1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,037 >> THE HOUSE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING THE JANUARY 6th 2 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,806 ATTACK WILL HOLD A PRIME-TIME SESSION TONIGHT. 3 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,309 >> ELEVEN MONTHS OF INVESTIGATION, CLOSE TO 1,000 4 00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:14,114 INTERVIEWS AND MORE THAN 14,000 PAGES OF DOCUMENTS CULMINATE IN 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,182 TONIGHT'S PRESENTATION. >> TONIGHT THE JANUARY 6th 6 00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:21,921 COMMITTEE RAISES THE CURRENT -- ( DRUM ROLL ) 7 00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:25,525 >> IT'S THE HOUSE SELECT COMMITTEE'S JANUARY 6th 8 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:35,935 HEARING! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 9 00:00:56,489 --> 00:01:05,498 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 10 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:12,439 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE 11 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:19,112 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT: 12 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:28,021 JUST GIVE ME A TREASON! AND JON BATISTE TAKES THE 13 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:36,463 COLBERT QUESTIONERT!! STEPHEN WELCOMES LIVE SIMU LIU. 14 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,231 FEATURING LIVE JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 15 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:43,136 AND NOW LIVE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 16 00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:49,309 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 17 00:01:49,375 --> 00:02:04,257 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 18 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:08,428 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 19 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:26,045 >> Stephen: HELLO! ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) 20 00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:33,786 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHOO! 21 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,055 THANK YOU VERY MUCH! PLEASE! 22 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:39,792 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 23 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,595 HELLO, JON! HELLO! 24 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,564 WELCOME. WELCOME ONE AND ALL. 25 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,499 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WELCOME YOU ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 26 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:51,838 I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 27 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,241 ROW HEAR THAT, JON? >> Jon: YEAH, I HEAR THAT. 28 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:58,444 >> Stephen: THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, WE ARE LIVE, LADIES 29 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,548 AND GENTLEMEN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 30 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:04,350 COMING TO YOU LIVE, COAST TO COAST, ALL AROUND THE GLOBE, 31 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:11,090 AFTER EPISODE ONE OF THIS SUMMER'S MOST COMPELLING DRAMA, 32 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:11,891 THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE HEARINGS. 33 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,059 IT'S A LOT LIKE "STRANGER THINGS." 34 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,160 WE MET THE MONSTER YEARS AGO, AND WE'RE PRETTY SURE THE 35 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:18,798 RUSSIANS ARE INVOLVED. ( LAUGHTER ) 36 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:24,070 AND, LIKE THE STARS OF "STRANGER THINGS," I HAVE NOTICEABLY AGED. 37 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,539 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE MONSTER IN QUESTION 38 00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,175 IS FORMER PRESIDENT "MANGO UNCHAINED." 39 00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:32,712 ( LAUGHTER ) PRIOR TO THE HEARING, 40 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:40,353 REPUBLICANS TRIED TO CLAIM THIS TONIGHT WAS GOING TO WITH A 41 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,622 NOTHING BURGER. THEY WERE WRONG. 42 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,223 IT WAS A JUICY DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, STUFFED WITH 43 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:47,727 BURGER BETWEEN TWO BUNS MADE OF BURGER, SMOTHERED IN A ZESTY 44 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:56,035 BURGER SAUCE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BURGER THA 45 00:03:56,102 --> 00:04:01,140 -- THERE'S FIVE POUNDS OF BURGER IN A THREE-POUND BAG! 46 00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:02,508 THERE WAS SO MUCH BURGER THAT THEY REPLACED THE CAPITOL DOME 47 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,544 WITH A SESAME SEED BUN. IT WAS SUCH A JUICY BURGER 48 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,280 THAT FOX NEWS KNEW THAT EVEN THEIR VIEWERS WOULD BE TEMPTED 49 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:16,489 TO TAKE A BITE. WHICH IS WHY -- AND THIS IS TRU- 50 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,524 FOR THE HOUR OF HIS SHOW OPPOSITE THE HEARINGS, TUCKER 51 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,525 CARLSON TOOK NO COMMERCIAL BREAKS. 52 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:20,760 DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS? 53 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,696 FOX NEWS IS WILLING TO LOSE MONEY TO KEEP THEIR VIEWERS FROM 54 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:29,268 FLIPPING OVER AND ACCIDENTALLY LEARNING INFORMATION. 55 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:34,474 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I'M NOT SURPRISED! 56 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,243 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> CRAZY! 57 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,245 THAT'S CRAZY. COME ON, MAN. 58 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,048 >> Stephen: I'M REALLY NOT SURPRISED -- 59 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:42,915 THAT'S THE FIRST RULE OF ANY CULT: 60 00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,318 NEVER LEAVE THE COMPOUND. SECOND RULE? 61 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,187 PRESENT YOUR TESTICLES TO THE TANNING STATION. 62 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:53,626 ( LAUGHTER ) ALSO BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 63 00:04:53,693 --> 00:05:00,066 NOW, WE'VE HEARD MANY OF THESE DETAILS BEFORE, BUT IT MADE MY 64 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:04,003 HEART SWELL WITH GRATITUDE TOpSM TOGETHER INTO A COMPELLING CASE 65 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,072 THAT JANUARY 6TH WAS NOT A SPONTANEOUS GATHERING OF 66 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,342 VAPE-FUELED NEO-KNUCKLEHEADS THAT GOT OUT OF CONTROL. 67 00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:14,013 IT WAS, IN FACT, A PREMEDITATED ATTACK TO PREVENT THE PEACEFUL 68 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:21,154 TRANSFER OF POWER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR NATION'S HISTORY. 69 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,555 FIRST UP, COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN AND MAN SAYING, "WHO'S GOT TWO 70 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:27,326 THUMBS AND ONE IS MY HEAD..." BENNIE THOMPSON. 71 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:32,065 CHAIRMAN THOMPSON KICKED OFF THE HEARING WITH A LITTLE BIO. 72 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:36,936 >> I AM FROM A PART OF THE COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE JUSTIFY 73 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,139 THE ACTIONS OF SLAVERY, THE KLU KLUX KLAN, AND LYNCHING. 74 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:45,411 >> STEPHEN: SO, YOU WERE BORN ON TWITTER? 75 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,213 ( LAUGHTER ) THOMPSON SPOKE ABOUT WHAT UNITED 76 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,981 THE BIPARTISAN MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE, AS WELL AS AMERICANS 77 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:53,953 EVERYWHERE. >> EAST COAST, WEST COAST, AND 78 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,355 THE HEARTLAND. ALL OF US HAVE ONE THING IN 79 00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,691 COMMON. >> STEPHEN: "IF YOU FRY IT, WE 80 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:02,962 WILL EAT IT." ( LAUGHTER ) 81 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:09,368 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH. 82 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,304 EMPLOYEES TO MY HEART. YEAH. 83 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,705 ( PIANO RIFF ) >> STEPHEN: THOMPSON PLAYED 84 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,941 DAMNING FOOTAGE OF ONE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S TOADIEST 85 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,643 TOADIES, FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR. 86 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:21,114 >> I MADE IT CLEAR, I DID NOT AGREE WITH THE IDEA OF 87 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,716 SAYING THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN, AND PUTTING OUT THIS STUFF 88 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,985 WHICH I TOLD THE PRESIDENT WAS BULLSHIT. 89 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,655 >> STEPHEN: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, TOAD-MAN! 90 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:35,194 YOU KISS YOUR PRINCESS WITH THAT MOUTH? 91 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,662 THEN THOMPSON REMINDED US JUST HOW SERIOUS THE CAPITOL 92 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,199 RIOT WAS. >> AS WE PROVIDE ANSWERS TO THE 93 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:48,641 AMERICAN PEOPLE, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 94 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:53,446 TOOK PLACE, THAT THIS WAS NO TOURIST VISIT TO THE CAPITOL. 95 00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:54,647 >> STEPHEN: YEAH, THIS WAS NO TOURIST VISIT. 96 00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,450 THERE WERE NO CHILDREN. IN FACT, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS 97 00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:02,722 ALL DADS WHO LOST CUSTODY. ( LAUGHTER ) 98 00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:12,498 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE 99 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,767 RANKING REPUBLICAN, WYOMING REPRESENTATIVE LIZ CHENEY, SEEN 100 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:20,339 HERE SHOCKED AS YOU ARE THAT SHE'S THE HERO OF THIS STORY. 101 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:22,308 ( LAUGHTER ) CHENEY PROMISED THAT THESE 102 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,676 HEARINGS WILL BRING THE RECEIPTS: 103 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:27,747 >> YOU WILL SEE EVIDENCE OF WHAT MOTIVATED THIS VIOLENCE. 104 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:28,848 >> STEPHEN: WOW, THEY HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE FORMER 105 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:38,191 PRESIDENT'S DAD NOT HUGGING HIM? ( LAUGHTER ) 106 00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,060 YOU'VE GOT TO IMAGINE. YOU'VE GOT TO IMAGINE THAT'S 107 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,597 PART OF IT. ( APPLAUSE ) 108 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:48,034 THEN CHENEY HIT THE FORMER PRESIDENT WHERE IT HURTS HIM: 109 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,002 RIGHT IN THE IVANKA. THEY ROLLED FOOTAGE OF THE 110 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:55,208 FIRST DAUGHTER'S REACTION TO BARR CALLING HER FATHER'S 111 00:07:55,274 --> 00:08:00,213 CHARGES OF ELECTION FRAUD B.S. >> I RESPECT ATTORNEY GENERAL 112 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:05,918 BARR, SO, I ACCEPTED WHAT HE WAS SAYING. 113 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,620 >> STEPHEN: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A BITTERSWEET MOMENT FOR THE 114 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:13,492 FORMER PRESIDENT. SHE FINALLY SCREWED HIM. 115 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:18,097 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 116 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:32,678 ( PIANO RIFF ) KEEP BREATHING. 117 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,781 KEEP BREATHING. IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG SUMMER. 118 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,416 CHENEY ALSO SHOWED A CLIP OF GENERAL MARK MILLEY EXPLAINING 119 00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,486 THAT VICE PRESIDENT PENCE WAS THE ONLY LEADER WHO MADE ANY 120 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:44,023 ATTEMPT TO CALL FOR DEFENSE OF THE CAPITOL THAT DAY. 121 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:48,094 >> THERE WERE TWO OR THREE CALLS FROM VICE PRESIDENT PENCE. 122 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:54,267 HE WAS VERY ANIMATED. >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW HOW 123 00:08:54,333 --> 00:09:00,673 CRAZY THINGS HAVE GOT TO BE FOR MIKE PENCE TO GET VERY ANIMATED? 124 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:10,683 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 125 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,451 NORMALLY, THE WILDEST HE GETS IS WEARING KHAKIS WITH ONLY 126 00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,787 ONE PLEAT. THEN, THE COMMITTEE PLAYED SOME 127 00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,522 NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE OF THE INSURRECTION. 128 00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:22,194 AND IF YOU NEED ANY MORE PROOF ONE OF THE RIOTERS QUOTING HIM 129 00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:25,965 DIRECTLY: >> MIKE PENCE DIDN'T HAVE THE 130 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:29,035 COURAGE TO DO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE TO PROTECT OUR COUNTRY 131 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:33,005 AND OUR CONSTITUTION, GIVING STATES A CHANCE TO CERTIFY A 132 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:37,476 CORRECTED SET OF FACTS, NOT THE FRAUDULENT OR INACCURATE ONES 133 00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:40,947 WHICH THEY WERE ASKED TO PREVIOUSLY CERTIFY. 134 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,317 U.S.A. DEMANDS THE TRUTH! >> STEPHEN: THEY WERE READING 135 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:48,154 HIS TWEETS AS THEY STORMED THE CAPITOL! 136 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,924 THE ONLY WAY HE COULD BE DIRECTING THEM MORE IS IF HE HAD 137 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:58,431 SENT THEM IKEA INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE GALLOWS. 138 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:05,071 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL -- HERE'S 139 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:09,408 THE THING -- HERE'S THE THING -- THAT'S NOT FAR FROM THE TRUTH, 140 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:10,743 AS CHENEY EXPLAINED. >> AND, AWARE OF THE RIOTERS 141 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:15,081 CHANTS TO HANG MIKE PENCE, THE PRESIDENT RESPONDED WITH THIS 142 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:20,386 SENTIMENT, QUOTE, "MAYBE OUR SUPPORTERS HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA." 143 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,190 MIKE PENCE, QUOTE, "DESERVES IT." 144 00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:29,795 >> Stephen: WOW. THAT'S A HELLUVA REWARD FOR 145 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,331 PENCE'S FOUR YEARS OF BOOT-LICKING LOYALTY. 146 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:33,566 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE RETIRING AND YOUR BOSS GIVES YOU A GOLD WATCH 147 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,401 WITH THE INSCRIPTION, "YOU 'TICKED' ME OFF. 148 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:41,774 'TIME' TO MEET JESUS!" ( LAUGHTER ) 149 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,642 THEN WE GOT TO HEAR FROM A COUPLE OF WITNESSES, STARTING 150 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,111 WITH OFFICER CAROLINE EDWARDS, ONE OF THE FIRST OF THE CAPITOL 151 00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:47,947 POLICE INJURED. OFFICER EDWARDS SPOKE STRONGLY 152 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:52,885 ABOUT HER VIEWS ON THAT DAY. >> I WAS AN AMERICAN, STANDING 153 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:58,357 FACE TO FACE WITH OTHER AMERICANS, ASKING MYSELF HOW-- 154 00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,292 MANY TIMES-- MANY, MANY TIMES-- HOW WE HAD GOTTEN HERE? 155 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:02,928 >> STEPHEN: WELL, IT'S COMPLICATED... 156 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:06,432 BUT IT ALL STARTED AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER IN 157 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,668 2011, WHEN A BLACK PRESIDENT MADE FUN OF A MAN WITH A VERY 158 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:15,107 BIG EGO AND A VERY SMALL PENIS. 159 00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:16,308 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 160 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:22,281 AND IT JUST KIND OF MOVED FROM THERE. 161 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,483 ( APPLAUSE ) THE COMMITTEE ALSO HEARD FROM 162 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,953 DOCUMENTARIAN AND MENS' WAREHOUSE SPOKESMAN SAYING, 163 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:33,325 "YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAUNTED BY THE WAY I LOOK," NICK QUESTED. 164 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,394 IN THE RUN UP TO JANUARY 6TH, QUESTED WAS EMBEDDED WITH THE 165 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,596 PROUD BOYS, AND HIS CREW CAPTURED HORRIFYING FOOTAGE LIKE 166 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:46,872 THIS: >> FREEDOM! 167 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,208 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: MEL GIBSON'S CAREER 168 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:56,248 REALLY HAS GONE DOWNHILL. ( LAUGHTER ) 169 00:11:56,315 --> 00:12:00,386 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) QUESTED LAID OUT INSIDER DETAILS 170 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,822 OF THE PROUD BOYS' ACTIVITIES, INCLUDING WHAT THEY DID JUST 171 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,492 BEFORE THE RIOT. >> WE WENT FOR LUNCH, WE WENT 172 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:14,967 FOR TACOS. ( LAUGHTER ) 173 00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,235 >> STEPHEN: MAY I REMIND YOU, JANUARY 6TH WAS A WEDNESDAY. 174 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,938 TEARING UP THE CONSTITUTION IS ONE THING, BUT THEY VIOLATED THE 175 00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:26,779 SANCTITY OF TACO TUESDAY THEN -- 176 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:35,421 ( APPLAUSE ) WE HAD TACOS, TACOS -- THEN 177 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:49,535 OFFICER EDWARDS DESCRIBED THE PRONOUNCE RALLYING CRY. 178 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,736 >> THEY CAME UP CHANTING F- *-*á ANTIFA. 179 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:51,937 >> STEPHEN: THAT MIGHT BE THE MOST SHOCKING TESTIMONY OF THE 180 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,339 EVENING: THE PROUD BOYS CAN SPELL? 181 00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:54,740 SOON AFTER, NIGHT ONE WAS OVER. AFTER TWO HOURS OF DOCUMENTARY 182 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,309 EVIDENCE AND TESTIMONY, WE LEARNED THAT THIS SURRECTIONIST 183 00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,579 CONSPIRACY WAS, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT 184 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:06,185 ADMINISTRATION, EXACTLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT, BUT WORSE THAN YOU 185 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:09,221 COULD HAVE IMAGINED. NEXT EPISODE DROPS ON MONDAY. 186 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,990 AND TO QUOTE THE FORMER PRESIDENT; 187 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:16,896 "BE THERE. WILL BE WILD." 188 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,697 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 189 00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:22,501 TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS STAR OF MARVEL'S "SHANG-CHI," SIMU LIU. 190 00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:24,537 AND, I'LL BE GIVING THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT" TO OUR VERY OWN 191 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,273 JON BATISTE. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 192 00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:28,340 "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 193 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,308 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," 194 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:08,414 EVERYBODY! RIGHT OVER THERE! 195 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,951 THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT! 196 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:16,455 JON, WE'RE LIVE SO WE HAVE TO KEEP COOKING BUT I CAN'T GO BY 197 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,125 WITHOUT SAYING CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING ONE OF THE "TIMES" 100. 198 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,361 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. 199 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:26,832 THAT'S FANTASTIC. WELL DESERVED. 200 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,501 FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME OVER THERE 201 00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:32,738 DOING THE STANDY-JOKEY, BUT SOMETIMES I COME OVER HERE FOR 202 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:38,510 THE SITTY-HA-HA'S IN MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" 203 00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:41,547 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE IT IS. 204 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,183 IT DOESN'T IMMEDIATE AN INTRODUCTION. 205 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:53,325 "MEANWHILE!" NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. 206 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,027 MEANWHILE, IN READY-TO-ASSEMBLE INFANT NEWS, "IKEA NORWAY IS 207 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,229 OFFERING TO HELP NORWEGIANS WITH BABY NAMES AFTER A COVID-19 208 00:14:57,296 --> 00:15:00,966 BOOM," USING THEIR "NAME BANK" WITH MORE THAN 800 LISTINGS, 209 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:08,574 DRAWN FROM THE NAMES IKEA HAS GIVEN TO ITS FURNITURE." 210 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,910 OH, GOOD -- GET READY FOR SWEDISH BABIES 211 00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:15,114 WITH NAMES LIKE "MOÖRBYLAÅNGA" D "FJAÄDERMOLN." 212 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:17,683 AND WHAT A SWEET STORY TO TELL THEM. 213 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,585 "HONEY, YOU WERE NAMED AFTER A VENEER TABLE THAT YOUR DAD'S 214 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:24,690 COLLEGE ROOMMATE STAINED WITH GRAVITY BONG WATER." 215 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,160 ( LAUGHTER ) I JUST PRAY TO GOD AMERICAN 216 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:31,597 FURNITURE COMPANIES NEVER OFFER THE SAME SERVICE. 217 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,233 "THIS IS MY SON, LAZ-Y-BOY, AND THESE ARE THE TWINS, RAYMOUR AND 218 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:42,675 FLANIGAN. ( LAUGHTER ) 219 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:57,623 "MEANWHILE!" -- >> A NEW BILL WILL MAKE EVERYONE 220 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,091 "MEANWHILE!" -- >> A NEW BILL WILL MAKE EVERYONE 221 00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:12,438 GET THE SHAME CHARGERS. SO NOW IF I WANT TO CHARGE IT 222 00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:16,675 WHILE LISTENING, I HAVE TO DROP ANOTHER $250 ON AIR PODS! 223 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,311 AT LAST WE THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN AND THEY ARE SAYING 224 00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:25,918 WHAT'S THAT THERE'S A GREEN ONE? YES, I WILL WAIT IN LINE. 225 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:28,487 SO PRETTY. "MEANWHILE!," THERE'S NEWS FROM 226 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,790 ENGLAND WHERE THE SPORT OF CHEESE ROLLING HAS RETURNED 227 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:35,694 AFTER THE PANDEMIC, IN WHICH PEOPLE CHASE A SEVEN-POUND 228 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:40,232 DOUBLE GLOUCESTER CHEESE WHEEL DOWN A STEEP HILL IN WHICH THEY 229 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:47,539 DESCRIBE AS AN EXTREME SPORTING EVENT. 230 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,442 REALLY, YOU WANT EXTREME? COME TO AMERICA WHERE, AFTER 231 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:54,446 CATCHING THAT CHEESE, WE BEER BATTER AND DEEP FRY IT, DIP IT 232 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:59,485 IN RANCH AND THEN ATTEMPT TO LIVE PAST 30. 233 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:04,857 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 234 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:08,927 >> Jon: DEEP FRIED, BABY. >> Stephen: "MEANWHILE!," A 235 00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:11,497 RESCUE OPERATION TOOK PLACE TODAY IN PENNSYLVANIA AFTER TWO 236 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:15,434 PEOPLE GOT STUCK IN A TANK OF CHOCOLATE AT AN M&M FACTORY. 237 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:19,571 THE TERRIFYING SCENE WAS DISCOVERED AFTER THEIR 238 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:24,977 DISTRAUGHT SHIFT SUPERVISOR FOUND THEM THE EARNING M&M. 239 00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,279 ( LAUGHTER ) NO ONE WAS HURT BUT APPARENTLY 240 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:31,817 THE CHOCOLATE WAS ABOUT WASTE HIGH AND THE RESCUERS WERE TOLD 241 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,453 THE TWO PEOPLE CANNOT GET OUT ON THEIR OWN. 242 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:44,596 CAN'T OR WON'T? WE SPECIFICALLY ASKED THEM NOT 243 00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:45,931 TO CALL 911! NOW DROP IN SOME CRUSHED PEANUTS 244 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:49,034 AND CLOSE THE LID." ( LAUGHTER ) 245 00:17:49,101 --> 00:18:00,579 "MEANWHILE!," IN ARIZONA, LIKE FLORIDA BUT IT'S A DRY CRAZY -- 246 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:05,250 ( APPLAUSE ) -- A RESTAURANT IN SCOTTSDALE 247 00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:06,385 HAS NEW "WALLS MADE OF HIMALAYAN 248 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,686 ROCK SALT," SO "GUESTS ARE ENCOURAGED TO LICK THE WALLS 249 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:12,658 WHILE DINING." DON'T WORRY, RESTAURANT STAFF 250 00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:16,462 SAID THEY REGULARLY WIPE THE WALLS DOWN. 251 00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:22,835 THAT IS IN NO WAY REASSURING. NO, I'M NOT WEARING A CONDOM. 252 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,237 BUT, DON'T WORRY, I REGULARLY WIPE IT DOWN. 253 00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:29,908 WHEN WE COME BACK, JON BATISTE TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!! 254 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,076 STICK AROUND, Y'ALL! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 255 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:58,403 >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK, THANK YOU SO MUCH! 256 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,572 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT IS SUCH-- YOU KNOW, I THINK 257 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:01,840 I'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE ON THE SHOW-- I DON'T TAKE THIS JOB 258 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:02,908 FOR GRANTED. IT'S-- IT'S-- IT'S A WONDERFUL 259 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,309 OCCUPATION. I GET TO BE WITH ALL THESE 260 00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:11,650 BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE EVERY NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 261 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,585 I GET TO-- I GET TO TALK TO INCREDIBLE GUESTS OVER HERE. 262 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,786 I GET TO SHARE THE STAGE WITH JON AND THIS AMAZING BAND OVER 263 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,722 HERE EVERY NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 264 00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:21,159 >> JON: OH, MY GOSH!p( LAUGHS ) YEAH! 265 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,195 >> STEPHEN: AND WE GET TO TALK A LITTLE BIT, JON, WE GET TO TALK 266 00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:24,196 A LITTLE BIT. BUT NEVER ENOUGH. 267 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:26,365 >> JON: YEAH. >> STEPHEN: YOU WANT TO COME ON 268 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,799 OVER HERE AND TALK SOME MORE? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 269 00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:31,169 COME ON OVER HERE, JON. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 270 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:46,118 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> JON: AHH! 271 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:50,188 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> JON: AHH! 272 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,057 >> STEPHEN: HAVE A SEAT. >> JON: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! 273 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,125 >> STEPHEN: JON, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A BIT, A BIT, A 274 00:19:53,191 --> 00:19:54,126 BIT, A BIT. SEVEN, EIGHT YEARS NOW? 275 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:55,327 >> JON: YES.p>> STEPHEN: I WAS T SOME PHOTOS. 276 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,528 >> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: OF THE TWO OF US 277 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:57,563 OVER THIS LAST BREAK WEEK THAT WE HAD TOGETHER. 278 00:19:57,629 --> 00:19:58,530 >> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: BACK IN 2014, WHEN 279 00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:00,966 YOU HAD... MUCH LESS HAIR. 280 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,901 >> JON: YES! >> STEPHEN: AND I HAD MUCH MORE 281 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,138 CHIN. AND-- 282 00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:07,339 ( LAUGHTER ) AND HERE'S THE THING, IS THAT 283 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,141 WE-- WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER THAT YEAR, BEFORE WE EVER CAME 284 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,409 ON THE SHOW, AND WE HAVE BECOME DEAR FRIENDS-- 285 00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:11,710 >> JON: ABSOLUTELY. >> STEPHEN: --IN THAT TIME 286 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,478 PERIOD. YOU, YOU-- 287 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,247 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU'VE COME TO MY HOUSE. 288 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:18,584 >> JON: YES, YES. WE'VE HAD SOME GOOD-- GOOD MEALS 289 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,352 AND GOOD CONVERSATIONS. >> STEPHEN: MANY THANKSGIVINGS 290 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:23,388 TOGETHER, WITH YOU AND YOUR PARENTS, YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE, 291 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:25,057 SULEIKA. AND YOU'VE COME DOWN TO STAY AT 292 00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:28,026 OUR HOUSE IN SOUTH CAROLINA. >> JON: YES. 293 00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,494 >> STEPHEN: AND, AS MUCH AS I KNOW YOU AND AS MUCH AS I LOVE 294 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,396 YOU, THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO KNOW ABOUT SOMEONE. 295 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:33,865 >> JON: THAT'S TRUE. >> STEPHEN: AND, AND THERE'S 296 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:35,834 JUST NEVER ENOUGH TIME RIGHT HERE ON THE STAGE TO DO IT. 297 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,102 SO WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TONIGHT IS SOMETHING CALLED THE "COLBERT 298 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,838 QUESTIONERT," JON. >> JON: OH, SNAP! 299 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,642 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, YEAH! 300 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:44,843 >> STEPHEN: ARE YOU READY? >> JON: I'M READY. 301 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,078 >> STEPHEN: I DON'T MEAN TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT. 302 00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:47,179 >> JON: I, I'M READY, YEAH. >> STEPHEN: YOU READY? 303 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:52,384 OKAY. ♪ ♪ ♪ 304 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,419 QUESTION NUMBER ONE. JON BATISTE, WHAT IS THE BEST 305 00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:57,789 SANDWICH? >> JON: THAT'S A CONTROVERSIAL 306 00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,858 QUESTION. ( LAUGHTER ) 307 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,760 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S WHAT WE DO. I MEAN, WE DON'T-- WE'RE NOT 308 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:02,694 AFRAID OF THESE QUESTIONS ON THIS SHOW. 309 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,897 >> JON: I KNOW! YOU, YOU GET UP IN THERE. 310 00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:07,766 I'M OVER HERE, I'M JUST GETTING USED TO THAT. 311 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:11,637 ( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE TO SAY, IT'S A HOT DOG. 312 00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:20,946 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: OKAY. 313 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,948 WAIT, WAIT A SECOND HERE. YOU UNDERSTAND THE-- THE-- THE 314 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,082 LANDMINE YOU JUST SET OFF. ( LAUGHTER ) 315 00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:28,987 IN THE SANDWICH SPHERE. BECAUSE NOT ONLY, IT'S A-- IT'S 316 00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,455 A DELIGHTFUL SNACK MEAL TREAT-- >> JON: INCREDIBLE. 317 00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:31,657 MULTI-PURPOSE. >> STEPHEN: BUT NOT EVERYONE 318 00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:34,593 ACCEPTS IT AS A SANDWICH. >> JON: I KNOW, BUT IF YOU LOOK 319 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:39,264 AT IT AND YOU SEE THE BREAD... ( LAUGHTER ) 320 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,366 AND THEN YOU SEE THE MEAT, IN BETWEEN THE BREAD? 321 00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:43,769 >> STEPHEN: YEP. >> JON: THAT LOOKED LIKE A 322 00:21:43,835 --> 00:21:50,075 SANDWICH TO ME. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 323 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,777 >> STEPHEN: WELL, I MEAN-- >> JON: THE QUESTION IS, WHAT 324 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:55,814 MAKES IT NOT A SANDWICH? >> STEPHEN: THE FACT THAT THE 325 00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,182 TWO PIECES OF BREAD DO NOT SEPARATE. 326 00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:58,817 >> JON: YOU CAN EAT A HOT DOG WITH THE BREAD SEPARATE, I 327 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:05,624 ASSURE YOU. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) 328 00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:07,392 >> STEPHEN: DANGEROUS. THAT'S DANGEROUS. 329 00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:08,293 >> JON: NO, SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS-- 330 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:09,494 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S A SAUSAGE HOAGIE. 331 00:22:09,561 --> 00:22:10,996 IT TURNS INTO A SAUSAGE HOAGIE, IF THE BREAD IS SEPARATED. 332 00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:15,100 OR A GRINDER, FOR THOSE OF YOU IN THE PHILADELPHIA AREA. 333 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,171 >> JON: SEE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH THE LATE, GREAT 334 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,440 JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG ON THIS ONE. 335 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:27,412 >> STEPHEN: WHO, AS YOU KNOW-- >> JON -- WHO SAID THAT THE HOT 336 00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:28,547 DOG IS A SANDWICH. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S TRUE. 337 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:31,383 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )pWHAT'S ONE THING YT 338 00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:35,153 YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT? >> JON: OH, I GOT A BUNCH OF 339 00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,154 SHOES I SHOULD THROW-- WAY TOO MANY SNEAKERS. 340 00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:39,891 >> STEPHEN: OKAY. WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? 341 00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:44,863 >> JON: A ROACH. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) 342 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:48,633 >> STEPHEN: YEAH, SNEAKY. >> JON: OH, MAN. 343 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:53,939 OH, MY GOD! >> STEPHEN: YOU'RE FROM-- 344 00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,107 YOU'RE FROM THE NEW ORLEANS AREA, AND THEY GROW THEM LIKE 345 00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:56,341 CATTLE DOWN THERE! >> JON: OH YEAH! 346 00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:57,409 >> STEPHEN: SIZE OF YOUR THUMB. THEY HAVE TO HAVE COWBOYS COME 347 00:22:57,476 --> 00:22:58,744 IN AND ROPE THEM. >> JON: YOU GOT TO WRANGLE THEM 348 00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:00,746 SUCKERS. AND THEY FLY! 349 00:23:00,812 --> 00:23:02,214 >> STEPHEN: YEAH! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU OPEN THE 350 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,882 CABINET. FFFT, IN THE FACE. 351 00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:05,617 >> JON: OH MY GOSH. >> STEPHEN: YEAH. 352 00:23:05,684 --> 00:23:09,955 PALMETTO BUGS. APPLES OR ORANGES, MY FRIEND? 353 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:15,761 >> JON: OH, WOW. ( LAUGHTER ) 354 00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:17,329 >> STEPHEN: DON'T SAY HOT DOGS. ( LAUGHTER ) 355 00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:18,997 >> JON: ORANGES. >> STEPHEN: ORANGES. 356 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:25,837 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ( APPLAUSE ) 357 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,306 HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? 358 00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:30,709 >> JON: I DID ASK-- MICHELLE OBAMA, FOR HER 359 00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:37,716 AUTOGRAPH ON HER BOOK. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S AN-- THAT'S 360 00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:38,717 AN AUTOGRAPH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 361 00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:39,918 >> JON: YEAH. >> STEPHEN: DID YOU GET IT? 362 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:40,986 >> JON: YES. I NEVER-- 363 00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:42,020 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST ON A PIECE OF PAPER. 364 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,021 I HAVEN'T DONE-- >> STEPHEN: THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH. 365 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,122 THAT'LL DO. THAT'LL DO. 366 00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,490 WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? 367 00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:48,460 >> JON: WELL, I THINK WHEN WE-- NO ONE EVER REALLY DIES. 368 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:53,965 I THINK OUR BODY PASSES AWAY AND OUR SOUL MEETS THE CREATOR 369 00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:58,036 OF ALL THINGS. AND WHAT WE'VE DONE, THE LOVE 370 00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:01,339 WE'VE GIVEN IN THIS LIFE, ALL THE THINGS THAT WE'VE DONE, THAT 371 00:24:01,406 --> 00:24:06,812 LIVES ON FOREVER. SO, THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT 372 00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:13,318 WHAT WE DO HERE, RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE ONCE WE GO, THE NEXT 373 00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:14,486 ROUND, STILL WILL BE HERE FOR THE NEXT GENERATION. 374 00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:20,358 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE 375 00:24:20,425 --> 00:24:22,093 ACTION MOVIE? >> JON: OH MY GOODNESS. 376 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,364 "FORREST GUMP." ( LAUGHTER ) 377 00:24:26,431 --> 00:24:31,970 "FORREST GUMP." "FORREST GUMP!" 378 00:24:32,037 --> 00:24:33,638 >> STEPHEN: THAT-- >> JON: YOU DON'T LIKE "FORREST 379 00:24:33,705 --> 00:24:34,606 GUMP?" >> STEPHEN: THAT IS TO ACTION 380 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:39,911 MOVIE AS HOT DOG IS TO SANDWICH. ( LAUGHTER ) 381 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:44,049 I ACCEPT, AND I MOVE ON. >> JON: HE WAS RUNNING! 382 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:45,116 >> STEPHEN: I UNDERSTAND HE WAS RUNNING. 383 00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:48,019 ( LAUGHTER ) >> JON: I'M TELLING YOU! 384 00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:50,388 >> STEPHEN: YOU HAVE A VERY LOW STANDARD FOR ACTION. 385 00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:53,124 >> JON: IT WAS ACTION! >> STEPHEN: SURE, SURE. 386 00:24:53,191 --> 00:24:54,059 "AIR BUD" IS AN ACTION MOVIE, IN THAT CASE. 387 00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:56,595 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY. 388 00:24:56,661 --> 00:25:02,167 WINDOW OR AISLE? >> JON: I LIKE THE AISLE. 389 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:05,136 >> STEPHEN: BECAUSE? >> JON: BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ON THE 390 00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:06,271 AISLE, YOU CAN GET OUT QUICKER. IF YOU GOT TO GO TO THE 391 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:07,939 BATHROOM, AND-- >> STEPHEN: SURE. 392 00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:11,209 >> JON: AND, YOU KNOW, YOU GET A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA SPACE, 393 00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:14,479 ESPECIALLY IF YOUR IN-- IN-- IN THE-- IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE. 394 00:25:14,546 --> 00:25:18,383 THAT'S YOUR ONLY RESPITE. YOU GOT THAT AISLE TO STICK YOUR 395 00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:19,885 LEG OUT, BECAUSE NOBODY COMING BACK THERE. 396 00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:22,187 >> STEPHEN: SURE. >> JON: THAT'S A LIFE HACK, 397 00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:24,055 RIGHT THERE. >> STEPHEN: THAT'S A JON BATISTE 398 00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:25,190 LIFE HACK. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) 399 00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:28,960 >> JON: SEE? I LIKE THAT. 400 00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:30,662 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S YOUR PODCAST, ISN'T IT? 401 00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:35,800 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? >> JON: SEE, I'VE WATCHED THESE 402 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:37,636 SO MUCH. I HAVE-- I HAD-- 403 00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:41,439 I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS ONE. PETRICHOR. 404 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:44,743 >> STEPHEN: OH, THAT'S THE-- WHEN THE RAIN COMES, IN THE HEAT 405 00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:46,945 OF THE SUMMER. THAT SMELL, WHEN THE-- THAT 406 00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:47,946 SMELL OF THE RAIN IN THE SUMMERTIME? 407 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:50,148 >> JON: YES. ABSOLUTELY. 408 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,716 >> STEPHEN: PETRICHOR. >> JON: YEAH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 409 00:25:51,783 --> 00:25:53,652 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORD, TOO. 410 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:59,658 >> JON: PETRI-- IT'S GREEK. "PETRIS" IS "STONE," AND "CHOR" 411 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:03,862 IS SOMETHING LIKE THE FLUID IN THE VEINS OF THE GODS. 412 00:26:03,929 --> 00:26:06,064 >> STEPHEN: YEAH, THE ICHOR. >> JON: THE ICHOR. 413 00:26:06,131 --> 00:26:07,065 >> STEPHEN: THE DEMONS OF THE GODS. 414 00:26:07,132 --> 00:26:07,966 >> JON: YEAH, YEAH. >> STEPHEN: THE BLOOD OF THE 415 00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:09,234 STONE, BLOOD OF THE GODS. >> JON: YEAH! 416 00:26:09,301 --> 00:26:11,436 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S NICE. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? 417 00:26:11,503 --> 00:26:14,673 >> JON: OOH, A LOT OF THEM. ( LAUGHTER ) 418 00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:20,712 LEAST FAVORITE SMELL IS-- FEAR. 419 00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:26,351 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: STING SAID THE SAME 420 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,786 THING. >> JON: HE DID. 421 00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:28,820 >> STEPHEN: YOU AND STING HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. 422 00:26:28,887 --> 00:26:30,488 OR ONE THING IN COMMON. >> JON: ONE THING. 423 00:26:30,555 --> 00:26:31,957 ( LAUGHTER ) I-- I-- 424 00:26:32,023 --> 00:26:36,061 >> STEPHEN: WHAT IS THE MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE? 425 00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:39,965 >> JON: PROBABLY BETWEEN THE-- ( LAUGHS ) 426 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:45,770 THE BIBLE APP AND INSTAGRAM. ( LAUGHTER ) 427 00:26:45,837 --> 00:26:50,141 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I CHECK BOTH EVERY DAY. 428 00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:52,177 >> STEPHEN: YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST 429 00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:53,211 OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT IS IT? 430 00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:57,415 >> JON: OOH. WOOO! 431 00:26:57,482 --> 00:26:59,718 THAT'S THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE WHOLE THING. 432 00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:00,952 >> STEPHEN: YEAH, IT IS, ISN'T IT? 433 00:27:01,019 --> 00:27:12,430 >> JON: ONE SONG? >> STEPHEN: MM-HMM. 434 00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:14,199 >> JON: "GYMNOPODIE, NUMBER ONE." 435 00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:15,333 >> STEPHEN: ERIK SATIE? >> JON: YES. 436 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,968 >> STEPHEN: WOW. >> JON: THAT'S ONE YOU COULD 437 00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:21,706 LISTEN TO FOREVER. OR, "LOTUS BLOSSOM," BY BILLY 438 00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:26,111 STRAYHORN. OR "REFLECTIONS IN D," BY DUKE 439 00:27:26,177 --> 00:27:29,247 ELLINGTON. ( LAUGHTER ) 440 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,616 IT'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING THAT, WHEN YOU'RE LISTENING TO IT 441 00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:36,554 YOU CAN HEAR NEW THINGS, BUT IT'S FOREVER, SO YOU'RE GOING TO 442 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:41,192 HEAR IT ALL. SO, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT 443 00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:43,161 IS-- IS HEALING YOU. IT'S REGENERATING YOU. 444 00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:47,332 OR IT'S GIVING YOU SOMETHING THAT'S LIKE A-- A DAILY BREAD, 445 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:49,901 EVERY TIME YOU HEAR IT. SO, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD PICK. 446 00:27:49,968 --> 00:27:52,637 ONE OF THOSE, KIND OF-- "AIR ON THE G STRING." 447 00:27:52,704 --> 00:27:56,608 >> STEPHEN: SURE. >> JON: WOOO! 448 00:27:56,674 --> 00:27:57,575 THIS IS A HARD ONE. I COULD GO ON FOREVER. 449 00:27:57,642 --> 00:27:59,444 ( LAUGHTER ) SO-- I KNOW WE GOT TO KEEP IT-- 450 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:03,481 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 451 00:28:03,548 --> 00:28:05,083 >> STEPHEN: WE SHOULD PUT OUT AN ALBUM OF JUST THE ANSWERS YOU 452 00:28:05,150 --> 00:28:06,851 DID IN THIS. >> JON: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 453 00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:07,819 >> STEPHEN: OKAY, WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF? 454 00:28:07,886 --> 00:28:21,766 ( LAUGHTER ) >> JON: 412. 455 00:28:21,833 --> 00:28:30,141 >> STEPHEN: NO. ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) 456 00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:35,747 DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. 457 00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:45,056 >> JON: OH. "TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD." 458 00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:46,491 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: JON BATISTE. 459 00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:48,560 >> JON: HEY! >> STEPHEN: CONGRATULATIONS. 460 00:28:48,626 --> 00:28:51,029 YOU ARE KNOWN. >> JON: I'M KNOWN! 461 00:28:51,096 --> 00:28:53,965 >> STEPHEN: AND I-- WHICH PEOPLE DON'T HEAR-- I AM SO GLAD THAT, 462 00:28:54,032 --> 00:28:57,869 I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME OVER, WE HAD A MOMENT TO DO THIS. 463 00:28:57,936 --> 00:29:00,038 BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, BUT JON IS GOING TO BE TAKING 464 00:29:00,105 --> 00:29:05,977 THE REST OF THE SUMMER OFF. BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO TAKE A 465 00:29:06,044 --> 00:29:07,178 LITTLE PERSONAL TIME, AND AS WELL YOU SHOULD, FOR ALL THE 466 00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:09,080 BEST REASONS. >> JON: YES, YES, INDEED. 467 00:29:09,147 --> 00:29:10,415 >> STEPHEN: AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT. 468 00:29:10,482 --> 00:29:13,885 IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. AND, WE WILL MISS YOU. 469 00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:15,453 BUT LOUIS AND THE BAND ARE GOING TO KILL IT EVERY NIGHT, JUST 470 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,388 LIKE THEY DID WHEN YOU WERE OUT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 471 00:29:17,455 --> 00:29:18,556 "THE COLOR PURPLE." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 472 00:29:18,623 --> 00:29:24,129 >> JON: YEAH! THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 473 00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:25,530 >> STEPHEN: AND-- >> JON: WHERE YOU AT! 474 00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:26,798 >> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT. AND, YOU HIT THOSE APPS EVERY 475 00:29:26,865 --> 00:29:27,966 DAY. >> JON: YES. 476 00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:30,268 >> STEPHEN: YOU HAVE YOUR DAILY BREAD, AND WE'LL SEE YOU 477 00:29:30,335 --> 00:29:32,437 IN SEPTEMBER. >> JON: ABSOLUTELY. 478 00:29:32,504 --> 00:29:35,406 >> STEPHEN: I LOVE YOU, JON. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 479 00:29:35,473 --> 00:29:37,275 WITH SIMU LIU! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 480 00:29:59,364 --> 00:30:02,033 >> STEPHEN: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 481 00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:06,337 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 482 00:30:06,404 --> 00:30:10,275 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'RE STILL LIVE RIGHT THERE. 483 00:30:10,341 --> 00:30:14,612 FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "KIM'S 484 00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:18,116 CONVENIENCE" AND MARVEL'S "SHANG-CHI AND THE LEGEND OF THE 485 00:30:18,183 --> 00:30:21,019 TEN RINGS," PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 486 00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:24,789 SHOW," SIMU LIU! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 487 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:39,737 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> HI! 488 00:30:39,804 --> 00:30:42,073 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> HI! 489 00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:44,375 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. OH, MY GOD. 490 00:30:44,442 --> 00:30:47,312 >> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU. THANKS FOR BEING HERE, 491 00:30:47,378 --> 00:30:49,480 ESPECIALLY FOR A LIVE SHOW. >> IT IS LATE, STEPHEN. 492 00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:52,016 IT IS VERY, VERY LATE, BUT I DO IT FOR YOU. 493 00:30:52,083 --> 00:30:54,185 >> Stephen: IT'S WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING! 494 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:56,321 BUT HERE'S SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T NORMALLY HAPPEN WITH A 495 00:30:56,387 --> 00:30:59,791 GUEST, YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO A RANGERS GAME BEFORE YOU CAME 496 00:30:59,857 --> 00:31:01,025 HERE. >> I DID. 497 00:31:01,092 --> 00:31:03,194 >> Stephen: LET'S GO TO THE SPORTS REPORT WITH MY COLLEAGUE 498 00:31:03,261 --> 00:31:05,597 SIMU LIU. SIMU LIU, HOUSE OF THE ACTION ON 499 00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:08,299 THE ICE TONIGHT? >> WELL, YOU'RE GETTING A REAL 500 00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:10,401 EXPERT REPORT ON THE HOCKEY, REALLY DETAILED. 501 00:31:10,468 --> 00:31:12,470 >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE CANADIAN. 502 00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:15,573 >> YEAH! AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT MEANS 503 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,877 SOMETHING. BUT -- HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED, ALL 504 00:31:19,944 --> 00:31:21,846 RIGHT? FIRST THIRD -- FIRST PERIOD, 505 00:31:21,913 --> 00:31:27,852 REALLY NOT A LOT. SECOND PERIOD, YOU KNOW, RANGERS 506 00:31:27,919 --> 00:31:31,322 SCORED. EVERYBODY WAS HAPPY, TIMOTHY 507 00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:35,193 CHALAMET WAS IN MY SUITE, WE HUGGED EACH OTHER. 508 00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:37,428 >> Stephen: HE'S THERE MOST NIGHT. 509 00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:40,265 >> HE'S GREAT. THEN TAMPA SCORED, AND THEN 510 00:31:40,331 --> 00:31:43,635 AGAIN WITH TWO MINUTES TO GO. IT WAS THE WORST THING BECAUSE 511 00:31:43,701 --> 00:31:46,537 I'M USUALLY A BASKETBALL FAN, RIGHT, AND IN BASKETBALL YOU CAN 512 00:31:46,604 --> 00:31:50,241 KIND OF SEE THE PLAYS FORM. YOU SEE THE BALL GOING UP AND 513 00:31:50,308 --> 00:31:53,645 YOU CAN PREDICT AS IT GOES THROUGH THE HOOP. 514 00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:56,781 THIS GAME FELT LIKE IT WAS THE SCRUM AND THEN YOU SEE THE PUCK 515 00:31:56,848 --> 00:31:59,584 IN THE BACK OF THE NET AND THEN IT WAS JUST OVER. 516 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:02,920 FELT LIKE A PUNCH IN THE GUT. IT WAS AWFUL. 517 00:32:02,987 --> 00:32:08,192 I NEVER WATCHED AO HOCKEY GAME IN MY LIFE AND IT WAS THE WORST 518 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:10,061 FEELING. >> Stephen: YOU PROBABLY LOST 519 00:32:10,128 --> 00:32:12,730 YOUR CANADIAN PASSPORT FOR SEEING THAT. 520 00:32:12,797 --> 00:32:14,632 >> PROBABLY, I'M NO LONGER WELCOME THERE. 521 00:32:14,699 --> 00:32:21,739 >> Stephen: AND THERE'S THE THING, YOU WERE NAME "TIMES" 100 522 00:32:21,806 --> 00:32:24,108 MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD THIS YEAR -- 523 00:32:24,175 --> 00:32:27,679 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- ALONG WITH THIS YEAR'S LIST 524 00:32:27,745 --> 00:32:33,184 INCLUDES OPRAH, PRESIDENT ZELENSKYY AND OUR OWN JON 525 00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:35,586 BATISTE OVER THERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 526 00:32:35,653 --> 00:32:39,123 GALA LAST NIGHT WAS REALLY FUN. WHO DID YOU WANT TO MEET? 527 00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:41,025 AMAZING PEOPLE THERE I'VE RIFF TIME. 528 00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:44,195 >> STEPHEN, I REALLY APPRECIATED MEETING PEOPLE I DID NOT KNOW 529 00:32:44,262 --> 00:32:50,201 BEFORE, RIGHT, LIKE CHRISTMASES WHO HELPED ORGANIZE THE VERY 530 00:32:50,268 --> 00:32:54,972 FIRST UNION AT AMAZON, THE COUNCILLOR ON THE SUPREME COURT 531 00:32:55,039 --> 00:32:58,643 OF INDIA. BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, ONE OF MY 532 00:32:58,710 --> 00:33:02,080 FAVORITE THINGS WAS BECAUSE WE WERE PLANNING ALL THE BITS TO 533 00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:06,784 PLAY WITH THE DIFFERENT GUESTS, SO WE HAD A BIT WHERE I WOULD 534 00:33:06,851 --> 00:33:11,889 GIVE BUBBLE TEA TO BILL GATES. WE HAD NO IDEA HOW BILL WOULD 535 00:33:11,956 --> 00:33:16,260 REACT BECAUSE BILL IS A BILLIONAIRE AND BILLIONAIRES ARE 536 00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:18,596 VERY PARTICULAR. WE DON'T KNOW HOW THEY LIKE 537 00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:22,667 THEIR STEAK, IF THEY CHEW THEIR OWN FOOD, IF THEY EMPLOYEE A 538 00:33:22,734 --> 00:33:25,937 TEAM OF MINIMUM-WAGE WORKERS TO DO IT FOR THEM, WE HAVE NO IDEA, 539 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:30,308 BUT BILL IS A GREAT SPORT. HE DRANK THE BUBBLE TEA. 540 00:33:30,375 --> 00:33:33,578 HAVE YOU EVER HAD BUBBLE TEA BEFORE? 541 00:33:33,644 --> 00:33:35,580 >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER HAD BUBBLE TEA. 542 00:33:35,646 --> 00:33:38,549 I HEAR GREAT THINGS. >> SHOOT, I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT 543 00:33:38,616 --> 00:33:39,684 SOME. NEXT TIME. 544 00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:43,287 HE ENJOYED IT AND GAVE ME A SHOUTOUT ON HIS INSTAGRAM 545 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:47,825 ACCOUNT TODAY, AND SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE A NEW FAN OF BUBBLE TEA IN 546 00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:50,294 MR. BILL GATES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 547 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:53,097 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU -- I FOUND OUT SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT 548 00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:59,937 YOU, I LOVED YOU IN SHANG-CHI, IT WAS A GREAT FILM, YOU'RE A 549 00:34:00,004 --> 00:34:03,875 WONDERFUL ACTOR, BUT THAT WASN'T THE CAREER PATH ORIGINALLY. 550 00:34:03,941 --> 00:34:08,546 I FOUND OUT TODAY THAT, SOON, THIS WAS -- YOU TWEETED THIS IN 551 00:34:08,613 --> 00:34:14,352 APRIL -- SOON WILL BE APRIL 12, THE DAY I GOT LAID OFF FROM 552 00:34:14,419 --> 00:34:20,124 DELOITTE. I OWE MY LIFE TO BEING LET GO, 553 00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:24,962 ACCOUNTING NOT FOR ME. YOU WERE AN ACCOUNTANT? 554 00:34:25,029 --> 00:34:27,365 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THERE'S FOR SOME REASON A LT 555 00:34:27,432 --> 00:34:30,268 OF LOVE FOR ACCOUNTANTS IN THIS AUDIENCE TONIGHT. 556 00:34:30,334 --> 00:34:32,904 I'M KIDDING. >> DID YOU DESERVE TO BE FIRED? 557 00:34:32,970 --> 00:34:35,473 WELL, WHO DESERVES TO BE FIRED? 558 00:34:35,540 --> 00:34:38,075 >> Stephen: PEOPLE WHO ARE TERRIBLE AT THEIR JOB. 559 00:34:38,142 --> 00:34:43,714 >> SO, I MEAN, DID -- WAS I LATE FOR WORK EVERY DAY? 560 00:34:43,781 --> 00:34:46,751 I MEAN, MAYBE... ( LAUGHTER ) 561 00:34:46,818 --> 00:34:52,790 WERE MY SPREADSHEETS RIDDLED WITH ERRORS? 562 00:34:52,857 --> 00:34:53,991 PERHAPS. ( LAUGHTER ) 563 00:34:54,058 --> 00:34:58,062 DID I SKIP WORK TO BE ON THE SET OF PACIFIC RIM AS AN EXTRA 564 00:34:58,129 --> 00:35:02,300 WITHOUT TELLING ANY OF MY BOSSES? 565 00:35:02,366 --> 00:35:05,736 MOST DEFINITELY. BUT DESERVE TO BE FIRED, 566 00:35:05,803 --> 00:35:07,872 STEPHEN? I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY DESERVES 567 00:35:07,939 --> 00:35:12,143 THAT KIND OF HUMILIATION AND EMBARRASSMENT. 568 00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:15,680 IT WAS AWFUL. THE SECURITY ESCORTED ME THROUGH 569 00:35:15,746 --> 00:35:19,317 THE WHOLE OFFICE. IT'S A BIG OPEN CONCEPT FLOOR. 570 00:35:19,383 --> 00:35:24,188 THE WHOLE OFFICE WATCHED ME, MY SAD LITTLE BAG COLLECTED MY 571 00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:25,690 LAPTOP AND THINGS. IT WAS AWFUL. 572 00:35:25,756 --> 00:35:30,027 >> Stephen: THEY GIVE YOU YOUR FIRED BADGE AND PUSH YOU OUT OF 573 00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:32,997 THE BUILDING. >> THEY GIVE YOU A TAXING 574 00:35:33,064 --> 00:35:37,001 BECAUSE THEY SAY WE DON'T WANT YOU NEAR THE TRAIN TRACKS ON THE 575 00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:39,303 WAY HOME. >> Stephen: WE PAY YOU TO GET 576 00:35:39,370 --> 00:35:43,508 AWAY FROM US AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. WE'LL TAKE A BREAK AND BACK WITH 577 00:35:43,574 --> 00:35:45,343 MORE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "WE WERE DREAMERS," SIMU LIU, AND WE'LL 578 00:35:45,409 --> 00:35:47,011 TALK ABOUT IT WHEN WE COME BACK. 579 00:36:01,158 --> 00:36:06,864 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! # WE ARE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF 580 00:36:06,931 --> 00:36:11,335 THE NEW BOOK, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER "WE WERE DREAMERS: 581 00:36:11,402 --> 00:36:15,573 AN IMMIGRANT SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY." 582 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,443 TELL ME ABOUT WHY DID YOU WANT TO WRITE THIS BOOK? 583 00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:22,947 >> WELL, STEPHEN, I JUST DON'T WANT MY 15 MINUTES TO END, YOU 584 00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,182 KNOW. I MADE ONE MOVIE AND I JUST WANT 585 00:36:25,249 --> 00:36:29,720 TO KEEP THAT GOING. NO, UH, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A 586 00:36:29,787 --> 00:36:32,890 VERY IMPORTANT STORY TO TELL -- AND, BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT A 587 00:36:32,957 --> 00:36:37,328 STORY ABOUT ME OR MY LIFE IN HOLLYWOOD OR BEING A MOVIE STAR 588 00:36:37,395 --> 00:36:41,365 OR WHATEVER HAVE YOU. YOU KNOW, I THINK, IN ME, I HAVE 589 00:36:41,432 --> 00:36:44,669 THIS INCREDIBLE STORY ABOUT MY FAMILY, THIS MULTI-GENERATIONAL 590 00:36:44,735 --> 00:36:48,940 TALE THAT STARTS IN CHINA IN THE '60s AND '70s AND REALLY 591 00:36:49,006 --> 00:36:51,709 ENDS IN THE MOMENT I BOOK THIS ROLE OF A LIFETIME, BUT IT'S 592 00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:55,246 THIS STORY OF A FAMILY THAT REALLY WASN'T AFRAID TO LOOK TO 593 00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:59,817 THE HORIZON AND BASICALLY PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE AND PURSUE THEIR 594 00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,152 DREAMS. >> Stephen: NOW, YOUR 595 00:37:01,218 --> 00:37:03,187 GRANDPARENTS CAME OVER FIRST TO CANADA. 596 00:37:03,254 --> 00:37:06,157 >> MY PARENTS KIM OVER FIRST. >> Stephen: KILLED YOU LIVE 597 00:37:06,223 --> 00:37:08,426 WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS? >> I LIVED WITH MY GRANDPARENTS 598 00:37:08,492 --> 00:37:13,164 UNTIL I WAS ABOUT FOUR AND A HALF IN CHINA AND, ONE DAY, A 599 00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:16,634 STRANGER SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR AND HE'S, LIKE, I'M YOUR DAD, 600 00:37:16,701 --> 00:37:19,403 COME WITH ME, WE'RE GOING TO CANADA. 601 00:37:19,470 --> 00:37:22,707 AND USUALLY YOU WOULD GET ARRESTED FOR THAT, BUT HE 602 00:37:22,773 --> 00:37:26,410 ACTUALLY WAS MY DAD, AND HE TOOK ME AWAY FROM EVERYTHING I KNEW 603 00:37:26,477 --> 00:37:28,512 AND BROUGHT ME TO A WHOLE DIFFERENT PLACE. 604 00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:32,817 >> Stephen: ONE THING THAT'S COMMON ACROSS A LOT OF CULTURES 605 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:35,720 IS IMMIGRANT PARENTS PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEIR CHILDREN TO 606 00:37:35,786 --> 00:37:39,490 LIVE A STEADY LIFESTYLE. WERE THEY HAPPY ABOUT THE 607 00:37:39,557 --> 00:37:40,925 ACCOUNTING CAREER? >> THEY WERE ECSTATIC. 608 00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:46,564 I WORKED WITH A COMPANY CALLED DELOITTE, WHICH IF YOU'RE 609 00:37:46,631 --> 00:37:50,134 FAMILIAR, IS A MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATION, KIND OF A BRAND 610 00:37:50,201 --> 00:37:54,005 NAME POWER. AND MY PARENTS ARE, LIKE, GREAT, 611 00:37:54,071 --> 00:37:58,009 OUR JOB IS DONE, ALL THE MONEY AND TIME WE SPENT ON THIS KID IS 612 00:37:58,075 --> 00:37:59,510 FINALLY WORTH IT. >> Stephen: AND HOW DID YOU 613 00:37:59,577 --> 00:38:02,179 TELL THEM THAT YOU GOT FIRED? >> I DIDN'T. 614 00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:09,820 ( LAUGHTER ) AT LEAST NOT RIGHT AWAY. 615 00:38:09,887 --> 00:38:14,358 I DEFINITELY TOOK THE REQUISITE AMOUNT OF TIME TO BE, LIKE, I 616 00:38:14,425 --> 00:38:19,230 THINK I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING I ACTUALLY LIKE TO DO NOW, AND I 617 00:38:19,296 --> 00:38:22,900 SOMEHOW FIND MY WAY ON TO CRAIGSLIST AND A MOVIE SET 618 00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:26,570 BECAUSE I LOVED IT SO MUCH THE FIRST TIME, AND I KIND OF CAUGHT 619 00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:28,005 THE BUG. >> Stephen: DID THEY ACCEPT 620 00:38:28,072 --> 00:38:29,874 THE ACTING THING? HOW DID THEY FEEL ABOUT THE 621 00:38:29,940 --> 00:38:31,842 ACTING THING? >> YEAH, I TOOK THAT ONE. 622 00:38:31,909 --> 00:38:35,246 THAT WAS A TOUGH CONVERSATION. AND I REALLY WAS GOING TO KEEP 623 00:38:35,312 --> 00:38:38,416 IT FROM THEM FOR AS LONG AS I COULD, BUT I BOOKED THIS 624 00:38:38,482 --> 00:38:41,285 NATIONAL COMMERCIAL THAT WAS ON THE VERGE OF AIRING ACROSS 625 00:38:41,352 --> 00:38:44,555 CANADA, AND, SO, ON THE EVE OF IT, I, LIKE, KNEW THAT THEY WERE 626 00:38:44,622 --> 00:38:47,024 GOING TO SEE ME ON TV THE NEXT DAY. 627 00:38:47,091 --> 00:38:49,994 I KIND OF SAT THEM DOWN AND I SAID, THIS IS MY LIFE. 628 00:38:50,061 --> 00:38:52,430 AND, NO, IT TID NOT GO OVER WELL. 629 00:38:52,496 --> 00:38:58,335 NO, NO, NO. >> Stephen: NOW, COME ON, 630 00:38:58,402 --> 00:39:02,506 "TIME" 100, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER. 631 00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:06,177 YOU'RE ANOTHER KEN IN THE BARBIE MOVIE. 632 00:39:06,243 --> 00:39:08,379 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: IT'S VERY VAGUE 633 00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:12,116 WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE BUT YOU DID HAVE TO WAX YOUR LEGS. 634 00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:16,187 >> MM-HMM. >> Stephen: AND WHAT ELSE? 635 00:39:16,253 --> 00:39:20,357 ( CHEERING ) >> LIKE A DOLPHIN, BABY! 636 00:39:20,424 --> 00:39:22,426 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I KNOW 637 00:39:22,493 --> 00:39:26,697 WHAT THOSE DOLLS LOOK LIKE. WAS IT JUST THE LEGS? 638 00:39:26,764 --> 00:39:30,901 ( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF A 639 00:39:30,968 --> 00:39:33,137 MOVIE, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: I'M JUST TRYING TO 640 00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:36,040 SELL TICKETS. >> FAIR ENOUGH, FAIR ENOUGH. 641 00:39:36,107 --> 00:39:38,242 THEY GAVE ME THE CHOICE VERY EARLY ON. 642 00:39:38,309 --> 00:39:43,547 THEY WERE, LIKE, FIRST OF ALL, DOGS DON'T HAVE LEG HAIR, YOU'RE 643 00:39:43,614 --> 00:39:48,052 GOING TO HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS. 644 00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:51,088 AND I GOT IT WAXED OFF BECAUSE I WANT TO BE AN ALLY. 645 00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:54,291 I WANT TO BE AN ALLY TO EVERYBODY OUT THERE WHO HAS 646 00:39:54,358 --> 00:39:57,862 WAXED THEIR LEGS ON THE REGULAR. I WANT TO KNOW AND I WANT YOU TO 647 00:39:57,928 --> 00:40:01,465 KNOW THAT I FEEL YOUR PAIN NOW. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 648 00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:03,000 I GET IT. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH 649 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:07,938 FOR BEING HERE! "WE WERE DREAMERS: AN IMMIGRANT 650 00:40:08,005 --> 00:40:09,673 SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY" IS AVAILABLE NOW! 651 00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:10,975 SIMU LIU, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 652 00:40:23,921 --> 00:40:24,822 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE 653 00:40:24,889 --> 00:40:27,691 LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY! JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT! 654 00:40:27,758 --> 00:40:28,626 GOOD NIGHT, Y'ALL!