>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!"
TONIGHT: A TRIP DOWN FELONY LANE!
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ROBERT DE NIRO
ETHAN HAWKE GUEST ST. VINCENT.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY IS STEPHEN COLBERT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: LOVELY.
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
HILO THOMAS, HELLO MARCUS, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, THANK YOU SO
MUCH.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
(APPLAUSE) VERY NICE, VERY NICE.
NOW SHARP-EYED VIEWERS WILL NOTICE
I'M SITTING FOR TONIGHT'S MONOLOGUE.
THAT'S BECAUSE WE TAPED THIS EARLIER.
YEAH, EARLIER.
RIGHT NOW, I'M ACTUALLY ON MY WAY BACK FROM THE EMMYS.
I'M EITHER VERY PROUD OF MY STAFF--
OR I'M VERY PROUD OF MY STAFF AND WE WON AN EMMY.
TONIGHTS-- TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A TON OF
GREAT, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN STUFF FOR YOU FEATURING THE SEXIEST
CELEBRITIES PLUS THE GUESTS I'M INTERVIEWING.
BUT FIRST FOR YOU TONIGHT, WE PUT TOGETHER A SPECIAL
LOOK BACK AT FORMER PRESIDENT ONE TRICK PHONY.
THE MAN JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, THERE'S ANOTHER STORY ABOUT HIM.
HIM UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR THIS OR THAT OR THE OTHER NUCLEAR
SECRET.
SO BUT THE BIGGEST STORY WILL
ALWAYS BE JANUARY 6th-- THE DAY HE ATTEMPTED TO THROW OUR
ELECTION OUT THE WINDOW, THEN HIS CHICKEN NUGGETS AT THE WALL.
THIS MONTH, THE SELECT COMMITTEE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE
REVELATIONS THAT WILL SHOCK ANYONE...
WHO HASN'T BEEN WATCHING MY SHOW.
BECAUSE WE LOOKED BACK, AND, TURNS OUT?
WE PREDICTED EVERY INSANE, CRIMINAL STEP HE TOOK DOWN
NUTBALL TREASON HIGHWAY.
AND OUR JOB HERE AT THE SHOW IS TO TALK ABOUT ALL THAT
STUFF THAT WE ALL HEAR AND NEWS EVERY DAY, AND TALK ABOUT IT
WITH YOU, WE TALK ABOUT IT TOGETHER SO YOU DON'T FEEL
ALONE.
WHICH WE ALL WERE.
BECAUSE THIS WAS DURING COVID, WHEN I WAS DOING MY SHOW FROM A
SUPPLY CLOSET ON THE 8th FLOOR WITH THE HAIRDO OF
OF A LASCIVIOUS ENGLISH PROFESSOR.
"MY OFFICE HOURS ARE 4:00 P.M.
TO BREAKFAST."
SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACK AT THE LEAD-UP TO JANUARY 6th,
AND HUMBLY REMIND OURSELVES WHAT WE WERE TOTALLY RIGHT ABOUT
ALL ALONG.
WE JUST FOUND OUT THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS ACTIVELY DISCUSSING
RADICAL MEASURES TO BYPASS THE ELECTION RESULTS.
BUT ACCORDING TO A TRUMP CAMPAIGN LEGAL ADVISOR, IF TRUMP
LOSES THE ELECTION, HIS CAMPAIGN CAMPAIGN LEGAL ADVISOR, IF TRUMP
LOSES THE ELECTION, HIS CAMPAIGN IS CONSIDERING ASKING
"LEGISLATORS IN BATTLEGROUND STATES, WHERE REPUBLICANS HAVE A
LEGISLATIVE MAJORITY, TO BYPASS THE STATE'S POPULAR VOTE," AND
TO CHOOSE ELECTORS LOYAL TO THE G.O.P. AND THE SITTING
PRESIDENT.
WELL, LIKE LINCOLN SAID AT GETTYSBURG, "A GOVERNMENT OF THE
PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE SHALL NOT PERISH FROM
THIS EARTH.
UNLESS I LOSE.
IN WHICH CASE, I'M KING NOW.
BOW BEFORE LINCOLN!" WE ARE LIVE, RIGHT THERE, AFTER
THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE!
TONIGHT WAS THE OPENING ROUND OF DONALD TRUMP VERSUS JOE BIDEN:
THE BATTLE OF THE BOOMERS!
THE SHOW-MAN VERSUS THE JOE-MAN!
GET READY FOR DEMOCRACY TO CRUUUUUUMBLE!
>> I AM URGING MY SUPPORTERS TO GO INTO THE POLLS AND WATCH VERY
CAREFULLY.
>> Stephen: "MAYBE GO HANG OUT THERE, WEARING YOUR FAVORITE
BROWN SHIRT, AND JUST, YOU KNOW, S.S. THE SITUATION."
BUT THE MOST HORRIFYING MOMENT OF THIS, OR REALLY ANY DEBATE,
WAS WHEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DID NOT CONDEMN
WHITE SUPREMACY.
>> YOU WANT TO CALL THEM?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CALL THEM?
GIVE ME A NAME.
>> WHITE SUPREMICISTS, PROUD BOYS, AND RIGHT-WING MILITIA.
>> PROUD BOYS.
>> PROUD BOYS, STAND BACK AND STAND BY.
>> Stephen: THE PROUD BOYS HEARD TRUMP'S MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR.
BECAUSE, WITHIN MINUTES, "GROUP MEMBERS CALLED THE PRESIDENT'S
COMMENT A TACIT ENDORSEMENT OF THEIR VIOLENT TACTICS."
NOW, THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
THERE WAS NOTHING TACIT ABOUT IT.
THAT'S LIKE SAYING CARDI B.
OFFERED A TACIT ENDORSEMENT OF NATURAL LUBRICATION.
NOW, HAVING SEEN TONIGHT'S DEBATE, THERE'S TWO THINGS-
>> BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
>> Stephen: NO!
NO!
GET OUT OF HERE!
BACK!
BACK, BACK!
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP HIM OFF THE FURNITURE.
BUT IF TRUMP DOES END UP LOSING...
(MOUTHS "PLEASE") I'M SURE HE WILL BE GRACIOUS
WHEN HE PRETENDS THAT HE WON.
BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO "AXIOS," TRUMP PLANS TO DECLARE
PREMATURE VICTORY.
PREMATURE IS NO SURPRISE.
LIKE HE ALWAYS SAYS TO HIS LADIES:
"I WAS FIRST.
I WIN SEX!" THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO PRECEDENT
FOR A PRESIDENT TO ACTUALLY-- >> I WIN, I WIN, I WIN--
>> Stephen: GET OUT OF HERE!
I CAST YOU OUT!
GO!
GET!
I'LL TELL YOU, I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE ON SHOWTIME, BECAUSE
HOLY (BLEEP), THIS IS A WEIRD (BLEEP) ELECTION.
WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PROJECT THAT DELAWARE HAS BEEN WON BY
JOE BIDEN.
WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO!
IT'S HIS HOME STATE.
THAT WOULD BE LIKE DONALD TRUMP LOSING NEW YORK--
HE WHAT?!
AND, 24 HOURS LATER, WE STILL DON'T KNOW THE WINNER OF THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
>> I WIN!
I WIN!
>> Stephen: GET OUT OF HERE!
GET!
GO!
SCAT!
>> (HISS) >> Stephen: LAST NIGHT, AT 12:45
A.M., WITH MILLIONS OF BALLOTS STILL UNCOUNTED, AND BIDEN AHEAD
IN THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE AND THE POPULAR VOTE TRUMP TWEETED,
"WE ARE WINNING BIG, BUT THEY ARE TRYING TO STEAL
THE ELECTION.
WE WILL NEVER LET THEM DO IT.
VOTES CANNOT BE CAST AFTER THE 'POLES' ARE CLOSED!"
FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE LITERALLY NOT WINNING.
SECOND, I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU MEANT THAT SPELLING OF "POLLS."
"I HATE IT WHEN THE POLES CLOSE.
ALL THE DANCERS LEAVE THE STAGE, AND YOU'RE LEFT ALL ALONE,
TOTALLY BROKE, COVERED IN GLITTER AND SPITTLE."
BUT, YOU KNOW, TWEET SCHMEET.
IT'S NOT LIKE, RIGHT AFTER MIDNIGHT, HE MARCHED INTO THE
EAST ROOM AND DECLARED VICTORY AND SAID "STOP COUNTING."
HE WAITED UNTIL 2:00 A.M. FOR THAT.
>> WE WERE GETTING READY TO WIN THIS ELECTION.
FRANKLY, WE DID WIN THIS ELECTION.
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS.
A POWER GRAB BY A TERRIFIED STRONGMAN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT.
CLASSIC.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING 2:00 A.M. IS KNOWN FOR, IT'S DESPERATE MOVES
BY SAD LITTLE MEN WHO ARE AFRAID TO GO HOME FEELING LIKE A LOSER.
JOE BIDEN DID IT!
("CELEBRATE") HE'S OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!
IT FEELS LIKE AMERICA IS...
WHAT'S THE WORD?
GREAT AGAIN.
IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE THE ELECTION WAS CALLED FOR BIDEN,
AND AS OF THIS TAPING, DONALD TRUMP HAS REFUSED TO CONCEDE.
THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN HOLED UP IN THE WHITE HOUSE TANTRUM
PANTRY, WHERE THINGS ARE SO STRESSFUL, THE "DAILY MAIL"
REPORTS HIS STAFF IS LIGHTING ROSE-SCENTED CANDLES IN AN
ATTEMPT TO SOFTEN THE ENVIRONMENT.
AND TO COMBAT THE SMELL OF FAST FOOD DELIVERED TO THE
PRESIDENT.
JUST A PREVIEW OF THE INTENSE DE-STANKIFICATION
THE BIDEN-HARRIS TEAM WILL HAVE TO DO.
MIGHT BE BEST TO JUST REPLACE THE RESOLUTE DESK WITH A GIANT
GLADE PLUG-IN.
OUR SOON-TO-BE FORMER PRESIDENT, CITING BASELESS CHARGES OF
NON-EXISTENT FRAUD, INSTRUCTED GOVERNMENT LEADERS TO BLOCK
COOPERATION WITH PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN'S TRANSITION TEAM.
HERE'S THE THING-- PEACEFUL TRANSITIONS ARE IMPORTANT.
YOU DON'T SEE ME STARTING THE SHOW EVERY NIGHT GETTING IN A
KNIFE FIGHT WITH DAVE LETTERMAN.
I WOULDN'T DARE!
THE GUY'S GOT THE REACH!
THOSE HOOSIERS ARE SCRAPPY!
IT HAS BEEN FIVE DAYS SINCE IT BECAME CLEAR THAT JOE BIDEN WON
THE ELECTION, AT WHICH POINT, THE CURRENT PRESIDENT REFUSED TO
CONCEDE, DUCT-TAPED HIMSELF TO THE RESOLUTE DESK, AND SLAPPED A
SIGN ON THE OVAL OFFICE DOOR THAT SAYS "NO DEMS ALOUD."
WELL, BUCKLE UP, BUDDY BOYS, BECAUSE GETTING THIS GUY OUT
OF OFFICE IS GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE.
YESTERDAY, THE ADMINISTRATION REMOVED SENIOR DEFENSE OFFICIALS
AND INSTALLED LOYALISTS, TRIGGERING ALARM AT THE
PENTAGON.
PRESIDENTS DON'T USUALLY SACK TOP DEFENSE OFFICIALS WHEN
THEY'RE PLANNING TO LEAVE OFFICE IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS.
ONE DEFENSE OFFICIAL PUT IT THIS WAY:
THESE ARE DICTATOR MOVES."
YES, BUT THEY'VE INSPIRED AN EXCITING NEW MAROON 5 REMIX.
GOT THE MOVES LIKE STALIN I'VE GOT THE MOVES LIKE STALIN
I'VE GOT THE MOOOOO-VES LIKE STALIN
TODAY, AT AROUND 4:00 EASTERN CRAZY TIME, THE PRESIDENT POSTED
A CONSPIRACY-THEORY-FILLED RANT ON FACEBOOK.
>> WE'RE LEADING BY A LOT.
AND THEN, AT 3:42 IN THE MORNING, THERE WAS THIS.
IT WAS A MASSIVE DUMP OF VOTES.
>> Stephen: AGAIN WITH THE MASSIVE DUMPS?
BUT, GIVEN HIS CHEESEBURGER AT BEDTIME, 3:42 IN THE MORNING
SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT FOR HIM.
SHOWING A SURPRISING AMOUNT OF SELF-AWARENESS, THE PRESIDENT
EVEN KNEW HOW POORLY HIS STUPIDITY WOULD BE RECEIVED.
>> EVEN WHAT I'M SAYING NOW WILL BE DEMEANED AND DISPARAGED.
BUT, THAT'S OKAY.
>> Stephen: WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S OKAY...
YOU'RE A PETTY, ANGRY MAN, DESPERATE FOR VALIDATION THAT
YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE, AND HAVE NEVER DESERVED.
AND IN 50 DAYS, YOU'LL BE OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE, WITHOUT THE
PROTECTIONS OF EXECUTIVE POWER, AND NO COURT IS GOING TO UPHOLD
YOU PARDONING YOURSELF.
PLUS, YOU'RE UGLY, AND YOUR MOTHER DRESSES YOU FUNNY.
WE GOT A HOT NEW RECORDING OF A JAW-DROPPING PHONE CALL BETWEEN
THE PRESIDENT AND GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE, AND MAN
TAPING A HOSTAGE VIDEO FROM A LAQUINTA INN...
BRAD RAFFENSPERGER.
>> IF WE COULD JUST GO OVER SOME OF THE NUMBERS, I THINK
IT'S PRETTY CLEAR THAT WE WON.
WE WON VERY SUBSTANTIALLY DOWN IN GEORGIA.
YOU EVEN SEE IT BY RALLY SIZE, FRANKLY.
WE'D BE GETTING 25,000 TO 30,000 PEOPLE A RALLY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, 25,000, 30,000 PEOPLE.
THAT IS A LOT OF PEOPLE.
CAN'T DENY THAT.
ONE PROBLEM?
RALLY SIZE DOES NOT DECIDE WHO WINS AN ELECTION.
THAT'S WHY, ON THE 20th OF JANUARY, WE WON'T BE SWEARING IN
PRESIDENT B.T.S.
"MY FELLOW AMERICANS, THE STATE OF OUR UNION IS...
(HEART FINGERS)."
BUT THE MAIN THING ON HIS MIND WAS TOMORROW'S CONGRESSIONAL
CERTIFICATION OF JOE BIDEN'S WIN.
THE PRESIDENT STILL THINKS HE HAS A CHANCE TO SOMEHOW OVERTURN
THAT, PARTLY BECAUSE THE GUY OVERSEEING THE CERTIFICATION
CEREMONY IS VICE PRESIDENT, AND FEDERALLY PROTECTED
FLY-HABITAT...
MIKE PENCE.
AND HE REALLY EXPECTS PENCE TO HAVE HIS BACK ON THIS:
>> I HOPE MIKE PENCE COMES THROUGH FOR US.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
(APPLAUSE) I HOPE THAT OUR GREAT VICE
PRESIDENT-- OUR GREAT VICE PRESIDENT--
COMES THROUGH FOR US.
HE'S A GREAT GUY.
OF COURSE, IF HE DOESN'T COME THROUGH, I WON'T LIKE HIM
QUITE AS MUCH.
>> Stephen: IF THIS WERE AN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL, THIS
IS THE PART WHERE WE WOULD TELL MIKE PENCE THAT IF THE
PRESIDENT SAYS HE WON'T LIKE YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE HIM WHAT HE
WANTS, THEN HE DOESN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU!
HE SHOULD LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.
ALTHOUGH, WE UNDERSTAND WHY HE WOULDN'T, BECAUSE WHO YOU ARE
IS MIKE PENCE.
THOUSANDS OF MAGA PROTESTERS STORMED THE CAPITOL BUILDING.
IT'S A HORRIFYING DAY THAT WILL GO DOWN IN U.S. HISTORY...
HOWEVER MUCH LONGER THAT IS.
NOW, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHAT KIND OF AMERICANS WOULD TRY
TO VIOLENTLY OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT, YOU GUESSED IT:
IT'S THIS KIND.
IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES THAT THING ALWAYS SEEM TO SHOW UP AT
ONLY THE WORST EVENTS?
YOU NEVER READ, "THE CONFEDERATE FLAG WAS SEEN TODAY WAVING OVER
FREE YOGA IN THE PARK."
TODAY, THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IMPEACHED THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
I FEEL LIKE I JUST TOOK DOWN MY DECORATIONS FROM THE LAST
IMPEACHMENT!
TODAY'S VOTE IS HISTORIC, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME,
A PRESIDENT HAS BEEN IMPEACHED TWICE.
MAKES SENSE.
THIS PRESIDENT LOVES HAVING SECONDS.
(RIM SHOT) ALSO, HE'S A TRAITOR.
IN THE END, THE TAKEAWAY FROM THIS PRESIDENCY IS,
TAKE HIM AWAY.
WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" HAVE BEEN COUNTING DOWN TO THIS
DAY FOR FOUR LONG YEARS.
LITERALLY COUNTING.
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT WHEN WE WERE IN THE THEATER,
THERE WAS A NUMBER IN THE BACK OF THE DOME.
AND THAT WAS THE NUMBER OF DAYS TILL THE END OF THE PRESIDENT'S
TERM.
AND WE COUNTED IT DOWN EVERY NIGHT, FOR FOUR LONG PAINFUL
YEARS.
AND TONIGHT, THE NUMBER ON THE DOME HAS COUNTED DOWN TO ONE.
("HIT THE ROAD JACK" PLAYING) >> Stephen: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
COMING UP, IN NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE FOOTAGE, I GIVE THE "COLBERT
QUESTIONERT" TO ETHAN HAWKE AND ROBERT DE NIRO.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THAT BANGED RIGHT THERE LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, RIGHT THERE, CHECK THEM OUT.
BOOM.
LOUIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
>> GOOD TO SIGH, MAN.
>> I GOT TO TELL YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> I THINK THIS SHOW IS GOING PRETTY WELL TONIGHT.
I WISH WE WERE HERE.
NOAKS FOLKS, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT DOING THIS SHOARKS
YOU GET TO TALK TO ALL SORTS OF FASCINATING PEOPLE BUT IT'S HARD
TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN JUST TEN TO 12 MINUTES ON NATIONAL TV
WHICH IS WHY WE AT THE LATE SHOW HAVE CREATED SOMETHING CALLED
THE COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE.
IT IS COMPRISED OF 15 QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN AERONAUTICALLY
ENGINEERED TO DIVE DEEP INTO A CELEBRITY'S TRUE INNER SELF--
OR AT THE VERY LEAST, TRICK THEM INTO DIVULGING THEIR PASSWORD
SECURITY QUESTIONS.
AND TONIGHT, WE HAVE TWO VERY SPECIAL "QUESTIONERTS."
LATER ON, WE'LL UNRAVEL THE TRUE IDENTITY OF ETHAN HAWKE--
IS HE MAN OR IS HE HAWK?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
BUT FIRST A VERY SPECIAL "QUESTIONERT" WITH ROBERT DE
NIRO.
DE NIRO TOOK THE "QUESTIONERT" SO SERIOUSLY, HE EVEN CAME
PREPARED WITH NOTES-- WHICH IS TYPICALLY FORBIDDEN, BUT HE'S
ROBERT DE NIRO.
SO, HERE IT IS: MR. BOBBY D., TAKING THE
COLBERT Q. I'M HERE WITH MR. ROBERT DE NIRO.
BOB, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN TALKING TO YOU ON THE SHOW SINCE THE
VERY BEGINNING.
ARE YOU ONE OF MY FAVORITE GUESTS, I ALWAYS ENJOY TALKING
TO YOU ON THE SHOW, WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO SPEND A COUPLE OF
MINUTES OFF THE SHOW, I HAVE SEEN YOU OUT SOCIALLIED.
AND HERE IS THE THING, EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW EACH OTHER A
LITTLE BIT, THE THING SU DON'T GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER IN THESE
SHORT LITTLE BITES AND I REALLY LIKE TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF SOUL
OF MY GUESTS SO WHAT WE HAVE DONE AT THE LATE SHOW LAB IS THE
SCIENTISTS UNTHERE WITH AEROSPACE PRECISION HAVE COME UP
WITH 15 QUESTIONS THAT WHEN ANSWERED REVEAL THE TRUE NATURE
OF A GUEST.
ARE YOU PREPARED, DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE?
ARE YOU WILLING TO STEP UP AND TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF
TAKING THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT?
>> YES I AM.
THANK YOU SIR, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
ROBERT DE NIRO WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH.
>> WHATEVER SANDWICH I'M EATING AT THE TIME.
>> Stephen: LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WELL.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH.
WHICH, WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD
REALLY THROW OUT.
>> MY COLLECTION OF O.J. SIMPSON MEMORABILIA.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> REPUBLICANS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> WELL, I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COMPARE APPLES TO ORANGES.
SO I WILL SAY GRAPES.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> WELL, ONE THING IS IT IS HARDER TO GET A JOB.
AND AT LEAST THAT WAS MY EXPERIENCE AFTER I RELEASED THE
ADVENTURES OF ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE?
>> 40 SHADES OF GRAY.
>> Stephen: 40 SHAISD OF GRAY.
>> OR BAM BEE.
OR SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS.
I KNOW THEY'RE NOT WHAT YOU EXPECT BUT I LIKE THEM.
>> Stephen: MAY SCI WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST TEN SHADES
OF GRAY?
>> I DON'T KNOW, CUZ I DIDN'T SEE THE MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T SEE THE MOVIE.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: GREAT MOVIE.
>> IS IT, REALLY.
>> Jon: GREAT MOVE-- .
>> Stephen: GREAT MOVIE, CARDS ON THE TABLE, HAVE I NEVER SEEN
HEAT.
>> OKAY, THAT'S OKAY.
>> Stephen: IS THAT REALLY OKAY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I MEAN TO.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN, THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN SHAWSHANK.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: WHAT IF I-- WOULD YOU WATCH IT WITH ME IF I
WATCHED IT?
>> DON'T MAKE ME.
>> Stephen: CUZ YOU DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOURSELF ON CAMERA OR YOU
DON'T LIKE THE MOVIE, OR YOU DON'T LIKE PA CHINA.
>> NO, I LOVE PACINO IT IS JUST THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE SEEING
THE MOVIE AND THEN YOU ASK ME TO WATCH IT AND IT WILL BE LIKE I
GOT TO SIT HERE AND THIS AND THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU COULD LIKE GET UP AND MAKE A SANDWICH OR
SOMETHING AND CHECK IN AND GO HOW DO YOU LIKE IT SO FAR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YEP, OKAY.
WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> I ACTUALLY PREFER CENTER SEAT BETWEEN TWO BIG GUYS WITH
SCREAMING KIDS.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL.
>> GARLIC.
>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MY BREATHE AFTER I'VE HAD A LOT OF GARLIC.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW YOU DISCOVERED A LOT ABOUT THAT WITH
A MASK ON.
>> OH YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD BE HUFFING YOUR OWN GARLIC.
MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.
>>THE TRIBECA FESTIVAL MOBILE APP.
>> Stephen: THERE IS A MOBILE APP FOR THE FESTIVAL.
>> AND IT SHOULD BE THE MOST APP USED ON YOUR PHONE TOO.
>> Stephen: IT UNDOUBTEDLY IS FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD.
CATS OR DOGS.
>> I LIKE KALTS AND DOGS.
I'VE HAD THEM BOTH.
THEY'RE ALL GREAT.
>> Stephen: ROBERT DE NIRO DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS.
>> I'M COUNTING THE WORDS.
>> Stephen: WELL, WHAT THE [BLEEP] HAPPENED?
>> Stephen: ROBERT DE NIRO, YOU ARE KNOWN, CONGRATULATIONS.
ROBERT DE NIRO, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
RADIO OVER THERE IS ETHAN HAWKE, I ALWAYS LIKE WHEN YOU DOM ON
THE SHOW, ARE YOU BOTH AN ACTOR AND A MOVIE STAR WHO SHARES OF
HIMSELF IN INTIMATE WAYS THAT NOT EVERYBODY IS WILLING TO DO
WHEN THEY'RE ON PANEL.
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE SHARING YOURSELF WITH THE PUBLIC?
>> IT IS EASIER SSES JUST TO BE HONEST?
>> JUST TO TELL THE TRUTH AND LET'S JUST GO WITH IT.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I SUSPECT-- RESPECT ABOUT YOU.
FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE THAT, FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE
DONE, THAT WE NEVER TALKED FOR MORE THAN SAY 12 TO 15 MINUTES
AT A POP AND ST HARD FOR ME TO TROWLY PLOM THE DEPTHS OF
ANYONE, EVEN SOMEONE AS GOOD AS MI.
>> ARE YOU SMARTS.
>> Stephen: PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF COMEDY AT ANY LEVEL, PUT MY
DIP STICK IN AND SEE HOW MUCH OIL.
>> I'M GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I MEAN, SHARING OF YOURSELF, THAT
IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
HERE IS THE THING, YOU CAN SAY NO IF YOU WANT TO WE HERE AT
LATE SHOW LABS HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING CALLED THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT.
ST A SERIES OF QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED TO
AEROSPACE TOLERANCES TO PENETRATE THE ARMOR AND THE
PROTECTIVE PSYCHIC SHELL THAT PEOPLE KEEP AROUND THEMSELVES SO
THEY WILL NOT BE KNOWN.
IT IS A TRUTH-SEEKING MISSILE THAT FINDS OUT THE TRUE HEART OF
SOMEONE.
ARE YOU WILLING RIGHT NOW IN FRONT OF AMERICA, GOD AND
EVERYTHING TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT?
>> YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY MASK.
>> Stephen: LET'S SEE.
>> I'M READY, WILLING AND ABLE.
>> Stephen: BRAVE MAN, BRAVE MAN.
ETHAN HAWKE, THIS IS THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT, HERE WE GO, FIRST
QUESTION.
WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> THE BEST-- GRANDMA BETTY MADE A MEAN PB & J.
>> Stephen: KEEP IT SIMPLE.
NOW OKAY.
SO ARE WE TALKING SMOOTHER CRUNCHY.
>> I WANT SMOOTH BUT I USE GOT CRUNCHY.
>> Stephen: GRAD MA WAS RADICAL, WHAT KIND OF JELLY,
GRAPES STRAWBERRY.
>> STRAWBERRY.
MY MOM GAVE ME THE HEALTHY PEANUT BUTTER, THE KIND YOU
STIR.
BUT GRAND MA WOULD GET THE GOOD STUFF.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY
THROW OUT?
>> ONE THING I OWN THAT I-- 97% OF THE CLOTHES THAT I OWN, 97%
OF THE CLOTHES I OWN I BOUGHT IN 1-9D 92.
LIKE THIS SUIT IS NOT MINE, OKAY.
I LIKE IT AND I WISH IT WERE MINE BUT I JUST KEEP WEARING
CLOTHES FROM THE 90 ITSEE LIKE I'M STUCK IN FOR MALD HIDE,.
>> Stephen: HEUER WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> DO INSIGNATURES COUNT.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> A TICK, I HATE TICKS.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE FOUND A TICK ON YOURSELF LATELY?
>> I FEEL LIKE THAT WILL MAKE ME UNRAVE IF I ANSWER AND PEOPLE
WON'T LIKE ME.
YES.
>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE.
>> YES, I HAVE, I FOUND ONE ON MY STOMACH AND ON MY UNDERARM.
>> Stephen: YES CONDITIONS IT FREAKS ME OUT, I DON'T LIKE
TICKS.
>> Stephen: NO, WHO DOES.
>> BUT I'M OKAY.
I'M GOING TO BE OKAY.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU GOT TO FES.
>> I PUT THE SUCKER IN TAPE, YOU PUT IT ON TAPE SO IF IT STARTS
TO RING UP OR GET WEIRD YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY
CAN TELL YOU HOW POISON US OR RANCID IT IS, I HATE TICKS.
>> Stephen: GLAD TO KNOW, THIS IS INFORMATIVE.
>> SEE.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> APPLES OR ORANGES.
I LIKE APPLE PIE SO GOT TO GO WITH APPLES.
>> Stephen: WELL DONE.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTO GRAPH.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHO?
>> I ASKED KRIS KRISTOFFERSON.
>> Stephen: WOW.
AND DID YOU GET IT?
>> I GOT IT.
I HAD, AN OLD LP OF SILVER TONGUE DEVIL AND HE WROTE TO
ETHAN, RESPECT, KRIS.
AND I GOT IT FRAMED ON MY WALL.
>> Stephen: WOW.
RHODES SCHOLAR.
>> RHODES SCHOLAR.
>> Stephen: ETHAN HAWKE WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE
DIE?
>> YOU READY?
I DON'T THINK WE DIE.
I DON'T THINK THAT WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIVINE
CONCEPT OF TIME.
I DON'T STHI WE'RE ANY MORE CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A CLOCK
THAN A DOG.
AND I THINK SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER IS GOING ON THAN WE ARE
AWARE OF IN OUR DAY TO DAY ROUTINE.
I DON'T THINK HAVE I THE INTELLIGENCE OR THE DNA MAKEUP
TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
>> DIEHARD.
>> Stephen: DIEHARD.
>> Stephen: WHILE I GOT YOU, WHILE I GOT YOU ON THE DIEHARD,
IS DIEHARD A CHRISTMAS MOVIE?
>> YES, SURE, YES, YES, BEST ONE.
>> Stephen: LEGALLY HAVE I TO FOLLOW UP WITH THAT ONE.
>> I MEAN DIEHARD, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SO PERFECT IT IS JUST
A GREAT FILM.
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> I'M A NAPPER SO I NEED TO BE BY THE WINDOW.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
DOES THIS OR YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO GET UP TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM.
>> NO, THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME, LITERALLY SINCE I WAS A KID, ME
PUT ME IN A CAR, I FALL ASLEEP, PUT ME IN THE PLANE, I FALL
ASLEEP.
AND IF I AM IN THE AISLE, THEY MY HEAD, THEY KICK MY LEG, SIR,
PUT YOUR LEG BACK N I'M SLEEPING AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND DID I
JUST REVEAL TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: NO, JUST ENOUGH.
FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MY WIFE.
THAT MAKES IT SOUND CORNY BUT YOU KNOW THAT IS MY FAVORITE
SMELL.
>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MYSELF.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE MR. ETHAN HAWKE, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
WELCOME BACK.
I'M SITTERRING HERE WITH THE DIRECTOR OF THE LAST MOVIE STARS
MR. ETHAN HAWKE, MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.
>> YOU KNOW, THAT IS A VERY, I UNDERSTAND WHAT ARE YOU GETTING,
GOING FOR HERE.
AND-- .
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE IF I UNDERSTAND IT.
>> BECAUSE THE PHONE IS LIKE THIS WEIRD SECRET CLOSET WE GO
TO.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T MEAN LIKE THAT KIND OF THING.
I MEAN LIKE IT'S THIS, LIKE I'M EMBARRASSED HOW MUCH I TOUCH MY
PHONE.
>> Stephen: HOW MUCH DO YOU TOUCH-- DO YOU GET THAT THING
THAT GIVES YOU REPORT ON SUNDAYS ABOUT HOW MANY HOURS YOU LOOKED
AT YOUR PHONE.
>> DO I.
>> Stephen: GIVE ME AN AVERAGE.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT I DON'T KNOW LIKE WHY IS IT DOING THIS.
AND WHAT COUNTS.
BECAUSE-- .
>> Stephen: YOU CAN TURN THAT OFF SO YOU DON'T GET TOLD.
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT I NEED MY CHILDREN TO HELP ME DO
THAT.
THAT IS HOW YOU KNOW ARE YOU OLD, I SOUNDED SO OLD WHEN I
SAID THAT BUT IT'S TRUE.
AND MY PROBLEM IS WHAT IS IT COUNTING.
BECAUSE THE THING I DO THE MOST OF ON MY PHONE IS I WRITE EMAILS
ON MY PHONE.
THAT IS THE THING I DO.
DOES THAT COUNT AS SCREEN TIME.
>> Stephen: I GUESS SO ARE YOU DOING TIME ON A SCREEN.
>> BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T-- MOST USED APP.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS A DAY YOU LOOK AT
YOUR PHONE.
>> I FEEL LIKE IT SAID I LOOK AT IT 29 HOURS A DAY.
AND-- .
>> Stephen: I ONLY ASK BECAUSE THIS PAST WEEKEND IT SAID THAT I
HAD LOOKED AT MY PHONE ON AVERAGE 9 HOURS AND 13 MINUTES A
DAY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THAT I WAS 10% DOWN FROM THE WEEK BEFORE.
THAT UPSET ME A LOT.
THAT UPSET ME A LOT IT'S KIND OF LIKE, YOU KNOW, THEY ASK YOU HOW
MUCH YOU DRINK AND YOU SAY OH, YOU KNOW, TWO DRINKS A DAY, THEY
KNOW YOU HAVE SIX, RIGHT.
LIKE WE LIE TO OURSELVES ABOUT HOW MUCH WE USE OUR PHONE.
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
I REALLY, I HATE MY PHONE AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A FAVORITE
APP BUT I LOOK AT IT CONSTANTLY.
HAVE I MANY.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE APP?
>> YOU HAVE TO, THE RULES OF THE.
>> THE GAME, INSTAGRAM, I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE T I DON'T DO INSTAGRAM.
>> YOU DON'T DO IT.
>> Stephen: I MEAN PROFESSIONALLY I DO BUT I.
>> IT IS LIKE BEING PUT IN A COMMA, YOU KNOW, YOU EVER-- .
>> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF PLEASANT ON A CERTAIN LEVEL.
>> IT IS.
BECAUSE I WILL REALIZE WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING THE LAST 55
MINUTES.
I WAS TALKING-- MY WIFE WAS WE GOT TO PICK THE KIDS UP FROM
CAMP AND TALKING TO ME AND OKAY.
YOU KNOW.
AND I'M ALL OF A SUDDEN I GO GOD, I LOVE BEARS.
SHE'S LIKE, ARE YOU LOOKING AT INSTAGRAM.
WE'RE TALKING.
SORRY, SORRY.
>> Stephen: CHILDREN.
>> RIGHT.
THIS IS WAY TOO REVEALING, SEE.
I'M LIKING MYSELF LESS AND LESS AS THIS GOES ON.
>> Stephen: IT'S SCIENCE.
CATS OR DOGS.
>> CATS OR DOGS DO YOU KNOW MY NAME.
>> Stephen: ETHAN HAWKE.
>> I'M THE STAR OF-- YOU WOULD IS ME THAT QUESTION, WOULD YOU
HAVE THE AUDACITY.
>> Stephen: BUT MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE DOGS AND ARE JUST A
REALLY GOOD ACTOR.
>> I LOVE DOGS.
SRS IT'S MY DOG'S BIRTHDAY.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE WHAT IS IT?
I THINK THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION.
>> IT DEFINITELY IS CUZ YOU GO YOU DON'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR
FAVORITE SONG BY OVERPLAYING IT.
BUT.
>> Stephen: REST OF YOUR LIFE, NOT ALL ETERN TIT, REST OF YOUR
LIFE.
>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THE SONG I HAVE LISTENED TO PROBABLY MOST
IN MY LIFE WOULD BE THE ONE I WOULD WANT TO CONTINUE TO LISTEN
TO, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I HAVE LISTENED TO WILLIE NELSON'S
BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE RAIN SO OFTEN IN MY LIFE.
AND IF IT HAD TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, I WOULD DIE.
>> Stephen: ♪ IN THE TWILIGHT I SEE HER.
♪.
>> HE DOES IT A LITTLE BETTER.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: I AM AWARE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I WAS INVITING YOU TO JOIN ME, THAT'S ALL.
>> I KNOW, BUT I WAS DISTRACTED BY YOUR PERFORMANCE, AND-- WHEN
HE DOES IT, AND ALSO THE WAY HE PLAYS THE GUITAR IS VERY
BEAUTIFUL.
AND WHEN HE DOES T IT HAS THIS MYSTICAL QUALITY AND WHEN YOU
DID IT IT KIND OF HURT A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW.
AND SO I GOT THRONE.
AM I BEING UNFAIR?
>> Stephen: NO.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT BEING UNFAIR, I'M JUST LEARNING MORE
THAN I WANTED TO.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: I LOVE WILLIE, I LOVE WILLIE.
YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE BUS.
>> I HAVE BEEN.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG DID YOU STAY ON THE BUS?
>> WHAT TIME, BABY.
YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LIGHT UP JUST SIT ON THE
BUS.
THE THING ABOUT HIM PLAYING GUITAR WHICH I LOVE IS THAT
OFTEN WHEN YOU HEAR WILLIE PLAY THE GUITAR I FEEL LIKE OH, HE
MISSED THE BEATS BUT I DIDN'T.
HE PLAYS IN HIS OWN PHRASING.
HE'S LIKE NOBODY ELSE.
AND THEN HE GETS IT ALL IN IN THIS BEAUTIFUL WAY.
>> I MEAN LIKE DJANGO REINHART, BACK ME UP ON.
THIS YOU RECOGNIZE, WHEN YOU HEAR HIS GUITAR, HIS PLAYING, IT
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE IS PLAYING.
I HAD THE LUXURY ONCE OF WATCHING REHEARSAL OF WILLIE'S
70th BIRTHDAY AND THEY WERE DOING A TRIBUTE CONCERT AND I
GOT TO WATCH PAUL SIMON AND WILLIE NELSON REHEARSE.
PAUL SIMON IS SO FUNNY.
HE'S LIKE YOU'RE LATE, YOU'RE LATE, WILLIE.
YOU'RE LATE-- AND PAUL, I'VE BEEN LATE MY WHOLE LIFE, IT'S
GOING TO FINE.
>> Stephen: MAYBE SOME DAY.
WHAT NUMBER, WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU THINKING OF.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT NUMBER.
>> YOU ALREADY CONFESSED WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU THINKING OF.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I.
>> I SAID WERE YOU RAISED A CATHOLIC, YOU SAID IT STUCK.
YOU ARE THINKING OF THE HOLY TRINITY, NUMBER THREE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORD.
>> THE REST OF MY LIFE IN FIVE WORDS? OKAY.
Z BETTER THAN THE FIRST HALF.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
ARE YOU KNOWN.
ETHAN HAWKE, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HERE PERFORMING "DOWN" FROM HER GRAMMY-WINNING ALBUM, "DADDY'S
HOME," WITH LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND, ST. VINCENT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Q1♪ YOU'VE HIT ME ONE TIME
IMAGINE MY SURPRISE ♪ WHEN YOU HIT ME TWO TIMES
YOU GOT YOURSELF A FIGHT ♪ I WAS A PATSY
YOU WERE A CREEP ♪ FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
THINKING THAT MY LITTLE SCRATCH ♪ WAS LIKE YOUR BIG VICTORY
SEE?
♪ BUT I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN UH-HUH
♪ TELL ME WHO HURT YOU NO, WAIT, I DON'T CARE TO
♪ HEAR AN EXCUSE WHY YOU THINK YOU CAN BE CRUEL
CRUEL, CRUEL, CRUEL ♪ MAMA ALWAYS TOLD ME
♪ "YOU GOT TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK"
BUT EVEN SHE WOULD AGREE ♪ YOU'RE AN EXCEPTION TO THAT
♪ BECAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU I'LL TAKE YOU
♪ YEAH, I'LL TAKE YOU GO ON, I'LL TAKE YOU
♪ DOWN I'LL TAKE YOU
♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN I'LL TAKE YOU
♪ DOWN I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN
I'LL TAKE YOU ♪ DOWN, DOWN
DOWN, DOWN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ GO GET YOUR OWN [NO AUDIO] GET OFF OF MY [NO AUDIO]
♪ GO FACE YOUR DEMONS CHECK INTO TREATMENT
♪ GO FLEE THE COUNTRY GO BLAME YOUR DADDY
♪ JUST GET FAR AWAY FROM ME
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ BECAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU
DOWN ♪ I'LL TAKE YOU
DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪ BECAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU
DOWN ♪ I'LL TAKE YOU
DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ GOING TO GO TELL YOUR FRIENDS GO TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'RE DOWN
♪ RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU GOT ANY LEFT, YOU'RE DOWN
♪ RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS GO TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'RE DOWN
♪ OH-OH RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS
♪ IF YOU GOT ANY LEFT YOU'RE DOWN ♪
♪ RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS GO TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'RE DOWN
♪ OH-OH RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS
♪ IF YOU GOT ANY LEFT YOU'RE DOWN ♪
♪ RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS GO TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'RE DOWN
♪ OH-OH RUN TO YOUR FRIENDS
♪ IF YOU GOT ANY LEFT YOU'RE DOWN ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE STEVE CARELL.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN.
GOOD NIGHT.