>> THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL" REPORTS AN INFORMANT TIPPED OFF
FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS TO THE POSSIBILITY THERE WERE MORE
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AT THE PRESIDENT'S FORMER FLORIDA HOME.
>> ACCORDING TO ROLLEN STONE, DONALD TRUMP IS WORRIED HE MAY
HAVE A RAT OR MULTIPLE RATSZ IN HIS MIDST.
HE'S WONDERING IF HIS PHONES ARE TAPPED OR EVEN IF HIS BUDDIES
COULD BE WEARING A WIRE.
>> WE HERE AS MAR-A-LAGO WERE RECENTLY SHUT DOWN IN AN F.B.I.
RAID DUE TO AN INSIDE INFORMANT POSSIBLY WEARING A WIRE.
BUT MAR-A-LAGO IS OPEN AGAIN FOR BUSINESS.
WE'VE JUST HAD TO MAKE A FEW CHANGES TO MAKE SURE THE F.B.I.
IS NOT LISTENING IN.
PLAY TENNIS, SHOOT GOLF ALL WITHOUT THE CONFINEMENT OF
CLOTHES OR AN F.B.I. LISTENING DEVICE.
TAKE A FLOPPY JOG WITH RUDY GIULIANI, PLAY HORSESHOES WITH
MITCH McCONNELL OR FISH WHILE PROVING YOU'RE LOYAL ENOUGH TO
KEEP A SECRET.
SO LEAVE YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR WIRES BEHIND AND JOIN
MAR-A-LAGO.
>> WE WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE -- >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT:
THE ART OF THE SKLIAM.
AND STEPHEN JOINS THE CAST OF "SEVERANCE."
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE
JEAN-PIERRE, AND TATIANA MASLANY, FEATURING JON BATISTE
AND "STAY HUMAN," WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOE WALSH.
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( THEME SONG PLAYING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU!
HEY, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S NICE.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL.
EVERYBODY.
IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BEAUTIFUL SOUND.
WE CONTINUE TO LEARN MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE F.B.I.'S
SEARCH OF MAR-A-LAGO THIS WEEK.
AND IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD FOR FORMER PRESIDENT VELVEETA
VOLDEMORT.
( LAUGHTER ) THE FORMER PRESIDENT AND
HIS MINIONS HAVE TRIED TO PLAY THE VICTIM CARD, SAYING,
WHY, HE'S JUST A SIMPLE COUNTRY CLUB OWNER, AND THAT THIS
WHOLE INVESTIGATION IS A NOTHING-BURGER.
BUT IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE THE INVESTIGATION IS A
SOMETHING-ROYALE WITH CHEESE.
NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO GET MY HOPES UP.
I'VE BEEN HURT TOO MANY TIMES.
I STILL HAVE TO GET A DERMATOLOGIST TO REMOVE MY
ROBERT MUELLER TRAMP STAMP.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOING TO STING!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STILL, THERE'S SOME JUICY
TIDBITS.
THE LATEST?
WE NOW KNOW THAT AN INSIDE INFORMER TOLD THE F.B.I. WHAT
DOCUMENTS THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS HIDING, AND WHERE.
SO, THERE WAS A MOLE?
WHO COULD IT BE...
OH.
MY.
GOD!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OH, MY!
OH, MY LORD!
( LAUGHTER ) WE ALSO HAVE LEARNED THAT THE
RAID WAS DELIBERATELY TIMED TO OCCUR WHEN THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WAS AWAY.
SO, THEY HAD TO EITHER WAIT TILL HE WAS OUT OF TOWN, OR FOR THE
RETURN OF THE MCRIB.
"BIG MANGO IS HEADED FOR LUNCH.
WE GOT TEN HOURS.
GO, GO, GO!" NOW THAT WE KNOW SOMEONE IN THE
INNER CIRCLE HAS FLIPPED, THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS REPORTEDLY
FREAKING OUT AND ASKING HIS ALLIES, "WHO'S WEARING A WIRE?"
TO WHICH DON JR. SAID, "WIRED?
I'M NOT WIRED!
YOU'RE WIRED!
WHO WANTS TO START A BAND?
NO, A NEW APP!" AN APP ABOUT A BAND!
( LAUGHTER ) SOURCES SAY THE EX-PRESIDENT IS
WORRIED HE MAY HAVE A RAT, OR MULTIPLE RATS, IN HIS MIDST.
AND THAT'S JUST AT THE MAR-A-LAGO WAFFLE BAR.
I THINK IT'S WORTH POINTING OUT: GOOD PEOPLE DON'T WORRY THAT
THEIR FRIENDS ARE RATTING THEM OUT OVER ALL THE GOOD STUFF
THEY'RE DOING.
"MYEAH, I DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUSE MUGS SQUEALING THAT I
VOLUNTEER AT THE SOUP KITCHEN, SEE?
ANYONE RATS ME OUT, YOU'LL BE SLEEPIN'...
HERE AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER.
ENJOY THE WARM BED.
MYEAH."
( LAUGHTER ) SINCE THE F.B.I. SEARCH ON
MONDAY, THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S RESPONSE HAS CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT-- IT STARTED AS "NOTHING TO SEE HERE," AND QUICKLY BECAME,
"ANYTHING YOU SEE WAS PUT HERE BY THE F.B.I.!"
AND ALL THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S HENCH-FOLK HAVE GOBBLED UP THE
BAIT.
>> QUITE HONESTLY, I'M CONCERNED THAT THEY MAY HAVE
PLANTED SOMETHING.
>> DO I KNOW THAT THE BOXES OF MATERIAL THEY TOOK FROM
MAR-A-LAGO, THAT THEY WILL NOT PUT THINGS IN THOSE BOXES, TO
ENTRAP THEM?
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE WEREN'T LISTENING DEVICES OR EVIDENCE
PLANTED THERE?
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ACCUSE SOMEONE OF PLANTING
EVIDENCE BEFORE THEY SAY THEY FOUND ANYTHING?
IT'S WHEN YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO FIND SOMETHING.
( LAUGHTER ) "OFFICER, BEFORE YOU BREATHALYZE
ME, I MUST INFORM YOU, I SUSPECT THAT YOU HAVE PLANTED A FIFTH OF
TEQUILA IN MY STOMACH.
( LAUGHTER ) SO, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE IN BIG
TROUBLE."
SO HOW DID THE F.B.I. AGENTS SUPPOSEDLY BRING IN 12 BOXES OF
EVIDENCE THAT THEY TOOK OUT?
AINSLEY EARHARDT HAS A VERY...
STUPID THEORY: >> AND HIS LAWYERS SAID THEY
BROUGHT IN BACKPACKS.
WHAT WAS IN THOSE BACKPACKS?
>> STEPHEN: GOOD POINT, AINSLEY!
EVERYONE KNOWS, YOU GET TO SEARCH THE COPS BEFORE THEY
SEARCH YOU.
THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS TELL T.S.A., "HOLD ON, FIRST, I'M GOING TO
KNUCKLE-BUMP YOUR JUNK!" COME HERE!
( APPLAUSE ) IT'S CALLED THE SWEET SCIENCE.
THE EX-PRESIDENT'S GOONS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT THE
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT GAVE NO WARNING BEFORE THEY RAPPELLED
INTO THE POOLSIDE CABANAS.
AU CONTRAIRE.
WE JUST LEARNED THAT THE EX-PRESIDENT RECEIVED A SUBPOENA
THIS SPRING FOR THE DOCUMENTS, BUT HE DIDN'T HAND THEM ALL
OVER, SO MONTHS LATER, THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAD TO ACT,
BECAUSE THE DOCUMENTS WERE SO SENSITIVE IN NATURE, AND RELATED
TO NATIONAL SECURITY.
SOUNDS LIKE HE HAD SOME HIGH-LEVEL STUFF IN HIS
BASEMENT.
COULD BE ANYTHING!
MISSILE LOCATIONS.
LISTS OF C.I.A. SOURCES.
THE ALIEN TECHNOLOGY THAT KEEPS PAUL RUDD FROM AGING!
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IN ORDER TO CONDUCT THE
SEARCH, THE F.B.I. HAD TO PRESENT A SEARCH WARRANT AND
IN ORDER TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY, THEY HAD TO GIVE MAR-A-LAGO AN
ITEMIZED RECEIPT OF EVERYTHING THEY TOOK.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD RELEASE BOTH OF THOSE DOCUMENTS,
AND THE MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE MIGHT BE CLEARED UP.
BUT, EVIDENTLY, HE DOESN'T WANT THAT, BECAUSE AS LONG AS WE
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, HE'S FREE TO SAY ANYTHING.
SO THIS AFTERNOON, ATTORNEY GENERAL AND ELF ON THE SHELF WHO
HAS SEEN TOO MUCH...
MERRICK GARLAND, ANNOUNCED THAT HE HAS ASKED THE COURT TO
RELEASE THE EX-PRESIDENT'S SEARCH WARRANT AND THE RECEIPT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, RELEASE IT!
HE WANTS TO RELEASE IT ALL.
THE EX-PRESIDENT HAS TILL TOMORROW TO FILE IN COURT TO
STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING WHICH WOULD MARK THE FIRST TIME
HE'S EVER DECLINED THE OFFER OF A FULL RELEASE.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) REALLY...
WE FOUND THE LINE.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A BIT OF GOOD NEWS.
AFTER REPUBLICANS LIKE TED CRUZ HAD TRIED TO BLOCK IT, THIS
WEEK, PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED THE PACT ACT, WHICH GIVES
LIFE-SAVING CARE TO VETERANS WHO SUFFERED CHEMICAL EXPOSURE
LIKE TOXIC BURN PITS.
AFTER THE SIGNING, THE PRESIDENT SINGLED OUT A FAMILIAR NAME:
>> SO MANY PEOPLE TODAY REMIND US, WE HAVE FOUGHT FOR THIS FOR
SO MANY YEARS.
VETERANS, SURVIVING FAMILIES, SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBERS,
ADVOCATES LIKE ROSIE TORRES AND JON STEWART.
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, JON, MATTERS, AND YOU KNOW IT DOES--
YOU SHOULD KNOW.
IT REALLY, REALLY MATTERS.
YOU REFUSE TO LET ANYBODY FORGET, REFUSE TO LET THEM
FORGET, AND WE OWE YOU BIG, MAN.
WE OWE YOU BIG.
(STANDING OVATION) >> STEPHEN: I KNOW THAT DUDE!
HE'S IN THE CREDITS OF THIS SHOW!
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JON STEWART!
THAT IS A WELL-DESERVED STANDING OVATION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AS JON'S FRIEND, I KNOW HOW
UNCOMFORTABLE HE IS GETTING PRAISED, BUT, ALSO AS JON'S
FRIEND, I TRULY ENJOY HOW UNCOMFORTABLE HE IS GETTING
PRAISED.
TOO BAD, BUDDY.
IF JON WERE HERE, HE'D SAY THAT THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM, THAT THE
REAL HEROES ARE THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO SERVED THEIR COUNTRY.
AND HE'S RIGHT.
BUT ALSO, HE'S NOT HERE, SO...
CONGRATULATIONS, JON!
YOU DID IT.
I WANT YOU -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HE'S GOING TO HATE THIS.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT TONIGHT AND TREAT
YOURSELF TO SOMETHING NICE.
MIGHT I SUGGEST A SLIGHTLY CLEANER GRAY T-SHIRT.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE
JEAN-PIERRE, AND "SHE-HULK'S" TATIANA MASLANY.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I JOIN THE CAST OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE
TELEVISION SHOWS.
"SEVERANCE"!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- FOLKS --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, UH,
WHEN I GET HOME AFTER A LONG DAY OF TV, THERE'S NOTHING I
LIKE MORE THAN SITTING DOWN WITH SOME TV.
AND RIGHT NOW, ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS IS "SEVERANCE."
IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH "SEVERANCE," IT'S A SERIES ON
APPLE TV+ THAT IS-- AND PLEASE STAY WITH ME HERE--
NOT "TED LASSO."
BUT IT'S ONE OF THE MOST CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED SHOWS OF
THE YEAR, AND HAS EVEN BEEN NOMINATED FOR 14 EMMYS.
WHICH MEANS APPLE NOW HAS ALMOST AS MANY NOMINATIONS AS TYPES OF
CORDS.
WHAT IS THUNDERBOLT?!
IS THAT ONE OF THE NEW SHOWS?
STOP IT!
STOP WITH THE CORDS!
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED
"SEVERANCE," IT TAKES PLACE IN THE SURREAL, SUBTERRANEAN
OFFICES OF A COMPANY CALLED LUMON, WHERE THE EMPLOYEES HAVE
HAD A MICROCHIP IMPLANTED IN THEIR BRAINS, SO THAT EVERY TIME
THEY ENTER OR EXIT THE BUILDING, IN THE ELEVATOR, THEIR WORK
MEMORIES ARE SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AT THAT
MOMENT..
AND AS A RESULT OF THIS MEMORY-SEVERING MOMENT IN THE
ELEVATOR, WHOEVER THESE WORKERS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE-- WHICH THEY
CALL THEIR "OUTTIE"-- IS ESSENTIALLY A DIFFERENT PERSON
THAN WHAT THEY CALL THEIR "INNIE"-- THE PERSON WHO WORKS
AT LUMON.
WOW.
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I WENT TO WORK AND I
BECAME A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT "STEPHEN COLBERT"?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF OTHER MYSTERIES IN "SEVERANCE," LIKE
THE STRANGE "NUMBER SORTING" PROJECT THEY'RE WORKING ON, THE
WEIRD REWARDS THEY'RE GIVEN FOR COMPLETING WORK TASKS, AND THE
OMINOUS BREAK ROOM WHERE THEY'RE FORCED TO RECITE A CONFESSION OF
WRONGDOING.
IT IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP DYSTOPIAN WORKPLACE SCI-FI
MYSTERY BLACK COMEDY PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLERS I'VE
EVER SEEN.
IN FACT, THE ONLY THING I DON'T LIKE ABOUT "SEVERANCE" IS THAT
I WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE IN IT!
BUT, FOR SOME REASON, ALL MY SCENES WERE LEFT ON THE CUTTING
ROOM FLOOR.
THANKFULLY, "THE LATE SHOW" HAS FOUND THE MISSING FOOTAGE.
AND HERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME, ARE MY DELETED SCENES FROM
"SEVERANCE."
♪♪ ♪♪
( LAUGHTER ) ( PASSING GAS )
( SIGHS ) ( ELEVATOR DINGS )
>> Steve C.: OH, MY GOD!
WHO DID THAT?
>> GOOD MORNING AND GOOD DAY, IRVING.
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO LUMON'S NEWEST REFINER, STEVE C.
>> WELCOME, STEVE C.
MAY KERR'S MOUTH EVER SMILE ON YOU.
>> Steve C.: WHAT IT IS, HERB?
NO, THANKS.
WHERE IS MY GUEST?
KITCHEN.
>> Steve C.: HI, MARCUS.
IT'S MARK S.
>> Steve C.: THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
HEY, ALL YOU GUYS HAVE BEARDS, ALL THREE OF YOU.
IS THIS FACIAL HAIR FRIDAY OR SOMETHING?
>> NO.
>> Steve C.: TWO OF YOU LOOK GREAT.
LOOK, I'M SO EXCITED TO BE WITH YOU GUYS HERE AND WORKING AT
LULU LEMON.
>> LULIE >> Steve C.: NAMASTE.
DO YOU EVER WONDER WHO YOUR OUTTIE IS?
>> THAT'S NOT FOR ME TO KNOW.
>> Steve C.: WELL, I'M STEVE C.
STEVE C. -- WAIT A SECOND, AM I STEVE CARELL?
I MEAN, THIS IS AN OFFICE.
I SEE PAPER OVER THERE.
IF THIS WERE SCRANTON, THAT EXPLAINS WHY WE NEVER GO
OUTSIDE.
>> THAT KIND OF TALK IS NOT ALLOWED HERE.
>> Steve C.: HUMORLESS, OBSESSED WITH THE RULES -- YOU
ARE DWIGHT.
>> I AM NOT DWIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS.
>> Steve C.: CLASSIC DWIGHT.
TEVE C.
>> Steve C.: HMM?
ARE YOU STEALING FROM THE SUPPLY CLOSET?
>> Steve C.: HMM MMM.
OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
>> Steve C.: PAPER CLIPS WORK BETTER WHEN THEY'RE WET.
>> Steve C.: All I can be is sorry and that is all that I am.
>> I'm afraid you still don't mean it.
>> Steve C.: YEAH, I WASN'T REALLY FEELING THAT EITHER.
SORRY.
CAN WE TAKE THAT FROM THE TOP?
>> AGAIN, PLEASE.
>> Steve C.: ( IN DEEP SOUTHERN ACCENT )
ALL I CAN BE IS SORRY!
AND THAT IS ALL THAT I AM!
AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN!
>> AGAIN, AND NO MORE ACCENTS.
>> Steve C.: Je suis desole.
>> Steve C.: OKAY, SOME OF THE NUMBERS ARE GOING TO ELICIT SORT
OF A FEAR RESPONSE.
>> I AM AWARE.
I KNOW HOW TO REFINE THE NUMBERS.
>> Steve C.: DO YOU KNOW WHY 6 IS AFRAID OF 7?
>> I DO, ACTUALLY.
>> Steve C.: OKAY.
BECAUSE 7, 8, 9.
>> IF IT WEREN'T FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDBOOK, I WOULD KILL YOU.
>> Steve C.: I BELIEVE THAT HUMOR IS A GREAT MOTIVATOR, AND
I'M PRETTY SURE I SAW DWIGHT CRACK A SMILE.
>> STEVE C., WHO IN KERR'S NAME ARE YOU TALKING TO RIGHT NOW?
( LAUGHTER ) >> CONGRATULATIONS ON HITTING
YOUR QUARTERLY GOAL, IRVING.
AS YOU KNOW, GOOD BEHAVIOR IS AWARDED HERE AT LUMON, AND
THEREFORE, YOU MAY CHOOSE ONE OPTION FOR A MUSIC DANCE
EXPERIENCE.
SELECT CAREFULLY FROM THIS LIST OF OPTIONS.
>> Steve C.: HIT IT!
♪ SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GOING TO ROLL ME ♪
♪ I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED ♪
♪ SHE WAS LOOKIN' KIND OF DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB ♪
♪ AND THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD ♪
♪ WELL, THE YEARS START COMIN' AND THEY DON'T STOP COMIN' ♪
♪ FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNIN' ♪
♪ DIDN'T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN ♪
♪ YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB ♪
♪ SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH TO SEE ♪
♪ SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH TAKIN' THE BACK STREETS ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T GO ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON'T GLOW ♪
♪ HEY NOW, YOU'RE AN ALL-STAR ♪ ♪ GET YOUR GAME ON ♪
♪ GO PLAY ♪ ♪ HEY NOW, YOU'RE A ROCK STAR ♪
♪ GET THE SHOW ON, GET -- ♪ >> Steve C.: MARCUS?
JESUS...
YES?
>> Steve C.: HEY, MAN.
I WAS WONDERING, I'M AN INNIE, AND MY BELLY BUTTON'S AN INNIE.
DOES THAT MEAN ALL OF OUR OUTIES HAVE OUTIES?
>> THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.
>> Steve C.: ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
♪ SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME ♪
♪ I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED ♪
>> STEVE C., WE NEED TO TALK.
>> Steve C.: MILCHIE BABY, HIT ME WITH THEM BEATS.
>> THE BOARD HAS REACHED AN UNPRECEDENTED DECISION TO MAKE
YOU THE FIRST OFFICIAL UNSEVERED EMPLOYEE.
>> Steve C.: WHAT IN KERR'S BUBBLE BUTT HAVE YOU BEEN
TALKING ABOUT?
>> IT'S BECOME PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING LARGE
AMOUNTS OF OFFICE SUPPLIES.
>> Steve C.: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
>> SINCE YOU HAVE STARTED, WE HAVE LOST OVER $20,000 IN POST
IT NOTES AND TONER.
>> Steve C.: HOW DARE YOU!
I WOULD NEVER STEAL FROM THIS PLACE!
>> YOU JUST PUT A LAMP IN YOUR JACKET.
>> Steve C.: OH, I PUT A LAMP IN MY JACKET.
>> THAT THE MY LAMP!
>> Steve C.: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ACCUSE ME OF NEXT
MILCHICK, PUTTING THIS STAPLER AND PUTTING IT IN MY PANTS?
>> THIS IS MY STAPLER.
>> Steve C.: I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
I HAVE NUMBERS TO BE SCARED OF.
I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
>> YOU'RE FIRED.
>> Steve C.: FINE.
SEE YOU MONDAY.
YOU'RE A GREAT LEADER.
I'M LEARNING FROM YOU.
"YOU'RE FIRED!" THAT GUY IS HILARIOUS!
I GOTTA TELL YA, "THE OFFICE" IS, WITHOUT A DOUBT, MY FAVORITE
TV SHOW.
OH, HEY, HOLD THAT ELEVATOR!
>> OH, SORRY.
I DON'T THINK TWO CAN FIT IN HERE.
>> Steve C.: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THANK YOU TO ADAM
SCOTT, JOHN TURTURRO, TRAMELL TILLMAN, BEN STILLER, AND
EVERYONE AT "SEVERANCE" AND APPLE TV+ FOR MAKING THIS
HAPPEN!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, RIGHT THERE!
COME ON!
HELLO, LOUIS.
HELLO, BAND!
HEY, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE
IT UP FOR THE ONE, THE ONLY MAESTRO, JOE WALSH!
( GUITAR RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT YOU'VE COME IN HERE AND JUST BURNED THE HOUSE
DOWN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING IT.
>> I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME.
I LOVE THIS BAND.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE AMAZING.
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT VET'S AID, FOUNDED IN 2017.
WHAT IS THAT AND WHAT'S ITS ROLE?
>> WELL, STEVE!
LIFE'S BEEN GOOD, RIGHT?
SO I WAS LOOKING AROUND FOR SOMEWHERE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE,
AND I PICKED VETS.
>> Stephen: AND WHY WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU, JOE?
>> WELL, I'M A GOLD STAR KID.
( APPLAUSE ) MY FATHER DIED IN ACTIVE DUTY,
AND, SO, I'M RESONANT TO GOLD STAR FAMILIES.
>> Stephen: AND IF PEOPLE WANT HELP, WHERE CAN THEY GO.
>> VETSAID.org.
THIS YEAR IS COLUMBUS, OHIO.
WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A CONCERT IN COLUMBUS, OHIO, SOLD OUT IN HALF
AN HOUR.
>> Stephen: HERE'S THE CONCERT RIGHT HERE, CHECK THIS OUT RIGHT
HERE.
YOU ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER BEING THE JAMES GANG.
>> YES, I AM.
YES, I AM.
>> Stephen: ONE LAST RIDE.
THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: CHECK IT OUT, EVERYBODY.
CHECK IT OUT.
JOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
AND, EVERYBODY, STICK AROUND, BECAUSE WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A
MOMENT AND MARVEL'S NEW "SHE-HULK" TATIANA MASLANY IS
HERE TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN THE MEANTIME, FOLKS,
I'VE GOT NEWS ABOUT OUR DEAR FRIEND JON BATISTE.
SHARP-EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT JON HASN'T BEEN
HERE THIS SUMMER.
WELL, I HAVE AN UPDATE: JON HAS DECIDED TO LEAVE THE
SHOW.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW!
I FEEL THE SAME WAY!
BUT IT'S FOR ALL THE BEST REASONS, INCLUDING TO CONTINUE
TO SHARE HIS ART WITH THE WORLD.
WE WANTED TO GIVE HIM A BIG IN-PERSON SEND OFF.
JOE WALSH WAS GOING TO POP OUT OF A CAKE.
THANK YOU, JOE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT JON'S NOT IN TOWN.
I HOPE HE'S CUTTING HIS NEW ALBUM AND I HOPE IT'S CALLED
"MORE GRAMMYS PLEASE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE BEEN SO LUCKY TO HAVE A
FRONT-ROW SEAT TO JON'S INCREDIBLE TALENT FOR THE LAST
SEVEN YEARS.
AND WILL WE MISS HIM HERE?
"YEAAAH!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"YEAAAH!" BUT WE'RE HAPPY FOR YOU, JON.
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOU ON AS A GUEST WITH YOUR NEXT
HIT RECORD.
I LOVE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT AS HAPPY AS I AM FOR JON, I
AM THRILLED FOR US.
BECAUSE I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THIS INCREDIBLE
BAND IS STAYING, AND THAT OUR NEW BANDLEADER IS THE ONE AND
ONLY LOUIS CATO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
, THANK YOU, LOUIS!
>> COME ON.
( GUITAR RIFF GRCT >> Stephen: IF YOU HAVE BEEN
WATCHING, AND I HOPE YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW THAT LOUIS HAS DONE A
GREAT JOB THIS SUMMER, AND HE IS VERY HUMBLE,
SO HE WON'T SAY THIS-- BUT I WILL.
HE'S A MUSICAL GENIUS.
HE CAN PLAY BASICALLY EVERY INSTRUMENT OVER THERE.
GIVE HIM AN AFTERNOON, HE'LL LEARN HOW TO PLAY MOZART ON A
SHOEHORN.
SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, LET ME INTRODUCE, FOR THE FIRST
TIME, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TAKE US OUT, FOLKS!
( BAND PLAYING ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY FIRST GUEST HAS SPENT 20 YEARS IN POLITICS, AND WORKED
FOR TWO PRESIDENTS.
SHE WAS JUST NAMED THE NEW WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY.
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," KARINE JEAN-PIERRE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
AUDIENCE THAN I DO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS A LITTLE
BIT OF A BETTER CROWD THAN YOU GET ON A DAILY BASIS.
>> THIS IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
CAN I JUST SAY HELLO TO MY MOM?
>> Stephen: OF COURSE.
HE IS RIGHT THERE IN THE RED.
>> Stephen: OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELLO.
THAT'S NICE.
WE LIKE MOMS HERE.
>> YEAH, AND, YOU KNOW I'M FROM NEW YORK, SO I'M HOME.
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXCELLENT.
I GET TO SEE EVERYONE.
>> Stephen: CON G INTERVIEWING N SENATOR HARRIS IN THE 2019
CAMPAIGN AND YOU DEFENDED HER FROM A PROTESTER ON STAGE.
LOOK AT THAT ACTION SHOT RIGHT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE CAME TO GRAB HER MIC.
>> YEP.
>> Stephen: IN YOUR INTERVIEW PRACTICE, HOW MUCH WAS YOUR
HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT A LEG UP IN GETTING THE JOB.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN, THEY SAY POLITICS IS A COMBAT SPORT.
>> Stephen: MM-HMM.
O YOU SAW THAT IN REAL LIFE.
>> Stephen: THEY WANT TO BREAK IT OUT ON THE FRONT ROW OF THE
PRESS ROOM?
>> NO, I LOVE EVERYONE, STEPHEN.
I LOVE EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE IN THE COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT, THE
PRESS IS IN THE COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT.
>> MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: NOT TO BE REDUCTIVE BUT IT'S LIKE THE
PUBLIC RELATION FORCE THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES IT FEEL AS ESSENTIALLY THE TOP P.R.
PERSON WHEN YOUR BOSS THE PRESIDENT IS GETTING DRAGGED IN
THE PRISS?
WHEN YOU SOME IDIOT IN LATE NIGHT MAKING A JOKE ABOUT YOUR
BOSS -- I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND -- HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
( LAUGHTER ) >> DIAL THAT FRIEND UP.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
O I THINK YOU ALL HAVE A JOB FOR THE AMERICAN PUBLIC TO MAKE
THEM LAUGH, AND WE HAVE A JOB FOR THE AMERICAN PUBLIC TO
DELIVER.
YOU KNOW, WE UNDERSTAND.
WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE YOUR JOB, WE HAVE OUR JOB.
>> Stephen: NO HARD FEELINGS.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
AND THE PRESIDENT ABSOLUTELY GETS THAT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
IS HE GOING TO COME ON?
>> OH, THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE GOING.
>> Stephen: IS HE GOING TO COME ON BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ON
FALON -- >> YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK.
>> Stephen: WE'RE DEAR FRIENDS, OBVIOUSLY.
>> HE LOVES YOU AND I'M SURE HE'S WATCHING.
>> Stephen: SURE.
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SO, WHEN Y'ALL
CAME INTO OFFICE 18 MONTHS AGO, ONE OF THE GOALS STATED WAS TO
KIND OF REPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THAT PRESS OFFICE AND
THE PRESS.
HOW WAS THAT GOING AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT WHEN SOME MEMBERS OF
THE PRESS WON'T AGREE ON WHAT REALITY IS?
>> SOME MEMBERS OF THE PRESS?
>> Stephen: SOME MEMBERS OF THE PRESS.
>> LOOK, I THINK THE WAY THAT I SEE IT IS MY JOB, OUR JOB, IS TO
MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE DELIVERING THE FACTS, DELIVERING WHAT THE
PRESIDENT'S AGENDA IS, AND THAT'S OUR FOCUS, AND THAT'S
WHAT WE -- WE DO EVERY DAY, AND WE REALLY WORKED -- HAVE WORKED
THE LAST 18, 19 MONTHS TO REPAIR THAT RELATIONSHIP, AND THERE'S
ALWAYS GOING TO BE A GIVE AND TALK, ALWAYS GOING TO BE A
LITTLE PULL AND TUG, BUT THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S DEMOCRACY, THE
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS, THE INDY OF THE PRESS, AND, YOU KNOW, WE
SEE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO REALLY BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE TO
ALL OF YOU, TO ALL OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ON THE WORK THAT
WE'RE DOING EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> Stephen: SINCE YOU STARTED, AL-ZAWAHRI WAS KILLED, GAS
PRICES ARE BELOW $4 A GALLON, INFLATION HAS BEGUN TO EASE, THE
BURN PIT LEGISLATION WAS PASSED.
MASSIVE CLIMATE BILL IS SET TO PASS TOMORROW, WHAT IS THE KEY
TO MAKING ALL THAT HAPPEN SO FAST?
ARE YOU THE REASON WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OR IS IT THE FACT THAT THE
PRESIDENT HAS BEEN IN ISOLATION WITH COVID FOR A LOT OF THAT?
>> I THINK, LOOK, I THINK IT'S THIS, I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT
YOU HAVE -- WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO HAS THE EXPERIENCE, WHO IS
COMMITTED, WHO HAS THE CORE OF HIS CONVICTION.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT WHY PRESIDENT BIDEN RAN IN 2019,
IT'S BECAUSE HE SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO THE CORE VALUES OF
OUR COUNTRY, THE TRADITIONS, WE WERE BEING ATTACKED, IT WAS
BEING THREATENED, AND HE SAW THE LITTLE GUY, EVERYDAY PEOPLE,
WERE BEING LEFT BEHIND, AND, SO, HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE
LIFT PEOPLE UP FROM THE BOTTOM UP AND REALLY BRING OUT THE
ECONOMY FROM THE BOTTOM UP AS WELL AND MIDDLE OUT.
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SEEING.
THIS IS THE WORK OF THIS PRESIDENT FOR THE LAST 19
MONTHS, SINCE THE PROMISES HE MADE IN 2019, YOU'VE GOT TO
REMEMBER, HE WAS A SENATOR, A VICE PRESIDENT.
A LOT OF THIS STUFF IS WORK HE'S BEEN COMMITTED TO FOR SO LONG
AND NOW, YOU KNOW, FOR EXAMPLE, THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT, MY
GOSH, IF THIS GETS DONE -- AND IT WILL BECAUSE THE SPEAKER AND
OUR LEADERSHIP IS GOING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN IN ABOUT 24 HOURS --
IT IS GOING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S LIVES, AND THAT IS NOT TALKING
POINTS, THAT IS JUST THE FACTS.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT
THERE -- AND I CAN SPEAK TO THIS PERSONALLY, THE PRESIDENT CAN
SPEAK TO THIS PERSONALLY -- WHEN YOU HAVE AN ELDERLY PARENT AND
THEY ARE GETTING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF PRESCRIPTION
MEDICATION THAT'S COMING TO THEIR HOME BECAUSE THEY NEED IT,
THEY EITHER HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS AND THEY HAVE TO JUST
SURVIVE, AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY COMES TOGETHER, AND
THEY'RE, LIKE, OKAY, HOW ARE WE GOING TO CHIP IN TO HELP MOM OR
DAD PAY FOR THESE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS?
AND YOU THINK ABOUT THIS BILL, THIS ANTI--- BASICALLY THIS
ANTI-INFLATION BILL, IT IS GOING TO CUT COSTS, LOWER COSTS OF
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, CAP IT AT $2,000 A YEAR, THAT IS GOING TO
MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR SO MANY AMERICANS.
YOU THINK ABOUT -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW, IT MATTERS.
>> Stephen: WELL, IT'S SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: GIVE MY BEST TO YOUR MOTHER.
WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY KARINE JEAN-PIERRE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE BACK WITH "SHE-HULK'S" TATIANA MASLANY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "ORPHAN BLACK," "PERRY MASON," AND NOW, "SHE-HULK:
ATTORNEY AT LAW."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," TATIANA MASLANY!
♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪ ♪
♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪ ♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT IS FANTASTIC.
YOU LIKE IT?
>> Stephen: LEATHER AND DIAMONDS.
>> YEAH, DON'T HUG ME.
>> Stephen: I WON'T.
YOU CAN CUT GLASS.
>> YOU WILL GET SKEWERED, ES.
>> Stephen: I'M EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW MARVEL SERIES
"SHE-HULK."
>> ATTORNEY AT ALL.
>> Stephen: YOU BEING "SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW."
YOU HAVE AN OCCUPATION, YOU DON'T JUST SMASH.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE EVEN MORE EXCITING NEWS TO
SHARE WITH THE FOLKS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: TELL THE PEOPLE YOUR ACTUAL BIG NEWS.
>> MY ACTUAL BIG NEWS IS I GOT MARRIED.
>> Stephen: OH!
YEAH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AND NOBODY KNOWS.
NOBODY KNOWS, SO DON'T TELL ANYONE.
>> Stephen: SO THIS IS A SECRET.
YOU GUYS JUST WENT OFF AND DID IT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHO DID YOU MARRY?
A WONDERFUL GUY NAMED BRENDAN.
BRENDAN HEINZ.
>> Stephen: YOU JUST KEPT IT ON THE D.L.
>> YEAH.
IT FELT LIKE THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU WANT TO KEEP PRIVATE
BUT WE FELT YOU WERE THE RIGHT PERSON TO TELL IT TO.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: MAZEL TOV.
DO YOU HAVE PRESSURE.
>> Stephen: TO GET YOU A PRESENT?
>> YES.
WE HAVE AN ADVISORY.
>> Stephen: A REGISTRY?
WE NEVER DID A REGISTRY BUT WE JUST STARTED IT AND YOU'RE ON
IT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GETTING A SLOW COOKER.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HOPE YOU LIKE BRISKET BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU
CAN MAKE.
>> FOR A TIME MY TWITTER HANDLE SAID ACTOR/BRISKET, SO THAT
WORKS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
I'M NOT BRISKET, BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: LOVE THE POTATOES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HOW DID THE CEREMONY GO?
WAS THIS A SMALL FETE TO KEEP IT
>> NOT TO KEEP IT SECRET, BUT IT WAS COVID AND WE WANTED TO KEEP
IT SMALL.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
IT WENT VERY WELL.
IT WAS A VERY CHILL DAY OTHER THAN OUR DOG WAS OUR RING
BEARER, EARL.
>> Stephen: IS THIS IT?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE PHOTO IS ABOUT.
EARL HAD THE LITTLE BOX OF RINGS ATTACHED TO HIS NECK, AND
BRENDAN AND I DID THE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN
OUR OUTFITS THING.
>> Stephen: I LIKE YOUR OUTFITS.
>> IN OUR WEDDING COSTUMES.
>> Stephen: YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE A BRIDE.
>> TOTALLY.
REALLY SELLING IT.
AND EARL RAN AT ME AND WE WERE IN THIS FIELD, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
AND BRANDON AND I WERE TAKING PICTURES AND WE WERE MAKING OUT.
AND THERE WAS A GREAT PICTURE WHERE YOU CAN SEE EARL HAS LOST
THE RINGS.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU GET A CLOSE SHOT OF THIS RIGHT THERE?
YOU CAN SEE THE BOX.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> AND HE'S TRULY, LIKE, OH, NO!
HE'S, LIKE, HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DONE, AND WE HAD NO IDEA.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER IT?
>> MOMENTS LATER.
WE LOOKED DOWN AND WE WERE, LIKE, HEY, EARL -- OH, NO, EARL!
THEN WE FOUND THE RINGS KIND OF IN THIS -- TRULY IT WAS LIKE IN
A FIELD OF SHEEP.
AND BRENDAN, LIKE, SAW THEM.
>> Stephen: IN A FIELD OF SHEEP?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IF IT'S A FIELD OF SHEEP IT'S ACTUALLY A FIELD OF
SOMETHING ELSE.
>> CORRECT, AND THERE WAS A LOT OF DODGING THAT AND THANKFULLY
THEY HAD MISSED THE ( BLEEP )S WE CALL IT IN GERMAN.
>> Stephen: IT NEVER OCCURRED T YOU THAT IT MIGHT BE COURTING
TROUBLE TO PUT JEWELRY AROUND A DOG'S NECK?
>> HE'S VERY RESPONSIBLE.
WE WANTED HIM TO, YOU KNOW, FEEL LIKE WE TRUSTED HIM.
HE'S SIX NOW.
HE HAS TO GROW UP.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO, NOW, NOW YOU'RE A MARVEL SUPERHERO.
AS I SAID, "SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE OBVIOUS QUESTION HERE, I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT HASN'T BEEN ANSWERED BEFORE, WHY IS THAT
CHARACTER "SHE-HULK," WHY IS BRUCE BANNER NOT "HE-HULK."
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MODIFIED.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
SHE HAS THE SAME ISSUE WITH THIS NAME IN THE SHOW AS I DO AS YOU
DO.
WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH THIS NAME.
SHE FINDS IT REDUCTIVE, SHE FINDS IT -- SHE'S, LIKE, WHY
DON'T I EXIST WITHOUT BEING A DERIVATIVE OF THE HULK, SO IT'S
A WHOLE THING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE WE WANT TO SEE IN A SECOND.
BEFORE WE DO THAT, IN THIS CLIP, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU CAN
THINK, YOU CAN STILL BE A LAWYER.
>> I'M A WOMAN AND I CAN -- AND I CAN STILL THINK.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A HULK AND YOU CAN STILL THINK.
BRUCE BANNER TURNS INTO A HULK AND HE BECOMES KIND OF A
MINDLESS DESTROYING MACHINE, ALMOST LIKE ANIMAL IN
INTELLIGENCE.
>> CORRECT.
>> Stephen: AND HE HAS TO WORK TO GET OUT OF THAT, THEN HE
CAN'T BE THE HULK, AND HE COMES BACK TOGETHER AND BECOMES
PROFESSOR HULK.
>> PROFESSOR HULK!
I THINK IT'S SMART HULK.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
MART HULK.
>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T LIKE YOU WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: IS JENNIFER WALTERS, WHY CAN SHE BE LAWYER
AND HULK AT THE SAME TIME?
WHY IS SHE BETTER THAN HULKING?
>> BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE BEEN SOCIALLY TAUGHT TO REPRESS AND
CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.
SO SHE IS, LIKE, I'M SO GOOD AT DEALING WITH MY RAGE, I DEAL
WITH IT CONSTANTLY, I DEAL WITH FEAR CONSTANTLY.
SO SHE'S ABLE TO JUST NAVIGATE IT EFFORTLESSLY.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SHE'S PUT IN THE HOURS.
>> SHE'S WHAT?
>> Stephen: SHE'S PUT IN THE HOURS.
>> EXACTLY, SHE'S DONE THE TIME.
>> Stephen: SO WE HAVE A CLIP HERE WITH JENNIFER AND BRUCE.
WHAT'S GOING ON MERE?
>> I THINK THIS IS A TRAINING MONTAGE, AND WE SEE HOW GOOD JEN
IS COMPARED TO BRUCE, AND HE'S NOT HAVING FUN WITH THAT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, JIM?
BEING A HULK ASKS FOR BALANCE.
♪♪ ♪♪
( CRASHING SOUNDS ) >> IT'S EASY.
LITTLE PUNK!
SO I'M CLEARLY NAILING IT AT ALL THESE THINGS.
WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO USE THIS AS A LAWYER?
>> JEN, WHEN YOU HAVE POWERS LIKE THIS IT'S LIKE PUTTING A
TARGET ON YOUR BACK AND THE BACKS OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU CARE
ABOUT.
>> COOL.
>> Stephen: OH, BRUCE.
OH, BRUCE.
>> Stephen: TATIANA, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE MARRIAGE.
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: THAT'S WONDERFUL!
"SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW" PREMIERES NEXT THURSDAY ON
DISNEY+.
TATIANA MASLANY, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW."
AND JOE VITALI FOR BEING HERE AND SPECIAL THANKS AS ALWAYS TO
THIS BAND, LOUIS CATO, SANTOS, OWENS, LOUIS, JOHN AND THE JAZZ
COWBOY HIMSELF J JOE SAILOR!