1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:03,370 >> THE NEW "MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE" MOVIE IS FINALLY ABOUT 2 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:07,941 TO BEGIN SHOOTING, AND IT HAS FOUND ITS HE-MAN. 3 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,510 "WEST SIDE STORY" STAR KYLE ALLEN WILL PLAY HE-MAN IN THE 4 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,579 NEW MOVIE. 5 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,140 >> IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 6 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:23,950 PLUS,- 7 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:28,321 CHRIS O'DONNELL AND ELVIS COSTELLO TAKES THE 8 00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:33,259 COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 9 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,995 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 10 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:43,236 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 11 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:43,970 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 12 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,283 HELLO, MY FRIENDS. WHAT'S UP? 13 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:13,233 GOOD TO SEE YOU. PLEASE, SIT DOWN. 14 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:19,239 SIT! DOWN! 15 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:22,208 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 16 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,643 FIRST OF ALL,-- 17 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:29,449 YOU KNOW WHAT? HAPPY FRIDAY TO EVERYBODY HERE. 18 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,217 IS I HOPE YOU'RE ALL DOING WELL. 19 00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:35,822 AFTER MY TUSSLE WITH COVID A 20 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:39,959 COUPLE OF WEEKS BACK. IT'S GOT A LOCK TAME ON IT. 21 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:43,229 BUT THE VIRUS IS STILL OUT THERE. 22 00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:51,471 JON BATISTE IS NOT HERE AGAIN TONIGHT BECAUSE 23 00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,472 HE'S CAUGHT COVID. WE WISH HIM ALL THE BEST AND A 24 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,008 SPEEDY RECOVERY. LOVE JON, RIGHT? 25 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:59,045 THERE YOU GO. LUCKILY, STAY HUMAN'S OWN 26 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:02,382 LOUIS CATO HAS STEPPED IN. GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO, RIGHT 27 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,917 OVER THERE. ALL RIGHT. 28 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:09,589 . AND WHEN LOUIS IS NOT ON CAMERA, 29 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:13,059 WE SEAL HIM IN TUPPERWARE, JUST TO KEEP HIM FRESH. 30 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:19,933 WE HAVE TO AT THIS POINT. WE'LL POKE SOME AIR HOLES. 31 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,602 BUT DESPITE THE COVID OF IT ALL, THE WORLD IS OPENING UP. 32 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:23,937 FOR EXAMPLE, OVER IN GERMANY, AFTER BEING CANCELLED FOR THE 33 00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:25,305 PAST TWO YEARS, OKTOBERFEST WILL GO AHEAD IN 2022. 34 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,341 GOOD! 35 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:34,981 I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT. BECAUSE AFTER TWO YEARS OF 36 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:39,686 PANDEMIC, MY BODY IS FIT ONLY FOR LEDERHOSEN. 37 00:03:39,752 --> 00:03:43,222 THE BEER FESTIVAL IS GOING ALL OUT FOR THEIR FIRST YEAR BACK. 38 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:47,927 ATTENDEES WILL GET TO SWIG BEER AND EAT SAUSAGES, PRETZEL, AND 39 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,096 PRK KNUCKLES. AS MUNICH'S MAYOR SAID, "THERE 40 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,131 WILL BE AN UNRESTRICTED FESTIVAL, WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY 41 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:55,935 GIVE A LOT OF PEOPLE A LOT OF PLEASURE." 42 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:59,939 THAT'S ACTUALLY MUNICH'S TOWN - "- OUR SAUSAGES 43 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,174 WILL GIVE YOU PLEASURE!" 44 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:11,951 IT SOUNDS-- IT SOUNDS LESS SEXY IN GERMAN. 45 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,219 IT'S ALL ONE WORD. KNOCKWURST-SEXEN-MACHEN-GE-BRING 46 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:19,225 EN. IT'S NOT JUST OKTOBERFEST. 47 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:23,930 AFTER PANDEMIC UPHEAVALS, TOMORROW WILL SEE A RETURN TO 48 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,231 WHAT'S BEING CALLED A "NORMAL KENTUCKY DERBY." 49 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,934 SO, TINY MEN ON GIANT HORSES BEING SCREAMED AT BY DRUNK WOMEN 50 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:32,338 IN ENORMOUS HATS. YOU KNOW, NORMAL. 51 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:47,954 HAVE A PRE-PANDEMIC FEEL, JUST WITH MORE PEOPLE ASKING THE 52 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,958 JOCKEYS, "PSST, CAN YOU SCORE ME SOME HORSE PASTE? 53 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,495 IF BEER AND HORSES AREN'T YOUR THING, YOU COULD TAKE A BEACH 54 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:58,131 VACAY, BECAUSE WITH THE SUMMER SEASON COMING UP, GREECE HAS 55 00:04:58,197 --> 00:04:59,565 LIFTED IT'S COVID CURBS FOR TRAVELERS, WHICH IS GREAT NEWS 56 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,367 FOR ANY BRIDES WHO WANT TO INVITE THREE MEN TO HER WEDDING 57 00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:07,940 IN GREECE TO FIGURE OUT WHICH OF THEM IS HER REAL FATHER. 58 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:13,513 NOW, HERE IN THE STATES, COVID 59 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:16,082 RESTRICTIONS AREN'T THE ONLY THINGS BEING REMOVED, BECAUSE 60 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,952 NANTUCKET RESIDENTS HAVE VOTED TO MAKE ALL BEACHES TOPLESS. 61 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:25,224 IT'S JUST LIKE THE FAMOUS 62 00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,727 "THERE ONCE WAS A GAL FROM NANTUCKET, WHO SAID OF HER 63 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,830 SHIRT, 'I'LL UNTUCK IT.' THEN SHE TOOK OFF HER BRA, 64 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,031 WHILE SINGING TA-DAH, AND SAID, 'IF YOU'RE MAD YOU CAN SUCK 65 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:35,968 IT.'" 66 00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:43,242 BUT... BUT JUST BECAUSE THINGS ARE 67 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:46,913 OPENING UP DOESN'T MEAN COVID ISN'T STILL SERIOUS. 68 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:49,215 RESEARCHERS HAVE RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT SEVERE COVID CAN 69 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:55,788 AGE THE BRAIN BY 20 YEARS. NOW, IF YOU'RE WONDERING, ONE 70 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,926 SIGN THAT YOUR BRAIN HAS AGED 20 YEARS. 71 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,327 YOU'VE RECENTLY STARTED WATCHING CBS. 72 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,062 WELCOME. DRINK PLENTY OF 73 00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,065 FLUIDS, WATCH PLENTY OF "BLUE BLOODS." 74 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:10,570 CASE OF COVID-19 CAN RESULT IN A 75 00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:11,938 LOSS OF MENTAL SHARPNESS EQUIVALENT TO LOSING 10 I.Q. 76 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:15,374 POINTS. AND PEOPLE WHO CHOSE NOT TO GET 77 00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,244 VACCINATED CAN'T AFFORD THOSE 10 POINTS. 78 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:23,816 IN DEVASTATING NEWS-- 79 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:31,124 IN DEVASTATING NEWS FOR PEOPLE 80 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:35,194 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK TALKING TO AT A PARTY, N.F.T. 81 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,796 SALES ARE FLAT-LINING. BUT WHY? 82 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,432 THEY SEEM LIKE SUCH A SOUND INVESTMENT! 83 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,000 "YOU SEE, IT'S A PICTURE-- WELL, IT'S A PICTURE OF A PICTURE, BUT 84 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,936 THE PICTURE OF THE PICTURE IS THE PICTURE. 85 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,105 AND IT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST, BUT I PROMISE THERE'S ONLY ONE OF 86 00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:47,874 THEM-- UNLESS I DECIDE TO MAKE MORE. 87 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,944 LET'S START THE BIDDING AT $10 MILLION." 88 00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:55,948 AND THOSE WHO GOT IN ON THIS PONZI SCHEME EARLY ARE ALSO 89 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:59,752 FEELING THE PINCH, BECAUSE MANY N.F.T. OWNERS ARE FINDING THEIR 90 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:01,220 INVESTMENTS ARE WORTH SIGNIFICANTLY LESS THAN WHEN 91 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:06,759 THEY BOUGHT THEM. WHAT DOES "SIGNIFICANT" MEAN? 92 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:11,063 WELL, AN N.F.T. OF THE FIRST TWEET FROM TWITTER CO-FOUNDER 93 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,232 JACK DORSEY SOLD IN MARCH 2021 FOR $2.9 MILLION. 94 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:19,238 BUT WHEN IT WENT UP FOR AUCTION RECENTLY, THE HIGHEST BID CAME 95 00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:23,943 IN AT $277. HA 96 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,947 WOW! I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING LOSE 97 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:32,985 VALUE THAT QUICKLY SINCE KEVIN SPACEY'S OSCARS. 98 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:35,121 >> - OH! >> - REALLY? 99 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:39,425 REALLY? TOO ROUGH ON KEVIN SPACEY? 100 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:45,031 YOU READ THE NEWS, RIGHT? 101 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:48,100 DORSEY N.F.T. IS UNDETERRED, SAYING THAT THE DROP IN VALUE 102 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:51,938 WAS JUST A NORMAL FLUCTUATION THAT COULD OCCUR IN ANY MARKET, 103 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,941 AND THAT THE N.F.T. MARKET IS ONE THAT IS STILL DEVELOPING AND 104 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,744 IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PREDICT HOW IT WILL LOOK IN A FEW YEARS. 105 00:07:58,811 --> 00:07:59,946 AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'VE GOT AN N.F.T. OF A BRIDGE I'D 106 00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,114 LIKE TO SELL YOU. 107 00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:10,656 THIS-- 108 00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:14,961 LEAKS, BUT NO DRIBBLE OF INFORMATION IS COMPLETE WITHOUT 109 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:18,865 A TERRIFYING NEW ANECDOTE ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT NAPOLEON 110 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:19,532 BONERPILL. 111 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:26,739 THIS-- THIS-- 112 00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,210 COURTESY OF A NEW BOOK BY FORMER DEFENSE SECRETARY AND MAN 113 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:35,715 SO PATRIOTIC HE'S GOT AN EAGLE GROWING OUT OF HIS NECK, MARK 114 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:39,952 ESPER. BY THE WAY, SECRETARY ESPER WILL 115 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,956 BE MY GUEST HERE ON "THE LATE SHOW" NEXT TUESDAY. 116 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:47,927 PLEASE JOIN US. IN HIS BOOK, ESPER RECALLS WHAT 117 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,629 WAS GOING ON IN THE ADMINISTRATION ON JUNE 1, 2020, 118 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,931 WHEN DEMONSTRATORS WERE GATHERED AT LAFAYETTE SQUARE NEAR THE 119 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:55,234 WHITE HOUSE TO PROTEST POLICE ACTION IN THE DEATH OF GEORGE 120 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,137 FLOYD. AND TO ADDRESS THEIR CONCERNS 121 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,240 ABOUT POLICE BRUTALITY, THE FORMER PRESIDENT CALLED OUT 122 00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,943 THE NATIONAL GUARD TO HIT THE CROWD WITH TEAR GAS AND RUBBER 123 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:07,213 BULLETS SO HE COULD WALK ACROSS THE STREET WITH ESPER IN TOW AND 124 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,951 HOLD A BIBLE LIKE HE WAS RETURNING A HAM SANDWICH TO THE 125 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:16,889 DELI COUNTER. I'M JOKING, OBVIOUSLY. 126 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,225 HE WOULD NEVER RETURN A SANDWICH. 127 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:23,930 BUT ACCORDING-- 128 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:25,598 BUT ACCORDING TO ESPER'S BOOK, THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST-CASE 129 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,434 SCENARIO. ESPER WRITES THAT THE FORMER 130 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,837 PRESIDENT FIRST ASKED HIS DEFENSE SECRETARY, "CAN'T YOU 131 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,975 JUST SHOOT THEM? JUST SHOOT THEM IN THE LEGS OR 132 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:41,914 SOMETHING?" NOW, FOLKS, EVERY SO OFTEN, YOU 133 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:45,384 LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT THAT RANCID GARBAGE PILE THAT, 134 00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,954 UNBELIEVABLY, STILL SHOCKS YOU. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED 135 00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:51,691 STATES ASKED THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE TO USE THE MILITARY TO 136 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:55,227 SHOOT PROTESTORS. WHY STOP THERE? 137 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:58,798 WHY NOT NUKE THE PROTESTORS? OH, WAIT, HE WAS SAVING THE 138 00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:02,702 NUKES TO STOP THE HURRICANES. SHOOTING 139 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:03,936 THEM IN THE LEGS DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY BETTER. 140 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:07,106 LEGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT. THAT'S WHERE I KEEP SOME OF MY 141 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:11,077 FAVORITE BLOOD. EVIDENTLY, HE LEARNED CROWD 142 00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:11,944 CONTROL FROM THIS TRAINING 143 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:19,218 >> ALL RIGHT NOW, YA WISE GUY, DANCE! 144 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:24,256 WHILE-- I BELIEVE THAT WAS JOHN 145 00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:27,927 BOLTON. IT'S BEEN A WHILE-- 146 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:32,531 FROM FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR AND 147 00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,234 DEPRESSED TESTICLE, RUDY GIULIANI. 148 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:43,242 HOLDING DOWN A JOB THESE DAYS. 149 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,344 SO INSTEAD, HE'S ON CAMEO, A SERVICE WHERE, FOR A FEE, YOU 150 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,947 CAN GET A SHORT PERSONALIZED MESSAGE FROM A CELEBRITY. 151 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:51,917 OR FROM RUDY GIULIANI. NOW, RECENTY, GIULIANI TOOK TO 152 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,720 TWITTER TO PROMOTE HIS CAMEOS. HE'S SINCE DELETED THE TWEET, 153 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:58,657 BUT NOT BEFORE OUR FOOTAGE WIZARDS SNAGGED THE VIDEO. 154 00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,227 >> I'M RUDY GIULIANI. IF YOU WANNA HAVE A REALLY NICE 155 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:07,066 CONVERSATION OR A BIRTHDAY GREETING, OR JUST TALK GOLF, GO 156 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,869 TO THE LINK BELOW. >> 157 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,937 "WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING! EVEN ABOUT HOW THOSE WHO 158 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:15,741 ACTIVELY SEEK TO DESTROY THEIR OWN COUNTRY FACE NO 159 00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:19,211 CONSEQUENCES, AND CAN RELAX ON A GOLF COURSE, LOOKING LIKE A 160 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,814 HAPPY LITTLE POTATO IN CULOTTES, HAWKING BIRTHDAY GREETINGS FOR 161 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:25,217 MERLOT MONEY! CLICK BELOW!" 162 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:39,932 LOOK? 163 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:43,235 HE'S LIKE A GRANDPA DRESSED UP AS A KID DRESSED UP AS A 164 00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:44,970 GRANDPA. 165 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:50,109 HAPPENING DOWN HERE? WHAT IS HAPPENING DOWN HERE? 166 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:53,279 I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S WEARING SHORTS OR LONGS. 167 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:55,247 IT'S LIKE AN ADULT DIAPER AND A PAIR OF KHAKIS HAD A SECRET BABY 168 00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:59,118 THEY HID IN THE ATTIC. IT'S LIKE HE GRABBED SOME 169 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,453 DOCKERS, AND WHEN THEY SAW WHO WAS WEARING THEM, THEY TOOK 170 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:05,157 THEIR OWN LIFE BEFORE THEY HIT THE ANKLES. 171 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:10,830 HE LOOKS LIKE-- HE LOOKS LIKE THE NEW GERIATRIC MEMBER OF 172 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:15,935 BLINK 182. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU. 173 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,136 CHRIS O'DONNELL IS HERE, AND ELVIS COSTELLO TAKES THE COLBERT 174 00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:21,140 QUESTIONERT. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 175 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,209 IT'S "MEANWHILE" Y'ALL, IT'S "MEANWHILE." 176 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:08,888 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, RIGHT OVER THERE, 177 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:17,963 MAKING IT HAPPEN! HELLO, LOUIS. 178 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:21,834 >> HELLO, STEPHEN. >> LOUIS, HOW ARE YOU 179 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,068 DOING TONIGHT? >> DOING ALL RIGHT. 180 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:23,936 >> - OUR DEAR FRIEND CHRIS O'DONNELL FROM THE "- 181 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,172 LOS ANGELES" IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 182 00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:30,643 THEY ARE CELEBRATING 300? 300 EPISODE THIS SUNDAY, IT WILL 183 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,944 BE 300 EPISODE. AND I DON'T WANT TO-- IT'S NOT A 184 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:37,550 CONTEST. TONIGHT IS EPIS SO 1,260 FOR US. 185 00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:45,958 ALSO, MR. ELVIS COSTELLO WILL BE 186 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:50,896 HERE TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 187 00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:56,302 A GLAD MAN. YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST 188 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:57,970 OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, CAREFULLY SURVEYING AND 189 00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:02,908 EXCAVATING THE DAY'S NEWS LANDSCAPE, PLANNING AND CARVING 190 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,144 FROM IT BEAUTIFUL, YET CHALLENGING TEE BOXES AND STORY 191 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,478 FAIRWAYS, WHICH ARE THEN OVER-SEEDED WITH THE FINEST, 192 00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,148 MOST TOPICAL RYE GRASS AND FESCUE. 193 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,484 THEN, MAKING INVENTIVE USE OF TOPOGRAPHY, VEGETATION, AND 194 00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,887 DRAINAGE, I LAY IN HIGHLY SCULPTED AND ARCHITECTURAL JOKE 195 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:22,928 BERMS AND POT BUNKERS, THEN MANICURE TWO MILLIMETER 196 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,496 TOP-DRESSED AND AERATED POA TRIBE AND VELVET BENT GREENS 197 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:29,134 WITH A 13 FOOT STIMP-METER READING, AND AN ICONIC ISLAND 198 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,603 HOLE AT 17 TO PRESENT TO YOU, THE CHALLENGING AND ILLUSTRIOUS 199 00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:36,508 T.P.C. SAWGRASS STADIUM GOLF COURSE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY 200 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:42,481 MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, 201 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,650 SOMETIMES I SOBER UP AT 4,000 FEET WHILE STRAPPED INTO A 202 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,886 PARACHUTE, AND DEDUCE THAT I HAVE BEEN TOSSED FROM THE CESSNA 203 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,154 162 SKYCATCHER USED TO SMUGGLE ME OUT OF THE PHILIPPINES, THEN 204 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,858 I DRIFT INTO THE HIGH TENSION WIRES ABOVE AN ABANDONED 205 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,493 AMUSEMENT PARK WHERE I RIP THE CLOWN HEAD OFF AN OLD ICE CREAM 206 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,129 STAND, PUNCH A HOLE IN ITS MOUTH USING A BRICK I RIPPED OUT OF 207 00:14:57,196 --> 00:15:00,466 THE FOUNDATION OF A DEFUNCT HOSPITAL, SLAP IT ON A STRIP OF 208 00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:05,170 FLOOR MATS I STOLE FROM A HEARSE, THEN I WRESTLE A 209 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,739 CHIPPED MARBLE AWAY FROM A TOOTHLESS FORTUNE TELLER WHO 210 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:12,478 MUTTERS SOME WARNING ABOUT A WOLF CLAWING AT MY SOUL'S DOOR 211 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:16,148 AND I STAGGER TO THE DUMP AND GRAB A BROKEN HOCKEY STICK SO I 212 00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:17,349 CAN OPEN THE MANIC DRIFTER'S PUTT-PUTT COURSE OF NEWS THAT IS 213 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:23,088 "MEANWHILE!" 214 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:33,132 MEANWHILE-- IT IS THE WAY. 215 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:36,435 MEANWHILE, IN "IT-MUST-BE-FLORIDA" NEWS, AN 216 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,937 ALLIGATOR BROKE INTO A FLORIDA FAMILY'S GARAGE AND STARTED 217 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,372 CHUGGING DIET COKES. THE WORD 218 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:46,078 "METH" DOES NOT APPEAR IN THAT HEADLINE. 219 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,414 ONE OF THE HOMEOWNERS SAID THE GATOR "TORE OPEN THE BOX AND HAD 220 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,450 A FEW CANS," ADDING, "PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS BEER." 221 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:55,788 OF COURSE, BECAUSE IN THE WILD, A GATOR'S NATURAL PREY IS A 222 00:15:55,854 --> 00:16:03,595 SIX-PACK OF NATTY LITE. MEANWHILE, "ISRAEL IS PLANNING A 223 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:06,932 ZIP LINE FOR ANCIENT JERUSALEM." WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE. 224 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,134 AFTER ALL, THAT'S HOW JESUS ENTERED THE CITY ON PALM SUNDAY. 225 00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,403 THAT'S WHY THEY SAY, "HOSANNAH IN THE HIGHEST." 226 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:15,808 BECAUSE HE WAS... ACCORDING TO THE PLAN, THE ZIP 227 00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:20,913 LINE WOULD START ON "THE HILL OF EVIL COUNSEL, WHERE JUDAS 228 00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:24,016 PLOTTED TO BETRAY JESUS." SURE! 229 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,551 GO FOR IT! AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, WHY NOT 230 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:29,888 TURN THE LOCATION OF THE LAST SUPPER INTO A T.G.I.-GOOD 231 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:32,157 FRIDAY'S. 232 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:36,328 I BELIEVE THEY SERVE JALAPENO POPPERS. 233 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:40,566 MEANWHILE, "TACO BELL IS BRINGING BACK A FAN-FAVORITE 234 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:43,202 MENU ITEM, THE MEXICAN PIZZA, AFTER A TWO YEAR HIATUS." 235 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,938 TWO YEARS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG IT TAKES TO RECOVER FROM 236 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,140 EATING A TACO BELL MEXICAN PIZZA. 237 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:55,214 MEANWHILE, "THE F.D.A. IS 238 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:59,818 INVESTIGATING CLAIMS THAT MORE THAN 3,000 PEOPLE SAID THEY HAD 239 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,887 BEEN SICKENED AFTER EATING LUCKY CHARMS." 240 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:05,891 I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE AREN'T FEELING WELL AFTER EATING BOWLS 241 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:09,528 OF HIGH-FRUCTOSE, DEHYDRATED ELECTRIC PURPLE PACKING PEANUTS. 242 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:13,232 CONSUMERS HAVE COMPLAINED OF 243 00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:16,168 GASTROINTESTINAL ISSUES AFTER EATING THE CEREAL." 244 00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,870 PROMPTING THIS OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM A LUCKY CHARMS 245 00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:21,807 >> THE FEDS ARE AFTER ME LUCKY 246 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,476 CHARMS! TO THE ESCAPE BALLOON! 247 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:28,781 VENEZUELA HAS NO EXTRADITION TREATY! 248 00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:33,886 >> - WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE STAR OF "- LOS 249 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:34,453 ANGELES," CHRIS O'DONNELL. 250 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,941 GOT MY JUICE COFFEE. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST 251 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,476 TONIGHT STARS AS AGENT CALLEN ON "LOS ANGELES," WHICH WILL 252 00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:03,882 AIR ITS 300th EPISODE THIS SUNDAY. 253 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:07,786 HE HAS ALSO CO-CREATED THE NEW CBS DANCE COMPETITION SHOW, 254 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,021 "COME DANCE WITH ME." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 255 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:16,161 SHOW," CHRIS O'DONNELL. 256 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:31,109 AGAIN. 257 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,312 AGAIN. 258 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,881 >> GOOD TO SEE EVERYBODY BACK. I LOVE SEEING THE AUDIENCE. 259 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,183 >> ISN'T THAT PLEASANT? 260 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,519 >> AMAZING. >> IT'S BEEN A MINUTE 261 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,388 SINCE WE'VE SEEN YOU. 2018 WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE 262 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,289 HERE. >> I DON'T THINK I'VE BEEN TO 263 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,024 NEW YORK SINCE 2018. >> REALLY? 264 00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:50,629 >> IT'S BEEN A WHILE. >> HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? 265 00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:54,299 >> I'VE BEEN BUSY. IT'SED ANY TO BE BACK TO NEW 266 00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:56,535 YORK. IT HAS AN ENERGY LIKE NO OTHER 267 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,837 AND GOOD TO BE BACK HERE. >> IT HAS BEEN-- I 268 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:02,374 RECENTLY FOUND OUT THIS YEAR CELEBRATE 30 YEARS SINCE YOU 269 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,476 WERE IN "SCENT OF A WOMAN. THE. 270 00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:08,080 >> OH, MY GOSH. >> WITH AL PACINO. 271 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:11,884 >> THERE YOU GO. >> IN FACT, I L LIVED-- I LIVED 272 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:15,287 ABOUT THREE BLOCKS FROM HERE WHEN I DID THAT. 273 00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:18,090 >> LOOK AT THAT FACE. PUT THAT BACK UP. 274 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:21,326 >> I HATE TO SAY IT. I LOOK LIKE MY OLDER SON. 275 00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,028 HE CHOPPED THAT LID OFF. >> WHAT DO YOU 276 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:26,131 REMEMBER FROM THAT MOVIE? >> BESIDES THE AMAZING 277 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,166 EXPERIENCE I WAS LAUGHING. AS I WAS COMING OVER HERE, I 278 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:32,938 DROVE BY-- I LIVED ON A BILLION IN 57th BETWEEN 8th AND 279 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,673 9th. AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY, AND I 280 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,609 WAS YOUNG, AND I AM STUCK IN THIS BUILDING. 281 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:41,914 AND I COULDN'T SLEEP BECAUSE I WAS WORKING WITH AL PACINO. 282 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,817 00 IN THE MORNING, PUT ON ROLLER BLADES 283 00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:49,788 AND A DOWN JACKET AND ROLLER BLADE UP AND DOWN TIMES SQUARE 284 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,523 IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER. >> JUST TO CALM DOWN. 285 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,960 >> JUST TO CALM DOWN AND TRY TO SLEEP. 286 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,097 I WAS OUT OF MY MIND, I WAS LITERALLY-- I WAS A LITTLE 287 00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:00,299 NERVOUS. >> HOW ABOUT PACINO? 288 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,834 WAS HE NICE TO YOU? >> HE WAS AMAZING. 289 00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,871 THE FIRST FIVE MONTHS OF IT HE WAS REALLY KIND OF COOL TO ME, 290 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,408 AND NOT ENGAGING. I FOUND OUT AFTER THE FACT, THE 291 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:12,110 DIRECTOR SAID, "CHRIS IS REALLY NERVOUS AROUND YOU. 292 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,279 DON'T MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE." BECAUSE IT WORKED FOR THE MOVIE. 293 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,281 >> OH, OF COURSE. >> IT WORKED FOR THE CHARACTER. 294 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,584 >> RIGHT. >> FINALLY, THE LAST MONTH HE'S 295 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,819 LIKE, "HEY, YOU WANT TO COME OVER AND PLAY CARDS? 296 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,555 YOU WANT TO GO TO DINNER?" AND I WAS LIKE WHERE HAS THIS 297 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:26,858 BEEN FOR FIVE MONTHS? AND THEN I KIND OF FIGURED IT 298 00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:28,126 OUT. AND I SAID I CAN APPRECIATE 299 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,328 THAT. >> YOU DIDN'T REALIZE 300 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:32,564 HE WAS MAKING YOU METHOD ACT. >> HE WAS SCARING THE HELL OUT 301 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:35,467 OF ME. WE HAD DRESSING ROOMS NEXT TO 302 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,937 EACH OTHER, AND THIN WALLS, AND I COULD HEAR HIM IN THERE, 303 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:42,407 WHOING ON THESE SCENES. AND I WOULD PREAK OUT, "WE'RE 304 00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:45,978 NOT WORKOK THAT SCENE TODAY." HE WAS WORKING ON SCENESSZ FOR 305 00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:50,282 THE NEXT WEEK. AND I WAS LIKE, GOOD GOD, I HAVE 306 00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:53,685 TO LEARN MY LINES. >> YOU WERE LEARNING 307 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:58,991 YOUR LINES AND THROUGH THE WALL YOU HEARD HUU-AHH. 308 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:03,462 "LOS ANGELES" AIRING ITS 300th EPISODE, THAT'S KIND A 309 00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,397 SMILESTONE, THIS SUNDAY NIGHT. 14 SEASONS. 310 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,733 >> GOING ON 14, YEAH. >> 14 SEASONS. 311 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,936 I HAVE ASKED YOU THIS BEFORE, I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN A STRAIGHT 312 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,805 WHY IS THERE SO MUCH NAVAL CRIME IN LOS ANGELES? 313 00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:16,375 THERE ARE NO BOATS THERE. . 314 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:20,812 A LOT OF CRIME IN NEW ORLEANS, AND NOW IN HAWAII. 315 00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:22,347 >> YES. >> UM-- 316 00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:27,853 >> - I CAN'T WAIT FOR "- 317 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:31,056 DENVER." HAVE YOU GUYS GOT 300-- YOU MUST 318 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,392 HAVE SOLVED ALL THE CRIME AT THIS POINT. 319 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,194 >> CREATIVE WRITERS COMING UP WITH THE STORY LINES ON THAT. 320 00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:39,798 I AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT. 300 EPISODES IS A LOT. 321 00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:43,769 WE HAVE AN AMAZING CAST AND CREW WE WORK WITH EVERY DAY. 322 00:21:43,835 --> 00:21:47,172 >> THOSE ARE "GUNSMOKE." 323 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:50,042 >> TOP 20 -- >> TOP 20 LONGEST 324 00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:51,243 RUNNING SHOWS? >> YEAH. 325 00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:54,413 >> - THAT'S FANTASTIC. >> - HOW COME LL COOL J 326 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:58,016 HASN'T AGED A DAY? IS THERE SOME SECRET FORMULA 327 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,521 HE'S GOT? >> HE'S ANAMOTRONNIC. 328 00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:03,755 >> I WOULD BELIEVE THAT. 329 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,059 >> HE'S NOT REAL. WITH HIS WORK SCHEDULED, I DON'T 330 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,994 DOUBT IT, ACTUALLY. >> ONE OF THE THINGS 331 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,997 I HAVE ENJOYED OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IS THAT I-- I 332 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:15,967 DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER MET MY WIFE, EVIE, BUT SHE'S BEEN ON 333 00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,836 THE SHOW QUITE A BIT THE LAST TWO YEARS. 334 00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:20,505 FIRST OF ALL,-- >> YOU WERE DOING IT YOUR GARAGE 335 00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:22,441 FOR A WHILE. >> I WAS DOING IT IN 336 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:26,511 A SPARE BEDROOM FOR A WHILE, AND SHE WAS MY ONLY AUDIENCE MEMBER. 337 00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:29,915 >> BANDOLEERED. >> FOR 15 MONTHS IT 338 00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:32,484 WAS BASICALLY HER. AND IT'S BEEN SO FUN TO HAVE HER 339 00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:36,755 PART OF THE SHOW. I UNDERSTAND ON "NCIS--" 340 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:39,257 >> MY FAMILY. >> YOUR WIFE AND KIDS 341 00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:42,994 HAVE ALL BEEN ON. >> ALL BUT ONE. 342 00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:47,966 MY OLDEST SON WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON BUT SOMEBODY GOT COVID AND IT 343 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,502 DIDN'T HAPPEN. SPEAKING OF MY WIFE, I HAD MY 344 00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:55,640 WIFE WHEN I WAS DIRECTING AN EPISODE, AND SHE AND HER FRIENDS 345 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:59,111 SAID, "WE WANT TO BE ON. IF YOU'RE A DIRECTOR, THEY CAN'T 346 00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:00,912 SAY NO." >> THIS IS A LONG 347 00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:02,214 CON. THAT'S WHY SHE MARRIED YOU. 348 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:06,952 >> THIS IS HOW THEY WERE GOING TO GET INTO THE SCREEN ACTOR'S 349 00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:08,987 GUILD. THERE WAS A SCENE A GUY COMES 350 00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,156 INTO THE RESTAURANT AND SHOOT UP THE PLACE AND EVERYONE FREAKS 351 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:13,191 AND PANICS AND THEY'RE RUNNING AWAY. 352 00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:17,129 I'M WATCHING THE PLAYBACK AFTER WE DID THE TAPE-- THERE ARE 353 00:23:17,195 --> 00:23:20,499 HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE THERE-- THERE IS ONE GROUP OF GIRLS THAT COME 354 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:24,002 THROUGH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY, AND THEY'RE CARRYING THEIR REAL 355 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,270 CHAMPAGNE THAT THEY HAD ORDERED THEMSELVES. 356 00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:29,574 AND I LOOKED BACK AND THE D.P. SAID, "CHRIS, THEY'RE ALL 357 00:23:29,641 --> 00:23:32,177 LAUGHING." I SAID, "YEAH, I KNOW, THAT'S MY 358 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,745 WIFE. WE'RE GOING TO HANDLE THAT." 359 00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:38,250 I WENT BACK, "GUYS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME FIRED SO YOU NEED TO 360 00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:41,953 COOPERATE HERE AND MAYBE WHEN THE GUY STARTS FIRING A GUN, 361 00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,456 IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY. THAT'S ALL. 362 00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:46,691 DRILL DON DOWNA THAT." >> THIS IS AS A 363 00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:47,826 DIRECTOR. >> YES. 364 00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:51,663 >> WHAT IF WHEN YOANACTOR, WHEN THEY'RE ON SET, E 365 00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:54,800 WIFE AND KIDS, DOES IT MAKE YOU BETTER OR DOES IT MAKE YOU SUPER 366 00:23:54,866 --> 00:23:56,268 NERVOUS? >> IT DOESN'T MAKE ME NERVOUS. 367 00:23:56,334 --> 00:23:59,738 I GET A KICK OUT OF IT. I SEE HOE NERVOUS THEY ARE. 368 00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:03,809 I TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. I GET NERVOUS DOING CERTAIN 369 00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:06,611 EVENTS AND COMING ON A TALK SHOW IS A DIFFERENT THING, ON THE 370 00:24:06,678 --> 00:24:09,748 SET, YOU DO IT EVERY DAY AND YOU'RE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH IT. 371 00:24:09,815 --> 00:24:12,684 YOU HAVE AN APPRECIATION WHEN YOUR LOVED ONES COME ON AND 372 00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,554 THEY'RE OUT OF THEIR SORTS. >> I GET NERVOUS 373 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,055 BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. 374 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,023 >> RIGHT. >> I DON'T WANT THEM 375 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:22,060 TO COME ON AND-- >> IT'S KIND OF A NOVELTY, 376 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,663 THEY'RE NOT ON THERE HOPING FOR THEIR BIG BREAK. 377 00:24:24,729 --> 00:24:26,431 >> I DON'T KNOW. >> I HOPE THEY'RE NOT. 378 00:24:26,498 --> 00:24:30,001 >> I HAD MY SIX-YEAR-OLD, WHEN HE WAS SIX 379 00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:32,804 YEARS OLD, MY YOUNGEST, WAS ON THE OLD SHOW. 380 00:24:32,871 --> 00:24:37,275 HE SHOT THIS LITTLE PIECE, AND HE WAS AN UNCHIN OR SOMETHING 381 00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:42,013 LIKE THAT, AND HE WALKED OFFSTAGE-- I FOUND OUT FROM 382 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,284 WARDROBE LATER ON. THE SIX-YEAR-OLD LOOKS UP AND 383 00:24:46,351 --> 00:24:49,788 GOES, "I LIKED IT OUT THERE." 384 00:24:49,855 --> 00:24:52,691 TROUBLE. >> THIS IS HOME. 385 00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:55,560 >> HWW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED ACTING? 386 00:24:55,627 --> 00:25:00,031 PEOPLE HERE DON'T KNOW, YOU WERE ON "MEN DON'T LEAVE," THE FIRST 387 00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:03,802 THING I SAW YOU IN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL PERFORMANCE. 388 00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:04,903 >> THANK YOU. I WAS 18. 389 00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:07,706 I WAS DOING COMMERCIALS AS YOUNG AS THE AGE OF 14. 390 00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:09,841 >> WHAT WERE YOU SELLING? 391 00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:14,512 >> EVERYTHING, CABIN CRUNCH, FRUIT ROLL-UP S. 392 00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:16,481 >> HOW IS YOUR "BITE AND SMILE." 393 00:25:16,548 --> 00:25:20,485 >> I CAN RUN IN PLACE AND WHISPER IN YOUR EAR. 394 00:25:20,552 --> 00:25:23,154 BUT STILL TALK. >> NICELY DONE. 395 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:26,658 >> AND I CAN PUT MY HANDS IN MY POCKETS AND NOT MAKE THEM 396 00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:28,059 CREASE. >> YOU CAN'T TEACH 397 00:25:28,126 --> 00:25:29,327 THAT. YOU'RE BORN WITH THAT. 398 00:25:29,394 --> 00:25:33,031 >> I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT THAT IS MY LINE, "YOU CAN'T TEACH THAT." 399 00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,166 >> WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 400 00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:37,235 WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK CHRIS O'DONNELL ABOUT HIS LATEST 401 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:50,916 >> HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH CHRIS 402 00:25:50,982 --> 00:25:52,951 O'DONNELL. YOU HAVE COCREATED AND EXECUTIVE 403 00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:55,854 PRODUCED A NEW FAMILY DANCE COMPETITION? 404 00:25:55,921 --> 00:25:57,055 >> YES. >> YOU AND LL COOL J. 405 00:25:57,122 --> 00:26:00,592 >> IT WAS A LOGICAL PROGRESSION. >> EXACTLY, NAVAL 406 00:26:00,659 --> 00:26:02,894 CRIME-- >> NAVAL CRIME IN L.A., FAMILY 407 00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:04,496 DANCE, LET'S GO. >> IT'S CALLED "COME 408 00:26:04,562 --> 00:26:06,264 DANCE WITH ME." HOW DID THE SHOW COME ABOUT? 409 00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:09,701 >> IT CAME ABOUT FROM A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS IN THE REALITY 410 00:26:09,768 --> 00:26:12,103 WORLD AND WE TALKED ABOUT DOING SOMETHING. 411 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:15,507 WE HAVE KIDS THE SAME AGE AND SHARED THE DADDY-DAUGHTER DANCES 412 00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:17,609 AND THAT. IT'S INTERESTING, WHEN WE 413 00:26:17,676 --> 00:26:22,247 STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT, AND LL HEARD ABOUT IT AND I SAID I 414 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:24,182 DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S MY CUP OF TEA. 415 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,584 AND HE SAID THAT'S HOT. WE SHOULD DO THAT. 416 00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:28,286 COVID HIT. WE HAD BEEN DEVELOPING IT, AND 417 00:26:28,353 --> 00:26:32,190 WE TALKED TO CBS ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING WAS SHUT DOWN. 418 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:34,626 COVID HIT AND WE'RE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH THE FAMILY IN 419 00:26:34,693 --> 00:26:40,966 THE HOUSES AND I'M WATCHING MY LITTLE MAEVE DANCE AND I SAID 420 00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:46,271 SHE HAS GOOD MOVES WHERE DID SHE LEARN THAT? 421 00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:49,574 IT WAS TIKTOK. THE IDEA OF A PARENT-CHILD 422 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,042 COMPETITION SHOW. >> THESE AREN'T 423 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:54,379 CELEBRITIES. >> THE KID ARE REALLY TALENTED 424 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,349 DANCERS, THEY TAKE DANCE CLASSES. 425 00:26:57,415 --> 00:26:59,217 THEY'RE FROM 8-14. THE PARENTS ARE FROM ALL WALKS 426 00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,453 OF LIFE. THIS IS NOT THEIR COMFORT ZONE, 427 00:27:01,519 --> 00:27:03,421 AND DLOOS SOMETHING SO GREAT ABOUT WATCHING SOMEONE WHO 428 00:27:03,488 --> 00:27:06,291 DOESN'T WANT TO DANCE GET UP AND DANCE. 429 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:08,560 >> THE KIDS ARE TEACHING THE PARENTS? 430 00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:09,728 >> YES. >> THAT'S GOOD. 431 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:13,698 >> THE TWO LOWEST POINT TOTALS AT THE END HAVE TO HAVE A 432 00:27:13,765 --> 00:27:14,966 DANCE-OFF, WHICH IS FINE WITH THE KID. 433 00:27:15,033 --> 00:27:17,135 THAT'S WHAT THEY DO WITH THEIR FRIENDS. 434 00:27:17,202 --> 00:27:18,970 THE PARENTS HAVE TO BE A DANCE-OFF. 435 00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:21,706 ONE MOM IS A DOCTOR, AND THE OTHER GUY IS, YOU KNOW, A BANKER 436 00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:24,843 OR SOMETHING, AND THEY HAVE TO HAVE A DANCE-OFF. 437 00:27:24,909 --> 00:27:26,811 IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN. 438 00:27:26,878 --> 00:27:29,280 SO IT'S-- TUNE IN. >> DO YOU DANCE ON 439 00:27:29,347 --> 00:27:31,416 THE SHOW? >> I DO NOT DANCE ON THE SHOW. 440 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:32,817 >> BECAUSE YOU HAVE DANCED BEFORE. 441 00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:38,990 THIS IS YOU HONORING AL PACINO AT THE KENNEDY CENTER HONORS. 442 00:27:39,057 --> 00:27:42,994 I WAS HOSTING THE KENNEDY CENTER HONORS. 443 00:27:43,061 --> 00:27:45,263 AND YOU TANGOED YOUR HEART OUT. >> THIS WAS THE MOST 444 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:48,933 EMBARRASSING THING. I GOT A CALL, "CHRIS, AL IS 445 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,337 GOING TO GET THE KENNEDY CENTERS AWARD AND WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO 446 00:27:52,404 --> 00:27:55,407 COME IN AND SPEAK." I SAID THIS IS SUCH AN HONOR. 447 00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:58,276 WOW, THANK YOU. AND WE HAVE AN IDEA. 448 00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:01,579 I'M LIKE OKAY. "SO WE WANT TO RECREATE THE 449 00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:03,648 TANGO SCENE FROM "SCENT OF A WOMAN." 450 00:28:03,715 --> 00:28:05,150 I SAID, "GREAT, YOU SHOULD DO THAT. 451 00:28:05,216 --> 00:28:10,455 THAT WOULD BE AWESOME." WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO DANCE WITH 452 00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:13,792 GABRIELLE. I SAID, "NO, CHARLIE DIDN'T 453 00:28:13,858 --> 00:28:16,528 DANCE." "I KNOW, BUT IT WOULD BE SUCH A 454 00:28:16,594 --> 00:28:19,230 GREATER HONOR." I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO BUT 455 00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:21,533 THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS DANCE BEFORE THE PRESIDENT OF 456 00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:22,901 THE UNITED STATES AND 1,000 PEOPLE AT THE KENNEDY CENTER. 457 00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:24,369 I DIDN'T SAY NO. >> WHAT WAS THAT 458 00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:27,972 MOMENT LIKE? >> HONESTLY, MY WIFE WAS 459 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,974 LAUGHING. I SAID, "I'M GOING TO HAVE A 460 00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:32,477 NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. I NEED A DOCTOR. 461 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,279 I'M FREAKING OUT." IT WAS FINE. 462 00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:38,016 I DIDN'T DROP GABRIELLE. I HAVE AN APPRECIATION FOR WHAT 463 00:28:38,083 --> 00:28:40,685 THESE PARENTS ARE GOING THROUGH. LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY. 464 00:28:40,752 --> 00:28:42,954 >> CHRIS, IT WAS SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN, THANK 465 00:28:43,021 --> 00:28:45,924 YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. >> THANK YOU. 466 00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,158 >> - "COME DANCE WITH ME" - 00 P.M. ON 467 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:52,297 CBS. IT'S CHRIS O'DONNELL, EVERYBODY. 468 00:28:52,363 --> 00:28:54,866 WHEN WE COME BACK, I GIVE ELVIS COSTELLO THE COLBERT 469 00:28:54,933 --> 00:28:55,934 QUESTIONERT. STICK AROUND 470 00:29:10,949 --> 00:29:17,122 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE ARTIST 471 00:29:17,188 --> 00:29:18,189 BEHIND THE NEW CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED ALBUM "THE BOY NAMED 472 00:29:18,256 --> 00:29:19,390 IF," ELVIS COSTELLO. ELVIS, IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE. 473 00:29:19,457 --> 00:29:22,527 YOU KNOW, I'M A LONGTIME FAN, VERY HAPPY IN MY OLD AGE TO 474 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:24,462 BECOME FRIEND WITH YOU, IF I MAY SAY SO. 475 00:29:24,529 --> 00:29:26,831 >> THANK YOU. >> I HAVE YOUR PHONE 476 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:29,767 NUMBER SO I'LL BANLER YOU IF YOU DON'T SAY THAT WE'RE FRIENDS. 477 00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:32,036 >> WE ARE FRIENDS, STEPHEN. YOU KNOW THAT. 478 00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,873 >> THAT'S ALMOST BELIEVABLE. 479 00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,608 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THE ONE THING ABOUT TALKING TO 480 00:29:36,674 --> 00:29:39,210 GUESTS, EVEN ONES WHO I KNOW A LITTLE BIT, IS THAT THIS IS NOT 481 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:45,617 ENOUGH TIME TO ACTUALLY PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF THEIR SOUL. 482 00:29:45,683 --> 00:29:49,587 IT USUALLY SKIPS ACROSS THE SURFACE A LITTLE BIT, EVEN WITH 483 00:29:49,654 --> 00:29:53,525 INTERVIEWERS AS GOOD AS I AM. I DO LIKE TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE 484 00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:56,995 AS WHO THEY REALLY ARE-- >> I SENSE WHERE THIS IS 485 00:29:57,061 --> 00:29:58,830 LEADING. >> THE SCIENTISTS UP 486 00:29:58,897 --> 00:30:04,435 IN "LATE SHOW" LABS HAVE COME UP WITH 15 QUESTIONS THAT, 487 00:30:04,502 --> 00:30:06,604 UNERRINGLY, HEAT SEEKINGLY FIND THE SOUL OF THE SUBJECT AND 488 00:30:06,671 --> 00:30:09,607 REVEAL THEM TO THE WORLD. ARE YOU READY TO BE KNOWN, ELVIS 489 00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:10,542 COSTELLO? >> I GUESS SO. 490 00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:13,211 I HAVE NO ESCAPE. >> THAT IS RIGHT. 491 00:30:13,278 --> 00:30:15,213 WE'VE LOCKED THE DOORS TO THE THEATER. 492 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:20,985 THIS IS THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT." 493 00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:24,455 ELVIS COSTELLO, WHAT IS THE BEST 494 00:30:24,522 --> 00:30:26,257 SANDWICH? >> THE BEST SANDWICH? 495 00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:32,830 >> YES. >> A CONNIE ARNEY BUSY. 496 00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:34,432 >> WHAT HAPPENS THERE? 497 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:39,737 >> YOU GET A CAN OPENER, AND YOU OPEN THE CAN OF CONDENSED MILK, 498 00:30:39,804 --> 00:30:43,908 AND YOU PORIT ON WHITE BREAD. >> WOW! 499 00:30:43,975 --> 00:30:47,845 THAT IS--THAT IS-- POSTWAR FLNDR HEARD IT. 500 00:30:47,912 --> 00:30:50,114 >> YEAH. WOW. 501 00:30:50,181 --> 00:30:53,618 >> I ONLY HAD IT ONCE, AND I'M STILL RUNNING ON THE CONTENT. 502 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,988 >> WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? 503 00:30:57,055 --> 00:30:59,624 >> WOLVERINE. >> A WOLVERINE. 504 00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:01,626 >> NO, NO, TASMANIAN DEVIL. >> OH, OKAY. 505 00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:07,232 >> TASMANIAN DEVIL, YOU HAVE SEEN ONE IN REAL LIFE. 506 00:31:07,298 --> 00:31:09,000 >> I HAVE ONLY SEEN THE CARTOON. 507 00:31:09,067 --> 00:31:12,070 >> THAT IS AN ACTUALLY FAIRLY GOOD DESCRIPTION OF THEM. 508 00:31:12,136 --> 00:31:13,438 >> REALLY? >> YES. 509 00:31:13,504 --> 00:31:19,310 I ONCE SAW A VERY HAIRY-LEGGED AUSTRALIAN KEEPER AT A GAME 510 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,013 RESERVE BRAVELY GET INTO THE ENCLOSURE, KICK A HOLLOW LOG, 511 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:27,619 AND IT CAME OUT VERY MUCH LIKE THE CARTOON TASMANIAN DEVIL, A 512 00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:29,821 SORT OF SPINNING BALL OF FUR AND TEETH. 513 00:31:29,887 --> 00:31:34,626 AND YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY WITH SUCH HAIRY LEGGING MOVE SO 514 00:31:34,692 --> 00:31:37,028 FAST. >> APPLES OR ORANGES? 515 00:31:37,095 --> 00:31:38,997 >> APPLES. >> GOOD ANSWER. 516 00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:42,033 >> APPLES. >> BECAUSE YOU CAN'T 517 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:46,638 PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN APPLE. >> THAT'S REVOLT, "BUT NO. 518 00:31:46,704 --> 00:31:48,806 >> YOU HAVE EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR 519 00:31:48,873 --> 00:31:49,574 AUTOGRAPH? >> OH, YES, YES. 520 00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:51,142 >> DO YOU REMEMBER WHO? 521 00:31:51,209 --> 00:31:53,611 >> GREGORY PECK. >> WOW. 522 00:31:53,678 --> 00:31:55,947 >> YEAH. >> THAT'S A GREAT 523 00:31:56,014 --> 00:31:57,348 ANSWER. >> GREGORY PECK. 524 00:31:57,415 --> 00:32:01,019 I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, GREGORY PECK. >> HOW LONG AGO ARE 525 00:32:01,085 --> 00:32:02,987 WE TALKING? WHAT ERA OF PECK. 526 00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:09,727 >> I WAS AROUND NINE, AND I LIVE MERE WHERE "HARD DAY'S NIGHT 527 00:32:09,794 --> 00:32:13,965 "WAS SHOT AND THE BEGINNING OF "LET IT BE" WHICH BECAME "GET 528 00:32:14,032 --> 00:32:15,667 BACK." AND OCCASIONALLY THE WORD WOULD 529 00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:19,937 GO AROUND, LIKE THE GIRL NEXT DOOR WHO WAS A BIT OLDER THAN ME 530 00:32:20,004 --> 00:32:26,978 HUNG OUTSIDE AND SOUGHT BEATLES AND GOT WILFORD BRAMBELLS 531 00:32:27,045 --> 00:32:28,579 AUTOGRAPH. >> OH, WOW, SURE. 532 00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:32,684 >> AND WE GOT THE WORD THEY WERE DOING A SCENE IN OUR LOCAL PARK 533 00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:35,453 WHERE WE KICK THE BALL AROUND, AND THERE WAS GREGORY PECK. 534 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,456 YOU KNOW, I HAD SEEN HIM IN A MOVIE OR TWO, AND I ASKED HIM 535 00:32:38,523 --> 00:32:41,159 FOR AN AUTOGRAPH. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. 536 00:32:41,225 --> 00:32:42,827 I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS A FUNNY THING. 537 00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:44,462 >> DO YOU STILL HAVE IT? 538 00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:47,799 >> I DO. I HAVE ALL THE AUTOGRAPHS I GOT. 539 00:32:47,865 --> 00:32:51,402 MY DAD GOT THE BEATLES' OUGHT THOGRAPH IN 1963 AND BROUGHT 540 00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:54,706 THEM HOME TO ME IN ONE PIECE OF PAPER AND I CUT AROUND THEM AND 541 00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:57,008 PUT THEM IN MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK. >> WOW. 542 00:32:57,075 --> 00:33:03,247 >> AUTOGRAPHS ARE A FUNNY THING. I'VE GOT SOME PEOPLE WHO I HAVE 543 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,485 GOFORGOT NOW, AND I HAVE MY GRANDFATHER'S AUTOGRAPH BOOK AS 544 00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:10,955 WELL. HE HAS DUKE ELLINGTON'S FROM THE 545 00:33:11,022 --> 00:33:12,890 SS OLYMPIC. >> I HOPE YOU HAVE 546 00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:14,992 THESE UNDER LOCK AND KEY. >> I DO. 547 00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:18,463 AND YOU WON'T WREST THEM FROM ME, NO MATTER HOW MUCH -- 548 00:33:18,529 --> 00:33:20,531 >> YOU HAVE TO SLEEP SOMETIMES. 549 00:33:20,598 --> 00:33:21,833 WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DO? 550 00:33:21,899 --> 00:33:24,969 >> WE GO INTO EVERYTHING. WE GO INTO EVERYTHING. 551 00:33:25,036 --> 00:33:28,406 YOU KNOW, CAN I JUST SAY, IF IT ISN'T TOO LATE TO SAY THIS. 552 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:31,876 >> GO AHEAD. >> WHEN WE WERE REHEARSING FOR 553 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:34,278 OUR SONG ON YOUR SHOW. >> YEAH. 554 00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:40,518 >> I SAW MY PICTURES THAT I DREW WITH MY ELECTRIC PENCIL-- SOME 555 00:33:40,585 --> 00:33:44,889 OF THEM AT MY MOTHER'S BEDSIDE-- ON THE CEILING OF THE ED 556 00:33:44,956 --> 00:33:46,524 SULLIVAN THEATER. YOU KNOW, IT'S NO SECRET, I'VE 557 00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:49,627 BEEN IN THIS THEATER BEFORE WITH YOU AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE. 558 00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:53,131 AND SEEING IT UP THERE, I THOUGHT, "WHAT'S THE CHANCES? 559 00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:56,300 MAYBE I'LL GET A CALL FROM THE POPE. 560 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:59,504 THEY'VE GOT A FEW CHAPELS THERE, THEY MIGHT NEED PAINTING. 561 00:33:59,570 --> 00:34:02,707 AND LOOK UP THERE." WHERE DO WE GO? 562 00:34:02,774 --> 00:34:06,644 INTO THE SEALE ISING. WE GO INTO THE CEILING, STEPHEN, 563 00:34:06,711 --> 00:34:09,247 INTO THE CEILING WITH EVERYTHING. 564 00:34:09,313 --> 00:34:17,622 GOHEAVEN. GOHEAV TO HEAVEN.THE CEILING OFN 565 00:34:17,688 --> 00:34:19,757 THEATER. >> THERE ARE WORSE 566 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:20,658 DESTINATIONS. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. 567 00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:22,360 >> ACTION MOVIE. >> ACTION MOVIE. 568 00:34:22,427 --> 00:34:26,197 >> WELL I BECAME SOMETHING OF AN EXPERT ON THE UNIVERSE OF MARVEL 569 00:34:26,264 --> 00:34:29,333 OVER THE LAST LITTLE WHILE BECAUSE WE HAD A LOT OF TIME, 570 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,603 WATCHED MOVIES TOGETHER. ACTION MOVIE. 571 00:34:32,670 --> 00:34:37,442 THE "THE GREAT ESCAPE." DOES THAT COUNT? 572 00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:40,044 IS THERE 100%. >> DONALD PLEASANT. 573 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:44,449 >> AND STEVE McQUEEN. CAN ANYBODY TELL ME HOW HE GOT 574 00:34:44,515 --> 00:34:47,585 THAT CREWED NECK SWEATER IN A PRISONER OF WAR CAMP? 575 00:34:47,652 --> 00:34:53,157 OR THAT LEATHER JACKET, OR THAT BASEBALL MITT. 576 00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:55,493 >> I DON'T KNOW. >> THE MOTOR BIKE HE STOLE. 577 00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:01,265 >> SURE. >> BUT THE B BASEBALL MITT AND 578 00:35:01,332 --> 00:35:03,034 FLYING JACKET AND COOL-LOOKING SWEATER. 579 00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:04,735 >> IT'S STEVE McQUEEN. 580 00:35:04,802 --> 00:35:07,271 HE CAN HAVE WHAT HE WANTS. WINDOW OR AISLE? 581 00:35:07,338 --> 00:35:09,707 >> WINDOW OR AISLE? ABSOLUTELY AISLE. 582 00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:12,076 >> WHY? WHY? 583 00:35:12,143 --> 00:35:14,445 WHY? >> YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO 584 00:35:14,512 --> 00:35:15,613 ESCAPE. >> IN CASE OF 585 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,616 SOMETHING GOES BAD OR TO GET TO THE BATHROOM? 586 00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:22,987 >> WELL, IF YOU DO HAVE, YOU KNOW, SORT OF A PERSON THAT'S-- 587 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:29,160 I DON'T KNOW-- SORT OF LISTENING TO SOME KIND OF MUSIC ON THE 588 00:35:29,227 --> 00:35:32,997 LITTLE HEADPHONES THAT IS GHASTLY, YOU CAN RUN AWAY. 589 00:35:33,064 --> 00:35:36,033 IT'S LIKE GO AND LURK IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE WHEN YOU WERE 590 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:38,169 ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND. I ALWAYS THINK THE AISLE. 591 00:35:38,236 --> 00:35:42,006 I GET EMBARRASSED WHEN PEOPLE HAVE ALL THEIR STUFF AND YOU 592 00:35:42,073 --> 00:35:46,077 SAY, "I NEED TO GET OUT FOR A MOMENT TO GET SOMETHING FROM MY 593 00:35:46,143 --> 00:35:47,612 BAG." I'M VERY CAREFUL ABOUT THAT KIND 594 00:35:47,678 --> 00:35:49,547 OF THING. >> I'M WITH YOU. 595 00:35:49,614 --> 00:35:52,049 FAVORITE SMELL. >> FAVORITE SMELL. 596 00:35:52,116 --> 00:35:55,820 WELL, I WOULD SAY, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE THINGS ASSOCIATED 597 00:35:55,887 --> 00:35:59,924 WITH-- WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE. I THINK, YOU KNOW, IT'S-- IT'S 598 00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:02,994 SORT OF LIKE JUST A MOMENTARY THING. 599 00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:07,498 EVERYTHING FROM A CHILD'S HEAD TO THE ONE YOU LOVE'S, YOU KNOW, 600 00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:10,201 THE NAPE OF THE NECK. WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE? 601 00:36:10,268 --> 00:36:12,236 IT'S ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE RICH. 602 00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:15,873 >> SURE. SOME PEOPLE SAY CHOCOLATE. 603 00:36:15,940 --> 00:36:17,074 BUT-- >> NO, NO. 604 00:36:17,141 --> 00:36:21,612 >> NOT CHOCOLATE. >> YOU SEE SOME PEOPLE ALSO SAY 605 00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:25,650 CHOCOLATE AND RASPBERRIES CAN BE EATEN TOGETHER AND THAT'S A 606 00:36:25,716 --> 00:36:28,886 COMPLETE AVERSION. RASPBERRIES ON THEIR OWN, 607 00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:31,822 CHOCOLATE ON THEIR OWN, FINE. TOGETHER? 608 00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:34,191 HORRIBLE? >> LEAST FAVORITE 609 00:36:34,258 --> 00:36:36,160 SMELL? LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? 610 00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:40,031 >> LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? MY PAL I WAS IN A BAND WITH IN 611 00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:48,439 1971 IN LIVERPOOL LIVED NEXT DOOR TO JAKOB'S CREAM CRACKER 612 00:36:48,506 --> 00:36:50,408 FACTORY. JAKOB'S CREAM CRACKER FACTORY. 613 00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:53,611 THEY WERE VERY POPULAR. MAYBE THEY DON'T EXIST HERE. 614 00:36:53,678 --> 00:36:58,082 ONE OF THE OVERPOWERING SMELLS WAS WHEN I WOULD GET OUT TO 615 00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:01,285 REHEARSE WITH HIM, THEY WOULD BE COOKING THOSE, AND IT WAS AS IF 616 00:37:01,352 --> 00:37:06,991 I COULD VISUALIZE A GIANT CREAM CRACKER, WATER BISCUIT, FLOATING 617 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:09,627 IN SPACE. AND SOMETIMES IT WAS REALLY 618 00:37:09,694 --> 00:37:10,528 THERE. >> THAT IS BAD? 619 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:12,330 THAT IS YOUR LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL? 620 00:37:12,396 --> 00:37:15,733 >> THAT SIZE, EVEN A CRACKER IS INTIMIDATING. 621 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,169 YEAH. >> WHAT'S THE MOST-USED APP ON 622 00:37:18,235 --> 00:37:21,572 YOUR PHONE, ELVIS? >> WHAT'S A PHONE? 623 00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:25,676 WHAT'S AN APP? NO, I'M KIDDING. 624 00:37:25,743 --> 00:37:27,979 PROBABLY VOICE MEMO. >> VOICE MEMO TO 625 00:37:28,045 --> 00:37:31,248 YOURSELF? >> I USED TO CARRY NOTELOOK BOOK 626 00:37:31,315 --> 00:37:34,852 AROUND AND I WOULD LOSE THEM OR LEAVE THEM SOMEWHERE. 627 00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:37,855 IF YOU SEE ME MUMBLING TO MYSELF. 628 00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:40,992 IT'S NOT AN AFFLICTION. IT'S PROBABLY A SONG I WILL 629 00:37:41,058 --> 00:37:46,297 RELEASE. >> I HEARD PAUL SIMON 630 00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:49,634 WRITES LYRICS TO THE MUSIC. WHAT'S YOUR ORDER. 631 00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:53,237 ARE YOU LYRICS FIRST? >> THAT WAS THE WONDERFUL THING 632 00:37:53,304 --> 00:37:55,539 ABOUT SEEING THOSE-- THOSE MOMENTS WHERE, YOU KNOW, THESE 633 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:59,076 THINGS WERE COMING INTO EXISTENCE, JUST BY WILLING THEM 634 00:37:59,143 --> 00:38:00,444 THERE. IF YOU'VE PLAYED THE GUITAR AND 635 00:38:00,511 --> 00:38:02,813 BEEN IN A BAND, YOU'VE DONE THAT. 636 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,517 SOMETIMES I WOULD BE WRITING THE LYRICS ON ONE LINE OF THE 637 00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:10,655 SONGS-- I TEND TO WRITE THEM ALL BEFORE WE WENT INTO THE STUDIO. 638 00:38:10,721 --> 00:38:14,892 IT WOULD BE MORE LIKE-- IF I'M HOLDING THE GUITAR, THE SONGS 639 00:38:14,959 --> 00:38:16,594 ARE BEING RIPPED OUT BY THE RHYTHM. 640 00:38:16,661 --> 00:38:20,431 IF I SIT DOWN AT THE PIANO-- WHICH I DON'T PLAY WELL-- ALL OF 641 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:23,601 THE POSSIBILITIES ARE THERE AND YOU STUMBLE ON-- THAT'S A NICE 642 00:38:23,668 --> 00:38:25,469 CHORD. AND THEN I THINK YOU MIGHT WRITE 643 00:38:25,536 --> 00:38:27,304 THE MUSIC FIRST. IT DEPENDS ON THE INSTRUMENT. 644 00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:31,842 >> CATS OR DOGS? >> CATS OR DOGS? 645 00:38:31,909 --> 00:38:35,946 WITHOUT QUESTION, DOGS. CATS ARE ALL PLOTTING OUR 646 00:38:36,013 --> 00:38:37,114 DOWNFALL. . 647 00:38:37,181 --> 00:38:41,018 SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? 648 00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:45,156 >> A VERY EXTREMELY LONG SONG. I CAN PICK, LIKE, "REVOLUTION 49 649 00:38:45,222 --> 00:38:48,325 "BY THE BEATLES. >> SURE. 650 00:38:48,392 --> 00:38:49,760 >> NOT 49. 9. 651 00:38:49,827 --> 00:38:53,164 >> I THOUGHT YOU PERHAPS KNEW A BEATLE SONG I 652 00:38:53,230 --> 00:38:54,732 DIDN'T KNOW. >> I MAYBE SHOULD SAY THAT 653 00:38:54,799 --> 00:39:00,671 AGAIN, SHOULDN'T I? WHAT'S SONG I WOULD LISTEN TO 654 00:39:00,738 --> 00:39:03,841 FORMORE. I REALLY COULDN'T SAY. 655 00:39:03,908 --> 00:39:07,445 >> RINGO SAID "COME TOGETHER." 656 00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:11,816 >> "COME TOGETHER "IS A VERY GOOD SENTIMENT, EVEN IF HE MIGHT 657 00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:13,617 HAVE MEANT IT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. 658 00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:19,824 NO, I WOULD SAY... WELL, I'LL GO 659 00:39:19,890 --> 00:39:21,625 WITH RINGO. WHATEVER RINGO SAYS. 660 00:39:21,692 --> 00:39:25,663 I'LL HAVE TWO OF THAT. >> WHAT NUMBER AM I 661 00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:29,633 THINKING OF? >> 49. 662 00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:32,136 >> NO. 663 00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:45,616 OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> TRAPPED IN THE ED SULLIVAN? 664 00:39:45,683 --> 00:39:48,152 >> ELVIS COSTELLO, EVERYBODY. 665 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:49,086 . WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 666 00:39:49,153 --> 00:39:51,155 THANK YOU, ELVIS. 667 00:40:11,008 --> 00:40:14,278 LATE SHOW." 668 00:40:14,345 --> 00:40:16,380 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY BILLY CRYSTAL, JEAN 669 00:40:16,447 --> 00:40:18,449 SMART, AND JAKE TAPPER. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!