>> THE CRYPTO WORLD IS CURRENTLY IN FINANCIAL TURMOIL WITH THE
STUNNING COLLAPSE OF F.T.X., A CRYPTO-EXCHANGE ONCE VALUED NEAR
$32 BILLION, AND THE PLUMMETING PRICE OF BITCOIN, DOWN 65% THIS
YEAR.
BUT THE CANARY IN THE COAL MINE WAS THE COLLAPSE OF CRYPTO-ART,
ALSO CALLED N.F.T.s.
IN FACT, A BORED APE N.F.T.
PURCHASED BY JUSTIN BIEBER IN JANUARY FOR $1.3 MILLION IS NOW
WORTH ONLY $69,000.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: MICHELLE WILLIAMS
THE WINNERS OF "PICKLED" DIERKS BENTLEY PHIL KEOGHAN.
AND MUSICAL GUEST DIERKS BENTLEY.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY!
HAVE A LOVELY, HAVE A LOVELY, HAVE A LOVELY, HAVE A LOVELY.
THERE IT IS.
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, MARK!
WOOO!
♪ ♪ ♪ GET SOME!
YOU WANT SOME?
COME GET SOME!
BANG, BOOM!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT'S UP?
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
WHAT'S UP, BRO?
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELL, FOLKS, THE SUSPENSE HAS
FINALLY BROKEN.
WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR NINE DAYS TO LEARN WHO WOULD CONTROL THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE
WHO WAIT.
NOT THIS TIME, BECAUSE THE REPUBLICANS HAVE WON CONTROL OF
THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
( AUDIENCE BOOS ) I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S
DISAPPOINTING.
THOUGH, IT IS NICE TO SEE REPUBLICANS TAKE THE HOUSE
WITHOUT ANY ZIP TIES.
VOTES ARE STILL-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S REFRESHING, IS WHAT IT IS.
VOTES ARE STILL BEING COUNTED IN SOME SWING DISTRICTS, SO WE
DON'T HAVE THE FINAL TALLY.
BUT REPUBLICANS ARE LIKELY TO CONTROL A SLIMMER MAJORITY THAN
MANY EXPECTED.
SO IT'S BAD, BUT NOT AS BAD AS YOU FEARED.
IT'S THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF PAPA JOHN'S.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS MEANS THE NEW SPEAKER OF
THE HOUSE WILL LIKELY BE CALIFORNIA CONGRESSMAN KEVIN
McCARTHY-- ( AUDIENCE BOOING )
SEEN HERE REALIZING THAT WASN'T A RAISIN HE JUST ATE.
WITH AN INCREDIBLY THIN MAJORITY, MANY ARE PREDICTING A
CHAOTIC TERM FOR A WEAK SPEAKER, BUT KEVIN THINKS ANY MAJORITY
GIVES YOU THE SAME AMOUNT OF POWER, AS HE EXPLAINED:
>> THE ONE THING I KNOW IN WASHINGTON, THEY DON'T HAND THE
GAVELS OUT IN SMALL, MEDIUM, AND LARGE SIZE.
>> Stephen: HERE WITH A REBUTTAL, FORMER SPEAKER JOHN
BOEHNER, HOLDING HIS ACTUAL GALV, WHICH WAS SO LARGE,
HE COULD SUMMON LIKE MJOLNIR.
( THUNDER ) LOT OF FOLKS THINK McCARTHY IS
IN FOR A ROUGH RIDE, WITH ONE REPUBLICAN NOTING, "IT'S LIKE
HERDING CATS TRYING TO GET EVERYBODY TOGETHER," AND ANOTHER
POINTED OUT, "YOU CAN'T LOSE ANYBODY.
ANY ONE PERSON BECOMES KIND OF AN ISLAND TO THEMSELVES."
THAT ISLAND?
TURDS AND CUCKOOS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, JOSEPH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHAT AN HONOR.
POINT IS, McCARTHY HAS A HORRIBLE JOB WHERE HORRIBLE
PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE HIM DO HORRIBLE THINGS.
ONE PERSON WHO COMES PRE-HORRIBLED IS GEORGIA
CONGRESSWOMAN...
( AUDIENCE BOOING ) AND TOP DUMB, MARJORIE TAYLOR
GREENE.
GREENE THREW HER SUPPORT BEHIND KEVIN McCARTHY FOR SPEAKER.
IN EXCHANGE, SHE SAYS, "HE'S GOING TO GIVE ME A LOT OF POWER
AND A LOT OF LEEWAY," AND PREDICTS SHE'LL BE ON COMMITTEES
INVESTIGATING "TRAITORS AND CRIMINALS."
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE INVESTIGATIONS SHE LAUNCHES:
"WHAT'S HUNTER BIDEN'S WIFI PASSWORD?
WHO DISTRIBUTED SPOONS TO THE GAZPACHO POLICE?
WHERE DOES THE WATER IN MY SPONGE GO AT NIGHT?
IS IT SIPHONED OFF TO A SECRET JEWISH SPACE LOOFA?"
THIS WAS ALSO-- ( APPLAUSE )
3 "I DEMAND ANSWERS!" I CAN'T-- I DENT AN IMPRESSION.
THERE IS NO WAY.
THIS WAS ALSO A BIG DAY FOR OUTGOING HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY
PELOSI, SEEN HERE WAITING FOR TONY STARK TO LAND SO SHE CAN
TELL HIM ABOUT THE AVENGERS INITIATIVE.
( LAUGHTER ) WITH REPUBLICANS WINNING THE
HOUSE, PELOSI TOOK TO THE FLOOR TO ANNOUNCE HER PLANS FOR THE
FUTURE: >> MY COLLEAGUES, I STAND BEFORE
YOU AS SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, AS A WIFE, A MOTHER, A GRANDMOTHER,
A DEVOUT CATHOLIC, A PROUD DEMOCRAT, AND A PATRIOTIC
AMERICAN.
>> Stephen: (AS PELOSI) "I'M ALSO PROFICIENT WITH WORD,
EXCEL, AND OUTLOOK.
PLUS, I CAN DRIVE STICK AND SPEAK CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH.
HOLA."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
"I BELIEVE I WILL BE A PERFECT MEMBER OF YOUR TEAM."
THEN SHE GOT A SUBTLE DIG IN AT A POLITICAL OPPONENT.
SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT: >> I HAVE ENJOYED WORKING WITH
THREE PRESIDENTS: ACHIEVING HISTORIC INVESTMENTS IN CLEAN
ENERGY WITH PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH.
( APPLAUSE ) TRANSFORMING HEALTHCARE REFORM
WITH PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
( APPLAUSE ) AND FORGING THE FUTURE
FROM INFRASTRUCTURE TO HEALTH CARE TO CLIMATE ACTION WITH
PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OOH, SHE LEFT OUT A
PRESIDENT.
WHAT WAS HIS NAME AGAIN, NANCY?
>> THE POO POO.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
THANK YOU.
I DON'T LIKE SAYING HIS NAME, BUT SHE IS FINE.
THEN, AFTER TWO DECADES IN LEADERSHIP, THE FIRST FEMALE
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE MADE HER BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> WITH GREAT CONFIDENCE IN OUR CAUCUS, I WILL NOT SEEK
REELECTION TO DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP IN THE NEXT CONGRESS.
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS.
NANCY PELOSI, AFTER YEARS OF SERVICE, IS LEAVING THE
DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP.
I ASSUME TO BE THE NEXT HOST OF "THE DAILY SHOW."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT TURNS OUT, THIS DOESN'T
MEAN PELOSI'S RESIGNING FROM CONGRESS.
SHE PLANS TO TAKE AN EMERITUS ROLE THAT WOULD ALLOW HER TO
OFFER COUNSEL TO HER COLLEAGUES.
YES, SHE'LL REMAIN A MENTOR TO THE YOUNGLINGS.
SHE'S OBI WAN PELOSI.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON SHE DECIDED TO REMAIN.
REPORTEDLY, PRESIDENT BIDEN PERSONALLY ASKED HER TO STAY,
TELLING HER, "I HOPE YOU STICK."
( AS BIDEN ) "C'MON NANCE, WHY WOULDJA LEAVE?
YOU'RE IN THE PRIME OF YOUR 80s!
I CALL THAT PEE-POP PUBERTY!
I STARTED GETTING HAIR IN ALL NEW PLACES: EARLOBE, KNUCKLE,
TIP OF MY NOSE.
C'MON, IT'S SENIOR SKIP DAY-- GET IN THE CORVETTE.
WE'RE HEADED TO THE WOODS TO SMOKE BONIVA!
COME ON!
DON'T FEAR THE REEFER, JACK."
♪ ♪ ♪ THANK YOU.
I JUST WANTED TO HEAR THAT SONG.
IS THIS HAPPENING?
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S "NO CONTEXT HERSCHEL
WALKER.
WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SHOW YOU IS A CLIP FROM A SPEECH HERSCHEL
WALKER GAVE YESTERDAY ABOUT-- WELL, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER
WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.
JUST PLEASE ENJOY THIS CLIP, WHICH ONCE AGAIN I ASSURE YOU IS
100% REAL AND UNALTERED IN ANY WAY.
JIM?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, BUT VAMPIRES ARE COOL PEOPLE, ARE
THEY NOT?
BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT I FOUND OUT.
A WEREWOLF CAN KILL A VAMPIRE DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I NEVER KNEW THAT, SO I DON'T WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE ANYMORE.
I WANT TO BE A WEREWOLF.
>> Stephen: A CLARION CALL THAT IS SURE TO GALVANIZE THE
ELECTORATE: VOTE WALKER, FOR WEREWOLF!
AND THIS HAS BEEN TONIGHT'S "NO CONTEXT HERSCHEL WALKER."
UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE STILL HEARING FROM PRIVATE CITIZEN
KARI LAKE, SEEN HERE LEFT HANGIN' BY THE VOTERS OF
ARIZONA.
EVEN THOUGH-- EVEN THOUGH HER RACE WAS CALLED ON MONDAY, LAKE
HAS DUG IN ON CLAIMS OF VOTER FRAUD.
AND LAST NIGHT, TO MAKE THE POINT THAT SHE WAS NEVER GOING
TO CONCEDE, LAKE DROPPED THIS NEW AD:
( "I WON'T BACK DOWN" PLAYING )
♪ WELL I WON'T BACK DOWN NO, I WON'T BACK DOWN.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME HER iPHONE FOR PUTTING TOGETHER A MEMORY
CALLED, "AT THE FASCIST RALLY."
HERE'S THE THING, HERE'S THE THING-- THANK YOU, FASCIST.
NOW, IF YOU'RE A TOM PETTY FAN, YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIS SONG,
"I WON'T BACK DOWN."
ALSO, YOU CAN CONTINUE TO BE A TOM PETTY FAN, BECAUSE A
SPOKESPERSON FOR TOM PETTY'S ESTATE CONFIRMED THAT LAKE'S USE
OF THE SONG WAS "NOT APPROVED OR ENDORSED."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EXACTLY.
COME ON!
YOU KNOW YOU'VE CROSSED A LINE WHEN TOM PETTY'S REPRESENTATIVES
TELL YOU TO PLEASE BACK DOWN.
THAT'S LIKE LAWYERS FOR GUNS N' ROSES TELLING YOU YOU
ARE NO LONGER WELCOME IN THE JUNGLE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
SO-- APPLAUSE )
SO THEY DIDN'T APPROVE THAT SONG, BUT MAYBE THEY WOULD
APPROVE A DIFFERENT TOM PETTY SONG.
WE AT THE LATE SHOW HAVE A SUGGESTION.
>> ♪ DON'T COME AROUND HERE NO MORE
♪ I'VE GIVEN UP STOP! ♪
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE MICHELLE WILLIAMS AND THE WINNERS OF THE WORLD'S
FIRST CELEBRITY PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT, "PICKLED."
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE
BAND, EVERYBODY, RIGHT THERE!
JOE SAYLOR AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
( APPLAUSE ) JOE.
YOU KNOW, JOE-- PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
JOE, YOU KNOW, I'M LOSING MY VOICE A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE YOU
KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING ALL NIGHT?
I'VE BEEN SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT ABOUT ALL THE ACTION
ON CBS FROM 9:00 TO 11:00.
OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE ON AFTER THAT.
THIS IS AN 11:30 SHOW.
EVERYBODY KNOWS HERE.
IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT RIGHT NOW FOR ALL OF US RIGHT NOW.
AND WE'RE FOLLOWING "PICKLED."
WHICH WAS THE CELEBRITY PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT THEY
HOSTED TONIGHT.
AND TONIGHT, WE HAVE THE WINNERS, NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE--
WE HAVE THE WINNERS OF THAT.
WE HAVE DIERKS BENTLEY, COUNTRY SUPERSTAR, AND PHIL KEOGHAN,
HOCHT OF THE "THE AMAZING RACE," WHO WON "PICKLED."
THEY WON THE CELEBRITY TOURNAMENT TONIGHT.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM.
REAL FEATHER IN THEIR CAP.
>> Joe: SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF.
>> Stephen: YOU DO A LOT IN YOUR CAREER AND YOU WIN A
PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT AND THE REST SEEMS KIND OF SMALL.
AND ALSO WE HAVE THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED, THE EXTRAORDINARILY
GIFT, EMMY WINNER MICHELLE WILLIAMS WILL BE HERE TONIGHT.
SHE'S IN THE NEW-- SHE'S IN THAT NEW SPIELBERG MOVIE "THE
FABELMANS," ABOUT HIS LIFE.
IT'S ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD.
IT'S NOT CALLED "THE SPIELBERGS."
IT'S CALLED "THE FABELMANS."
>> Joe: YEAH, THAT IS WEIRD.
HE COULDN'T GET THE RIGHTS TO HIS OWN NAME.
>> Stephen: HE DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHTS TO HIS OWN NAME.
SOMEBODY ELSE GOT THE BLUE CHECK ON TWITTER.
FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, RIGHT OVER THERE,
WANDERING THE NEWS TANNERY, HAND SELECTING THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL
CALF LEATHER, SHAPING IT TO A BESPOKE LAST, THEN ADDING A
BARK-TANNED SOLE WITH WELTED DOUBLE STITCHING TO CREATE THE
FLAWLESS CROCKETT & JONES CAP TOE OXFORDS THAT ARE MY
MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I WAKE UP NAKED IN
SOMEONE'S YARD IN THE COCKPIT OF A CESSNA 150 THAT I ASSUME I'VE
STOLEN, TEAR STRIPS FROM A TIRE SWING, THEN CUT THE ROPE
OFF A TETHERBALL TO LASH THEM TO MY FEET, AND AS THE COPS CLOSE
IN, I DART FROM UNDER AN OVERTURNED BABY POOL IN THE
FUGITIVE PLANE-JACKER'S FLIP- FLOPS OF NEWS THAT ARE MY
SEGMENT: >> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THIS IS LIKE
PENICILLIN.
THIS IS TETRACYCLINE FOR THE SOUL.
MEANWHILE, "A TATTOO-REMOVAL STUDIO HAS OFFERED TO REMOVE
KANYE WEST TATTOOS FOR FREE ( APPLAUSE )
"USING THE SLOGAN "YEEZY COME, YEEZY GO."
( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU WANT TO ADD INSULT TO
INJURY, THEY'LL REPLACE YOUR YE TATTOO WITH PETE DAVIDSON.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, THE SOUTH AMERICAN
SHAMANISTIC PSYCHEDELIC BREW KNOWN AS AYAHUASCA CAUSES MENTAL
HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT LAST MONTHS, A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND.
NOT TO MENTION HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR YOUR SISTER'S NEW BOYFRIEND
TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
"WE HEARD YOU, RYAN.
IT WAS TRANSFORMATIVE.
YOU'RE NOW THE CAPTAIN OF A SPIRITUAL SPACESHIP WHOSE FUEL
IS PRIMARY COLORS.
AND, NO, I WILL NOT CALL YOU 'EVEREST.'"
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, IN ORDER TO UNDERCUT
COSTCO'S PRICE OF $1.50, SAM'S CLUB IS CUTTING THE PRICE OF ITS
HOT DOG AND SODA FROM $1.50 TO $1.38.
THOUGH, I WILL REMIND YOU, THERE IS STILL MORE NUTRITIONAL VALUE
IN JUST LICKING 138 PENNIES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, SCRABBLE: THE THINKING MAN'S BANANAGRAMS.
THIS WEEK, "THE CREATORS OF THE GAME ADDED 500 NEW WORDS TO THE
OFFICIAL SCRABBLE DICTIONARY," LIKE ZOODLE AND GUAC.
UP 'TIL NOW, IF YOU WANTED TO ADD GUAC TO THE BOARD, YOU HAD
TO PAY TWO BUCKS EXTRA.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
MEANWHILE, "A MAN GOT A JUMPROPE STUCK IN HIS BLADDER AFTER
SHOVING IT INTO HIS PENIS."
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU, KIDS.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS FUN, BUT THERE'S A DOWNSIDE TO SHOVING A
JUMPROPE INTO YOUR PENIS.
THE MAN WAS APPARENTLY EXPERIENCING SOME DISCOMFORT,
AND WAS "FORCED TO SEEK MEDICAL HELP, COMPLAINING THAT HE WAS
SUFFERING FROM A CONDITION CALLED "DYSURIA."
OR AS IT'S MORE COMMONLY KNOWN: "DOUBLE DUTCH DONG."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, "STONED COWS FED WITH HEMP ARE MAKING T.H.C.-LACED
MILK."
EXPLAINS WHY THEY'VE CHANGED THE SLOGAN FROM "GOT MILK?" TO
"DO YOU EVER WONDER IF MILK GETS YOU?"
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHELLE WILLIAMS.
♪ HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'T YOU COME BACK NO MORE
NO MORE, NO MORE ♪ HIT THE ROAD JACK, AND DON'T
YOU COME BACK NO MORE ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY
AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN," "MY
WEEK WITH MARILYN," AND "FOSSE/VERDON."
SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW STEVEN SPIELBERG MOVIE "THE
FABELMANS."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHELLE WILLIAMS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SOO YOU.
>> WHAT NICE FRIEND YOU HAVE.
>> Stephen: I DO.
I HAVE SOME LOVELY FRIENDS I'VE INVITED IN JUST FOR THIS
EVENING.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE BEFORE THE PANDEMIC, APRIL, 2019, FOR
"FOSSE/VERDON."
WICH YOU WON THE EMMY FOR.
CONGRATULATIONS FOR THAT.
( APPLAUSE ) IT WAS SUCH A BRILLIANT
PERFORMANCE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: SUCH A WONDERFUL SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ANOTHER PROJECT.
YOU'VE HAD TWO CHILDREN, BOTH DURING THE PANDEMIC.
>> TWO KIDS IN ONE PANDEMIC.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
THAT IS EFFICIENT.
GOOD FOR YOU.
IS IT-- HOW-- HOW ARE THEY DOING?
EVERYBODY IS GOOD?
>> YEAH, EVERYBODY IS GOOD, HAPPY, HEALTHY.
I HAVE A TWO-YEAR-OLD, MY 17, MY TWO, AND MY SIX WEEK.
>> Stephen: SIX-WEEK-OLD.
THAT'S EXTRAORDINARY.
( APPLAUSE ) SO YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING.
SO YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING AT ALL RIGHT NOW.
>> NO, WE'RE NOT SLEEPING.
THE TEEN KEEPS US UP LATE AND THE BABIES GET US UP EARLY.
SO, WE'RE NOT SLEEPING BUT -- >> Stephen: ANYTHING NEW ABOUT
NUMBER THREE FOR YOU?
>> THAT THERE ARE NO PICTURES OF THE BABY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S YOUR THIRD BABY SO YOU'RE NOT REALLY PUTTING ON
THE CUTE CLOTHES AND DRESSING UP AND HAVING A PHOTO SHOOT.
YOU'RE JUST...
YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: GETTING IT DONE.
>> GETTING IT DONE.
>> Stephen: OUR THIRD, A BOY, OUR THIRD, WHEN HE WAS, I DON'T
KNOW, SIX OR SEVEN YEARS OLD, HE GOES, "I'D LIKE TO GO TO A ZOO
SOME DAY."
AND WE SAID, "OH, YOU'VE BEEN TO THE ZOO."
AND HE SAID, "I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE ZOO."
AND WE SAID, "OH, DAMN, THESE THE THIRD ONE."
WE SAID, WE DID THAT WITH THE FIRST ONES.
YOU'LL BE FINE.
IT'S ANIMALS, IT SMELLS BAD, IT'S KIND OF SAD."
WHAT ABOUT BABIES DURING COVID?
DID THAT HELP-- THERE'S A NESTING INSTINCT ANYWAY.
DID IT HELP TO SORT OF HAVE TO BE AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
>> YEAH, IT'S A GREAT TIME TO HAVE A BABY.
I MEAN, ONE THAT REALLY LIVENS UP A QUARANTINE.
YOU DROP A BABY IN, AND NOBODY WANTS TO COME OVER.
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THE BABY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEED PEOPLE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE ABLE TO CARRY ON A CONVERSATION.
YOU CAN JUST, LIKE, STARE AT YOUR BABY.
>> Stephen: AM I MAYBE, TOTALLY, OVER HARD TO TELL, NO
ONE IS TALKING TO US ABOUT IT ANY MORE, THE THIRD BABY-- IS
THE BABY IN QUARANTINE?
>> THE BABY IS BASICALLY IN QUARANTINE.
WE STILL WEAR MASKS.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY ELSE-- WELL, YOU'RE ALL MASKED.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: YES, IT'S COMPLICATED.
>> I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THE BABY!
>> Stephen: NO, IF YOU NEED A LITTLE OUTFIT, WE'VE GOT YOU A
LITTLE-- A LITTLE "LATE SHOW" ONESY RIGHT HERE.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: I HOPE IT'S THE RIGHT SIZE.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE ALSO GOT A NEW MOVIE CALLED "THE
FABELMANS," DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG.
THAT'S ONE OF THE FEW GREAT PLEASURES IN LIFE THAT YOU CAN'T
BUY-- GETTING A CALL FROM STEVEN SPIELBERG SAYING, "DO YOU WANT
TO BE IN MY MOVIE?" >> I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING
AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE.
LIKE, I'M IN A MOVIE WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG?
NO.
BUT IT'S TRUE.
YEAH.
I GUESS I MADE A MOVIE WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS ON THE CARD RIGHT HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) FOR THOSE WHO WEREN'T FAMILIAR,
WHAT IS "THE FABELMANS" ABOUT?
>> IT'S ABOUT HIS FAMILY.
IT'S ABOUT HIS LIFE.
BOOTS HIS CHILDHOOD, AND I'M HIS MOMMA.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE MITZI.
TWO-PARTER-- WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
AND, I MEAN, I SUPPOSE THIS IS BASED-- I DON'T KNOW HOW CLOSE
IT IS BASED ON HIS MOTHER, BUT TO YOU, WHAT IS SHE LIKE?
AND HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR THAT ROLE?
>> WELL, THERE'S SO MUCH-- I MEAN, HE'S BEEN SHOOTING FOOTAGE
OF HIS FAMILY SINCE HE WAS A KID, SO THERE'S SO MUCH
BEAUTIFUL DOCUMENTATION OF HIS CHILDHOOD.
>> Stephen: FAMOUSLY, HAS SO MANY SUPER 8 MOVIES.
>> SO MANY SUPER 8 MOVIES, SO MANY BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS.
AND HE HAD AN EXTRAORDINARY CHILDHOOD.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE PHOTOS, THEY'RE SO EVOCATIVE AND SHE WAS
A LARGER-THAN-LIFE PERSON AND SHE COMES THROUGH IN EVERYTHING
YOU SEE, EVERYTHING YOU LISTEN TO, SHE HAD THIS INCREDIBLE
LAUGH THAT WAS SORT OF LIKE A-- KIND OF LIKE MY TOUCHSTONE FOR
THE PART.
THE THING I WOULD LISTEN TO BEFORE EVERY TAKE, WAS JUST THIS
GUIDE TRACK OF HER LAUGHING OVER THE YEARS.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND SHE WAS AN ARTIST IN HER OWN RIGHT.
SHE WAS AN ASPIRING ARTIST.
>> SHE WAS A REALLY ACCOMPLISHED PIANIST, AND PUT THAT DOWN TO
RAISE FOUR CHILDREN BUT HER ENTIRE LIFE WAS KIND OF A WORK
OF ART AND SHE PASSED IT ON TO HER KIDS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE WHERE MITZI IS PRESENTING
TO HER SON, SAMMIE, IN THIS CASE, A MOVIE CAMERA, AND IN
SOME WAYS, IT FEELS LIKE PASSING ON, LIKE, A BENEDICTION, TO GO,
YOU KNOW, MAKE SOME ART.
>> SHE SAW IT IN HIM.
SHE SAW-- SHE SAW IT BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE DID.
AND SHE-- IT'S A TRUE STORY, SHE GAVE HIM HIS FIRST CAMERA.
>> Stephen: JIM.
>> SAMMY.
WE'RE GOING TO USE DADDY'S CAMERA TO FILM IT.
ONLY CRASH THE TERRAIN ONCE, OKAY?
THEN AFTER WE GET THE FILM DEVELOPED, YOU CAN WATCH IT
CRASH OVER AND OVER TILL IT'S NOT SO SCARY ANYMORE.
AND YOUR REAL TRAIN WILL NEVER GET BROKEN.
ONE MORE THING, DARLING.
LET'S NOT TELL YOUR FATHER.
IT WILL BE OUR SECRET MOVIE, JUST YOURS AND MINE.
OKAY?
>> OKAY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: DID YOU-- IF YOU
DON'T MIND ME ASKING, WHO WAS THAT PERSON FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE
WHO SAW THE TALENT IN YOU AND CULTIVATED THAT AND ENDORSED
THAT FOR YOU?
>> GOSH, I THINK ABOUT THIS PERSON A LOT, ACTUALLY.
IT WAS MARYBETH PEELE, WHO PLAYED GRAMS ON "DAWSON'S
CREEK."
SHE WAS, LIKE, MY ONSCREEN GRANDMA, BUT SHE WAS MY
REAL-LIFE MAMA.
I'M HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT.
I THINK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME, AND EVERY CHANCE I GET IT'S JUST
SO NICE TO REMEMBER HER AND TO TALK ABOUT HER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK.
BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MICHELLE WILLIAMS,
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "THE
FABELMANS," MICHELLE WILLIAMS.
MICHELLE, I'M WONDERING WHAT DO YOU SEE IN STEVEN SPIELBERG THAT
IS GREAT IN HIS DIRECTING?
LIKE, WHAT MAKES, I SUPPOSE, AFTER WORKING WITH HIM NOW, WHAT
MAKES STEVEN SPIELBERG STEVEN SPIELBERG?
>> I THINK-- I MEAN, ONE ANSWER COULD BE HIS CHILDHOOD.
IT WAS JUST-- IT CONTINUES TO BE A PLACE HE'S REALLY ATTACHED TO.
IT WAS-- BECAUSE OF HOW HE WAS RAISED-- BOTH OF HIS PARENTS,
HIS MOTHER AND HIS FATHER AND HIS SORT-- AND HIS CREATIVE
PLAYMATES, HIS SISTERS, HIS CHILDHOOD CONTINUES TO BE THIS
WELL, THIS LIKE REALLY GENERATIVE PLACE THAT HE'S STILL
SO TAPPED INTO.
AND ALSO BRINGS THAT ENTHUSIASM, THAT SAME SORT OF CHILD-LIKE
WONDER TO SET EVERY SINGLE DAY.
HE IS JUST...
HE FEELS LIKE A KID AT PLAY.
>> Stephen: HOW ENGAGED IS HE AS A DIRECTOR?
SOME ACTORS WANT A DIRECTOR WHO IS MORE ENGAGED AND SOME LIKE
HIM, "I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
LET ME DO MY THING."
WHAT'S HE LIKE-- I HEARD SOMEBODY DESCRIBE SCORSESES
DIRECT AS HE'S A PROBLEM SOLVER.
WHAT IS SPIELBERG'S PROBLEM SOLVING ON SET?
IS IT DISCOVERY?
IS IT INVENTION?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE WAY HE WORKS WITH AN ACTOR.
>> THE FAVORITE THING YOU WOULD HEAR BEHIND THE MONITOR IS, "I
HAVE AN IDEA!
"SO YOU KNOW HE'S SEEN SOMETHING THAT SPARKED SOMETHING NEW,
SOMETHING THAT HE HADN'T COME-- HE HADN'T SORT OF PREORDAINED
ABOUT THE MOMENT.
AND SO IT'S REALLY EXCITING AS AN ACTOR TO THINK WHAT CAN I
BRING THAT MIGHT SPARK SOMETHING IN HIM?
AND I GET TO HEAR THAT EXCITED VOICE BEHIND THE MONITOR.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID WHEN YOU'RE PERFORMING-- I HOPE I'M
GETTING THIS CORRECTLY-- WHEN YOU'RE PERFORMING, EVERYTHING
OPENS UP.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LIKE YOUR PORES.
>> DID I SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: IT SAYS HERE, YOU SAID THAT WHEN YOU'RE ACTING,
"EVERYTHING OPENS UP."
WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THE MOMENT OF PERFORMANCE FOR YOU?
OR DO YOU HAVE ANY AWARENESS OF THE MOMENT OF PERFORMANCE?
>> THE THING THEY ALWAYS THINK ABOUT, ABOUT JOBS AND MY JOB IS
THAT IT'S A COMPLETELY SAFE SPACE.
THERE'S NO LIFE OR DEATH.
YOU'RE TOTALLY PROTECTED BETWEEN "ACTION" AND "CUT."
NOTHING BAD CAN EVER HAPPEN.
YOU CAN HAVE EXPERIENCES, BUT THEY AREN'T REALLY YOURS.
THEY BELONG TO SOMEBODY ELSE, AND THEY'RE BEING TRANSMITTED
OUT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
SO I THINK OF IT IS JUST THIS INCREDIBLY SAFE SPACE.
>> Stephen: WELL, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN AN ACTOR-- I MEAN,
THERE ARE OTHER PATHS FOR YOU.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN IF YOU HADN'T BEEN AFTER ACTOR?
>> I CAN'T-- I DON'T-- I'VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE I WAS 12.
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD NO OTHER JOB?
YOU HAD NO OTHER JOB?
YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANOTHER JOB?
>> THE LAST JOB I HAD WAS SERVING SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM.
BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN...
CARRY THAT INTO THE FUTURE.
LIKE, I DON'T THINK I CAN GO BACK TO THAT.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE WE TALKING HERE?
>> LIKE, 12.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU GOOD AT IT?
WERE YOU TALENTED?
>> I LIKED TO OVERSERVE.
( LAUGHTER ) I LIKED TO MAKE A BIG CONE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT A 12-YEAR-OLD AT A
MACHINE, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
SHE MAKES THE DREAM CONE.
>> I MADE THE DREAM CONE.
>> Stephen: DID THAT UPSET YOUR BOSS THAT YOU WERE
OVERSERVING?
>> NO IT UPSET THESE WOMEN I HANDED THEM TO, THESE TOPPLING,
AWKWARD THINGS THAT WERE ABOUT TO FALL OFF.
BUT I WOULD HAVE WANTED ONE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU BECAME AN ACTRESS.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> THANK YOU, VERY NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: "THE FABELMANS" IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND
OPENS NATIONWIDE ON WEDNESDAY.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE WINNERS OF TONIGHT'S "PICKLED."
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JOSEPH.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PREPARE YOURSELVES.
MY NEXT GUESTS ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD'S FIRST TELEVISED
CELEBRITY CHARITY PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT, "PICKLED," WHICH
PREMIERED TONIGHT ON CBS.
PLEASE BECOME YOUR CHAMPIONS TO "THE LATE SHOW."
THE EMMY-AWARD WINNING HOST OF "THE AMAZING RACE,"
PHIL KEOGHAN AND MULTI-PLATINUM COUNTRY MUSIC STAR, DIERKS
BENTLEY.
♪ ♪ ♪
THE CHAMPIONS.
GENTLEMEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU.
>> THE COUCH.
THIS IS NICE.
>> Stephen: GENTLEMEN, WHAT AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU BOTH HERE AS
THE WORLD ALL NOW KNOW, YOU ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THIS YEAR'S
INAUGURAL EPISODE OF "PICKLED."
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> IT FEELS GOOD.
IT FEELS REAL GOOD.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU CARE TO CELEBRATE YOUR WIN WITH THE
PICKLE-BACK SHOT RIGHT HERE?
WE'VE GOT WHISKEY AND PICKLES.
>> ANOTHER FIRST.
>> Stephen: HERE YOU GO.
AND HERE IS TO YOU, GENTLEMEN, VOLUNTEERING TO BE IN THIS
CELEBRITY PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT WHERE WE RAISED MONEY FOR COMIC
RELIEF TO HELP CHILDREN AND FAMILIES IN CRISIS.
>> WELL DONE, STEPHEN.
WELL DONE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
MMM.
NICELY DONE.
MMM.
>> CAN I HAVE ANOTHER PICKLE?
>> Stephen: SURE, NOTHING LIKE BACKING UP YOUR VODKA WITH A
GHERKIN.
>> I NEVER LOVED PICKLES BEFORE I PLAYED PICKLE.
I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.
THESE ARE REALLY GOOD.
>> Stephen: SEE HOW WE'RE HELPING PEOPLE?
YOU ARE NOW THE PROUD OWNERS OF THE COLBERT CUP.
THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> STEPHEN, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, BUT I LET DIERKS TAKE THE
TROPHY.
>> Stephen: YOU DID.
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: IT'S FOR A SURE.
>> I ONLY GET IT FOR A YEAR.
>> Stephen: YOUR TEAM, WHEN HARRY MET RALLY, DIERKS, LET ME
ASK YOU THIS, WHAT WAS YOUR STRATEGY GOING IN?
YOU GUYS DOMINATED.
WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN?
>> OUR PLAN WAS TO WIN.
THIS IS SHOW BUSINESS, BUT IT'S NOT CALLED "SHOW FRIENDS" IT'S
SHOW BUSINESS.
WE WERE THERE TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.
AND WE DID.
>> Stephen: YOU DID NOT MISS MANY THINGS.
I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT.
>> I'M GOING TO SAY EMMA, WHO WAS DIFFICULTY MOST COMPETITIVE
OUT OF EVERYBODY -- >> Stephen: EMMA WATSON, HE IS
TALKING ABOUT, WHO PARTNERED WITH SUGAR RAY LEONARD.
>> I MET HER IN THE MAKEUP ROOM.
SHE WAS GETTING HER GAME FACE ON.
THEN-- THERE,s SHE WAS TRYING TO INTIMIDATE ALL OF US.
SHE TOLD US SHE HAD A COACH FOR THE LAST MONTH.
AND THEN WHEN SHE CAME OUT, THAT EVIL EYE.
>> Stephen: I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT.
>> IT GOT TO US.
IT GOT TO US.
OF ALL OF THINGS WE'VE DONE WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND WENT,
"WE'RE NERVOUS, RIGHT?" NORMALLY, YOU CAN PREPARE
STEPHEN.
YOU CAN PREPARE FOR THINGS.
I'M GOING TO SAY WE WERE UNPREPARED.
AND WE WERE CERTAINLY UPPREPARED FOR HER.
>> Stephen: I TAKE EXCEPTION TO THIS.
JIMMIE ALLEN OUTED YOU, DIERKS, BECAUSE HE SAID YOU PLAY
PICKLEBALL ON THE ROAD EVERY TIME.
>> A COUPLE OF TIMES.
>> Stephen: YOU SET UP A COURT--
>> WE SET UP COURTS IN ALL SORTS OF WEIRD PLACES.
I DID PLAY A TOURNAMENT IN LONDON, ONTARIO, AND OUR GUITAR
PLAYER ARE THE REIGNING CHAMPIONS OF THE 75 AND OLDER
GROUP-- WE KIND OF LIE ABOUT OUR AGE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT WINNING.
WHATEVER IT TAKES, IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE YOUR AGE.
WE'RE THE CHAMPIONS OF LONDON, ONTARIO.
>> Stephen: PHIL, YOU HOST "THE AMAZING RACE,"s AND THOSE
ARE TOUGH COMPETITION SHOWS.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LENS AND
ACTUALLY BEING THE PERSON HAVING TO PUT IT OUT ALL ON THE LINE
THERE?
>> YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU HOST A SHOW WHERE YOU'RE A MUSICIAN, OR
YOU HOST YOUR SHOW, YOU DO THE PREPARATION, AND ALL THE NERVES
GO AND YOU DO YOUR THING.
I WAS SO NERVOUS.
AND I WAS HOPING THAT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO BE, BUT YOU
WERE.
>> I WAS REALLY NERVOUS.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT STAYING OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THE RULES OF PICKLE.
I PLAYED TENNIS WHEN I WAS A KID.
BUT THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH IT.
AND WE WERE REALLY-- WE WERE A NERVOUS WRECK GOING INTO IT.
>> Stephen: THE SECRET TO PICKLEBALL, IN MY OPINION, IS
THE BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD IS ABOUT TWICE AS GOOD AS THE WORST
PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
YOU CAN GRADE PICKLEBALL PLAYERS--
>> YOU'RE ALREADY AT 90%.
>> Stephen: ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TWO, THAT'S HOW YOU RATE
PICKLEBALL PLAYERS.
YOU CAME IN AS A SOLID ONE AND ENDED AS A TWO.
>> THAT'S ALL IT TOOK.
>> I FELT LIKE AN IMPOSTOR, TRUTH BE TOLD, I WAS KIND OF
CALLED IN AT THE LAST MINUTE -- >> Stephen: WE HAD ANOTHER
PLAYER TESTED POSITIVE AT THE LAST MOMENT.
>> MORE FAMOUS THAN ME.
>> I WAS 26 HOURS' WARNING I THINK IT WAS.
AND THE EXECUTIVE AT CBS AND CALLED ME AND SAID, "I JUST
NOTICED, PHIL, THAT YOUR NAME IS NOT ONs LIST."
I WAS LIKE, "REALLY?" AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WHEN I
FOUND OUT, I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT."
AND I SAD, ALL RIGHT, WHO GOT SICK?"
AND THERE WAS SILENCE AND, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON FRIDAY?"
>> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE THE CHAMPION AFTER NOT TRAINING AT
ALL, AND EMMA WATSON IS OVER THERE, M.V.P.
>> EMMA WATSON LIKE METHOD ACTED HER WAY THROUGH THE WHOLE THING.
I DON'T THINK SHE PLAYED PICKLEBALL AT ALL, SHE HIRED
SOMEBODY.
>> SHE PUT MEs IN, LIKE, LITTLE BLOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID EMMA WATSON DREW BLOOD ON YOU?
>> WHEN I WENT INTO THE BACK RAWL--
>> HE GOT HURT, AND SHE SMILED AND KIND OF LAUGHED ABOUT IT.
SHE THAT?
>> HE PLAYS TRAVEL HOCKEY, I'M A TRAVEL HOCKEY DAD, AND MY WIFE
TRAVELS,s TOO SPEAKING ABOUT MOTIVATION.
I'M ALL ABOUT FINDING WAYS TO MOTIVATE MYSELF, AND MOTIVATE MY
FAMILY, AND KNOX'S TEAM WAS OFF TO A SLOW START AND WE AND THE
DADS HAD AN IDEA, TELL THEM IF THEY WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP WE'D
TAKE THEM TO HOOTERS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT.
THEY WON.
THEY DIDN'T LET A GOAL GO IN FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD IS HE?
>> NINE.
>> Stephen: DAD OF THE YEAR.
THAT'S ABOUT AS OLD AS A PERSON SHOULD BE AND STILL ENJOY GOING
TO HOOTERS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WINGS.
>> Stephen: LISTEN, PEOPLE KNOW YOU AS A WORLD-CLASS
PICKLEBALL PLAYER MOSTLY AT THIS POINT.
BUT YOU DO STILL PLAY COUNTRY MUSIC.
>> JUST FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SHARE WITH THE PEOPLE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO
BE DOING?
>> I HAVE A BRAND NEW SONG, CALLED "GOLD" COMING OUT IN
FEBRUARY, I GUESS, AND IT'S ALL ABOUT PICKLEBALL, FOLK S.
>> Stephen: DIERKS, CONGRATULATIONS.
PHIL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, MAN.
THERE YOU GO.
THE WINNERS OF THE COLBERT CUP.
YOU CAN STREAM "PICKLED" ON PARAMOUNT+ AND CATCH PHIL ON
"THE AMAZING RACE" AND "TOUGH AS NAILS" WHICH PREMIERES JANUARY
4th.
DIERKS BENTLEY AND PHIL KEOGHAN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY DIERKS.
>> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING HIS LATEST SINGLE, "GOLD,"
DIERKS BENTLEY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> ♪ IT AIN'T EASY NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE
♪ YOU FINALLY FIND THAT GREENER GRASS
♪ BUT YOU'RE STILL IN THE WEEDS AIN'T IT CRAZY
♪ ALL THE TIME THAT YOU SPEND DRIVIN' THROUGH THE RAINBOW FOR
♪ THE POT AT THE END I GOT SOME RUST ON MY CHEVY BUT
♪ IT'S READY TO ROLL I GOT A RHINESTONE SKY AND A
♪ SONG IN MY SOUL IT AIN'T A SMOOTH RIDE, LIFE,
♪ IT'S A WINDING ROAD YEAH, IT MIGHT BE GRAVEL,
♪ I'VE BEEN CLIMBING TRYNA GET TO THE VIEW
♪ I'M AT THE BOTTOM BUT THE SKY'S STILL PRETTY DAMN BLUE
THEY SAY HEAVEN ♪ IS SOMEWHERE ON THE OTHER SIDE
BUT I AIN'T WAITIN' ♪ HELL, I'M THINKIN', IT'S A
STATE OF MIND ♪ I GOT SOME RUST ON MY CHEVY
BUT IT'S READY TO ROLL ♪ I GOT A RHINESTONE SKY AND A
SONG IN MY SOUL ♪ IT AIN'T A SMOOTH RIDE, LIFE,
IT'S A WINDING ROAD ♪ YEAH, IT MIGHT BE GRAVEL, BUT
IT FEELS LIKE GOLD ♪ YEAH, IT FEELS LIKE GOLD
YEAH, IT FEELS LIKE GOLD ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ GOT MY BABY SITTIN' BY ME
SHININ' LIKE A DIAMOND ♪ ONLY SILVER LININGS IN THE
CLOUDS ♪ YEAH, AND IF IT STARTS TO RAIN
I DON'T WORRY 'BOUT A THING ♪ I PULL MY ROSE-COLORED
RAY-BANS OUT ♪ I GOT SOME RUST ON MY CHEVY
BUT IT'S READY TO ROLL ♪ I GOT A RHINESTONE SKY AND A
SONG IN MY SOUL ♪ IT AIN'T A SMOOTH RIDE, LIFE,
IT'S A WINDING ROAD ♪ YEAH, IT MIGHT BE GRAVEL, BUT
IT FEELS LIKE GOLD ♪ YEAH, IT FEELS LIKE GOLD
YEAH, IT DOES ♪ YEAH, IT FEELS LIKE GOLD
IT AIN'T A SMOOTH RIDE, LIFE, ♪ IT'S A WINDING ROAD
YEAH, IT MIGHT BE GRAVEL, ♪ BUT IT FEELS LIKE GOLD
ONE, TWO, THREE ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, DIERKS.
DIERKS BENTLEY, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT.