1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:07,941 >> A NEW YORK CITY RESTAURATEUR IS SPEAKING OUT AFTER A COUPLE 2 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:11,945 WAS CAUGHT FORNICATING IN HER DINING SHED. 3 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,047 ACCORDING TO THE OWNER, HER "OUTSIDE DINING SHED IS BEING 4 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:16,950 USED AS A SEX DEN," AND SHE WANTS THE CITY TO PUT A STOP. 5 00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:18,017 TO IT. ♪ ♪ ♪ 6 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,939 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 7 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,008 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT: 8 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,717 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: KIERAN CULKIN 9 00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:28,955 AND MUSICAL GUEST, RUN THE JEWELS 10 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:36,196 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 11 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,097 HUMAN, WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOE WALSH. 12 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:41,000 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 13 00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,069 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 14 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:49,008 ♪ ♪ ♪ 15 00:01:49,075 --> 00:02:03,957 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 16 00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:04,591 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 17 00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:10,263 GOOD TO SEE YOU. WELCOME! 18 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,499 >> Audience: STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 19 00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:16,636 STEPHEN! >> Stephen: PLEASE, HAVE A 20 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,572 SEAT, EVERYBODY. WELCOME, IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL 21 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,943 AROUND THE WORLD. OBVIOUSLY, EVERYONE IN CANADA. 22 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:27,046 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM 23 00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:34,587 STILL-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 24 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:39,492 ABOUT THE F.B.I. RAID AT MAR-A-LAGO. 25 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:43,563 TURNS OUT, MY KINK IS CONSEQUENCES. 26 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,366 WE'RE LEARNING MORE JUICY DEETS ABOUT THE RAID. 27 00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,635 IT'S BECOMING INCREASINGLY CLEAR THAT THE SEARCH WAS TIED TO AN 28 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:51,204 ONGOING INVESTIGATION INTO WHETHER THE FORMER PRESIDENT 29 00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:55,041 TOOK CLASSIFIED RECORDS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TO HIS FLORIDA 30 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,478 RESIDENCE. SPOILER: HE DID. 31 00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:03,082 ( LAUGHTER ) NO MATTER WHAT IT IS, IT'S 32 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:06,953 ALWAYS WHAT YOU THOUGHT, BUT WORSE THAN YOU IMAGINED. 33 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,622 ( LAUGHTER ) HE EXTORTED UKRAINE. 34 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,592 HE PUT THE BOP IN THE BOP SHOE BOP SHOE BOP. 35 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:16,896 HE PUT THE RAM IN THE RAMALAMA DING DONG! 36 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:21,401 THEN, MADE THE RAMALAMA DING DONG SIGN AN N.D.A. 37 00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:25,538 HE'S ALREADY ADMITTED HE DID IT. ABOUT SEVEN MONTHS AGO, THE 38 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,508 FORMER PRESIDENT REVEALED THAT HE HAD UNLAWFUL POSSESSION 39 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,312 OF CLASSIFIED MATERIAL WHEN HE TURNED OVER 15 BOXES OF ITEMS TO 40 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:37,150 THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES. SO, I'M SURE YOU'RE SAYING, 41 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:43,556 "HEY, STEVE, IF HE TURNED IT OVER, WHY DID THE F.B.I. GO 42 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:46,359 BACK?" TURNS OUT, AS THE INVESTIGATORS 43 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:47,694 SIFTED THROUGH THE INITIAL 15 BOXES, THEY GREW CONCERNED THAT 44 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,163 THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAD NOT, IN FACT, RETURNED ALL THE 45 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,432 GOVERNMENT PROPERTY. ONE HINT WAS THAT THE MAR-A-LAGO 46 00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:55,568 BUFFET WAS SERVING UNLIMITED SHRIMP OUT OF ABE LINCOLN'S HAT. 47 00:03:55,635 --> 00:04:06,112 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY SEARCHED THE JOINT, AND THE 48 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:09,382 AGENTS TOOK ABOUT 12 MORE BOXES. "ABOUT" TWELVE MORE. 49 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,018 KEEP IN MIND, THESE 12 BOXES WERE KEPT IN THE BASEMENT 50 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:19,859 STORAGE AREA. THAT'S WHERE HE KEPT CLASSIFIED 51 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,561 GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS, IN A BASEMENT IN FLORIDA? 52 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,597 WAS THERE NO ROOM IN THE KIDDIE POOL FULL OF PYTHONS AND MILDEW? 53 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,600 AND IT GETS WORSE, BECAUSE ONLY AFTER THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 54 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:31,638 LAWYER RECEIVED INSTRUCTIONS TO SECURE THE ROOM THIS PAST 55 00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:36,576 SPRING, DID THEY ADD A PADLOCK. SO, BEFORE, IT WAS JUST OPEN? 56 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:37,543 IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT ACTION MOVIE: 57 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,544 "NATIONAL TREASURE 3: FOUND IT! 58 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,980 BEHIND THE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS!" ( LAUGHTER ) 59 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:50,156 THE F.B.I.'S-- ( APPLAUSE ) 60 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:56,162 EVENT WAS INDICTMENT CASUAL. A HANDFUL OF AGENTS WERE IN 61 00:04:56,229 --> 00:05:01,901 SUITS, BUT MOST WORE T-SHIRTS AND CARGO PANTS. 62 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,970 YEAH, SO GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR DAD TO CHANGE HIS OUTFIT NOW: 63 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,506 "NO WAY, KIDDO. OLD DAD'S IN HIS TACTICAL 64 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:07,740 SORTS, LIKE THE G-MEN! I NEED THE EXTRA POCKETS FOR MY 65 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:13,913 NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES AND MY THREE DIFFERENT iPHONE CHARGERS. 66 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:19,786 YOU SHOULD PLUG IN. YOU'RE AT 70%." 67 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:20,820 RIGHT-WING MEDIA HAS TAKEN THE F.B.I.'S SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO 68 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,288 RECOVER STOLEN CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS PRETTY HARD. 69 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:26,392 THEY'RE CALLING AMERICA A BANANA REPUBLIC, AND EVERYWHERE YOU 70 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,561 LOOK, THERE ARE CONSERVATIVE CALLS FOR A CIVIL WAR IN 71 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:33,199 THE U.S. THAT IS SCARY. 72 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:42,775 OKAY, IF WE DON'T LEAVE THE EX-PRESIDENT ALONE AND GIVE HIM 73 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,410 WHATEVER WHAT HE WANTS, IT IS NEOCONFEDERATES COULD VIOLENTLY 74 00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,579 ATTACK THE UNITED STATES... A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. 75 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:47,714 IN FACT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 76 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:57,256 BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL. 77 00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:00,893 IN FACT, RIGHT AFTER THE F.B.I. RAID, THE TERM "CIVIL WAR" 78 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,462 STARTED TRENDING ON TWITTER. WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING: 79 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,431 THE CIVIL WAR IS DATING PETE DAVIDSON! 80 00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:09,602 ( LAUGHTER ) FOR THEM. 81 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:15,141 ONE PERSON WHO'S ESPECIALLY ENRAGED IS FOX NEWS HOST AND THE 82 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,511 NUMBER-ONE REALTOR IN UNCANNY VALLEY, JEANINE PIRRO. 83 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:21,714 JUDGE JEANINE HAD SOME ADVICE FOR THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: 84 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:27,086 >> YOU DO NOT BREAK INTO A HOUSE OF A GUY THAT YOU'VE BEEN 85 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,189 WORKING WITH FOR NINE MONTHS, THAT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT HAS BEEN 86 00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:32,058 COOPERATING WITH YOU, FOR PRESIDENTIAL RECORDS?! 87 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:36,162 NO!" >> Stephen: IT WASN'T A 88 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,130 BREAK-IN, JEANINE. THEY HAD A WARRANT, AND HE 89 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:41,400 DIDN'T CO-OPERATE! COOPERATING WOULD HAVE BEEN 90 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:45,138 HANDING OVER ALL 27 BOXES. HE KEPT 12. 91 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:48,574 THAT'S LIKE A SMUGGLER SAYING, "YOUR HONOR, I TURNED OVER HALF 92 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:51,077 OF MY HEROIN. WHAT DO YOU WANT, ALL OF MY 93 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:58,217 HEROIN? WHAT NEXT, THE COCAINE? 94 00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:03,089 OKAY, YOU WANT THE COCAINE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 95 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:10,196 ( APPLAUSE ) THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYER 96 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,064 FLOATED THIS CONSPIRACY THEORY: >> QUITE HONESTLY, I'M CONCERNED 97 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,199 THAT THEY MAY HAVE PLANTED SOMETHING. 98 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,203 >> Stephen: GOOD POINT. WHAT IF THEY PLANTED THOSE 12 99 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:21,908 BOXES OF EVIDENCE? ( GASPS ) 100 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,678 THAT'S WHY THEY WERE WEARING CARGO PANTS! 101 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:28,114 THIS IS A BANANA REPUBLIC! AND THEY'RE 30% OFF. 102 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,083 OF COURSE-- ( APPLAUSE ) 103 00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:37,557 A TYPE OF PANTS. OF COURSE, NO CLOWN CAR WOULD BE 104 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,893 COMPLETE WITHOUT PRESIDENTIAL SON AND PHANTOM OF THE 105 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:45,898 CONFERENCE ROOM, ERIC. ERIC JUMPED ON THE RAGE WAGON TO 106 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:51,771 EXPLAIN HOW HE KNEW THIS WAS A POLITICAL HIT JOB ON HIS DAD. 107 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:54,907 >> MAKE NO MISTAKE, JESSIE. I KNOW THE WHITE HOUSE AS WELL 108 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,744 AS ANYONE. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME THERE, I 109 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:03,149 KNOW THE SYSTEM. THIS IS DID NOT HAPPEN WITHOUT 110 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:10,890 JOE BRYDEN'S EXPLICIT APPROVAL. THE WHITE HOUSE APPROVED OF THIS 111 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,659 >> Stephen: "IF THERE'S ONE THING I LEARNED FROM MY DAD'S 112 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:17,730 TIME IN OFFICE, IT'S THAT THE PRESIDENT DEFINITELY INTERFERES 113 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,699 WITH THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT! NO, I AM SERIOUS. 114 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:25,438 I AM SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK. HEART ATTACK. 115 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:28,841 NOTHING HAPPENS WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL, EXCEPT ME." 116 00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:39,452 ( APPLAUSE ) SAYING, "I'VE NEVER DONE 117 00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:42,555 ANYTHING WRONG. NOBODY CAN PROVE THAT I EVER DID 118 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,724 ANYTHING WRONG. IT'S PRETTY TOUGH WHEN A CITIZEN 119 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:48,394 WITH AN UNBLEMISHED RECORD MUST BE HOUNDED FROM HIS HOME. 120 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,196 I AM FEELING VERY BAD, VERY BAD. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THE 121 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:54,000 POLICE, PAID TO PROTECT YOU, ACTED TOWARDS YOU LIKE THEY 122 00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:57,870 ACTED TOWARD ME?" I'M SORRY, I'M ACTUALLY BEING 123 00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:01,707 TOLD THAT'S NOT A QUOTE FROM THE FORMER PRESIDENT. 124 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,776 THAT'S A QUOTE FROM AL CAPONE. ( LAUGHTER ) 125 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:20,893 OBVIOUSLY, I'M JOKING. THEY'RE NOTHING ALIKE. 126 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,464 AL CAPONE'S CRIME WAS ORGANIZED. SO WHY-- 127 00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,533 ( APPLAUSE ) AL CAPONE FANS. 128 00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,323 WAR. SO IS RUDY GIULIANI. 129 00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:51,924 THIS ONE-- THIS ONE COMES FROM THE INVESTIGATION INTO THE 130 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:56,195 EX-PRESIDENT'S INTERFERENCE IN GEORGIA, WHERE HE DEMANDS THAT 131 00:09:56,262 --> 00:10:01,467 THE GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE SOMEHOW FIND HIM 11,780 VOTES-- 132 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,536 WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS THE SAME NUMBER OF INVESTIGATIONS 133 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:09,942 HE'S NOW UNDER. RUDY WAS ONE OF THE KEY PLAYERS 134 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,510 BEHIND THIS PLOT, AND HAS BEEN ORDERED TO TESTIFY BEFORE A 135 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:15,047 GRAND JURY IN FULTON COUNTY NEXT WEEK. 136 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:22,355 OH, YOU GOTTA FEEL BAD FOR GEORGIA. 137 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:23,990 FIRST, THE DEVIL WENT DOWN THERE, AND NOW THEY HAVE TO GET 138 00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:27,293 A VISIT FROM RUDY? ( LAUGHTER ) 139 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:37,603 AT LEAST THEY'RE BOTH GREAT AT FIDDLIN'. 140 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:43,042 >> Audience: OOOO"H." >> Stephen: REALLY, REALLY? 141 00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:43,976 NO? NO? 142 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:48,047 FAIR ENOUGH. TECHNICALLY HE WAS PLAYING THE 143 00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,582 ORGAN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 144 00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:52,885 YOU'RE WELCOME. BUT GIULIANI'S ATTORNEY TRIED TO 145 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,021 FIGHT THE SUMMONS, CLAIMING RUDY COULDN'T FLY TO ATLANTA BECAUSE 146 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:59,025 OF A RECENT HEART STENT OPERATION. 147 00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:00,459 APPARENTLY, DOCTORS HAD TO REMOVE A BLOCKAGE OBSTRUCTING 148 00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:03,029 THE FLOW OF LIFE-GIVING BEAUJOLAIS. 149 00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:10,002 ( LAUGHTER ) THIS CASE, AND THE JUDGE ORDERED 150 00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:17,343 RUDY TO GET TO GEORGIA THIS MONTH BY A TRAIN, A BUS, OR 151 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,346 UBER." BASICALLY, WHATEVER VEHICLE HE 152 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,182 WAKES UP IN. THERE'S NOT JUST BAD NEWS FOR 153 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,784 OUR EX-PRESIDENT. THERE'S ALSO GOOD NEWS FOR OUR 154 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,187 CURRENT PRESIDENT, BECAUSE TODAY THE LABOR DEPARTMENT REPORTED 155 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,624 THAT INFLATION DROPPED TO ZERO! IT IS FLAT. 156 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:37,630 ( APPLAUSE ) FLAT FROM JUNE TO JULY. 157 00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:43,469 AND NOT A MINUTE TOO SOON, BECAUSE AMERICAN FAMILIES HAVE 158 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,173 BEEN HIT HARD BY HIGH PRICES. 159 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,275 EVEN WEALTHIER ONES. CASE IN POINT: 160 00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,043 RICHER PEOPLE ARE EATING MORE AT APPLEBEE'S AND IHOP. 161 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:56,882 WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DEEP-FRIED 162 00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:59,018 MOZZARELLA STICK? I'M HAPPILY MARRIED, BUT THAT'S 163 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,220 MY HALL PASS. ( LAUGHTER ) 164 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:07,927 NOTHING TO DO WITH INFLATION. APPLEBEE'S AND IHOP ARE WHERE 165 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,930 YOU CAN TASTE ALL THE TASTY TASTES! 166 00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,499 THE SALTS ARE SALTY, THE FATS ARE FATTY, AND THE "FOUR CHEESE 167 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:18,904 MAC 'N CHEESE WITH HONEY PEPPER CHICKEN TENDERS" IS ALL OF THOSE 168 00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,940 THINGS. AND WHEN I USED TO BE ON THE 169 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,708 ROAD, I ATE THERE ALL THE TIME, AND I NEVER REGRETTED EATING AT 170 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:30,950 AN APPLEBEE'S WHILE I WAS EATING IT. 171 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:34,186 AND IHOP IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE BEST PLACE TO GO IN THE MORNING TO 172 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,322 RECOVER FROM EATING AT APPLEBEE'S THE NIGHT BEFORE. 173 00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:40,493 ON AN EARNINGS CALL, A COMPANY SPOKESMAN SAID "FOLKS THAT OFTEN 174 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:44,230 DINE AT MORE EXPENSIVE RESTAURANTS ARE NOW FINDING 175 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,931 APPLEBEE'S AND IHOP BECAUSE OF THEIR WELL-KNOWN VALUE." 176 00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,366 YEAH, EVERYONE LOVES A DEAL, INCLUDING THE WEALTHY: 177 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:52,538 "AMANDA, GET YOUR PASSPORT, WE'RE GOING TO THE HOUSE OF 178 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,740 PANCAKES INTERNATIONAL. GARCON, JE VOUDRAIS LE ROOTY 179 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,343 TOOTY FRESH AND FRUITY, SIL VOUS PLAIT!" 180 00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:02,148 ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE-- 181 00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,216 ( APPLAUSE ) I SPEAK SEVERAL LANGUAGES. 182 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,931 ( CHEERING ) A TONIER CLIENTELE NOW, THEY'VE 183 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,201 ACTUALLY RAISED THEIR PRICES BUT THROWN IN BONUSES, LIKE ADDING A 184 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,202 DOZEN SHRIMP FOR A DOLLAR WHEN YOU ORDER A STEAK. 185 00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:26,038 THAT'S WHERE I GET A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS. 186 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:31,944 ( LAUGHTER ) COST A DOLLAR. 187 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:35,714 IF YOU'RE PAYING 8 CENTS A POP, THOSE AREN'T SHRIMP. 188 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:38,951 THOSE ARE SEA MONKEYS ON STEROIDS. 189 00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:39,852 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 190 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,687 MY GUEST IS "SUCCESSION'S" KIERAN CULKIN. 191 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,690 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 192 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:48,127 JOIN US, WON'T YOU? #. 193 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,196 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 194 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,005 >> Stephen: HEY! WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 195 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:37,710 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE! 196 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:40,546 LOUIS CATO. AND COMPANY. 197 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:44,516 OH, MY GOODNESS. OH, MY GOODNESS. 198 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:50,289 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MAGNIFICENT. 199 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:56,528 THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS A GOOD SEAT. 200 00:14:56,595 --> 00:15:01,867 COMING UP, Y'ALL... ( APPLAUSE ) 201 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:05,571 SHOW TONIGHT. QUITE A SHOW TONIGHT. 202 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:10,242 COMING UP IN JUST A MOMENT, EMMY NOMINATED WONDERFUL ACTOR FROM 203 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:12,678 HBO'S "SUCCESSION," KIERAN CULKIN IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE 204 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,180 IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE. >> Louis: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S 205 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,548 RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND, I MEAN, I 206 00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:21,654 HOPE WE CAN ALL HAVE AS MUCH FUN OVER HERE AS IT LOOKS Y'ALL ARE 207 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,922 HAVING OVER THERE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE FRONT-ROW 208 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:27,793 SEATS TO MR. JOE WALSH, RIGHT OVER THERE. 209 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:31,597 SAY HELLO. ( APPLAUSE ) 210 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,666 HITS THIS WEEK, YOU KNOW, SOME MASTERERFUL GUITAR WORK. 211 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,940 IMMORTAL. IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE WILL HEAR 212 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:46,111 "LIFE NEWSCAST LANE THIS WEEK." >> THAT WILL COST YOU EXTRA. 213 00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:54,953 >> Stephen: THAT'S LIKE GUAC? IT'S A LITTLE EXTRA FOR THAT HOW 214 00:15:55,020 --> 00:16:00,959 ABOUT JUST THE RIFF? COULD WE HEAR EVEN JUST THE RIFF 215 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:13,405 AT ANY POINT. ♪ ♪ ♪ 216 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:17,443 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AFFORD. 217 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,945 THANK YOU. STOP RIGHT THERE. 218 00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:21,680 >> Louis: COME ON! COME ON! 219 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,682 >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL WE CAN AFFORD. 220 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:27,186 THANK YOU, JOE. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME 221 00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:31,757 RIGHT OVER THERE, ADORNING THE STAGE WITH THE DAY'S BIGGEST 222 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,359 NEWS, INVITING THE FINEST, MOST-TOPICAL STORIES, BOOKING 223 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:37,730 JUGGLERS AND LUTE PLAYERS AND LAYING OUT A SPLENDID CORNUCOPIA 224 00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:45,904 OF MEATS, FRUIT, AND WINE TO PUT ON FOR YOU THE LAVISH LOUIS 225 00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:47,773 VERSAILLES GALA THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 226 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,842 BUT SOMETIMES, I SNAP AWAKE IN THE WOODS BY THE AIRPORT, 227 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,412 THROW A TARP OVER A DIRTY BABY POOL AND TRAP A RAGTAG 228 00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:56,749 COLLECTION OF FOREST CREATURES USING CHEESE LACED WITH COUGH 229 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,618 SYRUP, AND THEN MAKE THEM WATCH ME HONK THROUGH A BROKEN 230 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,919 HARMONICA IN THE DERANGED METH-HEAD'S PARTY HUT OF NEWS 231 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:07,926 THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" 232 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:11,163 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE STARS. 233 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:17,503 IT'S A LADDER TO ETERNITY "MEANWHILE," EVERYBODY. 234 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:20,506 MEANWHILE, ZOMBIE FANS, REJOICE! WE'VE JUST LEARNED THAT "THE 235 00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:27,479 WALKING DEAD'S" DARYL SPIN-OFF TAKES PLACE IN FRANCE. 236 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,882 SO DARYL IS GONNA BE FINE. FRENCH ZOMBIES ARE NOTORIOUS 237 00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:32,551 SNOBS. ( WITH FRENCH ACCENT ) 238 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:37,389 EVEN COME WITH A BEARNAISE OR A NICE SAUVIGNON? 239 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,924 GO AWAY. I WAIT FOR A PROPER FRENCH 240 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:43,695 CEREBELLUM." PLUS, THEY'RE EASY TO GET AWAY 241 00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:48,066 FROM, 'CUZ YOU CAN JUST TRAP THEM IN AN INVISIBLE BOX. 242 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:52,938 ( LAUGHTER ) DEPARTMENT OF LUXURY SNOOZIN', 243 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,941 CASPER IS HIRING PROFESSIONAL NAPPERS WITH EXCEPTIONAL 244 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,910 SLEEPING ABILITY. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT JOB 245 00:17:57,976 --> 00:18:01,447 INTERVIEW: "WELL, I GUESS MY BIGGEST 246 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:08,987 WEAKNESS IS... MEANWHILE, DOMINO'S PIZZA IS 247 00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:18,363 SHUTTING DOWN IN ITALY. OH, NO! 248 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,499 NOW WHEN ITALIANS WANT PIZZA, THEY'LL HAVE TO GO TO PAPA 249 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:28,740 JOHN'S. ( LAUGHTER ) 250 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:30,709 THE LAST OF DOMINO'S 29 BRANCHES HAVE CLOSED. 251 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,913 YES, ONE BY ONE, THESE DOMINO'S FELL LIKE... 252 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:43,922 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, OREO IS BRINGING BACK 253 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,893 THEIR PUMPKIN SPICE SANDWICH COOKIE FOR A LIMITED TIME. 254 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,764 WHICH MEANS YOU'LL ONLY HAVE A FEW WEEKS NOT TO BUY IT. 255 00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:55,968 ( LAUGHTER ) I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. 256 00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,036 ACCORDING TO THE COMPANY, THEY HAVE AN "UNFORGETTABLE TWIST OF 257 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:04,543 PUMPKIN SPICE FLAVOR." I DON'T KNOW IF "UNFORGETTABLE" 258 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,946 IS AS POSITIVE A WORD AS THE OREO FOLKS THINK IT IS: 259 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:11,250 "OH, YOU'LL TRY TO FORGET. SPEND YEARS IN THERAPY. 260 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,052 THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.3 THEN, JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE 261 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:19,358 FREE, YOU'LL CLOSE YOUR EYES AT NIGHT, AND THEY'LL BE THERE. 262 00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:25,030 ( LAUGHTER ) TIME. 263 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,099 BUT THE TRAUMA? FOREVER." 264 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:34,039 ( LAUGHTER ) GUESTS GOT STUCK ON THE "IT'S A 265 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,675 SMALL WORLD" RIDE FOR OVER AN HOUR, AND DESCRIBED IT AS 266 00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:40,512 "TORTURE." WELL, YEAH. 267 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,949 "IT'S A SMALL WORLD" IS DESIGNED TO BE TORTURE. 268 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:50,856 IT'S A BOAT RIDE THROUGH A HUMID DIORAMA WHERE THE MOST FAMOUSLY 269 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:51,924 ANNOYING SONG IN HUMAN HISTORY PLAYS ENDLESSLY. 270 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,926 IT'S WHERE THEY TAKE GITMO PRISONERS WHO WON'T TALK: 271 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,396 "YES, I'M A TERRORIST! NOW, PLEASE, JUST TAKE AWAY THE 272 00:19:57,462 --> 00:20:06,338 TINY HARMONIZING BELGIANS!" EVIDENTLY-- 273 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:12,611 ( APPLAUSE ) REALLY? 274 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:16,982 EVIDENTLY, A LINE OF BOATS GOT STUCK WHEN ONE APPEARED TO BE 275 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,717 SLOWLY SINKING INTO THE WATER. ( LAUGHTER ) 276 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:25,924 THE HARROWING EXPERIENCE. THEY'RE NOT MOVING. 277 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:29,394 AAAAND THEY'RE STILL NOT MOVING. OKAY, JUST WALK OUT! 278 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:33,098 IT'S NOT A REAL RIVER! THERE'S NO CROCODILES! 279 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:37,302 IT'S TWO FEET DEEP! "WELL, KIDS, I GUESS THIS IS IT. 280 00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:42,908 WE COULD WALK TO SHORE, 18 INCHES FROM HERE. 281 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:47,179 BUT THE HEM OF MY SHORTS MIGHT GET DAMP. 282 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:53,218 WHO'RE WHO DO WE EAT FIRST? BILLY EATS CHOREOS. 283 00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:59,224 MAYBE HE TASTES LIKE CINNAMON. MEANWHILE, AMERICAN FOOTBALL 284 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,493 DOOFUS AARON RODGERS SAID THAT TAKING THE PSYCHEDELIC DRUG 285 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:07,933 AYAHUASCA LED TO "THE BEST SEASON OF MY CAREER." 286 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,268 SHOCKINGLY, THERE WILL BE NO REPERCUSSIONS FOR THE DRUG USE, 287 00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,037 BECAUSE PSYCHEDELICS AREN'T A BANNED SUBSTANCE SO "HIS USE OF 288 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,405 AYAHUASCA WON'T GET HIM IN TROUBLE WITH THE N.F.L.," THE 289 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:14,740 LEAGUE SAYS. IN FACT, THE N.F.L. IS SO ON 290 00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:17,409 BOARD, THEY RELEASED A BRAND-NEW SLATE OF PROMOS. 291 00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:20,946 SEE IF YOU CAN TELL. >> MONDAY NIGHT, THE RAIDERS 292 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,514 TAKE ON THE CHARGERS BUT, IN FACT, THEY ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE, 293 00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:24,950 CONNECTED BY THE WORLD-SPIRIT, IN AN INFINITELY EXPANDING PLANE 294 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:30,956 OF HUMAN COMPASSION. SEE THE BIG HITS, FEEL A 295 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,458 HUNDRED DIFFERENT HANDS ON YOUR BODY, IMPARTING A BLESSING 296 00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:37,062 OF FORGIVENESS AND GRATITUDE. BROUGHT TO 297 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:41,033 YOU BY QUETZALCOATL, THE OFFICIAL FEATHERED SERPENT GOD 298 00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:43,635 OF THE N.F.L. >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 299 00:21:43,702 --> 00:21:46,705 WITH KIERAN CULKIN. ♪ ♪ ♪ 300 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,024 HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST 301 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:54,973 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU 302 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,942 KNOW FROM "IGBY GOES DOWN," "SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD," 303 00:22:57,008 --> 00:23:01,179 AND "SUCCESSION." >> JUST EXPLAIN IT OUT OF 304 00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:02,781 RESPECT AND YOU CAN TAKE THE MESSAGE. 305 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:06,251 >> I GOT IT. >> THIS GUY, TONY, ARE YOU 306 00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:07,319 KIDDING? ARE YOU SURE. 307 00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:10,388 >> DON'T SWEAR AT HIM. >> IT'S NOT COOL TO TELL THE 308 00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:13,692 PRESIDENT TO BLOW ME. >> HEY, MR. PRESIDENT, SORRY. 309 00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:17,662 YEAH, NO-- WHOOPS. CROSSTALK, YOU GO. 310 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:23,935 YEAH, NO, THIS IS ACTUALLY-- I'M HIS SON, ROMAN. 311 00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:25,837 YUP. THAT ONE. 312 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:31,409 LOOK, HE CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, BUT HOW ARE YOU DOING? 313 00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:33,478 YEAH, I WILL CERTAINLY LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE UPSET. 314 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:38,016 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," KIERAN CULKIN! 315 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,270 >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 316 00:23:58,336 --> 00:24:00,238 >> NICE TO SEE YOU. >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING 317 00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:01,506 HERE. >> THANKS. 318 00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:03,141 >> Stephen: I HAD A GOOD TIME WITH YOU WHEN YOU WERE HERE LAST 319 00:24:03,208 --> 00:24:04,276 SEPTEMBER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 320 00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:06,444 >> SOMETHING LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: YOU AND PRETTY 321 00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:09,080 MUCH THE WHOLE CAST CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE SHOW. 322 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:10,816 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHICH I AND SO 323 00:24:10,882 --> 00:24:14,319 MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE... >> HAVE SEEN. 324 00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,987 >> Stephen: MORE THAN SEEN. KIND OF OBSESSED WITH. 325 00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:19,057 >> OH, WOW. >> Stephen: AND THE SHOW THIS 326 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,860 YEAR GOT 25 EMMY NOMINATIONS. >> I HEARD. 327 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:24,262 >> Stephen: AND A RECORD-BREAKING-- YOU HEARD? 328 00:24:24,329 --> 00:24:26,498 >> I HEARD. >> Stephen: SOMEBODY CALLED 329 00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,099 YOU? >> I GOT AN EMAIL. 330 00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:32,270 >> Stephen: A RECORD 14 ACTING NOMINATIONS, ONE OF WHICH IS 331 00:24:32,337 --> 00:24:33,438 YOU. CONGRATULATIONS. 332 00:24:33,505 --> 00:24:37,209 >> THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE ) 333 00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:40,745 >> YOUR PRODUCER BACKSTAGE TOLD ME THAT WAS A RECORD. 334 00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:43,682 >> Stephen: IT IS A RECORD. >> I JUST FOUND OUT. 335 00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:45,584 >> Stephen: IS THIS YOUR FIRST NOMINATION? 336 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:49,354 >> NO, SECOND. LOOK IT UP, MAN, LIKE, DO-- DO 337 00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:53,525 YOUR RESEARCH. ( LAUGHTER ). 338 00:24:53,592 --> 00:24:58,697 >> SHOULD I LEAVE NOW? >> Stephen: WHY NOT. 339 00:24:58,763 --> 00:25:01,800 >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN 340 00:25:01,867 --> 00:25:03,668 TOGETHER SINCE THE NOMINATIONS CAME OUT TO CELEBRATE? 341 00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:06,137 >> NO, WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 342 00:25:06,204 --> 00:25:08,807 I THINK THAT HAPPENED, AND THEN WE JUST STARTED GOING TO WORK. 343 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:10,809 AND WE DON'T ALL WORK THE SAME DAYS -- 344 00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:12,310 >> Stephen: ARE YOU SHOOTING RIGHT NOW? 345 00:25:12,377 --> 00:25:16,715 >> YEAH, I JUST CAME FROM SET. I'M ACTUALLY WEARING COSTUME. 346 00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:19,718 I'M DEAD SERIOUS. THE GUY WHO MIC'd ME SAID,s, 347 00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:23,088 WHERE DO I DO THE WIRES? AND I SAID, "THERE ARE HOLES IN 348 00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:25,423 THE POCKET TO PULL THE WIRES BECAUSE THIS IS COSTUME." 349 00:25:25,490 --> 00:25:28,360 IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME LAST NIGHT THAT I HAD TO WEAR CLOTHES TO 350 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:30,462 THE SHOW. I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR. 351 00:25:30,528 --> 00:25:36,201 I HAVE TWO YOUNG KIDS SO ALL MY KIDS ARE OVER-SIZED THINGS AND 352 00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:37,202 OFFCADO SMEARED ON IT. I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR, AND I 353 00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:40,906 RAN TO THE WARDROBE TRUCK,s, JUSTIN, I'M ON TV." 354 00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:42,874 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE ROMAN LOOK? 355 00:25:42,941 --> 00:25:44,776 >> IT'S ROMAN, YEAH. > Stephen: IS THERE ANY 356 00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:49,214 DANGER OF SLIPPING INTO ROMAN WHILE YOU'RE IN THE ROMAN 357 00:25:49,281 --> 00:25:53,051 COSTUME? >> Stephen: THAT'S HIM. 358 00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:55,754 THAT'S HIM. >> I DON'T KNOW. 359 00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:59,424 >> Stephen: THAT'S HIM TRYING TO EXPRESS LOVE. 360 00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:04,329 >> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE PARTICULARLY THRILLED, PEOPLE 361 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:13,204 REALLY LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ROME AND GARY. 362 00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:17,909 >> WHO THREW A DRINK IN MY FACE. >> Stephen: HERE ARE THE TWO 363 00:26:17,976 --> 00:26:19,978 OF YOU. THERE'S AN ON AGAIN/OFF AGAIN-- 364 00:26:27,986 --> 00:26:29,921 ( APPLAUSE ) THINK GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO 365 00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:33,825 OF YOU. AND SHE TWEETED THIS, "I THREW A 366 00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:36,561 DRINK IN KIERAN'S FACE TONIGHT. >> GREAT, GREAT, THANKS. 367 00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:39,564 SHE POSTED IT, LOSER. >> Stephen: HERE'S THE PROOF. 368 00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:44,235 THERE'S YOU POST-DRINK. WHY-- WHY DID SHE THROW A DRINK 369 00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:49,174 IN YOUR FACE? >> WE JUST FINISHED DOING A 370 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,144 TABLE READ FOR, LIKE, THE FOURTH EPISODE, AND SHE WAS A LITTLE 371 00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:54,412 UPSET. SHE GOES, "YOU HAVE A JOKE ABOUT 372 00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:55,947 MY OLD AGE, AND THERE ARE ALWAYS SO MANY JOKES ABOUT HOW OLD I 373 00:26:56,014 --> 00:26:58,950 AM." WHICH THE SHOW IS PRETTY BRUTAL 374 00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:02,854 MAKING FUN OF EVERYBODY. IN THE SHOW, DAD HAS MADE 375 00:27:02,921 --> 00:27:07,392 COMMENTS ABOUT ME BEING A BENDY ( BLEEP ). 376 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:11,029 LAUGHING LIE A HYENA. SOMEBODY SAID, "MY BROTHER 377 00:27:11,096 --> 00:27:13,431 CONNOR." AND HE GOES, "IS HE THE ONE WITH 378 00:27:13,498 --> 00:27:16,401 THE FACE?" I DON'T KNOW HOW ALAN IS 379 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,636 SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT ONE. >> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY 380 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:20,372 ROUGH. NO ONE IS PARTICULARLY NICE TO 381 00:27:20,438 --> 00:27:21,439 EACH OTHER. >> NO. 382 00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:23,842 AND THE WRITERS ARE UNLOADING ON US. 383 00:27:23,908 --> 00:27:26,077 "NO, WE DIDN'T SAY THAT, THE CHARACTER SAID IT. 384 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:28,380 WE JUST WROTE IT FOR THEM TO SAY." 385 00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:29,981 THAT'S JUST WHAT WE THINK ABOUT YOU. 386 00:27:30,048 --> 00:27:31,583 >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY BACK? 387 00:27:31,649 --> 00:27:36,788 >> LATER ON WE'RE HAVING DINNER AND SARAH SNOOK IS SAYING MEN'S 388 00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:39,491 EARS AND NOSES NEVER STOP GROWING, SO AS THEY GET OLDER 389 00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:44,029 THEY HAVE LONG EARS. I SAID, "ARE YOU SURE THAT'S 390 00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:46,698 JUST MEN?" AND SHE GOES, "WHY ARE YOU 391 00:27:46,765 --> 00:27:47,966 POINTING AT ME? WHY?" 392 00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:50,268 I SAID, "NO, NO, YOU HAVE LONG EARS. 393 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:53,671 WER THEY ALWAYS THAT WAY?" ( LAUGHTER ) 394 00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:59,344 IN MY FACE. THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S EARLY ON THE 395 00:27:59,411 --> 00:28:01,679 IN DINNER. LATER ON, THE RESTAURANT'S 396 00:28:01,746 --> 00:28:05,350 GETTING MORE AND MORE FULL, SO IT GETS HARDER FOR HER TO HEAR. 397 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:09,120 SHE KEEPS HAVING TO ASK, "WHAT'S FUNNY. 398 00:28:09,187 --> 00:28:11,823 WHAT DID HE SAY?" I SAID, YOU HAVE ALL THAT EAR, 399 00:28:11,890 --> 00:28:14,692 AND YOU CAN'T HEAR?" STILL, NO DRINK IN MY FACE. 400 00:28:14,759 --> 00:28:17,462 >> Stephen: WOW. >> STILL NO DRINK IN MY FACE. 401 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,597 AND WE GET THE CHECK EXPRV IS GETTING READY TO GO. 402 00:28:19,664 --> 00:28:22,434 AND SHE GOES, "WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT ARE WE DOING?" 403 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:26,037 AND I TAKE HER HAND AND GO ( SHOUTING ) 404 00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:29,541 WE'RE GOING NOW! WE'RE ALL GOING HOME! 405 00:28:29,607 --> 00:28:32,811 IT'S 8:00. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STAYING UP 406 00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:35,947 SO LATE! WE FRESHT!" 407 00:28:36,014 --> 00:28:41,519 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU'RE LUCKY IT 408 00:28:41,586 --> 00:28:43,455 WAS A DRINK. >> YEAH. 409 00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:45,757 >> Stephen: NOT A STEAK KNIFE. >> YEAH. 410 00:28:45,824 --> 00:28:49,461 I THINK THAT'S ROUND ONE. >> Stephen: THIS RELATIONSHIP 411 00:28:49,527 --> 00:28:52,397 BETWEEN ROMAN AND JERRY, CAN WE EXPECT MORE OF IT? 412 00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:55,366 IS THERE GOING TO BE MORE OF IT THIS SEASON? 413 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,970 >> I DON'T KNOW, WE'RE BOTH STILL ON THE SHOW. 414 00:28:59,037 --> 00:29:01,573 >> Stephen: WE WANT TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 415 00:29:01,639 --> 00:29:04,242 >> WHEN PEOPLE SAY I DON'T WANT SPOILERS. 416 00:29:04,309 --> 00:29:08,079 I DON'T KNOW UP UNTIL WE GET THE NEXT SCRIPT. 417 00:29:08,146 --> 00:29:10,815 WE GOT AN EARLY DRAFT OF EPISODE FOUR. 418 00:29:10,882 --> 00:29:13,551 SO WE DON'T KNOW BEYOND THAT. >> Stephen: YOU'VE SHOT ONE, 419 00:29:13,618 --> 00:29:16,321 TWO, THREE. >> I HAVE NOT SHOT ANY OF ONE. 420 00:29:16,387 --> 00:29:19,257 WE HAD TO JUMP AHEAD TO TWO AND THREE. 421 00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:24,829 I'VE DONE SOME WORK WITH JAY, YEAH. 422 00:29:24,896 --> 00:29:26,064 OOOOH! >> Stephen: PEOPLE WANT 423 00:29:26,131 --> 00:29:29,801 ANYTHING. >> "THEY'VE DONE SCENE WORK. 424 00:29:29,868 --> 00:29:32,637 HMMM..." >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 425 00:29:32,704 --> 00:29:33,705 QUICK BREAK, WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE KIERAN CULKIN, EVERYBODY. 426 00:29:46,985 --> 00:29:50,922 >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH KIERAN CULKIN, FROM HBO'S 427 00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:57,795 "SUCCESSION." ALEXSANDER SKARZGUARD IS HE 428 00:29:57,862 --> 00:29:59,964 BACK? >> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SAY. 429 00:30:00,031 --> 00:30:02,367 WILL THEY GET MAD AT ME IF I SAY THAT? 430 00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:04,269 I DON'T KNOW. IN SCRIPT SO FAR. 431 00:30:04,335 --> 00:30:06,504 I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM. THAT'S NOT TRUE. 432 00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:08,239 MAYBE I HAVE. >> Stephen: SO HE'S DEFINITELY 433 00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:09,874 BACK. >> HE'S MAYBE BACK. 434 00:30:09,941 --> 00:30:13,611 HE'S ALSO MAYBE NOT BACK. >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN TO 435 00:30:13,678 --> 00:30:19,951 LIKE CROATIA. >> CROATIA WAS BEAUTIFUL. 436 00:30:20,018 --> 00:30:22,554 >> Stephen: CAN YOU TELL ME ANY PLACE THAT YOU'RE GOING 437 00:30:22,620 --> 00:30:24,489 SPECIAL THIS YEAR? >> I EBL SPECIFICALLY CANNOT. 438 00:30:24,556 --> 00:30:26,024 >> Stephen: YOU SPECIFICALLY CANNOT. 439 00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:28,326 >> I ASKED TODAY, "ARE WE SHOOTING THERE?" 440 00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:32,697 THEY SAID, "DON'T SAY ANYTHING." WHO CARES, IT'S THE LOCATION. 441 00:30:32,764 --> 00:30:35,500 >> Stephen: BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE AWAY THE LOCATION. 442 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:38,937 EVEN THOUGH I KNOW WHERE IT IS. I KNOW AND YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU 443 00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:41,839 TOLD MY PRODUCER BEFORE YOU ASKED WHETHER YOU COULD TELL 444 00:30:41,906 --> 00:30:44,676 ANYBODY. >> THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE. 445 00:30:44,742 --> 00:30:46,578 >> Stephen: SO I COULD SAY IT RIGHT NOW! 446 00:30:46,644 --> 00:30:48,780 I COULD OPEN MY MOUTH AND SAY IT RIGHT NOW. 447 00:30:48,846 --> 00:30:51,115 >> TOTALLY. >> Stephen: AND THERE'S 448 00:30:51,182 --> 00:30:53,651 NOTHING YOU COULD DO ABOUT IT. >> THEY WERE SO HAPPY TO ME 449 00:30:53,718 --> 00:30:56,788 TODAY WHEN I ASKED PERMISSION. THEY WERE LIKE, "THANK YOU, SO 450 00:30:56,854 --> 00:30:59,290 MUCH FOR ASKING. NO, DON'T TELL HIM. 451 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:02,260 WE LOVE YOU FOR ASKING, THANK YOU." 452 00:31:02,327 --> 00:31:05,630 AND YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT. >> Stephen: NO, I'M GOING TO 453 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,932 FEEL SPECIAL. I'M NOT GOING TO DO NOTHING. 454 00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:09,968 I'M JUST GOING TO SAY TO EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD, 455 00:31:10,034 --> 00:31:12,403 "WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?" UH-HUH. 456 00:31:12,470 --> 00:31:16,407 DO YOU GUYS-- ARE YOU GUYS HAVING ANY KIND OF EMMYS PARTY 457 00:31:16,474 --> 00:31:19,010 OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT OUT THERE? >> NO. 458 00:31:19,077 --> 00:31:22,180 >> Stephen: IF THERE IS, INVITE ME, OR I TELL EVERYBODY 459 00:31:22,247 --> 00:31:26,784 WHERE YOU'RE SHOOTING. ( APPLAUSE ) 460 00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:29,387 DEAL? ALL RIGHT. 461 00:31:29,454 --> 00:31:32,190 THAT GOES FOR ME AND MY WHOLE SHOW. 462 00:31:32,257 --> 00:31:34,359 WHEN WE WERE HERE LAST FALL, OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAST SAID 463 00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:38,696 YOU'RE THE BIGGEST CURSER. YOU'RE THE BEST, BIGGER, CURSER, 464 00:31:38,763 --> 00:31:42,834 CUSSER, BOMB-DROPPER ON THE SET. NOT IN CHARACTER, YOU. 465 00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:47,005 >> YEAH, GLIINGS IS THAT HARD TO TURN OFF, OR ARE YOU NOT TURNING 466 00:31:47,071 --> 00:31:48,840 ANYTHING ON OR OFF. BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS, RIGHT? 467 00:31:48,906 --> 00:31:51,843 >> I HAVE KIDS. AND MY DAUGHTER IS JUST AT AN 468 00:31:51,909 --> 00:31:54,779 AGE NOW WHERE SHE JUST REPEATS EVERYTHING. 469 00:31:54,846 --> 00:31:58,416 >> Stephen: WHAT IS HE-- >> I DON'T KNOW HOW. 470 00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:06,958 I NEVER H HAD A FILTER. I HAD A TUTOR, AND SHE SAID 471 00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:08,192 DON'T. FROM THE AGE OF NINE, I FEEL 472 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:13,031 LIKE I HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO... I JUST LET LOOSE, AND I MY 473 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:15,433 DAUGHTER WILL REPEAT THINGS SOMETIMES. 474 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:18,603 THE OTHER DAY-- ACTUALLY, MY WIFE DOESN'T KNOW THIS YET SO 475 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,272 THIS IS KIND OF A FUN WAY FOR HER TO FIND THIS OUT. 476 00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:26,244 SHE HAD A BAD NIGHT'S SLEEP. I SAID, "YOU SLEEP IN, I'LL TAKE 477 00:32:26,311 --> 00:32:29,080 THE KIDS, AND GIVE THEM BREAKFAST. 478 00:32:29,147 --> 00:32:32,917 I HAVE MY BOY IN THE HIGHCHAIR. AND AS I'M MAKING IT I THINK OF 479 00:32:32,984 --> 00:32:36,120 SOMETHING I DID AT WORK THEY COULD HAVE DONE BETTER AND I 480 00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:41,526 WENT ( BLEEP ). AND MY DAUGHTER GOES, "DADDY, 481 00:32:41,592 --> 00:32:48,933 WHAT IS ( BLEEP )?" AND I KEEP MAKING-- MAKING-- "D, 482 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:49,901 DADDY?" >> YEAH, I CAN HEAR YOU. 483 00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:54,138 >> WHAT IS ( BLEEP ). DO YOU WANT A PEACH? 484 00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:57,675 I FELT LIKE MY OPTIONS WERE-- I HAD TWO OR THREE OPTIONS, DO 485 00:32:57,742 --> 00:33:03,681 WHAT I JUST DIGNORE IT, AND GIVE HER A ( BLEEP ) PEACH. 486 00:33:03,748 --> 00:33:07,251 WHICH IS WHAT I DID. AND THERE WAS MY INSTINCT, WHICH 487 00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:10,288 WAS TO LAUGH MY ASS OFF, BUT THAT ENCOURAGED IT. 488 00:33:10,355 --> 00:33:12,857 AND THERE WAS THE GOOD PARENTING THING WHICH IS TO TAKE A KNEE 489 00:33:12,924 --> 00:33:16,027 AND EXPLAIN TO HER THAT THAT IS A BAD WORD DADDY SAID AND YOU 490 00:33:16,094 --> 00:33:18,863 SHOULDN'T DO IT. I KNOW MY DAUGHTER, IF I DID 491 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:22,500 THAT, SHE WOULD HAVE ONE IN THE CHAMBER AT ALL TIMES GOING, "I 492 00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:25,937 CAN DROP A ( BLEEP ) AT ANY POINT AND RUIN YOUR DAY." 493 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:28,406 >> Stephen: SO WHEN SHE'S OLDER, SHE'S GOING TO ASSOCIATE 494 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:31,209 THAT WORD WITH GETTING A TREAT. >> YES. 495 00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:41,953 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M LEARNING A LOT TODAY. 496 00:33:42,019 --> 00:33:43,321 YEAH. >> Stephen: FATHER OF THE 497 00:33:43,388 --> 00:33:44,255 YEAR. WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF 498 00:33:44,322 --> 00:33:46,991 A BREAK HERE. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL 499 00:33:47,058 --> 00:33:51,162 ASK KIERAN ABOUT A PARTICULAR ACTING SKILL HE HAS THAT PISSES 500 00:33:51,229 --> 00:33:52,230 OFF BRIAN COX. STICK AROUND. 501 00:34:03,975 --> 00:34:09,814 ( APPLAUSE ) WE'RE BACK HERE WITH KIERAN 502 00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:11,949 CULKIN. THERE YOU GO. 503 00:34:12,016 --> 00:34:13,718 OKEY-DOKEY. SO, YOU'VE BEEN ACTING SINCE YOU 504 00:34:13,785 --> 00:34:17,188 WERE SIX. AS YOU WERE SAYING. 505 00:34:17,255 --> 00:34:18,923 YOU HAD A PRETTY GOOD EXPERIENCE AS A CHILD ACTOR. 506 00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:21,125 >> I DID. I JUST REALIZED MY FIRST ACTING 507 00:34:21,192 --> 00:34:23,361 EXPERIENCE WAS A COMMERCIAL I DID-- I WAS SIX SO I DON'T 508 00:34:23,428 --> 00:34:28,399 REALLY KNOW WHAT IT WAS-- IT WAS SOMETHING ABOUT LEARNING 509 00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:31,569 DISABILITIES AND THE IDEA WAS STAYING IN FRONT OF A CHALK 510 00:34:31,636 --> 00:34:35,039 BOARD AND KIDS WERE YELLING AT ME CALLING ME AN IDIOT OR STUPID 511 00:34:35,106 --> 00:34:37,542 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THAT'S HOW I STARTED ACTING 512 00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:42,213 DOING THAT, AND DIRECTOR WAS YELLING THINGS LIKE, IDIOT, 513 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,616 STUPID, MORON," TO GET ME INTO IT I GUESS OR SOMETHING. 514 00:34:45,683 --> 00:34:49,654 IT EXPLAINS ME A BIT, I THINK. >> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY SORT 515 00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:53,825 OF TRICKS YOU PICKED UP AS A YOUNG ACTOR THAT STILL ARE 516 00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:57,562 USEFUL NOW? >> I'M REALLY GLAD I DID IT AS A 517 00:34:57,628 --> 00:34:59,831 KID KID. WHEN IT COMES TO THE ACTING PART 518 00:34:59,897 --> 00:35:03,034 OF IT, THERE'S ALMOST NOTHING I'VE KANE FROM CHILDHOOD INTO 519 00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:07,038 WHAT I DO NOW. I LEARN LIEBZ INCREDIBLY FAST 520 00:35:07,104 --> 00:35:10,074 NOW BECAUSE I'VE JUST BEEN DOING IT SINCE I WAS SIX. 521 00:35:10,141 --> 00:35:13,911 SO THAT'S-- IT'S ALMOST LIKE A FUN PARTY TRICK. 522 00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:19,784 IT PISSED OFF BRIAN COX ONE DAY. >> Stephen: WHO PLAYS LOGAN 523 00:35:19,851 --> 00:35:22,220 ROY. >> WHO PLAYS LOGAN ROY. 524 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,922 HE HAS BEEN ACTING FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND HE HAS A PROCESS 525 00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:28,092 AND IT TAKES HIM A LONG TIME TO LEARN LINES. 526 00:35:28,159 --> 00:35:31,696 AND I SHOWED UP AND SAID, "WE'RE DOING THIS SCENE? 527 00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:35,132 I DON'T KNOW IT." I DID A QUICK REHEARSAL, AND I 528 00:35:35,199 --> 00:35:37,201 HAD TO GO GET DRESSED, GET READY. 529 00:35:37,268 --> 00:35:39,670 AND BRIAN WANTED TO RUN THE LINES AND I SAID ( BLEEP ) I 530 00:35:39,737 --> 00:35:43,241 STILL HAVEN'T LOOKED ON IT. WE GOT HALFWAY THROUGH AND 531 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:46,844 CALLED TO SET AND I DROPPED IT AND HE SAID, "DO YOU KNOW IT?" 532 00:35:46,911 --> 00:35:50,281 AND I SAID, "WE'LL SEE." AND IT JUST CAME OUT. 533 00:35:50,348 --> 00:35:52,750 I DID IT. HE SAID, "WHEN DID YOU LEARN 534 00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:56,287 THAT, JUST NOW?" AND I SAID, "YES, JUST NO." 535 00:35:56,354 --> 00:35:59,924 AND HE SAID, "DAMN IT!" HE WAS SO MAD. 536 00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:03,027 "I WAS UP ALL NIGHT LEARNING IT!" 537 00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,896 ( APPLAUSE ). EMMYS. 538 00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:08,399 >> OH, YEAH, THANKS. >> Stephen: I'LL SEE YOU AT 539 00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:13,170 THE PARTY. "SUCCESSION" IS AVAILABLE ON HBO 540 00:36:13,237 --> 00:36:14,338 MAX. KIERAN CULKIN, EVERYBODY! 541 00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:17,642 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY RUN THE JEWELS. 542 00:36:17,708 --> 00:36:18,709 STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪ 543 00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:40,164 >> Stephen: PERFORMING "A FEW WORDS FOR THE FIRING SQUAD" FROM 544 00:36:40,231 --> 00:36:55,112 THEIR ALBUM, "RTJ4," RUN THE JEWELS! 545 00:36:55,179 --> 00:36:59,884 THEIR ALBUM, "RTJ4," RUN THE JEWELS! 546 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:01,018 ♪ I WOKE UP EARLY ONCE AGAIN THAT'S FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT 547 00:37:01,085 --> 00:37:06,891 ♪ I DIDN'T WAKE YOU, BABY I JUST WATCHED YOU LAY 548 00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:11,896 IN THE RADIATION OF THE CITY SUN ♪ I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU 549 00:37:11,963 --> 00:37:17,535 IT IS MY ONLY GRACE ♪ YOU KNOW HOW EVERYTHING CAN 550 00:37:17,602 --> 00:37:18,903 SEEM A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE? ♪ ALL OF MY LIFE, THAT SEEMED TO 551 00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:19,971 BE THE ONLY NORMAL STATE ♪ SO FEELIN' NORMAL NEVER REALLY 552 00:37:20,037 --> 00:37:22,340 MEANT ME FEELIN' SANE ♪ AND BEIN' CLEAR ABOUT THE 553 00:37:22,406 --> 00:37:26,310 TRUTH AND BEIN' SANE HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN THE SAME 554 00:37:26,377 --> 00:37:30,181 ♪ I USED TO WANNA GET THE CHANCE TO SHOW THE WORLD I'M SMART, HA 555 00:37:30,247 --> 00:37:33,918 ISN'T THAT DUMB? ♪ I SHOULD'VE FOCUSED MOSTLY ON 556 00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:37,655 THE HEART ♪ 'CAUSE I SEEN SMARTER PEOPLE 557 00:37:37,722 --> 00:37:40,224 TRAMPLE LIFE LIKE IT'S AN ART ♪ SO BEIN' SMART AIN'T WHAT IT 558 00:37:40,291 --> 00:37:45,696 USED TO BE THAT'S REALLY DARK 559 00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:51,035 ♪ YOU EVER NOTICE THAT THE WORST OF US HAVE ALL THE CHIPS? 560 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,703 ♪ WE CAN KINDA TAKES THE SHEEN OFF PEOPLE GETTIN' RICH 561 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:55,072 ♪ LIKE MAYBE RICH IS NOT THE HOLY EVER-LOVIN' 562 00:37:55,139 --> 00:38:00,478 KING OF NOTHIN' (BLEEP) ♪ KNOW WE KNOW YOU'RE BLUFFIN' 563 00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:03,147 YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE (BLEEP) MONEY-MONEY RUNNERS 564 00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:11,756 MY PARTNER IN RHYME AND CRIME ARE YOU THE JEWEL. 565 00:38:11,822 --> 00:38:13,658 ♪ IT'D BE A LIE IF I TOLD YOU THAT I EVER DISDAINED THE 566 00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:22,199 FORTUNE AND FAME ♪ BUT THE PRESENCE OF THE 567 00:38:22,266 --> 00:38:23,701 PLEASURE DOESN'T ABSTAIN ME FROM ANY OF THE PAIN 568 00:38:23,768 --> 00:38:25,503 ♪ WHEN MY MOTHER TRANSITIONED TO ANOTHER PLANE 569 00:38:25,569 --> 00:38:27,038 ♪ I WAS SITTING ON A PLANE TELLIN' HER TO HOLD ON 570 00:38:27,104 --> 00:38:28,339 ♪ AND SHE TRIED HARD BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T HANG 571 00:38:28,406 --> 00:38:30,041 ♪ BEEN TWO YEARS TRUTH IS, I'LL PROBABLY 572 00:38:30,107 --> 00:38:32,510 NEVER BE THE SAME ♪ DEAD SERIOUS, IT'S A CHORE 573 00:38:32,576 --> 00:38:34,011 NOT TO LET MYSELF GO INSANE ♪ IT'S CRIPPLING 574 00:38:34,078 --> 00:38:36,347 MAKE YOU WANNA LEAN ON A CUP OF PROMETHAZINE 575 00:38:36,414 --> 00:38:37,682 ♪ BUT MY QUEEN SAY SHE NEED A KING 576 00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:40,251 NOT ANOTHER JUNKIE, FLUNKY ♪ RAPPER FIEND 577 00:38:40,317 --> 00:38:41,819 FRIENDS TELL HER ♪ "HE COULD BE ANOTHER MALCOLM 578 00:38:41,886 --> 00:38:45,690 HE COULD BE ANOTHER MARTIN" ♪ SHE TOLD HER PARTNER 579 00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:51,762 "I NEED A HUSBAND MORE THAN THE WORLD NEED ANOTHER MARTYR" 580 00:38:51,829 --> 00:38:54,565 ♪ RAISED IN ATLANTA, GEORGIA WHERE I USE TO RIDE THE MARTA 581 00:38:54,632 --> 00:38:56,600 ♪ WITH A EMPTY .22 IN THE FRONT POCKET OF MY BRAVES STARTER 582 00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:58,002 ♪ TRYIN' TO MAKE IT OUT THE MUD AS A BABY FATHER IS MUCH HARDER 583 00:38:58,069 --> 00:39:02,506 ♪ THE SAME CHILDREN THAT YOU LOVE AND ADORE 584 00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:03,541 THE COURT'LL USE TO BREAK AND ROB YA 585 00:39:03,607 --> 00:39:05,276 ♪ CIRCUMSTANCE WOULDA BROKE A WEAKER MAN 586 00:39:05,342 --> 00:39:07,378 ♪ BUT I PUT IT ON MY MAMA I'M A MAN OF HONOR 587 00:39:07,445 --> 00:39:10,047 AND THE HARDSHIP MADE ME A BETTER MONEY RUNNER 588 00:39:10,114 --> 00:39:15,086 ♪ THIS IS FOR THE NEVER-HEARD NEVER EVEN GOT AN ITTY-BITTY 589 00:39:15,152 --> 00:39:18,055 WORD. ♪ THIS IS FOR MY SISTER, SARAH 590 00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:19,223 HONEY, I'M SO SORRY YOU WERE HURT, AYY 591 00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:21,425 THIS IS FOR THE DAWN MAMA TOOK A KNOCK 592 00:39:21,492 --> 00:39:22,493 HAD TO CHANGE THE LOCKS ♪ DUSTED UP AND BRUSHED OFF 593 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,896 AND I WATCHED TALK ABOUT A BOSS 594 00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:28,432 FOR THE HOLDERS OF A SHRED OF HEART 595 00:39:28,499 --> 00:39:30,901 EVEN WHEN YOU WANNA FALL APART WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY 596 00:39:30,968 --> 00:39:32,002 ♪ THE FOG, TREADIN' WATER IN THE ICE-COLD DARK 597 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:33,104 ♪ WHEN THEY GOT YOU FEELIN' LIKE A FOX, RUNNIN' FROM 598 00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:36,006 ANOTHER PACK OF DOGS ♪ PUT THE PISTOL AND 599 00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:36,874 THE FIST UP IN THE AIR ♪ WE ARE THERE 600 00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:39,276 SWEAR TO GOD ♪ BLACK CHILD IN AMERICA 601 00:39:39,343 --> 00:39:42,379 THE FACT THAT I MADE IT'S MAGIC ♪ BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL 602 00:39:42,446 --> 00:39:44,749 THE WORLD BROKE MY MAMA HEART AND SHE DIED AN ADDICT 603 00:39:44,815 --> 00:39:46,283 ♪ GOD BLESSED ME TO REDEEM HER IN MY THOUGHTS, WORDS 604 00:39:46,350 --> 00:39:50,287 AND MY ACTIONS ♪ SATISFACTION FOR THE DEVIL 605 00:39:50,354 --> 00:39:53,591 ♪ HE'LL NEVER, EVER HAVE IT THIS IS FOR THE DO-GOODERS 606 00:39:53,657 --> 00:39:55,392 ♪ THAT THE NO-GOODERS USED AND THEN ABUSED 607 00:39:55,459 --> 00:39:59,563 ♪ FOR THE TRUTH-TELLERS TIED TO THE WHIPPIN' POST 608 00:39:59,630 --> 00:40:02,299 LEFT BEATEN, BATTERED, BRUISED FOR THE ONES WHOSE BODY HUNG 609 00:40:02,366 --> 00:40:04,535 FROM A TREE LIKE A PIECE OF STRANGE FRUIT 610 00:40:04,602 --> 00:40:07,271 GO HARD LAST WORDS TO THE FIRING SQUAD 611 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:15,613 WAS "(BLEEP) YOU TOO" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 612 00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:20,951 EVERYBODY. THAT'S IT FOR THE "LATE SHOW"." 613 00:40:21,018 --> 00:40:21,952 SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE AND TATIANA MASLANY. 614 00:40:22,019 --> 00:40:24,021 GOOD NIGHT. ♪ ♪