUPY FOR ABOUT AN HOUR AND 750 00:33:57,902 --> 00:33:59,203 THEN I WAS JUST FINE. 751 00:33:59,270 --> 00:34:03,040 >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID AND HONESTLY I DON'T LIKE IT, IT 752 00:34:03,107 --> 00:34:05,243 JUST SOUNDS ILLICIT, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE FROM. 753 00:34:05,309 --> 00:34:07,145 I WAS A ROLLING STONE. 754 00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:10,248 I'LL BE HONEST, YOU WEREN'T MY FAVORITES. 755 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:11,816 LED ZEPPLIN, LET'S BE HONEST. 756 00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:14,419 BUT WHATEVER GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF. 757 00:34:14,485 --> 00:34:15,119 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 758 00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:16,654 WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME? 759 00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:19,824 YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY COOL. 760 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:25,196 YOU GAVE THE TRUMPYS OVER THERE, AND HOLD ON -- HOLD ON IS A GOOD 761 00:34:25,263 --> 00:34:26,197 ONE FOR A BEATLE. 762 00:34:26,264 --> 00:34:31,235 HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, LET'S START OVER! 763 00:34:31,302 --> 00:34:33,337 IT'S BEEN VERY FUN HAVING YOU ON THE PODCAST. 764 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:35,873 >> Stephen: IT'S BEEN GREAT TO BE HERE. 765 00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:37,041 YOU'RE AN AMAZING HOST. 766 00:34:37,108 --> 00:34:38,309 >> CAN I SAY YOU'RE FANTASTIC. 767 00:34:38,376 --> 00:34:39,710 >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 768 00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:43,114 HAVE YOU SEEN THE PETER JACKSON IS EDITING. 769 00:34:43,181 --> 00:34:45,716 >> I'VE SEEN THE LITTLE THING HE DID, AND I'M VERY VERY EXCITED 770 00:34:45,783 --> 00:34:46,884 ABOUT IT. 771 00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:48,786 >> Stephen: I'VE SEEN EIGHT HOURS OF IT BECAUSE I WAS DOWN 772 00:34:48,853 --> 00:34:50,121 THERE AT HIS PLACE. 773 00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:51,322 >> YOU DID. 774 00:34:51,389 --> 00:34:55,059 >> Stephen: I SAT THERE IN HIS EDITING ROOM AND WATCHED EIGHT 775 00:34:55,126 --> 00:34:57,161 HOURS OF RAW STUFF. 776 00:34:57,228 --> 00:34:58,729 THERE'S 54 HOURS, I WATCHED EIGHT HOURS. 777 00:34:58,796 --> 00:35:00,231 YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT, MAN. 778 00:35:00,298 --> 00:35:04,068 AS PAUL SAID, THE IMPORTANT THING THAT COMES OUT OF IS THEY 779 00:35:04,135 --> 00:35:08,339 FIND OUT WE WERE MATES, THAT WE LOVED EACH OTHER, AND THERE'S NO 780 00:35:08,406 --> 00:35:10,408 OTHER WAY YOU COULD FEEL ABOUT THE BEATLES. 781 00:35:10,475 --> 00:35:14,245 IT'S GOING TO REWRITE EVERYBODY'S FEELING ABOUT THE 782 00:35:14,312 --> 00:35:16,013 BEATLES AND THE WAY IT ENDED. 783 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,215 >> THAT'S WHAT WE NEED. 784 00:35:17,281 --> 00:35:20,518 THAT'S THE MISSING PIECE THAT WE NEVER GOT TO SEE, ESPECIALLY 785 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:25,122 PAUL AN JOHN, THE TWO ICONIC SUPERSTARS COLLABORATING BEING 786 00:35:25,189 --> 00:35:25,790 FRIENDS. 787 00:35:25,857 --> 00:35:26,958 SO, YEAH, YOU GAVE ME CHILLS. 788 00:35:27,024 --> 00:35:30,962 >> Stephen: LISTEN, FOLKS, THE PODCAST IS CALLED FANTASTIC. 789 00:35:31,028 --> 00:35:34,565 THE WORD DESCRIBES THE MAN HIMSELF, MR. DANA CARVEY. 790 00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:38,569 IT'S AVAILABLE WHEREVER YOUR STREAM YOUR PODCASTS. 791 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:39,937 DANA -- >> iTunes, SPOTIFY -- 792 00:35:40,004 --> 00:35:41,973 >> Stephen: ALL THOSE. 793 00:35:42,039 --> 00:35:43,174 ALL THOSE. 794 00:35:43,241 --> 00:35:44,175 TINDER. 795 00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:45,576 >> THANKS, STEPHEN. 796 00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:50,014 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY IMAGINE DRAGONS. 797 00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:50,615 ♪♪♪ 798 00:35:58,289 --> 00:35:59,223 ♪ ♪ 799 00:35:59,290 --> 00:36:00,691 MBZ. 800 00:36:00,758 --> 00:36:02,293 ♪ >> THAT'S SPRING BREAK IN 801 00:36:16,374 --> 00:36:17,241 MIAMI BEACH THIS WEEKEND. 802 00:36:17,308 --> 00:36:20,511 POLICE CRACKING DOWN, FIRING PEPPER BALLS -- 803 00:36:20,578 --> 00:36:22,680 ♪♪♪ >> GENTLEMEN, 30 YEARS FROM NOW 804 00:36:22,747 --> 00:36:25,416 WHEN YOU'RE SITTING WITH YOUR GRANDSON ON YOUR KNEE AND HE 805 00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:29,987 ASKS WHAT DID YOU DO DURING THE GREAT STUPIDLY RACIALLY 806 00:36:30,054 --> 00:36:34,258 MOTIVATED SPRING BREAK MIAMI BEACH ENFORCEMENT CURFEW 807 00:36:34,325 --> 00:36:39,030 OF 2021, YOU CAN LOOK AT HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND SAID 808 00:36:39,096 --> 00:36:41,098 YOUR GRAND-DADDY SHOT A PAINT BALL GUN ABOVE HIS BIG TANK AND 809 00:36:41,165 --> 00:36:45,236 NOW GO DO WHAT YOU DO AND MAKE THINGS A MILLION TIMES WORSE! 810 00:36:45,303 --> 00:36:47,371 ♪♪♪ 811 00:36:55,346 --> 00:36:57,181 >> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING THEIR NEW SINGLE, "FOLLOW YOU," 812 00:36:57,248 --> 00:37:01,285 IMAGINE DRAGONS. 813 00:37:01,352 --> 00:37:07,291 ♪ YOU KNOW I GOT YOUR NUMBER NUMBER ALL NIGHT 814 00:37:07,358 --> 00:37:10,828 ♪ I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR TEAM I GOT YOUR BACK ALRIGHT 815 00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:14,665 ♪ TAKING THOSE, TAKING THOSE LOSSES IF IT TREATS YOU RIGHT 816 00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:19,103 ♪ I WANT TO PUT YOU INTO THE SPOTLIGHT 817 00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:21,038 ♪ IF THE WORLD WOULD ONLY KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK 818 00:37:21,105 --> 00:37:26,677 ♪ HEART ATTACKS EVERY NIGHT OH, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT RIGHT 819 00:37:26,744 --> 00:37:30,414 ♪ I WILL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN WHEREVER YOU MAY GO 820 00:37:30,481 --> 00:37:34,552 ♪ I'LL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN TO YOUR DEEPEST LOW 821 00:37:34,619 --> 00:37:38,689 ♪ I'LL ALWAYS BE AROUND WHEREVER LIFE TAKES YOU 822 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:50,001 ♪ YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU CALL YOU UP 823 00:37:50,067 --> 00:37:52,503 ♪ YOU'VE BEEN CRYIN' CRYIN' ALL NIGHT 824 00:37:52,570 --> 00:37:56,507 ♪ YOU'RE ONLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOURSELF, ALRIGHT 825 00:37:56,574 --> 00:38:00,478 ♪ TAKING THOSE, TAKING THOSE LOSSES IF IT TREATS YOU RIGHT 826 00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:04,515 ♪ I WANNA TAKE YOU INTO THE SUNLIGHT 827 00:38:04,582 --> 00:38:08,252 ♪ IF THE WORLD WOULD ONLY KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK 828 00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:12,523 ♪ HEART ATTACKS EVERY NIGHT OH, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT RIGHT 829 00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:16,293 ♪ I WILL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN WHEREVER YOU MAY GO 830 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:20,531 ♪ I'LL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN TO YOUR DEEPEST LOW 831 00:38:20,598 --> 00:38:24,502 ♪ I'LL ALWAYS BE AROUND WHEREVER LIFE TAKES YOU 832 00:38:24,568 --> 00:38:28,506 ♪ YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU BA, DA, DA, DA, DA 833 00:38:28,572 --> 00:38:32,510 ♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA BA, DA, DA, DA, DA 834 00:38:32,576 --> 00:38:36,514 ♪ YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU LA, DA, DA, DA, DA 835 00:38:36,580 --> 00:38:43,554 ♪ WHEREVER LIFE TAKES YOU YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU 836 00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:46,757 ♪ YOU'RE NOT THE TYPE TO GIVE HERSELF ENOUGH LOVE 837 00:38:46,824 --> 00:38:50,828 ♪ SHE LIVE HER LIFE HAND IN A TIGHT GLOVE 838 00:38:50,895 --> 00:38:55,232 ♪ I WISH THAT I COULD FIX IT I COULD FIX IT FOR YOU 839 00:38:55,299 --> 00:39:00,571 ♪ BUT INSTEAD I'LL BE RIGHT HERE COMIN' THROUGH 840 00:39:00,638 --> 00:39:04,575 ♪ RIGHT HERE, COMIN' THROUGH I WILL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN 841 00:39:04,642 --> 00:39:14,819 ♪ RIGHT HERE, COMIN' THROUGH I WILL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN 842 00:39:14,885 --> 00:39:20,124 ♪ WHEREVER YOU MAY GO I'LL FOLLOW YOU WAY DOWN 843 00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:24,061 ♪ TO YOUR DEEPEST LOW I'LL ALWAYS BE AROUND 844 00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:28,599 ♪ WHEREVER LIFE TAKES YOU YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU 845 00:39:28,666 --> 00:39:32,603 ♪ BA, DA, DA, DA, DA DA, DA, DA, DA, DA 846 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:36,574 ♪ BA, DA, DA, DA, DA YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU 847 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:44,582 ♪ LA, DA, DA, DA, DA WHEREVER LIFE TAKES YOU 848 00:39:44,648 --> 00:39:46,383 ♪ YOU KNOW I'LL FOLLOW YOU ♪ >> Stephen: IMAGINE DRAGONS, 849 00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:48,652 EVERYBODY. 850 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,888 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 851 00:39:50,955 --> 00:39:51,822 ♪ ♪ ♪ 852 00:39:57,862 --> 00:39:59,263 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW." 853 00:39:59,330 --> 00:40:02,433 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE SHARON STONE AND KEN 854 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:03,267 BURNS. 855 00:40:03,334 --> 00:40:05,336 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 856 00:40:05,402 --> 00:40:06,103 GOOD NIGHT. 857 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:09,306 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 858 00:40:10,174 --> 00:40:19,316 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 859 00:40:19,383 --> 00:40:23,654 ♪ ♪ ♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS