1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,804 >> GEORGIA REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL WALKER, AFTER 2 00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:06,940 HE DENIED PAYING FOR AN EX-GIRLFRIEND'S ABORTION AND 3 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,375 CLAIMED HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO THE WOMAN COULD BE, "THE DAILY 4 00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:10,844 BEAST" IS NOW REPORTING THAT THE WOMAN IS ALSO THE MOTHER OF ONE 5 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:11,945 OF WALKER'S CHILDREN. 6 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:15,882 >> HE LIED ABOUT WORKING FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT. 7 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:19,052 >> WALKER DOUBLES DOWN ON HIS DEFENSE THAT EVERYONE BUT HIM IS 8 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,954 LYING. 9 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,022 >> HE HAD A LOT OF CONCUSSIONS COMING OUT OF FOOTBALL. 10 00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:12,338 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 11 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:19,946 TONIGHT: AND ANNIVERSARY FIRST DRAFTS 12 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:23,750 WITH STEPHEN AND EVIE. 13 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,952 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: CATE BLANCHETT 14 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,020 AND DOMHNALL GLEESON 15 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:32,025 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 16 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:39,332 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 17 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:43,203 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 18 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:43,837 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 19 00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:47,340 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: OH! 20 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:49,409 OH! 21 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:03,456 HELLO. 22 00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:03,890 HELLO. 23 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,425 HAPPY THURSDAY. 24 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,360 THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. 25 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,428 HEY! 26 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,865 HEY, EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. 27 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:15,635 WHAT A LOVELY EVENING, LOVELY FALL, CRISP EVENING. 28 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,938 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 29 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:22,675 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 30 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:27,780 FOLKS, THE MIDTERMS ARE JUST OVER A MONTH AWAY, AND THAT 31 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:32,952 SNEAKY JOE BIDEN PULLED AN OCTOBER SURPRISE ON THE 32 00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:38,491 REPUBLICANS BY DOING SOMETHING POPULAR, BECAUSE THIS 33 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:44,964 AFTERNOON, AT 4:20 SOMEWHERE, JOE BIDEN PARDONED ALL FEDERAL 34 00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,934 OFFENSES OF SIMPLE MARIJUANA POSSESSION. 35 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:54,073 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOOO! 36 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:54,541 WOOO! 37 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:56,876 OH, SHUCKY DUCKY! 38 00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,244 THAT IS FANTASTIC. 39 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:02,048 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT IS A HELL OF A GREEN NEW DEAL. 40 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:06,052 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 41 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:09,022 ALL RIGHT, HE DID THIS ON CAMERA. 42 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,256 HERE'S HIS OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: 43 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,825 >> AS I SAID WHEN I RAN FOR PRESIDENT, NO ONE SHOULD BE IN 44 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,594 JAIL JUST FOR USING OR POSSESSING MARIJUANA. 45 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:19,232 I'M ANNOUNCING A PARDON FOR ALL PRIOR FEDERAL OFFENSES-- FEDERAL 46 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:22,035 OFFENSES-- FOR THE SIMPLE POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA. 47 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,504 >> Stephen: THERE IT IS. 48 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,306 HE'S PARDONING-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 49 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,043 THERE IT IS. 50 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:34,047 BOOM! 51 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,983 HE'S PARDONING FEDERAL MARIJUANA SIMPLE-POSSESSION OFFENSES-- ALL 52 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:42,055 OF THEM, FROM THE DANKEST NUGS TO THE HARSHEST DITCHWEED. 53 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:46,059 I'M TALKIN' POT, GRASS, MARY JANE, REEFER, THE SWEET STICKY 54 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:50,063 ICKY, GANJA, CHOOM-CHOOM, LIME PILLOWS, STICKS N' STEMS, HERB, 55 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:58,104 CHRONIC YAYMEN, THE DEVIL'S LETTUCE, WACKY TOBACKY, 56 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,907 ACAPULCO GOLD, JAZZ CIGARETTES, AND THE RIGHT HONORABLE REVEREND 57 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,408 AL GREEN. 58 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,711 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS THAT ONE? 59 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:05,578 AL GREEN? 60 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,481 IS THAT ONE, THE REVEREND? 61 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,049 REF VAND GREEN? 62 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:14,053 TODAY, DARK BRANDON DARK BRANDON BECAME DANK BRANDON. 63 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,357 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE PRESIDENT'S-- GOOD POSTER. 64 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,293 PUT THAT IN YOUR-- GET THAT POSTER FOR YOUR DORM ROOM. 65 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,497 ( LAUGHTER ) I GOTTA SAY, ALL DAY THE 66 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,467 PRESIDENT'S BEEN PRETTY CHILL, A CHILL, CHILL MOOD ALL DAY. 67 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,636 I THINK HE KNEW THIS WAS COMING. 68 00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:31,504 HE HAD THIS ON HIS MIND. 69 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:36,109 CASE IN POINT: THIS AFTERNOON, HE WAS OUTSIDE 70 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:41,781 THE WHITE HOUSE TAKING REPORTERS' QUESTIONS ABOUT OPEC, 71 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:42,982 AND HE GAVE A LITTLE HINT THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO ANSWER THOSE 72 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:43,683 QUESTIONS. 73 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:44,350 IT'S SUBTLE. 74 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:45,084 LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN PICK UP. 75 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,319 ON IT. 76 00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:50,723 >> IT IS A DISAPPOINTMENT, AND IT SAYS THAT THEY'RE A PROBLEM. 77 00:04:54,594 --> 00:05:06,072 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING ) 78 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:06,539 IT'S A ISAPPOINTMENT. 79 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:10,043 THEY'RE A PROBLEM. 80 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:10,510 UH-OH, WATCH OUT! 81 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,445 WHAT'S HAPPENING? 82 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:18,051 AM I BACKING AWAY, OR AM I JUST GETTING SMALLER! 83 00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,253 THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING! 84 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:25,258 YOU THINK THAT BLOWS YOUR MIND NOW. 85 00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:30,063 WAIT UNTIL THE ANNOUNCEMENT I MAKE AT 4:20. 86 00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:34,033 BOOM!" BIDEN LOOKS LIKE-- 87 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:41,741 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 88 00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:45,244 BIDEN LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAVING FUN THERE. 89 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:48,214 ALTHOUGH, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HAVING FUN, HE MADE SURE 90 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:51,017 EVERYONE AROUND HIM WAS SAFE. 91 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,351 JIM, CAN WE SEE THAT AGAIN WITH THE SOUND TURNED UP? 92 00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,186 BEEP! 93 00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:54,053 BEEP! 94 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,054 BEEP! 95 00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:58,157 >> Stephen: YESTERDAY, THE PRESIDENT WAS DOWN IN 96 00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:02,061 FLORIDA, AND SO WAS HIS PREDECESSOR, FORMER PRESIDENT 97 00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:02,729 THE NOTORIOUS K.F.C. 98 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,598 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 99 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:09,302 AND-- OH, I COULD GO FOR SOME. 100 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:13,706 >> Louis: THAT'S GOOD. 101 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:14,941 ORIGINAL >> Stephen: HE GAVE A SPEECH TO 102 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,509 THE HISPANIC LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE IN MIAMI. 103 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,044 AND HE ADDRESSED WHAT HE BELIEVES IS THE MOST IMPORTANT 104 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,781 SUBJECT: HIMSELF. 105 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,083 >> YOU PROBABLY READ AND HEARD ABOUT THE DOCUMENT HOAX. 106 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,052 HAS ANYONE HEARD ABOUT THE DOCUMENT HOAX, THE HELICOPTERS 107 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:33,793 FLYING OVER MAR-A-LAGO? 108 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:34,894 WELL, THEY'RE GIVING US ABOUT $5 BILLION WORTH OF FREE 109 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,362 PUBLICITY, I WILL SAY. 110 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:40,533 >> Stephen: OH, YEAH, IT'S GREAT PUBLICITY. 111 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,401 MAR-A-LAGO: COME FOR THE WAFFLE BAR, STAY FOR THE NUCLEAR 112 00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:42,869 SECRETS. 113 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:46,038 AT THE WAFFLE BAR. 114 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,141 ( LAUGHTER ) THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS 115 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:51,644 ENDORSED A LOT OF TERRIBLE CANDIDATES THIS CYCLE, NONE 116 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:55,281 WORSE THAN GEORGIA G.O.P. SENATE NOMINEE AND HIKER LOST IN THE 117 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,084 PARKING LOUT. 118 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,853 HERSCHEL WALKER. 119 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,622 ALL WEEK, AMERICA'S BEEN BUZZING ABOUT THE REPORT THAT WALKER 120 00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:05,258 PAID FOR A FORMER GIRLFRIEND TO GET AN ABORTION. 121 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:06,692 WALKER DENIED IT, BUT THE WOMAN HAD A RECEIPT FROM THE CLINIC, A 122 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,762 CHECK FROM HIM, AND A GREETING CARD SIGNED BY WALKER HE SENT 123 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:10,830 FIVE DAYS LATER. 124 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:14,901 DESPITE ALL THIS EVIDENCE, WALKER DENIED ANY OF THIS 125 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,769 HAPPENED, ADDING HE HAD NO IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN COULD POSSIBLY 126 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:17,970 BE. 127 00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:22,909 SO LAST NIGHT, SHE GAVE HIM A LITTLE HINT WHEN SHE ANNOUNCED 128 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:23,776 SHE ALSO HAD A CHILD WITH HIM. 129 00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:24,544 COME ON! 130 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,279 COME ON, MAN! 131 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:29,148 HOW MANY SECRET KIDS DOES THIS GUY HAVE? 132 00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:33,386 DOES HE KNOW HE DOESN'T GET A FREE SMOOTHIE AFTER 10? 133 00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:38,925 ( LAUGHTER ) SMOOTH-THEE. 134 00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,027 WALKER ADDRESSED THE ISSUE THIS MORNING. 135 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:42,895 KIND OF: >> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO 136 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,831 THIS ALLEGED FORMER LOVER OF YOURS IS WHO SAYS YOU PAID FOR 137 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,899 AN ABORTION AND FATHERED A CHILD? 138 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,335 ANY IDEA WHATSOEVER? 139 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,837 >> I HAVE NO IDEA AT ALL. 140 00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:51,838 >> Stephen: OKAY, INTERESTING. 141 00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,974 QUICK FOLLOW-UP: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FOR SENATE? 142 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,242 >> I HAVE NO IDEA AT ALL. 143 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:56,976 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 144 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,911 >> Stephen: OKAY. 145 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:06,552 OKAY. 146 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:10,923 NOW, BASED ON THIS NEXT CLIP, WALKER DOESN'T SEEM TOO CURIOUS 147 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:16,696 TO LEARN THIS WOMAN'S ADENT. 148 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:20,132 >> HAVE YOU REACHED OUT TO ANY OF THE MOTHERS OF YOUR CHILDREN? 149 00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,334 >> NO. 150 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,635 >> WHY NOT? 151 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,337 >> WHY DO I NEED TO. 152 00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:28,207 >> Stephen: MAYBE TO FIND OUT HOW YOUR CHILDREN ARE DOING. 153 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,943 REMEMBER, THE ONES YOU DON'T REMEMBER. 154 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,046 PLUS, THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, STATISTICALLY, IT'S PROBABLY ONE 155 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:38,918 OF THEIR BIRTHDAYS. 156 00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,754 IN ADDITION TO COMPLETELY FORGETTING HER, THE ANONYMOUS 157 00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,155 MOTHER OF WALKER'S CHILD IS NOT THRILLED WITH WALKER'S "HOLIER 158 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:46,926 THAN THOU" ACT, SAYING, "I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYWHERE IN THE 159 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,427 BIBLE WHERE IT SAYS 'HAVE FOUR KIDS WITH FOUR DIFFERENT WOMEN 160 00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:52,932 WHILE YOU'RE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.'" 161 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:53,900 IT'S TRUE. 162 00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,034 IT'S NOT FROM THE BIBLE. 163 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,770 THAT QUOTE IS ACTUALLY FROM JESUS'S SEX-POSITIVE COUSIN 164 00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,872 TRAVIS. 165 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:05,878 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 166 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:09,882 HIS MIRACLE WAS TURNING WATER INTO WHITE CLAW. 167 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,951 ( LAUGHTER ) NO LAW ON THE CLAW. 168 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,154 NO LAW ON THE CLAW. 169 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,789 BING! 170 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,024 LYING ABOUT KNOWING THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD ISN'T WALKER'S ONLY 171 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:19,892 TROUBLING HEADLINE TODAY. 172 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,895 THERE'S ALSO THIS ONE: "HERSCHEL WALKER CLAIMED HE 173 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:23,996 SUPERVISED SIX HOSPITALS. 174 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:28,200 HE DIDN'T." 175 00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:31,137 OKAY, I'M KIND OF RELIEVED THAT'S A LIE. 176 00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:33,539 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ). 177 00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:39,478 IMAGINE-- JUST IMAGINE-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 178 00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:41,514 IMAGINE BEING WHEELED INTO SURGERY AND HEARING, "I KNOW 179 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,951 YOU'RE NERVOUS, BUT DON'T WORRY. 180 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,253 THIS ENTIRE FACILITY IS BEING SUPERVISED BY HERSCHEL WALKER." 181 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,521 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 182 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,290 OKAY, GIVE ME THE SCALPEL, PLEASE. 183 00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,526 SCALPEL, PLEASE. 184 00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:57,630 APPARENTLY, HERSCHEL COOKED UP THIS LIE BACK IN 2011, WHEN HE 185 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,999 MISSED THE PREMIERE OF HIS ESPN DOCUMENTARY, SAYING. 186 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:01,534 "I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK. 187 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,337 I HAVE THIS FOOD SERVICE COMPANY, I HAVE A DRAPERY 188 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,571 COMPANY, AND I SUPERVISE SIX HOSPITALS AROUND THE UNITED 189 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,341 STATES. 190 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,776 I HAVE TO HEAD BACK TO ARKANSAS FOR A SALES MEETING AT MY 191 00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:11,978 CHICKEN FACTORY." 192 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,312 WOW. 193 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,949 THAT IS A GUY REALLY DESPERATE TO GET OUT OF AN INVITATION: 194 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:17,650 "YOUR WEDDING? 195 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:18,718 I'M SORRY I CAN'T MAKE IT. 196 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,954 I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY JOB AS AN ASTRONAUT BEEKEEPER. 197 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:25,958 THE MOON'S NOT GOING TO POLLINATE ITSELF." 198 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:33,966 ( APPLAUSE ) NO SURPRISE, WALKER'S FINANCIAL 199 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:41,941 DISCLOSURE FORMS DO NOT INDICATE HE EVER OWNED OR RAN HOSPITALS. 200 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:46,212 BUT THERE IS PROOF THAT WALKER WORKED FOR A NOW-DEFUNCT FIRM 201 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,447 CALLED ASCENDHEALTH CORPORATION AS A "MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS 202 00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,448 AMBASSADOR." 203 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:52,218 AND HE IS DOING A GREAT JOB. 204 00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:57,256 BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE HERSCHEL WALKER ON TV, I AM 205 00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:01,961 ACUTELY AWARE OF MENTAL HEALTH. 206 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,764 WALKER IS NOT THE ONLY UNUSUAL NOMINEE ENDORSED BY THE FORMER 207 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:05,998 PRESIDENT. 208 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:09,935 TAKE PENNSYLVANIA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE AND PEANUT M&M WITH 209 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,405 ALL THE CANDY SUCKED OFF, ( LAUGHTER ) 210 00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:17,676 ( APPLAUSE ) DOUG MASTRIANO. 211 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:18,944 IN A SPEECH THIS WEEK, MASTRIANO PLEDGED TO BAN POLE DANCING FROM 212 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,947 SCHOOLS. 213 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:28,587 ( LAUGHTER ) ARE WE SURE HE KNOWS WHAT A 214 00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:29,822 SCHOOL IS? 215 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,957 "THREE TIMES A WEEK, I HEAD DOWN TO THE SCHOOL AND TALK TO THE 216 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,260 STUDENTS-- CHEYENNE, CINNAMON, AMBER. 217 00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:41,233 I TELL YOU, THAT SCHOOL MAKES THE BEST MAI TAIS. 218 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,501 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 219 00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:44,970 MY GUESTS ARE CATE BLANCHETT AND STAR OF "THE PATIENT," DOMHNALL 220 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,272 GLEESON. 221 00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:50,476 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MY WIFE EVIE, AND I HAVE SOME FIRST 222 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,777 DRAFTS OF ANNIVERSARY CARDS. 223 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,145 STICK AROUND. 224 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,214 I'M GONNA. 225 00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:33,652 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 226 00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:38,958 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND! 227 00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:42,561 ( APPLAUSE ) MMM. 228 00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:45,331 LOUIS, LOUIS, TWO FANTASTIC GUESTS TONIGHT. 229 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:47,500 >> Louis: YEAH! 230 00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:48,934 >> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, DOMHNALL GLEESON IS GOING TO BE 231 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,936 OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE BIT. 232 00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:59,478 YOU KNOW HIM FROM THE ROB THE X MACHINA," AND THE "STAR WAR" 233 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:03,616 MOVIES AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE ACTRESSES OF ALL TIME, THE GREAT 234 00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:08,454 CATE BLANCHETT IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 235 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:14,460 ( APPLAUSE ) UNBELIEVABLE. 236 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:20,933 FOLKS, IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I LOVE EVIE. 237 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,902 AND I HEAR YOU SAYING, "STEVE, IF YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH, WHY 238 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:26,939 DON'T YOU MARRY HER?" WELL, SPOILER ALERT, I DID! 239 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,508 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 240 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,510 THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 241 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:36,448 THIS PHOTO-- THAT'S AN EMBARRASSING PHOTO. 242 00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,184 THE PAPARAZZI SNAPPED THAT WHEN WE WERE GOING OUT TO GET THE 243 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:38,951 PAPER IN THE MORNING. 244 00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,220 THEY ARE RELENTLESS. 245 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:44,023 THERE'S A VERY SPECIAL DATE FOR US COMING UP. 246 00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:45,191 IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY! 247 00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:56,435 WE WILL BE CELEBRATING 29 YEARS OF SALUTE-- SALUTE BLISS. 248 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,405 ( APPLAUSE ) 29 YEARS OF ABSOLUTE BLISS, PLUS 249 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:00,639 HOWEVER EVIE FEELS IT'S BEEN GOING. 250 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,942 NOW, NO ANNIVERSARY IS COMPLETE WITHOUT A THOUGHTFUL CARD, BUT 251 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,443 PEOPLE DON'T ALWAYS GET THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AROUND. 252 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,447 SO TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN 253 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:12,451 OUR SEGMENT: "FIRST DRAFTS." 254 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:18,857 ( APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, ANNIVERSARY CARDS GO 255 00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:19,825 WITH GIFTS. 256 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:26,131 AND THE 29th YEAR IS THE FURNITURE ANNIVERSARY. 257 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:32,538 SO TO CELEBRATE, I GOT EVIE A CHAIR RIGHT NEXT TO ME. 258 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,773 PLEASE WELCOME MY INCREDIBLE WIFE, EVIE! 259 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:35,808 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU'RE A VISION. 260 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:36,275 YOU'RE A VISION. 261 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:39,678 THERE YOU GO. 262 00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:40,579 HAVE A SEAT. 263 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:40,980 THERE YOU GO. 264 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,014 >> THANK YOU! 265 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,650 >> Stephen: VERY NICE. 266 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,420 ( APPLAUSE ) ARE. 267 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,322 >> Stephen: THAT'S THE MOVIE STAR ENTRANCE RIGHT THERE. 268 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,523 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 269 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,225 >> Stephen: DARLING, HERE YOU GO. 270 00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:56,428 I GOT YOU A LITTLE CHAMPAGNE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. 271 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,529 >> THANK YOU! 272 00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:58,297 WHOA! 273 00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,665 >> Stephen: I GOT YOU SOME FLOWERS. 274 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,067 THESE ARE WAY TOO BIG FOR THIS BIT. 275 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:02,768 >> HELLO! 276 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,103 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 277 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:04,670 HELLO, DARLING. 278 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,505 >> THEY'RE MY FAVORITE. 279 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,773 >> Stephen: I KNOW THEY ARE. 280 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,975 I'M GOING TO PUT THEM DOWN HERE. 281 00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,444 SO I KNOW THEY'RE HERE. 282 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,947 DARLING, YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS. 283 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,148 >> YES. 284 00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:19,184 >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO SAY HOW THIS WORKS OR SHALL I SAY 285 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,452 HOW THIS WORKS. 286 00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,889 >> YOU DO. 287 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:24,923 IN FIRST DRAFTS, I SHOW YOU A LOVELY ANNIVERSARY CARD THAT 288 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,025 MADE IT TO MARKET. 289 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,927 THIS IS THE ONE THAT WAS FINISHED AND STOLE BY THE CARD 290 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,929 COMPANY. 291 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,965 AND THEN I SHOW YOU THE NOT-SO-LOVELY FIRST DRAFT. 292 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:33,799 >> OKAY. 293 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:39,938 >> Stephen: IS THE PREMISE ESTABLISHED. 294 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:42,941 >> HERE, CHEERS. 295 00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:44,777 >> Stephen: HERE'S TO 29 MORE. 296 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:49,481 >> 29 MORE. 297 00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,850 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 298 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,485 >> THAT'S A LOT OF YEARS. 299 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,320 >> Stephen: THAT IS A LOT YEARS. 300 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:58,424 DID YOU THINK WE'D MAKE THIS THIS FAR. 301 00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,291 >> YES! 302 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:00,025 DID YOU NOT? 303 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,894 >> Stephen: IT'S A COMEDY SHOW. 304 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:02,594 I'M JUST MAKING JOKES. 305 00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:05,898 >> WHAT I SAID NO. 306 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:09,535 WHAT IF I WAS LIKE, "NO, I THOUGHT WE'D ONLY LAST FIVE 307 00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:10,302 YEARS. 308 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,370 GLCHMENT WOW, I'D BE REALLY HURT. 309 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:15,974 ( LAUGHTER ) CAN I SEE THE FIRST ONE, PLEASE. 310 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:19,912 THIS CARD SAYS, "IF I COULD, I WOULD MARRY YOU ALL OVER AGAIN, 311 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:21,213 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY LOVE." 312 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,549 THAT IS NOT ONLY SWEET, BUT ABSOLUTELY TRUE. 313 00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:27,386 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "IF I COULD, I WOULD MARRY YOU ALL 314 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:30,723 OVER AGAIN, MAINLY SO I COULD NOTDO ALL THOSE TEQUILA SHOTS 315 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,257 AT OUR RECEPTION. 316 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:38,497 SORRY I THREW UP ON YOUR DAD. 317 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,500 WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER-- OKAY, SO, WE'RE COMING UP-- WE'RE COMING 318 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,068 UP ON 29 YEARS. 319 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:44,203 WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER MOST ABOUT OUR WEDDING? 320 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:45,704 >> HOW HUNGRY I WAS. 321 00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,207 >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING. 322 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:51,377 >> IF THERE IS ANYBODY OUT THERE GETTING MARRIED, EAT, EAT DURING 323 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,177 YOUR WEDDING. 324 00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,413 I DIDN'T HAVE A BITE TO EAT ALL DAY. 325 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,950 >> Stephen: I WAS JUST SHAKING HANDS AND THANKING PEOPLE AND 326 00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,919 THE NEXT THING I KNEW THEY WERE SAYING, "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE SO 327 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:02,688 PEOPLE CAN THROW THINGS AT YOU." 328 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,056 DO YOU REMEMBER TOSSING YOUR BOUQUET? 329 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,225 >> YUP, YUP, YUP. 330 00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:10,396 CAN WE SAY WHO-- ABOUT WHO -- >> Stephen: BROADWAY ACTRESS 331 00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:11,597 GENETIC HOFFMAN. 332 00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:15,033 >> WAS AT OUR WEDDING, AND I THREW IT, AND SHE MISSED IT AND 333 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,802 THREW HERSELF ON THE GROUND. 334 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,037 AND DID A WHOLE BIG THING. 335 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,973 I MEAN, SHE'S AN ACTRESS. 336 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:24,243 BUT MY PARENTS FRIENDS CAN NOT KNOW THAT SHE WAS AN ACTRESS. 337 00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,712 AND THEY THOUGHT -- >> Stephen: SHE WAS REALLY 338 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,246 DISTRAUGHT. 339 00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:27,980 >> REALLY DISTRAUGHT. 340 00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:28,480 >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH. 341 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,581 IT WAS VERY FUNNY. 342 00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,049 >> Stephen: SHE HAD A GREAT WEEKEND. 343 00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:32,184 >> EVERYBODY HAD A GREAT WEEKEND. 344 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,552 I MEAN, WE HAD A FUN TIME. 345 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,887 THEY HAD A GREAT WEEKEND. 346 00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:35,888 >> Stephen: YES. 347 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:38,524 I WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK AND ATTEND OUR WEDDING. 348 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,192 IT SEEMED LIKE A LOT OF FUN. 349 00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:41,126 >> I THINK IT WAS. 350 00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:43,362 >> Stephen: CAN I HAVE THE NEXT CARD, PLEASE? 351 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:43,996 >> YES. 352 00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:45,497 >> Stephen: I LOVE THIS ONE. 353 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:51,804 IT SAYS I WON THE GE-LOTTO WITH YOU. 354 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:54,440 YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PIZZA OF MY HEART. 355 00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:59,211 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "I WON THE GE-LOTs TO WITH YOU. 356 00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:02,714 SORRY I CAN ONLY BOINCHG WITH THE LIGHTS ON. 357 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:07,653 THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE. 358 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:10,222 >> THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T SELL IT. 359 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,524 I HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOU ANYTHING FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. 360 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,327 WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY? 361 00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:15,861 >> THIS IS FUN. 362 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,295 >> Stephen: REALLY. 363 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:18,063 >> THIS IS NICE. 364 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:23,702 I HAVE FLOWERS, CHAMPAGNE, ALL MY FRIENDS. 365 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,203 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 366 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:31,610 >> Stephen: WOW. 367 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,111 HOLLYWOOD HAS CHANGED YOU. 368 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,881 >> YOU KNOW WHAT I REMEMBER? 369 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:36,949 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER? 370 00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:39,718 >> ANOTHER THING I REMEMBER ABOUT OUR WEDDING IS HOW 371 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,554 TERRIFIED I WAS OF YOUR AUNT MARGARET. 372 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,223 REMEMBER YOUR AUNT MARGARET. 373 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,624 >> >> Stephen: MY FATHER'S TWIN. 374 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:50,162 >> I HAD NEVER MET HER BEFORE AND SHE SMOKED AND SHE WAS 110 375 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,263 YEARS OLD ALREADY. 376 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:54,433 >> Stephen: SHE HAD SKIN LIKE FINE CORINTHIAN LEATHER. 377 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,470 >> SHE SAID, WELL, AREN'T YOU A PRETTY LITTLE THING." 378 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,539 I WAS 30 YEARS OLD. 379 00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:01,740 I THOUGHT I WAS 13. 380 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:06,278 I WAS LIKE,s, AH, HI." 381 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,213 SHE SCARED ME SO MUCH. 382 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,782 >> Stephen: SHE AND MY GREAT-AUNT, THE TWO OF THEM, 383 00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:13,218 THEY WERE SMOKING IN A FACILITY THAT ALLOWED NO SMOKING. 384 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:14,453 >>E YEAH. 385 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:19,625 >> Stephen: AND THEY HAD TAKEN-- THEY MADE AN ASHTRAY OUT 386 00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:22,661 OF THE SIGN THAT SAID,s, NO SMOKING." 387 00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:23,896 THESE WERE TOUGH DAMES. 388 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,797 YOU KNOW WHAT MARGARET ALWAYS CALLS ME. 389 00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,199 >> THE ROTTEN ONE. 390 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,700 >> Stephen: YOU ROTTEN KID. 391 00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:32,237 I CALLED HER UP ONCE AND SAID, "MARGARET, IT'S JIM'S SON." 392 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:36,608 SHE SAID, "WHICH ONE?" I SAID, "THE ROTTEN ONE." 393 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:41,613 AND SHE SAID, "HOW ROTTEN?" AND I SAID "THE ROTTENEST?" 394 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,351 AND SHE SAID, "HELLO, STEPHEN, HOW ARE YOU?" 395 00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,453 ( APPLAUSE ) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DARLING. 396 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,588 THIS IS THE LAST CARD. 397 00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:50,255 >> THANK YOU. 398 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:53,759 >> Stephen: WAS THAT OMINOUS? 399 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,060 >> YES, IT WAS. 400 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,297 THIS CARD SAYS, "10 YEARS AGO TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY 401 00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,500 LIFE AND EVERY DAY SINCE BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE MY WIFE. 402 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:02,334 >> THAT'S SWEET! 403 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:03,569 >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 404 00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:07,306 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "10 YEARS AGO WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY 405 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,941 LIFE I CAN'T BELIEVE I MET BON JOVI 406 00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,742 AT A JAMBA JUICE. 407 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,845 HE WAS SO NICE." 408 00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:16,949 EVIE MAGEE. 409 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,117 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DARLING! 410 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:23,355 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CATE 411 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:24,423 BLANCHETT. 412 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,172 THERE YOU GO. 413 00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:42,975 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 414 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:47,546 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A TWO-TIME 415 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,414 ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "BLUE JASMINE," 416 00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,083 "THOR: RAGNAROK," AND "THE LORD OF THE RINGS." 417 00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:53,385 SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE, "TAR." 418 00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:56,655 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," CATE BLANCHETT! 419 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:57,189 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 420 00:20:57,255 --> 00:21:12,137 ♪ ♪ ♪ 421 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:15,073 ♪ ♪ ♪ 422 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:25,617 >> Stephen: PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 423 00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:27,819 I HAVE TO-- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 424 00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:28,553 WE'RE SO HAPPY. 425 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,022 YOU'RE ON THE EDGE OF TEARS. 426 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:30,722 I'M JUST CURIOUS. 427 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,158 WHAT DID THAT SONG MEAN TO YOU? 428 00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:34,993 >> NO, IT'S THE PEOPLE CLAPPING. 429 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:38,964 NO, NO, IT'S-- NO, I'M GOING TO CRY BECAUSE THAT'S MY SONG. 430 00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:45,303 MY HUSBAND, WHO IS IN THE DRESSING ROOM, THAT'S OUR SONG. 431 00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:47,472 I AM PROOF, IT'S OUR FAVORITE SONG. 432 00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:49,141 OUR KIDS REMARRIED US. 433 00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:50,909 >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW THIS? 434 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:51,810 >> Louis: YEAH. 435 00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:54,079 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 436 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:58,050 >> Stephen: THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL-- THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL 437 00:21:58,116 --> 00:21:58,984 STEALTH CRUISE MISSILE. 438 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,752 >> THAT'S THE SONG WE PLAYED. 439 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:01,687 >> Stephen: THAT'S WONDERFUL. 440 00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:04,890 >> RIGHT BEFORE WE HAVE OUR YEARLY SEX. 441 00:22:04,956 --> 00:22:06,758 I LOVE YOU-- I LOVE YOU, BABY! 442 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,061 >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS INTERVIEW LATER-- 443 00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:10,395 >> 26 YEARS. 444 00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:11,029 26 YEARS. 445 00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:12,264 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 446 00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:12,798 THAT'S WONDERFUL. 447 00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:13,999 >> BUT IT'S FABULOUS. 448 00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:18,870 YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE FABULOUS SEX ONCE A YEAR, IT KEEPS YOU 449 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:19,404 GOING. 450 00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:19,938 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 451 00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:20,605 HI! 452 00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:21,273 >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 453 00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,675 >> I KNOW, YOU'RE IN CLOTHES. 454 00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:27,979 THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE IN YOUR PAJAMAS. 455 00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:31,783 >> Stephen: AND YOU WERE IN YOUR PAJAMAS AND IT HAS NOTHING 456 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:33,618 TO DO WITH YEARLY SEX. 457 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,822 IT WAS DURING COVID THE LAST TIME WE SPOKE, AND YOU WERE IN 458 00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:41,460 FRONT OF BOOKSHELVES AND YOU WERE IN YOUR PAJAMAS AND I GOT 459 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:42,627 MINE. 460 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:44,963 >> BECAUSE YOU WERE NAKED AND IT WAS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. 461 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,399 >> Stephen: COVID WAS A DIFFERENT TIME. 462 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:50,235 YOU COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING OVER THE GALLON OF ICE CREAM IN MY 463 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:50,902 LAP. 464 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:52,637 YOU KNOW I'M AN ENORMOUS FAN. 465 00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:55,874 PEOPLE KNOW I'M AN ENORMOUS FAN OF SO MANY OF YOUR ROLES. 466 00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:57,609 >> "LORD OF THE RINGS." 467 00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:01,313 >> Stephen: OF COURSE, YOU'RE THE PERFECT GALADRIEL-- YES, I 468 00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:02,347 DO REMEMBER. 469 00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:04,483 AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE. 470 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:07,219 I KEEP THIS PHOTO BACK BEHIND THE DESKS AT ALL TIMES. 471 00:23:07,285 --> 00:23:10,989 THERE YOU ARE. 472 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:15,026 >> THE VERY FIRST TIME I MET YOU YOU WERE DRESSED AS A HOBBIT. 473 00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:18,096 AND I JUST THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS SO UNUSUAL -- 474 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:19,898 >> Stephen: COMCONOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 475 00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:23,001 >> I THOUGHT WHO IS THIS CRAZY MAN. 476 00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:25,937 BUT HERE YOU ARE, DRESSED AS A HUMAN. 477 00:23:26,004 --> 00:23:26,972 >> Stephen: EXACTLY, BRIEFLY. 478 00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,940 >> LOOK HOW FAR YOU'VE COME. 479 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:32,310 >> Stephen: AS SOON AS I GET HOME THE FURRY FEET COME BACK 480 00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:33,478 ON. 481 00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:36,915 YOUR NEW FILM "TAR" PREMIERED AT THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL. 482 00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:39,718 SIX-MINUTE STANDING OVATION, FANTASTIC REVIEWS. 483 00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,553 YOU'RE ALSO AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. 484 00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:42,721 >> YES, YES. 485 00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:45,023 >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT LIKE-- AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER YOU'RE 486 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,958 HELPING USHER THIS ALONG. 487 00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:50,729 YOU'RE NOT JUST A PERFORMER. 488 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:52,430 NOSTHAT THIS IS "JUST" PERFORMING. 489 00:23:52,497 --> 00:23:55,433 WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE THERE FOR THE PREMIERE OF 490 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:57,135 SOMETHING AND GET THE RESPONSE YOU ALWAYS HOPE FOR? 491 00:23:57,202 --> 00:24:00,672 >> I FEEL VERY CHANGED BY THIS FILM. 492 00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:03,108 YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH AN EXAMINATION OF THE CORRUPTING 493 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:04,075 NATURE OF POWER. 494 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:06,711 I MEAN, IT'S SET IN THE CLASSICAL MUSIC WORLD. 495 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:10,949 IT'S A VERY-- I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "IT'S A PERSONAL FILM." 496 00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:12,918 BUT I FELT QUITE EXPANDED BY IT. 497 00:24:12,984 --> 00:24:14,119 SO IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. 498 00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:18,089 WHEN YOU GO TO A FILM FESTIVAL LIKE THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, 499 00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:20,492 IT'S A LITTLE BIT LIKE GIVING BIRTH IN PUBLIC. 500 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:21,359 >> Stephen: WOW. 501 00:24:21,426 --> 00:24:22,961 >> YAW, IT'S QUITE EXPOSING. 502 00:24:23,028 --> 00:24:24,729 >> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE A HELL OF A FILM. 503 00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:26,665 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU PLAY A CONDUCTOR. 504 00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:32,304 HAD YOU CONDUCTED BEFORE?" >> NO, I LEARNED THE PIANO AS A 505 00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:35,540 GIRL, AND WITH EVERY SUBSEQUENT PREGNANCY I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, I 506 00:24:35,607 --> 00:24:40,645 WOULD GET BACK AND LEARN THE PIANO AGAIN, PICK IT UP AGAIN. 507 00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:46,785 AND THE SAD THING ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE IS I DON'T GET OFF THE 508 00:24:46,852 --> 00:24:48,887 COUCH UNTIL I HAVE TO FOR A FILM. 509 00:24:48,954 --> 00:24:51,356 >> Stephen: THE ROLE PUTS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND SAYS,s, 510 00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,692 YOU'RE ANYTHING TO GO LEARN THIS THING." 511 00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:54,960 >> IT DOES. 512 00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:58,563 >> Stephen: IS THIS THE HARDEST THING YOU HAD TO LEARN, 513 00:24:58,630 --> 00:25:00,432 BECOMING FLUENT AT THE PIANO AGAIN? 514 00:25:00,498 --> 00:25:01,499 >> THAT WAS A JOY. 515 00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:05,170 THERE'S A MOMENT IN THE FILM WHERE-- THE CHARACTER IS 516 00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:10,675 COMPOSING A PIECE, SO OBVIOUSLY I HAD TO PLAY THAT, AND THE 517 00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:14,980 WOMAN WHO DID THAT PARTICULAR PART SCORE, SHE DID THE SCORE 518 00:25:15,046 --> 00:25:16,481 FOR "THE JOKER." 519 00:25:16,548 --> 00:25:19,284 BUT I HAD TO PLAY HER COMPOSITION. 520 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:24,089 AND THERE'S A TEACHING MOMENT IN THE WORLD WHERE I HAD TO PLAY 521 00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,491 BACH, AND I HAD TO KNOW IT REALLY WELL. 522 00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:29,294 IT WAS KIND OF GREAT TO GET BACK AT IT. 523 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:33,632 I NEVER CONDUCTED BEFORE. 524 00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:38,904 STANDING IN FRONT OF THAT ORCHESTRA AND GIVING THE 525 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:42,073 DOWNBEAT AND HEARING THE FIFTH SYMPHONY COMING BACK AT YOU, I 526 00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,141 WAS FOREVER CHANGE. 527 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:46,211 >> Stephen: WERE YOU CONDUCTING OR WAS THERE SOMEBODY 528 00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:46,811 BEHIND YOU? 529 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:49,581 >> LIKE THE SWEDISH CHEF. 530 00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:50,682 ( LAUGHTER ). 531 00:25:50,749 --> 00:25:52,884 >> Stephen: YOU SAY THAT MOMENT OF STANDING IN FRONT OF 532 00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:56,554 THE ORCHESTRA AND DOING THE DOWN BEAT AND HEARING THE SOUND COME 533 00:25:56,621 --> 00:25:58,390 OUT OF THE DRESDEN ORCHESTRA. 534 00:25:58,456 --> 00:26:00,392 WHAT DID YOU SEE IN THEIR FACES? 535 00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:04,362 DID YOU FEEL JUDGMENT PRETENDING AT THAT MOMENT WHEN THIS IS 536 00:26:04,429 --> 00:26:05,297 THEIR LIFE? 537 00:26:05,363 --> 00:26:06,765 >> YEAH, FROM THE GUYS IN THE HORN SECTION. 538 00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:10,168 I HAD BEEN WARNED ABOUT THE GUYS IN THE HORN SECTION. 539 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,469 >> Stephen: THAT TRUE? 540 00:26:11,536 --> 00:26:14,306 ARE GUYS IN THE HORN SECTION PARTICULARLY TOUGH? 541 00:26:14,372 --> 00:26:18,977 >> YEAH, NO, I SAID TO THEM IN MY GERMAN, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS 542 00:26:19,044 --> 00:26:21,313 IMPORTANT TO SPEAK TO THEM IN THEIR LANGUAGE. 543 00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:24,482 I SAID TO THEM , YOU KNOW, "YOU'RE NOT ACTORS. 544 00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:26,084 AND I'M NOT A CONDUCTOR. 545 00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:30,989 AND BETWEEN US, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND OUR WAY." 546 00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:33,391 BECAUSE THEY WERE PERFORMERS, AND AMAZING, AMAZING ACTORS. 547 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:39,331 >> Stephen: COULD YOU SPEAK GERMAN BEFORE YOU DID THIS FILM? 548 00:26:39,397 --> 00:26:42,867 >> YES ( SPEAKING GERMAN ) 549 00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:44,736 I MEAN-- I MEAN-- ( APPLAUSE ) 550 00:26:44,803 --> 00:26:51,409 IT'S VERY, VERY-- IT'S A VERY, VERY-- ACTUALLY, I MEAN, IT'S-- 551 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:56,414 IT WAS A DITTY I LEARNED ABOUT A COFFEE BEAN THAT GOES TO AMERICA 552 00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:59,484 AND AMERICA WAS LOCKED UP AND THE KEY WAS BROKEN. 553 00:26:59,551 --> 00:27:00,919 BUT IT CAME IN USE. 554 00:27:00,986 --> 00:27:05,123 WHEN I WAS BACKPACKING THROUGH EUROPE, I WAS IN SALSBERG AND I 555 00:27:05,190 --> 00:27:08,593 WENT TO THE FESTIVAL THERE, BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS LOVED 556 00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:09,461 CLASSICAL MUSIC. 557 00:27:09,527 --> 00:27:11,763 AND I WAS STAYING AT A BED AND BREAKFAST. 558 00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:17,235 AND WE WERE ALL GIVEN A LOCKER, AND THE KEY TO MY LOCKER FELL 559 00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:20,305 DOWN THE LOO, FELL DOWN THE TOILET. 560 00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:21,606 OH, MY GOODNESS! 561 00:27:21,673 --> 00:27:23,508 HOW DO YOU ASK-- WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 562 00:27:23,575 --> 00:27:27,846 MY WALLET IS IN THERE AND I CAN'T GET MY TICKET. 563 00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,481 AND IT CAME FROM THAT MOMENT. 564 00:27:29,547 --> 00:27:31,783 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO COME IN HANDY. 565 00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:33,952 >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO LEARN THE PIANO AGAIN. 566 00:27:34,019 --> 00:27:34,853 >> YES. 567 00:27:34,919 --> 00:27:36,588 >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO LEARN GERMAN AGAIN? 568 00:27:36,654 --> 00:27:37,622 >> YES. 569 00:27:37,689 --> 00:27:39,424 >> Stephen: ARE YOU ABLE TO PLATE PIANO IN GERMAN? 570 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:42,327 >> I HAD TO CONDUCT IN GERMAN BECAUSE THE CHARACTER HAD BEEN 571 00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:44,729 THE PRINCIPAL CONDUCTOR FOR SEVEN YEARS. 572 00:27:44,796 --> 00:27:49,601 AND I SAID TO TODD FIELD-- THE MAGICAL TODD FIELD. 573 00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:52,337 OBVIOUSLY, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME BETWEEN DRINKS. 574 00:27:52,404 --> 00:27:58,543 IT'S BEEN 16 YEARS SINCE HIS LAST FILM, "LITTLE IT CHILDREN." 575 00:27:58,610 --> 00:27:59,844 NOT BECAUSE HE'S LAZY. 576 00:27:59,911 --> 00:28:01,112 HE'S PICKY. 577 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:04,082 I SAID TO HIM I REALLY DID NEED TO CONDUCT IN GERMAN SO I MADE A 578 00:28:04,149 --> 00:28:05,283 ROD FOR MY OWN BACK. 579 00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:10,422 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT IF YOU STICK 580 00:28:10,488 --> 00:28:11,222 AROUND I WILL ASK THEM TO STICK AROUND BECAUSE WE WILL BE BACK 581 00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:11,956 WITH MORE CATE BLANCHETT, EVERYBODY. 582 00:28:19,964 --> 00:28:24,836 >> Stephen: I AM HERE WITH THE STAR OF "TAR," CATE BLANCHETT. 583 00:28:24,903 --> 00:28:27,739 I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THIS AD YOU SAW IN THE "NEW YORK 584 00:28:27,806 --> 00:28:28,940 TIMES--" >> IT'S MYSTERIOUS. 585 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:29,507 >> Stephen: IT'S MYSTERIOUS. 586 00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:30,175 LOOK AT THIS. 587 00:28:30,241 --> 00:28:32,143 IF YOU CAN GET A SHOT OF THIS. 588 00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:33,578 THE AD FOR "TAR." 589 00:28:33,645 --> 00:28:37,916 BUT DOWN HERE IS SAYS, "EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT STARTS 590 00:28:37,982 --> 00:28:38,383 FRIDAY. 591 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:43,822 NEW YORK THEATER." 592 00:28:43,888 --> 00:28:45,623 "THEATER ADDRESS GOES HERE." 593 00:28:45,690 --> 00:28:46,491 IT JUST SAYS THAT. 594 00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:48,493 THAT'S A REAL MYSTERY RIGHT OFF THE BAT. 595 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,327 >> IT IS. 596 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:52,430 WE'RE GOING TO SEND OUT THE POKEMONS. 597 00:28:52,497 --> 00:28:54,399 YOU'LL SEE THE POKEMONS AND KNOW WHERE TO GO. 598 00:28:54,466 --> 00:28:58,369 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT I BELIEVE YOU. 599 00:28:58,436 --> 00:29:02,407 DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? 600 00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:05,577 YOU SAY YOU LOVE CLASSICAL MUSIC. 601 00:29:05,643 --> 00:29:06,377 DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE COMPOSER? 602 00:29:06,444 --> 00:29:09,547 >> I'M QUITE ECLECTIC. 603 00:29:09,614 --> 00:29:14,152 I DISCOVERED ALEX ROSS WHO IS, YOU KNOW, AN INCREDIBLE MUSIC 604 00:29:14,219 --> 00:29:16,454 JOURNALIST, AND I READ HIM ALL THE TIME. 605 00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:22,360 HE HAD GIVEN A LECTURE, AN ANIMATED LECTURE WITH THE 606 00:29:22,427 --> 00:29:28,600 AUSTRALIAN CHAMBER ORCHESTRA, AND THEY PLAYED ZENAKIS, A GREEK 607 00:29:28,666 --> 00:29:29,367 COMPOSER. 608 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:30,468 THAT WAS CATACLYSMIC HEARING THAT. 609 00:29:30,535 --> 00:29:32,837 BUT YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO IT ALL THE TIME. 610 00:29:32,904 --> 00:29:36,307 >> Stephen: IS IT MOSTLY CLASSICAL OR DO YOU GO WITH THE 611 00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:37,442 POP MUSIC THERE? 612 00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,445 >> I GO WITH A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, A LITTLE BIT OF THAT. 613 00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:42,747 I WILL MIX THE GIRL BAND IN WITH THE-- YEAH. 614 00:29:42,814 --> 00:29:44,916 >> Stephen: GETTING IN THE CAR, CRANKING IT UP WITH YOUR 615 00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:45,583 KIDS IN THE CAR? 616 00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:46,351 >> NO. 617 00:29:46,417 --> 00:29:47,385 THAT'S THE THING. 618 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:50,755 FOUR KIDS, THE SOUND OF SILENCE, YOU KNOW... 619 00:29:50,822 --> 00:29:53,858 ( LAUGHTER ) JOHN CAGE-- YOU KNOW. 620 00:29:53,925 --> 00:29:57,295 >> Stephen: "NOBODY TALK!" >> NOBODY'S TALKING. 621 00:29:57,362 --> 00:29:59,364 I HAD A LOT OF MUSIC IN MY LIFE. 622 00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:01,566 BUT THE CACOPHONY IN EVERYDAY LIFE. 623 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,735 THEY GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND THEY GO TO SCHOOL AND YOU THINK 624 00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:07,772 ABOUT PUTTING SOMETHING ON, AND YOU SAY, "NO, I CAN HEAR BIRDS. 625 00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:10,375 I CAN HEAR FLOOR BOARDS CREEK. 626 00:30:10,441 --> 00:30:14,112 I CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF MY INNER MONOLOGUE-- WHICH I DON'T WANT 627 00:30:14,179 --> 00:30:15,346 TO LISTEN TO MOST OF THE TIME. 628 00:30:15,413 --> 00:30:18,783 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE FROM THE FILM, IT'S AGAIN 629 00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:19,751 QUITE MYSTERIOUS. 630 00:30:19,817 --> 00:30:21,686 >> WE DON'T WANT TO TELL THE AUDIENCE TOO MUCH. 631 00:30:21,753 --> 00:30:25,323 >> Stephen: I'M JUST SAYS MYSTERIOUS. 632 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:26,357 >> SHE DRIVES FAST CARS. 633 00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:29,627 SHE RUNS AND SHE SHE CONDUCTS. 634 00:30:29,694 --> 00:30:30,828 AND THESE IN CRISIS. 635 00:30:30,895 --> 00:30:32,897 IS THAT ENOUGH? 636 00:30:32,964 --> 00:30:34,199 GO SEE IT IN CINEMAS. 637 00:30:34,265 --> 00:30:35,500 THIS IS THE THING. 638 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:38,870 I WANT PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE IT IN CINEMAS AND KNOW NOTHING 639 00:30:38,937 --> 00:30:39,771 ABOUT IT. 640 00:30:39,837 --> 00:30:40,471 >> Stephen: WE DON'T HAVE TO SHOW THE CLIP. 641 00:30:40,538 --> 00:30:42,273 >> I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE. 642 00:30:42,340 --> 00:30:44,309 I CAN HIDE-- YOU CAN CUT THIS WHOLE THING OUT. 643 00:30:44,375 --> 00:30:45,944 >> Stephen: YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO BE HERE. 644 00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:47,979 THEY'VE SEEN A LOT OF ME ALREADY. 645 00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:50,048 HERE IS THE TRAILER THAT CATE BROUGHT US. 646 00:31:18,543 --> 00:31:20,545 ( SIREN ) ( SCREAMING ) 647 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,511 >> IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU. 648 00:31:53,578 --> 00:31:54,479 ( LAUGHTER ) >> "TAR" IS IN THEATERS FRIDAY. 649 00:31:54,545 --> 00:31:58,383 CATE BLANCHETT, EVERYBODY! 650 00:31:58,449 --> 00:32:00,385 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "THE PATIENT," DOMHNALL GLEESON. 651 00:32:14,565 --> 00:32:18,936 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 652 00:32:19,003 --> 00:32:20,805 TO THE SHOW-GRAM ALREADY IN PROGRESS. 653 00:32:20,872 --> 00:32:24,442 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM 654 00:32:24,509 --> 00:32:27,945 "ABOUT TIME," "EX MACHINA," AND "STAR WARS." 655 00:32:28,012 --> 00:32:32,417 HE NOW STARS IN "THE PATIENT." 656 00:32:32,483 --> 00:32:40,191 >> I WANT TO SHOW HIM-- I WANT TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BEHAVE TO 657 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:42,627 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. 658 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:43,161 I... 659 00:32:43,227 --> 00:32:44,862 I STILL WANT TO DO IT. 660 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:06,684 >> THANKS. 661 00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:10,521 WAS IT LIKE THAT WITH THE OTHER ONES? 662 00:33:10,588 --> 00:33:15,126 DID THEY DO SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU WANT TO TEACH THEM A LESSON? 663 00:33:15,193 --> 00:33:18,162 >> YES. 664 00:33:18,229 --> 00:33:20,231 THEY WERE ALL-- EVERYONE OF THEM DESERVED IT. 665 00:33:24,001 --> 00:33:26,003 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME, DOMHNALL GLEESON. 666 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:36,781 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 667 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:40,918 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 668 00:33:40,985 --> 00:33:41,853 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 669 00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:43,454 >> Stephen: DOMHNALL GLEESON, THERE YOU GO. 670 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:44,956 >> HELLO! 671 00:33:45,022 --> 00:33:45,757 >> Stephen: HELLO. 672 00:33:45,823 --> 00:33:47,392 SO-- SO NICE TO TALK TO YOU. 673 00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:50,962 I'VE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO INTERVIEW YOU BEFORE. 674 00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:54,165 BUT I-- I JUST FOUND OUT, SHORTLY BEFORE THE SHOW, THAT I 675 00:33:54,232 --> 00:33:58,236 HAVE ACTUALLY HAD YOU ON MY SHOW BEFORE, THE OLD SHOW. 676 00:33:58,302 --> 00:33:58,736 >> YEAH. 677 00:33:58,803 --> 00:34:00,104 >> Stephen: IN 2014. 678 00:34:00,171 --> 00:34:01,072 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 679 00:34:01,139 --> 00:34:02,140 >> YEAH. 680 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:03,207 A LONG TIME AGO. 681 00:34:03,274 --> 00:34:06,077 >> Stephen: YEAH, SO EIGHT YEARS AGO, YOU CAME ON AND 682 00:34:06,144 --> 00:34:10,548 PLAYED KEYBOARDS IN A BAND FOR A MOVIE CALLED "FRANK." 683 00:34:10,615 --> 00:34:11,716 >> YEAH. 684 00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:15,920 >> Stephen: THAT IS RIGHT THERE, MICHAEL FASBENDER IN THE 685 00:34:15,987 --> 00:34:16,554 HEAD. 686 00:34:16,621 --> 00:34:18,122 AND THAT'S YOU RIGHT THERE. 687 00:34:18,189 --> 00:34:20,992 PLAYING KEYBOARDS RIGHT THERE. 688 00:34:21,058 --> 00:34:24,829 ( APPLAUSE ) AND THE BAND THAT APPEARS IN THE 689 00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:26,097 MOVIE IS CALLED... 690 00:34:26,164 --> 00:34:30,067 >> THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. 691 00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:33,738 THE IDEA WAS THE BAND'S NAME WAS UNPRONOUNCABLE. 692 00:34:33,805 --> 00:34:36,941 AND YOU NAILED IT. 693 00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:37,675 ( APPLAUSE ). 694 00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:38,176 >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 695 00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:39,343 .I LIKE TO DO THAT. 696 00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:43,414 >> YOU CAN IMAGINE MY DISMAY WHEN A FEW WEEKS AGO YOU HAD 697 00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:46,684 STEVE CARELL ON THE SHOW, AND YOU SAID, "NOW, IN THIS SERIES 698 00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:54,559 YOU ARE WITH DOMHNALL GLEESON." 699 00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:55,760 IT WAS A CAR CRASH. 700 00:34:55,827 --> 00:34:56,761 IT WAS A MESS. 701 00:34:56,828 --> 00:34:58,696 >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T BLAME ME. 702 00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:01,999 IRISH NAMES ARE IMPOSSIBLE. 703 00:35:02,066 --> 00:35:06,571 >> I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS FROM A COAL-BERT. 704 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:14,178 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT'S A FAIR COP. 705 00:35:14,245 --> 00:35:14,679 SORRY ABOUT THAT. 706 00:35:14,745 --> 00:35:15,813 >> THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 707 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:19,417 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THE OTHER GUEST WE HAVE ON TONIGHT 708 00:35:19,484 --> 00:35:23,588 IS THE GREAT CATE BLANCHETT, AND HAVE YOU WORKED WITH HER BEFORE? 709 00:35:23,654 --> 00:35:26,190 >> I'VE NEVER-- I'VE NEVER WORKED WITH HER. 710 00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:30,795 BUT I MET HER ONCE BEFORE, AND IT WAS A BIG-- LIKE, A BIG DEAL 711 00:35:30,862 --> 00:35:33,664 FOR ME BECAUSE I LOVE HER AS AN ACTOR, OBVIOUSLY. 712 00:35:33,731 --> 00:35:38,369 WHEN I WAS 19 I DID MY FIRST JORK A MARTIN McDONOUGH PLAY, 713 00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:41,839 THAT TIME FOR SOME REASON-- NO, I KNOW THE REASON. 714 00:35:41,906 --> 00:35:45,576 PEOPLE USED TO CALL ME CATE ALL THE TIME. 715 00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:48,546 MY WHOLE CAST WOULD CALL ME CATE. 716 00:35:48,613 --> 00:35:53,251 BECAUSE I LOOKED REALLY LIKE CATE BLANCHETT WHEN I WAS 19 717 00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:53,784 YEARS OLD. 718 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:54,986 SHE DOESN'T DO THAT. 719 00:35:55,052 --> 00:35:56,153 SHE DOESN'T DO THAT. 720 00:35:56,220 --> 00:35:59,090 >> Stephen: NO, I SEE IT, THE BONE-- THE BONE STRUCTURE IS 721 00:35:59,156 --> 00:35:59,490 THERE, EXACTLY. 722 00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:00,324 >> YEAH, YEAH. 723 00:36:00,391 --> 00:36:01,559 AND IT WAS REALLY INTENSE. 724 00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:04,195 I WOULD WALK DOWN THE STREET AND PEOPLE WOULD STOP ME -- 725 00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:07,098 >> Stephen: YOU MEAN NOT PEOPLE PULLING YOUR LEGS. 726 00:36:07,164 --> 00:36:08,366 STRANGERS. 727 00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:12,703 >> PEOPLE WOULD STOP ME AND SAY, "DO YOU KNOW--" AND I WOULD SAY, 728 00:36:12,770 --> 00:36:14,972 "YES, I KNOW, I LOOK LIKE CATE BLANCHETT." 729 00:36:15,039 --> 00:36:17,942 AND THEY WOULD SAY, "I'M VERY SORRY, SCBTS LEAVE. 730 00:36:18,009 --> 00:36:25,082 WHEN I MET HER YEARS LATER, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE BACKSTAGE AT 731 00:36:25,149 --> 00:36:30,021 THE BAFTAs-- I'VE BEEN TO THE-- I WAS NOT NOMINATED. 732 00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:30,955 SHE WAS. 733 00:36:31,022 --> 00:36:33,558 AND I MET HER IN A CORRIDOR RIGHT BEFORE IT. 734 00:36:33,624 --> 00:36:34,692 AND SOMEBODY INTRODUCED ME. 735 00:36:34,759 --> 00:36:40,298 AND I WAS JUST THINKING, DON'T SAY, "WE LOOK-- DO YOU GET 736 00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:43,067 PEOPLE SAYING YOU LOOK LIKE DOMHNALL GLEESON!" 737 00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:45,636 AND I WAS LIKE DON'T, DON'T DO IT. 738 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,139 DON'T GET WEIRD WITH THE GREAT CATE BLANCHETT. 739 00:36:48,205 --> 00:36:49,073 >> Stephen: HARD NOT TO. 740 00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:52,643 >> I SAID, "I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK. 741 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:56,581 I'D LOVE TO WORK WITH YOU SOME DAY, AND IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET 742 00:36:56,647 --> 00:36:57,214 YOU." 743 00:36:57,281 --> 00:36:59,317 AND SHE WAS VERY NICE BACK. 744 00:36:59,383 --> 00:37:01,919 AND I WALKED AWAY, STRAIGHT INTO THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM. 745 00:37:01,986 --> 00:37:06,924 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 746 00:37:06,991 --> 00:37:10,227 >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOW STARRING IN "THE PATIENT" WITH 747 00:37:10,294 --> 00:37:13,698 MY OLD BUDDY, STEVE CARELL, AS YOU POINTED OUT. 748 00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:16,267 HE'S A VERY-- HE'S A VERY PLEASANT GUY. 749 00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:17,635 HE'S A LOVELY FELLOW. 750 00:37:17,702 --> 00:37:19,236 DID YOU HAVE FUN WORKING WITH HIM? 751 00:37:19,303 --> 00:37:21,005 >> I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. 752 00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:24,675 I MEAN, IT'S QUITE A SERIOUS SHOW. 753 00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,077 IT'S VERY TENSE. 754 00:37:26,143 --> 00:37:29,113 IT'S DRAMATIC-- IT'S FUNNY IN PLACES AND ALL THE REST. 755 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:33,818 BUT STEVE, LIKE, SO THE SETUP OF THE SHOW IS I PLAY A SERIAL 756 00:37:33,884 --> 00:37:38,556 KILLER WHO KIDNAPS A THERAPIST AND KEEPS HIM CHAINED UP IN MY 757 00:37:38,623 --> 00:37:40,124 BASEMENT TO DO THERAPY WITH ME. 758 00:37:40,191 --> 00:37:42,893 SO THAT I WILL NOT KILL AGAIN. 759 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:48,032 >> Stephen: STEVE SAID HE INSISTED ON REAL CHAINS. 760 00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:49,066 >> HE WAS. 761 00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:51,435 AND WITH A FULL-ON MANACLE, AND HE COULDN'T LEAVE. 762 00:37:51,502 --> 00:37:55,506 IT WAS REALLY A KIND OF INTENSE AND KIND OF HEAVY FOR HIM. 763 00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,476 AND WE'D BE LEAVING IN THE EVENINGS, AND HE WOULD BE 764 00:37:58,542 --> 00:37:59,610 SAYING-- I THINK IT WAS GETTING ON TOP OF HIM. 765 00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:00,778 IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT. 766 00:38:00,845 --> 00:38:07,084 AND I WOULD SAY, "ARE YOU OKAY?" "YES, IT'S A HEAVY LOAD TO 767 00:38:07,151 --> 00:38:07,652 CARRY." 768 00:38:07,718 --> 00:38:10,388 AND I WOULD SAY, "YES." 769 00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:11,255 BECAUSE I WAS DOING FINE. 770 00:38:11,322 --> 00:38:12,823 >> Stephen: YOU WERE PLAYING THE PSYCHO. 771 00:38:12,890 --> 00:38:15,493 >> I'M KILLING PEEP, DRIVING AROUND IN MY TRUCK. 772 00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:16,327 I'M FINE. 773 00:38:16,394 --> 00:38:18,529 HE WAS JUST CHAINED UP THE WHOLE TIME. 774 00:38:18,596 --> 00:38:22,299 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE-- LIKE DID YOU HAVE TO FIND A PART 775 00:38:22,366 --> 00:38:25,002 OF YOURSELF THAT WOULDN'T MIND STRANGLING PEOPLE? 776 00:38:25,069 --> 00:38:25,936 >> YEAH. 777 00:38:26,003 --> 00:38:27,204 AND IT WAS -- >> Stephen: HOW HARD WAS THAT 778 00:38:27,271 --> 00:38:29,140 FOR YOU TO-- >> IT WAS RIGHT THERE. 779 00:38:29,206 --> 00:38:34,345 WHEN I WAS WATCHING THE SHOW AND YOU MISPRONOUNCED MY NAME I'M 780 00:38:34,412 --> 00:38:35,980 LIKE I'M GOING TO ( BLEEP ). 781 00:38:36,047 --> 00:38:41,085 >> Stephen: NOW, I'VE GOT YOUR DAD, BRENDAN GLEASON-- DID I 782 00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:41,686 PRONOUNCE HIS NAME CORRECTLY? 783 00:38:41,752 --> 00:38:42,553 >> NO. 784 00:38:42,620 --> 00:38:43,821 >> Stephen: OKAY. 785 00:38:43,888 --> 00:38:44,922 HE'S MY GUEST ON MONDAY. 786 00:38:44,989 --> 00:38:45,756 >> YES. 787 00:38:45,823 --> 00:38:47,491 >> Stephen: ANYTHING I SHOULD ASK HIM? 788 00:38:47,558 --> 00:38:52,296 HOW SHOULD I-- HOW SHOULD I NAIL HIM? 789 00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:53,698 >> WHAT? 790 00:38:53,764 --> 00:38:57,334 SAY MY NAME. 791 00:38:57,401 --> 00:38:58,269 >> Stephen: DOMHNALL. 792 00:38:58,335 --> 00:39:01,839 >> YOU CAN ASK HIM WHY HE NAMED ME THAT WAY. 793 00:39:01,906 --> 00:39:04,041 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SO IT'S NOT JUST 794 00:39:04,108 --> 00:39:05,309 ME. 795 00:39:05,376 --> 00:39:08,612 THIS HAS BEEN A CROSS FOR YOU TO BEAR, PEOPLE MISPRONOUNCING YOUR 796 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:09,747 NAME. 797 00:39:09,814 --> 00:39:14,552 >> MY BROTHER'S NAME IS BRIE-AN, BUT IT'S SPELLED BRIAN. 798 00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:15,553 THERE'S NO GIVEAWAY. 799 00:39:15,619 --> 00:39:17,254 >> Stephen: THAT'S CRUELTY. 800 00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:21,292 THAT WOULD BE LIKE BEING NAMED COLBERT AND SPELLING IT 801 00:39:21,358 --> 00:39:21,726 COAL-BERT. 802 00:39:21,792 --> 00:39:22,560 >> INSANE, YEAH. 803 00:39:22,626 --> 00:39:23,894 ( LAUGHTER ). 804 00:39:23,961 --> 00:39:25,896 >> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE. 805 00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:28,499 THERE'S YOU AND YOUR BROTHER, BRIAN. 806 00:39:28,566 --> 00:39:29,834 THERE'S YOU, THERE'S BRIAN. 807 00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:30,735 THERE'S YOUR DAD. 808 00:39:30,801 --> 00:39:32,136 WHAT'S IT LIKE TO PERFORM WITH THE FAMILY? 809 00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:34,004 >> IT'S THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. 810 00:39:34,071 --> 00:39:34,438 >> Stephen: REALLY? 811 00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:35,372 >> YES. 812 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,108 THEY'RE LIKE MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. 813 00:39:37,174 --> 00:39:41,612 I'VE GOT TWO OTHER BROTHERS WHO ARE ALSO MY FAVORITE PEOPLE, AND 814 00:39:41,679 --> 00:39:42,480 MY MAM. 815 00:39:42,546 --> 00:39:44,281 AS A GROUP, THEY'RE MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. 816 00:39:44,348 --> 00:39:47,118 AND GETTING TO WORK WITH GREAT PEOPLE WHO ARE ALSO GREAT AT 817 00:39:47,184 --> 00:39:52,056 WHAT THEY DO IS ONE OF THE JOYS OF GETTING TO WORK IN SHOW BIZ 818 00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:53,190 OR WHATEVER. 819 00:39:53,257 --> 00:39:54,925 >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE FAMILY, AND WHEN IT'S OVER, DO 820 00:39:54,992 --> 00:39:56,794 THEY GIVE YOU NOTES? 821 00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:59,497 DO THEY GIVE YOU FAMILY NOTES. 822 00:39:59,563 --> 00:40:03,100 >> DO NOT TRY TO BREAK UP THE GLEASONS STEPHEN. 823 00:40:03,167 --> 00:40:04,235 WE WILL BREAK YOU. 824 00:40:04,301 --> 00:40:06,937 >> Stephen: THAT'S FAIR ENOUGH. 825 00:40:07,004 --> 00:40:09,140 NEW EPISODES OF "THE PATIENT" ARE AVAILABLE ON HULU ON 826 00:40:09,206 --> 00:40:10,941 TUESDAYS. 827 00:40:11,008 --> 00:40:11,509 DOMHNALL GLEESON, EVERYBODY. 828 00:40:11,575 --> 00:40:12,643 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 829 00:40:18,482 --> 00:40:20,851 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATESHOW." 830 00:40:20,918 --> 00:40:21,452 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. 831 00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:23,521 GOOD NIGHT.