IN HIS NEW BOOK FORMER
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE MARK ESPER SAYS THAT TRUMP COMPLAINED THE
U.S. NAVY SHIPS LOOKED UGLY, WRITING, "IT'S THE FIRST ANNUAL
MISS( )USA BATTLESHIP CONTEST...
>> BUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT DID HAVE A SUGGESTION TO FIX THIS
PROBLEM. >> IT'S THE FIRST ANNUAL MISS
U.S.A. BATTLESHIP CONTEST. ♪ THERE SHE IS -- ♪
>> -- FEATURING CONTESTANTS FROM ALL THE STATES, LIKE MISS U.S.S.
TEXAS, MISS U.S.S. MAINE, BEIN
JUDGED ON THE CATEGORIES OF EVENING GOWN, SWIMSUIT, AND, OF
COURSE, TALENT! IT'S ALL HAPPENING TONIGHT, ON
THE MISS U.S.A. BATTLESHIP CONTEST!
>> I'M SO HAPPY! I CAN'T BELIEVE I WON!
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, SINGING IN UKRAINE. PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SECRETARY
MARK ESPER AND JUDD APATOW. FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: HELLO
>> Stephen: HELLO! HELLO!
OH. SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
HELLO. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HELLO. WHAT'S UP?
HELLO. HAPPY MONDAY.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL. THANK YOU, MARCUS, VERY KIND.
THANK YOU, SIR. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM BACK, BABY!
COVID -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON! TWO TIMES!
COVID'S NOT GONNA KEEP THIS GUY DOWN... MORE THAN TWICE.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: I HAD COVID, I GOT OVER COVID, THEN
COVID STAGED A GRITTY REBOOT IN MY LUNGS.
BUT I'M BACK AND I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I MISS THESE LOVELY PEOPLE.
MISS Y'ALL. WHILE I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK, I'M
SAD TO SAY THAT THE NUMBER ONE STORY TODAY IS NOT ONLY TRAGIC,
IT IS TRAGICALLY COMMON. BECAUSE THE ATTACK IN BUFFALO
THIS WEEKEND IS NOT THE FIRST OVERTLY RACIST MASS SHOOTING
THIS COUNTRY HAS WITNESSED IN RECENT YEARS.
IT'S A TRULY HORRIFIC CRIME, AND OF COURSE, OUR HEARTS ARE WITH
THE VICTIMS, THEIR FAMILIES, AND THEIR COMMUNITY: IN THIS CASE, A
PREDOMINANTLY BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD THAT THE SUSPECT TARGETED AFTER
SPELLING OUT HIS MOTIVATIONS IN AN ONLINE RANT WHERE HE REFERRED
TO SOMETHING CALLED 'REPLACEMENT THEORY,' A WHITE SUPREMACIST
CONSPIRACY BASED ON THE IDEA THAT WHITE PEOPLE WILL BE
REPLACED BY PEOPLE OF COLOR. OBVIOUSLY, IT'S RACIST AND
CRAZY. ALSO, IF YOU THINK WHITE PEOPLE
ARE BEING REPLACED, THEN WHO'S SHOPPING AT VINEYARD VINES?
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A QUALITY PRODUCT.
DON'T GET ME WRONG. SO WHERE DOES SOMEONE GET AN
IDEA THAT MONSTROUS? WELL, IT USED TO BE ONLY FROM
THE FARTHEST RIGHT FRINGE ORGANIZATIONS -- YOUR
STORMFRONTS, YOUR NEO-NAZIS. BUT THESE DAYS YOU CAN SEE IT
EVERY NIGHT ON TV, THANKS TO FOX NEWS HOST AND DEER CAUGHT
MASTURBATING IN THE HEADLIGHTS, TUCKER CARLSON.
( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK TIMES,
REPLACEMENT THEORY IS A CENTRAL THEME ON TUCKER'S SHOW.
THEIR INVESTIGATION FOUND THAT HIS PRODUCERS SOMETIMES SCOURED
HIS SHOW'S RAW MATERIAL FROM THE SAME DARK CORNERS OF THE
INTERNET THAT THE BUFFALO SUSPECT DID.
NOW, THAT DOESN'T MEAN TUCKER'S RESPONSIBLE, BUT I WOULD HOPE IT
WOULD GIVE ANYONE PAUSE TO FIND OUT THAT THEIR BROWSER HISTORY
MATCHES THAT OF A MASS MURDERER. IF I FOUND OUT THAT JEFFREY
DAHMER WAS REALLY INTO "THE LORD OF THE RINGS," I MIGHT SWITCH
OVER TO THE "NARNIA" STUFF. ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, LET'S GO VISIT LION JESUS. ( LAUGHTER )
ALTHOUGH IT SOUNDS CRAZY, RECENT POLLS SHOW 50% OF REPUBLICANS
AGREE WITH THIS GARBAGE. NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S BEING
MAINSTREAMED BY FOX NEWS, BUT BECAUSE IT'S BEING MAINSTREAMED
BY HIGH-RANKING REPUBLICANS, LIKE GOP CONFERENCE CHAIR AND
JUDGE MAKING A TODDLER CRY AT THE TALENT SHOW, ELISE STEFANIK.
IN A SERIES OF FACEBOOK ADS LATE LAST YEAR, STEFANIK'S CAMPAIGN
CLAIMED THAT RADICAL DEMOCRATS' PLAN TO GRANT AMNESTY TO 11
MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS WILL OVERTHROW OUR CURRENT ELECTORATE
AND CREATE A PERMANENT LIBERAL MAJORITY IN WASHINGTON.
OOH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE LIBERALS WILL DO WITH THEIR
POWERFUL MAJORITY? BEG JOE MANCHIN FOR PAID FAMILY
LEAVE, AND THEN WHEN HE DOESN'T VOTE FOR IT, SAY, OH, OKAY THEN
IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE WE COULD DO FOR YOU?
WHAT IF WE FED COAL DIRECTLY TO DOLPHINS?
SO, THAT'S TERRIBLE. BUT HERE'S SOMETHING I DON'T GET
TO SAY A LOT: THERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM EASTERN EUROPE.
'CUZ OVER THE WEEKEND, UKRAINE WON THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
"SLAVA UKRAINE," WHICH OF COURSE, MEANS, "SUCK IT, PUTIN,"
BECAUSE RUSSIA WAS BANNED FROM EUROVISION.
BIG BUMMER FOR RUSSIA'S TOP RAPPER MEGAN THE POTATO.
( LAUGHTER ) THE WINNING ENTRY WAS A SONG
FROM THE UKRAINIAN BAND, KALUSH ORCHESTRA.
LET'S SEE THE WINNERS IN ACTION. ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON! COME ON!
BRINGING IT! >> Jon: HE'S GOT A VIBE!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT IS MY
FAVORITE KIND OF, I WANNA SAY, FOLKRAP-E.D.M.-FLUTE-BASED-HOBBI
T ROCK. I WAS SO INSPIRED THAT TODAY, I
SENT PEOPLE OUT TO BUY THAT YARD-LONG ONE-HITTER HE'S
WORKING, WHICH I NOW KNOW IS CALLED A TELENKA.
THAT'S A HOT SOUND. >> HOT SOUND.
>> Stephen: LOUIS, PLAY ME IN. ♪♪
♪♪
( CHEERING )
THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
HAS RUSSIA SURRENDERED YET? ( LAUGHTER )
THE WINNING SONG IS CALLED "STEFANIA" AND WAS WRITTEN ABOUT
THE FRONTMAN'S MOTHER. REALLY RAISING THE BAR FOR
CHILDREN EVERYWHERE. (AS MOM)
"THOSE NICE BOYS FROM UKRAINE DID A WHOLE AWARD-WINNING SONG
ABOUT THEIR MOM. IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR.
YOU WON'T EVEN REPLY TO MY EMAILS.
I SENT YOU TEN MINION MEMES, AND YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN ME SO MUCH AS
A LOL." IT'S A ROUGH TIME FOR NEW
PARENTS NOW BECAUSE, NATIONWIDE, 40% OF
BABY FORMULA IS OUT OF STOCK. LUCKILY FOR PARENTS, LIQUOR
STORES ARE STILL FULLY STOCKED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
RHYTHM'S GONNA GET YA. ( LAUGHTER )
THE JUNIOR JUICE IS IN SUCH SHORT SUPPLY THAT RECENTLY, A
3-PACK OF BABY FORMULA SOLD FOR $238 ON EBAY.
SOUNDS LIKE A LOT, BUT IT WAS SIGNED BY HANK AARON.
( LAUGHTER ) THANKS TO THE SHORTAGE, SOME
DESPERATE PARENTS ARE EVEN TRYING HOMEMADE BABY FORMULA
RECIPES. OH, GREAT.
NOW EVERYONE'S BROTHER-IN-LAW IS GOING TO BE PUSHING THEIR
HOME-BREW FORMULA. (AS BROTHER IN LAW)
"HERE LITTLE GUY, TRY THIS ONE. IT'S A FONTANELLE IPA.
THERE'S NOTES OF PUMPKIN. IT'S HOPPY BUT DRINKABLE."
( LAUGHTER ) COME AROUND TO THE BASEMENT,
HELP ME BOTTLE IT. ( LAUGHTER )
TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS
ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WILL CRACK DOWN ON FORMULA PRICE-GOUGING,
AND SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND HAS SAID THAT SHE WILL ASK
PRESIDENT BIDEN TO CONSIDER USING THE DEFENSE PRODUCTION
ACT. YES, IT'S A FULL MOBILIZATION--
EXPLAINS THIS RECRUITING POSTER: "I WA BABA."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) HOW DOES HE MAKE IT MAKE THOSE
SOUNDS? ( LAUGHTER )
REPUBLICANS HAVE A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PLAN: LET MIGRANT
BABIES GO HUNGRY. 'CUZ WHEN THEY'RE IN U.S.
CUSTODY, OUR GOVERNMENT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FEEDING THESE
CHILDREN. SO, THEY GIVE THEM FORMULA.
AND TO TRY TO PROVE THAT THIS CRISIS IS BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT
IS HOARDING INFANT FORMULA AT THE BORDER, REPRESENTATIVE KAT
CAMMACK SHARED THIS PHOTO ON FOX NEWS, WHICH CNN FACT CHECKED AND
FOUND TO BE POWDERED MILK. SIMPLE MISTAKE... THEY'RE BOTH
WHITE POWDER. IT ALSO EXPLAINS THIS FOX NEWS
HEADLINE: DRUG LORDS HOARDING AMERICA'S
PANCAKE MIX. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, WITH FORMULA -- ( APPLAUSE )
WITH FORMULA RUNNING OUT, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: YOU'RE
THINKING, STEVE, JUST ORDER THOSE BABIES SOME PIZZA
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S ALSO A SHORTAGE OF PIZZA DELIVERY
DRIVERS. OH, NO!
WE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET PIZZA! OR PAPA JOHN'S!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I'M SHOCKED ABOUT THE DRIVER SHORTAGE.
FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN, THE INTERNET IS FULL OF PIZZA GUY
RECRUITMENT VIDEOS. AND EVEN IF THE FEMALE CUSTOMERS
DON'T HAVE CASH ON HAND, APPARENTLY, THE JOB IS VERY
REWARDING. PLUS TIPS.
( LAUGHTER ) SOMETIMES JUST THE TIP.
BUT, OKAY -- ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, GROW UP! WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE.
BUT, OKAY, NO FORMULA, NO DELIVERY DRIVERS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: YOU'RE THINKING, STEVE, I'LL
JUST HAVE THE BABY PIZZAS DELIVERED BY PLANE.
GREAT IDEA, BUT I'M SORRY TO SAY THERE'S ALSO A SEVERE PILOT
SHORTAGE IN THE U.S. OH NO!
NOW WHO'S GOING TO TELL THE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS TO PREPARE FOR
CROSS CHECK? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ALL THOSE
UNCHECKED CROSSES? ( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T THINK THE PLANE WILL BE ALLOWED TO LAND!
WE'LL JUST KEEP -- ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THE REASON FOR THE SHORTAGE --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
THE REASON FOR THE SHORTAGE IS THAT DURING THE PANDEMIC TRAVEL
SLOW-DOWN, A BUNCH OF PILOTS RETIRED.
AND, NOW, AIRLINES ARE RETHINKING TRAINING PROGRAMS TO
LOWER THE BARRIER TO ENTRY. SPECIFICALLY, ONE AIRLINE IS
PROPOSING REDUCING FLIGHT-HOUR REQUIREMENTS BEFORE JOINING A US
CARRIER. THAT'S PROBABLY GOING TO CHANGE
IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENTS: (AS CAPTAIN)
"UUHHHH ATTENTION, PASSENGERS, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
EVERYTHING IS JUST HUNKY-DORY UP HERE.
QUICK QUESTION - WHEN IT COMES TO ALTITUDE, WHICH WOULD YOU SAY
IS BETTER: A BIG NUMBER OR A SMALL NUMBER?"
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE JUDD APATOW AND FORMER DEFENSE
SECRETARY MARK ESPER. WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL TELL YOU
SOME OF THE JUICY DETAILS OF ESPER'S NEW BOOK.
STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR THE "S -- GIVE IP FOR THE BAND, "STAY HUMAN,"
RIGHT OVER THERE! WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LOUIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. HAPPY TO BE BACK.
>> GOOD MAN. >> Stephen: THESE PEOPLE ARE
AS GOOD ASPEN SILLEN RIGHT HERE, MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS PRESCRIPTION GRADE RIGHT
HERE. WE HAVE FORMER SECRETARY OF
DEFENSE MARK ESPER IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN A BIT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WONDERFUL COMEDIAN, WRITER,
DIRECTOR, HUMANITARIAN, JUDD APATOW WILL BE OUT HERE.
I CAN SAY HUMANITARIAN, RIGHT? HE'S A HUMAN BEING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE, I
WENT AND SAW OUR FRIEND JON BATISTE THIS WEEKEND.
>> HOW'S HE DOING IN. >> Stephen: MUCH BETTER.
SENDS HIS LOVE. HE WILL BE BACK HERE AFTER HE
FEELS BETTER AND AFTER HE'S DONE COLOR PURPLE.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE WILL BE BACK BETWEEN THEN.
>> HE'S A BUSY MAN. >> Stephen: HE'S A BUSY MAN.
I HAVE TO SAY, YOU GUYS ARE KILLING IT OVER THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS FORMER
DEFENSE SECRETARY MARK ESPER. HE'S THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW
TELL-ALL BOOK, "A SACRED OATH." IT'S LOADED WITH DISTURBING
REVELATIONS ABOUT THE REIGN OF FORMER PRESIDENT
"EL CRAPPY TAN." FOR INSTANCE, ESPER SAYS THAT
THE FORMER PRESIDENT PROPOSED LAUNCHING MISSILES INTO MEXICO
TO 'DESTROY THE DRUG LABS.' I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WOULD DO
THAT, CONSIDERING THAT MOST OF THE DRUGS ARE ALREADY SAFELY
STORED: HERE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) AFTER ESPER POINTED OUT THAT THE
MISSILE LAUNCH WOULD BE AN ACT OF WAR AGAINST AN ALLY, THE
FORMER PRESIDENT EXPLAINED, WE COULD JUST SHOOT SOME PATRIOT
MISSILES AND TAKE OUT THE LABS, QUIETLY, ADDING, NO ONE WOULD
KNOW IT WAS US. HE WOULD SIMPLY DENY WE HAD
LAUNCHED THEM. YEAH, HE JUST PLANNED TO DENY
WHERE THOSE EXPLODING METAL TUBES WITH U.S.A. ON THE SIDE
CAME FROM US. HE WOULD JUST TELL THE MEXICANS
THEY WERE SENT BY SUSAN. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ESPER'S BOOK ALSO SAYS THAT THE
PRESIDENT COMPLAINED THAT THE US NAVY SHIPS LOOK UGLY.
OK, THAT'S WEIRD, BUT IT DOES EXPLAIN WHY THE U.S.S. CARL
VINSON GOT A BOOB JOB. ( LAUGHTER )
ESPER ALSO REVEALED THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT WASN'T THE ONLY
ONE WITH CRAZY IDEAS. THERE WERE ALSO PLENTY FROM
FORMER PRESIDENTIAL ADVISOR AND ZIT WITH A DARK SECRET
STEPHEN MILLER. ESPER SAYS THAT DURING THE RAID
THAT KILLED ISLAMIC STATE LEADER ABU BAKR AL-BAGHDADI, MILLER
PROPOSED SECURING AL-BAGHDADI'S HEAD, DIPPING IT IN PIG'S BLOOD
AND PARADING IT AROUND TO WARN OTHER TERRORISTS.
WHEN ESPER POINTED OUT THAT THAT WOULD BE A WAR CRIME, MILLER
REPLIED: THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH ALL THIS PIG'S BLOOD? ( LAUGHTER )
ESPER WENT ON 60 MINUTES, WHERE HE REVEALED THAT MILLER ALSO
LOBBIED THE FORMER PRESIDENT TO SEND A QUARTER MILLION US TROOPS
TO THE BORDER. >> WE'RE IN A MEETING, WAITING
FOR THE PRESIDENT TO COME OUT, WE'RE STANDING AROUND THE
RESOLUTE DESK. AND HE'S BEHIND ME, AND THIS
VOICE JUST STARTS TALKING ABOUT, CARAVANS ARE COMING AND WE NEED
TO GET TROOPS TO THE BORDER AND WE NEED A QUARTER MILLION
TROOPS. AND I THINK HE'S JOKING.
AND THEN I TURN AROUND AND I LOOK AT HIM AND THESE DEADPAN
EYES, IT'S-- CLEARLY HE IS NOT JOKING.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S BECAUSE STEPHEN MILLER DOES NOT JOKE.
(AS MILLER) "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE
ROAD? TO STEAL MY PIGS BLOOD.
WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER?
A NEWSPAPER DIPPED IN MY PIGS' BLOOD."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MARK ESPER.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
MY FIRST GUEST SPENT 21 YEARS IN THE MILITARY AND SERVED AS THE
27TH SECRETARY OF DEFENSE. NOW, HE'S WRITTEN A MEMOIR
CALLED, "A SACRED OATH." PLEASE WELCOME, SECRETARY MARK
ESPER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: SECRETARY, THANKS
FOR COMING ON. I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOU ON
LAST WEEK WHEN I GOT MY SECOND BOUT OF COVID.
THANKS FOR THE BOOMERANG. >> YOU'RE A SUPERSPREADER,
AREN'T YOU? >> Stephen: I AM, I AM.
( LAUGHTER ) THE NEW BOOK IS CALLED "A SACRED
OATH." I WANT TO GET INTO WHAT THE
SACRED OATH IS IN A BIT BUT, FIRST, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
THE FORMER PRESIDENT YOU SERVED UNDER, HE OFTEN SAID HE KNEW
MORE ABOUT THE MILITARY THAN ANY OF THE GENERALS, MAYBE MORE THAN
ANYBODY OF ALL TIME. ( LAUGHTER )
AS A SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND A WEST POINT GRADUATE, WHAT WAS
YOUR ASSESSMENT OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S MILITARY KNOWLEDGE?
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK HARD QUESTIONS.
( LAUGHTER ) THE ANSWER WOULD BE NO, HE DOES
NOT KNOW MORE THAN THE GENERALS AND ADMIRALS, NOR DO MOST
PRESIDENTS. >> Stephen: DOES HE KNOW MORE
THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON ON THE STREET?
>> I DON'T KNOW. AT THIS POINT, HE PROBABLY DOES
A BECAUSE HE SERVED FOUR YEARS IN OFFICE.
>> Stephen: OKAY. THERE ARE MANY EXAMPLES IN THE
BOOK HERE OF THE PRESIDENT DEMANDING LOYALTY TO HIMSELF AS
OPPOSED TO THE CONSTITUTION. >> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SAME THING JAMES COMEY TALKS ABILITY IN HIS BOOK.
>> MM-HMM. >> Stephen: PEOPLE FEAR HE
MIGHT USE THE MILITARY AS A DISTRACTION, OR EVEN TO USE THE
MILITARY TO INTERVENE WITH THE ELECTIONS.
>> MM-HMM. >> Stephen: WERE THOSE FEARS
GROUNDED? DID YOU SHARE THOSE FIERCE?
>> I HAD CONCERNS, CERTAINLY BEGINNING IN THE SUMMER OF 2020,
AFTER JUNE 1, THAT AT SOME POINT THERE MAY BE THAT INCLINATION TO
USE THE MILITARY TO SEIZE BALLOT BOXES.
>> Stephen: AS IF THAT INCLINATION WOULD OCCUR TO
ANYBODY. IT'S A DIRE AND TRAITOUS
INCLINATION, ISN'T IT? >> IT WOULD BE VIOLATING THE
SACRED OATH TO THE CONSTITUTION ALL POLITICIANS TAKE,
ABSOLUTELY. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO IN
RESPONSE TO THAT PERCEIVED THREAT?
>> I REMAINED IN POSITION TO BE A CIRCUIT BREAKER IN CASE IDEAS
WITH REGARD TO DEPLOYING THE MILITARY AGAINST OTHER COUNTRIES
OR DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, DEPLOYING TROOPS TO SEATTLE AND
PORTLAND, WHICH BECAME THE PUSH IN JULY AND AUGUST OF THAT
MONTH, BUT AS WE GOT CLOSER IN THE FINAL DAYS LEADING UP TO THE
ELECTION, I THINK LAST FRIDAY OF OCTOBER, HAD TO CALL THE
NATIONAL GUARD IN AND THE CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF
STAFF, HAD TO HAVE THIS PRIVATE DISCUSSION AND SAY, LISTEN, ON
THE ELECTION DAY OR DAYS FOLLOWING, IF YOU GET ANY TYPE
OF CALL FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY SO I COULD
INTERCEDE IF THAT'S WHAT IT TOOK TO KEEP ANYTHING BAD FROM
HAPPENING. >> Stephen: SO YOU SAID WE'RE
NOT GOING TO SEND CROPS IN TO SEIZE THE BALLOTS.
>> NO. >> Stephen: THE PRESIDENT
MIGHT HAVE ORDERED THAT. WE LEARNED FROM YOUR BOOK, THAT
WAS A CONSIDERATION. >> THAT'S WHY THE SECRETARY OF
DEFENSE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE UNITED
STATES THAT CAN DEPLOY TROOPS IS THE PRESIDENT AND THE SECRETARY
OF DEFENSE. IT WAS CRITICAL FOR ME TO BE THE
CIRCUMSTANCE BREAKER IN CASE TE PRESIDENT WANTED TO DEPLOY
TROOPS. WE LEARNED PEOPLE WOULD COME TO
THE WHITE HOUSE AND PROPOSE THIS IN LATE DECEMBER OF 2020, AND
THIS IS THE REASON MYSELF AND NINE OTHERS SECRETARIES OF
DEFENSE WRITE THIS NOTE ON JANUARY 23rd TO THE PENTAGON,
FOLLOW YOUR OATH, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN THE ELECTION.
>> Stephen: DID YOU RESIGN OR GET FIRED.
>> I GOT FIRED ON THE NINTH. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO.
FOLLOWED MY OATH. I GOT THE CALL FROM CHIEF OF
STAFF MARK MEADOWS WHO SAID YOU HAVE BEEN REPLACED, YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN SUFFICIENTLY LOYAL TO THE PRESIDENT.
I RESPONDED THAT'S HIS PREROGATIVE, BUT MY OATH IS TO
THE CONSTITUTION, NOT TO HIM. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO IT'S A WEIRD POSITION TO BE IN, AND I WANT TO
GET TO IT IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE, AND PEOPLE CRITICIZE YOU
FOR NOT TELLING US BEFORE, AND I'VE HEARD SOME OF YOUR ANSWERS
ON THAT AND UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE RATIONALE.
BEFORE WE GET TO THAT, I WANT TO ASK WHAT IS IT LIKE FOR YOU AS A
MILITARY MAN, A WEST POINT GRADUATE, IS THERE A CLASS THEY
TEACH AT WO PROTECT THE COUNTRY FROM THE
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF AND IF NOT DO YOU THINK THERE SHOULD BE A
CLASS THIS POINT FORWARD? >> I TOOK MY BOTH JULY 1982 WHEN
I BECAME A CADET AT WEST POINT, MY FIRST OF A DOZEN OATHS.
I SERVED ON ACTIVE DUTY AND WAR AND ALL THAT, AND I NEVER HAD TO
CONSIDER THE OATH AND WHAT IT MEANS AND I NEVER HAD TO
CONSIDER DUTY, OATH, COUNTRY, UNTIL THIS JOB AND IT REACHED
THE POINT I WAS ASKING MYSELF WHAT'S MY DUTY, MY OATH, WHAT
DOES IT MANE TO PUT THE COUNTRY FIRST?
THE CONUNDRUM IS WHEN YOU SWEAR THAT OATH TO THE CONSTITUTION,
THE CONSTITUTION ALSO SAYS, BY THE WAY, THERE'S THIS THING
CALLED ARTICLE 2, THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, AND I HAVE
TO OBEY HIS ORDERS. AND PRESIDENT TRUMP RARELY GAVE
DIRECT ORSD. >> Stephen: WHAT WOULD WE DO?
UGGESTS, MUSES, RAMPS, AND HOPES PEOPLE WILL PICK UP ON IT
AND RUN WITH IT. >> Stephen: LIKE A MAFIA DON
GOING, I'D HATE TO SEE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPEN TO THAT GUY?
( APPLAUSE ) >> IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO THINK
ABOUT MY OATH AND WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE COUNTRY.
THE OATH IS NOT TO THE PRESIDENT, PARTY, PHILOSOPHY,
IT'S TO THE CONSTITUTION AND BY EXTENSION THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK THE FORMER SECRETARY WHY HE FELT
HE COULDN'T TELL US WHAT WAS GOING ON INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE.
STICK AROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE HERE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "A SACRED OATH," FORMER SECRETARY
OF DEFENSE MARK ESPER. YOU DESCRIBED OVAL OFFICE
MEETINGS THAT WERE A MELEE OF BAD IDEAS PUSHED BY HIS WHITE
HOUSE SICKO FANS. WHO'S THE MOST DANGEROUS?
>> YOU DESCRIBE STEVE MILLER WHO PROPOSED THE OUTLANDSH IDEAS.
THE IDEA OF DEPLOYING A QUARTER MILLION TROOPS TO THE BORDER TO
DEAL WITH CARAVANS WHICH IS ABSURD.
WHEN WE WERE HAVING THE DISCUSSIONS TALKING ABOUT THE
UNREST IN PORTLAND, SEATTLE, HE WOULD TALK ABOUT AN AMERICAN
DYSTOPIA WHERE CITIES ARE BURNING AND MELEE WAS RULING.
TO GENERAL MILLEY'S CREDIT, HE CARRIED FACTS AND STATISTICS AND
SAID THERE'S ONLY A MINORITY OF CITIES AND NOT MANY PROTEST AND
PROTESTERS. THE GENERAL WAS IMPORTANT TO
SAY, THIS IS A LAW ENFORCEMENT ISSUE, LET STATE AND LOCAL DEAL
WITH IT AND THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THE MILITARY.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE IN THE ADMINISTRATION TO
SMELL THE CRAZY COMING OFF STEPHEN MILLER.
ARE YOU SURPRISED GUYS LIKE THAY SPECIFICALLY -- WHO IS SO
READILY CRAZY AND POORLY INFORMED AND BALLS-OUT RACIST IS
STILL GETTING JOBS. HE'S WORKING FOR MCCORMACK'S
CAMPAIGN IN PENNSYLVANIA, AND HE DIDN'T GET IT, YET STEPHEN
MILLER IS STILL SUCKING ON THE G.O.P. POLITICAL GRAVY BECAUSE
NOBODY HAS THE COURAGE TO PUT THESE GUYS OUT THE TO PASTURE.
DOES THAT SHOCK YOU THAT PEOPLE YOU KNOW WHO ARE TERRIBLE FOR
AMERICA CAN STILL GET JOBS IN MAINSTREAM POLITICAL CIRCLES?
>> I DON'T GET IT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IS HOW DO G.O.P.,
MY PARTY, I'M A REAGAN REPUBLICAN, HOW DO WE GET
DIVORCED FROM DONALD TRUMP AND THOSE AROUND HIM?
THE CHALLENGE IS PRESIDENT TRUMP PUSHED A LOT OF TRADITIONAL
REPUBLICAN POLICIES, LOWERED TAXES, DEREGULATION,
CONSERVATIVE JUDGES, REBUILD THE MILITARY, STRONGER BORDER, ALL
GOOD THINGS. >> Stephen: BUT A MANNEQUIN
WCOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE SAME POLICIES
( APPLAUSE ) >> RIGHT.
SO MY MESSAGE TO MY FELLOW REPUBLICANS IS THERE'S A NEW
GENERATION OF REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES WHO I HOPE WILL
EMERGE AFTER THE MIDTERMS AND RUN.
YOU CAN GET SOMEONE WHO PUTS COUNTRY OVER SELF, ADVANCE CORE
REPUBLICAN IDEAS, GROW THE BASE AND BRING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
TOGETHER. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THE BIGGEST
THREAT FACING THE COUNTRY TODAY IS NOT CHINA, IT'S THE EXTREME
POLITICAL PARTNERSHIP CAUSING DYSFUNCTION IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
AND WE HAVE TO BREAK THIS. ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW FEW REPUBLICANS IN OFFICE THERE ARE
LIKE YOU. YOU'RE A MINORITY.
IT'S STRANGE HOW FEW PEOPLE LIKE YOU THERE ARE.
I'M NOT CALLING YOU A REPUBLICAN POLITICIAN BUT THANK YOU FOR
SUPPORTING THOSE POLICIES. SO FEW PEOPLE WILL ESPOUSE IT
PUBLICLY. >> THAT'S THE ISSUE.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT THE QUESTION JAKE TAPPER ASKED
YOU THE OTHER DAY, GIVEN YOU KNEW ALL OF THIS, WHY DID YOU
WAIT TO PUT IT IN A BOOK? SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL
BOOKS INSTEAD OF PROTECT THE COUNTRY.
EVEN IF I ACCEPT YOUR ANSWER, SOMEBODY ELSE PUT IN THERE MAY
NOT HAVE MADE THE PUSHBACKS YOU DID.
>> RIGHT? WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO YOU ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR
COUNTRY THAT IT'S JUST THIS ONE MAN IN THIS POSITION PUSHING
BACK AGAINST THE CRAZY AND THAT YOU CAN'T BE TRUTHFUL TO THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE BECAUSE THE FOUNDERS IMAGINE THAT AN
INFORMED PUBLIC WOULD SAVE OUR COUNTRY, NOT ONE GUY, HOWEVER
WELL MEANING. >> WELL, LOOK, IT WASN'T JUST
ONE PERSON, THERE WERE OTHER MEMBERS IN THE CABINET.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU DID KNOW ALL THIS STUFF BUT FELT YOU
COULDN'T AT TELL IT. >> TAKE IT AT ANY POINT IN THE
STORY IN 2020, IF I HAD COME OUT, I WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED,
WHICH IS THE PRESIDENT'S PREROGATIVE, HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE FIRED ME ON THE SPOT. MY RATIONALE IS IF I'M NOT HERE
TO STOP A QUARTER MILLION TROOPS TO THE BORDER WHEN PROPOSED, WHO
WOULD BE THERE IF HE WANTS TO SHOOT MISSILES TO MEXICO, OR
SEND 10,000 PAR TROOPERS IN AMERICA AND WHO WILL BE TO STOP
THE VENS -- VENEZUELA TALK IN OCTOBER.
>> Stephen: WE DESERVE TO KNOW THAT TO MAKE OUR CHOICE AND I
TAKE YOUR RATIONALE, BUT WHERE ARE WE AS A COUNTRY IF YOU CAN'T
TELL US THAT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> IT'S A GREAT QUESTION. THE OPENING PAGE, THE FIRST FIVE
PAGES I TALK ABOUT THE DILEMMA, I WRESTLE WITH IT.
I TALK TO MY WIFE AND SHE SAYS AS YOUR WIFE, PLEASE QUIT, AS AN
AMERICAN, STAY. I REACHED OUT TO THE LATE
GENERAL COLIN POWELL AND HE SAID YOU HAVE TO STAY.
WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE LOYALISTS COME INTO THE PENTAGO,
WITHDRAW FROM SOMALIA, AND IT GOES ON AND ON.
AT THAT POINT, THEY ONLY HAD 60 DAYS.
THINK IF THEY HAD EIGHT MONTHS. >> Stephen: THE MEMOIR IS "A
SACRED OATH." THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
BACK WITH JUDD APATOW. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
MY NEXT GUEST IS A WRITER, DIRECTOR, AND PRODUCER YOU KNOW
FROM MOVIES INCLUDING, "THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN," "KNOCKED
UP," AND, "THE KING OF STATEN ISLAND."
HE HAS JUST CO-DIRECTED A TWO-PART DOCUMENTARY ON GEORGE
CARLIN CALLED, "GEORGE CARLIN'S AMERICAN DREAM."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, JUDD APATOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> SO GOOD, SO GOOD. >> Stephen: YOU LOOK NICE.
YOU LOOK REALLY NICE. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE'RE COVID FRESH. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD IT?
I HAD IT, LIKE, THREE WEEKS AGO FOR MY SECOND TIME.
>> Stephen: I HAD IT THREE WEEKS AGO AND IT DIDN'T STOP
TILL A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO. >> IT PAUSED.
>> Stephen: THAT PAUSE IN THE MIDDLE.
YOU HAD IT TWICE. DID YOU HAVE THE ORIGINAL.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: THE CLASSIC AND
THE -- >> THE CLASSIC.
IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN YOU GET THE CLASSIC BECAUSE BACK THEN PEOPLE
WERE REALLY NERVES AND YOUR FRIENDS WOULD CALL YOU AND SAY,
YOU OKAY, MAN? JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, I LOVE
YOU, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING -- ( LAUGHTER )
WHEN I GOT IT THREE WEEKS AGO, SOMEBODY CALLED AND SAID, HEY, I
HOPE THE LAKERS DON'T TRADE LeBRON.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: Y YOU CO-WROTE A
DOCUMENTARY "GEORGE CARLIN'S AMERICAN DREAM."
>> YES. >> Stephen: ONE OF MY GREATEST
REGRETS IS I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO MEET HIM.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST EXPOSURE TO HIM?
CLASS CLOWN, ONE OF MY BROTHERS HAD THE ALBUM AND LEFT IT WHEN
THEY WENT TO COLLEGE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT ME MOM TO KNOW.
>> HE'D SAY THE DIRTY WORDS. HE'D SAY, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN
PRICK YOUR FINGER BUT YOU CAN'T ( BLEEP ), ( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR
FIRST EXPOSURE. >> MY FIRST JOB IS I WORKED FOR
COMIC RELIEF AND MY JOB WAS TO GET EVERYBODY'S AUTOGRAPH ON THE
POSTER SO THEY COULD SELL IT FOR CHARITY, AND THIS IS ME GETTING
HIS AUTOGRAPH. ( APPLAUSE )
CHECK OUT MY OUTFIT. I GOT THE GREEN WITH THE YELLOW
AND THE BLUE. >> Stephen: A COMEDIAN.
EXACTLY. LOOK, NO BEARD.
>> Stephen: YEAH. MY FAMILY HATES I HAVE NO
BEARD. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR
EXPOSURE? HOW DID YOU FIRST FEEL ABOUT
HIM? >> I HEARD ABOUT HIM BECAUSE AT
MY HOUSE WE HAD THE LENNY BRUCE RECORDS, THE GEORGE CALLAN
RECORDS AND THE BILL COSBY RECORDS.
>> Stephen: THE WHAT? THE BILL COSBY RECORDS
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WE HAD THEM, TOO,
THE BILL COSBY RECORD AND GEORGE CARLIN.
HE'S ON MY MT. RUSHMORE. >> AND YOU'RE IN THE
DOCUMENTARY. >> Stephen: I HOPE I SAID FINE
THINGS. >> YOU WERE VERY ELOQUENT.
I WAS GLAD YOU'RE IN IT BECAUSE YOU TALK GOOD.
>> Stephen: THEY PAY ME TALK GOOD!
( LAUGHTER ) >> WE WOULD WATCH IT AND EDIT
YOUR INTERVIEW AND SAY, HE'S SO SMART.
I'M GLAD I DON'T TALK ON AN INTERVIEW BECAUSE I'M DUMB BUT
YOU ENCAPSULATE EVERYTHING. >> Stephen: I WORKED FOR SMART
CENTRAL MANY YEARS. >> WHY WAS GEORGE CARLIN
MEANINGFUL TO YOU? >> Stephen: I'LL ASK THE
QUESTIONS. ( LAUGHTER )
IT WAS JUST FUNNY, LIKE, I'M AN IRISH CATHOLIC KID AND HE'SING
ABOUT HIS IRISH CATHOLIC CHILDHOOD.
HE OPENED MY EYES TO A WHOLE OTHER THING YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF.
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU COULD MAKE FUN OF THE CHURCH.
HE'D SAY, THEY GOT RID OF LIMBO. IT WAS HARD TO UNDERSTAND.
WELCOME -- TO LIMBO. >> HE WAS VERY AGAINST THE IDEA
OF HELL. HE DIDN'T LIKE HELL WAS PART OF
RELIGION BECAUSE HE USED TO SAY, THEY TELL YOU IF YOU DON'T
FOLOW THESE RULES, YOU'RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL -- BUT WE LOVE
YOU! AND WE NEED MONEY!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID YOU LEARN
ANYTHING ANT GEORGE CARLIN THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW, SOMETHING THAT
SURPRISED YOU ABOUT THIS DOCUMENTARY?
>> ONE THING THAT SURPRISED ME IS, YOU KNOW, HE HAD MANY
PHASES. HE WAS LIKE BONO.
HE WOULD REINVENT U2 EVERY YEAR. >> Stephen: LIKE IN THE
BEATLES, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND, THEN HE PUT OUT THE WHITE
ALBUM. >> IN THE MID '80s HE SAW SAM
KENNISON AND HE SAID I DON'T WANT TO EAT THIS GUY'S DUST AND
HE TRIED TO OUTDO HIM FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS.
>> Stephen: HE WAS GREAT FOR THE FEUD-LIKE MONOLOGUES.
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HIS PROCESS WAS LIKE?
BECAUSE HE'S SOMEBODY WHO DOES OR HAS DONE SIMILAR WORK.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE, HE WOULD BASICALLY DO A 45 MINUTE TO AN
HOUR MONOLOGUE. THERE ARE JOKES IF IT BUT HE IS
TELLING YOU THE PROCESS TODAY. >> HIS MAIN PROCESS IS HE DID
COCAINE. >> Stephen: DID HE DO A LOT OF
COCAINE. >> HE WAS OBSESSED WITH WORDS.
I THINK HE MAY HAVE BEEN OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE IN SOME WAY
OR HAD ATTENTION DEFICIT AND MAYBE WAS DOING DRUGS AS SOME
WEIRD WAY TO FOCUS HIMSELF. HE NEVER HUNG OUT WITH PEOPLE OR
PARTY, BUT HE WOULD DO A LOT OF DRUGS AND WRITE AND WRITE AND
LISTEN TO MUSIC. >> Stephen: ONE OF MY FAVORITE
THINGS I HEARD CARLIN TALK ABOUT WAS THAT HE HE MISUNDERSTOOD LY
BRUCE THAT HE THOUGHT IT WAS COOL TO BE ARRESTED AND ENDED UP
IN A PADDY WAGON WITH LENNY BRUCE ONCE AND SAID, WE DID IT,
WE GOT ARRESTED. LENNY SAID, DUMMY, THE OBJECTIVE
IS TO STAY ON STAGE AND SAY YOUR STUFF.
>> LENNY BRUCE WAS IN A COMEDY TEAM WITH JACK BURNS AND LIKED
HIM AND CALLED HIS EIGHT AND SAID SIGN HIM.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> HE GOT HIM IN THE BUSINESS. >> Stephen: WOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK CARLIN WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT TODAY?
DID YOU SEE THAT INTERVIEW WITH ESPER JUST NOW?
>> I DON'T THINK GEORGE CARLIN WOULD LIKE MARK ESPER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHY NOT?
WHY NOT? >> BECAUSE CARLIN'S WHOLE IDEA
WS THAT PEOPLE WITH MONEY MANIPULATE THE WHOLE SYSTEM.
SO IF SOMEBODY KNOWS THAT TRUMP IS A MANIAC AND YOU WOULD THINK
THE DAY AFTER HE GETS FIRED IS THE DAY TO GO, HEY, HE WANTED TO
SHOOT ALL THE GEORGE FLOYD PROTESTORS IN THE LEGS, BUT HE
WAITS A YEAR TO WRITE A BOOK AND MAKES MONEY.
THAT WAS GEORGE CARLIN'S WHOLE THING IS THEY'RE NOT LOOKING OUT
FOR YOU. >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
LET'S TALK ABOUT PEOPLE YOU LOOK OUT FOR.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOUR FAMILY.
THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: WE'VE ALREADY
TALKED ABOUT YOUR LOVELY WIFE LESLIE.
THERE YOU GO. YOU ALSO HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS WHO
ARE IN THE BUSINESS NOW. DOES THAT MAKE YOU NERVOUS
KNOWING WHAT SHOW BUSINESS IS LIKE?
ARE YOU, LIKE, GO FOR IT, IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
>> YOUR DREAM IS YOUR KIDS WILL SURPASS YOU.
AND THEY HAVE. >> Stephen: NO.
YOU WANT THEM TO FAIL? >> Stephen: NUMBER ONE, BABY.
NUMBER ONE. ( APPLAUSE )
ARE YOU NERVOUS AT ALL? THIS IS A WEIRD BUSINESS TO BE
IN. >> I LIKE IT.
I JUST SAY STAY AWAY FROM THE COCAINE.
>> Stephen: WORKED FOR GEORGE CARLIN.
DID YOU ENJOY THE COCAINE? >> I NEVER DID COCAINE.
I'M SCARED OF ALL THINGS. MY MOM GAVE ME FIVE BUCKS NOT TO
SMOKE WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD AND I, FOR SOME REASON, HONOR
THAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MOMS. MOMS.
"GEORGE CARLIN'S AMERICAN DREAM" PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY ON HBO.
JUDD APATOW, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY GUEST
WILL BE RICKY GERVAIS. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOODNIGHT.