>> PROSECUTORS SAY THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE OATH KEEPERS
RACKED UP A $400 TAB AT AN OLIVE GARDEN IN VIRGINIA IN
CELEBRATION AFTER THE CAPITOL ATTACK.
>> OATH KEEPER STEWART RHODES' LAWYER IS USING THIS AS A
DEFENSE SAYING, "THE DINNER IS EVIDENCE THAT THE MILITIA LEADER
WASN'T WORKING TO FOMENT A REVOLUTION."
>> HAVE YOU JUST SPENT THE DAY SUBVERTING DEMOCRACY AND NOW YOU
WANT TO KICK BACK WITH A LITTLE INSURRECTIANO?
WELL, THEN COME ON IN TO THE OLIVE GARDEN AND VIOLENTLY
OVERTHROW YOUR HUNGER.
TRY OUR HEARTY QANON-TRES, LIKE SHRIMP-THE-ELECTION-WAS-A-SCAMPI
MILITIASTRONE COUP, AND HANG MIKE PENNE.
PLUS, WITH UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS, YOU'RE GOING TO
WANT TO SHOUT, "STOP THE MEAL!" AND AS ALWAYS, KIDS WILL HAVE
FUN WITH OUR MAP OF THE CAPITOL PLACEMAT.
SO VISIT THE OLIVE GARDEN TODAY.
REMEMBER: WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'VE GOT AN ALIBI.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN
AND SECRETARY ERNEST MONIZ FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU.
HELLO.
HELLO, LOVELIES.
HELLO, YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE VERY KIND.
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND I WANT TO START TONIGHT-- ( APPLAUSE )
I WANT TO START TONIGHT'S SHOW WITH AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
AFTER MUCH SOUL SEARCHING, I HAVE DECIDED THAT I AM READY TO
ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF MONDAY'S POWERBALL LOTTO DRAWING.
( LAUGHTER ) I AM NOT THE WINNER, BECAUSE
THEY STOLE IT FROM ME, AND I ACCEPT THAT.
TONIGHT, OF COURSE, THEY HELD A DRAWING FOR $1.2 BILLION, AND
I'M PRETTY SURE I WON THAT, BECAUSE I USED THE EXACT SAME
NUMBERS.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT THESE NUMBERS DON'T WIN TWO TIMES IN
A ROW?
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: DOING THE SAME THING AND EXPECTING
DIFFERENT RESULTS IS THE DEFINITION OF GENIUS.
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF GAMBLING, THE
MIDTERMS ARE JUST SIX DAYS AWAY, SO YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN
RALLIED FOR DEMOCRATS IN FLORIDA.pBIDEN LOVES FLORIDA, BE
IT'S THE ONLY PLACE HE'S CONSIDERED MIDDLE-AGED.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OF COURSE-- THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
SEE YOU LATER.
OF COURSE, A BIDEN APPEARANCE WOULDN'T BE COMPLETE WITHOUT A
LITTLE MIX-UP.
>> INFLATION IS A WORLDWIDE PROBLEM RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF
A WAR IN IRAQ AND AN IMPACT ON OIL AND WHAT RUSSIA'S DOING.
I MEAN, EXCUSE ME, THE WAR IN UKRAINE.
>> Stephen: "GAS PRICES ARE HIGH BECAUSE THE DARN RED COATS ARE
COMING.
THAT HORSE TRIED TO WARN US, BUT WE DIDN'T LISTEN-- TOO BUSY
FIGHTING THE VIET CONG WHO ARE TRYING TO TURN KUWAIT COMMUNIST
WITH THE DEATH STAR THEY'RE BUILDING.
THAT'S NO MOON, JACK.
NO, I I'M SERIOUS.
I MEAN, HOW ARE 300 SPARTANS SUPPOSED TO DEFEAT A WHOLE ARMY!
C'MON, LEONIDAS!
NO, I'M SYRIAN, FOLKS!" SINCE HE WAS IN FLORIDA, IT
SEEMED LIKE A GOOD TIME TO ATTACK REPUBLICAN SENATOR AND
DEHYDRATED MR. CLEAN, RICK SCOTT.
( LAUGHTER ) SCOTT'S PROPOSING TO SUBJECT
"NEARLY ALL FEDERAL SPENDING PROGRAMS TO A RENEWAL VOTE EVERY
FIVE YEARS, MAKING MEDICARE AND SOCIAL SECURITY MORE VULNERABLE
TO BUDGET CUTS."
AND THERE IS ONE OLD MAN-- ( BOOING )
A LITTLE LET'S THAT.
AND THERE IS ONE OLD MAN WHO'S NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT.
>> A SENATOR FROM FLORIDA?
GOING AFTER MEDICARE AND SOCIAL SECURITY?
I TELL YOU WHAT, I DON'T KNOW WHERE-- AS THEY SAY IN SOUTHERN
DELAWARE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE Y'ALL BEEN.
HOT DAMN, BOY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID HE JUST SAY, "AS
THEY SAY IN SOUTHERN DELAWARE"?
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IN SOUTHERN DELAWARE?
"WE ARE ONE MILE SOUTH OF NORTHERN DELAWARE.
( LAUGHTER ) HOT DAMN, BOY."
IT'S NOT JUST BIDEN.
RIGHT NOW, BOTH SIDES ARE MAKING THEIR CLOSING ARGUMENTS TO THE
VOTERS.
THE G.O.P.'S ARGUMENT IS STOP VOTING.
THEY'VE BEEN ENCOURAGING SO-CALLED "POLL WATCHERS" TO
INTIMIDATE VOTERS AT DROP BOXES ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
HERE ARE TWO GUYS IN ARIZONA A FEW WEEKS BACK, STANDING NEAR A
DROP BOX IN A PHOENIX SUBURB WEARING SKI MASKS AND BODY
ARMOR.
THAT OUTFIT IS ONLY APPROPRIATE FOR TWO THINGS: INTIMIDATING
VOTERS, OR ASSASSINATING JAMES BOND IN THE ALPS.
( LAUGHTER ) NO SURPRISE, VOTERS FELT
INTIMIDATED, SO THEY WENT TO COURT, AND YESTERDAY, A JUDGE
ORDERED ARMED ELECTION MONITORS TO STAY 250 FEET AWAY FROM DROP
BOXES.
I THINK IT'S FAIR TO SAY DEMOCRACY IS IN DANGER WHEN
BALLOT BOXES TAKE OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OF COURSE A LOT OF-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BALLOT BOXES!
OF COURSE, A LOT OF THESE KNUCKLEHEADS ARE MOTIVATED BY
ONLINE MISINFORMATION ABOUT VOTING, AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.
ON TWITTER, LIES ABOUT VOTING MACHINES HAVE BEEN A TOP MIDTERM
NARRATIVE, INCLUDING FALSELY CLAIMING THE VOTING MACHINES
WERE CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET.
AND WHERE'D THEY LEARN THAT?
THE INTERNET.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T
TRUST THE INTERNET.
I READ ALL ABOUT IT ON donttrusttheinternet.net
CHECK IT OUT.
OKAY.
AS IS TRADITION, THERE'S A LOT OF MISINFORMATION BEING PUT OUT
BY FOREIGN ACCOUNTS, LIKE ONE BASED IN CHINA, WHICH TWEETED
A PHOTO OF SOMEONE HOLDING PAPER NEAR A PURPORTED DROP BOX,
CLAIMING THEY WERE "PAID BY THE D.N.C."
THIS ACCOUNT HAD 26,000 FOLLOWERS.
ITS NAME?
"ULTRA MAGA BELLA HOT BABE."
OF COURSE IT HAD SO MANY FOLLOWERS!
EXPIADLIDOCIOUS" ) ♪ STUPID PROPA-GANDA ULTRA MAGA
BELLA HOT BABE ♪ FOLLOWED BY THE INCELS
MASTURBATING IN THEIR MAN-CAVE
♪ IF YOU SAY IT LOUD ENOUGH, YOUR LOVED ONES
SAY, "HEY, STOP, BABE."
♪ STUPID PROPA-GANDA ULTRA MAGA BELLA HOT BABE!
♪ DUMB LITTLE IDIOTS, DUMB LITTLE LIE!
♪ DUMB LITTLE IDIOTS, DUMB LITTLE LIE! ♪
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BODY ARMOR BROS BY THE
BALLOT BOX AREN'T THE ONLY MAGA GUYS PLAYING DRESS-UP.
THERE'S ALSO A GROUP WHO CALL THEMSELVES OATH KEEPERSES WHO
ARE CURRENTLY ON TRIAL FOR THEIR ROLE IN JANUARY 6.
THEY'RE LED BY INSURRECTIONIST STEWART RHODES, SEEN...
WAIT, WHERE IS HE?
ALL I SEE ARE TREES, BUSHES, AND TWO FLOATING EYEBALLS.
RHODES AND FOUR OF HIS FOLLOWERS ARE FACING CHARGES OF SEDITIOUS
CONSPIRACY FOR PLANNING TO USE VIOLENCE TO KEEP THE
EX-PRESIDENT IN OFFICE.
FUN FACT: THEY'RE BEING TRIED AT THE PRETTY MAN FEDERAL
COURTHOUSE.
IF THEY APPEAL, IT GOES TO THE HANDSOME BOY CIRCUIT COURT, AND
THEN POSSIBLY ALL THE WAY TO THE SUPREME CUTIE PATOOTIES.
( LAUGHTER ) JANUARY 6 WASN'T JUST ABOUT
SMASHIN' GLASS AND HANGIN' PENCE.
IT WAS ALSO ABOUT APPS FOR THE TABLE, BECAUSE PROSECUTORS SAY
THAT AFTER THE U.S. CAPITOL ATTACK, MEMBERS OF THE OATH
KEEPERS MET FOR A LATE-NIGHT DINNER AT AN OLIVE GARDEN.
EXPLAINS THEIR NEW SLOGAN: "WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOUR
FAMILY DIDN'T HUG YOU ENOUGH AS A CHILD."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ WE DON'T KNOW ALL THE SPECIFICS
OF THE DINNER, AS PROSECUTORS DID NOT DIVULGE THE DETAILS OF
WHAT THE OATH KEEPERS ATE.
OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T.
THAT'S OLIVE GARDEN'S OTHER SLOGAN: "WE CANNOT IDENTIFY WHAT
YOU ATE."
( LAUGHTER ) PRETTY SURE THERE WAS CHEESE IN
THERE, THOUGH.
PRETTY SURE-- HOPE THAT WAS CHEESE.
WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT THE GROUP SPENT $408.82.
HOLY MINESTRONE!
OVER $400 OF OLIVE GARDEN FOOD?
THAT'S NOT A RESTAURANT TAB.
THAT'S THE RESULTS OF AN AUTOPSY.
( AS CORONER ) "ALL RIGHT, I'M CALLING IT:
9:45, JANUARY 6.
CAUSE OF DEATH: PASTA THAT NEVER ENDED."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT THE OATH KEEPERS DIDN'T EVEN GET TO ENJOY THE TIRAMISU.
THEY STARTED TO REALIZE THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT WAS SEARCHING
FOR THEM, SO THEY FLED THE OLIVE GARDEN.
THEY FLED?
THAT CAN'T BE EASY TO FLEE AFTER DROPPIN' $400 AT THE OLIVE
GARDEN.
"THE FEDS ARE COMIN'!
LET'S GO....UNGH... I'LL MEET YOU GUYS.
I'LL CATCH UP.
I'M GONNA HIT THE JOHN.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE."
( APPLAUSE ) THE QUESTION IS, DIJUST STICK IT
OUT, OR AM I ALWAYS HOLDING IT IN?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
AT THIS POINT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
THE OATH KEEPERS' LAWYER HAD AN INTERESTING SPIN ON THEIR FAMILY
DINNER, WRITING, "RHODES AND THE OTHERS LEFT THE CAPITOL GROUNDS
AND WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN FOR DINNER, BECAUSE OVERTHROWING THE
GOVERNMENT WAS NOT THE OATH KEEPERS' INTENT."
SO HIS ARGUMENT IS "GUILTY PEOPLE DON'T EAT DINNER AFTER
THE CRIME?" I KNOW ONE GUY WHO HASN'T
WATCHED "DAHMER."
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING-- YEAH, I KNOW!
I AGREE!
TERRIBLE!
SPEAKING OF THOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR JANUARY 6: FOX NEWS.
YESTERDAY, THE FOX HOTS OVER AT "OUTPOUNDED" WERE ALL WHIPPED
INTO A FROTH OVER A NEW STUDY WHICH FOUND THAT IN A SAMPLE OF
COLLEGE STAFF AND STUDENTS, PETTING A CAT REDUCES THEIR
NEGATIVE MOOD.
IN HUMANS.
I SHOULD SAY.
THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN REDUCE YOUR CAT'S NEGATIVE MOOD.
FOX NEWS SAW THIS SIMPLE, FEEL-GOOD STUDY AND REACHED THE
OBVIOUS CONCLUSION: OUR CHILDREN ARE WEAK, AND WE MUST NOT SPARE
THE ROD.
>> THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HOW WE ARE RAISING
SNOWFLAKES, BECAUSE, I MEAN, IF YOU HONESTLY CAN'T MAKE IT IN
COLLEGE, THEN JUST DROP OUT.
I THINK THEY NEED DISCIPLINE.
I THINK THEY NEED A SLAP IN THE FACE.
>> Stephen: I AGREE.
A SLAP IN THE FACE IS MORE ENJOYABLE THAN "CATS."
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
THEY CONTINUED THE CRAZY: >> IT IS ALSO PART OF THE
INDOCTRINATION.
I MEAN, THEY ARE BEING TRAINED.
YOU MIGHT GO IN THERE THINKING, "I HAVE TO GET MY PHILOSOPHY
BOOK.
I'VE GOT TO GET MY CHEMISTRY BOOK."
AND THEN YOU'RE TOLD, EFFECTIVELY, BY THE UNIVERSITY,
"NO, YOU NEED A PUPPY."
>> Stephen: MAYBE BEFORE THEY GET ANY BOOKS THEY SHOULD GET
SOME GLASSES, BECAUSE THAT STUDENT JUST WALKED INTO A PET
STORE.
KAYLEIGH McENANY TALKED ABOUT HER OWN COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.
>> I DON'T NEED TO BE CODDLING A PUPPY.
I NEED MY ORGANIC CHEMISTRY BOOK IF I'M IN PRE-MED HERE.
THIS IS INSANITY.
GIVE ME A CUP OF COFFEE, A COOKIE, AND A STACK OF BOOKS,
AND I'M SET.
>> Stephen: WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU NEEDED A "COMFORT" COOKIE?
OH, I BET YOU STUDIED INSIDE SOME SORT OF "SAFE" BUILDING
THAT WAS UP TO CODE.
I SPENT MY COLLEGE YEARS OUTSIDE, NAKED, SHOUTING MY
ESSAYS RIGHT UP MY PROFESSOR'S DRAIN PIPE.
ST.ANCE LEM'S OF CANTERBURY STATES HIS ARGUMENT FOR
EXISTENCE OF GOD!" ULTIMATELY, THE FOX HOSTS
COMPLAINED THAT GETTING TO PET A DOG OR CAT IN COLLEGE IS JUST
NOT REALISTIC.
>> NO ONE'S GONNA HAND YOU A PUPPY IN THE REAL WORLD.
>> Stephen: I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT SHE'S RIGHT.
THEY'RE GONNA HAND YOU TWO PUPPIES!
HELLO!
( APPLAUSE ) BO-DO-BOP.
DO-DO-DO.
WHO MAKES FOX NEWS ANGRY?& YOU DO!
YES, YOU DO!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN AND FORMER SECRETARY OF
ENERGY, ERNEST MONIZ.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, ELECTION NIGHT IS IN SIX DAYS AND, SADLY,
YOU WILL BELIEVE WHO'S RUNNING.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
VERY NICE.
LOUIS, TONIGHT-- >> Louis: TONIGHT!
>> Stephen: TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT SOME FANTASTIC GUESTS COMING UP
HERE IN JUST A MINUTE.
>> Louis: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT THE ONE, THE ONLY, SENATOR ELIZABETH
WARREN WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
SHE'S GOT A HEAD OF STEAM.
THAT WOMAN'S GOT A HEAD OF STEAM.
AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR HER TO BLOW IT.
WE ALSO HAVE COMING UP, FORMER SECRETARY OF ENERGY, ERNEST
MONIZ.
WHY HAVING ERNEST MONIZ ON?
YOU KNOW HOW THEY'RE LIKE, "PUTIN MIGHT USE TACTICAL
NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST TACTICAL."
I'M GOING TO HAVE HIM ON AND ASK WHAT THAT MEANS.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN "TACTICAL NUKE?"
IS THAT BAD?
I'M GOING TO BET THE ANSWER IS YOU BETCHA.
FOLKS, THE MIDTERMS ARE NEXT TUESDAY, AS I TOLD YOU
IN THE MONOLOGUE.
AND I HOPE I DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THEY WERE NEXT TUESDAY.
PLEASE GO VOTE.
AND HERE'S THE THING-- ( APPLAUSE )
#-R HERE'S THE THING: IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS,
SOME OF OUR FELLOW CITIZENS IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY HAVE
GONE A LITTLE FUNNY IN THE HEAD.
Y'KNOW, CAMO, FACEMASK, BODY ARMOR, AUTOMATIC WEAPONS,
ZIP TIES, HANGING AROUND BALLOT DROP BOXES.
YOU KNOW, SO.
NOT SO MUCH "HA-HA" FUNNY AS HA-HA FUNNY.
I WOULD SAY THE SOURCE OF THE FUNNY IS ALL THE LIES ABOUT THE
2020 ELECTION THAT HAVE BEEN SPREAD BY THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW
BETTER.
SO NOW, SOME OF THOSE ELECTION DENIERS ARE RUNNING FOR THE JOB
OF OVERSEEING AND CERTIFYING THEIR STATE'S ELECTORAL PROCESS:
THE SECRETARIES OF STATE.
THIS YEAR, 12 "REPUBLICANS WHO HAVE PUBLICLY QUESTIONED OR
DISPUTED THE RESULTS OF THE 2020 ELECTION ARE RUNNING FOR
SECRETARY OF STATE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND "IF ELECTED, THEY
COULD TRY TO SWAY ELECTION RESULTS IN 2024 AND BEYOND."
( BOOING ) MEANING THE ELECTION DENIERS
MIGHT BE RUNNING THE NEXT ELECTION!
THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.
IT'S LIKE SAYING, "WE NEED A BABYSITTER.
HOW ABOUT CASSANDRA, THE DARK DENIER OF CHILDREN?
I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT SHE REALLY WANTS THE JOB.
OR DON'T YOU ENJOY DATE NIGHT?" ( LAUGHTER )
ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS CANDIDATES IS IN ARIZONA, WHERE
THE G.O.P. NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF STATE, WHO'S BEEN LEADING IN
THE POLLS, IS STATE REPRESENTATIVE WHOSE 11 SECRET
HERBS AND SPICES ARE ALL IVERMECTIN, MARK FINCHEM.
NOW REMEMBER, IN 2020, ARIZONA WAS ON THE EDGE OF BEING
STOLEN BY MAGA MANIACS PUSHING THE BIG LIE, AND THE ONLY THING
STANDING IN THE WAY WAS THE SECRETARY OF STATE, WHO STUCK TO
THE RULES.
NOW THAT JOB COULD BE TAKEN OVER BY A GUY WHO IS "CREDITED WITH
STARTING THE STOP-THE-STEAL CAMPAIGN IN ARIZONA," AND "WAS
PART OF THE MOB THAT RIOTED OUTSIDE THE CAPITOL ON
JANUARY 6th."
YOU DON'T GET TO ATTACK DEMOCRACY AND THEN ASK TO
RUN IT.
THAT'S LIKE A BANK ROBBER GOING, "PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!
AND ALSO A JOB APPLICATION!
I CAN START MONDAY.
I WOULD SAY MY GREATEST WEAKNESS IS THAT I AM ROBBING THIS BANK."
( LAUGHTER ) THEN OVER IN NEVADA, YOU GOT
FORMER STATE REPRESENTATIVE AND NEWS ANCHOR FROM THE FUTURE
TELLING US ABOUT LIFE BEFORE THE EVENT, JIM MARCHANT.
MARCHANT "FALSELY CLAIMS THE FORMER PRESIDENT DEFEATED
JOE BIDEN IN NEVADA AND HAS SAID HE WOULDN'T HAVE CERTIFIED THE
RESULTS THERE IN 2020" AND HAS PUSHED THE "FALSE CLAIM THAT
PELOSI, SCHUMER, AND SCHIFF WEREN'T LEGITIMATELY ELECTED."
OH, SO HE'S JUST DENYING EVERY ELECTION!
"SCHUMER LOST!
SCHIFF CHEATED!
JUSTIN GUARINI BEAT KELLY CLARKSON!
I WON THE J.D. POWER AND ASSOCIATES INITIAL CUSTOMER
SATISFACTION FOR MIDSIZE FAMILY VAN.
( APPLAUSE ) BUT THE CREAM OF THE CRAZY CROP
IS MICHIGAN'S G.O.P. NOMINEE AND WOMAN WHO CAN'T WAIT FOR HER
PARENTS TO MEET HER NEW BOY-FLAG, KRISTINA KARAMO.
KARAMO LOOKED AT ALL THOSE OTHER DANGEROUS CRANKS AND SAID, "HOLD
MY CHALICE OF ADRENOCHROME," BECAUSE "SHE SAID THAT THE
FORMER PRESIDENT, NOT BIDEN, IS THE REAL WINNER OF MICHIGAN AND
THE ELECTION," AND THINKS "DEMONIC POSSESSION IS REAL" AND
ALSO SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.
>> HAVING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE DEMONICALLY
POSSESSED OR OPPRESSED, I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT A PERSON
OPENS THEMSELVES UP TO POSSESSION.
>> Stephen: THAT IS AN AWKWARD PHONE CALL:
"HEY, BETH, IT'S RICK.
LOOK, THIS IS EMBARRASSING, BUT I JUST FOUND OUT I'M DEMONICALLY
POSSESSED, SO YOU MIGHT WANNA HIT THE CLINIC AND SEE IF YOU
TEST POSITIVE FOR ASMODEUS.
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR MODERATE TO SEVERE GOAT HOOF, OKAY?
I'M SORRY."
( APPLAUSE ) ALL THESE PEOPLE HAVE STRAIGHT
UP SAID, "REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE VOTE COUNT IS, NEXT TIME, WE'RE
DECLARING REPUBLICANS WON THE NEXT ELECTION, NO MATTER WHAT."
AND I BELIEVE THEM.
BUT DON'T TAKE IT FROM ME.
AS KARAMO HERSELF PUT IT AT A RECENT RALLY:
>> HISTORY IS TLLING US, HISTORY IS SCREAMING TO US THAT
IF WE DON'T STEP UP AND FIGHT NOW, WE WILL LOSE THE GREATEST
COUNTRY IN HUMAN HISTORY.
>> Stephen: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT WE SHOULD REALLY
LISTEN TO THE LADY WHO BELIEVES IN PENIS DEMONS.
GO VOTE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FOR YET ANOTHER ACT OF OUR WONDERFUL
SHOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING IS A U.S.
SENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE OF MASSACHUSETTS AND A FORMER
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: PLEASE, NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO BE HERE!
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, YOU COME-- MADAM SENATOR, YOU COME
HERE AT AN AUSPICIOUS TIME.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT IS LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY--
>> LESS THAN A WEEK.
>> Stephen: ...FROM THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
THERE'S A WEIRD DICHOTOMY OUT THERE THAT THERE IS-- I HAVE
SEEN HEADLINES SAYING, LACK OF ENTHUSIASM.
I HAVE SEEN OTHER HEADLINES SAYING AT THE SAME TIME, "THIS
IS HISTORIC TURNOUT THAT HASN'T BEEN SEEN SINCE THE MID-70s."
THIS IS A HISTORIC BUT STRANGEp.
DO YOU HAVE A CLOSING ARGUMENT AS WE GO INTO THE LAST FEW DAYS?
>> THIS IS ABOUT A HUGE CHOICE HI MEAN, GIANT DIFFERENCES.
THERE ARE GOING TO BE FOUR THINGS ON THE BALLOT.
WHOEVER'S NAME IS THERE, "ROE V WADE" IS GOING TO BE ON THE
BALLOT.
THE REPUBLICANS WANT TO BAN ACCESS TO ABORTION ALL ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.
THE DEMOCRATS THINK THE PATIENT AND THE DOCTOR SHOULD MAKE THE
DECISION, AND NOT YOUR LOCAL ELECTED OFFICIALS.
YES, PENNSYLVANIA, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
JOHN FETTERMAN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> THAT'S ONE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ONE, HOLD ON.
ONE.
TWO.
>> THE ECONOMY IS GOING TO BE ON THE BALLOT.
NOW, THE REPUBLICANS -- >> Stephen: A LOT OF PEOPLE--
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THE REPUBLICANS HAVE AN ADVANTAGE ON
THE ECONOMY BECAUSE OF INFLATION.
>> WHOA!
A LOT OF BILLIONAIRES THINK THAT.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF BILLIONAIRES--
>> YES, I KNOW, YOU LIKE THAT.
A LOT OF BILLIONARIES THINK THAT BECAUSE HERE'S THE DEAL, THE
REPUBLICANS SAY THEIR BIG ECONOMIC PLAN IS TO CUT SOCIAL
SECURITY AND MEDICARE AND PUT PUT IN MORE TAX BREAKS FOR
BILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRE CORPORATION S.
>> Stephen: CAN WE STOP ON THAT FOR A MOMENT, SOCIAL
SECURITY AND MEDICARE.
THAT HAS LONG BEEN CALLED THE THIRD RAIL OF AMERICAN POLITICS.
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE WILLING TO LICK IT?
>> BECAUSE THEY HAVE VERY LONG TONGUES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ AND ON THAT ONE, ACTUALLY, KEEP
IN MIND-- LET'S DO ANOTHER STATE.
THE REPUBLICANS HAVE SAID THEY WANT TO VOTE EVERY FIVE YEARS ON
WHETHER TO KEEP SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE.
BUT IN WISCONSIN, RON JOHNSON SAYS HE WANTS TO VOTE EVERY
SINGLE YEAR.
SO, WISCONSIN, WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU.
MANDELA BARNES IS YOUR GUY.
GOTTA DO THIS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> OKAY, THAT'S THE SECOND THING.
AND DEMOCRATS, BY THE WAY, WANT THE ECONOMY TO WORK FOR
EVERYBODY.
LOWERING HEALTHCARE COSTS -- >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE PLAN
ON INFLATION, THOUGH.
>> SO, LOOK, IT'S GOING AFTER COSTS THAT FAMILY DIRECTLY FEEL.
SO WHAT WE'RE DOING IS WE'RE LOWERING THE COST OF HEALTHCARE,
PUTTING A CAP ON THE COST OF INSULIN.
THE CLIMATE PLAN WILL REDUCE THE COST OF UTILITIES.
SO WE'RE GOING DIRECTLY AFTER IT.
LOOK, WE'VE GONE AFTER IT-- WE'VE CUT STUDENT LOAN DEBT FOR
43 MILLION AMERICANS.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WHERE FAMILIES LIVE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK THATW-?
BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER STAY BY A FEDERAL JUDGE
ON THAT.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?
>> SO, LOOK, IF THE JUDGES ACTUALLY READ THE LAW, YEAH,
IT'S GOG HAPPEN.
THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS THE AUTHORITY TO
DO THIS.
PRESIDENT OBAMA DID IT.
PRESIDENT TRUMP DID IT, AND PRESIDENT BIDEN CAN DO THIS.
BUT TAKE A DEEP BREATH ON THAT ONE, ON STUDENT LOANS, AND JUST
THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
IS ON THE SIDE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
20 MILLION AMERICANS WILL SEE ALL OF THEIR STUDENT LOAN DEBT
CANCELED.
HALF OF ALL LATINOS WILL SEE ALL OF THEIR DEBT WIPED OUT.
NEARLY A THIRD OF ALL AFRICAN AMERICANS.
THIS IS AN ECONOMIC JUSTICE ISSUE.
THIS IS A RACIAL JUSTICE ISSUE.
THIS IS THE FIRST BIG EFFORT OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO HELP
CLOSE THE RACIAL WEALTH GAP IN AMERICA.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S GO TO THREE.
>> BY THE WAY, I SHOULD SAY ON THAT ONE, ANYONE WHO HASN'T
SHOULD SIGN UP FOR STUDENT LOAN DEBT RELIEF.
THAT'S STUDENTAID.GOV.
OKAY, I WANT TO DO THAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE THIRD THING HERE?
>> THE THIRD THING IS CLIMATE.
OUR PLANET IS ON THE BALLOT.
THE REPUBLICANS WANT TO KEEP TAKING MONEY FROM BIG OIL.
THEY WANT TO EMBRACE THE CLIMATE DENIERS.
THE DEMOCRATS HAVE ALREADY MADE A BIG DOWN PAYMENT.
WE HAVE ALREADY PASSED LAWS TO CUT CLIMATE EMISSIONS BY 40% BY
2030.
AND GVE US SOME MORE SENATORS AND WE'RE GOING TO MAKE MORE
CUTS AND TRULY SAVE OUR PLANET.
THIS IS WHY DEMOCRATS-- SO THAT'S NUMBER THREE.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stehen: IS THAT-- IS THAT-- IS THAT CLIMATE CHANGE
BILL, OR THE-- ADDRESSING CLIMATE CHANGE, OR GLOBAL
WARMING BILL, IS THAT IN ANY WAY RELATED TO THE INCREASE IN FUEL
PRICES?
>> NO.
IN FACT, IT GOES THE OTHER WAY.
YES, IT IS RELATED IN THE SENSE THAT THE MORE WE MOVE TO CLEAN
ENERGY, THE MORE WE MOVE TO RENEWABLE ENERGY, THE LESS
DEPENDENT WE ARE ON NATIONS LIKE RUSSIA OR SAUDI ARABIA THAT
DECIDE HOW HIGH AND HOW LOW OIL PRICES ARE GOING TO BE.
SO ULTIMATELY, ONE OF THE EFFECTS OF THIS BICK CLIMATE
INITIATIVE THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE PUT IN IS TO BRING DOWN THE
COST OF ENERGY FOR PEOPLE ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OKAY, SO, FOUR--
>> THAT'S THREE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THREE.
SO WHAT'S THE FOURTH ONE.
>> FOUR: DEMOCRACY IS ON THE BALLOT.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: AND WHILE THE REST OF THESE ARE IMPORTANT, NONE OF
IT MATTERS UNLESS YOU SAVE THAT ONE.
p>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WE'VE GOT TO SAVE DEMOCRACY.
LET'S FACE IT, THE REPUBLICANS CONTINUE TO EMBRACE THE BIG LIE.
THEY CONTINUE TO TRY TO EXCUSE AND MAKE UP FOR WHAT HAPPENED ON
JANUARY 6.
THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A VERY CLEAR MESSAGE: EVERY AMERICAN CITIZEN
SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE AND TO GET THAT VOTE COUNTED.
THAT'S THE DEAL.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S HOW DEMOCRACY WORKS.
>> Stephen: 299, MORE THAN HALF, 299 OF REPUBLICANS ARE ON
THE BALLOT THIS YEAR WHO HAVE QUESTIONED THE INTEGRITY OF OUR
ELECTION.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: OR WHETHER THE PREVIOUS ELECTION SHOULD BE
OVERTURNED.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS ONE OF THE MOST CHILLING STATISTICS I COULD
POSSIBLY NAME.
>> YES, IT IS.
YES, IT IS.
AND IT IS BECAUSE IT TRULY CORRODES THE FOUNDATION OF OUR
DEMOCRACY.
>> Stephen: CAN IT BE WALKED BACK?
BECAUSE THAT IDEA, WITH ABSOLUTELY ZERO-- NOT AN IOTA,
NOT A CORK OF EVIDENCE BEHIND IT-- HAS METASTASIZED SO WIDELY
UNDER THE PRESSURE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT TO GET LOYALTY TO THE
PEOPLE WHO ARE RUNNING FOR OFFICE THAT IN EVERY STATE IN
THE UNION, THERE'S SOMEBODY RUNNING WHO BELIEVES THAT.
>> YES, IT CAN BE -- >> Stephen: OR SAYS THEY
BELIEVE IT.
>> AND THAT'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
BUT, YES, IT CAN BE WALKED BACK, AND HERE'S HOW WE WALK IT BACK.
WE WALK IT BACK BY VOTING.
IT AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS OVER THIS NEXT WEEK.
( APPLAUSE ) IWILLVOTE.COM.
IF YOU'RE NOT CLEAR ABOUT WHERE YOU VOTE WHEN YOU CAN VOTE OR IF
YOU WANT TO VOTE EARLY OR YOU WANT TO VOTE ON ELECTION DAY.
AND BRING IN YOUR NEIG NEIGHBORD YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR COUSINS
AND YOUR UNCLE BECAUSE DEMOCRACY REQUIRES US TO BE ENGAGED AND
GET OUT THERE AND VOTE BECAUSE IF WE VOTE AND WE VOTE FOR
PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY GET UP AND TELL THE TRUTH, PEOPLE WHO
BELIEVE DEMOCRACY WORKS WHEN EVERY AMERICAN CITIZEN GETS THE
RIGHT TO VOTE AND TO GET THAT VOTE COUNTED.
IF WE DO THAT, THAT IS HOW ULTIMATELY WE BEAT BACK THE BIG
LIE AND WE BEAT BACK THE BIG LIARS.
THAT'S HOW WE MAKE IT WORK.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN,
EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH
MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN.
ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO YOU'VE HAD A FEW RUN-INS WITH THE PAST, YOU
CALLED OUT FOR HIS BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, IS SOMEONE WHO
STRANGELY IS DAB LICK IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES ON TWITTER
AND THAT IS THE NEW OWNER OF TWITTER, ELON MUSK.
YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN A HUGE FAN OF BILLIONAIRES, ESPECIALLY ONES
WHO DON'T PAY THEIR TAXES.
WHAT ABOUT A BILLIONAIRE WHO NOW OWNS THE PLATFORM THAT IS MOST
USED TO PROMULGATE THE POLITICAL IDEA AND ARGUMENT, TWITTER?
>> YEAH.
SO I LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
SOMEBODY IS GOING TO MAKE THE DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT WE SEE ON
TWITTER, RIGHT?
IT CAN BE MADE OUT IN THE OPEN.
IT CAN BE MADE IN PUBLIC.
IT COULD BE MADE BY A COMMISSION.
WE COULD DECIDE TO DO THAT.
WE CAN MAKE THE RULES POSTED AND THROUGHOUT FOR ANYBODY DO SEE.
OR IT COULD BE MADE BY ONE BILLIONAIRE IN A VERY DARK ROOM
BASED ON WHATEVER IS RUNNING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS
HEAD.
ME, I THINK THOSE DECISION OUGHT TO BE MADE OUT IN THE OPEN.
I DON'T THINK ANY BILLIONAIRE, ANY BILLIONAIRE OUGHT TO BE THE
ONE WHO HAS THAT KIND OF POWERpW PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD GET A
CHANCE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER.
SO I'M-- I GOT A REAL PROBLEM WITH HIM
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ARE YOU BLUE CHECK
VERIFIED?
>> I JUST DON'T CARE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) ALL RIGHT, BEFORE WE GO, I WANT
TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN IMPORTANT DOCUMENT THAT WAS RECENTLY
RELEASED.
THIS PHOTO OF YOUR DOG BAILEY DRESSED UP FOR HALLOWEEN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: CAN I-- CAN I GET AN OFFICIAL COMMENT ON THIS
COSTUME?
BECAUSE I SEE-- JIMMIE, CAN YOU PUT IT BACK UP, PLEASE.
I SEE ANTLERS AND BEARD AND WIG.
IS HE SANT AS A REINDEER?
OR IS HE THE UNHOLY LOVE CHILD OF KRIS KRINGLE AND DASHER?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
>> HE IS SVEN FROM "FROZEN."
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE.
>> NOT TO ME!
JUST TELL BAILEY.
>> Stephen: AND I CALL MYSELF AN EDUCATED MAN.
>> EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: SENATOR, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
IT'S ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO HEAR YOU LAY THINGS OUT.
IWILLVOTE.COM.
>> Stephen: SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FORMER SECRETARY OF ENERGY, ERNEST
MONIZ.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS THE FORMER SECRETARY OF ENERGY,
C.E.O. OF "THE NUCLEAR THREAT INITIATIVE," AND PRESIDENT OF
"THE ENERGY FUTURES INITIATIVE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," SECRETARY ERNEST MONIZ!
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW WHAT I WAS SAYING TO
LOUIS A LITTLE BIT EARLIER, THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH TALK LATELY
ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY THAT PUTIN MIGHT FIRE OFF WHAT HAS CALLED A
TACTICAL NUCLEAR WEAPON, OR A BATTLEFIELD NUCLEAR WEAPON.
AND JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT NOT ENOUGH ATTENTION IS BEING PAID
TO THE IDEA OF WHAT TACTICAL MEANS VERSUS STRATEGIC.
AND I WAS HOPING YOU COULD DEFINE THAT FOR US.
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THIS WHOLE SUBJECT IS JUST BEING SOFTENED
UP FOR US IN WAYS THAT IS JUST NOT HEALTHY.
IT'S REDUCING OUR RESISTANCE TO THE IDEA THAT NUCLEAR WEAPONS
WOULD BE USED BY TALKING ABOUT IT IN THESE KIND OF SOFT TERMS
LIKE "TACTICAL" OR BATTLEFIELD."
WHAT IS A TACTICAL NUKE?
>> MAYBE IT'S BEST TO GIVE YOU A REFERENCE POINT FIRST.
THE BOMB THAT EXPLODED IN HIROSHIMA.
IT WAS ABOUT 15,000 TONS T.N.T.
EQUIVALENT, 15 KILL TONS.
TACTICAL NUCLEAR WEAPONS ONE-THIRD THAT SIZE OR LESS.
IT COULD BE A FACTOR OF 10 LESS.
IT COULD BE EVEN A BIT MORE.
BUT TO GIVE YOU A STANDARD ON THE OTHER SIDE, IF YOU GO BACK
TO THE OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING OF SOME YEARS AGO, THE DESTRUCTION
THAT CAUSED, THAT WAS, OF COURSING, NOT A NUCLEAR WEAPON.
THAT WAS A FERTILIZER BOMB, BASICALLY.
SO NO RADIATION.
BUT THAT WAS TWO TONS.
SO 10,000 TIMES LESS THAN HIROSHIMA.
SO IT GIVES YOU A SCALE.
A SMALL NUCLEAR WEAPON AIN'T ALL THAT SMALL.
I MEAN, IT'S STILL A PRETTY BAD DAY.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, IT SEEMS TO ME THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN THE
WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF AND THE UNTHINKABLE.
LIKE, THAT'S THE SCALE.
YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING YOU CAN IMAGINE, AND UNIMAGINABLY
HORRIBLE.
WHY DO TACTICAL NUCLEAR WEAPONS EXIST?
>> SO THEY WERE INTRODUCED BY THE UNITED STATES AND THE SOVIET
UNION AS YOU SAID, AS SOMETHING THAT COULD BE VIABLY USED IN A
BATTLEFIELD.
SO YOU WOULD LITERALLY USE THEM AGAINST TROOP CONCENTRATIONS OR
SUPPLY LINES AND THE LIKE.
THE UNITED STATES HAS GOTTEN RID OF MOST OF ITS IT TACTICAL
NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
THE SOVIET UNION HAS NOT.
THEY'VE GOT ABOUT 2,000 OF THEM.
AND PUTIN'S NUCLEAR SABER RATTLING IS CERTAINLY VERY
UNSETTLING, TO PUT IT MILDLY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S ALREADY CROSSED A LINE, EVEN WITHOUT
USING A NUCLEAR WEAPON, AS HE HAS ESSENTIALLY THREATENED TO DO
MANY TIMES.
AND THE REASON IS THTHAT, YOU KNOW, THE UNITED STATES AND THE
SOVIET UNION ALWAYS TOOK A, WHAT I WOULD SAY RESPONSIBLE
POSITION, UNDERSTANDING THAT WE HAD THESE HUGE ARSENALS, AND
THAT WE HAD TO BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT MANAGING THEM.
AND WE HAD THEM JUST TO PREVENT THE OTHER SIDE FROM ATTACK, US.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, DETERRENCE.
>> DETERRENCE, RIGHT.
WHEREAS PUTIN NOW HAS USED IT AS A COERCIVE TOOL TO INVADE A
NON-NUCLEAR WEAPON STATE.
IT'S A FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE.
>> Stephen: A NON-NUCLEAR WEAPON STATE.
>> UKRAINE.
>> Stephen: SPECIFICALLY GAVE THEIR NUKES TO RUSSIA WHEN
THE... BROKE UP.
>> SOVIET NUCLEAR WEAPONS RETURNED TO RUSSIA, EXACTLY.
AND I WOULD NOTE THAT THE MANY, MANY COUNTRIES THAT DO NOT HAVE
NUCLEAR WEAPONS CERTAINLY PAY ATTENTION TO THIS.
BECAUSE THE FEAR HAS ALSO OF ALWAYS BEEN THAT UNTIL THE
NUCLEAR WEAPON STATES GOT RID OF THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS, THEY
COULD BE USED EXACTLY THAT WAY, AS TOOLS OF COERCION.
SO ONE TABU HAS BEEN BROKEN.
BUT THE BIG TABU AGAINST USING A NUCLEAR WEAPON WE HOPE WILL
HOLD.
, OBVIOUSLY, DESPITE THE THREATS.
>> Stephen: TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT RUSSIAN MILITARY LEADERS
DISCUSSED THE USE OF TACTICAL NUKES.
WE HAVE INTELLIGENCE SAYING THAT.
AND THAT THE UPSHOT OF THIS INTEL THAT THEY HAVE IS THE
RUSSIAN GENERALS BELIEVE PUTIN IS SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, EVEN
THOUGH HE HAS SAID, "NO, I WOUL" >> THAT MILITARY LEADERS ARE
DISCUSSING THAT IS NOT NEW.
THAT HAS BEEN FOR DECADES.
WHAT IS NEW IS DOING IT IN THE CONTEXT OF THE PRESIDENT, WHO
HAS THE SOLE AUTHORITY TO USE THOSE WEAPONSs, HAVING
THREATENED TO USE THEM.
>> Stephen: DID YOU THINK WE WOULD BE HERE?
BECAUSE WE BOTH GREW UP WITH THE LOOMING THREAT OF A STRATEGIC
EXCHANGE OF I.C.B.M.s AND THE IDEA IT IS ALL GOING TO BE OVER
TOMORROW NATCHES AN ONGOING,ICILY, NIGHTMARE OF MY
CHILDHOOD.
BUT I LET THAT GO IN THE MID-90s.
DID YOU IMAGINE WE'D BE HERE HAVING A REASONABLE SUBJECT FOR
DISCUSSION IS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE REFERRING BACK TO THE "DUCK AND
COVER" DAYS.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> UNDER THE SCHOOL DESK.
>> Stephen: DO WE NEED TO JUST DISTRIBUTE SCHOOL DESKS AGAIN?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
BUT REALLY THICK ONES.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WOULD SUGGEST AS WELL THAT
I THINK ONE IS SEEING A REVIVAL OF BUILDING BOMB SHELTERS IN THE
UNITED STATES.
SO WE'RE KIND OF GOING BACK TO THAT TIME.
BUT YOUR QUESTION, LOOK, THE COLD WAR ENDED EARLY 90s.
THERE WAS A KIND OF, LIKE, A COLLECTIVE EXHALE.
"WELL, WE GOT PAST THAT."
THE TROUBLE IS THAT THERE ARE SOME NEW THREATS, LIKE CYBER
ATTACKS.
SUPPOSE THERE'S A SUCCESSFUL CYBERATTACK ON THE NUCLEAR
WEAPONS COMMAND SYSTEM, COMMAND AND CONTROL SYSTEM?
WHAT WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT IS BLUNDER, THAT NOBODY MEANS TO
USE THE NUCLEAR WEAPONS IN A MAJOR EXCHANGE, BUT THAT THERE'S
A BLUNDER.
SOMEBODY HACKS IN, INITIATES A SERIES OF EVENTS WHERE, YOU
KNOW, PRESIDENTS ONLY HAVE MINUTES TO MAKE A DECISION IN
TERMS OF WHAT TO DO.
SO WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS WHY WE THINK WE HAVE TO
KEEP ON WITH LOWERING THE NUMBER OF WEAPONS, EVENTUALLY GET RID
OF THEM, AND SATISFY OUR NONPROLIFERATION GOALS.
>> Stephen: WHO CAN TALK TO PUTIN?
>> SO, WE THINK THAT WHO CAN TALK TO PUTIN SUCCESSFULLY-- I
MEAN, MANY PEOPLE CAN TALK WITH PUTIN-- BUT SUCCESSFULLY, I
THINK YOU HAVE TO START BY LOOKING AT WHO DOES HE-- WHO
DOES RUSSIA NEED ON HIS SIDE?
NEEDS CHINA.
NEEDS INDIA.
THEY'RE BUYING THE OIL RIGHT NOW FROM RUSSIA.
MAYBE YOU CAN ARGUE SAUDI ARABIA AND OPEC FOR THE OIL MARKETS,
YOU KNOW, ET CETERA.
SO THE LEADERS OF THOSE COUNTRIES, AND MOST ESPECIALLY
CHINA, COULD HAVE REAL SWAY.
AND WE HAVE ARGUED THAT IF PUTIN WERE TO USE A NUCLEAR WEAPON IN
UKRAINE, IT WOULD BE VERY BAD FOR CHINA'S SELF-INTEREST,
BECAUSE THAT COULD LEAD IN UNCONTROLLED WAYS TO THEIR OWN
SECURITY ENVIRONMENT UNRAVELING.
YOU KNOW, THEY LIVE IN A NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE JAPAN AND
SOUTH KOREA AND TAIWAN, FRANKLY, ALL HAVE SIGNIFICANT NUCLEAR
CAPABILITIES.
AND IF THEY DECIDED, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD TO MOVE TOWARDS NUCLEAR
WEAPONS, THEY CERTAINLY HAVE THE TECHNICAL CAPABILITY TO DO SO.
SO WE THINK CHINA HAS A SELF-INTEREST, AND PRESIDENT XI
SHOULD BE TALKING TO HIS DECLARED FRIEND "DON'T CROSS
THAT LINE."
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR SUCH A CHEERFUL CONVERSATION.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> NO PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: SECRETARY ERNEST MONIZ, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE BONO.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN.