1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:03,937 >> NEW FALLOUT FROM THE PAUL PELOSI ATTACK. 2 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,806 >> REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR ARIZONA GOVERNOR, KARI LAKE, 3 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,342 MAKING LIGHT OF THE INCIDENT. 4 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,946 >> NANCY PELOSI, WELL, SHE'S GOT PROTECTION WHEN SHE'S IN D.C.-- 5 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:16,816 APPARENTLY, HER HOUSE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF PROTECTION. 6 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,486 >> NOW KARI LAKE IS SAYING THAT WHAT YOU JUST HEARD WAS THE 7 00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,454 RESULT OF WHAT SHE JUST CALLED "CREATIVE EDITING." 8 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,723 >> GO BACK AND LOOK AT THE VIDEO. 9 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,759 A LOT OF CREATIVE EDITING WAS DONE. 10 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:34,701 >> I'M FRAUGHT WITH PROBLEMS. 11 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,035 I'M INCOMPETENT. 12 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,437 JOE BIDEN IS SO ATTRACTIVE. 13 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,905 I'M SO GUILTY OF CRIMES. 14 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,540 I'M GOING TO BE THE WORST NIGHTMARE FOR THE AMERICAN 15 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,007 PEOPLE. 16 00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,509 WHOA! 17 00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:44,344 THEY KNOW, BECAUSE THEY'VE HEARD ME, THAT I WANT TO KILL EVERY 18 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:45,779 MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD IN THIS COUNTRY. 19 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:48,848 HOW DO YOU DEFEND THAT? 20 00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:52,318 I'M ALL FOR THE MOST RACIST THINGS THAT ARE OFFENSIVE. 21 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,387 AND I HOPE THAT THE CARTELS ARREST YOUR BABY. 22 00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,392 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 23 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,395 TONIGHT: 24 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:10,203 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: BONO 25 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:16,576 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 26 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:22,115 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 27 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,184 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 28 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:28,822 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 29 00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,623 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY 30 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,144 OH, I LIKE THE LITTLE-- I LIKE THE LITTLE PIPING. 31 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:51,911 HELLO. 32 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:53,980 HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. 33 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:56,950 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY THURSDAY. 34 00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,718 HEY, EVERYBODY! 35 00:01:58,785 --> 00:01:59,385 THANKS, EVERYBODY. 36 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,020 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. 37 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:02,922 WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 38 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,024 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 39 00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:08,895 THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 40 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,129 THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS ARE ONLY FIVE DAYS AWAY. 41 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:13,333 THAT MEANS THERE'S ONLY FOUR DAYS LEFT TO EARLY VOTE, ONE DAY 42 00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,468 LEFT TO REGULAR VOTE, AND THEN TWO WHOLE YEARS TO JUST KICK 43 00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:18,271 BACK AND FREAK OUT ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. 44 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,908 ( LAUGHTER ) LAST NIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN 45 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:28,348 ADDRESSED AMERICANS, NOT FROM THE OVAL OFFICE, BUT SOMEPLACE 46 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:30,183 EVEN MORE SACRED TO HIM: A TRAIN STATION. 47 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,753 AT WASHINGTON A UNION STATION HE LAID OUT THE STAKES OF THIS 48 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,056 ELECTION: >> MAKE NO MISTAKE, DEMOCRACY IS 49 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,158 ON THE BALLOT FOR ALL OF US. 50 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:42,595 IN OUR BONES, WE KNOW DEMOCRACY AT RISK-- IS AT RISK. 51 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,231 >> Stephen: BIDEN'S CLEARLY AT THE AGE WHERE HE RECEIVES 52 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:49,102 ALL HIS INFORMATION VIA BONES. 53 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:54,073 ( LAUGHTER ) "THERE GOES THE ELBOW. 54 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:58,278 THERE GOES THE ELBOW-- IT'S GOING TO RAIN. 55 00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,112 KNEE'S ACTING UP AGAIN. 56 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,080 LOW VOTER TURN OUT IN BROWARD COUNTY." 57 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,883 ( LAUGHTER ) BIDEN-- 58 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:08,021 BIDEN DID BRIEFLY MAKE ONE MISTAKE ABOUT NEXT TUESDAY, 59 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:09,188 NOVEMBER 8'S ELECTION. 60 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,525 >> MILLIONS MORE WILL CAST THEIR BALLOTS IN THE FINAL DAYS 61 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:21,301 LEADING UP TO NOVEMBER THE 9TH, 8TH, EXCUSE ME. 62 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,602 >> Stephen: "YEAH, MAKE SURE YA VOTE ON NOVEMBER 9TH, I MEAN 63 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:23,436 8TH. 64 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,604 HEAD ON DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL PETTING ZOO. 65 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:25,405 I MEAN POLLING PLACE. 66 00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:26,072 YOU'LL GET A FREE STALKER. 67 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:26,673 I MEAN STICKER! 68 00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:27,707 ANYWAY, HAPPY EASTER! 69 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:31,110 I MEAN TOYOTATHON!" ( LAUGHTER ) 70 00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:36,115 ( APPLAUSE ) BIDEN ALSO-- REALLY? 71 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:36,683 TOYOTATHON? 72 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:37,317 CAN'T BE THE IMPRESSION. 73 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,854 IT CAN'T BE THE IMPRESSION. 74 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,156 BIDEN ALSO HAD STRONG WORDS FOR THE CROP OF ELECTION DENIERS 75 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:46,459 RUNNING FOR OFFICE: >> AS I STAND HERE TODAY, THERE 76 00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:49,896 ARE CANDIDATES RUNNING FOR EVERY LEVEL OF OFFICE IN AMERICA. 77 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:58,004 FOR GOVERNOR, CONGRESS, ATTORNEY GENERAL, SECRETARY OF STATE, WHO 78 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,205 WON'T COMMIT, WHO WILL NOT COMMIT TO ACCEPTING THE RESULTS 79 00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:02,809 OF THE ELECTION THEY ARE RUNNING IN. 80 00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:09,182 THIS IS THE PATH TO CHAOS IN AMERICA. 81 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,084 >> Stephen: "PATH TO CHAOS" IS LIKE A SLIGHTLY LESS URGENT 82 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,685 VERSION OF "HIGHWAY TO HELL." 83 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:18,825 IT GOES HIGHWAY TO HELL, PATH TO CHAOS, TRAIL TO CONFUSION, DIRT 84 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:22,495 ROAD TO GARBAGE FIRE, AND CUL DE SAC TO WHAT THE (BLEEP). 85 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,231 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 86 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:26,265 BIDEN-- IT'S SHORT. 87 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,600 IT'S A CUL-DE-SAC. 88 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:28,267 IT'S SHORT. 89 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:31,337 YOU GO RIGHT IN AND YOU GO... 90 00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:34,674 BIDEN IS ALSO FIGHTING FOR OUR DEMOCRACY CLOSER TO HOME. 91 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:38,311 YESTERDAY, HE POSTED THIS VIDEO OF TAKING HIS 92 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,947 GRANDDAUGHTER, NATALIE, TO GO VOTE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THEN 93 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:45,485 GET A CELEBRATORY TREAT. 94 00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:49,956 >> HEY, I'M NATALIE BIDEN, AND I JUST TURNED 18, AND I'M GOING TO 95 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,457 VOTE FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH MY POP. 96 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,325 >> AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR HER. 97 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,526 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME, THE FIRST VOTE. 98 00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:54,827 >> AND WE GOT OUR TRIPLE THICK BLACK AND WHITE MILKSHAKES TO 99 00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:55,428 CELEBRATE. 100 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:55,928 >> CHEERS TO VOTING! 101 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:57,530 >> CHEERS, POP. 102 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,298 >> Stephen: CLASSIC BIDEN. 103 00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:03,836 EVERY MOMENT ENDS WITH ICE CREAM. 104 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,439 ANYTHING GOOD, GO TO THE ICE CREAM. 105 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,907 GRANDDAUGHTER VOTES, MILK SHAKE. 106 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,442 PASSED THE INFRASTRUCTURE BILL? 107 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,444 KLONDIKE BAR. 108 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,080 UNIFYING NATO IN OPPOSITION TO PUTIN'S INVASION OF UKRAINE TO 109 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:18,918 CUT RUSSIA OFF FROM THE INTERNATIONAL BANKING SYSTEM? 110 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,087 PEANUT BUSTER PARFAIT. 111 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,656 THERE'S A FLOE CHART. 112 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:28,928 THERE'S A FLOWCHART. 113 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,864 AND WHEN I SAW PRESIDENT POP REACHING OUT TO THE YOUNGLING 114 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:35,902 VOTE WITH HIS GRANDDAUGHTER AND THEN A MILK SHAKE, I VOWED THAT 115 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,670 I WILL NOT BE OUT DEMOCRACY'D BY SOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED 116 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:41,174 STATES, IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME. 117 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:47,013 SO TONIGHT, I HAVE AN OFFER OF MY OWN TO MAKE THE YOUTHS: GO 118 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,083 VOTE, THEN POST A TIKTOK OF YOURSELF WITH YOUR "I VOTED" 119 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,351 STICKER AND A COOL TASTY TREAT, I RECOMMEND STEPHEN COLBERT'S 120 00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,288 AMERICONE DREAM. 121 00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:58,658 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL MY PROCEEDS GO TO CHARITY. 122 00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,727 OKAY. 123 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:02,095 THEN TAG US AT 124 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:11,237 @COLBERT-LATE-SHOW, AND I WILL FOLLOW YOU, ASSUMING I LEARN HOW 125 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:11,971 TO DO THAT. 126 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,072 SEE YOU ON THE TOKS! 127 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,240 BIDEN'S NOT WRONG ABOUT DEMOCRACY BEING UNDER THREAT. 128 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,809 FOR INSTANCE, IN AT LEAST 19 STATES, CANVASSERS SUPPORTING 129 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:21,347 THE DEFEATED FORMER PRESIDENT ARE GOING DOOR TO DOOR TO 130 00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:22,482 INTIMIDATE VOTERS WHILE HUNTING FOR FRAUD. 131 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,683 THAT IS WRONG. 132 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,686 IF YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW UP AT MY DOOR AND INTIMIDATE ME, AT 133 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:32,925 LEAST LET ME BUY A FEW BOXES OF THIN MINTS. 134 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:37,263 ( LAUGHTER ) IN ONE COUNTY IN CALIFORNIA, 135 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,331 CANVASSERS WORE REFLECTIVE ORANGE VESTS AND 136 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:43,703 OFFICIAL-LOOKING BADGES THAT READ "VOTER TASK FORCE." 137 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:46,372 FIRST HERSCHEL WALKER, NOW THIS. 138 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,608 THE G.O.P. REALLY HAS CORNERED THE FAKE BADGE MARKET. 139 00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:52,712 AND I SHOULD KNOW, BECAUSE, AND I HAVE NEVER REVEALED THIS 140 00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:57,817 BEFORE, I, STEPHEN COLBERT, AM OFFICIALLY PART OF THE FAKE 141 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,086 BADGE SPOTTER TASK FORCE. 142 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,287 SEE THAT? 143 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,088 SEE THAT? 144 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,357 THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT RIGHT THERE-- 145 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:11,464 ( APPLAUSE ) THAT IS A REAL FAKE BADGE. 146 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,466 SO WHAT ARE THESE COSPLAY CROSSING GUARDS UP TO? 147 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,935 AT ONE HOUSE, THEY LISTED NAMES OF REGISTERED VOTERS AND 148 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:20,173 DEMANDED TO KNOW IF THEY STILL LIVED AT THE ADDRESS, AND AT 149 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,675 ANOTHER, THEY INTERROGATED A COUPLE ABOUT THE WHEREABOUTS OF 150 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,443 THEIR ADULT DAUGHTER. 151 00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,613 HOT TIP: THE GOOD GUYS USUALLY AREN'T THE ONES BANGING ON YOUR 152 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,284 DOOR SCREAMING "BRING OUT YOUR DAUGHTER!" 153 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:36,455 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY ALSO GRILLED RESIDENTS ON 154 00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:38,291 THEIR VOTING HISTORY. 155 00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,493 NOT ONLY IS THIS AWFUL, IT'S ALSO DEFINITELY GONNA BITE THEM 156 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,462 IN THE BUTT. 157 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,031 BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO ANSWERS THE DOOR FOR CANVASSERS? 158 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:47,133 PEOPLE WHO HUNGER FOR HUMAN CONTACT. 159 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,935 ( AS OLD LADY ) "MY VOTING HISTORY? 160 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:54,173 WELL, LAST YEAR, I DIDN'T VOTE, WHAT WITH ALL THE DENTAL 161 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,074 SURGERY AND, OF COURSE, JACK MOVING IN. T 162 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,276 HAT'S MY SON JACK. 163 00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:01,347 HE DID AN UNDERGRAD IN BOTANY. 164 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,350 I SAID HE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO ACCOUNTING. 165 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,384 BUT HE JUST DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME. 166 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:11,691 OH, HIS GIRLFRIEND VISITS SOME TIMES. 167 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:15,194 A NICE GIRL, SHE'S A SPANIARD I THINK. 168 00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,530 HOLD ON. 169 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:23,936 HONEY, IS JACK'S GIRLFRIEND FROM SPAIN? 170 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,671 KOREA. 171 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,773 SHE'S KOREAN." 172 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,008 SINGS LIKE BIRD. 173 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:29,775 THERE'S AN UPDATE FROM GEORGIA G.O.P. SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL 174 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,177 WALKER, SEEN HERE COUNTING TO ONE. 175 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:36,883 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 176 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,317 STAY LOOSE, BABY. 177 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:39,585 STAY LOOSE. 178 00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:40,853 EVERYBODY KEEP BREATHING. 179 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,122 OVER THE WEEKEND, WALKER WAS CRITICIZED BY PRESIDENT OBAMA, 180 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:50,730 WHO SAID THAT BEING A GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYER DIDN'T MEAN 181 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:54,500 WALKER WOULD NATURALLY BE A GOOD SENATOR. 182 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:55,801 THIS DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH WALKER, WHO SAID THIS: 183 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,003 >> I'VE CREATED BUSINESSES. 184 00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:58,070 I SIT ON A PUBLIC-TRADED BOARDS. 185 00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,171 SO THOSE ARE THINGS I HAVE DONE OUTSIDE OF FOOTBALL. 186 00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,706 >> Stephen: YES, HE'S A JOB CREATOR, IN THAT HE'S VERY 187 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,975 CREATIVE WHEN HE'S MAKING UP HIS JOBS. 188 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:06,479 ( LAUGHTER ) "I'M A HOSPITAL COP-F.B.I. PARTY 189 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:09,615 CLOWN WITH A DOCTORATE IN KARATE LAW FROM ASTRONAUT UNIVERSITY." 190 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,951 WALKER WENT ON TO CHALLENGE OBAMA: 191 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,920 >> PUT MY RESUME AGAINST HIS RESUME. 192 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:23,930 I PUT IT UP ANYTIME OF THE DAY, AND I THINK I HAVE DONE WELL. 193 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,198 >> Stephen: BOLD! 194 00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:31,304 OKAY, LET'S PUT YOUR RESUME UP AGAINST HIS: 195 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,672 BARACK OBAMA WAS THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT OF THE "HARVARD LAW 196 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,307 REVIEW," A U.S. SENATOR, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, 197 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,175 WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, HAS AN EMMY, TWO GRAMMYS, THREE 198 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,244 NUMBER-ONE BEST-SELLING BOOKS, WAS VOTED "TIME'S" "PERSON OF 199 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,446 THE YEAR TWICE," HAS A MULTIMILLION DOLLAR NETFLIX 200 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,416 DEAL, AND KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN. 201 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:49,522 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW THAT-- THAT'S NOT TOO 202 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,625 SHABBY. 203 00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:59,932 MEANWHILE HERSCHEL WALKER'S RESUME SAYS, GOOD AT FOOTBALL, 204 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,600 HOLDS GEORGIA'S SINGLE-SEASON PREGNANCY RECORD, AND BRAIN 205 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:05,338 BROKE. 206 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,673 NOT EVERYTHING-- HARD TO TELL THEM APART. 207 00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,842 ( LAUGHTER ) NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS 208 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:12,378 MIDTERM ELECTION IS THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD. 209 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:21,087 THERE ARE SOME VERY NORMAL ADS OUT THERE, LIKE THIS ONE, FROM 210 00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,154 DEMOCRAT SUSANA MENDOZA, WHO'S RUNNING FOR ILLINOIS 211 00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,022 COMPTROLLER. 212 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,423 LET'S TAKE A LOOK: >> I'M SUSANA MENDOZA. 213 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:30,029 I'VE WORKED HARD TO HELP THAT AND FIX OUR STATE'S FINANCES AND 214 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:33,766 GET FREARD ITS GROWTH SPURT. 215 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,001 >> THIS TINY LADY GOT RID OF ILLINOIS' HUGE BACKLOG OF UNPAID 216 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:35,534 BILLS. 217 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:36,268 >> SHE DELIVERS BIG. 218 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,837 >> SHE'S A FIRECRACKER. 219 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:42,208 >> Stephen: YEAH, SHE'S A FIRECRACKER. 220 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,442 THAT FARMER'S NOT AFRAID TO GIVE IT TO YOU STRAIGHT AND HARD, 221 00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:47,146 BECAUSE, IF YOU'LL NOTICE, HIS ACTUAL NAME IS DICK BIGGER, JR. 222 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:57,390 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 223 00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:58,958 THAT'S RIGHT. 224 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,260 HE'S A "JUNIOR." 225 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,163 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT MEANS WHEN HE WAS BORN, 226 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:10,069 DICK BIGGER SR. HELD THAT BABY IN HIS ARMS AND HE SAID, "I'D 227 00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,104 LIKE HIM TO HAVE THIS LIFE, TOO." 228 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,173 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S WORTH POINTING OUT, THE 229 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,475 OFFICIAL NAME OF THE AD STARRING DICK BIGGER JR., IS "GROWTH 230 00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,078 SPURT." 231 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:23,549 ( LAUGHTER ) I FEEL LIKE SUSANA MENDOZA IS 232 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,084 TRYING TO BAIT ME INTO TALKING ABOUT HER AD. 233 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:27,953 AND LET ME JUST SAY, MS. MENDOZA, IF THE BAIT IS 234 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,289 DICK BIGGER, I WILL BITE. 235 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,724 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 236 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:36,862 BECAUSE-- ( CHEERING ) 237 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,331 PEABODY, PLEASE. 238 00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,400 SO SORRY. 239 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:44,270 I'M SO SORRY. 240 00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:47,873 AFTER THAT AD AIRED AND GOT SOME ATTENTION, MENDOZA'S CAMPAIGN 241 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:55,981 GAVE US WHAT WE ALL CRAVE: MORE DICK BIGGER. 242 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,750 HERE'S HIS OUTTAKES: >> THIS TINY LADY (BLEEP). 243 00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,086 THIS TINY LADY GOT RID (BLEEP). 244 00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:07,927 THIS TINY LADY GOT RID OF ILLINOIS' BIG, HUGE-- 245 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,362 >> Stephen: IT'S THE DICK BIGGER EXTENDED CUT! 246 00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:10,863 OR UNCUT. 247 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,733 WE JUST DON'T KNOW! 248 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,470 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 249 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:17,937 TONIGHT! 250 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:20,840 MY GUEST IS BONO. 251 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,942 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I SAY I'M SORRY. 252 00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,009 YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND. 253 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:01,714 WELCOME BACK. 254 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:08,854 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT THERE! 255 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,456 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOUIS. 256 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,159 LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 257 00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:14,860 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 258 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,729 VERY KIND. 259 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:17,229 LOUIS. 260 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,464 >> Stephen: STEPHEN. 261 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,767 >> Stephen: I AM REMISS, AND I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME, IS WE'VE 262 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,303 HAD A WONDERFUL KEYBOARDIST SITTING IN ALL WEEK. 263 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,672 I HAVE NOT ASKED YOU ABOUT THIS YOUNG LADY. 264 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:30,809 PLEASE TELL US WHO WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE US JOINING US. 265 00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:35,981 >> WE HAVE THE INCREDIBLE DENAY GREENFIELD. 266 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:37,082 >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. 267 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,085 LOUIS, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS JOINING US TONIGHT. 268 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,887 ANOTHER MUSICIAN. 269 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:42,721 BONO. 270 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:43,956 >> Louis: HE'S PRETTY GOOD, THAT GUY. 271 00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:46,725 >> Stephen: HE HAS A NEW BOOK CALLED "SURRENDER." 272 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:47,993 IT'S HIS MEMOIR. 273 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,397 BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER TONIGHT, I HAVE A MASSIVE 274 00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:56,969 ANNOUNCEMENT THAT I WANT TO MAKE ON MONDAY. 275 00:13:57,036 --> 00:14:04,810 BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN, AS IS TRADITIONAL EVERY YEAR, "THE 276 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,245 LATE SHOW" WILL BE ANNOUNCING "PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" FOR 277 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:09,448 2022! 278 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,517 YOU MAY REMEMBER THAT LAST YEAR, WE REVEALED THAT "PEOPLE'S 279 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,651 "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" WAS PAUL RUDD. 280 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:13,986 BUT THIS YEAR, IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE. 281 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:14,920 APPARENTLY, MR. RUDD IS EITHER NO LONGER ALIVE OR, EVEN WORSE, 282 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:18,757 NO LONGER SEXY. 283 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:19,959 SO EVERYBODY WATCH BEING RIGHT NOW, SET YOUR ALARMS 284 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,928 PROGRAM YOUR ROOSTERS, AND MAKE SURE YOU TUNE IN THIS MONDAY 285 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,931 NIGHT ON "THE LATE SHOW," WHERE WE WILL BE THE FIRST ONES TO 286 00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,032 BREAK THIS EXCLUSIVE SEXY NEWS. 287 00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:32,938 IT'S SO SECRETIVE THAT EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS. 288 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:38,210 BUT I'M BETTING ON A CERTAIN TALL, MUSCULAR, BALD SUPERSTAR 289 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,446 WHO'S A HOUSEHOLD NAME... 290 00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:42,915 THAT'S RIGHT, MR. CLEAN. 291 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,384 ( LAUGHTER ) UH-HUH. 292 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,453 THERE YOU GO. 293 00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:48,420 HE'S STILL GOT IT. 294 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:51,690 ( APPLAUSE ) IS THAT A GIANT SHINY HEAD OR 295 00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:56,095 ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME? 296 00:14:56,161 --> 00:15:01,834 IN OTHER NEWS, I HAVE HAD A BIT OF A WEIRD DAY. 297 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:05,804 I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, AND I WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER. 298 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:06,939 THAT'S RARELY GOOD NEWS. 299 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:10,776 SO I CLICKED ON MY OWN NAME, AND THERE WAS A WHOLE BUNCH 300 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:11,977 DIFFERENT POSTS, AS USUAL. 301 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,145 THERE WERE SOME THINGS ELIZABETH WARREN SAID ON THE SHOW LAST 302 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,213 NIGHT, SOME WERE THINGS I'VE SAID ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IT IS 303 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,914 TO VOTE. 304 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,716 ONE PERSON WANTED TO SEE MY FEET. 305 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:21,920 BUT SOME PEOPLE ONLINE HAD A BONE TO PICK WITH ME. 306 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,522 AND HERE'S THE THING: I DON'T MAKE MANY MISTAKES THAT I'M 307 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:27,926 WILLING TO ADMIT, BUT WHEN I DO, I'M BIG ENOUGH TO ADMIT 308 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,462 THEM. 309 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:32,831 YOU SEE, LAST WEDNESDAY, I WAS TALKING ABOUT MICHIGAN G.O.P. 310 00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:38,337 NOMINEE FOR GOVERNOR AND STAR OF THE MOVIE "SMILE," TUDOR DIXON. 311 00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:41,440 AS ONE OF THE CENTERPIECES OF HER CAMPAIGN, DIXON HAS CALLED 312 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,442 FOR BANNING BOOKS FROM SCHOOL LIBRARIES, ESPECIALLY L.G.B.T.Q. 313 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,779 BOOKS. 314 00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:52,117 AND DURING A DEBATE, SHE TOLD A STORY THAT FRANKLY, I DOUBTED. 315 00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:54,119 DIXON'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS ISSUE. 316 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,487 SO'S THIS GUY SHE TOTALLY MADE UP. 317 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:57,723 >> I HAD A GENTLEMAN COME UP TO ME JUST A FEW NIGHTS AGO, AND HE 318 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:02,394 SAID, "I FOUND CONTENT IN MY SCHOOL LIBRARY DESCRIBING HOW TO 319 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,696 HAVE SEX TO MY SON. 320 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,632 I WENT TO THE DEMOCRATS, AND I SAID, 'I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS 321 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:10,069 IN THERE.'" >> Stephen: OKAY. 322 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,638 ( LAUGHTER ) FINE. 323 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,606 THAT HAPPENED. 324 00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:16,675 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT EVEN IF IT DID, IF SOMEONE 325 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,344 FOUND A BOOK THEY DIDN'T LIKE AT A SCHOOL LIBRARY, WHY WOULD THEY 326 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,679 GO TO THE DEMOCRATS? 327 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:24,350 THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "EXCUSE ME, IS THIS CHUCK SCHUMER'S OFFICE? 328 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:28,087 I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINALE OF 'HOUSE OF THE DRAGON.' 329 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,822 ALSO: THIS NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER IS WAY TOO OILY WHEN IT'S IN 330 00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:36,562 THE CUPBOARD, BUT IT GETS TOO HARD WHEN IT'S IN THE FRIDGE. 331 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:37,463 I'M VOTING REPUBLICAN! 332 00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:38,497 GOOD DAY, SIR. 333 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:42,701 I SAID, GOOD DAY!" WELL, IT TURNS OUT, THE "DETROIT 334 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:46,972 FREE PRESS" TALKED TO THIS GUY, AND HE'S REAL. 335 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:51,744 SO I'D LIKE TO ISSUE A RARE CORRECTION. 336 00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:55,514 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 337 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,150 THIS-- ( APPLAUSE ) 338 00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:02,788 THIS VERY REAL PERSON DESERVES AN APOLOGY, BECAUSE, HE SAYS, 339 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,991 "TO CLAIM THAT I'M NOT HERE, I DON'T EXIST, I'M NOT HUMAN, 340 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,627 THAT'S ABSOLUTE IGNORANCE." 341 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,695 SO, I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE. 342 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,063 IT IS A TERRIBLE THING FOR SOMEONE TO DENY YOUR VERY 343 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,265 EXISTENCE. 344 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:17,169 JUST ASK TRANS PEOPLE. 345 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:25,310 SO I, STEPHEN COLBERT-- ( APPLAUSE ) 346 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:29,114 THERE, I, STEPHEN COLBERT, ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU EXIST AND 347 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,315 ASK THAT YOU FORGIVE ME. 348 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,252 HE GOES ON TO SAY, "IF THIS PERSON"-- AND HE MEANS ME-- "DID 349 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:37,823 HIS DUE DILIGENCE AND STARTED RESEARCHING OR HAD HIS TEAM DO A 350 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,092 LITTLE BIT OF RESEARCH OF WHO'S THIS PERSON WHO ATTENDED DIXON'S 351 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,828 RALLY, THEY WILL BE ABLE TO FIND MY NAME RIGHT AWAY EASY ON 352 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,762 SOCIAL MEDIA. 353 00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:47,599 JUST GOOGLE IT." 354 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:48,700 OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH. 355 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,369 BUT I WILL POINT OUT THAT DIXON NEVER SAID YOUR NAME. 356 00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:54,139 SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SEARCH FOR? 357 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,909 ALL SHE SAID WAS, "I HAD A GENTLEMAN COME UP TO ME AND HE 358 00:17:56,975 --> 00:18:00,379 SAID, 'I FOUND CONTENT IN MY SCHOOL LIBRARY DESCRIBING HOW TO 359 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:05,150 HAVE SEX TO MY SON.'" ( LAUGHTER ) 360 00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:08,153 HE SAYS THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. 361 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:11,156 SO LET'S GOOGLE SOME KEY WORDS FROM THAT SENTENCE. 362 00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:23,902 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "GENTLEMAN," 363 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:24,703 "SEX," "COME." 364 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:29,908 OH, MY. 365 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,478 YOU DO EXIST. 366 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,380 AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE. 367 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,717 GOOD FOR YOU! 368 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,054 DELETE SEARCH HISTORY. 369 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,324 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, NONE-- 370 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:56,268 ( APPLAUSE ) HERE'S-- HERE'S ANOTHER THING. 371 00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,836 NONE OF THE ARTICLES ARE REALLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT BOOKS HE WAS 372 00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,906 UPSET ABOUT, BUT AT A LOCAL SCHOOL BOARD MEETING, THERE WERE 373 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:05,611 SEVERAL BOOKS OBJECTED TO, INCLUDING "THE LOVELY BONES" BY 374 00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:10,249 ALICE SEBOLD, "PUSH" BY SAPPHIRE, AND "ALL BOYS AREN'T 375 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,284 BLUE" BY GEORGE M. JOHNSON, WHICH ARE PRETTY MAINSTREAM 376 00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,353 BOOKS. 377 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,722 IN FACT, THEY WERE ALL TURNED INTO MOVIES: "THE LOVELY BONES" 378 00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:21,093 WAS CALLED "THE LOVELY BONES," PUSH WAS CALLED "PRECIOUS," AND 379 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:25,330 I'M PRETTY SURE "ALL BOYS AREN'T BLUE" WAS CALLED "THE SMURFS. 380 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,766 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 381 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,270 REGARDLESS, REGARDLESS, MY FRIENDS, REGARDLESS, IT COULD 382 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,372 HAVE BEEN SOME OTHER BOOK. 383 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:36,141 AND I'M A PARENT, AND I BELIEVE EVERY PARENT HAS A RIGHT TO BE 384 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:40,479 AWARE OF WHAT THEIR KIDS SEE AND READ, JUST LIKE EVERYONE 385 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,881 LEARNING ABOUT THIS STORY HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW THAT AS 386 00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,717 RECENTLY AS OCTOBER, LAST MONTH, THIS GUY CLAIMED TO BE A 387 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:50,122 DEMOCRATIC POLITICIAN BUT SWITCHED AFTER HE LOST HIS 388 00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:53,191 PRIMARY AND PACKED OFF HIS TOYS AND WENT OFF IN A HUFF TO 389 00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:59,231 SUPPORT AN ELECTION-DENYING, TRANSPHOBIC COVID-19 CONSPIRACY 390 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,066 THEORIST. 391 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,001 WHAT A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE FOR ALL OF OUR CHILDREN. 392 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:06,538 ( APPLAUSE ) BY THE WAY-- 393 00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:09,841 BY THE WAY, FELLA, IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT TUDOR DIXON 394 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:13,145 BEFORE YOU SUPPORTED HER, YOU SHOULD GOOGLE IT. 395 00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:15,213 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BONO. 396 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:38,470 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 397 00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:41,073 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU CAN FEEL IT IN THE ROOM. 398 00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:45,277 YOU CAN FEEL IT IN THE ROOM ALREADY BECAUSE, FOLKS, MY GUEST 399 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:52,985 TONIGHT IS-- WELL, HE'S A ROCK STAR WHO HAS GIVEN HIS VOICE TO 400 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:57,756 U2 AND THE FIGHT FOR EQUALITY AROUND THE WORLD. 401 00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,991 HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A NEW MEMOIR, "SURRENDER: 40 SONGS, 402 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,392 ONE STORY." 403 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:03,161 PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," BONO. 404 00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:05,230 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 405 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:29,788 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU! 406 00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:30,856 >> Stephen: GUESTS FIRST. 407 00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:32,891 >> WHAT IF I SAID NO? 408 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:36,028 >> Stephen: WE'LL DO IT THIS WAY, THEN. 409 00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:38,563 >> HAVE YOU EVER DONE A STAND-UP INTERVIEW. 410 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,533 >> Stephen: I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE A STAND-UP 411 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:41,867 INTERVIEW. 412 00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:44,269 >> LET'S. 413 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:48,440 >> Stephen: WE'RE GOING TO DO THE INTERVIEW STANDING UP. 414 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,642 >> BECAUSE I'M IRISH AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. 415 00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:51,643 >> Stephen: OKAY. 416 00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,211 IT'S REALLY LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 417 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:55,480 I HAVE NEVER HAD YOU ON THE SHOW BEFORE. 418 00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:57,582 >> IT'S ALSO SUCH A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, SIR. 419 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:01,486 >> Stephen: THE THING IS, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME WE'VE BEEN 420 00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:05,557 IN A ROOM TOGETHER-- AND I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING 421 00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,526 ABOUT. 422 00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:14,733 ROSEMONT, 1987, "JOSHUA TREE" TOUR I WAS IN THE 24th ROW 423 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,768 OF THE ORCHESTRA RIGHT BEFORE "SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY." 424 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:17,469 THAT WAS ME. 425 00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:20,439 >> I KNEW I'D MEET YOU ONE DAY. 426 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,475 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. 427 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:24,543 >> YOU CAN SIT DOWN NOW. 428 00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:26,712 >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 429 00:22:26,778 --> 00:22:28,847 >> YOU WERE IN THE 25th ROW. 430 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:32,184 >> Stephen: 25th ROW OF THE ORCHESTRA HAS BEEN OF BABY. 431 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,618 I HAD A LIGHTER. 432 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,188 PRETTY FUN NIGHT, I GOTTA SAY. 433 00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:38,290 >> GOES VERY WELL WITH ROCK 'N' ROLL. 434 00:22:38,356 --> 00:22:39,991 YOU SET YOURSELF ON FIRE THAT NIGHT. 435 00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:40,859 >> Stephen: SURE. 436 00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:46,898 NOW, I DO DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEREO BEGIN. 437 00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:49,468 I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START WITH BONO. 438 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,036 IT'S TOO RICH OF A FEAST FOR ME. 439 00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:53,205 >> DROPPED ON MY HEAD WHEN I WAS A BABY. 440 00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:54,406 >> Stephen: SURE, GET IN LINE. 441 00:22:54,473 --> 00:22:58,710 ALL RIGHT, SO HERE IS THE NEW BOOK "SURRENDER: 40 SONGS, ONE 442 00:22:58,777 --> 00:22:59,711 STORY." 443 00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:03,915 AS EVERYONE KNOWS, YOU ARE THE LEAD SINGER OF U2. 444 00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:05,851 THERE YOU ARE WITH THE LADS. 445 00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:07,619 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 446 00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:14,926 LARRY MULLEN JR. ON DRUMS, ADAM CLAYTON BASS, BONO ON VOCALS, 447 00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:16,128 AND THE EDGE. 448 00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:18,597 BUT WHAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, AND YOU GET INTO IT IN 449 00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:22,033 THE BOOK, TAKE ME BACK TO DUBLIN IN THE 70s. 450 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,736 TALK TO ME ABOUT THESE GUYS. 451 00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:27,439 TALK TO ME ABOUT THESE FELLAS RIGHT HERE. 452 00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:29,808 WHAT WAS IT LIKE MEETING THESE FELLAS FOR THE FIRST TIME? 453 00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:36,581 >> CLEARLY SOME APPOINTAMENT. 454 00:23:36,648 --> 00:23:41,486 THE EDGE BOUGHT A GUITAR SAME SHAPE AS HIS HEAD. 455 00:23:41,553 --> 00:23:44,122 LARRY MULLEN, PROPER ROCK STAR FROM DAY ONE. 456 00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:46,658 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "PROPER ROCK STAR?" 457 00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:53,365 >> HE ACTUALLY-- HE GOT A DRUM KIT FROM HIS DAD, LARRY MULLEN 458 00:23:53,431 --> 00:23:58,403 SR., BY PRETENDING HE WAS INTERESTED IN JAZZ. 459 00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:00,972 AND-- BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE DAD WAS GOING TO KNOW-- 460 00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:02,140 >> Stephen: SURE. 461 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:05,977 >> AND IF YOU NOTICE LARRY MULLEN JR. IS NOT EXACTLY A PUNK 462 00:24:06,044 --> 00:24:06,545 ROCK NAME. 463 00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:07,846 >> Stephen: YES. 464 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:09,548 >> MUCH MORE JAZZ. 465 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:10,649 >> Stephen: YES. 466 00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:13,585 >> SO BUT HE FORMED THE BAND. 467 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:14,419 AND -- >> Stephen: HE FORMED THE 468 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:14,986 BAND? 469 00:24:15,053 --> 00:24:16,288 >> HE WAS 14 YEARS OLD. 470 00:24:16,354 --> 00:24:20,926 PUT UP THE NOTICE IN MOUNT TEMPLE COMPREHENSIVE, ROCK, 471 00:24:20,992 --> 00:24:22,160 ROCK, ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL. 472 00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:32,938 I MET ALL FOUR MEMBERS OF U2, AND MY PRESENT AND ONLY WOMAN OF 473 00:24:33,004 --> 00:24:36,942 MY LIFE, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY WIFE, THE SAME WEEK. 474 00:24:37,008 --> 00:24:38,543 WE WENT OUT THE SAME WEEK. 475 00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:40,745 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S A BIG WEEK. 476 00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:43,081 >> YEAH, IT WAS A BIG WEEK. 477 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,850 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 478 00:24:44,916 --> 00:24:46,918 BUT STICK AROUND, WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE BONO, 479 00:24:54,025 --> 00:24:55,427 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE AUTHOR 480 00:24:55,493 --> 00:24:59,865 OF THE NEW MEMOIR "SURRENDER," HIS FIRST BOOK, IN FACT, BONO. 481 00:24:59,931 --> 00:25:05,337 DID YOU SEE THE PETER JACKSON "GET BACK" DOCUMENTARY. 482 00:25:05,403 --> 00:25:07,239 >> YTHE BOATLES. 483 00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:11,476 >> Stephen: THE REASON I ASK IS NOT JUST THE BEATLES, BECAUSE 484 00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:13,044 OF COURSE THE BEATLES. 485 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:17,515 I LOVE HEARING ABOUT HOW ARTIST THE PROCESS OF GOING THROUGH 486 00:25:17,582 --> 00:25:21,486 THERE'S NOTHING AND SUDDENLY THERE'S SOMETHING, LIKE A MAGIC 487 00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:24,823 WAND THAT MOVES PEOPLE AND GETS IN THEIR HEART FROM A DISTANCE. 488 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,359 I'M CURIOUS WHEN YOU LOOK AT THAT-- WHAT IS YOUR PROCESS 489 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:30,395 LIKE, I GUESS, IS WHAT I'M THAT PROCESS WAS SO FASCINATING 490 00:25:30,462 --> 00:25:33,498 TO ME, AND DID YOU RECOGNIZE ANYTHING IN THEIR PROCESS IN THE 491 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:35,700 WAY AND YOU YOUR FRIENDS HERE IN THE BAND CREATE SONGS? 492 00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:37,068 >> I WAS RIVETTED. 493 00:25:37,135 --> 00:25:41,873 FIRST OF ALL, WHO KNEW THAT THE BEATLES HAD CREATED REALITY TV. 494 00:25:41,940 --> 00:25:45,310 THAT WAS LIKE, WOW. 495 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:48,580 I ALSO FELT SO PRIVILEGED BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE BEING THERE 496 00:25:48,647 --> 00:25:52,784 WHEN JESUS WROTE, YOU KNOW, THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT. 497 00:25:52,851 --> 00:25:58,623 AND, YOU KNOW, IF JESUS HAD A RHODY, HE WOULD BE LIKE, 498 00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:03,628 "BLESSED ARE THEE, BLESSED ARE THE GEEK-- NO, MEEK, MEEK!" 499 00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:05,897 YEAR HEARING THEM WRITE THESE SONGS. 500 00:26:05,964 --> 00:26:07,265 >> Stephen: SURE, SURE. 501 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:09,534 >> THEY'RE LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? 502 00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,636 HEY GEORGE, NO JUDE. 503 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:15,240 >> Stephen: THEY'RE YELLING, TUCSON, ARIZONA. 504 00:26:15,307 --> 00:26:19,911 >> IMPROSWRIZATION IS AT THE HEART OF WHAT U2 DOES, EVEN 505 00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:23,748 THOUGH THERE'S A FORMAL SONGWRITING WE DO, EDGE AND 506 00:26:23,815 --> 00:26:25,016 MYSELF DO THAT. 507 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:29,254 FOR LARRY AND ADAM, THEIR CONTRIBUTION IN THE SONGWRITING 508 00:26:29,321 --> 00:26:33,291 IS OFTEN THROUGH OF IMPROVISATION. 509 00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:36,328 AND IMPROVISATION STARTED EARLY FOR ME AND I REMEMBER AS A CHILD 510 00:26:36,394 --> 00:26:37,162 COULDN'T PLAY. 511 00:26:37,228 --> 00:26:40,565 I REMEMBER MY HAND ON THE PIANO KEYS. 512 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:41,866 I COULDN'T SEE. 513 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:47,439 I REMEMBER PUTTING MY FOOT TO THE REVERB PEDDLE, FINDING A 514 00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:50,175 NOTE AND FINDING ANOTHER ONE THAT WOULD SOUND GOOD WITH THAT 515 00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:50,775 NOTE. 516 00:26:50,842 --> 00:26:51,843 AND THAT'S IMPROVISATION. 517 00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,378 IT'S FAITH, ACTUALLY. 518 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,146 YOU'RE JUMPING FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER. 519 00:26:55,213 --> 00:26:57,248 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET THERE. 520 00:26:57,315 --> 00:27:00,552 AND IN MUSIC, THAT'S HOW-- THAT'S HOW WE LIVE. 521 00:27:00,618 --> 00:27:02,754 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE FINDING THOSE NOTES. 522 00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:08,560 I'VE NEVER SUNG, YOU KNOW, THESE SONGS THE WAY I'M SINGING THEM 523 00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:09,761 NOW. 524 00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,162 I NEVER SUNG THEM BEFORE. 525 00:27:11,229 --> 00:27:13,365 EVERY NIGHT IS DIFFERENT FOR ME. 526 00:27:13,431 --> 00:27:18,603 BUT THERE'S ALSO IMPROVISATION IN JUST THE WAY YOU DEAL WITH 527 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:21,039 YOUR SITUATION. 528 00:27:21,106 --> 00:27:31,783 I WAS WRITING ABOUT BEING-- I WAS WRITING IN MY BOOK ABOUT... 529 00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:38,123 ( APPLAUSE ) AND WE WERE MERE KIDS LOOKING 530 00:27:38,189 --> 00:27:40,225 VERY MUCH LIKE A PHOTOGRAPH. 531 00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:44,596 WE HAD A BIG TV PRODUCER, BIG CHEESE, COMING TO OUR HIGH 532 00:27:44,662 --> 00:27:47,332 SCHOOL BECAUSE HE'D HEARD WE WROTE OUR OWN SONGS. 533 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:48,767 AND IT WAS A BIG BREAK. 534 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:52,804 WE WERE GOING TO GET A BREAK AND GET ON THE NATIONAL TELLY. 535 00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:56,007 AND, YOU KNOW, WE WERE ARGUING ABOUT HOW THE SONG WAS GOING. 536 00:27:56,074 --> 00:27:58,309 IT WAS REALLY NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 537 00:27:58,376 --> 00:27:59,244 NONE OF THE SONGS. 538 00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:00,578 WE COULDN'T AGREE ON ANYTHING. 539 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:02,814 THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR, LIKE THAT. 540 00:28:02,881 --> 00:28:05,483 AND WE'RE LIKE ( BLEEP ) WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 541 00:28:05,550 --> 00:28:07,919 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 542 00:28:07,986 --> 00:28:08,887 WHAT WILL WE SAY? 543 00:28:08,953 --> 00:28:09,988 WHAT DO WE DO? 544 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:11,523 AND HE WALKS IN. 545 00:28:11,589 --> 00:28:17,328 "SO YOU WRITE YOUR OWN SONGS, HOW OLD ARE YOU, 15, 16?" 546 00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,531 "YEAH, WE WRITE OUR OWN SONGS." 547 00:28:19,597 --> 00:28:22,901 COULD YOU PLAY ME ONE? 548 00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:25,437 IMPROVISATION LED EDGE TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, AND I LOOKED AT 549 00:28:25,503 --> 00:28:30,708 HIM LIKE THAT, ADAM AND LARRY AND WE PLAYED THE RAMON'S "PLAN 550 00:28:30,775 --> 00:28:33,478 TO SEE YOU GO" AND SAID IT WAS OURS. 551 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:38,083 >> Stephen: THAT'S IMPROVISATION, TOO. 552 00:28:38,149 --> 00:28:39,017 GENIUSES STEAL. 553 00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:40,718 EVERYONE BORROWS, GENIUSES STEAL. 554 00:28:40,785 --> 00:28:44,756 >> WE CHANGED IT AROUND WHEN WE GOT ON-- WE ACTUALLY DID THE 555 00:28:44,823 --> 00:28:48,793 APPEARANCE ON TV AND WE CHANGED IT TO ONE OF OUR SONGS, JUST SO 556 00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:50,028 YOU KNOW. 557 00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:51,463 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK HERE, BUT WE'LL BE 558 00:28:51,529 --> 00:28:53,531 RIGHT BACK WITH MORE BONO, EVERYBODY. 559 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:08,179 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF 560 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:09,781 "SURRENDER," BONO. 561 00:29:09,848 --> 00:29:12,383 MIDTERMS ARE NEXT WEEK IN THE STATES HERE. 562 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:16,421 AND OUR COUNTRY'S CASTING A VOTE ABOUT ITS FURKT A VERY KIND OF 563 00:29:16,488 --> 00:29:19,524 INTERESTING ONE NOW, BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR 564 00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:23,294 APPROACH, OUR VIEW OF DEMOCRACY AND THE VALIDITY OF THE 565 00:29:23,361 --> 00:29:24,496 ELECTIONS. 566 00:29:24,562 --> 00:29:26,297 YOU'RE A LONGTIME LOVER OF THE U.S., AND YOU SAY IN THE BOOK, 567 00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:30,802 YOU CALL AMERICA PERHAPS THE GREATEST SONG THE WORLD HAS NOT 568 00:29:30,869 --> 00:29:31,503 YET HEARD. 569 00:29:31,569 --> 00:29:33,271 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 570 00:29:33,338 --> 00:29:35,039 AND WHAT'S THAT SONG SOUND LIKE TO YOU? 571 00:29:35,106 --> 00:29:40,478 >> WELL, WHAT I MEAN IS-- AND I THINK I'M REALLY ENCOURAGED BY 572 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:45,083 THIS IDEA, THAT AMERICA DOESN'T YET EXIST. 573 00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:50,021 IT'S THE GREATEST IDEA THE WORLD HAS EVER HAD, BUT I DON'T THINK 574 00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:51,422 IT'S HERE YET. 575 00:29:51,489 --> 00:29:57,362 AND THAT'S AN AMAZING FEELING, THAT IT'S JUST BEING WRITTEN, 576 00:29:57,428 --> 00:29:58,796 AND FAR FROM RECORDED. 577 00:29:58,863 --> 00:30:03,101 AND, YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE IN THIS, YOU KNOW, THIS GENERATION, 578 00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:07,805 PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM CAN WRITE WHAT AMERICA IS. 579 00:30:07,872 --> 00:30:11,910 AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE LOOK BACK AND THINK THAT AMERICA HAS 580 00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:14,145 HAD ITS HEYDAY. 581 00:30:14,212 --> 00:30:16,014 NO, IT'S ALL COMING FOR YOU. 582 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,349 YOU'RE JUST-- YOU'RE JUST BEING CREATIVE. 583 00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:19,617 THINK ABOUT IT. 584 00:30:19,684 --> 00:30:26,291 IF YOU'RE NOT A NATIVE AMERICAN, THERE'S NO D.N.A. TEST THAT CAN 585 00:30:26,357 --> 00:30:27,525 TELL YOU YOU'RE AN AMERICAN. 586 00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:31,429 I MEAN, IF YOU DO A D.N.A. TEST MERE, ANYONE HERE IT WOULD BE 587 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:37,101 ONE PART POLISH, ONE PART, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER, ONE PART CZECH, 588 00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:38,336 ONE PART EGYPTIAN. 589 00:30:38,403 --> 00:30:42,440 BUT THERE'S NO D.N.A. TEST THAT WILL TELL YOU YOU'RE AMERICAN 590 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:43,975 UNLESS YOU'RE A NATIVE. 591 00:30:44,042 --> 00:30:45,777 AD THAT'S KIND OF-- THAT'S WHO YOU ARE. 592 00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:48,613 YOU'RE NOT-- ( APPLAUSE ) 593 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,150 THE AMERICAN-- THE AMERICAN IS JUST BEING CREATED. 594 00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:53,351 AND I'M EXCITED BY THAT. 595 00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:58,923 >> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING THAT "YOU'LL BE GOOD WHEN YOU'RE 596 00:30:58,990 --> 00:30:59,757 FINISHED." 597 00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:00,325 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO AMERICA? 598 00:31:00,391 --> 00:31:01,292 >> YES. 599 00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:08,299 ( APPLAUSE ) AND THERE IS-- WHAT I DO WANT TO 600 00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:14,806 SAY IS I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE IN THIS COUNTRY, EVEN MY 601 00:31:14,872 --> 00:31:15,540 IMAGINATION. 602 00:31:15,607 --> 00:31:17,642 I'VE BEEN TO BOISE, IDAHO. 603 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:21,913 I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE, BUT THE BAND HAS BROUGHT ME EVERYWHERE. 604 00:31:21,980 --> 00:31:25,149 AND THERE IS NOWHERE IN THIS COUNTRY THEY WOULD WANT TO FLY 605 00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:26,184 OVER. 606 00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,753 I'M INTERESTED IN ALL THE AMERICANS THAT I'VE MET. 607 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:30,388 I'VE MET A LOT. 608 00:31:30,455 --> 00:31:36,828 AND I'M FRIENDS AND IN COMMUNITY WITH CONSERVATIVES AND AS A SORT 609 00:31:36,894 --> 00:31:41,199 OF, YOU KNOW, BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL THAT I AM, I ENJOY THOSE 610 00:31:41,266 --> 00:31:41,966 CONVERSATIONS. 611 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,534 I ENJOY THOSE ARGUMENTS. 612 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:49,040 IT'S JUST ESSENTIAL THAT THEY STAY AS ARGUMENTS AND NOT THE 613 00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:54,078 KIND OF BRUTALITY THAT WE'VE WITNESSED IN THE LAST WEEK WITH 614 00:31:54,145 --> 00:31:55,046 PAUL PELOSI. 615 00:31:55,113 --> 00:31:59,584 ( APPLAUSE ) AND NANCY PELOSI, BECAUSE-- AND 616 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:02,086 IT WAS EVEN THE HAMMER. 617 00:32:02,153 --> 00:32:03,454 IT JUST ( BLEEP ) WAS A HAMMER. 618 00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:06,224 YOU KNOW, THIS BLUNT INSTRUMENT. 619 00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:08,459 IT'S AN IMAGE I CAN'T GET OUT MIGHT HAVE HEAD. 620 00:32:08,526 --> 00:32:13,331 AND, YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL THAT ALL OF US ARE BETTER THAN ANY OF 621 00:32:13,398 --> 00:32:14,899 THIS. 622 00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:21,039 AND, YOU KNOW, THE ONE CAMPAIGN WE WORKED WITH, OUR IDEA IS THAT 623 00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:24,309 YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH SOMEBODY ON EVERYTHING. 624 00:32:24,375 --> 00:32:28,780 IT'S THE ONE THING YOU CARE ABOUT IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH. 625 00:32:28,846 --> 00:32:35,486 AND SO, I JUST THINK WE NEED TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER MORE AND 626 00:32:35,553 --> 00:32:36,754 I'M A BIG TALKER. 627 00:32:36,821 --> 00:32:39,023 THAT DOESN'T COME EASY FOR ME, LISTENING. 628 00:32:39,090 --> 00:32:42,260 I THINK WE NEED TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER MORE AND TRY TO 629 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,394 UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON. 630 00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:46,898 BUT, YEAH, AMERICA'S ON ITS WAY. 631 00:32:46,964 --> 00:32:51,035 AND I'M-- I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW-- YOU KNOW, WHERE YOU 632 00:32:51,102 --> 00:32:52,236 TAKE IT. 633 00:32:52,303 --> 00:32:57,308 AND THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES BUT, YOU KNOW, IN THESE TRYING 634 00:32:57,375 --> 00:33:03,614 TIMES, THESE ANXIOUS TIMES, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS CHOOSE-- YOU 635 00:33:03,681 --> 00:33:05,416 ALWAYS FIND LEADERSHIP TO MATCH THE MOMENT. 636 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:09,954 IF YOU GO BACK TO THE WAR AND TRUMAN, OR BEFORE THE SECOND 637 00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:15,593 WORLD WAR, YOU THINK OF F.D.R., OR YOU THINK OF-- YOU THINK OF 638 00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:21,632 LINCOLN, ABRAHAM LINCOLN, AND I JUST THINK-- I JUST THINK 639 00:33:21,699 --> 00:33:23,634 AMERICA WILL FIND THAT LEADERSHIP. 640 00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:29,507 AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE CAPITOL, YOU 641 00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:32,543 KNOW, LOCAL COMMUNITIES, YOU'LL FIND LEADERS WILL ARRIVE IN 642 00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:33,878 LOCAL COMMUNITIES. 643 00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:39,550 I WOULD NEVER UNDERESTIMATE, YOU KNOW, SMALL-TOWN AMERICA. 644 00:33:39,617 --> 00:33:47,225 AND YEAH, THIS IDEA OF FLYOVER COUNTRY MAKES ME-- MAKES ME 645 00:33:47,291 --> 00:33:47,925 WRETCH. 646 00:33:47,992 --> 00:33:49,193 I LOVE-- I LOVE ACTUAL AMERICA. 647 00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:51,295 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I AGREE. 648 00:33:51,362 --> 00:33:55,032 >> AND ACTUAL AMERICANS. 649 00:33:55,099 --> 00:33:55,500 >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL. 650 00:33:55,566 --> 00:34:04,375 >> THANK YOU! 651 00:34:04,442 --> 00:34:06,544 >> Stephen: THE BOOK IS "SURRENDER." 652 00:34:06,611 --> 00:34:09,213 THE MAN IS BONO. 653 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,282 STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE, EVERYBODY. 654 00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:26,931 >> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT OF U2'S, 655 00:34:26,998 --> 00:34:30,067 "WITH OR WITHOUT YOU," BONO. 656 00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:38,109 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 657 00:34:48,152 --> 00:34:52,523 >> ALL RIGHT, THIS IS NOT EXACTLY ROCK 'N' ROLL, BUT THIS 658 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:58,930 IS MY NEW BOOK, AND IF YOU LET ME JUST TELL YOU A STORY AS HOW 659 00:34:58,996 --> 00:35:04,669 WE GOT TO THE SONG. 660 00:35:04,735 --> 00:35:05,369 THAT WOULD BE GREAT. 661 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:06,704 ARE YOU UP FOR THAT? 662 00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:12,043 ( APPLAUSE ) THIS IS THE FIRST HOUSE, MYSELF 663 00:35:12,109 --> 00:35:14,979 AND ALI, THE MISSES, MOVED INTO. 664 00:35:15,046 --> 00:35:16,481 IT WAS A ROUND TOWER. 665 00:35:16,547 --> 00:35:18,883 I'M ABOUT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT. 666 00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:21,586 HERE I GOES. 667 00:35:21,652 --> 00:35:24,222 THE WALLS OF THE MARTELLO TOWER WERE MADE OF GRANITE AND SEVEN 668 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:26,057 FEET THICK. 669 00:35:26,123 --> 00:35:29,927 IT WAS A FORT CONTAINING THREE CIRCULAR ROOMS, TWO BATHROOMS, 670 00:35:29,994 --> 00:35:33,931 AND A KITCHEN BUILT INTO THE WALLS. 671 00:35:33,998 --> 00:35:38,269 THE LIVING ROOM WAS LIKE A GRANITE IGLOO WITH AN OPENING 672 00:35:38,336 --> 00:35:47,478 ONTO A SOLID-STONE, WINDING STAIRCASE LEADING TO THE LOOKOUT 673 00:35:47,545 --> 00:35:49,480 THAT WE SLEPT IN, WHERE WE BUILT A GLASS ROOM FROM WHICH WE COULD 674 00:35:49,547 --> 00:35:56,587 LOOK OVER THE PROMENADE OF THE SEASIDE TOWN OF BRAY. 675 00:35:56,654 --> 00:36:03,728 IX I COULD SAY WE LIVED IN THE LIGHT HOUSE. 676 00:36:03,794 --> 00:36:09,300 ALI WILL LET HER SOUL BE SEARCHED... BUT ONLY IF YOU 677 00:36:09,367 --> 00:36:11,802 ARRIVE AT HER FORT DEFENSELESS. 678 00:36:11,869 --> 00:36:14,472 HAVE YOU HALF A CHANCE AT CHALLENGING HER OWN ALMOST 679 00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:15,573 UNBROACHABLE BATTLEMENTS. 680 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:20,678 IT'S THE ONLY WAY OVER THAT DRAWBRIDGE. 681 00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:26,584 IT WASN'T TWO YEARS INTO OUR MARRIAGE, AND I COULD SEE ALI IN 682 00:36:26,651 --> 00:36:30,621 PROLONGED MOMENTS RETURNING TO THE VAST SILENCE SHE HOLDS 683 00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:34,025 INSIDE HERSELF. 684 00:36:34,091 --> 00:36:37,528 SHE WAS SUGGESTING THAT EVEN WHEN I WAS HOME, I WASN'T HOME. 685 00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:40,131 OUR WEEKLY WALKS ALONG THE PROMENADE COULD BE TINGED WITH 686 00:36:40,197 --> 00:36:42,266 MELANCHOLY. 687 00:36:42,333 --> 00:36:49,507 THERE IS, ANYWAY, A KIND OF OFF-COLOR ROMANCE TO A DESERTED 688 00:36:49,574 --> 00:36:54,745 SEASIDE TOWN IN THE WINTER, YOUR HEART'S OPERA SCORED BY THE 689 00:36:54,812 --> 00:37:01,786 SOUND OF THE TIDE CRASHING OVER A STONY BEACH, SHUSHING 690 00:37:01,852 --> 00:37:04,689 EVERYTHING AS THE WAVES TRY TO MAKE UP THEIR MIND WHETHER 691 00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:05,690 THEY'RE LEAVING OR STAYING. 692 00:37:05,756 --> 00:37:08,159 LEAVING OR STAYING. 693 00:37:08,225 --> 00:37:11,462 LEAVING OR STAYING. 694 00:37:11,529 --> 00:37:15,166 WHITE WAVES KISSING BLACK STONES, SHUSHING ALL AROUND 695 00:37:15,232 --> 00:37:17,368 THEM. 696 00:37:17,435 --> 00:37:18,636 SHHH... 697 00:37:18,703 --> 00:37:33,584 SHHH. 698 00:37:33,651 --> 00:37:34,785 SHHH. 699 00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:46,964 ♪ SEE THE STONE SET IN YOUR EYES AM I SUCH A THORN IN YOUR SIDE? 700 00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:53,971 SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU? 701 00:37:54,038 --> 00:37:58,342 SLEIGHT OF HAND AND ♪ TWIST OF FATE 702 00:37:58,409 --> 00:38:05,650 ON A BED OF NAILS, YOU MAKE ME WAIT 703 00:38:05,716 --> 00:38:13,057 WITHOUT YOU ♪ WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 704 00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:20,831 WITH OR WITHOUT YOU ♪ THROUGH THE STORM, WE REACH 705 00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:25,436 THE SHORE ♪ YOU GIVE IT ALL BUT I WANT 706 00:38:25,503 --> 00:38:34,879 MORE ♪ AND I'M GRIEVING FOR YOU 707 00:38:34,945 --> 00:38:48,259 WITH OR WITHOUT YOU ♪ WITH OR WITHOUT YOU, 708 00:38:48,325 --> 00:38:52,496 I CAN'T LIVE ♪ WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 709 00:38:52,563 --> 00:39:03,007 AND YOU GIVE YOURSELF AWAY ♪ AND YOU GIVE YOURSELF AWAY 710 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:08,713 YOU GIVE ♪ YOU GIVE 711 00:39:08,779 --> 00:39:16,387 YOU GIVE YOURSELF AWAY ♪ MY HANDS ARE TIED 712 00:39:16,454 --> 00:39:25,396 MY BODY BRUISED, SHE GOT ME ♪ WITH NOTHING TO WIN AND 713 00:39:25,463 --> 00:39:36,507 NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 714 00:39:36,574 --> 00:39:40,177 ♪ WITH OR WITHOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE 715 00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:52,990 ♪ WITH OR WITHOUT YOU OH, OH 716 00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:55,059 ♪ OH, OH ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 717 00:40:14,945 --> 00:40:17,715 >> Stephen: HIS BOOK, "SURRENDER," IS OUT NOW. 718 00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:19,784 BONO, EVERYBODY! 719 00:40:19,850 --> 00:40:20,351 THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. 720 00:40:20,417 --> 00:40:22,419 GOOD NIGHT.