1 00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:03,803 IN A NEW EXERPT FROM MAGGIE HABERMAN'S FORTHCOMING BOOK, 2 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:07,140 "CONFIDENCE MAN," DONALD TRUMP APPEARS TO SAY HE RAN FOR 3 00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:09,843 PRESIDENT FOR THE FAME. "THE QUESTION I GET ASKED MORE 4 00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:12,979 THAN ANY OTHER QUESTION, 'IF YOU HAD TO DO IT AGAIN, WOULD YOU 5 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:13,913 HAVE DONE IT?' THE ANSWER IS, 'YEAH, I THINK 6 00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:21,388 SO.' BECAUSE HERE'S THE WAY I LOOK AT 7 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,656 IT-- I HAVE SO MANY RICH FRIENDS, AND 8 00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:38,605 NOBODY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. ( "FRIENDS" THEME SONG ) 9 00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:59,926 NOBODY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. ( "FRIENDS" THEME SONG ) 10 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,028 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE. I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF SOME OF 11 00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,630 THEM-- MOST OF THEM. 12 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:08,735 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 13 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:15,475 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 14 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,844 SIGOURNEY WEAVER AND ZEEKO ZAKI 15 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:27,687 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 16 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:32,392 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 17 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:36,796 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 18 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:47,941 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 19 00:01:48,007 --> 00:02:02,889 COME ON! GO TO SEE YOU. 20 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,024 COME ON! GO TO SEE YOU. 21 00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:08,695 HAPPY MONDAY. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO! 22 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:12,765 HELLO, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:24,511 WELCOME! I'M SORRY. 24 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,948 THE RHYTHM IS GOING TO GET YOU. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 25 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:34,153 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 26 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:38,558 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 27 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:42,495 L'SHANA TOVAH! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY JEWISH 28 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:46,499 VIEWERS. IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT YEAR. 29 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:56,175 ( APPLAUSE ) 5783-- THAT'S A PRIME NUMBER. 30 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,878 THAT'S ALWAYS LUCKY. 5763 IS AN INTERESTING START. 31 00:02:58,945 --> 00:02:59,812 BECAUSE THIS EVENING A NASA SPACECRAFT DELIBERATELY HIT AN 32 00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:04,217 ASTEROID HEAD ON AT 15,000 MILES PER HOUR. 33 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,887 THIS IS TO SEE WHETHER SPACE ROCKS CAN BE DEFLECTED. 34 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,822 NOW, BEFORE YOU START HAVING PANIC SEX WITH STRANGERS ON THE 35 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:14,460 SIDEWALK, I HOPE IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THIS ASTEROID. 36 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:22,435 ( LAUGHTER ) ITS WASN'T A BIG, CIVILIZATION 37 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,404 ENDER THAT BEN AFFLECK HAD TO SAVE US FROM. 38 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,774 IT WASN'T EVEN HEADED FOR EARTH. THIS WAS ALL JUST A TEST TO SEE 39 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,375 IF NASA COULD PUSH A POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS ASTEROID OFF COURSE 40 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:34,213 WITH EARTH. THE MISSION IS CALLED THE 41 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,649 "THE DOUBLE ASTEROID REDIRECTION TEST," OR "DART." 42 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,818 NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE MISSION TO STOP A REAL ASTEROID 43 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:47,727 THAT'S GOING TO DESTROY THE EARTH: THE SPACIAL HYBRID 44 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,662 ASTRONAUT REDIRECTION TECHNIQUE, OR "SHART." 45 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:59,939 I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED. ( APPLAUSE ) 46 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:05,845 WE RECORDED THIS SHOW EARLIER, SO WE DON'T KNOW HOW THE IMPACT 47 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:13,252 WENT. BUT, ON THE SLIM CHANCE THAT THE 48 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,821 ASTEROID WAS NOT ACCIDENTALLY REDIRECTED INTO A COLLISION 49 00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:19,192 COURSE WITH EARTH, AND WE'RE NOW ALL CLINGING TO CHUNKS OF 50 00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:26,833 CONTINENTAL SHELF, DRIFTING TOWARD THE SUN, THAT DOES NOT 51 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:31,471 BUT, ON THE SLIM CHANCE THAT THE HAPPEN, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER 52 00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:35,074 JANUARY 6 HEARING ON WEDNESDAY. AND WE GOT THE INSIDE DOPE ON 53 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,676 SOME OF THE COMMITTEE'S FINDINGS LAST NIGHT ON "60 MINUTES"-- OR 54 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,145 AS I'VE BEEN TOLD NOT TO CALL IT: "TIKTOK." 55 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:47,186 ( LAUGHTER ) CORRESPONDENT BILL WHITAKER SAT 56 00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:49,656 DOWN WITH FORMER SENIOR TECHNICAL ADVISER FOR THE 57 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:51,290 JANUARY 6 COMMITTEE AND SIX-YEAR-OLD WHO WAS ALLOWED 58 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:56,462 TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN FIRST AND LAST NAME, DENVER RIGGLEMAN. 59 00:04:56,529 --> 00:05:01,401 ( LAUGHTER ) CLOSELY CONNECTED THE 60 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,302 ADMINISTRATION WAS TO THE RIOTERS ON JANUARY 6th: 61 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,772 >> YOU GET A REAL AH-HA MOMENT WHEN YOU SEE THAT THE 62 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:08,307 WHITE HOUSE SWITCHBOARD HAD CONNECTED TO A RIOTER'S PHONE 63 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,308 WHILE IT'S HAPPENING. THAT'S A PRETTY BIG AH-HA 64 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:14,814 MOMENT. >> Stephen: AN AH-HA MOMENT? 65 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:18,718 WELL, MAYBE THE "HA" WILL COME EVENTUALLY, BUT RIGHT NOW, 66 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:23,022 I'M STUCK ON THE AHHHH! ( LAUGHTER ) 67 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:35,334 AAHHH! HA. 68 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:39,338 WE DON'T KNOW WHO MADE THE CALL, BUT WE DO KNOW THAT THE CALL 69 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,942 LASTED FOR ONLY NINE SECONDS. SO, PROBABLY A PRANK CALL. 70 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:47,346 ( AS TRUMP ) ( LAUGHTER ) 71 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:54,854 WELL, THEN YOU BETTER CATCH MIKE PENCE AND HANG HIM." 72 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:59,358 ( LAUGHTER ) WHICH-- 73 00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:08,134 ( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE HEARINGS 74 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:16,609 ARE CLEARLY GETTING UNDER THE SKIN OF FORMER 75 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,277 PRESIDENT PILLSBURY DUH BOY. IN A NEW TELL-ALL FROM THE "NEW 76 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:19,479 YORK TIMES'" MAGGIE HABERMAN, THE FORMER PRESIDENT TRIES 77 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,148 TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR DURING THE 78 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,349 INSURRECTION, SAYING: "I WAS NOT WATCHING TELEVISION 79 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:27,286 ON JANUARY 6th." REALLY? 80 00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:28,988 REALLY? ( LAUGHTER ) 81 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:35,328 ANGRY MOB TO STORM THE CAPITOL TO PREVENT THE PEACEFUL TRANSFER 82 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,164 OF POWER FOR THE FIRST IN OUR NATION'S HISTORY, AND THAT'S THE 83 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,332 PART OF THE TESTIMONY YOU'RE TAKING ISSUE WITH? 84 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:43,402 ( AS CRIMINAL ) ACCUSED OF KILLING THAT DRIFTER 85 00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,139 LAST SEPTEMBER, BUT I CATEGORICALLY DENY I WAS WEARING 86 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,941 WHITE PANTS. IT WAS AFTER LABOR DAY. 87 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:53,679 I'M A MURDERER, NOT A MONSTER." ( APPLAUSE ) 88 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:59,352 YOU!" ( LAUGHTER ) 89 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:03,222 OTHER THINGS TO HABERMAN, INCLUDING THIS ANECDOTE ABOUT 90 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:06,959 RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT: "THE QUESTION I GET ASKED MORE 91 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:11,330 THAN ANY OTHER QUESTION: 'IF YOU HAD IT TO DO AGAIN, WOULD YOU 92 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:17,003 HAVE DONE IT?'" OKAY, THAT'S CLEARLY A LIE. 93 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:22,475 THE QUESTION HE GETS ASKED MORE THAN ANY OTHER IS "DO YOU WANT 94 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,978 FRIES WITH THAT?" THE ANSWER IS YES. 95 00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:33,152 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE CONDITIONED: 96 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,554 "THE ANSWER IS, YEAH, I THINK SO. 97 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,489 BECAUSE HERE'S THE WAY I LOOK AT IT-- I HAVE SO MANY RICH 98 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:37,957 FRIENDS, AND NOBODY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE." 99 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:42,428 YEP. THE REAL PRESIDENCY IS THE 100 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,564 RICH FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG THE WAY. 101 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,333 ALSO, I LOVE THAT SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK HIM THAT. 102 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:53,406 HE ASKED HIMSELF THAT, AND THEN ANSWERED HIMSELF. 103 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:54,807 "A LOT OF TIMES I'M ASKED WHAT'S THE MAIN QUESTION I GET ASKED. 104 00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:59,345 THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. WELL, I TEND TO ASK MYSELF THE 105 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:06,752 THING PEOPLE ARE ASKING THE MOST, WHICH IS WHAT QUESTION 106 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,689 ABOUT WHICH QUESTIONS I GET ASKED. 107 00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:10,823 ANY QUESTIONS?" AND-- AND-- 108 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:17,697 ( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU. 109 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:21,567 HABERMAN MET WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN MARCH OF 2021 IN 110 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:26,239 MAR-A-LAGO, WHICH AT THE TIME WAS SHUT DOWN DUE TO THE COVID 111 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:29,742 OUTBREAK. WHICH LEADS TO THIS STUNNING 112 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,978 CONCLUSION, COVID-- TURNS OUT, NOT GOOD. 113 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:37,617 MARCH OF 2021. A YEAR NHALF A MILLION AMERICANS 114 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:43,155 DEAD, BUT WHAT REALLY SOLD THIS DINGUS ON A PANDEMIC NOT BEING 115 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:49,729 GOOD WAS HE HAD TO SHUT DOWN HIS SPECIAL CLUBHOUSE WHERE 116 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:53,266 WELL-TO-ORTHODONTISTS CLAP FOR HIM WHEN HE EATING CHOCOLATE 117 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,201 CAKE. HERE'S ANOTHER SECTION OF THE 118 00:08:55,268 --> 00:09:06,045 BOOK-- "NOT GOOD." ( APPLAUSE ) 119 00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,848 ITALY HELD AN ELECTION, AND THE BIG WINNER WAS 120 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:11,350 ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT AND STAGE MOM WHO 121 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:14,854 NEEDS YOU TO DO THE DANCE LIKE WE PRACTICED-- GIORGIA MELONI. 122 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:18,591 MELONI'S VICTORY HAS A LOT OF FOKS WORRIED, BECAUSE SHE'S SET 123 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:23,329 TO BE ITALY'S MOST FAR-RIGHT PRIME MINISTER SINCE MUSSOLINI. 124 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,966 YIKERS. EXPLAINS WHY STANLEY TUCCI'S 125 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,635 CHANGING THE NAME OF HIS SHOW TO "MAYBE I'LL SEARCH FOR BELGIUM 126 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:30,970 FOR A WHILE." ( LAUGHTER ) 127 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:35,341 "I LIKE WAFFLES. THEY HAVE WAFFLES, RIGHT? 128 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,345 THAT'S IT. THEY HAVE WAFFLES. 129 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:46,319 BUT THE PART THAT HURTS THE MOST FOR ME PERSONALLY IS THAT 130 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:47,553 MELONI, WHO LEADS A PARTY THAT HAS BEEN OFTEN DESCRIBED AS 131 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:51,357 NEO-FASCIST, CLAIMS TO BE A BIG TOLKIEN FAN, WHO USED TO DRESS 132 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,727 UP AS A HOBBIT. NO! 133 00:09:54,794 --> 00:10:03,002 NO! OR AS THEY SAY IN ITALIAN, "NO! 134 00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:06,205 ( LAUGHTER ) RINGS"! 135 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,340 NO SELF-RESPECTING ADULT DRESSES LIKE A HOBBIT! 136 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:14,246 UNLESS THEY'RE ON THE COVER OF "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY"! 137 00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,614 NOW, I GET, I GET WHY AN ITALIAN POLITICIAN MIGHT LOVE TOLKIEN. 138 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:22,588 THE TRILOGY IS FULL OF ITALIAN CHARACTERS. 139 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:29,295 >> MAMA MIA! >> Stephen: AND YOU GOTTA LOVE 140 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:33,899 THE SOUNDTRACK BY HOWARD SHORE. ( TO TUNE OF "AMORE" ) 141 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:38,771 FLAMING UP IN THE SKY THAT'S A-SAURON! ♪ 142 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:48,114 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ WHEN YOU SEE A SHORT GUY, 143 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:53,019 THAT'S A-ELRON ♪ BUT MELONI TAKES HER FANDOM TO 144 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,353 THE EXTREME, SAYING, "I DON'T CONSIDER 'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' 145 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,188 FANTASY." ADDING THAT, TO HER, IT'S 146 00:10:56,255 --> 00:11:11,137 "A SACRED TEXT." I HAVE NEVER SAID THESE WORDS TO 147 00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,938 "A SACRED TEXT." I HAVE NEVER SAID THESE WORDS TO 148 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,007 ANYONE, BUT I THINK YOU'RE TAKING "THE LORD OF THE RINGS," 149 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:17,777 EVEN WORSE, THIS ISN'T JUST CONFINED TO MELONI. 150 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,179 APPARENTLY, IN ITALY, "THE LORD OF THE RINGS" HAS BEEN A CENTRAL 151 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,349 PILLAR OF THE HARD-RIGHT IDENTITY. 152 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,053 NO. NO, FASCISTS. 153 00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,488 "LORD OF THE RINGS" IS NOT SOME SACRED TEXT FOR THE FAR RIGHT. 154 00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:33,426 THAT'S TOTALLY MISUNDERSTANDING THE WORDS OF ULMO, LORD OF THE 155 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,394 WATERS, WHO CHOSE TUOR AS HIS INSTRUMENT TO TELL THE ELVEN 156 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,962 KING TURGON AFTER THE FOUNDING OF THE GREAT KINGDOM OF 157 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:40,599 GONDOLIN: "LOVE NOT TOO WELL THE WORK OF 158 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,935 THY HANDS AND THE DEVICES OF THY HEART." 159 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:47,339 HEY! HEY! 160 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:51,310 YOU GET BACK HERE! YOU GET BACK HERE! 161 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:58,684 ( APPLAUSE ) I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE HOBBIES! 162 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,987 ( LAUGHTER ) HOLD ON. 163 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,823 I'VE FELT A GREAT A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE, BECAUSE WE JUST 164 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:07,159 LEARNED THAT JAMES EARL JONES IS RETIRING FROM THE ROLE OF 165 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:11,330 DARTH VADER IN "STAR WARS." HE WILL NOW BE PLAYING BABY 166 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,965 YODA. ( LAUGHTER ) 167 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:17,369 BUT DON'T WORRY. THE VOICE OF DARTH VADER LIVES 168 00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,538 ON, BECAUSE JONES HAS REPORTEDLY SIGNED OVER THE RIGHTS TO HIS 169 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:25,311 ARCHIVAL VOICE WORK. AND NOW DISNEY HAS HIRED AN A.I. 170 00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:32,384 FIRM TO BUILD VADER'S VOICE FROM JONES' LIBRARY OF WORK. 171 00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:39,425 OKAY, THAT IS CREEPY. DUE TO ALL THIS TECHNOLOGY, 172 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:40,860 HOLLYWOOD WILL NOW BE ABLE TO USE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO 173 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,863 MAKE STARS ACT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. 174 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:48,501 LUCKILY, THIS ONLY APPLIES TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN RECORDED 175 00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,402 FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF OH, MY GOD. 176 00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,771 LISTEN, IF THEY TRY TO DO THIS TO ME, PLEASE KNOW THAT... 177 00:12:52,838 --> 00:13:00,012 >> I LOVE PARMOINT. THEY ARE AMERICA'S FAVORITE 178 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,213 MEDIA CONGLOMERATE AND HAVE MY PERMISSION TO DO WHATEVER THEY 179 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:06,152 WANT. >> Stephen: AND I MEAN THAT! 180 00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,487 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 181 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:11,790 MY GUESTS ARE SIGOURNEY WEAVER AND "FBI" STAR ZEEKO ZAKI. 182 00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,793 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE! 183 00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:51,230 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, KAYLEIGH 184 00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:59,405 McENANY AND THE LATE SHOW BAND! 185 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:05,878 ♪ IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR. >> Stephen: LOUIS, LOUIS, MY 186 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,346 FRIEND. >> Louis: HEY, STEPHEN. 187 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,748 >> Stephen: LOUIS, MY FRIEND WE HAVE A COUPLE OF DELIGHTFUL 188 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:15,921 GUESTS TONIGHT FROM THE CBS HIT NOW "FBI" ZEEKO ZAKI IS GOING TO 189 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:21,093 BE HERE. AND WE'VE HAD HER ON THE BEFORE, 190 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,330 A DELIGHTFUL GUEST, I'M AN ENORMOUS FAN FROM WAY BACK, 191 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:27,233 SIGOURNEY WEAVER IS GOING TO BE HERE. 192 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:33,005 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU SEE THAT, YOU SEE THAT 193 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,640 "AVATAR" MOVIE. >> Louis: I NEVER SAW IT. 194 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,576 >> Stephen: IT'S BACK IN THE THEATERS RIGHT NOW. 195 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:43,282 THEY RE-RELEASED IT, IN ANTICIPATION OF THE SEQUELS FOR 196 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,551 "AVATAR." SHE TURNS INTO A TREE AT THE 197 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,652 END. >> Louis: DOES SHE REALLY? 198 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,655 IS THAT A SPOILER? >> Stephen: IT'S NOT THAT MUCH 199 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:53,225 OF A SPOILER. IT'S BEEN OUT FOR 15 YEARS, OR 200 00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,261 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OUT MORE, 201 00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,896 LOUIS. SHE KIND OF TURNS INTO A TREE, 202 00:14:57,963 --> 00:15:00,065 BUT, EVIDENTLY, SHE'S IN THE NEW MOVIE, TOO. 203 00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:03,469 I DON'T UPON. WE'LL ASK HER ABOUT IT TONIGHT. 204 00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:16,849 WE CALL THAT AN EXCLUSIVE IN THE BUSINESS. 205 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:18,917 FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW,I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, RIGHT 206 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,352 OVER THERE, COMBING THE FISH MARKET OF THE DAY'S TOP STORIES, 207 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:24,023 SELECTING ONLY THE FINEST NEWS CLAMS AND MOST- TOPICAL HALIBUT, 208 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,824 THEN SIMMERING THEM IN A SEAFOOD STOCK WITH TOMATOES, FENNEL 209 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:27,026 FRONDS, AND SAFFRON TO CREATE THE JAMES BEARD AWARD- 210 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,227 WINNING BOUILLABAISSE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 211 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,628 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I CRASH MY STOLEN GOLF 212 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,730 CART INTO THE DAY ROOM OF THE SUNSET PINES RETIREMENT 213 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:35,134 COMMUNITY, THEN SCRAPE EVERYONE'S ENSURE, CREAMED CORN, 214 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,937 MASHED BANANA, AND ALL OF MRS. ABRAMOWITZ'S PILLS INTO 215 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,939 MR. BUFORD'S ORTHOTIC SHOE TO CREATE THE GERIATRIC PSYCHO 216 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:47,579 PORRIDGE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 217 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:51,016 MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 218 00:15:51,083 --> 00:16:01,460 WE DO IT BECAUSE OF LOVE. MEANWHILE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED 219 00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,929 YESTERDAY THAT RIHANNA WILL PERFORM AT THE NEXT SUPER BOWL 220 00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,532 HALFTIME. ( CHEERING ) 221 00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:13,339 I GET YOU. I FEEL ON THAT ONE. 222 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,040 IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS SINCE HER LAST ALBUM, BUT FANS WILL HAVE 223 00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,576 TO WAIT FOR MORE MUSIC UNTIL AFTER SHE'S DONE WITH HER DUTIES 224 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:23,582 AT THE SUPER BOWL, HER MAKEUP BRAND "FENTY," HER LINGERIE 225 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:27,920 VENTURE "SAVAGE X FENTY," "FENTY SKINCARE," AND HER 226 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:33,325 CANNABIS LINE, "MARI-RIHANNA." ( LAUGHTER ) 227 00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:39,631 ( LAUGHTER ) WAS? 228 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:47,539 WRITE IT ON A CARD, SEND IT TO JIMMIE FALLON AT 30 ROCKEFELLER 229 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,475 CENTER. HE'LL GET IT TO ME. 230 00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,578 WE'RE FRIENDS. ( APPLAUSE ) 231 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:55,948 DAIRY AISLE. DUE TO SUPPLY ISSUES AND RISING 232 00:16:56,014 --> 00:17:03,922 COSTS, THE COUNTRY IS EXPERIENCING A BUTTER SHORTAGE. 233 00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:06,792 YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY AMERICA'S BUTTER! 234 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,160 IT'S THE PERFECT FOOD! IT'S GOOD IN A COOKIE, IT'S GOOD 235 00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:15,934 IN A CAKE, IT'S GREAT BY ITSELF! GET A STICK OF BUTTER, SLAP A 236 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,870 LITTLE BUTTER ON IT, A CUP OF DIPPING BUTTER ON THE SIDE. 237 00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,938 IT'S KETO! IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD THAT THE 238 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:23,409 AMOUNT OF BUTTER IN THE COLD- STORAGE FACILITIES IS AT ITS 239 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:27,513 LOWEST SINCE 2017. WELL, OF COURSE, WE ALL REMEMBER 240 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:28,914 HOW HOT BUTTER WAS IN 2017, WHEN "MOONLIGHT" WAS BEATEN FOR 241 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,950 BEST PICTURE BY "LA LA LAND O' LAKES." 242 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:38,190 ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW. 243 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:41,693 IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. MEANWHILE, DRAMA AT THE 244 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:47,566 MARTINSVILLE SPEEDWAY THIS WEEKEND, WHERE RACE CAR MAN 245 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:51,937 ANDREW GRADY GOT MAD AT ANOTHER RACE CAR MAN AND WENT BALLISTIC 246 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,939 ON HIM RIGHT THERE ON THE TRACK UNTIL HE WAS REMOVED VIA 247 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:58,143 HUMAN BABY BJORN. GUY CUT HIM OFF IN TRAFFIC, IS 248 00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:01,547 WHAT HAPPENED, CUT HIM OFF. TRIED TO TAKE A LEFT TURN FROM 249 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:05,284 THE RIGHT LANE ON MAPLE STREET BEE THE ARBEASE. 250 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,753 CAN'T DO THAT. THEY HAVE THAT SIGN THERE, "NO 251 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:22,701 LEFT TURN." ( APPLAUSE ) 252 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:23,535 LEFT TURN." ( APPLAUSE ) 253 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:27,539 NEWS. WHICH IS GOOD, BECAUSE BABIES 254 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,174 ARE SO FAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 255 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:34,446 TASTE OF KALE MAKES UNBORN BABIES GRIMACE. 256 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:42,221 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW WHO ELSE 257 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:49,828 GRIMACES WHEN THEY EAT KALE? BORN BABIES. 258 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:52,998 ACCORDING TO REPORTS, WHILE TESTING THE EFFECTS OF MOTHERS' 259 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,601 DIETS ON THEIR CHILDREN, "RESEARCHERS HAVE OBSERVED 260 00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:59,304 FETUSES MAKING A CRYING EXPRESSION WHEN EXPOSED TO THE 261 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:03,775 GREENS IN THE WOMB. WHO IS FUNDING THAT RESEARCH? 262 00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,143 ( AS TWO SCIENTISTS ) GRANT MONEY? 263 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:05,844 CANCER? NO. 264 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,546 DIABETES? NO. 265 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:11,149 OOH! WHAT ABOUT MAKING FETUSES CRY BY 266 00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:15,521 SERVING THEM SALAD?" ( LAUGHTER ) 267 00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:27,533 MEANWHILE, META C.E.O. MARK ZUCKERBERG HAS TAKEN UP M.M.A., 268 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,167 OR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS, TRAINING. AND BECAUSE THERE IS A GOD, WE 269 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:38,176 HAVE VIDEO. HERE IS ZUCK BRINGIN' THE PAIN: 270 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:46,685 >> NICE! NICE! 271 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:47,519 NICE! AGAIN. 272 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:52,491 GO! >> Stephen: I SWEAR TO GOD, I 273 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,561 THINK THEY WERE MAKING THEIR OWN FIGHT NOISES. 274 00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:59,164 OH, NO! OH, NO, HE'S ATTACKING HIM ON A 275 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:03,535 HORSE! NOW, NOW THEY'RE FIGHTING IN THE 276 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:07,539 RAIN! NOW THEY'RE FIGHTING IN THE 277 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,141 RAIN! OH, NO. 278 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:15,380 ONE OF THEM FELL INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT. 279 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:19,318 ( SLIDE WHISTLE ) ( SLIDE WHISTLE ) 280 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:34,266 ( SLIDE WHISTLE ) ( LAUGHTER ) 281 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:35,567 ( SLIDE WHISTLE ) ( LAUGHTER ) 282 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:39,538 TO CLOSE WHEN IT GOT COVERED IN COORS LIGHT BEER AFTER A SEMI 283 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,542 CRASH. WHAT A SHAME TO WASTE SO MUCH 284 00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:51,450 DELICIOUS HIGHWAY. MEANWHILE, IN RAPPER PENIS 285 00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:55,587 NEWS, CURTIS JACKSON-- A.K.A. 50 CENT-- IS SUING A MIAMI SPA 286 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,157 FOR ALLEGEDLY SUGGESTING HE HAD PENIS SURGERY. 287 00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:01,994 ACCORDING TO HIS LAWYERS, "JACKSON NEVER HAD SUCH A 288 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,563 SEXUAL-ENHANCEMENT PROCEDURE." FOR HIS PART, CURTIS HAS 289 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:08,700 RELEASED A NEW SONG COMPLETELY REPUDIATING THE OUTRAGEOUS 290 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,535 CLAIM. JIM? 291 00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:29,855 >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SIGOURNEY WEAVER. 292 00:21:29,921 --> 00:21:31,256 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 293 00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:50,142 HEY WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY! 294 00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:54,112 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT AS THE 295 00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:55,981 THREE-TIME ACADEMY-AWARD NOMINEE WHO HAS STARRED IN "ALIEN," 296 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:57,783 "GHOSTBUSTERS," AND "AVATAR." SHE NOW STARS IN "THE GOOD 297 00:21:57,849 --> 00:22:11,963 HOUSE. S">> UM, FRANK. 298 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:15,233 YOU WANT TO COME OVER FOR DINNER, HELP ME EAT THESE? 299 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,936 >> DINNER? >> YEAH. 300 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,872 IT'S THIS MEAL PEOPLE EAT AT THE END OF THE DAY. 301 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:26,745 IT'S PRETTY POPULAR. >> SURE. 302 00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:33,218 >> YEAH? >> YEAH. 303 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:37,489 DINNER. >> Stephen PLEASE WELCOME BACK 304 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:41,793 TO "THE LATE SHOW," SIGOURNEY WEAVER! 305 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:56,742 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 306 00:22:56,808 --> 00:22:59,778 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 307 00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:06,752 LOOK AT THAT! SIGOURNEY WEAVER. 308 00:23:06,818 --> 00:23:08,854 HOW DELIGHTFUL. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 309 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,023 >> IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. >> Stephen: IT WHAT-- IT HAS 310 00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:14,426 BEEN-- IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG. >> STUPID COVID. 311 00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:17,496 >> Stephen: COVID GOT IN THE MIDDLE. 312 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:19,264 COVID GOT IN THE WAY. IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 313 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:22,901 I WAS JUST TELLING LOUIS AT THE TOP OF THE LAST ACT. 314 00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:24,903 SHE'S NEVER SEEN THE "AVATAR." >> WHAT? 315 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:28,673 THE ONE PERSON WHO HAS NOT SEEN IT IS HERE TONIGHT? 316 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:30,675 >> Stephen: YES. HE DIDN'T KNOW YOU TURN INTO A 317 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,979 TREE AT THE END, OR YOU KIND OF GET ABSORBED BY A TREE. 318 00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,947 >> IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I WAS NEVER SURE. 319 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:41,453 >> Stephen: THE THING IT KIND OF COILS YOU-- 320 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,989 >> A KIND OF PSYCHEDELIC THING. >> Stephen: YOU BECOME ONE 321 00:23:44,055 --> 00:23:48,160 WITH THE TREE. YOU KNOW HOW THEY HAVE PONYTAIL 322 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:51,830 SEX WITH EACH OTHER. I THINK YOU HAVE PONYTAIL SEX 323 00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:53,765 WITH A TREE. >> I DON'T REMEMBER THAT. 324 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:56,768 >> Stephen: I'M JUST TRYING TO SELL SOME TICKETS, BABY. 325 00:23:56,835 --> 00:23:59,571 >> KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING. >> Stephen: HERE'S THE THING, 326 00:23:59,638 --> 00:24:01,106 YOU'RE IN THE NEW ONE, I FOUND OUT. 327 00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:02,974 >> I AM. >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE NOT A 328 00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:05,143 TREE. >> NO. 329 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,345 NO. I-- I'M A 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL. 330 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:09,381 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL? 331 00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:11,049 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU PLAY A 332 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:11,783 TEENAGER? >> YEAH. 333 00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,385 >> Stephen: THIS THIS? >> I DO. 334 00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,587 >> Stephen: YOU ARE A GOOD ACTRESS. 335 00:24:15,654 --> 00:24:20,926 ( LAUGHTER ) >> JIM CAMERON SAYS I'M VERY 336 00:24:20,992 --> 00:24:22,127 IMMATURE AND THIS SHOULD BE RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. 337 00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:25,030 >> Stephen: DID YOU DRAW ON YOUR OWN 14-NESS TO PLAY THIS 338 00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:27,265 PART? >> I'M AFRAID I HAD TO, YES, 339 00:24:27,332 --> 00:24:28,333 YES. >> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU LIKE 340 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,070 AS A TEENAGER? >> OH, OH... 341 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,039 >> Stephen: NO. >> I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK. 342 00:24:34,105 --> 00:24:36,708 I WAS THIS TALL WHEN I WAS 11. >> Stephen: OH, WOW. 343 00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:39,911 >> SO I WAS LIKE THIS GIANT SPIRED. 344 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:46,051 I MEAN, I WAS JUST LIKE... I BUMPED INTO EVERYTHING AND 345 00:24:46,117 --> 00:24:47,385 EVERYONE. IF ANYONE WAS GETTING IN TROUBLE 346 00:24:47,452 --> 00:24:50,021 IN CLASS, IT WOULD BE ME, BECAUSE THAT'S WHO THE TEACHER 347 00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:53,058 WOULD SEE, I WAS SO BIG. >> Stephen: RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU 348 00:24:53,124 --> 00:24:54,392 COULDN'T HIDE WHEN THERE WAS TROUBLE. 349 00:24:54,459 --> 00:24:58,230 >> I COULDN'T HIDE UNDER MY DESK. 350 00:24:58,296 --> 00:25:02,167 >> Stephen: WOW. >> I REMEMBER IT AS AN RATHER 351 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:05,470 EXCRUCIATING TIME, BUT I DID START TO CLOWN AROUND SO I COULD 352 00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:07,806 MAKE FUN OF MYSELF BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DID. 353 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:10,475 >> Stephen: THAT WORKS OUT. AND THAT TURNS YOU INTO A 354 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:11,910 PERFORMER-- OR WERE YOU ALREADY A PERFORMER? 355 00:25:11,977 --> 00:25:13,645 >> I DON'T THINK I WAS A PERFORMER. 356 00:25:13,712 --> 00:25:15,814 I WAS VERY SHY. LIKE A LOT OF PERFORMERS ARE. 357 00:25:15,881 --> 00:25:18,383 >> Stephen: BACK TO "AVATAR," WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 358 00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:20,685 IS THIS YOU IN THAT-- EVERYBODY SEE THAT? 359 00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:24,589 IS THAT YOU IN THAT-- >> IN THAT CONCONTRAPTION. 360 00:25:24,656 --> 00:25:30,128 THAT IS MY 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL, KIRI, WHO HAS JUST RICHED A RIDE 361 00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:33,999 ON AN ELU, WHICH IS BEING -- >> Stephen: IS THAT A WATER 362 00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:38,003 DRAGOP OR SOMETHING. >> ... BY CHRIS OUR FANTASTIC 363 00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:40,605 DIVER WHO IS HOLDING SOME SORT OF MACHINE. 364 00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:48,179 AND TOGETHER, THEY FORM AN ELU, WHICH IS A CREATURE IN "AVATAR 365 00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:50,916 2" THAT BECOMES MY FRIEND. >> Stephen: OKAY, QUICK 366 00:25:50,982 --> 00:25:52,784 QUESTION: WHY-- ARE YOU ACTUALLY UNDER WATER? 367 00:25:52,851 --> 00:25:56,221 >> YES, THAT'S ME. >> Stephen: AND WHY DID HE DO 368 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:57,722 THIS TO YOU? BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE COMPUTERS 369 00:25:57,789 --> 00:26:01,426 THAT CAN DO ALL THIS STUFF, AND YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO 370 00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:03,194 THIS. >> I'M NOT SURE HE KNOWS THAT. 371 00:26:03,261 --> 00:26:08,433 ( LAUGHTER ) NOT WEARING A TANK OR ANYTHING? 372 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:12,170 >> NO, NO. HE ACTUALLY HAD A GREAT GUY, 373 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,205 KIRK CRACK, WHO -- >> Stephen: KIRK CRACK? 374 00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:21,613 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT POOR-- TALKING ABOUT A 375 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,148 ROUGH TEENAGE YEARS. ( LAUGHTER ). 376 00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:27,152 TEACHES -- >> Stephen: THAT DOESN'T-- 377 00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:29,587 THAT DOESN'T HELP. THAT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL. 378 00:26:29,654 --> 00:26:33,925 >> HE TEACHES THE NAVY SEALs. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE NAVY 379 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:36,995 SEALs DID WHEN WE WERE DOING THIS, BECAUSE IT TOOK 18 MONTHS 380 00:26:37,062 --> 00:26:38,763 TO TRAIN US. BUT -- 381 00:26:38,830 --> 00:26:40,398 >> Stephen: WHAT DID HE TRAIN YOU TO DO? 382 00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:42,867 >> FREE DIVE. >> Stephen: SO, WAIT A SECOND, 383 00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:46,037 JAMES CAMERON HAS YOU UNDER WATER AND ISN'T GIVING YOU AIR. 384 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:50,208 HE'S LIKE, "WE'LL GET YOU SOME NAVY SEAL TRAINING." 385 00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:52,110 >> YES. AND WE DID TRAIN. 386 00:26:52,177 --> 00:26:56,214 WE TRAINED, AND I WAS ABLE ULTIMATELY TO HOLD MY BREATH FOR 387 00:26:56,281 --> 00:27:01,052 SIX AND A HALF MINUTES. ( APPLAUSE ) 388 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:06,558 >> WELL, BUT, I WASN'T MOVING WHEN I DID THAT. 389 00:27:06,624 --> 00:27:08,226 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE 390 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:12,397 BETWEEN HOLDING YOUR BROTHER AND MOVING, AND HOLDING YOUR BREATH 391 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,200 AND LYING IN WHAT THEY CALL A STATIC BREATH HOLD. 392 00:27:15,266 --> 00:27:17,836 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> SO I WAS DOING A STATIC 393 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:22,073 BREATH HOLD TO GET RID OF MY MAMAILIAN INSTINCT, WHICH IS THE 394 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:25,010 INSTINCT WE ALL HAVE,s WHICH IS GET YOUR FACE OUT OF THE 395 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:28,646 WATER AND GET ON DRY LAND. >> Stephen: IT'S CALLED A 396 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:29,914 SURVIVAL INSTINCT. >> YES. 397 00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:33,918 WE HAD TO GET RID OF THAT. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 398 00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:35,754 QUICK BREAK. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT 399 00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:37,589 BACK WITH MORE SIGOURNEY WEAVER, EVERYBODY. 400 00:27:44,863 --> 00:27:46,097 >> Stephen: OH, HEY, EVERYBODY. 401 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:51,202 LOOK WHO IT IS. THE STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE "THE 402 00:27:51,269 --> 00:27:55,407 GOOD HOUSE," SIGOURNEY WEAVER. THE NEW MOVIE IS OUT THIS 403 00:27:55,473 --> 00:28:00,645 FRIDAY, "THE GOOD HOUSE." YOU PLAY HILDY GOOD. 404 00:28:00,712 --> 00:28:03,715 WHO IS HILDY? >> HILDY GOOD IS A DESCENDANT OF 405 00:28:03,782 --> 00:28:06,151 SARAH GOOD, WHO WAS ONE OF THE SALEM WITCHES. 406 00:28:06,217 --> 00:28:11,456 BUT THIS STORY IS ABOUT-- IT WAS THE CHANCE FOR ME TO TELL A 407 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,826 STORY OF AN OLDER WOMAN FROM HER POINT OF VIEW, WHO IS VERY 408 00:28:14,893 --> 00:28:19,831 FUNNY, WHO WE MEET AT A VERY DELICATE TIME IN HER LIFE WHEN 409 00:28:19,898 --> 00:28:25,403 HER HUSBAND HAS LEFT HER, KIDS HAVE SENT HER TO REHAB, SHE'S 410 00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:30,041 LOSING HER BUSINESS, AND SHE'S FEELING VERY PISSED OFF. 411 00:28:30,108 --> 00:28:35,613 SO SHE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA, AND SHE TELLS YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S 412 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,781 THINKING. >> Stephen: IN THE MIDDLE OF 413 00:28:36,848 --> 00:28:38,416 SCENE, SHE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL. 414 00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:40,385 >> YES. AND IT FELT VERY NATURAL, 415 00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:44,189 BECAUSE HILDY-- LIKE WE ALL DO-- HAS A PUBLIC FACE, KEEPING IT 416 00:28:44,255 --> 00:28:47,258 ALL TOGETHER, SUCCESSFUL, TAKING CARE OF THER FAMILY. 417 00:28:47,325 --> 00:28:51,796 AND EVERY NOW AND THEN SHE JUST LETS HER HAIR DOWN, AND SHE 418 00:28:51,863 --> 00:28:55,433 SAYS, "CAN YOU BELIEVE THE ( BLEEP )-- I'M SO SORRY. 419 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,969 "CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY LIFE?" 420 00:28:58,036 --> 00:29:00,505 SHE'S GREAT COMPANY. IT'S SORT OF LIKE BEING IN A BAR 421 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:02,373 WITH SOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKE, YOU KNOW. 422 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,943 >> Stephen: IT WAS FILMED IN NOVA SCOTIA. 423 00:29:05,009 --> 00:29:07,445 WAS THERE ANY WATER WORK IN THIS ONE? 424 00:29:07,512 --> 00:29:09,681 >> ACTUALLY, THERE WAS, NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT. 425 00:29:09,747 --> 00:29:12,917 >> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR SIX AND A 426 00:29:12,984 --> 00:29:15,086 HALF MINUTES. >> IT WAS QUITE WORSE THAN THAT. 427 00:29:15,153 --> 00:29:18,389 THEY HAD JUST HAD A WEEK WHERE THEY WERE TAGGING THESE GREAT 428 00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:23,628 CHINATOWN SHARKS THAT WERE RIGHT OFF SHORE, LIKE 50 FEET OFF 429 00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:25,430 SHORE. THEY TAGGED ABOUT 12 OF THEM. 430 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:29,033 THAT HAPPENED TO BE THE WEEK THEY GOT TO GO IN THE WATER AT 431 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:33,471 ABOUT 5:00 IN THE MORNING. THEY'D RUN OUT OF WATER-- THE 432 00:29:33,538 --> 00:29:35,773 TIDE HAD GONE DOWN -- >> Stephen: THAT'S SHARK 433 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,308 FEEDING TIME. >> EXACTLY. 434 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:40,178 SO THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ME OUT IN A BOAT AND HAVE 435 00:29:40,245 --> 00:29:45,416 ME DO THE SWIMMING SCENE. I'M A LITTLE DRUNK. 436 00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:48,553 I WHIP MY BRA OFF AND SWING IT AROUND. 437 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:51,389 AND, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST ENJOYING MYSELF IN THE WATER. 438 00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:54,025 >> Stephen: SURE, YEAH. >> AND, ANYWAY, LUCKILY, THEY 439 00:29:54,092 --> 00:29:58,096 FOUND A KIND OF POOL WITH SOME VERY LARGE LOBSTERS IN IT. 440 00:29:58,163 --> 00:30:03,234 THEY REMOVED THE LOBSTERS, SO I WAS ABLE TO DIVE AND DO THE THE 441 00:30:03,301 --> 00:30:04,736 SCENE -- >> Stephen: OR ELSE THE 442 00:30:04,802 --> 00:30:05,770 LOBSTERS WOULD HAVE DRAGGED YOU DOWN. 443 00:30:05,837 --> 00:30:08,106 >> THE LOBSTERS WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY GOTTEN ME. 444 00:30:08,173 --> 00:30:09,641 >> Stephen: DIPPED YOU IN DRAWN BETTER. 445 00:30:09,707 --> 00:30:13,211 ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER ) 446 00:30:13,278 --> 00:30:21,452 SAW IN THAT DRIVING THE TRUCK, HE'S-- LOVE INTEREST, IS THAT 447 00:30:21,519 --> 00:30:23,288 FAIR? WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS DONE 448 00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:25,223 TOGETHER? >> WE DID "DAVE." 449 00:30:25,290 --> 00:30:29,527 >> Stephen: SURE. >> "ICE STORM." 450 00:30:29,594 --> 00:30:33,464 "ICE STORM" WE'RE NOT REALLY FRENGDZ, ALTHOUGH WE'RE SLEEPING 451 00:30:33,531 --> 00:30:35,600 TOGETHER. AND THIS ONE IS SORT OF OUR MOST 452 00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:39,170 SATISFYING LOVE STORY, I THINK. >> Stephen: WHY IS THIS MORE-- 453 00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:42,707 OBVIOUSLY, "ICE STORM" IS NOT THE MOST SATISFYING LOVE STORY. 454 00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:45,777 >> HE PLAYS THE MOST WONDERFUL GARBAGE MAN. 455 00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:47,912 >> Stephen: WHO IS YOUR, LIKE, HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH. 456 00:30:47,979 --> 00:30:50,782 >> HE IS MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART, AND I FINALLY HAVE 457 00:30:50,848 --> 00:30:59,290 COME TO MY SENSES AND I REALIZE THAT, YOU KNOW, FRANK IS PRETTY 458 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:00,592 SPECIAL. ANYWAY, IT'S A WONDERFUL LOVE 459 00:31:00,658 --> 00:31:01,793 STORY. ALSO A COMEDY. 460 00:31:01,859 --> 00:31:05,496 ALSO A STORY ABOUT A WOMAN WHO COMES HOME AT THE END OF A DAY 461 00:31:05,563 --> 00:31:13,538 AND KICKS BACK AND OPENS A BOTTLE OF FORBIDDEN PINO NOIR 462 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:17,942 THAT SHE'S NOT SPOKED TO DRINK AND GETS LOADED AND TALKS TO HER 463 00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:20,945 DOGS AND THE AUDIENCE. IT'S A WONDERFUL PART FOR ME. 464 00:31:21,012 --> 00:31:25,083 I'M VERY, VERY LUCKY. >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF, YOU 465 00:31:25,149 --> 00:31:29,120 KNOW, YOUTHFUL CRUSHES, SATURDAY IS YOUR 38th ANNIVERSARY-- 466 00:31:29,187 --> 00:31:32,190 >> OH, THAT'S TRUE. >> Stephen: WITH YOUR HUSBAND, 467 00:31:32,257 --> 00:31:35,760 JIM. HERE YOU ARE A FEW YEARS BACK. 468 00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:40,098 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU ONCE SAID THIS ABOUT 469 00:31:40,164 --> 00:31:43,167 MARRIAGE, IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. "IT IS LIKE AN ENERGY, A 470 00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:46,838 WONDERFUL FIRE THAT NEVER GOES OUT UNDERNEATH YOU TO HELP YOU 471 00:31:46,904 --> 00:31:50,742 GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND DO YOUR DAMNEST." 472 00:31:50,808 --> 00:31:53,411 HOW DOES THAT-- YOU DID SAY SOMETHING WELL, DIDN'T YOU? 473 00:31:53,478 --> 00:31:56,180 >> I GUESS SO, YEAH. >> Stephen: IT'S VERY 474 00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:57,415 BEAUTIFUL, AND VERY TRUE, YOU KNOW. 475 00:31:57,482 --> 00:32:00,918 A GOOD-- A GOOD MARRIAGE LETS YOU HAVE COURAGE OUT THERE IN 476 00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:03,488 THE WORLD. >> WELL, I THINK THAT'S VERY 477 00:32:03,554 --> 00:32:04,989 TRUE, YEAH. >> Stephen: HOW DID IT START? 478 00:32:05,056 --> 00:32:09,027 HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET? >> IT DIDN'T START WELL. 479 00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:12,530 I ACTUALLY WAS-- I WAS AT THE WILLIAMSTOWN THEATER FESTIVAL, 480 00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:16,167 AND I WAS-- I WENT TO THIS PLACE CALLED THE ZOO, WHICH IS THE 481 00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:19,370 BAR, AND I WAS THERE WITH CHRIS FER WALKEN. 482 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,407 WE WERE COLLEAGUES. I WANTED TO TAKE MY SHOES OFF. 483 00:32:22,473 --> 00:32:26,377 THERE WAS A VERY CUTE BARTENDER, AND HE SAID, "DON'T TAKE YOUR 484 00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:29,847 SHOES OFF." I SAID, "WHY NOT?" 485 00:32:29,914 --> 00:32:33,484 HE SAID, "BECAUSE THE FLOOR IS DIRT AND YOU SHOULDN'T-- THERE 486 00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:37,255 ARE THINGS IN THERE." SO I GAVE HIM MY SHOES TO PUT 487 00:32:37,322 --> 00:32:40,124 BEHIND THE BAR, AND AT THE END OF THE NIGHT I COULDN'T-- I HAD 488 00:32:40,191 --> 00:32:45,363 TO ASK HIM TO GIVE ME MY SHOES BACK, WHICH HE HAD PUT UP ON A 489 00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:48,599 POLE SOMEWHERE. ANYWAY, I THEN REPUBLICAN 490 00:32:48,666 --> 00:32:51,202 INVITED HIM TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY OF MINE, AND HE CAME. 491 00:32:51,269 --> 00:32:54,906 AND I ASKED HIM OUT TO DINNER. HE WAS A FEW YEARS YOUNGER THAN 492 00:32:54,972 --> 00:32:58,376 I WAS, SO I HAD TO PLAY THE AGGRESSIVE PERSON. 493 00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:04,515 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 494 00:33:04,582 --> 00:33:06,384 I'M GLAD I -- >> Stephen: IT WORKED OUT. 495 00:33:06,451 --> 00:33:08,786 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: SIGOURNEY, IT'S 496 00:33:08,853 --> 00:33:10,421 LOVELY TO SEE YOU. >> THANK YOU. 497 00:33:10,488 --> 00:33:13,057 >> Stephen: "THE GOOD HOUSE" IS IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY. 498 00:33:13,124 --> 00:33:15,993 SIGOURNEY WEAVER, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF 499 00:33:16,060 --> 00:33:18,429 "FBI," ZEEKO ZAKI. 500 00:33:28,106 --> 00:33:36,381 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! 501 00:33:36,447 --> 00:33:42,253 MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR WHO STARS IN THE HIT CBS SHOW "FBI." 502 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,723 >> TWO DAYS AGO YOU SAID IT WAS 15. 503 00:33:45,790 --> 00:33:48,726 THINGS HAVE CHANGED. WHAT THINGS, CURT? 504 00:33:48,793 --> 00:33:50,261 DEMAND IS STRONG. SUPPLY IS WEAK. 505 00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:53,798 IT'S ECONOMICS 101, MY BROTHER. >> 100% BUMP IN TWO DAYS. 506 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,700 THAT IS NOT ECONOMICS. THAT IS ROBBERY. 507 00:33:55,767 --> 00:34:00,872 >> THIS INFLATION THING IS REAL. SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES, LABOR 508 00:34:00,938 --> 00:34:04,742 SHORTAGES, PRICES ARE SKYROCKETING. 509 00:34:04,809 --> 00:34:08,312 >> A BOMB BROKER AND ECONOMIST. >> WORTH EVERY PENNY. 510 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:15,386 >> TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF. >> SNAPPED THAT EARLIER TODAY. 511 00:34:15,453 --> 00:34:18,623 25 BLOCKS OF C4, TWO TRIGGER MECHANISMS. 512 00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:21,592 LISTEN, I COULD GO ON AND ON. BUT THE ONLY THING THAT REALLY 513 00:34:21,659 --> 00:34:24,896 MATTERS THIS DAMN THING CAN BLOW UP AN ENTIRE CITY BLOCK. 514 00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:27,932 >> IS HE BLUFFING? >> I SURE HOPE SO. 515 00:34:27,999 --> 00:34:33,237 >> 25 AND WE'VE GOT A DEAL. >> 20'S THE HIGHEST I'M WILLING 516 00:34:33,304 --> 00:34:35,106 TO GO. AND I HAVE IT ALL RIGHT HERE 517 00:34:35,173 --> 00:34:43,648 WITH ME, TOO. >> COOL. 518 00:34:43,714 --> 00:34:50,054 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," ZEEKO ZAKI. 519 00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:56,060 ♪ IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR 520 00:34:56,127 --> 00:35:05,470 ♪ IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR ( APPLAUSE ) 521 00:35:05,536 --> 00:35:09,340 LOVELY TO MEET YOU. WELCOME. 522 00:35:09,407 --> 00:35:11,509 THIS IS YOUR FIRST LATE-NIGHT APPEARANCE ON THIS SHOW. 523 00:35:11,576 --> 00:35:13,277 >> THIS IS. >> Stephen: I JUST HAD 524 00:35:13,344 --> 00:35:15,379 SIGOURNEY WEAVER OUT HERE. >> YES. 525 00:35:15,446 --> 00:35:18,182 >> Stephen: AND I FOUND OUT SOMETHING UNUSUAL WHICH IS YOU 526 00:35:18,249 --> 00:35:19,717 HAVE MET HER BEFORE? >> I HAVE. 527 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:21,452 >> Stephen: BUT NOT PROFESSIONALLY. 528 00:35:21,519 --> 00:35:22,687 >> CORRECT. >> Stephen: HOW SO? 529 00:35:22,753 --> 00:35:27,725 >> SO I GOT SIGNED ABOUT 10, 11 YEARS AGO, AND ONE MONTH AFTER 530 00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:32,930 THAT WAS NEW YEAR'S. I WENT HOME TO WILMINGTON, 531 00:35:32,997 --> 00:35:38,769 DELAWARE, AN AREA MY BUDDY HAS A FARM THERE WHERE THEY SHOT "THE 532 00:35:38,836 --> 00:35:40,104 VILLAGE." SIGOURNEY SUPPOSEDLY BECAME 533 00:35:40,171 --> 00:35:41,372 FRIENDS WITH THE OWNER OF THAT FARM. 534 00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:42,940 I MET HER AT THAT NEW YEAR'S AND TOLD HER I GOT SIGNED A MONTH 535 00:35:43,007 --> 00:35:45,576 AGO AND I ASKED HER FOR ANY ADVICE. 536 00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:48,479 SHE SAID, "IF YOU WANT TO MAKE MONEY, GO TO L.A. 537 00:35:48,546 --> 00:35:51,649 IF YOU WANT TO ACT, COME TO NEW YORK." 538 00:35:51,716 --> 00:35:52,917 >> Stephen: SO WHERE DID YOU GO? 539 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:57,388 >> I WENT TO L.A. FOR A LITTLE BIT, AND HERE WE ARE. 540 00:35:57,455 --> 00:36:02,093 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU PLAY SPECIAL 541 00:36:02,159 --> 00:36:07,598 AGENT O.A. ON THE "FBI." I LEARNED THAT DICK WOLF 542 00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:10,701 ORIGINALLY WROTE THE PART AS A LATINO CHARACTER, BUT WHEN YOU-- 543 00:36:10,768 --> 00:36:14,372 YOU WENT IN AND AUDITIONED, THEY DECIDED TO CHANGE THE CHARACTER. 544 00:36:14,438 --> 00:36:16,007 >> THEY DID. >> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU 545 00:36:16,073 --> 00:36:18,209 DISCOVER THAT, WAS IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AUDITION? 546 00:36:18,276 --> 00:36:20,311 WEN DID YOU FIND OUT? >> NO, IT WASN'T. 547 00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:24,749 SO IT ACTUALLY WAS WHEN THEY SENT ME NEW WORDS, NEW LINES, A 548 00:36:24,815 --> 00:36:28,519 NEW SCRIPT FOR THE SCREEN TEST, WHICH IS THE LEVEL AFTER A 549 00:36:28,586 --> 00:36:33,824 PRODUCER SESSION WHEN I AUDITIONED IN FRONT OF DICK 550 00:36:33,891 --> 00:36:36,360 WOLF. THERE WAS ARABIC IN THE NEW 551 00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:40,298 SIDES, AND I THOUGHT FOR MYSELF, ARE THEY GOING A WHOLE DIFFERENT 552 00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:43,901 DIRECTION? ARE THERE GOING TO BE A BUNCH OF 553 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:47,905 ARAB ACTORS IN THE ROOM. AND WE GOT TO BE ON THE SET OF 554 00:36:47,972 --> 00:36:49,073 "S.V.U.," WHICH WAS REALLY EXCITING. 555 00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:50,975 I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE AND THAT WAS THE MOMENT. 556 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:53,110 AND IT WAS KIND OF MY CHANCE NOT TO MESS UP. 557 00:36:53,177 --> 00:36:54,979 AND HERE WE ARE. >> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE A 558 00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:56,714 FAIRLY FIT YOUNG MAN. >> IT'S BEEN A JOURNEY. 559 00:36:56,781 --> 00:37:00,051 >> Stephen: DID YOU DO THIS? DID YOU GET FIT TO PLAY THE PART 560 00:37:00,117 --> 00:37:03,521 OR DID YOU COME PRE-RIPPED? ( LAUGHTER ). 561 00:37:03,588 --> 00:37:09,026 WHEN I GOT THE PART. >> Stephen: UH-HUH. 562 00:37:09,093 --> 00:37:13,364 THEY WOULDN'T HAVE CALLED YOU IN IF YOU HADN'T BEEN A FEW STEPS 563 00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:15,499 TOWARDS RIP-COME OM. >> I HAD POTENTIAL. 564 00:37:15,566 --> 00:37:18,903 >> Stephen: GOOD BONES. >> I DIDN'T WANT THE CAKE TO BE 565 00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:20,771 FULLY BAKED. I WANTED TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE, 566 00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:24,408 YOU KNOW, COULD HELP ME OUT. >> Stephen: WAS THERE-- SO, 567 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:27,478 WHAT'S YOUR SITUATION? WHAT DO YOU DO? 568 00:37:27,545 --> 00:37:31,582 ARE WE DOING PALEO? WHAT ARE WE DOING? 569 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:37,622 >> WE START OFFSIDE WITH P90"X." IT'S UNDER THE ORIGINAL. 570 00:37:37,688 --> 00:37:40,224 >> Stephen: IT'S MUSCLE CONFUSION. 571 00:37:40,291 --> 00:37:41,726 >> IT IS, ABSOLUTELY. WITH TONY HORTON. 572 00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:44,195 >> Stephen: I START OFF WITH THE CONFUSION AND NEVER GET TO 573 00:37:44,261 --> 00:37:45,830 THE MUSCLE. >> I'M STILL CONFUSED. 574 00:37:45,896 --> 00:37:49,433 >> Stephen: YEAH, OKAY. >> SO I LOST 120 POUNDS. 575 00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,502 >> Stephen: HOLY COW! >> THANK YOU. 576 00:37:51,569 --> 00:37:53,804 >> Stephen: IS THIS AN INFOMERCIAL. 577 00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:55,339 WE'RE ON LATE ENOUGH. ( LAUGHTER ). 578 00:37:55,406 --> 00:38:01,145 100 POUNDS BEFORE I GOT THE ROLE, AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THE 579 00:38:01,212 --> 00:38:04,048 JOURNEY, GIVE OR TAKE 20. >> Stephen: HOW LONG DID IT 580 00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:08,352 TAKE YOU TO LOSE THE 100-PLUS? >> I DID IT ABOUT I THINK 11 581 00:38:08,419 --> 00:38:10,955 YEARS, 12 YEARS. YEAH, IT TOOK A WHILE. 582 00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:13,958 >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT A CRASH DIET. 583 00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,994 10 BUCKS A YEAR. >> FOR ME, THE QUICKER IT LEAVES 584 00:38:17,061 --> 00:38:20,464 THE QUICKER IT COMES BACK IS THE IDEA. 585 00:38:20,531 --> 00:38:23,868 SO I WANTED TO DO IT VERY SLOWLY WHICH WAS INTERESTING TO KIND OF 586 00:38:23,934 --> 00:38:27,171 LINE UP WITH ACTING BECAUSE I WOULD BE A DIFFERENT ACTOR EVERY 587 00:38:27,238 --> 00:38:31,542 YEAR, NEW HEAD SHOTS EVERY YEAR, AND KIND OF EVOLVED THAT WAY. 588 00:38:31,609 --> 00:38:34,111 WHICH IS EXCITING. WE LANDED ON A PHYSIQUE AND FACE 589 00:38:34,178 --> 00:38:38,482 I'D LIKE TO KEEP FOR A WHILE. >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK WITH 590 00:38:38,549 --> 00:38:39,784 THAT. >> IF EVERYONE'S OKAY WITH THAT. 591 00:38:39,850 --> 00:38:41,719 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY WANTS TO KEEP IT. 592 00:38:41,786 --> 00:38:46,991 ( APPLAUSE ) THE 11 YEARS YOU WEREN'T WORKING 593 00:38:47,058 --> 00:38:48,125 ALL THE TIME. >> CORRECT. 594 00:38:48,192 --> 00:38:50,928 >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT WAS YOUR SIDE HUSTLE? 595 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:54,365 I DID A LOT OF WEIRD STUFF. >> MY SIDE HUSTLE, FUNNY ENOUGH, 596 00:38:54,432 --> 00:38:57,501 WAS IN THE INDUSTRY, WHEN I MOVED TO ATLANTA ABOUT, LET'S 597 00:38:57,568 --> 00:39:01,806 SAY, SEVEN YEARS AGO, MY PLAN "B" WAS OF COURSE WAITING TABLES 598 00:39:01,872 --> 00:39:03,507 AT RESTAURANTS, THINGS LIKE THAT. 599 00:39:03,574 --> 00:39:06,310 BUT I DECIDED TO OPEN UP AN AUDITION TAPING SERVICE CALLED 600 00:39:06,377 --> 00:39:09,647 "ATLANTA FOR ACTORS." I FIGURED IF I COULD HAVE MY 601 00:39:09,714 --> 00:39:12,817 PLAN "B" AND "A" IN THE WORLD. >> Stephen: YOU BOUGHT A 602 00:39:12,883 --> 00:39:16,320 CAMERA? >> I BOUGHT A CAMERA. 603 00:39:16,387 --> 00:39:19,924 I HAD MY BUDDY PARKER DAVIS FROM BACK HOME AND HE WOULD READ WITH 604 00:39:19,990 --> 00:39:21,959 THEM, BECAUSE HIS READING SKILLS WERE BETTER THAN MINE. 605 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:26,097 AND I WOULD TAPE THE AUDITIONS. WE WOULD TAKE KIDS, PEOPLE LIKE 606 00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:31,469 80 YEARS OLD. AND THAT WHOLE SPECTRUM IS KIND 607 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:34,438 OF HOW I GOT MY TRAINING. >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER THROW 608 00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:38,042 YOURSELF ON THE TABLE AND SAY I CAN DO BETTER AT THIS. 609 00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:42,413 >> THANKS, MAN, KEEP IT ROLLING. NO, FUNNY ENOUGH, MY MANAGER 610 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:47,818 SENT ME THE AUDITION FOR "FBI" FROM ONE OF HIS LATINO CLIENTS, 611 00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:51,756 BECAUSE IT WAS A LATINO ROLE. IN THE SAME I WAY I DID IT, PUT 612 00:39:51,822 --> 00:39:55,559 ON TAPE, AND HE SAID I HAD A CALL-BACK THAT THEY NEVER ASKED 613 00:39:55,626 --> 00:39:58,596 ME TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND HE PUT THE AUDITION INTO A 614 00:39:58,662 --> 00:40:01,098 DROP BOX, SENT IT OFF TO CASTING. 615 00:40:01,165 --> 00:40:03,567 >> Stephen: AND HERE YOU ARE. >> HERE WE ARE, YES. 616 00:40:03,634 --> 00:40:05,169 >> Stephen: LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 617 00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:08,839 THANK YOU FOR COMING BY. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 618 00:40:08,906 --> 00:40:10,341 >> Stephen: "FBI" AIRS TUESDAYS AT 8:00 P.M. ON CBS! 619 00:40:10,407 --> 00:40:13,010 ZEEKO ZAKI, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 620 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,549 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 621 00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:22,686 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE SAMUEL L. JACKSON AND 622 00:40:22,753 --> 00:40:25,756 CNN'S CLARISSA WARD. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. 623 00:40:25,823 --> 00:40:26,891 GOOD NIGHT.