>> THE HOUSE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING THE JANUARY 6th
ATTACK WILL HOLD A PRIME-TIME SESSION TONIGHT.
>> ELEVEN MONTHS OF INVESTIGATION, CLOSE TO 1,000
INTERVIEWS AND MORE THAN 14,000 PAGES OF DOCUMENTS CULMINATE IN
TONIGHT'S PRESENTATION. >> TONIGHT THE JANUARY 6th
COMMITTEE RAISES THE CURRENT -- ( DRUM ROLL )
>> IT'S THE HOUSE SELECT COMMITTEE'S JANUARY 6th
HEARING! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT:
JUST GIVE ME A TREASON! AND JON BATISTE TAKES THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT!! STEPHEN WELCOMES LIVE SIMU LIU.
FEATURING LIVE JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW LIVE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( THEME SONG PLAYING )
>> Stephen: HELLO! ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHOO!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! PLEASE!
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
HELLO, JON! HELLO!
WELCOME. WELCOME ONE AND ALL.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WELCOME YOU ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ROW HEAR THAT, JON? >> Jon: YEAH, I HEAR THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, WE ARE LIVE, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COMING TO YOU LIVE, COAST TO COAST, ALL AROUND THE GLOBE,
AFTER EPISODE ONE OF THIS SUMMER'S MOST COMPELLING DRAMA,
THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE HEARINGS.
IT'S A LOT LIKE "STRANGER THINGS."
WE MET THE MONSTER YEARS AGO, AND WE'RE PRETTY SURE THE
RUSSIANS ARE INVOLVED. ( LAUGHTER )
AND, LIKE THE STARS OF "STRANGER THINGS," I HAVE NOTICEABLY AGED.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE MONSTER IN QUESTION
IS FORMER PRESIDENT "MANGO UNCHAINED."
( LAUGHTER ) PRIOR TO THE HEARING,
REPUBLICANS TRIED TO CLAIM THIS TONIGHT WAS GOING TO WITH A
NOTHING BURGER. THEY WERE WRONG.
IT WAS A JUICY DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, STUFFED WITH
BURGER BETWEEN TWO BUNS MADE OF BURGER, SMOTHERED IN A ZESTY
BURGER SAUCE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BURGER THA
-- THERE'S FIVE POUNDS OF BURGER IN A THREE-POUND BAG!
THERE WAS SO MUCH BURGER THAT THEY REPLACED THE CAPITOL DOME
WITH A SESAME SEED BUN. IT WAS SUCH A JUICY BURGER
THAT FOX NEWS KNEW THAT EVEN THEIR VIEWERS WOULD BE TEMPTED
TO TAKE A BITE. WHICH IS WHY -- AND THIS IS TRU-
FOR THE HOUR OF HIS SHOW OPPOSITE THE HEARINGS, TUCKER
CARLSON TOOK NO COMMERCIAL BREAKS.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS?
FOX NEWS IS WILLING TO LOSE MONEY TO KEEP THEIR VIEWERS FROM
FLIPPING OVER AND ACCIDENTALLY LEARNING INFORMATION.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT I'M NOT SURPRISED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> CRAZY!
THAT'S CRAZY. COME ON, MAN.
>> Stephen: I'M REALLY NOT SURPRISED --
THAT'S THE FIRST RULE OF ANY CULT:
NEVER LEAVE THE COMPOUND. SECOND RULE?
PRESENT YOUR TESTICLES TO THE TANNING STATION.
( LAUGHTER ) ALSO BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
NOW, WE'VE HEARD MANY OF THESE DETAILS BEFORE, BUT IT MADE MY
HEART SWELL WITH GRATITUDE TOpSM TOGETHER INTO A COMPELLING CASE
THAT JANUARY 6TH WAS NOT A SPONTANEOUS GATHERING OF
VAPE-FUELED NEO-KNUCKLEHEADS THAT GOT OUT OF CONTROL.
IT WAS, IN FACT, A PREMEDITATED ATTACK TO PREVENT THE PEACEFUL
TRANSFER OF POWER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR NATION'S HISTORY.
FIRST UP, COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN AND MAN SAYING, "WHO'S GOT TWO
THUMBS AND ONE IS MY HEAD..." BENNIE THOMPSON.
CHAIRMAN THOMPSON KICKED OFF THE HEARING WITH A LITTLE BIO.
>> I AM FROM A PART OF THE COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE JUSTIFY
THE ACTIONS OF SLAVERY, THE KLU KLUX KLAN, AND LYNCHING.
>> STEPHEN: SO, YOU WERE BORN ON TWITTER?
( LAUGHTER ) THOMPSON SPOKE ABOUT WHAT UNITED
THE BIPARTISAN MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE, AS WELL AS AMERICANS
EVERYWHERE. >> EAST COAST, WEST COAST, AND
THE HEARTLAND. ALL OF US HAVE ONE THING IN
COMMON. >> STEPHEN: "IF YOU FRY IT, WE
WILL EAT IT." ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
EMPLOYEES TO MY HEART. YEAH.
( PIANO RIFF ) >> STEPHEN: THOMPSON PLAYED
DAMNING FOOTAGE OF ONE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S TOADIEST
TOADIES, FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR.
>> I MADE IT CLEAR, I DID NOT AGREE WITH THE IDEA OF
SAYING THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN, AND PUTTING OUT THIS STUFF
WHICH I TOLD THE PRESIDENT WAS BULLSHIT.
>> STEPHEN: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, TOAD-MAN!
YOU KISS YOUR PRINCESS WITH THAT MOUTH?
THEN THOMPSON REMINDED US JUST HOW SERIOUS THE CAPITOL
RIOT WAS. >> AS WE PROVIDE ANSWERS TO THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT
TOOK PLACE, THAT THIS WAS NO TOURIST VISIT TO THE CAPITOL.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, THIS WAS NO TOURIST VISIT.
THERE WERE NO CHILDREN. IN FACT, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS
ALL DADS WHO LOST CUSTODY. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE
RANKING REPUBLICAN, WYOMING REPRESENTATIVE LIZ CHENEY, SEEN
HERE SHOCKED AS YOU ARE THAT SHE'S THE HERO OF THIS STORY.
( LAUGHTER ) CHENEY PROMISED THAT THESE
HEARINGS WILL BRING THE RECEIPTS:
>> YOU WILL SEE EVIDENCE OF WHAT MOTIVATED THIS VIOLENCE.
>> STEPHEN: WOW, THEY HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE FORMER
PRESIDENT'S DAD NOT HUGGING HIM? ( LAUGHTER )
YOU'VE GOT TO IMAGINE. YOU'VE GOT TO IMAGINE THAT'S
PART OF IT. ( APPLAUSE )
THEN CHENEY HIT THE FORMER PRESIDENT WHERE IT HURTS HIM:
RIGHT IN THE IVANKA. THEY ROLLED FOOTAGE OF THE
FIRST DAUGHTER'S REACTION TO BARR CALLING HER FATHER'S
CHARGES OF ELECTION FRAUD B.S. >> I RESPECT ATTORNEY GENERAL
BARR, SO, I ACCEPTED WHAT HE WAS SAYING.
>> STEPHEN: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A BITTERSWEET MOMENT FOR THE
FORMER PRESIDENT. SHE FINALLY SCREWED HIM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) KEEP BREATHING.
IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG SUMMER.
CHENEY ALSO SHOWED A CLIP OF GENERAL MARK MILLEY EXPLAINING
THAT VICE PRESIDENT PENCE WAS THE ONLY LEADER WHO MADE ANY
ATTEMPT TO CALL FOR DEFENSE OF THE CAPITOL THAT DAY.
>> THERE WERE TWO OR THREE CALLS FROM VICE PRESIDENT PENCE.
HE WAS VERY ANIMATED. >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW HOW
CRAZY THINGS HAVE GOT TO BE FOR MIKE PENCE TO GET VERY ANIMATED?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NORMALLY, THE WILDEST HE GETS IS WEARING KHAKIS WITH ONLY
ONE PLEAT. THEN, THE COMMITTEE PLAYED SOME
NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE OF THE INSURRECTION.
AND IF YOU NEED ANY MORE PROOF ONE OF THE RIOTERS QUOTING HIM
DIRECTLY: >> MIKE PENCE DIDN'T HAVE THE
COURAGE TO DO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE TO PROTECT OUR COUNTRY
AND OUR CONSTITUTION, GIVING STATES A CHANCE TO CERTIFY A
CORRECTED SET OF FACTS, NOT THE FRAUDULENT OR INACCURATE ONES
WHICH THEY WERE ASKED TO PREVIOUSLY CERTIFY.
U.S.A. DEMANDS THE TRUTH! >> STEPHEN: THEY WERE READING
HIS TWEETS AS THEY STORMED THE CAPITOL!
THE ONLY WAY HE COULD BE DIRECTING THEM MORE IS IF HE HAD
SENT THEM IKEA INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE GALLOWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL -- HERE'S
THE THING -- HERE'S THE THING -- THAT'S NOT FAR FROM THE TRUTH,
AS CHENEY EXPLAINED. >> AND, AWARE OF THE RIOTERS
CHANTS TO HANG MIKE PENCE, THE PRESIDENT RESPONDED WITH THIS
SENTIMENT, QUOTE, "MAYBE OUR SUPPORTERS HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA."
MIKE PENCE, QUOTE, "DESERVES IT."
>> Stephen: WOW. THAT'S A HELLUVA REWARD FOR
PENCE'S FOUR YEARS OF BOOT-LICKING LOYALTY.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE RETIRING AND YOUR BOSS GIVES YOU A GOLD WATCH
WITH THE INSCRIPTION, "YOU 'TICKED' ME OFF.
'TIME' TO MEET JESUS!" ( LAUGHTER )
THEN WE GOT TO HEAR FROM A COUPLE OF WITNESSES, STARTING
WITH OFFICER CAROLINE EDWARDS, ONE OF THE FIRST OF THE CAPITOL
POLICE INJURED. OFFICER EDWARDS SPOKE STRONGLY
ABOUT HER VIEWS ON THAT DAY. >> I WAS AN AMERICAN, STANDING
FACE TO FACE WITH OTHER AMERICANS, ASKING MYSELF HOW--
MANY TIMES-- MANY, MANY TIMES-- HOW WE HAD GOTTEN HERE?
>> STEPHEN: WELL, IT'S COMPLICATED...
BUT IT ALL STARTED AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER IN
2011, WHEN A BLACK PRESIDENT MADE FUN OF A MAN WITH A VERY
BIG EGO AND A VERY SMALL PENIS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND IT JUST KIND OF MOVED FROM THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) THE COMMITTEE ALSO HEARD FROM
DOCUMENTARIAN AND MENS' WAREHOUSE SPOKESMAN SAYING,
"YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAUNTED BY THE WAY I LOOK," NICK QUESTED.
IN THE RUN UP TO JANUARY 6TH, QUESTED WAS EMBEDDED WITH THE
PROUD BOYS, AND HIS CREW CAPTURED HORRIFYING FOOTAGE LIKE
THIS: >> FREEDOM!
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: MEL GIBSON'S CAREER
REALLY HAS GONE DOWNHILL. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) QUESTED LAID OUT INSIDER DETAILS
OF THE PROUD BOYS' ACTIVITIES, INCLUDING WHAT THEY DID JUST
BEFORE THE RIOT. >> WE WENT FOR LUNCH, WE WENT
FOR TACOS. ( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: MAY I REMIND YOU, JANUARY 6TH WAS A WEDNESDAY.
TEARING UP THE CONSTITUTION IS ONE THING, BUT THEY VIOLATED THE
SANCTITY OF TACO TUESDAY THEN --
( APPLAUSE ) WE HAD TACOS, TACOS -- THEN
OFFICER EDWARDS DESCRIBED THE PRONOUNCE RALLYING CRY.
>> THEY CAME UP CHANTING F- *-*á ANTIFA.
>> STEPHEN: THAT MIGHT BE THE MOST SHOCKING TESTIMONY OF THE
EVENING: THE PROUD BOYS CAN SPELL?
SOON AFTER, NIGHT ONE WAS OVER. AFTER TWO HOURS OF DOCUMENTARY
EVIDENCE AND TESTIMONY, WE LEARNED THAT THIS SURRECTIONIST
CONSPIRACY WAS, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT
ADMINISTRATION, EXACTLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT, BUT WORSE THAN YOU
COULD HAVE IMAGINED. NEXT EPISODE DROPS ON MONDAY.
AND TO QUOTE THE FORMER PRESIDENT;
"BE THERE. WILL BE WILD."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS STAR OF MARVEL'S "SHANG-CHI," SIMU LIU.
AND, I'LL BE GIVING THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT" TO OUR VERY OWN
JON BATISTE. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN,"
EVERYBODY! RIGHT OVER THERE!
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT!
JON, WE'RE LIVE SO WE HAVE TO KEEP COOKING BUT I CAN'T GO BY
WITHOUT SAYING CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING ONE OF THE "TIMES" 100.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.
THAT'S FANTASTIC. WELL DESERVED.
FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME OVER THERE
DOING THE STANDY-JOKEY, BUT SOMETIMES I COME OVER HERE FOR
THE SITTY-HA-HA'S IN MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE IT IS.
IT DOESN'T IMMEDIATE AN INTRODUCTION.
"MEANWHILE!" NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION.
MEANWHILE, IN READY-TO-ASSEMBLE INFANT NEWS, "IKEA NORWAY IS
OFFERING TO HELP NORWEGIANS WITH BABY NAMES AFTER A COVID-19
BOOM," USING THEIR "NAME BANK" WITH MORE THAN 800 LISTINGS,
DRAWN FROM THE NAMES IKEA HAS GIVEN TO ITS FURNITURE."
OH, GOOD -- GET READY FOR SWEDISH BABIES
WITH NAMES LIKE "MOÖRBYLAÅNGA" D "FJAÄDERMOLN."
AND WHAT A SWEET STORY TO TELL THEM.
"HONEY, YOU WERE NAMED AFTER A VENEER TABLE THAT YOUR DAD'S
COLLEGE ROOMMATE STAINED WITH GRAVITY BONG WATER."
( LAUGHTER ) I JUST PRAY TO GOD AMERICAN
FURNITURE COMPANIES NEVER OFFER THE SAME SERVICE.
"THIS IS MY SON, LAZ-Y-BOY, AND THESE ARE THE TWINS, RAYMOUR AND
FLANIGAN. ( LAUGHTER )
"MEANWHILE!" -- >> A NEW BILL WILL MAKE EVERYONE
GET THE SHAME CHARGERS. SO NOW IF I WANT TO CHARGE IT
WHILE LISTENING, I HAVE TO DROP ANOTHER $250 ON AIR PODS!
AT LAST WE THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN AND THEY ARE SAYING
WHAT'S THAT THERE'S A GREEN ONE? YES, I WILL WAIT IN LINE.
SO PRETTY. "MEANWHILE!," THERE'S NEWS FROM
ENGLAND WHERE THE SPORT OF CHEESE ROLLING HAS RETURNED
AFTER THE PANDEMIC, IN WHICH PEOPLE CHASE A SEVEN-POUND
DOUBLE GLOUCESTER CHEESE WHEEL DOWN A STEEP HILL IN WHICH THEY
DESCRIBE AS AN EXTREME SPORTING EVENT.
REALLY, YOU WANT EXTREME? COME TO AMERICA WHERE, AFTER
CATCHING THAT CHEESE, WE BEER BATTER AND DEEP FRY IT, DIP IT
IN RANCH AND THEN ATTEMPT TO LIVE PAST 30.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: DEEP FRIED, BABY. >> Stephen: "MEANWHILE!," A
RESCUE OPERATION TOOK PLACE TODAY IN PENNSYLVANIA AFTER TWO
PEOPLE GOT STUCK IN A TANK OF CHOCOLATE AT AN M&M FACTORY.
THE TERRIFYING SCENE WAS DISCOVERED AFTER THEIR
DISTRAUGHT SHIFT SUPERVISOR FOUND THEM THE EARNING M&M.
( LAUGHTER ) NO ONE WAS HURT BUT APPARENTLY
THE CHOCOLATE WAS ABOUT WASTE HIGH AND THE RESCUERS WERE TOLD
THE TWO PEOPLE CANNOT GET OUT ON THEIR OWN.
CAN'T OR WON'T? WE SPECIFICALLY ASKED THEM NOT
TO CALL 911! NOW DROP IN SOME CRUSHED PEANUTS
AND CLOSE THE LID." ( LAUGHTER )
"MEANWHILE!," IN ARIZONA, LIKE FLORIDA BUT IT'S A DRY CRAZY --
( APPLAUSE ) -- A RESTAURANT IN SCOTTSDALE
HAS NEW "WALLS MADE OF HIMALAYAN
ROCK SALT," SO "GUESTS ARE ENCOURAGED TO LICK THE WALLS
WHILE DINING." DON'T WORRY, RESTAURANT STAFF
SAID THEY REGULARLY WIPE THE WALLS DOWN.
THAT IS IN NO WAY REASSURING. NO, I'M NOT WEARING A CONDOM.
BUT, DON'T WORRY, I REGULARLY WIPE IT DOWN.
WHEN WE COME BACK, JON BATISTE TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!!
STICK AROUND, Y'ALL! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT IS SUCH-- YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE ON THE SHOW-- I DON'T TAKE THIS JOB
FOR GRANTED. IT'S-- IT'S-- IT'S A WONDERFUL
OCCUPATION. I GET TO BE WITH ALL THESE
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE EVERY NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I GET TO-- I GET TO TALK TO INCREDIBLE GUESTS OVER HERE.
I GET TO SHARE THE STAGE WITH JON AND THIS AMAZING BAND OVER
HERE EVERY NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> JON: OH, MY GOSH!p( LAUGHS ) YEAH!
>> STEPHEN: AND WE GET TO TALK A LITTLE BIT, JON, WE GET TO TALK
A LITTLE BIT. BUT NEVER ENOUGH.
>> JON: YEAH. >> STEPHEN: YOU WANT TO COME ON
OVER HERE AND TALK SOME MORE? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON OVER HERE, JON. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> JON: AHH!
>> STEPHEN: HAVE A SEAT. >> JON: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
>> STEPHEN: JON, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A BIT, A BIT, A
BIT, A BIT. SEVEN, EIGHT YEARS NOW?
>> JON: YES.p>> STEPHEN: I WAS T SOME PHOTOS.
>> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: OF THE TWO OF US
OVER THIS LAST BREAK WEEK THAT WE HAD TOGETHER.
>> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: BACK IN 2014, WHEN
YOU HAD... MUCH LESS HAIR.
>> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: AND I HAD MUCH MORE
CHIN. AND--
( LAUGHTER ) AND HERE'S THE THING, IS THAT
WE-- WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER THAT YEAR, BEFORE WE EVER CAME
ON THE SHOW, AND WE HAVE BECOME DEAR FRIENDS--
>> JON: ABSOLUTELY. >> STEPHEN: --IN THAT TIME
PERIOD. YOU, YOU--
( APPLAUSE ) YOU'VE COME TO MY HOUSE.
>> JON: YES, YES. WE'VE HAD SOME GOOD-- GOOD MEALS
AND GOOD CONVERSATIONS. >> STEPHEN: MANY THANKSGIVINGS
TOGETHER, WITH YOU AND YOUR PARENTS, YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE,
SULEIKA. AND YOU'VE COME DOWN TO STAY AT
OUR HOUSE IN SOUTH CAROLINA. >> JON: YES.
>> STEPHEN: AND, AS MUCH AS I KNOW YOU AND AS MUCH AS I LOVE
YOU, THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO KNOW ABOUT SOMEONE.
>> JON: THAT'S TRUE. >> STEPHEN: AND, AND THERE'S
JUST NEVER ENOUGH TIME RIGHT HERE ON THE STAGE TO DO IT.
SO WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TONIGHT IS SOMETHING CALLED THE "COLBERT
QUESTIONERT," JON. >> JON: OH, SNAP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, YEAH!
>> STEPHEN: ARE YOU READY? >> JON: I'M READY.
>> STEPHEN: I DON'T MEAN TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT.
>> JON: I, I'M READY, YEAH. >> STEPHEN: YOU READY?
OKAY. ♪ ♪ ♪
QUESTION NUMBER ONE. JON BATISTE, WHAT IS THE BEST
SANDWICH? >> JON: THAT'S A CONTROVERSIAL
QUESTION. ( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S WHAT WE DO. I MEAN, WE DON'T-- WE'RE NOT
AFRAID OF THESE QUESTIONS ON THIS SHOW.
>> JON: I KNOW! YOU, YOU GET UP IN THERE.
I'M OVER HERE, I'M JUST GETTING USED TO THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE TO SAY, IT'S A HOT DOG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: OKAY.
WAIT, WAIT A SECOND HERE. YOU UNDERSTAND THE-- THE-- THE
LANDMINE YOU JUST SET OFF. ( LAUGHTER )
IN THE SANDWICH SPHERE. BECAUSE NOT ONLY, IT'S A-- IT'S
A DELIGHTFUL SNACK MEAL TREAT-- >> JON: INCREDIBLE.
MULTI-PURPOSE. >> STEPHEN: BUT NOT EVERYONE
ACCEPTS IT AS A SANDWICH. >> JON: I KNOW, BUT IF YOU LOOK
AT IT AND YOU SEE THE BREAD... ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN YOU SEE THE MEAT, IN BETWEEN THE BREAD?
>> STEPHEN: YEP. >> JON: THAT LOOKED LIKE A
SANDWICH TO ME. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: WELL, I MEAN-- >> JON: THE QUESTION IS, WHAT
MAKES IT NOT A SANDWICH? >> STEPHEN: THE FACT THAT THE
TWO PIECES OF BREAD DO NOT SEPARATE.
>> JON: YOU CAN EAT A HOT DOG WITH THE BREAD SEPARATE, I
ASSURE YOU. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: DANGEROUS. THAT'S DANGEROUS.
>> JON: NO, SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS--
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S A SAUSAGE HOAGIE.
IT TURNS INTO A SAUSAGE HOAGIE, IF THE BREAD IS SEPARATED.
OR A GRINDER, FOR THOSE OF YOU IN THE PHILADELPHIA AREA.
>> JON: SEE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH THE LATE, GREAT
JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG ON THIS ONE.
>> STEPHEN: WHO, AS YOU KNOW-- >> JON -- WHO SAID THAT THE HOT
DOG IS A SANDWICH. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S TRUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )pWHAT'S ONE THING YT
YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT? >> JON: OH, I GOT A BUNCH OF
SHOES I SHOULD THROW-- WAY TOO MANY SNEAKERS.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY. WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> JON: A ROACH. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, SNEAKY. >> JON: OH, MAN.
OH, MY GOD! >> STEPHEN: YOU'RE FROM--
YOU'RE FROM THE NEW ORLEANS AREA, AND THEY GROW THEM LIKE
CATTLE DOWN THERE! >> JON: OH YEAH!
>> STEPHEN: SIZE OF YOUR THUMB. THEY HAVE TO HAVE COWBOYS COME
IN AND ROPE THEM. >> JON: YOU GOT TO WRANGLE THEM
SUCKERS. AND THEY FLY!
>> STEPHEN: YEAH! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU OPEN THE
CABINET. FFFT, IN THE FACE.
>> JON: OH MY GOSH. >> STEPHEN: YEAH.
PALMETTO BUGS. APPLES OR ORANGES, MY FRIEND?
>> JON: OH, WOW. ( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: DON'T SAY HOT DOGS. ( LAUGHTER )
>> JON: ORANGES. >> STEPHEN: ORANGES.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ( APPLAUSE )
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?
>> JON: I DID ASK-- MICHELLE OBAMA, FOR HER
AUTOGRAPH ON HER BOOK. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S AN-- THAT'S
AN AUTOGRAPH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> JON: YEAH. >> STEPHEN: DID YOU GET IT?
>> JON: YES. I NEVER--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST ON A PIECE OF PAPER.
I HAVEN'T DONE-- >> STEPHEN: THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
THAT'LL DO. THAT'LL DO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> JON: WELL, I THINK WHEN WE-- NO ONE EVER REALLY DIES.
I THINK OUR BODY PASSES AWAY AND OUR SOUL MEETS THE CREATOR
OF ALL THINGS. AND WHAT WE'VE DONE, THE LOVE
WE'VE GIVEN IN THIS LIFE, ALL THE THINGS THAT WE'VE DONE, THAT
LIVES ON FOREVER. SO, THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT
WHAT WE DO HERE, RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE ONCE WE GO, THE NEXT
ROUND, STILL WILL BE HERE FOR THE NEXT GENERATION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
ACTION MOVIE? >> JON: OH MY GOODNESS.
"FORREST GUMP." ( LAUGHTER )
"FORREST GUMP." "FORREST GUMP!"
>> STEPHEN: THAT-- >> JON: YOU DON'T LIKE "FORREST
GUMP?" >> STEPHEN: THAT IS TO ACTION
MOVIE AS HOT DOG IS TO SANDWICH. ( LAUGHTER )
I ACCEPT, AND I MOVE ON. >> JON: HE WAS RUNNING!
>> STEPHEN: I UNDERSTAND HE WAS RUNNING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> JON: I'M TELLING YOU!
>> STEPHEN: YOU HAVE A VERY LOW STANDARD FOR ACTION.
>> JON: IT WAS ACTION! >> STEPHEN: SURE, SURE.
"AIR BUD" IS AN ACTION MOVIE, IN THAT CASE.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY.
WINDOW OR AISLE? >> JON: I LIKE THE AISLE.
>> STEPHEN: BECAUSE? >> JON: BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ON THE
AISLE, YOU CAN GET OUT QUICKER. IF YOU GOT TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM, AND-- >> STEPHEN: SURE.
>> JON: AND, YOU KNOW, YOU GET A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA SPACE,
ESPECIALLY IF YOUR IN-- IN-- IN THE-- IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE.
THAT'S YOUR ONLY RESPITE. YOU GOT THAT AISLE TO STICK YOUR
LEG OUT, BECAUSE NOBODY COMING BACK THERE.
>> STEPHEN: SURE. >> JON: THAT'S A LIFE HACK,
RIGHT THERE. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S A JON BATISTE
LIFE HACK. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
>> JON: SEE? I LIKE THAT.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S YOUR PODCAST, ISN'T IT?
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? >> JON: SEE, I'VE WATCHED THESE
SO MUCH. I HAVE-- I HAD--
I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS ONE. PETRICHOR.
>> STEPHEN: OH, THAT'S THE-- WHEN THE RAIN COMES, IN THE HEAT
OF THE SUMMER. THAT SMELL, WHEN THE-- THAT
SMELL OF THE RAIN IN THE SUMMERTIME?
>> JON: YES. ABSOLUTELY.
>> STEPHEN: PETRICHOR. >> JON: YEAH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORD, TOO.
>> JON: PETRI-- IT'S GREEK. "PETRIS" IS "STONE," AND "CHOR"
IS SOMETHING LIKE THE FLUID IN THE VEINS OF THE GODS.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, THE ICHOR. >> JON: THE ICHOR.
>> STEPHEN: THE DEMONS OF THE GODS.
>> JON: YEAH, YEAH. >> STEPHEN: THE BLOOD OF THE
STONE, BLOOD OF THE GODS. >> JON: YEAH!
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S NICE. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
>> JON: OOH, A LOT OF THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL IS-- FEAR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: STING SAID THE SAME
THING. >> JON: HE DID.
>> STEPHEN: YOU AND STING HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
OR ONE THING IN COMMON. >> JON: ONE THING.
( LAUGHTER ) I-- I--
>> STEPHEN: WHAT IS THE MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE?
>> JON: PROBABLY BETWEEN THE-- ( LAUGHS )
THE BIBLE APP AND INSTAGRAM. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I CHECK BOTH EVERY DAY.
>> STEPHEN: YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT IS IT?
>> JON: OOH. WOOO!
THAT'S THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE WHOLE THING.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, IT IS, ISN'T IT?
>> JON: ONE SONG? >> STEPHEN: MM-HMM.
>> JON: "GYMNOPODIE, NUMBER ONE."
>> STEPHEN: ERIK SATIE? >> JON: YES.
>> STEPHEN: WOW. >> JON: THAT'S ONE YOU COULD
LISTEN TO FOREVER. OR, "LOTUS BLOSSOM," BY BILLY
STRAYHORN. OR "REFLECTIONS IN D," BY DUKE
ELLINGTON. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING THAT, WHEN YOU'RE LISTENING TO IT
YOU CAN HEAR NEW THINGS, BUT IT'S FOREVER, SO YOU'RE GOING TO
HEAR IT ALL. SO, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT
IS-- IS HEALING YOU. IT'S REGENERATING YOU.
OR IT'S GIVING YOU SOMETHING THAT'S LIKE A-- A DAILY BREAD,
EVERY TIME YOU HEAR IT. SO, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD PICK.
ONE OF THOSE, KIND OF-- "AIR ON THE G STRING."
>> STEPHEN: SURE. >> JON: WOOO!
THIS IS A HARD ONE. I COULD GO ON FOREVER.
( LAUGHTER ) SO-- I KNOW WE GOT TO KEEP IT--
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: WE SHOULD PUT OUT AN ALBUM OF JUST THE ANSWERS YOU
DID IN THIS. >> JON: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
( LAUGHTER ) >> JON: 412.
>> STEPHEN: NO. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> JON: OH. "TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: JON BATISTE.
>> JON: HEY! >> STEPHEN: CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU ARE KNOWN. >> JON: I'M KNOWN!
>> STEPHEN: AND I-- WHICH PEOPLE DON'T HEAR-- I AM SO GLAD THAT,
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME OVER, WE HAD A MOMENT TO DO THIS.
BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, BUT JON IS GOING TO BE TAKING
THE REST OF THE SUMMER OFF. BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO TAKE A
LITTLE PERSONAL TIME, AND AS WELL YOU SHOULD, FOR ALL THE
BEST REASONS. >> JON: YES, YES, INDEED.
>> STEPHEN: AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT.
IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. AND, WE WILL MISS YOU.
BUT LOUIS AND THE BAND ARE GOING TO KILL IT EVERY NIGHT, JUST
LIKE THEY DID WHEN YOU WERE OUT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"THE COLOR PURPLE." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> JON: YEAH! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
>> STEPHEN: AND-- >> JON: WHERE YOU AT!
>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT. AND, YOU HIT THOSE APPS EVERY
DAY. >> JON: YES.
>> STEPHEN: YOU HAVE YOUR DAILY BREAD, AND WE'LL SEE YOU
IN SEPTEMBER. >> JON: ABSOLUTELY.
>> STEPHEN: I LOVE YOU, JON. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
WITH SIMU LIU! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'RE STILL LIVE RIGHT THERE.
FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "KIM'S
CONVENIENCE" AND MARVEL'S "SHANG-CHI AND THE LEGEND OF THE
TEN RINGS," PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," SIMU LIU! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> HI!
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. OH, MY GOD.
>> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU. THANKS FOR BEING HERE,
ESPECIALLY FOR A LIVE SHOW. >> IT IS LATE, STEPHEN.
IT IS VERY, VERY LATE, BUT I DO IT FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING!
BUT HERE'S SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T NORMALLY HAPPEN WITH A
GUEST, YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO A RANGERS GAME BEFORE YOU CAME
HERE. >> I DID.
>> Stephen: LET'S GO TO THE SPORTS REPORT WITH MY COLLEAGUE
SIMU LIU. SIMU LIU, HOUSE OF THE ACTION ON
THE ICE TONIGHT? >> WELL, YOU'RE GETTING A REAL
EXPERT REPORT ON THE HOCKEY, REALLY DETAILED.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE CANADIAN.
>> YEAH! AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT MEANS
SOMETHING. BUT -- HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED, ALL
RIGHT? FIRST THIRD -- FIRST PERIOD,
REALLY NOT A LOT. SECOND PERIOD, YOU KNOW, RANGERS
SCORED. EVERYBODY WAS HAPPY, TIMOTHY
CHALAMET WAS IN MY SUITE, WE HUGGED EACH OTHER.
>> Stephen: HE'S THERE MOST NIGHT.
>> HE'S GREAT. THEN TAMPA SCORED, AND THEN
AGAIN WITH TWO MINUTES TO GO. IT WAS THE WORST THING BECAUSE
I'M USUALLY A BASKETBALL FAN, RIGHT, AND IN BASKETBALL YOU CAN
KIND OF SEE THE PLAYS FORM. YOU SEE THE BALL GOING UP AND
YOU CAN PREDICT AS IT GOES THROUGH THE HOOP.
THIS GAME FELT LIKE IT WAS THE SCRUM AND THEN YOU SEE THE PUCK
IN THE BACK OF THE NET AND THEN IT WAS JUST OVER.
FELT LIKE A PUNCH IN THE GUT. IT WAS AWFUL.
I NEVER WATCHED AO HOCKEY GAME IN MY LIFE AND IT WAS THE WORST
FEELING. >> Stephen: YOU PROBABLY LOST
YOUR CANADIAN PASSPORT FOR SEEING THAT.
>> PROBABLY, I'M NO LONGER WELCOME THERE.
>> Stephen: AND THERE'S THE THING, YOU WERE NAME "TIMES" 100
MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD THIS YEAR --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- ALONG WITH THIS YEAR'S LIST
INCLUDES OPRAH, PRESIDENT ZELENSKYY AND OUR OWN JON
BATISTE OVER THERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GALA LAST NIGHT WAS REALLY FUN. WHO DID YOU WANT TO MEET?
AMAZING PEOPLE THERE I'VE RIFF TIME.
>> STEPHEN, I REALLY APPRECIATED MEETING PEOPLE I DID NOT KNOW
BEFORE, RIGHT, LIKE CHRISTMASES WHO HELPED ORGANIZE THE VERY
FIRST UNION AT AMAZON, THE COUNCILLOR ON THE SUPREME COURT
OF INDIA. BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, ONE OF MY
FAVORITE THINGS WAS BECAUSE WE WERE PLANNING ALL THE BITS TO
PLAY WITH THE DIFFERENT GUESTS, SO WE HAD A BIT WHERE I WOULD
GIVE BUBBLE TEA TO BILL GATES. WE HAD NO IDEA HOW BILL WOULD
REACT BECAUSE BILL IS A BILLIONAIRE AND BILLIONAIRES ARE
VERY PARTICULAR. WE DON'T KNOW HOW THEY LIKE
THEIR STEAK, IF THEY CHEW THEIR OWN FOOD, IF THEY EMPLOYEE A
TEAM OF MINIMUM-WAGE WORKERS TO DO IT FOR THEM, WE HAVE NO IDEA,
BUT BILL IS A GREAT SPORT. HE DRANK THE BUBBLE TEA.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD BUBBLE TEA BEFORE?
>> Stephen: I'VE NEVER HAD BUBBLE TEA.
I HEAR GREAT THINGS. >> SHOOT, I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT
SOME. NEXT TIME.
HE ENJOYED IT AND GAVE ME A SHOUTOUT ON HIS INSTAGRAM
ACCOUNT TODAY, AND SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE A NEW FAN OF BUBBLE TEA IN
MR. BILL GATES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU -- I FOUND OUT SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT
YOU, I LOVED YOU IN SHANG-CHI, IT WAS A GREAT FILM, YOU'RE A
WONDERFUL ACTOR, BUT THAT WASN'T THE CAREER PATH ORIGINALLY.
I FOUND OUT TODAY THAT, SOON, THIS WAS -- YOU TWEETED THIS IN
APRIL -- SOON WILL BE APRIL 12, THE DAY I GOT LAID OFF FROM
DELOITTE. I OWE MY LIFE TO BEING LET GO,
ACCOUNTING NOT FOR ME. YOU WERE AN ACCOUNTANT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THERE'S FOR SOME REASON A LT
OF LOVE FOR ACCOUNTANTS IN THIS AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
I'M KIDDING. >> DID YOU DESERVE TO BE FIRED?
WELL, WHO DESERVES TO BE FIRED?
>> Stephen: PEOPLE WHO ARE TERRIBLE AT THEIR JOB.
>> SO, I MEAN, DID -- WAS I LATE FOR WORK EVERY DAY?
I MEAN, MAYBE... ( LAUGHTER )
WERE MY SPREADSHEETS RIDDLED WITH ERRORS?
PERHAPS. ( LAUGHTER )
DID I SKIP WORK TO BE ON THE SET OF PACIFIC RIM AS AN EXTRA
WITHOUT TELLING ANY OF MY BOSSES?
MOST DEFINITELY. BUT DESERVE TO BE FIRED,
STEPHEN? I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY DESERVES
THAT KIND OF HUMILIATION AND EMBARRASSMENT.
IT WAS AWFUL. THE SECURITY ESCORTED ME THROUGH
THE WHOLE OFFICE. IT'S A BIG OPEN CONCEPT FLOOR.
THE WHOLE OFFICE WATCHED ME, MY SAD LITTLE BAG COLLECTED MY
LAPTOP AND THINGS. IT WAS AWFUL.
>> Stephen: THEY GIVE YOU YOUR FIRED BADGE AND PUSH YOU OUT OF
THE BUILDING. >> THEY GIVE YOU A TAXING
BECAUSE THEY SAY WE DON'T WANT YOU NEAR THE TRAIN TRACKS ON THE
WAY HOME. >> Stephen: WE PAY YOU TO GET
AWAY FROM US AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. WE'LL TAKE A BREAK AND BACK WITH
MORE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "WE WERE DREAMERS," SIMU LIU, AND WE'LL
TALK ABOUT IT WHEN WE COME BACK.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! # WE ARE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
THE NEW BOOK, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER "WE WERE DREAMERS:
AN IMMIGRANT SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY."
TELL ME ABOUT WHY DID YOU WANT TO WRITE THIS BOOK?
>> WELL, STEPHEN, I JUST DON'T WANT MY 15 MINUTES TO END, YOU
KNOW. I MADE ONE MOVIE AND I JUST WANT
TO KEEP THAT GOING. NO, UH, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A
VERY IMPORTANT STORY TO TELL -- AND, BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT A
STORY ABOUT ME OR MY LIFE IN HOLLYWOOD OR BEING A MOVIE STAR
OR WHATEVER HAVE YOU. YOU KNOW, I THINK, IN ME, I HAVE
THIS INCREDIBLE STORY ABOUT MY FAMILY, THIS MULTI-GENERATIONAL
TALE THAT STARTS IN CHINA IN THE '60s AND '70s AND REALLY
ENDS IN THE MOMENT I BOOK THIS ROLE OF A LIFETIME, BUT IT'S
THIS STORY OF A FAMILY THAT REALLY WASN'T AFRAID TO LOOK TO
THE HORIZON AND BASICALLY PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE AND PURSUE THEIR
DREAMS. >> Stephen: NOW, YOUR
GRANDPARENTS CAME OVER FIRST TO CANADA.
>> MY PARENTS KIM OVER FIRST. >> Stephen: KILLED YOU LIVE
WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS? >> I LIVED WITH MY GRANDPARENTS
UNTIL I WAS ABOUT FOUR AND A HALF IN CHINA AND, ONE DAY, A
STRANGER SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR AND HE'S, LIKE, I'M YOUR DAD,
COME WITH ME, WE'RE GOING TO CANADA.
AND USUALLY YOU WOULD GET ARRESTED FOR THAT, BUT HE
ACTUALLY WAS MY DAD, AND HE TOOK ME AWAY FROM EVERYTHING I KNEW
AND BROUGHT ME TO A WHOLE DIFFERENT PLACE.
>> Stephen: ONE THING THAT'S COMMON ACROSS A LOT OF CULTURES
IS IMMIGRANT PARENTS PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEIR CHILDREN TO
LIVE A STEADY LIFESTYLE. WERE THEY HAPPY ABOUT THE
ACCOUNTING CAREER? >> THEY WERE ECSTATIC.
I WORKED WITH A COMPANY CALLED DELOITTE, WHICH IF YOU'RE
FAMILIAR, IS A MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATION, KIND OF A BRAND
NAME POWER. AND MY PARENTS ARE, LIKE, GREAT,
OUR JOB IS DONE, ALL THE MONEY AND TIME WE SPENT ON THIS KID IS
FINALLY WORTH IT. >> Stephen: AND HOW DID YOU
TELL THEM THAT YOU GOT FIRED? >> I DIDN'T.
( LAUGHTER ) AT LEAST NOT RIGHT AWAY.
I DEFINITELY TOOK THE REQUISITE AMOUNT OF TIME TO BE, LIKE, I
THINK I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING I ACTUALLY LIKE TO DO NOW, AND I
SOMEHOW FIND MY WAY ON TO CRAIGSLIST AND A MOVIE SET
BECAUSE I LOVED IT SO MUCH THE FIRST TIME, AND I KIND OF CAUGHT
THE BUG. >> Stephen: DID THEY ACCEPT
THE ACTING THING? HOW DID THEY FEEL ABOUT THE
ACTING THING? >> YEAH, I TOOK THAT ONE.
THAT WAS A TOUGH CONVERSATION. AND I REALLY WAS GOING TO KEEP
IT FROM THEM FOR AS LONG AS I COULD, BUT I BOOKED THIS
NATIONAL COMMERCIAL THAT WAS ON THE VERGE OF AIRING ACROSS
CANADA, AND, SO, ON THE EVE OF IT, I, LIKE, KNEW THAT THEY WERE
GOING TO SEE ME ON TV THE NEXT DAY.
I KIND OF SAT THEM DOWN AND I SAID, THIS IS MY LIFE.
AND, NO, IT TID NOT GO OVER WELL.
NO, NO, NO. >> Stephen: NOW, COME ON,
"TIME" 100, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER.
YOU'RE ANOTHER KEN IN THE BARBIE MOVIE.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: IT'S VERY VAGUE
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE BUT YOU DID HAVE TO WAX YOUR LEGS.
>> MM-HMM. >> Stephen: AND WHAT ELSE?
( CHEERING ) >> LIKE A DOLPHIN, BABY!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I KNOW
WHAT THOSE DOLLS LOOK LIKE. WAS IT JUST THE LEGS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF A
MOVIE, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: I'M JUST TRYING TO
SELL TICKETS. >> FAIR ENOUGH, FAIR ENOUGH.
THEY GAVE ME THE CHOICE VERY EARLY ON.
THEY WERE, LIKE, FIRST OF ALL, DOGS DON'T HAVE LEG HAIR, YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS.
AND I GOT IT WAXED OFF BECAUSE I WANT TO BE AN ALLY.
I WANT TO BE AN ALLY TO EVERYBODY OUT THERE WHO HAS
WAXED THEIR LEGS ON THE REGULAR. I WANT TO KNOW AND I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I FEEL YOUR PAIN NOW. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I GET IT. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE! "WE WERE DREAMERS: AN IMMIGRANT
SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY" IS AVAILABLE NOW!
SIMU LIU, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY! JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT!
GOOD NIGHT, Y'ALL!