>> HI, I'M MICHAEL SHANNON. MOST PEOPLE KNOW ME FROM MY
INTIMIDATING, ALMOST SOCIOPATHIC PERSONA.
BUT THERE'S ANOTHER SIDE. AND TO SHOW YOU, I'VE PUT OUT AN
ALBUM OF BEST OF THANKSGIVING SONGS.
>> INTRODUCING "EVERYBODY'S GOT STUFFING TO HIDE EXCEPT ME AND
MY TURKEY: THE SONGS OF THANKSGIVING."
>> YOU'LL ALSO GET:
AND OF COURSE:
>> AND MANY MORE SOON-TO-BE CLASSICS.
>> ACT NOW, AND I'LL ALSO THROW IN MY CHRISTMAS ALBUM:
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: JAKE GYLLENHAAL
AND ELIZABETH DEBICKI
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). HEY!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
THERE YOU GO. I LOVE IT.
THEY LOVE IT. ROLL THOSE DICE.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
>> Audience: STEPHEN! STEPHEN!
STEPHEN. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT!
HEY, EVERYBODY! UP THERE, DOWN HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). ♪ ♪ ♪
LET'S DO IT! LET'S DO IT, MAN.
I'M READY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO. HELLO.
WELCOME, WELCOME, EVERYBODY, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. FOLKS--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AS WE ALL KNOW, TOMORROW IS
THANKSGIVING. IT'S A SPECIAL TIME, WHEN WE
GATHER WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO SHARE OUR GRATITUDE THROUGH
AMERICA'S TRADITIONAL EXPRESSION OF LOVE: THE FOOD COMA.
( LAUGHTER ) MIGHT LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT,
BECAUSE PRICES ARE UP ON ALMOST EVERYTHING FROM FROZEN PIE
CRUSTS TO PUMPKIN PIE MIX TO A DOZEN DINNER ROLLS.
THERE GOES MY FAVORITE DESSERT: A DOZEN DINNER ROLLS.
THESE HIGH PRICES ARE CAUSED BY A VARIETY OF FACTORS, INCLUDING
THE WAR IN UKRAINE, HIGH FUEL PRICES.
BUT THE NUMBER ONE FACTOR, ACCORDING TO EXPERTS, IS
HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING ) PLAYERS.
IT'S ALSO THE STAR OF THE SHOW, TOM TURKEY!
IN ADDITION TO INFLATION, A BLIGHT OF AVIAN FLU MEANS THAT
THANKSGIVING 2022 IS SHAPING UP TO BE A TOUGH ONE FOR TURKEY.
TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE EVERY THANKSGIVING IS A TOUGH
ONE FOR TURKEYS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) A LITTLE ARB PLAWZ BEFORE THEY
MEET THEIR END. EVEN IF YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS
ON SOME OF THAT DRY, CLOTH- FLAVORED MEAT, IT WILL LIKELY
BE MUCH SMALLER THAN YOU'RE USED TO, BECAUSE SOME TURKEYS MAY NOT
HAVE HAD THE FULL AMOUNT OF TIME TO GET TO 20 POUNDS BEFORE
THANKSGIVING. OH, SO TURKEY IS THAT
FRIEND NOW. ( AS TURKEY )
NO MATTER WHAT I EAT-- GRAIN, BERRIES, REGIONAL GRASSES.
I'M, LIKE, DROWNING IN THIS WATTLE.
IT'S SO ANNOYING. I'M JEALOUS.
YOU EAT ANYTHING AND GET FAT." ( LAUGHTER )
THAT ARBY'S IS WARNING CUSTOMERS THAT TURKEY SANDWICHES ARE NOT
AVAILABLE, AND HAS POSTED "TEMPORARILY OUT OF STOCK" ON
MENU BOARDS, FORCING THEM TO CHANGE THEIR SLOGAN FROM "WE
HAVE THE MATS" TO "WANT A CUP OF HORSEY SAUCE?"
( LAUGHTER ) I KIND OF DO.
THE DAY AFTER YOU'VE SHARED A MEAL WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT TRADITION: TRAMPLING THEM AT
"BEST BUY" FOR A PAIR OF BLUETOOTH HEADPHONES.
BECAUSE IT'S BLACK FRIDAY! WHILE MOST OF BLACK FRIDAY SALES
COME FROM BIG BUSINESSES, WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" HAVE
BEEN TRYING OUR BEST TO SUPPORT THE LITTLE GUYS.
SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC, WE'VE WORKED TO GIVE
INDEPENDENTLY OWNED COMPANIES A BOOST WITH THE HASHTAG
#COLBERTSMALLBIZBUMP AND HAVE HIGHLIGHTED THEM, DOZENS OF THEM
HERE ON THE SHOW. THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN
TREMENDOUS. JUST LISTEN TO THE OWNERS OF
PREUSS PETS IN LANSING, MICHIGAN, AFTER WE MENTIONED
THEIR STORE ON THIS SHOW. >> HI GUYS, IT'S KIRBAY FROM
PREUSS PETS. IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD, THERE'S
SOMETHING REALLY COOL. WE WERE FEATURED-- PREUSS PETS
WAS FEATURED ON STEPHEN COLBERT. SEAN AND I HAD PLANNED TO GO
LIVE TODAY AND DO A CREATIVE VIDEO FOR "SMALL BIZ BUMP."
MY BUMP HAD OTHER PLANS. I'M NOW DILATED TO THREE
CENTIMETERS AND WAS SENT HOME TO DO NOTHING BUT TAKE BATHS,
AND THIS IS MY OWN SELF-PRESCRIPTION.
IF YOU HAVEN'T TRIED BEN & JERRY'S MINTER WONDERLAND,
IT'S, LIKE, THE BEST ICE CREAM ON THE PLANET.
I'M GONNA SIGN OFF NOW AND CONTINUE LABORING AND HAVE A
BABY. >> Stephen: JUST TO BE CLEAR
( APPLAUSE ) THAT IS SO-- THAT IS BEAUTFUL
TO HEAR. BUT JUST TO BE CLEAR, GETTING
THE COLBERT SMALL BIZ BUMP DOES NOT CAUSE PREGNANCY... THAT I
KNOW OF. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS VIDEO, OF COURSE, WAS VERY TOUCHING, AND I HOPE EVERYTHING
WENT WELL, BUT I DO HAVE ONE SMALL ISSUE:
YOUR ICE CREAM CHOICE. COME ON!
NEXT BABY YOU HAVE, DITCH THAT BUCKET OF SLUDGE AND ADMINISTER
A MASSIVE DOSE OF STEPHEN COLBERT'S AMERICONE DREAM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON.
BOOM! RIGHT THERE.
MMM! MMM!
OH!
OH, MY LORD. ( APPLAUSE )
EPIDURAL. IN FACT, OUR SLOGAN IS
"AMERICONE DREAM: ONE BITE, AND YOU COULD YANK A CANTELOPE OUTTA
THERE!" ( LAUGHTER )
>> Louis: REALLY? THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY?
NOTHING LIKE A MASSIVE DOSE OF DAIRY WHEN YOU'RE DOING A
MONOLOGUE. SINCE THEN, WE'VE GOTTEN VIDEOS
FROM OTHER BUSINESSES THAT COULD USE A BOOST, LIKE THIS ONE FROM
LA TIGRE MEN'S STORE IN SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO.
>> HELLO, STEPHEN. WELCOME TO SAN JUAN, PUERTO
RICO, AND WELCOME TO LA TIGRE. SO, STEPHEN, LA TIGRE IS PUERTO
RICO'S PREMIERE DESTINATION FOR CUSTOM CLOTHING AND ITALIAN
COLLECTIONS. AND ALTHOUGH WE SELL LUXURY
ITEMS AND HIGH-QUALITY GOODS, WE'RE STILL A SMALL BUSINESS.
SO LAST YEAR HAS BEEN REALLY CHALLENGING FOR US AS WELL.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? LAST YEAR, WHEN YOU TOLD EVIE
YOUR MEASUREMENTS, FOR A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, WE MADE A
SHIRT JUST FOR YOU. WE EVEN PUT YOUR INITIALS TO THE
SHIRT. >> Stephen: WELL, I'M HAPPY TO
SAY, I GOT THE SHIRT FROM LA TIGRE.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO THE STRESS
OF THE LAST COUPLE YEARS, MY MEASUREMENTS HAVE...
EVOLVED. I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS
WHETHER THEY'VE GONE UP OR DOWN. SO LET'S JUST SAY THIS WILL BE
PERFECT FOR SOMEONE WHO SHARES MY INITIALS BUT HAS NOT BEEN
POUNDING PINTS OF AMERICONE DREAM.
NOW-- ( APPLAUSE )
WAIFE. WE HEARD FROM SO MANY GREAT
BUSINESSES THAT DESERVE A BUMP, BUT THERE WAS ONE IN CLEVELAND,
OHIO, THAT REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE. >> HERE WE ARE AT FINE POINTS IN
CLEVELAND, OHIO. MY NAME IS LIZ TEKUS, AND I'M
THE OWNER. WE HAVE A HUGE SELECTION OF
YARN. WE SUPPORT INDEPENDENT DYERS.
WE HAVE A LOT OF HAND-DYED AND HAND-PAINTED YARNS.
YOU CAN SEE HERE WE HAVE HUNDREDS OF BUTTONS.
SOME PEOPLE JUST COME HERE FOR THE BUTTONS.
SO, AGAIN, THIS IS LIZ TEKUS, FROM FINE POINTS IN CLEVELAND,
OHIO, AND I HOPE YOU'LL COME AND SEE US SOON.
>> Stephen: THAT GOT ME EXCITED ABOUT "FINE POINTS," AND I
WANTED TO GET OTHER PEOPLE EXCITED ABOUT IT, TOO.
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING THE FINE SLATE OF PROGRAMMING HERE
AT CBS HAS SHOWN, IT'S THAT NOTHING GETS PEOPLE MORE EXCITED
THAN THE RELEASE OF A BRAND NEW "N.C.I.S." FRANCHISE.
BUT HOW COULD WE HARNESS THAT TO HELP FINE POINTS?
TAKE A LOOK. >> LISTEN UP, AGENTS!
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE SOLVED ALL THE
NAVY-RELATED CRIMES IN LOS ANGELES.
>> DAMN RIGHT. >> WHICH MEANS WE HAVE TO
TRANSFER THE ENTIRE "N.C.I.S." UNIT.
WELCOME TO CLEVELAND. >> OH?
UNBELIEVABLE. HE LEFT US ALL THE CLUES.
>> YEAH. ARE WHERE DO THEY GET THIS
YEARN? ( APPLAUSE )
DIED. THIS FABRIC.
IT'S HAND DYED. BY INDEPENDENT DYERS.
>> IT'S AMAZING. DEEKS, LOOK AT THE DETAIL.
>> ATTENTION, FELLOW CLEVELANDERS, AS MAYOR OF
CLEANED,s I MUST ADDRESS THE GRUESOME CRIME WAVE SPREADING
ACROSS OUR CITY. >> DAMN IT!
>> KNITTING NEEDLES. >> WE BELIEVE THE CROCHET KILLER
IS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN. >> LOOK WHAT HE DID TO THE
VICTIM'S FACE. >> UGH!
IT'S AWFUL! BUT THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE
SELECTION OF BUTTONS. >> WE MUST DETERMINE WHERE HE
GETS THESE AMAZING KNITTING/MURDER SUPPLIES.
>> LET'S CHECK OUT THE HYPERDIAGNOSTIC IMAGES OF THE
NEEDLE. >> OKAY, ENHANCE.
DOUBLE ENHANCE. ENHANCE REFLECTION.
( LAUGHTER ) VIDEO.
>> FROM PINE POINT IN CLEVELAND, OHIO.
>> FINE POINTS! >> SORRY, AGENTS, BUT I THINK
YOU'VE LOST THE THREAD. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CAREY, EVERYONE AT "N.C.I.S.:
LOS ANGELES," AND, OF COURSE, LIZ TEKUS AND EVERYONE AT FINE
POINTS IN CLEVELAND. I HOPE IT HELPS MOVE SOME YARN!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND STAR OF "THE CROWN,"
ELIZABETH DEBICKI. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE!" JOIN US, WON'T YOU.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND.
LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND, EVERYBODY!
THERE YOU GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Louis: YES, INDEED. >> Stephen: LOUIS.
>> Louis: STEPHEN. >> Stephen: LOUIS, TONIGHT--
IS IT TONIGHT? DO I HAVE THE RIGHT THING HERE?
TONIGHT, HAPPY WEDNESDAY, FIRST OF ALL,.
>> Louis: HAPPY WEDNESDAY. >> Stephen: HAPPY WEDNESDAY TO
YOU. HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
TONIGHT WE HAVE TWO AMAZING PERFORMERS, YOUNG, TALENTED,
BEAUTIFUL, JAKE GYLLENHAAL, AND "THE CROWN'S" ELIZABETH DEBICKI
ARE HERE. SHE'S PLAYING PRINCESS DIANA.
>> Louis: THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: SHE'S PLAYING
PRINCESS DIANA. UNLIKE PRINCESS DIANA, ELIZABETH
DEBICKI IS 6'3". >> Louis: I HEARD.
>> Stephen: YOU ADD THE EXCITEMENT OF WATCHING "THE
CROWN" AND THE DRAMA OF CHARLES AND DIANA, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE
THAT IN THIS-- YOU KNOW, IN THIS VERSION, DIANA CAN DUNK.
LAUGH VERY EXCITING. VERY EXCITING.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TOMORROW. >> Louis: HAPPY THANKS TO YOU,
TOO >> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW I
SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, WANDERING THE STORY
MARKET, PICKING OUT THE FINEST, MOST TOPICAL KELLY-BRONZE NEWS
TURKEY, THE BRIGHTEST, MOST EXQUISITE YUKON GOLD POTATOES,
AND THE RIPEST McFARLIN CRANBERRIES, THEN PREPARING AND
ASSEMBLING IT ALL INTO THE SPECTACULAR, AND CLASSIC
THANKSGIVING SPREAD THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETMES, FOLKS, I CRASH A STOLEN CABLE
SERVICE VAN INTO A CONDEMNED MIDDLE SCHOOL CAFETERIA, SCRAPE
TOGETHER SOME DISCARDED FRUIT BY THE FOOT, EXPIRED YOOHOO, AND
WHAT IS EITHER AN OLD SLICE OF BREAD OR A FALLEN CEILING TILE
AND SLAP IT ALL TOGETHER TO SERVE THE ASSEMBLED RACCOONS THE
DEMENTED OUTLAW PICNIC OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
MEANWHILE, IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.
IT'S AMERICA'S WAY TO PLAY. MEANWHILE, MUSICIAN
"DJ KHALED IS OFFERING FANS A UNIQUE CHANCE TO BOOK AN AIRBNB
STAY IN HIS SHOE CLOSET." IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO
LOVES THE SMELL OF SWEATY FEET AND BEING WOKEN UP BY A MAN
SCREAMING HIS OWN NAME. ( LAUGHTER )
STRUGGLING TO INCINERATE ALL OF THE COCAINE IT SEIZED IN YET
ANOTHER RECORD YEAR." WELL, THERE'S AN EASY FIX.
IF THEY'RE STRUGGLING TO KEEP UP, GIVE THE PEOPLE RUNNING THE
INCINERATOR COCAINE. THEY WILL NOT SLEEP UNTIL
THE JOB IS DONE. MEANWHILE, AFTER A SERIES OF
VERY PUBLIC SETBACKS, "ELON MUSK'S 2022 WEALTH LOSS EXCEEDS
$100 BILLION." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I KNOW BELT-TIGHTENING IS NO FUN, BUT YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN
THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES. OKAY, ALL OF US ARE HAVING TO
CUT BACK ON HOW MANY CARS WE SHOOT INTO SPACE.
MEANWHILE, AN EARBUD PIECE WAS STUCK IN A BRITISH MAN'S EAR FOR
FIVE YEARS. AND THAT WHOLE TIME, IT WAS
PLAYING ONE EXTENDED PHISH SOLO. ( LAUGHTER )
PIECE OF AN EARBUD POPPED OFF IN THE MAN'S EAR, AND AFTER YEARS
OF SUFFERING FROM HEARING LOSS, HE PURCHASED "A HOME ENDOSCOPE
KIT," AND "THE TINY CAMERA ALERTED HIM TO A SMALL WHITE
OBJECT INSIDE HIS EAR." SO HE VISITED AN EAR, NOSE, AND
THROAT SURGEON, WHO WAS ABLE TO REMOVE THE OFFENDING OBJECT.
SO I JUST NEED TO FIX THAT HEADLINE.
IT SHOULD SAY, "DUMBASS REFUSES TO GO TO DOCTOR FOR FIVE YEARS,
IN ENGLAND, WHERE IT'S FREE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, A BAVARIAN MAN "NOW HOLDS THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORD
FOR ASSEMBLING THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF RUBIK'S CUBES OR
ROTATING PUZZLES IN THE WORLD," AND "CAN SOLVE ONE IN 40
SECONDS." IN FACT, THE ONLY PUZZLE HE
HASN'T SOLVED IS LONELINESS. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, "THE FEDERAL HIGHWAY ADMINISTRATION HAS REPORTEDLY
ORDERED NEW JERSEY OFFICIALS TO STOP PUTTING UP CUTE AND FUNNY
MESSAGE BOARDS WITH IN-YOUR-FACE SAFETY WARNINGS SUCH AS "GET
YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR APPS" OR "NICE CAR, DID IT COME WITH A
TURN SIGNAL?" THE F.H.A. IS REQUIRING THAT
FROM NOW ON, THE SIGNS USE ONLY SERIOUS JOKES LIKE "WHY DID THE
CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? BECAUSE ITS CAR WAS IMPOUNDED
AFTER BLOWING A .18 ON THE BRETHALYZER.
ALSO, THE CHICKEN'S WIFE LEFT LEFT HIM."
( LAUGHTER ) THE "NEW YORK TIMES" HAS GIVEN A
RARE FOUR-STAR REVIEW TO A NEW SUSHI RESTAURANT THAT IT
DESCRIBES AS "MAYBE THE ONLY RESTAURANT IN NEW YORK THAT WILL
SLIP COD SEMEN INTO THE MIDDLE OF A VERY EXPENSIVE TASTING
MENU." AND THAT IS THE MOST UPSETTING
"MAYBE" I'VE EVER SEEN. I HOPE NEW YORK WAITERS WILL
UNDERSTAND WHEN, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I SAY "JUST IN CASE,
HOLD THE COD SEMEN." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAKE
GYLLENHAAL.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY!
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! NEVER BE IN DOUBT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST FROM MOVIES SUCH
AS "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN," "NIGHTCRAWLER," AND "STRONGER."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JAKE GYLLENHAAL!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HI. >> HEY!
( CHEERING ) >> GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
>> Stephen: NOT EVERY GUEST COMES ON WITH THEIR OWN CUP OF
GUNK. TO WHAT DO I OWE THE HONOR?
IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS? THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT. >> THIS IS WHAT YOU MAY THINK IT
IS. THIS IS SOURDOUGH STARTER.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST GUESTS I SPOKE TO--
THIS IS WHY I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO BRING IT.
>> THIS COMES WHEREVER YOU GO. >> Stephen: REALLY?
YOU JUST TAKE THE BATCH WITH YOU?
>> YEAH. YOU WANT TO SMELL MINE.
>> Stephen: OOOOH! NICE AND VINEGARY THAT IS NICE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: THAT SHOULD BE--
IF YOU EVER DO A COLOGNE. EARLIER ON IN THE COVID
THINGAMAJIG, IN APRIL 2020, SO RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING OF IT,
YOU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST GUESTS OVER THE ZOOM.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE PLANNED TO TALK ABOUT, ABOUT ALL WE
TALKED ABOUT WAS TRYING TO MAKE SOURDOUGH.
AND I WANTED TO SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH TIME WE WASTED DOING
IT. JIM.
>> WHY ARE WE-- WHY ARE WE WHISPERING?
>> Stephen: I HAVE... I HAVE... I HAVE SOURDOUGH RISING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S RESTING.
IT'S RESTING. >> IS THAT SOMETHING-- SOMETHING
SOUR DO YOU HAS -- >> Stephen: SHHH!
I UNDERSTAND. >> IS THAT SOMETHING SOURDOUGH
HAS TO DO? IT HAS TO REST.
>> Stephen: THERE'S SOME FOAM ON THE TOP.
NOW WHAT DO I DO? >> OKAY, HOLD ON.
>> Stephen: I CAN'T EAT THAT. WHAT DO I DO?
>> YOU GO FROM THAT TO... TO THIS, WHICH IS RESTING.
IT'S NOT YET READY BUT ITS ON ITS WAY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MOTIVATES
ANYONE TO WATCH TELEVISION ANYMORE, SO IT IS POSSIBLE THIS
CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW IS EITHER GETTING SUPER BOWL RATINGS, OR
PEOPLE ARE SCRAM BLIPPING FOR THE REMOTE RIGHT NOW TO CLICK
OVER TO ANYTHING ELSE. >> THERE'S A VERY PARTICULAR
KIND OF AUDIENCE WHO IS DEFINITELY INTO THIS.
>> Stephen: WELL, WE'RE GOING TO TEST THAT AGAIN TONIGHT.
>> YES, WE ARE! ( APPLAUSE ).
IS THAT I-- I TOOK YOUR EXAMPLE, AND THIS WAS-- THIS IS WHERE I I
ENDED UP GETTING. LOOK AT THAT BEAUTY RIGHT THERE.
>> OH, WOW! >> Stephen: OH, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU, DARLING? >> OH, WOW!
>> Stephen: WAIT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME FRIENDS.
>> OH, WOW. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO?
>> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL
DOING THIS? >> YEAH.
I'M STILL DOING-- THIS IS ALIVE. IT GETS FED EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> Stephen: SO IT'S THANKSGIVING, ARE YOU GOING TO
MAKE BREAD FOR THANKSGIVING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR
THANKSGIVING? DO YOU COOK?
>> I DO COOK. I'M GOING TO GO TO MY SISTER'S
HOUSE, MY SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW'S HOUSE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. >> AND WE'RE GOING TO GO-- WE'RE
GOING TO COOK. >> Stephen: WHO DOES THE
TURKEY. >> I DO THE TURKEY.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO STUFF THE TURKEY.
BECAUSE DANIEL CRAIG, I HAD HIM ON THE OTHER NIGHT, AND HE
THINKS STUFFING THE TURKEY IS TRULY A BIZARRE ACT.
>> WELL, I'M GOING TO SPATCHCOCK MY TURKEY, DANIEL.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY,s WHAT?
THIS IS CBS. I DON'T THINK YOU CAN SAY
"SPATCHCOCK." >> OH, YES YOU CAN.
I'M GOING TO SPATCHCOCK MY TURKEY.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO GRILL IT?
>> WE HAVE-- MY BROTHER-IN-LAW HAS A BEAUTIFUL WOOD BURNING
OVEN. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT --
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW BENJAMIN FRANKLIN?
>> YES, OH, RIGHT. >> Stephen: HIS STOVE.
>> YEAH, SURE, JUST LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU CONTROL?
IT MUST BE HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE THERE?
>> NO, I MEAN, IT'S JUST HOT. IT'S HOT, HOTTER, AND VERY HOT,
DON'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR IT. IT'S SORT OF THAT, IT'S SORT OF
COOLER TOWARDS THE INSTANCE AND HOTTER TOWARDS THE BACKSIDE, YOU
KNOW. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I
HEAR. ( APPLAUSE )
MMM! SPATCHCOCK IT!
>> YUP. >> Stephen: STUFF THAT
SPATCHCOCK! >> FIRST I'M GOING TO BUTTERMILK
BRINE IT. >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO
BUTTERMILK BRINE IT. SALT, BUTTERMILK, 24 HOURS.
YOU HAVE TO SCRAPE IT ALL OFF OR ELSE IT'S NOT GOING TO BROWN.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT. >> Stephen: DO YOU THINK I
HAVEN'T SPATCHCOCKED A BUTTER MICK BRINE.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO.
I HEARD ABOUT THIS WOOD-FIRED OVEN, ACTUALLY.
MY PRODUCER TOLD ME. I GOT YOU THIS.
IT'S A PRECISION INFRARED THERMOMETER BECAUSE IT CAN TELL
YOU THE HEAT OF YOUR OVEN. AND I WANT YOU TO USE THIS AND
TELL ME HOW IT WORKS OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I DO-- >> THIS IS SO GENEROUS.
>> Stephen: I GIVE AND I GIVE. >> I WANT TO SAY I'M VERY
GRATEFUL FOR YOU. >> Stephen: YOU WANT TO SAY
IT? >> I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S HOLLYWOOD.
I WANT TO SAY I'M A HUGE FAN. >> I AM A HUGE FAN.
BUT THIS IS-- THIS IS A RARE GIFT.
AND I REALLY WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR IT.
BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW HOW HOT THAT STOVE IS.
AND YOU'RE GOING-- I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN I THINK
ABOUT POINTING IT AT THE BACK. ( LAUGHTER ).
LITTLE BREAK. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
JAKE GYLLENHAAL. STICK AROUND.
HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK HERE WITH JAKE
GYLLENHAAL, AND WHATEVER IS IN THAT CUP.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS LITTLE THING RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE HUGE. THIS IS GOING TO BE A HUGE GIFT
NEXT YEAR BECAUSE IT COMES OUT-- I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S GOING TO
BE A BIG CHRISTMAS GIFT BUT IT COMES OUT DECEMBER 25, 2023.
YOU CAN PREORDER. THIS IS FOR KIDS.
KIDS LOVE KNOWING THERE'S A PRESENT COMING LATER.
>> YES. ( LAUGHTER ).
SECRET SOCIETY OF AU AUNTS AND UNCLES.
IT'S A BOOK THAT YOU WROTE. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO DO THIS?
WHAT IS THE SECRET SOCIETY? >> THE SECRET SOCIETY OF AUNTS
AND UNCLES ARE ONLY PLACES AUNTS, UNCLES, NIECES AND
NEPHEWS CAN GO AND IT'S ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN AUNTS
AND UNCLES AND NIECES AND NEPHEW THEY CAN THINK THEY'RE COOL AND
GIVE THEIR NEPHEW SOME -- >> Stephen: THINK THEY'RE
COOL? ARE YOU NOT COOL?
ARE YOU NOT COOL-- DO YOU HAVE NIECES AND NEPHEWS?
>> I THINK I'M COOL. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY THINK I'M
COOL. BUT I --
>> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THEY? >> 16 AND 10.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THEM THINKS YOU'RE COOL.
( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF THE
KIDS, YOU'RE IN AN NEW ANIMATED MOVIE CALLED "STRANGE WORLD."
>> "STRANGE WORLD." >> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU?
WHO ARE YOU IN THIS STRANGE WORLD?
>> I PLAY IT'S A STORY ABOUT THREE GENERATIONS OF THIS CAMLY
CALLED THE CLADES. AND I PLAY THE MIDDLE ONE, THE
FATHER OF A YOUNG BOY NAMED ETHAN, AND THE SON OF A GUY
NAMED YEAGER. SO I'M BOTH FATHER AND SON IN
THE CENTER OF THIS. >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP
HERE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE? >> I DO.
I'VE BEEN ESTRANGED FROM MY FATHER FOR 25 YEARS, AND MY SON
AND I HAPPEN TO RUN INTO SOMETHING, AND WE DISCOVER
SOMETHING. >> Stephen: IS THIS-- IS THIS
IN THE STRANGE JOORLD WELL, ARE WE-- YES, YES.
>> Stephen: ARE ALL OF US IN THE STRANGE WORLD?
>> YES, WE ARE. >> Stephen: IS THAT WHAT IS
REVEALED IN THIS? >> I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE THAT
AWAY. THIS IS IN THE STRANGE WORLD.
THIS CLIP. >> Stephen: JIM.
( LAUGHTER ) GET BACK HERE!
>> OH! ♪ ♪ ♪
( OUT OF BREATH ) HI, HELLO.
I'M-- I'M A HUMAN BEING FROM THE TOP WORLD.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD I'M SAYING, DO YOU?
>> OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, ONE OF
THOSE MINDLESS MONSTERS. >> HUH?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BUB. YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF THE
ONE, THE ONLY, JAEGER-- >> DAD!
>> Stephen: DENNIS QUAID. >> DENNIS QUAID.
>> Stephen: PLAYED YOUR DAD BEFORE.
>> HE HAS. SECOND TIME DENNIS QUAID AND I
HAVE BEEN DISPAWTH SON IN A FILM, AND SECOND TIME WE HAVEN'T
BEEN IN PRETTY MUCH ANY SCENES TOGETHER IN THAT FILM.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THE FIRST ONE WAS "DAY AFTER TOMORROW."
>> IT WAS. AND THIS ONE WE DON'T ACT
TOGETHER WHEN WE DO THE VOICE RECORDING.
WE ARE ALONE IN A ROOM, AND WE ACT WITH THE DIRECTOR.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TO ASK YOU ONE THING ABOUT A MOVIE YOU'RE--
YOU'RE DOING A REMAKE, REBOOT-- WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT--
OF THE 1989 CLASSIC? CLASSIC IS A STRONG WORD.
>> BEAUTIFUL READING. YOU SHOULD DO VOICE WORK.
THAT WAS-- SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A PERIOD AND A QUESTION MARK.
>> Stephen: "ROADHOUSE." >> YES
( APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: PATRICK SWAZEY.
>> YES. >> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU?
I DON'T REALLY CARE. I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I
AUDITIONED FOR THE 1989-- >> OH, THANK GOD, I THOUGHT YOU
SAID FOR OURS. I WOULD.
>> 1989. >> Stephen: JAMES AULDERMAN
CASTING IN CHICAGO CALLED ME IN TO AUDITION.
I MIGHT HAVE EVEN GOTTEN A CALLBACK.
>> FOR WHO? >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW!
IT'S HILLBILLIES AT A BAR IN CHICAGO.
IT'S A REALLY WEIRD COMBO. AND I JUST WANT TO KNOW, HAVE
YOU FINISHED SHOOTING? >> WE FINISHED SHOOTING.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE I WANT TO BE IN YOUR MOVIE.
>> WE'RE SHOOTING A LITTLE SOMETHING IN --
>> Stephen: YOU PICK UP SOME-- >> WE'RE DOING SOME PICKUPS IN A
MONTH OR SO. >> Stephen: DO YOU NEED
SOMEBODY TO WALK BY IN THE BACKGROUND AND GO, "I LOVE THIS
ROADHOUSE. THIS IS A BETTER ROADHOUSE THAN
THE OLD ROADHOUSE." >> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY YES UNTIL
YOU SAID THAT. >> Stephen: YOU COULD COACH
ME. >> WALK THROUGH THE BACKGROUND
OF ROADHOUSE -- >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE IT.
SOMEBODY COULD PUNCH ME IN THE FACE, TEETH LIKE CHICKLETS ALL
OVER THE FLOOR. >> IT IS SO FUN.
WE DID FINISH. THE MOVIE IS GOING TO BE SO FUN.
YOU CAN MAKE IT FUNNER. >> Stephen: SURE.
>> CAN YOU BE IN IT. >> Stephen: I MEAN, IF YOU
INSIST. >> WE INSIST.
>> Stephen: YOU INSIST? ( APPLAUSE )
HERE. "STRANGE WORLD" IS IN THEATERS
NOW. JAKE GYLLENHAAL, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "THE CROWN," ELIZABETH DEBICKI.
HEY WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM
"THE GREAT GATSBY," "THE NIGHT MANAGER," AND "TENET."
SHE NOW STARS AS PRINCESS DIANA IN "THE CROWN."
( CHEERING ). >> OF COURSE.
>> WE SAW THE PICTURES OF YOU IN ITALY.
WELL, YOU ALL LOOK SO HAPPY. >> IF ONLY YOU KNEW.
IT'S HONESTLY WORSE THAN EVER. I'M AT A LOSS FOR WHAT TO DO.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW," ELIZABETH DEBICKI!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> HELLO. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> NICE TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: WE ACTUALLY HAD A
CHANCE TO HAVE DINNER TOGETHER ONE NIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER, IT WAS MANY, MANY YEARS AGO?
>> >> I DO.
>> Stephen: IT WAS AT THE MET GALA.
I THINK WAS IT WAS THE NEED HIDELLSTON MET TAYLOR SWIFT.
HE WAS ON THE DANCE FLOOR WORKING IT.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: SO LOVELY TO GET A
CHANCE TO SIT DOWN AND TALK TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.
>> I REMEMBER DISTINCTLY TALKING TO YOU AT THAT DINNER, BECAUSE I
FIND THOSE THINGS QUITE DIFFICULT AND I NEVER KNOW WHERE
TO SIT-- THEY TELL YOU WHERE TO SIT.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE. EVERYBODY IS SO DAMN FAMOUS.
>> AND THEY'RE SO FAMOUS AND SO GLAMOROUS.
IT'S THE WORST VERSION OF THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA FOR ME.
AND YOU WERE THERE AND I-- YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU WERE THERE AND
IT WAS QUITE DELIGHTFUL. NOW, YOU PLAY PRINCESS DIANA.
TALK ABOUT SOMEONE, THE WORST VERSION OF A SCHOOL CAFETERIA,
PRINCESS DIANA HAD A ROUGH TIME IN THE LUNCH ROOM.
IN THE LATEST SEASON OF "THE CROWN," THE RESEMBLANCE IS
REALLY UNCANNY AT TIMES-- NOT SO MUCH RIGHT HERE, BUT WHEN YOU'RE
IN CHARACTER, AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE IN WARDROBE, OF
THINGS LIKE THIS, IT'S REALLY EXTRAORDINARY.
THERE'S THE REVENGE DRESS RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) THERE-- WAS THERE-- YOU KNOW,
SOME OF IT IS THE PHYSICALITY. WAS THERE PART OF DIANA'S
PHYSICALITY THAT WAS YOUR HOOK OR THE PART THAT CAME EASIEST
FOR YOU? >> YEAH, SOME OF IT CAME A
LITTLE TOO EASY, WHICH IS SLIGHTLY ALARMING.
BUT WE HAVE AN AMAZING MOVEMENT COACH, POLLY BENNETT, AND SHE'S
SORT OF OUR SECRET WEAPON ON "THE CROWN."
SO MUCH OF THAT SHOW IS PEOPLE-- YOU GETTING AS CLOSE TO THE
ESSENCE OR THE SPIRIT OF THE PERSON.
IT'S NOT REALLY AN IMPERSONATION KIND OF JOB.
BUT SHE'S AMAZING BECAUSE SHE JUST MAKES A SPACE FOR YOU TO
SORT OF EXPLORE ALL THOSE-- ALL THOSE AREAS.
BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A HOOK. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HAD HOOKS.
BUT NOW I'M SO CLOSE TO IT-- I'M STILL SHOOTING IT AS WELL, SO I
THINK I'M DOING IT ALL THE TIME. I HAVE TO SORT OF NOT DOING IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE NOT BEING HER AT TIMES?
>> NOT, NOT-- I DON'T KNOW. ( LAUGHTER ).
CHARACTER RIGHT NOW? >> YES, I AM.
>> Stephen: WHO AM I TALKING TO?
AM I TALKING TO PRINCESS DIANA RIGHT NOW?
>> YOU ARE. NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOUR CHARITY WORK.
( LAUGHTER ) I'VE HEARD YOU TALK ABOUT
THERE'S A CONNECTION IN YOUR PAST MOVIES, LIKE SOME REALLY
TREMENDOUS PERFORMANCES. SO HERE YOU ARE IN CAN THE THE
NIGHT MANAGER" THERE WITH HUGH LAURIE.
HERE YOU ARE, YOU'RE PLAYING-- KENNETH BRANAGH'S WIFE IN THE--
IN "TENET." AND HERE YOU ARE IN "THE CROWN."
WHAT IS THE COMMON THREAD HERE, AS YOU DESCRIBED?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: UH... YES.
>> AND GLASSES. NO, I'VE CORNERED THE MARKET FOR
SAD PEOPLE ON BOATS. ( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID THAT! I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS EVER ON A FANCY BOAT WAS WITH HUGH.
>> Stephen: RIGHT HERE, THIS ONE?
>> AND I THINK PEOPLE SAW IT AND THOUGHT, "SHE'S GREAT ON A BOAT.
PUT HER ON MORE BOATS." >> Stephen: IN "TENET,"
THERE'S A HUGE DIVE YOUR CHARACTER DOES ON THE BACK OF A
MEGAYACHT. IS THAT YOU?
>> NO. >> Stephen: DID YOU VOLUNTEER?
DID THEY STOP YOU FROM DOING IT? >> NO, I WOULD NEVER.
IT'S SO HIGH. THEY DID FILM ME DIVING OFF THAT
LITTLE BOAT, AND IT WAS SO BAD THEY DIDN'T USE IT.
IN THE OTHER ONE -- >> Stephen: IN THIS ONE?
DID YOU DO A CANNONBALL. >> WHAT DID YOU DO?
NO, I TRIED TO HARD, AND CHRIS NOLLEN SAID ON THE DAY OF, JUST
DIVE IN. HE SAID, "YOU'RE INDUSTRIALIAN,
JUST DIVE IN." >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN? "YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN.
WRESTLE A CROCODILE." >> SO THAT WASN'T ME, NO.
>> Stephen: PUNCH A KANGAROO. I UNDERSTAND ONE OF MY FAVORITE
PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, A RECENT GUEST HERE, THE ICONIC CATE
BLANCHETT IS A MENTOR OF YOURS. HOW AND WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> WELL, THAT WAS-- I DID A PLAY WITH CATE WHEN I WAS 20... 2.
AND IT WAS MY SECOND-EVER JOB, AND IT WAS IN SYDNEY.
>> Stephen: YOUR SECOND GIG EVER IS A PLAY WITH CATE
BLARCHET? >> I KNOW.
SO STRANGE. >> Stephen: AS SOMEONE WHO WAS
A YOUNG, STRUGGLING ACTOR, I DON'T LIKE YOU.
MY SECOND GIG WAS NOT WITH CATE BLANCHETT.
I PROMISE YOU. >> IT WAS WITH CATE BLARCHET AND
A VERSION "THE MAIDS." CATE WAS RUNNING THE COMPANY
WITH ANDREW AT THE TIME. I HAD DONE "GATSBY" PROBABLY
ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE AND IT TOOK A LONG TIME FOR THE FILM TO COME
OUT. >> Stephen: "GATSBY" WAS YOUR
FIRST GIG! >> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I HAD TWO LINES IN A SMALL AUSTRALIAN FILM CALLED "A FEW
BEST MEN," AND I SPEND THE ENTIRE MOVIE LOOKING FOR SHEEP.
BUT I WAS SO HAPPY BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
AND I THOUGHT THIS IS GREAT. I BOUGHT A LAPTOP, I PAID MY
RENT. ACTUALLY, IT WAS MY THIRD JOB
WITH CATE. >> Stephen: FOR YOUR SECOND
GIG-- I'M GETTINGANG RIER-- YOUR SECOND GIG WAS "THE GREAT
GATSBY." DID YOU AUDITION DOWN UNDER OR
DID YOU ACTUALLY COME TO THE UNITED STATES FOR THAT?
>> I CAME TO THE STATES. I HAD NEVER BEEN TO AMERICA
BEFORE. AND I JUST FINISHED DRAMA, I WAS
20. I DID A SCREEN TEST IN
AUSTRALIA, AND I DIDN'T-- IT WAS, LIKE, MY FIRST SCREEN TEST
SO I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. WE DIDN'T DO ANY FILM AND TV
TRAINING. IT WAS VERY MUCH A THEATER
SCHOOL. I GOT VERY, VERY NERVOUS.
AND I REMEMBER THE LOVELY READER OPPOSITE ME, HE WAS READING SO,
SO FAST. AND I THOUGHT IS THAT WHAT YOU
DO IN FILM AND TV? YOU HAVE TO TALK SO FAST?
ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT WAS DIABOLICAL.
SOMEONE SUNDAY IT TO BASS' PEOPLE, AND THE BEAUTIFUL
RUNNER, THE WONDERFUL CASTING AGENT SOMEHOW FISHED IT OUT AND
DOESN'T TO HIM. THE THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW
HIM-- I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER TOLD ANYONE THIS STORY-- I FIRST
TIME I EVER SAW HIM HE ASKED A LOVELY MAKEUP ARTIST TO COME TO
MY ROOM TO DO MY MAKEUP FOR THE SCREEN TEST.
I HAD NEVER HAD MY MAKEUP DONE BEFORE SO I THOUGHT THAT WAS
KIND OF BIZARRE. WHILE THIS LOVELY GENTLEMAN WAS
DOING MY FACE, I HEARD THIS KNOCK ON THE DOOR IN THE HOTEL.
AND I THOUGHT WHO IS THAT? SO I WENT UP TO THE DOOR AND I
LOOK IN THE LITTLE PEEP HOLE, AND THERE'S BASLAM, HIS EYEBALL,
STARING AT ME. AND HE PUFORT IN,s AND THERE
WERE THESE DRESSES-- HE SORT OF IS SO MUCH LIKE HIS FILM, HIS
ENERGY, IN LIFE. THAT WAS MY AUDITION FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: SEASON FIVE OF "THE
CROWN" IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX.
ELIZABETH DEBICKI, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY! JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT!