1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:04,838 PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN IS EMERGING OUT OF COVID ISOLATION 2 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:08,842 WITH SOME BIG POLITICAL WINS. THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT. 3 00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:12,979 >> HE ANNOUNCED THE SUCCESSFUL OPERATION HAT TOOK OUT AL QUAIDA 4 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:18,251 TERRORIST LEADER AL-ZAWAHRI BETTER THAN EXPECTED JOBS 5 00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,220 REPORT. >> THE PRESIDENT MAS HAD A VERY 6 00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,857 EFFECTIVE TIME AND THE IRONY IS THIS CAME WHILE HE WAS SUFFERING 7 00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:27,193 FROM COVID. >> WE HERE AT THE C.D.C. WANT TO 8 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,663 REMIND YOU THAT THE LATEST STRAIN OF COVID IS STILL 9 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,799 PREVALENT. HERE ARE THE SYMPTOMS TO LOOK 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:41,141 FOR -- FEVER, FATIGUE, SEVERE LOSS OF TERRORIST HEAD, 11 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:45,678 UNEXPECTED BILL PASSAGE. IRRITABLE MITCH SYNDROME, 12 00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,782 SWOLLEN JOB NUMBERS, AND FALLING OFF A BIKE. 13 00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:54,254 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 14 00:00:54,320 --> 00:01:00,994 TONIGHT, CHILL PHIL. TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES MINDY 15 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:07,133 KALING AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 16 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,470 HUMAN," WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOE WALSH. 17 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:14,874 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 18 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:21,014 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 19 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:34,294 ( BAND PLAYING ) 20 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,268 >> Stephen: GOOD EVENING. HELLO, HELLO. 21 00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:45,905 HELLO, MY FRIENDS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 22 00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:47,407 HELLO! SHHH! 23 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:48,975 WHOO! THANK YOU SO MUCH. 24 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,344 I HOPE YOU'RE FEELING GOOD. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 25 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:56,649 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. I FOR ONE -- 26 00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:02,055 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I, FOR ONE, I'M IN A VERY GOOD 27 00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:03,523 MOOD. YOU KNOW, THE KIND YOU GET WHEN 28 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:04,791 YOU FIND A DOLLAR ON THE SIDEWALK OR REALIZE THAT OUR 29 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,192 CHILDREN MAY NOT BE DOOMED TO A FIERY HELLSCAPE? 30 00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:10,196 BECAUSE THIS WEEKEND, THE US SENATE FINALLY APPROVED A BILL 31 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:19,906 TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 32 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,542 THANK GOD. FINALLY. 33 00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:25,178 THANK GOD, WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO SAVE THE PLANET. 34 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,479 'CUZ THAT IS WHERE I KEEP MOST OF MY STUFF. 35 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:30,917 THIS BILL IS CHOCK FULL OF GREAT THINGS FOR THE ENVIRONMENT LIKE 36 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:35,922 TAX CREDITS FOR RENEWABLE ENERGY APPLIANCES AND CLEAN TECHNOLOGY 37 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,191 MANUFACTURING, ALONG WITH NEARLY $400 BILLION OVER 10 YEARS IN 38 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:42,028 TAX CREDITS AIMED AT STEERING CONSUMERS TO ELECTRIC VEHICLES, 39 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,096 ALL IN ALL, IT WILL CUT GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS BY 40 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:49,802 ABOUT 40%. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 41 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:58,211 THAT'S HUGE. FROM NOW ON, WE'LL BE PUTTING 42 00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:04,050 ONLY GOOD THINGS INTO THE AIR, LIKE DONUT-FLAVORED VAPE SMOKE. 43 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,185 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT JUST CLIMATE CHANGE. 44 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:10,690 THE BILL, CALLED THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT, WILL ALSO MAKE 45 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,926 GOOD ON DEMOCRATS' YEARS-OLD PLEDGE TO REDUCE PRESCRIPTION 46 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:18,197 DRUG COSTS FOR THE ELDERLY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 47 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:22,201 YES. VERY EXCITING. 48 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:26,739 GOOD NEWS FOR THE ELDERLY, OR AS GRASSLEY AND DIANE FEINSTEIN 49 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:30,343 CALL THEM, "THOSE DAMN KIDS." CHUCK 50 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:34,180 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE EVEN OLDER. 51 00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:38,184 TO RAISE REVENUES, THE BILL INCLUDES A NEW 15% MINIMUM TAX 52 00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:45,925 ON CORPORATIONS THAT EARN MORE THAN $1 BILLION IN ANNUAL 53 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:46,993 PROFITS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 54 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:59,072 -- BACKED UP BY $80 BILLION TO THE I.R.S. TO INCREASE 55 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,273 ENFORCEMENT. THE I.R.S. EXPLAINED THEIR NEW 56 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,208 ENFORCEMENT POWERS TO CORPORATIONS WITH THIS 57 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:15,154 INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO: ♪ BETTER HAVE MY MONEY ♪ 58 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,356 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: NO ONE WAS HAPPIER 59 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,191 TO GET THE BILL PASSED THAN SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND MAN 60 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:22,028 USING HIS SUPER POWERS TO WARM HIS COFFEE, CHUCK SCHUMER. 61 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,931 SCHUMER GAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE FOLLOWING THE VOTE, AND HE SAID 62 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:30,269 THIS OF THE VICTORY: >> AS YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A 63 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:33,740 LONG, TOUGH, AND WINDING ROAD. >> STEPHEN: AH YES, THE LONG, 64 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:37,143 TOUGH, AND WINDING ROAD. IT'S EVERYONE'S FAVORITE BEATLES 65 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:41,314 SONG, NEXT TO A "HARD DAY'S VERY DIFFICULT NIGHTTIME." 66 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:46,452 SCHUMER PRAISED THE HARD WORK OF SENATE DEMOCRATS: 67 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,955 >> I JUST WANT TO AGAIN THANK THE LEADERSHIP, HARD WORK, AND 68 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,024 PERSISTENCE OF ALL OF MY COLLEAGUES, THEIR TEAMWORK, 69 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:54,293 THEIR SPIRITED TEAMWORK. THEIR KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAD TO 70 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:59,032 PULL TOGETHER TO GET SOMETHING DONE IS AWESOME TO ME. 71 00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,534 NOT AWESOME IN THE WAY THE KIDS USE THE WORD BUT IN THE SORT OF 72 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,036 BIBLICAL SENSE. >> STEPHEN: (AS SCHUMER) 73 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:07,507 "YES, THIS BILL IS AWESOME. NOT IN THE WAY KIDS USE THE 74 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:11,511 WORD. THEY WOULD SAY IT IS STRAIGHT 75 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:15,515 FIRE, FAM. TO BE QUITE FRANK, IT SLAPS, AND 76 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:19,485 I, FOR ONE, STAN. BY WHICH I MEAN, STAN EISENBERG, 77 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:23,489 MY PODIATRIST. HE'LL TAKE THOSE CORNS RIGHT 78 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:35,501 OFF, NO CAP." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 79 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,937 ACCORDING TO SCHUMER, IT WASN'T JUST THE 'AWESOMENESS' OF SENATE 80 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,505 DEMOCRATS THAT GOT THEM ACROSS THE FINISH LINE. 81 00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:43,509 HE HAD A SECRET WEAPON: >> OKAY, DOES ANYONE NOTICE 82 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:49,415 ANYTHING? >> NEW SUIT. 83 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,750 THIS IS MY LUCKY BLUE SUIT. I BROUGHT IT IN YESTERDAY 84 00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:55,488 MORNING, BUT I DIDN'T WANNA JINX IT, AND WEAR IT, AND SO-- BUT I 85 00:05:55,555 --> 00:06:02,228 WEAR IT ON GOOD LUCK DAYS, AND I HAD A FEELING I'D BE WEARING IT. 86 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,798 >> STEPHEN: SENATOR? PRETTY SURE THE LUCKY DOESN'T 87 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:11,504 COUNT IF YOU PUT IT ON AFTER YOU WIN. 88 00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:14,240 I GOT THE JOB, AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO MY LUCKY SOCKS, WHICH 89 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:18,878 I'M GOING TO GO BUY RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER ) 90 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:23,282 ONE SENATOR WAS LESS THAN THRILLED: BERNIE SANDERS. 91 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:26,219 HE TRIED REINTRODUCING A LOT OF PROGRESSIVE IDEAS THAT JOE 92 00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:29,055 MANCHIN REMOVED FROM THE BILL, BUT ALL OF HIS EFFORTS FAILED, 93 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,557 WHICH MIGHT BE WHY HE WAS LATER PHOTOGRAPHED SITTING ON THE 94 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:38,231 CAPITOL STEPS LIKE THIS: OH, NO, WE'VE BROKEN BERNIE! 95 00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:39,499 HE LOOKS LIKE THE DEPRESSED LEGISLATION FROM SCHOOL HOUSE 96 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:44,237 ROCK. ( LAUGHTER ) 97 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:47,507 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AS BERNIE) 98 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:51,511 "I'M JUST A BILL. I'M ONLY A BILL AND I'M SITTING 99 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:57,016 HERE WAITING FOR SOUP." ( LAUGHTER ) 100 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,921 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE MISS YOU, BERNIE. 101 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,589 WE MISS YOU. OVERALL, IT WAS A GOOD DAY FOR 102 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,858 DEMOCRATS, BUT THE G.O.P. DID GET ONE WIN, BECAUSE, ON FRIDAY, 103 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,927 REPUBLICANS FORCED THE REMOVAL OF A MEASURE THAT WOULD CAP 104 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:14,267 INSULIN PRICES AT $35 FOR PRIVATE INSURERS. 105 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,102 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) EXACTLY! 106 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,337 37 MILLION AMERICANS HAVE DIABETES, AND REPUBLICANS WANT 107 00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:22,175 INSULIN TO BE EXPENSIVE? IT'S THE MOST UNPOPULAR 108 00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:26,179 POLITICAL MOVE SINCE J.F.K.'S CAMPAIGN PROMISE: "I'M GONNA 109 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:33,419 BANG YOUR WIFE!" ( LAUGHTER ) 110 00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,253 >> WOW. WOW. 111 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:43,996 REALLY? >> Stephen: AND WE DO THESE 112 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:48,935 THINGS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE EASY, BUT BECAUSE I AM HARD. 113 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,670 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 114 00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:58,177 THERE YOU GO. YOU SEE, IT'S A REFERENCE -- 115 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:04,851 ( LAUGHTER ) PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT. 116 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:06,052 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A DISTURBING UPDATE 117 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,019 TO A DISTURBING STORY ABOUT DISTURBING FORMER 118 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,788 PRESIDENT: NAPOLEAN BONASPURS. 119 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:12,225 EARLIER THIS YEAR, THE NEW YORK TIMES'S MAGGIE HABERMAN REPORTED 120 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,759 THAT DURING THE EX-PRESIDENT'S TIME IN OFFICE, WHITE HOUSE 121 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:18,464 STAFF FOUND PAPERS CLOGGING A TOILET, BELIEVING THE 122 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:19,565 EX-PRESIDENT HAD FLUSHED MATERIAL HE'D RIPPED INTO 123 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:22,768 PIECES. IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME THE 124 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:25,538 FORMER PRESIDENT TRIED TO FLUSH SOMETHING EMBARRASSING. 125 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:30,843 ONE TIME STAFFERS WENT IN THERE AND FOUND ERIC. 126 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:37,550 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, WHEN THE STORY BROKE, 127 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,653 THE EX-PRESIDENT DENIED IT. SO THAT'S IT. 128 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:46,425 THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW THE TRUTH. 129 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:49,562 ...UNTIL THIS WEEKEND, WHEN THE PLOT WENT FROM ONE-PLY TO TWO, 130 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,798 BECAUSE HABERMAN REVEALED THESE PHOTOS FROM A WHITE HOUSE 131 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:56,669 SOURCE, SHOWING SOME TORN-UP TOILET MEMOS. 132 00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,804 TO BE FAIR, IT'S UNCLEAR IF THOSE ARE OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE 133 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:03,576 DOCUMENTS OR HIS TOILET'S SUICIDE NOTE. 134 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,011 ( LAUGHTER ) JIM, CAN WE TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT 135 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:08,748 FLUSH FORCE ONE? OK, THAT'S CLEARLY HIS SHARPIE 136 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:14,987 HANDWRITING. HE EVEN WROTE THE NAME STEFANIK. 137 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,891 AS IN ELISE STEFANIK, ONE OF THE EXPRESIDENT'S BIGGEST G.O.P. 138 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,393 DEFENDERS IN CONGRESS. IF YOU'RE IN THE MAGA WORLD, 139 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:24,730 THAT'S HUGE. CONGRATS ELISE I HEARD THE 140 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:29,835 PRESIDENT DROPPED YOUR NAME. ( LAUGHTER ) 141 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,805 ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, IT'S BEEN A WHILE -- 142 00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:33,806 ( APPLAUSE ) WOW! 143 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,310 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE 144 00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:39,812 TALKED ABOUT CONSPIRACY THEORIST AND SOFTBALL DIPPED IN PUBES, 145 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:43,516 ALEX JONES. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 146 00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,251 JONES IS, AND I WANT TO BE FAIR HERE, THE WORST HUMAN ON THE 147 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,921 PLANET. HE HAS RECENTLY BEEN THE TARGET 148 00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,624 OF A DEFAMATION LAWSUIT OVER THE OUTRAGEOUS LIES HE TOLD ABOUT 149 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:57,496 THE SANDY HOOK TRAGEDY BEING FAKED. 150 00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,665 WELL, LATE LAST WEEK, THE JURY BROUGHT DOWN THE SLEDGE HAMMER, 151 00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:04,737 AND ORDERED JONES TO PAY SANDY HOOK PARENTS OVER $49 MILLION. 152 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:08,908 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH! 153 00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:12,745 HELL, YES! THAT IS -- THAT IS -- THAT IS 154 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,514 FITTING NEWS. REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED ON 155 00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:20,653 A CHECK FOR $49 MILLION. OF COURSE, ALL THE EVIDENCE MADE 156 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,956 THE JURY'S DECISION PRETTY EASY. INITIALLY, WHEN JONES TOOK THE 157 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,258 STAND, HE SWORE UNDER OATH THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMAILS OR 158 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:31,564 TEXTS ABOUT SANDY HOOK. THEN, LAST WEEK, THE PLAINTIFF'S 159 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:38,237 LAWYER SPRANG A SURPRISE: >> MISTER JONES, DID YOU KNOW 160 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,640 THAT, 12 DAYS AGO... 12 DAYS AGO, YOUR ATTORNEYS 161 00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:46,045 MESSED UP AND SENT ME AN ENTIRE DIGITAL COPY OF YOUR ENTIRE 162 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:50,249 CELLPHONE WITH EVERY TEXT YOU'VE SENT FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS. 163 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:53,486 AND WHEN INFORMED, DID NOT TAKE ANY STEPS TO IDENTIFY IT AS 164 00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:55,488 PRIVILEGE OR PROTECTED IN ANY WAY. 165 00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:59,425 AND AS OF TWO DAYS AGO, IT FELL FREE AND CLEAR INTO MY 166 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,894 POSSESSION AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW YOU LIED TO ME WHEN YOU 167 00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:05,798 SAID YOU DIDN'T HAVE TEXT S ABOUT SANDY HOOK. 168 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:11,504 >> STEPHEN: ALEX JONES WAS BETRAYED BY HIS OWN LAWYERS. 169 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,273 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LOOK FORWARD -- 170 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,344 ( APPLAUSE ) I LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT HE'LL SAY 171 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,512 ABOUT THEM ON HIS CONSPIRACY SHOW: 172 00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,813 (AS TUCK BUCKFORD) "THESE GUYS ARE PART OF A VAST 173 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:26,252 CONSPIRACY INVOLVING GEORGE SOROS, SEX HORMONES HIDDEN IN 174 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:30,756 CAPRI SUN COASTAL COOLERS, AND THE ILLUMINATI INJECTING 175 00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:35,494 MICROCHIPS INTO YOUR GENITALS TO TEACH YOUR PENIS CRITICAL RACE 176 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,264 THEORY OR, AND FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE HERE, MY LAWYERS 177 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:43,502 ARE EVEN STUPIDER THAN I AM." ( LAUGHTER ) 178 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:50,142 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK, YOU RUB, THE MAYONNAISE -- 179 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,343 ( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, LOOK AT JONES' LAWYER AS 180 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:55,381 THE PROSECUTION REVEALS HIS SCREW-UP. 181 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:59,485 (AS LAWYER) "WELL THEY DIDN'T COVER 'THIS' 182 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:10,496 IN 'LEGALLY BLONDE.' MM-MM-MM... 183 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,997 "JONES WENT ON HIS SHOW TO TALK ABOUT THE 'WHOOPSIE-GUILTY,' AND 184 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,266 SWORE THERE WAS NOTHING INCRIMINATING IN HIS PHONE 185 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,636 RECORDS. >> THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE GOT. 186 00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,505 AND IT'S JUST-- NO DICK PICS 187 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,476 NO NOTHING. ( LAUGHTER ) 188 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,311 >> Stephen: OH -- OH, ALEX. 189 00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,713 I BEG TO DIFFER. EVERY PICTURE 190 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:31,117 OF YOU IS A DICK PIC. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 191 00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:32,318 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE MINDY 192 00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:38,457 KALING AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY--AND JOE WALSH IS HERE. 193 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:39,191 WITH THE BAND! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 194 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:21,133 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 195 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:28,541 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! JOE WALSH RIGHT OVER WILL! 196 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:33,746 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOUIS -- LOUIS, TONIGHT -- 197 00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:37,383 LOUIS, MY FRIEND, TONIGHT WE HAVE THE WONDERFUL, THE 198 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,419 TALENTED, OUR DEAR FRIEND MINDY KALING IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE 199 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:44,456 IN A LITTLE WHILE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 200 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:47,560 AND SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY FROM CONNECTICUT WILL BE OUT HERE TO 201 00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:51,030 TALK ABOUT THE BILLS THAT HAVE JUST BEEN PASSED IN THIS LAST 202 00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,966 LEGISLATIVE SESSION. BUT, COME ON, THE HEADLINE 203 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,202 TONIGHT IS SITTING WITH THE BAND. 204 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,169 TELL EVERYBODY WHO WE'VE GOT RIGHT OVER WILL, PLEASE. 205 00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,439 >> OH, MY GOODNESS, THE LEGENDARY JOE WALSH! 206 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,907 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JOSEPH. 207 00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:09,081 GOOD TO SEE YA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 208 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,250 JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 209 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:15,754 YOU SAT IN WITH THE BAND FOR ONE NIGHT BACK IN 2017. 210 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,389 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WE ALWAYS WANTED 211 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:20,893 YOU BACK. THANKS FOR DOING A RESIDENCY 212 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,095 WITH THE BAND. >> THANKS FOR INVITING ME. 213 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:28,033 >> Stephen: I'M A BIG FAN. JAMES BAND, FUNK 49, WALK AWAY, 214 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,537 OBVIOUSLY YOUR OWN CAREER, LIVING THE LIFE OF ILLUSION, 215 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:36,508 LIFE'S BEEN GOOD TO ME, ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY. 216 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,844 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OBVIOUSLY YOUR TIME WITH THE 217 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,913 EAGLES. THIS LITTLE BAND YOU SLUMMED 218 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:45,451 WITH FOR A WHILE, THE EAGLES. >> THTHIS IS A GOOD BAND. 219 00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,820 >> Stephen: THIS IS A GOOD BAND HERE? 220 00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,556 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHO DO YOU LIKE 221 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:55,227 PLAYING WITH, THESE PEOPLE OR THE EAGLES MORE? 222 00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:56,595 >> WOW -- IT DEPENDS. ( LAUGHTER ) 223 00:14:56,662 --> 00:15:00,766 >> Stephen: WHAT SONG YOU'RE PLAYING OR WHAT EAGLE YOU'RE 224 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,135 TALKING ABOUT. >> WELL, I GET A LITTLE MORE 225 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:07,106 MONEY WITH THE EAGLES. ( LAUGHTER ) 226 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,742 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M SORRY. 227 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:16,649 I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET. COULD WE PASS THIS AROUND TO 228 00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:19,151 FILL THIS UP? I'M SO SORRY. 229 00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,588 >> NO, THIS IS FINE. >> Stephen: YOU'RE FINE? 230 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:27,092 I'M COOL, I CONTINUE MIND. >> Stephen: YOU CAN GET A RIDE 231 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,127 HOME WITH ME. THAT'S COOL. 232 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:31,163 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. A PLEASURE HAVING YOU. 233 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,498 >> THANK YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 234 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,566 >> Stephen: I THINK IF YOU GUYS WERE WATCHING LAST 235 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:39,171 THURSDAY, YOU KNEW RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW, I TOOK OFF AND WENT UP 236 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:49,915 TO TULE AIR BASE ON THE NORTH END OF GREE GREENLAND. 237 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:55,921 IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE, GO TO A CONCRETE SLAB AND CRAWL 238 00:15:55,988 --> 00:16:01,827 INTO A ICE CREAM FREEZER. I WANT TO THANK THE U.S.O. TO 239 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:05,331 MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR US TO GO UP THERE AND DO A LITTLE APPEARANCE 240 00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:09,301 FOR ALL THE AIRMEN UP THERE, ALL THE SPACE FORCE PEOPLE UP THERE, 241 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:12,771 HEAD OF SPACE OPERATIONS IS UP THERE. 242 00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:16,675 THEY'RE WATCHING ALL THE SATELLITES OVERHEAD. 243 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:20,546 ALL THE CONTRACTORS GO UP WILL. WHEN YOU GO UP THERE, YOU'RE UP 244 00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,014 THERE FOR A YEAR. THAT'S IT. 245 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,316 OKAY. AND IN THE WINTERTIME, IT'S FOR 246 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,719 TWO AND A HALF MONTHS THE SUN DOES NOT COME UP. 247 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:30,689 BUT IN THE SUMMERTIME, THE SUN DOES NOT GO DOWN FOR TWO AND A 248 00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:33,659 HALF MONTHS. AND WE WERE UP THERE, AND HERE'S 249 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:36,895 THE THING, THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT BEING UP THERE -- 250 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:40,532 EVERYBODY WAS LOVELY, THEY COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE 251 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,534 WELCOMING, WE COULDN'T HAVE HAD A BETTER TIME. 252 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,270 IT'S ACTUALLY VERY BEAUTIFUL IN A STARK WAY. 253 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:50,442 OUR GOOD BUDDY STURGILL SIMPSON CAME UP WITH US FOR THE DAY, AND 254 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:54,179 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PIECE ABOUT THIS LATER ON IN THE FALL 255 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:57,783 ABOUT THIS, THE WEIRDEST THING -- BECAUSE THE SUN DOESN'T 256 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:03,155 GO DOWN, AND LET'S SAY YOU THEORETICALLY ROLL OUT OF THE 257 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:06,024 BAR 1:30 IN THE MORNING AND YOU LOOK UP AND THE SUN IS STILL 258 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:10,996 HIGH IN THE SKY, THE FREAKOUT THAT HAPPENS IS COMPLETELY UNL 259 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,631 EXPECTED. YOU KNOW THAT THE SUN IS GOING 260 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:19,171 TO BE UP WHEN YOU COME OUT, BUT WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY THERE -- 261 00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:23,709 ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING, ON THE PLANET 262 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:28,514 I COME FROM, THE SUN COMES UP, THE SUN GOES DOWN. 263 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,949 NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THE SUN COMES UP IN THE EAST. 264 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:36,321 ( BLEEP ) IT IS, IT DIDN'T GO DOWN IN THE WEST LAST NIGHT. 265 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:39,725 IT REALLY FEELS LIKE A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE. 266 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:44,296 HERE'S A BIG SALUTE TO EVERYBODY UP THERE WATCHING THOSE MISSILES 267 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:48,967 NOT COMING OVER THE POLE AND THE SACRIFICE YOU ALL MAKE TO SEEP 268 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:54,072 US SAFE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 269 00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,974 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MINDY 270 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,444 KALING, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 271 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,478 >> Stephen: JOE WALSH, EVERYBODY! 272 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:38,717 THANK YOU, JOE! HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 273 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,487 YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST FROM, "THE OFFICE," "THE MINDY 274 00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:44,122 PROJECT," AND "LATE NIGHT." PLEASE WELCOME, BACK TO "THE 275 00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:50,062 LATE SHOW," MINDY KALING ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 276 00:18:50,128 --> 00:19:05,010 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 277 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,879 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 278 00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:09,515 >> Stephen: MINDY. HI. 279 00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:12,551 >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING BACK ON. 280 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,486 YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. >> THANK YOU. 281 00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:17,356 I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: ALWAYS HAPPY TO 282 00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,992 HAVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE DON'T THINK THAT'S THE CASE. 283 00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,226 >> I KNOW. >> Stephen: I WANT TO CLEAR 284 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,929 THE AIR. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 285 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,666 I'VE HAD YOU ON MTSZ. I'M A GREAT ADMIRER OF YOURS. 286 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,469 YOU'VE SAID NICE THINGS ABOUT ME IN TURN, BUT PEOPLE DON'T 287 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,771 BELIEVE THAT. I WANT TO GO OVER -- HAVE YOU 288 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,107 SEEN ALL THESE? >> I HAVE SOME IDEA OF WHERE 289 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:37,309 THIS IS GOING. >> Stephen: THESE ARE BASED ON 290 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,077 CONVERSATIONS WE'VE HAD ON THIS SHOW. 291 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,779 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: OKAY. 292 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:47,152 NUMBER ONE, MINDY KALING CALLS OUT COLBERT'S UNPROFESSIONAL 293 00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:55,561 BEHAVIOR AS THE MINDY PROJECT GUEST STAR. 294 00:19:55,627 --> 00:20:07,372 MINDY KALING'S BABY GIFT SUCKED. HIS APPLE WATCH CUTS HER OFF. 295 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:10,642 THE CONTROVERSIAL REASONS STEPHEN COLBERT HAD TO APOLOGIZE 296 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:15,414 TO MINDY KALING. AND DOES MINDY KALING HAVE HAD 297 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,818 BEEF WITH STEPHEN OLBERT? MINDY, LET'S SETTLE THAT LAST 298 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:27,459 ONE, DO YOU AND I HAVE BEEF? >> WE'RE THE NEW KANYE/PETE. 299 00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:33,899 THAT'S US NOW. >> Stephen: KANYE/PETE. 300 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,802 I'M OBVIOUSLY KANYE. AND NOT JUST FOR RACIAL REASONS. 301 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:39,838 >> Stephen: YOU'RE THE TROUBLED GENIUS. 302 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:47,312 >> I'M THE TROUBLED GENIUS. I WAS VERY SURPRISED. 303 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:52,284 >> Stephen: I THOUGHT WE HAD GREAT AFFECTION FOR EACH OTHER 304 00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,953 ON TELEVISION. >> IF I HAD TO EXAMINE IT, THERE 305 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,755 HAVE BEEN THINGS YOU'VE DONE. ( LAUGHTER ) 306 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,124 >> Stephen: WOW. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU POINT AT 307 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:03,195 SOMEBURN ELSE, THAT'S THREE FINGERS POINTING BACK AT YOU, 308 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,430 MINDY. >> I HAVE GREAT ARVEGZ FOR YOU, 309 00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:08,767 AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT -- 310 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,936 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT SELLS NEWSPAPERS. 311 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,272 >> I WAS GOING TO SAY THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEF ARE MEGA 312 00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:16,675 CELEBRITIES. >> Stephen: OH, MY GOD THEY 313 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,277 BLOW UP, HUGE. >> WE'RE LIKE MUSIC PEOPLE. 314 00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:24,850 >> Stephen: RIGHT NOW WE'RE LIKE FISH, LET'S TAKE IT TO A 315 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:25,684 BEEF. >> RIGHT. 316 00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,786 >> Stephen: WHAT'S MORE MEAT THAN -- 317 00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,454 >> THAT WAS GOOD. I LIKED IT. 318 00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,556 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. I THINK YOU AND I ARE THE ONLY 319 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:39,131 TWO WHO LIKED IT. >> I THOUGHT IT WAS, LIKE, UNCLE 320 00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:41,066 STEPHEN. >> Stephen: NOT GRANDPA 321 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,468 STEPHEN? GO AHEAD, GO FOR IT. 322 00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:47,205 UNCLE STEPHEN DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL OLD ENOUGH. 323 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:50,509 GO AHEAD. >> GRANDPA STEPHEN AND HIS MEAT 324 00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:52,344 ANALOGY. >> Stephen: EXACTLY, YOU KNOW 325 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:55,414 HOW HE WAS ATTACKED BY A FISH IN THE WAR. 326 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,581 ( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S GOOD. 327 00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:01,553 WE'LL GET TO THE POINT WHERE THEY CAN SAY, CAN ONLY ONE OF 328 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:06,725 THEM COME TO THE AWARD SHOW? >> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T SAY 329 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:10,629 ANYTHING ABOUT YOU TALKING ABOUT ME AT THE EMMYS LAST YEAR, YOU 330 00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:17,436 CALLED ME A MESSY BITCH. >> WE DO HAVE A PROBLEM. 331 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,305 >> Stephen: I SAID TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE! 332 00:22:20,372 --> 00:22:23,241 ( LAUGHTER ) ISN'T IT PUN TO PRETEND THAT WE 333 00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:25,877 DON'T HAVE A BEEF? >> YEAH, IT IS. 334 00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:28,280 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NOW, YOU WENT TO 335 00:22:28,346 --> 00:22:31,516 DISNEY WITH YOUR KIDS RECENTLY. I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT 336 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:32,784 SOMETHING. YOU TWEETED FOR ADVICE WHILE YOU 337 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:38,290 WERE AT DISNEY, WHICH I THINK IS A DANGEROUS THING TO DO, WHICH 338 00:22:38,356 --> 00:22:41,960 IT LETS PEOPLE KNOW MINDY KALING IS AT DISNEY AND YOUR LEGIONS OF 339 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:45,897 FANS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN MANY TOMORROW WORLD, OR WHATEVER. 340 00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:47,566 >> YES. >> Stephen: YOU SAID THERE'S 341 00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:50,902 SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS. I DON'T SEE IT. 342 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,004 >> THERE'S A TYPO. >> Stephen: GOING TO 343 00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:55,707 DISNEYLAND WITH THE KIDS REALLY SOON, WHAT TO WEAR AND BRING 344 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:58,810 WITH ME FOR EIGHT PLUS DAYS IN THE PARK. 345 00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:02,581 NO JOKES, PLEASE, THIS IS DEADLY SERIOUS. 346 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,583 >> THERE'S A TYPO. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE TYPO. 347 00:23:04,649 --> 00:23:07,619 DAYS INSTEAD OF HOURS. FOR THE RECORD, THIS AUDIENCE 348 00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:10,856 DID MOTT THINK THAT WAS STRANGE. >> Stephen: HERE'S THE THING, 349 00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:13,291 I DID MOTT THINK IT WAS STRANGE EITHER. 350 00:23:13,358 --> 00:23:17,195 >> EIGHT DAYS IN DISNEY? >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER 351 00:23:17,262 --> 00:23:19,765 STAYED AT DISNEY? IT'S WONDERFUL! 352 00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:22,567 IT'S THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! 353 00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:24,903 >> BUT YOU CAN SPEND HUNDREDS OF HOURS THERE IN A ROW. 354 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:28,774 >> Stephen: DON'T HAVE TO. EIGHT DAYS IS JUST 64 HOURS. 355 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,110 >> THAT'S LIKE TELLING YOUR BOSS I NEED MORE THAN A WEEK OFF TO 356 00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,913 GO TO DISNEY, SIR, OR MA'AM, WHOEVER. 357 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:43,522 >> Stephen: SURE, VERY GOOD, GOOD SAVE, BY THE WAY. 358 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,391 >> MINDY KALING THINKS WOMEN CAN BE EMPLOYERS, TOO. 359 00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:49,528 >> Stephen: OR A MOUSE WITH BIG EARS. 360 00:23:49,594 --> 00:24:00,071 >> WHAT WAS CRAZY WAS WHEN I SAW IT I THOUGHT, OH, MY GOSH. 361 00:24:00,138 --> 00:24:04,843 AND DISNEYLAND IS NOT DISNEY WORLD. 362 00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:09,548 >> Stephen: TALKING SMACK ABOUT DISNEYLAND HOW. 363 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:14,486 >> IT MAKES ME SEEM UNGRATEFUL FOR OUR TIME THERE, BUT EIGHT 364 00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:17,088 DAYS WORTH. >> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THE 365 00:24:17,155 --> 00:24:18,423 KIDS. >> ALMOST TWO AND FOUR. 366 00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:23,562 >> Stephen: FOUR IS PERFECT. SHE LIKE THE PRINCESSES AND ALL 367 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,931 THAT KIND OF STUFF? >> SHE'S A THRILL SEEKER. 368 00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:30,769 >> Stephen: LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER YOU SAID SHE WAS MOTT 369 00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:32,237 THRILLED WITH HAVING A LITTLE BROTHER. 370 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,273 HAS SHE ADJUSTED BECAUSE THEY EVENTUALLY LIKE THEM. 371 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:38,743 >> SHE LOVES IT NOW. SHE JUST IS A NARC. 372 00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:41,146 >> Stephen: HOW DOES THIS MANIFEST ITSELF? 373 00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:44,783 >> THE THRILL OF FEELING LIKE SHE COULD GET HIM INTO TROUBLE 374 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:48,386 AND HE'S MOTT EVEN TWO YET. SHE'LL RUN IN AND BE LIKE, 375 00:24:48,453 --> 00:24:53,325 SPENCER WAS READING A BOOK UPSIDE DOWN! 376 00:24:53,391 --> 00:24:57,863 I'M, LIKE, OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT REALLY HURTING 377 00:24:57,929 --> 00:25:00,065 ANYBODY. LIKE -- AND HE CAN'T EVEN READ! 378 00:25:00,131 --> 00:25:07,038 THOSE ARE MY BOOKS! IT'S FINE, BUT TO NOT SEEM LIKE 379 00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:10,809 I'M A ONE-SIDED PARENT, I'M, LIKE, BUT HE SHOULDN'T BE 380 00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:14,446 READING IT UPSIDE DOWN, THERE ARE OUTS OF SIDES TO THIS STORY. 381 00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:16,781 >> Stephen: HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT HER? 382 00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:19,417 >> HE ADORES HER. >> Stephen: OF COURSE, SHE CAN 383 00:25:19,484 --> 00:25:22,520 DO NO WRONG. >> AND SHE'S BARELY TOLERATING 384 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:24,189 HIM RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: YOU MIGHT HAVE 385 00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:25,390 TIPS, YOU'RE THE YOUNGEST OF ELEVEN. 386 00:25:25,457 --> 00:25:27,392 >> I'M THE YOUNGEST OF ELEVEN. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO? 387 00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:32,063 JUST DO ANYTHING THEY WANT. NO JOKE, I WAS A TACKLING DUMMY 388 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:36,201 FOR MY BROTHERS. MY BROTHER WAS ALL STATE 389 00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:41,172 WRESTLER AND HE WOULD SAY, COME HERE, I WANT TO SHOW YOU AN 390 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:43,408 ILLEGAL CHOKE HOLD. WE'LL TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 391 00:25:43,475 --> 00:25:46,244 DON'T GO AWAY. BACK WITH MINDY KALING. 392 00:25:57,756 --> 00:25:58,890 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK! 393 00:25:58,957 --> 00:26:02,560 WE'RE HERE WITH THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED MINDY KALING. 394 00:26:02,627 --> 00:26:10,936 SO SEASON THREE OF YOUR SHOW, OF NETFLIX "NEVER HAVE I EVER" IS 395 00:26:11,002 --> 00:26:12,270 COMING OUT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 396 00:26:12,337 --> 00:26:15,941 LOOK AT THAT. I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT 397 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:17,075 LATER. PREMIERES FRIDAY. 398 00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:19,511 WHAT DO WE LOOK FORWARD TO THIS SEASON? 399 00:26:19,577 --> 00:26:23,014 >> THIS SEASON, IT'S A VERY HORNY SHOW ABOUT TEENAGERS. 400 00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:26,051 >> Stephen: AS THEY SHOULD BE. AND IT'S VERY POPULAR. 401 00:26:26,117 --> 00:26:30,956 >> Stephen: THAT'S HONEST. ANDIST REALLY FUN, AND THIS 402 00:26:31,022 --> 00:26:35,193 SEASON THIS IS WHAT I THINK IS REALLY EXCITING THERE'S, LIKE, A 403 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:39,597 YOUNG HOT INDIAN LOVE INTEREST. THERE'S AN INDIAN GUY ON THE 404 00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,099 SHOW. >> Stephen: NEW HOTNESS. 405 00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:49,574 A NEW HOT INDIAN MAN WHICH YOU DON'T SEE THAT MUCH. 406 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:52,644 MAJOR HOTNESS. >> THIS KID IS A MEDICAL GRADE 407 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:55,180 DOC. MAYBE WE COULD TELL EVERYONE 408 00:26:55,246 --> 00:26:58,683 HE'S MY COUSIN. OW! 409 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,485 BEN! >> WE NEED YOU. 410 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:04,422 HAT ARE YOU DOING. PLAYING A DRINKING GAME 411 00:27:04,489 --> 00:27:08,760 CALLINGED ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A BEN. 412 00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:11,896 >> OH, MY GOD THAT IS SO LAME. WHAT IF I DROP OFF MY COUSIN 413 00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:14,432 WITH THESE TWO WHILE I MAKE AN APPEARANCE WITH PAXTON. 414 00:27:14,499 --> 00:27:17,135 >> YOU HAVE A COUSIN COMIC. I DO. 415 00:27:17,202 --> 00:27:21,940 IF YOU SEE AN INDIAN DOC COME THROUGH THAT DOOR, LET ME KNOW. 416 00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:24,776 >> I SEE AN INDIAN GUY COMING WILL YOU THE DOOR BUT HE 417 00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:27,746 DEFINITELY DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A DOC. 418 00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:31,716 ♪♪ ♪♪ 419 00:27:34,519 --> 00:27:39,124 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: DID YOU DO THAT 420 00:27:39,190 --> 00:27:40,692 CASTING YOURSELF. >> YES. 421 00:27:40,759 --> 00:27:42,494 >> Stephen: NICELY DONE. GOOD ENTRANCE? 422 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:47,232 >> Stephen: I'D LOVE TO HAVE THAT ENTRANCE SOMETIME. 423 00:27:47,298 --> 00:27:50,168 WHY IS NEXT SEASON GOING TO BE THE LAST ONE? 424 00:27:50,235 --> 00:27:53,271 >> I DON'T WANT IT TO BE. I THOUGHT FOUR SEASONS WOULD BE 425 00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:56,541 PERFECT FOR A HIGH SCHOOL SHOW IS, AND, NOW, I'M, LIKE, WHY AM 426 00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:59,677 I DOING THIS? I LOVE MONEY. 427 00:27:59,744 --> 00:28:01,212 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU WERE 428 00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:04,449 GOING TO SAY I LOVE MY LAST. >> OH, YEAH, I LOVE MY CAST. 429 00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:07,685 >> Stephen: THEM, TOO. AM I ALLOWED TO REWIND FOR 430 00:28:07,752 --> 00:28:09,988 EDIT? NO, ONLY YOU, RIGHT? 431 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:13,358 >> Stephen: NAME ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING. 432 00:28:13,425 --> 00:28:17,962 >> DAMN IT! >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 433 00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,097 ( APPLAUSE ) >> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE 434 00:28:19,164 --> 00:28:23,401 THAT I JUST SAID I LOVE MONEY. ( LAUGHTER ) 435 00:28:23,468 --> 00:28:25,770 I'M DOING FINE. LIKE, WHY DO I -- 436 00:28:25,837 --> 00:28:30,041 >> Stephen: YOU'RE FINE. LOOK AT THAT RING. 437 00:28:30,108 --> 00:28:31,476 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: COME ON. 438 00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:33,645 I'M RICH. NO, I'M NOT RICH. 439 00:28:33,711 --> 00:28:37,515 I'M OKAY. I'M NOT NOT RICH. 440 00:28:37,582 --> 00:28:40,618 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS A GREAT 441 00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:45,223 INTERVIEW. THIS IS THE PART THAT YOU REALL- 442 00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:49,060 >> LET'S GET MY TAX RETURNS OUT HERE AND LET THE AUDIENCE 443 00:28:49,127 --> 00:28:50,095 DECIDE. >> Stephen: FOUR YEARS AND 444 00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:52,263 FOUR YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL, HAT MAKES SENSE TO ME. 445 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:55,667 IS THAT THE LOGIC. >> YES, AND IT'S A GREAT PLACE 446 00:28:55,733 --> 00:28:57,802 TO END IT. WE KNEW WHAT THE ENDING WOULD BE 447 00:28:57,869 --> 00:29:00,572 WHEN WE STARTED IT. IT TAKES -- YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S 448 00:29:00,638 --> 00:29:03,274 LIKEO LAUNCH A SHOW. >> Stephen: LIKE HAVING A 449 00:29:03,341 --> 00:29:04,642 BABY. >> IT'S LIKE HAVING A BABY. 450 00:29:04,709 --> 00:29:09,581 AND HEN I LIKE THE WRITERS, I LOVE THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE, SO IT 451 00:29:09,647 --> 00:29:14,185 WAS TOO SOON TO SAY GOODBYE. IS THAT A GOOD SAVE? 452 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:15,453 ( LAUGHTER ) WAS THAT CREDIBLE? 453 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,089 >> Stephen: EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE SAYING GOODBYE. 454 00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:20,425 >> OH, YES. AND, SO, WE'RE SAYING GOODBYE. 455 00:29:20,492 --> 00:29:25,763 BUT I'M SAD ABOUT IT. HEY, THIS IS BAD. 456 00:29:25,830 --> 00:29:30,468 >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO SEEM SO NICE WHEN THIS IS ALL 457 00:29:30,535 --> 00:29:34,038 EDIT. EVERYONE GOING, I DO LIKE MINDY 458 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:36,975 KALING. >> LIKE SHONDA RHYMES, WHY CAN'T 459 00:29:37,041 --> 00:29:44,182 I SAY, IT'S A NICE TIME, I I'LL MISS IT BUT EVERYONE NEEDS TO 460 00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:47,185 MOVE ON. HOW HARD WOULD HAT HAVE BEEN? 461 00:29:47,252 --> 00:29:49,087 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. 462 00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:50,021 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU. 463 00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:53,191 >> Stephen: OKAY. THEY'RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE 464 00:29:53,258 --> 00:29:58,463 IT'S 95 DEGREES OUT AND THEY'RE, LIKE, OH! 465 00:29:58,530 --> 00:30:00,532 AIR CONDITIONING. >> Stephen: WE THOUGHT THIS 466 00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:03,868 WAS TOP GUN MAVERICK! ( LAUGHTER ) 467 00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:06,738 MINDY, DELIGHTFUL TO SEE YOU AS ALWAYS. 468 00:30:06,804 --> 00:30:08,706 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK WITH THE 469 00:30:08,773 --> 00:30:11,676 BEEF. I'M COMING FOR YOU. 470 00:30:11,743 --> 00:30:13,044 SEASON THREE OF "NEVER HAVE I EVER," PREMIERES FRIDAY ON 471 00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:14,345 NETFLIX. MINDY KALING, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE 472 00:30:14,412 --> 00:30:16,948 RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY. 473 00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:32,964 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( BAND P) >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, 474 00:30:33,031 --> 00:30:35,066 EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 475 00:30:35,133 --> 00:30:40,338 FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST SERVED THREE TERMS IN CONGRESS AND IN 476 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:45,910 2013 THE PEOPLE OF CONNECTICUT ELECTED HIM TO THE UNITED STATES 477 00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:46,911 SENATE. PLEASE WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW, 478 00:30:46,978 --> 00:30:48,980 SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 479 00:30:49,047 --> 00:30:56,487 ( BAND PLAYING ) 480 00:30:58,156 --> 00:31:00,592 >> Stephen: SENATOR, HOW AUSPICIOUS TO HAVE YOU HERE. 481 00:31:00,658 --> 00:31:02,460 THERE'S A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. >> THERE IS! 482 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,863 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A STORY TO TELL 483 00:31:05,930 --> 00:31:11,669 THIS FALL, A STORY THEY DID MOTT HAVE TO TELL IN THE SPRING. 484 00:31:11,736 --> 00:31:14,372 A LOT HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS. 485 00:31:14,439 --> 00:31:17,375 LET'S START WITH THE ALL-NIGHTER THAT YOU GUYS HELD THIS WEEKEND 486 00:31:17,442 --> 00:31:21,179 IN THE SENATE TO PASS THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT. 487 00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:24,415 WHEN WE SAW ALL NIGHTER, LITERALLY? 488 00:31:24,482 --> 00:31:26,684 >> IT'S LITERALLY AN ALL NIGHTER. 489 00:31:26,751 --> 00:31:30,088 YOU'VE GOT TO STAY UP TILL EVERYBODY IS DONE PUTTING 490 00:31:30,154 --> 00:31:32,757 AMENDMENTS ON THE BILL. IT'S A 24-HOUR PERIOD. 491 00:31:32,824 --> 00:31:36,594 >> Stephen: IS IT A FORM OF PUNISHMENT ON THE OTHER SIDE? 492 00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:43,635 THEY MIGHT AS WELL BEAT YOU WITH STICKS AND WON'T PASS IT TILL 493 00:31:43,701 --> 00:31:46,604 YOU BEAT US? >> THEY FORCED US THROUGH 24 494 00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:49,774 HOURS OF AMENDMENTS TO UNDO THAT PROGRESS SO ATSZ FORM OF 495 00:31:49,841 --> 00:31:50,708 PUNISHMENT. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE TO 496 00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,310 STAY ON THE FLOOR FOR THAT PERIOD OF TIME. 497 00:31:52,377 --> 00:31:56,080 >> IT'S NOT LIKE A FILIBUSTER WHERE YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO STAY 498 00:31:56,147 --> 00:31:59,250 ON THE FLOOR. YOU CAN LEAVE TO GO TO THE 499 00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:02,787 BATHROOM, GET A RED BULL. >> Stephen: BERNIE CAN GO DOWN 500 00:32:02,854 --> 00:32:10,795 AND LIE ON THE STEPS OUTSIDE. >> THAT'S A NEW ICONIC MITTENS. 501 00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:15,166 WILL RIVAL THE MITTENS. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE SENSE 502 00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:18,803 ON THE FLOOR AFTER IT PASSED. >> RELIEF. 503 00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:23,841 AS A PARENT OF A 13-YEAR-OLD AND 10-YEAR-OLD, I KNOW OUR TIME IS 504 00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:26,477 RUNNING OUT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT A PLANET IN CRISIS, AND IF 505 00:32:26,544 --> 00:32:30,782 WE DID NOT ACT NOW, WE MIGHT NOT HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE FOR FIVE TO 506 00:32:30,848 --> 00:32:33,151 TEN YEARS, AND AT THAT TIME IT MIGHT BE OUT OF OUR HANDS. 507 00:32:33,217 --> 00:32:37,989 AT THE END OF THE 24-HOUR PERIOD, WE WERE WE WERE 508 00:32:38,056 --> 00:32:41,559 EXHAUSTED BUT EXCITED TO MOVE THE NEEDLE AND TELL OUR KIDS AND 509 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:44,162 GRANDKIDS THAT WE ARE FINALLY ON A PATHWAY FOR THE UNITED STATES 510 00:32:44,228 --> 00:32:46,798 TO BE A LEADER IN TACKLING CLIMATE CHANGE. 511 00:32:46,864 --> 00:32:56,908 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AFTER THE PASSAGE 512 00:32:56,974 --> 00:33:01,779 OF THE BILL, YOU TWEETED THIS IMAGE OF PRESIDENT BIDEN. 513 00:33:01,846 --> 00:33:08,953 ( LAUGHTER ) DID COVID GIVE HIM LASER 514 00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:10,655 SUPERPOWERS? >> I'M GOING TO TRY TO EXPLAIN 515 00:33:10,722 --> 00:33:15,360 THAT MEME, BUT HE IS A BIT OF A SUPERHERO THIS SUMMER. 516 00:33:15,426 --> 00:33:19,630 THIS IS A PRESIDENT WHO HAS A RECORD OF ACHIEVEMENT FROM THE 517 00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:25,470 GUN BILL TO THE VETERANS BILL TO THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT 518 00:33:25,536 --> 00:33:28,206 THAT'S GOING TO RIVAL ANY PRESIDENT FOR THEIR FIRST TWO 519 00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:30,808 YEARS. I THINK WHAT'S BEEN MAGICAL IS 520 00:33:30,875 --> 00:33:33,945 HE'S BEEN NIMBLE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHEN HE NEEDS TO BE 521 00:33:34,011 --> 00:33:36,214 DIRECTLY INVOLVED, WHEN HE NEEDS TO SIT BACK. 522 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,817 >> Stephen: DID IT HELP AT ALL TO HAVE HIM SIDELINED WITH COVID 523 00:33:39,884 --> 00:33:42,720 FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS? BECAUSE DURING THE CAMPAIGN, HE 524 00:33:42,787 --> 00:33:44,989 STAYED IN THE BASEMENT FOR A LONG TIME. 525 00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:47,992 EVERYONE WAS, LIKE, IT'S GOING GREAT, DON'T COME OUT. 526 00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:50,795 >> HE WAS ON THE PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME AND WORKING STRAIGHT 527 00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:53,164 THROUGH IT. IT WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN DONE 528 00:33:53,231 --> 00:33:55,633 WITHOUT JOE BIDEN. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A GOOD 529 00:33:55,700 --> 00:34:02,140 RELATIONSHIP WITH JOE MANCHIN. DO A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE GOOD 530 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:04,542 RELATIONSHIPS WITH HIM? HE GETS A LOT OF GRIEF FROM THE 531 00:34:04,609 --> 00:34:12,049 DEMOCRATIC SIDE OF THE AISLE FOR MOTT BEING SUFFICIENTLY -- NOT 532 00:34:12,116 --> 00:34:14,819 BEING SUFFICIENTLY PROGRESSIVE. >> HE'S GOT A NICE BOAT. 533 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:18,856 >> Stephen: HE'S GOING TO NEED IT WHEN THE SEA RISES. 534 00:34:18,923 --> 00:34:23,494 >> I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN INVITATION TO THE BOAT. 535 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:28,232 BUT JOE IS A FRIEND, AND HE'S A FRIEND BECAUSE, IN 2013, NOBODY 536 00:34:28,299 --> 00:34:32,970 SPENT MORE TIME WITH THE SANDY HOOK FAMILIES AFTER THAT TRAGEDY 537 00:34:33,037 --> 00:34:35,773 THAN JOE MANCHIN. IT WAS IMPLAUSIBLE FOR THE 538 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,810 DEMOCRAT FROM WEST VIRGINIA TO BE THE LEADER ON TIGHTENING 539 00:34:38,876 --> 00:34:42,246 AMERICA'S GUN LAWS BUT HE DID BECAUSE HE FELT AN EMOTIONAL 540 00:34:42,313 --> 00:34:45,683 CONNECTION TO THE FAMILIES. HIS PRIORITIES ARE NOT EXACTLY 541 00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:49,086 MINE, BUT HE'S A DEMOCRAT FOR A REASON, HE DOES BELIEVE 542 00:34:49,153 --> 00:34:52,690 GOVERNMENT CAN HELP LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD, HE DOES BELIEVE 543 00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:58,629 OUR GUN LAWS ARE A LITTLE INSANE AND WORKS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. 544 00:34:58,696 --> 00:35:02,066 WE DON'T ONE-UP ALL THE TIME BUT I'M GLAD HE WAS ON THE TEAM THIS 545 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,201 TIME. >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW THE 546 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:06,337 SECRET NEGOTIATIONS WERE GOING ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS? 547 00:35:06,404 --> 00:35:08,072 >> I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE SECRET NEGOTIATIONS. 548 00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:10,808 >> Stephen: SO YOU KNEW ( LAUGHTER ) 549 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:13,811 >> I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY. 550 00:35:13,878 --> 00:35:16,581 >> Stephen: DO YOU BLAME MITCH McCONNELL FOR BEING MAD AT IT 551 00:35:16,647 --> 00:35:22,820 OR ARE YOU LIKE, WE'RE JUST PLAYING YOUR GAME BACK AT YA? 552 00:35:22,887 --> 00:35:25,223 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> SO WHAT REPUBLICANS SAID WAS 553 00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:29,193 THAT THEY WERE GOING TO HOLD BILLS HOSTAGE THAT THEY SUPPORT, 554 00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:33,631 LIKE THE VETERANS BILL, IF WE ENACTED CLIMATE CHANGE 555 00:35:33,698 --> 00:35:35,199 LEGISLATION. THAT WAS THEIR DECISION, THAT 556 00:35:35,266 --> 00:35:37,502 WAS THEIR BOTTOM LINE, THAT WAS THEIR TRICK. 557 00:35:37,568 --> 00:35:40,338 SO WE WERE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO PLAY THEIR GAME. 558 00:35:40,404 --> 00:35:43,608 WE TOLD THEM RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING WE WANT TO DO THE 559 00:35:43,674 --> 00:35:47,245 VETERANS BILL, WE WANT TO RESTART THE MICROCHIP INDUSTRY 560 00:35:47,311 --> 00:35:51,415 WITH THE CHIP ACT AND PASS CLIMATE CHANGE LEGISLATION TO 561 00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:53,284 LOWER DRUG COSTS. IT'S THEIR FAULT THEY COULDN'T 562 00:35:53,351 --> 00:35:56,821 STOP ANY OF THAT. WE ULTIMATELY GOT IT DONE AND 563 00:35:56,888 --> 00:35:59,590 I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T LET MITCH McCONNELL DECIDE WHAT WAS 564 00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:04,195 GOING TO HAPPEN AND WHAT WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN 565 00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:06,797 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, LET'S TALK 566 00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:10,801 ABOUT THAT HISTORIC GUN CONTROL LEGISLATION BECAUSE WHILE IT DID 567 00:36:10,868 --> 00:36:14,805 MOTT CHECK EVERY BOX ON PEOPLE'S WISH LIST ABOUT THIS, WHAT WAS 568 00:36:14,872 --> 00:36:18,509 HISTORIC ABOUT IT, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, IS THAT THERE HAD 569 00:36:18,576 --> 00:36:20,912 BEEN NOTHING DONE FOR A GENERATION. 570 00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:22,980 WHY DO YOU THINK THIS MOMENT WAS DIFFERENT? 571 00:36:23,047 --> 00:36:26,651 >> SO NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS COUNTRY FOR 30 YEARS, 572 00:36:26,717 --> 00:36:30,354 NOTWITHSTANDING ALL THESE MASS SHOOTINGS, NOTWITHSTANDING THIS 573 00:36:30,421 --> 00:36:32,490 DRAMATIC RISE IN HOMICIDES AND SUICIDES. 574 00:36:32,557 --> 00:36:36,527 THE REASON UNFORTUNATELY WAS PRETTY SIMPLE, THE GUN INDUSTRY 575 00:36:36,594 --> 00:36:37,895 FOR 30 YEARS CONTROLLED WASHINGTON. 576 00:36:37,962 --> 00:36:43,534 THEY HAD THIS POLITICAL POWERHOUSE THAT INTIMIDATED 577 00:36:43,601 --> 00:36:46,203 PEOPLE INTO DOING NOTHING, REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS. 578 00:36:46,270 --> 00:36:50,374 OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS, WE BUILT OUR OWN POLITICAL MOVEMENT 579 00:36:50,441 --> 00:36:54,812 AND CHANGING GUN LAWS, STUDENTS, PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, THAT 580 00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:57,214 ULTIMATELY, BY THE SUMMER OF THIS YEAR, WAS JUST AS POWERFUL 581 00:36:57,281 --> 00:37:01,385 AS THE GUN LOBBY, MORE POWERFUL. AFTER UVALDE, YOU KNOW, 582 00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:04,288 MEMBERSOV THE SENATE WENT HOME FOR A WEEK RIGHT AFTER UVALDE, 583 00:37:04,355 --> 00:37:07,158 AND DURING THAT WEEK, YOU KNOW, THEY TALKED TO PARENTS AND KIDS 584 00:37:07,224 --> 00:37:13,531 WHO WERE JUST SCARED STIFF THAT CONGRESS WAS GOING TO DO NOTHING 585 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:16,300 AFTER A SECOND SANDY HOOK HAD HAPPENED, AND IT WAS THAT 586 00:37:16,367 --> 00:37:19,637 IMPERATIVE FROM THE VOTERS COMBINED WITH THE POWER OF THE 587 00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:23,307 MOVEMENT THAT, THIS TIME, ALLOWED US TO BREAK WILL YOU AND 588 00:37:23,374 --> 00:37:27,111 GET SOMETHING DONE WE HADN'T DONE IN 30 YEARS, CHANGE 589 00:37:27,178 --> 00:37:31,515 AMERICA'S GUN LAWS TO MAKE OUR COMMUNITIES AND SCHOOLS SAFER. 590 00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:37,188 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IS THE 591 00:37:37,254 --> 00:37:41,592 SIGNIFICANCE THERE EXACTLY WHAT WAS PASSED OR THE PACT THAT IT'S 592 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:46,797 POSSIBLE TO PASS SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY CARROT, NOT 593 00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:49,433 STICK. I MEAN, THE STATES AREN'T 594 00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:52,837 COMPELLED TO CHANGE THE LAWS, THEY'RE ENTICED TO DO SO. 595 00:37:52,903 --> 00:37:57,975 WHAT'S NEXT? IF THIS IS THE DOOR THAT OPENS, 596 00:37:58,042 --> 00:38:01,379 AS I'VE HEARD, TO NEW POSSIBILITIES, WHAT'S THE NEXT 597 00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:04,081 FIGHTLE? >> I THINK THE BILL IS WORTH IT 598 00:38:04,148 --> 00:38:09,820 IN AND OF ITSELF. THERE ARE SOME CHANGES IN STATES 599 00:38:09,887 --> 00:38:17,495 BUT SOME THINGS CONCRETE IN FEDERAL LAW, A BOYFRIEND THAT 600 00:38:17,561 --> 00:38:21,198 BEATS A GIRLFRIEND WON'T BE ABLE TO BUY A GUN. 601 00:38:21,265 --> 00:38:23,968 BUT I BELIEVE THERE ARE MOMENTS WHERE THE STRUCTURE OF POWER 602 00:38:24,035 --> 00:38:26,804 CHANGES AND THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE ALL OF A SUDDEN THE FOLKS 603 00:38:26,871 --> 00:38:30,608 WHO WANT CHANGES IN OUR GUN LAWS HAVE MORE POWER HAN THE 604 00:38:30,675 --> 00:38:34,612 INDUSTRY, AND I THINK THAT ALLOWS US TO DO EVEN MORE. 605 00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:39,016 AND REPUBLICANS WILL REALIZE THAT THEY DON'T PAY A HUGE PRICE 606 00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:42,286 FOR CROSSING THE GUN LOBBY, THEY GET MORE SUPPORT FROM UNLIKELY 607 00:38:42,353 --> 00:38:46,691 CORNERS IN THEIR STATES AND THAT WILL ALLOW US TO DO MORE WORK ON 608 00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:48,192 A BIPARTISAN BASIS ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 609 00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:52,063 >> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I HAVE A SLIGHT CONTROVERSY TO 610 00:38:52,129 --> 00:38:55,232 DISCUSS WITH YOU. AS WE REPORTED ON THE SHOW, THE 611 00:38:55,299 --> 00:38:58,069 CHOCOLATE TACO HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED BY THE PEOPLE AT 612 00:38:58,135 --> 00:39:02,673 KLONDIKE, AND YOU TWEETED THIS RECENTLY, YOU SAID TOMORROW I'M 613 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:04,208 INTRODUCING LEGISLATION TO INVOKE THE DEFENSE PRODUCTION 614 00:39:04,275 --> 00:39:10,981 ACT TO MANDATE THE CONTINUED MANUFACTURE OF CHOCO TACOS. 615 00:39:11,048 --> 00:39:16,087 PLEASE CALL YOUR SENATOR AND DEMAND THEY CO-SPONSOR. 616 00:39:16,153 --> 00:39:17,955 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HOW FLOODED DID 617 00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:20,057 THE SENATE PHONE LINES GET AFTER THAT SOME. 618 00:39:20,124 --> 00:39:23,728 >> WHAT DOES THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EXIST FOR IF NOT TO 619 00:39:23,794 --> 00:39:28,232 COMPEL THE PRODUCTION OF CHOCO TACOS? 620 00:39:28,299 --> 00:39:31,368 ( LAUGHTER ) THE GOOD NEWS IS WE MAY HAVE A 621 00:39:31,435 --> 00:39:34,205 BREAK THROUGH SZ. KLONDIKE IS HINTING THEY MAYBE 622 00:39:34,271 --> 00:39:38,909 ARE GOING TO CREATE SPACE IN THEIR ICE CREAM FACTORIES TO PUT 623 00:39:38,976 --> 00:39:42,079 CHOCO TACOS BACK ON THE MARKET AND THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR 624 00:39:42,146 --> 00:39:43,147 AMERICA. >> Stephen: IS IT THE 625 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:46,884 GOVERNMENT'S ROLE TO TELL PRIVATE INDUSTRY WHAT TO 626 00:39:46,951 --> 00:39:48,652 MANUFACTURE? AREN'T YOU PICKING WINNERS AND 627 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,989 LOSERS, DON'T YOU DEMOCRATS ALWAYS DO THAT, SENATOR? 628 00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:54,458 >> YEAH, BUT THE CHOCO TACO A SO GOOD. 629 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,661 >> Stephen: WE AGREE AT THE "LATE SHOW," SO WE WOULD LIKE TO 630 00:39:57,728 --> 00:40:01,165 PRESENT YOU FOR YOUR EFFORTS, THIS LIMITED, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T 631 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:06,771 GET THIS ANYMORE, THREE CHOCO TACOS, JUST FOR YOU. 632 00:40:06,837 --> 00:40:08,672 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: RELISH THEM. 633 00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:10,775 THANK YOU. >> Stephen: SENATOR, THANK YOU 634 00:40:10,841 --> 00:40:15,479 SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. SENATOR CHRIS MURPHY, EVERYBODY, 635 00:40:15,546 --> 00:40:17,014 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 636 00:40:21,919 --> 00:40:22,787 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR THE 637 00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:24,588 LATE SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS 638 00:40:24,655 --> 00:40:26,957 WILL BE BEN STILLER AND D'ARCY CARDEN. 639 00:40:27,024 --> 00:40:28,225 GOOD NIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )