1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:05,205
>> THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVER.
AFTER SIX LONG YEARS, RIHANNA
2
00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:08,575
HAS RELEASED A NEW SINGLE.
IT'S CALLED "LIFT ME UP."
3
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:10,710
IT'S THE LEAD SINGLE FROM
MARVEL'S UPCOMING BLOCKBUSTER
4
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,113
SEQUEL, "BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA
FOREVER."
5
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:02,061
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
6
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,563
TONIGHT:
7
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:12,472
TRICK OR TWEET?
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
8
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:15,108
JENNIFER HUDSON
AND ZOSIA MAMET.
9
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:20,346
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
10
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,885
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
11
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:31,591
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
IT
12
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:40,099
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
13
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:55,048
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
14
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,284
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
15
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:00,653
HAPPY MONDAY.
HELLO!
16
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:07,927
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL...
THANK YOU.
17
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:10,997
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
18
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:16,769
FIRST OF ALL,--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
19
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:22,208
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S THE SCARIEST NIGHT IN
20
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:24,711
AMERICA, JUST ABOVE EVERY OTHER
NIGHT IN AMERICA.
21
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:32,352
( LAUGHTER )
STILL RIDIN' A SUGAR HIGH,
22
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,720
WELCOME TO LATE NIGHT.
DON'T FALL ASLEEP, NO MATTER
23
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:36,523
WHAT YOUR PARENTS SAY, BECAUSE
THE MINUTE YOU GO TO BED,
24
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:40,126
THEY'RE STEALING ALL YOUR BEST
CANNED.
25
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:45,398
I'M TALKING KIT KAT.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
26
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,667
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
GIVE ME A BREAK.
27
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:51,571
( APPLAUSE )
YEAR?
28
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:59,445
I'M DRESSED UP AS MY DOG BENNY.
( LAUGHTER )
29
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:05,919
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL HALLOWEEN
BECAUSE THE POWERBALL JACKPOT
30
00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:20,867
HAS REACHED $1 BILLION.
( APPLAUSE )
31
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,537
HAS REACHED $1 BILLION.
( APPLAUSE )
32
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,940
BEEN THIS HIGH IN POWERBALL'S
HISTORY.
33
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:28,708
BEFORE POWERBALL, OF COURSE, THE
MOST POPULAR LOTTO GAME WAS JUST
34
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,843
BALL.
THE WINNER WOULD GET A BALL.
35
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,812
THE LOSER WOULD GET TYPHUS.
ALSO THE WINNER.
36
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,781
THE POWERBALL DRAWING OCCURRED
AT 11:00 P.M. TONIGHT, WHICH IS
37
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,583
AFTER WE TAPE THIS SHOW.
BUT I CAN ALREADY ANNOUNCE THE
38
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:43,323
WINNING NUMBERS:
THEY ARE 4, 9, 20, 22, 69, WITH
39
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,326
A POWERBALL OF 20.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
40
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:54,300
YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE BANK!
HOW DO I KNOW?
41
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,971
BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE ONES ON MY
TICKET.
42
00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:01,841
SO THAT'S WHAT WON, REGARDLESS
OF THE LIES YOU HEAR IN THE
43
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,945
MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
( APPLAUSE )
44
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:11,751
IF I WIN-- IF I AM CORRECT, I
WILL SPLIT THIS WITH EVERYONE IN
45
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:17,056
THIS ROOM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
46
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:21,094
OKAY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
47
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:30,970
OKAY?
LIKE 95-5.
48
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,306
OF COURSE, I HOPE EVERYONE WINS.
WE ALL NEED SOMETHING TO CHEER
49
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,943
US UP, AFTER THAT MANIAC BROKE
INTO NANCY PELOSI'S HOUSE AND
50
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:41,848
HIT HER HUSBAND IN THE HEAD WITH
A HAMMER.
51
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:42,949
NOW, PAUL PELOSI IS STILL IN THE
HOSPITAL.
52
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:46,753
THANKFULLY, HE IS EXPECTED TO
MAKE A FULL RECOVERY.
53
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:50,089
THE ATTACKER--
( APPLAUSE ).
54
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:57,230
( APPLAUSE )
FEDERAL CHARGES FOR ASSAULT AND
55
00:04:57,296 --> 00:05:01,834
ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING, IS NAMED
DAVID WAYNE DEPAPE.
56
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,937
WE'VE GOT TO STOP GIVING PEOPLE
THE MIDDLE NAME "WAYNE."
57
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:08,841
IT NEVER ENDS WELL.
DAVID "WAYNE" DEPAPE.
58
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:12,311
JOHN "WAYNE" GACY.
OSAMA "WAYNE" LADEN.
59
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:16,883
( LAUGHTER )
IT APPEARS DEPAPE IS EXTREMELY
60
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:21,154
MENTALLY ILL AND HAS ALSO MADE
RACIST POSTS ONLINE, INCLUDING
61
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:25,158
SOME THAT QUESTIONED THE RESULTS
OF THE 2020 ELECTION, DEFENDED
62
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:31,798
THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AND ECHOED
QANON CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
63
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,166
SO EITHER HE'S GOING TO BE
INSTITUTIONALIZED, OR THE G.O.P.
64
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:37,603
NOMINEE IN 2024.
( APPLAUSE )
65
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:45,912
( APPLAUSE )
COMMON IN AMERICA NOW, BUT
66
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:49,248
HERE'S SOMETHING I DIDN'T SEE
COMING: DEPAPE IS FROM BRITISH
67
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:54,520
COLUMBIA.
HE'S CANADIAN.
68
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:55,822
THAT'S HOW TOXIC OUR POLITICS
ARE-- CANADA GOT A CONTACT
69
00:05:55,888 --> 00:06:00,993
CRAZY.
( LAUGHTER )
70
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:08,401
TO "DUDLEY DID-WHAT?!"
THE DISCOURSE IN AMERICA IS
71
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,170
ABOUT TO GET WAY WORSE THANKS TO
NEW TWITTER C.E.O. ELON MUSK
72
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:14,107
( BOOING )
SEEN HERE WATCHING STREET
73
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:19,512
URCHINS SCRAMBLE FOR HIS
DISCARDED CHICKEN BONE.
74
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,315
MUSK TOOK OVER TWITTER ON FRIDAY
AND, IMMEDIATELY, THERE WAS AN
75
00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:28,287
EXPLOSION OF HATE SPEECH,
INCLUDING USE OF THE N-WORD ON
76
00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:31,624
THE PLATFORM, WHICH JUMPED 500%,
LEADING TWITTER TO CHANGE THE
77
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:32,692
LANDING PAGE FROM WHAT'S
HAPPENING?
78
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:37,396
TO
>> "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!?!?!"
79
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:41,701
>> Stephen: THE COMPANY BLAMED
IT ON TROLLS, BUT OF ALL THE
80
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,236
TROLLS ON TWITTER, NONE ARE
TROLLIER THAN THE TROLL WHO JUST
81
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:45,204
BOUGHT IT,
BECAUSE YESTERDAY, MUSK REPLIED
82
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:47,507
TO A TWEET FROM HILLARY CLINTON
ABOUT THE ATTACK ON PAUL PELOSI
83
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,776
THAT CONDEMNED THE VIOLENCE AND
CONSPIRACY THEORIES WITH A LINK
84
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,044
TO A HOMOPHOBIC CONSPIRACY
THEORY BLAMING THE VICTIM OF THE
85
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:56,482
VIOLENCE.
THAT'S NOT JUST AWFUL.
86
00:06:56,549 --> 00:07:00,887
THAT IS BEYOND THE PALE-- AND SO
IS ELON MUSK.
87
00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:08,895
( LAUGHTER )
NOT SO MUCH MOBY AS JUST A DICK.
88
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:20,106
( APPLAUSE )
THAR HE BLOWS!
89
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,575
BOY, THAT MAKES ME MAD.
I JUST WANT TO-- WHAT DO I WANT
90
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:25,845
TO DO, SPEAKER PELOSI?
>> I'M GOING TO PUNCH HIM OUT.
91
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:31,083
I'M GOING TO GO TO JAIL, AND I'M
GOING TO BE HAPPY."
92
00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:36,789
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELP DON'T CROSS NANCY.
93
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,592
IS THIS TRUE?
I AM BEING TOLD THERE IS NEWS OF
94
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:43,462
MUSK BREAKING TWITTER, BECAUSE
WE FOUND OUT TODAY THAT ELON
95
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:48,501
MUSK HAS DISSOLVED THE COMPANY'S
BOARD AND CROWNED HIMSELF SOLE
96
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:56,442
DIRECTOR.
THAT SOUNDS POWER-MAD.
97
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,077
BUT DON'T WORRY.
BEFORE HE GOT THAT TITLE, HE RAN
98
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,512
IT BY THE C.F.O., ELON MUSK; THE
HEAD OF H.R., ELON MUSK; AND THE
99
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:03,082
PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO ELON MUSK,
ELON MUSK.
100
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:08,588
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S IT.
101
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:14,327
IT'S DONE.
( APPLAUSE )
102
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:18,664
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU,
KIDS: IF YOU WORK HARD, AND
103
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:22,368
BECOME WEALTHY AND POWERFUL
ENOUGH, ONE DAY, YOU, TOO, CAN
104
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,971
PAY $44 BILLION TO SIT IN A ROOM
BY YOURSELF.
105
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:32,645
( LAUGHTER )
THE MIDTERMS, COMING UP.
106
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,514
THE MIDTERMS ARE A WEEK FROM
TOMORROW.
107
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,049
THE RACE IS TIGHTENING, SO THE
DEMOCRATS HAVE UNLEASHED THEIR
108
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:43,623
SECRET WEAPON: BARACK OBAMA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
109
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:47,593
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
110
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:51,597
CONSTITUTION.
HE SPENT THE WEEKEND DOING
111
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:58,371
RALLIES FOR HIS PARTY, AND SOME
LADIES IN MICHIGAN WERE INTO IT.
112
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:05,544
>> NOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT
SOMETIMES GOING OUT ON THE
113
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,480
CAMPAIGN TRAIL FEELS A LITTLE
HARDER THAN IT USED TO, NOT JUST
114
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:14,120
BECAUSE I'M OLDER AND GRAYER.
( CHEERING )
115
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:25,898
OKAY.
( APPLAUSE )
116
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:30,069
YOU SAID THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
117
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:41,981
( LAUGHTER )
POINT OUT, THAT'S TWO THINGS THE
118
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,316
45th PRESIDENT WILL NEVER HAVE:
A CROWD SHOUTING HOW HOT HE IS
119
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:53,526
AND A WIFE WHO AGREES.
( APPLAUSE )
120
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,128
WHERE HE WENT AFTER REPUBLICAN
SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL
121
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:59,398
WALKER, SEEN HERE IN A STADIUM
FILLED WITH HIS SECRET CHILDREN.
122
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:07,473
( LAUGHTER )
OBAMA MADE THE CASE AGAINST
123
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:11,510
WALKER.
>> IN COLLEGE, HE WAS AMAZING.
124
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:17,116
ONE OF THE BEST RUNNING BACKS OF
ALL TIME.
125
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:21,020
BUT HERE IS THE QUESTION: DOES
THAT MAKE HIM THE BEST PERSON TO
126
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,421
REPRESENT YOU IN THE U.S.
SENATE?
127
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:27,159
AND BY THE WAY, THE OPPOSITE IS
TRUE, TOO.
128
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,829
LIKE, YOU MAY HAVE LIKED ME AS
PRESIDENT, BUT YOU WOULD NOT
129
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:32,431
WANT ME STARTING AS TAILBACK FOR
THE DOGS.
130
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:35,401
( LAUGHTER )
YOU'D BE TERRIBLE AT ANY
131
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:50,349
POSITION, ESPECIALLY
QUARTERBACK:
132
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:51,350
POSITION, ESPECIALLY
QUARTERBACK:
133
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:59,658
"UHHH, LOOK, UHHHH, BLUE, FLUE,
UUHHHH 42...
134
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:06,665
O.. MA...HA...
( LAUGHTER )
135
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:11,103
HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
136
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:16,575
HOHOLD ON.
HUT."
137
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,077
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
138
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:31,390
( APPLAUSE )
BRAZIL.
139
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:35,361
YOU'RE FROM BRAZIL.
BIG NEWS OUT OF YOUR HOME
140
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:40,399
COUNTRY RIGHT THERE.
IT'S IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE
141
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,468
BETWEEN FAR-RIGHT INCUMBENT AND
GUY WHO WON'T STOP COMPLEMENTING
142
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:46,238
YOUR OPEN-TOED SANDALS, JAIR
BOLSONARO AND LEFTIST FORMER
143
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,775
PRESIDENT AND COWBOY DESCRIBING
HIS MISSING HAT, LUIZ INACIO
144
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:53,879
LULA DA SILVA.
THIS WAS A HIGH-STAKES ELECTION,
145
00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:56,882
BECAUSE BOLSONARO IS KNOWN FOR
EMBRACING FASCISM, INTENTIONALLY
146
00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:59,518
LETTING THE CORONAVIRUS KILL
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, AND
147
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:04,790
OVERSEEING A SURGE IN
DEFORESTATION IN THE AMAZON.
148
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:10,796
AND AS ANY BRAZILIAN WILL TELL
YOU, DEFORESTATION SHOULD HAPPEN
149
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:15,534
ONLY ALONG THE BIKINI LINE.
WELL, THE RESULTS ARE FINALLY
150
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:19,371
IN, AND BY A RAZOR-THIN MARGIN,
BRAZIL HAS ELECTED LULA!
151
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:21,740
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IS THIS A GOOD THING?
152
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,443
>> THAT IS A GREAT THING.
>> Stephen: THAT IS A GREAT
153
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,344
THING?
>> YES.
154
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,447
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO,
THERE YOU GO.
155
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:31,317
WHEN THE RESULTS WERE ANNOUNCED,
THOUSANDS OF BRAZILIANS ACROSS
156
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:35,121
THE COUNTRY WERE ECSTATIC AND
CAME OUT TO CELEBRATE.
157
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:44,797
THINGS GOT SO WILD, EVEN CHRIST
THE REDEEMER GOT INTO IT.
158
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:48,467
THIS IS A HUGE-- I GOT A LITTLE
SOMETHING.
159
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:49,735
THIS IS A HUGE COMEBACK FOR
LULA.
160
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:53,405
IN THE YEARS SINCE HIS LAST TERM
ENDED, HE WAS IMPRISONED AFTER A
161
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,574
SENTENCE FOR CORRUPTION, BEFORE
BRAZIL'S SUPREME COURT ANNULLED
162
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:59,311
HIS CONVICTIONS.
HOLY ROLLERCOASTER.
163
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:03,315
THIS GUY'S GETTING ONE HELL OF
A SEQUEL.
164
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,617
YOU CAN WATCH IT ALL IN THE
MOVIE "LULA PART TWO-LA
165
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:08,087
ELECTRIC BOOGA-LULA."
( APPLAUSE )
166
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:17,029
THERE YOU GO.
DESPITE THE RESULT, BRAZILIANS
167
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:21,066
ARE ON EDGE.
LULA'S WIN CAME AT THE END OF
168
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,002
A VERY MESSY ELECTION WHERE
MISINFORMATION SOARED.
169
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:26,272
AT TIMES, LULA'S SUPPORTERS
ACCUSED BOLSONARO OF BEING A
170
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:29,675
CANNIBAL AND A PEDOPHILE, AND
BOLSONARO'S SUPPORTERS CALLED
171
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:33,279
LULA A SATANIST, A GANG LEADER,
AND A COMMUNIST.
172
00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:34,513
COMMUNIST GANG LEADERS ARE THE
WORST.
173
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:39,885
( AS MOB BOSS )
HERE.
174
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,588
BE A SHAME IF THE WORKERS
CONTROLLED THE MEANS OF
175
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,857
PRODUCTION, KNOW-WHAT-IM-SAYIN?"
OKAY?
176
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:55,701
I HATE TO SEE SOMEBODY FORWARD
THE DIALECTIC.
177
00:13:55,768 --> 00:14:01,173
WE ALL KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT.
A BUNCH OF INSANE ELECTION
178
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,777
CONSPIRACIES FROM THE HEAD OF
BRAZIL'S BIGGEST LINEN COMPANY,
179
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:09,715
MY PILLAO
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
180
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,418
TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE JENNIFER HUDSON
181
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:17,523
AND ZOSIA MAMET.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, ROBOTS!
182
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,457
STICK AROUND.
183
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:54,627
( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
184
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:58,230
HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
FOLKS, AS MUCH AS I LOVE
185
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,799
TECHNOLOGY, I LIKE JOKES ABOUT
TECHNOLOGY EVEN MORE.
186
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:10,643
THIS IS "CYBORGASM."
187
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:25,658
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALWAYS!
188
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:31,764
FIRST UP, AFTER JUMPING ON THE
CRYPTO TRAIN LAST YEAR,
189
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:33,232
CRYPTO TRAIN LAST YEAR, pCNN
SUDDENLY SHUTTERED ITS N.F.T.
190
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:38,837
MARKETPLACE."
THAT'S TOO BAD.
191
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,539
I REALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING
TO MAKE A FORTUNE OFF THEIR
192
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:44,376
BORED BLITZERS.
( LAUGHTER )
193
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:50,149
CRAFTED LIVING SKIN FOR ROBOTS,
FURTHER BLURRING THE LINE
194
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,850
BETWEEN HUMAN AND MACINE."
OH, THANKS.
195
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,720
ALSO, QUICK QUESTION:
WHY DO WE WANT THE LINE TO BE
196
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:59,024
BLURRY?
( LAUGHTER )
197
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:01,460
AND THOUGHT, "I WISH IT WAS
EASIER TO CONFUSE THAT WITH MY
198
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,397
COUSIN RICK."
( LAUGHTER )
199
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:10,903
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE FLESH
AS REAL AS POSSIBLE, AND IT
200
00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:13,138
ALREADY REPLICATES THE
"BIOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS OF SKIN,
201
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:16,542
SUCH AS ITS ABILITY TO
SELF-REPAIR AND REPEL WATER."
202
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:22,081
SURE, BUT CAN IT BE SOMEHOW BOTH
BE TOO DRY AND TOO OILY, AND GET
203
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:27,119
SPOTS ON IT BECAUSE IT'S 50, AND
THEN STAYS UP WONDERING ABOUT A
204
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:28,754
WEIRD MOLE THAT IT CAN'T SEE, SO
IT HAS TO WAIT UNTIL ITS WIFE
205
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,256
WAKES UP TO ASK HER TO LOOK AT
IT?
206
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:45,838
THEN IT'S HUMAN SKIN.
( APPLAUSE )
207
00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:48,307
MAKE YOU FLY LIKE IRON MAN--
IF YOU'RE RICH," BECAUSE THESE
208
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:51,777
THINGS COST AROUND $400,000.
WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY FOR A
209
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:52,678
GLORIFIED TOY.
I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO SPEND
210
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,714
THAT KIND OF--
OH, MY LORD, GIVE ME ONE!
211
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:58,150
ZOOM!
ZOOM HITHER AND THITHER, SKY
212
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:00,953
MAN!
CONQUER THE HEAVENS, YOU
213
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:05,791
CARGO-PANTS'D APOLLO!
FOR NOW, THE COMPANY SAYS THIS
214
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,527
THING IS MAINLY FOR MILITARY
CLIENTS, AND "THE SUIT IS
215
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,164
UNLIKELY TO MAKE IT INTO THE
PUBLIC DOMAIN ANYTIME SOON,"
216
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,833
ADDING, "IT WOULD BE LIKE TAKING
A NASCAR DOWN TO WALMART.
217
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:21,607
YOU COULD, BUT NO ONE WOULD."
( LAUGHTER )
218
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:31,717
( APPLAUSE )
BEAR CRAP IN THE WOODS?"
219
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:36,054
"YOU GUYS WANT TO GO FOR A
"DOES DALE DRIVE NASCAR TO
220
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:41,493
WALMART?"
NEXT UP, RESEARCHERS ARE ASKING,
221
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,997
"WHO WOULD USE A SEX ROBOT?" AND
TRYING TO "PREDICT PEOPLE'S
222
00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:47,666
WILLINGNESS TO ENGAGE WITH NEW
EROTIC TECHNOLOGIES," BY USING
223
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,537
"PERSONALITY ASSESSMENTS."
OH, THERE'S A WHOLE MYERS-BRIGGS
224
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:55,340
PERSONALITY CATEGORY FOR THIS.
"YOU'RE AN E.N.T.J.?
225
00:17:55,407 --> 00:18:00,446
I'M A D.T.F. C-3P0."
( LAUGHTER )
226
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:07,619
SO, SO, AFTER ALL--
( APPLAUSE )
227
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:10,255
WHAT PERSONALITY TYPE WAS
DETERMINED TO BE MOST
228
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:15,461
ROBO-CURIOUS?
BRACE YOURSELVES, BECAUSE
229
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,363
APPARENTLY, "MEN ARE MORE PRONE
TO USING SEX ROBOTS."
230
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:23,635
( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU, SCIENCE.
231
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:26,905
WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT
GROUNDBREAKING REPORT: "DUDES
232
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:30,008
WILL STICK IT IN A TREE STUMP."
( LAUGHTER )
233
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:39,985
BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
NEXT UP, "AMAZON'S ROBOTS ARE
234
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:43,021
GETTING CLOSER TO REPLACING
HUMAN HANDS," AND CAN HANDLE
235
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:46,391
"MORE THAN 1,000 ITEMS AN HOUR,
MEANING IT COULD PICK AND STOW
236
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,760
ITEMS AT RATES SEVERAL TIMES
FASTER THAN A HUMAN WORKER
237
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:59,438
COULD."
BUT CAN THOSE HANDS DO THIS?
238
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:01,940
BOW!
BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD, ROBOT
239
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:07,813
MINIONS!
( LAUGHTER )
240
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:15,988
"OUR INVESTMENTS IN ROBOTICS AND
TECHNOLOGY ARE HELPING MAKE JOBS
241
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:17,923
IN OUR FACTORIES BETTER, EASIER,
AND SAFER, AS WELL AS CREATING
242
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,157
NEW CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUR
PEOPLE."
243
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:21,193
ADDING, "CAREER OPPORTUNITIES AT
OTHER COMPANIES-- NOT OURS!
244
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:26,798
WE'RE GOING ALL ROBOTS.
GOOD LUCK, SKIN BAGS!"
245
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:38,076
( LAUGHTER )
AND FINALLY, FINALLY, THERE IS
246
00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:40,212
NOW A FIREFIGHTING ROBOT.
LET'S SEE IT IN ACTION.
247
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,080
IT CAN DRIVE AROUND AND,
APPARENTLY, IT'S SO POWERFUL IT
248
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,217
CAN BLAST 1,200 GALLONS OF WATER
A MINUTE ON A FIRE.
249
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,786
SO, ADMITTEDLY, LESS USEFUL FOR
GETTING YOUR CAT OUT OF A TREE.
250
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,488
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
251
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,341
( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY!
252
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,844
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT
OVER THERE, LOUIS CATO.
253
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:16,248
AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
A LITTLE FROSTY.
254
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:23,288
A LITTLE CHILLY TONIGHT.
>> Louis: IT'S A COLD ONE.
255
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,824
>> Stephen: LADIES AND
GENTLEMENS, FOLKS AND SUCH,
256
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:34,399
FELLOW CITIZENS ALL, PLEASE HAVE
A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
257
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,501
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS
A SINGER, ACTOR, TALK SHOW HOST
258
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,672
AND AS OF THIS YEAR, THE
YOUNGEST FEMALE EGOT WINNER.
259
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:44,009
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," JENNIFER HUDSON.
260
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:58,957
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
261
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:02,594
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
262
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:06,198
YOU.
>> YOU, TOO? !
263
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:08,800
>> Stephen: HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
>> HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
264
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,736
>> Stephen: I LIKE THOSE
NAILS.
265
00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:12,270
THEY'RE WITCHY.
>> THEY'RE LIKE MY CAT NAILS.
266
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:13,805
>> Stephen: I LIKE THE BOOTS,
TOO?
267
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:16,108
>> YOU LIKE THE BOOTS.
I WAS TRYING TO HAVE A LITTLE
268
00:21:16,174 --> 00:21:17,542
FUN WITH YOU.
>> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU
269
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,178
MADE THEM OUT OF GROVER.
>> GROVER!
270
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:22,614
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU!
271
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:27,085
>> Stephen: NOW, SINCE I SAW
YOU LAST, AS I SAID THERE, YOU
272
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:31,990
BECAME THE 17 EGOT WINNER--
EXPLAIN TO THE PEOPLE WHAT
273
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,492
EGOT--
>> EXPLAIN.
274
00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:35,560
>> Stephen: FOR THOSE WHO
DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS AN EGOT.
275
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:40,966
>> AN EGOT IS WHEN YOU WIN THE
EMMY, AGREEMENT, OSCAR AND TONY.
276
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,669
THAT'S AS FAR AS I CAN EXPLAIN
BECAUSE I'M STILL TRYING TO
277
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:45,237
FIGURE IT OUT.
>> Stephen: WOW.
278
00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:48,340
>> IT'S SO NEW TO ME.
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE, HERE
279
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:53,245
YOU ARE.
WITH YOUR EMMY, GRAMMYS, OSCAR
280
00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:56,782
AND TONE.
>> THAT'S AMAZING.
281
00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:59,317
THAT'S ME INTRODUCING EACH ONE
OF THEM TO THE OTHER.
282
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,086
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY
MET.
283
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:04,723
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU-- HOW
DID YOU INTRODUCE-- I SAID,
284
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:08,427
TONY, HERE IS OSCAR.
OSCAR, HERE IS GRAMMY."
285
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:10,996
>> Stephen: GRAMMY HERE IS
EMMY.
286
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,632
DO THEY GET ALONG?
>> YEAH, STOW FAR, SO GOOD.
287
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,867
>> Stephen: OSCAR DOESN'T LORD
IT OVER THE OTHER ONE?
288
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:18,136
>> WELL, YEAH, IT DOES.
IT DOES.
289
00:22:18,203 --> 00:22:20,739
>> Stephen: IT HAS AN
ATTITUDE.
290
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:23,442
>> IT SAYS
p♪ HAAA♪
291
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:27,179
>> Stephen: JENNIFER, YOU HAVE
ANOTHER BIG THING ON YOUR
292
00:22:27,245 --> 00:22:28,814
RESUME.
YOU ARE NOW THE HOST OF THE "THE
293
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:34,453
JENNIFER HUDSON SHOW."
WHICH-- WHICH-- AND ITS
294
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:37,255
INAUGURAL SEASON WAS JUST
NOMINATED FOR A PEOPLE'S CHOICE.
295
00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:39,958
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: NO, THANK YOU.
296
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,760
>> THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOODNESS!
297
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:44,596
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
DOING A TALK SHOW RIGHT.
298
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:46,965
IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE JOB
BECAUSE IT'S DAILY BROADCAST.
299
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:49,067
>> YES, YES.
>> Stephen: WHICH I DIG.
300
00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:51,470
AND THEN YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
PEOPLE AND YOU'RE DOING BITS.
301
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:53,105
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT SURPRISED
YOU ABOUT IF?
302
00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:56,475
>> ALL THE TERMS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
303
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:59,611
>> LIKE THE NEW TERMS.
I'M AN ACTRESS.
304
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:02,380
I'M USED TO "ACTION" AND CAN THE
CUT."
305
00:23:02,447 --> 00:23:05,183
WHEN I HEAR REQUESTED AREA."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
306
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:07,185
>> Stephen: AN AREA TO TALK
ABOUT THE GUEST.
307
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:11,256
WHAT AREA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> ALL THE PRODUCERS ARE RUNNING
308
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,525
AROUND BECAUSE THERE ARE SUPER
MAJOR EVENTS.
309
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:17,662
AND I'M LIKE, GUYS, I'M NEW.
WHAT DOES AREA MEAN, AND WHAT
310
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:21,366
DOES TEASER MEAN?
I'M STILL LEARNING THOSE TERMS,
311
00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:26,972
BECAUSE IT'S A WHOLE NEW WORLD,
LEAST FOR AN ACTOR OR SINGER.
312
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:30,475
IF I'M ACTING, IT WILL SAY,
"ACTION."
313
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:32,444
>> Stephen: OR "PLACES."
>> AND I'LL BE LIKE, I'M
314
00:23:32,511 --> 00:23:36,148
SUPPOSED TO TALK NOW?
I'M GETTING TO OF USED TO THAT.
315
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:39,317
>> Stephen: PEOPLE SEEM TO BE
LIKING IT.
316
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:41,586
THERE'S A CLIP GOING AROUND
THAT'S VIRAL.
317
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:44,222
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO
SHOW THEM?
318
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:46,892
IT'S SINGING WITH THE WOMAN--
YOU'RE SINGING SOME GOSPEL
319
00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:50,362
REQUESTED BY AN AUDIENCE MEMBER.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE STORY BEHIND
320
00:23:50,428 --> 00:23:52,931
THIS MOMENT?
>> YES, I THINK HER NAME WAS
321
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:54,199
MARILYN.
>> Stephen: YES.
322
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,735
>> AND SHE WAS IN THE AUDIENCE.
SHE HAD JUST TURNED, LIKE, 93 OR
323
00:23:56,802 --> 00:23:57,936
SO.
>> Stephen: WOW.
324
00:23:58,003 --> 00:24:02,574
>> AND SHE SAID I WOULD LOVE HER
TO SING ME A GOSPEL SONG.
325
00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:05,277
IF I COULD DO TI WOULD.
SO I DID.
326
00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:06,678
AND IT WAS ON THE SPUR OF THE
MOMENT.
327
00:24:06,745 --> 00:24:09,848
I LOVE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
AND EVERYBODY IS A PART OF IT.
328
00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:15,387
IT'S LIKE I WANTED HER TO BE
ABLE TO WALK AWAY WITH A GOOD
329
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:17,455
MEMORY.
>> Stephen: HERE IT IS.
330
00:24:17,522 --> 00:24:32,404
♪ JESUS PROMISED ME A HOME
NO MORE SICKNESS, SORROW, PAIN
331
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:37,909
♪ JESUS PROMISED ME A HOME
NO MORE SICKNESS, SORROW, PAIN
332
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:47,118
♪ JESUS, HE PROMISED ME A HOME
OVER THERE ♪
333
00:24:47,185 --> 00:24:54,459
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
334
00:24:54,526 --> 00:24:57,262
>> I LOVE MOMENTS LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: NOT TO PUT YOU ON
335
00:24:57,329 --> 00:25:00,498
THE SPOT, BUT DO YOU HAVE
ANOTHER LITTLE GOPS NEL YOUR
336
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,434
POCKET RIGHT NOW?
>> ANOTHER GOSPEL?
337
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,571
>> Stephen: JUST A TOUCH?
HAD
338
00:25:06,638 --> 00:25:12,477
( CLEARS THROAT )
>> YOU ALWAYS PUT ME ON THE SPOT
339
00:25:12,544 --> 00:25:19,618
♪ JESUS PROMISED ME A HOME
OVER THERE
340
00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:27,759
♪ NO MORE SICKNESS, SORROW, PA
PAIN, OR CARE
341
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:36,534
♪ BECAUSE JESUS, HE PROMISED ME
A HOME OVER THERE ♪
342
00:25:36,601 --> 00:25:50,315
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I DON'T-- I
343
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,018
DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE
ELSE-- HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THE
344
00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:55,754
WORLD HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO
BE SITTING THIS CLOSE TO YOU
345
00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:59,090
WHEN YOU SING, BUT I'VE HAD THE
JOY A FEW TIMES, AND I GOTTA
346
00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:02,027
SAY, IT MAKES MY SKELETON RATTLE
INSIDE MY BODY.
347
00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:04,462
>> THANK YOU.
AND I LOVE SINGING WITH YOU,
348
00:26:04,529 --> 00:26:05,430
TOO.
>> Stephen: I LIKE SINGING
349
00:26:05,497 --> 00:26:08,166
WITH YOU, TOO.
WE'VE HAD SOME FUN.
350
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:11,569
NOW, DID YOU EVER IMAGINE YOU'D
BE DOING A SHOW ON A DAILY BASIS
351
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:13,271
THAT ALLOWED YOU TO DO THINGS
LIKE THIS.
352
00:26:13,338 --> 00:26:15,407
THIS IS TODAY'S SHOW.
THIS IS YOU.
353
00:26:15,473 --> 00:26:18,710
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
>> THAT WAS SO FUN.
354
00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:22,480
THIS-- I GOT THE PERFECT EXCUSE
FOR HALLOWEEN.
355
00:26:22,547 --> 00:26:28,053
I GOT TO BE WHOOPI GOLDBERG IN
"SISTER ACT 2--" "SISTER ACT ONE
356
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,056
AND TWO."
THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE
357
00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:36,728
MOVIES EVER, SO TO BE ABLE TO BE
HER FOR HALLOWEEN AND SING THOSE
358
00:26:36,795 --> 00:26:40,598
SNGS, THAT'S WHAT I USED TO
DREAM OF.
359
00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:44,069
TO HAVE MY OWN SHOW AND FLY IN
THE AIR AND SING THOSE SONGS.
360
00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:47,772
HONEY, I HAD A MOMENT.
IT'S MY FAVORITE HALLOWEEN YET,
361
00:26:47,839 --> 00:26:50,542
HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU
362
00:26:50,608 --> 00:26:51,910
ABOUT--
( APPLAUSE )
363
00:26:51,977 --> 00:26:57,248
COUPLE OF TIMES, TOO.
YOU NEED VERY SPECIAL EQUIPMENT
364
00:26:57,315 --> 00:26:59,017
TO DO THAT.
YOU NEED REALLY TRAINED PEOPLE
365
00:26:59,084 --> 00:27:00,885
TO DO THAT.
HOW DID IT FEEL?
366
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:04,622
I FIND THAT LITTLE HARNESS YOU
HAVE TO GET INTO UNCOMFORTABLE.
367
00:27:04,689 --> 00:27:09,127
>> IT'S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I HAD SO MANY THINGS UNDER THAT
368
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:10,328
COSTUME.
THE HARNESS.
369
00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:13,164
>> Stephen: AND THE STEEL
BRACKETS ON YOUR HIPS.
370
00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:15,467
>> WE REHEARSED THAT QUITE A
BIT.
371
00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:17,235
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET
NERVOUS UP THERE?
372
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:22,807
>> AS LONG AS THEY DIDN'T KEEP
ME UP THERE TOO LONG I WAS OKAY.
373
00:27:22,874 --> 00:27:25,744
>> Stephen: I HAD JULIE
ANDREWS RIGHT THERE ONCE, AND
374
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:29,114
SHE TOLD ME ABOUT PLAYING MARRY
POPPIN'S AND THEY DROPPED HER.
375
00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:31,116
>> NO!
>> Stephen: YES.
376
00:27:31,182 --> 00:27:34,819
JULIE ANDREWS SAID THAT JULIE
ANDREWS SAID A BAD WORD.
377
00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:37,756
( LAUGHTER )
>> I CAN'T IMAGINE.
378
00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:41,793
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND,
379
00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:44,062
EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE JENNIFER HUDSON.
380
00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:58,076
( APPLAUSE )
WE'RE HERE WITH THE HOST OF THE
381
00:27:58,143 --> 00:28:03,014
"THE JENNIFER HUDSON SHOW," THE
LOVELY AND TALENTED JENNIFER
382
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:07,619
HUDSON.
NOW, YOU GREW UP IN THE CHURCH.
383
00:28:07,685 --> 00:28:10,188
>> YES.
> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU
384
00:28:10,255 --> 00:28:12,557
HAVE DEEP GOSPEL ROOTS.
I JUST FOUND OUT FOR ALL THE
385
00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:14,526
SINGING YOU DID-- AND HOW EARLY
DID YOU START?
386
00:28:14,592 --> 00:28:19,898
>> WELL, MY FIRST SOLO WAS AT
SEVEN, BUT I DID NOT START
387
00:28:19,964 --> 00:28:21,566
SINGING WITH MY EYES OPEN UNTIL
I WAS 19.
388
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:23,301
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I
WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT.
389
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:26,271
YOU DID NOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN
UNTIL YOU WERE 19.
390
00:28:26,337 --> 00:28:27,272
WHY?
AND WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
391
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:31,609
>> BECAUSE I HAD STAGE FRIGHT.
I WOULD --
392
00:28:31,676 --> 00:28:34,412
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD GO OUT
WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED.
393
00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:36,414
>> YES.
I COULDN'T LOOK AT PEOPLE.
394
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:39,284
EVEN WHEN I'M ACTING, I LOOK AT
THE FLOOR.
395
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:42,287
THEN EVERYBODY ON THE PRODUCTION
WOULD BE FEET VERSUS PEOPLE.
396
00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:44,923
UN, THAT'S A WHOLE AUDIENCE.
SOMETIMES IT'S INTIMIDATING.
397
00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:48,393
GROWING UP IN CHURCH FIRST OF
ALL,UN, YOU SING, YOU KNOW, FROM
398
00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:51,930
WITHIN AND FROM A CERTAIN PLACE.
SO IT'S MORE INTERNAL.
399
00:28:51,996 --> 00:28:54,966
SO I WOULD SING WITH MY EYES
CLOSED.
400
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,969
WE WEREN'T ALLOWED TO PERFORM.
I WAS LIKE, PERFORMING?
401
00:28:58,036 --> 00:29:00,138
WHAT HAPPENED TO JUST STANDING
AND SINGING A SONG?
402
00:29:00,205 --> 00:29:04,876
SO WHEN I WAS 19, THAT'S WHEN I
STARTED SINGING WITH MY EYES
403
00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:07,278
OPEN.
ONE MINUTE, WHEN I CLOSED MY
404
00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:09,848
EYES, EVERYBODY THOUGHT SHE
CAN'T SING.
405
00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:14,119
AND WHEN I FINISHED I LOOKED UP
AND EVERYBODY WAS GIVING ME A
406
00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:16,721
STANDING OVATION, AND AFTER
THAT, IT BROKE THAT FEAR.
407
00:29:16,788 --> 00:29:17,989
>> Stephen: WOW.
( APPLAUSE )
408
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:22,260
INTERESTING DISTINCTION-- YOU
MADE AN INTERESTING DISTINCTION
409
00:29:22,327 --> 00:29:23,995
THERE BETWEEN SINGING AND
PERFORMING.
410
00:29:24,062 --> 00:29:27,799
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
>> WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHEN
411
00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:30,335
YOU PERFORM, YOU ARE EXUDING
ENERGY OUT.
412
00:29:30,401 --> 00:29:34,439
YOU'RE CONNECTING AND, YOU KNOW,
WITH PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE.
413
00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:40,378
BUT THEN, SINGING, WELL, AT
LEAST SINGING IN CHURCH FOR ME,
414
00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:42,147
IT'S MORE INTERNAL.
>> Stephen: COULD YOU SING THE
415
00:29:42,213 --> 00:29:46,518
EXACT SAME SONG THAT SORT OF
SOUNDED THE SAME TO A LAY MAN
416
00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:51,322
BUT YOU KNOW THAT ONE OF THOSE
IS PERFORMING AND ONE OF THEM IS
417
00:29:51,389 --> 00:29:53,358
SINGING?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PHYSICALLY DO
418
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:56,828
ANYTHING WELS YOUR BODY TO BE
PERFORMING?
419
00:29:56,895 --> 00:29:58,363
IT'S SOME INTENTION YOU HAVE?
>> YEAH.
420
00:29:58,429 --> 00:30:02,667
I GUESS IT'S A DIFFERENT WAY OF
COMMUNICATING, YOU KNOW, VERSUS,
421
00:30:02,734 --> 00:30:06,938
LIKE, WHEN YOU ARE INTERNAL, YOU
STAY WITHIN YOURSELF AND IT'S
422
00:30:07,005 --> 00:30:09,641
MORE INTIMATE AND COMES FROM A
CERTAIN SPACE.
423
00:30:09,707 --> 00:30:13,645
WHEREAS YOU'RE ALLOWING PEOPLE
IN WHEN YOU ARE PERFORMING.
424
00:30:13,711 --> 00:30:16,881
AND IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ENERGY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER GO
425
00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:19,551
BACK TO THAT INTERNAL FORM OF
PERFORMANCE.
426
00:30:19,617 --> 00:30:25,056
>> Stephen: INTERNAL FORM OF
SINGS AS OPPOSED TO PERFORMING?
427
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,392
>> I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF AS A
PERFORMER.
428
00:30:27,458 --> 00:30:28,860
I'M A SINGER.
>> Stephen: I SEE.
429
00:30:28,927 --> 00:30:32,030
YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD PERFORMER,
TOO, I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU.
430
00:30:32,096 --> 00:30:35,300
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT ME SAYING
431
00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:36,334
IT.
>> THANK YOU.
432
00:30:36,401 --> 00:30:38,970
>> Stephen: IT'S THESE PEOPLE
SAYING IT, NOT ME.
433
00:30:39,037 --> 00:30:41,973
NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT ONE OF
THE TRADITIONS YOU HAVE ON YOUR
434
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,342
NEW SHOW IS YOU HAVE A NEW MUG
EVERY DAY.
435
00:30:44,409 --> 00:30:45,910
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHY THAT?
436
00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:50,348
>> BECAUSE I MEAN-- OKAY, SO
WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I
437
00:30:50,415 --> 00:30:54,452
ALWAYS HAVE JUST MY LITTLE SPIT
OF COFFEE IN A LITTLE CUP, SO
438
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:58,022
EACH ONE HAS A DIFFERENT SAYING.
WHATEVER I FEEL I NEED-- LIKE, I
439
00:30:58,089 --> 00:31:01,159
NEED A CUP OF PEACE.
I NEED A CUP OF LOVE, WHATEVER
440
00:31:01,226 --> 00:31:04,028
IT IS I NEED, AND I PICK THAT
CUP.
441
00:31:04,095 --> 00:31:07,865
AND THAT'S WHAT I DRINK OUT OF.
IT'S AN AFFIRMATION,
442
00:31:07,932 --> 00:31:11,402
INSPIRATION.
SO I TRMED FOR EVERYONE, WHAT
443
00:31:11,469 --> 00:31:13,338
THAT INSPIRATION YOU NEED.
>> Stephen: AT SOME POINT IN
444
00:31:13,404 --> 00:31:16,908
THE FUTURE, I WOULD BE SO
HONORED-- TAKE THAT WITH YOU.
445
00:31:16,975 --> 00:31:19,944
ADD IT TO THE COLLECTION.
( APPLAUSE ).
446
00:31:20,011 --> 00:31:23,114
>> Stephen: JENNIFER, LOVER TO
SEE YOU.
447
00:31:23,181 --> 00:31:27,218
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: "THE JENNIFER HUDSON
448
00:31:27,285 --> 00:31:28,686
SHOW" AIRS WEEKDAYS NATIONWIDE.
JENNIFER HUDSON, EVERYBODY.
449
00:31:28,753 --> 00:31:30,488
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTRESS
ZOSIA MAMET.
450
00:31:46,471 --> 00:31:50,608
( APPLAUSE )
SLEEP LIGHTLY.
451
00:31:50,675 --> 00:31:53,044
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
( APPLAUSE )
452
00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:59,050
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW
MY NEXT GUEST FROM "GIRLS" AND
453
00:31:59,117 --> 00:32:01,085
"THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT."
NOW SHE'S EDITED A COLLECTION OF
454
00:32:01,152 --> 00:32:03,154
ESSAYS CALLED "MY FIRST
POPSICLE."
455
00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:08,660
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," ZOSIA MAMET.
456
00:32:08,726 --> 00:32:10,561
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ).
457
00:32:10,628 --> 00:32:15,800
>> Stephen: HELLO.
YOU ALL GOOD?
458
00:32:15,867 --> 00:32:22,106
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
459
00:32:22,173 --> 00:32:23,641
AGAIN.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO!
460
00:32:23,708 --> 00:32:26,811
>> Stephen: LAST TIME, IF
MEMORY SERVES, LAST TIME YOU
461
00:32:26,878 --> 00:32:30,515
WERE HERE YOU TOLD A CHARMING
LITTLE STORY OF GOING OUT TO BUY
462
00:32:30,581 --> 00:32:33,117
YOUR WEDDING DRESS IMMEDIATELY
AFTER BEING ON THE SHOW.
463
00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:35,820
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: YES.
464
00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:38,890
AND ONE THING I NEVER ASKED YOU,
AND I LOVE HEARING THESE
465
00:32:38,956 --> 00:32:42,360
STORIES, IS HOW DID YOU AND YOUR
HUSBAND-- EVAN?
466
00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:44,562
>> EVAN I THINK THAT'S HIS NAME.
>> Stephen: MEET.
467
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:47,899
YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> WE DID A PLAY TOGETHER.
468
00:32:47,965 --> 00:32:49,300
WE DID --
>> Stephen: NEAR THE CITY?
469
00:32:49,367 --> 00:32:51,235
>> WE DID A PLAY HERE IN THE
CITY.
470
00:32:51,302 --> 00:32:55,406
WE DID A PLAY DOWN AT THE
LUSSIER HOTEL.
471
00:32:55,473 --> 00:32:58,876
AND WE DID IT SECRETLY FOR THE
WHOLE PLAY, WHICH WAS VERY FUN
472
00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,212
AND VERY ROMANTIC.
YEAH, EXACTLY.
473
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:04,148
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED DATING
IN REHEARSALS THEN?
474
00:33:04,215 --> 00:33:07,051
>> YES.
WE STARTED DATING IN HEREVERSAL.
475
00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:11,656
I HAVE ZERO GAME, LIKE, JUST--
JUST NONE TO SPEAK OF.
476
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:16,627
AND I HAD-- I HAD, LIKE, 15
TICKETS TO I THINK IT WAS OUR
477
00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:20,465
SEASON TWO "GIRLS" PREMIERE, AND
I INVITED OUR ENTIRE CAST JUST
478
00:33:20,531 --> 00:33:23,334
SO I COULD INVITE HIM.
( LAUGHTER )
479
00:33:23,401 --> 00:33:28,940
WANT HIMED TO BE THERE.
I WAS LIKE, EVERYONE COME!"
480
00:33:29,006 --> 00:33:31,509
HE CAME TO THE PARTY, AND MY
HUSBAND, NOT LIKE ME, HAS ALL OF
481
00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:33,411
THE GAME.
SO HE WAS VERY SLY, AND HE WAS
482
00:33:33,478 --> 00:33:37,081
THE FIRST ONE TO LEAVE.
AND AS HE WAS LEAVING THE ONLY
483
00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:41,085
THING I COULD THINK OF, WE BOTH
KNEW OUR LINES, BY THE WAY.
484
00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,087
WE KNEW THE OTHER ONE WAS OFF
BOOK.
485
00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:46,424
I SAID, "DO YOU WANT TO COME
OVER AND RUN LINES ONE NIGHT?"
486
00:33:46,491 --> 00:33:50,094
SO HE CAME SCPOFER WE RAN LINES.
AND NOW WE'RE MARRIED!
487
00:33:50,161 --> 00:33:53,798
>> Stephen: WOW.
( APPLAUSE )
488
00:33:53,865 --> 00:34:01,873
( APPLAUSE ).
INTO THE HOLIDAY SEASON HERE.
489
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,242
>> WE ARE DEEP IN.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THE
490
00:34:04,308 --> 00:34:05,910
CHRISTMAS MUSH IS PLAYING.
>> IT'S HWANG.
491
00:34:05,977 --> 00:34:10,348
>> Stephen: I LEARNED RECENTLY
THAT YOU'RE A VERY CONSCIENTIOUS
492
00:34:10,415 --> 00:34:12,383
GIFT GIVER.
YOU PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO
493
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:15,553
IT?
>> THERE'S AN XCEL SPREADSHEET
494
00:34:15,620 --> 00:34:17,922
ABOUT IT.
.>> Stephen: FOR REAL?
495
00:34:17,989 --> 00:34:20,691
>> FOR REAL.
>> Stephen: THAT'S FANTASTIC.
496
00:34:20,758 --> 00:34:26,497
SO WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
SUCH-- I DON'T WANT TO SAY
497
00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:29,634
ADDICTED, BUT COMMITTED.
>> NO, I GET A HIGH.
498
00:34:29,700 --> 00:34:33,104
AND ONCE THEY'VE OPENED THE GIFT
IT'S ALL OVER AND THEN I GET SO
499
00:34:33,171 --> 00:34:34,872
SAD.
LIKE, I WANT TO TAKE IT BACK AND
500
00:34:34,939 --> 00:34:37,341
GIVE IT TO THEM AGAIN.
>> Stephen: YOU NEED ANOTHER
501
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:39,610
HIT.
>> I NEED ANOTHER HIT.
502
00:34:39,677 --> 00:34:42,513
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
WHEN IS YOUR HALF BIRTHDAY?
503
00:34:42,580 --> 00:34:46,684
CAN WE TALK ABOUT EASTER?"
>> Stephen: IS HALF BIRTHDAY A
504
00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:50,621
DISWHRIENG NO, BUT I WANT TO
MAKE IT A THING SO I CAN GET
505
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:52,990
THEM A PRESENT.
YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR FIX
506
00:34:53,057 --> 00:34:54,792
SOMEHOW.
HERE'S THE REAL ISSUE-- MY
507
00:34:54,859 --> 00:34:58,629
HUSHUSBANDS THAT HAS WON CHRISTS
FOREVER, EIGHT YEARS AGO THIS
508
00:34:58,696 --> 00:35:01,165
CHRISTMAS, HE GAVE US OUR DOG,
AND IT WAS A SURPRISE.
509
00:35:01,232 --> 00:35:05,236
>> Stephen: IS THAT WHO THIS
IS?
510
00:35:05,303 --> 00:35:07,104
>> THAT'S MOOSE.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
511
00:35:07,171 --> 00:35:11,175
>> THAT'S SWEET MOOSE.
I KNOW, SHE'S THE BEST.
512
00:35:11,242 --> 00:35:13,010
>> Stephen: ARE YOU A BIG
ANIMAL PERSON?
513
00:35:13,077 --> 00:35:15,713
>> I'M A HUGER ANIMAL PERSON?
>> Stephen: ALWAYS.
514
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:19,050
>> ALWAYS.
WE GREW UP WITH LIZARDS AND
515
00:35:19,116 --> 00:35:25,590
SALAMANDERS AND TORTOISES, AND
WE HAD CHICKENS GROWTH UP, IT
516
00:35:25,656 --> 00:35:27,758
WAS NOT ALLOWED IN OUR
NEIGHBORHOOD.
517
00:35:27,825 --> 00:35:28,993
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE A
ROOSTER?
518
00:35:29,060 --> 00:35:31,662
>> WE DIDN'T HAVE A ROOSTER BUT
OUR NEIGHBORS LIKED TO PRETEND
519
00:35:31,729 --> 00:35:36,200
WE DID, THEY WOULD CALL THE COPS
ON US, AND MY MOTHER WOULD
520
00:35:36,267 --> 00:35:40,404
ANSWER THE DOOR WITH FRESH EGGS
AND BE LIKE, "HELLO, OFFICER, IS
521
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:44,275
THERE A PROBLEM?"
SHE'D BE LIKE, "WOULD YOU LIKE--
522
00:35:44,342 --> 00:35:48,112
WOULD YOU LIKE A FRESHLY BAKED
MUFFIN WITH FRESHLY LAID EGGS?
523
00:35:48,179 --> 00:35:51,182
AND THEY'D BE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK."
524
00:35:51,249 --> 00:35:59,757
>> Stephen: DID YOU GROW UP IN
MMAYBERRY?
525
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:03,961
>> I GRU UP IN SANTA MONICA.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD CHICKENS
526
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:07,498
IN SANTA MONICA?
I WOULD CALL THE COPS ON YOU.
527
00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:11,602
>> EVERYONE IS JUSTIFIED.
SEARCH WRONG IN THIS SCENARIO.
528
00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:13,671
>> Stephen: YOUR FIRST BOOK
COMES OUT.
529
00:36:13,738 --> 00:36:18,476
IT'S AN ANTHOLOGY OF ESSAYS
CALLED "MY FIRST POPSICLES."
530
00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:21,779
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS WHATEVER YOU WANT IT
531
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:23,180
TO MEAN.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
532
00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:28,419
>> SO THE IDEA WAS FIRST BORN--
WE HAD GONE TO DINNER WITH SOME
533
00:36:28,486 --> 00:36:33,324
FRIENDS OF OURS AND THEY SHOWED
UP LATE AND SAID, "WE'RE SO
534
00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:36,594
SORRY, WE GAVE OUR SON A
POPSICLE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND
535
00:36:36,661 --> 00:36:40,364
HE HAD AN INCREDIBLE REACTION TO
IT AND WOO STAYED."
536
00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:43,301
THIS LITTLE BOY-- WHO IS NO
LONGER A LITTLE BOY.
537
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:47,238
I FEEL OLD.
HAD THIS-- IT WAS LIKE A NETFLIX
538
00:36:47,305 --> 00:36:49,106
SPECIAL OF EMOTIONS, ALL OF THE
BIG ONES.
539
00:36:49,173 --> 00:36:52,843
HE WAS SCARED OF IT, AND THEN HE
WAS EXCITED, AND THEN HE GOT A
540
00:36:52,910 --> 00:36:57,548
BRAIN FREEZE, AND HE WAS LIKE
THIS IS THE BEST THING EAVE EVER
541
00:36:57,615 --> 00:37:03,321
HELP AND I WAS SO STRUCK BY HOW
UNIVERSAL IT IS THAT WE VALUE
542
00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:05,489
THESE DEEPLY EMOTIONAL
EXPERIENCES WITH FOOD.
543
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:10,394
AND THEY'RE TIED TO FAMILY OOR,
YOU KNOW, OTHER RELATIONSHIPS,
544
00:37:10,461 --> 00:37:13,497
ROMANNED OF MANTICALLY,
FRIENDSHIPS TRADITION-- ALL OF
545
00:37:13,564 --> 00:37:15,866
IT.
AND SO I TOLD MY BOOK EDITORS.
546
00:37:15,933 --> 00:37:18,002
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "THAT'S A
REALLY COOL IDEA.
547
00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:23,174
IT'S PROBABLY BEEN DONE BEFORE."
AND THEN THEY FOUND OUT THAT IT
548
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:24,508
WASN'T.
SO --
549
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:26,444
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOURS?
WHAT'S YOUR DEEP EMOTIONAL
550
00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:29,146
CONNECTION TO A FOOD?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE IN HERE?
551
00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:34,819
>> MY ESSAY IS ABOUT MY LOVE OF
CHRISTMAS AND GIFT GIVING COMES
552
00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:36,821
FROM MY GRANDMOTHER.
SHE WAS OBSESSED WITH CHRISTMAS.
553
00:37:36,887 --> 00:37:41,492
AND SHE HAD ALL THESE TRADITIONS
SURROUNDING IT AND ONE OF THEM
554
00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:44,528
WAS SHE WOULD MAKE THIS
CHRISTMAS DINNER DESSERT WHICH
555
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:48,499
WAS A PLUMB PUDDING WITH THIS
FOAMY SAUCE WHICH I'M NOT
556
00:37:48,566 --> 00:37:52,203
TOTALLY CLEAR-- IT WAS LIKE EGGS
WHIPPED UP WITH SOME SORT OF
557
00:37:52,269 --> 00:37:55,506
CREAM AND I DON'T KNOW, IT GOT
REALLY FOAMY.
558
00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,476
AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.
>> Stephen: OF ALL THE
559
00:37:58,542 --> 00:38:02,613
PEOPLE-- PATTING SMITH IS IN
HERE, TONY HALE,Y TED DANSON
560
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:06,083
WROTE ESSAYS.
WHO WERE YOU THE MOST NERVOUS TO
561
00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:08,586
ASK?
>> I STARTED THIS UNEXPECTED PEN
562
00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:11,622
PAIL RELATIONSHIP WITH DAVID
SEDARIS WHICH--
563
00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:15,793
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I'M SO HAPPY FOR
564
00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:17,662
YOU.
>> I'M SO HAPPY FOR ME.
565
00:38:17,728 --> 00:38:23,601
WHEN I GOT AN EFLAIL MY AGENT, I
HAD DONE THIS PIECE FOR A
566
00:38:23,668 --> 00:38:27,538
MAGAZINE ABOUT-- LIKE A CULTURE
DIARY, AND I HAD BEEN READING
567
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:31,342
"BEST OF ME."
AND THEY SAID, DAVID HEARD YOU
568
00:38:31,409 --> 00:38:34,512
WERE READING HIS BOOK AND HE'D
LIKE TO WRITE YOU A LETTER.
569
00:38:34,578 --> 00:38:37,648
AND I SAID I'M DONE, I'M OUT.
THIS IS PEAK.
570
00:38:37,715 --> 00:38:42,620
WE STARTED A PEN PAL
RELATIONSHIP AND I WROTE AND
571
00:38:42,687 --> 00:38:47,291
ASKED IF HE WOULD DO A RECIPE.
AND HE SAID, "IF I CAN WRITE
572
00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:51,662
ABOUT JELL-O AND HOT DOGS, YES."
HE THEN ASKED IF I WANTED TO
573
00:38:51,729 --> 00:38:53,531
HAVE BREAKFAST WITH HIM.
I WAS SHOOTING "THE FLIGHT
574
00:38:53,597 --> 00:38:56,400
ATTENDANT" IN LOS ANGELES, AND
HE WAS COMING THROUGH ON A BOOK
575
00:38:56,467 --> 00:39:00,938
TOUR.
AND I WAS SO NERVOUS, I WAS SO
576
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:04,075
NERVOUS, I GOT THERE 40 MINUTES
EARLY.
577
00:39:04,141 --> 00:39:05,443
>> Stephen: FOR BREAKFAST?
( LAUGHTER )
578
00:39:05,509 --> 00:39:12,283
FOR BREAKFAST, AND THEN I HID IN
THE BATHROOM.
579
00:39:12,349 --> 00:39:16,153
( LAUGHTER )
AND I WAS LIKE, "I CAN'T DO IT.
580
00:39:16,220 --> 00:39:19,690
YOU HAVE TO CALL AND TELL HIM
I'M SICK."
581
00:39:19,757 --> 00:39:22,026
I I WAS LIKE-- I WAS LIKE-- I
CAN'T, I CAN'T.
582
00:39:22,093 --> 00:39:24,195
>> Stephen: SHE TALKED YOU OUT
OF IT, THANK GOD.
583
00:39:24,261 --> 00:39:28,432
>> SHE TALKED ME OUT OF IT.
SHE TOLD ME TO HAVE BREAKFAST
584
00:39:28,499 --> 00:39:32,770
WITH HIM, AND I DID, AND HIS
HUSBAND, HUGH, CAME.
585
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:38,442
AND YOU KNOW THEY SAY NEVER MEET
YOUR HEROES AND HE WAS
586
00:39:38,509 --> 00:39:42,880
EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME.
IT WAS SO GREAT
587
00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:44,014
>> Stephen: "MY FIRST POPSICLE"
IS AVAILABLE TOMORROW!
588
00:39:44,081 --> 00:39:47,551
ZOSIA MAMET, EVERYBODY.
ZOSIA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
589
00:39:47,618 --> 00:39:48,452
BEING HERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
590
00:40:07,104 --> 00:40:08,205
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW."
591
00:40:08,272 --> 00:40:12,042
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY
GUEST WILL BE MATTHEW PERRY, AND
592
00:40:12,109 --> 00:40:13,944
JAMES TAYLOR WILL TAKE THE
"COLBERT QUESTIONERT."
593
00:40:14,011 --> 00:40:16,480
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN.
GOOD NIGHT.