1 00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:03,737 FOX NEWS HOST TUCKER CARLSON IS RELEASING A 2 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:07,040 DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE COLLAPSE OF TESTOSTERONE LEVELS IN MEN, 3 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:10,610 IN IT A NUMBER OF SOLUTIONS ARE PROPOSED INCLUDING TESTICLE 4 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:15,715 TANNING. >> THAT IS CRAZY. 5 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,852 >> BUT MY VIEW IS OKAY, TESTOSTERONE LEVELS WILL CRASH 6 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,421 AND NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT IT, THAT IS CRAZY. 7 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:27,293 SO WHY IS IT CRAZY TO SEEK SOLUTIONS? 8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,297 >> ARE YOU A MAN WORRIED ABOUT DECLINING TESTOSTERONE LEVELS? 9 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:38,104 INTRODUCING THE TUCKER TESTIC EL TAN, THE PERFECT WAY TO REJUICE 10 00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:42,175 YOUR, SLIMPLY LOWER YOUR TEST TICKLE INTO ITS SCIENTIFICALLY 11 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:45,712 DESIGNED RECEPTIC EL TRAY, CHOOSE YOUR SETTING, MANLY, 12 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,648 BRAWNY OR PIECE OF BACON. LOWER THE PLUNGER AND THEN RELAX 13 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,652 AS THE HEATING COILS DO THE WORK. 14 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,456 USE OUR ESPECIALLY DESIGNED DETACHMENT TO PRY THEM OUT. 15 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,625 DOES IT WORK? JUST LOOK AT THE RESULTS. 16 00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:03,530 SO TURN THOSE TESTIC ELS INTO TOASTICLE WITH THE TUCKER TESTIC 17 00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:09,736 EL TANNER TODAY. AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR 18 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:14,274 SLOALY SUMMERED TRY THE TUCKER CROTCH POT. 19 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:21,714 >> IT'S ITS LATE SHOW, STEPHEN COLBERT, TONIGHT, STEPHEN 20 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:36,629 WELCOMES JULIA ROBERTS. AND MUSICAL GUEST WILCO. 21 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:39,699 FEATURING JON BATISTE AN STAY HUMAN, AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE 22 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:50,743 FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN 23 00:01:50,810 --> 00:02:05,291 COLBERT. >> HEY, HEY. 24 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:12,565 NAMASTE. 25 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,868 HEY, EVERYBODY. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, THANK YOU SO 26 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:19,506 MUCH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 27 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,575 PLEASE V A SEAT. WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE LATE 28 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:28,181 SHOW, I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 29 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,617 DID YOU HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND? 30 00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,318 I I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL 31 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,686 HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THIS ONE WAS EXTRA SPECIAL, 32 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:38,958 BECAUSE IT WAS EASTER, PASSOVER, RAMADAN, AND A FULL MOON. 33 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:46,099 SO IT WAS EXTRA BUSY TIME FOR INTERFAITH WEREWOLVES. 34 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:49,903 OVER AT THE WHITE HOUSE THEY CELEBRATED TODAY WITH THE FIRST 35 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:53,172 EASTER EGG ROLL SINCE THE PANDEMIC STARTED. 36 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:57,944 IT'S SO NICE WE CAN GATHER AGAIN, AND WATCH THE CHILDREN 37 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,212 SAFELY HAVE THEIR EGG RACE, WHILE WE GAMBLE BIG MONEY ON FAN 38 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:05,919 DUEL. LET'S GO PINK JACKET IF I DON'T 39 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,620 COME ON PINK JACK ELEVATOR, IF I DON'T 40 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,123 PAY THE EASTER BUNNY, HE'S GONNA TAKE MY THUMBS. 41 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:17,196 PINK JACKET, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME C'MON GO BABY, GO BABY 42 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:23,202 GO RUN FOR THE ROSES, COME ON. 43 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:27,373 NOW, I OWE A LOT OF MONEY. 44 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,443 I OWE A LOT OF PEOPLE A LOT OF MONEY, JON. 45 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,646 PRESIDENT BIDEN GAVE A SPEECH DURING THE EVENT, AND HE CALLED 46 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,582 >> IT MEANS SO MUCH TO SEE AND 47 00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:41,187 HEAR THE CHILDREN AND ALL THE FAMILIES SHOW UP TO BE HERE 48 00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:45,191 TODAY; THE JOY, THE LAUGHTER, AND THE OCCASIONAL- AT LEAST 49 00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,193 WITH MY YOUNG GRANDSON WHO IS ONLY TWO, THE OCCASIONAL-- 50 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:53,199 THERE'S THE EASTER BUNNY. A LITTLE STARTLED SOMETIMES. 51 00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:57,270 >> "YEAH, IT'S THE EASTER BUNNY! 52 00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:03,710 OOH HEY WATCH OUT, GIANT RABBITS CAN BE SCARY, JACK! 53 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,511 HOLD ON, BUDDY. BACK IN SCRANTON, POPS USED TO 54 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,779 SAY TO ME, 'HEY JOEY, DON'T LOOK A BUNNY SQUARE IN THE EYE, OR 55 00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,781 IT'LL TEAR YOUR FACE STRAIGHT OFF. 56 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,116 BUNNIES ARE NOTHIN' BUT A DRESSED-UP RACCOON RABIES 57 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:13,152 VECTOR. YOU GOTTA ARM-WRESTLE 'EM TO GET 58 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:17,190 THEIR PRECIOUS EGGS. IT'S ALL IN THE BIBLE. 59 00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:20,960 DELETED SCENES, BOOK OF PEEPS. OH WATCH OUT GET BEHIND ME, 60 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:32,038 JILL! COME ON, JACKRABBIT!" 61 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,107 . >> ALL RIGHT, ALL 62 00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:38,111 RIGHT, THANK YOU. TODAY WAS ALSO TAX DAY, OR AS 63 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:42,081 JEFF BEZOS SAYS, NO, IT'S NOT. IF YOU PROCRASTINATED, YOU'RE 64 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:46,085 NOT ALONE. AS OF LAST WEEK, 40% OF THIS 65 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:49,389 YEAR'S TAXPAYERS WERE STILL UNACCOUNTED FOR, WITH MANY 66 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,824 SCRAMBLING TO SUBMIT THEIR DOCUMENTS TODAY. 67 00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,093 IN FACT, GOOGLE'S TOP SEARCH 68 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:58,097 "WHAT IS 1099 HOW TO GET FACE TRANSPLANT AND MOVE TO MEXICO 69 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:04,003 TONIGHT." THE MID TERM FOR THOSE WITH KAL 70 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:07,206 OWNERS ARE JUST SEVEN MONTHS AWAY AND THE CULTURE WARS ARE 71 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:10,143 RAGING IN ANTICIPATION OF THE VOTE, GROUNDS ZEREAU FOR ITS 72 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:22,121 CULTURAL WARS IS FLOOR DA, THEY PASSED SOMETHING CALLED HB-7 73 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:24,290 WHICH PROHIBITS ANY TEACHING THAT COULD MAKE STUDENTS FEEL 74 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:25,525 THEY BEAR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HISTORIC 75 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:28,995 WRONGS BECAUSE OF THEIR RACE, COLOR, SEX OR NATIONAL ORIGIN. 76 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,863 BUT YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL THE STORY OF AMERICA WITHOUT TALKING 77 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,199 ABOUT HISTORIC WRONGS. WHAT IS HISTORY CLASS IN FLORIDA 78 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,867 GOING TO BE LIKE NOW? 79 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:38,271 "TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO LEARN THAT IN 1492, COLUMBUS SAILED 80 00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:42,875 THE OCEAN BLUE, BLAH BLAH BLAH. THE NEW "BATMAN" IS NOW 81 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:49,949 STREAMING ON HBO MAX. COME AND GET YOUR DIPLOMA." 82 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:58,825 AND THIS CENSORSHIP ISN'T JUST AFFECTING HISTORY CLASS, BECAUSE 83 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,394 THIS WEEKEND WE LEARNED THAT FLORIDA REJECTED 41% OF NEW MATH 84 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:06,332 TEXTBOOKS. AT LEAST THEY THINK IT'S 41%. 85 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:12,905 FOR SOME REASON, THEY JUST SUCK AT MATH. 86 00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,141 SO WHY THE WAR AGAINST ARITHMETIC? 87 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:19,078 THE FLORIDA EDUCATION DEPARTMENT EXPLAINED THAT REASONS FOR 88 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:22,048 REJECTING TEXTBOOKS INCLUDED REFERENCES TO CRITICAL RACE 89 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,084 THEORY WHICH THE FLORIDA LEGISLATURE SAYS INCLUDES 90 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,987 THEORIES THAT DISTORT HISTORICAL EVENTS. 91 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,324 EXPLAINS THE UPDATED UNIT ON DIVISION, 92 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:37,797 "A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF, HEY--THAT'S TWO HOUSES NICE." 93 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,900 FLORIDA OFFICIALS DID NOT NAME THE REJECTED TEXTBOOKS NOR 94 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:44,570 PROVIDE EXAMPLES OF PASSAGES THAT FAILED TO MEET THE 95 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:47,340 CRITERIA, BUT, DESCRIBED THE REVIEW PROCESS AS TRANSPARENT. 96 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:50,143 I GUESS THEY ALSO BANNED DICTIONARIES, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT 97 00:06:50,209 --> 00:07:01,020 WHAT TRANSPARENT MEANS. 98 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,090 , SURE, DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, RIGHT, JON. 99 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,858 WHILE THE BANNED BOOKS REMAIN A MYSTERY, HERE AT 100 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,894 "THE LATE SHOW," WE HAVE RECEIVED A COPY OF A 101 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,695 NEWLY-APPROVED FLORIDA MATH 102 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,833 "CONGRESSMAN MATT GAETZ AND 2 FRIENDS HAVE 10 OUNCES OF 103 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,802 COCAINE. THERE ARE 12 PEOPLE AT THE 104 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,804 PARTY, THREE OF THEM ARE GIRLS UNDER 18. 105 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:27,246 WHAT SHOULD HE CALL IT ON THE VENMO TRANSACTION?" 106 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:33,419 CHEESIER CHEESIER SCHOOL SUPPLIES, THE CORRECTS ANSWER IS 107 00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:37,390 SCHOOL SUPPLIES. ONE OF THE ENGINEERS ON THE 108 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:41,794 EXPRESS TO RIGHTWING CRAZY TOWN IS FOX NEWS HOST TUCKER CARLSON, 109 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:51,871 SEEN HERE PICTURING THE GREEN M&M WITHOUT HER CANDY SHELL. 110 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,072 NOW, I'M GENERALLY HESITANT TO TALK ABOUT TUCKER, BECAUSE HE 111 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:57,143 JUST SAYS AND DOES STUPID THINGS FOR ATTENTION. 112 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,545 BUT THIS ONE'S SO STUPID IT GOT MY ATTENTION. 113 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:04,350 YOU SEE, TUCKER HAS A NEW DOCUMENTARY ON THE DE-BRO-ING OF 114 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,687 AMERICA. I'LL LET HIM EXPLAIN? 115 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:09,822 >> ONE OF THE BIGGEST STORIES IN OUR LIFETIMES IS THE TOTAL 116 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:13,292 COLLAPSE IN TESTOSTERONE LEVELS IN AMERICAN MEN. 117 00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:15,828 THOSE LEVELS ARE DECLINING BY ROUGHLY 10% PER DECADE, 118 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,830 COMPLETELY CHANGING THE WAY PEOPLE ARE AT THE MOST 119 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,834 FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL. >> FIRST OF ALL, I 120 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:26,272 DON'T THINK MY LEVEL OF TESTOSTERONE DOES DEFINE ME AT 121 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,875 THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL, BUT MAYBE I ONLY THINK THAT BECAUSE 122 00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:34,914 I HAVE LOW TESTOSTERONE. I THOUGHT IT WAS MY SOUL, THAT 123 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,783 IS WHAT I THOUGHT. NOW, ACCORDING TO THIS CRAZY 124 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,887 MOTHER-TUCKER, IT'S A BIG PROBLEM. 125 00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,789 THE TRAILER BEGINS WITH A HISTORIC LOOK BACK AT THE LOSS 126 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:49,829 OF THE AMERICA'S PRECIOUS BODILY 127 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,899 >> I WELCOME THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK TO THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA 128 00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:57,670 ABOUT A SUBJECT WHICH I BELIEVE TO BE MOST IMPORTANT AND THAT IS 129 00:08:57,737 --> 00:09:01,807 THE SUBJECT OF PHYSICAL FITNESS. THERE IS NOTHING I THINK MORE 130 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,877 UNFORTUNATE THAN TO HAVE A SOFT, CHUBBY, FAT LOOKING CHILDREN. 131 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:09,815 >> OF COURSE, J.F.K. WAS FAMOUS FOR FAT-SHAMING KIDS. 132 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:13,819 >> ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN 133 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,790 DO FOR YOU. ASK WHY TIMMY'S SUCH A TUBBY 134 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:24,964 TUBBY 2x4, COULDN'T GET THROUGH THE BERLIN WALL. 135 00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:27,667 THAT WAS A CRUEL MAN. >> THE TRAILER MOVES 136 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:33,773 FROM HISTORY TO A LOT OF SWEATY, SHIRTLESS MEN. 137 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:37,810 >> ONCE A SOCIETY COLLAPSES THEN, YOU'RE IN HARD 138 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:41,347 TIMES. IRON SHARPENS IRON, AS THEY SAY. 139 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,651 AND THOSE HARD TIMES. THOSE HARD TIMES INEVITABLY 140 00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:49,789 PRODUCE MEN WHO ARE TOUGH, MEN WHO ARE RESOURCEFUL, MEN WHO ARE 141 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:52,858 STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE. AND THEN THEY GO ON TO 142 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,827 RE-ESTABLISH ORDER. AND SO THE CYCLE BEGINS AGAIN. 143 00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:58,898 >> GOTTA SAY, COMING FROM A FOX NEWS ANCHOR, THAT IS 144 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:04,870 A REFRESHING AND POSITIVE CELEBRATION OF HOMOEROTICISM. 145 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:16,782 GOOD FOR YOU, FELLAS. GOOD FOR YOU. YOU KNOW? 146 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,485 ALSO, IF THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT 147 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:23,022 LEVELS OF TESTOSTERONE, LAST TIME I CHECKED TESTOSTERONE 148 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:26,792 GIVES YOU BODY HAIR, THOSE GUYS ARE SMOOTH AS AN EEL. 149 00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:29,061 AMONG MANY STRANGE MOMENTS IN THIS TRAILER, THERE'S ONE THAT 150 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:36,369 REALLY CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. IT'S A MAN MILKING A COW 151 00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:39,572 WITHOUT A BUCKET. AND I'M SHEER TO TELL YOU, I'M 152 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:43,009 NOT FARMER BROWN, BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU, 153 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,778 UNLESS YOU GOT A BUCKET, YOU'RE NOT MILKING. 154 00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:55,788 YOU'RE A COW FONDLER. OKAY? 155 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:59,725 NO, AND YET, AND YET, MY FRIENDS, 156 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:13,806 SOMEHOW, IT GETS WEIRDER. IS THAT MAN SCANNING HIS PENIS 157 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:20,613 AT THE SELF-CHECKOUT? BLEEP! 158 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:27,920 UM, UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA. 159 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,322 , CLEAN UP. 160 00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:35,661 NOW IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT THAT 161 00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:39,398 WASnd A I HOPE YOU ARE, TUCKER EXPLAINED IT IN THIS 162 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,834 PROMOTIONAL INTERVIEW FOR THE DOC. 163 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,302 >> IF YOU WANT TO OPTIMIZE AND TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL, EXPOSE 164 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,205 YOURSELF TO RED LIGHT THERAPY. AND THE JUVE THAT WE WERE USING 165 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,809 IN THE DOCUMENTARY, THERE'S A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF EVIDENCE 166 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,912 WHICH IS TESTICLE TANNING. >> I'M NO UROLOGIST, 167 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:56,282 BUT IF THE LORD INTENDED TESTICLE HEALTH TO INCLUDE A LOT 168 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,817 OF SUNLIGHT, I THINK HE WOULD HAVE PUT 'EM WHERE THE SUN DO 169 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:04,924 SHINE. LIKE ON YOUR SHOULDERS, O 170 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:10,930 SOMETHING. YOU KNOW? 171 00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,833 BUT THERE IT IS, TUCKER'S PROMOTING TESTICLE TANNING. 172 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,902 WHICH IS SURPRISING, BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, HE IS THE 173 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:20,739 WHITEST DICK EVER. 174 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,541 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS JULIA 175 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:26,045 ROBERTS. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE 176 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:26,812 JOIN US. 177 00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:07,887 . >> WELCOME BACK, 178 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,257 EVERYBODY. THERE JON BATISTE AND STAY 179 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:21,167 HUMAN. 180 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:31,744 ALL OF THE QUESTIONS FOR 181 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:35,080 TONIGHT'S GUESTS. THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED JULIA 182 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:39,118 ROBERTS IS HERE TONIGHT. JULIA ROBERTS. 183 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:43,122 YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, ARE YOU AN OSCAR WINNER, SHE IS AN 184 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,657 OSCAR WINNER. >> ST A GOOD FEELING. 185 00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:47,126 >> IT WILL BE LIKE TALKING TO YOU, IT SOON WILL BE 186 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:50,696 LIKE TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE LISTEN, I ALREADY KNEW THIS BUT 187 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:55,134 IT HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN STEPHEN 188 00:13:55,201 --> 00:14:00,406 SPIELBERG AND OPRAH WINFREY'S THE COLOR PURPLE MOVIE, THE 189 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,108 MUSICAL. THAT'S OUT THERE I AM NOT GIVING 190 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,510 ANYTHING AWAY. >> THAT IS OUT THERE. 191 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,212 WORD IS OUT. >> THAT IS FANTASTIC. 192 00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:09,882 YOU ARE GOING TO REMEMBER YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT, YOU'RE GOING TO 193 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,817 REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS RIGHT. >> ALWAYS, YOU HAVE TO 194 00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:16,355 REMEMBER, ALWAYS. >> FOLKS, I SPEND MOST 195 00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,224 OF MY TIME, RIGHT OVER THERE, WANDERING THROUGH THE 196 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:23,095 FARMERS' MARKET THAT IS TODAY'S BIGGEST STORIES, SQUEEZING THE 197 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:27,066 FINEST NEWS RADISHES, AND RIPEST STORY PEPPERS, SNIFFING THE MOST 198 00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:30,202 TOPICAL DATES, WHICH I THEN PAIR WITH FRA'MANI SOPPRESSATA, AND 199 00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:33,372 THE MOST SUCCULENT HANDRAISED PATA NEGRA JAMON IBERICO, BACKED 200 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:36,208 UP BY GENEROUS HELPINGS OF BEEMSTER GOUDA, AND A WEDGE OF 201 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:39,311 BRILLAT-SAVARIN TRIPLE CREAM BRIE, THEN I ADD FORTNUM & MASON 202 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:44,917 APRICOT AND FIG SPREADS WITH GRISSINI BREADSTICKS AND LA 203 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:51,090 PANZANELLA CROCCANTINI, AND FINALLY A LIBERAL SPRINKLING OF 204 00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:54,260 SAN SABA ELLIOT PECANS AND SICILIAN CASTEL-VETRANO OLIVES 205 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:57,930 ON A RAW CARRARA MARBLE SLAB TO LAY OUT FOR YOU THE SPECTACULAR 206 00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:11,110 GOURMET CHARCUTERIE BOARD THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 207 00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:15,114 BUT SOMETIMES, I AM HOSED AWAKE 208 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:18,217 INSIDE AN EMPTY 6,000 GALLON DIESEL TANKER OFF I-24, WHERE I 209 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:22,588 AM HIDING FROM A CULT THAT I STARTED, THEN DASH, NAKED BEHIND 210 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,189 A RECENTLY DEFUNCT QUIZNOS, WHERE I MUST WRESTLE A POSSUM 211 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:28,560 FOR THE REMAINS OF A BAJA CHICKEN FOOTLONG, STAGGER INTO A 212 00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:30,496 MIDDLE SCHOOL REC. YARD AFTER FIGHTING A SEAGULL FOR THE LAST 213 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:34,867 HAM CUBE IN A LUNCHABLES TRAY, PUNCH A RACCOON TO STEAL HIS 214 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:39,104 PEANUT, THEN DUMP IT ALL INTO A HUBCAP I STRIPPED OFF AN 215 00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:42,207 ABANDONED '76 CHEVY VEGA TO OFFER YOU THE RAIL YARD BUFFET 216 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:50,349 MEANWHILE! 217 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:54,219 . >> THAT RAISES YOUR 218 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:59,391 TESTOSTERONE, THIS RAISES YOUR TESTOSTERONE, BIG SWINGERS RIGHT 219 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:03,028 HIRE. MEANWHILE, THE INTERNET IS ABUZZ 220 00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:06,231 OVER THIS OPTICAL ILLUSION THAT SUPPOSEDLY REVEALS A LOT ABOUT 221 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:11,103 YOUR MENTAL AGE. EVIDENTLY IF YOU CAN SEE THE OLD 222 00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,338 MAN WITH HIS HEAD BOWED DOWN, IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE MATURE IN 223 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:15,708 YOUR THOUGHTS. BUT, IF YOU SEE A YOUNG GIRL IN 224 00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,243 THE ILLUSION, IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE A CHILD AT HEART. 225 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:22,715 JOKE'S ON YOU. I SEE A YOUNG GIRL WITH AN OLD 226 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,183 MAN GROWING OUT THE BACK OF HER SKULL-- SHE NEEDS TO SEE A 227 00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:29,521 DERMATOLOGIST, ASAP. ANYTHING BIGGER THAN A PENCIL 228 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,623 ERASER, GET IT CHECKED OUT, OKAY? 229 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:35,094 MEANWHILE, AT AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN MICHIGAN, 230 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:40,432 KINDERGARTENERS WERE 'WOOZY' AFTER DRINKING MARGARITAS. 231 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:46,472 MAN, THE CAST OF "EUPHORIA" IS GETTING YOUNG. 232 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:49,608 IT SEEMS ONE LITTLE GIRL BROUGHT READY-TO-DRINK JOSE CUERVO 233 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,610 MARGARITAS TO SCHOOL AND THE STUDENTS DRANK THE COCKTAILS 234 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,880 FROM DIXIE CUPS DURING SNACK TIME, ONE OF WHOM WENT AND TOLD 235 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:59,118 THE TEACHER THERE IS LIQUOR IN THIS CUP. 236 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,221 TO WHICH THE TEACHER SAID, "THEN GIMME THAT. 237 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:06,225 I MAKE 28 GRAND A YEAR AND I PERSONALLY HAD TO BUY THOSE 238 00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:20,939 CRAYONS STUCK UP YOUR NOSE." MEANWHILE, IN SPORTS RELIGION 239 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:23,108 NEWS, THE N.F.L.'S HOUSTON TEXANS CELEBRATED PASSOVER THIS 240 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:26,745 WEEKEND BY TWEETING THESE IMAGES OF THEIR PLAYERS CARRYING 241 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:31,183 MATZAHS LIKE A FOOTBALL. I ASSUME TO COMMEMORATE WHEN THE 242 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,753 ISRAELITES WERE IN THE TWO MINUTE DRILL RIGHT BEFORE THE 243 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:38,323 RED SEA CLOSED UP. NOW, SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T CARE FOR 244 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,860 THE TWEET, BUT I LOVE WHEN TEAMS MIX RELIGION INTO THEIR 245 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:42,728 BRANDING. AND LET'S NOT FORGET, THIS IS 246 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:51,103 HOW THEY CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS. 247 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,239 MEANWHILE, IN OTHER TERRIBLE EASTER CHOICES NEWS, 248 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:59,111 A PARENT DRESSED AS THE EASTER BUNNY PASSED OUT CONDOMS AT A 249 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:03,115 TEXAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. 'CUZ IF THERE'S ONE THING WE 250 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:14,326 ASSOCIATE WITH RABBITS, IT'S BIRTH CONTROL. 251 00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:18,030 APPARENTLY, THE PARENT CAME TO SCHOOL TO HAND OUT PLASTIC EGGS, 252 00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,765 AND SOME OF THOSE EGGS CONTAINED CANDY, AND SOME STUDENTS WERE 253 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:24,069 ALSO GIVEN UNOPENED CONDOMS. AN EASTER BUNNY HANDING OUT 254 00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:27,673 CONDOMS MAKES NO SENSE. HE SHOULD HIDING EGGS FILLED 255 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:34,146 WITH JELLY BEANS AROUND THE BACK YARD TO COMMEMORATE THE 256 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,481 RESURRECTION OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, LIKE HE DOES IN THE 257 00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:39,084 BIBLE AND ON THE THIRD DAY, JESUS BIT THE EARS OFF THE 258 00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,221 CHOCOLATE RABBIT. MEANWHILE, COACHELLA IS 259 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,557 CURRENTLY UNDERWAY IN INDIO, CALIFORNIA, WITH A SPECIAL TWIST 260 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,227 COACHELLA IS COMING TO FORTNITE. 261 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:53,665 THE MUSIC FESTIVAL IS PARTNERING WITH EPIC GAMES TO RELEASE 262 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:55,100 COACHELLA-THEMED SKINS. SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE NEW 263 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:59,104 'DO YOU HAVE ANY COKE?' 264 00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:03,775 CAROLINE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JULIA 265 00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:04,443 ROBERTS. 266 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:29,902 >> WELCOME BACK. MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY 267 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:32,604 TO THE LATE SHOW ALREADY IN PROGRESS. 268 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,840 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU IN FOR A STREET 269 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:37,976 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW 270 00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:41,446 FROM, "PRETTY WOMAN," "ERIN BROCKOVICH," AND "OSAGE 271 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,650 COUNTY." SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW SERIES, 272 00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:51,123 "GASLIT." >> OH, THANK YOU, DEAR AND COULD 273 00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:54,660 YOU PLEASE GET A MARTINI. >> NO, THANK YOU, I DON'T 274 00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:58,597 USUALLY DRINK WITH. >> HE DOESN'T DRINK ON THE JOB 275 00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:02,334 EITHER, I DON'T TRUST HIM ONE BIT. 276 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,303 >> WITH A TWIST? THANK YOU. 277 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,371 >> NOW WHERE WERE WE? >> WELL, I WAS. 278 00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:10,709 >> HAVE I SHOWN YOU MY VASES? THEY'RE CHINESE. 279 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:11,910 >> YES. I WAS ASKING IF THERE IS ANY 280 00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:17,416 TRUTH TO THE TALK THAT YOUR-- OF THE PRESS HAS SOURED YOUR 281 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:20,485 RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PRESIDENT. >> I AM THE ONE WHO INTRODUCED 282 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:24,323 DICK TO MY HUSBAND. >> SO THERE IS NO CONCERN ARE 283 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,125 YOU OVERSHADOWING. >> YOU MAKE ME SOUND LIKE AN OLD 284 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:31,296 OAKTREE, WOULD YOU ASK SUCH A QUESTION TO KISSINGER. 285 00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:34,633 >> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT HE DOESN'T HAVE A 76% NAME 286 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,803 RECOGNITION WITH AMERICAN FAMILIES, DO YOU THAT. 287 00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:42,107 >> I SHOULD BE TELLING THAT TO PAT NIXON, I HAD TO RESCHEDULE A 288 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:46,545 FUNDRAISER JUST TO SATISFY H.E.R. LUST FOR THE SPOTLIGHT. 289 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:47,379 >> PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JULIA 290 00:20:47,446 --> 00:21:02,327 ROBERTS! >> HELLO. 291 00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:10,469 ROBERTS! >> HELLO. 292 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:21,079 . 293 00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:29,321 >> THERE WE GO. HI. 294 00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:43,301 >> THANK YOU. >> THERE WE GO. 295 00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,338 >>OKAY, I WAS ALREADY SO NERVOUS. 296 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:50,876 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M VERY INTERESTED IN YOUR 297 00:21:50,942 --> 00:21:54,646 PRODUCTION, GAS LITH WHERE YOU PLAY MARTHA MITCHELL TELLING THE 298 00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:57,716 STORY OF WATERGATE, BUT FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW, 299 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:01,753 I AM OLDER THAN YOU ARE. I REMEMBER THE WATERGATE 300 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:02,921 HEARINGS. AND I REMEMBER ALL THE STORIES 301 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,424 ABOUT MARTHA MITCHELL. BUT FOR THE PEOPLE WITHOUT DON'T 302 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,493 KNOW, EXPLAIN TO THEM WHO SHE WAS AND WHY SHE WAS SUCH A 303 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,629 FASCINATING CHARACTER IN WATERGATE. 304 00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:14,032 >> WELL, I THINK, WELL, WHAT IS FASCINATING ABOUT HER TO ME IS 305 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:18,103 ALL THAT I DIDN'T KNOW. AND MARTHA MITCHELL WAS MARRIED 306 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:24,643 TO THE ATTORNEY GENERAL FOR RICHARD NIXON, JOHN MITCHELL. 307 00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:30,849 AND THEY WERE THIS SORT OF OUTRAGEOUS, SHE WAS OUTRAGEST, 308 00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:37,055 COUPLE AND SHE WAS A WOMAN WHO IN THAT TIME, IN THE POSITION 309 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:41,760 THAT SHE HELD WHICH WAS THE POSITION OF WIFE, YOU KNOW, SHE 310 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:50,035 SHOULD HAVE BEEN GLAMOROUS AND QUIET, AND SHE WAS GLAMOROUS AND 311 00:22:50,102 --> 00:22:53,271 LOUD, YOU KNOW, SHE WAS-- SHE SPOKE OUT. 312 00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:57,142 >> NOT A SHRINKING VIOLET. >> SHE SPOKE OUT AGAINST THE 313 00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,278 VIETNAM WAR, ALL THESE THINGS THAT WERE REALLY UNEXPECTED AND 314 00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:03,715 SHE BECAME WILDLY POPULAR. SHE WAS ON THE COVER OF TIME 315 00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:10,222 MAGAZINE AND LIFE MAGAZINE AND WAS REALLY A PIONEER OF WOMEN 316 00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:16,161 SPEAKING THEIR MIND AT A TIME AND IN A POSITION THAT SHE 317 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,497 WOULDN'T-- SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY POPULAR TODAY. 318 00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:22,567 >> tephen: SHE WOULD HAVE DONE GREAT ON TWITTER. 319 00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:25,537 WHAT WAS THE MOST SURPRISING THING YOU LEARNED ABOUT HER WHEN 320 00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:29,107 YOU PLAYED THE ROLE? >> I THINK WHAT, YOU KNOW, 321 00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:34,613 BECAUSE SHE IS FAMOUSLY OUTSPOKEN, SHE WAS REFERRED TO 322 00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:39,751 AS THE MOUTH OF THE SOUTH. >> AS YOU CAN TELL, 323 00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:42,154 SHE IS FROM ARKANSAS. >> SHE'S FROM ARCING A AND WHAT 324 00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:45,390 SURPRISED ME THE MOST IN MY RESEARCH WAS TO DISCOVER THAT 325 00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:51,229 SHE ACTUALLY HAD A LOT OF ANXIETY BEING IN FRONT OF 326 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:53,064 PEOPLE, TALKING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. 327 00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:56,134 SHE WAS DYSLEXIC, SHE HAD A LOT OF LEARNING DIFFERENCES. 328 00:23:56,201 --> 00:24:01,940 AND SO HAVE TO PRESENT HERSELF WITH POISE WAS REALLY 329 00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:06,077 NERVE-RACKING AND LET'S BE HONEST, LEAD TO A BIT OF A 330 00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:08,346 SHRINKING ISSUE. AND THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION 331 00:24:08,413 --> 00:24:10,816 REALLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HER POPULARITY. 332 00:24:10,882 --> 00:24:13,885 THEY REALLY PUT HER OUT IN THE PHOTOGRAPH FRONT AS MUCH AS THEY 333 00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:14,953 COULD. AND. 334 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,622 >> UNTIL THEY DIDN'T. >> UNTIL THEY DIDN'T. 335 00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:20,592 >> RIGHT, SHE WAS TREATED QUITE BRUTALLY BECAUSE 336 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:23,728 THEY WERE SO PARANOID THAT SHE MIGHT GIVE AWAY SOMETHING. 337 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:29,467 LIKE I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT SHE WAS ESSENTIALLY KIND OF 338 00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:31,336 UNOFFICIAL OFFICIALLY HOUSE ARRESTED BY HER OWN HUSBAND IN A 339 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:34,606 HOTEL IN CALIFORNIA TO KEEP HER FROM SEEING ANYTHING IN THE NEWS 340 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:39,744 THAT SHE WOULD SCWAWK ABOUT. >> TO SAY SHE WAS HOUSE ARRESTED 341 00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:44,516 BY HER HUSBAND SOUNDS LIKE A LONG ROMANTIC WEEKEND FOR THE 342 00:24:44,583 --> 00:24:45,517 MITCHELL. >> HE WAS THE 343 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:46,685 ATTORNEY GENERAL. >> HE LEFT TOWN AND LEFT HER 344 00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:50,422 WITH SECURITY TO HOLD HER PRISONER IN THIS HOTEL ROOM SO 345 00:24:50,488 --> 00:24:53,291 SHE COULDN'T SEE THE NEWSPAPERSnd OR THE NEWS OR 346 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:57,462 ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED AT THE WATERGATE HOTEL. 347 00:24:57,529 --> 00:25:01,399 BECAUSE HER PERSONAL BODYGUARD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE HAD BEEN 348 00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:06,404 WRONGLY SENT IN AND INN THE SECOND PATH OF BREAKING TOO THE 349 00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:07,873 DEMOCRATIC OFFICES IN THE WATERGATE HOTEL. 350 00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:11,910 IT IS SO MUCH MORE EXCITING THAN I'M MAKING IT SOUND. 351 00:25:11,977 --> 00:25:18,617 I AM HERE TO TELL YOU, TUNE IN JUST TO FIND OUT WHAT I AM NOT 352 00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:26,691 SAYING ABOUT IT. >> WELL, SHE IS FROM 353 00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:29,861 ARKANSAS AND HAS A PRONOUNCED SOUTHERN ACCENT. 354 00:25:29,928 --> 00:25:35,734 ARE YOU FROM GEORGIA WHICH PEOPLE FORGET BECAUSE YOU HAVE 355 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:36,935 NO. >> NO DRAWL. 356 00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:38,603 >> EXACTLY BUT WE DON'T PERCEIVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT 357 00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:41,806 WHEN YOU TALK. I'M JUST CURIOUS, DID YOU HAVE 358 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:44,809 MUCH OF ONE EVER, DID YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO-- I'M FROM 359 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,178 SOUTH CAROLINA AND I WENT TO THEATER SCHOOL AND THEY KIND OF 360 00:25:47,245 --> 00:25:50,448 TRAINED IT OUT OF ME, WHEN I'M ANGRY OR DRUNK IT WILL COME OUT. 361 00:25:50,515 --> 00:25:53,084 AND I'M JUST CURIOUS. >> STAY TUNED. 362 00:25:53,151 --> 00:25:54,586 >> EXACTLY. WAS IT HARD FOR YOU TO DROP OR 363 00:25:54,653 --> 00:26:00,325 DOES IT EVER STILL COME OUT? >> I DON'T KNOW ITS ANSWER TO 364 00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:03,762 EITHER OF THOSE QUESTIONS. I MEAN I THINK-- . 365 00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:05,030 >> WAS IT TRAINED OUT OF ME. 366 00:26:05,096 --> 00:26:07,933 >> IT WASN'T TRAINED OUT OF ME. >> I MEAN VOCAL 367 00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:09,768 TRAINING. >> I DIDN'T HAVE ANY TRAINING. 368 00:26:09,834 --> 00:26:14,572 >> I DONE MEAN THEY PUT A SHOCK COLLAR OR ANYTHING 369 00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:16,074 LIKE THAT. >> I THINK FOR MOST SOUTHERN 370 00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:19,945 PEOPLE YOU DON'T REALIZE YOU HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT AND ONCE 371 00:26:20,011 --> 00:26:26,284 SOMEONE POINTS IT OUT TO YOU, SHOWS YOU WHAT YOU THINK, YOU 372 00:26:26,351 --> 00:26:29,321 KNOW, THEN YOU GO OH, I MEAN NOTHING AGAINST-- IT'S FABULOUS 373 00:26:29,387 --> 00:26:32,424 TO HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT. >> I WISH I STILL HAD 374 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,592 ONE. >> I WISH I STILL HAD MINE. 375 00:26:34,659 --> 00:26:36,461 >> EXACTLY. IT'S IMIET CHAMPLING NOW. 376 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:38,363 >> IT'S SO CHARMING. >> BUT ARE YOU 377 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:41,099 RAISED, LIKE AMERICAN MEDIA MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IF YOU HAVE A 378 00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:42,968 SOUTHERN ACCENT ARE YOU NOT SMART. 379 00:26:43,034 --> 00:26:48,006 >> REALLY? >> NO, THAT'S-- LOOK 380 00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:53,611 AT YOU. LOOK AT YOU. 381 00:26:53,678 --> 00:26:56,381 YOU ARE A CARD. >> I'M A CARD. 382 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,984 >> EXACTLY NO ONE GETS THAT JOKE, SHE HAS 383 00:26:59,050 --> 00:27:02,153 LITERALLY GOT A CARD. WE HAVE TRO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF 384 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:05,757 A BREAK BUT STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE JULIA 385 00:27:05,824 --> 00:27:06,624 ROBERTS, EVERYBODY. 386 00:27:15,734 --> 00:27:21,272 >> HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THAT, JULIA ROBERTS. 387 00:27:21,339 --> 00:27:27,512 NOW THEN, THIS IS YOU WITH YOUR COSTAR HERE, THE MAN PLANNING 388 00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:30,348 THE ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN MITCHELL AND GOOD LUCK 389 00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:36,221 RECOGNIZING HIM, THAT IS SEAN PENN. 390 00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:39,357 RIGHT THERE. >> WELL, NO, WAIT, THIS IS SEAN 391 00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:43,595 PENN, NO. >> HE'S THAT GOOD, 392 00:27:43,661 --> 00:27:51,636 HE'S THAT GOOD. IT WAS NICE-- THE MAN WAS THE 393 00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:55,407 ONE SPENDS HOURS IN HAIR AND MAKEUP INSTEAD OF THE WOMAN. 394 00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:56,274 >> YES, YES. >> A LITTLE 395 00:27:56,341 --> 00:27:58,276 REFRESHING. >> BUT ISN'T IT ASTONISHING. 396 00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:01,579 AND CAN I TELL YOU THIS ABOUT SEAN, AND HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE 397 00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:02,947 TO KNOW HOW NICE AND SWEET HE IS. 398 00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:07,452 BECAUSE IT WOULD DESTROY HIS REPUTATION THAT HE HAS WORKED SO 399 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:10,522 HARD ON. HE WHAT HAD SO MUCH PATIENCE 400 00:28:10,588 --> 00:28:15,627 GETTING ALL OF THIS MAKEUP DONE. AND IT WAS, YOU KNOW, HE HAD A 401 00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:19,597 BODY SUIT AND THIS WHOLE THING. AND IT WOULD BE SO HOT. 402 00:28:19,664 --> 00:28:25,336 I AM IN THESE FAKE FURS AND MY WIG AND MY BODY SUIT, IT'S SO 403 00:28:25,403 --> 00:28:31,276 HOT, I'M SO ICHY, OH, GOD, TAKE MY COAT. 404 00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:34,712 AND HE JUST WAS ROCK STEADY, ALL HIS STUFF ON. 405 00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:37,482 HE WOULD JUST SIT THERE. >> IS THIS THE FIRST 406 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,184 THING YOU HAVE DONE TOGETHER. >> YES. 407 00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:41,352 >> I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE. 408 00:28:41,419 --> 00:28:42,987 YOU'VE BOTH BEEN SUCCESSFUL FOR SO LONG. 409 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,289 YOU HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A LONG TIME. 410 00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:48,393 >> WE ARE VERY GOOD FRIENDS. IS HE REALLY ONE OF MY 411 00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:50,462 DEAREST-- . >> ARE YOU BOTH OSCAR 412 00:28:50,528 --> 00:28:54,199 WINNERS SO YOU HAD A PLAY DATE FOR YOUR OSCARS TOGETHER. 413 00:28:54,265 --> 00:28:55,600 >> THERE SAY CLUB. WE MEET ON TUESDAYS. 414 00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:59,204 >> YOU NEAT MEET AT THE PARK. 415 00:28:59,270 --> 00:29:02,774 >> HAVE I KNOWN SEAN SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER. 416 00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:06,811 AND I AM NO TEENAGER. >> WAS HE A TEENAGER 417 00:29:06,878 --> 00:29:07,812 AT THE TIME TOO. >> NO. 418 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:11,883 >> ARE WE TALKING SPICOLLI SEAN PENN? 419 00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:15,753 >> NO, NO, I WILL KEEP SAYING NO. 420 00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:17,422 >> SO THIS IS PREMISE PARTICULAR PIZZA. 421 00:29:17,489 --> 00:29:22,460 >> YES, YES, I THINK I MEN SEAN WHEN I WAS 16 OR 17 YEARS OLD 422 00:29:22,527 --> 00:29:25,730 HERE IN THE GREAT NEW YORK CITY. >> WOW. 423 00:29:25,797 --> 00:29:28,733 WHAT IS HE LIKE, WE HAVE HAD HIM ON, HAVE I HAD HIM ON MANY TIME 424 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:33,838 THIS SHOW AND THE PREVIOUS SHOARKS HE IS IMMENSELY 425 00:29:33,905 --> 00:29:34,939 TALENTED. >> IS HE SO SMART. 426 00:29:35,006 --> 00:29:40,044 >> KIND OF PROJECTS ODDBALL AT YOU, KIND OF 427 00:29:40,111 --> 00:29:42,547 PROJECTS. >> MAKING YOU NERVOUS. 428 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:45,650 >> WELL. >> YOU THINK IT MIGHT JUST FALL 429 00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:50,288 APART AT ANY SECOND. >> WHAT IS HE LIKE TO 430 00:29:50,355 --> 00:29:52,090 HANG WITH? >> JUST DREAMY. 431 00:29:52,157 --> 00:29:55,593 >> YEAH. >> YEAH, DON'T TELL ANYBODY. 432 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:58,763 HE WOULD BE SO CROSS WITH ME TO SAY THAT BUT YEAH, HE'S A DREAM. 433 00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:07,272 AND HE'S SO-- HE CARES SO DEEPLY ABOUT FILM AND CHARACTER AND 434 00:30:07,338 --> 00:30:11,543 PEOPLE AND HUMANITY, HE'S JUST-- HE'S INCREDIBLE. 435 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:15,513 >> AROUND HE LOVES YOU, HE SAID SO PUBLICLY MANY 436 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,148 TIMES. AND HE HAS ALSO EXPRESSED IT IN 437 00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:18,983 AN ODD WAY. >> OH GOD. 438 00:30:19,050 --> 00:30:21,085 >> DO YOU KNOW WHAT MI ABOUT TO SHOW YOU. 439 00:30:21,152 --> 00:30:23,421 >> NO S SOMETHING BAD GOING TO HAPPEN. 440 00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:25,356 >> I DON'T THINK IT IS BAD, I THINK ST QUITE LOVELY 441 00:30:25,423 --> 00:30:27,792 BUT IT IS VERY STRANGE, MUCH LIKE SEAN PENN IS. 442 00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:33,665 THIS IS HIM HONORING YOU. AND DESCRIBING A VERY SPECIFIC 443 00:30:33,731 --> 00:30:35,500 FANTDTY-- FANTASY HE HAS ABOUT YOU. 444 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:37,902 DON'T WORRY STRKS SAFE FOR WORK. 445 00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:40,738 BUT IT'S STILL STRANGE. JIM? 446 00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:46,377 >> IN THE WORDS OF SIR WILLIAM SHE IS THAT WHICH SHINES AND IS 447 00:30:46,444 --> 00:30:49,847 BEYOND CORRUPTION, ONE OF A SELECT GROUP OF ACTRESSES WHO 448 00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:55,787 CAN MAKE ON-SCREEN EATING SEXY, I COULD WATCH HER EAT FOR HOURS 449 00:30:55,853 --> 00:31:03,595 ON END, EVEN IF THE FOOD GOT STUCK IN HER TEETH. 450 00:31:03,661 --> 00:31:10,101 I WANT HER TO MAKE AN EATING MOVEIE IN 3D. 451 00:31:10,168 --> 00:31:15,340 HW GREAT WOULD IT BE. TO SIT THERE WATCHING JULIA 452 00:31:15,406 --> 00:31:20,478 ROBERTS MOVIE EATING IN 3D. SHE IS EATING CORN ON THE COULD 453 00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:27,552 BE, AND THEN SOMETHING GETS STUCK HERE. 454 00:31:27,619 --> 00:31:31,556 AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR VIRTUAL TOOTHPICK AND SAY I GOT THAT, 455 00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:39,597 BABE. AND-- 456 00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:46,771 . >> SWEET, SWEET BUT 457 00:31:46,838 --> 00:31:49,073 VERY STRANGE, VERY STRANGE AT THE SAME TIME. 458 00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:52,110 >> I GUESS I KNOW WHAT MY NEXT FILM IS. 459 00:31:52,176 --> 00:31:53,778 YEAH. >> WE HAVE TO TAKE A 460 00:31:53,845 --> 00:31:58,349 LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK JULIA 461 00:31:58,416 --> 00:32:02,020 WHAT IT IS LIKE TO QUARANTINE WITH GEORGE CLOONEY. 462 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:02,654 SOUNDS PLEASANT. 463 00:32:27,145 --> 00:32:30,281 >> HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK HERE WITH JULIA 464 00:32:30,348 --> 00:32:32,550 ROBERTS. YOU ARE ALSO GETTING TOGETHER 465 00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:36,654 FOR YOUR FIFTH FILL WELL MR. GEORGE CLOONEY CALLED TICKET 466 00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:42,593 TO PARADISE. IT'S A ROMCOM. 467 00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:44,629 OUT IN OCTOBER. SHOT IT IN AUSTRALIA. 468 00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:48,666 >> NOW THIS IS ACTUALLY SEAN PENN AS GEORGE CLOONEY WHICH IS 469 00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:50,868 INCREDIBLE. >> I WOULD WOCH 470 00:32:50,935 --> 00:32:54,138 GEORGE CLOONEY. >> EAT CORN SCZ I HAVE WATCHED 471 00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:55,373 GORNLINGS CLOONEY, YES, ABSOLUTELY. 472 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,277 IS HE A FUN GUY TO BUBBLE WITH. BECAUSE IN AUSTRALIA THEY WERE 473 00:32:59,344 --> 00:33:02,714 VERY, VERY TIGHT PROTOCOLS. >> WE WERE HEAVILY, HEAVILY 474 00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:11,189 BUBBLED, YES, HEAVILY BUBBLES, GEORGE AND PRI HEAVILY BUBBLED. 475 00:33:11,255 --> 00:33:15,660 I MEAN-- . >> . 476 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:24,202 >> YOU KNOW, YEAH, EVERYTHING THAT YOU THINK HE IS, HE IS MORE 477 00:33:24,268 --> 00:33:26,838 THAN THAT. >> HAVE YOU BEEN TO 478 00:33:26,904 --> 00:33:29,807 THE PLACE IN. >> NO, YEAH, OF COURSE I HAVE. 479 00:33:29,874 --> 00:33:32,844 >> YOU HAVEN'T. >> NO, I'M JUST KIDDING, WE ALL 480 00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:37,281 LIVED THERE, WHEN WE WERE DOING OCEANS 12 WE ALL LIVED AT 481 00:33:37,348 --> 00:33:38,883 GEORGE'S HOUSE. YOU CAN IMAGINE? 482 00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:42,086 AND I WAS PRETION NANTD FOR THE FIRST TIME AND YOU WOULD HAVE 483 00:33:42,153 --> 00:33:44,756 THOUGHT I WAS MADE OF GLASS. >> OH. 484 00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:47,592 >> I WOULD GO TO REACH, NO, I'VE GOT IT FOR YOU. 485 00:33:47,658 --> 00:33:50,361 LIKE MY BEDROOM WAS ON THE FIRST FLOOR BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT 486 00:33:50,428 --> 00:33:53,531 ME TO TAKE THE STAIRS. LIKE BEING PREGNANT. 487 00:33:53,598 --> 00:33:58,035 THEY JUST WANTED TO DRESS ME IN COTTON BALLS AND USHER ME T WAS 488 00:33:58,102 --> 00:34:02,807 REALLY, REALLY CHARMING, YEAH. >> HAVE I BEEN TO THE 489 00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:06,377 HOUSE TOO. ISN'T WANT TO YOU THINK THAT I 490 00:34:06,444 --> 00:34:07,645 HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE HOUSE. >> OF COURSE YOU HAVE. 491 00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:11,416 >> I MEAN COME ON. NUMBER ONE SHOW, I'VE BEEN TO 492 00:34:11,482 --> 00:34:12,817 THE SHOWS. >> OF COURSE YOU HAVE. 493 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:15,653 IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. 494 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:18,489 >> I'M ALSO COOL, I'M ALSO COOL. 495 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:22,527 SPEAKK OF COOL, THIS IS TRULY COOL, CONGRATULATIONS, THIS 496 00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:23,995 YEAR, CELEBRATING 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. 497 00:34:24,061 --> 00:34:26,564 >> OH, I AM. >> IF YOU DIDN'T 498 00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,566 KNOW. IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, I AM THE 499 00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:32,136 FIRST TO TELL YOU, THAT IS FANTASTIC. 500 00:34:32,203 --> 00:34:35,606 WHAT, I WANT TO ASK YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SECRET IS FOR A 501 00:34:35,673 --> 00:34:38,509 SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. >> WELL, YOU WOULD KNOW THE 502 00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:43,314 ANSWER TO THAT AS WELL. >> 28, 28 YEARS. 503 00:34:43,381 --> 00:34:44,482 >> 28. >> YEAH. 504 00:34:44,549 --> 00:34:47,618 YOU WANT TO SAY, WE'LL SAY ON THREE WHAT THE SECRET IS. 505 00:34:47,685 --> 00:34:51,722 >> OKAY. >> ONE, TWO, THREE. 506 00:34:51,789 --> 00:34:55,660 >> APOLOGIZE. >> YOU SAID WHAT? 507 00:34:55,726 --> 00:34:59,430 >> I SAID KISSING. >> WELL, I WOULD LIKE 508 00:34:59,497 --> 00:35:02,867 TO APOLOGIZE TO MY WIFE FOR NOT SAYING KISSING. 509 00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:06,904 >> WELL, OR MAYBE YOU APOLOGIZE AND THEN YOU JUST START MAKING 510 00:35:06,971 --> 00:35:08,406 OUT. >> THE MAKE UP SEX, 511 00:35:08,473 --> 00:35:11,909 THE MAKEUP KISSING, OBVIOUSLY. >> MAKING OUT. 512 00:35:11,976 --> 00:35:14,078 THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE AUDIENCE, IT IS SO SWEET AND 513 00:35:14,145 --> 00:35:18,716 EVERY LIKE THIRD THING HAVE I SAID THEY HAVE GONE A-W-W-W. 514 00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:22,019 >> DO WE KNOW WHO THAT IS? 515 00:35:22,086 --> 00:35:30,761 >> IT'S SO SWEET. >> MADAME, 516 00:35:30,828 --> 00:35:34,365 >> "GASLIT" PREMIERES SUNDAY ON STARZ. 517 00:35:34,432 --> 00:35:38,169 JULIA ROBERTS, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE 518 00:35:38,236 --> 00:35:39,670 BY WILCO. 519 00:35:48,546 --> 00:35:51,015 >> THEY ARE CELEBRATING THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR 520 00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:55,786 ALBUM, "YANKEE HOTEL FOXTROT." PERFORMING, "POOR PLACES" WITH 521 00:35:55,853 --> 00:36:05,196 AIZURI QUARTET, WILCO. 522 00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:10,368 TRAILING OFF 523 00:36:10,434 --> 00:36:17,542 IN THE MORNING 524 00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:26,350 AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS 525 00:36:34,425 --> 00:36:39,864 HIS BANDAGE IS WRAPPED TOO TIGHT 526 00:36:39,931 --> 00:36:45,570 AND I REALLY WANT 527 00:37:05,756 --> 00:37:11,696 OF THE SINGER YOU LOVE SO MUCH 528 00:37:11,762 --> 00:37:17,702 FROM THE BOOKS 529 00:37:22,173 --> 00:37:26,444 HIS JAW'S BEEN BROKEN 530 00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:34,452 HIS BANDAGE IS WRAPPED TOO TIGHT 531 00:37:34,518 --> 00:37:35,653 AND I REALLY WANT 532 00:37:46,564 --> 00:37:53,671 IN MY BACKYARD TO SHOW ME LOVE 533 00:37:53,738 --> 00:37:58,442 SMOKING AND I WANTED LOVE 534 00:38:04,415 --> 00:38:13,524 MY HEART IS WRAPPED IN ICE 535 00:38:17,328 --> 00:38:22,466 AND I REALLY WANT 536 00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:29,674 TO ME 537 00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:35,680 ALL OVER OVERSEAS 538 00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:41,686 IN THE POOR PLACES TONIGHT 539 00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:26,497 IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE 540 00:39:26,564 --> 00:39:29,667 WHEN IT'S HOT 541 00:39:29,734 --> 00:39:41,679 I'M NOT GOING OUTSIDE 542 00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:17,081 "YANKEE HOTEL FOXTROT" WILL BE RELEASED SEPTEMBER 16TH. 543 00:40:17,148 --> 00:40:22,019 WILCO, EVERYBODY. GOODNIGHT THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE 544 00:40:22,086 --> 00:40:23,087 SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST 545 00:40:23,154 --> 00:40:25,790 WILL BE NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 546 00:40:25,856 --> 00:40:26,524 GOODNIGHT.