PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN IS EMERGING OUT OF COVID ISOLATION
WITH SOME BIG POLITICAL WINS. THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT.
>> HE ANNOUNCED THE SUCCESSFUL OPERATION HAT TOOK OUT AL QUAIDA
TERRORIST LEADER AL-ZAWAHRI BETTER THAN EXPECTED JOBS
REPORT. >> THE PRESIDENT MAS HAD A VERY
EFFECTIVE TIME AND THE IRONY IS THIS CAME WHILE HE WAS SUFFERING
FROM COVID. >> WE HERE AT THE C.D.C. WANT TO
REMIND YOU THAT THE LATEST STRAIN OF COVID IS STILL
PREVALENT. HERE ARE THE SYMPTOMS TO LOOK
FOR -- FEVER, FATIGUE, SEVERE LOSS OF TERRORIST HEAD,
UNEXPECTED BILL PASSAGE. IRRITABLE MITCH SYNDROME,
SWOLLEN JOB NUMBERS, AND FALLING OFF A BIKE.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, CHILL PHIL. TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES MINDY
KALING AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN," WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOE WALSH.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: GOOD EVENING. HELLO, HELLO.
HELLO, MY FRIENDS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO! SHHH!
WHOO! THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I HOPE YOU'RE FEELING GOOD. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. I FOR ONE --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I, FOR ONE, I'M IN A VERY GOOD
MOOD. YOU KNOW, THE KIND YOU GET WHEN
YOU FIND A DOLLAR ON THE SIDEWALK OR REALIZE THAT OUR
CHILDREN MAY NOT BE DOOMED TO A FIERY HELLSCAPE?
BECAUSE THIS WEEKEND, THE US SENATE FINALLY APPROVED A BILL
TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK GOD. FINALLY.
THANK GOD, WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO SAVE THE PLANET.
'CUZ THAT IS WHERE I KEEP MOST OF MY STUFF.
THIS BILL IS CHOCK FULL OF GREAT THINGS FOR THE ENVIRONMENT LIKE
TAX CREDITS FOR RENEWABLE ENERGY APPLIANCES AND CLEAN TECHNOLOGY
MANUFACTURING, ALONG WITH NEARLY $400 BILLION OVER 10 YEARS IN
TAX CREDITS AIMED AT STEERING CONSUMERS TO ELECTRIC VEHICLES,
ALL IN ALL, IT WILL CUT GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS BY
ABOUT 40%. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S HUGE. FROM NOW ON, WE'LL BE PUTTING
ONLY GOOD THINGS INTO THE AIR, LIKE DONUT-FLAVORED VAPE SMOKE.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT JUST CLIMATE CHANGE.
THE BILL, CALLED THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT, WILL ALSO MAKE
GOOD ON DEMOCRATS' YEARS-OLD PLEDGE TO REDUCE PRESCRIPTION
DRUG COSTS FOR THE ELDERLY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YES. VERY EXCITING.
GOOD NEWS FOR THE ELDERLY, OR AS GRASSLEY AND DIANE FEINSTEIN
CALL THEM, "THOSE DAMN KIDS." CHUCK
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE EVEN OLDER.
TO RAISE REVENUES, THE BILL INCLUDES A NEW 15% MINIMUM TAX
ON CORPORATIONS THAT EARN MORE THAN $1 BILLION IN ANNUAL
PROFITS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
-- BACKED UP BY $80 BILLION TO THE I.R.S. TO INCREASE
ENFORCEMENT. THE I.R.S. EXPLAINED THEIR NEW
ENFORCEMENT POWERS TO CORPORATIONS WITH THIS
INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO: ♪ BETTER HAVE MY MONEY ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: NO ONE WAS HAPPIER
TO GET THE BILL PASSED THAN SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND MAN
USING HIS SUPER POWERS TO WARM HIS COFFEE, CHUCK SCHUMER.
SCHUMER GAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE FOLLOWING THE VOTE, AND HE SAID
THIS OF THE VICTORY: >> AS YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A
LONG, TOUGH, AND WINDING ROAD. >> STEPHEN: AH YES, THE LONG,
TOUGH, AND WINDING ROAD. IT'S EVERYONE'S FAVORITE BEATLES
SONG, NEXT TO A "HARD DAY'S VERY DIFFICULT NIGHTTIME."
SCHUMER PRAISED THE HARD WORK OF SENATE DEMOCRATS:
>> I JUST WANT TO AGAIN THANK THE LEADERSHIP, HARD WORK, AND
PERSISTENCE OF ALL OF MY COLLEAGUES, THEIR TEAMWORK,
THEIR SPIRITED TEAMWORK. THEIR KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAD TO
PULL TOGETHER TO GET SOMETHING DONE IS AWESOME TO ME.
NOT AWESOME IN THE WAY THE KIDS USE THE WORD BUT IN THE SORT OF
BIBLICAL SENSE. >> STEPHEN: (AS SCHUMER)
"YES, THIS BILL IS AWESOME. NOT IN THE WAY KIDS USE THE
WORD. THEY WOULD SAY IT IS STRAIGHT
FIRE, FAM. TO BE QUITE FRANK, IT SLAPS, AND
I, FOR ONE, STAN. BY WHICH I MEAN, STAN EISENBERG,
MY PODIATRIST. HE'LL TAKE THOSE CORNS RIGHT
OFF, NO CAP." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ACCORDING TO SCHUMER, IT WASN'T JUST THE 'AWESOMENESS' OF SENATE
DEMOCRATS THAT GOT THEM ACROSS THE FINISH LINE.
HE HAD A SECRET WEAPON: >> OKAY, DOES ANYONE NOTICE
ANYTHING? >> NEW SUIT.
THIS IS MY LUCKY BLUE SUIT. I BROUGHT IT IN YESTERDAY
MORNING, BUT I DIDN'T WANNA JINX IT, AND WEAR IT, AND SO-- BUT I
WEAR IT ON GOOD LUCK DAYS, AND I HAD A FEELING I'D BE WEARING IT.
>> STEPHEN: SENATOR? PRETTY SURE THE LUCKY DOESN'T
COUNT IF YOU PUT IT ON AFTER YOU WIN.
I GOT THE JOB, AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO MY LUCKY SOCKS, WHICH
I'M GOING TO GO BUY RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
ONE SENATOR WAS LESS THAN THRILLED: BERNIE SANDERS.
HE TRIED REINTRODUCING A LOT OF PROGRESSIVE IDEAS THAT JOE
MANCHIN REMOVED FROM THE BILL, BUT ALL OF HIS EFFORTS FAILED,
WHICH MIGHT BE WHY HE WAS LATER PHOTOGRAPHED SITTING ON THE
CAPITOL STEPS LIKE THIS: OH, NO, WE'VE BROKEN BERNIE!
HE LOOKS LIKE THE DEPRESSED LEGISLATION FROM SCHOOL HOUSE
ROCK. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AS BERNIE)
"I'M JUST A BILL. I'M ONLY A BILL AND I'M SITTING
HERE WAITING FOR SOUP." ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE MISS YOU, BERNIE.
WE MISS YOU. OVERALL, IT WAS A GOOD DAY FOR
DEMOCRATS, BUT THE G.O.P. DID GET ONE WIN, BECAUSE, ON FRIDAY,
REPUBLICANS FORCED THE REMOVAL OF A MEASURE THAT WOULD CAP
INSULIN PRICES AT $35 FOR PRIVATE INSURERS.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) EXACTLY!
37 MILLION AMERICANS HAVE DIABETES, AND REPUBLICANS WANT
INSULIN TO BE EXPENSIVE? IT'S THE MOST UNPOPULAR
POLITICAL MOVE SINCE J.F.K.'S CAMPAIGN PROMISE: "I'M GONNA
BANG YOUR WIFE!" ( LAUGHTER )
>> WOW. WOW.
REALLY? >> Stephen: AND WE DO THESE
THINGS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE EASY, BUT BECAUSE I AM HARD.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO. YOU SEE, IT'S A REFERENCE --
( LAUGHTER ) PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A DISTURBING UPDATE
TO A DISTURBING STORY ABOUT DISTURBING FORMER
PRESIDENT: NAPOLEAN BONASPURS.
EARLIER THIS YEAR, THE NEW YORK TIMES'S MAGGIE HABERMAN REPORTED
THAT DURING THE EX-PRESIDENT'S TIME IN OFFICE, WHITE HOUSE
STAFF FOUND PAPERS CLOGGING A TOILET, BELIEVING THE
EX-PRESIDENT HAD FLUSHED MATERIAL HE'D RIPPED INTO
PIECES. IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME THE
FORMER PRESIDENT TRIED TO FLUSH SOMETHING EMBARRASSING.
ONE TIME STAFFERS WENT IN THERE AND FOUND ERIC.
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, WHEN THE STORY BROKE,
THE EX-PRESIDENT DENIED IT. SO THAT'S IT.
THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
...UNTIL THIS WEEKEND, WHEN THE PLOT WENT FROM ONE-PLY TO TWO,
BECAUSE HABERMAN REVEALED THESE PHOTOS FROM A WHITE HOUSE
SOURCE, SHOWING SOME TORN-UP TOILET MEMOS.
TO BE FAIR, IT'S UNCLEAR IF THOSE ARE OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE
DOCUMENTS OR HIS TOILET'S SUICIDE NOTE.
( LAUGHTER ) JIM, CAN WE TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT
FLUSH FORCE ONE? OK, THAT'S CLEARLY HIS SHARPIE
HANDWRITING. HE EVEN WROTE THE NAME STEFANIK.
AS IN ELISE STEFANIK, ONE OF THE EXPRESIDENT'S BIGGEST G.O.P.
DEFENDERS IN CONGRESS. IF YOU'RE IN THE MAGA WORLD,
THAT'S HUGE. CONGRATS ELISE I HEARD THE
PRESIDENT DROPPED YOUR NAME. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, IT'S BEEN A WHILE --
( APPLAUSE ) WOW!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE
TALKED ABOUT CONSPIRACY THEORIST AND SOFTBALL DIPPED IN PUBES,
ALEX JONES. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
JONES IS, AND I WANT TO BE FAIR HERE, THE WORST HUMAN ON THE
PLANET. HE HAS RECENTLY BEEN THE TARGET
OF A DEFAMATION LAWSUIT OVER THE OUTRAGEOUS LIES HE TOLD ABOUT
THE SANDY HOOK TRAGEDY BEING FAKED.
WELL, LATE LAST WEEK, THE JURY BROUGHT DOWN THE SLEDGE HAMMER,
AND ORDERED JONES TO PAY SANDY HOOK PARENTS OVER $49 MILLION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH!
HELL, YES! THAT IS -- THAT IS -- THAT IS
FITTING NEWS. REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED ON
A CHECK FOR $49 MILLION. OF COURSE, ALL THE EVIDENCE MADE
THE JURY'S DECISION PRETTY EASY. INITIALLY, WHEN JONES TOOK THE
STAND, HE SWORE UNDER OATH THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMAILS OR
TEXTS ABOUT SANDY HOOK. THEN, LAST WEEK, THE PLAINTIFF'S
LAWYER SPRANG A SURPRISE: >> MISTER JONES, DID YOU KNOW
THAT, 12 DAYS AGO... 12 DAYS AGO, YOUR ATTORNEYS
MESSED UP AND SENT ME AN ENTIRE DIGITAL COPY OF YOUR ENTIRE
CELLPHONE WITH EVERY TEXT YOU'VE SENT FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS.
AND WHEN INFORMED, DID NOT TAKE ANY STEPS TO IDENTIFY IT AS
PRIVILEGE OR PROTECTED IN ANY WAY.
AND AS OF TWO DAYS AGO, IT FELL FREE AND CLEAR INTO MY
POSSESSION AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW YOU LIED TO ME WHEN YOU
SAID YOU DIDN'T HAVE TEXT S ABOUT SANDY HOOK.
>> STEPHEN: ALEX JONES WAS BETRAYED BY HIS OWN LAWYERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LOOK FORWARD --
( APPLAUSE ) I LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT HE'LL SAY
ABOUT THEM ON HIS CONSPIRACY SHOW:
(AS TUCK BUCKFORD) "THESE GUYS ARE PART OF A VAST
CONSPIRACY INVOLVING GEORGE SOROS, SEX HORMONES HIDDEN IN
CAPRI SUN COASTAL COOLERS, AND THE ILLUMINATI INJECTING
MICROCHIPS INTO YOUR GENITALS TO TEACH YOUR PENIS CRITICAL RACE
THEORY OR, AND FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE HERE, MY LAWYERS
ARE EVEN STUPIDER THAN I AM." ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK, YOU RUB, THE MAYONNAISE --
( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, LOOK AT JONES' LAWYER AS
THE PROSECUTION REVEALS HIS SCREW-UP.
(AS LAWYER) "WELL THEY DIDN'T COVER 'THIS'
IN 'LEGALLY BLONDE.' MM-MM-MM...
"JONES WENT ON HIS SHOW TO TALK ABOUT THE 'WHOOPSIE-GUILTY,' AND
SWORE THERE WAS NOTHING INCRIMINATING IN HIS PHONE
RECORDS. >> THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE GOT.
AND IT'S JUST-- NO DICK PICS
NO NOTHING. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: OH -- OH, ALEX.
I BEG TO DIFFER. EVERY PICTURE
OF YOU IS A DICK PIC. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE MINDY
KALING AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY--AND JOE WALSH IS HERE.
WITH THE BAND! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! JOE WALSH RIGHT OVER WILL!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOUIS -- LOUIS, TONIGHT --
LOUIS, MY FRIEND, TONIGHT WE HAVE THE WONDERFUL, THE
TALENTED, OUR DEAR FRIEND MINDY KALING IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE
IN A LITTLE WHILE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY FROM CONNECTICUT WILL BE OUT HERE TO
TALK ABOUT THE BILLS THAT HAVE JUST BEEN PASSED IN THIS LAST
LEGISLATIVE SESSION. BUT, COME ON, THE HEADLINE
TONIGHT IS SITTING WITH THE BAND.
TELL EVERYBODY WHO WE'VE GOT RIGHT OVER WILL, PLEASE.
>> OH, MY GOODNESS, THE LEGENDARY JOE WALSH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JOSEPH.
GOOD TO SEE YA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
YOU SAT IN WITH THE BAND FOR ONE NIGHT BACK IN 2017.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: WE ALWAYS WANTED
YOU BACK. THANKS FOR DOING A RESIDENCY
WITH THE BAND. >> THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
>> Stephen: I'M A BIG FAN. JAMES BAND, FUNK 49, WALK AWAY,
OBVIOUSLY YOUR OWN CAREER, LIVING THE LIFE OF ILLUSION,
LIFE'S BEEN GOOD TO ME, ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OBVIOUSLY YOUR TIME WITH THE
EAGLES. THIS LITTLE BAND YOU SLUMMED
WITH FOR A WHILE, THE EAGLES. >> THTHIS IS A GOOD BAND.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A GOOD BAND HERE?
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHO DO YOU LIKE
PLAYING WITH, THESE PEOPLE OR THE EAGLES MORE?
>> WOW -- IT DEPENDS. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WHAT SONG YOU'RE PLAYING OR WHAT EAGLE YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT. >> WELL, I GET A LITTLE MORE
MONEY WITH THE EAGLES. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M SORRY.
I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET. COULD WE PASS THIS AROUND TO
FILL THIS UP? I'M SO SORRY.
>> NO, THIS IS FINE. >> Stephen: YOU'RE FINE?
I'M COOL, I CONTINUE MIND. >> Stephen: YOU CAN GET A RIDE
HOME WITH ME. THAT'S COOL.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. A PLEASURE HAVING YOU.
>> THANK YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I THINK IF YOU GUYS WERE WATCHING LAST
THURSDAY, YOU KNEW RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW, I TOOK OFF AND WENT UP
TO TULE AIR BASE ON THE NORTH END OF GREE GREENLAND.
IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE, GO TO A CONCRETE SLAB AND CRAWL
INTO A ICE CREAM FREEZER. I WANT TO THANK THE U.S.O. TO
MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR US TO GO UP THERE AND DO A LITTLE APPEARANCE
FOR ALL THE AIRMEN UP THERE, ALL THE SPACE FORCE PEOPLE UP THERE,
HEAD OF SPACE OPERATIONS IS UP THERE.
THEY'RE WATCHING ALL THE SATELLITES OVERHEAD.
ALL THE CONTRACTORS GO UP WILL. WHEN YOU GO UP THERE, YOU'RE UP
THERE FOR A YEAR. THAT'S IT.
OKAY. AND IN THE WINTERTIME, IT'S FOR
TWO AND A HALF MONTHS THE SUN DOES NOT COME UP.
BUT IN THE SUMMERTIME, THE SUN DOES NOT GO DOWN FOR TWO AND A
HALF MONTHS. AND WE WERE UP THERE, AND HERE'S
THE THING, THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT BEING UP THERE --
EVERYBODY WAS LOVELY, THEY COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE
WELCOMING, WE COULDN'T HAVE HAD A BETTER TIME.
IT'S ACTUALLY VERY BEAUTIFUL IN A STARK WAY.
OUR GOOD BUDDY STURGILL SIMPSON CAME UP WITH US FOR THE DAY, AND
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PIECE ABOUT THIS LATER ON IN THE FALL
ABOUT THIS, THE WEIRDEST THING -- BECAUSE THE SUN DOESN'T
GO DOWN, AND LET'S SAY YOU THEORETICALLY ROLL OUT OF THE
BAR 1:30 IN THE MORNING AND YOU LOOK UP AND THE SUN IS STILL
HIGH IN THE SKY, THE FREAKOUT THAT HAPPENS IS COMPLETELY UNL
EXPECTED. YOU KNOW THAT THE SUN IS GOING
TO BE UP WHEN YOU COME OUT, BUT WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY THERE --
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING, ON THE PLANET
I COME FROM, THE SUN COMES UP, THE SUN GOES DOWN.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THE SUN COMES UP IN THE EAST.
( BLEEP ) IT IS, IT DIDN'T GO DOWN IN THE WEST LAST NIGHT.
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE.
HERE'S A BIG SALUTE TO EVERYBODY UP THERE WATCHING THOSE MISSILES
NOT COMING OVER THE POLE AND THE SACRIFICE YOU ALL MAKE TO SEEP
US SAFE. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MINDY
KALING, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JOE WALSH, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU, JOE! HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST FROM, "THE OFFICE," "THE MINDY
PROJECT," AND "LATE NIGHT." PLEASE WELCOME, BACK TO "THE
LATE SHOW," MINDY KALING ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: MINDY. HI.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING BACK ON.
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. >> THANK YOU.
I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: ALWAYS HAPPY TO
HAVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE DON'T THINK THAT'S THE CASE.
>> I KNOW. >> Stephen: I WANT TO CLEAR
THE AIR. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I'VE HAD YOU ON MTSZ. I'M A GREAT ADMIRER OF YOURS.
YOU'VE SAID NICE THINGS ABOUT ME IN TURN, BUT PEOPLE DON'T
BELIEVE THAT. I WANT TO GO OVER -- HAVE YOU
SEEN ALL THESE? >> I HAVE SOME IDEA OF WHERE
THIS IS GOING. >> Stephen: THESE ARE BASED ON
CONVERSATIONS WE'VE HAD ON THIS SHOW.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: OKAY.
NUMBER ONE, MINDY KALING CALLS OUT COLBERT'S UNPROFESSIONAL
BEHAVIOR AS THE MINDY PROJECT GUEST STAR.
MINDY KALING'S BABY GIFT SUCKED. HIS APPLE WATCH CUTS HER OFF.
THE CONTROVERSIAL REASONS STEPHEN COLBERT HAD TO APOLOGIZE
TO MINDY KALING. AND DOES MINDY KALING HAVE HAD
BEEF WITH STEPHEN OLBERT? MINDY, LET'S SETTLE THAT LAST
ONE, DO YOU AND I HAVE BEEF? >> WE'RE THE NEW KANYE/PETE.
THAT'S US NOW. >> Stephen: KANYE/PETE.
I'M OBVIOUSLY KANYE. AND NOT JUST FOR RACIAL REASONS.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE THE TROUBLED GENIUS.
>> I'M THE TROUBLED GENIUS. I WAS VERY SURPRISED.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT WE HAD GREAT AFFECTION FOR EACH OTHER
ON TELEVISION. >> IF I HAD TO EXAMINE IT, THERE
HAVE BEEN THINGS YOU'VE DONE. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WOW. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU POINT AT
SOMEBURN ELSE, THAT'S THREE FINGERS POINTING BACK AT YOU,
MINDY. >> I HAVE GREAT ARVEGZ FOR YOU,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT --
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT SELLS NEWSPAPERS.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEF ARE MEGA
CELEBRITIES. >> Stephen: OH, MY GOD THEY
BLOW UP, HUGE. >> WE'RE LIKE MUSIC PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: RIGHT NOW WE'RE LIKE FISH, LET'S TAKE IT TO A
BEEF. >> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S MORE MEAT THAN --
>> THAT WAS GOOD. I LIKED IT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU. I THINK YOU AND I ARE THE ONLY
TWO WHO LIKED IT. >> I THOUGHT IT WAS, LIKE, UNCLE
STEPHEN. >> Stephen: NOT GRANDPA
STEPHEN? GO AHEAD, GO FOR IT.
UNCLE STEPHEN DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL OLD ENOUGH.
GO AHEAD. >> GRANDPA STEPHEN AND HIS MEAT
ANALOGY. >> Stephen: EXACTLY, YOU KNOW
HOW HE WAS ATTACKED BY A FISH IN THE WAR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S GOOD.
WE'LL GET TO THE POINT WHERE THEY CAN SAY, CAN ONLY ONE OF
THEM COME TO THE AWARD SHOW? >> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT YOU TALKING ABOUT ME AT THE EMMYS LAST YEAR, YOU
CALLED ME A MESSY BITCH. >> WE DO HAVE A PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: I SAID TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!
( LAUGHTER ) ISN'T IT PUN TO PRETEND THAT WE
DON'T HAVE A BEEF? >> YEAH, IT IS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NOW, YOU WENT TO
DISNEY WITH YOUR KIDS RECENTLY. I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
SOMETHING. YOU TWEETED FOR ADVICE WHILE YOU
WERE AT DISNEY, WHICH I THINK IS A DANGEROUS THING TO DO, WHICH
IT LETS PEOPLE KNOW MINDY KALING IS AT DISNEY AND YOUR LEGIONS OF
FANS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN MANY TOMORROW WORLD, OR WHATEVER.
>> YES. >> Stephen: YOU SAID THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS. I DON'T SEE IT.
>> THERE'S A TYPO. >> Stephen: GOING TO
DISNEYLAND WITH THE KIDS REALLY SOON, WHAT TO WEAR AND BRING
WITH ME FOR EIGHT PLUS DAYS IN THE PARK.
NO JOKES, PLEASE, THIS IS DEADLY SERIOUS.
>> THERE'S A TYPO. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE TYPO.
DAYS INSTEAD OF HOURS. FOR THE RECORD, THIS AUDIENCE
DID MOTT THINK THAT WAS STRANGE. >> Stephen: HERE'S THE THING,
I DID MOTT THINK IT WAS STRANGE EITHER.
>> EIGHT DAYS IN DISNEY? >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
STAYED AT DISNEY? IT'S WONDERFUL!
IT'S THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!
>> BUT YOU CAN SPEND HUNDREDS OF HOURS THERE IN A ROW.
>> Stephen: DON'T HAVE TO. EIGHT DAYS IS JUST 64 HOURS.
>> THAT'S LIKE TELLING YOUR BOSS I NEED MORE THAN A WEEK OFF TO
GO TO DISNEY, SIR, OR MA'AM, WHOEVER.
>> Stephen: SURE, VERY GOOD, GOOD SAVE, BY THE WAY.
>> MINDY KALING THINKS WOMEN CAN BE EMPLOYERS, TOO.
>> Stephen: OR A MOUSE WITH BIG EARS.
>> WHAT WAS CRAZY WAS WHEN I SAW IT I THOUGHT, OH, MY GOSH.
AND DISNEYLAND IS NOT DISNEY WORLD.
>> Stephen: TALKING SMACK ABOUT DISNEYLAND HOW.
>> IT MAKES ME SEEM UNGRATEFUL FOR OUR TIME THERE, BUT EIGHT
DAYS WORTH. >> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THE
KIDS. >> ALMOST TWO AND FOUR.
>> Stephen: FOUR IS PERFECT. SHE LIKE THE PRINCESSES AND ALL
THAT KIND OF STUFF? >> SHE'S A THRILL SEEKER.
>> Stephen: LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER YOU SAID SHE WAS MOTT
THRILLED WITH HAVING A LITTLE BROTHER.
HAS SHE ADJUSTED BECAUSE THEY EVENTUALLY LIKE THEM.
>> SHE LOVES IT NOW. SHE JUST IS A NARC.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES THIS MANIFEST ITSELF?
>> THE THRILL OF FEELING LIKE SHE COULD GET HIM INTO TROUBLE
AND HE'S MOTT EVEN TWO YET. SHE'LL RUN IN AND BE LIKE,
SPENCER WAS READING A BOOK UPSIDE DOWN!
I'M, LIKE, OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT REALLY HURTING
ANYBODY. LIKE -- AND HE CAN'T EVEN READ!
THOSE ARE MY BOOKS! IT'S FINE, BUT TO NOT SEEM LIKE
I'M A ONE-SIDED PARENT, I'M, LIKE, BUT HE SHOULDN'T BE
READING IT UPSIDE DOWN, THERE ARE OUTS OF SIDES TO THIS STORY.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT HER?
>> HE ADORES HER. >> Stephen: OF COURSE, SHE CAN
DO NO WRONG. >> AND SHE'S BARELY TOLERATING
HIM RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: YOU MIGHT HAVE
TIPS, YOU'RE THE YOUNGEST OF ELEVEN.
>> I'M THE YOUNGEST OF ELEVEN. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO?
JUST DO ANYTHING THEY WANT. NO JOKE, I WAS A TACKLING DUMMY
FOR MY BROTHERS. MY BROTHER WAS ALL STATE
WRESTLER AND HE WOULD SAY, COME HERE, I WANT TO SHOW YOU AN
ILLEGAL CHOKE HOLD. WE'LL TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
DON'T GO AWAY. BACK WITH MINDY KALING.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK!
WE'RE HERE WITH THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED MINDY KALING.
SO SEASON THREE OF YOUR SHOW, OF NETFLIX "NEVER HAVE I EVER" IS
COMING OUT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THAT. I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT
LATER. PREMIERES FRIDAY.
WHAT DO WE LOOK FORWARD TO THIS SEASON?
>> THIS SEASON, IT'S A VERY HORNY SHOW ABOUT TEENAGERS.
>> Stephen: AS THEY SHOULD BE. AND IT'S VERY POPULAR.
>> Stephen: THAT'S HONEST. ANDIST REALLY FUN, AND THIS
SEASON THIS IS WHAT I THINK IS REALLY EXCITING THERE'S, LIKE, A
YOUNG HOT INDIAN LOVE INTEREST. THERE'S AN INDIAN GUY ON THE
SHOW. >> Stephen: NEW HOTNESS.
A NEW HOT INDIAN MAN WHICH YOU DON'T SEE THAT MUCH.
MAJOR HOTNESS. >> THIS KID IS A MEDICAL GRADE
DOC. MAYBE WE COULD TELL EVERYONE
HE'S MY COUSIN. OW!
BEN! >> WE NEED YOU.
HAT ARE YOU DOING. PLAYING A DRINKING GAME
CALLINGED ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A BEN.
>> OH, MY GOD THAT IS SO LAME. WHAT IF I DROP OFF MY COUSIN
WITH THESE TWO WHILE I MAKE AN APPEARANCE WITH PAXTON.
>> YOU HAVE A COUSIN COMIC. I DO.
IF YOU SEE AN INDIAN DOC COME THROUGH THAT DOOR, LET ME KNOW.
>> I SEE AN INDIAN GUY COMING WILL YOU THE DOOR BUT HE
DEFINITELY DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A DOC.
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: DID YOU DO THAT
CASTING YOURSELF. >> YES.
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE. GOOD ENTRANCE?
>> Stephen: I'D LOVE TO HAVE THAT ENTRANCE SOMETIME.
WHY IS NEXT SEASON GOING TO BE THE LAST ONE?
>> I DON'T WANT IT TO BE. I THOUGHT FOUR SEASONS WOULD BE
PERFECT FOR A HIGH SCHOOL SHOW IS, AND, NOW, I'M, LIKE, WHY AM
I DOING THIS? I LOVE MONEY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY I LOVE MY LAST. >> OH, YEAH, I LOVE MY CAST.
>> Stephen: THEM, TOO. AM I ALLOWED TO REWIND FOR
EDIT? NO, ONLY YOU, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: NAME ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING.
>> DAMN IT! >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) >> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT I JUST SAID I LOVE MONEY. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M DOING FINE. LIKE, WHY DO I --
>> Stephen: YOU'RE FINE. LOOK AT THAT RING.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: COME ON.
I'M RICH. NO, I'M NOT RICH.
I'M OKAY. I'M NOT NOT RICH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS A GREAT
INTERVIEW. THIS IS THE PART THAT YOU REALL-
>> LET'S GET MY TAX RETURNS OUT HERE AND LET THE AUDIENCE
DECIDE. >> Stephen: FOUR YEARS AND
FOUR YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL, HAT MAKES SENSE TO ME.
IS THAT THE LOGIC. >> YES, AND IT'S A GREAT PLACE
TO END IT. WE KNEW WHAT THE ENDING WOULD BE
WHEN WE STARTED IT. IT TAKES -- YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKEO LAUNCH A SHOW. >> Stephen: LIKE HAVING A
BABY. >> IT'S LIKE HAVING A BABY.
AND HEN I LIKE THE WRITERS, I LOVE THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE, SO IT
WAS TOO SOON TO SAY GOODBYE. IS THAT A GOOD SAVE?
( LAUGHTER ) WAS THAT CREDIBLE?
>> Stephen: EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE SAYING GOODBYE.
>> OH, YES. AND, SO, WE'RE SAYING GOODBYE.
BUT I'M SAD ABOUT IT. HEY, THIS IS BAD.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO SEEM SO NICE WHEN THIS IS ALL
EDIT. EVERYONE GOING, I DO LIKE MINDY
KALING. >> LIKE SHONDA RHYMES, WHY CAN'T
I SAY, IT'S A NICE TIME, I I'LL MISS IT BUT EVERYONE NEEDS TO
MOVE ON. HOW HARD WOULD HAT HAVE BEEN?
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: OKAY. THEY'RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE
IT'S 95 DEGREES OUT AND THEY'RE, LIKE, OH!
AIR CONDITIONING. >> Stephen: WE THOUGHT THIS
WAS TOP GUN MAVERICK! ( LAUGHTER )
MINDY, DELIGHTFUL TO SEE YOU AS ALWAYS.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK WITH THE
BEEF. I'M COMING FOR YOU.
SEASON THREE OF "NEVER HAVE I EVER," PREMIERES FRIDAY ON
NETFLIX. MINDY KALING, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( BAND P) >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST SERVED THREE TERMS IN CONGRESS AND IN
2013 THE PEOPLE OF CONNECTICUT ELECTED HIM TO THE UNITED STATES
SENATE. PLEASE WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW,
SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: SENATOR, HOW AUSPICIOUS TO HAVE YOU HERE.
THERE'S A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. >> THERE IS!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A STORY TO TELL
THIS FALL, A STORY THEY DID MOTT HAVE TO TELL IN THE SPRING.
A LOT HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS.
LET'S START WITH THE ALL-NIGHTER THAT YOU GUYS HELD THIS WEEKEND
IN THE SENATE TO PASS THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT.
WHEN WE SAW ALL NIGHTER, LITERALLY?
>> IT'S LITERALLY AN ALL NIGHTER.
YOU'VE GOT TO STAY UP TILL EVERYBODY IS DONE PUTTING
AMENDMENTS ON THE BILL. IT'S A 24-HOUR PERIOD.
>> Stephen: IS IT A FORM OF PUNISHMENT ON THE OTHER SIDE?
THEY MIGHT AS WELL BEAT YOU WITH STICKS AND WON'T PASS IT TILL
YOU BEAT US? >> THEY FORCED US THROUGH 24
HOURS OF AMENDMENTS TO UNDO THAT PROGRESS SO ATSZ FORM OF
PUNISHMENT. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE TO
STAY ON THE FLOOR FOR THAT PERIOD OF TIME.
>> IT'S NOT LIKE A FILIBUSTER WHERE YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO STAY
ON THE FLOOR. YOU CAN LEAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM, GET A RED BULL. >> Stephen: BERNIE CAN GO DOWN
AND LIE ON THE STEPS OUTSIDE. >> THAT'S A NEW ICONIC MITTENS.
WILL RIVAL THE MITTENS. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE SENSE
ON THE FLOOR AFTER IT PASSED. >> RELIEF.
AS A PARENT OF A 13-YEAR-OLD AND 10-YEAR-OLD, I KNOW OUR TIME IS
RUNNING OUT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT A PLANET IN CRISIS, AND IF
WE DID NOT ACT NOW, WE MIGHT NOT HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE FOR FIVE TO
TEN YEARS, AND AT THAT TIME IT MIGHT BE OUT OF OUR HANDS.
AT THE END OF THE 24-HOUR PERIOD, WE WERE WE WERE
EXHAUSTED BUT EXCITED TO MOVE THE NEEDLE AND TELL OUR KIDS AND
GRANDKIDS THAT WE ARE FINALLY ON A PATHWAY FOR THE UNITED STATES
TO BE A LEADER IN TACKLING CLIMATE CHANGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AFTER THE PASSAGE
OF THE BILL, YOU TWEETED THIS IMAGE OF PRESIDENT BIDEN.
( LAUGHTER ) DID COVID GIVE HIM LASER
SUPERPOWERS? >> I'M GOING TO TRY TO EXPLAIN
THAT MEME, BUT HE IS A BIT OF A SUPERHERO THIS SUMMER.
THIS IS A PRESIDENT WHO HAS A RECORD OF ACHIEVEMENT FROM THE
GUN BILL TO THE VETERANS BILL TO THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT
THAT'S GOING TO RIVAL ANY PRESIDENT FOR THEIR FIRST TWO
YEARS. I THINK WHAT'S BEEN MAGICAL IS
HE'S BEEN NIMBLE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHEN HE NEEDS TO BE
DIRECTLY INVOLVED, WHEN HE NEEDS TO SIT BACK.
>> Stephen: DID IT HELP AT ALL TO HAVE HIM SIDELINED WITH COVID
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS? BECAUSE DURING THE CAMPAIGN, HE
STAYED IN THE BASEMENT FOR A LONG TIME.
EVERYONE WAS, LIKE, IT'S GOING GREAT, DON'T COME OUT.
>> HE WAS ON THE PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME AND WORKING STRAIGHT
THROUGH IT. IT WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN DONE
WITHOUT JOE BIDEN. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A GOOD
RELATIONSHIP WITH JOE MANCHIN. DO A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE GOOD
RELATIONSHIPS WITH HIM? HE GETS A LOT OF GRIEF FROM THE
DEMOCRATIC SIDE OF THE AISLE FOR MOTT BEING SUFFICIENTLY -- NOT
BEING SUFFICIENTLY PROGRESSIVE. >> HE'S GOT A NICE BOAT.
>> Stephen: HE'S GOING TO NEED IT WHEN THE SEA RISES.
>> I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN INVITATION TO THE BOAT.
BUT JOE IS A FRIEND, AND HE'S A FRIEND BECAUSE, IN 2013, NOBODY
SPENT MORE TIME WITH THE SANDY HOOK FAMILIES AFTER THAT TRAGEDY
THAN JOE MANCHIN. IT WAS IMPLAUSIBLE FOR THE
DEMOCRAT FROM WEST VIRGINIA TO BE THE LEADER ON TIGHTENING
AMERICA'S GUN LAWS BUT HE DID BECAUSE HE FELT AN EMOTIONAL
CONNECTION TO THE FAMILIES. HIS PRIORITIES ARE NOT EXACTLY
MINE, BUT HE'S A DEMOCRAT FOR A REASON, HE DOES BELIEVE
GOVERNMENT CAN HELP LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD, HE DOES BELIEVE
OUR GUN LAWS ARE A LITTLE INSANE AND WORKS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.
WE DON'T ONE-UP ALL THE TIME BUT I'M GLAD HE WAS ON THE TEAM THIS
TIME. >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW THE
SECRET NEGOTIATIONS WERE GOING ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS?
>> I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE SECRET NEGOTIATIONS.
>> Stephen: SO YOU KNEW ( LAUGHTER )
>> I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU BLAME MITCH McCONNELL FOR BEING MAD AT IT
OR ARE YOU LIKE, WE'RE JUST PLAYING YOUR GAME BACK AT YA?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> SO WHAT REPUBLICANS SAID WAS
THAT THEY WERE GOING TO HOLD BILLS HOSTAGE THAT THEY SUPPORT,
LIKE THE VETERANS BILL, IF WE ENACTED CLIMATE CHANGE
LEGISLATION. THAT WAS THEIR DECISION, THAT
WAS THEIR BOTTOM LINE, THAT WAS THEIR TRICK.
SO WE WERE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO PLAY THEIR GAME.
WE TOLD THEM RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING WE WANT TO DO THE
VETERANS BILL, WE WANT TO RESTART THE MICROCHIP INDUSTRY
WITH THE CHIP ACT AND PASS CLIMATE CHANGE LEGISLATION TO
LOWER DRUG COSTS. IT'S THEIR FAULT THEY COULDN'T
STOP ANY OF THAT. WE ULTIMATELY GOT IT DONE AND
I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T LET MITCH McCONNELL DECIDE WHAT WAS
GOING TO HAPPEN AND WHAT WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, LET'S TALK
ABOUT THAT HISTORIC GUN CONTROL LEGISLATION BECAUSE WHILE IT DID
MOTT CHECK EVERY BOX ON PEOPLE'S WISH LIST ABOUT THIS, WHAT WAS
HISTORIC ABOUT IT, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, IS THAT THERE HAD
BEEN NOTHING DONE FOR A GENERATION.
WHY DO YOU THINK THIS MOMENT WAS DIFFERENT?
>> SO NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS COUNTRY FOR 30 YEARS,
NOTWITHSTANDING ALL THESE MASS SHOOTINGS, NOTWITHSTANDING THIS
DRAMATIC RISE IN HOMICIDES AND SUICIDES.
THE REASON UNFORTUNATELY WAS PRETTY SIMPLE, THE GUN INDUSTRY
FOR 30 YEARS CONTROLLED WASHINGTON.
THEY HAD THIS POLITICAL POWERHOUSE THAT INTIMIDATED
PEOPLE INTO DOING NOTHING, REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS.
OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS, WE BUILT OUR OWN POLITICAL MOVEMENT
AND CHANGING GUN LAWS, STUDENTS, PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, THAT
ULTIMATELY, BY THE SUMMER OF THIS YEAR, WAS JUST AS POWERFUL
AS THE GUN LOBBY, MORE POWERFUL. AFTER UVALDE, YOU KNOW,
MEMBERSOV THE SENATE WENT HOME FOR A WEEK RIGHT AFTER UVALDE,
AND DURING THAT WEEK, YOU KNOW, THEY TALKED TO PARENTS AND KIDS
WHO WERE JUST SCARED STIFF THAT CONGRESS WAS GOING TO DO NOTHING
AFTER A SECOND SANDY HOOK HAD HAPPENED, AND IT WAS THAT
IMPERATIVE FROM THE VOTERS COMBINED WITH THE POWER OF THE
MOVEMENT THAT, THIS TIME, ALLOWED US TO BREAK WILL YOU AND
GET SOMETHING DONE WE HADN'T DONE IN 30 YEARS, CHANGE
AMERICA'S GUN LAWS TO MAKE OUR COMMUNITIES AND SCHOOLS SAFER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IS THE
SIGNIFICANCE THERE EXACTLY WHAT WAS PASSED OR THE PACT THAT IT'S
POSSIBLE TO PASS SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY CARROT, NOT
STICK. I MEAN, THE STATES AREN'T
COMPELLED TO CHANGE THE LAWS, THEY'RE ENTICED TO DO SO.
WHAT'S NEXT? IF THIS IS THE DOOR THAT OPENS,
AS I'VE HEARD, TO NEW POSSIBILITIES, WHAT'S THE NEXT
FIGHTLE? >> I THINK THE BILL IS WORTH IT
IN AND OF ITSELF. THERE ARE SOME CHANGES IN STATES
BUT SOME THINGS CONCRETE IN FEDERAL LAW, A BOYFRIEND THAT
BEATS A GIRLFRIEND WON'T BE ABLE TO BUY A GUN.
BUT I BELIEVE THERE ARE MOMENTS WHERE THE STRUCTURE OF POWER
CHANGES AND THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE ALL OF A SUDDEN THE FOLKS
WHO WANT CHANGES IN OUR GUN LAWS HAVE MORE POWER HAN THE
INDUSTRY, AND I THINK THAT ALLOWS US TO DO EVEN MORE.
AND REPUBLICANS WILL REALIZE THAT THEY DON'T PAY A HUGE PRICE
FOR CROSSING THE GUN LOBBY, THEY GET MORE SUPPORT FROM UNLIKELY
CORNERS IN THEIR STATES AND THAT WILL ALLOW US TO DO MORE WORK ON
A BIPARTISAN BASIS ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I HAVE A SLIGHT CONTROVERSY TO
DISCUSS WITH YOU. AS WE REPORTED ON THE SHOW, THE
CHOCOLATE TACO HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED BY THE PEOPLE AT
KLONDIKE, AND YOU TWEETED THIS RECENTLY, YOU SAID TOMORROW I'M
INTRODUCING LEGISLATION TO INVOKE THE DEFENSE PRODUCTION
ACT TO MANDATE THE CONTINUED MANUFACTURE OF CHOCO TACOS.
PLEASE CALL YOUR SENATOR AND DEMAND THEY CO-SPONSOR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HOW FLOODED DID
THE SENATE PHONE LINES GET AFTER THAT SOME.
>> WHAT DOES THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EXIST FOR IF NOT TO
COMPEL THE PRODUCTION OF CHOCO TACOS?
( LAUGHTER ) THE GOOD NEWS IS WE MAY HAVE A
BREAK THROUGH SZ. KLONDIKE IS HINTING THEY MAYBE
ARE GOING TO CREATE SPACE IN THEIR ICE CREAM FACTORIES TO PUT
CHOCO TACOS BACK ON THE MARKET AND THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR
AMERICA. >> Stephen: IS IT THE
GOVERNMENT'S ROLE TO TELL PRIVATE INDUSTRY WHAT TO
MANUFACTURE? AREN'T YOU PICKING WINNERS AND
LOSERS, DON'T YOU DEMOCRATS ALWAYS DO THAT, SENATOR?
>> YEAH, BUT THE CHOCO TACO A SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: WE AGREE AT THE "LATE SHOW," SO WE WOULD LIKE TO
PRESENT YOU FOR YOUR EFFORTS, THIS LIMITED, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
GET THIS ANYMORE, THREE CHOCO TACOS, JUST FOR YOU.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: RELISH THEM.
THANK YOU. >> Stephen: SENATOR, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY, EVERYBODY,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR THE
LATE SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE BEN STILLER AND D'ARCY CARDEN.
GOOD NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )