>> A SENIOR U.S. DEFENSE OFFICIAL TELLS NBC NEWS, MOSCOW
IS ALSO IN THE PROCESS OF BUYING MILLIONS OF ROCKETS AND
ARTILLERY SHELLS FROM NORTH KOREA, A MOVE THE WHITE HOUSE
SAYS SHOWS DESPERATION AS RUSSIA'S WEAPONS SUPPLY SHORTAGE
INTENSIFIES.
>> BUYING WEAPONS FROM NORTH KOREA, OF ALL PLACES, IS NOT
ACTUALLY THE MOST MODERN WEAPONRY THERE, I DON'T THINK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: STEVE CARELL
AND MUSICAL GUEST PHOENIX
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NO, NO, PLEASE.
HAVE A SEAT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME
TONIGHT.
LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE URGENT BREAKING NEWS EVERYONE'S TALKING
ABOUT TODAY: QUEEN ELIZABETH DIED SIX DAYS AGO.
SHE MEANT A LOT TO A LOT OF PEOPLE, AND MUCH OF THE WORLD IS
STILL GRIEVING.
TODAY, THE QUEEN'S CASKET ARRIVED AT WESTMINSTER WHERE SHE
WILL LIE IN STATE UNTIL NEXT MONDAY, AND PEOPLE ARE ALREADY
LINING UP FOR KILOMETERS TO GIVE THEIR RESPECTS.
THAT'S WHY IT'S ALWAYS WORTH IT TO SPRING FOR THE "FAST PASS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
TRUST ME-- YOU CAN HIT UP SPACE MOUNTAIN-- YOU HIT UP SPACE
MOUNTAIN WHILE YOU WAIT TO PAY YOUR TRIBUTE.
ELIZABETH II WAS THE LONGEST REIGNING MONARCH IN BRITISH
HISTORY, PROVIDING COMFORT TO BRITONS FOR OVER 70 YEARS.
SHE HELPED THE COUNTRY WEATHER SEVERAL FINANCIAL CRISES,
JOINING AND LEAVING THE EUROPEAN UNION, AND OF COURSE,
ED SHEERAN'S REIGN OF TERROR.
HAUGH( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
HIS FOLKSY REIGN OF TERROR.
MUCH OF THE U.K. IS IN MOURNING.
AND STATESIDE, WE'RE HANDLING THINGS IN OUR OWN WAY:
>> WE WILL HAVE COMPLETE COVERAGE ALL MORNING LONG ON THE
"TODAY SHOW," AND WE'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOU THEN.
BUT, MARIA, TONIGHT IT'S ALL ABOUT THE N.F.L. KICKOFF ON OUR
PLAZA.
CHECK THIS OUT!
>> Stephen: VROOM!
>> Louis: RIGHT, RIGHT?
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MIGHT SEEM LIKE A
JARRING TRANSITION, BUT THE N.F.L. IS A LOT LIKE THE
MONARCHY: THEY BOTH TAKE FOREVER, THEY BOTH HAVE A LOT OF
WEIRD RULES, AND THERE'S A SURPRISING AMOUNT OF TACKY
JEWELRY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW-- WHEN-- WHEN A MONARCH DIES, THERE'S A
TON OF OFFICIAL PROTOCOL.
SOME OF IT'S PRETTY WEIRD, LIKE HOW THE ROYAL BEEKEEPER HAD TO
INFORM THE QUEEN'S BEES THAT THE QUEEN HAD DIED.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, IS BRITAIN REAL?
( LAUGHTER ) OR IS IT JUST LIKE A WET NARNIA
WITH KNIFE CRIME?
( AS ENGLISH ) "THE BEEKEEPER MUST INFORM THE
BEES, LORD WIGGIBOTTOM SHALL SEND A RAVEN TO THE LOCH NESS
MONSTER, AND I SHALL EMAIL DUMBLEDORE!"
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
SLIP INTO VOLDEMORT'S DMs.
PLUS, NOW THAT BRITAIN IS RULED BY KING CHARLES III, THEY'LL
HAVE TO REPLACE HER FACE ON THEIR STAMPS AND ON THEIR CASH.
SO, FOR OUR U.K. VIEWERS, SORRY TO SAY, ALL OF YOUR MONEY WITH
QUEEN ELIZABETH'S FACE ON IT IS NOW WORTHLESS.
OKAY, IT'S GONE.
BUT I GOT YOUR BACK.
JUST SEND ME TWO OF YOUR OLD, WORTHLESS LIZZIE BILLS, AND I'LL
SEND YOU BACK A SHINY CHUCK BUCK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO.
NEW.
NOTHING LIKE A NEW BILL.
CONSUMER BRANDS WILL ALSO HAVE TO UPDATE THEIR LABELS.
DURING HER REIGN, QUEEN ELIZABETH GAVE MANY PRODUCTS A
"WARRANT" TO DISPLAY THE ROYAL COAT OF ARMS, AS AN ENDORSEMENT
OF QUALITY.
FOR INSTANCE, HEINZ KETCHUP AND GORDON'S GIN.
BUT NOW, AFTER HER PASSING, THEY MAY HAVE TO REAPPLY.
SAME THING HAPPENS HERE IN AMERICA.
THAT'S WHY EVERY FOUR TO EIGHT YEARS, WE GET ALL NEW PRODUCTS
FROM "PRESIDENT'S CHOICE."
THE NEW KING AND QUEEN AR ( APPLAUSE )
PRESIDENT'S CHOICE.
OFF-BRAND SELTZER.
THE NEW KING AND QUEEN ARE ALREADY HARD AT WORK, SITTING ON
WHAT I BELIEVE ARE THE OFFICIAL THRONES OF GREAT BRITAIN.
EITHER THAT, OR THEY'RE THE NEW JUDGES ON "THE VOICE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
JACKSON!
"JACKSON, I THOUGHT YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB SINGING NIKI
MINAJ'S 'SUPER FREAKY GIRL.' WE ARE AMUSED.
HE'S MINE, BLAKE SHELTON!
YOU CAN SUCK IT!
FOOTMEN?
SWIVEL ME!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) "TOO FAR!
TOO FAR!" ( APPLAUSE )
OF COURSE, CHUCKIE DON'T KING FOR FREE.
HE'S IMMEDIATELY TAKING OVER HIS LATE MOTHER'S FINANCIAL
PORTFOLIO, WHICH IS WORTH BILLIONS.
AND WHILE BRITISH CITIZENS NORMALLY PAY AROUND 40%
INHERITANCE TAX, KING CHARLES GETS HIS INHERITANCE TAX FREE.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ( BOOING )
EXACTLY!
IMAGINE HOW THE ENGLISH FEEL!
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE ULTIMATE PUBLIC SERVANT, AND HE DOESN'T
PAY TAXES?
THAT IS GONNA COST HIM SOME VOTES.
WHAT?
YOU'RE KIDDING.
THAT'S INSANE!
( APPLAUSE ) CHARLES IS STILL LEARNING THE
ROYAL ROPES.
YESTERDAY, HE WENT VIRAL WHEN HE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE SIGNING A
GUEST BOOK AT A CEREMONY IN NORTHERN IRELAND.
>> I JUST HAVE TO PUT-- IS IT SEPTEMBER THE 12th?
>> 13th, SIR.
>> OH, GOD, I'VE PUT THE WRONG DATE DOWN.
13th?
OH, GOD, I HATE THIS.
>> OH, LOOK, IT'S GOING EVERYWHERE.
HANG ON.
>> I CAN'T BEAR THIS BLOODY THING, WHAT THEY DO EVERY
STINKING TIME.
>> Stephen: I THINK-- I THINK IT MIGHT BE TIME TO--
( APPLAUSE ) MIGHT BE TIME TO UPDATE THE OLD
BRITISH SAYING: "KEEP CALM AND OH, GOD, I CAN'T
BEAR THIS BLOODY THING!" ( APPLAUSE )
ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK TO THE NEW KING.
THERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM UKRAINE, IT'S STILL UKRAINE.
BECAUSE OVER THE LAST WEEK, THEIR ARMED FORCES RECLAIMED
CRUCIAL AREAS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEIR ARMED FORCES RECLAIMED CRUCIAL AREAS IN A FIERCE
COUNTERATTACK THAT COULD SIGNAL A TURNING POINT IN THE WAR.
IT IS SUCH A DISASTER FOR THE RUSSIANS, PUTIN HAS LOWERED HIS
NIPPLES TO HALF-MAST.
( APPLAUSE ) ACCORDING TO PRESIDENT
ZELENSKYY, UKRAINE HAS RETAKEN AROUND 2,400 SQUARE MILES OF
TERRITORY THIS MONTH, ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF DELAWARE.
AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A POINTLESS WAR WHEN WHAT YOU'RE
FIGHTING OVER CAN BE COMPARED TO DELAWARE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ONE REASON-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
ONE REASON UKRAINE GOT BACK SO MUCH TERRITORY IS THAT RUSSIAN
TROOPS "FLED LIKE OLYMPIC SPRINTERS."
AND SINCE THEY'RE RUSSIAN, YOU KNOW THEY WERE JACKED ON
STEROIDS.
PEW!
( APPLAUSE ) AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS RUSSIAN
TANK FLEEING FROM BATTLE.
HERE'S THE TANK RUNNING AWAY.
THERE'S SOME RUSSIAN SOLDIERS JUMPING OFF.
AND FINALLY WHAMO!
RIGHT INTO THE TREE.
THAT TANK IS GONNA NEED A TOW.
I THINK THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALL TRIPLE AAAHHHHHHHHHH!
I'M SURE EVERYBODY'S FINE.
IN FACT, LAST WEEK, ZELENSKYY'S FORCES LAUNCHED A
COUNTEROFFENSIVE SO SUCCESSFUL THAT SOME ARE SAYING IT
SHATTERS RUSSIA'S REPUTATION AS A MILITARY SUPERPOWER.
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW.
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY, RUSSIA.
YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR REPUTATION AS AN ENDLESS
WASTELAND LITTERED WITH CLINICALLY-DEPRESSED ROOT
VEGETABLES.
MILITARY EXPERTS SAY RUSSIAN TROOPS SUFFER FROM LOW MORALE--
OR, AS THE KREMLIN CALLS IT, "SPECIAL MILITARY SADNESS."
THERE ARE ALSO SOME SETBACKS FOR PUTIN'S ALLIES, INCLUDING FORMER
U.S. PRESIDENT CHUNK NORRIS.
THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT'S INVESTIGATION INTO THE
EX-PRESIDENT'S PLOT TO USE FAKE ELECTORS HAS KICKED UP A NOTCH.
LAST WEEK, OVER 30 ASSOCIATES OF THE EX-PRESIDENT WERE SUBPOENAED
BY A GRAND JURY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
INCLUDE-- ( BOOING )
INCLUDING FORMER SENIOR ADVISER AND GROGGY, EARLY-MORNING PENIS,
STEPHEN MILLER.
MILLER, AMONG OTHERS, WAS ORDERED TO PROVIDE
ANY COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND RUDY GIULIANI.
THEY EVEN SUBPOENAED RUDY'S OUTGOING VOICEMAIL MESSAGE.
>> YOU'VE REACHED RUDY GIULIANI.
I CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I AM PASSED OUT
UNDER A PILE OF COATS.
IF YOU'RE RETURNING A BUTT DIAL, PLEASE MY CALL MY ASS DIRECTLY.
BEEP!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I LIKE THAT HE
SAYS HIS OWN BEEP "BEEP!" PERHAPS THE JUICIEST SUBPOENA IS
THE ONE DELIVERED TO "MYPILLOW" C.E.O. AND MENTALIST
TRYING TO READ HIS OWN MIND, MIKE LINDELL.
YESTERDAY, LINDELL SAID THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
>> TODAY THE F.B.I.-- YOU'RE GONNA HEAR THIS, YOU'RE PROBABLY
ALREADY HEARING IT IN THE NEWS-- THE F.B.I. CAME AFTER ME AND
TOOK MY PHONE.
THEY SURROUNDED ME AT A HARDEES.
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THEY SURROUNDED HIM AT A HARDIES.
IN FACT-- THIS IS TRUE-- HE WAS IN THE DRIVE-THROUGH.
( AS EMPLOYEE OVER SPEAKER ) "CHHHHHZT.
WELCOME TO HARDEE'S.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT
OF LAW.
BUT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY, AND YOU CAN PICK HIM
UP AT THE WINDOW.
PLEASE PULL AROUND."
( APPLAUSE ) LATER ON, LINDELL SOMEHOW GOT
BOOKED ON LINDELL TV TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ONE F.B.I. AGENT IN
PARTICULAR.
>> THEN HE GOES, "WELL, I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS."
AND I GO, "OKAY, HERE IT COMES, RIGHT?"
HE GOES, "WE'RE TAKING YOUR CELL PHONE.
WE HAVE A WARRANT FOR YOUR CELL PHONE."
I GO, "NO."
I SAID "MY WHOLE COMPANY, I RUN FIVE COMPANIES
OFF THAT."
>> Stephen: HE RUNS EVERYTHING OFF HIS CELLPHONE?
IS HE SELLING PILLOWS OR METH ( LAUGHTER )
LISTENING TO HIM TALK, IT'S HARD TO TELL.
IN EVERY APPEARANCE, LINDELL EMPHASIZED THAT HE REALLY EEDS
HIS PHONE: >> IT'S DISGUSTING.
I DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER.
EVERYTHING I DO OFF THAT PHONE EVERYTHING WAS ON THERE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT A GREAT DEFENSE, MIKE.
"OFFICER, YOU CAN'T TAKE MY CAR!
HOW WILL I GET ALL THESE BODIES TO THE RIVER?"
THERE'S ALSO A CHANCE THAT THEY--
( APPLAUSE ) "BODIES TO THE RIVER."
A LITTLE UPSETTING.
THERE'S ALSO A CHANCE THE FASCIST-CURIOUS FOLKS IN
CONGRESS COULD BE SWEPT INTO THIS, BECAUSE THE D.O.J. IS ALSO
SEEKING INFORMATION ABOUT ANY MEMBERS OF THE LEGISLATIVE
BRANCH WHO MAY HAVE TRIED TO "OBSTRUCT, INFLUENCE, IMPEDE OR
DELAY" THE CERTIFICATION OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
IS THIS TRUE?
I'M TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF JOSH HAWLEY'S REACTION WHEN HE HEARD
THE NEWS: RUN, JOSH, RUN!
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT,
MY GUEST IS STEVE CARELL.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I STAR IN A BRAND-NEW DRAMATIC PLAY WITH A
SPECIAL GUEST.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY.
LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND, RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) TONIGHT, LOUIS, TONIGHT, THIS IS
ALWAYS FUN.
I'M GRATEFUL TO ALL THE GUESTS WHO COME ON, AND OFTENTIMES
THEY'RE FRIENDS.
A FEW PEOPLE ARE AS GOOD OR AS OLD A FRIEND ADD TONIGHT'S
GUEST, STEVE CARELL IS HERE THIS EVENING.
( APPLAUSE ) #-R AMAZINGLY TALENTED.
AMAZINGLY TALENTED.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A CRIME THAT NEATS TO BE ADDRESSED AT SOME
POINT IN AMERICAN HISTORY.
STEVE CARELL, FOR HIS WORK IN "THE OFFICE," NEVER RECEIVED AN
EMMY AWARD.
>> Louis: OH, WOW, REALLY?
THE WHOLE RUN.
>> Stephen: MAKES IT SEEM LIKE EMMY AWARDS AREN'T THAT
IMPORTANT, DOESN'T IT?
>> Louis: NOT SAYING, JUST SAYING.
>> Stephen: WIN OR LOSE IT'S A REALLY GREAT JOB.
AND ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT THIS JOB IS THAT I GET TO MEET
SO MANY TALENTED AND ACCOMPLISHED ACTORS, LEGENDS OF
STAGE AND SCREEN.
AND AS EXCITING AS IT IS TO INTERVIEW THEM RIGHT OVER HERE,
I ALWAYS WISH I COULD ACT WITH THEM.
OF COURSE, THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TIME IN THIS SHOW TO STAGE AN
ENTIRE DRAMATIC PRODUCTION.
BUT IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT THERE IS ENOUGH TIME TO PERFORM ONE
SCENE FROM A BRAND-NEW, THEATRICAL DRAMA IF WE AWKWARDLY
CRAM ALL OF THE BACK-STORY INTO THE DIALOGUE.
SO WE'RE GONNA DO JUST THAT.
RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS "THE LATE SHOW'S TOO MUCH EXPOSITION THEATRE."
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING )
>> Stephen: REGARD ME!
ANGELO BE MY NAME, AND YET TODAY, I AM THE VERY PICTURE
OF WOE.
FOR MY LOVE, THE LADY ISABELLA HATH CEASED HER LIFE-BREATHINGS
BY SUPPING UPON A FEAST OF POSION.
SHE, MISTAKENLY THINKING I WAS DEAD, CHOSE TO MAKE HERSELF
ACTUALLY DEAD.
AND I, WISHING TO JOIN HER IN SAID DEATH, ALSO DRANK OF
THE POISON, ONLY TO FIND IT WAS INSTEAD A VERY RARE AND
DELICIOUS BOTTLE OF CHIANTI.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW I HAVE NOT ONLY LOST MY LOVE
BUT GAINED A TASTE FOR EXPENSIVE WINE.
WHY, WHY DOES GOD CURSE ME SO!
HARK... SOMEONE KNOCKING AT THE DOOR OF MY ESTATE HERE IN
VENICE, ITALY, WHERE I RESIDE WITH MY MAN-SERVANT RODRIGO WHO
IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND!
SO I MUST RESPOND TO THE KNOCKING.
WHO THUMPS MY DOOR?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> 'TIS I, BENVOLION.
HE WHO HAS SWORN HATRED FOR THEE SINCE THE VERY CRADLE DUE TO OUR
FATHERS BEING RIVAL VENETIAN GONDOLIERS WHO CONTINUED TO
ONE-UP EACH OTHER BY BUILDING LONGER AND LONGER OARS UNTIL THE
ABSURD LENGTHS DROVE THEM BOTH MAD.
>> Stephen: BENVOLION!
>> THE VERY SAME!
HE WHO HAS SWORN HATRED FOR THE SINCE THE VERY CRADLE DUE
TO OUR FATHERS BEING RIVAL-- >> Stephen: YOU JUST SAID THAT.
YOU SAID THAT WHOLE PART BEFORE.
YES, YES!
BUT HERE ARE SOME WORDS NOT YET SPOKEN!
IT WAS I WHO TOLD THE LADY ISABELLA THAT YOU WERE IN
DEATH'S COLD EMBRACE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT WHY THIS DECEIT?
>> FOR THOU ALWAYS STOOD BETWIXT US.
>> Stephen: BETWIXT WHOM?
CLARIFY YOURSELF!
( LAUGHTER ) >> BETWIXT ME AND THE LADY
ISABELLA!
BETWIXT MEANS BETWEEN!
>> Stephen: I KNOW THAT!
>> FOR, YOU SEE, I LOVED HER, TOO!
>> Stephen: SO YOU WHISPERED IN HER EAR THAT I HAD ENTERED
DEATH'S HOUSE SO THAT SHE WOULD ALSO RENT A ROOM THERE?
>> YES!
BUT ONLY AFTER MY FIRST PLAN FAILED.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
SHED LIGHT ON YOUR MOUTH SOUNDS BY MAKING FURTHER WORDS TO BE
RECEIVED IN THE PORCHES OF MY EARS!
COME, LET MY LOBES FEAST.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> TWO SUMMERS IN THE PAST, AS WE NOW SPEAK, I SOUGHT TO
UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD CHARM A LADY SUCH AS ISABELLA.
ONLY BY WITNESSING YOUR COURTSHIP FIRSTHAND AND FROM HER
PERSPECTIVE COULD I LEARN THE SORCERY OF YOUR SEDUCTION.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I ARRANGED FOR THE LADY ISABELLA TO BE SHIPPED AWAY TO SARDINIA,
BUT NOT BEFORE I STUDIED HER MANNERISMS AND GAINED ACCESS TO
HER WARDROBE SO THAT I COULD BECOME HER AND SEE YOU THROUGH
HER EYES.
I SPENT AN ENTIRE SUMMER IN YOUR EMBRACE AND NO IDEA HAD YOU.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TWO-- DID YOU SAY
TWO SUMMERS PAST?
TWAS THE SUMMER I VOWED TO UNCOVER THY FAMILY'S SECRETS BY
GOING IN DISGUISE AS A CHAMBERMAID AND PLACING MYSELF
IN THE SERVICE OF YOUR UNCLE SO THAT I COULD TRANSCRIBE THE
WORDS HE SPOKE IN HIS SLEEP!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING ) >> BUT IF YOU WERE A
CHAMBERMAID, THEN WHO WAS YOU?
>> Stephen: I DRESSED A DONKEY IN MY IMAGE AND SENT IT TO
COURT IN MY STEAD.
>> THEN YOU HAVE MADE AN ASS OF ME BY MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU SHALL NOT BE ASS'ED LONG, FOR I SHALL SEND
YOUR ASS ACROSS THE RIVER STYX, WHERE YOU'LL BE GREETED BY DEATH
HIMSELF, AND HE'LL RECOGNIZE YOU BECAUSE YOU'LL BE THE DEAD GUY!
>> NNNNNN-NNNNNAY!
IT IS DEATH WHO SHALL BE YOUR BRIDE AT THE CHAPEL OF DEATH
WITH DEATH AS THE ONLY WITNESS.
DEATH.
AHHH!
UNH!
AHHH!
OOOH!
( GROANING ) I AM FEAST FOR WORMS!
>> Stephen: TI'S TRUE, BUT IT WAS YOU OR ME, SINCE SURELY YOU
CAME HERE TO TAKE MY LIFE AND TRANSFORM IT BUT TO A DEATH.
>> WHAT?
OH, NO ACTUALLY, I JUST WANTED TO COME BY AND RETURN THIS ROLL
OF SCOTTISH TAPE.
>> Stephen: THE SCOTTISH TAPE?
>> THE SCOTT ITCH TAPE THAT I BORROWED FROM YOU LAST YEAR.
>> OH, NO!
OH, GOSH.
>> Stephen: I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE STABY THING.
>> IT'S ALL GOOD.
BUT WITH MY FINAL BREATH, I HAVE ONE LAST REQUEST.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
ANYTHING.
>> PLEASE PROMOTE MY HULU SERIES!
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE MY SACRED VOW.
CHECK OUT STEVE CARELL IN "THE PATIENT" ON HULU.
WE SHALL RETURN WITH STEVE CARELL!
>> I'M ALIVE!
FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM "THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN," "THE MORNING SHOW,"
AND "THE OFFICE."
HE NOW STARS IN "THE PATIENT."
>> ARE YOU STILL OUT THERE?
>> I'M HERE.
>> WHO WAS THAT?
WAS THAT HIS MOTHER WHO-- DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE?
>> I'M HIS THERAPIST.
THE GUY WHO HAS US DOWN HERE.
THAT WAS HIS MOTHER, YES.
>> WHO IS THIS GUY?
>> I THINK I MAY BE ABLE TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING US.
I'M WORKING ON IT.
IT'S NOT EASY.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HE'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU, RIGHT?
IF-- IF YOU'RE HIS THERAPIST?
>> WELL, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO FULLY RESPECT THE PATIENT-DOCTOR
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MY OLD
FRIEND AND YOURS, STEVE CARELL!
♪ BABY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: LOOK WHAT WE'VE GOT.
WE'VE GOT STEVE CARELL.
>> HELLO!
>> Stephen: HI, STEVE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M WELL, HOW ARE YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M VERY WELL, ACTUALLY.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS STRANGE TO SEE YOU HERE AT THE
DESK.
>> HOW SO.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE, TO THESE PEOPLE YOU'RE STEVE CARELL.
YOU'RE JUST STEVE.
YOU'RE ONE OF THE-- AND ALSO, ALSO, YOU'RE SUCH AN
ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR.
>> NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
THAT'S NOT -- >> Stephen: NO, NO, THE
ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR-- ( APPLAUSE )
WHAT'S WEIRD IS-- WHAT'S WEIRD IS I KNOW YOU TO BE JUST ONE OF
THE SILLIEST PEOPLE I KNOW.
>> WELL, YOU,s TOO.
>> Stephen: WELL, SURE, SURE.
THAT'S WHY I ENJOYED THAT SO MUCH BECAUSE ALL WE DID-- I
DON'T KNOW, HOW LONG DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER COMEDICALLY, A
DECADE.
ALL WE WANTED TO DO WAS THE DUMBEST THING WEEKEND.
>> WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER COMEDICALLY LONGER THAN I'VE
BEEN MARRY.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT'S OVER 30 YEARS.
>> Stephen: SURE, RIGHT.
I'M ONLY MARRIED 29 YEARS.
SAME THING.
WOW.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOW.
THIS IS QUITE A LOVE AFFAIR WE'VE GOT GOING HERE.
HEY, SPEAKING OF THE MARCH OF TIME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> THANKS!
>> Stephen: I JUST-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP!
FANTASTIC!
>> Stephen: I'M HAPPY TO.
I BRING IT UP JUST BECAUSE I THINK IT WAS LIKE-- WE'RE
BASICALLY THE SAME AGE, RIGHT?
>> WE'RE BASICALLY THE SAME AGE.
.>> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE 60 NOW.
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE 60!
>> I AM IF.
>> Stephen: AND I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I'M IN MY
MID-50s.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: 58.
THAT'S SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.
>> THAT'S LATE-MID.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LATE-MID, EXACTLY.
DID YOU NEED SUPPLEMENTAL OXYGEN TO COME OUT HERE?
>> A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> NO.
I'M DOING FINE.
>> Stephen: I'M SURE.
>> I DO HAVE A HIP, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW THAT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU REPLACE YOUR HIP?
>> YEARS AGO.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> IT IS FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE OF THE HOCKEY?
>> YEAH.
THE DOCTOR CAME IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE I WAS GOING UNDER
AND SAID, "WHAT SORT OF MATERIAL DO YOU WANT YOUR HIP TO BE?"
AND I WAS LIKE, "SHOULDN'T WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE?"
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?
>> OH, WELL, PORCELAIN-- NO.
>> Stephen: MAYBE.
CERAMIC.
>> THAT'S WHAT I GOT.
I GOT CERAMIC.
BECAUSE HE SAID, UP UNTIL THAT POINT, MOST DURABLE.
BUT HE SAID ALSO HAS A TENDENCY TO SQUEAK.
SO IT WAS LIKE, DO YOU WANT DURABILITY-- DO YOU WANT
DURABILITY -- >> Stephen: CAN YOU NOT BE A
SPY NOW BECAUSE ( SQUEAKING NOISES )
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK
RIGHT HERE, PAY SOME BILLS.
MR. STEVE CARELL WILL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.
DON'T GO AWAY.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THAT!
THERE HE IS, IN THE FLESH, MAESTRO.
OKAY, EVERYBODY'S EXCITED THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE GETTING
TOGETHER WITH YOUR FRIEND JOHN KRASINSKI FOR YOUR NEW MOVIE
"IMAGINARY FRIENDS" THAT JOHN HAS WRITTEN AND IS DIRECTING.
HAVE YOU STARTED YET?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE STARTED.
>> I HAVE STARTED.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG SINCE YOU GUYS HAVE WORKED TOGETHER?
>> I MEAN, SINCE THE END OF "THE OFFICE."
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HIM, HE DIDN'T HAVE A BEARD
AND WASN'T JACKED THE WAY HE IS NOW.
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: IS HE DIFFERENT.
>> HE'S THE SAME GUY.
HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME GUY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND HE'S SUCH A GREAT DIRECTOR.
>> Stephen: HE IS.
HE DIRECTED YOU IN "THE OFFICE."
AND YOU DIRECTED THE "THE OFFICE."
>> A FEW OF THEM, YEAH.
>> Stephen: TWO OR THREE TIMES.
"A," WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE DIRECTED BY ANOTHER ENSEMBLE
MEMBER?
AND WHAT'S IT LIKE TO PUT THAT HAT ON YOURSELF?
>> I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF CONTEXT.
IN "THE OFFICE" IT WAS EASY BECAUSE WE WERE ALL SUPER GOOD
FRIENDS AND WE SUPPORTED EACH OTHER AND WANTED EACH OTHER TO
SUCCEED.
THAT PART OF IT-- WHEN ONE OF THE CAST OR ONE OF THE WRITERS
BECAME A DIRECTOR, EVERYONE WAS TOTALLY BEHIND THEM.
AND SO, IT WAS KIND OF EASY.
AND EVERYBODY KNEW THEIR CHARACTER SO WELL, AND YOU COULD
ONLY SHOOT IN THAT SMALL SPACE.
SO THERE WEREN'T A LOT OF OPTIONS IN TERMS OF SETTING UP A
SHOT.
SO IT WAS KIND OF SIMPLE.
>> Stephen: NOT A LOT OF FLYING JIBS OR ANYTHING LIKE
THAT?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE YET ANOTHER PROJECT THAT WE JUST SAW
A CLIP FROM THERE, KIND OF FUNNY, KIND OF SPOOKY, CALLED
"THE PATIENT."
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> WH BRANDON GLEESON IS YOUR PATIENT WOULD IT BE GIVING
ANYTHING WAY TO SAY HE'S THE KILLER?
>> YOU BLEW IT.
YOU DON'T FIND THAT OUT UNTIL EPISODE 10.
NO, YES.
HE IS A SERIAL KILLER.
HE ABDUCTS HIS THERAPIST, ME, AND CHAINS HIM UP IN HIS
BASEMENT, HIS LITTLE REC ROOM DOWN THERE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO
GET INTENSIVE THERAPY GOING.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AS YOU DO.
>> Stephen: ALSO A VERY LIMITED STOAT SHOOT ON.
>> OH, YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, I WAS CHAINED-- DOES THAT APPEAL TO YOU THAT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO ON A LOT OF LOCATIONS?
>> WELL, YES, YES.
I THOUGHT, THAT WILL BE EASY.
BUT I DIDN'T THINK THE PART THROUGH THAT THEY'RE REALLY--
THEY'RE CHAINING ME UP TO THE FLOOR.
>> Stephen: CAN'T THEY JUST DO A FAKE CHAIN?
>> I WANTED A REAL CHAIN BECAUSE IT'S GOT A DIFFERENT HEFT TO IT
AND IT'S GOT-- YOU KNOW, IT MAKES YOU FEEL A CERTAIN WAY
WHEN YOU HAVE A REAL CHAIN AND A REAL LOCK.
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M FLATTERED, BUT I WOULDN'T
KNOW.
>> YUP, NO, YOU'RE GOOD.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
>> NO, THERE WAS-- THERE WAS AN ACTUAL-- THERE WAS A VISCERAL
FEELING TO IT.
>> Stephen: BUT ARE ACTUALLY LOCKED IN?
>> THE FIRST DAY THEY HAD ONE KEY.
AND I THOUGHT YOU BETTER MAKE SOME DUPLICATES FOR THIS THING.
BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: WHAT IF THERE'S A
FIRE.
>> BECAUSE THERE'S A FIRE OR AN EARTHQUAKE OR SOMETHING, THEY'RE
OUT OF THERE, AND I'M SAYING, "HELP ME!"
>> Stephen: OR LYING-- >> ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: IT'S A BACK LOT.
THE LINE COMES OVER FROM M.G.M.
>> ONE OF THE FIRST DAYS EVERYBODY WENT TO LUNCH.
AND I WAS LIKE, "HEY."
AND I WAS LAST TO THE CATERING TABLE.
>> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T-- THEY DIDN'T UNLOCK YOU.
>> WELL, THEY FORGOT.
>> Stephen: THEY FORGOT STEVE CARELL WAS CHAINED TO THE BED?
>> WELL, THEY WERE HUNGRY.
SO...
( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE VERY FORGIVING.
VERY FORGIVING.
>> I'M OVER.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE OVER IT.
>> I'M OVERSTATING IT.
NO, I'M NOT OVER ANYTHING.
I'M 60.
I'M READY FOR ANYTHING, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S IMORTANT.
( APPLAUSE ) IT'S VERY IMPORTANT IN HOLLYWOOD
TO NEVER LET A GRUDGE GO.
THATS WHAT I KNOW.
NEVER FORGIVE ANYONE FOR ANYTHING.
>> THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
>> Stephen: YEAH, AND SHOUT.
>> IT'S EASY TO HOLD-- I'M A GREAT GRUDGE HOLDER.
I'M REALLY GOOD.
>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU ARE.
>> MAKE A LITTLE LIST.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> OOH!
>> Stephen: THE THINGS YOU'VE KNOT ON ME.
>> OH, YEAH.
I'M WRITING A BOOK ACTUALLY.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> I'M WRITING A BOOK ABOUT YOU.
>> Stephen: OH, REALLY.
DO YOU NEED A BLURB OR ANYTHING?
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT STICK AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE STEVE CARELL, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: WE'RE BACK HERE WITH OUR FRIEND, AMERICA'S
SWEETHEART STEVE CARELL.
YOU'VE GOT A VERY CALM DEMEANOR.
YOU CAN-- YOU CAN PLAY, YOU KNOW, BIG AS A PERFORMER, BUT
YOU YOURSELF ARE VERY LEVEL HEADED AND STEADY.
DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD BE A GOOD THERAPIST?
>> WELL, I PLAY ONE ON TELEVISION SO, YEAH, DEFINITELY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK PEOPLE-- ANYONE WHO CAN LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE
IMMEDIATELY THINK THEY COULD BE A GOOD THERAPIST, BUT I DON'T
KNOW IF THAT'S ACTUALLY THE CASE.
BECAUSE YOU DO NEED TRAINING AND TO GO TO SCHOOL AND ALL OF THAT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> BUT IT'S FASCINATING.
I THINK IT'S A FASCINATING PROFESSION.
>> Stephen: I-- I I THINK MY FEAR WOULD BE IF I WERE A
THERAPIST I WOULD GO-- I WILL TELL THE STORY BETTER.
YOU'RE LEADING WITH THE WRONG INFORMATION.
IT'S NOT NEARLY AS ENTERTAINING AS THIS STORY.
>> BUT WHAT YOU KIND OF DO-- I MEAN WHAT YOU DO HERE IS, I
THINK, A-- I THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY BE A GOOD THERAPIST.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: I WOULD BE?
>> I THINK YOU WOULD GLI DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD.
>> THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE LISTENING TO PEOPLE.
YOU'RE A SOUNDING BOARD.
YOU'RE MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> EVEN WHEN THEY STINK.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
AND I'M A VERY GOOD LISTENER, IF THE PERSON IS TALKING ABOUT ME,
LIKE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
THEN I'M LIKE, "THIS IS A FASCINATING PERSON.
THIS IS A FASCINATING PERSON."
YOU ALSO HAVE TO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE, AND, OBVIOUSLY, I'M DEAD
INSIDE.
AFTER YEARS, I'M JUST FAKING MY MUHASN'T OVER HERE.
>> YOU'RE A LITTLE SOCIOPATHIC, I GET IT.
>> Stephen: MY HEART DOESN'T GO ABOVE 85 BEATS PER EMPTY PUP
PLAYED A GREAT SOCIOPATH AT SECOND CITY.
YOU REMEMBER, YOU AND AMY HAD THAT SCENE IN THE LAUNDROMAT,
WHEN YOU TALKED ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO STRANGLE SOMEONE.
AND EVERYONE GOES, "I CAN'T BELIEVE STEVE CARELL WAS SO
GREAT IN "FOX CATCHER" WHERE YOU PLAYED THE CRAZY DuPONT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THERE WAS AN EVENT HONORING "FOX
CATCHER" AND I SAID I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE IS SURPRISED.
HE'S BEEN PSYCHOTIC FOR YEARS.
>> THERE'S A DEPTH TO OUR RELATIONSHIP.
>> Stephen: THAT WE BOTH PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANYONE
ABOUT.
>> THAT'S.
>> Stephen: THIS IS NOT A SPOILER-- OH, MY GOD.
I WAS ABOUT TO ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION AGAIN.
>> OH, REALLY?
>> Stephen: YES.
BECAUSE I JUMPED.
I ASKED YOU A QUESTION ABOUT BEING CHAIND TO THE BED, AND I
WAS ABOUT TO GO BACK AND ASK YOU THAT QUESTION AGAIN.
>> I'M ANSWER IT DIFFERENTLY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YOU WANT TO DO IT?
>> Stephen: AT THE END HERE, I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY GETAWAY
QUESTION, BUT IN FACT I ASKED YOU THAT QUESTION EARLIER.
>> SO YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS THING.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU NEED, LIKE, A GOOD CUT
POINT.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE TELLING ME TO WRAP--
>> THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: WAIT, IT SAYS "WRAP," OVER THERE.
SOF WE'VE DONE ALL THE TIME WE WANT.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen:UTBUT I THOUGHT I WANT TO GET HIM A CHANCE TO
SCORE BEFORE HE GOES.
I LOOKED DOWN AND THOUGHT, NOT A SPOILER.
NO, NO, NO.
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME SCORING.
I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING FUNNY FOR THE NEXT 20, 30
SECONDS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NEW EPISODES OF "THE PATIENT" ARE AVAILABLE ON HULU
ON TUESDAYS.
STEVE CARELL, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY PHOENIX.
>> Stephen: PERFORMING "TONIGHT" FEATURING EZRA KOENIG OF VAMPIRE
WEEKEND, FROM THEIR FORTHCOMING ALBUM, "ALPHA ZULU," PHOENIX!
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ COULD YOU, COULD YOU COME TONIGHT?
♪ INSTEAD OF GOING UNDER COULD YOU, COULD YOU COME
TONIGHT?
♪ WOULD YOU THINK IT'D BE HER LAST DECEMBER?
♪ COULD IT BE THE WAY SHE COMBS HER HAIR?
♪ IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE DAY YOU LOST TO CARE
♪ WHAT IF I WAS THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYER?
♪ YEAH, YOU NEED A LITTLE CANDOR, NEED A LITTLE CANDOR
♪ WHAT IF WE LAST 'TIL IT'S DAWN LIKE YOU PROMISED ME?
♪ WHO LET THE BOYS SPILL THEIR ENTREE?
♪ DINNER IS SERVED, CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE NOT OPPOSITES?
♪ ARE YOU STILL UP THINKING OF ME?
♪ I TAKE ALL THE BLAME IS IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL THE SAME I'VE PLAYED ALL THE GAMES
AND LOST ALMOST EVERYTHING ♪ NOW I TALK TO MYSELF
AND IT'S QUITE SURPRISING ♪ ROLL WITH ME
LET'S ROLL ♪ COULD YOU, COULD YOU COME
TONIGHT?
♪ I'M COUNTING FROM THE THUNDER COULD YOU, COULD YOU COME
TONIGHT?
♪ I GOT A FEELING THAT YOU KNOW THE NUMBER
♪ COULD I BE THE BEST TO JUMP AHEAD?
♪ YOUR FEET ARE HURTING LESS WITH MOCCASINS
♪ I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER COMMENT SINCE
♪ YOU NEED A LITTLE SPLENDOR, NEED A LITTLE SPLENDOR
♪ WHAT IF WE LAST 'TIL THE DAWN LIKE YOU PROMISED ME?
♪ WHO LET THE BOYS SPILL THEIR ENTREE?
♪ DINNER IS SERVED CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE NOT
OPPOSITES?
♪ ARE YOU STILL UP THINKING OF ME?
♪ I TAKE ALL THE BLAME IS IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL THE SAME I'VE PLAYED ALL THE GAMES
AND LOST ALMOST EVERYTHING ♪ NOW I TALK TO MYSELF
AND IT'S QUITE SURPRISING ♪ ROLL WITH ME
LET'S ROLL WITH ME ♪ TALK TO MYSELF AND IT'S QUITE
SURPRISING ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
NIGHT, NIGHT, NIGHT.
ROLL ♪ NOW I TALK TO MYSELF
AND IT'S QUITE SURPRISING ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT
NIGHT, NIGHT, NIGHT.
ROLL ♪ CAN'T YOU SEE THE SIGN UP ON
THE WALL?
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT NIGHT, NIGHT, NIGHT
ROLL ♪ CAN'T YOU SEE THE SIGN UP ON
THE WALL?
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT
I TALK TO MYSELF AND IT'S QUITE SURPRISING
♪ ROLL WITH ME
LET'S ROLL WITH ME
♪ OH, HOW I WISH I COULD BE SOMEONE LIKE YOU
BE SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
♪ WISH I COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE LIKE YOU
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANKS.
PHOENIX, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE QUEEN LATIFAH AND NINA
TOTENBERG.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!