NATO'S ARTICLE 5 SAYS THAT AN ATTACK AGAINST ONE ALLY IS
CONSIDERED AN ATTACK AGAINST ALL ALLIES.
SO, BASICALLY, NATO HAS THE SAME SELF-DEFENSE STRATEGY AS A GROUP
OF DRUNK BACHELORETTES "WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT ROCHELLE?
OH, OH, IT IS ON, BITCH. JUST WAIT 'TIL I TAKE OFF MY
NOVELTY PENIS EARRINGS AND THEN I'M GOING TO ( BLEEP )!
NO! NO!
NO!" ( APPLAUSE )
RECOGNITION, I SEE. NATO IS SAYING THAT IT'S LIKELY
RUSSIA DIDN'T ATTACK POLAND, THAT IT'S MORE LIKELY THAT A
MISSILE FIRED BY UKRAINIAN AIR DEFENSES ACCIDENTALLY CROSSED
THE BORDER. BUT AT THE TIME, LAST NIGHT, NO
ONE KNEW THAT. SO, PEOPLE RACED TO TWITTER,
WHERE IN THE PAST, YOU COULD GET RELIABLE INFORMATION.
NOT THIS TIME, ACCORDING TO ONE REPORTER, WHO TWEETED
RELIABLE INFORMATION. NOT THIS TIME, ACCORDING TO ONE
REPORTER, WHO TWEETED: "WORLD WAR III IS MAYBE BREAKING OUT,
AND I AM HERE CLICKING ON ACCOUNTS' VERIFIED CHECKS TO SEE
WHETHER THEY'RE OFFICIALS OR TWITTER BLUE SUBSCRIBERS."
( LAUGHTER ) WORLD WAR III, AND WE HAVE NO
WAY OF KNOWING-- WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT'S THE REAL MARIO
ADDRESSING THE U.N.! ( WITH ITALIAN ACCENT )
AND WHILE PEOPLE WERE SCRAMBLING TO SEE WHETHER WORLD WAR III HAD
STARTED, THE BIG TRENDING TOPIC LAST NIGHT WAS FROM A FAKE,
PHOTOSHOPPED "TONIGHT SHOW" TWEET THAT STARTED THE HASHTAG,
#R.I.P. JIMMY FALLON, WHICH WENT SUPER VIRAL.
NOT TO WORRY. JIMMY IS ALIVE AND WELL.
AND I WOULD KNOW: ALL US OF LATE-NIGHT HOSTS ARE EACH
OTHER'S EMERGENCY CONTACTS. VERY MUCH ALIVE, JIMMIE WENT
STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE. NEW TWITTER C.E.O. ELON MUSK,
SEEN HERE TRAPPED INSIDE A FOGGY GRAPE.
JIMMY TWEETED, "ELON CAN YOU FIX THIS?"
TO WHICH MUSK RESPONDED, "FIX WHAT?"
ONE ISSUE MUSK HAS BEEN TRYING TO FIX IS HAVING EMPLOYEES.
SINCE HE BOUGHT TWITTER, HE'S LAID OFF HALF THE COMPANY'S
7,500 WORKERS, AND HE'S CONTINUED CUTTING TWITTER'S WORK
FORCE IN HIS THIRD WEEK. AT THIS RATE, BY CHRISTMAS, THE
ONLY PEOPLE LEFT WORKING AT TWITTER WILL BE ELON MUSK AND
HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN, HIS RIGHT HAND.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ULTIMATUM TO HIS REMAINING STAFF, SAYING THEY HAD TO SIGN A
PLEDGE TO COMMIT TO A "HARDCORE" TWITTER OR LEAVE.
IN FACT, HE EVEN RELEASED A NEW HARDCORE LOGO.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE MICHAEL SHANNON AND TIG NOTARO.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I DEBUT SOME BRAND-NEW HOLIDAY MOVIE
CLASSICS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE LATE SHOW BAND.
HELLO, JOSEPH. VERY EXCITED TONIGHT.
TWO FANTASTIC PERFORMERS OUT HERE TONIGHT.
MICHAEL SHANNON, FANTASTIC ACTOR, MICHAEL SHANNON WILL BE
OUT HERE. ( APPLAUSE )
COMEDIANS, A WONDERFUL GUEST TO HAVE THE SHOW, I THINK FRIEND AT
THIS POINT. TIG NOTARO.
I THINK I CAN SAY FRIEND. I CAN SAY FRIEND, PROBABLY,
CAN'T I. ONE OF THE REASONS I'M EXCITED
ABOUT ALL THE GUESTS, ONE OF THE REASONS I'M EXCITED ABOUT TIG IS
SHE'S ONE OF THE PLAYERS IN TOMORROW NIGHT'S CHARITY SPECIAL
"PICKLED." 9:00 EASTERN.
OTHER TIMES ELSEWHERE. ( LAUGHTER )
8:00, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ANYWAY-- ANYBODY HERE EVER PLAY
PICKLEBALL? WE'RE RIDING A WAVE.
LISTEN TO THAT. EVERYONE PLAYS PICKLEBALL.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'VE MADE A LOT OF CULTURAL IMPACTS OVER THE
YEARS. I'VE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ON
THE COVER OF LIKE "ROLLING STONE" "TIME" "VANITY FAIR"
"SPORTS ILLUSTRATED." BUT I THINK I HAVE PEAKED,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BECAUSE I HAVE MADE THE COVER OF THE
HIGHEST PROFILE MAGAZINE IN THE WORLD, IN "PICKLEBALL" MAGAZINE.
RIGHT THERE. YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) FULL-- FULL SPREAD.
YOU SEE THE PICKLE AND THE BALLS.
I'M TELLING YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S ALL FOR CHARITY. FOLKS, AS YOU MAY KNOW, I'M A
HUGE FAN OF HOLIDAY MOVIES. AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
LAST YEAR ALONE, THE HALLMARK CHANNEL RELEASED A WHOPPING 41
BRAND-NEW CHRISTMAS MOVIES. 41 MOVIES IN A YEAR?
THOSE HALLMARK EXECUTIVES REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF.
MAYBE GET AWAY FROM THE BIG CITY, HEAD BACK TO THEIR
HOMETOWN, RECONNECT WITH THEIR OLD HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART WHO
WORKS AT THE MISTLETOE FACTORY AND HAS A DAUGHTER NAMED
"ORNAMENT." ( LAUGHTER )
HOLIDAY MOVIE AVALANCHE GETS EARLIER EVERY YEAR.
BECAUSE THIS YEAR, HALLMARK EVEN HAS A FALL HARVEST MOVIE
LINEUP. BECAUSE THEY HAVE A HUGE
STOCKPILE OF AUTUMNAL MOVIES AND THIS IS TRUE--
LIKE "AN OLD FASHIONED THANKSGIVING," "A FAMILY
THANKSGIVING," "THE THANKSGIVING HOUSE," AND "PUMPKIN PIE WARS,"
WHICH MAY BE THE ONLY WAR I AM PHYSICALLY FIT TO SERVE IN.
I'M PREPARED TO TAKE DOWN 15 ENEMY PIES.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST THANKSGIVING. HALLMARK CHANNEL COVERS ALL OF
SPOOKY CHUNKY PUMPKIN SPICY SWEATER SEASON, WITH MOVIES LIKE
"OCTOBER KISS," "FALLING FOR VERMONT," AND THE ENTIRE "THE
GOOD WITCH" FRANCHISE, INCLUDING "THE GOOD WITCH'S GARDEN," "THE
GOOD WITCH'S FAMILY," "THE GOOD WITCH'S GIFT," AND "THE GOOD
WITCH'S DESTINY"-- WHICH, APPARENTLY, IS TO APPEAR IN AN
INFINITE NUMBER OF GOOD WITCH MOVIES.
AND THIS GOT ME THINKING, FOLKS. I CELEBRATE FALL, AND I LIKE
MONEY." WHICH IS WHY I'M PROUD TO
ANNOUNCE THE LATE SHOW'S "AUTUMN-TACULAR MOVIE
FESTI-FALL." ENJOY.
( APPLAUSE ). >> WE'VE GOT TO GET THESE APPLES
TO THE ORCHARD BEFORE THE INSPECTOR GETS THERE.
>> I HAVE TO GO. I'M LATE FOR MY ORCHARD
INSPECTION. >> TO FALL IN LOVE.
>> DO YOU JULIA MACINTOSH TAKE PETER GRANNY SMITH TO BE YOUR
HUSBAND? >> I DO.
>> I APPLE PICK YOU. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
GET READY FOR THE AUTUMN HUNT. A LEAF FOR ALLEN.
A PUMPKIN SPICE NOON. HAYRIDE TO MY HEART.
PLUS LEAF PEEPING TOM, SWEATER HEATHER, OCTOBER KISS TOO.
I HAVE MONO. PUMPKIN DREAM.
PUMPKIN SLEEPWALKING. PUMPKIN NARCOLEPSY.
THE BATTLE OF CORNUCOPIA HILL. AND HALLMARK MAY HAVE FALLING
FOR VERMONT, BUT ONLY WE HAVE FALL FOR FALL.
>> AND IF YOU LIKE THOSE GOOD WITCH MOVIES YOU'LL LOVE THE:
IT'S A THANKSGIVING CHRISTMAS MOVIE MARATHON, WHERE YOU WATCH
THIS FAMILY WATCH ALL OUR CHRISTMAS MOVIES ON THANKSGIVING
DAY. >> I GOTTA GO FOR A WALK.
>> SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! WE HAVE 600 HOLIDAY MOVIES IN
OUR VAULT, AND YOU'RE WATCHING EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.
>> BUT I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> ALL THAT AND MORE ON "THE LATE SHOW'S" AUTUMN-TACULAR
MOVIE FESTI-FALL." ( APPLAUSE )
WITH MICHAEL SHANNON.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW
MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "REVOLUTIONARY ROAD,"
"NOCTURNAL ANIMALS," AND "THE SHAPE OF WATER."
HE NOW STARS AS GEORGE JONES IN "GEORGE & TAMMY."
>> HOW YOU ALL DOING TONIGHT, HUH?
THAT'S GOOD. I'M FEELING PRETTY HAPPY MYSELF.
THANKS FOR ASKING. ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ROLLING MY SWEET BABY'S ARMS ROLLING IN MY SWEET BABY'S ARMS
♪ I LAY AROUND THE SHACK TILL THE MOUNTAIN TRAIN COMES
BACK ♪ ROLLING IN MY SWEET BABY'S
ARMS ♪ ♪ I AIN'T GOG WORK ON THE
RAILROAD ♪ >> YOU AIN'T GOING TO WORK AT
ALL IF YOU CAN HELP IT! >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL SHANNON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK VERY DAPPER THIS EVENING.
YOU LOOK VERY NICE. >> THAT'S A BRITISH SUIT.
>> Stephen: OH, REALLY? THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GEORGE JONES, MUSICAL ICON, YOU GREW UP IN KENTUCKY, WHICH I
DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T KNOW. I ALWAYS THINK OF YOU AS A
CHICAGO GUY. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LEFT
KENTUCKY? >> WELL, MY FATHER LIVED IN
CHICAGO, SO I WOULD GO BACK AND FORTH.
MY MOM IS STILL DOWN IN LEXINGTON, WHICH IS WHERE I GREW
UP AS A LITTLE BOY. >> Stephen: DID YOU LISTEN TO
A LOT OF COUNTRY MUSIC? ING DID YOU LISTEN TO GEORGE
JONES AS A KID? >> NOT A STITCH.
>> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW "ROLLING IN MY SWEET BABY'S
ARMS?" EVEN THOUGH THAT WASN'T A BIG
HIT OF HIS. >> I DIDN'T KNOW HIS MUSIC.
WHEN I SAW A PICTURE OF HIM, I VAGUELY REMEMBERED HIM AS
SOMEBODY I WOULD SEE ON "HE HAW. >> Stephen: OH, YEAH, CLANG,
CLACKETY CLANG. >> MINI PEARL AND ALL THAT.
WE WOULD PUT THAT ON THE TV SOMETIMES.
MY MOM DIDN'T HAVE ANY RECORDS IN THE HOUSE SO THE ONLY TIME I
HEARD MUSIC WAS ON TV. >> Stephen: YOU ARE REUNITED
WITH JESSICA CHASTAIN HERE. YOU LAST PERFORMED TOGETHER IN
2011. WHAT FILM DID YOU DO TOGETHER?
>> "TAKE SHELTER. >> Stephen: YOU'RE PLAYING NOW
IN "GEORGE & TAMMY." GOING THERE TO INHABIT THE
GIANTS? >> OH, IT WAS VERY INTIMIDATING.
YOU KNOW, THEY-- THEY'RE ROYALTY IN COUNTRY MUSIC, YOU KNOW.
AND I FELT A LITTLE BIT SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT.
I'M NOT NECESSARILY SURE, I RESEMBLE GEORGE JONES SO MUCH.
BUT I DON'T RESEMBLE ELVIS, AND I PLAYED HIM.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS A BETTER ICON TO PLAY, GEORGE JONES OR
ELVIS, BY THE WAY? >> YOU KNOW, I JUST CAME TO LOVE
THE STUFFING OUT OF BOTH OF THEM.
I HAVE TO SAY. WHEN YOU DO THE RESEARCH AND YOU
LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEWS AND READ ALL THE BOOKS, THEY'RE BOTH
JUST REALLY SWEET, SWEET MEN THAT WAS KIND OF...
THEIR LIFE WAS LIKE A TSUNAMI THAT JUST BOWLED OVER THEM AND
THEY GOT A LITTLE OVERWHELMED BY IT SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: THE FAME AND THE TENSION AND THAT KIND OF STUFF?
>> YEAH, THE DEMANDS OF THE LIFE AND I THINK GEORGE, AS MUCH AS
HE LOVED SINGING, WISHED THAT PERHAPS EVEN IF HE WASN'T ONE OF
THE GREATEST SINGERS IN THE WORLD, THAT MAYBE HE WOULD STILL
BE ABLE TO RECEIVE, YOU KNOW, SOME KIND OF LOVE.
I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO POP PSYCHOLOGY 101 ABOUT IT, BUT
YEAH. >> Stephen: DID YOU TALK TO
PEOPLE WHO WERE CLOSE TO GEORGE, LIKE, TO GET SOME SENSE?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, THE SHOW IS SOMEWHAT BASED ON A BOOK THAT
GEORGETTE JONES WROTE. SHE'S THE ONLY CHILD THAT GEORGE
AND TAMMY HAD TOGETHER. SO SHE WAS AROUND.
AND, ALSO, A FELLA, A LOVELY FELLA NAMED PEANUTT MONTGOMERY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD NAME.
>> YEAH, ISN'T IT? >> PLAYED GUITAR WITH GEORGE AND
WROTE SONGS FOR GEORGE AND BASICALLY WAS PROBABLY ONE OF
HIS BEST FRIENDS. AND PEANUTT'S WIFE, CHARLENE.
YEAH, WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.
YEAH. >> Stephen: WELL, SPEAKING OF
MUSICAL ICONS, ONE OF YOUR COSTARS IN "AMSTERDAM" ANOTHER
FILM OF YOURSELF, IS TAYLOR SWIFT.
AND SHE'S ENJOYING YET ANOTHER WONDERFUL MOMENT.
AND, YOU KNOW, THAT MOVIE CAME OUT LAST MONTH.
YOU HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS, CORRECT? >> I DO.
>> Stephen: SO ANSWER CAREFULLY HERE.
ARE YOU A SWIFTIE? ARE YOU-- ARE YOU A FAN OF
TAYLOR SWIFT? >> OH, BOY.
I'M MORE OF A JAZZ GUY. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THEY'RE GOING TO SEE THIS.
THEY'RE GOING TO SEE THIS, MICHAEL.
( APPLAUSE ) NO, IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE --
>> Stephen: I HOPE YOU SAID THAT TO TAYLOR SWIFT THE FIRST
DAY OF SHOOTING, "I'M MORE OF A JAZZ GUY."
>> "I'M MORE OF A JAZZ GUY, BUT NICE TO SEE YOU."
NO, MY DAUGHTER SILVI, ACTUALLY SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD GO TO THE
PREMIERE OF "AMSTERDAM" WHICH SHE DOESN'T TYPICALLY ASK IF SHE
COULD GO TO A PREMIERE. AND I THOUGHT WOW, SHE'S
ACTUALLY STARTING TO SHOW AN INTEREST IN WHAT I DO.
IT'S KIND OF AN EDUCATIONAL MOVIE SO, SURE, WHY NOT, FROM A
HISTORY STANDPOINT. AND THEN I SAID, "SURE, HONEY,
YOU CAN COME AND BRING SOME FRIENDS."
SHE SAID, "IS TAYLOR SWIFT GOING TO BE THERE?"
AND I SAID, "WELL, I MEAN, I IMAGINE SHE WOULD BE THERE.
I MEAN,s SHE'S IN THE MOVIE." BUT UNFORTUNATELY SHE WASN'T
ABLE TO ATTEND FOR WHATEVER REASON.
BUT MY DAUGHTER STILL WENT WITH HER FRIENDS.
I THINK THEY HAD A GOOD TIME. ( LAUGHTER )
CAN'T GET TICKETS-- ( APPLAUSE )
SITE CRASHED, PEOPLE COULDN'T GET TICKETS TO TAYLOR'S TOUR.
>> OH, NO. >> Stephen: MAYBE YOU COULD
ACTUALLY GET YOUR DAUGHTERS -- GET BACK IN THEIR GOOD GRACES,
IF YOU COULD REACH OUT TO TAYLOR.
WE COULD DO IT RIGHT NOW. TAYLOR, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, HIS
TWO DAUGHTERS NEED TICKETS TO YOUR TOUR.
SINCE YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP TO THE PREMIERE, I THINK THE LEAST SHE
CAN DO FOR YOU SINCE SHE EMBARRASSED YOU IN FRONT OFIER
DAUGHTER. >> RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT, DO ME A
SOLID. >> Stephen: SAVE A FAMILY
HERE. >> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MR. MICHAEL SHANNON, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, LOOK HERE. IT'S THE STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE
"GEORGE & TAMMY." MICHAEL SHANNON.
YOU HAVE BEEN IN BAND OF YOUR OWN, I UNDERSTAND.
>> I DABBLED IN IT. I DABBLED IN IT.
>> Stephen: ANY PLANS TO GET THE GANG BACK TOGETHER AND GO
BACK ON TOUR? >> WELL, MY BAND, WE HAVEN'T
PLAYED IN A WHILE. >> Stephen: THE BAND IS CALLED
CORPORAL? >> YEAH, THIS BAND, WE STARTED
UP ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO OR SO. BUT AS OF LATE, I'VE BEEN MOSTLY
PLAYING SHOWS WHERE I PICK A RECORD AND JUST COVER THE WHOLE
RECORD BACK TO FRONT. >> Stephen: WOW.
BUT YOU DO IT AT, LIKE A BAR? >> YEAH, THOSE SHADY BARS, YEAH,
YEAH. >> Stephen: OLD TOWN ALE
HOUSE. >> OH, HEY!
BULL'S EYE! THERE YOU GO!
YEAH. THAT'S A LITTLE INSIDE JOKE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE CORNER" JOKE.
>> YEAH, SEE YOU THERE. YEAH, ONCE WE DID HIGHWAY 61
REVISITED, THE DYLAN ALBUM, WE DID THAT ONCE.
I MEMORIZED "DESOLATION ROW," THE WHOLE THING.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE BEST LINE.
>> ABE SAID MAN, YOU MUST BE PUTTING ME ON.
GOD SAID NO. ABE SAID WHAT?
GOD SAID YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT, ABE, BUT NEXT TIME YOU SEE
ME COMING, YOU BETTER RUN. YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT. >> THAT'S HOW I SING IT.
( APPLAUSE ). THING YOU'RE GOING TO DO?
YOU GOT AN ALBUM YOU THINKING ABOUT COVERING?
>> WELL, MY BUDDY JASON IN CHICAGO, HE CALLED ME UP THE
OTHER DAY, AND HE SAID, "ARE YOU COMING OVER FOR THE HOLIDAYS?
WE SHOULD DO A SHOW?" AND I SAID, MAYBE, MAYBE."
HE SAID, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"
AND I SAID HOW ABOUT "THE MODERN LOVERS."
I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY HERE KNOWS "THE MODERN LOVERS.
THERE YOU GO. >> Stephen: WHAT YEAR ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT IN "LOVERS?" >> THE FIRST RECORD, THE ONE
THAT SAYS "MODERN LOVERS ON IT? >> Stephen: 76?
NOT RICHMOND AND THE MODERN LOVERS.
>> NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO TRIP ME UP.
ROAD RUNNER, ASTROPLANE, PABLO PICASSO.
>> Stephen: HE'S NO ( BLEEP ). >> HE'S NO A-HOLE.
YEAH. >> Stephen: NOW, YOU'RE
TACKLING A NEW CHALLENGE. YOU'RE KURNL IS THIS YOUR FIRST
MOVIE YOU'RE DIRECTING? >> I'M DIRECTING A MOVIE, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE MOVIE?
( APPLAUSE ). NAME OF THE FILM IS "JAWS."
>> Stephen: HOW, I HEAR GOOD THINGS.
>> NO, I'M KIDDING. THE NAME OF THE FILM IS CALLED
"ERIC LARU." >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT BEING
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAMERA THAT APPEALED TO YOU?
WHY DID YOU WANT TO DO THAT? >> FOR A LONG TIME I KIND OF
DREADED IT. WHENEVER I'D GO TO WORK I'D LOOK
AT THE DIRECTOR AND IT JUST LOOKED LIKE A NIGHTMARE, ALL THE
STUFF THEY HAD TO DEAL WITH. AND PEOPLE WOULD SAY, "WHEN ARE
YOU GOING TO DO THIS?" AND I SAID, "NEVER, NEVER GOING
TO DO THAT." AND I READ THIS SCRIPT AND IT
WAS THIS WEIRD THING WHERE I COULD JUST SEE IT SO VIVIDLY IN
MY MIND THAT I COULDN'T IMAGINE NOT DOING IT.
AND MY FRIEND WHO WROTE IT ORIGINALLY HE JUST WANTED TO
HEAR, LIKE, MY OPINION OR "YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD?
HAD? AND AS SOON AS I READ IT, HE
SAID, "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" AND I SAID, "I WANT TO DIRECT
IT." AND HE SAID, "OH, OKAY."
I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS KIND OF MYSTICAL.
>> Stephen: AS AN ACTOR, WHAT DID YOU-- AS AN ACTOR IN
SOMETHING WHAT KIND OF DIRECTOR DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO YOU WANT A DIRECTOR TO DO FOR YOU OR DO WITH YOU?
>> WELL, I MEAN, THE WAY I LOOK AT IT IS MOST OF THE TIME WHEN
AN ACTOR GOES TO WORK THEY'RE SCARED OUT OF THEIR MIND BECAUSE
IT'S TERRIFYING TO DO. YOU JUST THINK, "OH, I'M NOT
GOING TO GET IT RIGHT." OR "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
DOING," OR WHATEVER. THE WAY I APPROACHED IT WAS JUST
TO TRY TO CREATE A REAL SAFE ATMOSPHERE WHERE PEOPLE FELT
LIKE THEY COULD TRY ANYTHING AND THERE WERE NO RIGHT ANSWERS, NO
RIGHT WAY TO DO IT. AND LET'S JUST KEEP EXPLORING.
EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T HAVE A BIG BUDGET, I WAS ABLE TO HAVE
ENOUGH TIME WHERE WE WEREN'T RUSHING, AND I-- I DON'T KNOW.
I WOULD JUST ALWAYS TRY AND HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY THEY FELT WOULD
BE-- WOULD BE HELPFUL. BECAUSE A LOT OF TIMES,
HONESTLY, THE DIRECTORS DON'T SAY MUCH AT ALL.
>> Stephen: IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU, OR DO YOU WANT THEM TO SAY
SOMETHING? >> WELL, WHEN YOU'RE AS GOOD AS
ME, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED MUCH GUIDANCE.
BUT OTHER PEOPLE... ( APPLAUSE ).
>> WEAK PEOPLE, EXACTLY. >> Stephen: MICHAEL SO LOVELY
TO SEE YOU. >> NICE TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: "GEORGE & TAMMY" PREMIERES DECEMBER 4 ON
SHOWTIME. MICHAEL SHANNON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TIG NOTARO.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A HILARIOUS COMEDIAN
IS ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU. AS ALWAYS.
CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING REALLY FAST?
CAN TAKE AWAY OTHERS FREEDOM TO LIVE IN A SAFE MANNER.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY. >> Stephen: I LIKE IT.
THERE ARE RAMIFICATIONS FOR THE EXERCISE OF ALL OF OUR FREEDOMS.
THERE YOU GO. >> YES, YES, ABSOLUTELY.
BUT, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> Stephen: IT IS.
IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU. I REALLY LIKE ANY INTERVIEWS
HAVE PREAMBLES. ME, TOO.
WE HOLD THESE TRUTH TO BE SELF-EVIDENT.
>> I WANTED TO GET THAT OUT THERE.
>> Stephen: IF YOU WERE JARED LETO, I WOULD SAY THAT CANE IS
AN AFFECTATION. BUT YOU ARE NOT.
YOU ARE TIG NOTARO. THIS IS NOT A BIT, I'M GUESSING.
>> NO, IT'S NOT. >> Stephen: WHAT IS HAPPENING?
>> I HAVE A FRACTURED FEMUR. >> Stephen: OOOH.
>> AND THIS IS MY ALLIGATOR CANE.
AND IT'S JUST KIND OF A HELLO TO THE SOUTH THAT-- YOU KNOW, I'M
FROM THE-- TWO OTHER PEOPLE! >> Stephen: I HAVE A QUESTION
FOR YOU. THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD
UNSCREW THE TO3 AND IT WOULD HAVE A SWORD INSIDE OF IT, OR
SOMETHING. >> NO.
IT'S JUST THE FULL BODY OF AN ALLIGATOR IS IN THERE.
>> Stephen: SO, HERE'S THE THING THE REASON I FEEL TERRIBLE
ABOUT YOUR CANE IS THAT WE SHOT "PICKLED" EARLIER THIS FALL.
>> WE DID. >> Stephen: WHICH IS, AS
EVERYONE KNOWS, IT'S THE FIRST CELEBRITY CHARIT PICKLEBALL
TOURNAMENT OF ALL TIME. ( APPLAUSE )
DISTRIBUTES HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO CHILDREN AND
FAMILY AT RISK, AND YOU WERE ONE OF THE MEGASTARS WHO WAS KIND
ENOUGH TO SHOW UP AND PLAY PICKLEBALL IN 107-DEGREE HEAT IN
THOUSAND OAKS, CALIFORNIA. AND YOU HAD A FRACTURED FEMUR
THEN. >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND THE DOCTOR SAID IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS...
>> YOU SHOULD GET AN ALLIGATOR CANE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: CAN YOU SHARE YOUR
DOCTOR'S CARD. I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO THAT
DOCTOR. >> YEAH, I-- YEAH, HE WAS LIKE,
"LOOK, YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, BUT YOU
SHOULDN'T BE PLAYING PICKLEBALL WITH A FRACTURED FEMUR."
AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU DO YOUR THING, AND I'LL DO MINE."
( LAUGHTER ). PLAY ALONE.
YOU PLAYED WITH THERE'S A MYSTERY PARTNER FOR YOU.
>> WHICH MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I PLAYED ALONE, BECAUSE NOBODY
WILL SAY HIS NAME. ( LAUGHTER ).
AREN'T IMPORTANT. WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY HIS NAME.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: UNTIL TOMORROW.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAY WHETHER IT'S A HE OR SHE.
>> WELL, I AM. ( LAUGHTER ).
ENOUGH. >> IT WAS A HE.
>> Stephen: FAIR ENOUGH. IT WAS A HE.
WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. AND WE'RE GOING TO BLUR THIS
PERSON'S FACE. >> GREAT.
>> Stephen: AND WE HAVE AFFECTED THEIR VOICE.
>> IS IT BLURRED IN THE SPECIAL, TOO?
>> Stephen: NO, IN THE SPECIAL YOU WILL SEE-- YOU'LL SEE THIS
PERSON'S FACE. BUT FOR TONIGHT, IT'S BLURRED
BECAUSE THIS IS THE MYSTERY GUEST.
>> I GET IT. >> Stephen: OKAY.
JIM. >> WE'RE GOING TO BE SEEING
JUNE JUNE DIANE RAPHAEL, AND PAUL SCHEER PLAY ( BLEEP ) AND
TIG NOTARO. AND ( BLEEP ).
>> NO WE WERE JUST HUGGING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
MUFFLED VOICE ( BLEEP ).
( APPLAUSE ) PADEM STAKES VERSUS PARTY 'TIL
YOU CUKE. LET'S WATCH.
>> EVERYBODY, YOUR PRODUCERS, OTHER PICKLEBALL PLAYERS, EVEN
THE CARD YOU WROTE ME AFTER JUST REALLY EMPHASIZED HOW INCREDIBLE
IT WAS THAT I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SIGN ON TO THE PROJECT.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE. >> OKAY, BUT...
SO. ( LAUGHTER )
OF LOW-RENT THING DID I JUST SIGN UP FOR?
( LAUGHTER ) STEPHEN, EVERY TIME-- EVERY TIME
I TURNED AROUND, SOMEONE SAID, "I HEARD YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE
TO SIGN ON TO THIS." AND THE FACT THAT YOU WROTE ME A
CARD THANKING ME. I WAS TRULY LIKE, WELL, NO.
>> Stephen: MAY I EXPLAIN? >> YEAH, PLEASE!
BECAUSE, STILL, EVEN SITTING RIGHT HERE, YOU'RE LIKE, "I
KNOW! THANK YOU!"
HOW MANY-- HOW MANY HARD PASSES DID YOU GET?
( LAUGHTER ) BEFORE I --
>> Stephen: BEFORE YOU? BEFORE YOU?
>> YEAH, YEAH. >> Stephen: NONE.
I SWEAR TO GOD. YOU WERE THE FIRST THING I
HEARD, PASS OR OTHERWISE. TIG NOTARO IS IN.
AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, THAT'S FANTASTIC!"
BECAUSE WE THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD IDEA.
WE THOUGHT IT GOING TO BE FUN, RAISE MONEY FOR COMIC RELIEF,
HAVE SOME FUN, PLAY PICKLEBALL. AND I WAS LIKE I WONDER IF
ANYBODY WILL UNDERSTAND HOW THIS CAN BE FUN.
>> I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND. >> Stephen: AND YOU DID IT.
DID YOU HAVE NO FUN? >> YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT. I HAD A BLAST.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN. BUT IT REMINDED ME OF THE FACT
THAT I FOR A BRIEF PERIOD OF TIME, I WAS WITH A MANAGEMENT
COMPANY THAT MADE A PHONE CALL TO ME BECAUSE THEY WERE
CONCERNED SAYING-- THEY HAD WE FEEL LIKE YOU SAY YES TO
EVERYTHING YOU'RE OFFERED. AND THEY SAID, "DO YOU NEED
MONEY?" ( LAUGHTER )
HUMILIATING PHONE CALLS I'VE EVER GOTTEN.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO TAKE PROJECTS THAT SEEM INTERESTING
OR, LIKE -- >> Stephen: I'M SO PLEASED.
BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING-- WE WERE WORRIED THAT SOME PEOPLE
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD BE FUN.
AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT YOU WANTED TO DO IT, I WENT, "OH,
THIS MUST BE GOOD BECAUSE TIG WANTS TO DO IT."
>> NO, TALK TO MY OLD MANAGERS. IT MEANS NOTHING.
>> Stephen: OH... >> IN FACT --
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING IT WAS A BENEDICTION ON
WHAT WE WERE DOING. >> NO, IN FACT, THEY'RE PROBABLY
GOING TO BE HORRIFIED WHEN THEY SEE THEY ALSO TOOK THIS JOB.
( LAUGHTER ) >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU. HOLD ON.
THERE'S TIG RIGHT THERE.
WE HAVE THAT SHOT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "PICKLED" PREMIERES TOMORROW ON
CBS AT 9:00 P.M. STARRING TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE MICHELLE WILLIAMS AND
THE WINNERS OF "PICKLED." JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.