>> THE C.D.C. IS INVESTIGATING
AN EXTREMELY RARE CONFIRMED CASE OF MONKEYPOX.
>> THIS IS A VIRUS THAT IS RARE IN HUMANS BUT, WHEN IT DOES COME
UP, IT'S A SERIOUS ONE THAT WE SHOULD INVESTIGATE, AND WE'VE
GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT WE UNDERSTAND IF AND HOW IT IS
SPREADING. ♪♪
>> GEORGE, AH, I DON'T FEEL SO
WELL. THE DOCTOR SAID I HAVE
MONKEYPOX. BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
I DON'T REMEMBER DOING ANYTHING UNHYGIENIC.
LET'S SEE -- FIRST, WE WOKE UP AND YOU
BRUSHED MY TEETH, THEN YOU BREATHED ON MY BROWNIES, THEN
YOU MAGICALLY SHRUNK YOURSELF DOWN AND WALKED AROUND ON MY
TONGUE. NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY.
HOW COULD I HAVE CONTRACTED MONKEYPOX?
I GUESS IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE MYSTERIES WE'LL NEVER SOLVE,
LIKE WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE AND WHO FLUNG POOP AT THE MAIL
MAN. >> I DON'T KNOW!
>> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!"
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
MIKE MYERS MIN-HA KIM
AND MUSICAL GUEST, BEACH HOUSE! FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT'S UP? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP?
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! HAPPY THURSDAY!
HEY, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVENED.
YOU'RE TOO KIND. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME UP THERE, DOWN HERE, EVERYBODY WATCHING AROUND THE
WORLD. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S NICE. THAT'S NICE.
HOPE YOU GUYS ARE FEELING GOOD TONIGHT.
I'M FEELING -- WHAT WOULD YOU DESCRIBE -- A LITTLE NOSTALGIC,
I GUESS, BECAUSE, YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A
SIGHTING OF A MAN WHO I SPENT MANY HAPPY YEARS PRETENDING TO
LIKE. I'M TALKING ABOUT FORMER
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, SEEN HERE AFTER GETTING INTO THE
SARAN WRAP DRAWER AGAIN. LAURA HAD TO PUT UP THAT
DOGGY DOOR OUTSIDE THE KITCHENO KEEP HIM OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) DUBYA AND I HAD SO MANY
GOOD TIMES TOGETHER BACK AT THE OLD "COLBERT REPORT."
I MADE SO MUCH FUN OF HIM, AND HE GAVE HE SO MANY REASONS TO DO
THAT. ( LAUGHTER )
MMM... BUT --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OLD DAYS.
AFTER KEEPING A LOW PROFILE FOR
YEARS NOW, YESTERDAY, BUSH GAVE A SPEECH IN DALLAS AS PART OF AN
EVENT CALLED "ELECTIONS: A MORE PERFECT UNION," FOCUSED ON HOW
ELECTIONS WORK. WE'VE ACTUALLY ACQUIRED DUBYA'S
POWERPOINT ON HOW ELECTIONS WORK:
STEP 1: GET FEWER VOTES THAN YOUR OPPONENT.
STEP 2: HAVE THE SUPREME COURT HAND IT TO YOU.
STEP 3: HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THREE-POINT PLAN. AT ONE POINT IN HIS ACTUAL
SPEECH, BUSH TURNED HIS ATTENTION TO RUSSIA.
ONLY ONE PROBLEM HE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A GAFFE.
SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT: >> RUSSIAN ELECTIONS ARE RIGGED.
POLITICAL OPPONENTS ARE IMPRISONED OR OTHERWISE
ELIMINATED FROM PARTICIPATING IN THE ELECTORAL PROCESS.
THE RESULT IS AN ABSENCE OF CHECKS AND BALANCES IN RUSSIA,
AND THE DECISION OF ONE MAN TO LAUNCH A WHOLLY UNJUSTIFIED AND
BRUTAL INVASION OF IRAQ. I MEAN, OF UKRAINE.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> Stephen: JIMMY CHRISTMAS!
THE ONE PHRASE HE DEFINITELY CAN'T SAY, EVER, FOR THE REST OF
HIS LIFE. IT'S LIKE HE'S THINKING ABOUT
IT ALL THE TIME, AND IT JUST POPPED OUT.
THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST PRESIDENTIAL FREUDIAN SLIP SINCE
J.F.K. SAID THIS: >> ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY
CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK IF YOU CAN DO MARILYN MONROE.
BOI-OI-OI-OING! ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: NOW, NOW -- SURE. ( LAUGHTER )
WE DO THESE THINGS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE EASY BUT BECAUSE I AM
HARD! ( LAUGHTER )
THANKFULLY, DUBYA CAUGHT HIMSELF AND DID A QUICK COURSE-CORRECT:
>> THE DECISION OF ONE MAN TO LAUNCH A WHOLLY UNJUSTIFIED AND
BRUTAL INVASION OF IRAQ. I MEAN, OF UKRAINE.
(LAUGHS) IRAQ, TOO.
ANYWAY... (LAUGHTER)
75. >> STEPHEN: "IRAQ, TOO?"
HA HA? THAT IS A REFRESHINGLY
LIGHTHEARTED CONFESSION TO WAR CRIMES.
I GUESS WE SHOULD CALL OFF THE SEARCH FOR THE W.M.D.'S.
SOMEBODY OWES SADDAM HUSSEIN AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT.
( LAUGHTER ) MAYBE BUSH IS GOING TO START
ADMITTING EVERYTHING HE'S BEEN HOLDING BACK:
"ALSO, I JUST WANT TO SAY: MY GRANDKIDS ARE THE ONES WHO
PAINT THE WATERCOLORS; DICK CHENEY IS A TERMINATOR SENT
FROM THE FUTURE; AND THERE ARE NO HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS.
I SAW THE PHILLIE PHANATIC WITH HIS HEAD OFF, AND I
FREAKED OUT. HEH-HEH.
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF UKRAINE, ZELENSKY
IS STILL LOBBYING THE WORLD FOR SUPPORT.
THIS WEEK, HE OPENED THE CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, WHERE HE VOWED,
"WE WILL WIN IN THIS WAR." IS THIS TRUE?
IN FACT, I'M TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF HIS PRE-MOVIE
PRESENTATION. >> LET'S GO LIBERATE DONBAS.
LET'S KICK PUTIN IN THE ASS. LET'S GO LIBERATE DONBAS, AND
STEAL OURSELVES A TANK! ♪ AND GIVE OLE VLAD A SPANK!
( BLAST ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: IT'S BEEN A ROUGH WEEK ON WALL STREET.
THE DOW TOOK A DRUBBING AFTER INVESTORS WERE ALARMED BY
DISAPPOINTING EARNINGS FROM TARGET, WALMART, AND LOWE'S.
THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION: RELEASE THE STRATEGIC RESERVE OF
DADS RUNNING LITTLE ERRANDS! GO GET SOME BATTERIES, BOYS!
BUY SOME SPACKLE! THE LITTLE BUCKET.
THE OLD ONE'S PROBABLY DRIED OUT.
JUST PUTTER AROUND THE PAINT AISLE AND PICK OUT SWATCHES.
SHE SAYS SHE WANTS YELLOW, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE!
REMEMBER, SATIN SHINE! IT SHOULD GLOW, BUT NOT GLISTEN,
OKAY? IT SHOULD HAVE SHEEN, BUT NOT
SHIMMER. JUST BUY ONE CAN OF EACH.
YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU! ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) SHEEN BUT NOT SHINE.
THE BIG WORRY ON WALL STREET IS INFLATION.
IT'S GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL. IN APRIL, OVERALL CONSUMER
PRICES FOR FOOD ROSE 9.4%-- BUT EGGS SURGED 220%, BUTTER
JUMPED 51%, FATS AND OILS WENT UP 41%, AND FLOUR 40%.
WAIT A SEC. THAT'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO
BATTER AND DEEP FAT FRY! IT'S ONE THING FOR INFLATION TO
DESTROY OUR RETIREMENT PLANS, BUT NOW IT'S TRYING TO MAKE US
LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO RETIRE? ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THESE EXPENSES -- NO, IT STOPS!
LINE IN THE SAND! IT STOPS -- LET ME AT 'EM!
( LAUGHTER ) THESE EXPENSES ARE BEING PASSED
ON TO THE CONSUMER. AT ONE PIZZERIA IN MISSISSIPPI,
A 15-PIECE ORDER OF CHICKEN WINGS USED TO BE $13.95, BUT NOW
CAN BE AROUND $27.95, AND WING COSTS CAN VARY SO MUCH, THEY'RE
OFTEN LABELED "MARKET PRICE." MARKET PRICE!
THAT'S USUALLY RESERVED FOR THINGS LIKE LOBSTER, SO, I
ASSUME YOU GET TO PICK YOUR OWN CHICKEN FROM THE TANK OUT FRONT.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'VE GOT LITTLE SNORKELS!
GOT A CHICKEN SNORKEL. DEEP FRIED SNORKEL.
I LIKE HOW UPSET YOU WERE WHEN YOU FOUND OUT CHICKEN WING
PRICES JUMPED UP. THAT PROVES YOU'RE ALL
AMERICANS. ( LAUGHTER )
PRICES ARE SO OUT OF CONTROL THAT THE RESTAURANT OWNER SAYS
HE'S TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER TO KEEP RAISING PRICES OR TAKE
WINGS OFF THE MENU. WINGS WERE ONLY ON THE MENU
BECAUSE THEY WERE THE CHEAPEST PART OF THE CHICKEN.
NOW THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING ELSE.
INTRODUCING: BUFFALO WILD BEAKS.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST ENOUGH SAUCE, ENOUGH
SAUCE -- HELL, YEAH. OVER IN COVID CORNER, CASES ARE
BACK ON THE RISE. YESTERDAY, THE C.D.C.
RECOMMENDED THAT A THIRD OF AMERICANS SHOULD CONSIDER
WEARING INDOOR MASKS. "CONSIDER?" IS NOT THE MOST
URGENT LANGUAGE YOU COULD USE IN A PANDEMIC.
THAT'S LIKE SEEING, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE.
MAYBE DON'T LICK?" MAYBE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ LET'S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY ♪
WE CAN'T BLAME THE SPREAD OF
COVID ON LACK OF HAND SANITIZER ANYMORE.
BACK IN THE EARLY DAYS OF THE PANDEMIC, NEW YORK MADE 11
MILLION BOTTLES OF HAND SANITIZER.
NOW IT HAS 700,000 GALLONS IT CAN'T GET RID OF.
NEW YORK NEEDS TO GET RID OF 700,000 GALLONS OF SURPLUS
ALCOHOL? PAGING RUDY GIULIANI.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MR. MAYOR! IT'S TIME TO BE A HERO AGAIN!
ALL IS FORGIVEN. BUT NEW YORK MAY WANT TO HOLD
ON TO THAT HAND SANITIZER, BECAUSE THERE'S A NEW VIRUS
MAKING THE ROUNDS. I DON'T WANT TO ALARM ANYONE, SO
I'LL JUST QUIETLY SAY: MONKEY POX!
(SCREAMING MONKEY) EVERYONE STAYING CALM?
GOOD. THEN YOU'RE READY TO CHECK OUT
THIS HEADLINE: "RARE MONKEYPOX OUTBREAK IN
U.K., EUROPE, AND U.S.-- WHAT IS IT, AND SHOULD WE WORRY?"
I'LL HANDLE THAT ONE: I DON'T KNOW, AND YES.
TURNS OUT, MONKEY POX IS A VIRAL INFECTION THAT CAUSES FEVER,
BODY ACHES, ENLARGED LYMPH NODES AND BLISTERS.
ALSO, AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO WEAR A TUXEDO AND RIDE A TINY
LITTLE BIKE. ( LAUGHTER )
TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONCERNING, SCIENTISTS SAY THERE'S EVIDENCE
THE VIRUS COULD BE SPREADING THROUGH A NEW ROUTE:
SEXUAL CONTACT. WOW.
THIS NEW INFORMATION SUDDENLY MAKES UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A
POX-RIDDLED MONKEY WAY LESS APPEALING.
AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TEACH A MONKEY SEX ED.
BEFORE YOU CAN PUT THE CONDOM ON THE BANANA, THEY EAT IT!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IMPOSSIBLE! IT'S A MONKEY BANANA JOKE.
GROW UP! SPEAKING OF DOIN' IT, MORE
COMPANIES ARE BRINGING EMPLOYEES BACK IN PERSON, AND SOME WORKERS
MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO EXCITED, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A NEW
SURVEY, MORE THAN A THIRD OF SINGLE, WHITE-COLLAR WORKERS
THINK RETURNING TO THE OFFICE WILL HELP THEIR SEX LIVES.
AND AT SOME COMPANIES, THE NUMBER OF HORNY CUBICLE JOCKEYS
IS EVEN HIGHER. FOR EXAMPLE, 50% OF SINGLES AT
CAPITAL ONE SAID RETURNING TO IN-PERSON WORK WOULD HELP THEM
GET LUCKY. EXPLAINS THEIR NEW SLOGAN:
"CAPITAL ONE: WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?
BETTER BE A CONDOM." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE MIKE MYERS AND
MIN-HA KIM. BUT, WHEN WE COME BACK, I
INTRODUCE THE LATEST OFFICE FASHION.
JOIN US.
*>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY!
LOUIS CADEO AT THE LEFT OF "STAY HOMIN'."
FOLKS OVER THERE, FRIENDS TONIGHT, A LOT OF FUN, A LOVELY
GUEST IS ON TONIGHT, MR. MIKE MYERS IS HERE TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'S GOT THE NEW SHOW -- ALSO
HE'S GOT HIS NEW SHOW "THE PENTAVERATE," HE PLAYS EIGHT
PARTS IN. >> OH, WOW.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW APPLETV+ SHOW CALLED
PACHINKO? >> I HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: A LOT HAVE. THAT'S WHY SHE'S ON THE SHOW.
MINHA KIM IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW AND WILL BE ON TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, AS I SAID IN THE
MONOLOGUE, MORE AND MORE WORKERS ARE HEADING BACK TO THE OFFICE.
AND IT TURNS OUT THE PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED FASHION IN THE
WORKPLACE, BECAUSE THERE IS A NEW TREND IN OFFICE ATTIRE
THAT RETAILERS ARE CALLING "BUSINESS COMFORT"-- MAKING IT
THE FIRST FASHION TREND TO SHARE A NAME WITH A DELTA AIRLINES
PRIORITY SEATING CLASS. AND ONE CLOTHING BRAND THAT'S
SEEN A BIG SALES BUMP AS THE PANDEMIC WANES IS UNTUCKIT,
WHICH MAKES "BUTTON-DOWN SHIRTS THAT DON'T NEED TO BE
TUCKED IN." IN OTHER WORDS:
SHIRTS. LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK
AT THAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! ( LAUGHTER )
BUT -- OOOH, MY BELT BUCKLE IS VERY COLD.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THEY TAKE THEIR UNTUCKING
INNOVATIONS VERY SERIOUSLY. JUST LOOK AT ONE OF THEIR ADS.
>> THE BEST IDEAS COME FROM SOLVING COMMON PROBLEMS.
MY PROBLEM? LIKE A LOT OF OTHER MEN, I
COULDN'T FIND A SHIRT THAT LOOKED GOOD UNTUCKED.
SO THIS BECAME MY PASSION: TO DESIGN A SHIRT THAT CAPTURES
THE PERFECT BALANCE BETWEEN LENGTH AND FIT.
OUR PROBLEM. MY SOLUTION.
UNTUCKIT.COM. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S WONDERFUL.
HE SOLVED HIS ONLY PROBLEM. ( LAUGHTER )
VERY HAPPY MAN, EVIDENTLY. BUT UNTUCKIT STILL LEAVES A
BIG GAP IN THE MEN'S SHIRT MARKET, AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY
THAT "THE LATE SHOW" HAS A BRAND NEW SPONSOR THAT IS HERE
TO FIX IT. TAKE A LOOK.
>> LIKE LOTS OF GUYS OUT THERE, I FELL IN LOVE WITH UNTUCKit
SHIRTS, BUT THERE'S ONE BIG PROBLEM -- YOU JUST CAN'T TUCK
THEM IN. PARTS OF SHIRTS STAY OUTSIDE,
BLOCKING ACCESS TO THE POCKET. THAT'S WHY I CREATED THE FIRST
SHIRT DESIGNED TO HAVE THE BOTTOM PART GO INSIDE THE PANTS.
INTRODUCING GoTUCKyourself, THE REVOLUTIONARY FULLY TUCKABLE
SHIRT GUARANTEED TO STAY IN PLACE, THANKS TO OUR PATENTED
SNAP-CROTCH TUCK-NOLOGY, GIVING YOU THE CONFIDENCE TO GET TUCKED
AND STAY TUCKED -- EVEN WITHOUT PANTS.
IT'S DESIGNED FOR ALL GUYS, ALL OCCASIONS, WHETHER YOU'RE AT THE
OFFICE, ON A ROMANTIC DATE, OR JUST ON THE GO.
WE'VE GOT YOU COVERED FROM HEAD TO TAINT.
GoTUCKyourself. I'LL TUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MIKE MYERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A
COMEDIAN, ACTOR, AND WRITER YOU KNOW FROM "WAYNE'S WORLD,"
"SHREK," AND "AUSTIN POWERS." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE
LATE SHOW," MIKE MYERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> WHOO!
>> Stephen: THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
>> MY PLEASURE. WOW.
>> Stephen: I GOTTA SAY, I LIKE -- NICE HOCKEY SHIRT.
>> THANK YOU. THIS IS JUST -- JUST WANTED TO
SEND SOME LOVE TO THE PEOPLE OF BUFFALO.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S UP BY THE
BORDER. DO YOU SPEND MUCH TIME --
>> OF COURSE, OUR NEIGHBORS TO THE SOUTH.
I'M FROM TORONTO, CANADA. ( CHEERING )
AND TODAY I WAS JUST THINKING HOW MUCH WE LOVE BUFFALO AND
WANTED TO SEND OUR LOVE TO YOU. THAT'S ALL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GROWING UP IN TORONTO -- I KNOW YOU'RE FROM
TRONTDO BECAUSE YOU DON'T SAY TORON-TO.
>> THE T IS SILENT. >> Stephen: GROWING UP IN
TORONTO, WHAT WOULD YOU GO TO BUFFALO TO DO?
>> BUY BEER. >> Stephen: BECAUSE IT WAS
CHEAPER? OR LEGAL.
>> ITSELF EASIER TO GET. IN CANADA WE HAD THE LIQUOR
CONTROL BOARD OF OF -- OF ONTAR. >> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU LITERALLY HAD TO FILL OUT A FORM.
>> Stephen: EVERY TIME YOU BROUGHT BEER?
>> YOU HAD TO FILL OUT A REQUISITION CHIT, AND THE GUY
WOULD LOOK AT YOU, TALK IN THE THING AND YOU WOULD WAIT AND WAY
IN THE BACK A GUY WOULD HAVE THIS THING WITH ROLLERS COME
OUT. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT THEY
DO IN FORT KNOX. IN BUFFALO, IT WOULD BE JUST
GIVE ME SOME BEER, AND THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE, YOU TOLD ME THIS INCREDIBLE STORY THAT THE LAST
LETTER GEORGE HARRISON EVER SENT BEFORE HE DIED HE SENT TO YOU.
>> YES. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE LAST
LETTER. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I ONLY BRING THAT UP TO POINT OUT WHAT A HUGE FAN,
WHAT A CONNECTION YOU HAVE WITH THE BEATLES.
DID YOU SEE "GET BACK." >> DID I SEE IT?
>> Stephen: DID YOU WATCH ALL EIGHT HOURS?
>> I INHALED IT. >> Stephen: WHAT DID IT FEEL
LIKE TO WATCH? TO ME, IT'S AN INCREDIBLE THING
THAT THESE GIANTS, YOU GET TO SEE THE MOMENT OF THEIR
CREATION. >> IT WAS LIKE SEEING THE GOD
PARTICLE, TO BE HONEST. WHEN IT TURNS TO GET BACK, I
LITERALLY HAVE SHIVERS. >> Stephen: WHEN GEORGE IS
WORKING IT OUT, THE SONG. >> MY PARENTS ARE FROM
LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND, AND THE BEATLES REPRESENT THE BEST OF
OUR GENE POOL. JUST THAT KIND OF SHOW BUSINESS,
THAT KIND OF JUST BRILLIANCE OF BEING AN ENTERTAINER THAT JUST
THAT ONCE THE EVERYBODY CAN LOVE THE BEATLES.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THEY'RE UNDERRATED, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN? >> Stephen: OH, ABSOLUTELY.
AGAIN, IF DREAMS ARE PRIVATE MOVIES AND MOVIES ARE PUBLIC
DREAMS, YOU KNOW, THAT DREAM THAT JACKSON MADE, YOU KNOW, I
JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE IT. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, AS A
WRITER AND CREATOR YOURSELF, DO YOU SEE ANY CROSSOVER BETWEEN --
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT THE BEATLES. >> NO.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOOD BUT YOU'RE NOT THE BEATLES.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: DO YOU SEE
CROSSOVER BETWEEN THAT AND YOUR CREATIVE PROCESS, MUSIC AND
COMEDY. >> WHEN I CAME OUT, I WAS, LIKE,
I WANT TO PLAY IN THAT BAND AND THAT'S ALL DANA CARVEY AND I DO,
WE JUST JAM. WE SAY HOW'S YOUR KIDS AND
EVERYTHING AND THEN I GOT SOMETHING, RIGHT.
SO IT -- IT JUST MAKES BEING A CREATIVE PERSON SEEM LIKE A
NOBLE ENDEAVOR, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. >> Stephen:
>> Stephen: WATCHES THE MOVIE? WATCHING THE BEATLES.
I DARE NOT TOUCH THE HEM OF THEIR GARMENT AND SAY WHAT I DO
IS LIKE THE BEATLES, BUT, YOU KNOW, WE ALL NEED SOME
ENTERTAINMENT IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: WELL, AS A CREATOR, YOU'VE CREATED,
WRITTEN, AND START A NEW SERIES "THE PENTAVERATE."
>> CORRECT. >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
"THE PENTAVERATE" IS WHAT IF FIVE PEOPLE RAN THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: SECRET SOCIETY. ECRET SOCIETY AND WHAT IF
THEY WERE NICE AND I PLAYED ALL FIVE PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: SO IT'S NOTHING NEFARIOUS?
>> IT'S THIS IDEA OF THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN -- BLESS YOU, BY THE
WAY -- THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN THESE FIVE PEOPLE THAT AS BAD AS THE
WORLD IS, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE IF THESE FIVE PEOPLE --
SINCE THE BLACK PLAGUE DIDN'T EXIST.
SO I BELIEVE IN EXPERTISE AND GROWING UP IN CANADA I BELIEVE
IN THE GOVERNMENT. AND THERE'S ALSO HEALTHCARE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I LOVE THE IDEA OF
SECRETED SOCIETIES. >> I'M OBSESSED.
>> Stephen: I'M A LITTLE UPSET NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME TO JOIN A
SECRET SOCIETY. I HAVE INFLUENCE, ASK ME TO USE
IT NEFARIOUSLY. RIGHT NOW I'M JUST DOING IT FOR
CASH AND FUN. >> EXACTLY.
MY MOM WAS IN THE ROYAL AIR FORCE AND HAD A TOP SECURITY
CLEARANCE. >> Stephen: DAMN.
YEAH. >> Stephen: WHAT DID SHE DO?
YOU KNOW THE LADIES WITH THE MAP OF BRITAIN AND THE STICKS,
JEERIES OVER NORFOLK, SCRAMBLE BIG HILL, AND IT'S A PEA SOUPER
TONIGHT, YOU KNOW. >> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
AND MY MOM WAS ONE OF THOSE LADIES.
I WAS WATCHING A TV SHOW IN 1985 AND IT SAID NOW IT CAN BE TOLD
THAT ALL OF THE SECRET MESSAGES ARE LIFTED.
SHE SAID, I SAW IT ON TV. I SAID YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?
THE WAR SECRETS ACT. >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO SEEN A
PIECE OF PAPER AND GOT A SIX-PACK OF WEIR.
>> THAT'S WHAT IT IS, YES. >> Stephen: A BREAK AND BACK
WITH MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE HERE WITH CANADA'S
SWEETHEART MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS ALSO THE 30
30th ANNIVERSARY OF "WAYNE'S WORLD"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WITH YOUR GOOD FRIEND AND MINE
DANA CARVEY. ( APPLAUSE )
DID YOU EVER IMAGINE -- IT CAME OUT OF THE BOX A GIANT HIT.
OPENING WEEKEND IT EXPLODED. IT NEVER STOPPED.
PART TWO THE RARE SEQUEL, THAT'S FUNNIER THAN THE ORIGINAL.
DID YOU HAVE ANY SENSE GOING INTO THIS WHAT IT WAS GOING TO
BE? >> NO, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD
BE ABLE TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR
FALLBACK? >> ARCHITECTURE.
( LAUGHTER ) TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DIDN'T
HAVE A FALLBACK. I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS SINCE I
COULD REMEMBER. YOU KNOW HOW KURT ALWAYS TALKED
ABOUT YOUR PEOPLE OPENING, BEING YOUR FIRST MEMORY.
THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO. I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS
NECESSARILY GOING TO HAPPEN. WHEN "WAYNE'S WORLD" WAS
FINISHED, I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE GOING TO RELEASE IT, AND I
DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOVIE BUSINESS.
BUT DANA AND ROB LOWE DID, AND IT WAS -- AND LAUREN MIKE ALSO,
OF COURSE. IT'S JUST AN UNBELIEVABLE
EXPERIENCE WORKING WITH DANA CARVEY, JUST BASICALLY TAUGHT ME
HOW TO DO COMEDY ACTING ON FILM, WHICH IS JUST TO ENJOY YOURSELF
AND GET THE FUN MOLECULES OUT THERE.
AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I DID RELATE TO AND GET BACK IS
THAT I THINK THEY REALLY LOVED PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER.
>> Stephen: IT'S A LOVE STORY. YES.
>> Stephen: AND ONE OF THE THINGS PAUL SAID TO PETER
JACKSON WHEN HE ASKED HIS PERMISSION TO EDIT IT, HE SAID,
YEAH, JUST MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS WE'REMATES.
HE SAID THERE'S ONLY ONE STORY TO TELL, THAT YOU ALL LOVE EACH
OTHER. >> THE SCENE WHERE THEY'RE
HUGGING, IN THE CAFETERIA, YOU GO TALK TO HIM, NO, YOU GO TALK
TO HIM -- AH, THAT IS THE FEELING DANA AND I HAD ON SET IS
HE'S JUST ONE TO HAVE THE MOST BRAVEST -- WE HAD THE 40
40th ANNIVERSARY OF "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND WENT OUT AFTER
THE IN MEMORIAMS. I LOVED JAN HOOKS AND I WAS
VERY, VERY SAD AND I SAID ARE WE DEAD NOW BECAUSE WE'RE GOING ON
AFTER THE WHO'S DIED THING AND HE SAID, NO, WE'RE ( BLEEP ).
NO, WE'RE GOING TO KICK IT, DIEWVMENTD IT'S PERFECT.
I SAWED RIGHT. WE KNOCKED 'EM DEAD.
DANA LOVES TO PLAY AND ENTERTAIN PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP FROM "THE PENTAVERATE."
EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS IS A MOMENT OF CONSPIRACY,
I BELIEVE. >> ONE TO HAVE THE CHARACTERS IS
NEW HAMPSHIRE'S NUMBER ONE CONSPIRACY THEORIST WHICH IS A
GUIDE FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER BASED ON A TORONTO LOCAL NEWS
REPORTER I HAD GROWING UP IN TORONTO.
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER CFTO? GLEN COCHRAN, CFTO NEWS!
HERE WE ARE AT THE SPORTSMAN SHOW, PLENTY OF THINGS TO DO,
WHETHER YOU LIKE SKEET FISHING OR FLY FISHING.
A THOUSAND POUND BULL MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF BUTTER.
THAT TYPE OF THING. >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO
GROW UP. >> AND A KIND, KIND, KIND -- YOU
KNOW, DID HE SAY THINGS WRONG EVERY NOW AND THEN?
YES, BUT HE WAS KIND, KIND, KIND, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: MM-HMM. THIS GUY IS THE GUIDE THAT
GETS KEN SCARBOROUGH INTO "THE PENTAVERATE" AND HE'S TALKING TO
MY CAMERA PERSON PLAYED BY LYDIA WEST.
>> Stephen: JIM? I THINK YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED
TO CONSPIRACY. >> WELL, I USED TO BE ADDICTED
TO Q Anon, THEN I WENT TO Q Anon-ANON, BUT I FOUND OUT
EVEN THAT'S A HOAX. CONSPIRACIES ARE EVERYWHERE.
LOOK WHAT "THE PENTAVERATE" DID TO OUR CURRENCY, RIGHT.
NORMAL FIVE-DOLLAR-BILL, RIGHT? >> RIGHT.
WRONGO. YOU FOLD IT THIS WAY, YOU FOLD
IT THAT WAY, YOU FOLD IT THIS WAY, AND LOOKY HERE WHAT WE HAVE
MEMBERS TO HAVE THE PENTAVERATE. IT'S RIGHT THERE.
THINK ABOUT IT. WHY WOULD THEY PUT A FIVE RIGHT
THERE? >> TO INDICATE THAT THE BILL HAS
A MONETARY VALUE OF FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS?
>> IT'S LIKE THEY'RE TAUNTING US!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, MIKE. MIKE MYERS, EVERYBODY!
"THE PENTAVERATE" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "PACHINKO," MINHA KIM.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
FOLKS -- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS WHO
STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "PACHINKO" ON
APPLETV+.
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," MINHA KIM!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> HI! >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
HELLO. >> HELLO.
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE. >> OH, THANK YOU FOR INVITING
ME. >> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR FIRST
LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW APPEARANCE, ISN'T IT.
>> YES, YES. >> Stephen: I'M HAPPY TO HAVE
YOU HERE. >> OH, I'M SO NERVOUS.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE STARRING IN "PACHINKO" ON APPLETV+, WHICH IS
AN ADAPTATION OF A BEST SELLING BOOK BY THE SAME NAME.
IT'S A CELEBRATED BOOK. THE SHOW IS ALSO CELEBRATED.
YOUR PERFORMANCE IS BLOWING PEOPLE AWAY.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: I'M CURIOUS, DID
YOU READ THE BOOK BEFORE YOU AUDITIONED?
>> NO, I DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA. WHEN I FIRST STARTED THE
AUDITION, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HELDING.
SO THE CASTING DIRECTOR CALLED AND SAID, DO YOU WANT TO
PARTICIPATE? I SAID, YEAH, WHY NOT.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS "PACHINKO." AFTER I GOT THE SECOND CALLBACK,
I READ THE BOOK. I STARTED AT 10:00 P.M.
I JUST FINISHED AT 8:00 A.M. I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN.
>> Stephen: WHAT KIND OF RESEARCH WERE YOU ABLE TO DO TO
PLAY A WOMAN WHO IS LIVING NEAR POVERTY DURING A COLONIAL ERA,
DURING THE JAPANESE OCCUPATION OF KOREA, HOW DID YOU FIND YOUR
WAY TO THAT CHARACTER? > WELL, AS A KOREAN, IT'S KIND
OF NATURAL FOR US TO RECEIVE THE CONCEPT OF THE COLONIAL ERA.
WE KIND OF LEARN THINGS, NATURALLY, WHEN WE'RE IN SCHOOL.
SO I HAD -- OF COURSE, I HAD TO DO A LOT OF FACT RESEARCH FOR
THAT ERA, AND THE FACT THINGS, AND I READ A LOT OF NOVEL IN
THAT ERA. BUT I HAD TO ATTACH TO THE
EMOTIONAL THINGS. MY GRANDMOTHER IS 94 YEARS OLD,
SO SHE'S ACTUALLY LEAVING THE ERA.
>> Stephen: HAD YOU BEFORE THIS EVER SPOKEN TO HER ABOUT
THIS PERIOD OF TIME? >> I HAD, BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY.
SO I JUST WENT TO HER HOUSE AND ASKED EVERYTHING THAT I WAS
CURIOUS OF. SO --
>> Stephen: HAS SHE WATCHED THE SHOW?
>> YES, HE DID. >> Stephen: AND.
HE CRIED SO HARD I HAD TO STOP HER, YOU MADE ME CRY, SO --
>> Stephen: I FOUND OUT WE HAVE SOMETHING ELSE IN COMMON,
YOU'RE A BIG FAN OF "LORD OF THE RINGS."
>> YES. >> Stephen: OKAY.
NOW, I HAVE TO ASK, THE BOOKS OR THE MOVIES?
BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH GREAT BUT THEY'RE DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES.
>> YEAH, BOTH BECAUSE I HAD A VERY STRICT PROTOCOL TO WATCH
THE MOVIE, WHICH IS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH.
MY MOM MADE ME TO READ NOVEL FIRST, AND THEN --
>> Stephen: SO YOU WANTED TO SEE THE MOVIE BUT YOUR MOM SAID
YOU CAN'T WATCH THE MOVIE TILL YOU READ THE NOVEL IN ENGLISH.
>> YES. >> Stephen: DID YOU SPEAK
ENGLISH BEEN YOU STARTED READING THE NOVEL?
>> YES, BUT I WAS TEN OR ELEVEN YEARS OLD.
WHILE I WAS READING IT, YOU KNOW, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE
ANCIENT WORDS IS THAT THERE ARE SOME UNUSUAL VOCABULARY.
>> YEAH. THE SENTENCE, I FELT IT WAS NOT
ENGLISH-ENGLISH. SO I WAS SO CRYING.
>> Stephen: CAN I ASK YOU FOR SOME THINGS.
>> OF COURSE. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU SAY IN
KOREAN, MY PRECIOUS? >> THAT'S SO HARD BECAUSE, YOU
KNOW WHAT? AT THAT TIME, PEOPLE EMULATE "MY
PRECIOUS" LINE A LOT, BUT THEY DIDN'T TRANSLATE IT.
"MY PRECIOUS" INCINE IS KIND OF -- IN KOREAN IS KIND OF
LIKE -- ( SPEAKING KOREAN )
>> BUT THEY JUST SAY, MY PRECIOUS!
>> Stephen: HOW DO THEY SAY, YOU SHALL NOT PASS?
>> I WANT TO SAY IT REALLY IN AN ARTISTIC WAY.
BUT -- USUAL NOT PASS -- ( SPEAKING KOREAN )
>> Stephen: OH, BOY, I'M SO AFRAID TO BUTCHER THIS.
ONE MORE TIME. ( SPEAKING KOREAN )
>> Stephen: I TRUST YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MINHA, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU. >> OH, THANK YOU.
"PACHINKO" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON APPLETV+.
MINHA KIM, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY BEACH HOUSE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "SUPERSTAR" FROM THEIR ALBUM,
"ONCE TWICE MELODY," BEACH HOUSE!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ THERE'S A LIGHT GOING
OUT TONIGHT ♪ DRIVING FAST
FLASHING LINES ♪ IT'S TOO LATE NOW TO
SAY GOODBYE ♪ THE STARS WERE THERE
IN OUR EYES ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE
WE FELL ACROSS THE SKY ♪ BACKLIT UP AGAINST THE WALL
OUT THERE ON THE RUN ♪ YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
SHADOW FROM THE SUN ♪ SOMEWHERE OUT ON THE RADIO
LOOK UP HIGH ♪ NOW YOU'RE GONE
I SEE IT NOW ♪ IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH
SOMETHING GOOD ♪ NEVER MEANT TO LAST
I DON'T WANNA KNOW ♪ HOW THE STORY ENDS
FROM NOW TO THEN ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE
WE FELL ACROSS THE SKY ♪ IT MAY BE OUT OF SIGHT
BUT NEVER OUT OF MIND ♪ OUT THERE ON THE RUN
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ♪ SHADOW FROM THE SUN
BACKLIT UP AGAINST THE WALL ♪ SUPERSTAR
SHINING FAR ♪ WHEN YOU WERE MINE
♪ IT MAY BE OUT OF SIGHT BUT NEVER OUT OF MIND
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ OUT THERE ON THE RUN
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ♪ SUPERSTAR
SHINING FAR
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: BEACH HOUSE, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST
WILL BE SEBASTIAN STAN! AND, I'LL BE GIVING THE
"COLBERT QUESTIONERT" TO SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.