>> WELCOME TO "MARTHA STEWART." THEY SAY REVENGE IS A DISH BEST
SERVED COLD. TODAY, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW
TO SEEK VENGEANCE ON A COYOTE. ALL YOU NEED IS COYOTE BAIT, A
LARGE KNIFE, ONE RIPE AVOCADO, AND A HEART FILLED WITH HATE.
LATER, WE'LL MOVE OVER TO MY MURDERING SHACK WHERE I CAN SHOW
YOU SOME TOOLS OF THE TRADE. THIS IS A FANTASTIC GOUGING CLAW
WHICH CAUSES A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH, GIVING THE COYOTE TIME TO
REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT IT DID TO MY PEACOCKS.
I ALWAYS FIND IT HELPFUL TO SEVER THE COYOTE'S HEAD AND JAM
IT ON A DECORATIVE CANDLESTICK AND PLACE IT AMONGST MY
BOUGAINVILLEA IN THE GARDEN. IT REALLY SENDS A MESSAGE.
JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO KILL A RACCOON,
BECAUSE MY GARBAGE CAN IS NOT A GODDAMN HOTEL.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT:
>> CHOCO TUESDAY! PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD AND BRETT GELMAN
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
WITH SPECIAL GUEST ST. VINCENT. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU, JOSEPH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. WELCOME, DOWN HERE, UP THERE,
ALL AROUND THE WORLD, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. FOLKS, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU
STRAIGHT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THINGS ARE LOOKIN' A LITTLE ROUGH RIGHT NOW, THE CLIMATE IS
ON FIRE, DEMOCRACY IS HANGING ON BY A PUBE, AND JUST WHEN WE
THOUGHT WE COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER PUNCH TO THE NATIONAL GUT, WE'VE
LEARNED THAT KLONDIKE'S CHOCO TACO HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED AFTER
ALMOST 40 YEARS. OH, NO!
NOT THE CHOCO TACO! IT WAS THE ONLY DESSERT WITH AS
MUCH REAL BEEF AS TACO BELL! ( LAUGHTER )
AND MAY I POINT OUT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND MAY I POINT OUT, WE LEARNED THIS SHOCKING NEWS ON A TACO
TUESDAY. ( LAUGHTER )
THE WOUND. ACCORDING TO "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE--
THE MAGAZINE WRITTEN SPECIFICALLY FOR PEOPLE-- THE
CHOCO TACO WAS DISCONTINUED DUE TO AN UNPRECEDENTED SPIKE IN
DEMAND FOR DIFFERENT KLONDIKE PRODUCTS OVER THE PAST TWO
YEARS. OTHER KLONDIKE PRODUCTS?
WELL, I GUESS THE ANSWER TO "WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A
KLONDIKE BAR?" IS "RUIN CHILDHOOD."
AND, OKAY, IN 2022, I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T BE APPROPRIATING OTHER
CULTURES' DESSERT WRAPS. BUT AT LEAST REPLACE IT WITH AN
AMERICAN FORM OF ICE CREAM. MIGHT I RECOMMEND STEPHEN
COLBERT'S AMERICONE DREAM: RIGHT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
MMM! MMM!
VANILLA ICE CREAM, FUDGE-COVERED WAFFLE BITS, AND A CARAMEL
SWIRL. IT'S BASICALLY LIKE IF A CHOCO
TACO GOT IN A TERRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT.
BUT OSING THE CHOCO TACO IS STILL SHOCK-O, AND MY COLLEAGUES
AT CABLE NEWS ARE ALL OVER IT. MSNBC'S ALEX WAGNER, HOW DOES
THE END OF THE CHOCO TACO MAKE YOU FEEL?
>> THERE IS HUNGER. >> Stephen: THERE SURE IS.
( LAUGHTER ) DISCONTINUATION OF THE CHOCO
TACO A DERELICTION OF LOYALTY? A DERELICTION OF PATRIOTISM?
IS IT BREAKING THE LAW? >> IT WAS A DERELICTION OF
LOYALTY, WAS A DERELICTION OF PATRIOTISM.
IS IT BREAKING THE LAW? I'LL LEAVE THAT TO THE LAWYERS.
>> Stephen: ADMIRABLE CAUTION, JOHN.
AND, FINALLY, ARI MELBER, PUT THE LOSS OF THIS FOLDED FROZEN
CONFECTION INTO HISTORICAL CONTEXT FOR US.
>> WORSE THAN WATERGATE? EASY CALL.
( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, ARI.
UNLIKE THE CHOCO TACO, SOME THINGS JUST WON'T GO AWAY, LIKE
FORMER PRESIDENT DINGUS EX MACHINA.
THIS AFTERNOON, THE OLD GRAY LADY DROPPED A BOMBSHELL ABOUT
THE OLD ORANGE PRESIDENT AND HIS PLAN TO STEAL THE 2020 ELECTION
BY APPOINTING SLATES OF FAKE ELECTORS THAT MIKE PENCE WOULD
THEN COUNT AND TAKE THE ELECTION AWAY FROM JOE BIDEN.
NOW, EVERYBODY'S BEEN CALLING THEM "FAKE ELECTORS," BECAUSE
THEY WERE FAKE, AND THAT'S A CRIME TO HAVE FAKE ELECTORS.
BUT SURELY THE PEOPLE WHO CRIMED THE CRIME WOULDN'T CALL THEM
THAT, RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT'S PROOF THAT THEY
KNEW THEIR CRIME WAS A CRIME WHILE THEY CRIMED IT.
WELL, THE "TIMES" GOT THEIR HANDS ON ACTUAL EMAILS FROM
THESE PLOTTERS, WHILE THEY WERE PLOTTING, AND THEY REPEATEDLY
USED THE WORD "FAKE" TO REFER TO THE SO-CALLED ELECTORS.
WELL, THEY JUST STRAIGHT-UP SAID IT!
YOU'RE PLOTTING THE BIGGEST CRIME IN AMERICAN HISTORY.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE SOME CODE WORDS!
( AS MOBSTER ) CHOPPED UP IN TINY PIECES AT THE
BOTTOM OF A LAKE 'CUZ I DUMPED HIS BODY OUT OF A BOAT.
AND HE'S NOT SLEEPING. HE'S DEAD.
AND I FREAKIN' KILLED HIM." ( LAUGHTER )
ARIZONA LAWYER AND MAN WHO HASN'T SEEN HIS NEW HAIRCUT, YET
JACK WILENCHIK. WILENCHIK HELPED ORGANIZE THE
ELECTION SCAM IN ARIZONA AND DESCRIBED THE PLAN THIS WAY:
"WE WOULD JUST BE SENDING 'FAKE' ELECTORAL VOTES TO PENCE
SO THAT SOMEONE IN CONGRESS CAN MAKE AN OBJECTION WHEN THEY
START COUNTING VOTES AND START ARGUING THAT THE 'FAKE' VOTES
SHOULD BE COUNTED." DOES HE KNOW THAT ADDING QUOTES
DOESN'T MAKE A CRIME NOT ILLEGAL?
YOU CAN'T JUST TELL A COP:
"OFFICER, I'M INNOCENT. I WAS "DOING DONUTS" IN A
"HOSPITAL LOBBY" WHILE "CHUGGING A 40 OF FIREBALL."
I'LL, GOING NOW. AFTER REPEATEDLY CALLING THEM
FAKE, IN A FOLLOW-UP EMAIL, WILENCHIK WROTE THAT
"'ALTERNATIVE' VOTES IS PROBABLY A BETTER TERM THAN 'FAKE'
VOTES," ADDING A SMILEY FACE EMOJI.
( LAUGHTER ) HE REALIZED HE INCRIMINATED
HIMSELF IN EMAIL, THEN HE ADMITTED IT IN THE NEXT EMAIL?
SHRUG EMOJI, POOP EMOJI, FOR BRAIN EMOJI.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WORDS.
NOW, ANOTHER OF THE PLOTTERS REPEATEDLY REFERRED TO CLETA
MITCHELL, A LAWYER HELPING THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AS
"CLITA" AND "CLAVITA." THAT'S A SURPRISE.
MOST REPUBLICAN MEN CAN'T FIND THE CLAVITA.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )
TIME SINCE HE LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE IN DISGRACE, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT RETURNED TO WASHINGTON TO DELIVER A SPEECH ON CRIME.
WOW! THAT TAKES A BIG SWINGING PAIR
TO RETURN TO THE SCENE OF YOUR ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW THE
GOVERNMENT AND THEN GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT CRIME
PREVENTION. IT'S LIKE BUFFALO BILL COMING
BACK TO ANNOUNCE AN ENDORSEMENT DEAL WITH AVEENO.
( AS BUFFALO BILL ) OR IT GETS THE DRYNESS AGAIN."
"I'D MOISTURIZE ME." ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S A DISTURBING IMAGE. YOU'RE ALL WELCOME.
YOU'RE ALL WELCOME FOR THAT IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT ISN'T THE ONLY 2024 HOPEFUL WHO GAVE A
SPEECH IN D.C. TODAY. SO DID HIS FORMER V.P. MIKE
PENCE. HERE'S THE VEEP'S BIG ENTRANCE
AT THE YOUTH AMERICA FOUNDATION: ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WOOO!
TALK ABOUT RAZZLE-DAZZLE! ROCK 'N ROLL, NEON!
THE SPEECH WAS ELECTRIC! UNTIL HE GAVE IT:
>> OUR LIVES HAVE CHANGED A LOT SINCE THE LAST TIME WE WERE
TOGETHER. WE MOVED BACK TO INDIANA, WE
BOUGHT FIVE ACRES AND A POND. I GOT A RIDING MOWER, JOHN
DEERE, ZERO-TURN RADIUS, 54-INCH DECK, 25 HORSEPOWER.
>> Stephen: DON'T MAKE US THINK ABOUT GRASS GROWING, MIKE.
IT'S MORE EXCITING THAN YOU ARE. ( LAUGHTER )
LOOKS LIKE THESE DAYS, INSISTING HE'S A REGULAR GUY.
>> KAREN AND I CAN CONFIRM NOW WITH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, YOU
CAN BE THE GOVERNOR OF YOUR HOME STATE FOR FOUR, YOU CAN EVEN BE
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, BUT YOU ARE
STILL GOING TO WAIT 25 MINUTES FOR A TABLE AT OLIVE GARDEN ON
SATURDAY NIGHT AT 7:00. >> Stephen: OLIVE GARDEN AT
7:00 P.M. THAT'S A PRETTY HOT SATURDAY
NIGHT. ( AS PENCE )
NO THANK YOU, I'M DRIVING." ONE REPUBLICAN WHO WON'T BE
SUPPORTING PENCE IS FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN MATT GAETZ, SEEN
HERE CHEERING AT THE WRONG PART OF THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT
SEMINAR. ( LAUGHTER )
TRAFFICKING AN UNDERAGE WOMAN FOR SEX, BUT IT HASN'T AFFECTED
HIS SPEAKING SCHEDULE. OVER THE WEEKEND, HE APPEARED AT
THE ULTRACONSERVATIVE GROUP, TURNING POINT USA'S, ANNUAL
STUDENT ACTION SUMMIT. GAETZ WILL ATTEND ANYTHING WITH
THE WORDS "STUDENT" AND "ACTION" IN THE TITLE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND DURING HIS SPEECH--
( APPLAUSE ) NOT SURE WHAT WE'RE APPLAUDING,
BUT I'M IN. DURING HIS SPEECH, GAETZ SAID
THIS ABOUT PENCE: >> LET ME JUST SAY WHAT
EVERYBODY HERE KNOWS: MIKE PENCE WILL NEVER BE PRESIDENT.
( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: OH, SNAP.
( LAUGHTER ) A GUY WHO'S NOT ALLOWED WITHIN
50 FEET OF ONE. IT
IN HAPPIER NEWS THAN MATT GAETZ: MONKEYPOX.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN MY I REALLY WISH THIS WASN'T
A RECURRING SEGMENT: ♪ MAMA CALLED THE DOCTOR
AND THE DOCTOR SAID ♪ NO MORE MONKEY POX SPREADING
ON THE BED! >> Stephen: MONKEYPOX FIRST
APPEARED IN THE U.S. BACK IN MAY, AND UNLIKE WITH COVID, WE
REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN READY, BECAUSE THERE'S A PRE-EXISTING
VACCINE. IN FACT, THE UNITED STATES. OWNS
WELL OVER A MILLION DOSES. BUT BY JUNE, NEW YORK CITY HAD
ONLY 1,000 DOSES AVAILABLE. THAT'S NOTHING!
A THOUSAND NEW YORKERS IS THE WAITLIST FOR BRUNCH.
( LAUGHTER ) PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS.
BUT IN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS AFTER MONKEYPOX ARRIVED IN THE U.S.,
THE GOVERNMENT REQUESTED ONLY 72,000 DOSES, TAKING WHAT'S NOW
BEING CALLED A "WAIT-AND-SEE ATTITUDE."
NOT THE URGENCY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IN AN EMERGENCY.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A LIFE GUARD SAY, "LOOKS LIKE YOU
MIGHT BE DROWNING, BUT LET'S WAIT AND SEE.
WHAT'S THAT? WELL, A VERY "GLUG-GLUG" TO YOU,
TOO. SO WHERE'S ALL THE VACCINE WE
ALREADY OWN? IT'S CURRENTLY IN DENMARK, BUT
WE HAVEN'T SHIPPED IT OVER HERE BECAUSE OFFICIALS SAID THE
STORAGE FACILITIES IN AMERICA AREN'T AS COLD AS THE DENMARK
FACILITY. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS AS COLD?
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER. SEND THOSE VACCINES TO ME.
I'LL STICK 'EM BEHIND MY DESK. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE CHARLAMAGNE THA
GOD AND STAR OF "STRANGER THINGS," BRETT GELMAN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
JOIN US, WON'T YOU.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! IT'S LOUIS CATO.
AND... ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Louis: YES. >> Stephen: LET ME DO THIS
TONIGHT. TONIGHT, SITTING WITH THE BAND,
THE WONDERFUL ST. VINCENT IS HERE TONIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
( APPLAUSE ) "MARTHA MY DEAR" BY THE BEATLES.
AND I DON'T THINK I HAVE TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE.
WE HAD YOU ON THE SHOW BEFORE. YOUR COVER OF "DIG A PONY" I
THINK MIGHT BE BETTER THAN THE BEATLES' "DIG A PONY."
DON'T TELL JOHN LENNON I SAID THAT.
UNBELIEVABLE. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: ANY CHANCE I COULD GET A LITTLE "DIG A PONY"?
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS WORKING OUT.
ALSO, COMING OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE, OUR FRIEND
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
( APPLAUSE ) WEEK," COMEDY CENTRAL.
AND FROM "STRANGER THINGS," ONE OF THE STARS, BRETT GELMAN WILL
BE OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). Y'KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, SELECTING THE DAY'S BIGGEST,
MOST-IMPORTANT NEWS, CAREFULLY LAYING IT OUT ON A STORY CANVAS,
MIXING CHROMA, HUE, AND VALUE IN AN ELEGANT AND TOPICAL DANCE
TO CREATE FOR YOU THE SUBTLE, MOVING, AND TIMELESS CLAUDE
MONET MAGNUM OPUS THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I WAKE UP IN AN ABANDONED
TRAIN CAR, SCAVENGE SOME LEFTOVER INSTANT NOODLES AND THE
CHEWING GUM OUT OF THE MOUTH OF A SLEEPING HOBO, THEN STICK IT
ALL TO THE BACK OF A SCRAP OF CARPET TO PRESENT THE DRIFTER'S
MACARONI ART OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, ON SUNDAY JENNIFER LOPEZ CELEBRATED HER 53rd
BIRTHDAY WITH A NUDE PHOTO SHOOT TO PROMOTE HER NEW "FIRM AND
FLAUNT TARGETED BOOTY BALM." WHAT?
COME ON, J-LO. COME ON.
I MEAN, YOU LOOK GREAT, BUT THAT'S MY THING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EVEN "MORE" FOOTBALL?
THE N.F.L. HOPES SO, BECAUSE THEY'RE LAUNCHING THEIR OWN
STREAMING SERVICE FOR THE FIRST TIME CALLED NFL+.
IT'S A SIMILAR MODEL TO CNN+, BUT WITH VIEWERS.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M GOING TO TELL YOU.
THE SUBSCRIPTION INCLUDES ALL OUT-OF-MARKET PRESEASON
GAMES, LIVE MOBILE DEVICE ACCESS TO LOCAL AND PRIME-TIME REGULAR
SEASON AND POSTSEASON GAMES, AND N.F.L. NETWORK SHOWS ON
DEMAND AND ARCHIVED N.F.L. FILMS PROGRAMMING FOR $4.99 A MONTH,
MAKING IT, BY FAR, THE MOST ECONOMICAL WAY TO TELL YOUR
SPOUSE, "I'VE GIVEN UP ON THIS MARRIAGE."
( LAUGHTER ) THAT WAS A REALLY LONG WALK.
WORTH THE WAIT. WE GOT THERE TOGETHER, THOUGH.
MEANWHILE, A GOAT IN PAKISTAN HAS GONE VIRAL FOR HAVING EARS
SO LONG, THEY "DANGLE 23 INCHES."
WHEN CHOOSING A NAME FOR THIS ANIMAL WITH COMICALLY LARGE
EARS, THE OWNER CHOSE THE MOST LOGICAL DISNEY CHARACTER:
SIMBA. ( LAUGHTER )
NOT DUMBO? "CHECK IT OUT.
I FOUND THIS REINDEER WITH A NOSE THAT GLOWS RED.
SAY HELLO TO GARFIELD THE RED NOSED REINDEER.
HE LOVES LASAGNA." ( LAUGHTER )
THAT THESE DAYS MORE PEOPLE ARE DATING WITHOUT DRINKING, AND
THAT THEY PREFER TO MEET POTENTIAL PARTNERS FOR COFFEE,
A FAVORITE HOBBY, OR A STROLL. OKAY, COFFEE AND A STROLL I GET.
BUT HOBBIES CAN BE PRETTY SPECIFIC.
"HEY, SO FOR OUR FIRST DATE, I'M THINKING YOU COME OVER AND WATCH
ME PAINT MY WARCRAFT FIGURINES. DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL BE SOBER THE
WHOLE TIME." ( LAUGHTER )
AFFORDABLE PLACE TO LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY?
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE-BEDROOM BROOKLYN SAILBOAT FOR RENT AT
$600 A MONTH WHERE YOU SHOWER-- QUOTE-- "AT A NEARBY GYM."
IT'S OPEN CONCEPT, IN THAT YOU MUST BE OPEN TO THE CONCEPT OF
WATCHING OLD MEN BLOW DRY THEIR GROINS.
IF THAT SEEMS A LITTLE LOW RENT, A HAMPTONS HOME WITH A
$1 MILLION TV JUST SOLD FOR $30 MILLION.
THE MILLION-DOLLAR TV IS EIGHT FEET TALL, 18 FEET WIDE,
BY A FIRE PIT. IT'S HYDRAULIC, AND POPS OUT
FROM THE GROUND, DROPPING BACK IN IF IT'S RAINING.
ALSO MAKES A HANDY WALL AGAINST WHICH YOU WILL BE LINED UP AND
SHOT WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, VELVEETA JUST RELEASED A LIQUID MAC AND
CHEESE MARTINI. IT'S THE PERFECT DRINK FOR
ANYONE WHO SAYS, "I WANT TO GET DRUNK AND EAT FONDUE, BUT I
DON'T WANT TO DIRTY TWO DISHES." THIS AFFRONT TO GOD IS A RIFF ON
A DIRTY MARTINI THAT FEATURES VELVEETA-CHEESE-INFUSED VODKA
STIRRED WITH OLIVE BRINE AND DRY VERMOUTH, GARNISHED WITH
VELVEETA-STUFFED OLIVES, JUMBO-SIZE VELVEETA CHEESE
SHELLS, AND A CHEESE DRIP, AND IS CALLED "THE VELTINI," WHICH
"A CRY FOR HELP." CRY FOR HELP."
BECAUSE WE ARE SPECIAL, WE WERE ABLE TO GET OUR HANDS ON
A VELTINI. LET'S GIVE IT WHIRL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( GAGS )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS A
CO-HOST OF THE RADIO SHOW "THE BREAKFAST CLUB."
HIS LATE-NIGHT TELEVISION SHOW RETURNS THIS THURSDAY WITH
A NEW NAME: "HELL OF A WEEK WITH CHARLAMAGNE THE GOD."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. >> HOW ARE YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M DOING WELL. THAT' MIQUESTION TO YOU.
THE THING I LIKE ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE'S
FEELINGS? YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.
WHEN YOU ASK THAT QUESTION I KNOW YOU MEAN IT.
HOW ARE YOU CHARLEMAGNE. >> HOW AM I?
I'M DOING BETTER THAN THE CHOCO TACO.
GOD HAS NOT BIS DISS CONTINUED ME YET.
I'M HERE. >> Stephen: WHEN YOU WERE
BORN? >> 1978.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A FEW YEARS OLDER THAN THE CHOCO TACO.
>> 40. >> Stephen: YOU LOOK BETTER
THOUGH. >> I MADE IT FARTHER THAN THE
CHOCO TACO. >> Stephen: THAT'S AN
ACCOMPLISHMENT. >> THAT IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.
( APPLAUSE ). STAYING OPTIMISTIC AND DEALING
WITH YOUR ANXIETY THESE DAYS? BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU'RE VERY
OPEN ABOUT YOUR-- YOUR ISSUES WITH ANXIETY, WHICH I HAVE AS
WELL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO FUNCTION
THESE DAYS? >> THE SAME THINGS, THERAPY,
BREATHING EXERCISES, MEDITATION, EDIBLES.
AND I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, PESSIMISM HAS NEVER WON ANY
BATTLES SO THOSE MOMENTS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE CHICKEN LITTLE AND
THE SKY IS FALLING, LIKE MY THERAPIST SAYS, "YOU HAVE TO
FEEL YOUR FEELS." SKY IS FALLING.
LET'S BE CLEAR ON THAT. >> Stephen: IT DOES NOT HELP
TO DENY IT. >> THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
SOMETIMES YOU GO CRAZY BECAUSE YOU WATCH THE NEWS AND YOU FEEL
LIKE PEOPLE AREN'T SPEAKING TO THE SENSE OF URGENCY THAT I FEEL
IS AT HAND. AND I THINK IT'S THE URGENCY OF
THE MATTER. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN
FOLLOWING THE JANUARY 6 HEARINGS?
>> YES. >> Stephen: BECAUSE THERE'S A
SENSE OF URGENCY THERE. WHEN I WATCH IT, MY FIRST
FEELING, WHEN I SAW THE FIRST TIME A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO IS
GRATITUDE. THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE
LOOKING AT THE WORLD WITH A SENSE OF URGENCY AND DOING THEIR
JOB. ( APPLAUSE )
OF THEM SO FAR? >> YOU KNOW, I'M SKEPTICAL.
YOU KNOW, I HOPE THAT THE RIGHT THING GETS DONE.
BUT I THINK THE MEDIA HAS TO STOP SAYING THINGS-- WELL,
ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE , YOU KNOW, "SHOULD DONALD TRUMP BE
PROSECUTED FOR HIS ROLE IN THE INSURRECTION?"
LIKE, IT'S LIKE, "NO, MAKE A STATEMENT.
DONALD TRUMP SHOULD BE PROSECUTED FOR HIS ROLE IN THE
INSURRECTION. RIGHT, YOU KNOW.
>> ( APPLAUSE ).
PROSECUTE HIM THEN, YOU KNOW, IT GIVES HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO
SAY, "SEE, ANOTHER WITCH HUNT." YOU KNOW, IT GIVES HIM THE
OPPORTUNITY TO SAY, "SEE, THEY KEEP DIGGING FOR THINGS, BUT
THINGS AREN'T THERE." IF THEY CAN ACTUALLY CHARGE HIM
AND PROSECUTE HIM, WHICH IT LOOKS LIKE THEY HAVE THE
EVIDENCE TO DO, DO IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.
REMEMBER LAST TIME I WAS HERE-- I THINK IT WAS THE LAST TIME I
WAS HERE EYE SAID THAT WAS ONE OF THE FOUR THINGS THAT NEEDED
TO BE DONE TO PROTECT DEMOCRACY. YOU HAVE TO PROSECUTE EVERYBODY
INVOLVED IN WANT ATTEMPTED COUP OF THIS COUNTRY ON JANUARY 6.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT?
WHAT ARE THERE CONSEQUENCES FOR? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHY DO WE HAVE THIS SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT.
YOU DON'T LET THE DEMOCRATS OFF THE HOOK.
I'M CURIOUS WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY THE DEMOCRATS HAVE BE
TOO HELD ADMOWBL THIS MOMENT? >> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, DEMOCRATS
ARE IN POWER RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW, FOR THE MOST PART.
THEY HAVE THE WHITE HOUSE. YOU KNOW, THEY-- THEY HAVE THE
HOUSE. THEY-- THEY DON'T TECHNICALLY
HAVE THE SENATE, BUT IT COULD BE A 50-50 FOR SOMETHING LIKE
GETTING RID OF THE FILIBUSTER. THEY COULD VOTE TO GET RID OF
THE FILIBUSTER AND PROPERLY LEGISLATE, IF THEY COULD GETEC
ON BOARD, THE JOE MANCHINS, AND OTHER DINOS IN THE PARTY.
THAT'S "DEMOCRATS IN NAME ONLY." I DIDN'T MEAN THAT LIKE OLD.
NOT OLD AND PREHISTORIC BUT THAT KIND OF DINO.
IF THEY COULD GET EVERYBODY IN LINE THEY COULD VOTE FOR THE
FILIBUSTER. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU DO
THAT. IF JOE MANCHIN AND KRISTEN
CINEMA? >> YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PULL A PAGE
OUT OF THE GUY'S NAME YOU DON'T LIKE TO SAY ON THIS SHOW AND
BOOK AND SHAME THESE PEOPLE. >> Stephen: HE SHAMED THEM BY
SAYING WE'LL VOTE YOU OUT. ARE YOU WILLING TO LOSE A COUPLE
OF SENATORS. >> YOU DON'T HAVE THEM NOW.
EVERYBODY SAYS, "JOE MANCHIN WHAT IF HE GOES TO THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY? YOU DON'T HAVE HIM NOW!
YOU VOTE TO GET RID OF THE FILIBUSTER, EXPAND THE SUPREME
COURT SO YOU CAN PROTECT OUR RIGHTS.
AND YOU CAN PASS THE JOHN LEWIS VOTING RIGHTS ACT AND THE
FREEDOM TO VOTE ACT. TO ME, MAN, THE ONLY THING ON
THE BALLOT COME THE MIDTERMS AND 2024 IS DEMOCRACY.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ALL REALIZE, WE'RE IN THE END SCAM GAMENOW.
LIKE, WE'RE LITERALLY IN THE END GAME NOW.
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET OUR OWN INFINITY STONES AND
BRING PEOPLE BACK AT THIS POINT. >> Stephen: OKAY, SO, PEOPLE
ARE SAYING-- MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE SAYING THAT PRESIDENT
BIDEN SHOULDN'T RUN AGAIN. AND I KNOW YOU WERE A BERNIE
FAN, WEREN'T YOU? >> UHM--
>> Stephen: WHO WAS YOUR FAN? >> I LIKE BERNIE.
BERNIE IS COOL. I DON'T REALLY LIKE NOBODY.
YOU KNOW, I THINK WE ALL DID THE
BEST WE COULD, RIGHT? I'M A BIG FAN OF THE FOUR
AGREEMENTS. THE LAST AGREEMENT IN THE FOUR
AGREEMENTS IS ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.
WE ALL JUST DID OUR BEST. WE DID OUR CIVIC DUTY AND WENT
THROUGHOUT AND VOTED FOR THE PERSON THAT WE THOUGHT YOU KNOW
COULD PROTECT OUR RIGHTS. DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THOSE RIGHTS
ARE BEING PROTECTED ALL WAIT RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: WELL-- >> THAT'S WHY-- PEOPLE ALWAYS
SAY, "JUST VOTE, JUST VOTE, JUST VOTE."
I ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE IN VOTING. I'M GOING TO ALWAYS VOTE.
LET'S KEEP IN MIND WE VOTED FOR PEOPLE THAT WE THOUGHT WERE
GOING TO PROTECT US FROM THE BAD GUYS, AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE BAD
GUYS ARE WINNING. IF THE BAD GUYS ARE WINNING, THE
MEDIA IS COMPLICITY. THEY'RE GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION.
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE DOING ALL THEY CAN IS?
>> Stephen: NO, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE DOING ALL THEY CAN BUT A
LOT OF THE STUFF IS HAPPENING ON A FEDERAL COURT LEVEL, LIKE THE
SUPREME COURT, AND THERE'S NOTHING TO BE DONE ABOUT THAT
UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY HAVE OPENINGS ON THAT COURT.
>> OR YOU VOTE TO GET RID OF THE FILIBUSTER AND THEN YOU EXPAND
THE SUPREME COURT. THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS SAY
DEMOCRATS HAVE TRIED EVERY POLITICAL STRATEGY EXCEPT FOR
COURAGE. IT TAKES POLITICAL COURAGE TO DO
THOSE THINGS. ( APPLAUSE )
THURSDAY, OVER ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
>> . . >> YOUR LATE-NIGHT SHOW IS BACK
FOR A SECOND SEASON. NEW NAME.
"HELL OF A WEEK." >> "HELL OF A WEEK."
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, WHY THAT NAME "HELL OF A WEEK"?
>> LOOK AT THE TIME WIERS IN. I FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS
ROOM HAS SAID THAT-- YOU SAY THAT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK EVERY
WEEK. YOU KNOW.
"IT'S BEEN A HELL OF A WEEK." >> Stephen: EVERY DAY FEELS
LIKE A HELL OF A WEEK THESE DAYS.
>> YEAH, YEAH, AND IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A WEEKLY TALK SHOW.
THAT'S TECHNICALLY TERM. >> Stephen: HOW DOES THAT
DIFFER FROM "GOD'S HONEST TRUTH."
>> I THINK IT GOES TO MY STRENGTH, MY COMMUNITY.
SITTING AROUND AND HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE.
LET'S BE CLEAR, MAN, TRYING TO DO IT ALONE, THAT'S A LOT OF OF
HEAVY LIFTING. >> Stephen: THE IDEA OF BEING
ON STAGE ALONE TELLING JOKES, THAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE.
>> HEY, MAN. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK. WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK
CHARLEMAGNE ABOUT HIS INVOLVEMENT WITH A BEAUTIFUL NEW
MUSEUM IN CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA, STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) HEY, EVERYTHING.
LOOKIE HERE. LOOK WHAT WE GOT RIGHT THERE.
IT'S CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. HOST OF "HELL OF A WEEK" OVER ON
COMEDY CENTRAL. YOU AND I ARE BOTH FROM SOUTH
CAROLINA. AND I KNOW YOU GET BACK THERE
BECAUSE I JUST SAW YOU-- SAW YOU AT THE DENMARK V.C.
BICENTENNIAL. WHEN YOU'RE BACK THERE-- WHEN
I'M BACK THERE THERE ARE THINGS I HAVE TO HAVE TO EAT.
JOHN'S ISLAND TOMATOES. I HAVE TO HAVE BOILED PEANUTS.
PEACHES FROM UPSTATE, FIGS FROM MY GARDEN.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO EAT? >> I LOVE BOILED PEANUTS, BUT
REALLY FRIED FOOD. THERE'S NO REASON TO EAT
ANYTHING FRIED IF IT'S NOT FROM SOUTH CAROLINA.
THE FISH, THE SHRIMP. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
MY FATHER HAD A SEAFOOD STORE BACK IN THE DAY.
AND, LIKE, MY FATHER KNOWS HOW TO FRY REALLY GOOD FISH.
MY AUNTS KNOW HOW TO FRY REALLY GOOD FISH.
MY FATHER-IN-LAW KNOWS HOW TO FRY REALLY GOOD FRISH.
>> Stephen: THEY'LL FRY ANYTHING IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
DIP IT IN CONCRETE AND DEEP-FAT FRY IT.
>> THAT'S WHERE CRACK CAME FROM. THEY FRIED COCAINE.
( LAUGHTER ). IS, THE BEARPT FRIED?
>> BATTER FRIED COCAINE. >> Stephen: IS THAT ORIGINAL
RECIPE OR EXTRA CRISPY? >> EXTRA CRISPY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ON THE BOARD OF THE INTERNATIONAL
AFRICAN AMERICAN MUSEUM. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS OPENING THIS FEBRUARY-- OR JANUARY.
>> JANUARY, LUTE JR. WEEKEND. >> Stephen: IN 2023.
FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT, TELL THEM
THE OBJECTIVE OF THIS MUSEUM IS BECAUSE MY WIFE, EVIE, IS
INVOLVED IN THIS MUSEUM AS WELL. IT'S AN EXTRAORDINARY-- NOT ONLY
ORGANIZATION BUT AN EXTRAORDINARY LOCATION, TOO.
>> YEAH, MAN. IT'S DR. TANYA MATTHEWS, THE
C.E.O. OF THE INTERNATIONAL AFRICAN AMERICAN MUSEUM.
AND SHE ALWAYS SAID THIS MUSEUM IS NOT GOING TO BE A STORY OF
THE ENSLAVED. IT'S GOING TO BE A STORY OF
SURVIVAL, YOU KNOW,. AND THAT'S THE STORY THAT SHE
WANTS TO TELL. AND IT'S BUILT ON THE WHARF.
THE NUMBER RANGES FROM 50% TO 60%.
THEY SAY BETWEEN 50% AND 60% OF ALL ENSLAVED AFRICANS CAME
THROUGH THE WHARF. >> Stephen: AND STOOD ON THAT
SPOT IN CHAINS. >> THAT'S RIGHT, STOOD ON THAT
SPOT IN CHAINS. FOR A LOT OF BLACK PEOPLE IN
AMERICA THAT WAS OUR BEGINNINGS, YOU KNOW.
I CANNOT WAIT TO BRING PEOPLE BACK TO CHARLESTON, SOUTH
CAROLINA. YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO, EVEN
THOUGH WE'RE FROM THERE, WHEN YOU GO BACK TO SOUTH CAROLINA,
YOU FEEL REALLY CONNECTED TO SOMETHING.
AND ME BEING, YOU KNOW, BLACK AND KNOWING THAT SO MANY OF MY
ANCESTORS CAME THROUGH THERE, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FEEL
CONNECTED THERE UP AND FEEL IT WHEN YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH THAT
PLOT OF LAND. I REALLY CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE GET
TO SHOW PEOPLE THE HOLY CITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> Stephen: FOR ME, THE WAY THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE LOVE OF
SOUTH CAROLINA, AND SOUTH CAROLINA ITSELF, YOU CANNOT LOVE
SOMETHING UNLESS YOU LOOK AT IT IN ITS ENTIRETY.
YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE HISTORY OF NOT JUST SOUTH CAROLINA, BUT
THAT IS IN A BIG WAY THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES, LEADING UP
TO THE CIVIL WAR, AND THE TIME AFTER THAT.
BEING ABLE TO LOOK AT THE FAULTS OF AMERICA AND UNDERSTAND HOW WE
GOT WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: 95% OF AFRICAN AMERICAN, IF THEIR FAMILIES CAME
TO THE UNITED STATES AS PART OF THE AFRICAN SLAVE TRADE AND
ANCESTORS STOOD ON THAT SPOT IN CHAINS.
>> LISTEN TO, YOUR POINT, YOU CAN'T HEAL WHAT YOU DON'T
REVEAL. AND WE'RE NOT DOING OURSELVESES
ANY FAVORS BY NOT SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS
THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN THIS COUNTRY.
AND WE HAVE TO KNOW WHERE WE CAME FROM SO WE DON'T MAKE THOSE
SAME MISTAKES AND POTENTIALLY, YOU KNOW, GO BACK.
AND THAT'S I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WE'RE AT RIGHT NOW.
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE AT A PLACE RIGHT NOW, IF WE DON'T LEARN
FROM OUR PAST, MAN, AMERICA'S FUTURE IS NOT GOING-- NOT GOING
TO BE TOO BRIGHT. >> Stephen: CHARLEMAGNE, IT'S
ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO YOU HAVE HERE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU. GOOD LUCK ON THURSDAY.
>> YES, SIR. >> Stephen: I'LL BE THERE.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> Stephen: "HELL OF A WEEK"
PREMIERES THIS THURSDAY ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
STAR OF "STRANGER THINGS," BRETT GELMAN.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND
COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "FLEABAG," "LOVE," AND "STRANGER
THINGS."
>> MY FINGERS ARE LIKE ARROWS. MY ARMS LIKE IRON.
>> WHAT DID YOU DO! >> WHAT?
>> I SAID DON'T KNOCK HIM OUT! >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "THE LATE SHOW," BRETT GELMAN, EVERYBODY!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY WOOOO!
THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: WOW.
YOU ARE A MOVIE STAR. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: WE SAW YOUR MOVES IN THAT CLIP, AND THIS SEASON IS
WONDERFUL. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THE SEASON IS WONDERFUL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: I THINK ONE
BILLION PEOPLE WATCHED, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SOMETHING LIKE A BILLION PEOPLE WATCHED IT.
IT'S THE MOST SUCCESSFUL THING EVER ON NETFLIX.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: ESPECIALLY THE
SECOND HALF, THE EXTRA TWO YOU GAVE US AT THE END WHICH IS A
CRAZY TEASE. FOR THOSE MOVES YOU ARE DOING
THERE, YOU REALLY STUDIED SOME SORT OF MARTIAL ART TO DO THAT,
YES? >> YEAH.
I STUDIED WITH THESE TAE KWON DO MASTERS AND TRAINERS.
THEY TRAIN A LOT OF PEOPLE. SYRON REE FOR THREE MONTHS.
>> Stephen: THE REE BROTHERS. >> THEY'RE KIND OF LIKE THE MARX
BROTHERS, INSTEAD OF BEING MACHINES OF LAUGHTER, THEY'RE
MACHINES OF VIOLENCE. >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OUR FRIENDS HERE IN "STRANGER THINGS," WE GOT TO
WATCH THE LAST FOUR SEASONS. IT'S A HIGH SCHOOL COMMA-DRAMA.
>> YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT OF HIGH SCHOOLERS IN IT.
>> Stephen: AND I WANT TO SHOW I PICTURE OF YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL
RIGHT NOW, DOCUMENTED PROVE THAT YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND ASK
YOU ABOUT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS.
AND, LADIES, DON'T RUSH THE STAGE.
WHAT WERE-- WHAT WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE LIKE BRETT
GELMAN. ( APPLAUSE )
MY HIGH SCHOOL-- MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE WAS TERRIBLE.
I WAS A VERY WEIRD CHILD, AND I-- YEAH.
YES. NOT COOL.
BUT NOT LIKE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO WAS PROUD TO BE COOL-- PROUD
TO NOT BE COOL. I REALLY WANTED TO BE COOL.
LIKE, YOU KNOW, I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO IMPRESS-- TRY TO
IMPRESS THE COOL PEOPLE AND HAVE THEM ACCEPT ME.
>> Stephen: SUCH AS? SUCH AS?
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO REGRET? >> JUST BE AROUND THEM A LOT AND
BE LIKE, "HANG OUT WITH ME! HANG OUT WITH ME."
AND THEY WOULD KICK ME IN THE FACE.
AND I WOULD DO A PLAY, AND IT WAS LIKE READING "DRINKING IN
AMERICA" AND SAM SHEPARD. AND I WAS BROODING, TOO, AND
THAT'S WHEN I FELT MY MOST AUTHENTIC SELF.
I WOULD DITCH ALL OF THAT AS SOON AS I GOT AROUND A POPULAR
PERSON. I HAD NO INTEGRITY AT ALL.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU ARE. FANS LOVE YOU.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: THEY LOVE MURRAY.
>> YEAH. ( APPLAUSE )
HOW HAS THAT CHANGE FORWARD YOU? BECAUSE MURRAY HAS CHANGED.
YOU PLAYED MARTIN ON "FLEABAG," AND THAT WAS A PRETTY DESPICABLE
CHARACTER BUT A WONDERFUL CHARACTER.
AND MURRAY HAS HAD HIS UPS AND DOWNS.
NOW HE IS A HEROIC CHARACTER FOR SURE IN THE SERIES.
WHAT IS IT LIKE WHEN FANS COME UP TO YOU?
>> IT'S A LOT BETTER. IT'S GOOD WHEN PEOPLE SEE YOU AS
A HERO AND A BAD-ASS, AND DON'T-- I MEAN, WHEN "FLEABAG"
CAME OUT, I WOULD LITERALLY BE IN THE GROCERY STORE AND PEOPLE
WOULD BE LIKE, "I HATE YOU!" AND NOW PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "HEY!"
AND IT'S REALLY NICE. THEY ASK ME TO DO THINGS FOR
THEM AND TASKS, YOU KNOW. IT'S THINGS THAT YOU WOULD ASK A
HERO TO DO. >> Stephen: REALLY?
LIKING WHAT? THAT SOUNDS EXHAUSTING.
>> I GIVE MARRIAGE ADVICE. I GIVE CHILDREN ADVICE, HOW TO
FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES. I TAKE CATS OUT OF TREES.
I-- I-- I END-- I NOT ONLY STOP, I END DOMESTIC DISTURBANCES.
YOU KNOW. >> Stephen: WOW.
>> SO I'M REALLY-- IT'S BEEN GREAT.
>> Stephen: IS THERE A HOT LINE WE CAN CALL.
>> YEAH, 1-800-- IS MURRAY SEVEN LETTERS?
NO, IT'S SIX. 1-800-- 1-800 MUR-MURRAY-1.
IS THAT THE MOST HALF-ASSED BIT IN THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: WE'LL CUT IT OUT. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.
THAT'S IT. SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT.
SAY SOMETHING YOU DEFINITELY WANT CUT OUT AND I'LL CUT IT OUT
OF SHOW. .>> RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: SOMETHING YOU DEPARTMENT WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE
ON BROADCAST AND I'LL CUT IT OUT OF THE SHOW.
>> I SOMETIMES IN THE EVENING IN MY 20s WOULD DOWN A FULL BAG
OF IT, OSTITOS, A QUESOS. AND RAMEN.
>> Stephen: UNCOOKED RAMEN? >> THAT WOULD BE COOL IF IT WAS
UNCOOK. >> Stephen: I DON'T THINK I'M
GOING TO KUPT THIS OUT? >> NO.
>> Stephen: THAT MAKES YOU RELATABLE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. >> Stephen: WHO HASN'T DOWNED
AN ENTIRE JAR OF QUESOS. >> WE HAVE TO BALANCE OUT THE
LOOK WITH RELATE GLABL YOU CAN'T GO WITH PURE SEX.
>> THIS IS ASPIRATIONAL, SO THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN BECOME AND THAT
IS THE BEFORE THE TOSTITOS, AND THE QUESO.
YEAH. ( APPLAUSE ).
SEE YOU. SEASON FOUR OF "STRANGER THINGS"
IS AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE AMANDA SEYFRIED AND
STEPHAN MERCHANT. GOOD NIGHT.