1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,471 >> THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL" REPORTS AN INFORMANT TIPPED OFF 2 00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:06,906 FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS TO THE POSSIBILITY THERE WERE MORE 3 00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:10,043 CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AT THE PRESIDENT'S FORMER FLORIDA HOME. 4 00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:11,945 >> ACCORDING TO ROLLEN STONE, DONALD TRUMP IS WORRIED HE MAY 5 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:17,951 HAVE A RAT OR MULTIPLE RATSZ IN HIS MIDST. 6 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:22,088 HE'S WONDERING IF HIS PHONES ARE TAPPED OR EVEN IF HIS BUDDIES 7 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,157 COULD BE WEARING A WIRE. 8 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:27,961 >> WE HERE AS MAR-A-LAGO WERE RECENTLY SHUT DOWN IN AN F.B.I. 9 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:32,499 RAID DUE TO AN INSIDE INFORMANT POSSIBLY WEARING A WIRE. 10 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,801 BUT MAR-A-LAGO IS OPEN AGAIN FOR BUSINESS. 11 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:39,339 WE'VE JUST HAD TO MAKE A FEW CHANGES TO MAKE SURE THE F.B.I. 12 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,673 IS NOT LISTENING IN. 13 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,976 PLAY TENNIS, SHOOT GOLF ALL WITHOUT THE CONFINEMENT OF 14 00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:45,845 CLOTHES OR AN F.B.I. LISTENING DEVICE. 15 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:49,149 TAKE A FLOPPY JOG WITH RUDY GIULIANI, PLAY HORSESHOES WITH 16 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,352 MITCH McCONNELL OR FISH WHILE PROVING YOU'RE LOYAL ENOUGH TO 17 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,420 KEEP A SECRET. 18 00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:56,756 SO LEAVE YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR WIRES BEHIND AND JOIN 19 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:57,957 MAR-A-LAGO. 20 00:00:58,024 --> 00:01:02,929 >> WE WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE -- >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE 21 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:07,934 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT: 22 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:12,906 THE ART OF THE SKLIAM. 23 00:01:12,972 --> 00:01:15,942 AND STEPHEN JOINS THE CAST OF "SEVERANCE." 24 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:19,779 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE 25 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:26,386 JEAN-PIERRE, AND TATIANA MASLANY, FEATURING JON BATISTE 26 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:30,957 AND "STAY HUMAN," WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOE WALSH. 27 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:34,761 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 28 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:46,773 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 29 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:53,480 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 30 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:57,984 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) 31 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,254 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK 32 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:01,688 YOU! 33 00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:03,756 HEY, EVERYBODY! 34 00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:04,824 THAT'S NICE. 35 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,426 WELCOME ONE AND ALL. 36 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,660 EVERYBODY. 37 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,263 IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, WELCOME TO "THE LATE 38 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:15,335 SHOW," I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 39 00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,269 FOLKS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 40 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:22,275 BEAUTIFUL SOUND. 41 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,711 WE CONTINUE TO LEARN MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE F.B.I.'S 42 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:25,845 SEARCH OF MAR-A-LAGO THIS WEEK. 43 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:28,281 AND IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD FOR FORMER PRESIDENT VELVEETA 44 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,616 VOLDEMORT. 45 00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:36,256 ( LAUGHTER ) THE FORMER PRESIDENT AND 46 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,826 HIS MINIONS HAVE TRIED TO PLAY THE VICTIM CARD, SAYING, 47 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:43,229 WHY, HE'S JUST A SIMPLE COUNTRY CLUB OWNER, AND THAT THIS 48 00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:46,266 WHOLE INVESTIGATION IS A NOTHING-BURGER. 49 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,736 BUT IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE THE INVESTIGATION IS A 50 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:51,237 SOMETHING-ROYALE WITH CHEESE. 51 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:53,573 NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO GET MY HOPES UP. 52 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,708 I'VE BEEN HURT TOO MANY TIMES. 53 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,577 I STILL HAVE TO GET A DERMATOLOGIST TO REMOVE MY 54 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:01,548 ROBERT MUELLER TRAMP STAMP. 55 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,850 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOING TO STING! 56 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:09,556 IT'S GOING TO STING! 57 00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,324 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STILL, THERE'S SOME JUICY 58 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,492 TIDBITS. 59 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:13,626 THE LATEST? 60 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,262 WE NOW KNOW THAT AN INSIDE INFORMER TOLD THE F.B.I. WHAT 61 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:20,266 DOCUMENTS THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS HIDING, AND WHERE. 62 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,000 SO, THERE WAS A MOLE? 63 00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:21,568 WHO COULD IT BE... 64 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:22,035 OH. 65 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:22,268 MY. 66 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:25,538 GOD! 67 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,640 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 68 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:28,975 OH, MY! 69 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:33,546 OH, MY LORD! 70 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:41,387 ( LAUGHTER ) WE ALSO HAVE LEARNED THAT THE 71 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:45,558 RAID WAS DELIBERATELY TIMED TO OCCUR WHEN THE FORMER PRESIDENT 72 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,061 WAS AWAY. 73 00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:49,562 SO, THEY HAD TO EITHER WAIT TILL HE WAS OUT OF TOWN, OR FOR THE 74 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,164 RETURN OF THE MCRIB. 75 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:51,831 "BIG MANGO IS HEADED FOR LUNCH. 76 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:52,765 WE GOT TEN HOURS. 77 00:03:52,832 --> 00:04:01,541 GO, GO, GO!" NOW THAT WE KNOW SOMEONE IN THE 78 00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:05,411 INNER CIRCLE HAS FLIPPED, THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS REPORTEDLY 79 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:06,879 FREAKING OUT AND ASKING HIS ALLIES, "WHO'S WEARING A WIRE?" 80 00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:07,480 TO WHICH DON JR. SAID, "WIRED? 81 00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:08,648 I'M NOT WIRED! 82 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:09,282 YOU'RE WIRED! 83 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,083 WHO WANTS TO START A BAND? 84 00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:21,294 NO, A NEW APP!" AN APP ABOUT A BAND! 85 00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:22,462 ( LAUGHTER ) SOURCES SAY THE EX-PRESIDENT IS 86 00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:25,298 WORRIED HE MAY HAVE A RAT, OR MULTIPLE RATS, IN HIS MIDST. 87 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:32,372 AND THAT'S JUST AT THE MAR-A-LAGO WAFFLE BAR. 88 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:35,241 I THINK IT'S WORTH POINTING OUT: GOOD PEOPLE DON'T WORRY THAT 89 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,543 THEIR FRIENDS ARE RATTING THEM OUT OVER ALL THE GOOD STUFF 90 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,712 THEY'RE DOING. 91 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,280 "MYEAH, I DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUSE MUGS SQUEALING THAT I 92 00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:43,016 VOLUNTEER AT THE SOUP KITCHEN, SEE? 93 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,284 ANYONE RATS ME OUT, YOU'LL BE SLEEPIN'... 94 00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:45,885 HERE AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER. 95 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:46,319 ENJOY THE WARM BED. 96 00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:50,757 MYEAH." 97 00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:51,958 ( LAUGHTER ) SINCE THE F.B.I. SEARCH ON 98 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,626 MONDAY, THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S RESPONSE HAS CHANGED A LITTLE 99 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:57,563 BIT-- IT STARTED AS "NOTHING TO SEE HERE," AND QUICKLY BECAME, 100 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:01,567 "ANYTHING YOU SEE WAS PUT HERE BY THE F.B.I.!" 101 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,270 AND ALL THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S HENCH-FOLK HAVE GOBBLED UP THE 102 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,304 BAIT. 103 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,040 >> QUITE HONESTLY, I'M CONCERNED THAT THEY MAY HAVE 104 00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:08,841 PLANTED SOMETHING. 105 00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,611 >> DO I KNOW THAT THE BOXES OF MATERIAL THEY TOOK FROM 106 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,546 MAR-A-LAGO, THAT THEY WILL NOT PUT THINGS IN THOSE BOXES, TO 107 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:14,781 ENTRAP THEM? 108 00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,282 >> HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE WEREN'T LISTENING DEVICES OR EVIDENCE 109 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:19,085 PLANTED THERE? 110 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,287 >> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ACCUSE SOMEONE OF PLANTING 111 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:26,993 EVIDENCE BEFORE THEY SAY THEY FOUND ANYTHING? 112 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:30,830 IT'S WHEN YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO FIND SOMETHING. 113 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,533 ( LAUGHTER ) "OFFICER, BEFORE YOU BREATHALYZE 114 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:37,570 ME, I MUST INFORM YOU, I SUSPECT THAT YOU HAVE PLANTED A FIFTH OF 115 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,472 TEQUILA IN MY STOMACH. 116 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:40,373 ( LAUGHTER ) SO, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE IN BIG 117 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:44,143 TROUBLE." 118 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,279 SO HOW DID THE F.B.I. AGENTS SUPPOSEDLY BRING IN 12 BOXES OF 119 00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:50,717 EVIDENCE THAT THEY TOOK OUT? 120 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,285 AINSLEY EARHARDT HAS A VERY... 121 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:56,956 STUPID THEORY: >> AND HIS LAWYERS SAID THEY 122 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,991 BROUGHT IN BACKPACKS. 123 00:05:59,058 --> 00:05:59,692 WHAT WAS IN THOSE BACKPACKS? 124 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,862 >> STEPHEN: GOOD POINT, AINSLEY! 125 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,698 EVERYONE KNOWS, YOU GET TO SEARCH THE COPS BEFORE THEY 126 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:06,999 SEARCH YOU. 127 00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:11,003 THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS TELL T.S.A., "HOLD ON, FIRST, I'M GOING TO 128 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:18,978 KNUCKLE-BUMP YOUR JUNK!" COME HERE! 129 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:33,926 ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S CALLED THE SWEET SCIENCE. 130 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,094 ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S CALLED THE SWEET SCIENCE. 131 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,229 THE EX-PRESIDENT'S GOONS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT THE 132 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,263 JUSTICE DEPARTMENT GAVE NO WARNING BEFORE THEY RAPPELLED 133 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,998 INTO THE POOLSIDE CABANAS. 134 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,133 AU CONTRAIRE. 135 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:43,002 WE JUST LEARNED THAT THE EX-PRESIDENT RECEIVED A SUBPOENA 136 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:47,006 THIS SPRING FOR THE DOCUMENTS, BUT HE DIDN'T HAND THEM ALL 137 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,643 OVER, SO MONTHS LATER, THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAD TO ACT, 138 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:53,513 BECAUSE THE DOCUMENTS WERE SO SENSITIVE IN NATURE, AND RELATED 139 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:54,514 TO NATIONAL SECURITY. 140 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,916 SOUNDS LIKE HE HAD SOME HIGH-LEVEL STUFF IN HIS 141 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,683 BASEMENT. 142 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,985 COULD BE ANYTHING! 143 00:06:59,051 --> 00:06:59,719 MISSILE LOCATIONS. 144 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,687 LISTS OF C.I.A. SOURCES. 145 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:06,993 THE ALIEN TECHNOLOGY THAT KEEPS PAUL RUDD FROM AGING! 146 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,195 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IN ORDER TO CONDUCT THE 147 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,997 SEARCH, THE F.B.I. HAD TO PRESENT A SEARCH WARRANT AND 148 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:15,001 IN ORDER TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY, THEY HAD TO GIVE MAR-A-LAGO AN 149 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,503 ITEMIZED RECEIPT OF EVERYTHING THEY TOOK. 150 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,005 THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD RELEASE BOTH OF THOSE DOCUMENTS, 151 00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:23,309 AND THE MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE MIGHT BE CLEARED UP. 152 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,944 BUT, EVIDENTLY, HE DOESN'T WANT THAT, BECAUSE AS LONG AS WE 153 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,079 DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, HE'S FREE TO SAY ANYTHING. 154 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,949 SO THIS AFTERNOON, ATTORNEY GENERAL AND ELF ON THE SHELF WHO 155 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:34,754 HAS SEEN TOO MUCH... 156 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:37,523 MERRICK GARLAND, ANNOUNCED THAT HE HAS ASKED THE COURT TO 157 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:46,699 RELEASE THE EX-PRESIDENT'S SEARCH WARRANT AND THE RECEIPT. 158 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:51,370 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, RELEASE IT! 159 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,607 HE WANTS TO RELEASE IT ALL. 160 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,876 THE EX-PRESIDENT HAS TILL TOMORROW TO FILE IN COURT TO 161 00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,778 STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING WHICH WOULD MARK THE FIRST TIME 162 00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:05,718 HE'S EVER DECLINED THE OFFER OF A FULL RELEASE. 163 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:09,388 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) REALLY... 164 00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:09,856 REALLY... 165 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:13,125 WE FOUND THE LINE. 166 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,994 ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A BIT OF GOOD NEWS. 167 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,697 AFTER REPUBLICANS LIKE TED CRUZ HAD TRIED TO BLOCK IT, THIS 168 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:21,334 WEEK, PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED THE PACT ACT, WHICH GIVES 169 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,969 LIFE-SAVING CARE TO VETERANS WHO SUFFERED CHEMICAL EXPOSURE 170 00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:26,138 LIKE TOXIC BURN PITS. 171 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:29,709 AFTER THE SIGNING, THE PRESIDENT SINGLED OUT A FAMILIAR NAME: 172 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:34,513 >> SO MANY PEOPLE TODAY REMIND US, WE HAVE FOUGHT FOR THIS FOR 173 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,648 SO MANY YEARS. 174 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:41,354 VETERANS, SURVIVING FAMILIES, SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBERS, 175 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:42,989 ADVOCATES LIKE ROSIE TORRES AND JON STEWART. 176 00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:46,292 WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, JON, MATTERS, AND YOU KNOW IT DOES-- 177 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:46,993 YOU SHOULD KNOW. 178 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:50,029 IT REALLY, REALLY MATTERS. 179 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:55,001 YOU REFUSE TO LET ANYBODY FORGET, REFUSE TO LET THEM 180 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,204 FORGET, AND WE OWE YOU BIG, MAN. 181 00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,205 WE OWE YOU BIG. 182 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:10,182 (STANDING OVATION) >> STEPHEN: I KNOW THAT DUDE! 183 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:14,220 HE'S IN THE CREDITS OF THIS SHOW! 184 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,087 EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JON STEWART! 185 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:20,927 THAT IS A WELL-DESERVED STANDING OVATION. 186 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,995 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AS JON'S FRIEND, I KNOW HOW 187 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,933 UNCOMFORTABLE HE IS GETTING PRAISED, BUT, ALSO AS JON'S 188 00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,702 FRIEND, I TRULY ENJOY HOW UNCOMFORTABLE HE IS GETTING 189 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:32,204 PRAISED. 190 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:35,007 TOO BAD, BUDDY. 191 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,743 IF JON WERE HERE, HE'D SAY THAT THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM, THAT THE 192 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:41,714 REAL HEROES ARE THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO SERVED THEIR COUNTRY. 193 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:42,982 AND HE'S RIGHT. 194 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,051 BUT ALSO, HE'S NOT HERE, SO... 195 00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,986 CONGRATULATIONS, JON! 196 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,990 YOU DID IT. 197 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,693 I WANT YOU -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 198 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,994 HE'S GOING TO HATE THIS. 199 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,929 HE'S GOING TO HATE THIS. 200 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:57,930 I WANT YOU TO GO OUT TONIGHT AND TREAT 201 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:00,366 YOURSELF TO SOMETHING NICE. 202 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,935 MIGHT I SUGGEST A SLIGHTLY CLEANER GRAY T-SHIRT. 203 00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,303 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! 204 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:08,207 MY GUESTS ARE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE 205 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,711 JEAN-PIERRE, AND "SHE-HULK'S" TATIANA MASLANY. 206 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,579 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I JOIN THE CAST OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE 207 00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:16,315 TELEVISION SHOWS. 208 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,384 "SEVERANCE"! 209 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,292 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 210 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:02,361 WELCOME BACK! 211 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,730 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- FOLKS -- 212 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:24,216 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, UH, 213 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,684 WHEN I GET HOME AFTER A LONG DAY OF TV, THERE'S NOTHING I 214 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,220 LIKE MORE THAN SITTING DOWN WITH SOME TV. 215 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,923 AND RIGHT NOW, ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS IS "SEVERANCE." 216 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:34,927 IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH "SEVERANCE," IT'S A SERIES ON 217 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:36,495 APPLE TV+ THAT IS-- AND PLEASE STAY WITH ME HERE-- 218 00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,932 NOT "TED LASSO." 219 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:43,969 BUT IT'S ONE OF THE MOST CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED SHOWS OF 220 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:51,677 THE YEAR, AND HAS EVEN BEEN NOMINATED FOR 14 EMMYS. 221 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:51,977 WHICH MEANS APPLE NOW HAS ALMOST AS MANY NOMINATIONS AS TYPES OF 222 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,012 CORDS. 223 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,714 WHAT IS THUNDERBOLT?! 224 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,883 IS THAT ONE OF THE NEW SHOWS? 225 00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,118 STOP IT! 226 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:02,455 STOP WITH THE CORDS! 227 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:03,889 ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED 228 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,257 "SEVERANCE," IT TAKES PLACE IN THE SURREAL, SUBTERRANEAN 229 00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:09,028 OFFICES OF A COMPANY CALLED LUMON, WHERE THE EMPLOYEES HAVE 230 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:13,032 HAD A MICROCHIP IMPLANTED IN THEIR BRAINS, SO THAT EVERY TIME 231 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:16,402 THEY ENTER OR EXIT THE BUILDING, IN THE ELEVATOR, THEIR WORK 232 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,538 MEMORIES ARE SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AT THAT 233 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:20,639 MOMENT.. 234 00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:24,643 AND AS A RESULT OF THIS MEMORY-SEVERING MOMENT IN THE 235 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:25,911 ELEVATOR, WHOEVER THESE WORKERS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE-- WHICH THEY 236 00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:29,014 CALL THEIR "OUTTIE"-- IS ESSENTIALLY A DIFFERENT PERSON 237 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,717 THAN WHAT THEY CALL THEIR "INNIE"-- THE PERSON WHO WORKS 238 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,018 AT LUMON. 239 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,220 WOW. 240 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,723 CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I WENT TO WORK AND I 241 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:41,327 BECAME A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT "STEPHEN COLBERT"? 242 00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:43,996 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 243 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:47,700 AND THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF OTHER MYSTERIES IN "SEVERANCE," LIKE 244 00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:51,103 THE STRANGE "NUMBER SORTING" PROJECT THEY'RE WORKING ON, THE 245 00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,239 WEIRD REWARDS THEY'RE GIVEN FOR COMPLETING WORK TASKS, AND THE 246 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:56,175 OMINOUS BREAK ROOM WHERE THEY'RE FORCED TO RECITE A CONFESSION OF 247 00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,677 WRONGDOING. 248 00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,913 IT IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP DYSTOPIAN WORKPLACE SCI-FI 249 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:01,914 MYSTERY BLACK COMEDY PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLERS I'VE 250 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,017 EVER SEEN. 251 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,319 IN FACT, THE ONLY THING I DON'T LIKE ABOUT "SEVERANCE" IS THAT 252 00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:10,523 I WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE IN IT! 253 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,625 BUT, FOR SOME REASON, ALL MY SCENES WERE LEFT ON THE CUTTING 254 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:13,792 ROOM FLOOR. 255 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:17,029 THANKFULLY, "THE LATE SHOW" HAS FOUND THE MISSING FOOTAGE. 256 00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:24,136 AND HERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME, ARE MY DELETED SCENES FROM 257 00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:25,037 "SEVERANCE." 258 00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:37,016 ♪♪ ♪♪ 259 00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:46,258 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PASSING GAS ) 260 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,660 ( SIGHS ) ( ELEVATOR DINGS ) 261 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,028 >> Steve C.: OH, MY GOD! 262 00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:51,664 WHO DID THAT? 263 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,132 >> GOOD MORNING AND GOOD DAY, IRVING. 264 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:59,805 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO LUMON'S NEWEST REFINER, STEVE C. 265 00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:00,573 >> WELCOME, STEVE C. 266 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:04,843 MAY KERR'S MOUTH EVER SMILE ON YOU. 267 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:05,444 >> Steve C.: WHAT IT IS, HERB? 268 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:09,014 NO, THANKS. 269 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,517 WHERE IS MY GUEST? 270 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,985 KITCHEN. 271 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:13,485 >> Steve C.: HI, MARCUS. 272 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,020 IT'S MARK S. 273 00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,022 >> Steve C.: THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 274 00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,525 HEY, ALL YOU GUYS HAVE BEARDS, ALL THREE OF YOU. 275 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,429 IS THIS FACIAL HAIR FRIDAY OR SOMETHING? 276 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:24,196 >> NO. 277 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:27,266 >> Steve C.: TWO OF YOU LOOK GREAT. 278 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,001 LOOK, I'M SO EXCITED TO BE WITH YOU GUYS HERE AND WORKING AT 279 00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:33,005 LULU LEMON. 280 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:37,476 >> LULIE >> Steve C.: NAMASTE. 281 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:41,013 DO YOU EVER WONDER WHO YOUR OUTTIE IS? 282 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,681 >> THAT'S NOT FOR ME TO KNOW. 283 00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:48,887 >> Steve C.: WELL, I'M STEVE C. 284 00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:52,791 STEVE C. -- WAIT A SECOND, AM I STEVE CARELL? 285 00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:53,359 I MEAN, THIS IS AN OFFICE. 286 00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,728 I SEE PAPER OVER THERE. 287 00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:56,862 IF THIS WERE SCRANTON, THAT EXPLAINS WHY WE NEVER GO 288 00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,330 OUTSIDE. 289 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,033 >> THAT KIND OF TALK IS NOT ALLOWED HERE. 290 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,168 >> Steve C.: HUMORLESS, OBSESSED WITH THE RULES -- YOU 291 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,403 ARE DWIGHT. 292 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:05,070 >> I AM NOT DWIGHT. 293 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:07,740 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS. 294 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:12,244 >> Steve C.: CLASSIC DWIGHT. 295 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,012 TEVE C. 296 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,446 >> Steve C.: HMM? 297 00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:17,016 ARE YOU STEALING FROM THE SUPPLY CLOSET? 298 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,718 >> Steve C.: HMM MMM. 299 00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:24,356 OPEN YOUR MOUTH. 300 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:31,430 >> Steve C.: PAPER CLIPS WORK BETTER WHEN THEY'RE WET. 301 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:35,301 >> Steve C.: All I can be is sorry and that is all that I am. 302 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,002 >> I'm afraid you still don't mean it. 303 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,138 >> Steve C.: YEAH, I WASN'T REALLY FEELING THAT EITHER. 304 00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,006 SORRY. 305 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,741 CAN WE TAKE THAT FROM THE TOP? 306 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:43,609 >> AGAIN, PLEASE. 307 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:44,843 >> Steve C.: ( IN DEEP SOUTHERN ACCENT ) 308 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:45,444 ALL I CAN BE IS SORRY! 309 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,413 AND THAT IS ALL THAT I AM! 310 00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:53,018 AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN! 311 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:55,754 >> AGAIN, AND NO MORE ACCENTS. 312 00:15:55,821 --> 00:16:01,026 >> Steve C.: Je suis desole. 313 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,261 >> Steve C.: OKAY, SOME OF THE NUMBERS ARE GOING TO ELICIT SORT 314 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,997 OF A FEAR RESPONSE. 315 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:05,731 >> I AM AWARE. 316 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,901 I KNOW HOW TO REFINE THE NUMBERS. 317 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:10,502 >> Steve C.: DO YOU KNOW WHY 6 IS AFRAID OF 7? 318 00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:14,506 >> I DO, ACTUALLY. 319 00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:18,510 >> Steve C.: OKAY. 320 00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:21,246 BECAUSE 7, 8, 9. 321 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:29,054 >> IF IT WEREN'T FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDBOOK, I WOULD KILL YOU. 322 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:32,791 >> Steve C.: I BELIEVE THAT HUMOR IS A GREAT MOTIVATOR, AND 323 00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:37,996 I'M PRETTY SURE I SAW DWIGHT CRACK A SMILE. 324 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:42,534 >> STEVE C., WHO IN KERR'S NAME ARE YOU TALKING TO RIGHT NOW? 325 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,738 ( LAUGHTER ) >> CONGRATULATIONS ON HITTING 326 00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:49,842 YOUR QUARTERLY GOAL, IRVING. 327 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:52,711 AS YOU KNOW, GOOD BEHAVIOR IS AWARDED HERE AT LUMON, AND 328 00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,513 THEREFORE, YOU MAY CHOOSE ONE OPTION FOR A MUSIC DANCE 329 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,982 EXPERIENCE. 330 00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,584 SELECT CAREFULLY FROM THIS LIST OF OPTIONS. 331 00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,386 >> Steve C.: HIT IT! 332 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:03,889 ♪ SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GOING TO ROLL ME ♪ 333 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:09,261 ♪ I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED ♪ 334 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:13,866 ♪ SHE WAS LOOKIN' KIND OF DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB ♪ 335 00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:18,504 ♪ AND THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD ♪ 336 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:21,840 ♪ WELL, THE YEARS START COMIN' AND THEY DON'T STOP COMIN' ♪ 337 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:36,789 ♪ FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNIN' ♪ 338 00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,857 ♪ FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNIN' ♪ 339 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:44,430 ♪ DIDN'T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN ♪ 340 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:45,330 ♪ YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB ♪ 341 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:46,365 ♪ SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH TO SEE ♪ 342 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,232 ♪ SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH TAKIN' THE BACK STREETS ♪ 343 00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,133 ♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T GO ♪ 344 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,268 ♪ YOU'LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON'T GLOW ♪ 345 00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,269 ♪ HEY NOW, YOU'RE AN ALL-STAR ♪ ♪ GET YOUR GAME ON ♪ 346 00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:51,303 ♪ GO PLAY ♪ ♪ HEY NOW, YOU'RE A ROCK STAR ♪ 347 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,104 ♪ GET THE SHOW ON, GET -- ♪ >> Steve C.: MARCUS? 348 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:52,337 JESUS... 349 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:52,871 YES? 350 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:54,106 >> Steve C.: HEY, MAN. 351 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,908 I WAS WONDERING, I'M AN INNIE, AND MY BELLY BUTTON'S AN INNIE. 352 00:17:55,974 --> 00:18:00,479 DOES THAT MEAN ALL OF OUR OUTIES HAVE OUTIES? 353 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,747 >> THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. 354 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:02,514 >> Steve C.: ARE YOU SURE? 355 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,050 YEAH. 356 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,252 ♪ SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME ♪ 357 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:13,225 ♪ I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED ♪ 358 00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,259 >> STEVE C., WE NEED TO TALK. 359 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:18,330 >> Steve C.: MILCHIE BABY, HIT ME WITH THEM BEATS. 360 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:21,133 >> THE BOARD HAS REACHED AN UNPRECEDENTED DECISION TO MAKE 361 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,803 YOU THE FIRST OFFICIAL UNSEVERED EMPLOYEE. 362 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:26,538 >> Steve C.: WHAT IN KERR'S BUBBLE BUTT HAVE YOU BEEN 363 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,739 TALKING ABOUT? 364 00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:30,008 >> IT'S BECOME PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING LARGE 365 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:30,742 AMOUNTS OF OFFICE SUPPLIES. 366 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,644 >> Steve C.: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! 367 00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,513 >> SINCE YOU HAVE STARTED, WE HAVE LOST OVER $20,000 IN POST 368 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:38,517 IT NOTES AND TONER. 369 00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:39,318 >> Steve C.: HOW DARE YOU! 370 00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:43,989 I WOULD NEVER STEAL FROM THIS PLACE! 371 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,791 >> YOU JUST PUT A LAMP IN YOUR JACKET. 372 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:46,758 >> Steve C.: OH, I PUT A LAMP IN MY JACKET. 373 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:47,826 >> THAT THE MY LAMP! 374 00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:50,529 >> Steve C.: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ACCUSE ME OF NEXT 375 00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:54,433 MILCHICK, PUTTING THIS STAPLER AND PUTTING IT IN MY PANTS? 376 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,267 >> THIS IS MY STAPLER. 377 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,269 >> Steve C.: I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS. 378 00:18:57,336 --> 00:19:00,739 I HAVE NUMBERS TO BE SCARED OF. 379 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,441 I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 380 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:02,908 >> YOU'RE FIRED. 381 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,342 >> Steve C.: FINE. 382 00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:06,512 SEE YOU MONDAY. 383 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:07,045 YOU'RE A GREAT LEADER. 384 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:07,880 I'M LEARNING FROM YOU. 385 00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:15,254 "YOU'RE FIRED!" THAT GUY IS HILARIOUS! 386 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,524 I GOTTA TELL YA, "THE OFFICE" IS, WITHOUT A DOUBT, MY FAVORITE 387 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:19,157 TV SHOW. 388 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,959 OH, HEY, HOLD THAT ELEVATOR! 389 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:21,727 >> OH, SORRY. 390 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:25,697 I DON'T THINK TWO CAN FIT IN HERE. 391 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:28,834 >> Steve C.: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 392 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:29,902 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 393 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,970 ♪♪ ♪♪ 394 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,382 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THANK YOU TO ADAM 395 00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,250 SCOTT, JOHN TURTURRO, TRAMELL TILLMAN, BEN STILLER, AND 396 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:48,987 EVERYONE AT "SEVERANCE" AND APPLE TV+ FOR MAKING THIS 397 00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:49,988 HAPPEN! 398 00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:50,856 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. 399 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:14,012 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, RIGHT THERE! 400 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,449 COME ON! 401 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:18,650 HELLO, LOUIS. 402 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,085 HELLO, LOUIS. 403 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:20,886 HELLO, BAND! 404 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,622 HEY, EVERYBODY! 405 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:27,125 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE 406 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:33,899 IT UP FOR THE ONE, THE ONLY MAESTRO, JOE WALSH! 407 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,435 ( GUITAR RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 408 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,203 JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 409 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:42,040 NIGHT AFTER NIGHT YOU'VE COME IN HERE AND JUST BURNED THE HOUSE 410 00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:42,808 DOWN. 411 00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:43,842 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING IT. 412 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:44,876 >> I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME. 413 00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:48,146 I LOVE THIS BAND. 414 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:49,281 >> Stephen: THEY'RE AMAZING. 415 00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:54,219 I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT VET'S AID, FOUNDED IN 2017. 416 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:57,055 WHAT IS THAT AND WHAT'S ITS ROLE? 417 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,625 >> WELL, STEVE! 418 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,426 LIFE'S BEEN GOOD, RIGHT? 419 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,596 SO I WAS LOOKING AROUND FOR SOMEWHERE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, 420 00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:05,631 AND I PICKED VETS. 421 00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:08,600 >> Stephen: AND WHY WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU, JOE? 422 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,603 >> WELL, I'M A GOLD STAR KID. 423 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:14,806 ( APPLAUSE ) MY FATHER DIED IN ACTIVE DUTY, 424 00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:19,544 AND, SO, I'M RESONANT TO GOLD STAR FAMILIES. 425 00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:24,650 >> Stephen: AND IF PEOPLE WANT HELP, WHERE CAN THEY GO. 426 00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:25,283 >> VETSAID.org. 427 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:26,985 THIS YEAR IS COLUMBUS, OHIO. 428 00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:30,689 WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A CONCERT IN COLUMBUS, OHIO, SOLD OUT IN HALF 429 00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,891 AN HOUR. 430 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:38,730 >> Stephen: HERE'S THE CONCERT RIGHT HERE, CHECK THIS OUT RIGHT 431 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:39,798 HERE. 432 00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,567 YOU ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER BEING THE JAMES GANG. 433 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:43,335 >> YES, I AM. 434 00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:44,136 YES, I AM. 435 00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:45,337 >> Stephen: ONE LAST RIDE. 436 00:21:45,404 --> 00:21:46,138 THERE YOU GO. 437 00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:47,839 >> Stephen: CHECK IT OUT, EVERYBODY. 438 00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:49,941 CHECK IT OUT. 439 00:21:50,008 --> 00:21:51,743 JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 440 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:57,683 AND, EVERYBODY, STICK AROUND, BECAUSE WHITE HOUSE PRESS 441 00:21:57,749 --> 00:21:59,484 SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A 442 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:04,456 MOMENT AND MARVEL'S NEW "SHE-HULK" TATIANA MASLANY IS 443 00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:05,457 HERE TONIGHT. 444 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:09,528 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN THE MEANTIME, FOLKS, 445 00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:14,599 I'VE GOT NEWS ABOUT OUR DEAR FRIEND JON BATISTE. 446 00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:16,868 SHARP-EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT JON HASN'T BEEN 447 00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:18,904 HERE THIS SUMMER. 448 00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:19,971 WELL, I HAVE AN UPDATE: JON HAS DECIDED TO LEAVE THE 449 00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:22,174 SHOW. 450 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,608 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW! 451 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,943 I FEEL THE SAME WAY! 452 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,547 BUT IT'S FOR ALL THE BEST REASONS, INCLUDING TO CONTINUE 453 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:29,548 TO SHARE HIS ART WITH THE WORLD. 454 00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,250 WE WANTED TO GIVE HIM A BIG IN-PERSON SEND OFF. 455 00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:33,118 JOE WALSH WAS GOING TO POP OUT OF A CAKE. 456 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,888 THANK YOU, JOE. 457 00:22:36,955 --> 00:22:40,892 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT JON'S NOT IN TOWN. 458 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:46,331 I HOPE HE'S CUTTING HIS NEW ALBUM AND I HOPE IT'S CALLED 459 00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:47,599 "MORE GRAMMYS PLEASE." 460 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,368 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE BEEN SO LUCKY TO HAVE A 461 00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:52,838 FRONT-ROW SEAT TO JON'S INCREDIBLE TALENT FOR THE LAST 462 00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:53,438 SEVEN YEARS. 463 00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:56,875 AND WILL WE MISS HIM HERE? 464 00:22:56,942 --> 00:23:00,879 "YEAAAH!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 465 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,482 "YEAAAH!" BUT WE'RE HAPPY FOR YOU, JON. 466 00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:04,883 AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOU ON AS A GUEST WITH YOUR NEXT 467 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:08,687 HIT RECORD. 468 00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:11,623 I LOVE YOU. 469 00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:16,862 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT AS HAPPY AS I AM FOR JON, I 470 00:23:16,928 --> 00:23:19,131 AM THRILLED FOR US. 471 00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:20,866 BECAUSE I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THIS INCREDIBLE 472 00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:24,936 BAND IS STAYING, AND THAT OUR NEW BANDLEADER IS THE ONE AND 473 00:23:25,003 --> 00:23:28,874 ONLY LOUIS CATO! 474 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:31,476 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 475 00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:35,847 , THANK YOU, LOUIS! 476 00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:39,050 >> COME ON. 477 00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:41,319 ( GUITAR RIFF GRCT >> Stephen: IF YOU HAVE BEEN 478 00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:44,890 WATCHING, AND I HOPE YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW THAT LOUIS HAS DONE A 479 00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,559 GREAT JOB THIS SUMMER, AND HE IS VERY HUMBLE, 480 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:48,894 SO HE WON'T SAY THIS-- BUT I WILL. 481 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,495 HE'S A MUSICAL GENIUS. 482 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:54,432 HE CAN PLAY BASICALLY EVERY INSTRUMENT OVER THERE. 483 00:23:54,499 --> 00:23:56,868 GIVE HIM AN AFTERNOON, HE'LL LEARN HOW TO PLAY MOZART ON A 484 00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:59,604 SHOEHORN. 485 00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:01,540 SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, LET ME INTRODUCE, FOR THE FIRST 486 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:05,610 TIME, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND! 487 00:24:05,677 --> 00:24:11,616 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TAKE US OUT, FOLKS! 488 00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:13,118 ( BAND PLAYING ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 489 00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:13,985 WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE. 490 00:24:33,004 --> 00:24:37,309 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 491 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:40,245 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 492 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:41,813 MY FIRST GUEST HAS SPENT 20 YEARS IN POLITICS, AND WORKED 493 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:42,914 FOR TWO PRESIDENTS. 494 00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:45,183 SHE WAS JUST NAMED THE NEW WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY. 495 00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:49,187 PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," KARINE JEAN-PIERRE! 496 00:24:49,254 --> 00:25:04,135 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 497 00:25:04,202 --> 00:25:06,037 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 498 00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:18,250 AUDIENCE THAN I DO. 499 00:25:18,316 --> 00:25:20,919 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS A LITTLE 500 00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:23,855 BIT OF A BETTER CROWD THAN YOU GET ON A DAILY BASIS. 501 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:25,223 >> THIS IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. 502 00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:27,759 CAN I JUST SAY HELLO TO MY MOM? 503 00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:28,894 >> Stephen: OF COURSE. 504 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,362 HE IS RIGHT THERE IN THE RED. 505 00:25:30,428 --> 00:25:32,063 >> Stephen: OH! 506 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:37,569 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELLO. 507 00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:39,771 THAT'S NICE. 508 00:25:39,838 --> 00:25:41,706 WE LIKE MOMS HERE. 509 00:25:41,773 --> 00:25:44,576 >> YEAH, AND, YOU KNOW I'M FROM NEW YORK, SO I'M HOME. 510 00:25:44,643 --> 00:25:46,311 >> Stephen: THAT'S EXCELLENT. 511 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,013 I GET TO SEE EVERYONE. 512 00:25:48,079 --> 00:26:02,961 >> Stephen: CON G INTERVIEWING N SENATOR HARRIS IN THE 2019 513 00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:05,597 >> Stephen: CON G INTERVIEWING N SENATOR HARRIS IN THE 2019 514 00:26:05,664 --> 00:26:10,135 CAMPAIGN AND YOU DEFENDED HER FROM A PROTESTER ON STAGE. 515 00:26:10,201 --> 00:26:13,171 LOOK AT THAT ACTION SHOT RIGHT THERE. 516 00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:17,409 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE CAME TO GRAB HER MIC. 517 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:18,576 >> YEP. 518 00:26:18,643 --> 00:26:22,614 >> Stephen: IN YOUR INTERVIEW PRACTICE, HOW MUCH WAS YOUR 519 00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:25,317 HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT A LEG UP IN GETTING THE JOB. 520 00:26:25,383 --> 00:26:28,353 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN, THEY SAY POLITICS IS A COMBAT SPORT. 521 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:29,354 >> Stephen: MM-HMM. 522 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,656 O YOU SAW THAT IN REAL LIFE. 523 00:26:31,723 --> 00:26:35,760 >> Stephen: THEY WANT TO BREAK IT OUT ON THE FRONT ROW OF THE 524 00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:36,828 PRESS ROOM? 525 00:26:36,895 --> 00:26:41,499 >> NO, I LOVE EVERYONE, STEPHEN. 526 00:26:41,566 --> 00:26:42,133 I LOVE EVERYBODY. 527 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,802 >> Stephen: YEAH. 528 00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:44,936 MM-HMM. 529 00:26:45,003 --> 00:26:47,906 >> Stephen: YOU'RE IN THE COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT, THE 530 00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:50,141 PRESS IS IN THE COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT. 531 00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:51,176 >> MM-HMM. 532 00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:53,645 >> Stephen: NOT TO BE REDUCTIVE BUT IT'S LIKE THE 533 00:26:53,712 --> 00:26:55,847 PUBLIC RELATION FORCE THE WHITE HOUSE. 534 00:26:55,914 --> 00:26:56,982 >> MM-HMM. 535 00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:58,984 >> Stephen: HOW DOES IT FEEL AS ESSENTIALLY THE TOP P.R. 536 00:26:59,050 --> 00:27:00,986 PERSON WHEN YOUR BOSS THE PRESIDENT IS GETTING DRAGGED IN 537 00:27:01,052 --> 00:27:03,021 THE PRISS? 538 00:27:03,088 --> 00:27:08,026 WHEN YOU SOME IDIOT IN LATE NIGHT MAKING A JOKE ABOUT YOUR 539 00:27:08,093 --> 00:27:12,297 BOSS -- I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND -- HOW DOES THAT FEEL? 540 00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:13,565 ( LAUGHTER ) >> DIAL THAT FRIEND UP. 541 00:27:13,631 --> 00:27:15,200 >> Stephen: YEAH. 542 00:27:15,266 --> 00:27:20,205 O I THINK YOU ALL HAVE A JOB FOR THE AMERICAN PUBLIC TO MAKE 543 00:27:20,271 --> 00:27:23,942 THEM LAUGH, AND WE HAVE A JOB FOR THE AMERICAN PUBLIC TO 544 00:27:24,009 --> 00:27:24,509 DELIVER. 545 00:27:24,576 --> 00:27:25,610 YOU KNOW, WE UNDERSTAND. 546 00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:27,579 WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE YOUR JOB, WE HAVE OUR JOB. 547 00:27:27,645 --> 00:27:29,447 >> Stephen: NO HARD FEELINGS. 548 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,281 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 549 00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:31,850 AND THE PRESIDENT ABSOLUTELY GETS THAT. 550 00:27:31,916 --> 00:27:32,951 >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD. 551 00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:34,919 IS HE GOING TO COME ON? 552 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:36,221 >> OH, THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE GOING. 553 00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:42,293 >> Stephen: IS HE GOING TO COME ON BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ON 554 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,194 FALON -- >> YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK. 555 00:27:43,261 --> 00:27:45,096 >> Stephen: WE'RE DEAR FRIENDS, OBVIOUSLY. 556 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:47,832 >> HE LOVES YOU AND I'M SURE HE'S WATCHING. 557 00:27:47,899 --> 00:27:51,336 >> Stephen: SURE. 558 00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:52,570 YEAH. 559 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,839 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SO, WHEN Y'ALL 560 00:27:54,906 --> 00:27:59,611 CAME INTO OFFICE 18 MONTHS AGO, ONE OF THE GOALS STATED WAS TO 561 00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:02,914 KIND OF REPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THAT PRESS OFFICE AND 562 00:28:02,981 --> 00:28:04,182 THE PRESS. 563 00:28:04,249 --> 00:28:06,551 HOW WAS THAT GOING AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT WHEN SOME MEMBERS OF 564 00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:10,488 THE PRESS WON'T AGREE ON WHAT REALITY IS? 565 00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:11,623 >> SOME MEMBERS OF THE PRESS? 566 00:28:11,689 --> 00:28:15,660 >> Stephen: SOME MEMBERS OF THE PRESS. 567 00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:20,532 >> LOOK, I THINK THE WAY THAT I SEE IT IS MY JOB, OUR JOB, IS TO 568 00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:25,670 MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE DELIVERING THE FACTS, DELIVERING WHAT THE 569 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:29,641 PRESIDENT'S AGENDA IS, AND THAT'S OUR FOCUS, AND THAT'S 570 00:28:29,707 --> 00:28:35,180 WHAT WE -- WE DO EVERY DAY, AND WE REALLY WORKED -- HAVE WORKED 571 00:28:35,246 --> 00:28:39,684 THE LAST 18, 19 MONTHS TO REPAIR THAT RELATIONSHIP, AND THERE'S 572 00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:42,620 ALWAYS GOING TO BE A GIVE AND TALK, ALWAYS GOING TO BE A 573 00:28:42,687 --> 00:28:46,091 LITTLE PULL AND TUG, BUT THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S DEMOCRACY, THE 574 00:28:46,157 --> 00:28:49,494 FREEDOM OF THE PRESS, THE INDY OF THE PRESS, AND, YOU KNOW, WE 575 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:53,431 SEE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO REALLY BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE TO 576 00:28:53,498 --> 00:28:56,534 ALL OF YOU, TO ALL OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ON THE WORK THAT 577 00:28:56,601 --> 00:28:59,704 WE'RE DOING EVERY SINGLE DAY. 578 00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:04,843 >> Stephen: SINCE YOU STARTED, AL-ZAWAHRI WAS KILLED, GAS 579 00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:09,481 PRICES ARE BELOW $4 A GALLON, INFLATION HAS BEGUN TO EASE, THE 580 00:29:09,547 --> 00:29:12,050 BURN PIT LEGISLATION WAS PASSED. 581 00:29:12,117 --> 00:29:15,253 MASSIVE CLIMATE BILL IS SET TO PASS TOMORROW, WHAT IS THE KEY 582 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,555 TO MAKING ALL THAT HAPPEN SO FAST? 583 00:29:17,622 --> 00:29:19,891 ARE YOU THE REASON WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED? 584 00:29:19,958 --> 00:29:24,596 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OR IS IT THE FACT THAT THE 585 00:29:24,662 --> 00:29:27,398 PRESIDENT HAS BEEN IN ISOLATION WITH COVID FOR A LOT OF THAT? 586 00:29:27,465 --> 00:29:32,670 >> I THINK, LOOK, I THINK IT'S THIS, I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT 587 00:29:32,737 --> 00:29:37,775 YOU HAVE -- WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO HAS THE EXPERIENCE, WHO IS 588 00:29:37,842 --> 00:29:41,646 COMMITTED, WHO HAS THE CORE OF HIS CONVICTION. 589 00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:47,418 IF YOU THINK ABOUT WHY PRESIDENT BIDEN RAN IN 2019, 590 00:29:47,485 --> 00:29:50,321 IT'S BECAUSE HE SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO THE CORE VALUES OF 591 00:29:50,388 --> 00:29:53,791 OUR COUNTRY, THE TRADITIONS, WE WERE BEING ATTACKED, IT WAS 592 00:29:53,858 --> 00:29:58,029 BEING THREATENED, AND HE SAW THE LITTLE GUY, EVERYDAY PEOPLE, 593 00:29:58,096 --> 00:30:01,566 WERE BEING LEFT BEHIND, AND, SO, HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE 594 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:04,469 LIFT PEOPLE UP FROM THE BOTTOM UP AND REALLY BRING OUT THE 595 00:30:04,536 --> 00:30:08,139 ECONOMY FROM THE BOTTOM UP AS WELL AND MIDDLE OUT. 596 00:30:08,206 --> 00:30:09,507 AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SEEING. 597 00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:13,411 THIS IS THE WORK OF THIS PRESIDENT FOR THE LAST 19 598 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:18,550 MONTHS, SINCE THE PROMISES HE MADE IN 2019, YOU'VE GOT TO 599 00:30:18,616 --> 00:30:20,985 REMEMBER, HE WAS A SENATOR, A VICE PRESIDENT. 600 00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:24,722 A LOT OF THIS STUFF IS WORK HE'S BEEN COMMITTED TO FOR SO LONG 601 00:30:24,789 --> 00:30:28,626 AND NOW, YOU KNOW, FOR EXAMPLE, THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT, MY 602 00:30:28,693 --> 00:30:32,830 GOSH, IF THIS GETS DONE -- AND IT WILL BECAUSE THE SPEAKER AND 603 00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:37,168 OUR LEADERSHIP IS GOING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN IN ABOUT 24 HOURS -- 604 00:30:37,235 --> 00:30:40,738 IT IS GOING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S LIVES, AND THAT IS NOT TALKING 605 00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:41,973 POINTS, THAT IS JUST THE FACTS. 606 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,210 IF YOU THINK ABOUT PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT 607 00:30:45,276 --> 00:30:47,946 THERE -- AND I CAN SPEAK TO THIS PERSONALLY, THE PRESIDENT CAN 608 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:52,317 SPEAK TO THIS PERSONALLY -- WHEN YOU HAVE AN ELDERLY PARENT AND 609 00:30:52,383 --> 00:30:55,587 THEY ARE GETTING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF PRESCRIPTION 610 00:30:55,653 --> 00:30:58,389 MEDICATION THAT'S COMING TO THEIR HOME BECAUSE THEY NEED IT, 611 00:30:58,456 --> 00:31:02,026 THEY EITHER HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS AND THEY HAVE TO JUST 612 00:31:02,093 --> 00:31:05,096 SURVIVE, AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY COMES TOGETHER, AND 613 00:31:05,163 --> 00:31:08,933 THEY'RE, LIKE, OKAY, HOW ARE WE GOING TO CHIP IN TO HELP MOM OR 614 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,003 DAD PAY FOR THESE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS? 615 00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:16,441 AND YOU THINK ABOUT THIS BILL, THIS ANTI--- BASICALLY THIS 616 00:31:16,507 --> 00:31:20,478 ANTI-INFLATION BILL, IT IS GOING TO CUT COSTS, LOWER COSTS OF 617 00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:24,482 PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, CAP IT AT $2,000 A YEAR, THAT IS GOING TO 618 00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:26,985 MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR SO MANY AMERICANS. 619 00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:31,856 YOU THINK ABOUT -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 620 00:31:31,923 --> 00:31:33,024 YOU KNOW, IT MATTERS. 621 00:31:33,091 --> 00:31:36,361 >> Stephen: WELL, IT'S SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 622 00:31:36,427 --> 00:31:37,295 >> NICE TO MEET YOU, STEPHEN. 623 00:31:37,362 --> 00:31:40,031 >> Stephen: GIVE MY BEST TO YOUR MOTHER. 624 00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:44,569 WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE, EVERYBODY! 625 00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:45,637 WE'LL BE BACK WITH "SHE-HULK'S" TATIANA MASLANY. 626 00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:07,725 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 627 00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:11,696 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 628 00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:16,100 FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW 629 00:32:16,167 --> 00:32:17,835 FROM "ORPHAN BLACK," "PERRY MASON," AND NOW, "SHE-HULK: 630 00:32:17,902 --> 00:32:20,838 ATTORNEY AT LAW." 631 00:32:20,905 --> 00:32:24,242 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," TATIANA MASLANY! 632 00:32:24,309 --> 00:32:27,378 ♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪ ♪ 633 00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:37,088 ♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪ ♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪ 634 00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:39,157 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT IS FANTASTIC. 635 00:32:39,223 --> 00:32:40,091 YOU LIKE IT? 636 00:32:40,158 --> 00:32:42,927 >> Stephen: LEATHER AND DIAMONDS. 637 00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:43,428 >> YEAH, DON'T HUG ME. 638 00:32:43,494 --> 00:32:44,495 >> Stephen: I WON'T. 639 00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:46,331 YOU CAN CUT GLASS. 640 00:32:46,397 --> 00:32:47,865 >> YOU WILL GET SKEWERED, ES. 641 00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:53,504 >> Stephen: I'M EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW MARVEL SERIES 642 00:32:53,571 --> 00:32:54,005 "SHE-HULK." 643 00:32:54,072 --> 00:32:55,039 >> ATTORNEY AT ALL. 644 00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:56,674 >> Stephen: YOU BEING "SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW." 645 00:32:56,741 --> 00:32:59,344 YOU HAVE AN OCCUPATION, YOU DON'T JUST SMASH. 646 00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:00,545 >> EXACTLY. 647 00:33:00,611 --> 00:33:01,646 >> Stephen: BUT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE EVEN MORE EXCITING NEWS TO 648 00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:03,081 SHARE WITH THE FOLKS. 649 00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:04,115 >> YEAH. 650 00:33:04,182 --> 00:33:06,818 >> Stephen: TELL THE PEOPLE YOUR ACTUAL BIG NEWS. 651 00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:09,954 >> MY ACTUAL BIG NEWS IS I GOT MARRIED. 652 00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:11,322 >> Stephen: OH! 653 00:33:11,389 --> 00:33:12,423 YEAH! 654 00:33:12,490 --> 00:33:13,224 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AND NOBODY KNOWS. 655 00:33:13,291 --> 00:33:14,792 NOBODY KNOWS, SO DON'T TELL ANYONE. 656 00:33:14,859 --> 00:33:16,160 >> Stephen: SO THIS IS A SECRET. 657 00:33:16,227 --> 00:33:18,363 YOU GUYS JUST WENT OFF AND DID IT. 658 00:33:18,429 --> 00:33:19,030 >> YES. 659 00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:20,465 >> Stephen: WHO DID YOU MARRY? 660 00:33:20,531 --> 00:33:23,368 A WONDERFUL GUY NAMED BRENDAN. 661 00:33:23,434 --> 00:33:24,235 BRENDAN HEINZ. 662 00:33:24,302 --> 00:33:27,105 >> Stephen: YOU JUST KEPT IT ON THE D.L. 663 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,339 >> YEAH. 664 00:33:28,406 --> 00:33:31,876 IT FELT LIKE THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU WANT TO KEEP PRIVATE 665 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:33,745 BUT WE FELT YOU WERE THE RIGHT PERSON TO TELL IT TO. 666 00:33:33,811 --> 00:33:36,180 >> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 667 00:33:36,247 --> 00:33:36,714 >> YEAH. 668 00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:39,283 >> Stephen: MAZEL TOV. 669 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:40,017 DO YOU HAVE PRESSURE. 670 00:33:40,084 --> 00:33:43,087 >> Stephen: TO GET YOU A PRESENT? 671 00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:43,588 >> YES. 672 00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:44,922 WE HAVE AN ADVISORY. 673 00:33:44,989 --> 00:33:47,825 >> Stephen: A REGISTRY? 674 00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:50,962 WE NEVER DID A REGISTRY BUT WE JUST STARTED IT AND YOU'RE ON 675 00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:51,829 IT. 676 00:33:51,896 --> 00:33:54,766 >> Stephen: YOU'RE GETTING A SLOW COOKER. 677 00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:55,900 >> RIGHT. 678 00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:57,735 >> Stephen: HOPE YOU LIKE BRISKET BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU 679 00:33:57,802 --> 00:33:58,936 CAN MAKE. 680 00:33:59,003 --> 00:34:04,342 >> FOR A TIME MY TWITTER HANDLE SAID ACTOR/BRISKET, SO THAT 681 00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:04,776 WORKS. 682 00:34:04,842 --> 00:34:05,643 >> Stephen: WOW. 683 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,513 I'M NOT BRISKET, BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. 684 00:34:08,579 --> 00:34:10,081 >> Stephen: LOVE THE POTATOES. 685 00:34:10,148 --> 00:34:10,882 THAT'S RIGHT. 686 00:34:10,948 --> 00:34:13,084 >> Stephen: HOW DID THE CEREMONY GO? 687 00:34:13,151 --> 00:34:15,153 WAS THIS A SMALL FETE TO KEEP IT 688 00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,189 >> NOT TO KEEP IT SECRET, BUT IT WAS COVID AND WE WANTED TO KEEP 689 00:34:18,256 --> 00:34:18,656 IT SMALL. 690 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:19,123 >> Stephen: YEAH. 691 00:34:19,190 --> 00:34:21,926 IT WENT VERY WELL. 692 00:34:21,993 --> 00:34:23,060 IT WAS A VERY CHILL DAY OTHER THAN OUR DOG WAS OUR RING 693 00:34:23,127 --> 00:34:23,628 BEARER, EARL. 694 00:34:23,694 --> 00:34:31,936 >> Stephen: IS THIS IT? 695 00:34:32,003 --> 00:34:34,939 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE PHOTO IS ABOUT. 696 00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:39,944 EARL HAD THE LITTLE BOX OF RINGS ATTACHED TO HIS NECK, AND 697 00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:41,179 BRENDAN AND I DID THE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 698 00:34:41,245 --> 00:34:44,949 OUR OUTFITS THING. 699 00:34:45,016 --> 00:34:47,552 >> Stephen: I LIKE YOUR OUTFITS. 700 00:34:47,618 --> 00:34:48,653 >> IN OUR WEDDING COSTUMES. 701 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:53,124 >> Stephen: YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE A BRIDE. 702 00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:53,591 >> TOTALLY. 703 00:34:53,658 --> 00:34:54,826 REALLY SELLING IT. 704 00:34:54,892 --> 00:34:58,362 AND EARL RAN AT ME AND WE WERE IN THIS FIELD, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, 705 00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:01,199 AND BRANDON AND I WERE TAKING PICTURES AND WE WERE MAKING OUT. 706 00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:05,069 AND THERE WAS A GREAT PICTURE WHERE YOU CAN SEE EARL HAS LOST 707 00:35:05,136 --> 00:35:06,237 THE RINGS. 708 00:35:06,304 --> 00:35:09,307 >> Stephen: CAN YOU GET A CLOSE SHOT OF THIS RIGHT THERE? 709 00:35:09,373 --> 00:35:11,976 YOU CAN SEE THE BOX. 710 00:35:12,043 --> 00:35:16,581 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> AND HE'S TRULY, LIKE, OH, NO! 711 00:35:16,647 --> 00:35:19,750 HE'S, LIKE, HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DONE, AND WE HAD NO IDEA. 712 00:35:19,817 --> 00:35:21,786 >> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER IT? 713 00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:22,987 >> MOMENTS LATER. 714 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:26,624 WE LOOKED DOWN AND WE WERE, LIKE, HEY, EARL -- OH, NO, EARL! 715 00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:30,328 THEN WE FOUND THE RINGS KIND OF IN THIS -- TRULY IT WAS LIKE IN 716 00:35:30,394 --> 00:35:31,963 A FIELD OF SHEEP. 717 00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:33,197 AND BRENDAN, LIKE, SAW THEM. 718 00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:35,466 >> Stephen: IN A FIELD OF SHEEP? 719 00:35:35,533 --> 00:35:36,667 >> YES. 720 00:35:36,734 --> 00:35:38,436 >> Stephen: IF IT'S A FIELD OF SHEEP IT'S ACTUALLY A FIELD OF 721 00:35:38,503 --> 00:35:39,670 SOMETHING ELSE. 722 00:35:39,737 --> 00:35:43,140 >> CORRECT, AND THERE WAS A LOT OF DODGING THAT AND THANKFULLY 723 00:35:43,207 --> 00:35:46,110 THEY HAD MISSED THE ( BLEEP )S WE CALL IT IN GERMAN. 724 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:50,281 >> Stephen: IT NEVER OCCURRED T YOU THAT IT MIGHT BE COURTING 725 00:35:50,348 --> 00:35:55,653 TROUBLE TO PUT JEWELRY AROUND A DOG'S NECK? 726 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,054 >> HE'S VERY RESPONSIBLE. 727 00:35:57,121 --> 00:36:00,491 WE WANTED HIM TO, YOU KNOW, FEEL LIKE WE TRUSTED HIM. 728 00:36:00,558 --> 00:36:01,025 HE'S SIX NOW. 729 00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:02,159 HE HAS TO GROW UP. 730 00:36:02,226 --> 00:36:07,965 >> Stephen: OKAY, SO, NOW, NOW YOU'RE A MARVEL SUPERHERO. 731 00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:14,906 AS I SAID, "SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW." 732 00:36:14,972 --> 00:36:16,908 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE OBVIOUS QUESTION HERE, I 733 00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:21,245 CAN'T BELIEVE IT HASN'T BEEN ANSWERED BEFORE, WHY IS THAT 734 00:36:21,312 --> 00:36:27,552 CHARACTER "SHE-HULK," WHY IS BRUCE BANNER NOT "HE-HULK." 735 00:36:27,618 --> 00:36:29,954 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MODIFIED. 736 00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:31,222 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 737 00:36:31,289 --> 00:36:34,158 SHE HAS THE SAME ISSUE WITH THIS NAME IN THE SHOW AS I DO AS YOU 738 00:36:34,225 --> 00:36:34,859 DO. 739 00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:36,627 WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH THIS NAME. 740 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:41,399 SHE FINDS IT REDUCTIVE, SHE FINDS IT -- SHE'S, LIKE, WHY 741 00:36:41,465 --> 00:36:46,270 DON'T I EXIST WITHOUT BEING A DERIVATIVE OF THE HULK, SO IT'S 742 00:36:46,337 --> 00:36:47,438 A WHOLE THING. 743 00:36:47,505 --> 00:36:50,641 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE WE WANT TO SEE IN A SECOND. 744 00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:55,546 BEFORE WE DO THAT, IN THIS CLIP, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU CAN 745 00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:57,148 THINK, YOU CAN STILL BE A LAWYER. 746 00:36:57,214 --> 00:37:04,722 >> I'M A WOMAN AND I CAN -- AND I CAN STILL THINK. 747 00:37:04,789 --> 00:37:07,558 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A HULK AND YOU CAN STILL THINK. 748 00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:11,562 BRUCE BANNER TURNS INTO A HULK AND HE BECOMES KIND OF A 749 00:37:11,629 --> 00:37:14,899 MINDLESS DESTROYING MACHINE, ALMOST LIKE ANIMAL IN 750 00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:15,266 INTELLIGENCE. 751 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,434 >> CORRECT. 752 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,269 >> Stephen: AND HE HAS TO WORK TO GET OUT OF THAT, THEN HE 753 00:37:18,336 --> 00:37:22,673 CAN'T BE THE HULK, AND HE COMES BACK TOGETHER AND BECOMES 754 00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:23,574 PROFESSOR HULK. 755 00:37:23,641 --> 00:37:24,141 >> PROFESSOR HULK! 756 00:37:24,208 --> 00:37:26,877 I THINK IT'S SMART HULK. 757 00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:27,578 >> Stephen: WHAT? 758 00:37:27,645 --> 00:37:28,346 MART HULK. 759 00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,347 >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT. 760 00:37:29,413 --> 00:37:31,082 >> YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT. 761 00:37:31,148 --> 00:37:33,584 >> Stephen: I WOULDN'T LIKE YOU WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY. 762 00:37:33,651 --> 00:37:34,685 >> THAT'S TRUE. 763 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:38,923 >> Stephen: IS JENNIFER WALTERS, WHY CAN SHE BE LAWYER 764 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,291 AND HULK AT THE SAME TIME? 765 00:37:40,358 --> 00:37:43,027 WHY IS SHE BETTER THAN HULKING? 766 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:46,297 >> BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE BEEN SOCIALLY TAUGHT TO REPRESS AND 767 00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:49,233 CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. 768 00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:53,604 SO SHE IS, LIKE, I'M SO GOOD AT DEALING WITH MY RAGE, I DEAL 769 00:37:53,671 --> 00:37:56,874 WITH IT CONSTANTLY, I DEAL WITH FEAR CONSTANTLY. 770 00:37:56,941 --> 00:38:00,444 SO SHE'S ABLE TO JUST NAVIGATE IT EFFORTLESSLY. 771 00:38:00,511 --> 00:38:01,012 >> Stephen: OKAY. 772 00:38:01,078 --> 00:38:02,913 SHE'S PUT IN THE HOURS. 773 00:38:02,980 --> 00:38:03,681 >> SHE'S WHAT? 774 00:38:03,748 --> 00:38:05,416 >> Stephen: SHE'S PUT IN THE HOURS. 775 00:38:05,483 --> 00:38:06,617 >> EXACTLY, SHE'S DONE THE TIME. 776 00:38:06,684 --> 00:38:08,819 >> Stephen: SO WE HAVE A CLIP HERE WITH JENNIFER AND BRUCE. 777 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:10,054 WHAT'S GOING ON MERE? 778 00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:14,725 >> I THINK THIS IS A TRAINING MONTAGE, AND WE SEE HOW GOOD JEN 779 00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:17,728 IS COMPARED TO BRUCE, AND HE'S NOT HAVING FUN WITH THAT. 780 00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:20,898 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, JIM? 781 00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:26,537 BEING A HULK ASKS FOR BALANCE. 782 00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:35,546 ♪♪ ♪♪ 783 00:38:35,613 --> 00:38:41,886 ( CRASHING SOUNDS ) >> IT'S EASY. 784 00:38:41,952 --> 00:38:44,689 LITTLE PUNK! 785 00:38:44,755 --> 00:38:47,525 SO I'M CLEARLY NAILING IT AT ALL THESE THINGS. 786 00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:51,429 WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO USE THIS AS A LAWYER? 787 00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:52,930 >> JEN, WHEN YOU HAVE POWERS LIKE THIS IT'S LIKE PUTTING A 788 00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:57,368 TARGET ON YOUR BACK AND THE BACKS OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU CARE 789 00:38:57,435 --> 00:38:57,668 ABOUT. 790 00:38:57,735 --> 00:38:59,637 >> COOL. 791 00:38:59,937 --> 00:39:01,205 >> Stephen: OH, BRUCE. 792 00:39:01,272 --> 00:39:02,139 OH, BRUCE. 793 00:39:02,206 --> 00:39:04,008 >> Stephen: TATIANA, LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 794 00:39:04,075 --> 00:39:04,942 >> THANK YOU. 795 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:05,676 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE MARRIAGE. 796 00:39:05,743 --> 00:39:06,343 >> THANK YOU! 797 00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:09,280 >> Stephen: THAT'S WONDERFUL! 798 00:39:09,346 --> 00:39:10,414 "SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW" PREMIERES NEXT THURSDAY ON 799 00:39:10,481 --> 00:39:13,884 DISNEY+. 800 00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:14,852 TATIANA MASLANY, EVERYBODY! 801 00:39:14,919 --> 00:39:16,921 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 802 00:39:38,976 --> 00:39:40,945 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE 803 00:39:41,011 --> 00:39:42,179 LATE SHOW." 804 00:39:42,246 --> 00:39:46,517 AND JOE VITALI FOR BEING HERE AND SPECIAL THANKS AS ALWAYS TO 805 00:39:46,584 --> 00:39:55,025 THIS BAND, LOUIS CATO, SANTOS, OWENS, LOUIS, JOHN AND THE JAZZ 806 00:39:55,092 --> 00:39:57,094 COWBOY HIMSELF J JOE SAILOR!