1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,502 WELL SPEAKING OF CAMPAIGN RALLY 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:06,172 NEBRASKA FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP BUMP ERRED THE NAME OF THE 3 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,742 REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE HE ENDORSED IN OHIO. 4 00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:14,881 >> WE NEED WITHIN DONALD TRUMP OFFICIALLY ENDORSED JD VANGS. 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:20,420 >> WE HAVE EN-- ENDORSED JP, RIGHT, JD MANDEL, I'M DONALD 6 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:26,493 TRUMP AND, IT'S MY HONOR TONE DORS A REALLY GREAT GUY, HOWIE 7 00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:31,030 MANDEL. >> HE IS THE MAN FOR THE GREAT 8 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:35,668 STATE OF-- OKLA TZ TUCKY. >> WE HAVE OTHER ENDORSED. 9 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:40,373 MAD IRSON POPCORN, MARJORIE TAYE LEER SCREAMS, LAUREN BATHROOM, 10 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:45,578 FAT CAKES AND THEN OF COURSE-- I'M MENTALLY UNSTABLE 11 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:50,483 AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. >> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH 12 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,951 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 13 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:59,025 TONIGHT: 14 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:07,033 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 15 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:10,470 HUMAN." AND NOW, L-I-I-IVE ON TAPE FROM 16 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:23,016 THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 17 00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:29,189 ♪ ♪ ♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 18 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:42,302 STZ HEY, HEY, WOW, I MISSED YOU. >> Stephen: NOW THIS IS GOOD 19 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:45,338 ENOUGH BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE. 20 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:50,477 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE PICTURES. 21 00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:58,585 HEY, EVERYBODY. HEY, EVERYBODY. 22 00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:01,154 WELCOME, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU'RE VERY 23 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:04,891 KIND, HELLO MARK, GOOD TO SIGH, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, DOWN HERE, 24 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:08,127 UP THERE, HIGH AND AWAY. WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY 25 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:12,131 DEAR FRIENDS, MY COUNTRYMEN. WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW, I'M 26 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:19,806 YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. AND I-- THAT'S IT. 27 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:20,773 (APPLAUSE) . 28 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,275 >> Jon: ALIVE AND WELL. >> Stephen: THAT'S IT. 29 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:28,147 >> Jon: ALIVE AND WELL. >> Stephen: AND I AM BACK, 30 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:32,118 BABY. NOW YOU MAY HAVE READ IN THE YOU 31 00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,887 NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF HOT GOSS," LAST WEEK I HAD COVID. 32 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:38,658 I'M VERY GRATEFUL THAT I AM FULLY VAXXED AND BOOSTED. 33 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,727 FEELING FINE. &-p. 34 00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,397 YOU SCIENCE, THANK YOU SCIENCE. BUT STILL, COVID IS NO FUN. 35 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:49,369 THE FIRST THREE DAYS SUCKED. BUT BY DAY 6, I WAS TESTING 36 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:53,439 NEGATIVE, AND NOW ON DAY TWELVE, I'M BACK WITH A SERIOUS HEAD 37 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,708 COLD. SO GO FIGURE. 38 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,345 UNFORTUNATELY, NOT ALL IS WELL IN THE KINGDOM OF LATE NIGHT. 39 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,782 MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL JUST ANNOUNCED THAT HE HAS COVID. 40 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:06,819 HE SAYS HE'S FEELING FINE, HE'S FULLY VAXXED AND BOOSTED, BUT 41 00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:13,726 STILL, THIS IS A BROADCAST EMERGENCY TV IS DOWN A JIMMY, 42 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:19,332 RIGHT NOW AS THE HOST OF THE LATE SHOW I'M CALLING ON 43 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:26,773 PRESIDENT BIDEN TO OPEN AMERICA'S STRATEGIC JIMMY 44 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:32,779 IES BUCKET, JJ WALKER, NEWTON,. >> Jon: SIM JIMMY SUBMIT. 45 00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:36,683 >> Stephen: OF COURSE I'M ON THE EAST COAST, 46 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:38,851 COAST, KIMMEL'S IN L.A., THERE'S NO WAY I COULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO 47 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:39,919 HIM. AND YES, JUST LAST WEEK, I DID 48 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,054 LICK A LOT OF THINGS AND FEDEX THEM TO HIS OFFICE. 49 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,323 BUT I ONLY PAID FOR 2-DAY. JUST GOTTA BE STERILE BY THE 50 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:50,797 TIME HE OPENED IT. FEEL BETTER MY DEAR FRIEND 51 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:52,565 JIMMY. ANYWAY. 52 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:55,602 A LOT HAPPENED LAST WEEK. (APPLAUSE) 53 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,070 SURE, WHY NOT. A LOT 54 00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:58,738 HAPPENED LAST WEEK THAT I WANT TO CATCH UP ON, STARTING WITH 55 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,239 TE TEXT MESSAGES THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE HAS GOTTEN FROM 56 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,609 FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF AND HAMLET WHO FORGOT 57 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:07,614 YORICK'S SKULL, MARK MEADOWS. LAST DECEMBER, MEADOWS TURNED 58 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,883 OVER EVIDENCE TO THE JANUARY 6 COMMITTEE ABOUT HIS 59 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,987 COMMUNICATIONS BETWEEN ELECTION DAY AND JOE BIDEN'S 60 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:18,891 INAUGURATION. WELL, LAST WEEK, SOME OF THAT 61 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:24,998 EVIDENCE WAS LEAKED AND CNN OBTAINED 2,319 TEXT MESSAGES. 62 00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:26,899 THAT'S A LOT OF MESSAGES. LUCKILY MEADOWS HAS T-MOBILE'S 63 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:35,174 UNLIMITED TALK AND TREASON PLAN. (APPLAUSE) 64 00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:39,379 SRS THERE YOU GO, EVENTUALLY. >> Jon: DO IT FOREVER, GO ON 65 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,981 FOREVER. >> Stephen: UNLIMITED. 66 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,516 THE TEXTS DEMONSTRATE HOW MEADOWS PLAYED A KEY ROLE IN THE 67 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,618 ATTEMPTS TO STOP BIDEN'S CERTIFICATION ON JANUARY 6. 68 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:48,821 THERE ARE DAMNING TEXTS FROM A VARIETY OF POLITICAL AND MEDIA 69 00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,990 FIGURES, INCLUDING FOX NEWS HOST AND MAN WAITING FOR YOU TO LOOK 70 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:55,094 AWAY SO HE CAN EAT YOUR HAMSTER, SEAN HANNITY. 71 00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:58,998 ON ELECTION DAY, SEAN ASKED MEADOWS WHERE THE CAMPAIGN 72 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,768 NEEDED HIM TO ENCOURAGE VOTERS TO HEAD TO THE POLLS, MEADOWS 73 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:02,902 REPLIED, "STRESS EVERY VOTE MATTERS. 74 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:06,906 GET OUT AND VOTE." TO WHICH HANNITY REPLIED, "YES 75 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,776 SIR, ON IT." THAT IS A SHOCKING LEVEL OF 76 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:14,347 TOADYISM EVEN FOR A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A BULLFROG. 77 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,749 BUT HE'S JUST LIVING UP TO FOX NEWS' SLOGAN: WE REPORT, YOU 78 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,885 DECIDE WHAT WE SHOULD SAY AND BY THE WAY, YOUR BOOT TASTES 79 00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:30,697 DELICIOUS TODAY, MR. PRESIDENT. BOOT,. 80 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,732 >> Jon: THE BOOT THIS KIND OF LOYALTY IS NOT 81 00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,834 UNPRECEDENTED. WE ALL REMEMBER WALTER 82 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,537 CRONKITE'S FAMOUS SIGN OFF: "AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. 83 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,106 ALL HAIL SUPREME LEADER GERALD FORD! 84 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:50,049 OBEY! WE MUST OBEY!" 85 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,752 ON FRIDAY, HANNITY TRIED TO CLAIM HE WASN'T CAUGHT, HE MEANT 86 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,821 TO HAVE NO ETHICS: >> I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A 87 00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:58,891 JOURNALIST, I CLAIM TO BE A TALK SHOW HOST. 88 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:04,030 I AM A REGISTERED CONSERVATIVE, YES, I VOTED FOR DONALD TRUMP, I 89 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,332 MAKE NO APOLOGIES, I GIVE MY OPINIONS STRAIGHT FORWARD. 90 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:07,400 WE EVEN DO CULTURE, WE DO SPORTS, I'M LIKE THE WHOLE 91 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:12,438 NEWSPAPER. >> Stephen: YES, SEAN HANNITY IS 92 00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,941 JUST LIKE A NEWSPAPER, OUT OF DATE, BAD FOR THE PLANET, ONLY 93 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:18,878 RELEVANT TO PEOPLE OVER SEVENTY, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE A PUPPY POOP 94 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:25,418 ON HIM. (APPLAUSE). 95 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:29,155 >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO SEE A PUPPY POOP, PUPPY POOP, 96 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,890 PUPPY DEPOOP. IT WASN'T JUST HANNITY. 97 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:34,927 MEADOWS ALSO TEXTED WITH G.O.P. LAWMAKERS WHO WERE COLLABORATING 98 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,729 TO OVERTURN A FREE AND FAIR ELECTION, LIKE ARIZONA 99 00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,364 REPRESENTATIVE AND KID DRESSED BY HIS MOM FOR PICTURE DAY, ANDY 100 00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:42,902 BIGGS. THE DAY BEFORE BIDEN'S VICTORY 101 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:46,906 WAS CALLED, BIGGS TEXTED MEADOWS A PLAN TO, "ENCOURAGE THE STATE 102 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:50,977 LEGISLATURES TO APPOINT 'A-LOOK-DOORS' IN THE VARIOUS 103 00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:54,881 STATES WHERE THERE'S BEEN SHENANIGANS." 104 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:58,918 >> Stephen: A-LOOK-DOORS. IFYOU THINK THAT A-LOOK DUMB, 105 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:04,891 YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT SOME VERY CHARITABLE PEOPLE 106 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:10,897 HAVE SPECULATED THAT THAT IS POSSIBLY A TYPO FOR ELECTORS. 107 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:20,873 HE IS EITHER A 'MORE-RUN' OR A 'TRAIT-DOOR.' 108 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,509 (APPLAUSE) , YOU HAVE TO SAY IT 109 00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:27,446 SLOWLY,SLOWLY NUF. >> Jon: REALLY CONNECT. 110 00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,682 ANOTHER TEXT CAME FROM FORMER ENERGY SECRETARY RICK PERRY WHO 111 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,151 SAID: WE HAVE THE DATA DRIVEN PROGRAM THAT CAN CLEARLY SHOW 112 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:36,989 WHERE THE FRAUD WAS COMMITTED. THIS IS THE SILVER BULLET. 113 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:40,927 PERRY DENIED HE SENT THIS TEXT, BUT LAST WEEK, WE LEARNED HE HAD 114 00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:44,964 SIGNED THIS TEXT, "RICK PERRY," INCLUDING HIS NUMBER. 115 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,968 WHY ARE THESE GUYS ARE SO BAD AT COMMITTING CRIMES? 116 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,970 IT'S LIKE IF THE ZODIAC KILLER RELEASED A NOTE THAT SAID: THIS 117 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,907 IS THE ZODIAC SPEAKING. "TO UNEARTH MY IDENTITY, SOLVE 118 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,743 THE ENCLOSED CYPHER. AND RETURN TO JOHN EVANS, 1414 119 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:09,689 HAWTHORNE LANE. GOOD LUCK." 120 00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:12,658 MEADOWS ALSO RECEIVED SOME PRETTY DUMB TEXTS FROM GEORGIA 121 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:14,427 REPRESENTATIVE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, SEEN HERE GUESSING HOW 122 00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:23,502 MANY THREE IS. (LAUGHTER) 123 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,439 ALMOST TWO WEEKS AFTER THE CAPITOL RIOT, GREENE TEXTED 124 00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:30,910 MEADOWS: IN OUR PRIVATE CHAT WITH ONLY MEMBERS, SEVERAL ARE 125 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,345 SAYING THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE OUR REPUBLIC IS FOR THE FORMER 126 00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:38,351 PRESIDENT TO CALL FOR MARSHALL LAW. 127 00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:41,821 FIRST OF ALL... THAT'S A COUP. SECOND OF ALL, THAT IS NOT HOW 128 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,823 YOU SPELL MARTIAL. MARTIAL LAW IS SPELLED LIKE 129 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,358 THIS, AND MEANS NORMAL LAW IS 130 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:49,495 SUSPENDED IN FAVOR OF MILITARY GOVERNMENT. 131 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:53,232 WHEREAS, 'MARSHALL LAW' STATES THAT IF TJ MAXX DOESN'T HAVE IT, 132 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,369 MARSHALL'S DEFINITELY WILL AT OUR YELLOW TAG CLEARANCE EVENT. 133 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:58,905 REMEMBER OUR MOTTO: THE LOOSE UNDERWEAR BIN IS NEXT TO THE 134 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:06,879 CUTTING BOARDS. (APPLAUSE) 135 00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:11,484 (LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: THARYTS, THAT'S MY 136 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,752 MARSHAL'S. GREENE IS UP FOR RE-ELECTION 137 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,887 THIS YEAR, BUT A GROUP OF VOTERS IS SUING TO KNOCK HER OFF THE 138 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:18,891 BALLOT, CITING THE 14TH AMENDMENT, WHICH IS DESIGNED TO 139 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:22,895 BLOCK ANYONE WHO HAS, ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION OR REBELLION 140 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:28,901 AGAINST THE UNITED STATES. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 141 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,037 >> Stephen: YEAH. THAT'S SIMPLE. 142 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:34,807 THAT'S NOT COMPLICATED. YEAH, TURNS OUT PEOPLE WHO TRY 143 00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,609 TO DESTROY THE GOVERNMENT SHOULDN'T BE IN GOVERNMENT. 144 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,511 IT'S THE SAME REASON THE PHYSICIAN TREATING YOUR DIABETES 145 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:46,886 SHOULDN'T BE DR PEPPER. OVER IN UKRAINE, AS RUSSIA'S 146 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,522 ATTACKS CONTINUE, MORE WORLD LEADERS ARE SHOWING SUPPORT BY 147 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,758 VISITING KYIV. LIKE THIS WEEKEND, WHEN A 148 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,894 DELEGATION LED BY HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI TRAVELED TO 149 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:58,898 UKRAINE, AND THE TRIP WAS COMPLETELY UNANNOUNCED. 150 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:04,804 JUST WHAT EVERYONE WANTS: AN UNEXPECTED VISIT FROM GRANDMA. 151 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,906 (AS GRANDMOTHER) "I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AND 152 00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:10,910 YOU NEVER CALL ANYMORE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO. 153 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:18,684 YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT BUSY DUSTING." 154 00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:23,489 SOME A LISTERS AREN'T GOING UKRAINE 155 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,057 SOME A-LISTERS AREN'T GOING TO UKRAINE, BUT ARE STILL FINDING 156 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,492 WAYS TO HELP FROM AFAR. LIKE ACTOR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, 157 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:30,896 WHO IS OPENING HIS U.K. HOME TO UKRAINIAN REFUGEES. 158 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,999 GOOD FOR HIM, GOOD MAN. YOU CAN SEE IT ALL UNFOLD IN THE 159 00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,900 NEW MARVEL MOVIE: "DR STRANGE AND THE MULTIVERSE OF GUEST 160 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:38,371 BEDROOMS." HE HAS TO COOK BREAKFAST IN 161 00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:42,842 EVERY DIMENSION. EVEN UKRAINIANS WHO AREN'T ON 162 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,677 THE FRONT LINES ARE FINDING WAYS TO STICK IT TO RUSSIA. 163 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,279 BECAUSE A VOLUNTEER ARMY OF TECH EXPERTS ARE HACKING RUSSIA AT AN 164 00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:57,823 UNPRECEDENTED SCALE. GOOD FOR THEM ALTHOUGH IT'S 165 00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:02,361 THAT'S GREAT, PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. ALL THOI ITS HE'S 166 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,997 EASIER TO HACK RUSSIA THAN YOU'D THINK. 167 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,899 EVERY ONE OF THEIR CAPTCHAS ( DEPRESSED ) 168 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:10,936 ...IS POTATO. THESE HACKS ARE A BIG DEAL, 169 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:14,940 BECAUSE THEY'VE UPENDED THE MYTH OF RUSSIAN CYBER-SUPERIORITY, 170 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,878 WITH THE ATTACKS BEING SEEN AS THE SYMBOLIC 'PANTSING' OF 171 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,379 PUTIN. OH NO THE PANTS ARE ALL HE HAS 172 00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:34,927 LEFT! YOU HAVE TO PUT IT OUT THERE. 173 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:41,934 OVERSEAS IS A BIT OF A STICKY WICKET ACROSS THE PONLD 174 00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,269 OF A STICKY WICKET ACROSS THE POND CONCERNING HOUSE OF COMMONS 175 00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:44,370 MEMBER AND PEOPLE MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST VICAR ALIVE, NEIL 176 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,105 PARISH. PARISH WAS FORCED TO RESIGN THIS 177 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,306 WEEKEND AFTER HE ADMITTED TO WATCHING PORN IN THE HOUSE OF 178 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,376 COMMONS. COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF THE TOP 179 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,678 BRITISH PORN SITES: MASHIN' BANGERS, 180 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:58,884 SPOTTED DICK, OR BEEFEATERS. 181 00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:02,388 HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: PARISH CLAIMS IT ALL STARTED AS AN 182 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,892 ACCIDENT, SAYING HE WAS MISTAKENLY DIRECTED TO PORN 183 00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:10,896 WHILE LOOKING AT TRACTORS. MAKES SENSE. 184 00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:14,366 ANYONE WHO'S SEEN "THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE" KNOWS THAT TRACTORS 185 00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:26,378 ARE READY TO PLOW. SPECIFICALLY, THE M.P. SAYS HE 186 00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:29,715 ACCIDENTALLY LANDED ON PORN AFTER HE SEARCHED FOR A TYPE OF 187 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:36,722 TRACTOR CALLED A DOMINATOR COMBINE HARVESTER. 188 00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:41,160 THAT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN I TYPED IN 189 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,895 DOMINATOR COMBINE HARVESTER, ALL I GOT WAS NEWS ABOUT A BRITISH 190 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:56,742 M.P. LOOKING AT PORN. OK, SO, JUST YOUR AVERAGE HORNY 191 00:12:56,809 --> 00:13:01,647 FARM EQUIPMENT WHOOPSIE. EXCEPT THAT MR. PARISH 192 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:05,951 APPARENTLY BOOKMARKED THE SITE TO REVISIT. 193 00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,688 HE BOOKMARKED IT? IS THIS HIS FIRST PORN RODEO? 194 00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:10,890 (AS PARISH) "BETTER MAKE A RECORD OF THIS 195 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,160 SITE. NOT SURE IF THERE'S ANYWHERE 196 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,696 ELSE TO SEE SEX ON THE INTERNET." 197 00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:18,898 ANYWAY, WE WISH HIM WELL. IT'S A MISTAKE ANYONE COULD 198 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,902 MAKE. ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE SEARCHING 199 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:26,405 FOR TRACTORS ON CORN HUB. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 200 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:33,078 TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE JON BERNTHAL AND ALTON BROWN. 201 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:37,249 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I ANSWER YOUR KIDS' QUESTIONS. 202 00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:17,256 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 203 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:27,366 GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE. AND STAY HUMAN. 204 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:35,608 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HELLO. 205 00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:39,612 JON, YOU GOT TWO GREAT GUESTS TOPTD, JON BERNTHAL FROM THE OWN 206 00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:45,017 THIS CITY ON HBO AND ALTON BROWN IS GOINGS TO BE OUT HERE TONIGHT 207 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:49,121 TO TALK TO US ABOUT-- . >> Jon: SOME INDIVIDUALELS. 208 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:51,457 >> Stephen: COOKING AND STUFF SO THE PEOPLE OUT THERE DON'T 209 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:55,628 KNOW, BECAUSE THEY ARE WATCHING US AT 11:235 OR ON THEIR DVR 210 00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:58,764 TOMORROW OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THEY DON'T KNOW WE DID THE SHOW 211 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,967 A LITTLE BIT EARLY TODAY. WE MOVED THE SHOAP YOU SHOW UP. 212 00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:06,372 WE ARE DOING THE SHOW AT DAWN, DAWN, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE 213 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:07,573 FARMERS. >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. 214 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,243 >> Stephen: NOW WE ARE DOING THIS A LITTLE BIT EARLY SO YOU 215 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,112 CAN GET OVER TO THE MET BALL. I JUST GOT OFF-- I'M CURIOUS. 216 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,248 >> Jon: I'M GOING OVER THERE, HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT. 217 00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,118 >> Stephen: IT'S FANCY. >> Jon: IT SEEMS VERY FANCY. 218 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,521 >> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO SAY, HAS ANYBODY IN THE BAND HAD 219 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,823 THE COVID? WHO HAS HAD THE COVID. 220 00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:29,361 NO HIPA VIOLATION HERE BUT I JUST, I GOT TO SAY, EVEN VACS 221 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,331 AND BOOSTED, NOT FUN. REALLY, PLEASE G GET VACS AND 222 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,733 BOOSTED OUT THERE IF YOU HAVEN'T. 223 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,136 EVERYBODY WATCHING PLEASE GO GET IT BECAUSE IT IS A NOT A 224 00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:40,039 PLEASANT EXPERIENCE, IT'S DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY. 225 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,541 AND I'M SO SORRY MY FRIEND JIMMY HAS IT TOO. 226 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:47,613 >> AND HERE IS THE THING. WE DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY THAT EVIE 227 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,816 HAD IT TOO. WE WERE BOTH JUST AT HOME T BAS 228 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:57,323 KIND OF SWEET, ACTUALLY, WE WERE FORCED NESTING. 229 00:15:57,389 --> 00:16:00,826 >> GOTA LOT OF STUFF OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER. 230 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:05,631 I WAS ON PAXLOVID AND THE HONEY DO LIST THE ITS ENTIRE WEEK. 231 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:10,302 ANYWAY GOOD TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN. 232 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,470 (APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW FOLKS, HAVE FUN 233 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,474 TONIGHT, HAVE FUN. >> Jon: OH YEAH,. 234 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,943 >> Stephen: SAY I HAD TO ANNA FOR ME. 235 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,178 >> Stephen: KIDS. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. 236 00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:21,513 AND IT'S OUR JOB AS GROWN-UPS TO TEACH THEM, OR THEY WILL BE 237 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:25,117 FERAL ANIMALS AND NO ONE WILL WANT THEM AROUND. 238 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,619 BUT ANY PARENT WILL TELL YOU, IT'S NOT EASY SPENDING ALL YOUR 239 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:30,622 TIME ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM KIDS. 240 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,824 THAT'S WHY I STARTED A SEGMENT ON THE SHOW WHERE I DO IT FOR 241 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:35,494 YOU. WE'VE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH 242 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,129 THE NAME. FIRST IT WAS CALLED, "STEPHEN 243 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,631 TAKES YOUR KIDS." THEN WE TRIED "STEPHEN'S 244 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:43,135 RE-EDUCATION CAMP." AND THEN, "STEPHEN COLBERT IS 245 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:47,639 WATCHING YOUR CHILDREN." OBVIOUSLY THOSE WERE NOT GOOD -- 246 00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:51,043 SO I ASKED MY GRAPHICS TEAM TO COME UP WITH A NEW TITLE, AND I 247 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,544 WAS VERY CLEAR THAT IT SHOULD NOT IMPLY I'M TAKING ANYONE'S 248 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:56,215 KIDS. OR WATCHING YOUR KIDS. 249 00:16:56,281 --> 00:17:00,719 NOTHING LIKE THAT. SO IT'S NOW TIME FOR ANOTHER 250 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:07,092 EDITION OF: >> STEPHEN GUNT S STEPHEN 251 00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:08,727 DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS. >> Stephen, NO THAT THAT IS 252 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:15,501 EXACTLY THE OPSZ OF WHAT I AM TRYING TO CONVEY. HI KID, I'M 253 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:18,670 STEPHEN, HAVE I ALL THE ANSWERS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, HOW? 254 00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:21,540 I WENT TO SOME PLAY CALLED COLLEGE, THAT IS WHERE PEOPLE GO 255 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,375 TO GET VERY SMART. AND WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE I 256 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,211 MAJORED IN THEATER SO I COULD ALWAYS ACT LIKE I KNEW WHAT I 257 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:33,252 WAS TALKING ABOUT. WHO HAS ITS FIRST QUESTION. 258 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,720 >> WHY ARE YOU FUNNY. >> Stephen: I GUESS BECAUSE OF 259 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,689 MY JOKES, OBSERVATION AND WITTICISM BUT TO PEEMENT YOUR 260 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:43,962 AGE I'M FUNNY BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS. 261 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:47,900 THAT WAS A WET ONE. NEXT QUESTION. 262 00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:53,906 >> HI, STEPHEN. I'M ERA HOW DO YOU. 263 00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,208 >> I'M STEPHEN. >> MOST PEOPLE GROW VERTICALLY 264 00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:59,144 UNTIL THEY REACH THEIR LATE 30S THEN THEY GROW HORIZONTALLY. 265 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:03,682 FOR MORE LET'S CONSULTS AN EXPERT IN GROWING. 266 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,852 >> IN MY EXPERIENCE GROWTH REQUIRES ACCEPTING YOURSELF FOR 267 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,622 WHO YOU ARE AND ACKNOWLEDGING EVEN THE WORST PARTS OF IMRUR 268 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,724 SELF. SO YOU CAN PROGRESS TOWARD ITS 269 00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:16,728 PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. BUT THAT IS EMOTIONAL GROWTHS. 270 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:20,732 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PHYSICAL GROWTH. 271 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:24,369 ONE DAY I WOKE UP AND I WAS JUST SEVEN FOOT 2. 272 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,439 HOPE THAT HELPS. >> Stephen: THANK YOU 273 00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,875 PROFESSOR ABDUL JABAR, ENLIGHTERNING AS ALWAYS. 274 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,411 NEXT QUESTION. >>-- . 275 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:35,113 >> Jon: YOU DON'T MAKE THEM, YOU CATCH THEM. 276 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:39,017 YOU KNOW HOW IN THE REAL WORLD WHEN WE USE BORMS TO CATCH FISH, 277 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,453 IN THE GUMMI WORLD YOU DO THE OPPOSITE. 278 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:45,891 LOOK, YOU CAN JUST NEED A HOMEMADE TRAP WITH THE SWEDISH 279 00:18:45,958 --> 00:19:00,405 FISH AND THEN WAIT A FEW MINUTES. 280 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:08,213 AND NOW YOU EAT IT. HAR HA. 281 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:13,685 WHO'S NEXT. >>-- . 282 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:14,887 >> Stephen: THAT'S A GREATS TWO PART QUESTION. 283 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:19,057 I THINK THE BEST PERSON TO ANSWER BOTH OF THOSE IS SONY THE 284 00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:23,362 CARTOON SUN, SUNNY? >> HEY THERE AIDEN, GREAT 285 00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:27,466 QUESTIONS. I WAS CREATED 4.6 BILLION YEARS 286 00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:32,004 AGO WHEN A CLOUD OF GAS AND DUST BEGAN TO COLLAPSE RESULTING IN 287 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,439 NUCLEAR FUSION. AND NOW I'M BURNING ALIVE UNTIL 288 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:40,312 THE DAY I VENT ALLLY RUN OUT OF FUEL AND EXPAND SO WIDE THAT I 289 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,582 ENGULF THE EARTH AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HE EVER 290 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:47,319 KNOWN. BUT AS A CARTOON, I'M ACTUALLY 291 00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:50,222 JUST A SERIES OF STILL IMAGES SHOWN IN RAPID SUCCESSION TO 292 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:54,126 CREATE THE ILLUSION OF MOVEMENT. SO ON ONE HAND I'M BEING 293 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,795 CONSUMED BY ENDLESS BURNING HOT PAIN. 294 00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,732 ON THE OTHER, NONE OF THIS IS REAL AND MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS 295 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:06,471 A LIE. EITHER WAY, PLEASE HELP ME! 296 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:11,143 >> Stephen: THANKS, SUNNY. HANG IN THERE. 297 00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:11,944 NEXT. >> CAN YOU DO THIS? 298 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:26,892 >> Stephen: NO, BUT CAN YOU DO THIS? 299 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:36,301 >> Stephen: NO, BUT CAN YOU DO THIS? 300 00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,804 OKAY, I HOPE THAT ANSWERS ALL 301 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,807 YOUR QUESTIONS, AND PARENTS, IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS AT HOME 302 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:46,912 PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO SOCIAL MEDIAIA WITH A HASHTAG COLBERT'S 303 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,215 KID QUESTIONS AND WE JUST MIGHT FEATURE IT IN OUR NEXT 304 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:54,186 INSTALLMENT OF. >> STEPHEN DOESN'T CARE ABOUT 305 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:54,987 YOUR KIDS. >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT 306 00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:56,989 BACK WITH JON BERNTHAL. (APPLAUSE) 307 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,610 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 308 00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:25,751 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU 309 00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:28,253 KNOW FROM, "THE WALKING DEAD," "THE PUNISHER," AND "KING 310 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,922 RICHARD." HE NOW STARS IN, "WE OWN THIS 311 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:37,429 CITY." >> IF WE LOSE THE FIELT, WE LOSE 312 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:44,569 THE STREET. LET THAT SINK IN. 313 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,572 I'M NOT HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE FIGHT THAT YOU HAVE TO 314 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:53,779 HAVE, I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO 315 00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,048 HAVE. AND ONES YOU THINK YOU'RE 316 00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:59,217 ENTITLED TO JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING THE BADGE. 317 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:02,387 THAT IS THE REAL BRUTALITY. THE THING IS YOU DON'T NEED THAT 318 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,991 KIND OF BRUTALITY. AND NOT BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUN. 319 00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:09,861 RIGHT, I GET IT. GET A FEW LICKS IN ON SOME 320 00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:15,333 MOUTHY [BLEEP] THAT CAN'T SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP, I MEAN COME ON, 321 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,401 FUN IS FUN, YEAH, BUT THAT KIND OF BRUTALITY ONLY GETS IN THE 322 00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:18,236 WAY OF DOING THE JOB. >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO 323 00:22:18,303 --> 00:22:33,185 "THE LATE SHOW," JON BERNTHAL! (APPLAUSE) 324 00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:43,929 "THE LATE SHOW," JON BERNTHAL! (APPLAUSE) 325 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:45,163 >> MR. KOL BERT-- COLBERT, HAVE 326 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:48,700 I TO KWON FES, THESE ARE NOT MY CLOTHE, MAN, AND I WOULD SAY 327 00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:53,438 THERE IS ABOUT A 48 PERCENT CHANCE THESE PANTS WILL BUST 328 00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,807 WIDE OPEN. THEY ARE SO DAMN TIGHT, WHICH 329 00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:58,977 WILL MAKE FOR MAYBE AN UNMEMORABLE NIGHT. 330 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:04,249 >> Stephen: NO, THAT IS A RATINGS BOOST RIGHT THERE FEEL 331 00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:07,085 FREE TO BUST LOOSE, I HOPE ARE YOU GOING COMMANDO. 332 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,688 NICE TO YOU HAVE ON. >> ST A REAL HONOR. 333 00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:11,556 >> Stephen: NOT ONLY THE FIRST TIME YOU AND I HAVE SPOKEN BUT 334 00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:15,727 ARE YOU THE FIRST GUEST I HAVE TALKED TO SINCE I GOT COVID, 335 00:23:15,794 --> 00:23:20,098 VERY LUCKY, WENT THAT BAD. STILL WORSE THAN A EXPECTED. 336 00:23:20,165 --> 00:23:22,501 >> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD IT. 337 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:27,706 >> OH YEAH, I HAVE, YEAH. I GOT COVID RPS I GOT COVID AT A 338 00:23:27,773 --> 00:23:30,308 PREMIER RIGHT HERE IN THE GREAT CITY OF NEW YORK FOR-- . 339 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:33,378 >> Stephen: HOW LONG AGO. >> ABOUT MAYBE FOUR OR FIVE 340 00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:36,648 MONTHS AGO, WHILE I WAS SHOOTING WE OWN THIS STIVMENT AND I CAMED 341 00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:40,252 TO THE PREMIER FOR MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK. 342 00:23:40,318 --> 00:23:44,055 AND ITS NEXT DAY I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SHOOTING AND I REALLY, 343 00:23:44,122 --> 00:23:47,926 REALLY WANTED TO GET TO MY SON HE'S BASEBALL GAME ON THE WEST 344 00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:52,898 COAST AND THE WAY I GOT OUT THERE WAS THERE WAS THE OPENING 345 00:23:52,964 --> 00:23:57,102 FOR THE ACADEMY AWARD MUSEUM. SO I GOT TO GO TO A BIG FANCY 346 00:23:57,169 --> 00:24:03,708 EVENTS WITH A LOT OF STARS OF THE SCREEN AND MUSIC AND SPORTS. 347 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:07,479 I SAT THERE THE WHOLE NIGHT BUT THE NEXT DAY I GOT TO THE 348 00:24:07,546 --> 00:24:09,114 PROMISE LAND WHICH WAS MY SON'S BASEBALL GAME. 349 00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:11,917 AS I WAS SITTING THERE, MY WIFE SHOWED UP AND I WAS LITERALLY 350 00:24:11,983 --> 00:24:14,719 WRAPPED IN BLANKETS AND SWEATSHIRTS FROM VARIOUS TEAM 351 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:18,390 MOMS LIKE SHIVERING MY BUTT OFF. >> Stephen: IN SOUTHERN 352 00:24:18,456 --> 00:24:19,624 CALIFORNIA. >> IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 353 00:24:19,691 --> 00:24:22,027 SHE IS LIKE THAT DIDN'T LOOK RIGHT, AND I WAS LIKE THIS DOES 354 00:24:22,093 --> 00:24:25,831 NOT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DID END UP CAMPING THE 355 00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:29,000 COVID. BUT THEN I HAD TO SORT OF GO BACK AND INVESTIGATES AND 356 00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:33,305 REVEAL TO ALL THOSE GREAT STARS THAT, SO IT WAS LIKE YES THERE 357 00:24:33,371 --> 00:24:38,510 WAS THE CONVERSATION WITH LADY GAGA, WHEN I DID A HIGH FIVE 358 00:24:38,577 --> 00:24:41,046 WITH DWAYNE WADE, THE CONVERSATION WITH MICHAEL KEATON 359 00:24:41,112 --> 00:24:44,349 AND I JUST T JUST DAWNED ON ME THAT I JUST DIDN'T REALLY BELONG 360 00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:48,587 AT THAT EVENT, MAN. YEAH, YEAH, I WAS THAT GUY, 361 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:50,255 YEAH. >> Stephen: WELL, YOU WERE ON 362 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:57,095 WALKING DEAD FOR YEARS. WHAT WAS IT LIKE, HOW DOES IT 363 00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:01,299 FEEL TO ACTUALLY HAVE THE FLAYING AFTER HAVING FIGHTING 364 00:25:01,366 --> 00:25:04,035 PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE FLAYING FOR SO LONG. 365 00:25:04,102 --> 00:25:05,770 WERE YOU A ZOMBIE. >> YES, I WAS, YES, I WAS. 366 00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:09,407 I THINK THAT THERE IS, LOOK, WE'RE IN IT. 367 00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:13,211 I THINK THAT, AS YOU KNOW, MAN, I THINK WE GOT TO THE ONLY THING 368 00:25:13,278 --> 00:25:16,014 WE KNOW ABOUT THIS THING IS WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS 369 00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:18,316 THING. WE HAVE TO BE RESPECTFUL OF THE 370 00:25:18,383 --> 00:25:20,118 VARIOUS DIFFERENT WAYS THAT PEOPLE APPROACH IT AND THE 371 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,520 DIFFERENT FEARS AND JUST TRY TO-- . 372 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:26,491 >> Stephen: YEAH, AND BE NICE TO EACH OTHER. 373 00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:30,295 OKAY. I JUST FOUND OUT, YOU STUDIED 374 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:34,499 ACTING AT THE MOSCOW ART THEATER, MOSCOW THEATER OF ARTS, 375 00:25:34,566 --> 00:25:37,936 AND A SEUMED THAT YOU HAVE TO READ AN ACTOR PREPARES AND STUFF 376 00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:39,237 LIKE THAT. >> I DID. 377 00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:43,008 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE TO STUDY THEATER IN A COUNTRY, 378 00:25:43,074 --> 00:25:46,578 WELL, IN MOSCOW WHAT IS IT LIKE TO STUDY THEATER IN MOSCOW. 379 00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:50,181 >> I'M ENORMOUSLY GRATEFUL FOR MY TIME THERE. 380 00:25:50,248 --> 00:25:52,984 MOSCOW ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS IN, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CITY, A 381 00:25:53,051 --> 00:25:55,487 BRUTAL CITY. >> Stephen: WHEN WAS THIS. 382 00:25:55,553 --> 00:25:57,355 >> LATE 90S, EASTERLY'S 2000. >> Stephen: WILD WEST OVER 383 00:25:57,422 --> 00:25:58,523 THERE. >> IT WAS THE WILD WEST. 384 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:03,061 I THINK THIS IS A REAL PAL PAIBILITY FOR THE HISTORY. 385 00:26:03,128 --> 00:26:05,163 MOST OF THE FOLKS I WAS WITH CAME UP IN COMMUNIST TIMES SO 386 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:10,035 THERE WAS THIS REAL RESPECT AND STH REAL FEAR OF WHAT IT IS LIKE 387 00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:13,371 TO BE CONTROLLED BY YOUR GOVERNMENT. 388 00:26:13,438 --> 00:26:15,540 AND I SEE IT PLAYING OUT RIGHT NOW. 389 00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:18,643 A LOT OF THE REALLY, REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS THAT I MADE OVER 390 00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:22,514 THERE, I HAVE VERY CLOSE TIES TO FOLKS WHO HAVE BEEN JAILED FOR 391 00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:26,051 EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. SO THEY MADE PIECES OF ART WHO 392 00:26:26,117 --> 00:26:29,754 ARE NOW AGAIN FORCED TO LEAVE THEIR FAMILIES AND ARE LOCKED UP 393 00:26:29,821 --> 00:26:32,257 BECAUSE OF THE WAY THAT THEY EXPRESSED THEMSELVES AND THE ART 394 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:34,926 THEY ARE PUTTING OUT THERE. AND SPEAKING GENGS THE 395 00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:37,429 GOVERNMENT. I THINK HISTORICALLY THEATER IN 396 00:26:37,495 --> 00:26:41,232 THAT COUNTRY IS VITAL. THERE WAS, DURING COMMUNIST TIME 397 00:26:41,299 --> 00:26:44,602 THERE WAS NO PUBLIC GATHERING BUT STILL STATE SPOARNSED 398 00:26:44,669 --> 00:26:47,339 THEATER. AND IF THE STATE OR THE SORT OF 399 00:26:47,405 --> 00:26:50,508 DECIDED THAT THE THEATERS YOU WERE MAKE PRG ANTISTATE F THEY 400 00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:54,346 PERCEIVED IT THAT WAY, FAMOUS ACTORS AND DIRECTORS WERE 401 00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:57,349 ASSASSINATED AND THAT IS REAL. AND LOOK, ONLY WHEN YOU 402 00:26:57,415 --> 00:27:00,652 UNDERSTAND AND CAN BE AROUND FOLKS WHO DON'T REALLY HAVE 403 00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:02,053 FREEDOMS YOU CAN APPRECIATE THE FREEDOM THAT YOU HAVE. 404 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:07,892 I THINK WE-- . >> Stephen: DO YOU STAY IN 405 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,328 TOUCH? >> OH YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 406 00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:12,964 I HAVE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS OVER THERE. 407 00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:16,601 AND YOU KNOW I'M DOING A PODCAST NOW HERE AND-- . 408 00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:19,704 >> Stephen: REAL ONE. >> A REAL ONE AND ONE OF THE 409 00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:22,507 FOLKS THAT WE TALK TO IS ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS FROM RUSSIA. 410 00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:25,176 WE HAD TO SORT OF PROTECT HIS IDENTITY BECAUSE HE REALLY TOOK 411 00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:30,548 A HUGE RISK TELLING THE TRUTH AND TALKING ABOUT THE STATE OF 412 00:27:30,615 --> 00:27:32,717 NRVETION IN THAT COUNTRY AND WHAT HE IS FEARING AND HOW THE 413 00:27:32,784 --> 00:27:35,920 MEDIA IS COMPLETELY CONTROLLED BY THE GOVERNMENT. 414 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:40,025 WE HAD TO CHANGE HIS NAME AND BLOCK OUT HIS FACE AND CHANGE 415 00:27:40,091 --> 00:27:41,526 HIS VOICE. >> WHAT. 416 00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:45,096 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE TRAINING LIKE THERE, I REMEMBER 417 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:47,932 ON PAGE ONE, OF AN ACTOR PREPARES IT SAYS THE ACTOR NO 418 00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:51,369 LESS THAN THE SOLDIER MUST BE SUBJECT TO IRON DISCIPLINE. 419 00:27:51,436 --> 00:27:53,104 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: WAS THERE IRON 420 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,006 DISCIPLINE. >> IRON DISCIPLINE, I CAME UP 421 00:27:55,073 --> 00:27:58,510 PLAYING SPORTS, BOXING, PLAYED BASEBALL IN COLLEGE. 422 00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:01,579 THE HARDEST THING I EVER WENT THROUGH IN MY LIFE WAS THE 423 00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:04,916 TRAINING AT THAT SCHOOL. YOU KNOW, HOW TO FIGHT, 424 00:28:04,983 --> 00:28:08,653 ACROBATICS, BALANCE ET, IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY RIGOROUS, 425 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,022 UNBELIEVABLY BRUTAL AND HONEST BUT THEY TOLD YOU IF IT WASN'T 426 00:28:11,089 --> 00:28:14,259 FOR YOU THEY LET YOU KNOW. AND THEY WOULD CONTINUOUSLY SORT 427 00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:17,996 OF CUT THE CLASS IN HALF AND STICK HALF THE KIDS OUT. 428 00:28:18,063 --> 00:28:21,399 AND YOU KNOW, LOOK, I THINK ULTIMATELY THERE IS SOMETHING 429 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:24,102 HUMANE ABOUT THAT THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT STAYING LOOK, 430 00:28:24,169 --> 00:28:25,603 THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. 431 00:28:25,670 --> 00:28:29,474 AND YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE EVERYTHING 432 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:34,412 YOU CAN AND FOR ME YOU KNOW, FOR MY TEACHERS THIS WAS VITAL AN I 433 00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:36,881 THINK IT REALLY SERVED ME. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 434 00:28:36,948 --> 00:28:38,049 QUICK BREAK, WHEN WE COME BACK 435 00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:39,150 I WILL ASK JOHN ABOUT HIS NEW 436 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,986 HBO "WE OWN THIS CITY." 437 00:28:48,593 --> 00:28:52,030 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH JON BERN THAL, 438 00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:55,667 YOU ARE ON A LIMITED SERIES ON HBO CALLED WE OWN THIS CITY, 439 00:28:55,733 --> 00:28:59,370 WHICH IS SEEN THE KRAITER OF THE WIRE, YOU PLAY A REAL PERSON 440 00:28:59,437 --> 00:29:02,407 SERGEANT WAYNE JENKINS, I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A IMPORTANT 441 00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:07,545 STORY FOR YOU, YOU GOT INTO IT IN AN INTERESTING WAY, EXPLAIN 442 00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:08,680 TO PEOPLE HOW YOU FIRST GOT INVOLVED WITH IT. 443 00:29:08,746 --> 00:29:11,816 >> FOR ME THE WIRE IS JUST, YOU KNOW, SEMINOLE PIECE OF 444 00:29:11,883 --> 00:29:14,119 TELEVISION AS I THINK IT IS FOR SO MANY. 445 00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:18,456 I GREW UP IN D.C. AND I WAS JUST SO TAKEN WITH THAT SORT OF 446 00:29:18,523 --> 00:29:22,427 STORYTELLING. JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY. 447 00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:27,765 AND YOU KNOW, I REALLY FELT LIKE WHAT THE SHOW AFFORDED ME WAS 448 00:29:27,832 --> 00:29:32,537 JUST UNBELIEVABLE KIND OF JUST FRONT ROW SEATS, TO THESE ISSUES 449 00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:37,842 I'M FASCINATED BY, I THINK BALTIMORE IS THE TIP OF THE 450 00:29:37,909 --> 00:29:41,446 SPHERE OF SO MUCH OF THAT. I CAN SAY WITHOUT A DOUBT THIS 451 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:45,717 SHOW IS MADE WITH REAL REFERENCE TO THE VICTIMS WITH REAL RESPECT 452 00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:47,886 TO THE PEOPLE OF BALTIMORE THAT MADE THAT SHOW WITH THE CITY OF 453 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:51,623 BALTIMORE AND FOR THE CITY OF BALTIMORE AND BY THE CITY OF 454 00:29:51,689 --> 00:29:55,660 BALTIMORE. LOOK, I GOT TO DO THREE MONTHS 455 00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:58,630 OF RIDE A LONGS I WENT ON DRUG RAIDS TWICE A WEEK. 456 00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:02,333 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT GOING INTO A DRUG RAID, MR. ACTOR. 457 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,436 I'M SURE ARE YOU WEARING THE SAME SORT OF PROTECTIVE GEAR 458 00:30:05,503 --> 00:30:08,907 THAT THE POLICE ARE. BUT STILL, GOING INTO A ROOM YOU 459 00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:10,175 DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. 460 00:30:10,241 --> 00:30:14,646 >> LOOK, I THINK MY BIGGEST TAKE AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS, THERE ARE 461 00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:18,650 NO WORDS FOR THE VICTIMS OF POLICE CORRUPTION AND POLICE 462 00:30:18,716 --> 00:30:21,653 BRUTALITY. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THE 463 00:30:21,719 --> 00:30:24,956 FOLKS' FOURTH AMENDMENT RIGHTS ARE VIOLATED AND FOLKS IN PRISON 464 00:30:25,023 --> 00:30:27,759 FALSELY OR PEOPLE'S LIVES WHO HAVE BEEN TAKEN. 465 00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,961 BUT THERE SAY WHOLE OTHER GROUP OF VICTIMS. 466 00:30:30,028 --> 00:30:33,798 AND THAT IS GOOD POLICE. AND SO MANY MEMBERS OF THE LAW 467 00:30:33,865 --> 00:30:36,568 ENFORCEMENT COMMUNITY IN THIS COUNTRY ARE POLICING FOR THE 468 00:30:36,634 --> 00:30:38,903 RIGHT REASONS, RESPECT THE COMMUNITIES THAT THEY POLICE 469 00:30:38,970 --> 00:30:43,408 FROM THE COMMUNITIES THAT THEY POLICE, AND DO IT AND THEY HAVE 470 00:30:43,474 --> 00:30:44,976 TAKEN THIS OATH TO BEING A PEACE KEEPER AND THAT IS NOT TOLD 471 00:30:45,043 --> 00:30:48,479 ENOUGH. AND I WALKED AWAY WITH THIS UNBELIEVABLE LOVE AND 472 00:30:48,546 --> 00:30:51,482 APPRECIATION OF THE GOOD FOLK IN THE BALTIMORE POLICE DEPARTMENT 473 00:30:51,549 --> 00:30:59,357 WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN UPENDED. >> YOU KNOW, THAIFER LIVES ARE 474 00:30:59,424 --> 00:31:03,494 UNENDED BY THE BAD AND EVIL OF A FEW, I DON'T THINK THAT STORY IS 475 00:31:03,561 --> 00:31:06,531 TOLD ENOUGH THAT WAS MY BIG TAKEAWAY. 476 00:31:06,598 --> 00:31:10,068 SO HONESTLY THE RAIDS AND RIDE ALONGS I GOT TO GO ON, IT WAS AN 477 00:31:10,134 --> 00:31:11,469 HONOR. AND IT WAS AN HONOR TO ROLL WITH 478 00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:13,871 THEM AND I MADE FRIENDS FOR LIFE. 479 00:31:13,938 --> 00:31:15,974 >> Stephen: IT WAS REALLY LOVELY TO MEET YOU, THANK YOU SO 480 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,143 MUCH FOR BEING HERE. >> Stephen: NEW EPISODES OF, "WE 481 00:31:19,210 --> 00:31:20,979 OWN THIS CITY," AIR MONDAYS ON HBO. 482 00:31:21,045 --> 00:31:25,650 JON BERNTHAL, EVERYBODY WHEN WE COME BACK I'LL BE COOKING WITH 483 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:26,851 ALTON BROWN. 484 00:31:37,962 --> 00:31:41,699 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 485 00:31:41,766 --> 00:31:49,274 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. MY NEXT GUEST IS A PEABODY AWARD 486 00:31:49,340 --> 00:31:52,410 WINNING CHEF, TV HOST, AND AUTHOR. 487 00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:57,348 HIS NEW COOKBOOK IS "GOOD EATS: THE FINAL YEARS." 488 00:31:57,415 --> 00:32:03,121 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALTON BROWN! 489 00:32:03,187 --> 00:32:05,290 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: ALTON, LOVELY TO 490 00:32:05,356 --> 00:32:06,424 HAVE YOU HERE. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY 491 00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:07,759 MUCH. >> Stephen: SO ALTON WHAT ARE 492 00:32:07,825 --> 00:32:09,961 WE DOING TODAY, PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THIS IS. 493 00:32:10,028 --> 00:32:13,898 >> WELL, WHAT I HAVE HERE IS MY ANSWER TO THE AIR FREYER, 494 00:32:13,965 --> 00:32:17,001 ANYBODY HERE HAVE AN AIR FREYER. I HATE AIR FREYERS. 495 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:20,505 I HATE THEM BECAUSE THEY LIE TO US. 496 00:32:20,571 --> 00:32:22,640 AND THEY DON'T COOK ENOUGH FOOT AND I REALLY REALLY LIKE HOT 497 00:32:22,707 --> 00:32:26,978 CHICKEN WINGS, SOMEBODY DARED ME TO COME UP WITH A DEVICE THAT 498 00:32:27,045 --> 00:32:29,981 WOULD BEAT THE AIR FLYER, THIS IS THE JET FRY SUNNIER, THERE IS 499 00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:33,785 A SENIOR VERSION BUT IT IS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THE DOORS HERE SO 500 00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:36,254 WE BROUGHT THE JUNIOR VERSION. >> Stephen: WHAT IS GOING ON 501 00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:39,991 DOWN HERE. >> WHAT WE HAVE GOT IS A TWO 160 502 00:32:40,058 --> 00:32:42,360 QUART POTTED RIVETTED TOGETHER THRRKTS IS AN INTERNAL ROTATING 503 00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:49,167 BASKET AND AROUND THE BOTTOM ARE TEN HIGH OUTPUT HEAT GUNS, $800 504 00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:53,137 A PIECE. SO THIS IS GOING, NOW I CAN FRY 505 00:32:53,204 --> 00:32:57,608 UP TEN POUNDS ACTUALLY 15 POUNDS OF CHICKEN WINGS IN ABOUT TEN 506 00:32:57,675 --> 00:32:59,277 MINUTES. WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME 507 00:32:59,344 --> 00:33:02,180 BUT WE ARE JUST GOING TO DO A SINGLE PORTION FOR YOU OF THREE 508 00:33:02,246 --> 00:33:04,415 POUNDS. >> Stephen: THEY TOLD ME YOU 509 00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:06,818 HAD AN APPETITE. >> BUT ONE PERSON CAN'T OPERATE 510 00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:08,252 THE DEVICE SO I NEED TO YOU HELP ME. 511 00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:12,156 >> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO. >> I WANT YOU TO STAND AT THE 512 00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:13,157 SHIP'S WHEEL IN THE POSITION OF POWER. 513 00:33:13,224 --> 00:33:16,027 THIS DRIVES THE ROTO BASKET INSIDE. 514 00:33:16,094 --> 00:33:18,196 ALL RIGHT. SO I JUST NEED TO YOU HOLD IT. 515 00:33:18,262 --> 00:33:19,497 >> Stephen: RIGHT HERE. >> HOLD THAT. 516 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:21,499 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> I HAVE GOT MY THREE POUNCED 517 00:33:21,566 --> 00:33:25,870 OF CHICKEN HERE WHICH I HAVE TOSSED LIBERALLY WITH SOME 518 00:33:25,937 --> 00:33:27,405 SEASONING POWDER OF MY OWN DESIGN. 519 00:33:27,472 --> 00:33:31,909 >> YOU DO THAT, PUT BAKING SODA OR BAKING POWDER ON YOUR CHICKEN 520 00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:35,980 WINGS. >> I DO, I AM GOING TO FRY THEM 521 00:33:36,047 --> 00:33:40,585 BECAUSE IT LITERALLY CARBON ATES THE I WILL QUIND-- LIQUID UNDER 522 00:33:40,651 --> 00:33:42,820 THE SCWEEN. >> WE COULD BE MAKING ALL THAT 523 00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:46,724 STUFF, I WOULDN'T CARE. OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 524 00:33:46,791 --> 00:33:51,429 HOW DO I SSH SSH DN. >> JUST HOLD, HOLD EVERYTHING. 525 00:33:51,496 --> 00:33:53,498 >> HOLD UP. >> ALL RIGHT, NOW DID WE HAVE TO 526 00:33:53,564 --> 00:33:55,900 START ROTATING BEFORE WE TURN ON THE HEAT GUN. 527 00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:59,036 >> START THE ROTATION, NOT SO FAST. 528 00:33:59,103 --> 00:34:03,307 WHOA, VERY GOOD, SKIPPER. >> Stephen: HARD TO STAR 529 00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,308 BOARD. >> OKAY THERE YOU GO. 530 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:05,943 THAT IS GOOD. A GOOD PACE AND I WILL GETS THIS 531 00:34:06,010 --> 00:34:09,647 THING SEALED UP. THIS WILL ACTUALLY-- A LITTLE 532 00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:13,918 FASTER. TURN ON ALL THESE GUNS AND VERY 533 00:34:13,985 --> 00:34:16,421 QUICKLY I'VE GOT A THERMOMETER HERE, SEVERAL THERMOMETERS, WE 534 00:34:16,487 --> 00:34:19,724 WILL GET UP TO ABOUT 500 DEGREES VERY RAPIDLY. 535 00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:23,027 AND BECAUSE OF THE INTERIOR ROTATION WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO 536 00:34:23,094 --> 00:34:24,829 BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING A REGULAR AIR FREYER CAN'T DO 537 00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:28,266 WHICH IS WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE SOME CON DUCTION HEAT BEING 538 00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:31,135 BROUGHT TO THE PARTY. SO I WILL GET THIS GOING, A FEW 539 00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:35,006 MORE TO GO THOSE ARE GOING. >> SO WE'RE IN GOOD SHAPE. 540 00:34:35,072 --> 00:34:39,677 >> I'M SETTING SEA SICK. >> REVERSE DIRECTION, HARD PORT, 541 00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:41,712 I'M GLAD YOU RECOGNIZE THAT. >> THERE YOU GO. 542 00:34:41,779 --> 00:34:44,649 >> SO THERE IS ANOTHER PART OF THIS PUZZLE. 543 00:34:44,715 --> 00:34:45,516 I'M GOING TO NEED TO REPLACE YOU. 544 00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,753 >> OKAY. >> HEY TODD, COME HELP ME OUT. 545 00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:50,988 MY QULEG TODD WILL WHO WILL HELP OUT. 546 00:34:51,055 --> 00:34:53,224 >> HE'S GOING TO TAKE OVER. >> THANK YOU. 547 00:34:53,291 --> 00:35:00,398 >> NOW ON THE OTHER END OF THIS, STEPHEN COLBERT S WHAT WE CALL 548 00:35:00,465 --> 00:35:05,703 THE WHEEL OF HEAT. >> THE WHEEL OF HEAT. 549 00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:07,338 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE THESE NUMBERS. 550 00:35:07,405 --> 00:35:12,410 >> THE WHEEL OF HEAT, I WILL EXPLAIN BECAUSE WE NEED-- I HAVE 551 00:35:12,477 --> 00:35:15,780 HOT SAUCES ALL AROUND HERE. THE YELLOW ARE HOT, ORANGE ARE 552 00:35:15,847 --> 00:35:20,218 HOTTER, THE RED ARE VERY HOT AND THE PURPLE ARE OH MY DEAR GOOD I 553 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:24,422 HOPE WE DON'T GET THAT. >> WHY IS THIS CLEAR. 554 00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:28,526 >> BECAUSE IT IS WATER AND CAPSACIN. 555 00:35:28,593 --> 00:35:34,465 >> THE SUB TANS THAT TELLS OUR BRAINS THAT OUR HEADS ARE ON 556 00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:38,503 FIRE, NO FLAVOR JUST PAIN. >> Stephen: ARE WE GOING FIX. 557 00:35:38,569 --> 00:35:43,007 >> I HAVE HERE OUR SERVING BOWL AND WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO IS 558 00:35:43,074 --> 00:35:46,210 SPIN THIS WHEEL THREE TIMES. EACH ONE OF THESE NUMBERS IS THE 559 00:35:46,277 --> 00:35:50,848 SCOVILLE RATING, IF YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE FAMED PHARMACEUTICAL 560 00:35:50,915 --> 00:35:53,184 PERSON WHO CAME UP WITH THE SCALE, IT IS A 561 00:35:53,251 --> 00:35:55,520 REPRESENTATION-- . >> Stephen: OF COURSE WE ARE. 562 00:35:55,586 --> 00:36:00,091 >> OF COURSE WE ARE, REPRESENTS THE AMOUNT OF CAPSAYACIN. 563 00:36:00,157 --> 00:36:01,859 WE HAVE EVERYTHING FROM 450. >> Stephen: WHAT IS TO BE AS 564 00:36:01,926 --> 00:36:03,861 KOA. >> ABOUT 5,000. 565 00:36:03,928 --> 00:36:08,399 BUT WE'VE GOT ALL THE WAY UP TO 676,000 OVER HERE. 566 00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:11,402 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> SO WHAT YOU WILL DO IS SPIN 567 00:36:11,469 --> 00:36:13,037 THE WHEEL AND WHATEVER COMES OFF WE'LL PUT IN THIS BOWL. 568 00:36:13,104 --> 00:36:17,608 >> Stephen: LET'S DO IT. >> DO T GIVE IT A SPIN. 569 00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,877 AROUND IT GOES, WHEEL OF HEAT IS IN MOTION. 570 00:36:19,944 --> 00:36:23,648 AND THE FIRST-- OH, LOOK WHAT YOU LANDED ON. 571 00:36:23,714 --> 00:36:28,653 YOU LANDED ON-- 600,000 IS SCOVILLE. 572 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,621 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 573 00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:32,089 >> THERE WE GO, PUT SOME OF THAT IN THERE. 574 00:36:32,156 --> 00:36:36,027 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> DON'T SPIN, HAVE I TO PUT 575 00:36:36,093 --> 00:36:37,528 THIS BACK. >> Stephen: WHILE I'M SPINNING 576 00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:40,598 THIS, TELL US YOUR BIG KNOWS ABOUT THE NEW SHOW. 577 00:36:40,665 --> 00:36:43,901 >> OH, ANYBODY HERE AN IRON CHEF FAN? 578 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:47,471 (APPLAUSE) >> NEW IRON CHEF SERIES DROPPING 579 00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:53,978 MID JUNE ON NETFLIX. DID YOU MOVE THAT? 580 00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:56,414 >> Stephen: NOPE. >> YOU GOT A LOW ONE, THIS IS 581 00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:01,152 ONLY 3750, THIS IS LIKE WE COULD BE SHOT FOR THIS BUT WE'RE NOT 582 00:37:01,218 --> 00:37:02,987 GOING TO. >> OKAY. 583 00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:05,556 THERE WE G I THINK THAT IS ENOUGH OF THAT. 584 00:37:05,623 --> 00:37:07,458 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> GRAB THAT WHISK RIGHT THERE 585 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:11,929 JUST WHISK THAT TOGETHER. NOW YOU ALSO HAVE A NEW COOK 586 00:37:11,996 --> 00:37:13,164 BOOK. >> I DO, GOOD EATS, THE FINAL 587 00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:24,108 YEARS, IS RIGHT OVER THERE. NOW I'M JUST GO FOG GIVE THAT-- 588 00:37:24,175 --> 00:37:26,243 SPHWHR IT IS. >> YEAH THERE IT IS. 589 00:37:26,310 --> 00:37:28,679 >> Stephen: NOW WAIT A SECOND. >> WHAT. 590 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:34,318 >> Stephen: WE HAVE MILK HERE. >> THE PROTEIN IN MILK CAN 591 00:37:34,385 --> 00:37:40,057 LITERALLY REACH IN AND GRAB CAP SAYAHCIN, REMOVE IT FROM OUR 592 00:37:40,124 --> 00:37:43,761 TONGUE, THESE ORGANIC COMPOUNDS GO INTO YOUR-- KIND OF SLOSH IT 593 00:37:43,828 --> 00:37:47,431 AROUND IN THERE A LITTLE BIT. >> OH I AM. 594 00:37:47,498 --> 00:37:48,366 SLOSH IT. >> Stephen: IS THIS AVAILABLE 595 00:37:48,432 --> 00:37:56,641 AS A SU POS TORE? BECAUSE HAVE I A FEELING. 596 00:37:56,707 --> 00:38:01,579 >> REST ASSURED, IF YOU WERE TO PUT THAT SAUCE WHERE THE 597 00:38:01,646 --> 00:38:05,182 SUPOSITORY GOES, WOULD YOU NEED THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE THOSE 598 00:38:05,249 --> 00:38:08,819 SENSORS ALL OVER OUR BODY. >> Stephen: IT IS THIS 599 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:11,822 SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING TWNGS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING, WE'RE 600 00:38:11,889 --> 00:38:17,662 GOING TO ROTATE THIS BACK, I WILL TAKE THIS AND SLIDE IT SO 601 00:38:17,728 --> 00:38:18,929 THAT WE ARE POSITIONED UNDER THE BAY. 602 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:22,867 >> SO THIS IS ALL AUTOMATED. >> AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO TURN 603 00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:26,337 OFF ALL THE GUN, HIT POT WE ARE BUTTON, THEY WILL GO INTO 604 00:38:26,404 --> 00:38:29,573 COOLDOWN MODE AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE. 605 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,777 I AM GOING TO OPEN THE HATCH. >> Stephen: THIS SEEMS REALLY 606 00:38:32,843 --> 00:38:34,945 ILL-ADVISED. >> NO, IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE. 607 00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:37,515 SO YOU CAN LET CHILDREN DO THIS, RIGHT. 608 00:38:37,581 --> 00:38:39,817 >> YOU COULD LET-- IN YOU DIDN'T LIKE THEM VERY MUCH. 609 00:38:39,884 --> 00:38:41,585 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> THAT WOULD BE FINE. 610 00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:45,556 ARE YOU READY TO SPIN. >> Stephen: LET'S DUMP. 611 00:38:45,623 --> 00:38:49,593 >> ALL RIGHT, DUMP. EXCELLENT. 612 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:53,330 >> Stephen: I. >> I MISSED TWO, THAT'S 613 00:38:53,397 --> 00:38:55,900 PERFECTLY FINE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO WE DO. 614 00:38:55,966 --> 00:38:59,503 >> I HAVE GOT TO DO ONE OTHER THING HERE THERE IS THE TOSSING 615 00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:04,108 IN THE HOT SAUCE. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THAT 616 00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:05,810 BAD BOY? >> I'M A PROFESSIONAL. 617 00:39:05,876 --> 00:39:10,247 >> Stephen: OH MY GOD. >> ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL UP TO YOU 618 00:39:10,314 --> 00:39:11,816 NOW SIR. >> Stephen: LADIES AND 619 00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:20,391 GENTLEMEN, IT'S THAT SIMPLE. (APPLAUSE) 620 00:39:20,458 --> 00:39:26,330 HERE WE GO, DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME OUT HERE? 621 00:39:26,397 --> 00:39:34,038 DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU HOW YOU DO IT DOWN SOUTH? 622 00:39:34,105 --> 00:39:39,443 >> SURE. >> Stephen: THAT IS ACTUALLY 623 00:39:39,510 --> 00:39:43,380 COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH. >> YES, IT IS, STEPHEN COLBERT T 624 00:39:43,447 --> 00:39:46,317 IS COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH. >> Stephen: GOOD EATS, THE 625 00:39:46,383 --> 00:39:48,552 FINAL YEAR IS AVAILABLE NOW IN IRON CHEF 626 00:39:48,619 --> 00:39:50,287 AND "IRON CHEF: QUEST FOR AN IRON LEGEND," PREMIERES JUNE 627 00:39:50,354 --> 00:39:55,960 15th ON NETFLIX. ALTON BROWN, EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE 628 00:39:56,026 --> 00:39:56,660 RIGHT BACK. 629 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,483 >> Stephen: GOODNIGHT THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. 630 00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:22,686 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE JOSÉ ANDRÉS AND RON 631 00:40:22,753 --> 00:40:24,755 HOWARD. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 632 00:40:24,822 --> 00:40:25,589 GOOD NIGHT.