1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:02,535 >> THE C.D.C. IS INVESTIGATING 2 00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:06,840 AN EXTREMELY RARE CONFIRMED CASE OF MONKEYPOX. 3 00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:10,777 >> THIS IS A VIRUS THAT IS RARE IN HUMANS BUT, WHEN IT DOES COME 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,781 UP, IT'S A SERIOUS ONE THAT WE SHOULD INVESTIGATE, AND WE'VE 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,451 GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT WE UNDERSTAND IF AND HOW IT IS 6 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,321 SPREADING. ♪♪ 7 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:30,430 ♪♪ >> GEORGE, AH, I DON'T FEEL SO 8 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:33,032 WELL. THE DOCTOR SAID I HAVE 9 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,069 MONKEYPOX. BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? 10 00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,772 I DON'T REMEMBER DOING ANYTHING UNHYGIENIC. 11 00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:42,776 LET'S SEE -- FIRST, WE WOKE UP AND YOU 12 00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:46,780 BRUSHED MY TEETH, THEN YOU BREATHED ON MY BROWNIES, THEN 13 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:49,249 YOU MAGICALLY SHRUNK YOURSELF DOWN AND WALKED AROUND ON MY 14 00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:51,351 TONGUE. NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. 15 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:54,687 HOW COULD I HAVE CONTRACTED MONKEYPOX? 16 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:57,323 I GUESS IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE MYSTERIES WE'LL NEVER SOLVE, 17 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,059 LIKE WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE AND WHO FLUNG POOP AT THE MAIL 18 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,796 MAN. >> I DON'T KNOW! 19 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,302 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 20 00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:14,441 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 21 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:18,778 MIKE MYERS MIN-HA KIM 22 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:26,786 AND MUSICAL GUEST, BEACH HOUSE! FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 23 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:31,224 HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 24 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:37,831 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 25 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:49,108 >> Stephen: HEY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 26 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:57,317 WHAT'S UP? GOOD TO SEE YOU. 27 00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:58,718 WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? 28 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:03,256 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! HAPPY THURSDAY! 29 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,292 HEY, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVENED. 30 00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,994 YOU'RE TOO KIND. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 31 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,997 WELCOME UP THERE, DOWN HERE, EVERYBODY WATCHING AROUND THE 32 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,066 WORLD. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 33 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:17,770 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 34 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,405 THAT'S NICE. THAT'S NICE. 35 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,575 HOPE YOU GUYS ARE FEELING GOOD TONIGHT. 36 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:26,779 I'M FEELING -- WHAT WOULD YOU DESCRIBE -- A LITTLE NOSTALGIC, 37 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:34,053 I GUESS, BECAUSE, YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A 38 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,255 SIGHTING OF A MAN WHO I SPENT MANY HAPPY YEARS PRETENDING TO 39 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,223 LIKE. I'M TALKING ABOUT FORMER 40 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,758 PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, SEEN HERE AFTER GETTING INTO THE 41 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,996 SARAN WRAP DRAWER AGAIN. LAURA HAD TO PUT UP THAT 42 00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:47,667 DOGGY DOOR OUTSIDE THE KITCHENO KEEP HIM OUT. 43 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,536 ( LAUGHTER ) DUBYA AND I HAD SO MANY 44 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:53,673 GOOD TIMES TOGETHER BACK AT THE OLD "COLBERT REPORT." 45 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:57,810 I MADE SO MUCH FUN OF HIM, AND HE GAVE HE SO MANY REASONS TO DO 46 00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:03,016 THAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 47 00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:03,816 MMM... BUT -- 48 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,685 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OLD DAYS. 49 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:11,024 OLD DAYS. AFTER KEEPING A LOW PROFILE FOR 50 00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:13,826 YEARS NOW, YESTERDAY, BUSH GAVE A SPEECH IN DALLAS AS PART OF AN 51 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:17,664 EVENT CALLED "ELECTIONS: A MORE PERFECT UNION," FOCUSED ON HOW 52 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,633 ELECTIONS WORK. WE'VE ACTUALLY ACQUIRED DUBYA'S 53 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,136 POWERPOINT ON HOW ELECTIONS WORK: 54 00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:26,306 STEP 1: GET FEWER VOTES THAN YOUR OPPONENT. 55 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,676 STEP 2: HAVE THE SUPREME COURT HAND IT TO YOU. 56 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:35,848 STEP 3: HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 57 00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:47,126 THREE-POINT PLAN. AT ONE POINT IN HIS ACTUAL 58 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:51,164 SPEECH, BUSH TURNED HIS ATTENTION TO RUSSIA. 59 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,666 ONLY ONE PROBLEM HE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A GAFFE. 60 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,635 SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT: >> RUSSIAN ELECTIONS ARE RIGGED. 61 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:59,072 POLITICAL OPPONENTS ARE IMPRISONED OR OTHERWISE 62 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:03,142 ELIMINATED FROM PARTICIPATING IN THE ELECTORAL PROCESS. 63 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:10,116 THE RESULT IS AN ABSENCE OF CHECKS AND BALANCES IN RUSSIA, 64 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:15,021 AND THE DECISION OF ONE MAN TO LAUNCH A WHOLLY UNJUSTIFIED AND 65 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:23,129 BRUTAL INVASION OF IRAQ. I MEAN, OF UKRAINE. 66 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:36,909 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> Stephen: JIMMY CHRISTMAS! 67 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:39,145 THE ONE PHRASE HE DEFINITELY CAN'T SAY, EVER, FOR THE REST OF 68 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:42,281 HIS LIFE. IT'S LIKE HE'S THINKING ABOUT 69 00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,951 IT ALL THE TIME, AND IT JUST POPPED OUT. 70 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,286 THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST PRESIDENTIAL FREUDIAN SLIP SINCE 71 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:53,660 J.F.K. SAID THIS: >> ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY 72 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:59,132 CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK IF YOU CAN DO MARILYN MONROE. 73 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,201 BOI-OI-OI-OING! ( LAUGHTER ) 74 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:07,206 >> Stephen: NOW, NOW -- SURE. ( LAUGHTER ) 75 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:15,114 WE DO THESE THINGS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE EASY BUT BECAUSE I AM 76 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:21,921 HARD! ( LAUGHTER ) 77 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:27,126 THANKFULLY, DUBYA CAUGHT HIMSELF AND DID A QUICK COURSE-CORRECT: 78 00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,696 >> THE DECISION OF ONE MAN TO LAUNCH A WHOLLY UNJUSTIFIED AND 79 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:34,000 BRUTAL INVASION OF IRAQ. I MEAN, OF UKRAINE. 80 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,134 (LAUGHS) IRAQ, TOO. 81 00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:39,138 ANYWAY... (LAUGHTER) 82 00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:47,113 75. >> STEPHEN: "IRAQ, TOO?" 83 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,015 HA HA? THAT IS A REFRESHINGLY 84 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,150 LIGHTHEARTED CONFESSION TO WAR CRIMES. 85 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:54,854 I GUESS WE SHOULD CALL OFF THE SEARCH FOR THE W.M.D.'S. 86 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:59,592 SOMEBODY OWES SADDAM HUSSEIN AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT. 87 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,360 ( LAUGHTER ) MAYBE BUSH IS GOING TO START 88 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,129 ADMITTING EVERYTHING HE'S BEEN HOLDING BACK: 89 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:07,133 "ALSO, I JUST WANT TO SAY: MY GRANDKIDS ARE THE ONES WHO 90 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,137 PAINT THE WATERCOLORS; DICK CHENEY IS A TERMINATOR SENT 91 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,774 FROM THE FUTURE; AND THERE ARE NO HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS. 92 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:19,145 I SAW THE PHILLIE PHANATIC WITH HIS HEAD OFF, AND I 93 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:25,284 FREAKED OUT. HEH-HEH. 94 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,120 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF UKRAINE, ZELENSKY 95 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:31,090 IS STILL LOBBYING THE WORLD FOR SUPPORT. 96 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:35,128 THIS WEEK, HE OPENED THE CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, WHERE HE VOWED, 97 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:38,898 "WE WILL WIN IN THIS WAR." IS THIS TRUE? 98 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,334 IN FACT, I'M TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF HIS PRE-MOVIE 99 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,136 PRESENTATION. >> LET'S GO LIBERATE DONBAS. 100 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:47,140 LET'S KICK PUTIN IN THE ASS. LET'S GO LIBERATE DONBAS, AND 101 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:57,416 STEAL OURSELVES A TANK! ♪ AND GIVE OLE VLAD A SPANK! 102 00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:03,723 ( BLAST ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 103 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,126 >> STEPHEN: IT'S BEEN A ROUGH WEEK ON WALL STREET. 104 00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,629 THE DOW TOOK A DRUBBING AFTER INVESTORS WERE ALARMED BY 105 00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:15,134 DISAPPOINTING EARNINGS FROM TARGET, WALMART, AND LOWE'S. 106 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:18,070 THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION: RELEASE THE STRATEGIC RESERVE OF 107 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,807 DADS RUNNING LITTLE ERRANDS! GO GET SOME BATTERIES, BOYS! 108 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,508 BUY SOME SPACKLE! THE LITTLE BUCKET. 109 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,344 THE OLD ONE'S PROBABLY DRIED OUT. 110 00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,547 JUST PUTTER AROUND THE PAINT AISLE AND PICK OUT SWATCHES. 111 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,882 SHE SAYS SHE WANTS YELLOW, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE! 112 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,386 REMEMBER, SATIN SHINE! IT SHOULD GLOW, BUT NOT GLISTEN, 113 00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:35,121 OKAY? IT SHOULD HAVE SHEEN, BUT NOT 114 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:39,125 SHIMMER. JUST BUY ONE CAN OF EACH. 115 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,661 YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU! ( LAUGHTER ) 116 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:47,667 ( APPLAUSE ) SHEEN BUT NOT SHINE. 117 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:53,072 THE BIG WORRY ON WALL STREET IS INFLATION. 118 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,209 IT'S GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL. IN APRIL, OVERALL CONSUMER 119 00:07:56,275 --> 00:08:01,681 PRICES FOR FOOD ROSE 9.4%-- BUT EGGS SURGED 220%, BUTTER 120 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:07,620 JUMPED 51%, FATS AND OILS WENT UP 41%, AND FLOUR 40%. 121 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:13,659 WAIT A SEC. THAT'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO 122 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,529 BATTER AND DEEP FAT FRY! IT'S ONE THING FOR INFLATION TO 123 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:17,997 DESTROY OUR RETIREMENT PLANS, BUT NOW IT'S TRYING TO MAKE US 124 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:21,667 LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO RETIRE? ( LAUGHTER ) 125 00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:25,438 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THESE EXPENSES -- NO, IT STOPS! 126 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:34,080 LINE IN THE SAND! IT STOPS -- LET ME AT 'EM! 127 00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:35,248 ( LAUGHTER ) THESE EXPENSES ARE BEING PASSED 128 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,683 ON TO THE CONSUMER. AT ONE PIZZERIA IN MISSISSIPPI, 129 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:44,223 A 15-PIECE ORDER OF CHICKEN WINGS USED TO BE $13.95, BUT NOW 130 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:49,662 CAN BE AROUND $27.95, AND WING COSTS CAN VARY SO MUCH, THEY'RE 131 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:55,935 OFTEN LABELED "MARKET PRICE." MARKET PRICE! 132 00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:57,670 THAT'S USUALLY RESERVED FOR THINGS LIKE LOBSTER, SO, I 133 00:08:57,737 --> 00:09:02,208 ASSUME YOU GET TO PICK YOUR OWN CHICKEN FROM THE TANK OUT FRONT. 134 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:08,214 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY'VE GOT LITTLE SNORKELS! 135 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:14,153 GOT A CHICKEN SNORKEL. DEEP FRIED SNORKEL. 136 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:18,424 I LIKE HOW UPSET YOU WERE WHEN YOU FOUND OUT CHICKEN WING 137 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,760 PRICES JUMPED UP. THAT PROVES YOU'RE ALL 138 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:24,430 AMERICANS. ( LAUGHTER ) 139 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,998 PRICES ARE SO OUT OF CONTROL THAT THE RESTAURANT OWNER SAYS 140 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,100 HE'S TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER TO KEEP RAISING PRICES OR TAKE 141 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,669 WINGS OFF THE MENU. WINGS WERE ONLY ON THE MENU 142 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,771 BECAUSE THEY WERE THE CHEAPEST PART OF THE CHICKEN. 143 00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:33,673 NOW THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING ELSE. 144 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:37,677 INTRODUCING: BUFFALO WILD BEAKS. 145 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:41,681 ( LAUGHTER ) JUST ENOUGH SAUCE, ENOUGH 146 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:46,986 SAUCE -- HELL, YEAH. OVER IN COVID CORNER, CASES ARE 147 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:49,655 BACK ON THE RISE. YESTERDAY, THE C.D.C. 148 00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:53,626 RECOMMENDED THAT A THIRD OF AMERICANS SHOULD CONSIDER 149 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,861 WEARING INDOOR MASKS. "CONSIDER?" IS NOT THE MOST 150 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,663 URGENT LANGUAGE YOU COULD USE IN A PANDEMIC. 151 00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:01,667 THAT'S LIKE SEEING, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE. 152 00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:08,207 MAYBE DON'T LICK?" MAYBE? 153 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,810 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ LET'S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY ♪ 154 00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:15,848 ♪ LET'S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY ♪ WE CAN'T BLAME THE SPREAD OF 155 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,683 COVID ON LACK OF HAND SANITIZER ANYMORE. 156 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,486 BACK IN THE EARLY DAYS OF THE PANDEMIC, NEW YORK MADE 11 157 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:25,358 MILLION BOTTLES OF HAND SANITIZER. 158 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:30,529 NOW IT HAS 700,000 GALLONS IT CAN'T GET RID OF. 159 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,198 NEW YORK NEEDS TO GET RID OF 700,000 GALLONS OF SURPLUS 160 00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:37,670 ALCOHOL? PAGING RUDY GIULIANI. 161 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,306 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 162 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:44,210 MR. MAYOR! IT'S TIME TO BE A HERO AGAIN! 163 00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:49,682 ALL IS FORGIVEN. BUT NEW YORK MAY WANT TO HOLD 164 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:53,686 ON TO THAT HAND SANITIZER, BECAUSE THERE'S A NEW VIRUS 165 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,222 MAKING THE ROUNDS. I DON'T WANT TO ALARM ANYONE, SO 166 00:10:56,288 --> 00:11:01,660 I'LL JUST QUIETLY SAY: MONKEY POX! 167 00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:08,501 (SCREAMING MONKEY) EVERYONE STAYING CALM? 168 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:12,104 GOOD. THEN YOU'RE READY TO CHECK OUT 169 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:21,680 THIS HEADLINE: "RARE MONKEYPOX OUTBREAK IN 170 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,682 U.K., EUROPE, AND U.S.-- WHAT IS IT, AND SHOULD WE WORRY?" 171 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,051 I'LL HANDLE THAT ONE: I DON'T KNOW, AND YES. 172 00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:28,087 TURNS OUT, MONKEY POX IS A VIRAL INFECTION THAT CAUSES FEVER, 173 00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:32,224 BODY ACHES, ENLARGED LYMPH NODES AND BLISTERS. 174 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,193 ALSO, AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO WEAR A TUXEDO AND RIDE A TINY 175 00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:38,831 LITTLE BIKE. ( LAUGHTER ) 176 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,633 TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONCERNING, SCIENTISTS SAY THERE'S EVIDENCE 177 00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:43,202 THE VIRUS COULD BE SPREADING THROUGH A NEW ROUTE: 178 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:47,540 SEXUAL CONTACT. WOW. 179 00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,308 THIS NEW INFORMATION SUDDENLY MAKES UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A 180 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:53,479 POX-RIDDLED MONKEY WAY LESS APPEALING. 181 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,215 AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TEACH A MONKEY SEX ED. 182 00:11:56,282 --> 00:12:01,654 BEFORE YOU CAN PUT THE CONDOM ON THE BANANA, THEY EAT IT! 183 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,658 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 184 00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:11,564 IMPOSSIBLE! IT'S A MONKEY BANANA JOKE. 185 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,666 GROW UP! SPEAKING OF DOIN' IT, MORE 186 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,502 COMPANIES ARE BRINGING EMPLOYEES BACK IN PERSON, AND SOME WORKERS 187 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,638 MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO EXCITED, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A NEW 188 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:21,674 SURVEY, MORE THAN A THIRD OF SINGLE, WHITE-COLLAR WORKERS 189 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:25,678 THINK RETURNING TO THE OFFICE WILL HELP THEIR SEX LIVES. 190 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:29,315 AND AT SOME COMPANIES, THE NUMBER OF HORNY CUBICLE JOCKEYS 191 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,218 IS EVEN HIGHER. FOR EXAMPLE, 50% OF SINGLES AT 192 00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:35,688 CAPITAL ONE SAID RETURNING TO IN-PERSON WORK WOULD HELP THEM 193 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,656 GET LUCKY. EXPLAINS THEIR NEW SLOGAN: 194 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:41,660 "CAPITAL ONE: WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET? 195 00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,463 BETTER BE A CONDOM." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 196 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:49,301 TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE MIKE MYERS AND 197 00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,202 MIN-HA KIM. BUT, WHEN WE COME BACK, I 198 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,706 INTRODUCE THE LATEST OFFICE FASHION. 199 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,307 JOIN US. 200 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:41,554 *>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY! 201 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:47,459 LOUIS CADEO AT THE LEFT OF "STAY HOMIN'." 202 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:50,763 FOLKS OVER THERE, FRIENDS TONIGHT, A LOT OF FUN, A LOVELY 203 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:54,200 GUEST IS ON TONIGHT, MR. MIKE MYERS IS HERE TONIGHT. 204 00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:57,570 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'S GOT THE NEW SHOW -- ALSO 205 00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:01,340 HE'S GOT HIS NEW SHOW "THE PENTAVERATE," HE PLAYS EIGHT 206 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:02,841 PARTS IN. >> OH, WOW. 207 00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:09,982 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW APPLETV+ SHOW CALLED 208 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,116 PACHINKO? >> I HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT IT. 209 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:15,588 >> Stephen: A LOT HAVE. THAT'S WHY SHE'S ON THE SHOW. 210 00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:19,792 MINHA KIM IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW AND WILL BE ON TONIGHT. 211 00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:29,568 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, AS I SAID IN THE 212 00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,937 MONOLOGUE, MORE AND MORE WORKERS ARE HEADING BACK TO THE OFFICE. 213 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,572 AND IT TURNS OUT THE PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED FASHION IN THE 214 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,674 WORKPLACE, BECAUSE THERE IS A NEW TREND IN OFFICE ATTIRE 215 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,576 THAT RETAILERS ARE CALLING "BUSINESS COMFORT"-- MAKING IT 216 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:41,547 THE FIRST FASHION TREND TO SHARE A NAME WITH A DELTA AIRLINES 217 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:45,517 PRIORITY SEATING CLASS. AND ONE CLOTHING BRAND THAT'S 218 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,821 SEEN A BIG SALES BUMP AS THE PANDEMIC WANES IS UNTUCKIT, 219 00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:49,922 WHICH MAKES "BUTTON-DOWN SHIRTS THAT DON'T NEED TO BE 220 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:53,559 TUCKED IN." IN OTHER WORDS: 221 00:14:53,626 --> 00:15:01,567 SHIRTS. LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK 222 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:08,107 AT THAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 223 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:15,748 WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! ( LAUGHTER ) 224 00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:20,085 BUT -- OOOH, MY BELT BUCKLE IS VERY COLD. 225 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:21,553 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THEY TAKE THEIR UNTUCKING 226 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,590 INNOVATIONS VERY SERIOUSLY. JUST LOOK AT ONE OF THEIR ADS. 227 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:28,227 >> THE BEST IDEAS COME FROM SOLVING COMMON PROBLEMS. 228 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,795 MY PROBLEM? LIKE A LOT OF OTHER MEN, I 229 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:35,167 COULDN'T FIND A SHIRT THAT LOOKED GOOD UNTUCKED. 230 00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,569 SO THIS BECAME MY PASSION: TO DESIGN A SHIRT THAT CAPTURES 231 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,905 THE PERFECT BALANCE BETWEEN LENGTH AND FIT. 232 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:43,809 OUR PROBLEM. MY SOLUTION. 233 00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,577 UNTUCKIT.COM. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S WONDERFUL. 234 00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:50,649 HE SOLVED HIS ONLY PROBLEM. ( LAUGHTER ) 235 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:55,454 VERY HAPPY MAN, EVIDENTLY. BUT UNTUCKIT STILL LEAVES A 236 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,256 BIG GAP IN THE MEN'S SHIRT MARKET, AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY 237 00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,624 THAT "THE LATE SHOW" HAS A BRAND NEW SPONSOR THAT IS HERE 238 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:06,832 TO FIX IT. TAKE A LOOK. 239 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,567 >> LIKE LOTS OF GUYS OUT THERE, I FELL IN LOVE WITH UNTUCKit 240 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:12,237 SHIRTS, BUT THERE'S ONE BIG PROBLEM -- YOU JUST CAN'T TUCK 241 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:16,542 THEM IN. PARTS OF SHIRTS STAY OUTSIDE, 242 00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:20,112 BLOCKING ACCESS TO THE POCKET. THAT'S WHY I CREATED THE FIRST 243 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:25,551 SHIRT DESIGNED TO HAVE THE BOTTOM PART GO INSIDE THE PANTS. 244 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:30,889 INTRODUCING GoTUCKyourself, THE REVOLUTIONARY FULLY TUCKABLE 245 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,559 SHIRT GUARANTEED TO STAY IN PLACE, THANKS TO OUR PATENTED 246 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:40,399 SNAP-CROTCH TUCK-NOLOGY, GIVING YOU THE CONFIDENCE TO GET TUCKED 247 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:45,571 AND STAY TUCKED -- EVEN WITHOUT PANTS. 248 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:50,209 IT'S DESIGNED FOR ALL GUYS, ALL OCCASIONS, WHETHER YOU'RE AT THE 249 00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:56,115 OFFICE, ON A ROMANTIC DATE, OR JUST ON THE GO. 250 00:16:56,181 --> 00:17:01,553 WE'VE GOT YOU COVERED FROM HEAD TO TAINT. 251 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:11,864 GoTUCKyourself. I'LL TUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES. 252 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,065 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 253 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,366 WITH MIKE MYERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 254 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,999 >> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK. 255 00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,935 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 256 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:54,339 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A 257 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,941 COMEDIAN, ACTOR, AND WRITER YOU KNOW FROM "WAYNE'S WORLD," 258 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,378 "SHREK," AND "AUSTIN POWERS." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE 259 00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:03,048 LATE SHOW," MIKE MYERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 260 00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:17,996 ( BAND PLAYING ) 261 00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:24,603 ( BAND PLAYING ) 262 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,939 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO. 263 00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,508 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> WHOO! 264 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,910 >> Stephen: THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. 265 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:34,913 >> MY PLEASURE. WOW. 266 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:39,384 >> Stephen: I GOTTA SAY, I LIKE -- NICE HOCKEY SHIRT. 267 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,920 >> THANK YOU. THIS IS JUST -- JUST WANTED TO 268 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:47,459 SEND SOME LOVE TO THE PEOPLE OF BUFFALO. 269 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:50,796 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S UP BY THE 270 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,264 BORDER. DO YOU SPEND MUCH TIME -- 271 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,133 >> OF COURSE, OUR NEIGHBORS TO THE SOUTH. 272 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,604 I'M FROM TORONTO, CANADA. ( CHEERING ) 273 00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:02,207 AND TODAY I WAS JUST THINKING HOW MUCH WE LOVE BUFFALO AND 274 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,610 WANTED TO SEND OUR LOVE TO YOU. THAT'S ALL. 275 00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,411 THAT'S ALL. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 276 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:10,949 >> Stephen: GROWING UP IN TORONTO -- I KNOW YOU'RE FROM 277 00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:18,557 TRONTDO BECAUSE YOU DON'T SAY TORON-TO. 278 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:21,760 >> THE T IS SILENT. >> Stephen: GROWING UP IN 279 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,063 TORONTO, WHAT WOULD YOU GO TO BUFFALO TO DO? 280 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,032 >> BUY BEER. >> Stephen: BECAUSE IT WAS 281 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,133 CHEAPER? OR LEGAL. 282 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,403 >> ITSELF EASIER TO GET. IN CANADA WE HAD THE LIQUOR 283 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:37,910 CONTROL BOARD OF OF -- OF ONTAR. >> Stephen: OKAY. 284 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,478 YOU LITERALLY HAD TO FILL OUT A FORM. 285 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,880 >> Stephen: EVERY TIME YOU BROUGHT BEER? 286 00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:47,553 >> YOU HAD TO FILL OUT A REQUISITION CHIT, AND THE GUY 287 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:51,390 WOULD LOOK AT YOU, TALK IN THE THING AND YOU WOULD WAIT AND WAY 288 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:56,929 IN THE BACK A GUY WOULD HAVE THIS THING WITH ROLLERS COME 289 00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:58,964 OUT. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT THEY 290 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:03,402 DO IN FORT KNOX. IN BUFFALO, IT WOULD BE JUST 291 00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:06,271 GIVE ME SOME BEER, AND THERE YOU GO. 292 00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:07,439 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE 293 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,442 HERE, YOU TOLD ME THIS INCREDIBLE STORY THAT THE LAST 294 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:16,014 LETTER GEORGE HARRISON EVER SENT BEFORE HE DIED HE SENT TO YOU. 295 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,950 >> YES. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE LAST 296 00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,217 LETTER. >> YEAH. 297 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,788 >> Stephen: I ONLY BRING THAT UP TO POINT OUT WHAT A HUGE FAN, 298 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,891 WHAT A CONNECTION YOU HAVE WITH THE BEATLES. 299 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:30,862 DID YOU SEE "GET BACK." >> DID I SEE IT? 300 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:34,066 >> Stephen: DID YOU WATCH ALL EIGHT HOURS? 301 00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:36,301 >> I INHALED IT. >> Stephen: WHAT DID IT FEEL 302 00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:41,673 LIKE TO WATCH? TO ME, IT'S AN INCREDIBLE THING 303 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,776 THAT THESE GIANTS, YOU GET TO SEE THE MOMENT OF THEIR 304 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:48,814 CREATION. >> IT WAS LIKE SEEING THE GOD 305 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:54,219 PARTICLE, TO BE HONEST. WHEN IT TURNS TO GET BACK, I 306 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,622 LITERALLY HAVE SHIVERS. >> Stephen: WHEN GEORGE IS 307 00:20:56,688 --> 00:21:00,726 WORKING IT OUT, THE SONG. >> MY PARENTS ARE FROM 308 00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:03,395 LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND, AND THE BEATLES REPRESENT THE BEST OF 309 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:08,200 OUR GENE POOL. JUST THAT KIND OF SHOW BUSINESS, 310 00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:13,839 THAT KIND OF JUST BRILLIANCE OF BEING AN ENTERTAINER THAT JUST 311 00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,941 THAT ONCE THE EVERYBODY CAN LOVE THE BEATLES. 312 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:19,945 YOU KNOW, I THINK THEY'RE UNDERRATED, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I 313 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,446 MEAN? >> Stephen: OH, ABSOLUTELY. 314 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:26,985 AGAIN, IF DREAMS ARE PRIVATE MOVIES AND MOVIES ARE PUBLIC 315 00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:30,956 DREAMS, YOU KNOW, THAT DREAM THAT JACKSON MADE, YOU KNOW, I 316 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,492 JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE IT. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, AS A 317 00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:37,663 WRITER AND CREATOR YOURSELF, DO YOU SEE ANY CROSSOVER BETWEEN -- 318 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:40,499 I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT THE BEATLES. >> NO. 319 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:43,935 >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOOD BUT YOU'RE NOT THE BEATLES. 320 00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:46,672 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: DO YOU SEE 321 00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:52,444 CROSSOVER BETWEEN THAT AND YOUR CREATIVE PROCESS, MUSIC AND 322 00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,212 COMEDY. >> WHEN I CAME OUT, I WAS, LIKE, 323 00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:59,384 I WANT TO PLAY IN THAT BAND AND THAT'S ALL DANA CARVEY AND I DO, 324 00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:02,220 WE JUST JAM. WE SAY HOW'S YOUR KIDS AND 325 00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:06,191 EVERYTHING AND THEN I GOT SOMETHING, RIGHT. 326 00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:10,896 SO IT -- IT JUST MAKES BEING A CREATIVE PERSON SEEM LIKE A 327 00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,864 NOBLE ENDEAVOR, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 328 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,633 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. >> Stephen: 329 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:18,503 >> Stephen: WATCHES THE MOVIE? WATCHING THE BEATLES. 330 00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:21,473 I DARE NOT TOUCH THE HEM OF THEIR GARMENT AND SAY WHAT I DO 331 00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:25,610 IS LIKE THE BEATLES, BUT, YOU KNOW, WE ALL NEED SOME 332 00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:26,778 ENTERTAINMENT IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW. 333 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:30,649 >> Stephen: WELL, AS A CREATOR, YOU'VE CREATED, 334 00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:34,219 WRITTEN, AND START A NEW SERIES "THE PENTAVERATE." 335 00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:37,923 >> CORRECT. >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 336 00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:40,892 "THE PENTAVERATE" IS WHAT IF FIVE PEOPLE RAN THE WORLD. 337 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:44,463 >> Stephen: SECRET SOCIETY. ECRET SOCIETY AND WHAT IF 338 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,332 THEY WERE NICE AND I PLAYED ALL FIVE PEOPLE. 339 00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:50,001 >> Stephen: SO IT'S NOTHING NEFARIOUS? 340 00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:54,306 >> IT'S THIS IDEA OF THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN -- BLESS YOU, BY THE 341 00:22:54,372 --> 00:22:57,676 WAY -- THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN THESE FIVE PEOPLE THAT AS BAD AS THE 342 00:22:57,743 --> 00:23:03,381 WORLD IS, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE IF THESE FIVE PEOPLE -- 343 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:07,385 SINCE THE BLACK PLAGUE DIDN'T EXIST. 344 00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:13,125 SO I BELIEVE IN EXPERTISE AND GROWING UP IN CANADA I BELIEVE 345 00:23:13,191 --> 00:23:17,262 IN THE GOVERNMENT. AND THERE'S ALSO HEALTHCARE. 346 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:18,797 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I LOVE THE IDEA OF 347 00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:20,065 SECRETED SOCIETIES. >> I'M OBSESSED. 348 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:25,370 >> Stephen: I'M A LITTLE UPSET NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME TO JOIN A 349 00:23:25,437 --> 00:23:30,809 SECRET SOCIETY. I HAVE INFLUENCE, ASK ME TO USE 350 00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:32,644 IT NEFARIOUSLY. RIGHT NOW I'M JUST DOING IT FOR 351 00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:35,180 CASH AND FUN. >> EXACTLY. 352 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:38,884 MY MOM WAS IN THE ROYAL AIR FORCE AND HAD A TOP SECURITY 353 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,385 CLEARANCE. >> Stephen: DAMN. 354 00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:42,254 YEAH. >> Stephen: WHAT DID SHE DO? 355 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:47,259 YOU KNOW THE LADIES WITH THE MAP OF BRITAIN AND THE STICKS, 356 00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:51,763 JEERIES OVER NORFOLK, SCRAMBLE BIG HILL, AND IT'S A PEA SOUPER 357 00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:53,532 TONIGHT, YOU KNOW. >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 358 00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:57,235 AND MY MOM WAS ONE OF THOSE LADIES. 359 00:23:57,302 --> 00:24:04,676 I WAS WATCHING A TV SHOW IN 1985 AND IT SAID NOW IT CAN BE TOLD 360 00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:09,981 THAT ALL OF THE SECRET MESSAGES ARE LIFTED. 361 00:24:10,048 --> 00:24:15,253 SHE SAID, I SAW IT ON TV. I SAID YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? 362 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,590 THE WAR SECRETS ACT. >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO SEEN A 363 00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:21,593 PIECE OF PAPER AND GOT A SIX-PACK OF WEIR. 364 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:22,794 >> THAT'S WHAT IT IS, YES. >> Stephen: A BREAK AND BACK 365 00:24:22,861 --> 00:24:24,262 WITH MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY! 366 00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:36,775 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE HERE WITH CANADA'S 367 00:24:36,842 --> 00:24:38,910 SWEETHEART MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY. 368 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:42,747 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS ALSO THE 30 369 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:46,151 30th ANNIVERSARY OF "WAYNE'S WORLD" 370 00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:51,122 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WITH YOUR GOOD FRIEND AND MINE 371 00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:55,560 DANA CARVEY. ( APPLAUSE ) 372 00:24:55,627 --> 00:25:00,031 DID YOU EVER IMAGINE -- IT CAME OUT OF THE BOX A GIANT HIT. 373 00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:03,001 OPENING WEEKEND IT EXPLODED. IT NEVER STOPPED. 374 00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:06,972 PART TWO THE RARE SEQUEL, THAT'S FUNNIER THAN THE ORIGINAL. 375 00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:11,543 DID YOU HAVE ANY SENSE GOING INTO THIS WHAT IT WAS GOING TO 376 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:13,345 BE? >> NO, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD 377 00:25:13,411 --> 00:25:17,082 BE ABLE TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR 378 00:25:17,148 --> 00:25:18,049 FALLBACK? >> ARCHITECTURE. 379 00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:20,018 ( LAUGHTER ) TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DIDN'T 380 00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:22,821 HAVE A FALLBACK. I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS SINCE I 381 00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:24,923 COULD REMEMBER. YOU KNOW HOW KURT ALWAYS TALKED 382 00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:28,226 ABOUT YOUR PEOPLE OPENING, BEING YOUR FIRST MEMORY. 383 00:25:28,293 --> 00:25:32,063 THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO. I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS 384 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:35,667 NECESSARILY GOING TO HAPPEN. WHEN "WAYNE'S WORLD" WAS 385 00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:40,038 FINISHED, I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE GOING TO RELEASE IT, AND I 386 00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:43,541 DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOVIE BUSINESS. 387 00:25:43,608 --> 00:25:48,747 BUT DANA AND ROB LOWE DID, AND IT WAS -- AND LAUREN MIKE ALSO, 388 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:53,218 OF COURSE. IT'S JUST AN UNBELIEVABLE 389 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:57,455 EXPERIENCE WORKING WITH DANA CARVEY, JUST BASICALLY TAUGHT ME 390 00:25:57,522 --> 00:26:02,294 HOW TO DO COMEDY ACTING ON FILM, WHICH IS JUST TO ENJOY YOURSELF 391 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,429 AND GET THE FUN MOLECULES OUT THERE. 392 00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:08,233 AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I DID RELATE TO AND GET BACK IS 393 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:12,537 THAT I THINK THEY REALLY LOVED PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER. 394 00:26:12,604 --> 00:26:14,205 >> Stephen: IT'S A LOVE STORY. YES. 395 00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,374 >> Stephen: AND ONE OF THE THINGS PAUL SAID TO PETER 396 00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:20,512 JACKSON WHEN HE ASKED HIS PERMISSION TO EDIT IT, HE SAID, 397 00:26:20,578 --> 00:26:24,582 YEAH, JUST MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS WE'REMATES. 398 00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:29,988 HE SAID THERE'S ONLY ONE STORY TO TELL, THAT YOU ALL LOVE EACH 399 00:26:30,055 --> 00:26:32,691 OTHER. >> THE SCENE WHERE THEY'RE 400 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:36,227 HUGGING, IN THE CAFETERIA, YOU GO TALK TO HIM, NO, YOU GO TALK 401 00:26:36,294 --> 00:26:41,800 TO HIM -- AH, THAT IS THE FEELING DANA AND I HAD ON SET IS 402 00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:47,072 HE'S JUST ONE TO HAVE THE MOST BRAVEST -- WE HAD THE 40 403 00:26:47,138 --> 00:26:50,175 40th ANNIVERSARY OF "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND WENT OUT AFTER 404 00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:55,113 THE IN MEMORIAMS. I LOVED JAN HOOKS AND I WAS 405 00:26:55,180 --> 00:27:00,218 VERY, VERY SAD AND I SAID ARE WE DEAD NOW BECAUSE WE'RE GOING ON 406 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:06,257 AFTER THE WHO'S DIED THING AND HE SAID, NO, WE'RE ( BLEEP ). 407 00:27:06,324 --> 00:27:10,395 NO, WE'RE GOING TO KICK IT, DIEWVMENTD IT'S PERFECT. 408 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:15,433 I SAWED RIGHT. WE KNOCKED 'EM DEAD. 409 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:18,103 DANA LOVES TO PLAY AND ENTERTAIN PEOPLE. 410 00:27:18,169 --> 00:27:21,840 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP FROM "THE PENTAVERATE." 411 00:27:21,906 --> 00:27:24,209 EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS IS A MOMENT OF CONSPIRACY, 412 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:30,281 I BELIEVE. >> ONE TO HAVE THE CHARACTERS IS 413 00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:32,717 NEW HAMPSHIRE'S NUMBER ONE CONSPIRACY THEORIST WHICH IS A 414 00:27:32,784 --> 00:27:37,956 GUIDE FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER BASED ON A TORONTO LOCAL NEWS 415 00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:42,527 REPORTER I HAD GROWING UP IN TORONTO. 416 00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:47,565 DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER CFTO? GLEN COCHRAN, CFTO NEWS! 417 00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:51,870 HERE WE ARE AT THE SPORTSMAN SHOW, PLENTY OF THINGS TO DO, 418 00:27:51,936 --> 00:27:55,540 WHETHER YOU LIKE SKEET FISHING OR FLY FISHING. 419 00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:59,944 A THOUSAND POUND BULL MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF BUTTER. 420 00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:01,813 THAT TYPE OF THING. >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO 421 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,149 GROW UP. >> AND A KIND, KIND, KIND -- YOU 422 00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:07,685 KNOW, DID HE SAY THINGS WRONG EVERY NOW AND THEN? 423 00:28:07,752 --> 00:28:10,255 YES, BUT HE WAS KIND, KIND, KIND, YOU KNOW. 424 00:28:10,321 --> 00:28:15,260 >> Stephen: MM-HMM. THIS GUY IS THE GUIDE THAT 425 00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:19,764 GETS KEN SCARBOROUGH INTO "THE PENTAVERATE" AND HE'S TALKING TO 426 00:28:19,831 --> 00:28:22,133 MY CAMERA PERSON PLAYED BY LYDIA WEST. 427 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,303 >> Stephen: JIM? I THINK YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED 428 00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:27,872 TO CONSPIRACY. >> WELL, I USED TO BE ADDICTED 429 00:28:27,939 --> 00:28:35,547 TO Q Anon, THEN I WENT TO Q Anon-ANON, BUT I FOUND OUT 430 00:28:35,613 --> 00:28:37,882 EVEN THAT'S A HOAX. CONSPIRACIES ARE EVERYWHERE. 431 00:28:37,949 --> 00:28:42,220 LOOK WHAT "THE PENTAVERATE" DID TO OUR CURRENCY, RIGHT. 432 00:28:42,287 --> 00:28:45,223 NORMAL FIVE-DOLLAR-BILL, RIGHT? >> RIGHT. 433 00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:48,226 WRONGO. YOU FOLD IT THIS WAY, YOU FOLD 434 00:28:48,293 --> 00:29:00,205 IT THAT WAY, YOU FOLD IT THIS WAY, AND LOOKY HERE WHAT WE HAVE 435 00:29:00,271 --> 00:29:02,941 MEMBERS TO HAVE THE PENTAVERATE. IT'S RIGHT THERE. 436 00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:06,044 THINK ABOUT IT. WHY WOULD THEY PUT A FIVE RIGHT 437 00:29:06,111 --> 00:29:08,213 THERE? >> TO INDICATE THAT THE BILL HAS 438 00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:13,251 A MONETARY VALUE OF FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS? 439 00:29:13,318 --> 00:29:18,590 >> IT'S LIKE THEY'RE TAUNTING US! 440 00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:19,858 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 441 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:23,128 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, MIKE. MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY! 442 00:29:23,194 --> 00:29:27,565 "THE PENTAVERATE" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX. 443 00:29:27,632 --> 00:29:31,970 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "PACHINKO," MINHA KIM. 444 00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:48,419 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! 445 00:29:48,486 --> 00:29:50,622 FOLKS -- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS WHO 446 00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:52,423 STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "PACHINKO" ON 447 00:29:52,490 --> 00:30:00,999 APPLETV+. 448 00:31:00,124 --> 00:31:03,127 >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," MINHA KIM! 449 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:15,740 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 450 00:31:19,777 --> 00:31:23,715 >> HI! >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 451 00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:24,582 HELLO. >> HELLO. 452 00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:25,683 >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 453 00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:28,286 NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE. >> OH, THANK YOU FOR INVITING 454 00:31:28,353 --> 00:31:29,921 ME. >> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR FIRST 455 00:31:29,988 --> 00:31:32,890 LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW APPEARANCE, ISN'T IT. 456 00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:35,426 >> YES, YES. >> Stephen: I'M HAPPY TO HAVE 457 00:31:35,493 --> 00:31:37,295 YOU HERE. >> OH, I'M SO NERVOUS. 458 00:31:37,362 --> 00:31:43,334 >> Stephen: YOU'RE STARRING IN "PACHINKO" ON APPLETV+, WHICH IS 459 00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:46,070 AN ADAPTATION OF A BEST SELLING BOOK BY THE SAME NAME. 460 00:31:46,137 --> 00:31:49,040 IT'S A CELEBRATED BOOK. THE SHOW IS ALSO CELEBRATED. 461 00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:51,643 YOUR PERFORMANCE IS BLOWING PEOPLE AWAY. 462 00:31:51,709 --> 00:31:53,811 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: I'M CURIOUS, DID 463 00:31:53,878 --> 00:31:56,247 YOU READ THE BOOK BEFORE YOU AUDITIONED? 464 00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:59,984 >> NO, I DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA. WHEN I FIRST STARTED THE 465 00:32:00,051 --> 00:32:06,190 AUDITION, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HELDING. 466 00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:09,994 SO THE CASTING DIRECTOR CALLED AND SAID, DO YOU WANT TO 467 00:32:10,061 --> 00:32:11,929 PARTICIPATE? I SAID, YEAH, WHY NOT. 468 00:32:11,996 --> 00:32:16,301 I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS "PACHINKO." AFTER I GOT THE SECOND CALLBACK, 469 00:32:16,367 --> 00:32:19,704 I READ THE BOOK. I STARTED AT 10:00 P.M. 470 00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,273 I JUST FINISHED AT 8:00 A.M. I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN. 471 00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:25,877 >> Stephen: WHAT KIND OF RESEARCH WERE YOU ABLE TO DO TO 472 00:32:25,943 --> 00:32:33,885 PLAY A WOMAN WHO IS LIVING NEAR POVERTY DURING A COLONIAL ERA, 473 00:32:33,951 --> 00:32:38,256 DURING THE JAPANESE OCCUPATION OF KOREA, HOW DID YOU FIND YOUR 474 00:32:38,323 --> 00:32:43,227 WAY TO THAT CHARACTER? > WELL, AS A KOREAN, IT'S KIND 475 00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:47,231 OF NATURAL FOR US TO RECEIVE THE CONCEPT OF THE COLONIAL ERA. 476 00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:50,601 WE KIND OF LEARN THINGS, NATURALLY, WHEN WE'RE IN SCHOOL. 477 00:32:50,668 --> 00:32:55,273 SO I HAD -- OF COURSE, I HAD TO DO A LOT OF FACT RESEARCH FOR 478 00:32:55,340 --> 00:33:00,411 THAT ERA, AND THE FACT THINGS, AND I READ A LOT OF NOVEL IN 479 00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:03,448 THAT ERA. BUT I HAD TO ATTACH TO THE 480 00:33:03,514 --> 00:33:06,884 EMOTIONAL THINGS. MY GRANDMOTHER IS 94 YEARS OLD, 481 00:33:06,951 --> 00:33:08,820 SO SHE'S ACTUALLY LEAVING THE ERA. 482 00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:12,090 >> Stephen: HAD YOU BEFORE THIS EVER SPOKEN TO HER ABOUT 483 00:33:12,156 --> 00:33:14,592 THIS PERIOD OF TIME? >> I HAD, BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY. 484 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:20,098 SO I JUST WENT TO HER HOUSE AND ASKED EVERYTHING THAT I WAS 485 00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:21,466 CURIOUS OF. SO -- 486 00:33:21,532 --> 00:33:23,668 >> Stephen: HAS SHE WATCHED THE SHOW? 487 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:26,037 >> YES, HE DID. >> Stephen: AND. 488 00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:35,012 HE CRIED SO HARD I HAD TO STOP HER, YOU MADE ME CRY, SO -- 489 00:33:35,079 --> 00:33:37,081 >> Stephen: I FOUND OUT WE HAVE SOMETHING ELSE IN COMMON, 490 00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:41,886 YOU'RE A BIG FAN OF "LORD OF THE RINGS." 491 00:33:41,953 --> 00:33:43,121 >> YES. >> Stephen: OKAY. 492 00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:46,858 NOW, I HAVE TO ASK, THE BOOKS OR THE MOVIES? 493 00:33:46,924 --> 00:33:51,729 BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH GREAT BUT THEY'RE DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. 494 00:33:51,796 --> 00:33:55,600 >> YEAH, BOTH BECAUSE I HAD A VERY STRICT PROTOCOL TO WATCH 495 00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:57,769 THE MOVIE, WHICH IS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH. 496 00:33:57,835 --> 00:34:00,872 MY MOM MADE ME TO READ NOVEL FIRST, AND THEN -- 497 00:34:00,938 --> 00:34:05,076 >> Stephen: SO YOU WANTED TO SEE THE MOVIE BUT YOUR MOM SAID 498 00:34:05,143 --> 00:34:08,946 YOU CAN'T WATCH THE MOVIE TILL YOU READ THE NOVEL IN ENGLISH. 499 00:34:09,013 --> 00:34:10,515 >> YES. >> Stephen: DID YOU SPEAK 500 00:34:10,581 --> 00:34:13,818 ENGLISH BEEN YOU STARTED READING THE NOVEL? 501 00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,920 >> YES, BUT I WAS TEN OR ELEVEN YEARS OLD. 502 00:34:15,987 --> 00:34:19,724 WHILE I WAS READING IT, YOU KNOW, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE 503 00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:23,694 ANCIENT WORDS IS THAT THERE ARE SOME UNUSUAL VOCABULARY. 504 00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:28,266 >> YEAH. THE SENTENCE, I FELT IT WAS NOT 505 00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:29,567 ENGLISH-ENGLISH. SO I WAS SO CRYING. 506 00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:31,269 >> Stephen: CAN I ASK YOU FOR SOME THINGS. 507 00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:34,939 >> OF COURSE. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU SAY IN 508 00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:38,176 KOREAN, MY PRECIOUS? >> THAT'S SO HARD BECAUSE, YOU 509 00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:44,015 KNOW WHAT? AT THAT TIME, PEOPLE EMULATE "MY 510 00:34:44,081 --> 00:34:48,920 PRECIOUS" LINE A LOT, BUT THEY DIDN'T TRANSLATE IT. 511 00:34:48,986 --> 00:35:02,266 "MY PRECIOUS" INCINE IS KIND OF -- IN KOREAN IS KIND OF 512 00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:03,468 LIKE -- ( SPEAKING KOREAN ) 513 00:35:03,534 --> 00:35:06,571 >> BUT THEY JUST SAY, MY PRECIOUS! 514 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:09,407 >> Stephen: HOW DO THEY SAY, YOU SHALL NOT PASS? 515 00:35:09,474 --> 00:35:13,478 >> I WANT TO SAY IT REALLY IN AN ARTISTIC WAY. 516 00:35:13,544 --> 00:35:26,791 BUT -- USUAL NOT PASS -- ( SPEAKING KOREAN ) 517 00:35:26,858 --> 00:35:30,661 >> Stephen: OH, BOY, I'M SO AFRAID TO BUTCHER THIS. 518 00:35:30,728 --> 00:35:36,968 ONE MORE TIME. ( SPEAKING KOREAN ) 519 00:35:37,034 --> 00:35:43,241 >> Stephen: I TRUST YOU. ( APPLAUSE ) 520 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:44,408 >> Stephen: MINHA, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 521 00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:50,181 IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU. >> OH, THANK YOU. 522 00:35:50,248 --> 00:35:51,716 "PACHINKO" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON APPLETV+. 523 00:35:51,782 --> 00:35:53,651 MINHA KIM, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A 524 00:35:53,718 --> 00:35:55,586 PERFORMANCE BY BEACH HOUSE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 525 00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:03,928 >> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "SUPERSTAR" FROM THEIR ALBUM, 526 00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:06,097 "ONCE TWICE MELODY," BEACH HOUSE! 527 00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:10,968 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ THERE'S A LIGHT GOING 528 00:36:11,035 --> 00:36:15,940 OUT TONIGHT ♪ DRIVING FAST 529 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:23,915 FLASHING LINES ♪ IT'S TOO LATE NOW TO 530 00:36:23,981 --> 00:36:30,488 SAY GOODBYE ♪ THE STARS WERE THERE 531 00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:42,500 IN OUR EYES ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE 532 00:36:42,567 --> 00:36:54,478 WE FELL ACROSS THE SKY ♪ BACKLIT UP AGAINST THE WALL 533 00:36:54,545 --> 00:37:03,955 OUT THERE ON THE RUN ♪ YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE 534 00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:15,933 SHADOW FROM THE SUN ♪ SOMEWHERE OUT ON THE RADIO 535 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:27,278 LOOK UP HIGH ♪ NOW YOU'RE GONE 536 00:37:27,345 --> 00:37:31,916 I SEE IT NOW ♪ IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH 537 00:37:31,983 --> 00:37:42,493 SOMETHING GOOD ♪ NEVER MEANT TO LAST 538 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:48,499 I DON'T WANNA KNOW ♪ HOW THE STORY ENDS 539 00:37:48,566 --> 00:38:03,447 FROM NOW TO THEN ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE 540 00:38:03,514 --> 00:38:04,515 FROM NOW TO THEN ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE 541 00:38:04,582 --> 00:38:11,922 WE FELL ACROSS THE SKY ♪ IT MAY BE OUT OF SIGHT 542 00:38:11,989 --> 00:38:19,930 BUT NEVER OUT OF MIND ♪ OUT THERE ON THE RUN 543 00:38:19,997 --> 00:38:27,938 YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ♪ SHADOW FROM THE SUN 544 00:38:28,005 --> 00:38:36,480 BACKLIT UP AGAINST THE WALL ♪ SUPERSTAR 545 00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:51,429 SHINING FAR ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE 546 00:38:51,495 --> 00:39:00,337 SHINING FAR ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE 547 00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:11,916 ♪ IT MAY BE OUT OF SIGHT BUT NEVER OUT OF MIND 548 00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:23,227 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ OUT THERE ON THE RUN 549 00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:27,932 YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ♪ SUPERSTAR 550 00:39:27,998 --> 00:39:42,880 SHINING FAR 551 00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:44,181 SHINING FAR 552 00:39:51,989 --> 00:40:06,504 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 553 00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:11,675 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 554 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:12,877 >> Stephen: BEACH HOUSE, EVERYBODY! 555 00:40:12,943 --> 00:40:16,614 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST 556 00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:20,484 WILL BE SEBASTIAN STAN! AND, I'LL BE GIVING THE 557 00:40:20,551 --> 00:40:21,852 "COLBERT QUESTIONERT" TO SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. 558 00:40:21,919 --> 00:40:23,988 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.