1 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,870 >> VOTER ENTHUSIASM ON THE RISE 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,673 AS WE ENTER THE FINAL 24 HOURS BEFORE TOMORROW'S MID TERMS. 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,342 >> THE MID TERMS ARE TOMORROW. >> THIS IS IT, THE LAST DAY 4 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,746 BEFORE THE MID TERMS AND BOTH PARTIES ARE ON A SPRINT TO THE 5 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:17,083 FINISH WITH CONTROL OF CONGRESS ON THE LINE. 6 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:22,188 >> IT'S ELECTION SEASON,, THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR 7 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:26,025 AND ON THIS ELECTION EVE, YOU CAN ENJOY ALL YOUR FAVORITE MID 8 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,161 TERM ELECTION MUSIC WITH "A VERY MERRY MID TERMS." 9 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,164 YOU'LL HEAR ALL THE CLASSICS LIKE: 10 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:35,802 >> ♪ HAVE YOURSELF A GERRYMANDERED DISTRICT.♪ 11 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:41,708 >> ♪ I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE TURNOUT.♪ 12 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:50,150 >> ♪ I SAW MOMMY KISSING HERSCHEL WALKER, THEN HE GAVE 13 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,919 HER 700 BUCKS.♪ >> ♪ IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A 14 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:56,456 LOT LIKE FASCISTS.♪ >> AND SO MANY MORE. 15 00:00:56,523 --> 00:01:03,863 >> ♪ OH Q'ANON, OH Q'ANON, JOE BIDEN IS A LIZARD.♪ 16 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:08,768 >> ♪ HERE COMES DR. OZ, HERE COMES DR. OZ TALKING ABOUT 17 00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:11,538 CRUDITE ♪ >> ORDER TODAY AND GET A FREE 18 00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:15,108 COPY OF, HAD "HOW THE GRINCH STOLE DEMOCRACY." 19 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:19,479 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 20 00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:22,782 TONIGHT: POLAR COASTER. 21 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:28,321 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: JOHN OLIVER 22 00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:32,759 PEOPLE MAGAZINE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 23 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:36,663 AND A PERFORMANCE FROM "THE LION KING" 24 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:41,701 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND! 25 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:46,072 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 26 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:58,852 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! >> Stephen: HELLO, MY FRIENDS. 27 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:10,763 HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. HAPPY MONDAY. 28 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:15,401 HAPPY MONDAY, HAPPY MONDAY HAPPY MONDAY. 29 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:19,772 THANK EVERYBODY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 30 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:24,210 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL... TO "THE LATE SHOW." 31 00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:30,817 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. LISTEN TO THAT LAMPLELEY. 32 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:35,755 THERE IS ELECTRICITY IN THE AIR. EVERYBODY KNOWS IT, IT'S MID 33 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:40,627 TERMS EVE. BE SURE TO LEAVE OUT A PLATE OF 34 00:02:40,693 --> 00:02:42,662 COOKIES, AND A COLD GLASS OF XANAX. 35 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,098 BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ANXIOUS. 36 00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,366 AND THAT IS EXACTLY THE WAY THE PRESS WANTS YOU. 37 00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:51,304 REMEMBER, I WARNED YOU A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO THAT THE MEDIA WAS 38 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:55,441 GOING TO SPEND EVERY MINUTE LEADING UP TO THE MID TERMS, 39 00:02:55,508 --> 00:03:00,346 YANKING OUR CHAINS LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO START A FLOODED 40 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,215 LAWNMOWER? ONE DAY, THE TV NEWS FELLA IS 41 00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,684 SAYING, "DEMOCRATS ARE UP IN THE POLLS-- IT'S SHATTERING 42 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:05,752 HISTORICAL PRECEDENT!" THEN, IT'S "REPUBLICANS WILL 43 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:06,819 SWEEP THE SENATE, RULE THE NIGHT, AND FEAST ON HUMAN 44 00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:11,391 FLESH." (LAUGHTER) 45 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:13,593 THEN THE NEXT DAY, THEY'RE LIKE, "OR NOT." 46 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,763 TAKE THIS FINAL NATIONAL NBC NEWS POLL, WHICH DECLARES THAT 47 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:20,600 48% OF VOTERS SAY THEY PREFER A DEMOCRATIC-CONTROLLED CONGRESS, 48 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:26,172 WHILE 47% PREFER REPUBLICAN, WHICH IS A REVERSAL FROM 49 00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,740 YOU YOU OCTOBER, WHEN 48% PREFERRED THE 50 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,878 YOU G.O.P. AND 47% WANTED DEMOCRATS. 51 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:40,353 WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN... THE DEMOCRATS FLIPPED LINDA! 52 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:44,724 (APPLAUSE) FLIPPING LINDA, I SAW THAT 53 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:45,959 MOVIE! AND TODAY, THE LAST DAY 54 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,328 BEFORE THE ELECTION, WE SPOTTED THIS ACTUAL HEADLINE IN THE 55 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,796 "DAILY BEAST:" "POLLSTERS HAVE 'NO (BLEEP) IDEA 56 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:53,766 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN' THIS ELECTION." 57 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,570 REALLY! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 58 00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:04,811 >> Stephen: I DIDN'T REALIZE. THEY CAN DO THAT? 59 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,479 THAT'S LIKE A WEATHERMAN SAYING, "LOOKING TO THE WEEKEND, BE SURE 60 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:07,981 TO BRING YOUR UMBRELLA, AND YOUR SUNSCREEN, AND DON'T FORGET 61 00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:12,885 THOSE ICE SKATES, FOLKS, BECAUSE IT'S A HOT MESS OUT THERE-- 62 00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:16,589 UNLESS IT'S A COLD MESS. THAT'S THE FORECAST, WITH A 63 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,757 MARGIN OF ERROR OF ONE TO FOUR TORNADOES. 64 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:23,062 NOW, OVER TO PHIL WITH SPORTS, AND/OR LOCAL MURDERS. 65 00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:28,401 REGARDLESS. SKIP TO THE LOO. 66 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:29,602 REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS-- AND ALL SIGNS POINT TO SOMETHING 67 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:34,807 HAPPENING-- "THE LATE SHOW" WILL BE LIVE TOMORROW! 68 00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:38,044 RIGHT HERE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER. 69 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,580 LIVE MY FRIENDS, YOU KNOW THAT FEELING. 70 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:45,752 IT IS EVERY COMEDIAN'S DREAM. SAY THOSE ICONIC WORDS: 71 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,921 "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S TUESDAY NIGHT!" 72 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:54,927 NICE SNAP DANTE THANK YOU. WITH THE RACES COMING DOWN TO 73 00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:56,729 THE WIRE, THE CANDIDATES WERE OUT SAYING STUFF THIS WEEKEND. 74 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,967 WE HEARD FROM GEORGIA SENATE CANDIDATE HERSCHEL WALKER, SEEN 75 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:07,974 HERE TRYING TO PLAY TENNIS. AT A RALLY, WALKER EXPRESSED HOW 76 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,710 MAD HE IS THAT DEMOCRATS HAVE FOCUSED SO MUCH ON HIS PERSONAL 77 00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:11,978 LIFE. >> WHY ARE THEY NOT TALKING 78 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,147 ABOUT THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER? BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A 79 00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:17,216 SOLUTION FOR THOSE THINGS. AND I SAID I DO HAVE A SOLUTION, 80 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:20,186 BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TELL THEM, BECAUSE, YOU TELL THEM, THEY'LL 81 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,321 THINK THEY CAME UP WITH IT. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, 82 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:25,091 HERSCHEL. DON'T REVEAL ANY OF YOUR GREAT 83 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,428 SOLUTIONS. AND, JUST TO MAKE SURE THEY 84 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:33,299 STAY SAFE, PUT THEM WHEREVER YOU HIDE YOUR SECRET CHILDREN. 85 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:38,071 (LAUGHTER) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 86 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,338 >> Stephen: WE ALSO HEARD FROM PENNSYLVANIA 87 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:41,140 SENATE CANDIDATE AND GRANDMA'S NEW BOYFRIEND WHO JUST GOT ADDED 88 00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:47,847 TO HER WILL... DR. MEHMET OZ. 89 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,717 AT A CAMPAIGN EVENT WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT, OZ ASKED A 90 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:56,289 FAVOR OF HIS SUPPORTERS: >> TOMORROW MORNING, WHEN YOU 91 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:59,625 AWAKEN, I WANT YOU TO CONTACT TEN PEOPLE. 92 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,895 DO IT AT CHURCH. DO IT BEFORE THE STEELERS GAME. 93 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:04,931 >> Stephen: ONE PROBLEM. THE STEELERS DIDN'T PLAY ON 94 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:09,535 SUNDAY. KIND OF IMPORTANT IN 95 00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:10,803 PENNSYLVANIA. THAT'S A BIG MISTAKE. 96 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,705 BUT MAYBE HE WAS JUST CONFUSING THE STEELERS WITH HIS HOME TEAM: 97 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:20,613 THE NEWARK... AIRPORTS? 98 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:25,418 THE JERSEY TURN PIKES? OZ'S TROUBLES DON'T STOP THERE, 99 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,687 BECAUSE ON THURSDAY, WE GOT A SURPRISE STATEMENT FROM THE 100 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:31,357 WOMAN WHO LAUNCHED DR. OZ'S CAREER, OPRAH. 101 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:34,961 >> IF I LIVED IN PENNSYLVANIA I WOULD HAVE ALREADY CAST MY 102 00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:39,465 VOTE FOR JOHN FETTERMAN FOR MANY REASONS. 103 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:43,903 >> Stephen: YES, FOR MANY REASONS! 104 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:47,874 YES! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 105 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,809 >> Stephen: ONE OF THOSE REASONS IS THAT DR. OZ ALSO STARTS 106 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:55,848 SENTENCES WITH "IF I LIVED IN PENNSYLVANIA." 107 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,183 JOE BIDEN HELD A RALLY IN PENNSYLVANIA, AND HE HAD SOME 108 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,586 CHOICE WORDS ABOUT DR. OZ. >> AND OZ? 109 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:06,692 IN PENNSYLVANIA? (CROWD BOOS) 110 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:11,531 LOOK, I LIVED IN PENNSYLVANIA LONGER THAN OZ HAS LIVED IN 111 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:17,069 PENNSYLVANIA, AND I MOVED AWAY WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD! 112 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,906 >> Stephen: "BACK THEN, THEY CALLED IT OLD QUAKER TOWN. 113 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,108 PHILADELPHIA HAD A BIG BEAUTIFUL BELL, NOT A CRACK IN SIGHT. 114 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:26,045 MY DAD USED TO SAY TO ME, HE'D SAY, 'JOEY, I DON'T WANT YOU 115 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,880 SPENDIN' TIME WITH THAT BENJI FRANKLIN KID, ALWAYS FLYIN' 116 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:31,117 KITES AND CHASIN' PETTICOATS. WON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS. 117 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,286 AND BY THE WAY, GET OFF THAT HILL OF BEANS, THAT'S DINNER. 118 00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:39,425 COME ON, JOE JACK! RED COATS ARE COMING'!" 119 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:43,329 (CHEERING AND APLAUSE) >> Stephen: NO I'M SERIOUS 120 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,665 FOLKS! COME ON ON. 121 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,166 THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENT HAD HIS OWN RALLY, AND HE WAS 122 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,903 LASER-FOCUSED ON THE BIGGEST ISSUE OF 2022: 2024. 123 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,873 SPECIFICALLY, WHO HE'S THEORETICALLY LEADING IN THE 124 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,875 POLLS. AND HE'S ALREADY TESTING OUT NEW 125 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,611 NICKNAMES. >> LET'S SEE, THERE IT IS. 126 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:05,351 TRUMP AT 71%. RON DESANCTIMONIOUS AT 10%. 127 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:12,291 >> Stephen: "DESANCTIMONIOUS?" REALLY, DID HE SANCTIMONIOUS? 128 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:13,726 THERE'S NOTHING VOTERS LIKE MORE THAN INSULTS FROM A 129 00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,895 WORD-OF-THE-DAY CALENDAR. "LET'S GET BELLICOSE! 130 00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:18,297 DESANTIS IS A PUSILLANIMOUS SYCOPHANT! 131 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:24,136 INCARCERATE HIM ALOFT! INCARCERATE HIM ALOFT!" 132 00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:26,706 BUT BEFORE DESANTIS CAN FACE OFF AGAINST THE FORMER PRESIDENT, HE 133 00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:31,210 HAS TO GET RE-ELECTED AS GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA. 134 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,678 HIS CAMPAIGN JUST RELEASED AN AD THAT IMPLIES THAT DESANTIS WAS 135 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:36,916 CHOSEN BY GOD. IT'S SUBTLE. 136 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:41,854 SEE IF YOU CAN CATCH IT. >> AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY, GOD 137 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:46,325 LOOKED DOWN ON HIS PLANNED PARADISE AND SAID, "I NEED A 138 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:51,998 PROTECTOR." SO GOD MADE A FIGHTER. 139 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:58,738 >> Stephen: YES, GOD MADE A FIGHTER. 140 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:07,880 HE MADE EVE FROM ADAM'S RIB, AND RON DESANTIS FROM ADAM'S TAINT. 141 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:11,884 BUT NOT FAIR! THAT'S NOT NICE, THAT'S NOT 142 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,520 NICE. WHY DID I SAY THAT? 143 00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,923 BUT, HEAR ME, OH, AUDIENCE: IT GETS WORSE. 144 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:20,293 >> GOD SAID, "I NEED SOMEBODY WILLING TO GET UP BEFORE DAWN, 145 00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,662 KISS HIS FAMILY GOODBYE TRAVEL THOUSANDS OF MILES, FOR 146 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:27,066 NO OTHER REASON THAN TO SERVE THE PEOPLE." 147 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:30,403 >> Stephen: OH MY LORD. RON DESANTIS? 148 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:34,740 MORE LIKE RON DESANCTIMONIUS. DAMN! 149 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:41,681 IT IS A GOOD NICKNAME! (APPLAUSE) 150 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,282 THERE CONTINUES TO BE NEWS ABOUT TESLA C.E.O. AND YOUR SISTER'S 151 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,886 BOYFRIEND RUNNING INTO YOU AS HE'S LEAVING A STRIP CLUB... 152 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,388 ELON MUSK. OVER THE WEEKEND, MUSK FIRED 153 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:53,926 HALF OF TWITTER'S STAFF, AROUND 3,700 PEOPLE. 154 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,828 IT MAY SOUND DRASTIC, BUT THE GUY CLEARLY KNOWS WHAT HE'S 155 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:56,963 DOING. SOMEONE HAD TO MAKE THE 156 00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:59,999 DECISION. AND TWITTER IS NOW ASKING SOME 157 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:04,670 FIRED WORKERS TO PLEASE COME BACK. 158 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:07,740 BECAUSE, TURNS OUT, SOME PEOPLE WERE LAID OFF BY MISTAKE, WHILE 159 00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:12,078 OTHERS WERE FIRED BEFORE MANAGEMENT REALIZED THEIR 160 00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,313 EXPERIENCE WAS NECESSARY TO BUILD THE NEW FEATURES MUSK 161 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:20,353 WANTS FOR THE PLATFORM. THAT'S SOME A-PLUS MANAGEMENT. 162 00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:23,389 "THAT'S IT, JIMMY, PACK YOUR DESK, YOU'RE FIRED. 163 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,691 NOW I JUST NEED SOMEBODY TO TYPE UP YOUR PINK SLIP. 164 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:26,592 YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK A COMPUTER? AMAZING! 165 00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,260 YOU'RE HIRED! YOUR FIRST JOB? 166 00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:29,695 FIRE YOURSELF! I COULDN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU, 167 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:41,707 BUDDY. NOW GET (BLEEP) OUT! 168 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:46,045 (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: POTTY-MOUTH. 169 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,413 SINCE MUSK TOOK OVER, ADVERTISERS HAVE FLED THE 170 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,384 PLATFORM, BUT HE HAS A PLAN TO REPLACE ALL THAT LOST REVENUE: 171 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:55,021 START CHARGING USERS $8 A MONTH FOR A BLUE CHECKMARK. 172 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:56,555 THAT SEEMS PRETTY STEEP FOR SOMETHING THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN 173 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,524 FREE. BUT IT'S A VALUE, BECAUSE NOT 174 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:05,464 ONLY DO YOU GET A BLUE CHECK MARK, IT WOULD VERIFY THAT 175 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:08,467 YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO GIVE $8 TO THE 176 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:11,971 RICHEST MAN WHO'S EVER LIVED. HAVING A BLUE CHECK USED TO 177 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:16,876 MEAN YOU ACTUALLY WERE WHO YOU SAID YOU WERE. 178 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,077 BUT NOW, ANYONE WHO PAYS CAN GET THE BLUE CHECK. 179 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,012 MUSK DEFENDED THE CHANGE, TWEETING, "WIDESPREAD 180 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,448 VERIFICATION WILL DEMOCRATIZE JOURNALISM." 181 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:27,153 YES. SOON YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET YOUR 182 00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,521 NEWS FROM A WIDE VARIETY OF RESOURCES-- EVERYONE FROM THE 183 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:32,391 "NEW YORK TIMES" TO THE EQUALLY-QUALIFIED, 184 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:36,996 @PatriotFootLover420. SINCE MUSK TOOK OVER, MANY 185 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:40,366 VERIFIED USERS HAVE STARTED TWEETING SARCASTIC AND IRONIC 186 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,301 COMMENTS WITH "ELON MUSK" AS THEIR SCREEN NAMES, USING HIS 187 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,906 PICTURE. IN RESPONSE, MUSK TWEETED, 188 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:51,811 "GOING FORWARD, ANY TWITTER HANDLES ENGAGING IN 189 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,146 IMPERSONATION WITHOUT CLEARLY SPECIFYING 'PARODY' WILL BE 190 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:58,150 PERMANENTLY SUSPENDED." AW, DID SOMEONE HURT MR. FREE 191 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:02,521 SPEECH'S FEE-FEES? YOU 192 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,123 BUT AS A COMEDIAN, I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY, NOTHING 193 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,593 IMPROVES A JOKE QUITE LIKE ANNOUNCING THAT IT'S A JOKE. 194 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:12,164 "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? 195 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,100 KEEP IN MIND, I'M JUST KIDDING. DON'T WORRY, THE CHICKEN IS 196 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:15,568 FINE. SO'S THE ROAD. 197 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:18,237 NOW, BRACE YOURSELF, THE PUNCHLINE IS COMING-- AND AGAIN, 198 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:27,179 NONE OF THIS IS REAL. IT'S MERELY MADE-UP FICTIONAL 199 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:34,386 SCENARIO FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT. ...TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE. 200 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:38,057 THAT'LL BE $8." THAT THE WAY IT WORKS? 201 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:41,360 DID I DO IT RIGHT? I DON'T KNOW. 202 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,762 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE KNOW WHAT ACTUAL PEOPLE ACTUALLY 203 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:47,399 BELIEVE AND SAY, WHICH IS WHY "THE LATE SHOW" HAS CREATED A 204 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,635 WEBSITE WITH PURE, 100% ELON MUSK-VERIFIED FACTUAL 205 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:55,374 INFORMATION, CALLED ThisIsTheRealNotParodyElonMusk 206 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,577 .org. I PROMISE YOU THAT I HAVE PUT AS 207 00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,079 MUCH THOUGHT INTO MAKING THIS WEBSITE AS ELON MUSK PUT INTO 208 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,615 BUYING TWITTER. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 209 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:06,685 TONIGHT! MY GUEST IS JOHN OLIVER. 210 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:09,522 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE SEXIEST MAN 211 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:15,928 ALIVE. THAT'S NEWS! 212 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:49,662 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 213 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:59,305 GIVE IT UP FOR "THE LATE SHOW" BAND! 214 00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:10,049 WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY. FOLKS RIGHT OVER THERE, THAT 215 00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:19,358 BAND TONIGHT, TONIGHT YOU MAY, KEY EYED VIEWERS THAT LOUIS CATO 216 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:23,262 THE LEADER ISN'T OVER THERE, BUT OUR WONDERFUL J SAYLOR IS OVER 217 00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:25,231 THERE LEADING THE BAND HOW ARE YOU DOING? 218 00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:31,804 >> DOING WELL. >> Stephen: FOLKS AS YOU 219 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:35,274 KNOW, WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF A DECISION THAT 220 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:36,542 WILL SET OUR COUNTRY, OUR WORLD, ON A NEW PATH. 221 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,776 I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT WHO WILL BE "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S 222 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:46,452 SEXIEST MAN ALIVE 2022. I'VE LONG BELIEVED THE SEXIEST 223 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:47,720 MAN ALIVE IS ONE OF THE CORNERSTONES OF THIS GREAT 224 00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:53,225 NATION, AND IT IS WITH HUMILITY AND GRATITUDE THAT I AM THRILLED 225 00:14:53,292 --> 00:15:04,136 TO ANNOUNCE THAT "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE HAS DECIDED TO AWARD ME 226 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:07,239 THE INCREDIBLE HONOR... OF ANNOUNCING THE SEXIEST MAN 227 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:10,042 ALIVE FOR A SECOND YEAR IN A ROW! 228 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:14,747 BECAUSE LONG TIME FANS OF MALE SEXINESS MAY RECALL THAT LAST 229 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,048 YEAR, THE PERSONS AT "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE ENTRUSTED "THE LATE 230 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,583 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT" SEXINESS RESEARCH INSTITUTE TO 231 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,952 SELECT A WORTHY CANDIDATE. AND I TOOK THE RESPONSIBILITY 232 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:25,591 VERY SERIOUSLY. I AND MY TEAM OF SCIENTIFIC 233 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:30,129 SEXPERTS VETTED-- AND I MEAN THOROUGHLY VETTED-- HUNKY MEN. 234 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:36,602 AND ULTIMATELY BESTOWED THE TITLE ON PAUL RUDD. 235 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:41,507 BUT, IT IS TIME FOR A NEW SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, BECAUSE THAT 236 00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:44,543 IS PAUL RUDD LAST YEAR, BUT HERE HE IS NOW. 237 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:56,822 (DRY HEAVES) TAKE IMDOWN, JIMMY! 238 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,023 NOW, WE HERE AT THE SEXINESS RESEARCH INSTITUTE HAVE BEEN 239 00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,591 HARD AT WORK TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE QUALIFIED TO FOLLOW IN 240 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:04,496 THE SEXY FOOTSTEPS OF MEN LIKE DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON, 241 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:08,200 MICHAEL "B." JORDAN, AND CHANNING "BE ROCKING THAT TANK 242 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,436 TOP" TATUM. WE SIFTED THROUGH COUNTLESS 243 00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:12,805 CANDIDATES. NUMBERS WERE CRUNCHED. 244 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:16,342 ABS WERE CRUNCHED. AND I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT WE 245 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,278 HAVE NARROWED IT DOWN TO JUST TWO SEXY CONTENDERS. 246 00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,280 SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO THE FINALISTS FOR "PEOPLE" 247 00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:24,717 MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE ARE... 248 00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:28,253 JOE, PLEASE? (DRUM ROLL) 249 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:33,726 THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT," JOHN OLIVER... 250 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:39,131 CHE(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) OR HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STAR AND 251 00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:44,002 INCANDESCENT SUPERNOVA OF HOTNESS, CHRIS EVANS! 252 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:48,807 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) AND THE WINNER OF THIS YEAR'S 253 00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:50,743 SEXIEST MAN ALIVE IS: (DRUM ROLL) 254 00:16:50,809 --> 00:17:05,691 CHRIS EVANS! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 255 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,825 CHRIS EVANS! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 256 00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:13,799 >> HE'S NOT EVEN HERE? THIS IS BULL (BLEEP) STOP THE 257 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:19,938 STEAL. HE'S NOT EVEN HERE! 258 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,540 >> Stephen: BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR, JOHN. 259 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:26,145 UNFORTUNATELY, CHRIS EVANS' SEXINESS COULDN'T BE HERE 260 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,080 TONIGHT, BUT WE DID RECEIVE A VERY SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE 261 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:35,654 SET OF HIS UPCOMING FILM. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 262 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:41,794 >> HEY AMERICA, IT'S DUANE JOHNSON, ALSO KNOWN AS THE ROCK, 263 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:47,199 ALSO KNOWN AS MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 264 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:53,505 NOW I JUST HEARD THE AMAZING NEWS, THE FANTASTI NEWS THAT MY 265 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,610 GOOD FRIEND, I GOT OKEEP THIS QUIET, CHRIS EVANS WAS JUST 266 00:17:58,677 --> 00:18:03,916 NAMED SEXIEST MAN ALIVE FROM PEOPLE MAGAZINE 2022. 267 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:07,486 LET'S GO CONGRATULATE HIM COME ON. 268 00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:12,291 THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, LOOK AS YOU MAN, YOU LOOK GOOD. 269 00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:18,297 >> MEANS A LOT, COMING FROM A FORMER SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 270 00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:22,034 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> I JUST MEAN, YOU KNOW, THANKS 271 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,368 FOR SUPPORT. >> OF COURSE YES. 272 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:28,707 >> AS A FORMER SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, IT JUST MEANS A LOT. 273 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:35,581 >> I NEVER GIVE THE TITLE UP! >> WEREN'T YOU SEXIEST MAN ALIVE 274 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:39,318 IN 2016? >> I'M SEXIEST MAN IN 275 00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:40,686 PERPETUITY, WHICH MEANS FOR LIFE. 276 00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:47,593 >> I THOUGHT I WAS JUST NAMED -- >> ASK YOU A QUESTION BROTHER, 277 00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:54,099 AM I ALIVE, AM I STILL SEXY? YOU BET YOUR SEXY MOUTH I AM. 278 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:58,904 >> WE'LL SHARE IT. >> LAST THING, SAY SOMETHING 279 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,573 SEXY. >> GO VOTE TOMORROW! 280 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,742 >> THAT IS SEXY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 281 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:10,716 HERE HE IS, OH, THE SASH BELT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S GET 282 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:14,186 THIS PEND UP, COME ON THIS IS A BIG MOMENT. 283 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,355 HERE WE GOOD. YOU READY? 284 00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:20,626 >> I'M ALL TUCKED. I'M ALL TUCKED. 285 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,594 WE GOT IT. >> FIVE MINUTES LATER. 286 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,465 >> ALL RIGHT WHAT I SAID WAS, GO VOTE TOMORROW. 287 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:30,836 >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! 288 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:36,308 AND CHRIS EVANS. >> Stephen: THANK YOU TO DWAYNE 289 00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,143 "THE ROCK" JOHNSON AND CONGRATS TO CHRIS "THE SEXY" EVANS ON 290 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,079 OFFICIALLY BEING NAMED "PEOPLE'S" SEXIEST MAN ALIVE 291 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,281 2022! HERE IS THE FIRST LOOK AT HIS 292 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:47,686 COVER! THERE YOU GO! 293 00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,187 FOR MORE SEXY INFORMATION, GO TO People.com. 294 00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,557 AND, YOU CAN PICK UP THIS WEEK'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE ISSUE THIS 295 00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:54,426 FRIDAY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SEXY 296 00:19:54,493 --> 00:20:00,933 RUNNER-UP, JOHN OLIVER! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 297 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:25,057 WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 298 00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:26,158 YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM "THE LOVE GURU." 299 00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:31,997 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOHN OLIVER. 300 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:46,945 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> THANK YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU 301 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:53,752 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> THANK YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU 302 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:54,620 TOO. LOVELY TO BE HERE TOO. 303 00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,588 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN. 304 00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,924 YOU KNOW WHAT? >> WHAT? 305 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,692 >> Stephen: YOU'RE SEXY TO ME. 306 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:06,398 >> I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT 11 AND A HALF MONTHS GETTING SO 307 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,634 HOT! >> Stephen: YOU'RE SILVER FOX 308 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,204 MAN. >> CLEARLY, AMERICA DOESN'T WANT 309 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:21,546 A SILVER FOX. I'M DYEING MY HAIR, I'M EATING 310 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:28,120 CREATINE FOR A YEAR AND IF IT DOESN'T IT WILL MAKE ME (BLEEP) 311 00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:31,490 ABSOLUTELY HOT. UNBELIEVABLE BUSTING OUT OF MY 312 00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:38,196 SUITS, CALM ME JOHNNY LUNCHABLES, I'M GOING TO BE A 313 00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,432 SNACK. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT 314 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:55,380 HAPPENED, CHRIS EVANS WAS ANNOUNCED SEXIEST MAN ALIVE AND, 315 00:21:55,447 --> 00:21:59,484 HAPPENED, CHRIS EVANS WAS ANNOUNCED SEXIEST MAN ALIVE AND, 316 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:03,555 THE AUDIENCE BOOED? >> I CAN RUIN ANY OCCASION I'M A 317 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:06,625 PART OF. HOW'S THAT NOT HOT? 318 00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:08,827 >> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU JOHN OLIVER 319 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:11,263 YOU'RE VERY GENEROUS WITH YOUR TIME. 320 00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:14,166 NOT ONLY ARE YOU HERE TONIGHT BUT LAST WEEK YOU WERE ON 321 00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:19,337 BECAUSE YOU PARTICIPATED IN OUR KIDS PITCH MOVIE, WHERE KIDS 322 00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:26,812 PITCH A MOVIE TO US WHERE IT WAS THE SCARIEST MOVIE ALIVE AND YOU 323 00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:32,317 PLAYED A DAYMONDAY IN IT. >> WHATEVER THOSE KIDS SAY I'LL 324 00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:34,486 BE HERE. >> Stephen: HALLOWEEN PITCH. 325 00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,988 I ASK YOU DO YOU ENJOY HALLOWEEN WITH THE KIDS? 326 00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:40,492 >> I DO. WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN ENGLAND 327 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:51,436 IT WAS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. I SAW IT ONETT ON ET AND BONFIRT 328 00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:56,074 IS MORE ABOUT WELL IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF BRITISH, COMMEMORATING 329 00:22:56,141 --> 00:23:00,078 WHEN GUY FOLKS ALMOST BURNED UP PARLIAMENT. 330 00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:02,814 >> Stephen: YOU'RE PRETENDING TO BURN CATHOLICS. 331 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:09,688 >> IN A REDEDUCTIVE SENSE YES, IT'S BURNING CATHOLICS, USING 332 00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:13,692 CATHOLICS AS FUEL. SURE, THERE'S A MUCH LONGER 333 00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:18,663 CONVERSATION THAT MAKES IT SOUND BETTER BUT YES, IF YOU WANT TO 334 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:24,803 GO DOWN TO THE NUB. WE BURN CATHOLICS ONCE A YEAR. 335 00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:26,772 WITH FIREWORKS. >> Stephen: YEAH? 336 00:23:26,838 --> 00:23:32,477 >> THE NIGHT BEFORE IS SCALLY NIGHTLY. 337 00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:38,416 PETTY VANDALISM. TRICK OR TREATING, IF YOU REMOVE 338 00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:44,589 THE TREATS PART. YOU REDUCE COMMERCIALISM BY 339 00:23:44,656 --> 00:23:47,225 INTRODUCING CANDY AND PROPERTY DAMAGE. 340 00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:55,467 >> Stephen: YOU REDUCE THE TRICKS, AND THAT'S CAPITALISM. 341 00:23:55,534 --> 00:24:00,806 DID YOU EVER DRESS UP AS A KID? >> AS A KID I DON'T KNOW. 342 00:24:00,872 --> 00:24:05,544 >> Stephen: DID YOU GO AS AN ADULT, VAMPIRE OR SOMETHING? 343 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:13,752 THAT IS THE SEXIEST THING YOU COULD BE, WEREWOLF IF YOU GOT TO 344 00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:18,089 BE CONFIDENT. >> OTHERWISE YOU JUST LOOK DAMP. 345 00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:21,326 MUSK, LIKE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE FOREST WAY TOO LONG. 346 00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:28,700 >> Stephen: YOU LOOK LIKE A SAILOR ON SHORE LEAVE. 347 00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:37,108 >> THE LAST TIME I DRESSED UP I WAS DUKE KABOOM. 348 00:24:37,175 --> 00:24:44,449 FROM TOY STORY IV. >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE 349 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:48,420 KIDS? >> MY LITTLEST HE WANTED TO BE A 350 00:24:48,486 --> 00:24:56,561 PUMPKIN AND THEN HE WANTED BE TO BE IRON PLAN INSTEAD. 351 00:24:56,628 --> 00:25:01,366 PUMPKIN ALL THE TIME, IRON MAN AT THE LAST MINUTE. 352 00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:06,471 CAN YOU TURN A PUMPKIN INTO A SERVICEABLE IRON MAN? 353 00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:10,609 THE ANSWER IS NO. IT'S CHANGED, I LOVE THE FACT 354 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:14,212 THEY HAVE -- THEY LOVE THE FACT THEY HAVE MUSCLES. 355 00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:19,751 THEY WERE LIKE COUNTING THEIR ABS ON THE COSTUMES. 356 00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:23,922 >> Stephen: MY YOUNGEST IS NOW 21 BUT IN HIS ERA, WHEN HE 357 00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:31,763 WAS A LITTLE KID HE WOULD HAVE A FAN ON THE BACK AND ININFLATE, 358 00:25:31,830 --> 00:25:36,134 PUSH ON -- INFLATE, PUSH ON THEM AND -- 359 00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:41,273 >> HE WAS LIKE, LOOK DAD, I GOT HILLS. 360 00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:46,011 HE SAID, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY HILLS! 361 00:25:46,077 --> 00:25:48,246 ARE (BLEEP) BECAUSE I'M TIRED, ALL RIGHT? 362 00:25:48,313 --> 00:25:52,517 BECAUSE I'M TIRED ALL THE TIME. HOW ISN'T THAT SEXY? 363 00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:58,890 >> Stephen: MY YOUNGEST THE SAME WUNG THAT WAS THE THING, I 364 00:25:58,957 --> 00:26:02,994 WOULD WRINKLE WHEN I GET NEAR THE WINDOW, ALL THE CROW'S FEET 365 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:05,697 HERE AND WHEN I SMILE THEY REALLY COME ALONG. 366 00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:13,138 HE WAS A LITTLE KID, HE GOES DADDY YOU HAVE GILLS! 367 00:26:13,204 --> 00:26:16,508 >> GILLS! >> Stephen: YEAH, GILLS BABY. 368 00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:30,455 >> THEY ARE LIKE HIGH FUNKING DON RIC -- FUNCTIONING DON RICK. 369 00:26:30,522 --> 00:26:34,826 >> Stephen: STICK AROUND. 370 00:26:40,832 --> 00:26:42,233 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: LOOK WHO THAT IS, 371 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:46,104 CHECK OUT THAT SLICE OF SEXY RIGHT THERE. 372 00:26:46,171 --> 00:26:47,205 WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT," JOHN 373 00:26:47,272 --> 00:26:53,244 OLIVER. NOT TO BRING UP I, YOU KNOW, AN 374 00:26:53,311 --> 00:26:56,414 UGLY SUBJECT BUT THE MID TERMS ARE TOMORROW. 375 00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:59,818 AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON. 376 00:26:59,884 --> 00:27:02,787 HISTORICALLY WE KNOW WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN, THE POLLS ARE ALL OVER 377 00:27:02,854 --> 00:27:08,093 THE PLACE BUT THE THING THAT I'M INTERESTED IN IS, THIS IS YOUR 378 00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:10,695 FIRST MID TERMS AS A UNITED STATES CITIZEN. 379 00:27:10,762 --> 00:27:14,632 >> MY FIRST MID TERM VOTE! (APPLAUSE) 380 00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:18,970 >> Stephen: ARE YOU MID-CITED FOR IT? 381 00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:25,677 >> HERE IS THE THING. AS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO'S RECENTLY 382 00:27:25,744 --> 00:27:29,447 BECOME A U.S. CITIZEN, THE ACT OF VOTING IS VERY EXCITING TO 383 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:34,652 ME. I DIDN'T WANT TO GO VOTE EARLY, 384 00:27:34,719 --> 00:27:37,655 I WANT TO VOTE WHEN THERE'S A QUEUE. 385 00:27:37,722 --> 00:27:41,026 >> Stephen: WE DON'T SAY QUEUE HERE. 386 00:27:41,092 --> 00:27:46,598 WE SAY LINE. >> GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF HERE. 387 00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:49,901 I LOVE THE LINE! >> Stephen: I'M NOT ASKING 388 00:27:49,968 --> 00:27:53,071 FOR THE ADDRESS BUT WHAT KIND OF PLACE DO YOU GO TO? 389 00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:57,509 >> IT'S A SCHOOL. >> Stephen: IT'S A MIDDLE 390 00:27:57,575 --> 00:28:00,345 SCHOOL FOR ME. I LOVE THE FACT THAT THE KIDS 391 00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:05,784 THROW A BAKE SALE. >> BEING IN THAT LINE THAT'S 392 00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:11,423 WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO. ONE OF THE MOMENTS YOU FEEL 393 00:28:11,489 --> 00:28:13,425 VALIDATED. >> Stephen: OLD WOMAN WITH 394 00:28:13,491 --> 00:28:15,794 THE GLASSES, WHO SAYS NAME PLEASE. 395 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:21,933 DO YOU GO WITH THE BIRDEX OR DO YOU FAKED AMERICAN ACCENTS? 396 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,871 >> I'VE FAKED AMERICAN ACCENTS SO MANY TIMES IN THE PAST. 397 00:28:26,938 --> 00:28:37,949 EVEN WITH AUTOMATED TELEPHONE LINES. 398 00:28:38,016 --> 00:28:41,252 NUMBER 4 PLEASE MA'AM. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO 399 00:28:41,319 --> 00:28:51,663 BE A MARSHALL. >> I'LL BE A SEE DATED JOHN -- 400 00:28:51,729 --> 00:29:02,740 SEDATED JOHN WAYNE. I'LL TAKE NUMBER 4. 401 00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:07,345 >> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL A CITIZEN OF THE U.K? 402 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:12,584 >> BOTH. IN THE DAYS OF THE EMPIRE IT WAS 403 00:29:12,650 --> 00:29:15,487 A LOT MORE THAN TWO. SO -- 404 00:29:15,553 --> 00:29:17,055 >> Stephen: YOU CAN VOTE OVER THERE TOO? 405 00:29:17,122 --> 00:29:19,724 >> YES I CAN. >> Stephen: OVER THERE 406 00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:25,196 THEY'VE GONE THROUGH THREE OR FOUR PRIME MINISTERS, AND LIKE 407 00:29:25,263 --> 00:29:31,870 THIS ONE. WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT RISHI 408 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:36,374 SUNAK? >> HE IS WEALTHY BEYOND ANY 409 00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:42,780 EXPECTATION. HE IS HEIR TO THE INFOSYS 410 00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:51,222 SYSTEM. >> Stephen: IT'S LIKE THE 411 00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:56,161 HARRIS TO -- DOING ANYTHING OTHER THAN HE'S RICHIE RICH? 412 00:29:56,227 --> 00:30:01,633 >> HE'S RICHIE RICH, RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING US OUT OF THE MESS 413 00:30:01,699 --> 00:30:05,937 THAT HE WAS VERY MUCH CULPABLE GETTING US IN. 414 00:30:06,004 --> 00:30:11,142 HE WORKED WITH BORIS JOHNSON. THEY'RE GOING TO TRY HIM AND IF 415 00:30:11,209 --> 00:30:18,583 THIS DOESN'T WORK OUT, THEY'LL WORK THEIR WAY THROUGH THE 416 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,986 ALPHABET. AARON ANDERSON. 417 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:29,961 IF THEY WORK IT DOWN TO O I'LL GET A TRY. 418 00:30:30,028 --> 00:30:33,598 >> Stephen: HER COURTESY KILLED THE QUEEN! 419 00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:39,103 >> IT DID. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY (BLEEP) 420 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:45,710 FROM THE CBS LAWYERS HERE. LIST TRUSS -- THE QUEEN SAID, I 421 00:30:45,777 --> 00:30:49,447 DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE, AND DIED. 422 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:53,117 >> Stephen: THAT IS A FACT, A BLUE CHECK ON THAT FACT RIGHT 423 00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:56,054 THERE! >> I'M GO $8 OFTEN ME RIGHT 424 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,157 THERE. YOU CAN BLUE CHECK THAT FACT. 425 00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:03,695 >> Stephen: EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO COURTESY, RIGHT? 426 00:31:03,761 --> 00:31:13,905 >> I'M A PEASANT, NO. RICHIE SUNAK WENT TO WESTMINSTER 427 00:31:13,972 --> 00:31:19,077 SCHOOL, THERE WAS EVERY CHANCE WAS TAUGHT TO COURTESY. 428 00:31:19,143 --> 00:31:27,518 I JUST BOW, WHATEVER, WHATEVER. >> THANK YOU, GET ME THE BIGGEST 429 00:31:27,585 --> 00:31:31,256 TURKEY YOU CAN. I WILL! 430 00:31:31,322 --> 00:31:34,626 (LAUGHTER) >> I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO 431 00:31:34,692 --> 00:31:38,930 EXPECTATIONS OF RICHIE SUNAK OF BEING ANYTHING OTHER THAN A 432 00:31:38,997 --> 00:31:42,567 DISASTER BUT WE'LL SEE. >> Stephen: YOU STAY THERE 433 00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:47,272 I'M DO A COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN OLIVER 434 00:31:47,338 --> 00:31:48,273 EVERYBODY. 435 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:14,599 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK 436 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:19,070 TONIGHT" JOHN OLIVER. DO THEY GET WHERE THEY ARE 437 00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:21,973 WITHOUT PAYING THEIR DUES, I DON'T LIKE THEM. 438 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:26,277 YOU DID NOT COME OUT OF THE GATE AS A SUCCESSFUL PERFORMER. 439 00:32:26,344 --> 00:32:28,212 >> NO. >> Stephen: WHAT WERE THOSE 440 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:31,149 FIRST YEARS LIKE? WHAT DID YOU DO? 441 00:32:31,215 --> 00:32:32,083 PAY THE BILLS I MEAN? >> OTHER THAN DISAPPOINT AND 442 00:32:32,150 --> 00:32:35,453 INFURIATE THE AUDIENCES? >> Stephen: SURE. 443 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:40,758 >> I TOOK ANY KIND OF TEMP JOB I COULD. 444 00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:48,099 ANYWHERE. ONCE I WAS CENTS TO CO COVER THE 445 00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:53,304 MATERNITY LEAVE OF THE WOMAN WHO WAS COVERING THE PHONES FOR THE 446 00:32:53,371 --> 00:32:58,910 GUY, AN OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE OF A LONDON GANGSTER. 447 00:32:58,976 --> 00:33:05,249 PEOPLE WOULD CALL UP, "IS JIM THERE, IS HE THERE?" AND WOE 448 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:10,388 GO, "I AIN'T HERE JOHN, I'M NOT HERE." 449 00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:17,729 "TELL JIM I KNOW HE'S HERE, I'M (BLEEP)ING KILL HIM." 450 00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:23,401 HE SENT ME ACROSS LONDON WITH $15,000 POUNDS IN CASH AND A 451 00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:24,535 KNIFE. >> Stephen: HONEST TO GOD? 452 00:33:24,602 --> 00:33:31,876 >> IT'S TRUE. I ASKED WHAT THE KNIFE WAS FOR, 453 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:36,013 IF ANYONE TRIES TO KILL YOU, THAT'S TO PROTECT YOU. 454 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:40,985 I SAID JIM, I'M COVERING MATERNITY LEAVE, I'M NOT BUILT 455 00:33:41,052 --> 00:33:43,888 FOR THIS LIFE, JIM. >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW IT 456 00:33:43,955 --> 00:33:48,359 WAS STOLEN EQUIPMENT? >> YES, ONE GUY CALLED UP AND 457 00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:51,863 SAID DID YOU HAVE THIS CERTAIN KIND OF COOKER THERE? 458 00:33:51,929 --> 00:33:57,368 I SAID I THINK I'VE SEEN IT, HE SAYS DOES IT HAVE CONCRETE OFF 459 00:33:57,435 --> 00:34:00,405 THE BACK OF THE PIPES? I SAID YES. 460 00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:05,209 HE SAID HE (BLEEP) TOOK IT FROM ME LAST NIGHTLY. 461 00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:09,514 I'M NOT PULLING BACK MY OWN STUFF. 462 00:34:09,580 --> 00:34:17,488 HE SAYS OFFER HIM 200 POUNDS. >> Stephen: YOUR WONDERFUL 463 00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:19,257 WIFE, YOU MATTER ALMOST A DECADE? 464 00:34:19,323 --> 00:34:22,560 >> YES, ALMOST A DECADE. >> Stephen: IF IT HADN'T BEEN 465 00:34:22,627 --> 00:34:24,462 A DECADE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE CLAPPED. 466 00:34:24,529 --> 00:34:32,170 >> THE RULE HAS THERE NOW ON GOT TO BE, LESS THAN TEN YEARS, 467 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:33,504 SILENCE. DOUBLE FIGURES IS THE LEAST YOU 468 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:37,341 CAN DO. >> Stephen: YOU AND I BOTH 469 00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:42,447 COMPLICATED YOUR EARLIER RELATIONSHIP WITH KATE. 470 00:34:42,513 --> 00:34:44,081 CAN YOU TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT HAPPENED? 471 00:34:44,148 --> 00:34:49,720 >> I WAS DOING AN INTERVIEW WITH TERRY GROSS ON FRESH AIR, VERY 472 00:34:49,787 --> 00:34:53,391 EXCITING. SHE SAID ON THIS INTERVIEW, I 473 00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:59,130 GATHER YOU'VE JUST GOT ENGAGED. AND I HAD NOT JUST GOT ENGAGED. 474 00:34:59,197 --> 00:35:01,432 >> Stephen: AND WHAT DO YOU SAY? 475 00:35:01,499 --> 00:35:05,136 YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. >> YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T SAY NO, 476 00:35:05,203 --> 00:35:15,246 HEY, NO, THIS FISH GOT TO SWIM TTERRY, THIS BIRD GOT TO FLY. 477 00:35:15,313 --> 00:35:18,516 I PROBABLY FROZE AND THEN OBFUSCATED SOMEHOW. 478 00:35:18,583 --> 00:35:23,154 BUT I DO REMEMBER MY WIFE'S FAMILY WERE LISTENING TO IT AND 479 00:35:23,221 --> 00:35:27,859 THEN CALLING HER UP SAYING, "I HEAR YOU GOUT ENGAGED, TERRY 480 00:35:27,925 --> 00:35:34,632 GROSS SAID YOU GOT ENGAGED." SHE SAID, "NOT YET I DIDN'T." 481 00:35:34,699 --> 00:35:37,869 >> Stephen: I WAS ABOUT TO HOLD UP A BOOK ASSOCIATED -- 482 00:35:37,935 --> 00:35:44,442 >> I GOT A BOOK COMING OUT. >> Stephen: I'LL DO THIS, IS 483 00:35:44,509 --> 00:35:52,683 THIS DUKE NEWCOMBE? JOHN OLIVER. 484 00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:56,654 "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" AIRS SUND SUNDAYS. 485 00:35:56,721 --> 00:35:59,056 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE FROM "THE LION 486 00:35:59,123 --> 00:36:01,058 KING." 487 00:36:24,916 --> 00:36:26,083 >> Stephen: CELEBRATING THEIR 25th ANNIVERSARY ON BROADWAY, 488 00:36:26,150 --> 00:36:28,953 AND HERE TO PERFORM "THE CIRCLE OF LIFE" FOR THE FIRST TIME ON 489 00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:33,224 LATE NIGHT TELEVISION, CEE-DEE MANYE AND THE BROADWAY CAST OF 490 00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:40,031 THE MOST SUCCESSFUL SHOW IN HISTORY, "THE LION KING!" 491 00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:49,140 CHEAPER ♪ NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA 492 00:36:49,206 --> 00:36:52,944 SITHI UHM INGONYAMA ♪ 'NGONYAMA 'NGENGW'EBO! 493 00:36:53,010 --> 00:37:04,522 MAI BA BO, HA, INGONYAMA BABA! ♪ NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA 494 00:37:04,589 --> 00:37:08,492 SITHI UHM INGONYAMA ♪ 'NGONYAMA 'NGENGW'EBO! 495 00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:17,034 OH, KHUSANI BO! ♪ PEGI AKALELA, ESHE! 496 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:19,904 NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA ♪ SITHI UHM INGONYAMA 497 00:37:19,971 --> 00:37:28,579 INGONYAMA ♪ INGONYAMA 498 00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:33,150 INGONYAMA ♪ INGONYAMA 499 00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:38,656 INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA ♪ INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA 500 00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:40,191 INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA ♪ INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA 501 00:37:40,257 --> 00:37:41,425 INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA ♪ TA-NA-NA-NA-NA 502 00:37:41,492 --> 00:37:42,893 TA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA! ♪ TA-NA-NA-NA-NA 503 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,028 TA-NA-NA-NA-NA! TA-NA-NA-NA-NA 504 00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:45,529 ♪ FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVE ON THE PLANET 505 00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:49,567 ♪ AND BLINKING STEP INTO THE SUN 506 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:55,172 ♪ THERE'S MORE TO SEE THAN CAN EVER BE SEEN 507 00:37:55,239 --> 00:38:01,445 ♪ MORE TO DO THAN CAN EVER BE DONE 508 00:38:01,512 --> 00:38:07,251 ♪ THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH TO TAKE IN HERE 509 00:38:07,318 --> 00:38:12,023 ♪ MORE TO FIND THAN CAN EVER BE FOUND 510 00:38:12,089 --> 00:38:18,929 ♪ BUT THE SUN ROLLING HIGH THROUGH THE SAPPHIRE SKY 511 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:23,768 ♪ KEEPS GREAT AND SMALL ON THE ENDLESS ROUND 512 00:38:23,834 --> 00:38:32,843 ♪ IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE AND IT MOVES US ALL 513 00:38:32,910 --> 00:38:44,989 ♪ THROUGH DESPAIR AND HOPE THROUGH FAITH AND LOVE 514 00:38:45,056 --> 00:38:55,599 ♪ 'TIL WE FIND OUR PLACE ON THE PATH UNWINDING 515 00:38:55,666 --> 00:39:07,945 ♪ IN THE CIRCLE THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 516 00:39:08,012 --> 00:39:13,484 ♪ IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE INGONYAMA NENGW' ENAMABALA 517 00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:25,896 ♪ AND IT MOVES US ALL THROUGH DESPAIR AND HOPE 518 00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:36,540 ♪ THROUGH FAITH AND LOVE 'TIL WE FIND OUR PLACE 519 00:39:36,607 --> 00:39:47,118 ♪ ON THE PATH UNWINDING IN THE CIRCLE 520 00:39:47,184 --> 00:40:02,066 ♪ THE CIRCLE OF LIFE (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 521 00:40:02,133 --> 00:40:13,310 ♪ THE CIRCLE OF LIFE (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 522 00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,012 >> Stephen: THE BROADWAY CAST OF "THE LION KING," EVERYBODY! 523 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,882 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN WE WILL BE 524 00:40:17,948 --> 00:40:22,753 LIVE FOLLOWING THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS. 525 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:23,754 GOOD NIGHT!