>> GEORGIA REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL WALKER
STRONGLY DENYING ACCUSATION THIS MORNING THAT HE PAID FOR A
WOMAN'S ABORTION IN 2009.
>>ER IN'S CLAIMING ON SEPTEMBER 12th, OF 12009 THAT THE
WOMAN HAS A RECEIPT FOR AN ABORTION.
THEY ARE CLAIMING THAT FIVE DAYS LATER ON SEPTEMBER 17th YOU
SENT A $700 CHECK AND THAT YOU SENT IT IN A GET-WELL CARD.
>> I CAN TELL YOU, I SENT OUT SO MANY GET WELL, SEND OUT SO MUCH
OF ANYTHING.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE $700 CHECK.
>> WELL, I SEND MONEY TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
>> DO YOU ENJOY SENDING VAGUE CARDS TO STRANGERS FOR NO REASON
CONSTANTLY?
HALLMARK INTRODUCES THE HERSCHEL WALKER COLLECTION.
WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T
KNOW FOR NO REASON LIKE GETS WELL SOON AND OR CONGRATULATIONS
ON THAT GREAT THING THAT MIGHT HAVE JUST HAPPENED.
HERE HE'S A CHECK.
PUT IN THE NUMBER OF DOLLARS YOU THINK WOULD BE APPROPRIATE TO
SOOTH/CELEBRATE YOU.
THE HALLMARK HERSCHEL WALKER COLLECTION.
THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY FOR THE THING THAT YOU
>> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT WALKER OF SHAME PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES MAGGIE HABERMAN
AND THE ANCHOR OF HOT TAPE FROM TUNING OUT THE NEWS, FEATURING
LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BANDMENT AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN
COLBERT!
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: GENE SIMMONS, HELLO, HELLO.
HAPPY TUESDAY.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT,
EVERYBOD, SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT IS SO EXCITING, THAT IS SO EXCITING.
YOU GOT MY HEART RATE UP.
>> YOU OKAY.
>> Stephen: I'M ALL RIGHT.
>> YOU GOOD?
>> Stephen: WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE LATE SHOW
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN FEEL SORT OF THE ENERGY IN THE NEWS
CYCLE PICKING UP BECAUSE THE MID TERMS ARE ONLY ABOUT FIVE WEEKS
AWAY, MAYBE A LITTLE LESS.
AND ONE OF THE KEY RACES FOR CONTROL OF THE SENATE WAS TURNED
COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN LAST NIGHT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GEORGIA SENATE RACE BETWEEN INCUMBENT
DEMOCRATIC SENATOR AND KING OF THE SEARS PORTRAIT STUDIO,
RAPHAEL WARNOCK, G.O.P. NOMINEE AND PSYCHIC FAILING TO READ HIS
OWN MIND, HERSCHEL WALKER.
WALKER HAS MADE HEADLINES BECAUSE HE IS IN FAVOR OF A
NATIONAL ABORTION BAN WITH "NO EXCEPTIONS."
TURNS OUT, HE MIGHT MAKE ONE EXCEPTION TO THAT
BECAUSE REPORTEDLY, BACK IN 2009 HERSCHEL WALKER PAID FOR HIS
GIRLFRIEND'S ABORTION.
I HAVEN'T SEEN A HYPOCRITE THIS BIG SINCE GANDHI DID THAT AD FOR
ARBY'S.
"BE THE MEATS YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD."
OF COURSE, WALKER DENIES IT.
HE TWEETED THAT THE REPORT IS "A FLAT-OUT LIE."
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING HERSCHEL WALKER KNOWS, IT'S
LYING.
BECAUSE HE HAS DONE A TON OF IT, INCLUDING, FALSELY CLAIMED
FALSELY CLAIMING HE WAS AN F.B.I. AGENT, HIDING THE FACT
THAT HE HAD SECRET CHILDREN FROM HIS OWN CAMPAIGN, AND FALSELY
CLAIMING HE NEVER FALSELY CLAIMED TO HAVE GRADUATED FROM
THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.
REALLY!
, HE NOT ONLY, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
HE NOT ONLY LIED, HE LIED ABOUT LYING.
WHAT KIND OF LESSON DOES THAT TEACH HIS SECRET CHILDREN?
AND THIS WOMAN HAS THE RECEIPTS.
SPECIFICALLY, A RECEIPT FROM THE ABORTION CLINIC, A COPY OF A
$700 CHECK FROM MR. WALKER, AND A SIGNED GET WELL CARD.
THIS IS, WHAT'S THE WORD?
A DISASTER.
SO WALKER WENT ON THE FOX NEWS, AND WAS ASKED ABOUT THIS
EVIDENCE BY THE MOST EFFECTIVE FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL KNOWN TO
MAN, SEAN HANNITY.
JIM?
>> THE GET WELL CARD, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S INCLUDED WITH YOUR
SIGNATURE IN THE ARTICLE.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
IS THAT YOUR SIGNATURE?
>> I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I CAN TELL YOU I SENT OUT SO MANY GET WELL
SEND OUT SO MUCH OF ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: WELL, SURE, ALL CELEBRITIES SEND CARDS TO
COMPLETE STRANGERS.
IN FACT, HERSCHEL'S GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME RIGHT NOW,
SO LET ME JUST GET THIS DOWN REAL QUICK.
(APPLAUSE) DEAR HERSCHEL, GETS WELL-- YOU
KNOW WHAT, GET [BLEEP].
STEPHEN."
AND I WILL MAIL THAT, THROUGH THE TELEVISION.
(APPLAUSE) >> THAT'S GOOD.
WALKER HAD A PRETTY TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR THE MONEY TOO.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE $700 CHECK?
IS THERE ANYBODY YOU CAN REMEMBER SENDING THAT MUCH MONEY
TO?
>> WELL I SEND MONEY TO A LOT OF PEOPLE AND THAT'S WHAT'S SO
FUNNY.
I DO SCHOLARSHIPS FOR KIDS, I GIVE MONEY TO PEOPLE ALL THE
TIME BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS HELPING PEOPLE BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN
BEING GENEROUS.
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE! HE DOES LIKE HELPING PEOPLE.
FOR INSTANCE, THAT INTERVIEW REALLY HELPED RAPHAEL WARNOCK.
ALSO IN THE MIDTERMS, THERE'S SOME INTERESTING NEW FOOTAGE OUT
OF THE MICHIGAN GOVERNOR'S RACE, WHERE INCUMBENT GRETCHEN WHITMER
IS RUNNING AGAINST REPUBLICAN NOMINEE AND WOMAN LECTURING
THE WAITER JUST HOW SPICY SHE WANTS THAT-A MEAT-A-BALL, TUDOR
DIXON.
IN THE LATEST POLLS, SHE'S TRAILING WHITMER BY A WHOPPING
17 POINTS, AND SHE'S RAISED SO LITTLE CASH THAT HER CAMPAIGN
HAS NOT HAD THE MONEY TO FUND ITS OWN COMMERCIALS.
SO MICHIGAN'S GRASHITT COUNTY REPUBLICAN PARTY MADE THEIR OWN
COMMERCIAL FOR DIXON, AND THEY DIDN'T LET THEIR LACK OF BUDGET
OR TALENT STOP THEM.
DIXON SHARED IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND NOW, WELL, I'M SHARING IT
WITH YOU.
JIM?
>> HEY HAVE YOU SEEN THE TV ADS WITH THE GOVERNOR TALKING ABOUT
THE GREAT THINGS SHE'S DONE FOR MICHIGAN?
>> SHE'S A LIAR.
WHITMER CAN SAY WHAT SHE WANTS BUT WE LIVE HERE.
JUST LOOK AROUND MAN.
>> DURING COVID, WHITMER LOCKED DOWN BUSINESSES LIKE THE BARBER,
AND PUT ONE WOMAN FROM HOLLAND IN JAIL.
>> OH YEAH.
>> Stephen: MAN, I GOT TO SAY, SONS OF ANARCHY IS NOT AS GOOD
AS I REMEMBER.
THE COMMUNITY THEATER BIKERS HAD SOME MORE COMPLAINTS ABOUT
WHITMER: >> 3,000 RESTAURANTS CLOSED.
AND SHE'S PRO BUSINESS? PERSON >> YEAH RIGHT.
>> AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE HIGHER GAS AND FOOD PRICES?
>> OUR SCHOOLS WERE CLOSED FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS.
POOR KIDS!
>> AND SHE PUT COVID PATIENTS IN GRAM'S NURSING HOME!
>> GRAM DIED ALONE.
>> WOW, WOW.
>> Stephen: AND THE OSCAR GOES TO... BIKER GANDALF!
(APPLAUSE) IT'S SAD, IT'S SO SAD.
ALSO, YOU CAN'T BE MAD THAT WHITMER CLOSED SCHOOLS AND ALSO
BE MAD ABOUT PEOPLE CATCHING COVID!
"DRUNK DRIVING'S UP AND SHE CLOSED THE BARS.
GRAM DRANK ALONE."
THEN IT WAS TIME TO PLUG THEIR CANDIDATE OF CHOICE... SOMEONE:
>> OKAY OKAY, I'M VOTING FOR THE OTHER CHICK!
WHATS HER NAME?
>> Stephen: THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF ENTHUSIASTIC ENDORSEMENT
THAT'LL PUT YOUR CAMPAIGN OVER THE TOP.
REMINDS ME OF THE EISENHOWER'S CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: I LIKE... THE
BALD DUDE.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
JIMMY CRIMCRAM?
EVENTUALLY, THEY REMEMBERED THE CANDIDATE THEY LOVE SO DEAR.
>> OKAY OKAY, I'M VOTING FOR THE OTHER CHICK!
WHAT'S HER NAME?
>> TUDOR DIXON!
OKAY LET'S ROLL!
>> WATCH OUT FOR POTHOLES!
>> Stephen: "OKAY, HERE WE GO!
UH OH, IT'S A POTHOLE!
I HOPE GRAM DOESN'T HIT IT.
GRAM RIDES ALONE."
(APPLAUSE) S AND THE OSCAR GOES TO.
OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST ISSUE IN THE MIDTERMS REMAINS FORMER
PRESIDENT THE LOCH NESS FRAUDSTER.
ALL THE NEWS ABOUT HIM IS TERRIBLE, SO YESTERDAY HE
DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
HE SUED CNN FOR DEFAMATION, CHARGING THE CHANNEL ACTED WITH
"REAL ANIMOSITY" TO CAUSE HIM "TRUE HARM."
TRUE HARM?
THEY REPORTED THE FACTS!
THAT'S LIKE SUING YOUR MIRROR FOR GIVING YOU CANKLES.
-- YOU SUE YOUR MOM AND DAT.
SPECIFICALLY, THE SUIT CLAIMS THAT CNN TRIED TO TAINT THE
PLAINTIFF, WHICH IS NOT EASY.
THE PLAINTIFF IS MOSTLY TAINT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE'RE BACK, BABY!
WE'RE BACK!
TOUCH AND GO THERE FOR AWHILE, WITH A SERIES OF
EVER-MORE SCANDALOUS, FALSE, AND DEFAMATORY LABELS OF 'RACIST,'
'RUSSIAN LACKEY,' 'INSURRECTIONIST,' AND
ULTIMATELY 'HITLER'."
"ULTIMATELY HITLER," OF COURSE, ALSO THE NAME OF WORLD WAR 2'S
WORST-SELLING COLOGNE.
OVER IN EASTERN EUROPE, UKRAINE'S ARMY HAS ONCE AGAIN
BLOWN THROUGH PUTIN'S FORCES, THIS IS TODAY, REALLY HAPPENING,
AMAZING.
TODAY THEY HAVE RECAPTURING LARGE SWATHS OF
TERRITORY FROM THE RUSSIANS.
ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY KNOW HOW THIS WAR IS GOING TO END IS
AN IDIOT.
ENTER TESLA FOUNDER AND EVIL BARON FROM THE NEW SEASON OF
BRIDGERTON, ELON MUSK.
YESTERDAY, MUSK FLOATED AN INSANE NEW PLAN TO END THE WAR
IN THE MOST ELON MUSK WAY POSSIBLE: VIA TWITTER POLL.
SO WHAT WAS IN MUSK'S BLAN.
REDO ELECTIONS OF A NEGOTIATIONED REGON UNDER
"REDO ELECTIONS OF ANNEXED REGIONS UNDER U.N. SUPERVISION."
"CRIMEA FORMALLY PART OF RUSSIA."
"WATER SUPPLY TO CRIMEA ASSURED."
SO RUSSIA GETS EVERYTHING THEY WANT, BUT IN EXCHANGE, UKRAINE
GIVES RUSSIA EVERYTHING THEY WANT.
SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF PLAN THE KREMLIN WOULD THANK HIM FOR.
WHICH COULD BE WHY, SHORTLY AFTER, THE KREMLIN THANKED HIM
FOR IT.
SEEMS LIKE MUSK IS DOING RUSSIA'S BIDDING HERE.
EXPLAINSWHY HIS LATEST MODEL TESLA... IS POTATO.
I LIKE THEY GOT THE OLD-FASHIONED GRILL, THAT OLD
GRILL ON THE FRONT, THEY DON'T MAKE THAT ANY MORE, THAT IS
FIRST GENERATION.
TOP UKRAINIAN OFFICIALS CLAPPED BACK AT MUSK'S POLL.
UKRAINE'S AMBASSADOR TO GERMANY RESPONDED: (/ BLEEP/ ) OFF IS MY
VERY DIPLOMATIC REPLY TO YOU.
HEY!
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
THE DIPLOMATIC REPLY WOULD BE 'PLEASE' (/ BLEEP/ ) OFF.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS MAGGIE
HABERMAN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW
BAND, EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE) LOUIS, WE GOT A VERY EXCITING
GUEST TONIGHT.
I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY INTERVIEWED THIS PERSON BUT HAVE
I ADMIRED THEIR WORK FOR MANY YEARS FROM "THE NEW YORK TIMES,"
MAGGIE HABERMAN IS HERE.
A NEW BOOK ABOUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
AND JOINING US LATER IN THE SHOW ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES TYLER
TEMPLETON FROM TUNING OUT THE NEWS ON COMEDY CENTRAL WILL BE
JOINING US HERE LIVE VIA SATELLITE FROM OUTSIDE
MAR-A-LAGO.
THAT IS AN EXCLUSIVE.
WE CALL THAT AN EXCLUSIVE IN THE BUSINESS.
NOW ARE YOU A HEALTHY PERSON, AREN'T YOU.
>> I TRY TO BE SCZ YEAH, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY HEALTHY.
>> YOU KNOW, DO I HIGH INTENSITY INTERVAL TRAINING.
>> Stephen: HIGH INTENSITY INTERVAL TRAINING.
>> IN THE OLD DAYS WE USED TO WORK OUT IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
>> Stephen: YOU USED TO WORK OUT TOGETHER.
>> OH YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU TOO YOUNG TO SAY OLD DAYS, BY THE WAY, MI
ONLY ASKING YOU BECAUSE EVI THE OTHER DAY SAID ARE YOU GOING TO
TAKE A STRESS TEST.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: IS HE SHE MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR ME TO TAKE A
STRESS TEST AND I SAID WHAT SHE SAID SCWUTION GO DO T I SAW FOUR
DOCK TOAFER-- DOCTORS OVER THE COURSE OF ONE DAY, THEY SAID WHY
ARE YOU HERE, MY WIFE MADE AN A POWNTMENT THAT IS WHY I AM HERE.
I DID THE STRESS TEST, GOT ON THE TREADMILL WITH THE THING
STRAPPED TO YOU AND THE THING AND THE THING HERE AND THERE,
AND YOU RUN, TURNS OUT I'M IMMORTAL.
>> I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.
>> Stephen: I HAVE THIS THING, THEY SCANNED ME.
I CAN'T BE KILLED.
IF THIS SHOW WON'T KILL ME, NOTHING WILL.
I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO FIND A BLOCKAGE IN MY HEART THE
SIZE OF A GOLF BALL, HONEST TO GOD.
I GOT THE CAT SCAN, HUNDRED PERCENT CLEAR, NOTHING THIS
THERE.
NO HEART.
S IS.
>> OH.
>> Stephen: ANYWAY VERY EXCITED TO BE ALIVE.
I AM, I AM VERY EXCITED TO BE ALIVE, LIFE IS GOOD, MORE LIFE
IS BETTER, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> AMEN, AMEN.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, RIGHT OVER THERE,
COMBING THE DAY'S NEWS AND SELECTING ONLY THE FINEST, MOST
SUPPLE LINDEN WOOD, HAND-CARVING IT INTO EPIC AND TOPICAL
CHARACTERS, THEN PRESERVING THEM IN BEESWAX, AND CONNECTING THE
LIMBS TO A HORIZONTAL CONTROL TO CREATE THE EXQUISITE TRADITIONAL
CZECH "LOTE-KARSTVI" MARIONETTE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES I FALL OUT OF THE DUCT WORK IN A ROSS DRESS FOR
LESS, TEAR THE BUTTONS OFF A REMAINDERED PEA-COAT, AND
GRAB A PILE OF PIPE CLEANERS FROM THE CRAFTS DEPARTMENT AND
SLAP IT ALL ON SOME DISCOUNT PANTYHOSE TO CREATE THE UNHINGED
TRANSIENT'S SOCK-PUPPET OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
MEANWHILE, IT IS AN EMOTIONAL LIFE RAFTS.
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, ACCORDING TO THE LATEST DATA,
"NON-FUNGIBLE TOKEN TRADING VOLUME HAS SLID 97% SINCE THE
BEGINNING OF 2022," AND "NFT SALES HAVE LOST NEARLY ALL THEIR
ALLURE."
HOLD ON.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT PURELY SPECULATIVE, NON-EXISTENT,
HALF-BAKED DIGITAL CARTOON MONKEYS THAT CAN BE COPIED BY
ANYONE AND WHICH ARE CONSTANTLY BEING
HACKED AND STOLEN... HAVE LOST THEIR ALLURE?
THANKFULLY MY FINANCIAL PORTFOLIO IS BALANCED WITH
BEANIE BABIES.
(APPLAUSE) MEANWHILE, THIS WEEK, "THE
S.E.C. CHARGED KIM KARDASHIAN FOR UNLAWFULLY TOUTING CRYPTO ON
HER INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT."
KARDASHI-KIM DIDN'T PROPERLY MAKE IT CLEAR SHE WAS BEING PAID
TO ADVERTISE A SECURITY WHEN SHE POSTED "ARE YOU GUYS INTO
CRYPTO-- FOUR QUESTION MARKS?"
"MY FRIENDS JUST TOLD ME ABOUT THE ETHEREUM MAX TOKEN!"
THEN WAYYY DOWN AT THE BOTTOM...
HASHTAG-AD.
IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY TO DISCLAIMER YOUR WAY OUT OF
WRONGDOING.
"HONEY, I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN 100% FAITHFUL.
HASHTAG-BONING-KAREN."
SO HERE'S THE DEAL, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED.
SO KIM HAD TO PAY A $1.3 MILLION FINE, THEN HER LAWYER RELEASED
THIS STATEMENT: "THE AGREEMENT SHE REACHED WITH THE
SEC ALLOWS HER TO... MOVE FORWARD WITH HER MANY DIFFERENT
BUSINESS PURSUITS.
FOR INSTANCE, ARE YOU GUYS INTO GETTING THIN BY EATING
CANDY???????
MY FRIENDS JUST TOLD ME ABOUT EPHEDRINE WEIGHT LOSS
TAFFY!!!!!!!!!
#THISWILLKILLYOU."
MEANWHILE, THANKS TO THEIR SUPPOSED WATERPROOFING, ELON
MUSK CLAIMS CYBERTRUCKS CAN "SERVE BRIEFLY AS A BOAT."
HEY, GENIUS, YOU DRIVE IT INTO A LAKE FAST
ENOUGH, ANY CAR CAN SERVE BRIEFLY AS A BOAT.
THEN SLIGHTLY LONGER AS A SUBMARINE.
AND THEN ETERNALLY AS A COFFIN.
MEANWHILE, ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, DOGS CAN SMELL WHEN WE'RE
STRESSED OUT.
FOR THE RECORD, SO CAN CATS.
THEY JUST DON'T CARE.
MEANWHILE, NEW YORK'S PUBLIC TRANSIT AUTHORITY, "THE M.T.A.
NOW HAS A SIGNATURE SANDWICH."
GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO EVER SMELLED HOT URINE AND DEAD RATS
AND THOUGHT, "I AM 'STARVING."
THAT'SES SAND WITCH THOUGH, RIGHT, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
MEANWHILE, AS PART OF PUBLIC OUTREACH FOR ITS 75th
ANNIVERSARY, "THE CIA HAS LAUNCHED ITS FIRST PODCAST"
CALLED "THE LANGLEY FILES."
COME ON, C.I.A! YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH "WAIT, WAIT, INTEL
ME!" MEANWHILE, McDONALD'S WILL SELL
ADULT HAPPY MEALS THIS OCTOBER.
OF COURSE, AN ADULT HAPPY MEAL INCLUDES, A SMALL CHEESEBURGER,
A SMALL FRY, AND A MINIONS-THEMED BALL GAG.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MAGGIE HABERMAN.
HELLO, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS A PULITZER
PRIZE-WINNING JOURNALIST WHOSE LATEST WORK IS THE BOMBSHELL
BOOK "CONFIDENCE MAN."
PLEASE WELCOME, MAGGIE HABERMAN!
>> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING HERE, GOT YOUR OWN THEME MUSIC
NOW.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
REALLY NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.
OBVIOUSLY HAVE I ADMIRED YOUR WORK FOR MANY YEARS AS I SAID
BEFORE, I WATCHED YOU ON THE ANDERSON COOPER POWER HOUR MANY,
MANY TIMES, YOU KNOW WHAT ST INTERESTING, IT IS FUN TO SEE
YOU SMILE.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOVELY SMILE.
BUT YOU NEVER SMILE WHEN ARE YOU ON PANEL.
ARE YOU JUST STONE FACED.
ST LIKE YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE POKER SHOWDOWN.
>> YOU SOUND LIKE MY FATHER, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I AM LOATHE TO SAY TO A WOMAN YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE
BUT WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU REALLY DO REALLY PLAY YOUR CARDS
CLOSE TO YOUR CHEST WHEN ARE YOU REPORTING ON THE FORMER
PRESIDENT AS YOU DO IN YOUR NEW BOOK, CONFIDENCE MAN.
THE MAKING OF DONALD TRUMP AND THE BREAKING OF AMERICA.
(APPLAUSE) 500 PAGES.
YOU GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH WITH THIS BOOK.
THIS BOOK, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY BOOKS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT.
BUT AS IT SAYS HERE ON THE BACK, THERE SAY BLUSH HERE THAT SAYS
THIS THE BOOK TRUMP FEARS MOST.
WHY DO YOU THINK, WHY DO YOU THINK WHAT MAKE THIS BOOK
DIFFERENT, MAGGIE HABERMAN.
>> I WANTED TO PAINT A DEEPER PORTRAIT OF TRUMP.
I WANTED TO GO BACK AND LOOK AT THE WORLD THAT MADE HIM, THE
SPECIFICS OF HIS CHARACTER.
AND THIS IS A CHARACTER STUDY AND DONALD TRUMP DOES NOT LIKE
PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER.
HE PREFERS TWO VERSIONS OF A PORTRAIT OF HIM, AND ONE IS
ADULATION, AND ONE IS ONE THAT BASICALLY MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE A
STRONG MAN, A VERY CONFIDENT STRONGMAN, THIS IS NEITHER ONE
OF THOSE SO HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT.
>> SO IT IS NOT ADULATION, IS HE NOT A STRONG MAN, I'M SURE IT IS
A COMPLEX CHARACTERIZATION BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF
THREADS BEING PULLED HERE BUT HE SAID AND IT SAYS SO IN THE BOOK,
I BELIEVE, IT SAYS HE POINTED AT YOU ONE POINT AND SAID SHE'S
LIKE MY PSYCHIATRIST WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN HE SAID THAT
ABOUT YOU.
>> THAT IT DIDN'T MEAN VERY MUCH IF ANYTHING IT WAS A MEANINGLESS
LINE MEANT TO FLATTER, HE IS ALWAYS PLAYING TO WHATEVER
AUDIENCE IS IN FRONT OF HIM.
AND THE REALITIES IS THAT HE HAS SAID THAT ABOUT HIS TWITTER
FEED, OTHER INTERVIEWS HE HAS GIVEN.
HE TREATS EVERYONE-- .
>> Stephen: A BUCKET OF CHICKEN, UH-HUH.
>> HAVE YOU EVER EATEN WITH HIM, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH HIM WHEN
HE EATS, YOU HAVE SEEN HIM EATEN IN FRONT OF YOU.
>> THIS IS ME SMILING.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S JUST SAY FOR A SECOND, I KNOW YOU ARE
NOT HIS PSYCHIATRIST, AFTER DOING THIS CHARACTER STUDY, A
DEEP ANALYSIS, IF YOU WERE, IF YOU WOULD, DOCTOR WHAT WOULD BE
YOUR DIAGNOSIS?
>> I INTENTIONALLY DIDN'T WRITE A BOOK OF TAKES.
I WROTE A BOOK OF REPORTING ABOUT WHO HE IS.
AND SO MY DIAGNOSIS I THINK IS IN THE BOOK AND I HOPE PEOPLE
READ IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, I FEEL VAGUELY SCOLDED FOR ASKING THAT
QUESTION.
I DID NOT DO TAKES, STEPHEN.
>> NOT THAT, NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> JUST, BUT IT'S REPORTING AND I WANT PEOPLE TO READ THE
REPORTING.
>> Stephen: THERE IS AMAZING STUFF IN HERE, BOMBSHELLS IN
THIS BOOK.
ONE OF THE THINGS WE LEARNED HERE, REPORTING DID YOU FOR THE
NEW YORK TIMES BUT ALSO IN THE BOOK, HE FLUSHES NOTES AND
GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS DOWN THE TOILET.
HE MISTOOK STAFFERS OF COLOR AS THE WAITHEERS AT THE WHITE
HOUSE.
HE INSULTED ANGELA MERKEL, CALLED HER THAT B.
DID HE SAY THAT B OR DID HE SAY B-I-T-C-H.
>> THE LATTER.
>> Stephen: THE LATTER.
>> AND HE DIDN'T SPELL IT.
>> Stephen: HE DIDN'T SPHEL IT, COULD HE SPELL IT?
OKAY.
THE LIST GOES ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IN THE BOOK UPSETS HIM THE MOST?
>> THE FLUSHING DOCUMENTS DOWN THE TOILET, WAS ACTUALLY.
>> Stephen: REVEALING THAT.
>> I THINK THAT IS WHAT UPSET HIM THE MOST.
HE HAD AN IMMEDIATE AND PRONOUNCED AND ANGRY REACTION TO
THAT REPORTING WHEN I PUT IT OUT MANY MONTHS AGO.
IT WAS REPORTING THAT HE ISSUED A STATEMENT T WAS A PHONE CALL
TO THE WORLD.
AND I THINK HIS EXACT STATEMENT WAS HIS QUESTION WAS WHO WOULD
KNOW THAT, WHICH I THINK WAS ACTUALLY A LITERAL QUESTION THAT
HE WAS ASKING.
BUT HE ASKED IT OUT LOUD.
BUT IT MADE HIM QUITE ANGRY.
AND THEN HE SPENT SOME TIME ASKING SOME OF HIS AIDS WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF THAT REPORTING.
AND USUALLY THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER
SOMETHING IS DAMAGING TO HIM OR NOT OR HOW MUCH MORE COULD BE
THERE.
>> Stephen: Y'ALL HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS TOO, THERE ARE
PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE STUFF TORN UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET.
>> THERE WERE, IN TWO DIFFERENT TOILETS IN TWO DIFFERENT
COUNTRIES, ONE IN THIS ONE AND ONE OVERSEAS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SO SPREADING IT OUT, NOT TO CLOG UP ONE PIPE,
VERY THOUGHTFUL BECAUSE HE IS VERY OBSESSED.
REMEMBER HOW OBSESSED HE WAS WITH LOW FLOW TOILETS, NOW WE
KNOW WHY.
>> I THINK IT MAY HAVE ANSWERED SOME QUESTIONS, YES.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU TALK ABOUT THE ROLL THE MEDIA PLAYED IN THE
RISE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT POLITICALLY, I MEAN.
HOW MUCH OF THAT IN HIS SUCCESS IN POLITICS AND THE TRUST THAT
PEOPLE HAD IN HIM HAS TO DO WITH THE SUK SEFTS APPRENTICE.
>> AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT.
I THINK WITHOUT THE APPRENTICE, THERE IS NO DONALD TRUMP
PRESIDENCY.
BECAUSE HE WAS BASICALLY PLAYING HIMSELF ON A TELEVISION SHOW
THAT WAS PRODUCED BY A FAN OF THE ART OF THE DEAL.
MARK BURNETT.
AND YOU KNOW, IT WAS ALL STAGED.
IT WAS CREATING THE PEOPLE WHO WERE INVOLVED IN THE SHOW HAVE
TALKED ABOUT HOW THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE A SORT OF BROKEN
DOWN ERODING EMPIRE LOOK MAGNIFICENT FOR THE SCREEN.
AND-- .
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LIKE HOW SO?
>> THEY UILT A CONFERENCE ROOM ON A SET.
>> Stephen: THAT IS NOT HIS CONFERENCE ROOM.
>> NO.
THEY, WHEN THEY WERE FILMING IN ONE OF THE CASINOS THEY REALIZED
IT LOOKED A LITTLE DINGIE AND HAD SEEN BETTER DAYS.
AND SOW WAS BASICALLY BUILT UP TO THIS, YOU KNOW, SITTING IN A
LEATHER BACK CHAIR AND HE CAME UP WITH THIS CATCH LINE ARE YOU
FIRED WHICH THE PRODUCERS OF THE SHOW REALIZED WAS GOLD AND HE
WAS EMULATING GEORGE STEIN BRENNER, THE FORMER OWNER OF THE
YANKEES WHEN HE DID IT BUT THIS WAS A PRESENTATION VIEWERS SAW.
AND I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS UNTIL, I WAS NOTES AN
APPRENTICE WATCHER, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS UNTIL I
WAS IN IOWA AND INTERVIEWING VOTERS IN THE IOWA CAUCUS IN
2016.
AND I WHAT WAS ASKING PEOPLE AT ONE OF HIS FINAL RALLIES A VERY
LEADING QUESTION WHICH WAS BASICALLY ARE YOU HERE BECAUSE
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL SEE HIM, THE SPEK TACK SENLDING.
AND I KEPT GETTING THE ANSWER NO, I'M CAUCUSING FOR HIM, AND
ONE MAN LOOKED AT ME LIKE I HAD EIGHT HEADS WHEN I ASKED THE
QUESTION.
I'M CAUCUSING FOR HIM.
AND I SAID WHY.
AND HE SAID I WATCHED HIM RUN HIS BUSINESS, AND HE MEANT THE
APPRENTICE.
SO WITHOUT THE APPRENTICE.
>> Stephen: WHICH WAS ALL AN ILLUSION.
>> WHICH WAS TELEVISION, THE ART OF TELEVISION, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOW.
AND WE KNOW THAT TELEVISION CAN BE AN ENORMOUS GOOD IN THE
WORLD, WE KNOW THIS.
>> I MEAN NATURALLY, OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: SO SPEAKING OF, SPEAKING OF THE HARM THE
TELEVISION CAN DO IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS, DO YOU THINK
THAT IT IS POSSIBLE TO OR THE THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
DO YOU THINK IT IS POSSIBLE TO IGNORE A FORMER PRESIDENT
WITHOUT DOESN'T WANT TO BE IGNORED?
BECAUSE YOU CAN IGNORE GEORGE W.
BUSH.
HE GOES AND PAINTS, YOU KNOW, AND FISHES AND STUFF LIKE THAT
LET HIM DO THAT.
BUT WE STRUGGLE WITH THAT HERE.
IS THAT YOU KNOW, I DON'T DECIDE WHAT THE STORIES ARE.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT.
AND HE JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
CAN HE BE IGNORED?
>> AT THIS POINT, NO, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN IGNORE A FORMER
PRESIDENT.
ONE OF THE THIPGS THAT I FOUND IN THE COURSE OF THE REPORTING
AND THE WRITING WAS THE REAL ISSUE, THE SIGNIFICANT CRITICISM
OF MEDIA RELATES TO THE 70S, 8 0S, 9 0S.
ALL OF THESE NEW STORIES AS HE IS MYTH MAKING ABOUT HIMSELF,
DESCRIBING HIMSELF AS BIGGER THAN HE IS.
DESCRIBING HIMSELF AS COMING BACK FROM BANKRUPTCIES, WHEN HE
REALLY HADN'T YET.
AND THEN HE GETS TO THE APPRENTICE AND THAT CARRIES HIM
THREW.
BY ITS TIME HE BECAME A CANDIDATE FOR THE REASONS HE
SAID, A LOT OF VOTERS IN THE REPUBLICAN BASE BELIEVED HE WAS
THIS HYPERSUCCESSFUL TYCOON.
BUT THEN HE HAD A REAL THING.
HE HAD A SOLID BASE OF VOTERS BEHIND HIM WHO WOULDN'T BELIEVE
ANYTHING THEY WERE TOLD OTHERWISE ABOUT HIM.
AND HE HAS THEM STILL.
NOW HE DOESN'T HAVE THE WHOLE REPUBLICAN PARTY RIGHT NOW THERE
ARE ASPECTS OF THE PARTY THAT ARE NOT WITH HIM BUT I THINK IF
HE IS THE NOMINEE AGAIN, THEY WILL BE WITH HIM.
I DON'T THINK IT IS RESPONSIBLE TO IGNORE T I DO THINK IT IS
RESPONSIBLE TO CONTEXTUALIZE IT.
>> YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST PERSON TAKEN SERIOUSLY, MAYBE
ITS FIRST MAJOR REPORT TORE TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE A CASSANDRA WHEN WERE DOING THIS, LIKE NO,
THIS GUY IS NOT A JOKE, HE IS REAL.
>> I REMEMBER IN 2011 WRITING A LOT AS HE WAS RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT, SORT OF, HE HADN'T ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED.
>> Stephen: IT WAS MOSTLY THE OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE THING IS
WHAT HE WAS USING AS HIS MAGIC CARPET.
>> HE WAS USING THE BIRTHER LIE TO ELEVATE HIMSELF BECAUSE HE
SAW IT WORKED.
HE WAS ON IT EARLIER THAN WE REALIZED. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
IT BEHIND THE SCENES BEFORE HE STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT IN
INTERVIEWS.
AND HE WAS USING IT-- IT WAS INCREDIBLY CYNICAL POLITICS AND
HE REFUSED TO GET OFF OF IT.
WE ALL THOUGHT WE WERE FACT CHECKING HIM AND YET WE WERE
JUST SPREADING IT FURTHER WHICH IS SOMETHING ELSE WE HAVE TO
THINK ABOUT IN TERMS OF HOW WE DO OUR JOBS.
>> Stephen: SO IF YOU SHOULDN'T IGNORE HIM AND WHAT HE
IS SAYING ARE LYING BUT BY CHECKING THE LIES YOU REPEAT THE
LIES AND DRIVE THEM INTO PEOPLE'S HEADS SO THEY FORGET
THEY ARE LIES AND ONLY REMEMBER THE ACCUSATIONS, WHAT IS LEFT?
>> AT THIS POINT WE CAN'T IGNORE HIM.
I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY IN 2011.
EVEN THOUGH I THINK THE MEDIA WAS CORRECT FOR REBUTTING THIS.
I JUST DON'T THINK WE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT THE EFFECTS WAS,
BECAUSE HE EXISTS IN THESE TEN MINUTE INCREMENTS OF TIME.
BUT WE EXIST IN 24 HOURS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT WHEN I COME BACK, I WILL ASK MAGGIE ABOUT THE MOMENT SHE
SUSPECTED HE MIGHT HAVE TAKEN MORE DOCUMENTSES THAN HE SHOULD
HAVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH MAGGIE
HABERMAN OF "THE NEW YORK TIMES" AND AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK
"CONFIDENCE MAN."
I KNOW YOU ARE NO PROPHET, YOU ARE A JOURNALIST, I'M NOT ASKING
YOU TO ERAC-- DO YOU THINK WILL ARE YOU IN 2024.
>> I THINK HE HAS BACKED HIMSELF INTO A CORNER WHERE I THINK HE
HAS TO.
>> Stephen: WHAT CORPER?
>> THE CORNER IS HE WANTS ATTENTION, HE WANTS TO FUND
RAISE AND HE'S UNDER INVESTIGATION.
AND HE WANTS TO BE ABLE TO SAY THE INVESTIGATIONS ARE
WITCH-HUNTS AND HE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL ARMOR
THE PRESIDENCY AFFORDS HIM BACK.
SO I DON'T THINK HIS HEAT IS PARTICULARLY IN IT.
HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ENJOYING HIMSELF WITH POLITICS THE WAY HE
ONCE DID.
MAYBE THAT WILL COME AGAIN BUT DO I THINK AT THE MOMENT, I
THINK WILL RUN.
IT DOESN'T MEAN WILL STAY IN THE WHOLE TIME BUT I DO THINK HE
WILL ANNOUNCE A CANDIDACY.
>> Stephen: YOU IN YOUR REPORTING IN HERE, YOU SAY THAT
THERE IS A MOMENTS WHERE HE SORT OF ADMITS THAT HE TOOK
DOCUMENTSES HE SHOULDN'T HAVE.
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
CAN YOU RECOUNT THAT MOMENT FOR US.
>> IT WAS A STRANGE AND VERY VAGUE COMMENT.
I ASKED HIM ON A LARK IF HE HAD TAKEN DOCUMENTS FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID DOCUMENTS.
>> NO, I SAID MOMENTO DOCUMENTS THAT WAS THE-- HE WOULD WAVE
AROUND THE DOCUMENTS FROM KIM JUNG-UN.
>> Stephen: SURE, BEAUTIFUL LETTERS, LOVE LETTERS.
>> HE WOULD LITERALLY DO THIS.
AND SO I ASKED HIM, DID YOU TAKE ANYTHING, AND HE SAID NOTHING OF
GREAT URGENCY, NO.
NOW HI NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT THAT WASN'T THE CASE AT THE
TIME.
THEN HE VOLUNTEERED SOMETHING ABOUT THE LETTERS.
THE KJU LETTERS AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE WE HAVE THESE
GREAT LETTERS AND I SAID OH, YOU TOOK THOSE WITH YOU.
AND REGISTERING MY SURPRISE HE KEPT TALKING LIKE HE DIDN'T WANT
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION AND I SAID HUH, OR WOW OR SOMETHING
AND HE REGISTERED MY SURPRISE AND SAID NO, NO, THOSE ARE IN
THE ARCHIVES BUT WE HAVE GREAT THINGS.
THEY WEREN'T IN THE ARCHIVES.
WE-- THEY WERE FOUND.
>> THEY-- RIGHT, AND IT TURNED OUT THE ARCHIVES HAD BEEN TRYING
TO GET THEM BACK AND HUGE KUDOS TO "THE WASHINGTON POST" FOR
THEIR REPORTING ON THIS.
>> Stephen: AND KUDOS TO THE ARCHIVES.
>> THE LIBRARIANS WHO REALLY HAD BEEN A THRORN IN HIS SIDE FOR
THE LAST 18 MONTH TRYING TO GET GOVERNMENT PROPERTY BACK THAT
DOESN'T BELONG TO HIM.
BUT-- .
>> Stephen: ON A CERTAIN LEVEL WE ALL WISH WE WERE LIBRARIANS
SO WE COULD JUST GO-- SHHHHH.
>> RIGHT?
MAGGIE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
CONFIDENCE MAN IS AVAILABLE VOW, IT'S MAGGIE HABERMAN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A SPECIAL CARTOON REPORT FROM
TUNING OUT THE NEWS, STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
IT SEEMS LIKE THE WALLS ARE STARTING TO CLOSE IN ON FORMER
POTUS BLOATUS.
THE JAN 6th COMMITTEE CONTINUES TO GATHERDAMNING EVIDENCE, THE
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS CONTINUING THEIR INVESTIGATION
OF THE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS HE WAS HOARDING DOWN IN MAR A LAGO,
GUARDED NO DOUBT BY HIS CRACK SECURITY TEAM OF CROQUET PLAYING
ORTHODONTISTS WHO ARE ACTUALLY CHINESE SPIES.
AND RECENTLY NEW YORK ATTORNEY GENERAL LETITIA JAMES FILED
A SUIT TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING BUSINESS IN NEWYORK.
I'D SAY THAT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE HIS LAWYER TO DRINK, BUT I'M
PRETTY SURE THAT SHIP HAS SAILED.
TO FIND OUT HOW THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS DEALING WITH ALL OF
THIS, I WANTED TO SEND A REPORTER TO MAR-A-LAGO.
BUT FORCING A JOURNALIST TO SPEND TIME NEAR THE FORMER
PRESIDENT SEEMS INHUMANE.
FORTUNATELY, I KNOW SOME REPORTERS WHO AREN'T HUMAN--
THE TEAM AT COMEDY CENTRAL'S TOONING OUT THE NEWS.
THEIR NEW SEASON STARTS TOMORROW AFTER "THE DAILY SHOW" ON
ANOTHER NETWORK, WHICH IS COMEDY CENTRAL.
SO JOINING US FROM FLORIDA, THE HOST OF THE CONSERVATIVE
SHOUT-TAINMENT SHOW "HOT TAKE," TYLER TEMPLETON.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, TYLER.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: TYLER T IS CERTAINLY TRUE YOU AN I DON'T
SEE EYE-TO-EYE ON EVERY ISSUE.
YOU ARE A STAUNCH SPORPTER OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
>> HOW DARE YOU.
I DO NOT SUPPORT FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
I SUPPORT THE CURRENT PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, OR ARE YOU SO
BLINDED BY YOUR IDEOLOGY THAT YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT HE IS
PRESIDENT AND 50 FEET TALL?
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU CANNOT DENY THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS
UNDER INVESTIGATION ON MULTIPLE FRONTS.
YOU'RE DOWN THERE ON THE GROUND.
DO YOU HAVE A SENSE OF THE PANIC INSIDE MAR-A-LAGO?
>> PANIC?
QUITE THE OPPOSITE, STEPHEN.
EVERYONE IN TRUMP WORLD IS DOING GREAT.
RIGHT NOW THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAVING A ROCKING PARTY HERE
WHERE THE THEME IS NERVOUSLY PACING AND MUTTERING, I CAN'T GO
TO JAIL.
>> Stephen: SOUNDS FUN BUT SHOULDN'T HE BE A LITTLE
WORRIED?
HOW WILL HE POSSIBLY DEFEND HIMSELF WHEN HE GOT CAUGHT RED
HANDED WITH CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS STORED IN A COMPLETELY
UNPROTECTED SNVIRONMENT.
>> DON'T GET HYSTERICAL, STEPHEN.
THOSE DOCUMENTS WERE FORTIFIED BEHIND A STATE-OF-THE-ART ULTRA
SECURE DOOR NOBODY.
AND EVEN IF GUESTS LOCATED THE NOBODY, HOW WOULD THEY KNOW
WHICH WAY TO TURN IT.
>> Stephen: NOW WITH AUGUST THESE PROBLEMS MOUNTING, DO YOU
THINK THE FORMER PRESIDENT CAN MAKE A RUN IN 20241234 IT SEEMS
LIKE HE HAS COMPETITION THERE IN FLORIDA FROM GOVERNOR RON
DESANTIS.
>> OH MY GOD, DON'T MAKE ME PICK BETWEEN TRUMP AND DESANTIS.
WHY CAN'T WE HAVE TWO PRESIDENTS? WE HAD TWO
BACHELORETTES.
YES, I WATCHED GABBY AND RACHEL'S ENTIRE JOURNEY T WAS ON
TV AT THE GYM.
I SWEAR.
OUT, SON OF A BITCH, TYLER, DID YOU JUST GET HIT IN THE HEAD
WITH A CROQUET BALL?
>> HELLO.
>> Stephen: TYLER, ARE YOU THERE?
>> YEAH, HOW IS IT GOING, MAN.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOING FINE, TYLER.
WE'RE TRYING TO GET A REPORT FROM MAR-A-LAGO.
>> THAT'S AWESOME.
WHERE ARE WE TAKING IT FROM?
>> Stephen: WE'RE GOING TO YOU, TYLER.
>> HAVE YOU BEEN INTO MAR-A-LAGO TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON IN
THERE?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND DO YOU WANT TO TELL US WHAT IS HAPPENING IN
THERE OR IS THERE SOME REASON YOU DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY
INFORM US AS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MAR-A-LAGO.
>> WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
>> Stephen: YES, YOU'RE A REPORTER.
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.
>> WELL, THEY'VE UNJUSTLY TAKEN STUFF.
>> Stephen: YEAH, FILES THAT SAY CLASSIFIED AND TOP SECRET ON
IT.
THAT'S NOT UNJUSTLY.
IT'S ITS JUSTICE DEPARTMENTS THAT DID IT THAT IS THE JUSTICE.
>> WELL, HOW WOULD YOU-- SO HOLD ON A SECOND.
ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU KNOW IT SAYS CLASSIFIED AND JUSTIFIED
ON IT.
THAT MUST MEAN THAT YOU ARE BEHIND THIS SOME HOW.
>> Stephen: NO, I SAW PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE JUTION TIS
DEPARTMENT PUT OUT.
>> OH YEAH, WHERE WAS THAT, INSIDE OF JOE BIDEN'S ROOM?
DON'T LAUGH.
>> Stephen: I THINK, WE'RE NOT LAUGHING TYLER, WE'RE NOT
LAUGHING AT YOU, WE'RE LAUGHING WITH YOU, TYLER.
I THINK WE'RE HAVING SATELLITE ISSUES HERE WITH YOU TYLER, SOME
OF YOUR WORDS DON'T HAVE MEANINGS IN THEM.
>> HOLD N, STEPHEN.
I HAVE JUST RECEIVED EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS THAT OUR SERIES
TOONING OUT THE NEWS WILL APPEAR TOMORROW NIGHT ON COMEDY CENTRAL
RIGHT AFTER THE DAILY SHOW.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT BREAKING NEWS, TYLER, I SAID
THAT EARLIER.
>> GREAT, SOUNDS LIKE WE HAVE A SECOND SOURCE CONFIRMING MY
REPORT AND TUNING OUT THE NEWS WILL DELIVER EVEN MORE UP TO THE
MINUTE CARTOON COVERAGE OF THE BIGGEST STORIES.
JUST TAKE A LOOK OF THIS CLIP OF MY COLLEAGUE LIBERAL WARRIOR
KIELY WEAVER SITTING DOWN WITH SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG.
>> THERE IS ONE THING WE KNOW FOR SURE, IT'S GREAT THAT JOE
BIDEN'S APPROVAL RATING IS ON THE RISE AND THERE IS NO NEED
FOR THE PARTY IN TO 24 TO GO BEHIND A YOUNG GAY TRANSVIBRANT
>> VE A GREAT PRESIDENT.
>> WHERE WOULD WE FIND SOMEONE LIKE THAT, LIKE THAT PERSON I
MENTIONED, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.
EVEN IF WE DID FIND THEM WOULD THEY HAVE THE COURAGE TO SEIZE
THIS SINGULAR MOMENT IN HISTORY.
>> OR JUST A GREAT DAY JOB THEY WANT TO CONTINUE DOING.
>> LUCKILY WE WON'T HAVE TO DO IT, WE ARE NOT IN AN IRONIC
DIVINE HELL WHERE THE BETTER WE DO AT OUR JOB THE BET TER IS FOR
OUR BOSS AND THE FURTHER WE GET FOR FULFILLS OUR DES TIN EYE.
EXACTLY, ON THE EXACT SAME PAGE, BESTIE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, CHECK OUT CHECK OUT TOONING OUT THE
NEWS STARTING TOMORROW ON COMEDY STRAVMENT WE'LL ROOB BE RIGHT
>> Stephen: OH HEY, EVERYBODY, THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW,
TUNE IN TOMORROW, MY GUEST WILL BE DR.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE DR. ANTHONY FAUCI AND
FORMER WHITE HOUSE SPEECHWRITER CODY KEENAN.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN.
GOOD NIGHT!