1 00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:05,238 >> RAPPER AND PRODUCER YE WEST, FORMERLY KNOWN AS KANYE WEST, IS 2 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,941 BACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT. TWITTER HAS LOCKED HIS ACCOUNT 3 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,243 OVER TWEETS THAT IT DEEMED ANTI-SEMITIC. 4 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:13,613 >> HE SPARKED BOTH OUTRAGE AND PRAISE FOR DEBUTING HIS "WHITE 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,516 LIVES MATTER" SHIRT AT HIS PARIS FASHION WEEK SHOW, AND HE GOT 6 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:19,686 SOME BACKLASH FOLLOWING A SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW WITH TUCKER 7 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:23,990 CARLSON LAST WEEK. >> YOU KNOW, I FELT LIKE THE 8 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:27,527 PEOPLE AT THE GAP KNEW ABOUT THE SCHOOL SHOOTING THAT MATTHEW 9 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,029 MCCONAUGHEY WAS TALKING ABOUT BEFORE IT EVEN HAPPENED. 10 00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:32,632 AND THEN I HEARD ABOUT IT ON THE RADIO DRIVING. 11 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,301 AND I WAS LIKE, AM I ON THE TRUMAN SHOW? 12 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,871 HAVE I REACHED ALEX JONES TERRITORY YET? 13 00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:52,819 ( SUNG TO "STRONGER" ) S 14 00:00:52,886 --> 00:01:24,517 ( SUNG TO "STRONGER" ) S 15 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,054 >> I WILL EVENTUALLY BE PRESIDENT BEFORE, YOU KNOW, IN 16 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,189 MY LIFETIME. 17 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:32,992 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 18 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:38,131 TONIGHT: A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED BORDER. 19 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:44,971 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: COLLIN FARRELL 20 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:50,043 AND BRENDAN GLEESON AND COMEDIAN PAUL MERCURIO 21 00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:53,313 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 22 00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:58,751 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 23 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:03,690 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 24 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:19,205 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 25 00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:24,978 >> Stephen: NICELY DONE. >> Audience: STEPHEN! 26 00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,514 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 27 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,249 STEPHEN. >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU. 28 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:34,621 HAPPY MONDAY. HAPPY MONDAY. 29 00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:38,057 WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 30 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,593 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I HOPE-- 31 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:47,500 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WEEKEND. 32 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:51,104 I HAD A FANTASTIC WEEKEND. IT WAS EVIE AND MY 29th 33 00:02:51,170 --> 00:03:00,947 ANNIVERSARY YESTERDAY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 34 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:15,895 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MADE SOUP. 35 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,598 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MADE SOUP. 36 00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:23,403 WATCHED A MOVIE. YOU KNOW WHO DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD 37 00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:24,504 WEEKEND? RUSSIAN PRESIDENT AND GUY 38 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,606 WORKING THE TELETHON WHO'S DEATHLY AFRAID OF PHONES, 39 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,341 VLADIMIR PUTIN. FRIDAY WAS PUTIN'S 70th 40 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:33,646 BIRTHDAY, AND UKRAINE GAVE HIM A REALLY SPECIAL GIFT-- THEY BLEW 41 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:42,221 UP THE BRIDGE CONNECTING RUSSIA TO CRIMEA! 42 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,457 BOOM! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 43 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:51,364 VLAD. THIS IS REALLY PERSONAL FOR 44 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:55,802 PUTIN. HE TOOK THIS REALLY PERSONALLY. 45 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,704 AFTER ILLEGALLY ANNEXING CRIMEA IN 2014, HE PERSONALLY ORDERED 46 00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:00,073 THE CONSTRUCTION OF THIS $3.7 BILLION BRIDGE, AND OPENED 47 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,608 IT HIMSELF, DUBBING IT THE "BRIDGE OF DREAMS." 48 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:06,813 JUST LIKE THAT MOVIE. REMEMBER THIS FAMOUS SCENE? 49 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:10,249 >> IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL BLOW IT UP. 50 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:15,488 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS BRIDGE IS 51 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:16,789 ALSO. WHO WAS THAT TALKING? 52 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,425 WHO WAS THAT? NEVER SEEN THAT MOVIE. 53 00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:23,730 HEARD VERY GOOD THINGS. THIS BRIDGE ALSO HAS ENORMOUS 54 00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:25,098 STRATEGIC SIGNIFICANCE, BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY DIRECT ROAD AND 55 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:27,166 RAIL ROUTE FROM MAINLAND RUSSIA TO CRIMEA, AND WITHOUT IT, THE 56 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,036 RUSSIAN MILITARY WILL BE SEVERELY LIMITED IN ITS ABILITY 57 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:34,240 TO BRING FUEL, EQUIPMENT, AND AMMUNITION TO RUSSIAN UNITS. 58 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:38,845 HEY, RUSSIAN TROOPS, GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR SINGLE RUSTY RIFLE 59 00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:41,547 AND A BASKET OF SHARPENED TURNIPS NOW! 60 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,850 ( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE ) 61 00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:48,721 I DON'T KNOW. IT'S ESPECIALLY EMBARRASSING 62 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,758 BECAUSE THE KREMLIN HAS LONG BRAGGED ABOUT THE BRIDGE'S 63 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:56,295 INVINCIBILITY, BECAUSE IT WAS GUARDED BY FIGHTER JETS, 64 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:59,132 DIVERS, AND-- THIS IS TRUE-- FIGHTING DOLPHINS. 65 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:03,670 ( LAUGHTER ) MARINE CORPS. 66 00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:10,777 ( LAUGHTER ) EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EEEEE! 67 00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:13,513 ( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE ) 68 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:18,751 THAT WAS MY-- EEEE! UNFORTUNATELY FOR RUSSIA, THE 69 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,688 BRIDGE WAS TAKEN DOWN BY A TRUCK BOMB, WHICH SOMEHOW EVADED 70 00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:25,558 RUSSIA'S CRACK SQUAD OF DOLPHIN TRUCKERS. 71 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:31,564 ( LAUGHTER ) A SERIES OF TERRORIST MISSILE 72 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,933 ATTACKS AGAINST UKRAINIAN CIVILIAN TARGETS. 73 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:39,305 BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, BECAUSE-- AND I WANT EVERYONE TO 74 00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:44,544 BREATHE, STAY CALM WHEN I SAY THIS-- PUTIN HAS NUKES. 75 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,412 IN FACT, THURSDAY NIGHT, BIDEN WARNED THAT WE PRESENTLY FACE 76 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,715 THE MOST SERIOUS "PROSPECT OF ARMAGEDDON SINCE KENNEDY AND 77 00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:52,618 THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS." THAT IS SCARY. 78 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:58,491 JOE BETTER GET THOSE NUCLEAR CODES BACK FROM MAR-A-LAGO. 79 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:04,330 ( APPLAUSE ) IS THAT WHERE THEY ARE? 80 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:07,066 IT'S NOT REASSURING. THE LAST WEEK THE DEPARTMENT OF 81 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:11,037 HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES SPENT $290 MILLION ON A DRUG TO TREAT 82 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,307 RADIATION SICKNESS, WHICH THEY CLAIM IS COINCIDENTAL. 83 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:21,380 YEAH. YEAH, SOUNDS SO COINCIDENTAL. 84 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,583 IT'S LIKE SAYING, "YEAH, A LOT OF BEEFY MEN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD 85 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,485 HAVE DISAPPEARED WITH NO TRACE. ANYWAY, WHO WANTS MEAT PIES? 86 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:30,456 I HAVE A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT." NUCLEAR WAR-- I KNOW IT'S A DARK 87 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,391 JOKE. IT'S A VERY DARK JOKE. 88 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,627 BUT THESE ARE THE TIMES WE LIVE IN. 89 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,062 NUCLEAR WAR ISN'T THE ONLY THING ON BIDEN'S MIND. 90 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,332 THE NEXT DAY, HE WENT TO MARYLAND TO GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT 91 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,334 THE ECONOMY, AND HERE'S HOW THAT WENT. 92 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:46,906 >> LET ME START OFF WITH TWO WORDS: MADE IN AMERICA. 93 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:59,752 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I HAVE TWO WORDS FOR 94 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:03,189 YOU: "WHAT THE (BLEEP)?" ( LAUGHTER ) 95 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:15,635 AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I REGRET TO INFORM YOU ONCE AGAIN 96 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:22,408 IT IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT WRAP RAPPER AND ALSO REYNOLD RAPPER, 97 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:29,215 KANYE WEST. FOR YEARS, WEST HAS BEEN SLOWLY 98 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,150 DESCENDING INTO MAGA MADNESS, AND THIS WEEKEND, AFTER YEARS OF 99 00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,819 SILENCE ON TWITTER, HE RETURNED TO THE APP AND TWEETED DEATH 100 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:38,424 THREATS AT JEWISH PEOPLE IN GENERAL, THEN MIDTWEET, SEEMING 101 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:44,230 TO SENSE THE BACKLASH, TRIED TO RATIONALIZE HIS 102 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,466 ANTI-SEMITISM BY PRE-BUTTING: "THE FUNNY THING IS I ACTUALLY 103 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,302 CAN'T BE ANTI-SEMITIC BECAUSE BLACK PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY JEW." 104 00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:51,370 AH, YES, THE CLASSIC EXCUSE OF "I CAN'T BE ANTISEMITIC. 105 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,206 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE JEWISH. 106 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:56,475 AND SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ME. 107 00:07:56,542 --> 00:08:00,146 AND ME HAVE SOME INTERESTING IDEAS ABOUT JEW." 108 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:09,188 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE THINKING STEVE, KANYE'S 109 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:10,456 BEEN ACTING ERRATICALLY FOR A WHILE. 110 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,291 THIS VILE ACT OF ANTI-SEMITISM IS SOMETHING ANYONE WITH A BRAIN 111 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:13,559 COULD SEE COMING, WHICH IS WHY SO MANY ON THE RIGHT CHOSE NOT 112 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,295 TO SEE THIS COMING, INCLUDING THE G.O.P. HOUSE JUDICIARY 113 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:19,699 COMMITTEE, WHICH LAST WEEK, AFTER YE WORE A T-SHIRT THAT 114 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:23,302 SAID "WHITE LIVES MATTER," TWEETED: 115 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:27,740 "KANYE. ELON. THE FORMER "KANYE. ELON. THE FORMER 116 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,443 PRESIDENT." WHAT IS, "THREE PEOPLE I WOULD 117 00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:33,045 TRAP IN A PORTA POTTY AND ROLL IT DOWN A HILL?" 118 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:42,154 ( LAUGHTER ) ( DING ) 119 00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:46,492 IT WASN'T JUST G.O.P. CONGRESSPEOPLE WHO EMBRACED YE. 120 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,830 IT WAS ALSO THE LEADER OF THE PARTY, TUCKER CARLSON. 121 00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:53,833 LAST WEEK, "ER" HAD YE ON FOR AN INTERVIEW TO TALK ABOUT HOW IT 122 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:58,104 FEELS TO BE A PERSECUTED MAGA REPUBLICAN. 123 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:03,476 >> IT DROVE ME CRAZY TO NOT BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I LIKED TRUMP. 124 00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,211 THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S ME. 125 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:09,115 IMAGINE ME NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY WHAT I WANTED. 126 00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:14,854 >> Stephen: OKAY, HOLD IT. LET ME IMAGINE IT. 127 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:23,763 ( APPLAUSE ) OOO. 128 00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:27,800 I GOT-- I GOT CHILLS. EVERYTHING-- EVERYTHING FEELS SO 129 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,703 GOOD. I'M SORRY, WHAT'D YOU SAY? 130 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,838 NOTHING? AHHH. 131 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:44,016 ( APPLAUSE ) THAN THE WEEKEND "FOX & 132 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:49,388 FRIENDS," WHO SAID THIS AFTER AFTER, I WANT TO POINT OUT, 133 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:55,594 AFTER KANYE HAD TWEETED DEATH THREATS AT ALL JEWISH PEOPLE. 134 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,296 >> WELL, THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT KANYE, OR YE, WAS GOING TO 135 00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,931 HAVE TO BE TAKEN DOWN AFTER WHAT HAPPENED IN THE TUCKER CARLSON 136 00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,199 INTERVIEW AFTER WEARING THAT SHIRT. 137 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,235 THE TARGET IS OVER HIM. >> JUST TOTALLY UNSURPRISING. 138 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:09,075 YOU COULD SEE IT COMING FROM A MILE AWAY. 139 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:14,213 THIS GUY WILL BE THE TARGET OF BIG TECH BECAUSE HE'S TOO 140 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,183 DANGEROUS, TOO MUCH OF A FREE THINKER. 141 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:18,517 >> Stephen: YES, YE'S A FREE THINKER. 142 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:23,389 ONLY SOMEONE COMPLETELY FREE OF THOUGHT WOULD CALL THIS A SHOE. 143 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,258 BUT LATER IN THAT VERY SAME SHOW, THE "FOX & FRIENDS" 144 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,527 FINALLY DECIDED TO READ ABOUT THE THING THEY WERE COMPLAINING 145 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:31,897 ABOUT ON TV. AND LET'S SAY, I HOPE THEY 146 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,033 DIDN'T PULL A HAMMY BACK-PEDALING THIS FAST: 147 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:37,770 >> UNFORTUNATE. >> PRETTY UGLY. 148 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:41,707 >> IT'S UGLY, YEAH. >> WE TALKED ABOUT IT EARLIER 149 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,510 WITHOUT KNOWING ABOUT THESE TWEETS AND SAYING, OF COURSE, 150 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,911 THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A TARGET-- AFTER WHAT HE SAID WITH TUCKER, 151 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,948 THERE'S GOING TO BE A TARGET ON HIM ,NO DOUBT. 152 00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,916 BUT IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE, I MEAN, HE BROUGHT THE TARGET. 153 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:54,887 >> Stephen: AH-AH-AH! KANYE IS YOUR FREE THINKER! 154 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,856 YOU THREW A PITY PARTY AND INVITED THE GUY WHO ALWAYS POOPS 155 00:10:56,922 --> 00:11:00,359 IN THE PUNCH BOWL. NOW YOU GOTTA DRINK IT! 156 00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:14,573 L'CHAIM! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 157 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:19,078 OVER THE WEEKEND FEATURING PENNSYLVANIA SENATE CANDIDATE 158 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,448 AND STRIP CLUB PATRON WHO'S CLEARLY FORGOTTEN THE GIRLS ARE 159 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,851 PAID TO TALK TO HIM, DR. OZ. LAST WEEK AT A FUNDRAISER, OZ'S 160 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:29,588 CAMPAIGN HAD A MESSAGING ISSUE WHEN HE DELIVERED A SPEECH IN 161 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:33,492 FRONT OF ADOLF HITLER'S CAR. THAT IS HORRIBLE, BUT IT DOES 162 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,562 EXPLAIN HIS CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "OZ FOR A NEW GERMANY," 163 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,198 "I MEAN NEW JERSEY. I MEAN PENNSYLVANIA! 164 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:45,204 GO EAGLES! BUT NOT THE HITLER ONE!" 165 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,741 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 166 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:55,548 THE EVENT OCCURRED AT THE HOME OF HITLER'S CAR, THE LYON AIR 167 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:59,151 MUSEUM IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. OKAY, COUPLE OF PROBLEMS. 168 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:05,858 FIRST, HITLER. SECOND, "AIR MUSEUM"? 169 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,760 CARS DON'T FLY. UNLESS IT WAS THESTAR OF THE 170 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,696 ILL-ADVISED CHILDREN'S MOVIE, "NAZI, NAZI, BANG, BANG." 171 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:12,098 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 172 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:16,001 MY GUESTS ARE COLIN FARRELL AND BRENDAN GLEESON, AND COMEDIAN 173 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,970 PAUL MECURIO. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 174 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,906 "MEANWHILE!" JOIN US. 175 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,048 ( APPLAUSE ) BAND, EVERYBODY, LOUIS CATO AND 176 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:06,318 THE LATE SHOW BAND, RIGHT THERE, Y'ALL. 177 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:07,987 GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> Louis: GOOD TO SEE YOU. 178 00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:10,556 >> Stephen: HAPPY MONDAY. HAPPY MONDAY. 179 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:14,193 DID YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND? >> I DID, DID YOU. 180 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,228 >> Stephen: IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THIS WEEKEND. 181 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:19,632 AND EVIE AND I DID MAKE SOUP FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. 182 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,867 >> Louis: THAT'S AWESOME. >> Stephen: AND HERE'S THE 183 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:27,439 THING-- WE WERE LIKE, WE'LL GO OUT TO DINNER, RESERVATIONS, AND 184 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,075 THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU KNOW, WE HAD SOME PLANS, AND 185 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:34,213 THEN I MADE THIS SOUP AND I SAID, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?" 186 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,316 AND SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE JUST EAT THAT SOUP AND WATCH A 187 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,818 MOVIE." AND I WENT, "THAT'S WHY I 188 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,087 MARRIED YOU." THAT'S WHEN IT'S WORKING. 189 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:47,660 THAT IS-- THAT IS ( APPLAUSE ) 190 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:55,501 ANSWER. I GOT FANTASTIC GUESTS TONIGHT 191 00:13:55,568 --> 00:14:01,073 WITH A MOVIE THAT WE WATCHED, ACTUALLY, WAS "THE BANSHEES OF 192 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,875 INISHERIN." WHICH IS THE NEW MOVIE WITH 193 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:11,750 COLIN FARRELL AND BRENDAN GLEASON WHO ARE MY GUESTS 194 00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,920 TONIGHT. UNBELIEVABLE YOU'LL LAUGH, 195 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:17,890 YOU'LL CRY, YOU'LL LAUGH AGAIN. IT'S SO IRISH. 196 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:22,261 IT'S FUNNY AND IT'S SAD, IT'S FUNNY ABOUT BEING SAD. 197 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,897 WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY MARTIN McDONOUGH. 198 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:28,500 AND THEY'LL BE OUT HERE IN A MOMENT, HOPEFULLY TO MAKE US ALL 199 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:32,037 CRY. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME 200 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,839 RIGHT OVER THERE, SURVEYING THE RAW LANDSCAPE OF NEWS, THEN 201 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:37,443 CAREFULLY CARVING IT UP INTO THE NEWSIEST LANDFORMS, DAMMING IT'S 202 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:40,879 NATURAL WATER SEEPS TO CREATE THE MOST TOPICAL ARTIFICIAL 203 00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:52,458 STORY LAKES, THEN ADDING MEADOWS AND PLAYGROUNDS TO UNVEIL FOR 204 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:54,226 NATURAL HERITAGE-PROTECTED NEW HERITAGE-PROTECTED NEW YORK CITY 205 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,427 CENTRAL PARK THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 206 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,296 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I CRASH A STOLEN TANKER 207 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,465 OF FOUR LOKO INTO A FROG POND OFF I-95, THEN TRY TO COVER MY 208 00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:01,667 TRACKS BY BURNING IT OFF WITH FACTORY-REJECT FIREWORKS BEFORE 209 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,536 BACKFILLING THE WHOLE MESS WITH A TRUCKLOAD OF USED BATTERIES TO 210 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:07,473 CREATE THE OUTLAW SUPERFUND SITE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 211 00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:15,347 >> MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 212 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:22,354 IT'S THE OPIATE OF THE MASSES IS WHAT IT IS. 213 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:30,062 A NEW STUDY SAYS DUE TO TECTONIC SHIFTING, THE ATLANTIC OCEAN IS 214 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:35,934 SHRINKING BY AN INCH EVERY YEAR. WELL, OF COURSE IT LOOKS 215 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,305 SMALLER! THAT OCEAN WATER'S COLD! 216 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,608 MEANWHILE-- REALLY? OKAY, OKAY. 217 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,878 MEANWHILE, THE GERMAN CANDY COMPANY LIDL WAS ORDERED TO 218 00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:48,681 DESTROY GOLD CHOCOLATE BUNNIES AFTER IT LOST A COPYRIGHT CASE 219 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,949 WITH LINDT. LINDT CLAIMED THAT LIDL'S 220 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,452 CHOCOLATE BUNNIES MATCH THE SHAPE AND FEATURES OF THEIR OWN 221 00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:57,823 CANDIES. SO, IN ORDER TO AVOID BEING 222 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:01,126 ACCUSED OF MAKING CHOCOLATE BUNNIES, LIDL IS INTRODUCING 223 00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:04,296 THEIR BRAND-NEW PRODUCT THE CHOCOLATE DUCK. 224 00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:13,872 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE IT IS. 225 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:18,677 YOU MAY BE SEEING A BUNNY, BUT LEGALLY IT'S A DUCK. 226 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:22,848 ( LAUGHTER ) BREAK FOR COVID, TRADER JOE'S IS 227 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:26,285 FINALLY BRINGING BACK FREE SAMPLES! 228 00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,653 YEAH! COME ON! 229 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:37,096 ( APPLAUSE ) JUST DRANK ONE OUNCE OF COFFEE. 230 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:42,735 ( LAUGHTER ) HVAC INSTALLATIONS AND 231 00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,337 SPECULATIVE DENTAL SOLUTIONS" SOMETIMES GET SO MUCH SUPER 232 00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:48,140 MARIO NEWS THAT WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO COVER IT IN OUR 233 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:51,977 MARIO-ONLY MEANWHILE SUBSEGMENT: 234 00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:59,585 "IT'S-A-MEAN-A-WHIL-A." ( APPLAUSE ) 235 00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:03,889 IT'S-A-MEAN-A-WHIL-A, THEY RELEASED THE FIRST POSTER FOR 236 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,826 THE NEW "SUPER MARIO BROTHERS" MOVIE, AND NOW FANS ARE ASKING 237 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,696 NINTENDO TO FIX THE PLUMBER'S FLAT BUTT. 238 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:19,438 OKAY, WELL, THIS IS HOW BIG HIS BUTT IS IN THE GAMES. 239 00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,073 SO HOW FLAT COULD HIS NEW BUTT POSSIBLY-- 240 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,576 OKAY! I GET IT. WHERE DID IT GO? 241 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,746 WHERE DID IT GO? HOW HARD IS HE CLENCHING?! 242 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:34,820 I THINK I KNOW WHERE HE KEEPS THOSE COINS. 243 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,290 BESIDES MISSING MARIO'S LOVELY LADY-LUMPS, FANS WERE QUICK TO 244 00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:41,693 POINT OUT THAT "MARIO WOULD BARELY BE ABLE TO JUMP THREE 245 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,496 FEET WITH HIS CURRENT DESIGN, SO A REDESIGN IS NECESSARY TO 246 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:48,834 ENSURE HIS ACTIONS IN THE MOVIE ARE REALISTIC." 247 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,771 YES, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THIS FIRE-SHOOTING ITALIAN WHO EATS 248 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:56,608 MUSHROOMS TO DOUBLE HIS SIZE SO HE CAN FLY WITH HIS RACCOON TAIL 249 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,044 TO SAVE A PRINCESS FROM MARRYING AN EVIL TALKING 250 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:03,682 DINOSAUR-TURTLE... BE REALISTIC. 251 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:18,530 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CHARACTER'S PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES 252 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,965 AREN'T THE FANS' BIGGEST COMPLAINT. 253 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:23,302 MARIO IS BEING VOICED BY CHRIS PRATT, AND THE TRAILER REVEALED 254 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,937 THAT CHRIS PRATT SOUNDS LIKE JUST A DUDE, WITH NO ACCENT. 255 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:27,840 YOU CAN'T DO MARIO WITHOUT AN ITALIAN ACCENT! 256 00:18:27,906 --> 00:18:31,176 HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE'S FROM JAPAN? 257 00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:37,282 ( LAUGHTER ) FARRELL AND BRENDAN GLEESON. 258 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,074 ( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY,INGS WELCOME BACK TO 259 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:06,245 "THE LATE SHOW." WITH ME. 260 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:09,648 MY FIRST GUESTS ARE ACCLAIMED IRISH ACTORS WHO FIRST 261 00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,718 CO-STARRED IN 2008'S "IN BRUGES." 262 00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:17,022 THEY'VE NOW RETEAMED FOR "THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN." 263 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:20,425 >> NOW, IF I'VE DONE SOMETHING TO YOU, JUST TELL ME WHAT I'VE 264 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,828 DONE TO YOU. AND IF I SAID SOMETHIG TO YOU, 265 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:26,198 MAYBE I SAID SOMETHING WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND I'VE FORGOTTEN IT. 266 00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:31,937 IF I DID SAY SOMETHING WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND FORGOTTEN IT,s 267 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,007 I'D SAY SORRY. JUST STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM ME 268 00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:38,110 LIKE SOME FOOL OF A MOODY SCHOOL CHILD. 269 00:19:38,176 --> 00:19:41,613 >> BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME. 270 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,550 YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME. >> WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WAS 271 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:45,584 THINKING. LIKE... 272 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:57,963 >> I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU NO MORE. 273 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,034 >> YOU DO LIKE ME. >> I DON'T. 274 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:06,405 >> YOU LIKED ME YESTERDAY. >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME COLIN 275 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:10,108 FARRELL AND BRENDAN GLEESON. ♪ ♪ ♪ 276 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:25,057 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING ) 277 00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:33,565 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING ) 278 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:37,402 YOU GUYS HERE. >> IT'S FANTASTIC TO BE HERE. 279 00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:39,771 >> Stephen: I WAS SAYING TO THE AUDIENCE AND SAYING TO LOUIS 280 00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:43,675 EARLIER JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL AND AFFECTING THIS MOVIE IS. 281 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,645 IT'S JUST EXTRAORDINARY. AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO 282 00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:52,017 THINKS SO. IT PREMIERED AT THE VENICE FILM 283 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,019 FESTIVAL. IT GOT ONE OF THE LONGEST 284 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,222 STANDING OVATION. IT GOT A 15-MINUTE STANDING 285 00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:58,357 OVATION. WHAT'S THAT LIKE? 286 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,425 >> TIRING. >> Stephen: REALLY? 287 00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:04,396 WHAT DO YOU DO FOR 15 MINUTES. >> I TRIED TO LEAVE AT ABOUT THE 288 00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:08,333 SEVENTH MINUTE I THINK IS WHEN MY EGO FELT GOOD ENOUGH THAT I'D 289 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,435 HAD ENOUGH. I TRIED TO LEAVE, AND THEY SAID 290 00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:12,938 YOU CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL EVERYONE STOPS CLAPPING. 291 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:17,976 >> I WAS MORTIFIED, FRANKLY. ABOUT-- YOU KNOW, IN AROUND THE 292 00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:23,415 SAME TIME IT STARTED TO GET, THIS WAS AMAZING-- IT IS 293 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,183 AMAZING. WHAT WAS LOVELY IS IT WAS ALL 294 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:27,886 HEART. THERE WERE SUBTITLES ON THE 295 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,154 MOVIE. SOME OF THE GUYS COULD HAVE DONE 296 00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:33,258 WITH SOME SUBTITLES, BUT THIS WAS GOING INTO ITALIAN AND THEY 297 00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:36,261 WERE LAUGHING AND KIND OF RESPONDING AS IT WAS GOING ON. 298 00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:39,498 THE OVATION FELT HEARTFELT. BUT AFTER A WHILE ENOUGH-- I 299 00:21:39,564 --> 00:21:42,834 MEAN, IT'S OKAY. THEY LET YOU OFF THE HOOK. 300 00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:51,777 >> I WAS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS I WAS TOLD THAT WAS BREAKING THE 301 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:55,447 ( BLEEP ) RULES. >> WE LOOKED ACROSS AT MARTIN 302 00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:58,183 McDONAGH, AND HE SAID I LOVE IT. 303 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,085 HE COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. >> Stephen: THIS IS HIS TIME 304 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,220 TO SHINE. THE DIRECTOR IS ALWAYS GOING, 305 00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:05,657 "THIS IS ALL ME, ANYWAY." >> I DID A PHOTO SHOOT TODAY AND 306 00:22:05,724 --> 00:22:09,161 HE WAS DOING MAJOR BLUE STEEL AND HE SAID THE EXACT SAME THING 307 00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:10,729 HIMSELF. AND HE SAID IT'S THE ONLY TIME I 308 00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:12,297 GET TO-- >> POSE. 309 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:17,202 >> Stephen: WELL, IT'S A-- IT'S A-- YOU KNOW, AS I SAID TO 310 00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,371 YOUR SON THE OTHER DAY, ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE 311 00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:23,575 IRISH IS A LOT OF WORK THAT YOU SEE THE, THE IRISH PEOPLE WRITE 312 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:26,244 OR PERFORM THEY'RE FUNNY AND THEY'RE SCPAD THEY'RE FUNNY 313 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,547 ABOUT BEING SAD. AND THIS IS A DARKLY FUNNY MOVIE 314 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:34,052 ABOUT HEARTBREAK. THESE TWO DEAR FRIENDS, AND AS 315 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,221 WE SAW-- THIS IS RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE. 316 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:38,056 WE'RE NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY WITH THE CLIP. 317 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:41,560 RIGHT OFF THE TOP-- >> SPOILER ALERT-- HE'S MEAN TO 318 00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:43,095 ME. >> Stephen: YES, YES. 319 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,564 YOUR CHARACTER DECIDES YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK WITH HIM ANYMORE, 320 00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:47,599 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FRIEND WITH HIM ANYMORE. 321 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:49,434 >> I-- >> WHY WAS THAT? 322 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,670 >> I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE, REALLY. 323 00:22:51,737 --> 00:22:54,406 >> Stephen: YES. >> I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. 324 00:22:54,473 --> 00:22:56,975 HE'S WRECKING MY HEAD. >> Stephen: KIND OF. 325 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,478 THERE'S A MYSTERY THERE FOR THE AUDIENCE, AT LEAST, AS TO WHY 326 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,848 THIS IS GOING ON. AND I WAS JUST CURIOUS, YOU 327 00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:08,286 GUYS-- ARE YOUEGUYS, AFTER DO YOU GUYS HANG OUT? 328 00:23:08,353 --> 00:23:09,921 >> ABSOLUTELY. >> I LOVE HIM. 329 00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:12,023 HE'S PLY FRIEND. >> Stephen: DID YOU METHOD ACT 330 00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:13,992 THIS ONE. DID YOU NOT HANG OUT? 331 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:19,131 >> WE HAD A CHAT THE FIRST DAY OF REHEARSAL. 332 00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:22,768 I HAVE SEEN BRANDON PERIODICALLY THROUGH THE YEARS, AND I HAD A 333 00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:27,973 VERY DEEP LOVE FOR HIM, AND I KNEW THESE CHARACTERS HAVING 334 00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:31,777 READ THE SCRIPT, IMPRESSIVE, AND I KNEW WE WERE GOING TO BE AT 335 00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:34,846 LOGGERHEADS, AND WITH RESPECT TO HOW DEEP HE GOES INTO THE WORK, 336 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,915 HE REALLY DOES GO DEEP AND ASKS THE QUESTIONS. 337 00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:39,484 AND I GO SOMEWHERE MYSELF. I TALK. 338 00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:43,455 >> GEEZ, I WONDER IF HE WILL WANT TO KEEP A DISTANCE. 339 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:45,190 AND HE WAS ALL OVER ME THE FIRST DAY. 340 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,560 >> IT WAS FUNNY. THE TWO OF US WE WENT IN AND I 341 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:52,564 SAID, "LISTEN, DO YOU NEED TO KIND OF KEEP THIS GOING-- TO GO 342 00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:55,934 WHEREVER YOU NEED TO GO?" AND THERE WAS A LITTLE PAUSE, 343 00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:59,037 AND-- BECAUSE HE LOOKED OVER AT ME TO SEE IF I NEEDED TO DO IT. 344 00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:02,741 >> I DIDN'T KNOW IF HE WAS ASKING FOR ME OR ASKING FOR 345 00:24:02,808 --> 00:24:04,976 HIMSELF. >> I WAS REALLY ASKING FOR 346 00:24:05,043 --> 00:24:06,344 MYSELF. AND SIMULTANEOUS THE TWO OF US 347 00:24:06,411 --> 00:24:09,080 JUST SAID, NO. WE DON'T NEED TO DO THAT, DO WE? 348 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:13,919 >> GIVE US A HUG. GLAD WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY. 349 00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:16,454 >> Stephen: A LITTLE LESS FUN. ( APPLAUSE ) 350 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:21,860 >> IT WAS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. HE WAS GOING TO THE THING IF YOU 351 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:23,595 OFFER THE BREAKUP, THE PERSON WON'T TAKE IT. 352 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:29,935 >> IT WAS SUCH A RELIEF, THOUGH, BECAUSE WE HAVE A SIMILARLY 353 00:24:30,001 --> 00:24:36,708 THING ON "IN BRUGS" BECAUSE HE HAD A BURDEN TO CARRY. 354 00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:40,078 AND WE WERE LOOKING FOR THINGS TO DO THAT WAS FUNNY. 355 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:44,349 AND THERE WAS A DARKNESS THAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR HIM AND IT 356 00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:45,717 DID. IT WAS AN ODD KIND OF MIX. 357 00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:47,953 IT NEEDED TO BE GUARDED. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 358 00:24:48,019 --> 00:24:50,088 WE WERE SO LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. 359 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:53,792 YOU READ THE SCRIPT AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY SINGING AND YOU SAY, 360 00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:57,128 YEAH, BUT-- >> STRANGELY, WE WEREN'T-- WE 361 00:24:57,195 --> 00:24:58,930 WEREN'T-- WE DIDN'T DO TOO MUCH IN THIS FILM. 362 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:03,535 THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU WITH THE PRIEST, THERE WAS A LOT OF STUFF 363 00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:07,606 WE WERE NOT TOGETHER. WHEN WE ARE IT'S VERY 364 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:11,810 CONSEQUENTIAL. BUT "BRUGES" FELT LIKE A 365 00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:13,745 TWO-HANDER. IT WAS ABOUT TWO LADS FALLING IN 366 00:25:13,812 --> 00:25:20,986 LOVE IN "BRUGES AND IT'S THE DISSOLUTION OF LOVE, WHICH IS 367 00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,955 CRUSHING FOR MY CHARACTER, AND ULTIMATELY CRUSHING FOR YOURS, 368 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:26,258 EVEN THOUGH YOU THREW-- >> ABSOLUTELY. 369 00:25:26,324 --> 00:25:28,827 AND IT'S TYPICAL OF MARTIN-- >> NO ONE GETS LET OFF. 370 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:31,796 >> HE LEAVES SPACE WITHIN THE THING FOR PEOPLE BECAUSE HE 371 00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:35,734 KNEW, I THINK, LIKE EVERYBODY IN THE CAST, IT'S A SENSATIONAL 372 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:42,874 CAST, AND HE HAD WORKED WITH EVERYBODY BEFORE,. 373 00:25:42,941 --> 00:25:46,044 >> Stephen: KERRY CONDON. >> KERRY IS BRILLIANT. 374 00:25:46,111 --> 00:25:48,780 >> SHE IS AMAZING. >> ISN'T SHE? 375 00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:52,417 >> YEAH, AMAZING. AND THERE REALLY IS EYE FOUND IT 376 00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:55,587 HARD NOT TO GET EMOTIONAL AT PARTICULAR POINTS IN THE STORY 377 00:25:55,654 --> 00:25:59,090 WITH HER. AND JUST WATCHING IT, NEVER 378 00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:04,496 MIND-- IT WAS JUST FANTASTIC. BUT MARTIN TENDS, AT THIS POINT, 379 00:26:04,562 --> 00:26:07,265 HE HAD WORKED WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE AND KNEW WHAT THEY WOULD 380 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:09,334 BRING AND HE LEAVES SPACE FOR IT IN A WAY THAT'S QUITE 381 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,435 REMARKABLE. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 382 00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:14,439 QUICK BREAK. WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK 383 00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:16,374 COLIN AND BRENDAN ABOUT A SPECIAL COSTAR OF THEIRS. 384 00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:17,509 STICK AROUND. 385 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,118 >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH COLIN FARRELL, AND BRENDAN 386 00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:29,454 GLEESON, THE STARS OF "THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN." 387 00:26:29,521 --> 00:26:32,958 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS, WHICH IS INISHERIN, 388 00:26:33,024 --> 00:26:36,528 A CHARACTER, THE PLACE IS. IT'S AN IMAGINARY ISLAND. 389 00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:42,200 IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST, BUT IT WAS SHOT IN THE ARYAN 390 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:46,538 ISLANDS, RIGHT. >> WE SHOT IN INISHERIN ISLAND, 391 00:26:46,604 --> 00:26:49,841 AND ACHILL ISLAND. >> Stephen: HAD YOU LIVED IN 392 00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:52,110 THAT REMOTE AREA BEFORE? YOU'RE BOTH FROM DUBLIN. 393 00:26:52,177 --> 00:26:55,747 >> WE HAVE A PLACE OUT WEST. >> I GO OUT WEST A LOT. 394 00:26:55,814 --> 00:26:58,650 I FIND IT'S KIND OF LIFE BLOOD BLOODIN A WAY. 395 00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:06,024 AND I'VE BEEN ON INISHERIN BEFORE, AND ACHILL NOT SO MUCH. 396 00:27:06,091 --> 00:27:09,794 I HAD BEEN IN ICHIL BUT I HAD NOT SEEN IT BECAUSE IT WAS MIST 397 00:27:09,861 --> 00:27:12,397 AND RAIN. WHEN I SAW IT, IT WAS 398 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,233 JAW-DROPPING TO SEE THE ACTUAL PHYSICAL LOCATIONS WE WERE 399 00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:16,101 GOING. >> SO BEAUTIFUL. 400 00:27:16,167 --> 00:27:18,336 >> AND WE WERE LAUGHING ABOUT IT EARLIER. 401 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:24,976 WHEN MARTIN PUT THE PUB ON A PLACE THAT IS ON THE EDGE OF THE 402 00:27:25,043 --> 00:27:28,913 WORLD, AND MY ONLY REACTION WAS CONGRATULATIONS. 403 00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:30,915 IT WAS LIKE-- >> HE DID, WHEN HE SAW THE SET 404 00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:34,552 THE FIRST DAY, IT WAS LOVELY. HE WENT UP TO MARTIN AND SINCERE 405 00:27:34,619 --> 00:27:37,188 SAID, "CONGRATULATIONS." AND IT SEEMED TOW FITTING 406 00:27:37,255 --> 00:27:42,093 BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE THE BALLS OF MARTIN AND THE PRODUCTION 407 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,830 DESIGNER TO BUILD THIS PUB THAT IS NO LONGER THERE ON THIS BLUFF 408 00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:49,467 20 FEET AWAY FROM THE FRONT DOOR WITH THE ATLANTIC AND DROP-OFF 409 00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:53,405 AND CLIFFS AND WAVES COMING IN CONSTANTLY. 410 00:27:53,471 --> 00:27:55,707 JUST OUTSIDE THE PUB DOOR, THE WAVES CRASHING DOWN. 411 00:27:55,774 --> 00:27:59,044 IT'S LIKE THE WAVES AND OCEAN WERE REPRESENTATIVE OF THE INNER 412 00:27:59,110 --> 00:28:00,578 TURMOIL THE PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY FELT. 413 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:07,352 A LOT OF THE FILM ABOUT OPPRESSION. 414 00:28:07,419 --> 00:28:11,756 THE STUFF THAT IS KEPT DOWN. >> HE SHOT IT CINEMATICALLY, AND 415 00:28:11,823 --> 00:28:14,659 IT WAS EPIC IN NATURE. EVERYTHING WAS AT THE EXTREME. 416 00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:16,928 THE BEAUTY AND THE PLACE WAS EXTREME. 417 00:28:16,995 --> 00:28:21,032 THE HURT THEN THAT APPEARED TO BE A SMALL HURT IN A SMALL STORY 418 00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:24,369 IS ELEVATEED IN THE WAYS-- HE WAS LITERALLY PUSHING EVERYTHING 419 00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:27,072 TO THE EDGE. AND WE NEARLY FELL OFF AT ONE 420 00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:29,808 STAGE BECAUSE THERE WAS A STORM AND WE THOUGHT, OKAY, WE COULD 421 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:33,478 DO THE INSIDE IN THE PUB. BUT THE LIGHTS WERE BLOWING 422 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:38,216 HALFWAY ACROSS THE ATLANTIC. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE. 423 00:28:38,283 --> 00:28:41,252 YOU COULDN'T HEAR ANYTHING BECAUSE THE RAIN WAS COMING 424 00:28:41,319 --> 00:28:43,421 DOWN. BUT WE WITH GOT MAGNIFICENT 425 00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:45,423 WEATHER. >> IT WAS LIKE GREEK ISLANDS 426 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:50,328 THAT SUMMER. IT WAS UNHEARD OF THE WEATHER WE 427 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:53,398 HAD. WE COULDN'T FIND LINE. 428 00:28:53,465 --> 00:28:55,733 THE SUNSETS WERE INDIGO AND AMBER. 429 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,937 AND IT WAS JUST MAGNIFICENT. BUT THE PEOPLE OF PARTICULARLY 430 00:28:59,003 --> 00:29:01,806 THE FIRST ISLAND WE WERE THERE FOR SIX OR SEVEN WEEKS, THE 431 00:29:01,873 --> 00:29:06,077 PEOPLE OF INISHERIN, SEVEN 50 POPULATION YEAR ROUND YOU KNOW, 432 00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:09,914 AND THEY JUST WELCOMED US INTO THEIR LIVES DAILY AND IT WAS SO 433 00:29:09,981 --> 00:29:11,182 BEAUTIFUL. >> AND THE SAME WITH ACHILL. 434 00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:14,519 THE PEOPLE WERE-- AND IT WAS ONE OF THE-- THE ONLY RESERVATIONS I 435 00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:20,725 HAD WAS THAT BECAUSE INISHERIN IS NOT AN ISLAND, IT IS A 436 00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:25,163 MYTHICAL ISLAND, IT IS A MYTH CALCON TEX THAT THE PEOPLE OF 437 00:29:25,230 --> 00:29:28,032 THE ISLAND WE WERE ON THAT WOULD IN ANY WAY FEEL THAT WE WERE 438 00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:31,669 TRYING TO MAKE SOME COMMENT ON WHERE WE WERE BECAUSE NOTHING 439 00:29:31,736 --> 00:29:34,005 COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE WAY IT WAS. 440 00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:36,908 THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHERE A COMMON LITTLE SPIRIT AND ALL 441 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:38,643 THAT KIND OF STUFF WAS EVERY DAY. 442 00:29:38,710 --> 00:29:41,079 >> YUP. >> AND WE'D SEE EACH OTHER 443 00:29:41,146 --> 00:29:45,550 PASSING ON THE ROAD. >> SEE EACHING, "HEY, BRENDAN, 444 00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,051 HEY, COLIN. OF IT WAS GREAT. 445 00:29:47,118 --> 00:29:50,121 >> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ONE OTHER CHARACTER. 446 00:29:50,188 --> 00:29:51,890 THE DONKEY. >> JENNY. 447 00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:54,125 >> IS THAT THE CHARACTER'S NAME OR THE DONKEY'S. 448 00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:58,163 >> ONE AND THE SAME. I COULDN'T SEPARATE THE TWO AT A 449 00:29:58,229 --> 00:29:59,731 CERTAIN POINT. SHE WAS SO ON. 450 00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:03,401 >> THIS IS YOUR DEAR FRIEND. >> WE'RE FRIENDS. 451 00:30:03,468 --> 00:30:05,803 >> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR COMPANION IN THE MOVIE. 452 00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:10,909 >> AND WE HAD A GOOD FRIENDSHIP UPON UP UNTIL A POINT. 453 00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:13,545 >> Stephen: WHAT POINT? >> AND THEN-- AND THEN IT JUST, 454 00:30:13,611 --> 00:30:17,015 YOU KNOW, KIND OF FELL APART ABOUT TWO-THIRDS OF THE WAY OF 455 00:30:17,081 --> 00:30:19,684 THE FILM. AND SHE STARTED, SHE WAS ALL-- 456 00:30:19,751 --> 00:30:23,655 >> IT TURNED OUT SHE DID NEED A LITTLE BIT OF SPACE. 457 00:30:23,721 --> 00:30:28,059 ( LAUGHTER ). ON THE ISLAND, AND, OBVIOUSLY, 458 00:30:28,126 --> 00:30:29,561 JENNY THOUGHT SHE'D FILL THAT GAP. 459 00:30:29,627 --> 00:30:36,868 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID SHE KICK YOU? 460 00:30:36,935 --> 00:30:40,505 >> SHE DID. >> Stephen: THERE ARE A LOT OF 461 00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:43,575 ANIMALS IN THE FILM. >> SHE KICKED ME. 462 00:30:43,641 --> 00:30:45,677 HIS DOG BIT ME. THERE'S A HORSE IN THE FILM THAT 463 00:30:45,743 --> 00:30:49,581 TRIED TO REVERSE ME ON THE CART INTO THE ( BLEEP ) ATLANTIC 464 00:30:49,647 --> 00:30:53,251 OCEAN. ( BLEEP ). 465 00:30:53,318 --> 00:30:55,186 ( BLEEP ). ( BLEEP ). 466 00:30:55,253 --> 00:31:00,558 I PUT THE "E" IN QUERY QUICKLY. >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO BE 467 00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:04,729 VERY KURGS WHETHER CBS-- >> I THINK WE'RE ALREADY. 468 00:31:04,796 --> 00:31:05,830 ( BLEEP ). >> Stephen: WE'LL FIND OUT. 469 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:09,234 WE'LL FIND OUT. >> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE 470 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:10,034 YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 471 00:31:10,101 --> 00:31:12,237 HERE. "THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN" IS 472 00:31:12,303 --> 00:31:13,238 IN THEATERS NEXT FRIDAY. 473 00:31:13,304 --> 00:31:16,274 COLIN FARRELL AND BRENDON GLEESON, EVERYBODY! 474 00:31:16,341 --> 00:31:18,843 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN PAUL MECURIO. 475 00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:36,628 EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT 476 00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,563 GUEST IS A COMEDIAN, A DEAR FRIEND, AND THE HOST OF THE 477 00:31:38,630 --> 00:31:44,402 POPULAR PODCAST, "INSIDE OUT WITH PAUL MECURIO." 478 00:31:44,469 --> 00:31:45,903 PAST GUESTS HAVE INCLUDED KEVIN COSTNER, PAUL McCARTNEY AND 479 00:31:45,970 --> 00:31:51,476 STEPHEN COLBERT. PLEASE WELCOME PAUL MECURIO! 480 00:31:51,542 --> 00:31:56,881 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 481 00:31:56,948 --> 00:32:02,720 >> THANK YOU! THANK YOU! 482 00:32:02,787 --> 00:32:05,723 THANK YOU! THANK YOU! 483 00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:09,427 SO, PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME NOW AS A STAND-UP, IS IT HARD TO 484 00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:12,764 DO STAND-UP THESE DAYS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SO POLITICALLY 485 00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:16,200 CORRECT? AND I THINK IT'S HARD TO LIVE 486 00:32:16,267 --> 00:32:17,702 LIFE BECAUSE THINGS ARE SO POLITICALLY CORRECT. 487 00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:23,174 I KNOW IN POLITICAL CORRECTNESS BUT I BELIEVE THE PENDULUM HAS 488 00:32:23,241 --> 00:32:26,010 SWUNG A LITTLE WAY AND NEED TO COME BACK TO THE MIDDLE. 489 00:32:26,077 --> 00:32:28,513 EVERYBODY NEEDS TO RELAX A LITTLE BIT. 490 00:32:28,579 --> 00:32:31,115 MY WIFE AND I ARE WALKING OUR DOG IN CENTRAL PARK. 491 00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:34,285 IT'S A LAW IN NEW YORK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUR DOG ON A 492 00:32:34,352 --> 00:32:37,555 LEASH, AND WE DID. A GUY'S DOG WASN'T ON THE LEASH, 493 00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:41,993 BIG DOG, SCARING PEOPLE, AND MY WIFE SAID, "SIR, YOUR DOG SHOULD 494 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:46,564 BE ON A LEACH." AND THE GUY SAID, "WHY, BECAUSE 495 00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:51,002 IT'S A PIT BULL?" IMPLYING WE WERE RACIST TOWARDS 496 00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:53,571 PIT BULLS. I SAID, "NO, BECAUSE IT'S GOT A 497 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:56,207 BABY IN ITS MOUTH. THAT'S WHY." 498 00:32:56,274 --> 00:33:06,184 ( APPLAUSE ) AND IT'S SMOKING CHESTERFIELDS, 499 00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:07,051 OKAY. ( LAUGHTER ) 500 00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:09,887 I SAID "CHESTERFIELDS." ( LAUGHTER ). 501 00:33:09,954 --> 00:33:14,959 DO INNOCENT THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANY MORE. 502 00:33:15,026 --> 00:33:19,630 EVERY HALLOWEEN, MY PARENTS WOULD DRESS ME AS A HOBO. 503 00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:21,666 ( LAUGHTER ) REMEMBER? 504 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:24,602 SOME OF YOU ARE NODDING YOUR HEAD, RIGHT, REMEMBER? 505 00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:26,971 THEY DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT. YOU COULDN'T DO THAT NOW. 506 00:33:27,038 --> 00:33:30,708 IT'S A HOMELESS PERSON. IT WOULD BE CONSIDERED 507 00:33:30,775 --> 00:33:31,876 OFFENSIVE. I GET IT. 508 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:35,246 AND IT WAS WEIRD. THINK ABOUT IT,s OUR PARENTS 509 00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:38,583 DRESSED US AS HOMELESS PEOPLE. AND SENT US OUT ON TO THE 510 00:33:38,649 --> 00:33:43,654 STREETS AT NIGHT. TO COLLECT FREE FOOD! 511 00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:47,925 ( LAUGHTER ) AND I NEVER GOT CANDY. 512 00:33:47,992 --> 00:33:50,561 EVERY HOUSE BAKED BEANS AND A HARMONICA. 513 00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:52,830 THAT WAS IT. ( LAUGHTER ) 514 00:33:52,897 --> 00:33:56,300 STEREOTYPES? THEY'RE FINE. 515 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:58,069 OKAY. THEY MAKE US DIFFERENT, AND 516 00:33:58,136 --> 00:34:00,705 THAT'S WHAT MAKES LIFE INTERESTING, OKAY. 517 00:34:00,772 --> 00:34:03,508 IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON TO STEREOTYPE. 518 00:34:03,574 --> 00:34:07,245 IT DOESN'T. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO RELAX. 519 00:34:07,311 --> 00:34:11,048 I'M ITALIAN, 100% ITALIAN. WHEN YOU HEARD THAT YOU HAD A 520 00:34:11,115 --> 00:34:15,286 STEREOTYPEICAL THOUGHT, YOU EITHER THOUGHT MAFIA OR PLASTIC 521 00:34:15,353 --> 00:34:18,489 ON THE FURNITURE. YOU DID, YOU DID. 522 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,825 AND GUESS WHAT? FOR ME, THEY BOTH APPLY, AND 523 00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,794 THAT'S OKAY. ( LAUGHTER ) 524 00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:27,965 THING IT'S, YOU KNOW, LOWER CLASS PEOPLE, THERE'S THAT ONE 525 00:34:28,032 --> 00:34:30,668 ROOM WITH FURNITURE THAT'S REALLY NICE SO YOU CAN ONLY GO 526 00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:34,272 IN TWICE A YEAR, RIGHT? MA'AM, YOU'RE NODDING YOUR HEAD. 527 00:34:34,338 --> 00:34:36,674 YOU GO CHRISTMAS AND EASTER. THAT'S IT. 528 00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:41,345 AND IN THAT SAME ROOM THERE'S A PICTURE OF THE POPE, JESUS, AND 529 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:46,751 FRANK SINATRA. ( APPLAUSE ) 530 00:34:46,818 --> 00:34:52,523 THREE TIMES THE SIZE OF THE POPE AND THE JESUS PICTURE. 531 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:57,795 AND THE MAFIA PART IS TRUE. MY COUSIN BOBBY IS A SMALL-TIME 532 00:34:57,862 --> 00:35:03,367 MAFIA GUY, HE RUNS NUMBERS AND DRESSES LIKE JOHN TRAVOLTA IN 533 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:06,838 "SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER." SMOKING CIGARETTES ON THE 534 00:35:06,904 --> 00:35:08,940 CORNER, HOW YOU DOING, HOW YOU DOING? 535 00:35:09,006 --> 00:35:11,042 AND HE SELLS STUFF OUT OF THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR. 536 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:15,313 LAST WEEK, HE WAS SELLING SUITS, RATCHETS, AND CAR ALARMS. 537 00:35:15,379 --> 00:35:20,351 ( LAUGHTER ) CAR ALARMS HE STOLE OUT OF OTHER 538 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:23,721 PEOPLE'S CARS. ( APPLAUSE ) 539 00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:32,897 A GUIDO. THIS IS HOW HE CAME DRESSED TO 540 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:36,467 MY FATHER'S FUNERAL, AN OPEN-CASKET FUNERAL. 541 00:35:36,534 --> 00:35:41,405 I NOM OF NOT MAKING THIS UP. FLUORESCENT ORANGE SILK SHIRT, 542 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:47,678 GOLD CHAINS, WHITE PATENT LEATHER BELTS AND WHITE SLACKS. 543 00:35:47,745 --> 00:35:52,517 YOU GETTING THE PICTURE? A CREAMSICLE. 544 00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:57,321 BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT POWDER ON YOUR FEET TO KEEP THEM DRY, BUT 545 00:35:57,388 --> 00:36:01,025 BOBBY, PUT TOO MUCH POWDER ON THEM, SO EVERY TIME HE'D STEP 546 00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:04,028 TOWARDS THE CASKET, PUFFS OF WHITE SMOKE WITHOUT COME OUT OF 547 00:36:04,095 --> 00:36:08,366 THE TOPS OF HIS SHOES. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. 548 00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:14,672 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 549 00:36:14,739 --> 00:36:22,346 NOW, WE'VE GOT A FEW MINUTES HERE. 550 00:36:22,413 --> 00:36:25,383 I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THE INTRO HERE. 551 00:36:25,449 --> 00:36:28,686 I'VE DONE YOUR PODCAST. DID YOU-- IS THAT TRUE, YOU HAD 552 00:36:28,753 --> 00:36:31,489 PAUL McCARTNEY ON YOUR PODCAST IN. 553 00:36:31,556 --> 00:36:34,225 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS IT TRUE? YES. 554 00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:36,961 >> Stephen: I HAVE HAD PAUL McCARTNEY ON ONCE. 555 00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,097 >> I HAD HIM ON BECAUSE OF YOU. >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU HAVE 556 00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:43,501 HIM BECAUSE OF ME. >> BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE 557 00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:46,103 "COLBERT REPORT" AS A GUEST AND I GOT HIM THERE. 558 00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:49,807 I'M LIKE THE LITTLE SHARK THAT SWIMS ON TOP OF THE BIG SHARK-- 559 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:51,208 YOU. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE? 560 00:36:51,275 --> 00:36:53,711 WHAT WAS IT LIKE GETTING McCARTNEY? 561 00:36:53,778 --> 00:36:56,047 >> HE HAD JUST FINISHED REHEARSAL. 562 00:36:56,113 --> 00:36:59,584 AND THAT BIG DOOR YOU GO THROUGH, I OPEN THAT HUGE DOOR, 563 00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:03,688 AND STANDING IN THE HALLWAY ALL ALONE IS PAUL McCARTNEY 564 00:37:03,754 --> 00:37:08,759 LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, CHEWING GUM, LOOKING UP AT THE 565 00:37:08,826 --> 00:37:11,896 CEILING, CHEWING GUM LIKE HE'S WAITING FOR A BUS, ALL ALONE. 566 00:37:11,963 --> 00:37:14,732 >> Stephen: IT'S JUST YOU AND McCARTNEY IN THE HALLWAY. 567 00:37:14,799 --> 00:37:19,503 >> AND MY WHOLE WORLD SLOWS DOWN, OH, MY GOD. 568 00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:23,374 IT'S PAUL McCARTNEY. AND I THINK SHOULD I SAY HI? 569 00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:27,011 HE'S ALONE IN THE HALLWAY. I'M ALIVE. 570 00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:29,981 I'M GOING TO POUNCE. I GO OVER AND SAY, "IT'S AN 571 00:37:30,047 --> 00:37:34,285 HONOR TO MEET YOU, SO EXCITED TO SEE YOUR SHOW," AND I WALK AWAY. 572 00:37:34,352 --> 00:37:37,288 HE SAID, WAIT, COME BACK. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 573 00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:39,857 I GO PAUL. AND HE GOES PAUL, THAT'S A GOOD 574 00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:42,426 NAME. AND I'M LIKE I'LL DO THE JOKES. 575 00:37:42,493 --> 00:37:45,162 HE GOES WHAT DO YOU DO? I SAID I'M A STAND-UP. 576 00:37:45,229 --> 00:37:48,199 HE SAID I LOVE STAND-UPS. DO YOU HAVE A KID? 577 00:37:48,265 --> 00:37:51,435 YEAH, I GOT A KID. FIVE MINUTES, 10 MINUTES GO BY, 578 00:37:51,502 --> 00:37:55,406 AND I'M TALKING TO PAUL McCARTNEY LIKE I'M TALKING TO 579 00:37:55,473 --> 00:37:57,742 YOU. AND I'M SUPER SMOOTH ON THE 580 00:37:57,808 --> 00:38:02,380 OUTSIDE, AND ON THE INSIDE I'M LIKE, "I'M TALKING TO PAUL 581 00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:04,281 McCARTNEY." AND THIS THOUGHT COMES TO MIND-- 582 00:38:04,348 --> 00:38:07,151 PAUL McCARTNEY SHOULD DO MY PODCAST. 583 00:38:07,218 --> 00:38:10,588 I SAY, I KNOW THIS IS CRAZY, BUT I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU 584 00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:14,825 ABOUT HOW YOU MAKE MUSIC, WOULD DO YOU MY PODCAST. 585 00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:16,727 AND SHE SAID SURE. JUST LIKE THAT. 586 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,263 >> Stephen: THAT EASY. >> SO THEN HE GOES TO ME, HOW 587 00:38:19,330 --> 00:38:23,834 WOULD WE DO IT? DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS. 588 00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:27,571 I'M GOING TO STAND. HE SAID,INGS HOW WOULD WE DO 589 00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:31,609 THIS? AND THESE NOISES ACTUALLY CAME 590 00:38:31,676 --> 00:38:35,746 OUT OF MY BODY. I'M LIKE AAHH... AND I'M RUBBING 591 00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:39,583 MY LEG LIKE RAIN MAN, ROCKING BACK AND FORTH. 592 00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:43,587 I'LL COME TO LONDON. WE SAID WE'RE IN NEW YORK 593 00:38:43,654 --> 00:38:46,924 TOGETHER WHY WOULD I COME TO LONDON. 594 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:51,562 AND I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BOTHER. 595 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:56,267 IT'S REALLY EASY. YOU CAN DO IT FROM YOUR PHONE. 596 00:38:56,333 --> 00:38:58,602 NEIGHBORINGED FROM YOUR TOILET. AND I SAID LET ME GET OUT OF 597 00:38:58,669 --> 00:39:00,504 HERE WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD. I SAID I'LL SET THIS UP WITH 598 00:39:00,571 --> 00:39:02,873 YOUR ASSISTANT. AND HE SAID NO, YOU AND I WILL 599 00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:05,376 DO IT. YOU AND I WILL EXCHANGE PHONE 600 00:39:05,443 --> 00:39:08,012 NUMBERS AND WHEN I CALL YOU, YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO DO IT. 601 00:39:08,079 --> 00:39:10,748 NOW I'M HANDING MY PHONE NUMBER TO PAUL McCARTNEY. 602 00:39:10,815 --> 00:39:14,418 HE DOES THE SHOW. I'M RUNNING LATE-- ACTUALLY, TO 603 00:39:14,485 --> 00:39:17,555 GET TO "THE DAILY SHOW." I'M RUNNING LATE. 604 00:39:17,621 --> 00:39:19,657 MY PHONE RINGS. I DON'T RECOGNIZE THE NUMBER. 605 00:39:19,724 --> 00:39:24,095 I LET IT RING TO VOICE MAIL. AND I IMMEDIATELY CALL THEM 606 00:39:24,161 --> 00:39:27,164 BACK, AND HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN NICER. 607 00:39:27,231 --> 00:39:30,067 >> Stephen: CAN YOU GET HIM ON THIS SHOW? 608 00:39:30,134 --> 00:39:35,206 PAUL, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU. >> LOVELY TO SEE YOU, MAN. 609 00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:38,008 >> Stephen: YOU CAN CATCH PAUL AT THE HOUSE OF COMEDY IN 610 00:39:38,075 --> 00:39:43,047 VANCOUVER, CANADA, THIS WEEKEND AND ON HIS PODCAST "INSIDE OUT 611 00:39:43,114 --> 00:39:45,950 WITH PAUL MECURIO". WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 612 00:40:06,003 --> 00:40:07,204 >> Stephen THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 613 00:40:07,271 --> 00:40:11,008 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE JOHN LITHGOW AND TONY 614 00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:12,810 AWARD-WINNING ACTOR WENDELL PIERCE. 615 00:40:12,877 --> 00:40:15,412 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. GOOD NIGHT.