>> THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVER. AFTER SIX LONG YEARS, RIHANNA
HAS RELEASED A NEW SINGLE. IT'S CALLED "LIFT ME UP."
IT'S THE LEAD SINGLE FROM MARVEL'S UPCOMING BLOCKBUSTER
SEQUEL, "BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER."
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
TRICK OR TWEET? PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
JENNIFER HUDSON AND ZOSIA MAMET.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! IT
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
HAPPY MONDAY. HELLO!
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL... THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
FIRST OF ALL,-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE ) IT'S THE SCARIEST NIGHT IN
AMERICA, JUST ABOVE EVERY OTHER NIGHT IN AMERICA.
( LAUGHTER ) STILL RIDIN' A SUGAR HIGH,
WELCOME TO LATE NIGHT. DON'T FALL ASLEEP, NO MATTER
WHAT YOUR PARENTS SAY, BECAUSE THE MINUTE YOU GO TO BED,
THEY'RE STEALING ALL YOUR BEST CANNED.
I'M TALKING KIT KAT. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
GIVE ME A BREAK.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAR?
I'M DRESSED UP AS MY DOG BENNY. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL HALLOWEEN BECAUSE THE POWERBALL JACKPOT
HAS REACHED $1 BILLION. ( APPLAUSE )
BEEN THIS HIGH IN POWERBALL'S HISTORY.
BEFORE POWERBALL, OF COURSE, THE MOST POPULAR LOTTO GAME WAS JUST
BALL. THE WINNER WOULD GET A BALL.
THE LOSER WOULD GET TYPHUS. ALSO THE WINNER.
THE POWERBALL DRAWING OCCURRED AT 11:00 P.M. TONIGHT, WHICH IS
AFTER WE TAPE THIS SHOW. BUT I CAN ALREADY ANNOUNCE THE
WINNING NUMBERS: THEY ARE 4, 9, 20, 22, 69, WITH
A POWERBALL OF 20. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE BANK! HOW DO I KNOW?
BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE ONES ON MY TICKET.
SO THAT'S WHAT WON, REGARDLESS OF THE LIES YOU HEAR IN THE
MAINSTREAM MEDIA. ( APPLAUSE )
IF I WIN-- IF I AM CORRECT, I WILL SPLIT THIS WITH EVERYONE IN
THIS ROOM. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
OKAY? THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY? LIKE 95-5.
OF COURSE, I HOPE EVERYONE WINS. WE ALL NEED SOMETHING TO CHEER
US UP, AFTER THAT MANIAC BROKE INTO NANCY PELOSI'S HOUSE AND
HIT HER HUSBAND IN THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER.
NOW, PAUL PELOSI IS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL.
THANKFULLY, HE IS EXPECTED TO MAKE A FULL RECOVERY.
THE ATTACKER-- ( APPLAUSE ).
( APPLAUSE ) FEDERAL CHARGES FOR ASSAULT AND
ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING, IS NAMED DAVID WAYNE DEPAPE.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP GIVING PEOPLE THE MIDDLE NAME "WAYNE."
IT NEVER ENDS WELL. DAVID "WAYNE" DEPAPE.
JOHN "WAYNE" GACY. OSAMA "WAYNE" LADEN.
( LAUGHTER ) IT APPEARS DEPAPE IS EXTREMELY
MENTALLY ILL AND HAS ALSO MADE RACIST POSTS ONLINE, INCLUDING
SOME THAT QUESTIONED THE RESULTS OF THE 2020 ELECTION, DEFENDED
THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AND ECHOED QANON CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
SO EITHER HE'S GOING TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED, OR THE G.O.P.
NOMINEE IN 2024. ( APPLAUSE )
COMMON IN AMERICA NOW, BUT
HERE'S SOMETHING I DIDN'T SEE COMING: DEPAPE IS FROM BRITISH
COLUMBIA. HE'S CANADIAN.
THAT'S HOW TOXIC OUR POLITICS ARE-- CANADA GOT A CONTACT
CRAZY. ( LAUGHTER )
TO "DUDLEY DID-WHAT?!" THE DISCOURSE IN AMERICA IS
ABOUT TO GET WAY WORSE THANKS TO NEW TWITTER C.E.O. ELON MUSK
( BOOING ) SEEN HERE WATCHING STREET
URCHINS SCRAMBLE FOR HIS DISCARDED CHICKEN BONE.
MUSK TOOK OVER TWITTER ON FRIDAY AND, IMMEDIATELY, THERE WAS AN
EXPLOSION OF HATE SPEECH, INCLUDING USE OF THE N-WORD ON
THE PLATFORM, WHICH JUMPED 500%, LEADING TWITTER TO CHANGE THE
LANDING PAGE FROM WHAT'S HAPPENING?
TO >> "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!?!?!"
>> Stephen: THE COMPANY BLAMED IT ON TROLLS, BUT OF ALL THE
TROLLS ON TWITTER, NONE ARE TROLLIER THAN THE TROLL WHO JUST
BOUGHT IT, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, MUSK REPLIED
TO A TWEET FROM HILLARY CLINTON ABOUT THE ATTACK ON PAUL PELOSI
THAT CONDEMNED THE VIOLENCE AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES WITH A LINK
TO A HOMOPHOBIC CONSPIRACY THEORY BLAMING THE VICTIM OF THE
VIOLENCE. THAT'S NOT JUST AWFUL.
THAT IS BEYOND THE PALE-- AND SO IS ELON MUSK.
( LAUGHTER ) NOT SO MUCH MOBY AS JUST A DICK.
( APPLAUSE ) THAR HE BLOWS!
BOY, THAT MAKES ME MAD. I JUST WANT TO-- WHAT DO I WANT
TO DO, SPEAKER PELOSI? >> I'M GOING TO PUNCH HIM OUT.
I'M GOING TO GO TO JAIL, AND I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELP DON'T CROSS NANCY.
IS THIS TRUE? I AM BEING TOLD THERE IS NEWS OF
MUSK BREAKING TWITTER, BECAUSE WE FOUND OUT TODAY THAT ELON
MUSK HAS DISSOLVED THE COMPANY'S BOARD AND CROWNED HIMSELF SOLE
DIRECTOR. THAT SOUNDS POWER-MAD.
BUT DON'T WORRY. BEFORE HE GOT THAT TITLE, HE RAN
IT BY THE C.F.O., ELON MUSK; THE HEAD OF H.R., ELON MUSK; AND THE
PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO ELON MUSK, ELON MUSK.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S IT.
IT'S DONE. ( APPLAUSE )
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU, KIDS: IF YOU WORK HARD, AND
BECOME WEALTHY AND POWERFUL ENOUGH, ONE DAY, YOU, TOO, CAN
PAY $44 BILLION TO SIT IN A ROOM BY YOURSELF.
( LAUGHTER ) THE MIDTERMS, COMING UP.
THE MIDTERMS ARE A WEEK FROM TOMORROW.
THE RACE IS TIGHTENING, SO THE DEMOCRATS HAVE UNLEASHED THEIR
SECRET WEAPON: BARACK OBAMA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I KNOW. I KNOW.
CONSTITUTION. HE SPENT THE WEEKEND DOING
RALLIES FOR HIS PARTY, AND SOME LADIES IN MICHIGAN WERE INTO IT.
>> NOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT SOMETIMES GOING OUT ON THE
CAMPAIGN TRAIL FEELS A LITTLE HARDER THAN IT USED TO, NOT JUST
BECAUSE I'M OLDER AND GRAYER. ( CHEERING )
OKAY. ( APPLAUSE )
YOU SAID THAT. ( LAUGHTER )
POINT OUT, THAT'S TWO THINGS THE
45th PRESIDENT WILL NEVER HAVE: A CROWD SHOUTING HOW HOT HE IS
AND A WIFE WHO AGREES. ( APPLAUSE )
WHERE HE WENT AFTER REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL
WALKER, SEEN HERE IN A STADIUM FILLED WITH HIS SECRET CHILDREN.
( LAUGHTER ) OBAMA MADE THE CASE AGAINST
WALKER. >> IN COLLEGE, HE WAS AMAZING.
ONE OF THE BEST RUNNING BACKS OF ALL TIME.
BUT HERE IS THE QUESTION: DOES THAT MAKE HIM THE BEST PERSON TO
REPRESENT YOU IN THE U.S. SENATE?
AND BY THE WAY, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE, TOO.
LIKE, YOU MAY HAVE LIKED ME AS PRESIDENT, BUT YOU WOULD NOT
WANT ME STARTING AS TAILBACK FOR THE DOGS.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'D BE TERRIBLE AT ANY
POSITION, ESPECIALLY QUARTERBACK:
"UHHH, LOOK, UHHHH, BLUE, FLUE, UUHHHH 42...
O.. MA...HA... ( LAUGHTER )
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
HOHOLD ON. HUT."
THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) BRAZIL.
YOU'RE FROM BRAZIL. BIG NEWS OUT OF YOUR HOME
COUNTRY RIGHT THERE. IT'S IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE
BETWEEN FAR-RIGHT INCUMBENT AND GUY WHO WON'T STOP COMPLEMENTING
YOUR OPEN-TOED SANDALS, JAIR BOLSONARO AND LEFTIST FORMER
PRESIDENT AND COWBOY DESCRIBING HIS MISSING HAT, LUIZ INACIO
LULA DA SILVA. THIS WAS A HIGH-STAKES ELECTION,
BECAUSE BOLSONARO IS KNOWN FOR EMBRACING FASCISM, INTENTIONALLY
LETTING THE CORONAVIRUS KILL HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, AND
OVERSEEING A SURGE IN DEFORESTATION IN THE AMAZON.
AND AS ANY BRAZILIAN WILL TELL YOU, DEFORESTATION SHOULD HAPPEN
ONLY ALONG THE BIKINI LINE. WELL, THE RESULTS ARE FINALLY
IN, AND BY A RAZOR-THIN MARGIN, BRAZIL HAS ELECTED LULA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS THIS A GOOD THING?
>> THAT IS A GREAT THING. >> Stephen: THAT IS A GREAT
THING? >> YES.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO.
WHEN THE RESULTS WERE ANNOUNCED, THOUSANDS OF BRAZILIANS ACROSS
THE COUNTRY WERE ECSTATIC AND CAME OUT TO CELEBRATE.
THINGS GOT SO WILD, EVEN CHRIST THE REDEEMER GOT INTO IT.
THIS IS A HUGE-- I GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING.
THIS IS A HUGE COMEBACK FOR LULA.
IN THE YEARS SINCE HIS LAST TERM ENDED, HE WAS IMPRISONED AFTER A
SENTENCE FOR CORRUPTION, BEFORE BRAZIL'S SUPREME COURT ANNULLED
HIS CONVICTIONS. HOLY ROLLERCOASTER.
THIS GUY'S GETTING ONE HELL OF A SEQUEL.
YOU CAN WATCH IT ALL IN THE MOVIE "LULA PART TWO-LA
ELECTRIC BOOGA-LULA." ( APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO. DESPITE THE RESULT, BRAZILIANS
ARE ON EDGE. LULA'S WIN CAME AT THE END OF
A VERY MESSY ELECTION WHERE MISINFORMATION SOARED.
AT TIMES, LULA'S SUPPORTERS ACCUSED BOLSONARO OF BEING A
CANNIBAL AND A PEDOPHILE, AND BOLSONARO'S SUPPORTERS CALLED
LULA A SATANIST, A GANG LEADER, AND A COMMUNIST.
COMMUNIST GANG LEADERS ARE THE WORST.
( AS MOB BOSS ) HERE.
BE A SHAME IF THE WORKERS CONTROLLED THE MEANS OF
PRODUCTION, KNOW-WHAT-IM-SAYIN?" OKAY?
I HATE TO SEE SOMEBODY FORWARD THE DIALECTIC.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT. A BUNCH OF INSANE ELECTION
CONSPIRACIES FROM THE HEAD OF BRAZIL'S BIGGEST LINEN COMPANY,
MY PILLAO WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE JENNIFER HUDSON
AND ZOSIA MAMET. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, ROBOTS!
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK! FOLKS, AS MUCH AS I LOVE
TECHNOLOGY, I LIKE JOKES ABOUT TECHNOLOGY EVEN MORE.
THIS IS "CYBORGASM."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALWAYS!
FIRST UP, AFTER JUMPING ON THE CRYPTO TRAIN LAST YEAR,
CRYPTO TRAIN LAST YEAR, pCNN SUDDENLY SHUTTERED ITS N.F.T.
MARKETPLACE." THAT'S TOO BAD.
I REALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE A FORTUNE OFF THEIR
BORED BLITZERS. ( LAUGHTER )
CRAFTED LIVING SKIN FOR ROBOTS, FURTHER BLURRING THE LINE
BETWEEN HUMAN AND MACINE." OH, THANKS.
ALSO, QUICK QUESTION: WHY DO WE WANT THE LINE TO BE
BLURRY? ( LAUGHTER )
AND THOUGHT, "I WISH IT WAS EASIER TO CONFUSE THAT WITH MY
COUSIN RICK." ( LAUGHTER )
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE FLESH AS REAL AS POSSIBLE, AND IT
ALREADY REPLICATES THE "BIOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS OF SKIN,
SUCH AS ITS ABILITY TO SELF-REPAIR AND REPEL WATER."
SURE, BUT CAN IT BE SOMEHOW BOTH BE TOO DRY AND TOO OILY, AND GET
SPOTS ON IT BECAUSE IT'S 50, AND THEN STAYS UP WONDERING ABOUT A
WEIRD MOLE THAT IT CAN'T SEE, SO IT HAS TO WAIT UNTIL ITS WIFE
WAKES UP TO ASK HER TO LOOK AT IT?
THEN IT'S HUMAN SKIN. ( APPLAUSE )
MAKE YOU FLY LIKE IRON MAN-- IF YOU'RE RICH," BECAUSE THESE
THINGS COST AROUND $400,000. WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY FOR A
GLORIFIED TOY. I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO SPEND
THAT KIND OF-- OH, MY LORD, GIVE ME ONE!
ZOOM! ZOOM HITHER AND THITHER, SKY
MAN! CONQUER THE HEAVENS, YOU
CARGO-PANTS'D APOLLO! FOR NOW, THE COMPANY SAYS THIS
THING IS MAINLY FOR MILITARY CLIENTS, AND "THE SUIT IS
UNLIKELY TO MAKE IT INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN ANYTIME SOON,"
ADDING, "IT WOULD BE LIKE TAKING A NASCAR DOWN TO WALMART.
YOU COULD, BUT NO ONE WOULD." ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BEAR CRAP IN THE WOODS?"
"YOU GUYS WANT TO GO FOR A "DOES DALE DRIVE NASCAR TO
WALMART?" NEXT UP, RESEARCHERS ARE ASKING,
"WHO WOULD USE A SEX ROBOT?" AND TRYING TO "PREDICT PEOPLE'S
WILLINGNESS TO ENGAGE WITH NEW EROTIC TECHNOLOGIES," BY USING
"PERSONALITY ASSESSMENTS." OH, THERE'S A WHOLE MYERS-BRIGGS
PERSONALITY CATEGORY FOR THIS. "YOU'RE AN E.N.T.J.?
I'M A D.T.F. C-3P0." ( LAUGHTER )
SO, SO, AFTER ALL-- ( APPLAUSE )
WHAT PERSONALITY TYPE WAS DETERMINED TO BE MOST
ROBO-CURIOUS? BRACE YOURSELVES, BECAUSE
APPARENTLY, "MEN ARE MORE PRONE TO USING SEX ROBOTS."
( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, SCIENCE.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT GROUNDBREAKING REPORT: "DUDES
WILL STICK IT IN A TREE STUMP." ( LAUGHTER )
BASED ON A TRUE STORY. NEXT UP, "AMAZON'S ROBOTS ARE
GETTING CLOSER TO REPLACING HUMAN HANDS," AND CAN HANDLE
"MORE THAN 1,000 ITEMS AN HOUR, MEANING IT COULD PICK AND STOW
ITEMS AT RATES SEVERAL TIMES FASTER THAN A HUMAN WORKER
COULD." BUT CAN THOSE HANDS DO THIS?
BOW! BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD, ROBOT
MINIONS! ( LAUGHTER )
"OUR INVESTMENTS IN ROBOTICS AND TECHNOLOGY ARE HELPING MAKE JOBS
IN OUR FACTORIES BETTER, EASIER, AND SAFER, AS WELL AS CREATING
NEW CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUR PEOPLE."
ADDING, "CAREER OPPORTUNITIES AT OTHER COMPANIES-- NOT OURS!
WE'RE GOING ALL ROBOTS. GOOD LUCK, SKIN BAGS!"
( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, FINALLY, THERE IS
NOW A FIREFIGHTING ROBOT. LET'S SEE IT IN ACTION.
IT CAN DRIVE AROUND AND, APPARENTLY, IT'S SO POWERFUL IT
CAN BLAST 1,200 GALLONS OF WATER A MINUTE ON A FIRE.
SO, ADMITTEDLY, LESS USEFUL FOR GETTING YOUR CAT OUT OF A TREE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE, LOUIS CATO.
AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. A LITTLE FROSTY.
A LITTLE CHILLY TONIGHT. >> Louis: IT'S A COLD ONE.
>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMENS, FOLKS AND SUCH,
FELLOW CITIZENS ALL, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A SINGER, ACTOR, TALK SHOW HOST
AND AS OF THIS YEAR, THE YOUNGEST FEMALE EGOT WINNER.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JENNIFER HUDSON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
YOU. >> YOU, TOO? !
>> Stephen: HAPPY HALLOWEEN. >> HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THOSE NAILS.
THEY'RE WITCHY. >> THEY'RE LIKE MY CAT NAILS.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THE BOOTS, TOO?
>> YOU LIKE THE BOOTS. I WAS TRYING TO HAVE A LITTLE
FUN WITH YOU. >> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU
MADE THEM OUT OF GROVER. >> GROVER!
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. >> NICE TO SEE YOU!
>> Stephen: NOW, SINCE I SAW YOU LAST, AS I SAID THERE, YOU
BECAME THE 17 EGOT WINNER-- EXPLAIN TO THE PEOPLE WHAT
EGOT-- >> EXPLAIN.
>> Stephen: FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS AN EGOT.
>> AN EGOT IS WHEN YOU WIN THE EMMY, AGREEMENT, OSCAR AND TONY.
THAT'S AS FAR AS I CAN EXPLAIN BECAUSE I'M STILL TRYING TO
FIGURE IT OUT. >> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT'S SO NEW TO ME. >> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE, HERE
YOU ARE. WITH YOUR EMMY, GRAMMYS, OSCAR
AND TONE. >> THAT'S AMAZING.
THAT'S ME INTRODUCING EACH ONE OF THEM TO THE OTHER.
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY MET.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU-- HOW DID YOU INTRODUCE-- I SAID,
TONY, HERE IS OSCAR. OSCAR, HERE IS GRAMMY."
>> Stephen: GRAMMY HERE IS EMMY.
DO THEY GET ALONG? >> YEAH, STOW FAR, SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: OSCAR DOESN'T LORD IT OVER THE OTHER ONE?
>> WELL, YEAH, IT DOES. IT DOES.
>> Stephen: IT HAS AN ATTITUDE.
>> IT SAYS p♪ HAAA♪
>> Stephen: JENNIFER, YOU HAVE ANOTHER BIG THING ON YOUR
RESUME. YOU ARE NOW THE HOST OF THE "THE
JENNIFER HUDSON SHOW." WHICH-- WHICH-- AND ITS
INAUGURAL SEASON WAS JUST NOMINATED FOR A PEOPLE'S CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: NO, THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU. OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR DOING A TALK SHOW RIGHT.
IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE JOB BECAUSE IT'S DAILY BROADCAST.
>> YES, YES. >> Stephen: WHICH I DIG.
AND THEN YOU'RE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE AND YOU'RE DOING BITS.
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT SURPRISED YOU ABOUT IF?
>> ALL THE TERMS. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> LIKE THE NEW TERMS. I'M AN ACTRESS.
I'M USED TO "ACTION" AND CAN THE CUT."
WHEN I HEAR REQUESTED AREA." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
>> Stephen: AN AREA TO TALK ABOUT THE GUEST.
WHAT AREA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. >> ALL THE PRODUCERS ARE RUNNING
AROUND BECAUSE THERE ARE SUPER MAJOR EVENTS.
AND I'M LIKE, GUYS, I'M NEW. WHAT DOES AREA MEAN, AND WHAT
DOES TEASER MEAN? I'M STILL LEARNING THOSE TERMS,
BECAUSE IT'S A WHOLE NEW WORLD, LEAST FOR AN ACTOR OR SINGER.
IF I'M ACTING, IT WILL SAY, "ACTION."
>> Stephen: OR "PLACES." >> AND I'LL BE LIKE, I'M
SUPPOSED TO TALK NOW? I'M GETTING TO OF USED TO THAT.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE SEEM TO BE LIKING IT.
THERE'S A CLIP GOING AROUND THAT'S VIRAL.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SHOW THEM?
IT'S SINGING WITH THE WOMAN-- YOU'RE SINGING SOME GOSPEL
REQUESTED BY AN AUDIENCE MEMBER. DO YOU REMEMBER THE STORY BEHIND
THIS MOMENT? >> YES, I THINK HER NAME WAS
MARILYN. >> Stephen: YES.
>> AND SHE WAS IN THE AUDIENCE. SHE HAD JUST TURNED, LIKE, 93 OR
SO. >> Stephen: WOW.
>> AND SHE SAID I WOULD LOVE HER TO SING ME A GOSPEL SONG.
IF I COULD DO TI WOULD. SO I DID.
AND IT WAS ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.
I LOVE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. AND EVERYBODY IS A PART OF IT.
IT'S LIKE I WANTED HER TO BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY WITH A GOOD
MEMORY. >> Stephen: HERE IT IS.
♪ JESUS PROMISED ME A HOME NO MORE SICKNESS, SORROW, PAIN
♪ JESUS, HE PROMISED ME A HOME OVER THERE ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
>> I LOVE MOMENTS LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: NOT TO PUT YOU ON
THE SPOT, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE GOPS NEL YOUR
POCKET RIGHT NOW? >> ANOTHER GOSPEL?
>> Stephen: JUST A TOUCH? HAD
( CLEARS THROAT ) >> YOU ALWAYS PUT ME ON THE SPOT
♪ JESUS PROMISED ME A HOME OVER THERE
♪ NO MORE SICKNESS, SORROW, PA PAIN, OR CARE
♪ BECAUSE JESUS, HE PROMISED ME A HOME OVER THERE ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I DON'T-- I
DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE-- HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THE
WORLD HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE SITTING THIS CLOSE TO YOU
WHEN YOU SING, BUT I'VE HAD THE JOY A FEW TIMES, AND I GOTTA
SAY, IT MAKES MY SKELETON RATTLE INSIDE MY BODY.
>> THANK YOU. AND I LOVE SINGING WITH YOU,
TOO. >> Stephen: I LIKE SINGING
WITH YOU, TOO. WE'VE HAD SOME FUN.
NOW, DID YOU EVER IMAGINE YOU'D BE DOING A SHOW ON A DAILY BASIS
THAT ALLOWED YOU TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS.
THIS IS TODAY'S SHOW. THIS IS YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? >> THAT WAS SO FUN.
THIS-- I GOT THE PERFECT EXCUSE FOR HALLOWEEN.
I GOT TO BE WHOOPI GOLDBERG IN "SISTER ACT 2--" "SISTER ACT ONE
AND TWO." THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE
MOVIES EVER, SO TO BE ABLE TO BE HER FOR HALLOWEEN AND SING THOSE
SNGS, THAT'S WHAT I USED TO DREAM OF.
TO HAVE MY OWN SHOW AND FLY IN THE AIR AND SING THOSE SONGS.
HONEY, I HAD A MOMENT. IT'S MY FAVORITE HALLOWEEN YET,
HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN. >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT-- ( APPLAUSE )
COUPLE OF TIMES, TOO. YOU NEED VERY SPECIAL EQUIPMENT
TO DO THAT. YOU NEED REALLY TRAINED PEOPLE
TO DO THAT. HOW DID IT FEEL?
I FIND THAT LITTLE HARNESS YOU HAVE TO GET INTO UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> IT'S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I HAD SO MANY THINGS UNDER THAT
COSTUME. THE HARNESS.
>> Stephen: AND THE STEEL BRACKETS ON YOUR HIPS.
>> WE REHEARSED THAT QUITE A BIT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET NERVOUS UP THERE?
>> AS LONG AS THEY DIDN'T KEEP ME UP THERE TOO LONG I WAS OKAY.
>> Stephen: I HAD JULIE ANDREWS RIGHT THERE ONCE, AND
SHE TOLD ME ABOUT PLAYING MARRY POPPIN'S AND THEY DROPPED HER.
>> NO! >> Stephen: YES.
JULIE ANDREWS SAID THAT JULIE ANDREWS SAID A BAD WORD.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I CAN'T IMAGINE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND,
EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE JENNIFER HUDSON.
( APPLAUSE ) WE'RE HERE WITH THE HOST OF THE
"THE JENNIFER HUDSON SHOW," THE LOVELY AND TALENTED JENNIFER
HUDSON. NOW, YOU GREW UP IN THE CHURCH.
>> YES. > Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU
HAVE DEEP GOSPEL ROOTS. I JUST FOUND OUT FOR ALL THE
SINGING YOU DID-- AND HOW EARLY DID YOU START?
>> WELL, MY FIRST SOLO WAS AT SEVEN, BUT I DID NOT START
SINGING WITH MY EYES OPEN UNTIL I WAS 19.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT.
YOU DID NOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN UNTIL YOU WERE 19.
WHY? AND WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> BECAUSE I HAD STAGE FRIGHT. I WOULD --
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD GO OUT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED.
>> YES. I COULDN'T LOOK AT PEOPLE.
EVEN WHEN I'M ACTING, I LOOK AT THE FLOOR.
THEN EVERYBODY ON THE PRODUCTION WOULD BE FEET VERSUS PEOPLE.
UN, THAT'S A WHOLE AUDIENCE. SOMETIMES IT'S INTIMIDATING.
GROWING UP IN CHURCH FIRST OF ALL,UN, YOU SING, YOU KNOW, FROM
WITHIN AND FROM A CERTAIN PLACE. SO IT'S MORE INTERNAL.
SO I WOULD SING WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
WE WEREN'T ALLOWED TO PERFORM. I WAS LIKE, PERFORMING?
WHAT HAPPENED TO JUST STANDING AND SINGING A SONG?
SO WHEN I WAS 19, THAT'S WHEN I STARTED SINGING WITH MY EYES
OPEN. ONE MINUTE, WHEN I CLOSED MY
EYES, EVERYBODY THOUGHT SHE CAN'T SING.
AND WHEN I FINISHED I LOOKED UP AND EVERYBODY WAS GIVING ME A
STANDING OVATION, AND AFTER THAT, IT BROKE THAT FEAR.
>> Stephen: WOW. ( APPLAUSE )
INTERESTING DISTINCTION-- YOU MADE AN INTERESTING DISTINCTION
THERE BETWEEN SINGING AND PERFORMING.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? >> WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHEN
YOU PERFORM, YOU ARE EXUDING ENERGY OUT.
YOU'RE CONNECTING AND, YOU KNOW, WITH PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE.
BUT THEN, SINGING, WELL, AT LEAST SINGING IN CHURCH FOR ME,
IT'S MORE INTERNAL. >> Stephen: COULD YOU SING THE
EXACT SAME SONG THAT SORT OF SOUNDED THE SAME TO A LAY MAN
BUT YOU KNOW THAT ONE OF THOSE IS PERFORMING AND ONE OF THEM IS
SINGING? YOU DON'T HAVE TO PHYSICALLY DO
ANYTHING WELS YOUR BODY TO BE PERFORMING?
IT'S SOME INTENTION YOU HAVE? >> YEAH.
I GUESS IT'S A DIFFERENT WAY OF COMMUNICATING, YOU KNOW, VERSUS,
LIKE, WHEN YOU ARE INTERNAL, YOU STAY WITHIN YOURSELF AND IT'S
MORE INTIMATE AND COMES FROM A CERTAIN SPACE.
WHEREAS YOU'RE ALLOWING PEOPLE IN WHEN YOU ARE PERFORMING.
AND IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ENERGY. >> Stephen: DO YOU EVER GO
BACK TO THAT INTERNAL FORM OF PERFORMANCE.
>> Stephen: INTERNAL FORM OF SINGS AS OPPOSED TO PERFORMING?
>> I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF AS A PERFORMER.
I'M A SINGER. >> Stephen: I SEE.
YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD PERFORMER, TOO, I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S NOT ME SAYING
IT. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S THESE PEOPLE SAYING IT, NOT ME.
NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT ONE OF THE TRADITIONS YOU HAVE ON YOUR
NEW SHOW IS YOU HAVE A NEW MUG EVERY DAY.
>> YES. >> Stephen: WHY THAT?
>> BECAUSE I MEAN-- OKAY, SO WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I
ALWAYS HAVE JUST MY LITTLE SPIT OF COFFEE IN A LITTLE CUP, SO
EACH ONE HAS A DIFFERENT SAYING. WHATEVER I FEEL I NEED-- LIKE, I
NEED A CUP OF PEACE. I NEED A CUP OF LOVE, WHATEVER
IT IS I NEED, AND I PICK THAT CUP.
AND THAT'S WHAT I DRINK OUT OF. IT'S AN AFFIRMATION,
INSPIRATION. SO I TRMED FOR EVERYONE, WHAT
THAT INSPIRATION YOU NEED. >> Stephen: AT SOME POINT IN
THE FUTURE, I WOULD BE SO HONORED-- TAKE THAT WITH YOU.
ADD IT TO THE COLLECTION. ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: JENNIFER, LOVER TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: "THE JENNIFER HUDSON
SHOW" AIRS WEEKDAYS NATIONWIDE. JENNIFER HUDSON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTRESS ZOSIA MAMET.
( APPLAUSE ) SLEEP LIGHTLY.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. ( APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "GIRLS" AND
"THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT." NOW SHE'S EDITED A COLLECTION OF
ESSAYS CALLED "MY FIRST POPSICLE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ZOSIA MAMET.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: HELLO. YOU ALL GOOD?
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. >> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO!
>> Stephen: LAST TIME, IF MEMORY SERVES, LAST TIME YOU
WERE HERE YOU TOLD A CHARMING LITTLE STORY OF GOING OUT TO BUY
YOUR WEDDING DRESS IMMEDIATELY AFTER BEING ON THE SHOW.
>> I DID. >> Stephen: YES.
AND ONE THING I NEVER ASKED YOU, AND I LOVE HEARING THESE
STORIES, IS HOW DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND-- EVAN?
>> EVAN I THINK THAT'S HIS NAME. >> Stephen: MEET.
YOU NEVER KNOW. >> WE DID A PLAY TOGETHER.
WE DID -- >> Stephen: NEAR THE CITY?
>> WE DID A PLAY HERE IN THE CITY.
WE DID A PLAY DOWN AT THE LUSSIER HOTEL.
AND WE DID IT SECRETLY FOR THE WHOLE PLAY, WHICH WAS VERY FUN
AND VERY ROMANTIC. YEAH, EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED DATING IN REHEARSALS THEN?
>> YES. WE STARTED DATING IN HEREVERSAL.
I HAVE ZERO GAME, LIKE, JUST-- JUST NONE TO SPEAK OF.
AND I HAD-- I HAD, LIKE, 15 TICKETS TO I THINK IT WAS OUR
SEASON TWO "GIRLS" PREMIERE, AND I INVITED OUR ENTIRE CAST JUST
SO I COULD INVITE HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
WANT HIMED TO BE THERE. I WAS LIKE, EVERYONE COME!"
HE CAME TO THE PARTY, AND MY HUSBAND, NOT LIKE ME, HAS ALL OF
THE GAME. SO HE WAS VERY SLY, AND HE WAS
THE FIRST ONE TO LEAVE. AND AS HE WAS LEAVING THE ONLY
THING I COULD THINK OF, WE BOTH KNEW OUR LINES, BY THE WAY.
WE KNEW THE OTHER ONE WAS OFF BOOK.
I SAID, "DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER AND RUN LINES ONE NIGHT?"
SO HE CAME SCPOFER WE RAN LINES. AND NOW WE'RE MARRIED!
>> Stephen: WOW. ( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE ). INTO THE HOLIDAY SEASON HERE.
>> WE ARE DEEP IN. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THE
CHRISTMAS MUSH IS PLAYING. >> IT'S HWANG.
>> Stephen: I LEARNED RECENTLY THAT YOU'RE A VERY CONSCIENTIOUS
GIFT GIVER. YOU PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO
IT? >> THERE'S AN XCEL SPREADSHEET
ABOUT IT. .>> Stephen: FOR REAL?
>> FOR REAL. >> Stephen: THAT'S FANTASTIC.
SO WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH-- I DON'T WANT TO SAY
ADDICTED, BUT COMMITTED. >> NO, I GET A HIGH.
AND ONCE THEY'VE OPENED THE GIFT IT'S ALL OVER AND THEN I GET SO
SAD. LIKE, I WANT TO TAKE IT BACK AND
GIVE IT TO THEM AGAIN. >> Stephen: YOU NEED ANOTHER
HIT. >> I NEED ANOTHER HIT.
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE? WHEN IS YOUR HALF BIRTHDAY?
CAN WE TALK ABOUT EASTER?" >> Stephen: IS HALF BIRTHDAY A
DISWHRIENG NO, BUT I WANT TO MAKE IT A THING SO I CAN GET
THEM A PRESENT. YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR FIX
SOMEHOW. HERE'S THE REAL ISSUE-- MY
HUSHUSBANDS THAT HAS WON CHRISTS FOREVER, EIGHT YEARS AGO THIS
CHRISTMAS, HE GAVE US OUR DOG, AND IT WAS A SURPRISE.
>> Stephen: IS THAT WHO THIS IS?
>> THAT'S MOOSE. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> THAT'S SWEET MOOSE. I KNOW, SHE'S THE BEST.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU A BIG ANIMAL PERSON?
>> I'M A HUGER ANIMAL PERSON? >> Stephen: ALWAYS.
>> ALWAYS. WE GREW UP WITH LIZARDS AND
SALAMANDERS AND TORTOISES, AND WE HAD CHICKENS GROWTH UP, IT
WAS NOT ALLOWED IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE A ROOSTER?
>> WE DIDN'T HAVE A ROOSTER BUT OUR NEIGHBORS LIKED TO PRETEND
WE DID, THEY WOULD CALL THE COPS ON US, AND MY MOTHER WOULD
ANSWER THE DOOR WITH FRESH EGGS AND BE LIKE, "HELLO, OFFICER, IS
THERE A PROBLEM?" SHE'D BE LIKE, "WOULD YOU LIKE--
WOULD YOU LIKE A FRESHLY BAKED MUFFIN WITH FRESHLY LAID EGGS?
AND THEY'D BE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK."
>> Stephen: DID YOU GROW UP IN MMAYBERRY?
>> I GRU UP IN SANTA MONICA. >> Stephen: YOU HAD CHICKENS
IN SANTA MONICA? I WOULD CALL THE COPS ON YOU.
>> EVERYONE IS JUSTIFIED. SEARCH WRONG IN THIS SCENARIO.
>> Stephen: YOUR FIRST BOOK COMES OUT.
IT'S AN ANTHOLOGY OF ESSAYS CALLED "MY FIRST POPSICLES."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? >> IT MEANS WHATEVER YOU WANT IT
TO MEAN. >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> SO THE IDEA WAS FIRST BORN-- WE HAD GONE TO DINNER WITH SOME
FRIENDS OF OURS AND THEY SHOWED UP LATE AND SAID, "WE'RE SO
SORRY, WE GAVE OUR SON A POPSICLE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND
HE HAD AN INCREDIBLE REACTION TO IT AND WOO STAYED."
THIS LITTLE BOY-- WHO IS NO LONGER A LITTLE BOY.
I FEEL OLD. HAD THIS-- IT WAS LIKE A NETFLIX
SPECIAL OF EMOTIONS, ALL OF THE BIG ONES.
HE WAS SCARED OF IT, AND THEN HE WAS EXCITED, AND THEN HE GOT A
BRAIN FREEZE, AND HE WAS LIKE THIS IS THE BEST THING EAVE EVER
HELP AND I WAS SO STRUCK BY HOW UNIVERSAL IT IS THAT WE VALUE
THESE DEEPLY EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES WITH FOOD.
AND THEY'RE TIED TO FAMILY OOR, YOU KNOW, OTHER RELATIONSHIPS,
ROMANNED OF MANTICALLY, FRIENDSHIPS TRADITION-- ALL OF
IT. AND SO I TOLD MY BOOK EDITORS.
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "THAT'S A REALLY COOL IDEA.
IT'S PROBABLY BEEN DONE BEFORE." AND THEN THEY FOUND OUT THAT IT
WASN'T. SO --
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOURS? WHAT'S YOUR DEEP EMOTIONAL
CONNECTION TO A FOOD? WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE IN HERE?
>> MY ESSAY IS ABOUT MY LOVE OF CHRISTMAS AND GIFT GIVING COMES
FROM MY GRANDMOTHER. SHE WAS OBSESSED WITH CHRISTMAS.
AND SHE HAD ALL THESE TRADITIONS SURROUNDING IT AND ONE OF THEM
WAS SHE WOULD MAKE THIS CHRISTMAS DINNER DESSERT WHICH
WAS A PLUMB PUDDING WITH THIS FOAMY SAUCE WHICH I'M NOT
TOTALLY CLEAR-- IT WAS LIKE EGGS WHIPPED UP WITH SOME SORT OF
CREAM AND I DON'T KNOW, IT GOT REALLY FOAMY.
AND IT WAS DELICIOUS. >> Stephen: OF ALL THE
PEOPLE-- PATTING SMITH IS IN HERE, TONY HALE,Y TED DANSON
WROTE ESSAYS. WHO WERE YOU THE MOST NERVOUS TO
ASK? >> I STARTED THIS UNEXPECTED PEN
PAIL RELATIONSHIP WITH DAVID SEDARIS WHICH--
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M SO HAPPY FOR
YOU. >> I'M SO HAPPY FOR ME.
WHEN I GOT AN EFLAIL MY AGENT, I HAD DONE THIS PIECE FOR A
MAGAZINE ABOUT-- LIKE A CULTURE DIARY, AND I HAD BEEN READING
"BEST OF ME." AND THEY SAID, DAVID HEARD YOU
WERE READING HIS BOOK AND HE'D LIKE TO WRITE YOU A LETTER.
AND I SAID I'M DONE, I'M OUT. THIS IS PEAK.
WE STARTED A PEN PAL RELATIONSHIP AND I WROTE AND
ASKED IF HE WOULD DO A RECIPE. AND HE SAID, "IF I CAN WRITE
ABOUT JELL-O AND HOT DOGS, YES." HE THEN ASKED IF I WANTED TO
HAVE BREAKFAST WITH HIM. I WAS SHOOTING "THE FLIGHT
ATTENDANT" IN LOS ANGELES, AND HE WAS COMING THROUGH ON A BOOK
TOUR. AND I WAS SO NERVOUS, I WAS SO
NERVOUS, I GOT THERE 40 MINUTES EARLY.
>> Stephen: FOR BREAKFAST? ( LAUGHTER )
FOR BREAKFAST, AND THEN I HID IN THE BATHROOM.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WAS LIKE, "I CAN'T DO IT.
YOU HAVE TO CALL AND TELL HIM I'M SICK."
I I WAS LIKE-- I WAS LIKE-- I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
>> Stephen: SHE TALKED YOU OUT OF IT, THANK GOD.
>> SHE TALKED ME OUT OF IT. SHE TOLD ME TO HAVE BREAKFAST
WITH HIM, AND I DID, AND HIS HUSBAND, HUGH, CAME.
AND YOU KNOW THEY SAY NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES AND HE WAS
EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME. IT WAS SO GREAT
>> Stephen: "MY FIRST POPSICLE" IS AVAILABLE TOMORROW!
ZOSIA MAMET, EVERYBODY. ZOSIA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE MATTHEW PERRY, AND
JAMES TAYLOR WILL TAKE THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT."
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. GOOD NIGHT.