1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,338 >> THE G.O.P. NOMINEE FOR PENNSYLVANIA GOVERNOR, DOUG 2 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:08,475 MASTRIANO, STILL HAS NOT CONCEDED THE RACE. 3 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,211 MANY OF HIS SUPPORTERS BELIEVED GOD WOULD INTERVENE ON HIS 4 00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,480 BEHALF, EVEN THOUGH THE RACE HAD ALREADY BEEN CALLED FOR HIS 5 00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:16,716 OPPONENT, JOSH SHAPIRO. 6 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:21,955 >> WE CALL ALL OF YOU-- CALL ON YOU TO PRAY AND TO ASK THE LORD 7 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,023 TO INTERVENE. 8 00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:29,396 >> EXCUSE ME, GOD. 9 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:36,302 I CAME HERE ALL THE WAY FROM BETHLEHEM, PENNSYLVANIA. 10 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,971 WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO INTERVENE ON BEHALF OF DOUG 11 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:38,838 MASTRIANO. 12 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:41,040 >> WHO? 13 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,711 OH, YOU MEAN THE GUY WHO RIOTED ON JANUARY 6 AND LOOKS LIKE A 14 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,979 BIG TOE? 15 00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,213 NOT MY BEST WORK. 16 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,782 >> SO ARE YOU GOING TO HELP HIM WIN THE PENNSYLVANIA GOVERNOR 17 00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:50,316 RACE? 18 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:51,818 >> NO! 19 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,887 I ALREADY SETTLED THAT ONE. 20 00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:56,423 IT'S SHAPIRO. 21 00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:58,825 I LIKE A GUY WHO LISTENS TO ME, AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO IS 22 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,928 CIRCUMCISED. 23 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,563 >> BUT DOUG MASTRIANO IS THE CHOSEN-- 24 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,932 ( STATIC ) >> YOU'RE BREAKING UP. 25 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,634 ( STATIC ) CAN'T HEAR YOU. 26 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,269 ( STATIC ) GOING INTO A TUNNEL 27 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,337 ( STATIC ) NEW BUSH. 28 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,807 WHO THIS? 29 00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:17,944 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 30 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,613 TONIGHT: 31 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:27,587 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: EMILY BLUNT 32 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,223 AND GEORGE SAUNDERS 33 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:35,929 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 34 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,700 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 35 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:45,638 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 36 00:01:46,739 --> 00:02:01,621 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 37 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:08,828 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 38 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,064 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 39 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,599 HEY! 40 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:13,833 HEY, EVERYBODY. 41 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:19,272 DOWN HERE, UP THERE, EVERYONE IN THE FRONT, THE BACK, BALCONY, 42 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,341 WAY UP TOP. 43 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,175 OUT THERE. 44 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:22,742 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 45 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,677 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 46 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,713 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 47 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:32,552 THANK YOU, CITIZEN. 48 00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,321 IT HAS BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, AND THE BIG 49 00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:44,898 POLITICAL STORY TODAY IS THAT THERE IS NO BIG STORY TODAY. 50 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:48,902 WE STILL DON'T KNOW THE BIG QUESTIONS YET. 51 00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:53,072 THAT'S STILL HANGING OUT THERE. 52 00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:56,342 WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHO CONTROLS THE HOUSE AND SENATE. BUT 53 00:02:56,409 --> 00:03:04,150 RESULTS COULD COME IN AT ANY SO CBS HAS GIVEN ME THE MIDTERMS 54 00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:12,225 BUZZER, AND THEY PROMISED, IT WILL GO OFF-- 55 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:15,828 WE ACQUIRED THIS TECHNOLOGY FROM THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY. 56 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:20,967 THIS WILL VIBRATE AS SOON AS OUR DEMOCRACY IS READY. 57 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,001 OR MY JALAPENO POPPERS. 58 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,269 WHICHEVER COMES FIRST. 59 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,605 PUT THAT RIGHT IN THERE. 60 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:28,341 AS OF RIGHT NOW, ARIZONA AND NEVADA'S SENATE RACES ARE STILL 61 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:34,314 UNDECIDED, WHILE GEORGIA IS HEADING TO A RUNOFF ON DECEMBER 62 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:39,185 6, WHICH PITS INCUMBENT SENATOR AND CHOIR 63 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,721 TEACHER SAYING, "I'M UP HERE," RAPHAEL WARNOCK; AGAINST 64 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:46,826 FORMER N.F.L. PLAYER, HERSCHEL WALK 65 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,829 WALKER, SEEN HERE ASKING, "HEY, BLURRY BLOB, DO THESE GLASSES I 66 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,198 FOUND MAKE ME LOOK SMART?" ( LAUGHTER ) 67 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,533 THIS IS-- ONE OF MY FAVORITES. 68 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,669 THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE IN A LONG TIME. 69 00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:02,041 ( APPLAUSE ) A BLURRED BLOB. 70 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:06,746 THIS IS THE RACE-- GEORGIA-- THIS IS THE RACE THAT COULD 71 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:10,984 DETERMINE WHO CONTROLS THE SENATE SO BOTH SIDES OF THE AIL 72 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:16,589 WILL BE POURING ALL OF THEIR RESOURCES INTO THE PEACH STATE. 73 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,824 BUT THERE'S ONE SPECIFIC RESOURCE THE G.O.P. WOULD LIKE 74 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,258 TO KEEP OUT, AND THAT'S FORMER PRESIDENT SCOOBY 75 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,860 DOUCHE. 76 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,998 HERE'S WHY THE NERVOUSNESS. 77 00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:26,899 THE REPUBLICANS ARE ANXIOUS THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD 78 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,067 POISON THE WELL, WITH ONE INSIDER SAYING, "HE IS TOXIC TO 79 00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:28,935 A LOT OF GEORGIA VOTERS. 80 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,303 IT'S A DISTRACTION." 81 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,572 YES, THEY DON'T WANT THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAYING SOMETHING 82 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,942 STUPID THAT COULD DISTRACT FROM HERSCHEL WALKER SAYING 83 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,011 SOMETHING IDIOTIC. 84 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:42,882 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THE OTHER REASON-- THE OTHER 85 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:46,653 REASON THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE FORMER PREZ STICKIN' 86 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,988 HIS MUSHROOM CAP IN THE DOOR HINGE OF DEMOCRACY IS BECAUSE 87 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,124 THEY FEEL LIKE HE REALLY SCREWED THEM IN THE MIDTERMS WITH HIS 88 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:57,997 TERRIBLE CANDIDATES AND HIS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLENESS. 89 00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,833 SO THE RIGHT-WING NEWS MACHINE HAS BEGUN TO TURN ON HIM. 90 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,001 YESTERDAY, FOX NEWS AND "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL" RAN 91 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,369 HEADLINES CALLING HIM "A LOSER." 92 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:06,806 AND TODAY, THE "NEW YORK POST" COMPARED HIM TO HUMPTY DUMPTY, 93 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:11,711 SAYING, "DON, WHO COULDN'T BUILD A WALL, HAD A GREAT FALL." 94 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:16,249 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S THE "NEW YORK POST." 95 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:22,255 ( APPLAUSE ) WOW. 96 00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:22,922 IT'S NOT A POSITIVE SIGN WHEN A PRINT NEWSPAPER CALLS YOU A 97 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,524 FAILURE. 98 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:29,529 IT'S LIKE GETTING A SCATHING CRITIQUE FROM A ROTARY PHONE. 99 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:33,633 ( LAUGHTER ) YESTERDAY THERE WAS AN 100 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,068 EVACUATION ORDER FOR MAR-A-LAGO. 101 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:40,339 THIS WAS BECAUSE OF A STORM, AND NOT AS I ASSUME, BECAUSE OF A 102 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:45,745 TOXIC BURGER FART. 103 00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:49,515 THIS MORNING, RIGHT? 104 00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:53,653 AT 3:00 A.M. THIS MORNING, CATEGORY 1 HURRICANE NICOLE MADE 105 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,821 LANDFALL NOT TOO FAR FROM THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S HOME AND 106 00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,656 CLUB, BUT AIDES SAY THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS NOT LEAVING. 107 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:57,857 BUT HE'S FINE. 108 00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,425 HE HAD THE STAFF BOARD UP ALL THE WINDOWS AT MAR-A-LAGO WITH 109 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,060 CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS. 110 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,228 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 111 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,162 OKAY. 112 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:06,833 AND-- HOLD ON, HOLD ON ( BUZZER ) 113 00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:07,967 WHAT'S THAT? 114 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:11,237 OH, MY BUZZER, THAT'S MY BUZZER GOING ON. 115 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:15,408 DO WE HAVE HOUSE OR SENATE RESULTS. 116 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:18,377 OOH, EVEN BETTER-- MY JALAPENO POPPERS. 117 00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,345 MMM. 118 00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,313 MMM. 119 00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:21,147 MMM. 120 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:26,185 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 121 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:30,490 MMM. 122 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:35,695 UPON THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE THE 123 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,363 BALANCE OF POWER IN MY TUM-TUM. 124 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,133 I'M GOING TO SAVE THAT FOR LATER. 125 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:44,437 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 126 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:48,908 YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN JALAPENO POPPERS? 127 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,877 ROOM-TEMPERATURE JALAPENO POPPERS. 128 00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:51,711 MMM. 129 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,012 MMM. 130 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,249 ( APPLAUSE ) IT MAY ONLY BE A MATTER TIME, 131 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:59,852 THOUGH, BECAUSE SOME NEWS OUTLETS, LIKE POLITICO, ARE 132 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:04,190 SAYING THAT THE G.O.P. IS STILL POISED TO CAPTURE A NARROW 133 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,858 MAJORITY IN THE HOUSE. 134 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:10,062 ( AUDIENCE BOOS ) I KNOW, I UNDERSTAND THE 135 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,297 FEELINGS. 136 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,532 IN TIMES LIKE THESE, I REMEMBER THE WORDS OF FORMER PRESIDENT 137 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:13,533 OBAMA: >> DON'T BOO. 138 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,234 VOTE. 139 00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,969 >> Stephen: BUT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 140 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:23,009 YUP. 141 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:27,246 BUT WE VOTED ALREADY, SO GO AHEAD AND BOO. 142 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:29,749 IF THE G.O.P. DOES TAKE THE HOUSE, THE MAN EXPECTED TO BE IN 143 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:33,686 CHARGE IS CURRENT HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN McCARTHY 144 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:39,592 ( AUDIENCE BOOING ) SEEN HERE DESCRIBING MITCH 145 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,395 MCCONNELL'S BEAUTIFUL BREASTS. 146 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:47,433 ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY JUST... 147 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,102 EVEN THOUGH THE G.O.P. DOES NOT OFFICIALLY CONTROL THE HOUSE 148 00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,772 YET, YESTERDAY, MCCARTHY FORMALLY ANNOUNCED HIS RUN FOR 149 00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:55,241 SPEAKER, WHICH IS NO SURPRISE, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO SOME 150 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:59,278 INSIDERS, MCCARTHY HAS BEEN "MEASURING THE DRAPES FOR 151 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:03,382 YEARS," AND THE INTERNS IN HIS OFFICE ARE ALREADY EXPECTED TO 152 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:09,755 CALL HIM "MR. SPEAKER." 153 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:10,890 YIKES! 154 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,258 HAVING INTERNS CALL YOU BY A TITLE YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE IS 155 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,362 PRETTY PATHETIC. 156 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,997 >> I HAVE THE RANCH FOR YOUR JALAPENO POPPERS. 157 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:21,734 ARAGORN, SON OF ARATHORN, HEIR TO THE THRONE OF GONDOR AND 158 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,369 ARNOR. 159 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:38,317 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: AND GONDOR WILL 160 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:39,552 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: AND GONDOR WILL 161 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,188 ANSWER: I ORDERED THE BLEU CHEESE. 162 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,457 >> SORRY, SORRY. 163 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,828 THANK YOU, MAYA. 164 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,696 MCCARTHY SHOULD BE CAREFUL WHAT HE WISHES FOR, BECAUSE EVERY 165 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:54,867 RECENT REPUBLICAN SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE HAS HATED THE JOB. 166 00:08:54,934 --> 00:09:00,072 G.O.HOUSE MEMBERS ARE FAMOUSLY THE MOST UNPLEASANT PEOPLE FROM 167 00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,007 EVERY TOWN IN AMERICA. 168 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,241 YOU THINK PEOPLE LIKE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE? 169 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:08,748 THEY SENT HER TO CONGRESS TO GET HER THE (BLEEP) OUT OF GEORGIA 170 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,952 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND McCARTHY-- THE THING IS, 171 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:19,125 EVEN IF HE GETS IT, EVEN IF HE GETS IT, McCARTHY WILL HAVE NO 172 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,726 LEVERAGE. 173 00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,261 THE HOUSE G.O.P. SHANKED THIS ELECTION, SO EVEN IF THEY WIN, 174 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:25,932 THEY'LL BE LEFT WITH A RAZOR-THIN MAJORITY. 175 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:29,001 AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO GIVE THESE PEOPLE RAZORS, OR REALLY 176 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,470 ANYTHING SHARP OF ANY KIND. 177 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,339 IN EXCHANGE FOR VOTING FOR HIM, SOME FAR-RIGHT HOUSE MEMBERS ARE 178 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,041 PRESSING FOR A RULE CHANGE THAT WOULD MAKE IT EASIER TO TOPPLE 179 00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:35,908 THE SPEAKER. 180 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,311 THAT'S A SHAKY START TO A RELATIONSHIP. 181 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,146 IT'S LIKE GOING ON A FIRST DATE AND SAYING, "IT'S SO NICE TO 182 00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,213 MEET YOU. 183 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:47,920 I'M BRIAN, AND THIS IS LEONARD, MY DIVORCE LAWYER." 184 00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,790 ( LAUGHTER ) IN THE TECH WORLD, THERE'S AN 185 00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:53,926 UPDATE ON META C.E.O. AND MAN WHO TOLD HIS BARBER, "GIVE 186 00:09:53,993 --> 00:10:01,100 ME THE TERRIBLE!" MARK ZUCKERBERG. 187 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,235 RIGHT NOW, HIS COMPANY, META, IS ZUCKED, BECAUSE EVER SINCE MARK 188 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:07,940 DECIDED TO GO ALL-IN ON THE METAVERSE, META'S VALUE HAS 189 00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,009 PLUNGED BY $700 BILLION. 190 00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:13,946 AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S MADE ZUCKERBERG VERY UPSET. 191 00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:14,280 OR CONFUSED. 192 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,948 OR HAPPY. 193 00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,117 THERE'S NO WAY TO TELL. 194 00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,953 ( LAUGHTER ) AND WITH THE COMPANY IN A 195 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,789 FINANCIAL TAILSPIN, YESTERDAY, THEY ANNOUNCED THEY'RE LAYING 196 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:28,728 OFF 11,000 EMPLOYEES, OR ABOUT 13% OF THEIR WORKFORCE. 197 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,830 NOW, LOSING YOUR JOB IS NEVER EASY, BUT IT'S REALLY BAD WHEN 198 00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:32,131 YOU GET FIRED IN THE METAVERSE: "JIM, WE NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS 199 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,132 TALK. 200 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:38,337 MEET ME ON UNICORN ISLAND." 201 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:42,174 ( LAUGHTER ) UNFORTUNATELY-- UNFORTUNATELY, 202 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:46,178 JIM, WE'VE HAD TO MAKE SOME STAFF CHANGES. 203 00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:47,113 PLEASE FOLLOW MARCY FROM H.R. 204 00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:48,347 YOU CAN'T MISS HER. 205 00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:49,915 SHE'S THE NINE-FOOT-TALL PURPLE OCTOPUS OVER THERE, TALKING TO 206 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:50,549 ALL THOSE CRYING RABBITS. 207 00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:55,154 WHY DON'T YOU HOP ON OVER." 208 00:10:55,221 --> 00:11:01,327 META'S NOT THE ONLY TROUBLED SOCIAL MEDIA COMPANY. 209 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,095 THERE'S ALSO-- ( APPLAUSE ) 210 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:16,175 THERE'S ALSO-- THERE'S ALSO TWITTER, WHICH IS 211 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,344 NOW RUN BY NEW C.E.O. AND RING BEARER WHO THREW A TANTRUM AND 212 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,513 SWALLOWED BOTH BANDS, ELON MUSK. 213 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:24,283 MUSK BOUGHT TWITTER FOR $44 BILLION, AND EVER SINCE, 214 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,986 HE'S BEEN DESPERATE FOR A WAY TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE. 215 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:31,657 FIRST, HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO CHARGE $20 A PER MONTH FOR 216 00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,492 VERIFICATION TO ANYONE WHO WANTED IT, THEN CHANGED THAT TO 217 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:34,794 $8 PER MONTH. 218 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,730 THAT MEANT ANYONE COULD IMPERSONATE SOMEONE ELSE FOR 219 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:42,501 $8 A MONTH, WITHOUT ANY VETTING, WHICH LED TO THINGS LIKE A FAKE 220 00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:45,071 "OFFICIAL" NINTENDO ACCOUNT TWEETING MARIO FLIPPING THE 221 00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:46,305 BIRD. 222 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:52,311 ( WITH ITALIAN ACCENT ) "IT'S A-ME, MARIO, EVERY 223 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,747 ADVERTISER'S A-NIGHT-A-MARE! 224 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,182 WATCH ME SLAP-A MY GENITALS AGAINST THIS-A TURTLE! 225 00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:59,285 LET'S A-GO!" ( LAUGHTER ) 226 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:04,123 ( APPLAUSE ) "I'M GOING TO SHOW THE PRINCESS 227 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,493 MY PEACH." 228 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:13,132 LOTS OF FOLKS TOOK ADVANTAGE OF BEING ABLE TO JUST BUY 229 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,467 VERIFICATION, INCLUDING THE BRAND-NEW "OFFICIAL" JESUS 230 00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,935 CHRIST. 231 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,237 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THIS WAS ALL FORETOLD 232 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,840 IN THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW WHEN JESUS SAID, "COME, FOLLOW ME, 233 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,876 AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY #HOT-TAKES ON THE 'LOVE IS 234 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:30,082 BLIND' FINALE!" ( APPLAUSE ) 235 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:34,653 TWITTER QUICKLY REALIZED THEY'D MESSED UP, SO TO DIFFERENTIATE 236 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,055 BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO PAID FOR A VERIFIED CHECKMARK AND ACTUAL 237 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:40,126 VERIFIED ACCOUNTS, THEY ADDED A SECOND GRAY "OFFICIAL" CHECKMARK 238 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:42,161 UNDER THE BLUE CHECKMARK. 239 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:45,431 BUT HOW WILL I KNOW IF THAT CHECKMARK IS OFFICIALLY 240 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,732 CHECK-MARKED? 241 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,868 I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S THE REAL CAP'N CRUNCH ASKING FOR FEET 242 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,103 PICS. 243 00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:57,076 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT-- RUNS A TIGHT SHIP. 244 00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:02,648 THE CAPTAIN RUNS A TIGHT SHIP, AYE-AYE, CAP! 245 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,884 BUT ONE DAY LATER, TWITTER ROLLED BACK THE GRAY CHECKMARKS, 246 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,852 WITH MUSK TWEETING THAT HE WANTS BLUE CHECKS TO "BE THE GREAT 247 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,020 LEVELER." 248 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:10,156 OH, DON'T WORRY, ELON. 249 00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:12,958 I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE GONNA LEVEL TWITTER. 250 00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:14,927 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 251 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:16,028 TONIGHT. 252 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:19,498 MY GUESTS ARE EMILY BLUNT AND AUTHOR GEORGE SAUNDERS. 253 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,901 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 254 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,969 BE WITH US. 255 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:08,080 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK! 256 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:12,818 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! 257 00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:14,920 JOE, WE'VE GOT AMAZING PEOPLE COMING OUT HERE TONIGHT. 258 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,121 TRULY, IT'S INTERESTING. 259 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,724 I FEEL COMFORTABLE CALLING BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE FRIENDS, AND 260 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,927 THAT'S HOW GREAT THIS JOB IS THAT I GET TO MEET PEOPLE LIKE 261 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:22,928 EMILY BLUNT WILL BE OUT HERE. 262 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,597 ( APPLAUSE ) YUP. 263 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:34,440 AND... AND, IN MY OPINION ONE OF THE GREATEST LIVING WRITERS IN 264 00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:36,942 AMERICA, GEORGE SAUNDERS WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE WHILE, 265 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:37,910 MY HUMBLE OPINION. 266 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,045 >> Joe: RIGHT. 267 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:41,447 INFORMED, HUMBLE OPINION. 268 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:44,250 >> Stephen: ON MONDAY-- IS THIS CONFIRMED? 269 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:48,153 ON MONDAY, A YOUNG WOMAN YOU KNOW AS MICHELLE OBAMA WILL BE 270 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,788 ON THE SHOW. 271 00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:52,758 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 272 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,027 >> Joe: FIRST LADY! 273 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:55,794 WOW, FIRST LADY. 274 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,663 >> Stephen: SHE'S ALSO MY FRIEND. 275 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,132 LOOK AT ALL MY FRIENDS, AMAZING. 276 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:03,035 SHE'S GOT THE NEW BOOK CALLED "THE LIGHT WE CARRY." 277 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,804 IT'S CALLED "THE LIGHT WE CARRY." 278 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:06,872 >> Joe: OUR PHONE. 279 00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,241 >> Stephen: EXACTLY, OUR PHONE IS THE LIGHT WE CARRY. 280 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,076 YEAH. 281 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,912 I'LL MENTION THAT ON MONDAY. 282 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,649 ( LAUGHTER ) IF SHE LIKES IT, I'LL TELL HER 283 00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:18,884 IT WAS MY IDEA. 284 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,419 Y'KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, 285 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,454 SURVEYING THE NEWS TUNDRA, CAREFULLY GATHERING THE MOST 286 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:25,557 TOPICAL MAMMOTH TUSKS AND STRIPPING THEIR RINDS USING THE 287 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,826 SHARPEST LATE-BREAKING BONE CHISELS. 288 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:32,298 THEN I SAW THEM INTO MANAGEABLE SECTIONS AND USE MY FRETSAWS, 289 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,868 GAUGES, AND ADZES TO CARVE THE MAGNIFICENT 12TH CENTURY IVORY 290 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,703 CHESS SET THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 291 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:42,441 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, SOMETIMES I FALL OFF THE 292 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:45,377 BACK OF A STOLEN FIRE TRUCK, SIPHON SOME GAS OUT OF A HEARSE 293 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,247 IN A WAFFLE HOUSE PARKING LOT, POUR IT OUT IN A GRID, THEN TOSS 294 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,481 A STOLEN ZIPPO AT IT AND HAUL SLASHED TIRES AND BUSTED 295 00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:52,851 SHIPPING PALLETS INTO THE SQUARES TO PLAY THE DERANGED 296 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:55,454 LONER'S TIC-TAC-TOE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 297 00:15:55,521 --> 00:16:02,061 "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 298 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,129 ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU MOST NEED IT. 299 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:07,766 ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU MOST NEED IT, "MEANWHILE. 300 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,101 THE. 301 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,503 MEANWHILE, THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE IS ASKING VISITORS 302 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:15,708 TO PLEASE STOP LICKING THEIR TOADS. 303 00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,444 THOUGH, A MORE HONEST HEADLINE WOULD READ: 304 00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:23,148 "NATIONAL PARKS SERVICE SIGHS, THROWS UP HANDS, AND SAYS, 'I 305 00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:24,416 GUESS WE HAVE TO ACTUALLY SAY THIS OUT LOUD NOW: STOP LICKING 306 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:28,520 THE FROGS, YA DINGUSES.'" AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED, THESE 307 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,422 NATURE-LOVING IDIOTS ARE LICKING THESE FROGS IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET 308 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:31,890 HIGH. 309 00:16:31,957 --> 00:16:35,828 THE AMPHIBIAN IN QUESTION IS THE SONORAN DESERT TOAD, WHICH 310 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:39,298 SECRETES A TOXIN UNLIKE ANY OTHER FOUND ON THE PLANET. 311 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:42,167 FUN FACT: "A TOXIN UNLIKE ANY OTHER FOUND ON THE PLANET" WAS 312 00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:45,671 ALSO THE ORIGINAL SLOGAN FOR SUGAR-FREE RED BULL. 313 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:49,508 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 314 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:50,876 THAT WAS A LONG WALK. 315 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:51,577 IT WAS WORTH IT. 316 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,045 THAT WAS A REALLY LONG WALK. 317 00:16:53,112 --> 00:17:03,589 WE HAD A REFRESHING SUGAR-FREE RED BULL AT THE END. 318 00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:05,724 MEANWHILE, I'M GOING TO SAY, AS SOME SORT OF ART STATEMENT, I'M 319 00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,793 GONNA HOPE, AN INVENTOR HAS MADE A V.R. HEADSET THAT KILLS THE 320 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,894 USER IF THEY DIE IN THE GAME. 321 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,229 IT DOES THIS WITH THREE EXPLOSIVE CHARGE MODULES THAT 322 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,965 SIT ABOVE THE SCREEN, AIMED DIRECTLY AT THE USER'S 323 00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:17,269 FOREBRAIN, WHICH WOULD OBLITERATE THE HEAD OF THE USER. 324 00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,072 MAN, PEOPLE ARE GETTING WAY TOO INTENSE ABOUT WORDLE. 325 00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:25,878 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 326 00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:26,311 BROKE? 327 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,079 BROKE IS GOOD. 328 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,814 I LIKE DREAM. 329 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,250 MEANWHILE, ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, DUE TO RISING 330 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,719 THANKSGIVING COSTS, SOME FOLKS ARE PLANNING TO KEEP GATHERINGS 331 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,255 SMALL, MAKE FEWER DISHES, AND ASK GUESTS TO BRING SOMETHING TO 332 00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:37,923 THE TABLE. 333 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:42,161 THAT IS GOING TO BE SOME FUN PHONE CALLS: 334 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,262 "HI, AUNT BRENDA? 335 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,730 I'M CALLING TO INVITE YOU TO THANKSGIVING! 336 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:45,564 CAN YOU BRING THE TURKEY? 337 00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:49,101 AND, ALSO, DON'T COME?" ( LAUGHTER ) 338 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:56,475 HELLO? 339 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,243 MEANWHILE, MILLER LITE IS SELLING A CHRISTMAS TREE STAND 340 00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,446 THAT DOUBLES AS A BEER KEG. 341 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:03,682 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT A MAGICAL WAY TO RUIN 342 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,350 CHRISTMAS. 343 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:11,723 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, THE ACTUAL KING OF 344 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,159 ENGLAND, KING CHARLES III, IS SELLING CHIC LEATHER DOG POO 345 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:20,265 BAG HOLDERS AT HIS ROYAL ESTATE. 346 00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,067 THE BAGGIE HOLDER IS FOR SALE AT CHARLES'S COUNTRY HOME, 347 00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:25,070 SANDRINGHAM ESTATE, AND IS CALLED THE "HAPPY HOUND DOG POO 348 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:26,772 BAG POUCH," WHICH SOUNDS MUCH BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS NAMES: 349 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:31,910 "PRINCE CHUCK'S ROYAL TURD SATCHEL." 350 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,979 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EMILY BLUNT. 351 00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:02,741 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 352 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,544 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BEFORE WE GET GOING HERE, BEFORE WE GET 353 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,680 GOING, I JUST WANT TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT AND GRATEFUL THANKS TO 354 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:10,516 EVERYONE IN OUR ARMED SERVICES. 355 00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:13,552 TOMORROW IS VETERANS DAY. 356 00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,020 AND YOU CHECK OUT OUR DOME. 357 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:19,124 IT HAS THE INSIGNIA OF SO MANY OF THE ARMED SERVICES. 358 00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:24,062 AND IN THE BACK OF OUR HOUSE WE HAVE TWO WORLD WAR II VETERANS 359 00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:27,432 IN THE BACK OF OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW, EACH 100 YEARS OLD. 360 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:31,236 ( APPLAUSE ) THOSE TWO GENTLEMEN RIGHT BACK 361 00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:34,573 THERE. 362 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:43,148 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN! 363 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:49,321 AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS A TALENTED 364 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,356 ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA," "A QUIET PLACE," 365 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:52,858 AND "MARY POPPINS RETURNS." 366 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,327 SHE NOW STARS IN THE SIX-PART WESTERN SERIES "THE ENGLISH." 367 00:19:55,394 --> 00:20:00,065 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," EMILY BLUNT! 368 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:10,442 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 369 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:20,652 >> HI! 370 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:21,320 THANK YOU. 371 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,487 WOW! 372 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:25,390 >> Stephen: NOW THAT-- THAT IS AN OUTFIT FOR A SHOW. 373 00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:26,458 >> I KNOW. 374 00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:31,597 IT'S LIKE-- >> Stephen: WHOA! 375 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:32,931 THEY'VE ALREADY BOUGHT THE TICKETS. 376 00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:33,599 YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 377 00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:34,066 >> IT'S KIND OF LIKE LIBERACE. 378 00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:35,133 LIBERACE'S P.J.s. 379 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:35,934 >> Stephen: VERY NICE. 380 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:36,835 LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 381 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:37,869 >> YOU, TOO. 382 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,204 HOW ARE YOU. 383 00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:41,406 >> Stephen: GOOD, A LITTLE TIRED, ELECTION WEEK. 384 00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:42,741 HOW YOU HOLDING UP OVER THERE? 385 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,376 >> I'M ALL RIGHT. 386 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:48,680 "OVER THERE" AS IN -- >> Stephen: OVER THERE IN THAT 387 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:49,615 CHAIR. 388 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:50,849 >> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IN ENGLAND. 389 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,052 >> Stephen: YOU LIVE OFF THE COAST IN NEW YORK IN BROOKLYN. 390 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:55,587 WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE. 391 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,691 YOU KNOW I'M COMING FOR YOUR HUSBAND THE NEXT TIME HE'S ON 392 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,892 HERE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. 393 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:04,763 HE WAS ON UP THERE AND WE ARM WRESTLED RIGHT THERE. 394 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:09,134 AND YOU CAN TELL HOW WELL IT TURNED OUT BY HOW WORRYIED EVIE 395 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:09,935 LOOKS. 396 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,204 COULD YOU DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME OUT? 397 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,972 COULD YOU SOFTEN HIM UP. 398 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,775 >> GIVE HIM SOME DEAD-ON PUNCH S. 399 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,243 >> Stephen: GIVE HIM SOME STARCH. 400 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:19,978 >> I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN LUCK. 401 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:24,182 HE HAS BEEN DIRECT N NONSTOP. 402 00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:25,384 >> Stephen: HE'S NOT JACKED? 403 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:31,623 >> NO, I WOULDN'T SAY HE'S FAT RYAN BUT HE'S NOT JACKED RYAN. 404 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:35,761 I FEEL LIKE ONE OF MY FALSE EYE LASHES JUST CAME OUT. 405 00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:37,496 DO YOU EVER GET THAT FEELING? 406 00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:41,633 >> Stephen: MINE ARE ALL REAL, DARLING. 407 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:42,167 ( APPLAUSE ). 408 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:43,035 >> OF COURSE THEY ARE. 409 00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:43,935 YOU WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS, DON'T YOU. 410 00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:46,705 >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO WEAR MAKEUP? 411 00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:49,608 I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THAT 412 00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:50,709 CONCEPT, RIGHT? 413 00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:53,612 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY, 414 00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:57,949 YOUR SISTER, FELICITY, WHO IS MARRIED TO STANLEY TUCCI. 415 00:21:58,016 --> 00:21:59,117 >> YES! 416 00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:02,854 >> Stephen: SO DO YOU GUYS, FOR THANKSGIVING, DO YOU DO A 417 00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:03,555 BLENDED THANKSGIVING? 418 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:04,156 DO THEY COME OVER? 419 00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:04,990 >> YEAH. 420 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:05,724 >> Stephen: REALLY? 421 00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:10,228 >> WHAT DO WE DAHL A BLUNT-TUCCI. 422 00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:11,697 .WE HAVE GONE TO THEM. 423 00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:12,664 THEY HAVE COME TO US. 424 00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:13,832 HE'S AN AMAZING COOK. 425 00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:17,936 BUT SHE'S AN AMAZING COOK AS WELL. 426 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,071 >> Stephen: WHO TENDS BAR. 427 00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:25,644 >> I MEAN, STANLEY MAKES A FANTASTIC CHRISTMAS COSMO CAN 428 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:26,645 YOU BELIEVE THAT? 429 00:22:26,712 --> 00:22:28,080 HE'S A SEX SYMBOL NOW. 430 00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:29,314 >> Stephen: HERE'S THE THING. 431 00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:32,918 I TOTALLY BUY IT BECAUSE TALENT IS A GREAT APHRODISIAC, IF YOU 432 00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:33,785 KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 433 00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:34,920 >> YEAH, YEAH. 434 00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:37,389 >> Stephen: YOU'RE SHOCKED THAT HE'S BECOME THIS SORT OF, 435 00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:40,058 REICH-- I WOULD SAY SILVER FOX, BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO THE ROOF. 436 00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:41,359 >> THERE'S NOTHING ON THE ROOF. 437 00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:45,430 ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S-- I THINK HE'S SHOCKED. 438 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:47,232 >> Stephen: I DON'T THINK HE IS! 439 00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,266 >> NO, I THINK HE IS. 440 00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:49,201 >> Stephen: REALLY? 441 00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:51,336 HE DOESN'T ACT LIKE HE IS. 442 00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:54,606 HE ACTS LIKE, "FINALLY, THEY'VE NOTICED." 443 00:22:54,673 --> 00:22:58,944 ( APPLAUSE ) >> St>> IT'S TRUE. 444 00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,412 >> Stephen: AS WELL HE SHOULD. 445 00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:05,617 >> IT'S AMAZING IT TOOK A SORT OF IRREVERENT VIDEO ON INSTAGRAM 446 00:23:05,684 --> 00:23:11,423 THAT MY SISTER TOLD THEM TO POST AND HE BECAME A SEX SYMBOL. 447 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,825 I ASKED HIM, "DO YOU LIKE IT DEEP DOWN? 448 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:17,496 DO YOU LIKE BEING A SEX SYMBOL?" AND HE SAID, "YEAH." 449 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:18,363 >> Stephen: HE'S HONEST. 450 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:19,264 >> YES. 451 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:20,499 >> Stephen: TALK ABOUT SEXY-- >> OH, GOD. 452 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,235 >> Stephen: EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I COME OUT HERE-- THIS IS TRUE-- 453 00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:26,705 WHEN I'M BEING MADE UP-- SPOILER-- WHEN I'M GETTING MADE 454 00:23:26,772 --> 00:23:29,174 UP, WE WATCHINA GARTHEN. 455 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,710 EVERY NIGHT I WATCH A NEW RECIPE. 456 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:32,410 >> DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU HAPPY. 457 00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:33,779 >> Stephen: SHE'S SO WONDERFUL. 458 00:23:33,845 --> 00:23:34,613 SHE'S LOVELY. 459 00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:37,749 >> HERE YOU ARE WITH INA, RIGHT THERE. 460 00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:38,683 FRIEND OF THE SHOW. 461 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,919 >> SHE WOULD LOVE IF YOU WENT ON THE SHOW. 462 00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,754 I MEAN, SHE WOULD LOVE THAT. 463 00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:43,855 >> Stephen: TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT YOU DID. 464 00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:47,359 YOU WENT ON HER SHOW-- >> SHE HAS A WONDERFUL SHOW 465 00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:53,765 CALLED "BE MY GUEST," AND YOU GO ON AND COOK SOMETHING WITH HER 466 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:56,868 AND YOU HANG OUT WITH HER. 467 00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:57,969 WHY DO YOU WATCH HER? 468 00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:01,006 DO YOU WATCH HER BECAUSE IT KEEPS YOU CALM. 469 00:24:01,072 --> 00:24:02,474 >> Stephen: I LOVE PROCESS. 470 00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:04,543 I LOVE ONE THING BECOMING ANOTHER THING. 471 00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:07,946 SHE'S VERY FRIENDLY AND BUBBLY AND GRACIOUS. 472 00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,215 AND ALSO KIND OF NO-NONSENSE. 473 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,449 JARRED SAUCE OKAY. 474 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:12,017 >> YES. 475 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:12,884 >> I LOVE THAT FEELING. 476 00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:14,085 >> YES. 477 00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,221 >> Stephen: AND EVERYTHING SHE MAKES I WANT TO EAT, YOU KNOW. 478 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:17,589 >> YEAH! 479 00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:20,792 >> Stephen: SHE ALSO-- SHE SENT ME-- SHE SENT ME SOME 480 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:21,526 PRESENTS OVER THE YEARS. 481 00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:23,261 >> SHE HAS? 482 00:24:23,328 --> 00:24:25,363 >> WE DID A BIT OVER COVID. 483 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:30,802 SHE SENT ME A COCKTAIL SHAKER, LITERALLY, THIS BIG-- 484 00:24:30,869 --> 00:24:33,338 >> SHE DID THE BIG COSMO. 485 00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:35,607 DID SHE TAKE THE WHOLE THING DOWN? 486 00:24:35,674 --> 00:24:37,509 DID SHE TAKE IT DOWN. 487 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:38,977 I MEAN DRINK THE WHOLE THING. 488 00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:42,247 THAT IS ENGLISH FOR, "DID SHE DRINK THE ENTIRE THING?" 489 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:43,949 >> Stephen: DID SHE TAKE IT DOWN? 490 00:24:44,015 --> 00:24:45,817 I DIDN'T LAST THAT LONG. 491 00:24:45,884 --> 00:24:46,818 I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW. 492 00:24:46,885 --> 00:24:50,322 >> WELL, SHE WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU WOULD GO ON. 493 00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:53,692 WHAT WOULD YOU COOK IF YOU WENT ON? 494 00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:54,926 >> Stephen: I WOULD MAKE SOMETHING OF HERS. 495 00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:58,663 >> I HEAR YOU MAKE A REALLY GOOD BANANA BREAD, THEY TOLD ME. 496 00:24:58,730 --> 00:24:59,598 >> Stephen: REALLY? 497 00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:02,767 YOU MAKE IT SOUND SUCH CLASSIER THAN IT IS. 498 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:05,570 >> YOU WENT AROUND OFFERING IT TO PEOPLE WHO WORK ON THE SHOW. 499 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:08,473 >> Stephen: I OFTEN BRING IN BAKED GOODS AROUND HERE. 500 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:09,441 >> COME ON! 501 00:25:09,507 --> 00:25:11,543 ARE YOU THE CUTEST? 502 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:13,378 >> Stephen: NO, STANLEY IS, EVIDENTLY. 503 00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:15,513 >> NO, HE'S THE SEXIEST. 504 00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:18,483 YOU'RE THE CUTE GLEFT THEY TOLD YOU IT WAS GOOD? 505 00:25:18,550 --> 00:25:21,353 WHEN YOUR EMPLOYEES SAY IT'S GOOD THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING 506 00:25:21,419 --> 00:25:22,520 IF IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD. 507 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:25,156 >> THEY SAID IT WAS DELICIOUS AND MOIST-- AND I DON'T LIKE 508 00:25:25,223 --> 00:25:26,858 THAT WORD, BUT THEY LIKED IT. 509 00:25:26,925 --> 00:25:29,494 >> Stephen: NOT EVEN IN YOUR BANANA BREAD? 510 00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:33,698 >> NO, I WOULD RATHER HAVE A DRY BANANA BREAD. 511 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:35,800 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE BACK 512 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:36,868 WITH MORE EMILY BLUNT, EVERYBODY. 513 00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:56,955 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "THE ENGLISH," EMILY BLUNT. 514 00:25:57,022 --> 00:26:00,025 YOU'RE STARRING IN A NEW WESTERN SERIES CALLED "THE ENGLISH." 515 00:26:00,091 --> 00:26:02,394 YOU'RE ALSO EXECUTIVE PRODUCING IT. 516 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,261 >> YES. 517 00:26:03,328 --> 00:26:05,130 >> Stephen: AND IS THAT-- ( APPLAUSE ) 518 00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:06,131 >> THANKS. 519 00:26:06,197 --> 00:26:07,732 >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU LIKE EXECUTIVE PRODUCING? 520 00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:08,867 >> I LIKE IT VERY MUCH. 521 00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,036 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO ADD MEETINGS TO YOUR OTHER JOBS. 522 00:26:11,102 --> 00:26:12,304 >> YOU DO. 523 00:26:12,370 --> 00:26:16,341 I FEEL LIKE DURING THE COURSE OF SHOOTING I DO THE ACTING STUFF. 524 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,610 BUT I LOVE THE PREAMBLE TO IT. 525 00:26:18,677 --> 00:26:19,811 I LOVE BUILDING STORIES. 526 00:26:19,878 --> 00:26:21,846 I LOVED THE WHOLE CREATIVE PROCESS. 527 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:22,981 AND I LOVED THE AFTERMATH. 528 00:26:23,048 --> 00:26:26,184 I LOVED THE COLOR TIMING AND THE EDITING AND THE MUSIC. 529 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,019 I'M A GEEK FOR IT. 530 00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:29,254 IT'S BECOME SOMETHING. 531 00:26:29,321 --> 00:26:32,357 I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR A WHILE NOW, SO I DON'T WANT TO 532 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:33,158 JUST ACT. 533 00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:34,626 >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN AROUND BLOCK? 534 00:26:34,693 --> 00:26:35,226 >> IN HOLLYWOOD, YEAH! 535 00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:36,494 >> Stephen: I SUPPOSE SO. 536 00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:37,529 I SUPPOSE SO. 537 00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:39,965 IT'S A WESTERN, AND THERE'S A BIG WESTERN REVIVAL. 538 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:42,500 >> RESURGENCE, YES. 539 00:26:42,567 --> 00:26:43,702 >> Stephen: IN A WESTERN, YOU HAVE TO RIDE. 540 00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:44,869 >> YEAH. 541 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:47,138 >> Stephen: AND HOW ARE YOU GETTING ALONG WITH THE HORSES, 542 00:26:47,205 --> 00:26:48,039 WHICH ARE REALLY COSTARS? 543 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,407 >> WELL, THEY ARE. 544 00:26:49,474 --> 00:26:51,276 I MEAN... 545 00:26:51,343 --> 00:26:54,212 I TRAINED FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS BEFORE WE DID, BECAUSE I FEEL 546 00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:59,584 LIKE EVERY ACTOR PUTS ON THEIR C.V., THAT THEY CAN RIDE. 547 00:26:59,651 --> 00:27:01,753 LIKE YOU SAYING YOU WEAR NO MAKEUP. 548 00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:03,555 IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU SAY BUT IT'S NOT TRUE. 549 00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:04,689 >> Stephen: BUT YOU GOT TO. 550 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:07,892 >> I SAID I COULD RIDE, WHICH REALLY MEANT SORT OF JUST 551 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:09,094 HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE. 552 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,095 >> Stephen: SURE, YES. 553 00:27:10,161 --> 00:27:12,564 >> SO THEN YOU HAVE TO REALLY LEARN HOW TO RIDE. 554 00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:13,498 IF YOU'RE IN A WESTERN. 555 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:16,801 AND I LOVED-- I LOVED LEARNING HOW TO RIDE. 556 00:27:16,868 --> 00:27:19,237 I'M VERY ALLERGIC TO HORSES, WHICH IS -- 557 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:23,541 >> Stephen: THAT'S A TERRIBLE COMBINATION. 558 00:27:23,608 --> 00:27:24,476 >> ...STRANGE COMPROMISE. 559 00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:25,510 >> Stephen: DID YOU DO SHOTS? 560 00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:29,447 >> NO, MASSIVE TRANQUILIZING ANTIHISTAMINE. 561 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,648 >> Stephen: MASSIVE DOSE? 562 00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:32,117 >> LITERALLY, ONE LIKE THAT. 563 00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:33,118 >> Stephen: WOW, A HORSE PILL. 564 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:34,919 >> A HORSE PILL, LITERALLY. 565 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:36,588 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 566 00:27:36,654 --> 00:27:38,923 DO YOU WANT TO DESCRIBE TO THE PEOPLE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? 567 00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:42,227 I ALREADY KNOW, AND I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW-- THIS DOESN'T 568 00:27:42,293 --> 00:27:44,329 HAPPEN VERY OFTEN-- I WAS AFFECTED BY A CLIP. 569 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:47,332 IT GOT ME, REACHED RIGHT INTO THE RIB CAGE. 570 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:48,833 >> AND KIDNAPPED YOU. 571 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:51,169 >> Stephen: KIDNAPPED MY HEART WITH THIS LITTLE CLIP. 572 00:27:51,236 --> 00:27:53,104 >> I LOVE THAT. 573 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:56,141 WELL, THIS IS A CLIP, I THINK, WHERE I AM ASKING MY COSTAR, 574 00:27:56,207 --> 00:28:00,545 CHASKE SPENCER, WHO PLAYS THIS SCOUT, WHO I NEED HIS HELP TO GO 575 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:03,181 ON THIS REVENGE MISSION-- THIS IS A VERY LONG PITCH. 576 00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:06,251 I'M SO SORRY-- REVENGE MISSION TO FIND THE GUY WHO KILLED MY 577 00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:07,485 CHILD. 578 00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:09,187 AND I'M SORT OF BEGGING HIM TO COME AND HELP ME, BECAUSE I NEED 579 00:28:09,254 --> 00:28:14,426 HIS HELP, BECAUSE SHE'S SORT OF ILL PREPARED FOR THIS AWNTLET 580 00:28:14,492 --> 00:28:14,859 AHEAD. 581 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:16,895 >> Stephen: JIM. 582 00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:21,399 >> YOU DID NOT JUST COME BACK FOR THAT BAG. 583 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:23,935 OR IF YOU DID, THE BAG MADE YOU DO IT. 584 00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:26,171 >> THIS IS MY MEDICINE. 585 00:28:26,237 --> 00:28:26,805 MY FAMILY'S. 586 00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:28,940 >> AND THIS IS MINE. 587 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:32,210 THIS IS MY SON'S. 588 00:28:32,277 --> 00:28:37,615 HE IS DEAD NOW. 589 00:28:37,682 --> 00:28:43,021 ♪ ♪ ♪ AND UP ON POWDER RIVER, THERE IS 590 00:28:43,088 --> 00:28:48,660 A MAN TRYING TO FORGET THAT HE EVER EXISTED. 591 00:28:48,726 --> 00:28:55,733 SO I'M GOING TO GO UP THERE TO REMIND HIM. 592 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,404 AND IT WILL BE THE LAST THING HE EVER HEARS, I SWEAR IT. 593 00:28:59,471 --> 00:29:00,004 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 594 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:00,738 >> Stephen: GOT ME AGAIN. 595 00:29:00,805 --> 00:29:02,273 LOOK AT THAT. 596 00:29:02,340 --> 00:29:03,141 CAN'T FAKE THAT. 597 00:29:03,208 --> 00:29:04,309 GOT ME AGAIN. 598 00:29:04,375 --> 00:29:06,544 >> THIS SHOW IS GOING TO RUIN YOU. 599 00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:07,345 >> Stephen: IT'S GOING TO KILL ME? 600 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:09,214 >> IT'S GOING TO DESTROY YOU THEN. 601 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,483 BECAUSE THAT'S SORT OF, LIKE, THE WARM-UP ACT. 602 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:12,050 >> Stephen: WOW. 603 00:29:12,117 --> 00:29:14,219 >> OH. 604 00:29:14,285 --> 00:29:16,488 GOD, YOU ARE THE CUTEST. 605 00:29:16,554 --> 00:29:17,255 LOOK HOW SWEET. 606 00:29:17,322 --> 00:29:19,324 >> Stephen: THAT WAS GOOD ACTING. 607 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:20,658 YOU ACTED ALL GOOD AT ME. 608 00:29:20,725 --> 00:29:21,459 >> THANK YOU. 609 00:29:21,526 --> 00:29:22,060 >> Stephen: YOU ACTED ALL GOOD AT ME. 610 00:29:22,127 --> 00:29:22,894 I'M DEFENSELESS OVER HERE. 611 00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:24,429 I'M TIRED. 612 00:29:24,496 --> 00:29:25,230 I'M TIRED. 613 00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:26,364 I'M ALL WEEPY THESE DAYS. 614 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:30,635 >> I GET A LITTLE WOBBLY AT GLIEMS SINCE YOU'RE ENGLISH, 615 00:29:30,702 --> 00:29:34,873 BEFORE WE GO HERE, WE HAVE SEEN A LOT OF CURTSYING IN ENGLAND 616 00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:38,843 WITH THE PASSAGE OF HER MAJESTY AND HIS MANUAL STE COMING IN, 617 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:45,683 AND LIZ TRUSS, THE LAST TO BE APPOINT BIDE THE QUEEN, AND IT'S 618 00:29:45,750 --> 00:29:47,585 ACCEPTED SHE KILLED THE QUEEN WITH HER CURTSY. 619 00:29:47,652 --> 00:29:49,387 YOU SAW HER CURTSY, RIGHT? 620 00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,889 IT'S NOT IA CURTSY. 621 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:53,024 SHE KIND OF WENT... LIKE THAT. 622 00:29:53,091 --> 00:29:54,392 SHE KIND OF DID THAT. 623 00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:57,929 >> DON'T YOU THINK YOU GET IN THAT POSITION AND YOU FREEZE 624 00:29:57,996 --> 00:29:58,930 WITH FEAR. 625 00:29:58,997 --> 00:29:59,564 >> Stephen: THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE PRIME MINISTER. 626 00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:00,798 >> WHICH SHE'S NOT. 627 00:30:00,865 --> 00:30:04,602 >> Stephen: WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU, AS SOMEONE-- YOU HAVE MET A 628 00:30:04,669 --> 00:30:05,136 ROYAL. 629 00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:06,371 WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? 630 00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:10,575 >> I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD, AND I PRESENTED HER WITH SOME FLOWERS, 631 00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:11,176 PRINCESS MARGARET. 632 00:30:11,242 --> 00:30:12,410 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 633 00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:15,113 >> NOW, LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN QUITE SEE, BUT I'M IN A 634 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:19,117 VERY DEEP LUNGE, WHICH IS, I GUESS, WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A 635 00:30:19,184 --> 00:30:19,517 CURTSY. 636 00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:20,318 THERE YOU GO. 637 00:30:20,385 --> 00:30:21,719 >> Stephen: IT'S GOOD FOR THE QUADS. 638 00:30:21,786 --> 00:30:22,854 GOOD FOR THE QUADS. 639 00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:25,123 DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CURTSY? 640 00:30:25,190 --> 00:30:26,224 I IMAGINE YOU DO. 641 00:30:26,291 --> 00:30:30,295 >> AS PART OF MY WORKOUT ROUTINE-- I WORK OUT WITH THIS 642 00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:33,798 AMAZING TRAINER, AND WE DO THESE-- WE DO CURTSIES. 643 00:30:33,865 --> 00:30:34,799 IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR BOOTY. 644 00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:36,668 >> Stephen: CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW TO CURTSY. 645 00:30:36,734 --> 00:30:40,438 >> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT IN THE HEELS, BUT WE'LL GIVE IT 646 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,105 A GO. 647 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:42,140 WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND. 648 00:30:42,207 --> 00:30:43,074 >> Stephen: OF COURSE. 649 00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:45,510 >> THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD CURTSY, LIKE THAT. 650 00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:47,045 BUT THIS IS VERY DEEP CURTSY. 651 00:30:47,111 --> 00:30:51,249 YOU COULD DO A LITTLE ONE, LIKE A LITTLE ABOUT BLOOP. 652 00:30:51,316 --> 00:30:52,650 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE GOOD ONE? 653 00:30:52,717 --> 00:30:53,384 WHAT DO I DO? 654 00:30:53,451 --> 00:30:55,587 >> GET THAT LEG RIGHT BEHIND YOU. 655 00:30:55,653 --> 00:30:56,487 >> Stephen: YES, YES. 656 00:30:56,554 --> 00:30:58,723 >> AND YOU FEEL RIGHT IN YOUR LEFT BOOTY. 657 00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:03,494 >> Stephen: >> STEPHEN: "THE ENGLISH" 658 00:31:03,561 --> 00:31:05,530 PREMIERES TOMORROW ON PRIME VIDEO. 659 00:31:05,597 --> 00:31:08,967 EMILY BLUNT, EVERYBODY! 660 00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:10,235 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 661 00:31:10,301 --> 00:31:11,069 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 662 00:31:11,135 --> 00:31:12,136 WITH GEORGE SAUNDERS! 663 00:31:27,018 --> 00:31:32,323 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 664 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:34,959 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, 665 00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:36,194 MY NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS. 666 00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:42,567 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," GEORGE SAUNDERS! 667 00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:43,234 HELLO, GEORGE! 668 00:31:43,301 --> 00:31:45,303 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 669 00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:55,780 I GET MILES DAVIS. 670 00:31:55,847 --> 00:31:58,650 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE NEW BOOK OF SHORT STORIES HERE. 671 00:31:58,716 --> 00:32:03,588 IT'S CALLED "LIBERATION DAY," FIRST FICTION COLLECTION YOU'VE 672 00:32:03,655 --> 00:32:06,691 DONE SINCE YOUR NOVEL, "LINCOLN AND THE BARDO." 673 00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:09,794 HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE? 674 00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:11,462 FICTION IS ANYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN. 675 00:32:11,529 --> 00:32:12,630 >> YEAH. 676 00:32:12,697 --> 00:32:17,935 >> Stephen: AFTER YOU WRITE THAT NOVEL, HOW DO YOU DECIDE 677 00:32:18,002 --> 00:32:21,172 WHAT THE NEXT THING YOU'RE GOING TO WORK ON THAT'S GOING TO TAKE 678 00:32:21,239 --> 00:32:21,673 YEARS? 679 00:32:21,739 --> 00:32:22,507 >> YEAH. 680 00:32:22,573 --> 00:32:24,609 FOR ME, HONESTLY, IT'S JUST, LIKE, FUN. 681 00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:26,477 IF IT'S NOT FUN, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. 682 00:32:26,544 --> 00:32:29,781 AND THE MOST FUN THING IS IF YOU START A STORY AND YOU DON'T KNOW 683 00:32:29,847 --> 00:32:32,283 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, SO JUST TO KIND OF CONFUSE YOURSELF IN 684 00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:34,686 THAT WAY, AND THEN JUST SEE WHERE IT GOES. 685 00:32:34,752 --> 00:32:38,690 BECAUSE THE IDEA IS IF I KNOW TOO WELL WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, 686 00:32:38,756 --> 00:32:44,095 AND I JUST DO THAT, THAT'S A BIG BUZZ KILL. 687 00:32:44,162 --> 00:32:47,231 GERALD STERN SAID-- I HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP FOR TV-- HE SAID IF 688 00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:51,002 YOU START OUT TO WRITE A POEM ABOUT TWO DOGS MAKING LOVE AND 689 00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:55,073 YOU WRITE A POEM ABOUT TWO DOGS MAKING LOVE, AND YOU WROTE A 690 00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:56,941 POEM ABOUT TWO DOGS MAKING LOVE. 691 00:32:57,008 --> 00:33:01,245 SO THE IDEA IS YOU'RE-- EINSTEIN WAS A LITTLE MORE CLASSY. 692 00:33:01,312 --> 00:33:06,484 HE SAID NO WORTHY PROBLEM IS EVER SOLVED ON THE PLANE OF ITS 693 00:33:06,551 --> 00:33:07,652 ORIGINAL CONCEPTION. 694 00:33:07,719 --> 00:33:09,821 THE YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN AND BE WILLING TO ABANDON IT. 695 00:33:09,887 --> 00:33:12,490 FOR ME, A STORY IS A GREAT FORM FOR THAT. 696 00:33:12,557 --> 00:33:15,026 >> Stephen: I STARTED OFF IN IMPROVISATION, AND SORT OF THE 697 00:33:15,093 --> 00:33:16,828 IDEA THERE WAS DISCOVERY IS BETTER THAN INVENTION. 698 00:33:16,894 --> 00:33:18,029 >> THAT'S PERFECT. 699 00:33:18,096 --> 00:33:20,198 >> Stephen: TOGETHER, YOU'LL DISCOVER SOMETHING ON STAGE THAT 700 00:33:20,264 --> 00:33:21,999 NEITHER ONE OF YOU COULD HAVE INVENTED. 701 00:33:22,066 --> 00:33:22,967 >> RIGHT. 702 00:33:23,034 --> 00:33:24,902 BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'RE KIND OF CONDESCENDING. 703 00:33:24,969 --> 00:33:28,506 IF I HAVE A STORY AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I JUST TELL IT, 704 00:33:28,573 --> 00:33:32,510 IT ENDS UP BEING A BIT OF A LECTURE. 705 00:33:32,577 --> 00:33:36,981 IT'S LIKE IF YOU WONT A DATE AND HAD INDEX CARDS: "7:00 P.M., ASK 706 00:33:37,048 --> 00:33:37,982 ABOUT HER MOTHER." 707 00:33:38,049 --> 00:33:41,185 YOU MIGHT DO THAT BECAUSE IT'S ANXIETY-REDUCING. 708 00:33:41,252 --> 00:33:42,120 >> Stephen: SURE. 709 00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:43,888 >> BUT IN THE END, IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP. 710 00:33:43,955 --> 00:33:46,190 I LOVE, ESPECIALLY AS I'M GETTING OLDER, THE IDEA THAT 711 00:33:46,257 --> 00:33:48,960 YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE A REALLY INTIMATE COMMUNICATION WITH SNUB 712 00:33:49,026 --> 00:33:52,263 DON'T KNOW, AND YOU'RE TRYING TO THINK OF BET OF THEM AS YOU DO 713 00:33:52,330 --> 00:33:53,364 THAT. 714 00:33:53,431 --> 00:33:54,599 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU WRITE NONFICTION IS IT DIFFERENT, 715 00:33:54,665 --> 00:33:55,800 THOUGH? 716 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,802 BECAUSE IN NONFICTION, ARE YOU GOING IN WITH MORE OF A CLEAR 717 00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:58,770 INTENTION? 718 00:33:58,836 --> 00:34:00,638 >> YES, BUT THEN THE WORLD WILL KICK YOUR ASS. 719 00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:07,078 BECAUSE I DID A STORY WHERE I DROVE THE WHOLE MEXICAN BORDER 720 00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:09,347 FROM EAST TO LEFT. 721 00:34:09,414 --> 00:34:11,783 I'M A LIBERAL, LEFT OF GANDHI, BASICALLY. 722 00:34:11,849 --> 00:34:14,185 SO I KNEW WHAT I WANTED TO BE TRUE. 723 00:34:14,252 --> 00:34:16,921 AND YOU GO INTO THE BIG, CRAZY WORLD. 724 00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:19,757 AND IT JUST SAYS NOPE, TOO SIMPLE. 725 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:21,025 NOPE, TOO SIMPLE. 726 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:24,595 THE END I CAME OUT IN SAN DIEGO, AND I WAS LEAVING AND THESE TWO 727 00:34:24,662 --> 00:34:27,331 BEAUTIFUL BORDER GUARDS CAME RIDING DOWN ON HORSEBACK. 728 00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:29,200 "OH, YOU'RE A REPORTER." 729 00:34:29,267 --> 00:34:29,934 YEAH "WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND OUT?" I TOLD THEM, AND THEY DISMANTLED 730 00:34:30,001 --> 00:34:31,202 EVERYTHING I THOUGHT. 731 00:34:31,269 --> 00:34:34,739 IN BOTH FICTION AND NONFICTION, FOR ME THE GOAL IS TO GET TO THE 732 00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:39,143 PLACE WITH YOUR USUAL JUDGEY MIND HAS BEEN QUIETED, ALL YOUR 733 00:34:39,210 --> 00:34:41,746 USUAL EASY OPINIONS GET, YOU KNOW, REDUCED. 734 00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:45,383 AND YOU'RE JUST IN A KIND OF HOLY STATE OF NOT KNOWING 735 00:34:45,450 --> 00:34:47,318 ANYTHING, WHICH I THINK IS KIND OF A SACRED PLACE, REALLY. 736 00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:50,555 >> Stephen: I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO READ A STORY OF 737 00:34:50,621 --> 00:34:53,825 YOURS CALLED "LOVE LETTER" FROM A GRANDFATHER TO A GRANDSON. 738 00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:57,595 AND IT'S PLACED IN A SOMEWHAT FICTIONAL POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT 739 00:34:57,662 --> 00:35:01,332 WHERE THE GRANDSON IS ASKING FOR ADVICE FROM HIS GRANDFATHER. 740 00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:04,001 YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO THE PEOPLE-- YOU HAVE A VERY INTERESTING 741 00:35:04,068 --> 00:35:07,038 STORY ABOUT HOW THAT STORY CAME ABOUT, AND I THINK IT SPEAKS TO 742 00:35:07,104 --> 00:35:09,574 THAT, GOING TO A PLACE WHERE YOU DON'T ENTIRELY KNOW-- 743 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:16,047 >> FIRST LET ME KNOW, IF YOU GO TO SYMPHONYSPACE.ORG AND WATCH 744 00:35:16,113 --> 00:35:20,885 THIS, WE KNOW HE'S A NATIONAL TREASURE, BUT THAT NIGHT WE WERE 745 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:23,988 THERE, STEPHEN RED READ THE STORY, AND AT THE END OF IT 746 00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:28,926 THERE WAS A MOMENT OF COMPLETE-- YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP 747 00:35:28,993 --> 00:35:30,061 THAT PEOPLE WERE STUNNED. 748 00:35:30,127 --> 00:35:32,230 AND THERE WAS THIS THUNDEROUS WAVE OF APPLAUSE. 749 00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,332 AND I WAS SO GRATEFUL. 750 00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:39,003 I LIKED THE STORY OKAY BEFORE YOU READ IT, BUT AFTER YOU READ 751 00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:40,638 IT, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. 752 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:41,472 THANK YOU. 753 00:35:41,539 --> 00:35:42,673 >> Stephen: IT WAS MY HONOR TO READ IT. 754 00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:45,776 IT MAKES IT EASY WHEN IT'S A REALLY GOOD STORY, AND THERE'S A 755 00:35:45,843 --> 00:35:48,980 VERY COMPLEX EMOTIONAL INTENTION FOR THE CHARACTER THAT YOU'RE 756 00:35:49,046 --> 00:35:50,214 READING. 757 00:35:50,281 --> 00:35:52,817 AND I'M CURIOUS ABOUT WHERE THE COMPLEXITY OF THAT STORY-- IF 758 00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:55,453 YOU COULD GIVE A THUMBNAIL SKETCH OF WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. 759 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,989 >> IT WAS BEFORE THE 2020 ELECTION AND I WAS JUST FEELING, 760 00:35:58,055 --> 00:35:59,657 YOU KNOW, AGITATED AND PISSED. 761 00:35:59,724 --> 00:36:03,227 AND MOSTLY I WAS FEELING ARE WE REALLY GOING TO BLOW THIS THING, 762 00:36:03,294 --> 00:36:04,529 YOU KNOW? 763 00:36:04,595 --> 00:36:09,033 THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY WE HAVE MADE BY KIND OF MUTUAL CONSENSUS 764 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:12,336 ARE WE REALLY GOING TO LET SOMETHING SO SILLY AND COMICAL, 765 00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:14,605 SOMEONE SO SILLY AND COMICAL, BRING IT DOWN? 766 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:16,107 AND IT MADE ME DEEPLY SAD. 767 00:36:16,173 --> 00:36:20,945 SO I JUST DID WHAT I ALWAYS DO, WHICH IS I WENT INTO THE WRITING 768 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,548 ROOM AND KIND OF TYPED UP MY SINCERE EMOTION. 769 00:36:23,614 --> 00:36:27,318 WHAT I LEARNED FROM CHEKHOV, IS YOU CAN WRITE ANYTHING YOU WANT 770 00:36:27,385 --> 00:36:28,853 BUT YOU HAVE TO ATTRIBUTE IT. 771 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:30,354 I GAVE IT TO A GRANDFATHER. 772 00:36:30,421 --> 00:36:33,224 AND THE GRANDFATHER IS WRITING KIND OF A LETTER OR EXPLANATION 773 00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:37,194 OR APOLOGY TO HIS GRANDSON WHO IS NOW LIVING IN THIS SORT OF 774 00:36:37,261 --> 00:36:40,164 AUTOCRATIC REGIME, AND HE'S JUST EXPLAINING, "HERE'S HOW IT 775 00:36:40,231 --> 00:36:41,332 HAPPENED." 776 00:36:41,399 --> 00:36:44,769 AND WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN IN A STORY IS THAT-- AGAIN, IT 777 00:36:44,835 --> 00:36:45,903 SURPRISES YOU. 778 00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:48,072 SO IN THAT STORY-- AND YOU CONVEYED THIS SO BEAUTIFULLY-- 779 00:36:48,139 --> 00:36:50,942 HE STARTS OFF SAYING, "DON'T FIGHT BACK. 780 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:52,043 JUST ENJOY WHAT YOU CAN. 781 00:36:52,109 --> 00:36:53,878 JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND." 782 00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:57,048 AND BY THE END OF THE STORY HE KIND OF TALKS HIS WAY OUT OF IT. 783 00:36:57,114 --> 00:37:01,252 AND NOW HE'S NOT SO SURE HE SHOULD BE GIVING SOMEBODY HE 784 00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:04,288 LOVES THAT KIND OF ADVICE, TO BE PASSIVE. 785 00:37:04,355 --> 00:37:06,290 >> Stephen: I LOVE SHORT STORIES, AS I ALWAYS HAVE. 786 00:37:06,357 --> 00:37:07,425 HOW LONG IS A SHORT STORY? 787 00:37:07,491 --> 00:37:09,794 AND IT'S A SEMISERIOUS QUESTION. 788 00:37:09,860 --> 00:37:12,863 BECAUSE THERE'S THE SHORT STORY THAT BECOMES THE NOVELLA, AND 789 00:37:12,930 --> 00:37:14,699 THE NOVELLA THAT BECOMES THE NOVEL. 790 00:37:14,765 --> 00:37:17,234 DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRITING A SHORT STORY WHEN YOU START? 791 00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:21,706 AND DO YOU EVER START A SHORT STORY AND GO-- YOU'RE A PAGE IN, 792 00:37:21,772 --> 00:37:23,040 AND YOU GO, "I'M DONE." 793 00:37:23,107 --> 00:37:24,141 >> YEAH, YEAH. 794 00:37:24,208 --> 00:37:25,409 THAT CAN HAPPEN. 795 00:37:25,476 --> 00:37:28,212 I'VE OFTEN STARTED A STORY-- AND THERE'S A KIND OF MOMENT WHERE A 796 00:37:28,279 --> 00:37:30,581 SHORT STORY WRITER WILL GO, "THIS MIGHT BE THE NOVEL. 797 00:37:30,648 --> 00:37:31,682 I THINK THIS IS IT." 798 00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:35,753 AND THEN YOU BLOAT IT UP FOR ANOTHER SIX MONTHS AND YOU 799 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:37,021 REALIZE IT ACTUALLY WASN'T. 800 00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:40,691 FOR ME, I THINK MY LITTLE TALENT IS KIND OF LIKE A-- YOU KNOW, 801 00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:43,828 YOU TAKE ONE OF THOSE TOY CARS AND WIND IT UP AND TRY TO GET IT 802 00:37:43,894 --> 00:37:47,898 TO GO UNDER THE COUCH AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, QUICK. 803 00:37:47,965 --> 00:37:49,634 >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL IT'S GOING TO GO FOR NOW. 804 00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:52,203 >> I THINK 15-20 PAGES IS KIND OF THE IDEA. 805 00:37:52,269 --> 00:37:53,304 WHO KNOWS? 806 00:37:53,371 --> 00:37:57,975 >> Stephen: IN ONE OF YOUR SHORT STORIES IN THIS, IT'S 807 00:37:58,042 --> 00:38:00,745 ABOUT AN AUTHOR, WRITER, HAVING WRITER'S BLOCK. 808 00:38:00,811 --> 00:38:03,014 DO YOU SUFFER WRITER'S BLOCK? 809 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,616 OR ARE HAVE YOU IN THE PAST AND WHAT DO YOU DO? 810 00:38:05,683 --> 00:38:10,221 >> DAVID FOSTER WALLACE SAID WRITER'S BLOCK IS ALWAYS A CASE 811 00:38:10,287 --> 00:38:12,757 OF HAVING STUPIDLY ELEVATED EXPECTATIONING. 812 00:38:12,823 --> 00:38:20,464 YOU LOOK AT A BLANK PAGE "I'VE GOT TO BE TOLSTOY." 813 00:38:20,531 --> 00:38:21,766 YOU GO FOR A BLOCK. 814 00:38:21,832 --> 00:38:26,537 AND YOU TYPE THIS CRAP-- THAT'S A TECHNICAL THING "YOU TYPE SOME 815 00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:27,672 CRAP." 816 00:38:27,738 --> 00:38:28,873 IF YOU HAVE TASTE AND YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR TASTE, AND YOU 817 00:38:28,939 --> 00:38:32,276 GO BACK TO WHAT YOU'VE WRITTEN, YOU TUNE IT UP, YOU CUT SOME 818 00:38:32,343 --> 00:38:35,479 STUFF, IMPROVE IT, PUT IT AWAY, COME BACK THE NEXT DAY. 819 00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:39,083 FOR ME IT'S LIKE DOING THAT HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS OF 820 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,317 TIMES. 821 00:38:40,384 --> 00:38:41,519 AND THE REALLY WONDERFUL THING IS IF YOU'RE DOING THAT, SOMEHOW 822 00:38:41,585 --> 00:38:45,289 THE STORY GETS SMARTER THAN YOU ARE, IT GETS WISER, IT GETS 823 00:38:45,356 --> 00:38:47,224 KINDER, IT GETS FUNNIER. 824 00:38:47,291 --> 00:38:51,162 THIS GUY I'M NOT SO CRAZY ABOUT, BUT BY THE END OF IT, WHEN THE 825 00:38:51,228 --> 00:38:54,265 STORY IS DONE, THAT GUY, I CAN LIVE WITH HIM. 826 00:38:54,331 --> 00:38:54,999 YEAH. 827 00:38:55,066 --> 00:38:55,833 >> Stephen: YOU LIVED IN CHICAGO. 828 00:38:55,900 --> 00:38:56,734 HOW LONG DID YOU LIVE IN CHICAGO? 829 00:38:56,801 --> 00:38:58,069 >> 20 YEARS. 830 00:38:58,135 --> 00:39:00,371 >> Stephen: I LIVED THERE FOR 11 YEARS. 831 00:39:00,438 --> 00:39:03,340 >> ( APPLAUSE ) 832 00:39:03,407 --> 00:39:05,743 TONS OF PEOPLE WHO WORK ON THE SHOW ARE CHICAGO PEOPLE. 833 00:39:05,810 --> 00:39:10,881 THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE ASSOCIATED WITH IMPROV. 834 00:39:10,948 --> 00:39:13,150 WHAT OF CHICAGO EXISTS IN YOUR WORK? 835 00:39:13,217 --> 00:39:15,019 DO YOU THINK PEOPLE SHOULD RECOGNIZE SOMETHING ABOUT LIFE 836 00:39:15,086 --> 00:39:16,120 OR THE ETHOS THERE? 837 00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:19,356 >> I THINK THERE'S A CERTAIN KIND OF SWEET DARKNESS IN 838 00:39:19,423 --> 00:39:20,257 CHICAGO. 839 00:39:20,324 --> 00:39:21,592 I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY I WAS THINKING OF. 840 00:39:21,659 --> 00:39:24,995 WE HAD SOME NEIGHBORS-- WE DIDN'T KNOW THEM VERY WELL-- BUT 841 00:39:25,062 --> 00:39:27,898 THE WOMAN'S MOTHER HAD PASSED AWAY. 842 00:39:27,965 --> 00:39:29,400 SO MY DAD GOES TO THE FUNERAL. 843 00:39:29,467 --> 00:39:30,735 WE DON'T KNOW THEM VERY WELL. 844 00:39:30,801 --> 00:39:36,240 BUT HE SAYS TO HER, "YOU KNOW, YOUR MOTHER LIVED TO BE 95. 845 00:39:36,307 --> 00:39:38,776 SHE SEEMED TO HAVE A VERY LONG AND HEALTHY LIFE." 846 00:39:38,843 --> 00:39:42,880 AND THE WOMAN SAYS, "YEAH, THIS IS THE SIXEST SHE'S EVER BEEN." 847 00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:48,919 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THE CHICAGO PART IS MY DAD 848 00:39:48,986 --> 00:39:52,356 CAME AWAY-- HE'S SAFE SWEET MAN-- AND HE CAME HOME WITH SUCH 849 00:39:52,423 --> 00:39:54,258 A TENDER WAY OF TELLING THAT STORY. 850 00:39:54,325 --> 00:39:56,927 HE HAD SO MUCH SYMPATHY FOR HER AND IT WAS A REALLY FUNNY 851 00:39:56,994 --> 00:40:02,800 TO ME, THAT'S CHICAGO IN A SHUTSHELL. 852 00:40:02,867 --> 00:40:03,934 >> Stephen: GEORGE, LOVELY TO SEE YOU, THANK YOU FOR BEING 853 00:40:04,001 --> 00:40:05,936 >> STEPHEN: "LIBERATION DAY" IS AVAILABLE NOW. 854 00:40:06,003 --> 00:40:07,004 GEORGE SAUNDERS, EVERYBODY! 855 00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:13,310 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 856 00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,279 GOOD NIGHT.