>> DEMOCRATS TAKE A VICTORY LAP
AFTER WINNING KEY RACES IN NEVADA AND ARIZONA, GIVING THEM
CONTROL OF THE SENATE FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS.
>> DEMOCRATS CELEBRATING A NARROW VICTORY AFTER BEATING THE
ODDS AND DEFYING HISTORY TO SECURE THE MAJORITY IN THE
SENATE. ( SUNG TO "ALL I DO IS WIN" )
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: HOW ABOUT DEM APPLES?
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
THE. I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND I DON'T-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WEEK AGO TONIGHT, I WAS A LITTLE STRESSED OUT-- YOU KNOW, JUST
ABOUT SILLY STUFF, THAT IN RETROSPECT I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
TOO CONCERNED ABOUT, LIKE THE RISING TIDE OF FASCISM.
( LAUGHTER ) I CONTINUED TO BE STRESSED OUT
FOR FOUR MORE DAYS, BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW WHO WON IN NEVADA.
TURNS OUT, WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS TAKES FOUR DAYS TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT ON SATURDAY NIGHT, WE LEARNED THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE
KEEPING CONTROL OF THE SENATE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TURNS OUT THAT RED WAVE WAS ACTUALLY A BLUE SPLASH, JUST AS
THE MAXIPAD COMMERCIALS FORETOLD.
( LAUGHTER ) THE DEMOCRATS SEALED THE DEAL IN
NEVADA, WHERE CATHERINE CORTEZ MASTO DEFEATED HER G.O.P.
OPPONENT. OF COURSE, THIS IS NEVADA, SO
CORTEZ MASTO CAN EITHER TAKE THE WIN AND WALK AWAY OR GO DOUBLE
OR NOTHING. C'MON, WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO
BE BOTH SENATORS? CONTROL OF THE SENATE MEANS THAT
DEMOCRATS WILL BE ABLE TO APPROVE JUDGES, BLOCK
LEGISLATION FROM A POTENTIAL G.O.P. HOUSE, AND MOST
CRUCIALLY, PICK THE THEME OF THE SENATE HOMECOMING DANCE.
BERNIE'S PUSHING FOR "ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE SOUP."
THE DEMOCRATS' VICTORY IN NEVADA MEANS THE GEORGIA RUNOFF WILL NO
LONGER DETERMINE CONTROL OF THE SENATE, SO GEORGIANS WILL HAVE
TO COME UP WITH A NEW REASON TO VOTE FOR HERSCHEL WALKER.
FOR MANY OF THEM, IT'LL BE "HE'S MY DAD."
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
NOW THAT THE REPUBLICANS FAILED TO TAKE BACK THE SENATE, THEY'RE
ROLLING UP THEIR SLEEVES AND COMING TOGETHER TO PICK A
SCAPEGOAT AND HURL THEM DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT.
RIGHT NOW, KNIVES ARE OUT FOR SENATE MINORITY LEADER AND
CLINICALLY DEPRESSED PUDDING, MITCH McCONNELL AND FLORIDA
SENATOR AND NEWLY DISCOVERED CAVE FISH, RICK SCOTT.
( LAUGHTER ) REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES ARE MAD AT
McCONNELL FOR NOT TELLING THE VOTERS WHAT THE G.O.P. WOULD DO
IF THEY GOT CONTROL OF THE SENATE.
AND THEY'RE EVEN MADDER AT RICK SCOTT FOR TELLING VOTERS WHAT
THEY WOULD DO IF THEY GOT CONTROL OF THE SENATE--
SPECIFICALLY SCOTT TALKED ABOUT CUTTING SOCIAL SECURITY AND
MEDICARE, WHICH RESULTED IN SCARING OLDER VOTERS.
RICK SCOTT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SCARE OLDER VOTERS.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO SCARE HARRY POTTER AND HIS MEDDLING FRIENDS!
( APPLAUSE ) THE G.O.P. BLAME IS GOING TO THE
PERSON WHO ACTUALLY DESERVES IT, FORMER PRESIDENT CHEATLOAF.
( LAUGHTER ) STRATEGIST, THEY LOST BECAUSE OF
THE EX-PRESIDENT'S HANDPICKED CONSPIRACY CANDIDATES, SAYING
"THE MYPILLOW-IZATION OF THE G.O.P. HAS BEEN A DISASTER."
TO WHICH MIKE LINDELL RESPONDED, "USE PROMO CODE 'GOP-DISASTER'
FOR 20% OFF YOUR NEXT PILLOW SHAM!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHAM!"
ESPECIALLY A PROMINENT ELECTION DENIER WAS DENIED HIS
ELECTION, AND FINALLY ADMITTED IT.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICAN GUBERNATORIAL
CANDIDATE AND HAUNTED TESTICLE, DOUG MASTRIANO.
MASTRIANO BELIEVED GOD WOULD ENSURE HIS VICTORY, SO IT WAS
EXTRA SWEET WHEN, THIS SUNDAY, DOUG MASTRIANO CONCEDED TO JOSH
SHAPIRO. ♪ LAL LOUIA!
HALLELUJAH ♪ YES, ON A SUNDAY.
REMINDS ME OF THE INSPIRATIONAL POSTER, WHERE THE LORD SAYS,
"THE TIMES WHEN YOU SAW ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS ON THE BEACH,
THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA BE SEEN ANYWHERE NEAR DOUG
MASTRIANO. HE'S KOO-KOO!"
( LAUGHTER ) BEFORE THE--
♪ HALLELUJAH ♪ BEFORE THE MIDTERMS, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT HAD BEEN TEASING HIS 2024 PRESIDENTIAL KICKOFF FOR
TOMORROW. RIGHT, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
TOMORROW. BUT NOW THAT SO MANY OF HIS
CANDIDATES GOT CREAMED, REPUBLICANS ARE ADVISING HIM TO
DELAY HIS ANNOUNCEMENT UNTIL AFTER THE SENATE RUNOFF
IN GEORGIA. AND SO...
HE'S GONNA ANNOUNCE TOMORROW. ADVISORS TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT
CLAIM HE'S EAGER TO START ATTACKING OTHER POTENTIAL
G.O.P. HOPEFULS, SAYING, "I WOULD EXPECT HIM TO COME
OUT SWINGING." WHICH SOUNDS SCARY AT FIRST.
BUT REMEMBER: WHEN HE COMES OUT SWINGING, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS:
( LAUGHTER ) BREAKS MY HEART.
THERE'S MORE CHAOS AT TWITTER,
THANKS TO NEW C.E.O. ELON MUSK, SEEN HERE DEFINITELY AT HIS
FIRST RODEO. IT'S BEEN JUST OVER TWO WEEKS
SINCE MUSK PAID $44 BILLION TO BUY TWITTER, AND THE COMPANY
HAS GONE INTO A TAILSPIN. AD REVENUE HAS PLUNGED, MUSK HAS
ALREADY FIRED HALF OF TWITTER'S EMPLOYEES, AND LATE LAST WEEK,
HE WARED THE REMAINING STAFF THAT BANKRUPTCY IS POSSIBLE.
HE'S GOING TO LOSE IT ALL UNLESS HE CAN FIND SOMEONE EVEN RICHER
AND STUPIDER THAN HE IS TO BUY IT.
I WOULD TRY THE MONOPOLY GUY. HIS CAR IS A FRIGGIN' "SHOE."
( LAUGHTER ) HE TRADE THE THIMBLE IN FOR A
SHOE! ONE COMPANY IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO
STICK IT OUT BECAUSE SPACE-X PURCHASED A BIG ADVERTISING
CAMPAIGN ON TWITTER. YES, ELON'S SPACE-X IS GOING TO
SAVE ELON'S TWITTER, AND ELON'S SOLAR PANEL COMPANY IS GOING TO
SAVE ELON'S TESLA. ♪ IT'S THE CIRCLE OF JERK! ♪
( APPLAUSE ) CUTTING-EDGE SOLUTIONS TO SAVE
THE COMPANY-- SPECIFICALLY, HE'S TWEETING HIS BUTT OFF.
RIGHT NOW, HE'S ON TRACK TO POST MORE THAN 750 TIMES THIS
MONTH, OR MORE THAN 25 TIMES A DAY, SAYING THINGS LIKE,
"TWITTER FEELS INCREASINGLY ALIVE."
YES, IT FEELS MORE ALIVE THAN EVER, JUST LIKE RIGHT AFTER YOU
CUT A CHICKEN'S HEAD OFF. WOW, HE'S REALLY RUNNING AROUND.
HE'S DANCING! I'M DANCING WITH THAT CHICKEN!
I WANNA BE JUST LIKE THAT DANCIN' CHICKEN...
OH, OH, OH,. NOW THE CHICKEN IS SLEEPING,
SAID ELON MUSK. ONE REASON ADVERTISERS ARE
FLEEING THE PLATFORM IS ALL OF THE PROBLEMS TWITTER IS HAVING
WITH THEIR NEW BLUE-CHECK POLICY, WHICH ALLOWS ANYONE TO
BE VERIFIED FOR AN $8 FEE. IN THE PAST, THOSE BLUE CHECK
WERE RESERVED FOR VERIFIED PUBLIC FIGURES AND COMPANIES.
BUT WITH THE NEW EIGHT-BUCK VERIFICATION, INTERNET JOKESTERS
WENT WILD, MAKING FAKE ACCOUNTS FOR PUBLIC FIGURES LIKE
ELON MUSK, GEORGE W. BUSH, AND RUDY GIULIANI.
WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY FAKE. THE REAL RUDY GIULIANI CAN NO
LONGER AFFORD $8 A MONTH. ( LAUGHTER )
# THE POLICY-- DANCIN' WITH THAT CHICKEN!
LOOK AT HIM GO! THE POLICY BEGAN TO HAVE
REAL-WORLD IMPACT ON SOME OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT PERSONS:
CORPORATIONS. A FAKE CHECK-MARKED PEPSI
ACCOUNT TWEETED, "COKE IS BETTER."
( LAUGHTER ) NOT WRONG ACCOUNTS.
AND, BUT, IN RETURN, IN RETURN A FAKE COCA-COLA ACCOUNT SAID,
"IF THIS GETS 1,000 RETWEETS, WE WILL PUT COCAINE BACK IN COCA
COLA." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
RETWEETS FROM @DONJR. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT PERHAPS THE MOST DAMAGING TWEET FROM A FAKE ACCOUNT
HAPPENED TO PHARMACEUTICAL GIANT ELI LILLY, WHEN AN ACCOUNT
IN LILLY'S NAME ANNOUNCED THAT "INSULIN IS FREE NOW," AND
COMPANY STOCK FELL 4.37%, CAUSING THE COMPANY TO LOSE
BILLIONS IN MARKET CAP. I CAN'T BELIEVE WALL STREET FELL
FOR THAT. THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING
WAS UP WHEN A PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY OFFERED TO HELP ANYONE.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL--
( APPLAUSE ) TRYING TO MAKE TWITTER
ACCOUNTABLE FOR THIS MESS, MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR AND
COCKATOO IN HEAT, ED MARKEY. ( LAUGHTER )
TWEETED, "A WASHINGTON POST REPORTER WAS ABLE TO CREATE
A VERIFIED ACCOUNT IMPERSONATING ME.
I'M ASKING FOR ANSWERS FROM ELON MUSK, WHO IS PUTTING PROFITS
OVER PEOPLE AND HIS DEBT OVER STOPPING DISINFORMATION."
MUSK RESPONDED, "PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE YOUR REAL ACCOUNT
SOUNDS LIKE A PARODY?" COOL COMEBACK, BOSS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO MIGHT HAVE A BETTER COMEBACK?
SENATOR MARKEY, WHO SITS ON THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON COMMUNICATION,
MEDIA, AND BROADBAND. HE TWEETED, "ONE OF YOUR
COMPANIES IS UNDER AN F.T.C. CONSENT DECREE.
AUTO SAFETY WATCHDOG N.H.T.S.A. IS INVESTIGATING ANOTHER FOR
KILLING PEOPLE. AND YOU'RE SPENDING YOUR TIME
PICKING FIGHTS ONLINE. FIX YOUR COMPANIES OR
CONGRESS WILL." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT IS GONNA LEAVE A MARKEY. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS MICHELLE OBAMA.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I CALL A VERY IMPORTANT FAMILY MEETING.
OKAY. GET DOWN HERE.
( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY.
HELLO, JOSEPH. >> Joe: HELLO, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK GOOD UP THERE.
TONIGHT,s YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME, AND YOU'RE LIKE, WHO AM I
TUKE TONIGHT? THERE ARE FEW NAMES YOU WANT TO
HEAR MORE THAN MICHELLE OBAMA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
YEAH. IT'S GOING TO BE FUN.
BIG NIGHT, BIG NIGHT. THAT'S BIG.
THAT CHECKS A LOT OF BOXES. THAT CHECKS A WHOLE LOT OF BOXES
RIGHT THERE. BUT, YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME THAT I'M KIND OF LIKE THEIR
"TV DAD." PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M MIDDLE
AGED, AND I LOVE SAYING THE WORDS "SUMP PUMP."
AND AS A TV DAD, FROM TIME TO TIME, I LIKE TO CHECK IN AND SEE
HOW YOU'RE DOING. SO EVERYBODY GET IN THE LIVING
ROOM. DAD IS CALLING A FAMILY MEETING!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SEAT. SIT DOWN, KIDDIE.
HEY, BUDDY. THANKS FOR SITTING DOWN WITH
YOUR OLD MAN. AND THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR
HELPING ME STAND UP WHEN WE'RE DONE.
HAS THIS COUCH ALWAYS BEEN SO SQUISHY?
ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN WITH YA, BUDDY, HAVE A LITTLE
NOGGIN-A-NOGGIN. NOW, I'M SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO
SIT HERE AND GET A LECTURE FROM AMERICA'S TV DAD, SO I ALSO
INVITED AMERICA'S MOM. MICHELLE, COME ON OUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU.
THERE YOU GO. OH!
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S AMAZING. THERE YOU GO.
NOW, LISTEN, BUDDY, LISTEN, LISTEN TO YOUR MOM, BUDDY.
BUDDY, I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED TO SEE HER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). THERE YOU GO.
>> OH, MY GOODNESS! >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> SWEETHEART, HI! IT'S YOUR MOM!
YOU LOOK SO HEALTHY. YOU CLEARLY TOOK MY ADVICE AND
ATE YOUR VEGETABLES. >> Stephen: YEAH, KIDDO, YOU
LOOK GREAT! >> Michelle: YOU KNOW, YOU COULD
USE SOME VEGETABLES YOURSELF. >> Stephen: OH, NO WORRIES
THERE. MY DIET IS 99% CORN CHIP.
>> Michelle: THAT'S NOT A VEGETABLE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THEN I'LL SUPPLEMENT IN WITH POTATO
CHIPS. NOW LOOK, BUDDY, LISTEN CHAMP.
WE KNOW YOU'RE GETTING TO THE AGE WHERE YOU'RE EMBARRASSED
WHEN WE CALL YOU CUTE NICKNAMES, SO I PROMISE I'LL STOP CALLING
YOU THINGS LIKE "BUDDY" AND "CHAMP."
>> Michelle: AND I WILL, TOO, LIL' SWEETIE PIE PUMPKIN LAMB
FACE. >> Stephen: WE DON'T WANT TO
EMBARRASS YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.
WE KNOW KIDS CAN BE CRUEL. BUT REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MOM HERE
LIKES TO SAY: WHEN THEY GO LOW, YOU GO--
>> Michelle: POUR ME A GLASS OF WINE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) BY THE WAY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY
AT SCHOOL? >> Michelle: YOUR DAD AND I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT YOUR RECENT TEST SCORES.
>> Stephen: WE'RE NOT HAPPY WITH SOME OF THE RESULTS.
BUT WE DO ACCEPT THEM. >> Michelle: THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO ACCEPT RESULTS, EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE
THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: TRUE, THAT'S SO TRUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE STRESS IS GETTING TO YOU, IT
HELPS TO TAKE A SECOND FOR YOURSELF AND PAUSE.
>> Michelle: BUT DON'T PAUSE TOO MUCH, BECAUSE, LOOK...
THAT CAN GET REALLY... REALLY...
ANNOYING. ( LAUGHTER )
SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AT THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR, BECAUSE
THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR, THE THING WE'RE MOST THANKFUL
FOR IS YOU. >> Michelle: AND FREEDOM.
>> Stephen: YES, FREEDOM ( APPLAUSE )
FREEDOM AND YOU. >> Michelle: AND A FAIR
DEMOCRACY. >> Stephen: TRUE, TRUE.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU.
>> Michelle: OH, AND RANCH DRESSING.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH. WE LOVE RANCH.
>> Michelle: BUT YOU'RE DEFINITELY TOP FIVE!
>> Stephen: OH, AND WE KNOW YOU'RE STILL MAD AT US
BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T LET YOU GET ONE OF THOSE SEPTUM PIERCINGS,
EVEN THOUGH ALL YOUR COOL FRIENDS HAVE THEM.
>> Michelle: WELL, GOOD NEWS, BUDDY-- WE DECIDED TO CHANGE
ALL OF THAT. >> Stephen: YES, ANY TIME YOUR
FRIENDS ARE AROUND, I'M GONNA WEAR A FAKE NOSE RING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Michelle: ONCE THEY SEE HIM,
IT WON'T BE COOL ANYMORE! >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME!
WE'VE ALWAYS GOT YOUR BACK, BECAUSE WE'RE PROUD OF YOU.
>> Michelle: YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, AND
YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING. >> Stephen: YES!
IF YOU WORK HARD, YOU CAN GO TO PRINCETON UNIVERSITY, GET YOUR
J.D. FROM HARVARD LAW, WRITE BESTSELLING BOOKS, BE AN
ADVOCATE FOR CHANGE, INSPIRE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE
GLOBE, AND BE A BARRIER- BREAKING PART OF AMERICAN
HISTORY! ( APPLAUSE )
JOKES ON TV! ( LAUGHTER )
EVERYONE'S PATH IS DIFFERENT. >> Stephen: CHEERS TO THAT!
>> CHEERS, HONEY. WE LOVE YOU!
>> Stephen: GOOD TALK, KIDDO. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
MICHELLE OBAMA!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,s
WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS AN HONOR TO HAVE MY GUEST BACK IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
PLEASE WELCOME THE FORMER FIRST LADY OF THESE UNITED STATES,
MICHELLE OBAMA! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THANKS, EVERYBODY.
IT IS LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> IT'S GOOD TO BE WITH YOU!
>> Stephen: I LOVE THE SPARKLES.
>> IT'S SPARKLY. >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> IT'S LATE NIGHT. >> Stephen: IT IS.
I DON'T KEEP PEOPLE WEAK. >> WAKE UP, EVERYBODY!
SPARKLE! >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME--
THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE IN PERSON--
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: WAS NOVEMBER OF
'18. >> THAT'S A LONG TIME AGO.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
THIS LILGD COVID THING GOT IN THE WAY IN THE MIDDLE.
>> THAT THING. >> Stephen: YOU WERE TALKING
ABOUT YOUR BESTSELLING MEMOIR "BECOMING."
NOW YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK IT'S CALLED "THE LIGHT WE CARRY"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: "THE LIGHT WE
CARRY: OVERCOMING IN UNCERTAIN TIMES."
WHAT ARE THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MICHELLE?
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN AN INSPIRATION?
DID YOU DO IT OVER COVID? >> I DID, I DID.
RIGHT AFTER THE "BECOMING" BOOK TOUR, YOU KNOW, WE WERE DOING
ARENA TOURS. YOU DID SOME STUFF WITH ME.
>> Stephen: I KNOW. I WAS SO LUCKY.
THIS IS SO LUCKY TO BE ON STAGE WITH YOU.
>> I HAD SO MUCH FUN, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
HAD CONVERSATIONS. ( APPLAUSE )
COUNTRIES, HUGE CROWDS, LOTS OF HUGS.
AND THEN THE PANDEMIC HAPPENED, AND THE WORLD SHUT DOWN.
SO WE WENT FROM BEING TOGETHER, ALTHOUGH WE WERE STILL STRESSING
ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION AND PEOPLE WERE, IN A
WAY, THERE WAS A CERTAIN KIND OF NEED TO CONNECT THAT WAS GOING
ON. THERE WAS AN EXCITEMENT, A LOVE.
AND THEN WE JUST SHUT DOWN. AND I THINK, LIKE A LOT OF
PEOPLE, LOCKED AT HOME, JUST SORT OF WATCHING THE WORLD
SEEMINGLY FALL APART BEFORE OUR VERY EYES, I STARTED KIND OF
LOOPING IN MY HEAD. YOU KNOW, WONDERING, LIKE A LOT
OF PEOPLE, HOW DID WE GET HERE AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT?
AND I GET QUESTIONS ALL THE TIME.
I'M ASKED, "HOW DO YOU STAY HIGH WHEN THE WORLD FEELS LIKE IT'S
IN A LOW PLACE?" AND THIS BOOK IS MY BEST ANSWER,
YOU KNOW. SO I SPENT A LOT OF TIME KIND OF
MED TATH AND TRYING TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT WHAT TOOLS I COULD USE TO KEEP MYSELF LIFTED, NOT TO FALL
INTO DEPRESSION AND HOPELE HOPELESSNESS.
AND SO I'M OFFERING SOME OF THE TOOLS THEY USED.
BUT THE GOAL FOR ME THROUGH THIS BOOK IS TO START A CONVERSATION
BECAUSE WE-- WE NEED TO RECONNECT, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T THINK WE DO WELL-- ( APPLAUSE )
ISOLATION. WE ARE ALL FEELING ANXIOUS.
WE ARE ALL FEELING UNSEEN, UNHEARD.
WE'RE AFRAID. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS CAUSING
THAT FEAR. WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL IT,
HOW TO QUIET THAT FEARFUL MIND. AND I'M NO DIFFERENT.
I HAD TO WORK MY WAY OUT OF MY HOLE AND FIND MY PURPOSE AGAIN.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID THAT WRITING "BECOMING" FELT LIKE AN
EXHALE. >> YEAH.
AFTER EIGHT YEARS. >> Stephen: AFTER EIGHT YEARS.
BEING ABLE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE.
WHAT-- I MEAN, YOU WROTE THIS BOOK AT A PERIOD OF TIME WHEN WE
WERE ALL BEING CAUTIOUS ABOUT INHALING.
( LAUGHTER ) DO WITH HOW YOU DEAL WITH
STRESS, MICHELLE OBAMA? >> BREATHING IS KEY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THE THING-- ONE OF THE MANY THINGS
THAT I'VE LEARNED THAT I HAVE TO MASTER IS QUIETING THE FEARFUL
MIND. FEAR SAY POWERFUL EMOTION.
>> Stephen: FEAR IS A MIND KILLER.
>> WE NEED IT. IT KEEPS US SAFE.
BUT IF WE OVER-PRIVILEGE IT, IT KEEPS US STUCK, YOU KNOW.
AND-- ( APPLAUSE )
ABOUT FEAR IS THAT IF YOU OVERPRIVILEGE IT, IT GETS TO
THAT POSITION AND GOES, "OH, IT WILL BE VERY BAD FOR YOU TO NOT
OVER-PRIVILEGE ME." >> THAT'S.
>> Stephen: IT GETS IN THAT POSITION, "YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID
ABOUT TAKING ME OFF THE TOP OF YOUR LIST."
>> THAT'S RIGHT. AND I THINK ONE OF THE THINGS WE
ALL HAVE TO WORK THROUGH IS LEARNING HOW TO DECODE WHEN THAT
FEAR IS GOING TO HELP US AND WHEN IT'S HOLDING US BACK.
BECAUSE WHAT-- YOU KNOW, YOU COME OUT HERE EVERY NIGHT AND
YOU MAKE IT LOOK EASY. BUT I KNOW THERE IS ALWAYS A
THING IN PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE PUBLIC EYE WHERE YOU HAVE TO GET
OVER THAT CREST OF FEAR AND GET OUT HERE AND DO YOUR THING.
AND YOU PRACTICE IT. YOU GET BETTER AT IT.
AND WHAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE, IF YOU DO IT WELL, YOU DO IT RIGHT,
IS OPPORTUNITY. IT'S OPENNESS.
IT'S PURPOSE. IT'S POSSIBILITY.
>> Stephen: AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH OTHER
PEOPLE. BECAUSE BEING ALONE LEADS TO
FEAR, TOO. >> AND FEARFUL MINDS ARE
ISOLATED, AND THEIR WORLDS BECOME SMALL.
AND I THINK TOO MANY OF US ARE LIVING IN OUR SMALL WORLDS, IN
OUR SMALL MINDS, REINFORCED WITH OUR THOUGHTS, THE LOOP IN OUR
HEAD. AND THEN IF YOU HAVE LEADERS WHO
ARE WILLING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT, & LEAD WITH FEAR AND PREY
ON THAT INSTINCT, THEN WE FALL OVER IN THE DITCH.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS THAT GIVES ME HOPE ABOUT THE
MIDTERMS, THIS MAKES THREE ELECTIONS IN A ROW, THREE CYCLES
IN A ROW WHERE THAT PURE-FEAR MESSAGE FAILED.
>> YES. AMERICA, YES, AMERICA.
( APPLAUSE ) FOR US-- IT DOESN'T MEAN
EVERYTHING IS FIXED. THERE'S STILL WORK TO DO, BUT IT
REMINDS US WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW IS THAT MOST OF US ARE-- ARE
REASONABLE, DECENT PEOPLE, REGARDLESS OF POLITICAL PARTY,
REGARDLESS OF PARTY. THREUZ AND WE'VE BEEN SO
DISCONNECTED FROM EACH OTHER. WE DON'T GET OUR OWN INFORMATION
ABOUT EACHING. WE'RE HEARING IT THROUGH THE
MEDIA. WE'RE READING IT ON OUR PHONES
AND WE'RE NOT INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T AGREE WITH US,
KNOWING THAT JUST WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT YOUR WORRIES
COME FROM A PLACE, TOO, YOU KNOW.
YOUR FEAR COMES FROM, YOU KNOW, THE ANXIETY OF NOT HAVING A JOB.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO TURN OUT.
KIDS WHO ARE OUT HERE CAUSING TROUBLE, NOBODY'S INVESTED IN
THEM. YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY
TO FIND EMPATHY AGAIN FOR EACH OTHER SO THAT WE'RE NOT BLAMING
ONE ANOTHER, WE'RE NORTH DEMONIZING ONE ANOTHER.
BUT THAT STARTS WITH UNDERSTANDING WHERE DOES THAT
FEAR COME FROM? SO FOR ME, PART MEDITATION IN
THAT CHAPTER OF THE INTOOK ME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW DO I
HANDLE FEAR? I TALK ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST
SCARED TIMES IN MY LIFE IN THE BOOK.
LOOK, I GREW UP IN THE INNER CITY, THINGS TO REALLY BE AFRAID
OF. BUT MOST AFRAID I WAS WAS WHEN
MY HUSBAND CAME TO ME AND SAID HE WANTED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES. TRUE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN UNCERTAIN TIME.
>> THAT'S AN UNCERTAIN TIME. AND HE SAID IF I WASN'T ON
BOARD, HE'D SHUT THE WHOLE THING DOWN.
AND I JUST-- I SORT OF POINT OUT, WITH MY FEAR ALONE, I COULD
HAVE CHANGED THE COURSE OF HISTORY.
BUT I DIDN'T. ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU SAID YES, EVENTUALLY.
>> EVENTUALLY. >> Stephen: I READ THE LAST
BOOK. >> I SAID YES, EVENTUALLY.
WE'RE HERE. WE DID IT.
BUT IN THE DECISION I WAS MAKING, I WAS LIKE WHY DON'T--
WHY WOULD I SAY NO TO MY HUSBAND'S DREAM?
WHAT WOULD CAUSE ME NOT TO DO IT?
AND IT WAS CHANGE. I DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE
ANYTHING. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOME
I KNEW. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE
FRIENDS I KNEW. I DIDN'T WANT CHANGE.
I DIDN'T WANT DISCOUNTER. AND I HAD TO SAY TO MYSELF IS
THAT A REASON NOT TO TRY SOMETHING PURPOSEFUL.
IS THAT WHAT I SAY TO MY KIDS WHEN THEY'RE OLDER AND I AM
TALKING TO MY GRANDCHILDREN, AND THEY TALK ABOUT THE TIME THEIR
GRANDFATHER WANT TO BE PRESIDENT, AND LITTLE SCARED
GRANDMA WANTED TO STAY IN HER HOUSE AND ROCK IN HER CHAIR.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU IMAGINE? >> I WOULD BE ROCKING LIKE THIS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE MICHELLE OBAMA, EVERYBODY, STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) AUTHOR OF "THE LIGHT WE
CARRY," MICHELLE OBAMA. COVID WASN'T THE ONLY CHALLENGE
WE WERE FACING IN 2020 INTO 2021.
AS HARD AS THAT WAS. I DON'T THINK YOU AND I HAVE HAD
A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT THIS YET, THERE YOU ARE, YOU AND YOUR
HUSBAND, AFTER YOUR EIGHT YEARS OF SERVICE, YOU'RE CITIZENS AT
HOME. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WATCHING JANUARY 6 UNFOLD.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: LIKE EVERYBODY
ELSE BUT OF COURSE THESE ARE YOUR COLLEAGUES.
THIS IS THE PLACE YOU USED TO WORK.
YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE. THAT IS A VERY FAMILIAR AREA TO
YOU. WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU?
AND I KNOW THIS IS A VERY BROAD QUESTION, BUT WHAT WAS IT LIKE
TO SIT THERE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND TO WATCH THAT UNFOLD?
>> IT WAS SAD. IT WAS-- IT WAS-- IT WAS DEEPLY,
DEEPLY DISAPPOINTING, DISHEARTENING, BUT IT WASN'T
COMPLETELY SURPRISING. I MEAN, WE WERE-- WITH THE
LANGUAGE, THE BEHAVIOR, WE WERE CREEPING TOWARDS SOME KIND OF
CHAOTIC MOMENT. WE TALKED ABOUT IT THROUGHOUT
THE ENTIRE ELECTION. I WAS VERY CLEAR THAT THE PERSON
RUNNING AGAINST HILLARY CLINTON WAS NOT UP TO THE JOB, THAT IT
WAS GOING TO BE CHAOTIC, THAT THE JOB OF PRESIDENT IS NOT A
JOKE AND THAT IT WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS.
WE WERE JUST BRACING FOR WHAT WAS THAT BIG THING GOING TO BE?
WHAT WAS-- HOW BAD WOULD IT GET? AND TO SEE CITIZENS STORMING
THROUGH THE CAPITOL, IT WAS SURREAL, AND IT WAS FRIGHTENING
AND DEEPLY, DEEPLY DISAPPOINTING.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU WRITE IN THE BOOK THAT OF ALL THE
QUESTIONS THAT YOU'RE ASKED, ONE OF THE MOST FREQUENT IS PEOPLE
COME UP TO YOU AND SAY, "DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO GO HIGH WHEN THEY
GO LOW?" >> "NOW?
NOW?" >> Stephen: "HAVE YOU SEEN HOW
LOW-- HAVE YOU SEEN HOW LOW--" MY VERSION OF THAT IS I TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND GOING HIGH WHEN SOMEBODY GOES LOW.
BUT THE BAR IS SO LOW, STAYING AT YOUR OWN ALTITUDE STILL MEANS
HIGHER. I DO ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO UP
HERE, OR CAN I JUST STAY NORMAL? DO I HAVE TO BE A SAINT?
BECAUSE DOWN HERE, I'M PISSED
OFF! >> YOU KNOW, AND I EXPLAIN WHAT
I MEANT BY GOING HIGH, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN INTERPRETED AND IT'S
BEEN PUT ON MUGS. YOU HEAR IT QUOTED EVERYWHERE.
BUT I EXPLAIN THAT IN THIS BOOK. AND FOR ME, GOING HIGH IS NOT
LOSING THE URGENCY OR THE PASSION OR THE RAGE, ESPECIALLY
WHEN YOU ARE JUSTIFIED IN IT. GOING HIGH MEANS FINDING THE
PURPOSE IN YOUR RAGE, YOU KNOW. RAGE WITHOUT REASON, WITHOUT A
PLAN, WITHOUT DIRECTION IS JUST MORE RAGE.
AND WE'VE BEEN LIVING IN A LOT OF RAGE.
AND WHY DO YOU GO HIGH? BECAUSE THE OPPOSITE WAY OF
BEING IS UNSUSTAINABLE. NO ONE IS HAPPY IN THIS PLACE,
YOU KNOW.pIF IT WORKED, WE'D DO. GO LOW, YEAH.
IT'S EASY TO GO LOW. IT'S EASY TO LEAD FROM YOUR
BASEST GUT INTULS, RIGHT, TO REACT, TO THROW YOUR HURT OUT
THERE. >> Stephen: IT'S EMOTIONAL
JUNK FOOD. >> IT IS, AND IT FEELS GOOD.
IT'S A QUICK FIX. BUT IT DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING OVER
THE LONG TERM. IF IT DID, I WOULD BE LIKE, HEY,
GO FOR IT. I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND A
SOLUTION. I'M TRYING TO PUSH US TO THINK
ABOUT SOLUTIONS THAT WILL ACTUALLY UNITE US AND GET US
FOCUSED ON THE REAL PROBLEMS. ( APPLAUSE )
"GO HIGH." SO, YES.
>> Stephen: YES. >> GO HIGH.
>> Stephen: GO HIGH. >> YES, GO HIGH, AMERICA,
PLEASE, GO HIGH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANOTHER BREAK HERE BUT PLEASE STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
MORE MICHELLE OBAMA WHEN WE COME BACK.
( APPLAUSE ). LOOK WHO THAT IS?
>> IT'S MICHELLE OBAMA, AUTHOR OF "THE LIGHT WE CARRY."
ONE OF THE CHAPTERS IN THE BOOK IS CALLED "PARTNERING WELL."
AND YOU CERTAINLY HAVE. HERE YOU ARE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
WITH YOUR HUSBAND. >> OOOH!
>> Stephen: AND PEOPLE LOOK UP TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AS A
SORT OF ASPIRATIONAL RELATIONSHIP.
BUT YOU WRITE-- YOU WRITE SOMEHOW THAT REALITY IS LESS
GLITTERY AND SHINY THAN IT MAY APPEAR.
WHY WAS THAT IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO SHARE IN YOUR NEW BOOK, "THE
LIGHT WE CARRY"? >> BECAUSE I WANT YOUNG PEOPLE
TO WIN AT LIFE. AND I DON'T WANT THEM TO GIVE UP
WHEN STUFF GETS HARD. BUILDING A-- PARTNERING WITH
SOMEBODY, IF YOU CHOOSE TO DO THAT, BUILDING A FAMILY,s
THAT'S A GOOD THING. BUT IT'S NOT 50-50.
IT'S NOT ALL A HAPPY PLACE. AND IF WE SIT HERE IN OUR
PERFECT MARRIAGES AND SHOW THAT TO YOU, THAT MEANS WHEN YOU AS A
YOUNG PERSON HIT A NATURAL SNAG, YOU'RE GOING TO THINK YOU'RE
BROKEN WHEN ACTUALLY, YOU'RE JUST LIVING LIFE.
AND I SEE TOO MANY-- ( APPLAUSE )
QUIT WHEN THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THE NATURAL PROCESS OF BEING--
BUILDING A LIFE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, WHICH IN AND OF ITSELF
IS CRAZY HARD. >> Stephen: IT IS.
>> AND THEN YOU ADD KIDS ON, YOU KNOW.
AND YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS. BUT THEY WILL MESS UP YOUR
MARRIAGE. THEY SHOW UP.
THEY ARE GREEDY. THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
( LAUGHTER ). OPPONENTS.
>> THEY DON'T FOLLOW RULES. YOU KNOW.
AND YOU'RE REALLY MAD AT THEM. BUT THEY'RE SO CUTE AND YOU LOVE
THEM SO, SO YOU BLAME YOUR PARTNER.
IT'S LIKE... "IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
AND THAT GOES ON FOR YEARS! >> Stephen: OH, NO.
>> AND YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE-- DON'T WALK AWAY FROM HIM OR HER.
JUST LET THE KID GROW UP. GET THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE QUICK.
AND THEN YOU LOOK UP -- >> Stephen: NOW WE'RE EMPTY
NESTERS. YOU TURN AND YOU GO, "HEY!
I REMEMBER WHY-- >> I LIKE YOU.
BARACK AND I, THE LAST ONE WENT OUT, WE WERE LIKE, "OH, HI.
IT'S YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU FOR ANYTHING
BUT LOVE." ( APPLAUSE )
ON THAT, YOU KNOW. SO PEOPLE HAVE TO KNOW FROM US.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED 30 YEARS --
>> Stephen: 29, 29, GETTING THERE, GETTING THERE.
>> THAT YOU KNOW YOU COULD GO THROUGH 10 BAD YEARS, AND YOU
WOULD TAKE THOSE ODDS, RIGHT? SO DON'T GIVE UP AT THE FIRST
SIGN OF PROBLEMS, WORK ON IT. NOW IF YOUR PARTNER IS CRAZY,
GET OUT. GET OUT, GET OUT FAST.
BUT IF YOU'RE JUST HAVING REGULAR PROBLEMS, WORK IT OUT.
>> Stephen: YEAH. >> SO-- WE DID.
>> Stephen: YEAH. I LIKE TO SAY, PEOPLE ASK ME
SOMETIMES, "YOU SEEM TO HAVE A NICE MARRIAGE."
"I THINK WE DO." WHAT DO YOU ADVISE?
"DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY 'I'M SORRI'" BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LOSE.
THERE'S NO REAL SCOREBOARD. .>> I THINK THAT'S A GOOD MODEL
FOR BARACK. >> Stephen: IT'S IMPORTANT TO
REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW-- >> YOU HEAR, THAT HONEY.
DON'T BE ARB FRAYED TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY TO ME?
>> Stephen: NO MATTER HOW PERFECT A MARRIAGE IS, SOMETIMES
THE HUSBAND IS WRONG. ( LAUGHTER )
>> IS IT? >> Stephen: YES.
WE'RE COMING UP. >> IT IS.
>> Stephen: ANY PARTICULAR TRADITIONS IN YOUR FAMILY?
DOES YOUR-- DOES YOUR HUSBAND EVER JUST REFLEXIVELY PARDON THE
TURKEY? ( LAUGHTER )
YEAR BECAUSE ONE OF THEM-- ALL RIGHT, CRANBERRY, YOU'RE GOOD?
>> YEAH, NO, WE WALKED AWAY FROM THAT TRADITION.
WE-- BUT OF COURSE I'M LOSING MY MOTHER TO HER FAVORITE CHILD, MY
BROTHER. SO SHE WON'T BE SPENDING
CHRISTMAS WITH ME. I AM STILL-- I STILL HAVEN'T
DONE ENOUGH TO MOVE UP THE LADDER.
>> Stephen: NEVER ENDS. NEVER ENDS.
THE BOOK IS "THE LIGHT WE CARRY."
IT'S AVAILABLE NOW. IT'S MICHELLE OBAMA, EVERYBODY.
MICHELLE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY STROMAE.
PERFORMING "L'ENFER" FROM HIS ALBUM, "MULTITUDE," STROMAE!
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ J'SUIS PAS TOUT SEUL A ETRE TOUT SEUL
♪ CA FAIT D'JA CA D'MOINS DANS LA TETE
♪ ET SI J'COMPTAIS, COMBIEN ON BEAUCOUP
♪ TOUT CE A QUOI J'AI D'JA PENSE DIRE QUE PLEIN D'AUTRES Y ONT
D'JA PENSE ♪ MAIS MALGRE TOUT JE M'SENS
TOUT SEUL DU COUP
♪ J'AI PARFOIS EU DES PENSEES SUICIDAIRES
♪ ET J'EN SUIS PEU FIER ON CROIT PARFOIS QUE C'EST LA
SEULE MANIERE DE LES FAIRE TAIRE ♪ CES PENSEES QUI NOUS FONT
VIVRE UN ENFER ♪ CES PENSEES QUI ME FONT VIVRE
UN ENFER ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ EST-C'QU'Y A QUE MOI QUI
AI LA TELE ♪ ET LA CHAINE CULPABILITE?
MAIS FAUT BIEN S'CHANGER LES IDEES
♪ PAS TROP QUAND MEME SINON CA R'PART VITE DANS
LA TETE ♪ ET C'EST TROP TARD POUR QU'CA
S'ARRETE ♪ C'EST LA QU'J'AIMERAIS TOUT
OUBLIER DU COUP
♪ J'AI PARFOIS EU DES PENSEES SUICIDAIRES
♪ ET J'EN SUIS PEU FIER ON CROIT PARFOIS QUE C'EST LA
♪ SEULE MANIEÈRE DE LES FAIRE TAIRE
♪ CES PENSEES QUI ME FONT VIVRE UN ENFER
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TU SAIS J'AI MUREMENT REFLECHI
ET JE SAIS VRAIMENT PAS QUOI FAIRE DE TOI
JUSTEMENT, REFLECHIR ♪ C'EST BIEN L'PROBLEME AVEC TOI
TU SAIS J'AI MUREMENT REFLECHI ♪ ET JE SAIS VRAIMENT PAS QUOI
FAIRE DE TOI ♪ JUSTEMENT, REFLECHIR
C'EST BIEN L'PROBLEME AVEC TOI ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT.