>> ACCORDING TO "ROLLING STONE," J.D. VANCE HAS ABURNT MONKEY
TESTICLE PROBLEM.
THAT'S IN REFERENCE TO THE SENATE NOMINEE'S VENTURE
CAPITALIST FIRM'S BACKING OF A BIOTECH START-UP, ACCUSED OF
TOXIC TESTING EXPOSURE ON ANIMALS, INCLUDING LEAVING SOME
MONKEYS WITH BURNS ON THEIR GENITALS.
>> THERE IS AN EPIDEMIC SWEEPING ACROSS OUR WORLD-- MONKEYS WHO
HAVE HAD THEIR GENITAL REGION SCORCHED CLEAN.
FOR YEARS, MONKEYS HAVE WALKED AMONG US, BUT NEVER WITH ANY
JUNK.
CURIOUS.
WE NOW KNOW THAT J.D. VANCE IS BEHIND A CAMPAIGN TO INCINERATE
EVERY PRIMATE'S PRIVATES.
NO WONDER KING KONG IS ALWAYS SO PISSED OFF.
J.D. VANCE COULD EASILY CUT TIES WITH THIS CONTROVERSIAL COMPANY,
UNLESS HE DOESN'T HAVE THE BALLS.
SO THIS NOVEMBER, TELL J.D. TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF OF YOUR
MACAQUE.
>> I'M TIM RYAN, AND I DON'T NEUTER MONKEYS.
>> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
KERRY WASHINGTON AND MUSICAL GUEST JOE WALSH
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A
SEAT, EVERYBODY.
VERY NICE.
I GOTTA TELL YOU, MAN, WITH A GREETING THAT POWERFUL, I'M
TEMPTED TO COME OUT HERE AND DO THAT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW.
I THINK IT WILL FEEL JUST AS GOOD THE SECOND TIME, DON'T YOU?
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
A LOT OF BIG STORIES TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT, BUT FIRST I HAVE
A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
AFTER MUCH THOUGHT AND SOUL-SEARCHING, I, STEPHEN
COLBERT, AM BANNING KANYE WEST FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAVE TO.
I HAVE TO.
LINE IN THE SAND.
IN FACT, AS HOST OF "THE LATE SHOW," MY JURISDICTION EXTENDS
TO THE NORTHERN HALF OF TIMES SQUARE.
HE CAN'T COME NORTH OF BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP.
I HAVE TO.
I I HAVE TO.
STAY OUT OF TIMES SQUARE.
HE'S BEEN CREEPING OUT THE ELMOS.
AND THEY'VE SEEN A LOT.
AND I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT HERE AND POINT OUT THIS NEXT
PART IT THE COURAGEOUS PART-- I'M ENDING ALL OF OUR
HIGH-PROFILE COLLABS, INCLUDING, BUT NOT RESTRICTED TO, OUR
COLLECTION OF SPREADABLE JAMS, STRAWBEEZY JELLEEZY.
AND I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO RELEASE OUR DUO ALBUM, "YE AND
PMEN, SING FIDDLER ON THE ROOF."
I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN TOO LONG IN COMING.
I HAVE NO EXCUSES FOR WHY I DIDN'T DO IT BEFORE, EXCEPT THAT
HE'S NEVER BEEN ON THE SHOW, HE HAD NO PLANS TO BE ON THE SHOW,
WE HAVE NEVER ASKED HIM TO BE ON THE SHOW, AND I'M NOT SURE HE'S
AWARE I HAVE A SHOW.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT I HAD TO DO IT NOW, BECAUSE
I WAS AFRAID HE WOULD JUST SHOW UP AT ANY MOMENT, BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT HE DID YESTERDAY.
THE SHOE COMPANY SKECHERS SAYS IT HAD TO ESCORT KANYE WEST FROM
ITS OFFICES AFTER AN UNANNOUNCED VISIT.
IN FIVE YEARS, THE IDEA OF AN "UNANNOUNCED VISIT FROM KANYE"
HAS GONE FROM AMAZING! TO "SIR, YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS
SKECHERS."
( APPLAUSE ) TRY PAY LESS.
TRY PAY LESS SHOES.
UNLIKE WITH ADIDAS, KANYE NEVER HAD A DEAL WITH SKECHERS.
APPARENTLY, KANYE IS SO DESPERATE, HE'S JUST DRIVING
AROUND AND SEARCHING GOOGLE MAPS "SHOES NEAR ME."
( LAUGHTER ) AT THIS POINT, HE'S GOING TO
HAVE TO SET HIS SIGHTS LOWER AND BE CELEBRITY SPOKESMAN FOR
SLIPPERS THAT COME WITH THE ROBE.
YOU KNOW THEIR SLOGAN: "THROW US AWAY!"
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF SKETCHY, TESLA
C.E.O. AND COUSIN SAYING: "AY-OH, TAKE A PICTURE OF ME
WITH THE SPACE DONGS!" ELON MUSK.
THIS WEEK, MUSK ANNOUNCED THAT HE IS GOING TO BUY TWITTER, AND
THE DEAL WILL BE FINAL BY TOMORROW, TOMORROW, RIGHT?
IN ANTICIPATION OF THE TAKEOVER, MUSK CHANGED HIS TWITTER BIO TO
"CHIEF TWIT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOT BAD.
IT'S NOT TOO BAD.
NOT TOO BAD.
I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH "TWIT FOR BRAINS."
MUSK ALSO POSTED THIS TWEET: "ENTERING TWITTER H.Q. -- LET
THAT SINK IN!" ALONGSIDE A VIDEO OF HIM WALKING INTO THE BUILDING
HOLDING A SINK.
GET IT?
HE WANTED TO VISUALIZE A PUN.
LET ME TRY!
ELON, YOU'RE CLEARLY UNHINGED ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) S YOU HAVE A SCREW LOOSE.
YOU HAVE A SCREW LOOSE.
YOU'RE NUTS!
YOU'RE NUTS.
AND, FRANKLY, HARD TO WATCH, SINCE YOU'RE A TOOL OF RUSSIAN
PROP-- PROP-- PROP-- PROP-A-GANDER.
YOU OKAY?
THAT BIT ALMOST KILLED OUR STAGE MANAGER MARK OVER THERE.
YOU OKAY, BUDDY?
OKAY.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO TWITTER ON HIS FIRST BAD DAY AS C.E.O:
"OUR STOCK IS IN THE TOILET!" ( LAUGHTER )
OH, WHAT HAVE WE GOT.
IS THIS AN UPDATE?
THIS IS AN UPDATE ON GEORGIA REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE
HERSCHEL WALKER ( BOOING )
SEEN HERE WARNING THAT THERE MAY BE A GIANT HERSCHEL WALKER ON
THE LOOSE!
YESTERDAY, A SECOND WOMAN CAME FORWARD CLAIMING THAT WALKER NOT
ONLY PAID FOR HER TO GET AN ABORTION BUT DROVE HER TO THE
CLINIC.
HE WENT THERE SO MUCH, I ASSUME AT THIS POINT, HE HAD HIS OWN
PARKING SPOT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WALKER DISMISSED THIS STORY AS A LIE, BUT HIS PILE OF SCANDALS
MIGHT BE GETTING TOO BIG EVEN FOR FOX NEWS, BECAUSE BRETT
BAIER PUSHED BACK.
>> I TALKED TO A NUMBER OF VOTERS TODAY, SOME OF THEM,
THESE ACCUSATIONS AFFECTED THEM, TO BE HONEST.
THEY SAID THEY JUST WEREN'T SURE, AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW IF
ANOTHER SHOE WAS GOING TO DROP.
>> Stephen: ANOTHER SHOE GONNA DROP?
HOW MANY FEET DOES HERSCHEL WALKER HAVE?
IS HE A CENTIPEDE?
IT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY HE WAS SUCH A GOOD RUNNING BACK.
WITH THE MIDTERMS COMING UP, PRESIDENT JOSEPH ROBINETTE BIDEN
IS DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO PUSH HIS PARTY OVER THE TOP.
NOW HE'S REACHING OUT TO YOUR AVERAGE JOE SIX-CYLINDER BY
PLAYING UP HIS CAR GUY PERSONA, HOPING HIS GEAR-HEAD REPUTATION
WILL APPEAL TO THE REPUBLICAN BASE.
YES, WITH THE FATE OF OUR NATION AT STAKE, THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A
PLAN: REPUBLICANS.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST LAST NIGHT, BIDEN WENT ON
"JAY LENO'S GARAGE" HOSTED BY JAY LENO AND HIS SIDEKICK,
GARAGE, WHERE HE AND JAY WENT FOR A RIDE IN A '78 FORD PICKUP
THAT HAD BEEN CONVERTED TO ALL ELECTRIC.
>> IF YOU JUST GOT IN THIS AND DROVE AND DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS AN
ELECTRIC, WOULD YOU KNOW RIGHT AWAY?
DOES IT FEEL DIFFERENT TO YOU?
>> FEELS DIFFERENT IN THREE WAYS.
ONE, IT'S QUIET.
QUIET AS HELL.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT IS QUIET AS HELL.
THEY MIGHT WANT SOME SOUND, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT SOUNDS
DANGEROUS?
A COMPLETELY SILENT 44-YEAR-OLD TRUCK DRIVEN BY GRANDPA WHO
HASN'T BEEN BEHIND THE WHEEL IN TWO YEARS.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY.
HONK THE HORN OR SOMETHING.
LENO IS WELL AWARE HOW RARE DRIVING IS FOR BIDEN.
>> THIS IS THE ONLY TIME YOU GET TO DRIVE IS WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME.
>> YEAH, IT IS!
THAT'S THE GOD'S TRUTH.
AND I MISS IT.
>> I KNOW.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I TAKE THE CORVETTE OUT OF THE GARAGE AND
RUN UP AND DOWN THE DRIVEWAY.
>> STEPHEN: NOT SURE THAT'S THE MOST REASSURING IMAGE.
"I KNOW SOME SKEPTICS WORRY THAT BIDEN ISN'T QUITE WITH IT.
BUT YOU'D CHANGE YOUR MIND IF YOU COULD JUST SEE HIM GOING UP
AND DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE DRIVEWAY FOR HOURS, MUTTERING,
'I MISS THIS.'" ( LAUGHTER )
THEN THINGS GOT WILD WHEN, FOR SOME REASON, BIDEN DRAG RACED
AGAINST COLIN POWELL'S SON MICHAEL POWELL.
>> GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU READY TO GO?
>> READY TO GO.
>> READY!
>> MAY THE BEST CORVETTE WIN!
ON YOUR MARK.
GET SET.
GO!
( TIRES SQUEALING ) ( ROCK MUSIC )
>> STEPHEN: HOLY MALARKEY!
JOE BIDEN PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL AND HIT 118 MILES PER
HOUR.
HE'S STILL GOT IT!
HE'S STILL GOT IT, BABY!
WOOO!
( APPLAUSE ) ANY FASTER, AND HE WOULD'VE
DRIVEN BACK TO 1955 AND MADE OUT WITH MARTY MCFLY'S MOM!
WHICH I'M PRETTY SURE HE DID IN 1955.
( LAUGHTER ) IF YOU LIKED THAT FOOTAGE, YOU
CAN SEE MORE IN BIDEN'S UPCOMING MOVIE, "FAST AND FURIOUS: 2 OLD
2 DRIVE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ GO GREASED LIGHTNING GO GREASED LIGHTNING ♪
THANK YOU SPEAKING OF OLD GUYS, WE GOT A
FUN TIDBIT FROM HIS HOLINESS, POPE FRANCIS, SEEN HERE GREETING
CUSTOMERS AT WALMART.
THE PONTIFF MADE HEADLINES YESTERDAY WHEN HE URGED PRIESTS
AND NUNS TO DELETE PORN FROM THEIR PHONES.
PRIESTS?
NUNS?
PHONES?
PORN?
POPE?
OH, MY.
( LAUGHTER ) AND HERE I THOUGHT THE STEAMIEST
THING TO HAPPEN TO THE VATICAN WAS JUDE LAW.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, IL PAPA IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN OF THE
CLOTH WATCHING THE DIRTY VIDEOS.
HE WARNED AGAINST PORN, SAYING "THE DEVIL ENTERS FROM THERE."
BUT BASED ON WHAT I KNOW ABOUT PORN, THE DEVIL CAN ENTER FROM A
BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PLACES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
>> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS KERRY WASHINGTON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, SOME KIDS AND I DISCUSS SPOOKY HALLOWEEN
MOVIES.
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, GIVE IT UP
FOR THE BAND!
( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, IT'S NO SECRET THAT I LOVE HALLOWEEN.
AND MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE SPOOKY SEASON IS ALL OF THE
TERRIFYING MOVIES THAT COME OUT THIS TIME OF YEAR.
AND I DON'T THINK SCARY MOVIES SHOULD BE JUST FOR ADULTS.
HALLOWEEN IS FOR CHILDREN, AND THEY DESERVE SCARY MOVIES OF
THEIR OWN.
SO RECENTLY I SAT DOWN WITH A GROUP OF KIDS TO FIND OUT WHAT
THEY WANT IN A HALLOWEEN MOVIE.
THIS IS "KIDS PITCH!" ( BELL RINGS ).
>> Stephen: HI, EVERYBODY.
>> HI!
>> Stephen: ARE YOU EXCITED TO MAKE THE SCARIEST MOVIE EVER?
>> YES!
>> Stephen: ME, TOO.
I ASKED YOU GUYS TO DRAW SOME PICTURES OF SCARY THINGS.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU GUYS DID.
IS THIS YOU, AVA?
>> YES, THIS IS MINE.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THIS?
>> HIS NAME IS NO ONE BECAUSE HE HAS NO NAME.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> HE IS JUST, LIKE, A SMILE.
THAT'S IT.
NO BODY, NO LIMBS.
SO THERE'S A BACK STORY TO IT.
WHEN I WAS WALKING OUTSIDE TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH BY MYSELF, I
JUST HEARD-- I JUST HEARD, LIKE, SOME KID MUSIC, LIKE --
>> Stephen: KID MUSIC?
>> YEAH, I HEARD IT, LIKE, FAR AWAY.
>> Stephen: LIKE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK KIND OF MOVIE.
>> YEAH!
I HEARD ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC, BUT THERE WAS NO ICE CREAM.
THERE WAS NONE.
I CHECKED EVERYWHERE.
AROUND MY HOUSE.
>> Stephen: SO IS THIS THE NIGHT TIME AROUND HIM, OR IS
THIS THE DARKNESS THAT JUST SURROUNDS HIM EVERYWHERE HE
>> THAT'S THE DARKNESS THAT SURROUNDS HIM.
HE'S UNDER THE BED RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: HE'S UNDER THE BED?
>> YEAH.
YOU HEAR SOME MUSIC BOX, AND THEN IT GOES-- AND THEN WHEN YOU
LOOK UNDER THE BED, LIKE, VERY CAREFULLY, AND THEN THE MUSIC
GOES BEHIND YOU.
THAT MEANS HE'S BEHIND YOU ABOUT TO KILL YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, OOH, THERE'S SOME INTRICATE STUFF GOING ON HERE.
MAXWELL, IS THIS YOU?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: MAXWELL WHAT'S GOING ON, IT LOOKS LIKE A TEDDY
BEAR WITH SOMEONE ON HIS CHEST.
>> THAT'S FREDDIE.
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT FREDDIE.
>> DO YOU KNOW WHO FREDDIE KRUEGER IS?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> FREDDIE KRUEGER PLAYED HIM.
>> Stephen: THIS IS FREDDIE KRUEGER?
>> YES, HE'S JUST PLAYING AS FREDDIE.
>> Stephen: IS HE FREDDIE KRUEGER PRETENDING TO BE
SOMEBODY NAMED FREDDIE OR SOMEBODY PRETENDING TO BE
FREDDIE KRUEGER.
>> THE ACTOR OF FREDDIE IS FREDDIE KRUEGER.
>> THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS ROBERT ENGLAND IS PLAYING THIS
CHARACTER.
AND WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER'S NAME.
>> FREDDIE ( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THIS IS YOU.
OKAY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: TELL ME WHAT WE'RE LOOKING AT HERE.
>> IT'S CALLED EVIL MONSTER.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE--
>> OH,.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GHOST.
THAT WAS A GHOST.
THERE'S NO WAY THAT JUST HAPPENED.
THAT IS TERRIFYING.
MY HEART JUST STOPPED.
DID THAT SCARE ANYBODY ELSE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU NOT SCARED, MELANIE?
>> IT CAN FALL OFF AUTOMATICALLY.
>> Stephen: BUT IT DID BEFORE AND NOBODY DID ANYTHING.
THAT'S GOT TO BE A GHOST.
>> I'M NOT SCARED.
>> PROBABLY MY DEAD GRANDMA TOUCHING THAT.
>> Stephen: COULD BE A FRIEND OF YOURS.
>> OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS REALLY SCARY.
THAT MONKEY IS LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES.
>> Stephen: THAT MONKEY?
>> YEAH.
>> IT'S CREEPY.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: IS THAT A CREEPY MORNINGY.
>> IT'S BEING POSSESSED BY A DEMON.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THE HERO OF THIS MOVIE, KINGSTON?
>> HOW ABOUT WE PUT, LIKE, THIS BOY NAMED PETER WHO LOVES TO DO
BAD STUFF, AND THEN WHEN HE DOES BAD, HE GETS THE BAD IN HIM.
>> Stephen: SO IN OTHER WORDS, HE INVITES THE DEMON IN BY BEING
BAD, AND THEN HE GETS WORSE?
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: OKAY, WHO IS THE MAIN VILLAIN, GHOST OR MONSTER
OF OUR MOVIE?
AVA.
>> NO ONE.
>> YEAH.
>> BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO BE REALLY BIG.
>> AND HE'S SLEEPING AS PETER.
PETER IS SLEEPING.
>> Stephen: PETER IS THE BOY WHO IS SLEEPING WHO GETS
POSSESSED BY THE DEMON WHEN HE DOES SOMETHING BAD AND THE DEMON
SEES IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY AND NO ONE POSSESSES HIM.
DOES THAT SOUND RIGHT.
>> NO ONE.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES OUR DEMON MORNINGY FIT INTO THIS?
>> HE'S THE MONKEY THAT DIED THAT POSSESSED HIM.
>> Stephen: IT'S A MONKEY WHO BECOMES A DEMON WHO POSSESSES NO
ONE WHO BECOMES A DEMON AND NO ONE POSSESSES PETER.
IT'S LIKE AATUREDUCKEN OF EVIL.
AS IT TURDUCKEN OF EVIL.
MELANIE, YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?
>> HE HAS A LITTLE DANCE FOR YOU TO SHOW.
GO, TESS!
>> YOU'RE ALL-- YOU'RE ALL POSSESSED BY A DEMON.
>> Stephen: MAXWELL, HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS
POSSESSED?
>> BECAUSE I CAN CROSS MY EYES AND, LIKE, A FAKE CLONE COMES
OUT OF THE BODY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN I CROSS MY EYES I SEE-- I SEE TWO OF ALL OF
YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHICH ONE IS THE DEMON?
>> ME!
>> THE DEMON IS THE BLURRY ONE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
WHAT MADE NO ONE TURN INTO THE MONSTER THAT THEY ARE?
>> I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE SOME OF-- HIS MOM AND HIS DAD CAN
COME UP WITH A NAME, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: HIS MOM AND HIS DAD COULDN'T COME UP WITH A NAME
>> AND THEY THREW HIM OUT OF THE WINDOW BECAUSE --
>> Stephen: THAT YOU OF THEY THREW A BABY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD WAS HE WHEN HE GOT THROWN OUT OF THE
WINDOW.
>> TWO MONTHS OLD.
>> Stephen: A TWO-MONTH-OLD BABY GOT THROWN OUT OF THE
WINDOW WITH NO NAME AND HOW DID HE TURN INTO THE MONSTER OF NO
ONE?
>> WHEN THE PARENTS THREW HIM OUT, IT THREW NO ONE OUT THE
WINDOW, HE STARTED ROLLING UNTIL, LIKE, LIKE, TOXIC, LIKE,
GAS.
AND THEN HE MUTATED.
>> Stephen: SO THEY LIVE NEAR A SUPERFUND SITE.
AND HE GOT INTO SOME TOXIC CHEMICALS.
AVA, WHO HELPS PETER?
>> SO, PETER WILL HAVE AN ANGEL NEXT TO HIM.
>> Stephen: AN ANGEL.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S INTERESTING.
SO IT'S AN ANGEL FIGHTING A DEMON.
THAT'S A CLASSIC MATCH-UP.
WHO WANTS FEATURE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YES?
>> I KNOW WHAT HER NAME'S GOING TO BE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE GIRLFRIEND'S NAME GOING TO BE?
>> TAN JELLICA.
>> Stephen: ANGELICA, AND THERE'S AN ANGEL AND A GIRL
NAMED ANGELICA.
DOES HIS GIRLFRIEND TURN OUT TO BE THE HERO?
>> YES.
>> HE PROBABLY WANTS A PLACE TO HIDE AND MAYBE PETER IS VERY
VALUABLE AND HAS KNOWLEDGE HE NEEDS TO KNOW OR SOMETHING SO
HE'S TRYING TO GET INTO HIS BLAINE.
>> Stephen: HE NEEDS A PLACE TO LIVE AND IT'S INSIDE OF PETER
AND HE GETS INTO PETER AND FIND OUT THERE'S GREAT INFORMATION IN
PETER'S HEAD.
NOW HE HAS THAT INFORMATION.
>> AND THAT'S WHERE PETER FIGHTS BACK.
>> Stephen: SO THE MOVIE IS TAKING PLACE INSIDE THE HEAD OF
THE BOY WHO IS POSSESSED BY THE DEMON.
AND, AGAIN, LET'S GET BACK TO THIS, THE DEMON HIMSELF IS A
DEMON INSIDE THE MORNINGY WHO IS INSIDE NO ONE WHO IS NOW INSIDE
OF PETER.
>> AND THE WAY THEY GET THE DEMON OUT IS THE SPRAY-- IT'S
KIND OF LIKE HAIRSPRAY, BUT...
SERIOUSLY, IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN CHASE AWAY A DEMON WITH HAIRSPRAY?
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE?
>> YEAH, IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: LIKE WALK WHATNET.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE.
>> HAIRSPRAY.
>> Stephen: ANY OLD HAIRSPRAY.
>> BECAUSE IT'S PETER'S MIND HE CAN IMAGINE HE HAD WEAPONS AND
THEN THE WEAPONS JUST COME INTO HIS HANDS.
>> Stephen: OH, BECAUSE WHEN HE IMAGINES THEM IN HIS MIND
THEY TURN REAL IN HIS MIND.
>> YEAH, SO IF HE IMAGINES THE SWORD, HE GETS A SWORD.
IF HE IMAGINES A LIEB SABER, HE GETS A LIGHT SABER.
ANYTHING HE IMAGINES HE GETS.
>> Stephen: I LOVE THAT.
WHAT IS SOMETHING SCARY THE VILLAIN SAYS?
>> "I CAN HEAR YOU."
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE, THAT AVA?
>> VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK, YOU GUYS.
WHAT SHOULD THE MUSIC IN THE TV SERIES OR MOVIE WE'RE MAKING
SOUND LIKE?
YES, MAXWELL.
>> MAYBE IT SHOULD BE, LIKE, IMAGINE DRAGONS... "BELIEVER."
>> Stephen: YOU SING A LITTLE BIT FOR ME?
>> YOU TAKE ME UP, YOU TAKE ME DOWN, BELIEVER.
ALL THE VOICES IN MY HEAD.
I'M FIRED UP, I'M TIRED OF THE VOICES IN MY HEAD.
>> Stephen: VOICES IN MY HEAD.
THAT'S THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE ANGEL AND THE DEMON, RIGHT?
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE TITLE OF OUR MOVIE?
( ALL TALKING AT ONCE ) >> Stephen: TELL YOU WHAT,
STAND UP, JUST GET TOGETHER AND TALK TO EACH OTHER AND TELL ME
THE ANSWER.
COME UP WITH A TITLE.
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO FINDING OUT THE NAME OF THE
MOVIE.
>> "THE CHOSEN ONES."
"I CAN HEAR YOU."
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT'S THE MOVIE WE'RE GOING TO
MAKE.
ONE, TWO, THREE "INSIDE GOODBYE: HELL-O!"
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, KIDS!
WHEN WE RETURN, I WILL DEBUT THE SPOOKY STAR-FILLED TRAILER FOR
"INSIDE GOODBYE: HELL-O!"
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST JOINING US, PREVIOUSLY ON "THE LATE
SHOW," I SAT DOWNING WITH A ROOM FULL OF KIDS TO COME UP WITH A
BLOCKBUSTER SCARY MOVIE CALLED "INSIDE GOODBYE: HELL-O!"
WELL I'M PROUD TO "GOODBYE: HELL-O!"
WE HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE FIRST-LOOK TRAILER.
>> ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC?
( LAUGHTER ) IS THERE'S NO ICE CREAM.
THERE'S NONE.
AAARRGHH!
>> MY NAME IS PETER.
AND I LOVE TO DO BAD STUFF.
>> WELL, PETER, I'M TAKING YOU UNDER MY WING.
SERGEANT ANGELICA, DEMON DETECTIVE.
>> HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY DETECT DEMONS?
>> SIMPLE.
I CAN CROSS MY EYES.
AND THEN THE FAKE CLONE COMES OUT OF THE BODY.
I'M TRACK A DEMON THAT TAKES MANY FORMS.
>> HELLO!
>> TURDUCKEN OF EVIL.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> OH, THIS IS REALLY SCARY.
THAT MONKEY IS STARING STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES.
>> DON'T BE A BABY!
IT'S JUST AN OLD TOY I FOUND UNDER YOUR BED.
( SCREAMING ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> HELLO, PETER.
>> WHO ARE YOU?
( LAUGHS ) >> I'M NO ONE.
>> OKAY, YOU'RE NO ONE, BUT, LIKE, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
>> I DON'T HAVE ONE.
>> HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
♪ ♪ ♪ >> HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
>> SALUTE PERFECTION.
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL HIM?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YEAH, ME, NEITHER.
>> WELL, THEN...
>> WAKE UP!
( GASPS ) PETER!
DEMON!
>> IMAGINE SWORD.
IMAGINE LIGHT SABER.
AND, OF COURSING, IMAGINE DRAGONS.
>> THIS IS A SPECIAL VERSION.
HIT IT ♪ FIRST THINGS FIRST
I'MA SAY ALL THE WORDS INSIDE MY HEAD
♪ I'M FIRED UP AND TIRED OF THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ♪
>> IT'S PROBABLY JUST MY DEAD GRANDMA
♪ YOU TAKE ME UP YOU TAKE ME DOWN
BELIEVER BELIEVER.
>> YOUR WEAPONS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME.
>> HERE, PETER, TRY THIS.
NOT THE HAIRSPRAY!
NO!
♪ BELIEVER ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU TO THE
ENTIRE CAST OF "INSIDE GOODBYE: HELL-O!"
AND TO IMAGINE DRAGONS FOR THAT SPOOKY NEW VERSION OF "BELIEVER"
THEY MADE FOR US.
THEY'LL BE RELEASING THE WHOLE NEW SONG ON HALLOWEEN.
YOU CAN CHECK OUT A PREVIEW ON THEIR TIKTOK RIGHT NOW.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KERRY WASHINGTON.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE," "SCANDAL," "CONFIRMATION," AND
NOW, "THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND EVIL."
>> LOOK, IF THERE WAS A MISTAKE, THEN IT IS ONE THAT SOMEONE IS
GOING TO GET FIRED FOR.
SO LET'S PRETEND THERE IS NOT A MISTAKE UNTIL WE CAN SORT THIS
ALL OUT.
YES?
BESIDES, THERE IS NO WAY BACK.
>> WHAT?
>> OH, I KNOW!
LET'S GET YOU IN YOUR ARMOR!
( LAUGHS ) ♪ ♪ ♪
OH, YES!
LOOK AT THAT!
LET ME GUESS-- YOU'RE NOT A PINK PERSON.
NOT A PROBLEM!
WE ALSO HAVE ROWS, FUSCHIA, BLUSH, WATER MELON, HIBISCUS.
SO MANY COLORS!
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME KERRY WASHINGTON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE ).
>> HI!
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> HI, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IS THIS THE FIRST
POSTCOVID WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE INCREDIBLY BUSY.
YOU'RE ALWAYS WORKING, AND YET YOU'RE MAKING TIME RIGHT NOW TO
TRY TO GET PEOPLE TO GET OUT TO VOTE RIGHT NOW.
>> I AM, I AM.
>> Stephen: AS A MATTER OF FACT HERE IS--
>> YES!
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE AT A RALLY WITH STACEY ABRAMS RIGHT
THERE.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> THAT'S ME AND STACY AT HOMECOMING, DANCING, GETTING OUR
PARTY ON.
YEAH, IT'S BEEN REALLY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO GO TO A BUNCH OF
STATES BECAUSE OF THESE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, RIGHT.
BECAUSE THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS GET A LOT OF
ATTENTION, THEY'RE VERY SPLASHY.
BUT THESE ELECTIONS, THESE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, THIS IS WHEN
WE ELECT LOCAL AND STATE LEADERS THAT MAKE THE REAL DECISION,
LIKE SECRETARIES OF STATE THAT PROTECT OUR FREE AND FAIR
ELECTIONS, MAKE SURE THAT OUR VOTE COUNTS.
>> Stephen: HOWEVER YOU FEEL-- HOWEVER YOU FEEL ABOUT ANY OF
THE ISSUES OUT THERE, HOW YOU FEEL DOESN'T MATTER UNLESS THE
VOTE GETS COUNTED AND THE SECRETARIES OF STATE AND THE
ATTORNEYS GENERAL GENERAL FOR THOSE STATE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
IN SOME STATES THERE'S A LOT OF GOVERNORS' RACES.
SOME STATES, LIKE IN PENNSYLVANIA, THE GOVERNOR
APPOINTS THE SECRETARY OF STATE.
I'M GOING TO A BUNCH OF STATES TO LET PEOPLE KNOW, NO MATTER
WHAT YOU THINK, YOUR VOTE MATTERS.
I WANT YOUR VOTE TO COUNT.
THAT'S WHAT A DEMOCRACY IS.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: AND THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF CANDIDATES THIS
YEAR.
>> YES, YES, YES!
>> Stephen: THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF CANDIDATES THIS YEAR AT A
STATE LEVEL WHO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF OUR ELECTIONS AND
ASK YOURSELF WHEN YOU GO VOTE WHO BELIEVES IN EVERY VOTE BEING
COUNTED AND WHO DOESN'T.
AND VOTE FOR THE PERSON WHO BELIEVES IN COUNTING.
>> HERE'S WHAT'S SUPER INTEREST AGO IN 2020 PEOPLE CAME OUT IN
RECORD NUMBERS AND SO ALL OF THESE STATES STARTED HAVING ALL
OF THESE NEW LAWS THAT MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT TO VOTE.
AND PEOPLE DO THAT, RIGHT, THEY COME FOR YOU WHEN THEY'RE AFRAID
OF YOUR POWER.
SO SOME PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE.
AND THEY DON'T WANT YOUR VOTE TO COUNT.
SO WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT WE'RE ELECTED OFFICIALS WHO ARE
PROTECTING EVERY VOTE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, THE NEW MOVIE
WE JUST SAW THE CLIP OF IT'S CALLED "THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND
EVIL."
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> IT IS ABOUT A SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND EVIL.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
ITS ABOUT THIS SCHOOL THAT TRAINS FUTURE HEROES AND
VILLAINS TO KIND OF FULFILL THEIR DESTINY.
>> Stephen: LIKE IN A FAIRY TALE CONTEST.
>> YEAH, THE CHILDREN OF ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE FAIRY TALE HEROES
AND VILLAINS THEY GO TO THIS SCHOOL AND THESE TWO BEST
FRIENDS WIND UP WHAT THEY THINK IS THE WRONG SCHOOL AND THEY
FIGURE OUT OUT MAYBE IT'S NOT ALL BLACK AND WHITE.
MAYBE EVERYBODY IS NOT ALL GOOD OR ALL BAD.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU WOULD BE IN.
>> Stephen: IN REAL LIFE.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> IN REAL LIFE IT WOULD BE GOOD, GLOBL YOU HAVE KIDS?
DID THEY COME TO SET?
>> THEY DID.
>> Stephen: THEY CAN'T COME TO ALL OF YOUR SETS BECAUSE SOME OF
>> VERY FEW OF MY FILMS MY KIDS HAVE BEEN AT.
THEY CAME TO VISIT AND THOUGHT CHARLIZE WAS COOL, THEY LOVED
HER COSTUME.
SHE PLAYED THE DEAN OF THE SCHOOL FOR EVIL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WORE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF
"THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND EVIL," KERRY WASHINGTON.
PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW THIS ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE I ACTUALLY
DEPARTMENT KNOW ABOUT THIS UNTIL JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO, YOU
ALSO DIRECT.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: HOW DID THAT START?
>> SO I JUST DIRECTED THE PILOT OF A NEW SHOW ON HULU
"REASONABLE DOUBT."
I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT.
IT'S A SEXY, EXCITING, VERY COOL SHOW.
I STARTED DIRECTING BECAUSE MY FRIEND COMMON, THE GREAT HIP HOP
LEGENDARY ARTIST, HE CALLED ME A FEW YEARS AGO.
HE HAD A NEW ALBUM OUT AND A SONG CALLED "I WANT YOU."
AND HE SAID, "HEY, DO YOU WANT TO BE THE GIRL IN THE VIDEO?"
AND I DID WANT TO BE THE GIRL IN THE VIDEO, BUT I ALSO DIDN'T
WANT TO BE, LIKE, OBJECTIFIED.
I WANTED TO HAVE SOME CONTROL.
SO I SAID, "YEAH, IF I CAN DIRECT IT."
AND HE SAID YES.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT JUST CAME OUT?
DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO ASK.
>> I HAD NO IDEA I WAS GOING TO ASK THAT.
HE SAID, "WRITE A TREATMENT AND SUBMIT IT," LIKE ALL THE OTHER
DIRECTORS.
AND I SAID OH, GOD.
I CAME UP WITH THIS CONCEPT AND SUBMITTED IT TO HIM.
THE RECORDING COMPANY-- IS THAT WHAT IT'S CALLED?
IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS-- THE LABEL!
THE LABEL LIKED MY PITCH THE MOST.
AND I WAS LIKE OH, CRAP, I HAVE TO DIRECT THIS THING.
AND I HAD A BLAST.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT IT?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO KEEP A LOT GOING ON.
YOU'RE AT THE POP OF THE PYRAMID LOOKING DOWN ON EVERYTHING THAT
HAPPENS IN THE PRODUCTION.
WHAT'S THE MOST APPEALING ASPECT.
>> I DON'T LOOK TAT AS THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID BECAUSE I FEEL
LIKE IT'S MORE OF A COMMUNAL EFFORT.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE LEADING THE TROOPS IN A WAY.
I GUESS WHAT I LIKE AS A PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR CREATING
AN OPPORTUNITY FOR PEOPLE TO DO THEIR BEST WORK.
>> Stephen: YOU ALSO-- YOU ALSO ARE DOING SOMETHING LIKE
THIS IN ANOTHER SHOW WHERE YOU INTERVIEW STARS
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S CALLED "THE STREET YOU GREW UP ON."
>> IT'S ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL.
>> Stephen: ABOUT THEIR EARLY LIFE ON THE STREET THEY GREW UP
ON?
>> MY COMPANY IS CALLED SIMPSON STREET, MY PRODUCTION COMPANY,
BECAUSE THAT'S THE NAME OF THE STREET IN THE BRONX MY MOTHER
GREW UP ON.
YES, BOOGIE DOWN, BRONX.
WE HAVE A SHOW WHERE WE INTERVIEW PEOPLE IN THE PUBLIC
EYE ABOUT REALLY SPECIFIC DETAILS ABOUT WHERE YOU GREW UP
AND HOW THAT IMPACTS WHO YOU ARE TODAY.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THE SORT OF THINGS THAT YOU ASK THEM?
>> THE FIRST QUESTION I ASK, JUST TO GET TO KNOW THE NAME OF
THE STREET THEY GREW UP ON, I ASKED THE SEX ALTER-EGO NAME,
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE PORN NAME IT'S THE NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET
FOLLOWED BOY THE STREET YOU GREW UP.
WHAT IS YOUR SEXY ALTER EGO NAME?
>> Stephen: CAESAR HONEY BEE.
( APPLAUSE ) >>> THAT'S REALLY GOOD!
>> Stephen: IS THAT GOOD?
>> THAT'S REALLY GOOD!
THAT'S REALLY KIND OF HOT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
>> IT'S ALSO MAYBE A REALLY GOOD SALAD DRESSING.
>> Stephen: SURE, WHAT'S YOURS.
>> MINE IS TRICK OR TREAT PUBSLY.
I HAD TWO HAMPSTERS, TRICK AND TREAT.
I WAS LIKE, MOM, YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY PETS GROW UP?
SHE SAID WE HAD A CAT NAMED BIG BOY.
SO MY MOTHER'S NAME IS BIG BOY SIMPSON.
>> STEPHEN: "THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND EVIL" IS AVAILABLE ON
NETFLIX.
KERRY WASHINGTON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JOE WALSH.
>> STEPHEN: HIS ANNUAL VETSAID CONCERT TAKES PLACE IN COLUMBUS,
OHIO, ON NOVEMBER 13TH AND WILL BE STREAMING WORLDWIDE.
PERFORMING, "ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY" WITH JOE VITALE, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND, JOE WALSH!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ I SPENT THE LAST YEAR ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY
♪ COULDN'T GET MUCH HIGHER OUT TO PASTURE
♪ THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY TIME TO OPEN FIRE
♪ AND WE DON'T NEED THE LADIES CRYING 'CAUSE THE STORY'S SAD
♪ 'CAUSE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY IS BETTER THAN THE WAY WE HAD
YES IT IS!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL HE'S TELLIN' US THIS
AND HE'S TELLIN' US THAT ♪ CHANGES IT EVERY DAY
SAY'S IT DOESN'T MATTER ♪ BASES ARE LOADED AND CASEY'S
AT BAT ♪ PLAYIN' IT PLAY BY PLAY
YOU SING IT!
TIME TO CHANGE THE BATTER ♪ AND WE DON'T NEED THE LADIES
CRYING 'CAUSE THE STORY'S SAD, CUZ THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY
IS BETTER THAN THE WAY WE HAD
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU, EVERYBODY!
>> STEPHEN: JOE WALSH, EVERYBODY!
IF YOU WANT TO HELP WITH VETSAID GO TO VETSAID.ORG.
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT, Y'ALL!