1 00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:03,503 THE COMITTEE ALSO UNVAILED NEW INFORMATION ABOUT PREVIOUSLY 2 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:07,173 UNKNOWN ACTIVITY INVOLVING WISCONSIN'S REPUBLICAN SENATOR 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,577 RON JOHNSON. HIS AIDE OFFERED TO HAND DELIVER 4 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,880 FAKE ELECTORS TO VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE ON JANUARY 6. 5 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:17,951 >> SENATOR RON JOHNSON MADE VERY CLEAR TO REPORTERS THAT HE DOES 6 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:21,488 NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TO THE POINT WHERE HE WILL FAKE BEING 7 00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:25,925 ON THE PHONE TO AVOID ANSWERING THEIR QUESTIONS ABOUT IT. 8 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:20,847 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 9 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:25,852 TONIGHT: WHAT'S UP, DOC? 10 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:30,290 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: TAIKA WAITITI 11 00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:32,258 AND DAVID SEDARIS 12 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:38,331 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 13 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:44,771 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 14 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:52,011 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ♪ ♪ ♪ 15 00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,813 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 16 00:01:53,880 --> 00:02:08,761 IT. >> Stephen: WHOT YOU GONNA 17 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:18,104 IT. >> Stephen: WHOT YOU GONNA 18 00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:18,938 CALL? PLEASE, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU 19 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:19,873 VERY MUCH. VERY KIND. 20 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:20,707 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 21 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:23,576 THE. I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 22 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,777 IT IS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:28,314 IT'S BEEN THIS WAY ALL DAY. IT'S A CLOUDY DAY IN NEW YORK 24 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:32,118 CITY, BUT IN D.C., THE JANUARY 6th COMMITTEE IS SHEDDING LIGHT 25 00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,286 ON THE ELECTION SCHEMES THE FORMER PRESIDENT YANKED FROM 26 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,021 WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE. THE ELECTORAL CONSPIRACY THEY 27 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,623 FOCUSED ON YESTERDAY WAS THE BRAINCHILD OF DISGRACED LAWYER 28 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,958 JOHN EASTMAN, SEEN HERE ORCHESTRATING A FAILED COVER-UP 29 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:43,897 OF HIS SCALP. ( LAUGHTER ) 30 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:57,477 WITH THE PLAN TO SEND ALTERNATE SLATES OF FAKE ELECTORS TO 31 00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:00,146 WASHINGTON FROM BATTLEGROUND STATES THAT BIDEN HAD WON. 32 00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:03,516 AND ONE OF THOSE STATES WAS WISCONSIN, AND THE COMMITTEE 33 00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:04,784 REVEALED A DAMNING MEMO PUSHING FOR ALTERNATE ELECTORS FROM THE 34 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:11,858 FORMER PRESIDENT'S WISCONSIN LAWYER, KENNETH CHESEBRO. 35 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:22,702 ( LAUGHTER ) A LAWYER FROM WISCONSIN NAME 36 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:32,145 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NAMED CHEESE-BRO? 37 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:36,149 YOU MUST "BRIE" JOKING. ( LAUGHTER ) 38 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:46,025 WHAT'S NEXT, AN ATTEMPT TO FLIP ARIZONA BY PHILIP 39 00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:48,461 TURQUOISE-BOLO-TIE- IN-THE-SHAPE-OF-A-CACTUS-DUDE"? 40 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,898 THESE FRAUDULENT WISCONSIN ELECTORS ARE PROVING TO BE AN 41 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,200 EMBARRASSMENT FOR WISCONSIN SENATOR AND WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE 42 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:58,605 WHEN A GHOST DIES, RON JOHNSON. YESTERDAY, THE COMMITTEE 43 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:00,139 EXPLAINED RON JOHNSON'S ROLE IN THE SCHEME. 44 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:03,242 >> A STAFFER FOR WISCONSIN SENATOR RON JOHNSON TEXTED A 45 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:06,212 STAFFER FOR VICE PRESIDENT PENCE JUST MINUTES BEFORE THE 46 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:10,350 BEGINNING OF THE JOINT SESSION. THIS STAFFER STATED THAT SENATOR 47 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,951 JOHNSON WISHED TO HAND DELIVER TO THE VICE PRESIDENT THE FAKE 48 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:16,155 ELECTORS' VOTES FROM MICHIGAN AND WISCONSIN. 49 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:17,790 THE VICE PRESIDENT'S AIDE UNAMBIGUOUSLY INSTRUCTED THEM 50 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:20,159 NOT TO DELIVER THE FAKE VOTES TO THE VICE PRESIDENT. 51 00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:24,163 >> Stephen: OKAY, I'D SAY THAT'S A SMOKING GUN, BUT REPUBLICANS 52 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,967 CONSIDER THAT A COMPLIMENT. ( LAUGHTER ) 53 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:33,940 QUICKLY TRIED TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM THE ENVELOPE 54 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:37,543 OF FAKE ELECTORS, CLAIMING, HE WAS AWARE THAT HIS OFFICE HAD 55 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:45,318 RECEIVED A PACKAGE BUT HAD NO IDEA WHO DELIVERED IT. 56 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,120 NEVERTHELESS, SAID HIS OFFICE ATTEMPTED TO FACILITATE THE 57 00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:52,592 DELIVERY OF THE PACKAGE. SO, HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME 58 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:58,531 FROM, NO IDEA WHO GAVE IT TO HIM, NO IDEA WHAT IT IS, 59 00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,233 BUT HE CAN'T WAIT TO HAND DELIVER IT TO THE 60 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:02,001 SECOND-IN-COMMAND. COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING IN THAT 61 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:05,171 ENVELOPE: FAKE ELECTORS, BEES, NAKED PICTURES OF MARY TODD 62 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,507 LINCOLN. IT DON'T NEAR THE RON. 63 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:13,413 HE'S JUST A DELIVERY BOY. NOW, MOST HISTORIANS AGREE, RON 64 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,516 JOHNSON IS THE DUMBEST PERSON EVER TO SIT IN THE UNITED STATES 65 00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:19,485 SENATE. BUT STILL, STILL-- 66 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:29,095 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STILL SHOCKING. 67 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,497 YOU KNOW THOSE ANNOUNCEMENTS IN THE AIRPORT WHEN THEY SAY, 68 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,433 "DON'T CARRY ONTO THE FLIGHT A PACKAGE FOR SOMEONE YOU DON'T 69 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:41,407 KNOW"? I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHO THOSE 70 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:45,411 ANNOUNCEMENTS ARE FOR. TURNS OUT, IT'S RON JOHNSON. 71 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:49,916 ( AS JOHNSON ) WHAT? 72 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,218 HUH? WHAT'S THAT? 73 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,053 WHAT'S THAT, STRANGER? SURE I'LL TAKE YOUR BAG ON THE 74 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,988 AIRPLANE? OH, AND YOU HAVE SOME BALLOONS 75 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,857 FILLED WITH WHITE POWDER? AND YOU WANT ME TO PUT THEM 76 00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,560 WHERE? OKEY-DOKE." 77 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:04,130 ( LAUGHTER ) TRIED TO AVOID TALKING TO 78 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:10,303 REPORTERS, BUT LIKE MOST THINGS, HE'S NOT VERY GOOD AT THAT. 79 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,505 >> HOW MUCH DID YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT YOUR CHIEF OF STAFF WAS 80 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,040 DOING WITH THE ALTERNATE SLATES OF THE ELECTORS? 81 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:17,076 >> I'M ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW. >> NO, YOU'RE NOT. 82 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:22,048 I CAN SEE YOUR PHONE. I CAN SEE YOUR SCREEN. 83 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:27,320 ( AS JOHNSON, MIMING PHONE ) THROUGH A TUNNEL! 84 00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:31,057 CAN'T TALK. I'M IN THE SHOWER! 85 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:34,927 WAIT, I'M TRAPPED IN A BOX. OH, IT'S RAINING, BETTER PUT UP 86 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:38,931 THIS UMBRELLA. OH, IT'S SO WINDY. 87 00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:42,902 IT'S SO WINDY. HELP ME, MARY POPPIN'S, HELP 88 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:48,841 ME!" ( APPLAUSE ) 89 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:58,918 ARE MAKING THE COMMITTEE'S CASE POWERFULLY. 90 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,421 AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING, AND ONE OF THOSE 91 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:04,290 PEOPLE IS FORMER PRESIDENT P.P. BARNUM. 92 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,925 I'M SURE HE DOESN'T WANT TO WATCH, BUT THEY'VE TRAPPED HIM 93 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:09,529 WITH HIS BIGGEST WEAKNESS: MENTIONING HIS NAME. 94 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:10,930 REPORTEDLY, HE'S TUCKED AWAY AT HIS BEDMINSTER GOLF CLUB, 95 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,365 VENTING HIS FRUSTRATIONS TO NEARLY ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. 96 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:16,202 THAT'S GOTTA BE TOUGH ON THE STAFF: 97 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,771 "YES, SIR. IT DOES SOUND LIKE A ONE-SIDED 98 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,640 WITCH HUNT. NOW, DO YOU WANT YOUR USUAL 99 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,943 OMELETTE, HAM AND CHOCOLATE CHIPS?" 100 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,947 ( LAUGHTER ) HEARINGS ARE DIGNIFIED, CLEAR, 101 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:34,687 AND DAMNING. AND HE PUTS THE BLAME FOR ALL 102 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,623 THAT ON HOUSE MINORITY LEADER AND SCHOOL HAMSTER WHO'S HAD 103 00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:40,059 ENOUGH... ( LAUGHTER ) 104 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:54,040 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CHANCE TO APPOINT MEMBERS TO THE 105 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,476 PANEL, BUT INSTEAD CHOSE TO BOYCOTT IT. 106 00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,312 NOW THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAYS, "I THINK, IN RETROSPECT, 107 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:01,514 McCARTHY SHOULD'VE PUT REPUBLICANS ON, TO JUST HAVE A 108 00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,516 VOICE. THE REPUBLICANS DON'T HAVE A 109 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,084 VOICE. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING 110 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:09,488 TO SAY." >> Stephen: WELL, I'M GONNA FACT 111 00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,525 CHECK YOU THERE. EIGHT OF THE 12 LIVE WITNESSES 112 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,626 HAVE BEEN REPUBLICANS. REPUBLICANS HAVE SOMETHING TO 113 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:21,000 SAY EVERY DAY. USUALLY IT'S, "RUDY GIULIANI 114 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,235 LEFT ME 200 DRUNK VOICEMAILS TELLING ME IF I DON'T FLIP 115 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:25,104 ARIZONA, HE'S GONNA HOLD ME DOWN AND DRIP HEAD JUICE INTO MY 116 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,539 MOUTH." ( LAUGHTER ) 117 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:35,114 THE REASON... THE REASON... ♪ WHO YOU GONNA CALL ♪ 118 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,083 THE REASON THE EX-PREZ WANTS HIS PEOPLE ON THERE IS THAT THEY 119 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:41,087 WOULD'VE GIVEN HIM ADVANCE KNOWLEDGE OF THE SUBPOENAS, 120 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:44,557 TAPED DEPOSITIONS, AND OTHER EVIDENCE COLLECTED BY THE PANEL, 121 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:45,658 AND MADE PROCEDURAL MOTIONS TO DISRUPT THE FLOW OF THE 122 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:53,099 HEARINGS. AND ANYONE WHO HAS WATCHED THE 123 00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:58,237 FORMER PRESIDENT DANCE KNOWS HOW HIS MOTION DISRUPTS FLOW. 124 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:05,077 LAUGH NOW, THERE'S NO-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 125 00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:11,751 OUT EVERY DAY FROM THE PANEL. YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED THAT THE 126 00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,319 SELECT COMMITTEE HAS SUBPOENAED DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKER ALEX 127 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:17,423 HOLDER, WHO STARTED FILMING THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN 128 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:21,093 SEPTEMBER OF 2020 FOR A PROJECT ON HIS REELECTION CAMPAIGN, AND 129 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,097 FILMED UP TO AND INCLUDING JANUARY 6th. 130 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:31,170 AND HE JUST TURNED OVER RAW FOOTAGE PERTAINING TO 131 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,272 DISCUSSIONS OF ELECTION FRAUD IN THE 2020 ELECTION, AS WELL 132 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,242 AS INTERVIEWS WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT, MIKE PENCE, DON JR., 133 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:41,080 IVANKA, ERIC, AND JARED KUSHNER. SO THE JANUARY 6th COMMITTEE 134 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,582 COULD PLAY ACTUAL DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE OF THESE DINGUSES IN 135 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,285 THEIR TELEVISED HEARINGS. IN OTHER WORDS, THE FORMER 136 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,488 PRESIDENT MIGHT FINALLY BE BROUGHT DOWN BY HIS CLOSEST 137 00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:53,492 ALLIES: >> PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, 138 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:59,532 CAMERA, TV. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 139 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:09,508 STILL GOT IT. HOLDER WILL BE DEPOSED BY THE 140 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,479 COMMITTEE TOMORROW, BUT RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WHEN WE 141 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:21,487 BEGAN THIS PROJECT IN SEPTEMBER OF 2020, WE COULD HAVE NEVER 142 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:25,191 PREDICTED THAT OUR WORK WOULD ONE DAY BE SUBPOENAED BY 143 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:26,826 CONGRESS." HOW WERE YOU SO SURPRISED? 144 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:30,229 EVERYONE THE FORMER PRESIDENT KNOWS GETS SUBPOENAED. 145 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,331 WE'RE ONE WEEK AWAY FROM LIZ CHENEY SWEARING IN GRIMACE. 146 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:35,901 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IT IS POSSIBLE THAT NOT 147 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:41,974 EVERYONE IN THE WHITE HOUSE KNEW THIS DOCUMENTARY WAS BEING SHOT. 148 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,642 IT'S SUBTLE, BUT SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT. 149 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:47,146 A "ROLLING STONE" REPORTER ASKED ONE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 150 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,714 CAMPAIGN STAFF FOR A COMMENT ABOUT THE REVELATION ABOUT THE 151 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:55,888 FOOTAGE AND THAT PERSON REPLIED, "WHAT THE ( BLEEP ) IS THIS?" 152 00:10:55,955 --> 00:11:10,836 ( APPLAUSE ) 2016, WHEN HE WON. 153 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:11,871 ( APPLAUSE ) 2016, WHEN HE WON. 154 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:19,879 ( LAUGHTER ) NOTICE THE FILM CREW HANGING 155 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:23,816 AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE? THAT SEEMS WEIRD. 156 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:27,887 BUT TO BE FAIR, THERE WAS A LOT OF DISTRACTIONS: 157 00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:29,722 PILLOWS BEING HAWKED BY MIKE LINDELL, SPEECHES BEING GIVEN BY 158 00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:34,493 KID ROCK, THE EASTER EGG ROLL HOSTED BY VECNA. 159 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:45,204 ( LAUGHTER ) CAMPAIGN TRAIL ON TV MEDICAL 160 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,873 SCAMMER AND CRUISE SHIP MAGICIAN WHO'D LIKE TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND 161 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:53,946 DISAPPEAR, DR. OZ. DURING HIS REPUBLICAN PRIMARY, 162 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,015 OZ'S WHOLE CAMPAIGN PLATFORM WAS "HEY, I'M FRIENDS WITH THE 163 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,885 FORMER PRESIDENT." BUT NOW THAT OZ SQUEAKED THROUGH 164 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:04,056 TO THE GENERAL ELECTION AND HAS TO GET VOTES OUTSIDE OF THE 165 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:05,925 REPUBLICAN BASE, HE'S QUIETLY SHIFTING HIS CAMPAIGN MESSAGING 166 00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:12,465 AWAY FROM THE EX-PRESIDENT. SO, BASICALLY, OZ IS SAYING, 167 00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:15,868 "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!" 168 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:23,476 BUT, THE FACT IS, HE'S LYING, HE'S COWARDLY. 169 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:24,477 HE'S A COWARDLY LION. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 170 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:29,014 HE IS A COWARDLY LION. HE IS. 171 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,884 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HOW QUIETLY HE'S SHIFTING HIS MESSAGE. 172 00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:35,921 HERE'S HIS TWITTER BANNER FROM BACK IN THE PRIMARY. 173 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,857 IT'S RED, HE'S GOT HIS BEST BUD THERE, THE ENDORSEMENT IS 174 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:41,961 EMBLAZONED ACROSS THE MIDDLE-- CLEARLY, A MAGA REPUBLICAN. 175 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:47,900 AND NOW, OOPS-A-CADABRA! ALL BLUE, NO EX-PREZ. 176 00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,668 THAT'S A PRETTY EXTREME MAKEOVER. 177 00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,505 THAT'S LIKE IF ARBY'S WENT FROM "WE HAVE THE MEATS" TO "I'VE 178 00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:56,142 NEVER SEEN THOSE MEATS BEFORE IN MY LIFE." 179 00:12:56,208 --> 00:13:00,079 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 180 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:04,216 MY GUESTS ARE TAIKA WAITITI AND AUTHOR DAVID SEDARIS. 181 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,951 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, THE C.D.C. TEACHES YOU HOW TO GO 182 00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:10,156 FROM SICK TO SEXY, MONKEY-STYLE! STICK AROUND 183 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,093 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 184 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,031 WELCOME BACK! GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND 185 00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:57,436 EVERYBODY IN STAY HUMAN. THERE YOU GO. 186 00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:07,046 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY WEDNESDAY, Y'ALL. 187 00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:12,117 HOPE YOU B GUYS ARE DOING WELL. TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- 188 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,287 AND I INCLUDE EVERYBODY IN THE BAND AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 189 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,190 YOU'RE ALL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OVER THERE, PROUD TO SHARE THE 190 00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:22,294 STAGE WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT. WE HAVE WONDERFUL GUESTS. 191 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:29,435 A LITERARY TREASURE FOR AMERICA, MR. DAVI SEDARIS, AUTHOR... 192 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:37,810 >> Louis: YES, YES. >> Stephen: PILANTHROPIST. 193 00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:41,447 AND TAIKA WAITITI WILL BE OUT HERE IN A WHILE. 194 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:54,927 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). FOLKS, THESE DAYS, THE NEWS IS 195 00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,362 SO FULL OF TOUGH SUBJECTS THAT ARE HARD TO DISCUSS. 196 00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,663 AND WHAT THAT MEANS ON A PRACTICAL LEVEL IS THAT THE 197 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,531 FEEL-GOOD STORY IS... MONKEYPOX! 198 00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:04,970 I'LL CATCH YOU UP IN THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF MY SEGMENT: 199 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:09,708 >> WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE MONKEYPOX. 200 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,510 # >> LET MY PEOPLE GO... 201 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:19,518 GET MONKEY POX. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 202 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:25,658 NOW, WHEN THIS OUTBREAK FIRST OUT-BROKE, WE WERE ALL ASSURED, 203 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:26,759 "DON'T WORRY. NOBODY'S GOING TO GET 204 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,395 MONKEYPOX." SINCE THEN, THE MESSAGE HAS 205 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:33,799 CHANGED, TO "I MEAN, SOME OF YOU ARE GONNA GET MONKEYPOX." 206 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,601 WHICH IS WHY LAST WEEK, THE C.D.C. ISSUED GUIDANCE FOR 207 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:40,673 HAVING SEX WITH MONKEYPOX. ADMIRABLY CAUTIOUS, C.D.C. 208 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,008 COSMO, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. WHERE'S YOUR COVER ARTICLE: 209 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:45,577 "115 CRAZY WAYS TO PEEL HIS BANANA." 210 00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:56,689 ( LAUGHTER ) HOT CHIMP SUMMER! 211 00:15:56,755 --> 00:16:02,995 ( LAUGHTER ) OF SAFE ACTIVITIES FOR SEXUALLY 212 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:17,943 ACTIVE PATIENTS. OH, THE C.D.C. IS FINALLY GIVING 213 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:18,911 ACTIVE PATIENTS. OH, THE C.D.C. IS FINALLY GIVING 214 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:22,481 US THE TALK. "HEY, CHAMP, JUST WANT TO TALK 215 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,116 TO YOU ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES AND THE MONKEYS. 216 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,018 WHEN TWO PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND ONE OF THEM HAS 217 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,319 LESIONS, THEY EXCHANGE A VERY SPECIAL HANDSHAKE, AND NOT MUCH 218 00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,454 ELSE, BECAUSE OF THE LESIONS. ANYWAY, SEX IS A BEAUTIFUL 219 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,990 THING. DON'T DO IT." 220 00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,192 SO HOW CAN YOU KEEP YOUR MONKEY-BUSINESS SAFE? 221 00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:36,362 WELL, IF EITHER PARTNER HAS THE POX, THE C.D.C. RECOMMENDS 222 00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:43,869 AVOIDING KISSING. SO, "PRETTY WOMAN" RULES. 223 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:51,543 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BANANA ON THE DRESSER. 224 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,881 THE C.D.C. ALSO RECOMMENDS HAVING SEX WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON. 225 00:16:55,948 --> 00:17:00,185 HEY, I'M 58. I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU. 226 00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:12,231 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T... 227 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:17,936 I DON'T TAKE MY SHIRT OFF IN THE SHOWER. 228 00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,505 NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KEEP YOUR PANTS ON, THE C.D.C. SAYS 229 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:20,773 YOU SHOULD COVER AREAS WHERE RASH OR SORES ARE PRESENT. 230 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:28,614 AND THAT, EVIDENTLY, IS ENOUGH. "HEY, BABE, YEAH, I GOT A FEW 231 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,215 LESIONS. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 232 00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,151 JUST THROW A COUPLE COASTERS DOWN AND GO TO IT. 233 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,552 IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, I ALSO STOLE THIS CROCHETED LACE COZY 234 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,486 THAT WENT OVER MY GRANDMA'S KLEENEX BOX. 235 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:39,591 SAY HELLO TO THE GLORY DOILY." ( LAUGHTER ) 236 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:46,432 ( APPLAUSE ) LOOK IT UP. 237 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:53,472 NOW, POST-MONKEYPOX SEX, THE C.D.C. SAYS FOLKS SHOULD WASH 238 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:56,341 THEIR HANDS, FETISH GEAR, SEX TOYS, AND ANY FABRICS. 239 00:17:56,408 --> 00:18:00,345 GOOD ADVICE. ALSO, PLEASE, ALWAYS DO THAT! 240 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:03,649 OKAY? IT'S-- IT'S GOOD ADVICE-- 241 00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:08,353 ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S A DILDO, NOT A CAST IRON 242 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,356 SKILLET! ( LAUGHTER ) 243 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:18,030 SEASONING ON THERE SO THE EGG SLIPS RIGHT OFF. 244 00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,932 ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW! 245 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,701 I KNOW! WE WENT BACK AND FORTH ABOUT 246 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:26,605 THAT JOKE. AND THEN WE WENT ( BLEEP ) IT. 247 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:30,309 ( LAUGHTER ) WE LAUGHED. 248 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,413 WE LAUGHED. WHY CAN'T YOU LAUGH? 249 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:40,352 BUT FOR THE SAFEST WAY TO BE KNOCKIN' SOCKS WITH THE 250 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:46,425 MONKEYPOX, THE C.D.C. ENCOURAGES YOU TO MASTURBATE TOGETHER AT A 251 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:51,196 DISTANCE OF AT LEAST SIX FEET-- TO WHICH THE CREEP ON THE SUBWAY 252 00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:55,067 SAID, "COULD I BORROW YOUR MEASURING TAPE?" 253 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:58,070 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TAIKA WAITITI. 254 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:18,357 ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 255 00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:22,895 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY AWARD- WINNING 256 00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:26,431 WRITER, ACTOR, AND DIRECTOR YOU KNOW FROM "WHAT WE DO IN THE 257 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,134 SHADOWS," "THOR: RAGNAROK," AND "JOJO RABBIT." 258 00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:33,138 PLEASE WELCOME, TAIKA WAITITI! ♪ ♪ ♪ 259 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:48,086 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 260 00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:51,023 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 261 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:55,260 DELIGHTFUL? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 262 00:19:55,327 --> 00:20:00,999 GETS A STANDING "O," BABY. >> LOOK AT THAT! 263 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,769 LOOK AT THAT! >> Stephen: NOW, FANS OUT 264 00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:11,009 THERE ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THE FORTHCOMING THOR: LOVE AND 265 00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:13,412 THUNDER. YOU WROTE, DIRECTED, AND ARE IN. 266 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:19,117 IN THE TRAILER, IN THE TRAILER OUT THERE, YOU HAVE GIVEN US A 267 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,954 LITTLE TASTE OF THE FULL THOR. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T 268 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:28,026 SEEN IT, THOR IS BUCK NAKED. ( APPLAUSE ) 269 00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:31,463 WAS THIS-- THIS WAS YOUR IDEA, I ASSUME, BEING THE WRITER AND THE 270 00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:35,901 DIRECTOR. >> IN THE MOVIE, IT'S NOT 271 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:45,110 56ALATED. YOU GET THE FILL HEMSWORTH. 272 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:45,811 THE FULLWORTHINESS. >> Stephen: THERE'S A PATTERN 273 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:46,578 THERE. >> THERE'S A PATTERN. 274 00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:47,613 >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THE FRONT? 275 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:50,816 IS THERE A FRONT SHOT? >> UH... 276 00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:56,555 >> Stephen: DO WE SEE MJOLNIR. >> MAYBE IN IMAX. 277 00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:58,323 NO, BUT THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. >> Stephen: THERE'S A 278 00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,591 PATTERN-- >> THERE'S A PATTERN. 279 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:02,828 >> Stephen: THIS IS FROM RAGNAROK. 280 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:08,734 YOU SHOWED US HULK BUTT IN THAT. >> SOME WILL SAY IT'S AN 281 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,869 OBSESSION. I WILL SAY IT'S ART. 282 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,404 >> Stephen: THE DAVID HAS A BARE BUTT. 283 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:15,540 >> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH, WITH CHRIS, I MEAN, HE'S WORKED 284 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,609 SO HARD ON THAT. YOU KNOW, IT'S -- 285 00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:22,948 >> Stephen: SO MANY SQUATS. >> IT'S SO MANY SQUATS. 286 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:26,618 IT WOULD BE DEPRIVING HUMANITY IF I DIDN'T SHOW THAT. 287 00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:30,656 >> Stephen: NOW, WHEN YOU'RE WRITING THIS, YOU WROTE THIS 288 00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:33,692 SCRIPT, DO YOU EVER INDULGE NLIKE, FAN THEORIES? 289 00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,695 LIKE, DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT THE FAN THEORIES ARE ABOUT THE 290 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,397 SCRIPT? DO YOU GO TO THE INTERNET AND 291 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:41,500 SAY, "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA." >> I LIKE TO LISTEN TO THE FANS 292 00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:45,437 AND THEN TROLL THE FANS BACK A BIT, BECAUSE IT BRINGS ME SOME 293 00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:48,874 BIT OF OF JOY. I DON'T HAVE MANY JOYS IN MY 294 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:50,776 LIFE. I HAVE MY KIDS AND TROLLING 295 00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:53,211 FANS. BUT I LIKE WHERE, YOU KNOW, THEY 296 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:56,181 SAY-- WHEN I DID RAGNAROK, THERE WERE A FEW PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T 297 00:21:56,248 --> 00:22:00,118 KNOW WHAT I DID, WHAT I HAD DONE BEFORE. 298 00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:03,021 AND THEY SAID, "HE'S GOING TO RUIN THOR." 299 00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:05,390 AND I WOULD WRITE BACK, "OH, I'M GOING TO RUIN IT ALL RIGHT. 300 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,360 100%. I'M GOING TO RUIN IT FOR YOU." 301 00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,462 AND I WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANTED 302 00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:13,965 UNTIL I GIVE IT TO YOU." I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S RUDE, IT'S 303 00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:15,067 RUDE. BUT IT'S TRUE. 304 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:18,470 >> Stephen: WOW. >> BUT, YOU KNOW, THE FANS ARE, 305 00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:20,439 AGAIN, THEY CAME AROUND ON RAGNAROK. 306 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,973 THEY LOVED THAT. THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS. 307 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,742 YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS FILM. 308 00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:28,914 >> Stephen: DID YOU DRAW ON ANY ACTUAL NORSE MYTHOLOGY? 309 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:30,782 THERE REALLY IS. >> WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS FILM, 310 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:34,886 IT'S LIKE WE ASKED A BUNCH OF SIX-YEAR-OLDS WHAT THEY WANTED 311 00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:37,589 IN A MOVIE, AND WE JUST SAID "YES" TO EVERYTHING. 312 00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,025 IT'S LIKE-- IT IS-- ( APPLAUSE ) 313 00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:41,893 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 314 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:47,666 >> A VIKING SHIP BEING TOWED THROUGH SPACE BY TWO GIANT 315 00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:49,167 GOATS. AND THAT'S WHAT THOR RIDES 316 00:22:49,234 --> 00:22:52,070 AROUND ON IN THIS MOVIE. >> Stephen: THAT'S FROM 317 00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:54,606 MYTHOLOGY,s RIGHT? >> THAT'S FROM MYTHOLOGY. 318 00:22:54,673 --> 00:22:56,875 >> Stephen: WOW. >> SOME SAID IT'S TOO MUCH. 319 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,844 BUT, NO, WE TOOK IT FROM MYTHOLOGY. 320 00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:03,448 SO I DON'T EVEN-- YOU GUYS PROBABLY ALL LOVE LOKI. 321 00:23:03,515 --> 00:23:14,392 ( APPLAUSE ) BUT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IN 322 00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:17,362 MYTHOLOGY, LOKI, AT ONE POINT, TURNED HIMSELF INTO A FEMALE 323 00:23:17,429 --> 00:23:21,666 HORSE, HAD SEX WITH, LIKE, A SERPENT, AND THEN GOT PREGNANT. 324 00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:24,970 AND THEN GAVE BIRTH TO AN EIGHT-LEGGED HORSE. 325 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:31,443 >> Stephen: WOW. >> WHY WAS THAT NOT IN AVENGERS? 326 00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:34,679 ( APPLAUSE ). >> WE'RE GOG START A PETITION. 327 00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:43,655 WE NEED TO SEE TOM HIDLESTON PREGNANT WITH A HORSE. 328 00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:46,491 >> Stephen: FEET UP IN THE STIR UPS. 329 00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:51,963 >> AND WE'VE GOT A HOOF. AND WE HAVE ANOTHER HOOF! 330 00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:53,899 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 331 00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:58,170 CAN YOU TELL US THE MOMENT HERE? >> OKAY, I'M SO NERVOUS ABOUT 332 00:23:58,236 --> 00:24:03,108 GIVING ANYTHING AWAY. THIS IS A CLIP, AND IT'S A CROWD 333 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,644 SCENE. IT'S MY CHARACTER, KORG. 334 00:24:05,710 --> 00:24:08,613 I'M NOT JUST A VOICE, GUYS. I'M IN THE SCENES. 335 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,449 I'M ACTING. I'M ACTING MY HEART OUT. 336 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:19,391 ( APPLAUSE ) THEY JUST-- THEY JUST... SO THOR 337 00:24:19,457 --> 00:24:23,061 AND I, IN THIS SCENE, AND IT'S... 338 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:28,967 HE HASN'T SEEN JANE FOSTER, HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND, FOR MANY YEARS. 339 00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:33,071 AND IT'S HIM CHECKING HER OUT. >> Stephen: AND SHE NOW HAS A 340 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,240 DIFFERENT IDENTITY. >> SHE NOW IS HOLDING HIS 341 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:38,977 HAMMER, AND SHE IS THE MIGHTY THOR. 342 00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:46,117 >> Stephen: JIM. >> THAT'S THE EX-GIRLFRIEND, IS 343 00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:48,720 IT? >> THE OLD EX-GIRLFRIEND. 344 00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:50,188 >> JODI FOSTER. >> JANE FOSTER. 345 00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:54,526 >> THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY. >> THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY. 346 00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:57,696 >> THAT MEANS ESCAPED. >> YEAH, YEAH. 347 00:24:57,762 --> 00:25:02,500 >> MUST BE HARD FOR YOU TO SEE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR 348 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:09,608 EXHAMMER HANGING OUT AND GETTING ON SO WELL. 349 00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:20,585 WHAT YOU UP TO? >> COME TO DADDY. 350 00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:22,687 >> THERE YOU ARE! HEY! 351 00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:26,524 I WAS JUST CALLING YOU. ( LAUGHTER ) 352 00:25:26,591 --> 00:25:33,365 >> Stephen: NOW, WE ALL KNOW KORG. 353 00:25:33,431 --> 00:25:36,501 >> THE-- THE MOVIE IS LONGER THAN. 354 00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:39,404 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: A LITTLE BIT. 355 00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:41,406 WE ALL KNOW KORG. WE ALL LOVE KORG. 356 00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:44,276 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: WHY DOES KORG HAVE 357 00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:48,480 A NEW ZEALAND ACCENT? >> BECAUSE I'M SO LAZY AS AN 358 00:25:48,546 --> 00:25:51,049 ACTOR, IT'S THE ONLY ACCENT I WANT TO DO. 359 00:25:51,116 --> 00:25:53,018 ALSO, THE NEW ZEALAND ACCENT IS TOW BEAUTIFUL. 360 00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:55,754 LISTEN TO IT. LISTEN TO THE WAY I'M SPEAKING. 361 00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:58,156 IT'S LIKE HAVING YOUR EARDRUMS MASSAGED TO DEATH. 362 00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:59,858 >> Stephen: I MAY HAVE SAID THIS TO YOU BEFORE BUT I LOVE 363 00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:04,629 HOW YOU ALL PRONOUNCE WHAT WE CALL A SHORT "E." 364 00:26:04,696 --> 00:26:11,503 SAY THE GIRL'S NAME IS B-E-T-H. >> BITH. 365 00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:14,272 >> Stephen: I LOVE IT. >> I HAVE ADJUSTED MY ACCENT IN 366 00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:17,542 AMERICA, BECAUSE THE WAY I NORMALLY SPEAK, YOU GUYS WOULD 367 00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:19,044 NEVER UNDERSTAND A THING I WAS SAYING. 368 00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:22,647 >> Stephen: CAN YOU SLIP INTO UNINTELLIGIBLE KIWI. 369 00:26:22,714 --> 00:26:25,583 >> IF I TALK IN MY NORMAL ACCENT, THIS IS HOW I NORMALLY 370 00:26:25,650 --> 00:26:28,119 TALK WHEN I'M BACK HOME. AND EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME 371 00:26:28,186 --> 00:26:32,724 WHEN I'M BACK HOME. THIS IS THE WAY THAT I SPEAK. 372 00:26:32,791 --> 00:26:35,460 >> Stephen: SO, IT'S JUST MUMBLING. 373 00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:38,196 IT'S JUST MUMBLING. THAT'S NOT AN ACCENT. 374 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,031 I SPENT A LOT OF TIME DOWN THERE. 375 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:42,434 >> OKAY. >> Stephen: I'M OBSESSED WITH 376 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:44,636 YOUR-- >> THE NEW ZEALAND ACCENT IS 377 00:26:44,703 --> 00:26:48,239 JUST MUMBLING, BUT IT'S BEAUTIFUL MUMBLING. 378 00:26:48,306 --> 00:26:49,874 IT'S TURNING MUMBLING INTO AN ART FORM. 379 00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:53,745 >> Stephen: MY HOLLYWOOD CONNECTION DOWN THERE IS PETER 380 00:26:53,812 --> 00:26:56,381 JACKSON, A LOVELY FELLOW, HAS BEEN VERY GENEROUS WITH HIS 381 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,950 TIME. DID YOU TALK TO HIM AT ALL ABOUT 382 00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:01,753 SHOOTING SPECTACULAR MOVIES LIKE THIS, LARGE-SCALE FILMS, OR 383 00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:03,355 ANYTHING? >> YEAH. 384 00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:07,659 I-- I HAD SOME-- I HAD SOME GOOD CHATS ABOUT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO 385 00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:10,695 DO THOR. ALSO, WHEN I DID "WHAT WE DO IN 386 00:27:10,762 --> 00:27:14,132 THE SHADOWS," WHEN JEMAINE AND I WERE SHOOTING THAT, WE DIDN'T 387 00:27:14,199 --> 00:27:19,304 HAVE MUCH MONEY TO DO THAT FILM. AND "THE HOBBIT" HAD JUST 388 00:27:19,371 --> 00:27:21,706 WRAPPED SOAP OUR PRODUCTION DESIGNER-- MAN, I DON'T KNOW IF 389 00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:24,376 I SHOULD TELL THIS-- OKAY, BUT I WILL. 390 00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:30,582 OUR PRODUCTION DESIGNER IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TOOK HIS CREW "THE 391 00:27:30,648 --> 00:27:37,756 HOBBIT" STUDIOS AND STOLE ALL OF THE DISMANTLED, BROKEN-DOWN 392 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:40,191 GREEN SCREENS. AND TOOK ALL OF THE TIMBER, AND 393 00:27:40,258 --> 00:27:45,597 WE BUILT A HOUSE. WE BUILT THE HOUSE, AND "WHAT WE 394 00:27:45,663 --> 00:27:49,968 DO IN THE SHADOWS" IS BUILT OUT OF "THE HOBBIT'S" GREEN SCREEN. 395 00:27:50,035 --> 00:27:52,504 AND I HAD NEVER TALKED TO PETER JACKSON ABOUT THIS. 396 00:27:52,570 --> 00:27:56,207 I DON'T KNOW IF HE KNOWS. I LIKE TELLING AT PARTIES, THAT 397 00:27:56,274 --> 00:28:00,245 STORY. BUT I DON'T KNOW IF HE ACTUALLY 398 00:28:00,311 --> 00:28:02,881 KNOWS. ( LAUGHTER ) 399 00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:07,385 QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE TAIKA WAITITI, 400 00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:08,086 EVERYBODY. 401 00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:20,031 ( APPLAUSE ). TAIKA WAITITI, WRITER, DIRECTOR, 402 00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:25,036 STAR OF "THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER." 403 00:28:25,103 --> 00:28:29,140 IT'S ALSO BEEN ANNOUNCED YOU'RE GOING TO BE DIRECTING ONE OF THE 404 00:28:29,207 --> 00:28:35,046 NEW "STAR WARS" FILMS. AND THIS IS THE SHOCKING THING. 405 00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:38,683 WHAT'S GOT PEOPLE EVEN MORE EXCITED OR CURIOUS IS YOU'RE 406 00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:43,521 GOING TO EXPAND THE UNIVERSE IN THE NEW FILM BEYOND THE 407 00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:44,823 CHARACTERS THAT WE'VE COME TO KNOW. 408 00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:55,066 SO NOT A SKYWALKER SAGA? ( LAUGHTER ) 409 00:28:55,133 --> 00:29:01,840 >> COME ON. >> Stephen: TAIKA, LET ME SAY 410 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:06,344 THIS-- LET ME SAY THIS-- >> THAT'S AS SPECIFIC AS I CAN 411 00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,413 GET. >> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO 412 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,950 RUIN "STAR WARS?" >> YEAH, FOR ALL YOU FANS OUT 413 00:29:12,016 --> 00:29:12,984 THERE. NO, I'M NOT. 414 00:29:13,051 --> 00:29:17,021 NO, I'M NOT. >> Stephen: WE WERE SO CLOSE. 415 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:21,693 >> IMAGINE IF I SAID... >> Stephen: CAN YOU DO THIS? 416 00:29:21,759 --> 00:29:24,195 >> THE FANS-- YOU ASKED AND I DELIVERED. 417 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,998 >> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THIS, THE BAND, THE CANTINA 418 00:29:27,065 --> 00:29:27,999 BAND? >> OH, YES. 419 00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:33,071 > Stephen: THEY ALL HAVE NAMES. 420 00:29:33,138 --> 00:29:42,213 MY PITCH, DOIK NOT STORY. IT'S AS GOOD AS ANY OTHER 421 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:43,348 CHARACTER. TOTALLY UNEXPLORED. 422 00:29:43,414 --> 00:29:46,951 >> BECAUSE HE'S THE ONE WHO PLAYS THE-- THE PICK LOW. 423 00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:48,319 >> Stephen: SORT OF THE CLARINET. 424 00:29:48,386 --> 00:29:52,423 >> OH, THE CLARINET PLAYER! WE ALL LOVED THAT GUY! 425 00:29:52,490 --> 00:29:55,293 WE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HIS STORY WAS. 426 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,129 HOW DID HE END UP IN THE CANTINA? 427 00:29:58,196 --> 00:30:00,064 >> Stephen: HE WAS GOING TO GO TO LAW SCHOOL? 428 00:30:00,131 --> 00:30:03,968 HE WAS JUST PLAYING IN THE CANTINA BAND TO PLAY FOR LAW 429 00:30:04,035 --> 00:30:05,003 SCHOOL. AND STRIPPING AT NIGHT. 430 00:30:05,069 --> 00:30:11,276 ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE IT'S NOT WHERE YOU THINK 431 00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:23,388 IT IS? ( APPLAUSE ) 432 00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:26,724 THUNDER," PREMIERES JULY 8. TAIKA WAITITI, EVERYBODY! 433 00:30:26,791 --> 00:30:30,261 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAVID SEDARIS. 434 00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:47,912 ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK. 435 00:30:47,979 --> 00:30:56,354 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A WRITER WITH 436 00:30:56,421 --> 00:30:59,524 BESTSELLING BOOKS THAT INCLUDE "ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY," 437 00:30:59,591 --> 00:31:02,727 "LET'S EXPLORE DIABETES WITH OWLS," "BARREL FEVER," AND 438 00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:05,964 HIS NEW BOOK IS "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY." 439 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,000 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," DAVID SEDARIS! 440 00:31:09,067 --> 00:31:23,948 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 441 00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:31,656 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 442 00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:33,625 ( APPLAUSE ) CLOWN ON THE COVER OF YOUR BOOK, 443 00:31:33,691 --> 00:31:35,526 YOU CAN DRESS HOWEVER YOU WANT TO. 444 00:31:35,593 --> 00:31:37,295 THAT'S WHAT I FIGURE. >> Stephen: IS THAT A PLAID 445 00:31:37,362 --> 00:31:39,597 SHIRT TIED AROUND YOUR WAIST? >> NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? 446 00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:42,033 IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIED AROUND THE WAIST. 447 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:46,371 IT'S SEWED TO THE JACKET SO IT'S ALMOST KIND OF A BUSTLE. 448 00:31:46,437 --> 00:31:48,172 >> Stephen: OH, WOW, WOW, QUITE LOVELY. 449 00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:50,808 VERY LOVELY. BY THE WAY, THIS IS WHAT YOU 450 00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:52,410 MEANT. THE NAME OF THE BOOK IS 451 00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:55,380 "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY." AND THERE IS THE ENDEARING 452 00:31:55,446 --> 00:32:00,018 PHOTOGRAPH ON THE COVER. NOT CREEPY AT ALL. 453 00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:03,221 >> WHENEVER I SEE A CLOWN, I ALWAYS THINK,s, HE LOOKS 454 00:32:03,288 --> 00:32:04,222 GOOD." ALWAYS. 455 00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:05,723 I'D WEAR THAT. >> Stephen: HE LOOKS HAPPY. 456 00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:08,559 LOOK AT THAT SMILE. YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU 457 00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:12,463 BECAUSE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE A MONTH AGO, AND AT THE 458 00:32:12,530 --> 00:32:15,733 LAST MINUTE, LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE, YOU TESTED POSITIVE FOR 459 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:16,601 COVID. YOU DOING OKAY? 460 00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:19,003 >> YEAH. I WAS SHOCKED. 461 00:32:19,070 --> 00:32:20,605 I MEAN I WAS A LITTLE BIT TIRED, I GUESS. 462 00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:23,741 BUT I HAD JUST FINISHED GOING TO 44 CITIES. 463 00:32:23,808 --> 00:32:25,410 BUT I'M HAPPY TO SAY, I GOT COVID. 464 00:32:25,476 --> 00:32:30,715 I WENT RIGHT HOME, I GAVE IT TO MY BOYFRIEND, HUGH. 465 00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:33,551 DON'T YOU WONDER ABOUT, YOU KNOW, YOU'LL MEET A COUPLE, AND 466 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,987 ONE PERSON WILL GET COVID AND THE OTHER DOESN'T. 467 00:32:36,054 --> 00:32:40,591 AND I THINK, "WHAT KIND OF A COUPLE ARE YOU?" 468 00:32:40,658 --> 00:32:45,630 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: EVIE GOT IT AND 469 00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:49,567 SHE GAVE IT TO ME. >> SEE, THAT'S SWEET. 470 00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:51,903 >> Stephen: SHE TESTED POSITIVE AND I TESTED POSITIVE 471 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:55,540 THREE DAYS LATER. >> THAT TELLS ME YOU'RE A GOOD 472 00:32:55,606 --> 00:32:56,708 COUPLE. >> Stephen: WE KISS EVERY 473 00:32:56,774 --> 00:32:59,377 THREE DAYS, IS WHAT IT MEANS. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SCHEDULE. 474 00:32:59,444 --> 00:33:00,278 >> I WAS TALKING ABOUT IT WITH AMY, AND SHE LAUNCHES INTO 475 00:33:00,345 --> 00:33:02,113 CHARACTER. AND SHE SAID, "MY HUSBAND GOT 476 00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:05,750 IT, AND THE BABY-SITTER, BUT... NO, I NEVER GOT IT." 477 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:12,090 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW. 478 00:33:12,156 --> 00:33:14,125 "GERMAN EXCHANGE STUDENT?" >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO 479 00:33:14,192 --> 00:33:17,695 WITH YOUR DOWN TIME? >> Stephen: DEN TASE YOU CAN'T 480 00:33:17,762 --> 00:33:20,565 DO ANYTHING, RIGHT? >> IT'S PERFECT. 481 00:33:20,631 --> 00:33:24,168 I TOOK THE TEST AT MY PUBLISHER'S OFFICE, AND I WAS 482 00:33:24,235 --> 00:33:28,005 WALKING TO MY PUBLICIST'S DESK, AND I SAW A MOUNTAIN OF MAIL AND 483 00:33:28,072 --> 00:33:30,975 IT SPILLED OFF THE DESK ON TO THE FLOOR AND IT WAS ALL FOR ME. 484 00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:34,579 SO I TOOK IT ALL HOME, AND I ANSWERED 175 LETTERS. 485 00:33:34,645 --> 00:33:35,680 >> Stephen: WOW. >> 486 00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:40,918 ( APPLAUSE ). MUSTUE MUST GET THIS. 487 00:33:40,985 --> 00:33:42,787 >> Stephen: I GET A FEW LETTERS, YEAH. 488 00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:46,791 >> BUT IF SOMEBODY WRITES YOU AND THEY'RE UNHAPPY WITH 489 00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:50,495 SOMETHING, I'M GOING TO ASSUME THEY DIDN'T SAY IRVINGS PUZZLED 490 00:33:50,561 --> 00:33:53,798 BY THAT WORD CHOICE." OR, "I WAS PUZZLED. 491 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:57,802 THAT JOKE MADE ME FEEL ODD AND I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, COULD 492 00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:58,770 YOU EXPLAIN IT. THE. 493 00:33:58,836 --> 00:34:00,405 NOW IT'S LIKE, "YOU DID THAT. YOU SAID THAT. 494 00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:02,407 I'M NEVER GOING TO READ YOUR BOOKS EVER AGAIN. 495 00:34:02,473 --> 00:34:06,377 I'M GOING TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS NEVER--" THERE IS NO POINT IN 496 00:34:06,444 --> 00:34:09,113 WRITING THOSE PEOPLE BACK. BUT MOST PEOPLE WERE JUST SWEET. 497 00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:11,849 YOU KNOW, THERE'S-- I HAVE A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND. 498 00:34:11,916 --> 00:34:13,584 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND? 499 00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:14,786 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU 500 00:34:14,852 --> 00:34:18,956 HAD A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND? >> Stephen: EIGHT YEARS. 501 00:34:19,023 --> 00:34:24,362 I'M SORRY, I-- I DID NOT KNOW. >> IT'S CALLED "MEET DAVID 502 00:34:24,429 --> 00:34:28,065 SEDARIS." SO THEY MISPRONOUNCE MY OWN NAME 503 00:34:28,132 --> 00:34:31,202 ON MY RADIO SHOW. AND I JUST READ OUT LOUD. 504 00:34:31,269 --> 00:34:36,374 SO I DO A SERIES EVERY YEAR, SO IT'S, LIKE, EIGHT SHOWS, EIGHT 505 00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:38,342 HALF-HOUR SHOWS. ANYWAY, SO THIS WOMAN WROTE AND 506 00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:41,412 SAID, "I JUST REALIZED YOUR NAME, BECAUSE IN MY HOUSEHOLD WE 507 00:34:41,479 --> 00:34:45,716 WOULD HEAR YOU ON THE RADIO, BUT WE NEVER-- WE ALWAYS REFERRED TO 508 00:34:45,783 --> 00:34:49,954 YOU AS THAT 'FUNNY OLD JEWISH WOMAN ON THE RADIO'. 509 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:56,360 THE. AND I THOUGHT, OKAY, "OLD." 510 00:34:56,427 --> 00:35:00,064 YOU GOT "OLD" RIGHT, BUT THAT IS THE ONLY THING IN THAT SENTENCE. 511 00:35:00,131 --> 00:35:02,300 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, HALF OF THE YEAR YOU 512 00:35:02,366 --> 00:35:08,306 HAVE BEEN OUT THERE TOURING WITH YOUR BOOK FOR 20 YEARS-- MORE, 513 00:35:08,372 --> 00:35:10,308 SINCE "BARREL FEVER" CAME OUT. COVID COMES AND IT'S TWO YEARS, 514 00:35:10,374 --> 00:35:13,478 AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING. WHAT IS THAT LIKE FOR YOU TO BE, 515 00:35:13,544 --> 00:35:19,951 LIKE, FORCED TO BE AT HOME? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN 516 00:35:20,017 --> 00:35:22,453 WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 32 YEARS. AND WHEN-- 517 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:33,264 ( APPLAUSE ) WELL, I DON'T KNOW, SOMEONE... 518 00:35:33,331 --> 00:35:36,367 STAY TOGETHER. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. 519 00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:40,204 WHEN COVID CAME I CALLED HIS FRIENDS AND SAID, WHAT, IS HE 520 00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,507 LIKE?" I HAVEN'T SPENT-- I MEAN, I'M 521 00:35:42,573 --> 00:35:46,210 GONE HALF THE YEAR. >> Stephen: LIKE, "DOES HE 522 00:35:46,277 --> 00:35:49,480 HAVE ANY FOOD ALLERGIES? WHAT SHOULD I KNOW?" 523 00:35:49,547 --> 00:35:52,984 >> I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE DID WITH HIMSELF ALL DAY. 524 00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:56,621 IT WRKD OUT REALLY WELL. I SAID TO HIM, ONCE THEATERS 525 00:35:56,687 --> 00:35:58,923 REOPEN, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE ME AGAIN." 526 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:02,660 YOU DON'T WANT TO-- YOU DON'T WANT TO-- TO DO TOO MUCH OF 527 00:36:02,727 --> 00:36:04,128 THAT, YOU KNOW, TOO MUCH TOGETHER. 528 00:36:04,195 --> 00:36:05,396 >> Stephen: KEEP IT FRESH. >> YES. 529 00:36:05,463 --> 00:36:07,398 >> Stephen: KEEP IT FRESH. LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE. 530 00:36:07,465 --> 00:36:09,066 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 531 00:36:09,133 --> 00:36:13,671 YOU'VE GONE THROUGH A CHANGE THAT SOME OF THE PEOPLE, BIG 532 00:36:13,738 --> 00:36:15,940 FANS, MIGHT HAVEINOID ALREADY, IN THAT YOU CHANGED YOUR 533 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,476 APPEARANCE IN SOME WAY? WHAT DID YOU DO, DAVID SEDARIS? 534 00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:20,878 >> DURING COVID, IN NEW YORK CITY YOU HAD TO WEAR A MASK ON 535 00:36:20,945 --> 00:36:24,248 THE STREET, AND I HATED IT BECAUSE IT FOGGED UP MY GLASSES. 536 00:36:24,315 --> 00:36:26,918 BUT THEN I THOUGHT, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS THAT I 537 00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:29,387 DON'T MIND. AND I REALIZED IT WAS THE FIRST 538 00:36:29,453 --> 00:36:34,492 TIME IN MY ADULT LIFE THAT I WASN'T JUDGED FOR MY TEETH. 539 00:36:34,559 --> 00:36:38,362 I HAD BRACESSA AS A KID, AND THEN I STOPPED WEARING MY 540 00:36:38,429 --> 00:36:40,298 RETAINER. AND I USED TO JOKE I COULD FLOSS 541 00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:43,701 WITH THE SASH TO MY BATH ROBE. YOU KNOW, LIKE-- IT'S NOT LIKE I 542 00:36:43,768 --> 00:36:47,438 HAD ONE GAP. I HAD MASSIVE GAPS BETWEEN ALL 543 00:36:47,505 --> 00:36:50,508 MY FRONT TEETH, AND THEN THEY STARTED GOING OUTWARD. 544 00:36:50,575 --> 00:36:54,946 MY SAMY, ALWAYS SAID IT LOOKED LIKE I SWALLOWED A BOMB AND TIME 545 00:36:55,012 --> 00:36:57,615 FROZE A NANOSECOND AFTER IT WENT OFF. 546 00:36:57,682 --> 00:37:00,117 THEY'RE JUST ABOUT TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY MOUTH. 547 00:37:00,184 --> 00:37:04,855 ( LAUGHTER ) REOPENED, I WENT AND GOT THOSE 548 00:37:04,922 --> 00:37:06,490 INVISIBLE BRACE S. >> Stephen: SURE. 549 00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:09,994 >> ONLY WORE THEM FOR 14 WEEKS, THAT WAS ALL. 550 00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:12,463 >> Stephen: WOW. >> AND DURING THE TIME THAT MY 551 00:37:12,530 --> 00:37:16,467 TEETH WERE SO AWFUL, I COULDN'T LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR. 552 00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:19,537 I WAS A GENUINE PHOBIA. I COULDN'T DO IT. 553 00:37:19,604 --> 00:37:23,341 BUT THEN SHE SHOWED ME THE BEFORE-AND-AFTER PICTURES,s 554 00:37:23,407 --> 00:37:25,977 AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE BEFORE PICTURES. 555 00:37:26,043 --> 00:37:28,846 IT WAS LIKE A HIPPO. I LOOKED LIKE A HIPPO. 556 00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:32,383 ( LAUGHTER ) HAD TO SMILE, I SMILED LIKE A 557 00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:34,885 CHARLIE BROWN CHARACTER. AND SOY REALIZED I HAD TO LEARN 558 00:37:34,952 --> 00:37:37,688 HOW TO SMILE. AND SO I'M STILL WORKING ON IT. 559 00:37:37,755 --> 00:37:41,192 OKAY, THIS IS MY SMILE. ( LAUGHTER ) 560 00:37:41,258 --> 00:37:44,862 >> Stephen: REALLY NICE. REALLY NICE. 561 00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:48,833 YOU LOOK REALLY FRIENDLY. >> THAT'S THE BEST-- I DON'T 562 00:37:48,899 --> 00:37:52,003 KNOW HOW TO DO IT. LIKE, FOR PHOTOS OR SOMETHING. 563 00:37:52,069 --> 00:37:56,874 I DON'T-- BECAUSE I USED TO-- I WOULD ALWAYS GO LIKE THIS. 564 00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:59,410 SO SELF-CONSCIOUS. >> Stephen: CAN I GIVE YOU 565 00:37:59,477 --> 00:38:00,578 SOME ADVICE? >> SURE. 566 00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:03,914 >> Stephen: I GOT THIS ADVICE FROM NONE OTHER THAN JULIE 567 00:38:03,981 --> 00:38:06,083 ANDREWS. WE WERE TAKING A PHOTO BACK 568 00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:08,386 STAGE. WOULD YOU LIKE THE ADVICE 569 00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:09,453 BLAKE-- HER HUSBAND-- ALWAYS GAVE PEOPLE TO HAVE THE BEST 570 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,923 POSSIBLE SMILE FOR A PHOTOGRAPH. DON'T SAY CHEESE. 571 00:38:12,990 --> 00:38:15,860 SAY MONEY." IT REALLY WORKS. 572 00:38:15,926 --> 00:38:17,762 >> MONEY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 573 00:38:17,828 --> 00:38:19,163 MONEY. >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN ON 574 00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:22,867 TOUR NOW-- AGAIN, YOU'RE ON TOUR WITH THE NEW BOOK, 575 00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:24,001 "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY." YOU-- 576 00:38:24,068 --> 00:38:29,807 >> I BELIEVE THAT LAST WEEK NUMBER ONE ON "THE NEW YORK 577 00:38:29,874 --> 00:38:34,078 TIMES" BESTSELLER LIST. ( APPLAUSE ) 578 00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:38,549 THINK BEFORE THESE NEW TEETH YOU WOULD HAVE BRAGGED LIKE THAT. 579 00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:40,551 >> NO. >> Stephen: I THINK THAT'S A 580 00:38:40,618 --> 00:38:43,254 NEW DAVID. AND I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOUR 581 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,324 FATHER DIED LAST YEAR. I HAD MET YOUR FATHER BEFORE. 582 00:38:47,391 --> 00:38:50,261 I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT HE WAS TO YOU AND TO AMY. 583 00:38:50,327 --> 00:38:54,031 AND HE'S BEEN A BIG PART OF YOUR WRITING. 584 00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:56,367 I READ ABOUT HIM FOR YEARS IN YOUR BOOKS. 585 00:38:56,434 --> 00:39:00,337 AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THE TITLE O THE BOOK HAS TO DO WITH HIM. 586 00:39:00,404 --> 00:39:02,440 WHAT IS THAT? >> OH, THE TITLE STORY IS THE 587 00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:06,944 LAST TIME I SAW MY DAD. HE-- HE WAS 98. 588 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:13,751 AND HE GOT... DEMENTIA. AND HE FORGOT THAT HE WAS I 589 00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:16,921 REALLY DIFFICULT PERSON. ( LAUGHTER ) 590 00:39:16,987 --> 00:39:22,493 TELEVISION AT THE ASSISTED LIVING CENTER WAS REALLY 591 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:23,994 COMPLICATED. SO HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK 592 00:39:24,061 --> 00:39:28,766 THE TV. AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN 593 00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:32,770 YEARS THAT HE HADN'T HAD, LIKE, FOX NEWS ON. 594 00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:36,340 OR HE HADN'T HAD CONSERVATIVE TALK RADIO THAT JUST KEPT HIM AT 595 00:39:36,407 --> 00:39:38,175 A BOILING POINT. SO HE REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT 596 00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:41,579 WAS GOING ON IN THE WORLD. AND IT MADE HIM A BETTER PERSON. 597 00:39:41,645 --> 00:39:46,317 YOU BE, HE WAS JUST... AND HE WAS DELIGHTFUL. 598 00:39:46,383 --> 00:39:48,819 AND, LIKE, AMY AND I WENT TO VISIT HIM. 599 00:39:48,886 --> 00:39:51,522 AND WE SAID "WE BOTH HAD OUR SHOTS." 600 00:39:51,589 --> 00:39:55,226 AND HE SAID, "I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK SINCE I GOT HERE." 601 00:39:55,292 --> 00:39:56,694 >> Stephen: DAVID, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 602 00:39:56,761 --> 00:40:02,399 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU. 603 00:40:02,466 --> 00:40:03,601 HIS BOOK IS "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY." DAVID SEDARIS, EVERYBODY! 604 00:40:03,667 --> 00:40:05,169 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ♪ ♪ ♪ 605 00:40:21,886 --> 00:40:23,020 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 606 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:26,590 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BETO O'ROURKE AND 607 00:40:26,657 --> 00:40:29,026 MATILDA LAWLER. JMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 608 00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:30,127 GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!