>> G.O.P. SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL WALKER CONTINUES TO
FACE CONTROVERSY.
AFTER ALLEGED REPORTS OF EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS, THREE
SECRET CHILDREN, AND PAYING FOR AN ABORTION, FOR SOME REASON,
WALKER THOUGHT THIS WAS THE RIGHT STORY TO PUT THE
CONTROVERSIES TO REST.
>> SO I'VE BEEN TELLING THIS LITTLE STORY ABOUT THIS BULL OUT
IN THE FIELD WITH SIX COWS.
AND THREE OF THEM ARE PREGNANT.
SO YOU KNOW YOU GOT SOMETHING GOING ON.
BUT ALL HE CARED ABOUT IS KEPT HIS NOSE AGAINST THE FENCE,
LOOKING AT THREE OTHER COWS THAT DIDN'T BELONG TO HIM
I'M LARRY FARBLAUGH, WITH THE WALKER CAMPAIGN.
ISN'T HERSCHEL GREAT?
I JUST WANTED TO JUMP IN AND CLARIFY A FEW THINGS ABOUT
HERSCHEL'S TOTALLY APPROPRIATE BULL STORY.
FIRST OF ALL, THE BULL DENIES KNOWING ANY OF THE PREGNANT COWS
IN THE FIELD.
AND ALTHOUGH THE BULL SENT EACH COW A $700 CHECK AND A
THOUGHTFUL CARD, THE BULL SENDS CHECKS TO ALL SORTS OF
LIVESTOCK.
SO NOTHING STRANGE THERE.
THE POINT OF MR. WALKER'S BULL STORY IS THE BULL WANTS TO HAVE
SEX WITH ANYTHING THAT MOOOOVES.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: UNBELIEVABLE!
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS
AND MARCIA GAY HARDEN
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT!
BEAUTIFUL!
OH!
A RAY OF SUNSHINE!
THANK YOU!
HELLO, FRIEND.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELLO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY!
THERE YOU GO!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GET IT,s I TOTALLY GET IT, I-- I'M
EXCITED TO SEE YOU, TOO.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
WELCOME, WELCOME, IN HERE, OUT THERE, WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT I COME TO YOU TONIGHT WITH A SPRING IN MY STEP, A SONG
IN MY HEART, EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY REFRESHED.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW AS HUMANS, HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT
SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?
WELL, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN
TO ALEX JONES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND THAT-- THAT'S A GOOD THING.
BECAUSE-- AND THIS JUST CAME DOWN-- THANKS TO A RULING
BY A CONNECTICUT JURY, ALEX JONES HAS BEEN ORDERED TO PAY
SANDY HOOK VICTIMS' FAMILIES NEARLY $1 BILLION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOOO!
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY!
YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!
BILLION WITH A CAPITAL "BYEEE."
AND THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THAT STORY.
A LOT OF OTHER STORIES TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT, BUT I'D BE JUST
AS HAPPY TO STAND HERE AND GRIN.
SHOULD I DO THE MONOLOGUE?
LET'S DO THE MONOLOGUE?
FINE, FINE, LET'S MOVE ON.
I FEEL LIKE I'M PEAKING, BUT WE'LL GO ON.
THE BIG STORY TONIGHT IS WHATEVER HAPPENS TOMORROW,
BECAUSE THE JANUARY 6th COMMITTEE WILL HOLD WHAT'S BEING
CALLED THE PROBABLY FINAL PUBLIC HEARING.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT SOUNDS "POSSIBLY" EXCITING.
IF TOMORROW IS THE FINALE, I HOPE IT ENDS LIKE "SEINFELD":
WITH ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN JAIL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) UH-HUH.
"IT WAS A COUP...
ABOUT NOTHING!" ("SEINFELD" RIFF)
FOR NOW-- THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
FOR NOW, DEMOCRACY IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL IN AMERICA.
FOR BEARS.
AS I INFORMED YOU YESTERDAY, LAST NIGHT WAS THE FINAL VOTE OF
FAT BEAR WEEK 2022.
THE CONTEST PITTED PLUCKY TUBBY CUBBY 901 AGAINST THE FAVORITE,
747, NICKNAMED COLBERT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHICH IS INSPIRED BY THE EAR IMPERFECTION HE SHARES WITH
STEPHEN COLBERT.
YES, CHECK IT OUT.
CHECK MY DEFORMITY OUT.
I'M THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON WITH AN EAR IMPERFECTION.
TAKE THAT, VINCENT VAN GOGH!
YOU BIG CRY BABY.
THE RESULTS ARE IN.
PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT BEARS.
AND THE 747 IS AMERICA'S FAT BEER.
THERE ARE LESS-IMPORTANT RACES OUT THERE,
LIKE THE RACE FOR GEORGIA'S SENATE
SEAT FEATURING REPUBLICAN NOMINEE AND MAN SAYING, "THE
BABY'S FATHER IS MOI?" HERSCHEL WALKER.
WALKER'S BEEN IN HOT WATER EVER SINCE WE LEARNED THAT, DESPITE
HIS HARD-LINE, NO-EXCEPTIONS, ABORTION-IS-MURDER POLITICAL
POSITION, IN 2009 HE URGED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO GET AN ABORTION
AND PAID FOR IT.
EVENTUALLY.
BECAUSE YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED THAT THE WOMAN HAD TO REPEATEDLY
PRESS WALKER FOR FUNDS TO PAY FOR IT.
AH, SO HE'S COOL WITH ABORTION AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T COST HIM.
SO HE'S SOCIALLY LIBERAL, FISCALLY CONSERVATIVE, COMPLETE
A-HOLE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
TO STEER-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM ABORTION OR HIS MULTIPLE
SECRET CHILDREN WITH MULTIPLE SECRET LOVERS, YESTERDAY, WALKER
HELD A RALLY AND TOLD THIS TOTALLY UNRELATED STORY:
>> SO I'VE BEEN TELLING THIS LITTLE STORY ABOUT THIS BULL OUT
IN THE FIELD WITH SIX COWS, AND THREE OF THEM ARE PREGNANT, SO
YOU KNOW HE GOT SOMETHING GOING ON.
>> Stephen: YEAH, HE'S GETTING DATING ADVICE FROM HERSCHEL
WALKER.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, GO ON.
>> BUT ALL HE CARED ABOUT IS KEPT HIS NOSE AGAINST THIS
FENCE, LOOKING AT THREE OTHER COWS THAT DIDN'T BELONG TO HIM.
NOW ALL HE HAD TO DO IS EAT GRASS, BUT NO, NO, NO, HE
THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS BETTER SOMEWHERE ELSE.
SO HE DECIDED "I WANT TO GET OVER THERE."
SO ONE DAY, HE MEASURED THAT FENCE UP, AND HE SAID, "I THINK
I CAN JUMP THIS."
SO THAT DAY CAME WHERE HE GOT BACK, AND HE GOT BACK, AND AS HE
TOOK OFF RUNNING, HE DOVE OVER THAT FENCE AND HIS BELLY GOT CUT
UP ON THE BOTTOM.
BUT AS HE MADE IT OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE, HE SHOOK IT OFF AND
GOT SO EXCITED ABOUT IT.
AND HE RAN TO THE TOP OF THAT HILL, BUT WHEN HE GOT UP THERE,
HE REALIZED THEY WERE BULLS TOO.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: AND THE MORAL OF THAT STORY IS "DON'T LET
HERSCHEL WALKER NEAR A MICROPHONE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING ) THAT IS THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE
ANIMAL STORY I'VE HEARD SINCE "THE VERY HORNY CATERPILLAR."
( LAUGHTER ) PRESIDENT BIDEN-- YOU KNOW JOE
BIDEN.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
GIVE THEM HELL, JOE.
GETTING A LOT DONE.
BIDEN'S ALSO BEEN BUSY LATELY.
LAST NIGHT, HE SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH LAST REMAINING
CNN EMPLOYEE, JAKE TAPPER.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD TO HEAR FROM JOE, CONSIDERING THAT LAST WEEK
AT A FUNDRAISER, HE CASUALLY WARNED THAT THE WORLD IS AT RISK
OF NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON.
WHICH, EXPERTS AGREE, IS ONE OF THE WORST KINDS OF ARMAGEDDON.
THANKFULLY, BIDEN DOESN'T BELIEVE PUTIN IS INSANE ENOUGH
TO ACTUALLY USE NUKES, JUST THAT HE'S MADE A BUNCH OF
MISTAKES THAT PUT HIM IN A DESPERATE SITUATION.
>> CONDI RICE AND BOB GATES AND JAMES CLAPPER HAVE USED WORDS
LIKE "ERRATIC" AND "UNHINGED" TO DESCRIBE PUTIN'S BEHAVIOR
TODAY.
DO YOU THINK PUTIN IS A RATIONAL ACTOR?
>> I THINK HE IS A RATIONAL ACTOR WHOS MISCALCULATED
SIGNIFICANTLY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, "RATIONAL ACTOR WHO'S MISCALCULATED
SIGNIFICANTLY."
SO...
JARED LETO IN "HOUSE OF GUCCI"?
>> WHY?
WHY?
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
>> Stephen: BUT THINGS GOT REALLY SPICY WHEN JAKE BROUGHT
UP BIDEN'S AGE.
>> WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE TO DEMOCRATS WHO LIKE YOU, WHO LIKE
WHAT YOU'VE DONE, BUT ARE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR AGE AND THE
DEMANDS OF THE JOB?
>> WELL, THEY'RE CONCERNED ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I CAN GET
ANYTHING DONE.
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOTTEN DONE.
THEY'VE BEEN SAYING THIS ABOUT MY AGE SINCE I BEGAN TO RUN.
AND SO, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN COME WORK OUT WITH ME IN THE MORNING.
( AS BIDEN ) >> Stephen: "YOU WANNA GO, JAKE?
YOU WANT TO WORK OUT, BABY?
I MEAN-- ( APPLAUSE ).
I'LL TELL YOU.
I'LL TELL YOU, LOOK, LOOK, DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO-HAM?
MEET AT OH-400 TO TOSS THE MEDICINE BALL AROUND.
THEN WATCH ME PULL A FISHING BOAT DOWN THE POTOMAC WITH JUST
MY CHOMPERS.
THEN I'LL PUNCH A STEAK 'TIL IT'S TARTAR, PEEL OFF MY
SINGLET, AND JUMP INTO THE ICE BARREL.
IT'S A WORKOUT ROUTINE I CALL 'P--I'M ALMOST 90--X'!
C'MON, JAKE-JACK!'" COME ON!
( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, CITIZEN.
NO MATTER HOW STRESSFUL LIFE IS, YOU CAN ALWAYS TAKE COMFORT IN
THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT FACEBOOK FOUNDER AND PROOF THAT
MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAIRCUT, MARK ZUCKERBERG.
ZUCK'S BEEN HAVING A ROUGH GO OF IT.
FIRST, HE RENAMED FACEBOOK META, AS IN, HE NEVER MET-A DEMOCRACY
HE COULDN'T DESTROY.
AND OVER THE PAST YEAR, HIS COMPANY'S STOCK PRICE HAS
TUMBLED NEARLY 60%.
MARK, I SAY THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
HA!
HA-HA!
ONE REASON META IS LOSING VALUE IS BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD AT THE
THINGS THAT THEY DO.
MAINLY, THE SIMULATED ONLINE REALITY CALLED THE METAVERSE,
WHERE ZUCKERBERG ENVISIONS BILLIONS OF PEOPLE INHABITING
IMMERSIVE DIGITAL ENVIRONMENTS FOR HOURS ON END, WORKING,
SOCIALIZING, AND PLAYING GAMES.
AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THE THINGS I JUST
DESCRIBED TO YOU?
ZUCKERBERG THINKS YOU DO, BECAUSE HIS HEAD IS UP AN
IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE CALLED "HIS BUTT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IN FACT-- IT'S VERY HARD-- IT IS VERY HARD TO DO THAT WITH THE
GOGGLES ON.
IN FACT, MARK HAS THROWN A ZUCKLOAD OF CASH AT THIS IDEA.
BUT EVEN HIS OWN EMPLOYEES DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.
A RECENT INTERNAL POLL FOUND THAT OUT OF 1,000 META
EMPLOYEES POLLED, ONLY 58% SAID THEY UNDERSTOOD THE METAVERSE
STRATEGY.
AND WHEN ZUCKERBERG URGED META TO HAVE VIRTUAL MEETINGS, MANY
META EMPLOYEES DIDN'T HAVE V.R.
HEADSETS OR HADN'T GOTTEN AROUND TO SETTING THEM UP.
V.R. IS NOW THEIR WHOLE THING!
IT'S LIKE IF ARBY'S SLOGAN WAS "WAIT, I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE
MEATS?" ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS IN
THE METAVERSE IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE META DOO-DOO.
CHECK IT OUT: IT'S LIKE A YOUTUBE-ONLY KIDS
CARTOON MADE IN DENMARK TO TEACH SONGS ABOUT RECYCLING.
( LAUGHTER ) SO THE META BRAIN-TRUST GOT
TOGETHER AND CAME UP WITH A CUTTING EDGE SOLUTION TO ALL
THEIR PROBLEMS, AND THEY TWEETED IT OUT YESTERDAY: "LEGS."
OKAY.
IN RESPONSE, FINGER.
( LAUGHTER ) WHY, WHY-- WAIT.
WHY?
( APPLAUSE ) DON'T ENCOURAGE ME.
( LAUGHTER ) IN FACT, MORAL AT THE COMPANY IS
SO LOW, SOME WORKERS NOW REFER TO KEY METAVERSE PROJECTS AS
M.M.H., AN ACRONYM FOR MAKE MARK HAPPY.
AND AT HIS LATEST TOWN HALL, HE EMBRACED IT.
AND "THE LATE SHOW" HAS ACQUIRED AN EXCLUSIVE CLIP.
JIM?
>> HEY, WE'RE HERE TOGETHER IN THE ALL-NEW METAM.M.H., A
VIRTUAL REALITY SPACE MY COMPANY HAS BUILT TO KEEP ME HAPPY AND
OUT OF THEIR REALITY.
CLAP IF YOU LOVE ME.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> HEY, MARK.
>> HEY.
THIS IS MY EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT CHRISTINE.
WHAT POSITIVE BUSINESS NEWS DO YOU HAVE TO REPORT?
>> WE ALL BELIEVE IN THE DIRECTION YOU'RE TAKING THIS
COMPANY.
>> GOOD.
>> AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WE COULD REIN
IN SOME OF THE METAVERSE SPENDING SEEING AS OUR STOCKS
FELL 60%.
>> THAT DOESN'T END ME VERY H.
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN M. IS UN-H.
>> PLEASE DON'T.
( LAUGHTER ) >> ANY OTHER CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, QUOTING TORSO?
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS AND MARCIA GAY
HARDEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
JOIN US.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE
BAND, EVERYBODY, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND!
( APPLAUSE ) DOES THAT SONG HAVE A NAME,
LOUIS?
GLUZ IT'S CALLED "GRATITUDE."
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT, WHAT A WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.
FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, RIGHT OVER THERE,
TENDING THE DAY'S NEWS BAR, BLENDING FOR YOU THE FINEST,
MOST TOPICAL ST. GEORGE CITRUS VODKA, JUICE FROM THE MOST
SUCCULENT CASTELO STORY LIMES, BEN LEAR CRANBERRIES, AND
COINTREAU TO SERVE UP THE DELICIOUS AND PERFECTLY BALANCED
COSMO THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I HUFF STEAMBOAT
LUBRICANTS AND CRASH A STOLEN HANG GLIDER INTO THE CAFETERIA
OF AN ABANDONED MENTAL HOSPITAL WHERE I BLEND UP SOME OLD
PUDDING MIX, DRAIN CLEANER, AND EXPIRED DILAUDID TO SERVE YOU
THE TRESPASSER'S DEMON DAIQUIRI OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT KNOWS ALL.
IT FORGIVES ALL.
MEANWHILE, AFTER SEVERAL UNPLEASANT INCIDENTS,
"CARNIVAL CRUISE LINE WILL NOW FINE PASSENGERS $500 FOR ROWDY
BEHAVIOR."
AND FOR REPEATED OFFENSES, YOU WILL BE SENTENCED TO ANOTHER
CARNIVAL CRUISE.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN A MAJOR BRAIN
SCIENCE BREAKTHROUGH, "SCIENTISTS HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
TRANSPLANTED CLUSTERS OF HUMAN NEURONS INTO THE BRAINS OF
RATS," WHICH "GREW INTO MILLIONS OF NEW NEURONS AND WIRED
THEMSELVES INTO THEIR NEW NERVOUS SYSTEMS."
THAT'S AMAZING.
IT'S POSSIBLE ONE DAY RAT'S BRAINS MIGHT BE SO MUCH LIKE
HUMANS THAT THEY STAY AWAKE AT NIGHT ASKING THEMSELVES, "WHAT
HAVE WE DONE?
WE ARE MONSTERS.
GOOD LORD, CLEANSE THE EARTH WITH FIRE."
MEANWHILE, AT A PROMOTIONAL EVENT FOR DC'S "BLACK ADAM," A
FATHER IN THE AUDIENCE CROWD-SURFED HIS BABY OVER TO
DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON.
HERE HE GOES.
THERE HE GOES.
AND THERE'S THE ROCK TAKING THE INFANT.
A LITTLE TIP TO DADS OUT THERE: DO NOT LET A CROWD OF STRANGERS
PASS YOUR BABY AROUND. IF YOU'RE TAKING YOUR CHILD TO A CROWDED
VENUE LIKE THAT, DO THE RESPONSIBLE THING AND STORE THEM
AT THE COAT CHECK.
STUFF THEM INSIDE A COAT.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT WAY YOU ONLY GET ONE
TICKET, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
MEANWHILE, AS A COMMENTARY ON FINANCIAL FORCES IN THE ART
WORLD, PAINTER DAMIEN HIRST "HAS BEGUN BURNING THOUSANDS OF HIS
OWN PAINTINGS."
OKAY.
MEANWHILE-- ( LAUGHTER )
IN TV RATINGS NEWS, THE NEW DRAMA ABOUT SERIAL KILLER
JEFFREY DAHMER HAS BECOME NETFLIX'S SECOND BIGGEST SERIES
EVER.
IT'S SUCH A HUGE HIT THAT NETFLIX JUST ANNOUNCED THEIR
LATEST SEIES: "BRIDGERTON BUT THEY EAT PEOPLE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT'S QUESTIONABLE.
IT'S A QUESTIONABLE IDEA.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'D WATCH THAT.
MEANWHILE, THE "STATUE OF LIBERTY'S CROWN IS OPENING FOR
THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE PANDEMIC STARTED."
IT IS A LANDMARK MOMENT IN THE CITY'S RECOVERY THAT HAS
MILLIONS OF NEW YORKERS SAYING, "YEAH, I'VE NEVER BEEN.
YOU GOTTA GET ON A BOAT.
IT'S A WHOLE THING.
I CAN SEE HER.
I CAN SEE HER RIGHT OVER THERE."
IF YOU PLAN ON VISITING THE OL' HEADPIECE, THE TREK TO THE CROWN
CONSISTS OF "162 STEPS, AND THERE IS NO ELEVATOR."
WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THOSE HUDDLES MASSES ARE ALWAYS TIRED AND
YEARNING TO BREATHE.
MEANWHILE, "A MAN IS SUING 'TEXAS PETE' BECAUSE THE HOT
SAUCE IS MADE IN NORTH CAROLINA."
WAIT 'TIL THIS GUY HEARS ABOUT MARS BARS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MARS BARS.
MEANWHILE, IF YOU HAVE MONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET, YOU MIGHT BE
SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT "STRESSED-OUT WALL STREET
EXECUTIVES HAVE BEEN FLOCKING TO SO-CALLED 'KETAMINE CLINICS'
FOR HALLUCINOGENIC I.V.
THERAPY."
BUT DON'T BE FREAKED OUT THAT THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF YOUR
LIFE SAVINGS ARE TRIPPING BALLS.
I'M SURE THEY'LL STILL REMEMBER THE SIMPLE RULE:
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BUY LOW AND SELL HIGH.
( TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ) THE MARKET CAN'T HURT YOU NOW,
BRO.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE STOCKS ARE TRADING US.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS.
WELCOME BACK!
THANK YOU, LOUIS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE ANCHOR OF
"GOOD MORNING AMERICA" AND "THIS WEEK WITH GEORGE
STEPHANOPOULOS."
HIS NEW DOCUMENTARY SERIES IS "POWER TRIP: THOSE WHO SEEK
POWER AND THOSE WHO CHASE THEM."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> FINALLY!
>> Stephen: FINALLY!
THERE YOU ARE!
IN THE SEAT.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: WE'VE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD A CONVERSATION--
YOU'VE NEVER INTERVIEWED ME.
I NEVER INTERVIEWED-- >> NOT THE REAL STEPHEN COLBERT.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE, I WAS TELL YOUR TEAM LAST STAGE.
I COULD TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST SWEARING I WAS ON THE SHOW AND I
HAVEN'T BEEN ON IT.
>> Stephen: WE HAD YOUR WIFE ELLIE ON A COUPLE OF TIMES.
>> AND SHE HAS THE SAME BASIC VIBE YOU DO.
I THINK THIS IS 1212.
>> IS THIS THE "FIRST WEEK" ONE?
>> Stephen: YOU HAD ME ON "THIS WEEK WITH GEORGE
STEPHANOPOULOS" WHEN I HAD A SUPER PAC.
LOOK AT THOSE TWO YOUNG BUCKS WITH DARK HAIR.
IT'S TOUGH TO-- LIKE, WASHINGTON IS FULL OF, YOU KNOW,
WELL-INTENTIONED, POORLY INFORMED, HIGH-STATUS IDIOTS,
WHICH IS WHAT I WAS.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE INTERVIEWING THE CHARACTER.
VERY FEW PEOPLE GOT TO DO THAT.
>> IT WAS VERY HARD.
BECAUSE I COULD NEVER STAY IN CHARACTER INTERVIEWING YOU IN
CHARACTER.
I WOULD BREAK UP THE WHOLE TIME.
BUT I REALIZE NOW, I OWE YOU.
I OWE YOU A DEBT.
>> Stephen: WHY?
>> IT WAS THE PERFECT TRAINING FOR INTERVIEWING DONALD TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
BECAUSE NOTHING I SAID MEANT ANYTHING!
>> NO, THAT'S THE THING.
YOU BOTH THROW OUT THESE CLOUDS OF WORD SALAD, THAT ACTUALLY IF
YOU LOOK CLOSELY AT THEM, OFTEN IS NONSENSE.
>> Stephen: NONSENSE TO YOU, GEORGE.
BUT THESE PEOPLE GET TDON'T YOU?
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN INTERVIEW YOU DID WITH MAGGIE
HABERMAN RECENTLY.
SHE'S GOT THE BOOK "THE CONFIDENCE MAN" BOOK.
BASICALLY, THE MAKING OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
AND YOU'RE IN IT.
THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE IN IT, AND SHE DETAILS HOW THE THEN-CANDIDATE, FORMER
PRESIDENT, LASHEDLY OUT AT YOU AFTER A 2016 INTERVIEW YOU DID
WITH HIM.
WHY DID HE LASH OUT AT YOU?
BECAUSE HE LASHED OUT IN SO MANY WAYS TO SO MANY DIFFERENT
PEOPLE.
>> I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE LASHING ABOUT?
>> IT WAS THE DAY AFTER THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IN 2016.
I GUESS IT WAS A FRIDAY.
I FLEW OUT TO COLORADO TO MEET HIM IN SOME TOWN.
AND WE STARTED TO TALK, AND I ASKED HIM A QUESTION ABOUT--
REMEMBER THIS GOLD STAR MOTHER, THE MUSLIM WOMAN WHOSE SON WAS
KILLED?
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER, SURE, SURE.
>> AND HE ATTACKED HER, AND HE JUST WENT AFTER HER.
AND I WAS LIKE, I GUESS THE INTERVIEW IS OVER.
HE JUST ENDED HIS CAMPAIGN.
BUT WE KEPT ON GOING.
AND I STARTED TO ASK HIM ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH VLADIMIR
PUTIN, WHICH HE NEVER GAVE A STRAIGHT ANSWER TO.
HE SAID HE KNEW HIM, HE SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW HIM.
HE SAID HE MET HIM, HE SAID HE DIDN'T MEET HIM.
I ASKED HIM THREE OUR FOUR TIMES, TELL ME WHAT THE
RELATIONSHIP WAS.
HE FINISHED THE INTERVIEW, AND HE WALKED OUT OF THE DOOR AND
CALLED OVER MY PRODUCER, ONE OF THE EMBEDS TRAVELING WITH HIM.
AND I COULD HEAR THE YELLING IN THE HALLWAY.
THEN HE HAD HAD HOPE HICKS COME BACK INTO THE ROOM AND GET ME
AND WALK MAY INTO THE HALL.
AND THEN HE STARTED YELLING AT ME GOING ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
BECAUSE I ASKED HIM ABOUT VLADIMIR PUTIN, WHICH SHOULD
HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST TELL IN THE WORLD BACK IN 2016.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: YES.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAGGIE TALKS ABOUT-- IF I CALL HER
MAGGIE, MISS HABERMAN TALKS ABOUT IN HER BOOK, IS HOW
DIFFICULT IT HAS BEEN OVER THE YEARS TO REPORT ON THAT FELLA
BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU SAY ABOUT HIM, ESPECIALLY FACT CHECKING
HIS LIES, ENDS UP REINFORCING WHAT THE ORIGINAL ASSERTION HE
MADE WAS, AND THE FACT CHECK KNOW-- WHAT IS IT, A LIE WILL GO
AROUND THE WORLD WHILE FACTS ARE STILL PUTTING ON THEIR SHOES--
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND YOU REINFORCE THE LIE BY TALKING ABOUT THE FACT CHECK.
AND I'M JUST CURIOUS HOW YOU'VE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH THAT.
>> NOTHING HAS BEDEVILED ME MORE OVER THE LAST SEVEN YEARS.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST POSSIBLE PROBLEM.
AT WHAT POINT DO WE BECOME COMPLICEIT IN THIS SIMPLY BY
COVERING HIM?
AND I THINK THAT'S A FAIR QUESTION.
>> Stephen: THE CRAZY THING IS WHEN HE WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT CHILLED ME WAS NOW
THERE'S NO NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
PERSON IN THE WORLD.
>> THERE ARE THINGS WE DID LEARN, LIKE THINGS WE WOULD
NEVER DO NOW.
WE USED TO JUST SORT OF BROADCAST HIS WORDS, AND THEN IF
HE LIED, WE'D SAY, "THAT'S A LIE."
NOW, AT LEAST ON MY SHOWS, IF WHAT HE SAYS IS FACTUALLY UNTRUE
HE WON'T SHOW IT.
WE'LL SAY HE'S LIED AGAIN ABOUT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
>> THAT'S A START.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT IS.
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER.
JUST THE FACT CHECK, NOT THE ASSERTION.
>> ALL THE THINGS THAT USED TO WORK IN POLITICIANS, YOU WOULD
SHOW THEY CHANGED THEIR POSITION.
NOBODY CARED ABOUT THAT.
YOU WOULD SHOW HE CALLED JOHN McCAIN, A WAR HERO, A LOSER.
HE NOBODY CARED ABOUT THAT.
HE ATTACKED A GOLD STAR MOM AND PEOPLE DIDN'T CARE-- NOT THAT
THEY DIDN'T CARE.
>> Stephen: NOT SUFFICIENT.
HE COULD SHOOT A GUY ON FIFTH AVENUE.
>> HE ACCUSED BARACK OBAMA OF WIRETAPPING HIM.
NOBODY EVER MADE AN ACCUSATION LIKE THAT AGAINST A FORMER
PRESIDENT.
HE SURVIVED ALL THAT.
I'M NOT SURE THAT STRING WILL CONTINUE.
ACTUALLY, THAT STRING WILL NOT CONTINUE.
BUT IT HAS BEEN AMAZING.
>> Stephen: TOMORROW, AS WE WERE SAYING EARLIER, TOMORROW,
JANUARY 6, POSSIBLY, MAYBE -- >> THE FINAL HEARING.
>> Stephen: THE FINAL HEARING, NOT ENTIRELY SURE.
>> THEY'RE SAYING THERE WILL BE ALL THIS NEW SECRET SERVICE
EVIDENCE THAT WILL COME OUT.
I GUESS MY BIG QUESTION IS WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED TO KNOW?
HE LOST THE ELECTION.
HE LIED ABOUT IT.
HE STOKED UP A CROWD OF ARMED MILITANTS.
THEY STORMED THE CAPITOL WHILE HE WATCHED IT ON TV.
SHOULDN'T THAT BE CASE CLOSED?
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
SO, GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, RIGHT NOW, IS CALLING ON THEM TO NOT
HAVE THE HEARING TOMORROW, IS WHAT I'M HEARING.
>> I'M GOING TO BE WATCHING.
NO QUESTION.
>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO BE WATCHING, TOO.
YOU'LL BE REPORTING ON IT AND I WILL MAKE JOKES ON IT.
>> BY THE WAY.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> JUST BEFORE I WALKED IN HERE, YOU HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO
PROCESS IT, "THE WASHINGTON POST" HAS AN AMAZING STORY.
>> Stephen: I HEARD ABOUT THIS.
TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT THIS IS.
>> IT'S KIND OF INCREDIBLE.
THEY SAY ACCORDING TO PEOPLE INSIDE THE INVESTIGATION A TRUMP
EMPLOYEE HAS TOLD THEM THAT AFTER THE SUBPOENA CAME IN FOR
THE DOCUMENTS AT MAR-A-LAGO, TRUMP TOLD HIM TO MOVE THE
DOCUMENTS, AND THEY SHOW-- THEY HAVE ON SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE,
ACCORDING TO THE "WASHINGTON POST," SHOWING THE BOXES BEING
MOVED.
>> Stephen: SO BEFORE THE "FBI" WENT IN THERE TO GRAB
THEM, THERE WAS STUFF THAT WAS SHIPPED OUT TO LOCATIONS
UNKNOWN.
>> ACCORDING TO "THE WASHINGTON POST" ARTICLE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, WOW.
>> KIND OF AMAZING.
>> Stephen: SO IT'S TIME TO RAID TRUMP BOWER AND BEDMINSTER
AND ERIC'S HOUSE AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
SURE, WHY NOT.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK GEORGE ABOUT WHAT HE'S LOOKING
FORD IN THE JANUARY 6 HEARINGS TOMORROW.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS,
RIGHT THERE.
WE'VE LEARNED A LOT.
WHAT ARE YOU HEARING, ACTUAL NEWS PERSON, ABOUT WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO LEARN TOMORROW?
>> TOMORROW, THERE ARE NO LIVE WITNESSES, BUT THEY ARE SAYING
THERE'S GOING TO BE NEW WITNESS TESTIMONY.
AND WE KNOW THAT SINCE THE LAST HEARING, THEY INTERVIEWED MANY
MORE SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.
THEY SAY, ACCORDING TO BACKGROUND BRIEFINGS THAT CAME
OUT TODAY, THEY HAVE A LOT-- MANY MORE TEXTS COMING FROM THE
SECRET SERVICE AS WELL.
AND WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, ALL THIS INFORMATION IS GOING TO
SHOW EVEN MORE ABOUT THE STATE OF MIND AND THE ACTIONS OF
DONALD TRUMP ON THAT DAY.
>> Stephen: NOW, ALL OF THIS WILL HAVE SOME INFLUENCE ON THE
MIDTERMS.
PEOPLE SAY THAT-- >> SOME.
>> Stephen: NOT A LOT, BUT SOME.
CONCERN ABOUT DEMOCRACY IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT, AT LEAST ON
THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE, PEOPLE ARE MOTIVATED TO VOTE ON.
WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST RACES THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT COME NOVEMBER
8?
AND WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THOSE.
>> I THINK THE BIG ONES-- YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE SENATE.
I THINK THE HOUSE IS MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, IT USUALLY DOESN'T IN
MIDTERMS GO AGAINST THE INCUMBENT PRESIDENT.
IT'S VERY HARD FOR THE DEMOCRATS TO HOLD THE HOUSE.
BUT THE SENATE COULD GO EITHER WAY.
AND I THINK YOU REALLY CAN JUST LOOK AT FOUR RACES.
GEORGIA, NEVADA, WISCONSIN, AND PENNSYLVANIA.
THEY'RE GOING TO TELL THE STORY.
WHICHEVER PARTY WINS-- IF ONE PARTY WINS THREE OF THE FOUR,
THEY'RE GOING TO CONTROL THE SENATE, I BELIEVE.
AND IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO BOIL IT DOWN TO ONE, YOU WERE SHOWING
IS EARLIER IN THE SHOW, HERSCHEL WALKER.
THE GEORGIA RACE COULD BE THE TIPPING POINT RACE IN THIS
ELECTION.
>> Stephen: IF HERSCHEL WALKER IS ELECTED TO THE SENATE, WHAT
IS THE DOWN POINT?
( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE IT REALLY MEANS THAT
NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING ANYMORE.
THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES-- THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES AT ALL
FOR HYPOCRISY THEN.
>> IT'S BEEN A MIND-BLOWING COUPLE OF WEEKS.
THERE'S BEEN NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU USED TO WORK IN POLITICS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WERE THERE EVER CONSEQUENCES FOR HYPOCRISY?
>> OH, SURE.
I MEAN, PEOPLE USED TO BE IN FEAR OF BEING CALLED OUT FOR
FLIPPING POSITIONS OR, YOU KNOW, LYING ABOUT PAYING FOR AN
ABORTION, IF THAT'S IN FACT WHAT HAPPENED.
AND YOU USED TO PAY A PRICE FOR IT.
BUT IT-- ONE OF THE MOST CHILLING THINGS ABOUT THE LAST
SEVERAL YEARS, GOING BACK TO THE "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" TAPE, IS HOW
PEOPLE CAN PROCESS NEW INFORMATION THAT THEY WOULD
NORMALLY BE TROUBLED BY, BUT IF IT'S ABOUT THEIR TEAM, THEY
CLOSE RANKS.
>> Stephen: WELL, LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MIDTERMS FOR ANOTHER
REASON BECAUSE YOU PRODUCED A NEW DOCU-SERIES CALLED "POWER
TRIP: THOSE WHO SEEK POWER AND THOSE WHO CHASE THEM," AND IT'S
ON THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
>> I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
>> Stephen: TELL US WHY IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU.
>> WE USUALLY HAVE VERY YOUNG REPORTERS IN THEIR 20s COVER
CAMPAIGNS.
THEY'RE CALLED EMBEDS BECAUSE THEY LIVE WITH THE CAMPAIGNS.
WE DECIDED THIS YEAR TO DO IT WITH THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
PICKED SEVEN INCREDIBLY YOUNG, AMBITIOUS, SMART, FUN TO WATCH
REPORTERS AND WE SENT THEM OUT TO COVER THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS
AND WE WANT TO SHOW PEOPLE THE PROCESS, SHOW THEM HOW THEY'RE
TRYING TO COVER WHAT I THINK IS AN INCREDIBLY CONSEQUENTIAL
MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
AND THEY'RE DOING A GREAT JOB -- >> Stephen: YOU'RE IN IT, TOO.
>> YEAH, I'M SORT OF THEIR COACH, WHICH IS FUN FOR ME, TOO.
I DON'T HAVE TO TRAVEL.
I CAN JUST CALL THEM ON THE PHONE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
SO YOU COACH THE REPORTERS, BUT IF YOU HAD TO, YOU COULD COACH
THE PEOPLE THEY'RE COVERING, TOO, BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT
IT'S LIKE-- >> I'VE BEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE.
AND WE TALK ABOUT THAT AS WELL.
ONE OF THE THINGS WE'VE DRAWN ON IN THIS SHOW IS MY BACKGROUND IN
POLITICS.
I WORKED IN CONGRESS FOR MANY YEARS AND IN THE MICHAEL DUKAKIS
CAMPAIGN, AND BILL CLINTON, HIS FIRST TERM IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
I USED WHAT I LSHED THERE TO HELP INFORM WHAT'S GOING ON NOW.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
ANYTHING YOU NEED TO SET UP?
>> I'M TALKING TO A REPORTER, LALEY, WHO IS COVERING THE
HERSCHEL WALKER CAMPAIGN, AND I'M GOING BACK TO MY EXPERIENCE
IN THE CLINTON YEARS AS SHE'S TALKING ABOUT TRYING TO GET THE
STORY FROM HERSCHEL WALKER.
>> THIS WEEK I FEEL LIKE I EXPERIENCD WHAT SOME OF THE
OTHER EMBEDS ARE EXPERIENCING, ALL OF PLY MESSAGES TO THEIR
STAFFERS, NOT A LOT OF RESPONSES COMING BACK.
>> I REMEMBER BEING ON THE OTHER SIDE AS A STAFFER AND A STORY
HIT.
IN THE CLINTON CAMPAIGN WE GOT HIT BY JENNIFER AND THE DRAFT
STORY IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
AND CLINTON'S POLL NUMBERS DROPPED A LOT ON THE CHARACTER
ISSUE.
AND PART WAY HE FOUGHT BACK WAS TO GO CONFRONT, WAS TO ANSWER
EVERY QUESTION.
YOU GET THE SENSE WALKER IS TRYING TO MOVE TOWARDS THAT BY
TAKING THESE QUESTIONS TODAY?
>> NO, I THINK THIS WAS THE CAMPAIGN'S WAY OF MAKING SURE
THAT THE PRESS GOT OFF THEIR BACK A LITTLE.
NOW HIS CAMPAIGN STAFFERS CAN SAY, "HEY, HE GAGGLED."
>> SHE GAVE A GOOD ANSWER RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: SHE SURE DID.
SHE SURE DID.
THIS IS AVAILABLE ON?
>> HULU.
WE DROP ONE EVERY SUNDAY.
>> Stephen: GEORGE, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
"POWER TRIP" IS ON HULU NOW.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MARCIA GAY HARDEN.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND TONY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM "POLLOCK," "MYSTIC RIVER," AND "ANGELS IN AMERICA."
SHE NOW STARS IN THE CBS SHOW "SO HELP ME TODD."
>> DO YOU REMEMBER BRIAN MACATEE?
>> YOUR FRIEND FROM GRADE SCHOOL?
OF COURSE I REMEMBER HIM.
HE WAS A LITTLE HOODLUM.
>> NOBODY SAYS HOODLUM ANYMORE.
>> PEOPLE SAY IT, I JUST SAID IT.
>> SHE WAS A JUVENILE DELINQUENT.
>> THOSE ARE ALL THINGS OF THE PAST.
WHAT HE REALLY NEEDS RIGHT NOW IS AN INCREDIBLE LAWYER TO GET
HIM OUT OF SOME DUMB TRESPASSING CHARGE.
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> OKAY, YOU'RE OPEN TO IT.
I LIKE THAT.
YES, BRIAN HAS MADE SOME MISTAKES AND HAS A LITTLE BIT OF
A RAP SHEET.
>> A LITTLE BIT OF RAP SHEET?
>> JAYWALKING, A FEW BAD CHECKS, WHATEVER.
BUT HE'S TRYING TO GET HIS LIFE BACK ON TRACK.
HE'S TRYING SO HARD.
>> TODD, HE STOLE $30 FROM MY PURSE WHEN HE WAS 10.
>> WE ALL STOLE $30 FROM YOUR PURSE WHEN WE WERE 10!
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW" MARCIA GAY
HARDEN!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ).
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
IT IS-- IT IS LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW AT LONG LAST.
>> I'M A FAN GIRL.
I AM LOVING BEING HERE.
AND I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOURS.
THIS IS SO MUCH FUN FOR ME.
>> Stephen: I'M AN Es NORMS FAN OF YOURS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I KNOW I GUSHED AT YOU BEFORE BUT I NEVER HAD YOU
ON?
>> IT'S BECAUSE I WAS GUSHING BACK AT YOU AND YOU COULDN'T SEE
YOURSELF GUSHING AT ME.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHY I LIKE YOU.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ON YOUR SHOW BUT YOU'RE NO STRANGER TO
BROADWAY THEATERS.
THIS YEAR MARKS THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF "ANGELS IN
AMERICA."
AND THAT RIGHT HERE WAS YOUR BROADWAY DEBUT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE.
( APPLAUSE ) THERE IS A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL
THINGS ON BROADWAY.
THERE IS A LOT OF SIGNIFICANT ART, BUT VERY FEW THINGS THAT
HAVE THE CULTURAL IMPACT.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND THE MEANING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GO SEE IT AS
THAT SHOW.
DID YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WERE DOING IT THAT YOU WERE PART OF
SOMETHING...
WELL, THAT HAD REAL CULTURAL AND HUMAN WEIGHT TO IT?
>> I DIDN'T KNOW IT INTERNALLY, BECAUSE I HADN'T BEEN IN THE
ORIGINAL SHOW, IN CALIFORNIA, AND I WAS CAST INTO THE BROADWAY
SHOW.
SO I DIDN'T KNOW IT EXTERNALLY.
I KNEW IT INTERNALLY, BECAUSE IN MY OWN LIFE, I HAD MY FIRST
BOYFRIEND WHO DIE OF AIDS, AND ALL AROUND US IN NEW YORK PEOPLE
WERE DYING OF AIDS, AND THE COMMUNITY WAS SHOWING HOW TO
STAND TOGETHER AND HOW TO GET MEDICINES AT THE RIGHT PRICE AND
HOW TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER AND HOW TO LIVE WITH AIDS.
SO THE GAY COMMUNITY WAS JUST STUNNING.
AND I LIVED DOWN IN THE WEST VILLAGE AND, YOU KNOW, AS WE
WERE DOING THE SHOW, PEOPLE WOULD COME UP TO ME IN THE WEST
VILLAGE AND THEY WOW SAY, "ARE YOU MARCIA GAY HARDEN?"
AND I WOULD SAY, "YI AM."
THEY SAID, "I WANT YOU TO KNOW I TOOK MY PARENTS TO SEE THIS PLAY
AND THEN I TOLD THEM I WAS DYING."
YOUR HEART WOULD FALL ON THE GROUND.
I THINK IN AN ACTOR'S-- MAYBE EVERYBODY'S LIFE-- THERE ARE SO
FEW TIMES WHEN YOUR WORK AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD
MEET AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BEING A MESSENGER OF A
DIFFERENCE.
AND OF COURSE THE MESSENGER OF THE DIFFERENCE WAS THROUGH TONY
KUSH MER'S WORDS, A MODERN SHAKESPEARE.
THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS, THE BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL PLAY.
HE WAS KIND OF ATTACKING EVERYTHING-- REAGANISM, GREED,
AND SOCIETY NOT LOOKING AT THE GAY COMMUNITY, WHICH IS, YOU
KNOW, UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ARE STILL SCHOOLS TODAY WHERE YOU'RE
NOT ALLOWED TO TEACH THAT IT'S OKAY TO BE WHOEVER YOU ARE.
AND IT'S NOT OKAY TO BE GAY.
AND THIS WAS 30 YEARS AGO.
WE WERE DOING THIS PLAY.
SO IT KIND OF SADDENS ME THAT THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH
NOW.
BUT WE'LL DO MORE PLAYS.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND MAKE MORE MESSAGE S.
>> Stephen: YES.
( APPLAUSE ) WELL, NOW, IN A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT TONE, YOU ARE NOW STARRING IN THE NEW CBS COMEDY
"SO HELP ME TODD."
WHERE THE PREMISE IS YOU'RE A LAWYER WHO HIRES YOUR SON TO BE
A PRIVATE DETECTIVE.
TO DIG UP INFORMATION.
WOULD YOU BE A GOOD LAWYER YOURSELF?
>> OKAY.
WHAT PARENT WOULDN'T?
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN--
( APPLAUSE ) HOW OFTEN --
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
>> ARE WE ARGUING WITH OUR KIDS ABOUT WHAT'S RIGHT AND WRONG.
I'M A RIGHT FIGHTER.
I'M A REAL ARGUURE.
MORE THAN THAT, WE'RE ALSO GOOD INVESTIGATORS.
I DEFY ANY PARENT WHO TELLS ME THEY DID NOT SNOOP AROUND IN
THEIR KID'S-- I DIDN'T-- IN MY KIDS' DIARIES.
I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING.
WE SNOOP, WE SMELL SMOKE, A-HA.
ALL OF THAT.
SO I WOULD MAKE A GOOD BOTH, SIMPLY BY BEING A PARENT.
IF YOU HAD TO PUT ME OUT IN THE REAL WORLD TO DO IT I HAVE TO
TELL YOU I WOULD BE A BETTER LAWYER THAN AN INVESTIGATOR --
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH YOUR CHARACTER,
MARGARET?
>> I DO-- DON'T JUDGE ME.
WE'RE BOTH PRUDES A LITTLE BIT?
>> YOU'RE BOTH PRUDES?
>> A LITTLE BIT.
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: IN WHAT RESPECT.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A PRUDE?
>> I'M A LITTLE OLD FASHIONED.
WE'RE BOTH SIGNAL, WHICH IS PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE
BIT OF A PRUDE.
AND, BUT, I HAVE THESE GIRLFRIENDS, AND MARGARET
DOESN'T REALLY HAVE THIS.
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GET ME BACK
OUT IN THE WORLD THERE.
SO SHE WILL SEND THESE LITTLE SEX TOY THINGS TO ME, JUST
KNOW-- >> Stephen: LIKE YOU DO.
>> AS ONE DOES.
>> Stephen: LIKE DO YOU.
>> JUST TO SHORT OF SHOCK ME.
AND JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO SHE SENT ME SOMETHING-- I WILL
SAY IT-- AND I SAID I'M NOT SHOCKED ABOUT THIS AT ALL.
BECAUSE I HAVE ONE NAMED AFTER ME.
>> Stephen: THIS IS-- THIS IS-- I KNOW THIS IS FOR THEN.
>> NOW, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE LUBRICANT.
>> IT IS.
>> Stephen: AND DID YOU NOT NAME IT.
IT IS NAMED AFTER YOU.
GET KIDS OUT OF THE ROOM.
>> WOULD YOU LIKE -- >> Stephen: I WILL HOLD IT UP,
AND YOU CAN READ THE NAME.
>> THIS IS CALLED "MARCIA GAY HARD ON."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND I DISCOVERED THIS DURING COVID, I DISCOVERED IT.
I HAD SEEN A PICTURE OF IT AND I TRACKED THE GUY DOWN.
HIS NAME IS ZADDY EARTH.
>> Stephen: ZADDY EARTH?
>> YES, IT'S TRUE.
HIS LOGO ON THE SHOW OR SLOGAN OR WHATEVER IS HAVING AN F'ING
GOOD TIME.
I SAID YOU'RE USING MY NAME.
HE SAID IF YOU'RE MAD I'LL TAKE IT OFF.
I SAID THIS IS GREAT.
BUT IF YOU DO IT YOU HAVE TO DONATE TO ALZHEIMER'S.
BECAUSE MY MOTHER JUST PASSED AND YOU KNOW WHEN THEY
REMEMBERED HOW TO DO IT, HONEY, THEY HAD AN F'ING GOOD TIME.
>> Stephen: "SO HELP ME TODD" AIRS THURSDAYS AT 9:00 P.M.
ON CBS.
IT'S MARCIA GAY HARDEN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW FOLLOWING THE JANUARY 6th HEARINGS WHEN MY
GUESTS WILL BE JEREMY STRONG AND ED SHEERAN.
GOOD NIGHT!