WELL SPEAKING OF CAMPAIGN RALLY
NEBRASKA FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP BUMP ERRED THE NAME OF THE
REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE HE ENDORSED IN OHIO.
>> WE NEED WITHIN DONALD TRUMP OFFICIALLY ENDORSED JD VANGS.
>> WE HAVE EN-- ENDORSED JP, RIGHT, JD MANDEL, I'M DONALD
TRUMP AND, IT'S MY HONOR TONE DORS A REALLY GREAT GUY, HOWIE
MANDEL. >> HE IS THE MAN FOR THE GREAT
STATE OF-- OKLA TZ TUCKY. >> WE HAVE OTHER ENDORSED.
MAD IRSON POPCORN, MARJORIE TAYE LEER SCREAMS, LAUREN BATHROOM,
FAT CAKES AND THEN OF COURSE-- I'M MENTALLY UNSTABLE
AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. >> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!"
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN." AND NOW, L-I-I-IVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
STZ HEY, HEY, WOW, I MISSED YOU. >> Stephen: NOW THIS IS GOOD
ENOUGH BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE PICTURES.
HEY, EVERYBODY. HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU'RE VERY
KIND, HELLO MARK, GOOD TO SIGH, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, DOWN HERE,
UP THERE, HIGH AND AWAY. WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
DEAR FRIENDS, MY COUNTRYMEN. WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW, I'M
YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. AND I-- THAT'S IT.
(APPLAUSE) .
>> Jon: ALIVE AND WELL. >> Stephen: THAT'S IT.
>> Jon: ALIVE AND WELL. >> Stephen: AND I AM BACK,
BABY. NOW YOU MAY HAVE READ IN THE YOU
NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF HOT GOSS," LAST WEEK I HAD COVID.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL THAT I AM FULLY VAXXED AND BOOSTED.
FEELING FINE. &-p.
YOU SCIENCE, THANK YOU SCIENCE. BUT STILL, COVID IS NO FUN.
THE FIRST THREE DAYS SUCKED. BUT BY DAY 6, I WAS TESTING
NEGATIVE, AND NOW ON DAY TWELVE, I'M BACK WITH A SERIOUS HEAD
COLD. SO GO FIGURE.
UNFORTUNATELY, NOT ALL IS WELL IN THE KINGDOM OF LATE NIGHT.
MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL JUST ANNOUNCED THAT HE HAS COVID.
HE SAYS HE'S FEELING FINE, HE'S FULLY VAXXED AND BOOSTED, BUT
STILL, THIS IS A BROADCAST EMERGENCY TV IS DOWN A JIMMY,
RIGHT NOW AS THE HOST OF THE LATE SHOW I'M CALLING ON
PRESIDENT BIDEN TO OPEN AMERICA'S STRATEGIC JIMMY
IES BUCKET, JJ WALKER, NEWTON,. >> Jon: SIM JIMMY SUBMIT.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE I'M ON THE EAST COAST,
COAST, KIMMEL'S IN L.A., THERE'S NO WAY I COULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO
HIM. AND YES, JUST LAST WEEK, I DID
LICK A LOT OF THINGS AND FEDEX THEM TO HIS OFFICE.
BUT I ONLY PAID FOR 2-DAY. JUST GOTTA BE STERILE BY THE
TIME HE OPENED IT. FEEL BETTER MY DEAR FRIEND
JIMMY. ANYWAY.
A LOT HAPPENED LAST WEEK. (APPLAUSE)
SURE, WHY NOT. A LOT
HAPPENED LAST WEEK THAT I WANT TO CATCH UP ON, STARTING WITH
TE TEXT MESSAGES THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE HAS GOTTEN FROM
FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF AND HAMLET WHO FORGOT
YORICK'S SKULL, MARK MEADOWS. LAST DECEMBER, MEADOWS TURNED
OVER EVIDENCE TO THE JANUARY 6 COMMITTEE ABOUT HIS
COMMUNICATIONS BETWEEN ELECTION DAY AND JOE BIDEN'S
INAUGURATION. WELL, LAST WEEK, SOME OF THAT
EVIDENCE WAS LEAKED AND CNN OBTAINED 2,319 TEXT MESSAGES.
THAT'S A LOT OF MESSAGES. LUCKILY MEADOWS HAS T-MOBILE'S
UNLIMITED TALK AND TREASON PLAN. (APPLAUSE)
SRS THERE YOU GO, EVENTUALLY. >> Jon: DO IT FOREVER, GO ON
FOREVER. >> Stephen: UNLIMITED.
THE TEXTS DEMONSTRATE HOW MEADOWS PLAYED A KEY ROLE IN THE
ATTEMPTS TO STOP BIDEN'S CERTIFICATION ON JANUARY 6.
THERE ARE DAMNING TEXTS FROM A VARIETY OF POLITICAL AND MEDIA
FIGURES, INCLUDING FOX NEWS HOST AND MAN WAITING FOR YOU TO LOOK
AWAY SO HE CAN EAT YOUR HAMSTER, SEAN HANNITY.
ON ELECTION DAY, SEAN ASKED MEADOWS WHERE THE CAMPAIGN
NEEDED HIM TO ENCOURAGE VOTERS TO HEAD TO THE POLLS, MEADOWS
REPLIED, "STRESS EVERY VOTE MATTERS.
GET OUT AND VOTE." TO WHICH HANNITY REPLIED, "YES
SIR, ON IT." THAT IS A SHOCKING LEVEL OF
TOADYISM EVEN FOR A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A BULLFROG.
BUT HE'S JUST LIVING UP TO FOX NEWS' SLOGAN: WE REPORT, YOU
DECIDE WHAT WE SHOULD SAY AND BY THE WAY, YOUR BOOT TASTES
DELICIOUS TODAY, MR. PRESIDENT. BOOT,.
>> Jon: THE BOOT THIS KIND OF LOYALTY IS NOT
UNPRECEDENTED. WE ALL REMEMBER WALTER
CRONKITE'S FAMOUS SIGN OFF: "AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
ALL HAIL SUPREME LEADER GERALD FORD!
OBEY! WE MUST OBEY!"
ON FRIDAY, HANNITY TRIED TO CLAIM HE WASN'T CAUGHT, HE MEANT
TO HAVE NO ETHICS: >> I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A
JOURNALIST, I CLAIM TO BE A TALK SHOW HOST.
I AM A REGISTERED CONSERVATIVE, YES, I VOTED FOR DONALD TRUMP, I
MAKE NO APOLOGIES, I GIVE MY OPINIONS STRAIGHT FORWARD.
WE EVEN DO CULTURE, WE DO SPORTS, I'M LIKE THE WHOLE
NEWSPAPER. >> Stephen: YES, SEAN HANNITY IS
JUST LIKE A NEWSPAPER, OUT OF DATE, BAD FOR THE PLANET, ONLY
RELEVANT TO PEOPLE OVER SEVENTY, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE A PUPPY POOP
ON HIM. (APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO SEE A PUPPY POOP, PUPPY POOP,
PUPPY DEPOOP. IT WASN'T JUST HANNITY.
MEADOWS ALSO TEXTED WITH G.O.P. LAWMAKERS WHO WERE COLLABORATING
TO OVERTURN A FREE AND FAIR ELECTION, LIKE ARIZONA
REPRESENTATIVE AND KID DRESSED BY HIS MOM FOR PICTURE DAY, ANDY
BIGGS. THE DAY BEFORE BIDEN'S VICTORY
WAS CALLED, BIGGS TEXTED MEADOWS A PLAN TO, "ENCOURAGE THE STATE
LEGISLATURES TO APPOINT 'A-LOOK-DOORS' IN THE VARIOUS
STATES WHERE THERE'S BEEN SHENANIGANS."
>> Stephen: A-LOOK-DOORS. IFYOU THINK THAT A-LOOK DUMB,
YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT SOME VERY CHARITABLE PEOPLE
HAVE SPECULATED THAT THAT IS POSSIBLY A TYPO FOR ELECTORS.
HE IS EITHER A 'MORE-RUN' OR A 'TRAIT-DOOR.'
(APPLAUSE) , YOU HAVE TO SAY IT
SLOWLY,SLOWLY NUF. >> Jon: REALLY CONNECT.
ANOTHER TEXT CAME FROM FORMER ENERGY SECRETARY RICK PERRY WHO
SAID: WE HAVE THE DATA DRIVEN PROGRAM THAT CAN CLEARLY SHOW
WHERE THE FRAUD WAS COMMITTED. THIS IS THE SILVER BULLET.
PERRY DENIED HE SENT THIS TEXT, BUT LAST WEEK, WE LEARNED HE HAD
SIGNED THIS TEXT, "RICK PERRY," INCLUDING HIS NUMBER.
WHY ARE THESE GUYS ARE SO BAD AT COMMITTING CRIMES?
IT'S LIKE IF THE ZODIAC KILLER RELEASED A NOTE THAT SAID: THIS
IS THE ZODIAC SPEAKING. "TO UNEARTH MY IDENTITY, SOLVE
THE ENCLOSED CYPHER. AND RETURN TO JOHN EVANS, 1414
HAWTHORNE LANE. GOOD LUCK."
MEADOWS ALSO RECEIVED SOME PRETTY DUMB TEXTS FROM GEORGIA
REPRESENTATIVE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, SEEN HERE GUESSING HOW
MANY THREE IS. (LAUGHTER)
ALMOST TWO WEEKS AFTER THE CAPITOL RIOT, GREENE TEXTED
MEADOWS: IN OUR PRIVATE CHAT WITH ONLY MEMBERS, SEVERAL ARE
SAYING THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE OUR REPUBLIC IS FOR THE FORMER
PRESIDENT TO CALL FOR MARSHALL LAW.
FIRST OF ALL... THAT'S A COUP. SECOND OF ALL, THAT IS NOT HOW
YOU SPELL MARTIAL. MARTIAL LAW IS SPELLED LIKE
THIS, AND MEANS NORMAL LAW IS
SUSPENDED IN FAVOR OF MILITARY GOVERNMENT.
WHEREAS, 'MARSHALL LAW' STATES THAT IF TJ MAXX DOESN'T HAVE IT,
MARSHALL'S DEFINITELY WILL AT OUR YELLOW TAG CLEARANCE EVENT.
REMEMBER OUR MOTTO: THE LOOSE UNDERWEAR BIN IS NEXT TO THE
CUTTING BOARDS. (APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: THARYTS, THAT'S MY
MARSHAL'S. GREENE IS UP FOR RE-ELECTION
THIS YEAR, BUT A GROUP OF VOTERS IS SUING TO KNOCK HER OFF THE
BALLOT, CITING THE 14TH AMENDMENT, WHICH IS DESIGNED TO
BLOCK ANYONE WHO HAS, ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION OR REBELLION
AGAINST THE UNITED STATES. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: YEAH. THAT'S SIMPLE.
THAT'S NOT COMPLICATED. YEAH, TURNS OUT PEOPLE WHO TRY
TO DESTROY THE GOVERNMENT SHOULDN'T BE IN GOVERNMENT.
IT'S THE SAME REASON THE PHYSICIAN TREATING YOUR DIABETES
SHOULDN'T BE DR PEPPER. OVER IN UKRAINE, AS RUSSIA'S
ATTACKS CONTINUE, MORE WORLD LEADERS ARE SHOWING SUPPORT BY
VISITING KYIV. LIKE THIS WEEKEND, WHEN A
DELEGATION LED BY HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI TRAVELED TO
UKRAINE, AND THE TRIP WAS COMPLETELY UNANNOUNCED.
JUST WHAT EVERYONE WANTS: AN UNEXPECTED VISIT FROM GRANDMA.
(AS GRANDMOTHER) "I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AND
YOU NEVER CALL ANYMORE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.
YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT BUSY DUSTING."
SOME A LISTERS AREN'T GOING UKRAINE
SOME A-LISTERS AREN'T GOING TO UKRAINE, BUT ARE STILL FINDING
WAYS TO HELP FROM AFAR. LIKE ACTOR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH,
WHO IS OPENING HIS U.K. HOME TO UKRAINIAN REFUGEES.
GOOD FOR HIM, GOOD MAN. YOU CAN SEE IT ALL UNFOLD IN THE
NEW MARVEL MOVIE: "DR STRANGE AND THE MULTIVERSE OF GUEST
BEDROOMS." HE HAS TO COOK BREAKFAST IN
EVERY DIMENSION. EVEN UKRAINIANS WHO AREN'T ON
THE FRONT LINES ARE FINDING WAYS TO STICK IT TO RUSSIA.
BECAUSE A VOLUNTEER ARMY OF TECH EXPERTS ARE HACKING RUSSIA AT AN
UNPRECEDENTED SCALE. GOOD FOR THEM ALTHOUGH IT'S
THAT'S GREAT, PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. ALL THOI ITS HE'S
EASIER TO HACK RUSSIA THAN YOU'D THINK.
EVERY ONE OF THEIR CAPTCHAS ( DEPRESSED )
...IS POTATO. THESE HACKS ARE A BIG DEAL,
BECAUSE THEY'VE UPENDED THE MYTH OF RUSSIAN CYBER-SUPERIORITY,
WITH THE ATTACKS BEING SEEN AS THE SYMBOLIC 'PANTSING' OF
PUTIN. OH NO THE PANTS ARE ALL HE HAS
LEFT! YOU HAVE TO PUT IT OUT THERE.
OVERSEAS IS A BIT OF A STICKY WICKET ACROSS THE PONLD
OF A STICKY WICKET ACROSS THE POND CONCERNING HOUSE OF COMMONS
MEMBER AND PEOPLE MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST VICAR ALIVE, NEIL
PARISH. PARISH WAS FORCED TO RESIGN THIS
WEEKEND AFTER HE ADMITTED TO WATCHING PORN IN THE HOUSE OF
COMMONS. COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF THE TOP
BRITISH PORN SITES: MASHIN' BANGERS,
SPOTTED DICK, OR BEEFEATERS.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: PARISH CLAIMS IT ALL STARTED AS AN
ACCIDENT, SAYING HE WAS MISTAKENLY DIRECTED TO PORN
WHILE LOOKING AT TRACTORS. MAKES SENSE.
ANYONE WHO'S SEEN "THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE" KNOWS THAT TRACTORS
ARE READY TO PLOW. SPECIFICALLY, THE M.P. SAYS HE
ACCIDENTALLY LANDED ON PORN AFTER HE SEARCHED FOR A TYPE OF
TRACTOR CALLED A DOMINATOR COMBINE HARVESTER.
THAT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN I TYPED IN
DOMINATOR COMBINE HARVESTER, ALL I GOT WAS NEWS ABOUT A BRITISH
M.P. LOOKING AT PORN. OK, SO, JUST YOUR AVERAGE HORNY
FARM EQUIPMENT WHOOPSIE. EXCEPT THAT MR. PARISH
APPARENTLY BOOKMARKED THE SITE TO REVISIT.
HE BOOKMARKED IT? IS THIS HIS FIRST PORN RODEO?
(AS PARISH) "BETTER MAKE A RECORD OF THIS
SITE. NOT SURE IF THERE'S ANYWHERE
ELSE TO SEE SEX ON THE INTERNET."
ANYWAY, WE WISH HIM WELL. IT'S A MISTAKE ANYONE COULD
MAKE. ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE SEARCHING
FOR TRACTORS ON CORN HUB. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE JON BERNTHAL AND ALTON BROWN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I ANSWER YOUR KIDS' QUESTIONS.
(APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE. AND STAY HUMAN.
(APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HELLO.
JON, YOU GOT TWO GREAT GUESTS TOPTD, JON BERNTHAL FROM THE OWN
THIS CITY ON HBO AND ALTON BROWN IS GOINGS TO BE OUT HERE TONIGHT
TO TALK TO US ABOUT-- . >> Jon: SOME INDIVIDUALELS.
>> Stephen: COOKING AND STUFF SO THE PEOPLE OUT THERE DON'T
KNOW, BECAUSE THEY ARE WATCHING US AT 11:235 OR ON THEIR DVR
TOMORROW OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THEY DON'T KNOW WE DID THE SHOW
A LITTLE BIT EARLY TODAY. WE MOVED THE SHOAP YOU SHOW UP.
WE ARE DOING THE SHOW AT DAWN, DAWN, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE
FARMERS. >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH.
>> Stephen: NOW WE ARE DOING THIS A LITTLE BIT EARLY SO YOU
CAN GET OVER TO THE MET BALL. I JUST GOT OFF-- I'M CURIOUS.
>> Jon: I'M GOING OVER THERE, HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S FANCY. >> Jon: IT SEEMS VERY FANCY.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO SAY, HAS ANYBODY IN THE BAND HAD
THE COVID? WHO HAS HAD THE COVID.
NO HIPA VIOLATION HERE BUT I JUST, I GOT TO SAY, EVEN VACS
AND BOOSTED, NOT FUN. REALLY, PLEASE G GET VACS AND
BOOSTED OUT THERE IF YOU HAVEN'T.
EVERYBODY WATCHING PLEASE GO GET IT BECAUSE IT IS A NOT A
PLEASANT EXPERIENCE, IT'S DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY.
AND I'M SO SORRY MY FRIEND JIMMY HAS IT TOO.
>> AND HERE IS THE THING. WE DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY THAT EVIE
HAD IT TOO. WE WERE BOTH JUST AT HOME T BAS
KIND OF SWEET, ACTUALLY, WE WERE FORCED NESTING.
>> GOTA LOT OF STUFF OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER.
I WAS ON PAXLOVID AND THE HONEY DO LIST THE ITS ENTIRE WEEK.
ANYWAY GOOD TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN.
(APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW FOLKS, HAVE FUN
TONIGHT, HAVE FUN. >> Jon: OH YEAH,.
>> Stephen: SAY I HAD TO ANNA FOR ME.
>> Stephen: KIDS. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
AND IT'S OUR JOB AS GROWN-UPS TO TEACH THEM, OR THEY WILL BE
FERAL ANIMALS AND NO ONE WILL WANT THEM AROUND.
BUT ANY PARENT WILL TELL YOU, IT'S NOT EASY SPENDING ALL YOUR
TIME ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM KIDS.
THAT'S WHY I STARTED A SEGMENT ON THE SHOW WHERE I DO IT FOR
YOU. WE'VE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH
THE NAME. FIRST IT WAS CALLED, "STEPHEN
TAKES YOUR KIDS." THEN WE TRIED "STEPHEN'S
RE-EDUCATION CAMP." AND THEN, "STEPHEN COLBERT IS
WATCHING YOUR CHILDREN." OBVIOUSLY THOSE WERE NOT GOOD --
SO I ASKED MY GRAPHICS TEAM TO COME UP WITH A NEW TITLE, AND I
WAS VERY CLEAR THAT IT SHOULD NOT IMPLY I'M TAKING ANYONE'S
KIDS. OR WATCHING YOUR KIDS.
NOTHING LIKE THAT. SO IT'S NOW TIME FOR ANOTHER
EDITION OF: >> STEPHEN GUNT S STEPHEN
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS. >> Stephen, NO THAT THAT IS
EXACTLY THE OPSZ OF WHAT I AM TRYING TO CONVEY. HI KID, I'M
STEPHEN, HAVE I ALL THE ANSWERS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, HOW?
I WENT TO SOME PLAY CALLED COLLEGE, THAT IS WHERE PEOPLE GO
TO GET VERY SMART. AND WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE I
MAJORED IN THEATER SO I COULD ALWAYS ACT LIKE I KNEW WHAT I
WAS TALKING ABOUT. WHO HAS ITS FIRST QUESTION.
>> WHY ARE YOU FUNNY. >> Stephen: I GUESS BECAUSE OF
MY JOKES, OBSERVATION AND WITTICISM BUT TO PEEMENT YOUR
AGE I'M FUNNY BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS.
THAT WAS A WET ONE. NEXT QUESTION.
>> HI, STEPHEN. I'M ERA HOW DO YOU.
>> I'M STEPHEN. >> MOST PEOPLE GROW VERTICALLY
UNTIL THEY REACH THEIR LATE 30S THEN THEY GROW HORIZONTALLY.
FOR MORE LET'S CONSULTS AN EXPERT IN GROWING.
>> IN MY EXPERIENCE GROWTH REQUIRES ACCEPTING YOURSELF FOR
WHO YOU ARE AND ACKNOWLEDGING EVEN THE WORST PARTS OF IMRUR
SELF. SO YOU CAN PROGRESS TOWARD ITS
PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. BUT THAT IS EMOTIONAL GROWTHS.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PHYSICAL GROWTH.
ONE DAY I WOKE UP AND I WAS JUST SEVEN FOOT 2.
HOPE THAT HELPS. >> Stephen: THANK YOU
PROFESSOR ABDUL JABAR, ENLIGHTERNING AS ALWAYS.
NEXT QUESTION. >>-- .
>> Jon: YOU DON'T MAKE THEM, YOU CATCH THEM.
YOU KNOW HOW IN THE REAL WORLD WHEN WE USE BORMS TO CATCH FISH,
IN THE GUMMI WORLD YOU DO THE OPPOSITE.
LOOK, YOU CAN JUST NEED A HOMEMADE TRAP WITH THE SWEDISH
FISH AND THEN WAIT A FEW MINUTES.
AND NOW YOU EAT IT. HAR HA.
WHO'S NEXT. >>-- .
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GREATS TWO PART QUESTION.
I THINK THE BEST PERSON TO ANSWER BOTH OF THOSE IS SONY THE
CARTOON SUN, SUNNY? >> HEY THERE AIDEN, GREAT
QUESTIONS. I WAS CREATED 4.6 BILLION YEARS
AGO WHEN A CLOUD OF GAS AND DUST BEGAN TO COLLAPSE RESULTING IN
NUCLEAR FUSION. AND NOW I'M BURNING ALIVE UNTIL
THE DAY I VENT ALLLY RUN OUT OF FUEL AND EXPAND SO WIDE THAT I
ENGULF THE EARTH AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HE EVER
KNOWN. BUT AS A CARTOON, I'M ACTUALLY
JUST A SERIES OF STILL IMAGES SHOWN IN RAPID SUCCESSION TO
CREATE THE ILLUSION OF MOVEMENT. SO ON ONE HAND I'M BEING
CONSUMED BY ENDLESS BURNING HOT PAIN.
ON THE OTHER, NONE OF THIS IS REAL AND MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS
A LIE. EITHER WAY, PLEASE HELP ME!
>> Stephen: THANKS, SUNNY. HANG IN THERE.
NEXT. >> CAN YOU DO THIS?
>> Stephen: NO, BUT CAN YOU DO THIS?
OKAY, I HOPE THAT ANSWERS ALL
YOUR QUESTIONS, AND PARENTS, IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS AT HOME
PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO SOCIAL MEDIAIA WITH A HASHTAG COLBERT'S
KID QUESTIONS AND WE JUST MIGHT FEATURE IT IN OUR NEXT
INSTALLMENT OF. >> STEPHEN DOESN'T CARE ABOUT
YOUR KIDS. >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH JON BERNTHAL. (APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM, "THE WALKING DEAD," "THE PUNISHER," AND "KING
RICHARD." HE NOW STARS IN, "WE OWN THIS
CITY." >> IF WE LOSE THE FIELT, WE LOSE
THE STREET. LET THAT SINK IN.
I'M NOT HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE FIGHT THAT YOU HAVE TO
HAVE, I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO
HAVE. AND ONES YOU THINK YOU'RE
ENTITLED TO JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING THE BADGE.
THAT IS THE REAL BRUTALITY. THE THING IS YOU DON'T NEED THAT
KIND OF BRUTALITY. AND NOT BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUN.
RIGHT, I GET IT. GET A FEW LICKS IN ON SOME
MOUTHY [BLEEP] THAT CAN'T SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP, I MEAN COME ON,
FUN IS FUN, YEAH, BUT THAT KIND OF BRUTALITY ONLY GETS IN THE
WAY OF DOING THE JOB. >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW," JON BERNTHAL! (APPLAUSE)
>> MR. KOL BERT-- COLBERT, HAVE
I TO KWON FES, THESE ARE NOT MY CLOTHE, MAN, AND I WOULD SAY
THERE IS ABOUT A 48 PERCENT CHANCE THESE PANTS WILL BUST
WIDE OPEN. THEY ARE SO DAMN TIGHT, WHICH
WILL MAKE FOR MAYBE AN UNMEMORABLE NIGHT.
>> Stephen: NO, THAT IS A RATINGS BOOST RIGHT THERE FEEL
FREE TO BUST LOOSE, I HOPE ARE YOU GOING COMMANDO.
NICE TO YOU HAVE ON. >> ST A REAL HONOR.
>> Stephen: NOT ONLY THE FIRST TIME YOU AND I HAVE SPOKEN BUT
ARE YOU THE FIRST GUEST I HAVE TALKED TO SINCE I GOT COVID,
VERY LUCKY, WENT THAT BAD. STILL WORSE THAN A EXPECTED.
>> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD IT.
>> OH YEAH, I HAVE, YEAH. I GOT COVID RPS I GOT COVID AT A
PREMIER RIGHT HERE IN THE GREAT CITY OF NEW YORK FOR-- .
>> Stephen: HOW LONG AGO. >> ABOUT MAYBE FOUR OR FIVE
MONTHS AGO, WHILE I WAS SHOOTING WE OWN THIS STIVMENT AND I CAMED
TO THE PREMIER FOR MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK.
AND ITS NEXT DAY I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SHOOTING AND I REALLY,
REALLY WANTED TO GET TO MY SON HE'S BASEBALL GAME ON THE WEST
COAST AND THE WAY I GOT OUT THERE WAS THERE WAS THE OPENING
FOR THE ACADEMY AWARD MUSEUM. SO I GOT TO GO TO A BIG FANCY
EVENTS WITH A LOT OF STARS OF THE SCREEN AND MUSIC AND SPORTS.
I SAT THERE THE WHOLE NIGHT BUT THE NEXT DAY I GOT TO THE
PROMISE LAND WHICH WAS MY SON'S BASEBALL GAME.
AS I WAS SITTING THERE, MY WIFE SHOWED UP AND I WAS LITERALLY
WRAPPED IN BLANKETS AND SWEATSHIRTS FROM VARIOUS TEAM
MOMS LIKE SHIVERING MY BUTT OFF. >> Stephen: IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA. >> IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
SHE IS LIKE THAT DIDN'T LOOK RIGHT, AND I WAS LIKE THIS DOES
NOT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DID END UP CAMPING THE
COVID. BUT THEN I HAD TO SORT OF GO BACK AND INVESTIGATES AND
REVEAL TO ALL THOSE GREAT STARS THAT, SO IT WAS LIKE YES THERE
WAS THE CONVERSATION WITH LADY GAGA, WHEN I DID A HIGH FIVE
WITH DWAYNE WADE, THE CONVERSATION WITH MICHAEL KEATON
AND I JUST T JUST DAWNED ON ME THAT I JUST DIDN'T REALLY BELONG
AT THAT EVENT, MAN. YEAH, YEAH, I WAS THAT GUY,
YEAH. >> Stephen: WELL, YOU WERE ON
WALKING DEAD FOR YEARS. WHAT WAS IT LIKE, HOW DOES IT
FEEL TO ACTUALLY HAVE THE FLAYING AFTER HAVING FIGHTING
PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE FLAYING FOR SO LONG.
WERE YOU A ZOMBIE. >> YES, I WAS, YES, I WAS.
I THINK THAT THERE IS, LOOK, WE'RE IN IT.
I THINK THAT, AS YOU KNOW, MAN, I THINK WE GOT TO THE ONLY THING
WE KNOW ABOUT THIS THING IS WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS
THING. WE HAVE TO BE RESPECTFUL OF THE
VARIOUS DIFFERENT WAYS THAT PEOPLE APPROACH IT AND THE
DIFFERENT FEARS AND JUST TRY TO-- .
>> Stephen: YEAH, AND BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.
OKAY. I JUST FOUND OUT, YOU STUDIED
ACTING AT THE MOSCOW ART THEATER, MOSCOW THEATER OF ARTS,
AND A SEUMED THAT YOU HAVE TO READ AN ACTOR PREPARES AND STUFF
LIKE THAT. >> I DID.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE TO STUDY THEATER IN A COUNTRY,
WELL, IN MOSCOW WHAT IS IT LIKE TO STUDY THEATER IN MOSCOW.
>> I'M ENORMOUSLY GRATEFUL FOR MY TIME THERE.
MOSCOW ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS IN, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CITY, A
BRUTAL CITY. >> Stephen: WHEN WAS THIS.
>> LATE 90S, EASTERLY'S 2000. >> Stephen: WILD WEST OVER
THERE. >> IT WAS THE WILD WEST.
I THINK THIS IS A REAL PAL PAIBILITY FOR THE HISTORY.
MOST OF THE FOLKS I WAS WITH CAME UP IN COMMUNIST TIMES SO
THERE WAS THIS REAL RESPECT AND STH REAL FEAR OF WHAT IT IS LIKE
TO BE CONTROLLED BY YOUR GOVERNMENT.
AND I SEE IT PLAYING OUT RIGHT NOW.
A LOT OF THE REALLY, REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS THAT I MADE OVER
THERE, I HAVE VERY CLOSE TIES TO FOLKS WHO HAVE BEEN JAILED FOR
EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. SO THEY MADE PIECES OF ART WHO
ARE NOW AGAIN FORCED TO LEAVE THEIR FAMILIES AND ARE LOCKED UP
BECAUSE OF THE WAY THAT THEY EXPRESSED THEMSELVES AND THE ART
THEY ARE PUTTING OUT THERE. AND SPEAKING GENGS THE
GOVERNMENT. I THINK HISTORICALLY THEATER IN
THAT COUNTRY IS VITAL. THERE WAS, DURING COMMUNIST TIME
THERE WAS NO PUBLIC GATHERING BUT STILL STATE SPOARNSED
THEATER. AND IF THE STATE OR THE SORT OF
DECIDED THAT THE THEATERS YOU WERE MAKE PRG ANTISTATE F THEY
PERCEIVED IT THAT WAY, FAMOUS ACTORS AND DIRECTORS WERE
ASSASSINATED AND THAT IS REAL. AND LOOK, ONLY WHEN YOU
UNDERSTAND AND CAN BE AROUND FOLKS WHO DON'T REALLY HAVE
FREEDOMS YOU CAN APPRECIATE THE FREEDOM THAT YOU HAVE.
I THINK WE-- . >> Stephen: DO YOU STAY IN
TOUCH? >> OH YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
I HAVE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS OVER THERE.
AND YOU KNOW I'M DOING A PODCAST NOW HERE AND-- .
>> Stephen: REAL ONE. >> A REAL ONE AND ONE OF THE
FOLKS THAT WE TALK TO IS ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS FROM RUSSIA.
WE HAD TO SORT OF PROTECT HIS IDENTITY BECAUSE HE REALLY TOOK
A HUGE RISK TELLING THE TRUTH AND TALKING ABOUT THE STATE OF
NRVETION IN THAT COUNTRY AND WHAT HE IS FEARING AND HOW THE
MEDIA IS COMPLETELY CONTROLLED BY THE GOVERNMENT.
WE HAD TO CHANGE HIS NAME AND BLOCK OUT HIS FACE AND CHANGE
HIS VOICE. >> WHAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE TRAINING LIKE THERE, I REMEMBER
ON PAGE ONE, OF AN ACTOR PREPARES IT SAYS THE ACTOR NO
LESS THAN THE SOLDIER MUST BE SUBJECT TO IRON DISCIPLINE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: WAS THERE IRON
DISCIPLINE. >> IRON DISCIPLINE, I CAME UP
PLAYING SPORTS, BOXING, PLAYED BASEBALL IN COLLEGE.
THE HARDEST THING I EVER WENT THROUGH IN MY LIFE WAS THE
TRAINING AT THAT SCHOOL. YOU KNOW, HOW TO FIGHT,
ACROBATICS, BALANCE ET, IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY RIGOROUS,
UNBELIEVABLY BRUTAL AND HONEST BUT THEY TOLD YOU IF IT WASN'T
FOR YOU THEY LET YOU KNOW. AND THEY WOULD CONTINUOUSLY SORT
OF CUT THE CLASS IN HALF AND STICK HALF THE KIDS OUT.
AND YOU KNOW, LOOK, I THINK ULTIMATELY THERE IS SOMETHING
HUMANE ABOUT THAT THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT STAYING LOOK,
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
AND YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE EVERYTHING
YOU CAN AND FOR ME YOU KNOW, FOR MY TEACHERS THIS WAS VITAL AN I
THINK IT REALLY SERVED ME. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, WHEN WE COME BACK
I WILL ASK JOHN ABOUT HIS NEW
HBO "WE OWN THIS CITY."
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH JON BERN THAL,
YOU ARE ON A LIMITED SERIES ON HBO CALLED WE OWN THIS CITY,
WHICH IS SEEN THE KRAITER OF THE WIRE, YOU PLAY A REAL PERSON
SERGEANT WAYNE JENKINS, I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A IMPORTANT
STORY FOR YOU, YOU GOT INTO IT IN AN INTERESTING WAY, EXPLAIN
TO PEOPLE HOW YOU FIRST GOT INVOLVED WITH IT.
>> FOR ME THE WIRE IS JUST, YOU KNOW, SEMINOLE PIECE OF
TELEVISION AS I THINK IT IS FOR SO MANY.
I GREW UP IN D.C. AND I WAS JUST SO TAKEN WITH THAT SORT OF
STORYTELLING. JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY.
AND YOU KNOW, I REALLY FELT LIKE WHAT THE SHOW AFFORDED ME WAS
JUST UNBELIEVABLE KIND OF JUST FRONT ROW SEATS, TO THESE ISSUES
I'M FASCINATED BY, I THINK BALTIMORE IS THE TIP OF THE
SPHERE OF SO MUCH OF THAT. I CAN SAY WITHOUT A DOUBT THIS
SHOW IS MADE WITH REAL REFERENCE TO THE VICTIMS WITH REAL RESPECT
TO THE PEOPLE OF BALTIMORE THAT MADE THAT SHOW WITH THE CITY OF
BALTIMORE AND FOR THE CITY OF BALTIMORE AND BY THE CITY OF
BALTIMORE. LOOK, I GOT TO DO THREE MONTHS
OF RIDE A LONGS I WENT ON DRUG RAIDS TWICE A WEEK.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT GOING INTO A DRUG RAID, MR. ACTOR.
I'M SURE ARE YOU WEARING THE SAME SORT OF PROTECTIVE GEAR
THAT THE POLICE ARE. BUT STILL, GOING INTO A ROOM YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> LOOK, I THINK MY BIGGEST TAKE AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS, THERE ARE
NO WORDS FOR THE VICTIMS OF POLICE CORRUPTION AND POLICE
BRUTALITY. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THE
FOLKS' FOURTH AMENDMENT RIGHTS ARE VIOLATED AND FOLKS IN PRISON
FALSELY OR PEOPLE'S LIVES WHO HAVE BEEN TAKEN.
BUT THERE SAY WHOLE OTHER GROUP OF VICTIMS.
AND THAT IS GOOD POLICE. AND SO MANY MEMBERS OF THE LAW
ENFORCEMENT COMMUNITY IN THIS COUNTRY ARE POLICING FOR THE
RIGHT REASONS, RESPECT THE COMMUNITIES THAT THEY POLICE
FROM THE COMMUNITIES THAT THEY POLICE, AND DO IT AND THEY HAVE
TAKEN THIS OATH TO BEING A PEACE KEEPER AND THAT IS NOT TOLD
ENOUGH. AND I WALKED AWAY WITH THIS UNBELIEVABLE LOVE AND
APPRECIATION OF THE GOOD FOLK IN THE BALTIMORE POLICE DEPARTMENT
WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN UPENDED. >> YOU KNOW, THAIFER LIVES ARE
UNENDED BY THE BAD AND EVIL OF A FEW, I DON'T THINK THAT STORY IS
TOLD ENOUGH THAT WAS MY BIG TAKEAWAY.
SO HONESTLY THE RAIDS AND RIDE ALONGS I GOT TO GO ON, IT WAS AN
HONOR. AND IT WAS AN HONOR TO ROLL WITH
THEM AND I MADE FRIENDS FOR LIFE.
>> Stephen: IT WAS REALLY LOVELY TO MEET YOU, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR BEING HERE. >> Stephen: NEW EPISODES OF, "WE
OWN THIS CITY," AIR MONDAYS ON HBO.
JON BERNTHAL, EVERYBODY WHEN WE COME BACK I'LL BE COOKING WITH
ALTON BROWN.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. MY NEXT GUEST IS A PEABODY AWARD
WINNING CHEF, TV HOST, AND AUTHOR.
HIS NEW COOKBOOK IS "GOOD EATS: THE FINAL YEARS."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALTON BROWN!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: ALTON, LOVELY TO
HAVE YOU HERE. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. >> Stephen: SO ALTON WHAT ARE
WE DOING TODAY, PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THIS IS.
>> WELL, WHAT I HAVE HERE IS MY ANSWER TO THE AIR FREYER,
ANYBODY HERE HAVE AN AIR FREYER. I HATE AIR FREYERS.
I HATE THEM BECAUSE THEY LIE TO US.
AND THEY DON'T COOK ENOUGH FOOT AND I REALLY REALLY LIKE HOT
CHICKEN WINGS, SOMEBODY DARED ME TO COME UP WITH A DEVICE THAT
WOULD BEAT THE AIR FLYER, THIS IS THE JET FRY SUNNIER, THERE IS
A SENIOR VERSION BUT IT IS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THE DOORS HERE SO
WE BROUGHT THE JUNIOR VERSION. >> Stephen: WHAT IS GOING ON
DOWN HERE. >> WHAT WE HAVE GOT IS A TWO 160
QUART POTTED RIVETTED TOGETHER THRRKTS IS AN INTERNAL ROTATING
BASKET AND AROUND THE BOTTOM ARE TEN HIGH OUTPUT HEAT GUNS, $800
A PIECE. SO THIS IS GOING, NOW I CAN FRY
UP TEN POUNDS ACTUALLY 15 POUNDS OF CHICKEN WINGS IN ABOUT TEN
MINUTES. WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME
BUT WE ARE JUST GOING TO DO A SINGLE PORTION FOR YOU OF THREE
POUNDS. >> Stephen: THEY TOLD ME YOU
HAD AN APPETITE. >> BUT ONE PERSON CAN'T OPERATE
THE DEVICE SO I NEED TO YOU HELP ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO. >> I WANT YOU TO STAND AT THE
SHIP'S WHEEL IN THE POSITION OF POWER.
THIS DRIVES THE ROTO BASKET INSIDE.
ALL RIGHT. SO I JUST NEED TO YOU HOLD IT.
>> Stephen: RIGHT HERE. >> HOLD THAT.
>> Stephen: OKAY. >> I HAVE GOT MY THREE POUNCED
OF CHICKEN HERE WHICH I HAVE TOSSED LIBERALLY WITH SOME
SEASONING POWDER OF MY OWN DESIGN.
>> YOU DO THAT, PUT BAKING SODA OR BAKING POWDER ON YOUR CHICKEN
WINGS. >> I DO, I AM GOING TO FRY THEM
BECAUSE IT LITERALLY CARBON ATES THE I WILL QUIND-- LIQUID UNDER
THE SCWEEN. >> WE COULD BE MAKING ALL THAT
STUFF, I WOULDN'T CARE. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO I SSH SSH DN. >> JUST HOLD, HOLD EVERYTHING.
>> HOLD UP. >> ALL RIGHT, NOW DID WE HAVE TO
START ROTATING BEFORE WE TURN ON THE HEAT GUN.
>> START THE ROTATION, NOT SO FAST.
WHOA, VERY GOOD, SKIPPER. >> Stephen: HARD TO STAR
BOARD. >> OKAY THERE YOU GO.
THAT IS GOOD. A GOOD PACE AND I WILL GETS THIS
THING SEALED UP. THIS WILL ACTUALLY-- A LITTLE
FASTER. TURN ON ALL THESE GUNS AND VERY
QUICKLY I'VE GOT A THERMOMETER HERE, SEVERAL THERMOMETERS, WE
WILL GET UP TO ABOUT 500 DEGREES VERY RAPIDLY.
AND BECAUSE OF THE INTERIOR ROTATION WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO
BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING A REGULAR AIR FREYER CAN'T DO
WHICH IS WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE SOME CON DUCTION HEAT BEING
BROUGHT TO THE PARTY. SO I WILL GET THIS GOING, A FEW
MORE TO GO THOSE ARE GOING. >> SO WE'RE IN GOOD SHAPE.
>> I'M SETTING SEA SICK. >> REVERSE DIRECTION, HARD PORT,
I'M GLAD YOU RECOGNIZE THAT. >> THERE YOU GO.
>> SO THERE IS ANOTHER PART OF THIS PUZZLE.
I'M GOING TO NEED TO REPLACE YOU.
>> OKAY. >> HEY TODD, COME HELP ME OUT.
MY QULEG TODD WILL WHO WILL HELP OUT.
>> HE'S GOING TO TAKE OVER. >> THANK YOU.
>> NOW ON THE OTHER END OF THIS, STEPHEN COLBERT S WHAT WE CALL
THE WHEEL OF HEAT. >> THE WHEEL OF HEAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THESE NUMBERS.
>> THE WHEEL OF HEAT, I WILL EXPLAIN BECAUSE WE NEED-- I HAVE
HOT SAUCES ALL AROUND HERE. THE YELLOW ARE HOT, ORANGE ARE
HOTTER, THE RED ARE VERY HOT AND THE PURPLE ARE OH MY DEAR GOOD I
HOPE WE DON'T GET THAT. >> WHY IS THIS CLEAR.
>> BECAUSE IT IS WATER AND CAPSACIN.
>> THE SUB TANS THAT TELLS OUR BRAINS THAT OUR HEADS ARE ON
FIRE, NO FLAVOR JUST PAIN. >> Stephen: ARE WE GOING FIX.
>> I HAVE HERE OUR SERVING BOWL AND WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO IS
SPIN THIS WHEEL THREE TIMES. EACH ONE OF THESE NUMBERS IS THE
SCOVILLE RATING, IF YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE FAMED PHARMACEUTICAL
PERSON WHO CAME UP WITH THE SCALE, IT IS A
REPRESENTATION-- . >> Stephen: OF COURSE WE ARE.
>> OF COURSE WE ARE, REPRESENTS THE AMOUNT OF CAPSAYACIN.
WE HAVE EVERYTHING FROM 450. >> Stephen: WHAT IS TO BE AS
KOA. >> ABOUT 5,000.
BUT WE'VE GOT ALL THE WAY UP TO 676,000 OVER HERE.
>> Stephen: OKAY. >> SO WHAT YOU WILL DO IS SPIN
THE WHEEL AND WHATEVER COMES OFF WE'LL PUT IN THIS BOWL.
>> Stephen: LET'S DO IT. >> DO T GIVE IT A SPIN.
AROUND IT GOES, WHEEL OF HEAT IS IN MOTION.
AND THE FIRST-- OH, LOOK WHAT YOU LANDED ON.
YOU LANDED ON-- 600,000 IS SCOVILLE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> THERE WE GO, PUT SOME OF THAT IN THERE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> DON'T SPIN, HAVE I TO PUT
THIS BACK. >> Stephen: WHILE I'M SPINNING
THIS, TELL US YOUR BIG KNOWS ABOUT THE NEW SHOW.
>> OH, ANYBODY HERE AN IRON CHEF FAN?
(APPLAUSE) >> NEW IRON CHEF SERIES DROPPING
MID JUNE ON NETFLIX. DID YOU MOVE THAT?
>> Stephen: NOPE. >> YOU GOT A LOW ONE, THIS IS
ONLY 3750, THIS IS LIKE WE COULD BE SHOT FOR THIS BUT WE'RE NOT
GOING TO. >> OKAY.
THERE WE G I THINK THAT IS ENOUGH OF THAT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> GRAB THAT WHISK RIGHT THERE
JUST WHISK THAT TOGETHER. NOW YOU ALSO HAVE A NEW COOK
BOOK. >> I DO, GOOD EATS, THE FINAL
YEARS, IS RIGHT OVER THERE. NOW I'M JUST GO FOG GIVE THAT--
SPHWHR IT IS. >> YEAH THERE IT IS.
>> Stephen: NOW WAIT A SECOND. >> WHAT.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE MILK HERE. >> THE PROTEIN IN MILK CAN
LITERALLY REACH IN AND GRAB CAP SAYAHCIN, REMOVE IT FROM OUR
TONGUE, THESE ORGANIC COMPOUNDS GO INTO YOUR-- KIND OF SLOSH IT
AROUND IN THERE A LITTLE BIT. >> OH I AM.
SLOSH IT. >> Stephen: IS THIS AVAILABLE
AS A SU POS TORE? BECAUSE HAVE I A FEELING.
>> REST ASSURED, IF YOU WERE TO PUT THAT SAUCE WHERE THE
SUPOSITORY GOES, WOULD YOU NEED THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE THOSE
SENSORS ALL OVER OUR BODY. >> Stephen: IT IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING TWNGS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING, WE'RE
GOING TO ROTATE THIS BACK, I WILL TAKE THIS AND SLIDE IT SO
THAT WE ARE POSITIONED UNDER THE BAY.
>> SO THIS IS ALL AUTOMATED. >> AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO TURN
OFF ALL THE GUN, HIT POT WE ARE BUTTON, THEY WILL GO INTO
COOLDOWN MODE AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE.
I AM GOING TO OPEN THE HATCH. >> Stephen: THIS SEEMS REALLY
ILL-ADVISED. >> NO, IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE.
SO YOU CAN LET CHILDREN DO THIS, RIGHT.
>> YOU COULD LET-- IN YOU DIDN'T LIKE THEM VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: OKAY. >> THAT WOULD BE FINE.
ARE YOU READY TO SPIN. >> Stephen: LET'S DUMP.
>> ALL RIGHT, DUMP. EXCELLENT.
>> Stephen: I. >> I MISSED TWO, THAT'S
PERFECTLY FINE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO WE DO.
>> I HAVE GOT TO DO ONE OTHER THING HERE THERE IS THE TOSSING
IN THE HOT SAUCE. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THAT
BAD BOY? >> I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
>> Stephen: OH MY GOD. >> ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL UP TO YOU
NOW SIR. >> Stephen: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, IT'S THAT SIMPLE. (APPLAUSE)
HERE WE GO, DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME OUT HERE?
DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU HOW YOU DO IT DOWN SOUTH?
>> SURE. >> Stephen: THAT IS ACTUALLY
COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH. >> YES, IT IS, STEPHEN COLBERT T
IS COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH. >> Stephen: GOOD EATS, THE
FINAL YEAR IS AVAILABLE NOW IN IRON CHEF
AND "IRON CHEF: QUEST FOR AN IRON LEGEND," PREMIERES JUNE
15th ON NETFLIX. ALTON BROWN, EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: GOODNIGHT THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE JOSÉ ANDRÉS AND RON
HOWARD. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.