1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:04,337 >> SENATOR WARNOCK IS OUT WITH A 2 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:09,209 NEW AD THAT SHOWS VOTERS JUST SIMPLY REACTING IN REAL TIME TO 3 00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:13,546 HERSCHEL WALKER'S PUZZLING CAMPAIGN SPEECHES. 4 00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:15,215 >> DO YOU EVER WATCH A STUPID MOVIE LATE AT NIGHT HOPING IT'S 5 00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:16,583 GOING TO GET BETTER, DON'T GET BETTER, BUT YOU KEEP WATCHING IT 6 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,885 ANYWAY? BECAUSE THE OTHER NIGHT, THE 7 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,621 OTHER NIGHT, I WAS WATCHING THIS MOVIE-- I WAS WATCHING THIS 8 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,856 MOVIE CALLED "FRIGHT NIGHT," "FREAK NIGHT," SOME TYPE OF 9 00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:25,625 NIGHT. BUT IT WAS ABOUT VAMPIRES. 10 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,561 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, VAMPIRES ARE COOL PEOPLE. 11 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:32,399 >> WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT? 12 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:38,838 >> THE OTHER NIGHT, I WAS 13 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:41,241 WATCHING THIS MOVIE, I WAS WATCHING THIS MOVIE CALLED 14 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,076 "FRIGHT NIGHT," "FREAK NIGHT" SOME TYPE OF NIGHT, BUT IT WAS 15 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,645 ABOUT VAMPIRES. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, 16 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,213 VAMPIRES ARE COOL PEOPLE, ARE THEY NOT? 17 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,582 BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING I FOUND OUT. 18 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,751 A WEREWOLF CAN KILL A VAMPIRE. DID YOU KNOW THAT? 19 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:54,421 >> HE MAKES A LOT OF SENSE! WEREWOLVES ARE BETTER THAN 20 00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:57,791 VAMPIRES! WALKER FOR SENATE! 21 00:00:57,857 --> 00:01:01,928 THERE, I SAID IT! MAKE IT STOP! 22 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,530 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 23 00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:07,901 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT: 24 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:11,604 ERUPT TO NO GOOD! 25 00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:16,142 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: DON LEMON 26 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:19,779 AND GABRIELLE UNION. 27 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,048 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 28 00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:29,222 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 29 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:36,863 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:41,568 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:42,569 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). MUCH. 32 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:56,449 HAVE A SEAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 33 00:01:56,516 --> 00:02:02,555 THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THAI, MY FRIEND. 34 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,658 >> Audience: STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 35 00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:07,160 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 36 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:12,599 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! THANKS, EVERYBODY. 37 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:17,704 DOWN HERE, UP THERE. WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, 38 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:22,642 TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 39 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:29,115 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) INSTAGRAM AND TIKTOK. 40 00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:33,486 ( LAUGHTER ) NOT AWARE-- I WAS NOT AWARE OF 41 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:38,591 THAT. LONG STORY. 42 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,294 I'D LIKE TO START TONIGHT OFF WITH A SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT TO MY 43 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:45,431 VIEWERS IN HAWAII: ALOHA! THE "HELLO" ONE. 44 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:50,136 AS WE SPEAK, MAUNA LOA, THE WORLD'S LARGEST ACTIVE VOLCANO, 45 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:53,039 IS ERUPTING. THIS IS MAUNA LOA'S FIRST 46 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,142 ERUPTION IN NEARLY 40 YEARS, AND IT'S ALL GOING DOWN ON HAWAII'S 47 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,312 BIG ISLAND. NAMED FOR THE ANCIENT POLYNESIAN 48 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:04,284 NAVIGATOR... BIG GUY. 49 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:09,389 ( LAUGHTER ) NO ONE HAS BEEN HURT, BUT THE 50 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,291 ERUPTION DID PROMPT AN ASHFALL ADVISORY. 51 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,526 SO, THE SAME THING YOU DEALT WITH AT THANKSGIVING WITH YOUR 52 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:18,431 CHAIN-SMOKING AUNT: "YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A NURSE, 53 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:23,269 WE WERE ALLOWED TO SMOKE IN THE NICU. 54 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,405 IF I PATIENT STARTED TALKING THAT'S WHEN YOU KNEW THEY WERE 55 00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:31,244 COMING OUT OF THE COMA." THANKFULLY, LOCAL COMMUNITIES 56 00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:36,583 AREN'T IN DANGER, BECAUSE LAVA FLOWS ARE CONTAINED IN THE 57 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,850 SUMMIT AREA. FOR NOW. 58 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:41,421 TO KEEP IT THAT WAY, WE MUST APPEASE THE VOLCANO GODS WITH AN 59 00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:48,861 UNTOUCHED VIRGIN! NATE SILVER, HAWAII AWAITS YOU! 60 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:50,697 ( LAUGHTER ) THREATENING TO DESTROY 61 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,966 EVERYTHING, WE'VE GOT AN UPDATE ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT 62 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:56,169 BALDEMORT. ( LAUGHTER ) 63 00:03:56,235 --> 00:04:01,374 PRESIDENT HAD DINNER AT MAR-A-LAGO WITH KANYE WEST. 64 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,409 WELL, NOW WE KNOW THAT THE DINNER ALSO INCLUDED 65 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:09,048 ( AUDIENCE BOOING ) HOLOCAUST DENIER NICK FUENTES. 66 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:13,186 ( AUDIENCE BOOING ) I CAN'T IMAGINE HAVING DINNER 67 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,420 WITH SOMEONE SO DISGUSTING. AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHICH OF 68 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,222 THOSE THREE GUYS I'M TALKING ABOUT. 69 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,558 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW-- 70 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:25,598 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STARTING THE CAR. 71 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:29,969 NOW, JUST IN CASE "HOLOCAUST DENIER" DOESN'T GET THE POINT 72 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,738 ACROSS, FUENTES IS NOT A GOOD GUY. 73 00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:33,506 HE HAS SPREAD ANTI-SEMITIC CONSPIRACIES, IS CONSIDERED A 74 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:41,114 WHITE SUPREMACIST BY THE CHARLOTTESVILLE IN 2017 AND THE 75 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,349 "STOP THE STEAL" RALLY ON JANUARY 6. 76 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:49,288 THAT IS THE ALT-RIGHT "EGOT," AS IN, "'EGOT ZERO HUGS AS A 77 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:53,292 CHILD." ( LAUGHTER ) 78 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:56,295 MULTI-COURSE TASTING MENU OF CRAZY. 79 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:59,599 BUT WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, BECAUSE IT'S 80 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:02,068 BECOME A REAL "HE SAID, YE SAID." 81 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,972 ( LAUGHTER ) RUN FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN, AND 82 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,374 AFTER THE MEAL, HE CLAIMED, "I THINK THE THING THAT THE 83 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:12,178 EX-PRESIDENT WAS MOST PERTURBED ABOUT, ME ASKING HIM TO BE 84 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,081 MY VICE PRESIDENT." ( LAUGHTER ) 85 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:19,419 WHAT! YEAH, HUH! 86 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:20,953 YOU ASKED HIM TO BE YOUR VICE PRESIDENT? 87 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,523 HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? CAN YOU SEND A MOB TO HANG 88 00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:27,093 YOURSELF? "FIND MY NECK! 89 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,330 FIND MY NECK!" ( LAUGHTER ) 90 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:35,101 WAS NOT TAKEN WELL. HE SAYS, "THE EX-PRESIDENT 91 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,370 STARTED BASICALLY SCREAMING AT ME AT THE TABLE, TELLING ME I 92 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:40,406 WAS GOING TO LOSE." BUT THAT'S JUST HOW MAR-A-LAGO 93 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,842 CELEBRATES GUEST BIRTHDAYS. ( AS SERVER ) 94 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:46,512 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! THE FORMER LEADER OF THE FREE 95 00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:47,513 WORLD IS HERE TO SCREAM ABOUT BALLOT DUMPS!" 96 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:53,419 SO THAT'S YE'S STORY. BUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT 97 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:56,656 APPARENTLY ATTENDED AN ENTIRELY, DIFFERENT, COMPLETELY INSANE 98 00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:00,927 DINNER, BECAUSE AFTERWARD, HE POSTED,"WE GOT ALONG GREAT, " 99 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:06,999 AND "KANYE EXPRESSED NO ANTI-SEMITISM." 100 00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,768 I'M NOT SURE THAT HELPS. "I HAD A LOVELY DINNER WITH 101 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,703 JEFFREY DAHMER. WE GOT ALONG GREAT. 102 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,039 LEFT WITH ALL MY ORGANS." ( LAUGHTER ) 103 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:18,144 ALL FIXED! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 104 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:25,818 THANK YOU. AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE 105 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:29,355 HOLOCAUST-DENIER PART. WHEN NEWS GOT OUT ABOUT THIS 106 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,290 NICK FUENTES GUY AND THE EX-PRESIDENT STARTED GETTING A 107 00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:33,092 LOT OF CRITICISM, HE PUT OUT A STATEMENT, SAYING, "OUR DINNER 108 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:37,530 MEETING WAS INTENDED TO BE KANYE AND ME ONLY, BUT HE 109 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,599 ARRIVED WITH A GUEST WHOM I HAD NEVER MET AND KNEW NOTHING 110 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:44,370 ABOUT." OKAY, NOT SURE "I WAS ONLY 111 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:49,475 SCHEDULED TO HAVE DINNER WITH ONE FAMOUS ANTI-SEMITE" IS THE 112 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,844 DEFENSE HE THINKS IT IS. IT'S LIKE A HUSBAND SAYING, 113 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,046 "SWEETHEART, IT'S ALL A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. 114 00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:55,815 I WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE SHARING THAT MOTEL ROOM WITH MY 115 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:58,751 YOGA TEACHER. SHE BROUGHT YOUR SISTER." 116 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:11,664 ( LAUGHTER ) I DIDN'T-- 117 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,600 ALSO, AS SOMEBODY WHO'S HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF MEETING WITH FORMER 118 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,937 PRESIDENTS, THEY KNOW WHO'S COMING TO DINNER. 119 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,472 YOU DON'T GET TO DRAG ALONG A RANDO. 120 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,108 THERE'S EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND CHECKS. 121 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,209 I'M PRETTY SURE BARACK OBAMA'S TEAM HAS A BLU-RAY OF MY 122 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:29,115 COLONOSCOPY. ( LAUGHTER ) 123 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:38,424 ( LAUGHTER ) TURNING TO FOOT STUFF: THE WORLD 124 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,027 CUP KEEPS ON A-CUPPIN'. ON FRIDAY, THE U.S. NATIONAL 125 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:45,164 TEAM FACED OFF AS BIG UNDERDOGS AGAINST SOCCER POWERHOUSE 126 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:49,969 ENGLAND, AND WE KICKED THEIR SPOTTED DICKS, DECISIVELY 127 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,272 DEFEATING THEM ZERO TO ZERO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 128 00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:57,243 ♪ ♪ ♪ BOOM! 129 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:02,648 TAKE THAT! WE DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT 130 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:06,986 SOCCER, AND WE TIED ENGLAND AT THEIR OWN STUPID GAME! 131 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,721 THIS WOULD BE LIKE THE BRITS COMING OVER HERE AND TYING US AT 132 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:12,925 HEART DISEASE! ( LAUGHTER ) 133 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,962 "THE TIE HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD," THE U.S. TEAM IS STILL 134 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,530 ALIVE AND WILL MOVE ONTO THE NEXT ROUND, IF THEY WIN TOMORROW 135 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,968 AGAINST IRAN. BUT THERE'S TROUBLE IN THEM THAR 136 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,003 FEET, BECAUSE GOING INTO THE MATCH, IRAN IS CALLING FOR THE 137 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,472 U.S. TO BE KICKED OUT OF THE WORLD CUP. 138 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:31,911 YES, KICKED OUT, OR "HEADED" OUT, AS LONG AS NO ONE USES 139 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,180 THEIR HANDS. THIS IS ALL POLITICAL, BECAUSE 140 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:35,715 THE IRANIAN REGIME IS CURRENTLY FACING UNPRECEDENTED LEVELS OF 141 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,850 PROTEST. AND TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR THE 142 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,554 PROTESTERS, THE U.S. SOCCER FEDERATION DISPLAYED IRAN'S 143 00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,956 NATIONAL FLAG ON SOCIAL MEDIA WITHOUT THE EMBLEM OF THE 144 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:47,493 ISLAMIC REPUBLIC. OOOH, THAT IS SOME SHADE. 145 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:52,765 TAKE A LOOK AT THE GRAPHIC. HERE IS IRAN'S FLAG, AND HERE IS 146 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,667 THE ONE U.S. SOCCER POSTED, WHICH LOOKS LIKE THE ITALIAN 147 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,770 FLAG FELL ON ITS SIDE AFTER TOO MUCH CHIANTI. 148 00:08:57,837 --> 00:09:03,175 ( LAUGHTER ) COMPLAINED TO FIFA'S ETHICS 149 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,811 COMMITTEE. FIFA HAS AN ETHICS COMMITTEE 150 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:10,983 ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY? 151 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:18,391 HUH. YOU MIGHT AS WELL FILE A PUBLIC 152 00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:22,361 DECENCY COMPLAINT WITH YOUR LOCAL SUBWAY MASTURBATOR. 153 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,963 "I'D LIKE TO FILE A... OKAY, CAN YOU JUST PAUSE FOR A SECOND... 154 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:28,601 NOPE? DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME. 155 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,804 I UNDERSTAND. I'M GONNA GET A RAINCOAT." 156 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,307 BACK STATESIDE, EARLY VOTING KICKED OFF THIS WEEKEND IN THE 157 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,175 GEORGIA SENATE RUNOFF ELECTION, AND THE CANDIDATES HAVE BEEN 158 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,611 BUSY MAKING THEIR CLOSING ARGUMENTS. 159 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:39,745 AND WALKER MADE A SLIGHT FLUB DURING HIS. 160 00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:44,283 SEE IF YOU CAN CATCH IT. >> FIRST OF ALL, THIS ELECTION 161 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,518 IS MORE THAN HERSCHEL WALKER. 162 00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:48,120 THIS ERECTION IS ABOUT THE PEOPLE. 163 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:57,663 ( APPLAUSE )- BUT ACCURATE. 164 00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:01,033 HERSCHEL WALKER HAS CERTAINLY GIVEN MANY PEOPLE ACCESS TO HIS 165 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,537 ERECTION. ( LAUGHTER ) 166 00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:10,810 BUT IT'S AN EASY MISTAKE GIVEN THAT HE WAS STANDING BETWEEN TWO 167 00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:13,279 DICKS. ( LAUGHTER ) 168 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:27,159 GOOD FAMILY JOKE. THERE'S A HOT NEW WALKER SCANDAL 169 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,261 FOR VOTERS TO CONSIDER AS THEY HEAD TO THE POLLS. 170 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,564 IT TURNS OUT, EVEN THOUGH HE'S RUNNING FOR A GEORGIA SENATE 171 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:35,267 SEAT, HERSCHEL WALKER CLAIMS HIS TEXAS HOME AS HIS PRIMARY 172 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:40,072 RESIDENCE. ALL RIGHT, YG, I KNOW. 173 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,041 THAT SOUNDS BAD, BUT BEFORE ANYBODY JUDGES HIM, KEEP IN 174 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,878 MIND, THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE WALKER THINKS TEXAS IS IN 175 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,513 GEORGIA. IT'S ALL EXPLAINED IN HIS NEW 176 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,982 SHOW, "WALKER, TEXAS STRANGER." ( LAUGHTER ) 177 00:10:50,049 --> 00:11:02,395 LASSO THAT PEACH! AH! 178 00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:05,064 KARATE CHOP HORSES AND STUFF. THIS PAST THURSDAY WAS 179 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:08,134 THANKSGIVING. DID EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD 180 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,237 HOLIDAY? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 181 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:18,811 I'M GLAD YOU DID. MINE WAS RUINED, BECAUSE THE 182 00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:20,413 HEADLINER OF THIS YEAR'S MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE WAS THE 183 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,947 QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS HERSELF, MARIAH CAREY. 184 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:25,684 AND WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR HER TO SING HER HOLIDAY CLASSIC "ALL I 185 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,621 WANT FOR CHRISTMAS," SHE USED A TELEPROMPTER. 186 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:32,391 EVEN WORSE, SO DID SANTA. "HO, HO... 187 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:37,930 LINE!" ( LAUGHTER ) 188 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:42,868 EXPLANATION, SAYING THAT THE TELEPROMPTER WAS USED TO GIVE 189 00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:45,604 THE AUDIENCE "THE OPPORTUNITY TO SING ALONG." 190 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:50,843 COUNTERPOINT: THEY DON'T NEED IT. 191 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,244 AT THIS POINT, NONE OF US NEEDS IT. 192 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:57,349 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW THE LYRICS, AND I KNOW ALL THE 193 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:58,951 LYRICS. ♪ I DON'T WANT A LOT FOR 194 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:02,822 CHRISTMAS THERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEED 195 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,492 ♪ I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS UNDERNEATH THE 196 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:13,933 CHRISTMAS TREE ♪ I JUST WANT YOU FOR MY OWN 197 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:26,712 MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW ♪ MAKE MY WISH COME TRUE 198 00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:33,085 ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 199 00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:41,660 IT'S THAT SIMPLE, BEAUTIFUL VOICES. 200 00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:43,829 >> Louis: BEAUTIFUL. THAT WAS REALLY NICE. 201 00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:47,233 >> Stephen: AND I DIDN'T EVEN NEED A TELEPROMPTER. 202 00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:50,603 SEE? WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 203 00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,305 TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE DON LEMON AND 204 00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:57,743 GABRIELLE UNION. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 205 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:02,848 "MEANWHILE!" JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 206 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:05,317 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 207 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:38,651 ( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY! 208 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:43,355 SAY HELLO TO THE BAND, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND, 209 00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:52,798 EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 210 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:56,502 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 211 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,270 >> Stephen: THANKS, EVERYBODY. AREN'T YOU NICE. 212 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,942 AREN'T YOU NICE. PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 213 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,143 LOUIS. >> Louis: STEPHEN. 214 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,546 >> Stephen: LOUIS, I HAVE FANTASTIC GUESTS COMING OUT THIS 215 00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:10,015 EVENING. WE'VE GOT GABRIELLE UNION COMING 216 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,584 OUT. >> Louis: THAT'S RIGHT, 217 00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,252 LEGENDARY. >> Stephen: HER NEW FILM "THE 218 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,421 INSPECTION" GETTING A LOT OF BUZZ RIGHT NOW. 219 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:18,924 AND I GOTTA TELL YOU, THIS IS AN OLDY BUT A GOODIE HERE. 220 00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:24,396 Y WOO HAVEN'T HAD THIS GUY ON IN A LONG TIME. 221 00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:30,336 DON LEMON IS GOING TO BE HERE. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, 222 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,838 DAY'S NEWS GARDEN, EXCAVATING A TASTEFUL LAGOON, 223 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:35,307 AND ADDING THE FINEST, MOST- TOPICAL HYDRO-BEAD VORTEX 224 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:39,411 FILTERS AND EXTERNAL AERATION BEFORE STOCKING IT WITH WATER 225 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:43,682 LILLIES AND PERFECTLY FINISHED KOHAKU AND HIRENAGA AMUR CARP TO 226 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:47,853 CREATE THE SPECTACULAR SANSUI KOI POND THAT IS MY NIGHTLY 227 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,722 MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, 228 00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:51,957 FOLKS, I BREAK INTO A DERELICT PAPER MILL, HUFF SULFUR 229 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,592 COMPOUNDS OUT OF THE WASTE VENT, THEN GO JOY RIDING ON A STOLEN 230 00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:59,298 BACKHOE UNTIL I CRASH INTO AN ELEMENTAL CHLORINE TANK BY THE 231 00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,433 RIVER TO CREATE THE RANCID FISH-KILL OF NEWS THAT IS MY 232 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,103 SEGMENT: >> MEANWHILE! 233 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:09,942 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS 234 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:20,786 "MEANWHILE!" MEANWHILE, IN GEORGIA, 235 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:24,156 "McDONALD'S EMPLOYEES DELIVERED A BABY IN THE STORE'S BATHROOM." 236 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,658 WHICH IS MUCH BETTER THAN WHEN McDONALD'S DELIVERS VIA UBER 237 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:30,596 EATS. THE BABY'S ALWAYS SOGGY AND COLD 238 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,198 IT'S NOT THE SAME. THE McDONALD'S MANAGER ON DUTY 239 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,900 SAID SHE WENT INTO THE BATHROOM TO FIND THE WOMAN ALREADY IN 240 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,569 LABOR, SAYING, "SHE WAS ON THIS TOILET LYING BACK, SCREAMING. 241 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,774 THEN I KNEW TO TELL MY CREW, 'WE'RE HAVING A BABY TODAY.'" 242 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:47,746 OKAY, THAT'S A LOVELY STORY, BUT SOMEONE SCREAMING IN THE 243 00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:52,785 BATHROOM AT McDONALD'S DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN THEY'RE HAVING 244 00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:53,819 A BABY. COULD JUST MEAN THE McRIB IS 245 00:15:53,886 --> 00:16:02,561 BACK. ( LAUGHTER ) 246 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:08,033 'GASLIGHTING' IS THE WORD OF THE YEAR. 247 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:11,804 THAT IS, IF YOU CHOOSE TO REMEMBER IT THAT WAY. 248 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,639 I NEVER SAID GASLIGHTING WAS WORD OF THE YEAR. 249 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:16,709 I'VE ALWAYS SAID IT WAS "GARBANZO." 250 00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:22,348 YOU'RE CRAZY. ( LAUGHTER ) 251 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:26,985 RECENTLY GOT CREATIVE WITH THEIR NUPTIALS WHEN THEY HAD THE 252 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,922 O'REILLY AUTO PARTS JINGLE SUNG BY THE ORIGINAL PERFORMING 253 00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:34,259 ARTISTS AT THEIR WEDDING. EVEN MORE ROMANTIC, THE CEREMONY 254 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,596 WAS OFFICIATED BY THE GUITARIST FROM KARS-4-KIDS. 255 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,934 ( LAUGHTER ) THE SPECIAL SERENADE: 256 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:48,140 ♪ ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, O'REILLY. 257 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:52,544 >> OUR PROFESSIONAL PARTS PEOPLE AT O'REILLY AUTO PARTS WILL TEST 258 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:55,914 YOUR BATTERY FOR FREE. IF YOUR BATTERY DOES NEED TO BE 259 00:16:55,981 --> 00:17:00,319 REPLACED, WE'LL HELP YOU FIND THE BEST BATTERY FOR YOUR 260 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,154 VEHICLE. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOUR BATTERY IS 261 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:05,224 DEAD. GET IT TESTED TODAY AT O'REILLY 262 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:14,199 AUTO PARTS ♪ OH, OH, O'REILLY AUTO PARTS. 263 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:22,441 ( APPLAUSE ) EYE IN THE HOUSE, ESPECIALLY THE 264 00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:27,279 BEST MAN. ( LAUGHTER ) 265 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:32,484 MADE NEWS AFTER "REELING IN A 67-POUND GOLDFISH, WHICH MAY 266 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,487 BREAK WORLD RECORDS." MAN, HE'S GONNA HAVE A HELL OF A 267 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,055 TIME FLUSHING THAT THING DOWN THE TOILET. 268 00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:47,466 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S A NEW ELF ON THE SHELF, 269 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,535 AND IT'S HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH'S "RANCH ON A BRANCH." 270 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:54,239 THE KIT INCLUDES A STUFFED PLUSHIE HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH 271 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,308 CHARACTER NAMED RANCHIE, AND AN ARTFULLY ILLUSTRATED 272 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,544 STORYBOOK DEPICTING THE CHARACTER'S DREAM: TO BECOME A 273 00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:01,413 REAL BOTTLE OF HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH. 274 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,682 THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. IT'S LIKE PINOCCHIO, IF 275 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,018 PINOCCHIO DREAMED OF HAVING HIS INNARDS SQUEEZED ONTO A 276 00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:11,156 LOADED POTATO. I'M AFRAID THERE'S BAD NEWS 277 00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:13,792 FOR MY RANCH-HEADS OUT THERE, BECAUSE THE COLLECTIBLE IS 278 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,594 ALREADY SOLD OUT! SO WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO WHAT WE 279 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,396 ALWAYS DO WHEN RANCH ISN'T AVAILABLE: NEVER EAT SALAD 280 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:24,770 AGAIN. MEANWHILE, IN HOLIDAY FOOD NEWS, 281 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,538 "MOUNTAIN DEW'S NEW FLAVOR IS SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE 282 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,774 FRUITCAKE." AND THE COMPANY SAYS THEY'RE 283 00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,276 MAKING FRUITCAKE COOL AGAIN, BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS "COOL" LIKE 284 00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:34,813 TAKING A DESSERT NO ONE LIKES AND PAIRING IT WITH A SODA WHOSE 285 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,417 BASE FLAVOR IS ELECTRIC WIZZ. ( LAUGHTER ) 286 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:48,861 THERE IT IS. ( APPLAUSE ) 287 00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:51,530 THE NEW FLAVOR WON'T BE CALLED FRUITCAKE, THOUGH. 288 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,867 IN TRUE MOUNTAIN DEW STYLE, THEY'RE GOING WITH "FRUIT 289 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:57,135 QUAKE," IN HONOR OF THE MEDICAL CONDITION YOU EXPERIENCE AFTER 290 00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,671 YOU DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DON 291 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:03,108 LEMON. ♪ ♪ ♪ 292 00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,243 ( APPLAUSE ) 293 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,363 ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK. 294 00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:28,133 THERE YOU GO. HELLO, MARK. 295 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:34,273 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN AUTHOR AND JOURNALIST WHO HAS 296 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,742 BEEN ON TV FOR OVER 30 YEARS. NOW HE CO-ANCHORS CNN'S NEW 297 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:39,912 MORNING SHOW, "CNN THIS MORNING." 298 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:45,183 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," DON LEMON! 299 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:52,824 ♪ ♪ ♪ OH, HI, DON. 300 00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:54,560 >> HEY! WOW! 301 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,262 OH, MY GOSH! WOW! 302 00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,065 THANK YOU. >> Stephen: HAVE A SEAT, DON. 303 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,168 >> IT'S SO WEIRD-- HI, STEPHEN, HOW ARE YOU? 304 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,604 >> Stephen: I'M DOING FINE. I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS. 305 00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:09,274 >> IT'S SO WEIRD NOT HAVING AN EAR PIECE IN. 306 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:12,210 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, WHEN YOU'RE ON CAMERA, THERE'S 307 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:15,280 SOMEBODY GOING, "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM THIS. 308 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,816 CUT TO COMMERCIAL." DO YOU LIKE THAT? 309 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:23,522 I'M DEAF IN ONE EAR, AND I NEVER LIKE TO HAVE ANYTHING IN THIS 310 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:25,157 EAR BECAUSE THEN I CAN'T HEAR THE GUEST. 311 00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,593 >> I LIKE IT. I LIKE BEING ABLE TO RELY ON 312 00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:30,329 SOMEONE TO BE MY SECOND BRAIN-- OR YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE, FIRST 313 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,130 BRAIN. THEY CAN TELL YOU STUFF. 314 00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:35,434 >> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE A NICE THANKSGIVING? 315 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,536 >> I HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING. >> Stephen: DO YOU COOK? 316 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:41,173 DO YOU DO ALL THAT GOOD STUFF? >> I DO COOK, BUT I DIDN'T THIS 317 00:20:41,239 --> 00:20:41,940 TIME. >> Stephen: OKAY, WHERE DID 318 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:45,010 YOU GO? >> I WENT TO MY IN-LAWS, 319 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:49,081 SOON-TO-BE IN-LAWS. IN LONG ISLAND-- ON LONG ISLAND. 320 00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:53,085 YOU HAVE TO SAY IT RIGHT. SUFFOLK COUNTY. 321 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:58,056 THAT KIND OF ROUSING APPLAUSE. I HUNG OUT WITH THE SOON-TO-BE 322 00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:01,226 IN-LAWS AND DID A LITTLE JIMPLER BRED MAKING. 323 00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:05,330 >> Stephen: STRAIGHT TO CHRISTMAS. 324 00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:06,932 YOUR THANKSGIVING REALLY IS JUST CHRISTMAS. 325 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:10,202 >> WE HAD THANKSGIVING, AND ONE DAY LATER, MY FIANCE'S 326 00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:14,339 SISTER-IN-LAW FLIPPED THE HOUSE, AND WE WENT BACK ON SATURDAY -- 327 00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:15,974 >> Stephen: "FLIPPED THE HOUSE." 328 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,577 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? >> ALL THANKSGIVING DECORATION 329 00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:19,645 S. >> Stephen: LIKE TURKEYS 330 00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:21,380 AND-- >> TURKEYS AND -- 331 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,148 >> Stephen: WHAT? >> CORNUCOPIA. 332 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:29,187 >> Stephen: DISPLACED INDIANS? WHAT-- WHAT-- IT'S A DARK STORY, 333 00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,857 IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. THANKSGIVING. 334 00:21:31,923 --> 00:21:34,459 >> YES. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. 335 00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:38,196 >> EVERYBODY DRESSED LIKE PILGRIMS. 336 00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,065 AND FROM THURSDAY TO SATURDAY, SATURDAY WAS ALL CHRISTMAS 337 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,366 DECORATIONS. TWO CHRISTMAS TREES. 338 00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:44,036 >> Stephen: IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? 339 00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:48,674 I HAVE WHAT ARE TWO IDENTICAL PHOTOGRAPHS. 340 00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,676 ONE SHY SHOW FIRST? >> THIS ONE IS MINE. 341 00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:52,411 >> Stephen: WAS THAT A CONTEST? 342 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,880 >> THAT WAS A CONTEST, BUT THERE WERE, LIKE, SEVEN OF THEM. 343 00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:57,749 WE PICKED THE TWO-- ONE IS MINE AND ONE IS THE WINNER. 344 00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:01,620 >> Stephen: THIS IS THU. YOU GAVE AWAY THE STORY THAT YOU 345 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:02,854 DID NOT WIN. THAT'S YOU. 346 00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:05,190 >> THAT'S ME. >> Stephen: WHAT'S HAPPENING 347 00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,826 ON THE FRONT RIGHT HERE? BRICKS, WHAT ARE THOSE? 348 00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:13,131 >> THOSE ARE WHITE CHOCOLATE BARS, THAT CAROLINE, WHO IS 10 349 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:18,870 YEARS OLD, PUT ON. >> Stephen: THOSE ARE KIT 350 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:19,671 KATS. YOU DID THAT. 351 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,540 >> I DID. >> Stephen: FINE EFFORT. 352 00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,076 AND THIS IS THE WINNER. >> THAT'S THE WINNER. 353 00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:27,245 THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT? >> Stephen: YOU SEE-- I THINK 354 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:31,450 YOU BLEW IT. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND VOTES 355 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,986 FOR WHITE CHOCOLATE? YOU LIKE WHITE CHOCOLATE? 356 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:39,758 >> I LIKE WHITE CHOCOLATE, AND I LIKE BLACK CHOCOLATE, TOO. 357 00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:41,693 >> Stephen: ONE OF THEM IS ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE. 358 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,396 >> ONE OF THEM IS ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE. 359 00:22:44,463 --> 00:22:45,797 >> Stephen: SO YOU LOST. I'M SO SORRY. 360 00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:49,000 >> I LOST BUT IT WAS A GREAT THANKSGIVING. 361 00:22:49,067 --> 00:22:50,702 IT'S GREAT TO SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY, AS YOU KNOW. 362 00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:52,904 IT WAS A WARM FAMILY THANKS, COZY. 363 00:22:52,971 --> 00:22:54,172 I LOVED IT. IT WAS GREAT. 364 00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:58,343 >> Stephen: I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. 365 00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:00,345 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: THE BIG STORY FOR 366 00:23:00,412 --> 00:23:06,084 YOU IS THE NEW GIG, "CNN THIS MORNING." 367 00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,986 C.T.M., YOU HOST WITH POPPY HARLOW AND KAITLAN COLLINS. 368 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,756 I HAVE THE GANG RIGHT THERE. >> YOU HAVE A LOT OF PICTURES. 369 00:23:10,822 --> 00:23:12,290 >> Stephen: IT'S A VISUAL MEDIUM. 370 00:23:12,357 --> 00:23:16,027 THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU ARE WITH YOUR COHOSTS. 371 00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:17,028 HOW-- ( APPLAUSE ). 372 00:23:17,095 --> 00:23:21,099 >> Stephen: I LIKE THE TURTLENECK. 373 00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,235 THE TURTLENECK IS VERY CHRISTMASY, TOO. 374 00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:25,737 IT'S VERY ANDY WILLIAMS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. 375 00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:28,206 HOW DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL IN THE MORNING? 376 00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:31,743 BECAUSE A LOT OF THESE SHOWS-- OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE A NEW SHOW, BUT 377 00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,112 WHEN PEOPLE FIRST GET UP IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THE 378 00:23:34,179 --> 00:23:37,349 VIBE YOU WANT TO GIVE PEOPLE? >> I WANT PEOPLE TO BE WARM, 379 00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:39,217 TURTLENECK, AND COMFORTABLE WATCHING. 380 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:43,355 I WANT THEM TO ACTUALLY NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT EVERY SINGLE DAY. 381 00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:46,925 I WANT THEM TO, OBVIOUSLY, FEEL LIKE THEY CAN COME IN AND BE 382 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:49,961 PART OF THE CONVERSATION. ALMOST LIKE A COFFEE SHOP, 383 00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:51,229 RIGHT? ALMOST LIKE A DINER. 384 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:53,832 YOU COME IN, IN THE MORNING, AND YOU SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE YOU 385 00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:56,368 KNOW IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AND YOU GET THE NEWS OF THE DAY. 386 00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:58,503 SOME PEOPLE STAY LONGER THAN OTHER S. 387 00:23:58,570 --> 00:23:59,871 >> Stephen: RIGHT. >> SOME PEOPLE COME IN AND GET 388 00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:04,075 THEIR BAGEL, WHATEVER, AND A BAG, AND THEY FIX MRS. JONES' 389 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:06,378 PLUMBING, OR SOME PEOPLE COME IN AND SIT AT THE COUNTER AND TALK 390 00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:09,080 TO THEIR GUY, LIKE I'M TALKING TO YOU, AND THEY JUST GET CAUGHT 391 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:12,017 UP ON THE DAY. THAT'S HOW I WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL 392 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:12,984 -- >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF 393 00:24:13,051 --> 00:24:14,352 DIFFERENT WAYS FOR PEOPLE TO FEEL, MAN. 394 00:24:14,419 --> 00:24:15,654 >> THERE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE OUT THERE. 395 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,691 >> Stephen: YOU USED TO BE ON AT 10:00, A NIGHT TIME GUY, 396 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:22,460 PEOPLE WOULD GO TO BED WITH DON LEMON, AND THEN THEY'D COME OVER 397 00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:25,730 AND WATCH ME. BUT HOW-- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 398 00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:29,601 THE-- YOU'VE GOT TO BE UP AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING? 399 00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:33,405 >> NOT 3:00. 4:15, 4:30. 400 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:36,808 AND I'M ON AT 6:00. I LIVE VERY CLOSE TO WORK, ON 401 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:38,944 PURPOSE. >> Stephen: THEY JUST SHOOT 402 00:24:39,010 --> 00:24:42,514 YOU INTO THE STUDIO IN A PNEUMATIC TUBE. 403 00:24:42,581 --> 00:24:45,217 THE TRANSITION HASN'T BEEN A PROBLEM? 404 00:24:45,283 --> 00:24:47,185 >> LISTEN, GETTING UP EARLY IS AN ISSUE FOR ME. 405 00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:50,355 I HAVE BEEN WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT MOST MIGHT HAVE CAREER. 406 00:24:50,422 --> 00:24:53,058 SO WAKING UP EARLY-- THE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING ISN'T THE 407 00:24:53,124 --> 00:24:54,926 ISSUE. IT'S BEING ALERT AND STAYING 408 00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:57,996 WEAK. BUT IT'S GREAT. 409 00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:00,398 STAYING WEAK AT THAT HOUR. >> Stephen: NOW I'M GOING TO 410 00:25:00,465 --> 00:25:02,167 WATCH. I HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW YET 411 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:06,104 BECAUSE I DO WORK AT NIGHT. BUT I HEAR VERY GOOD THINGS. 412 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:09,040 NOW I'M GOING TO WATCH TOO SEE WHETHER YOU FALL ASLEEP IN THE 413 00:25:09,107 --> 00:25:11,977 MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE? >> IT'S NOT FALLING ASLEEP. 414 00:25:12,043 --> 00:25:16,114 IT'S TRYING TO KEEP A TRAIN OF THOUGHT AND NOT BEING GRUMPY, 415 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:20,118 LIKE FROM LACK OF SLEEP. THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE 416 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:24,155 REALLY GREAT MORNING PEOPLE. LIKE MY MOM EVERY DAY TEXTS ME, 417 00:25:24,222 --> 00:25:30,528 "GOOD MORNING, 'CNN MORNING SHOW' PEOPLE." 418 00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:33,431 SHE TEXTED ME THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING AND SAID, "I DIDN'T 419 00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:37,535 SAY GOOD MORNING BECAUSE I WAS COOKING MY THANKSGIVING MEAL." 420 00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:41,673 I CAN BE A LITTLE BIT GRUMPY. I CAN BE A... 421 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:44,609 ( LAUGHTER ). >> ANYBODY CAN RELATE TO THAT? 422 00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,578 I'M SURE. ( APPLAUSE ) 423 00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:51,349 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. SO, HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANY ADVICE 424 00:25:51,416 --> 00:25:54,786 FROM ANY OF YOUR FELLOW MORNING PEOPLE? 425 00:25:54,853 --> 00:26:00,125 >> WELL, THE FIRST GUEST, I'LL TELL YOU LATER, WAS SOMEONE WHO 426 00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:04,362 I LOVE VERY MUCH, GAIL. ACTUALLY, GAYLE KING, WHO IS 427 00:26:04,429 --> 00:26:07,832 OFTEN ON THIS SHOW. >> Stephen: SURE, SURE. 428 00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:14,839 >> "CBS MORNINGS." GAYLE SAID-- THIS IS A CORRECT 429 00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:20,545 QUOTE-- SHE SAID YOU'LL NEVER GET USED TO THE HOURS ( BLEEP ). 430 00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:23,281 BUT EMBRACE IT BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF THE BEST JOBS IN THE 431 00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:26,651 TELEVISION BECAUSE PEOPLE GET TO WAKE UP WITH YOU AND THAT IS A 432 00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:27,686 PRIVILEGE. I THINK THAT'S GREAT. 433 00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:31,356 >> Stephen: IT IS. QUICK QUESTION, JUST A LITTLE 434 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:34,693 SIDE NOTE. ON CNN, ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SAY 435 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:35,961 ( BLEEP ) BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY IT HERE. 436 00:26:36,027 --> 00:26:38,964 >> IT'S BASIC CABLE. YOU CAN SAY ( BLEEP ). 437 00:26:39,030 --> 00:26:41,599 YOU CAN SAY ( BLEEP ). >> Stephen: THAT'S WORTH IS 438 00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:45,570 RIGHT THERE. >> I'VE SAID MUCH WORSE ON CNN. 439 00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:48,006 AND BRYANT GUMBEL, ONE OF MY MENTORS. 440 00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:49,941 >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY. >> HE SAID TO ME, "TWO MINUTES 441 00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,978 AFTER YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS, 442 00:26:53,044 --> 00:26:56,448 4:00 IN THE MORNING, 3:00 IN THE MORNING, OR 9:00 OR 5:00, IT'S 443 00:26:56,514 --> 00:26:59,551 ALL THE SAME. GLCHMENT WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK 444 00:26:59,617 --> 00:27:02,120 BREAK BUT DON'T GO NOWHERE BECAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 445 00:27:02,187 --> 00:27:06,958 MORE DON LEMON, EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND. 446 00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:08,159 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 447 00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:16,267 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY WHO THAT'S, IT'S ONE OF THE COHOSTS 448 00:27:16,334 --> 00:27:18,670 OF "CNN THIS MORNING." DONALD LEMON. 449 00:27:18,737 --> 00:27:23,575 NOW, OUR BUDDY CRIST LICHT,s WHO USED TO STAND RIGHT OVER 450 00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:25,010 THERE-- >> WHO? 451 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:27,912 >> Stephen: HE'S THE C.E.O. OF CNN. 452 00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:30,048 HE'S YOUR BOSS NOW. HE WOULD STAND RIGHT OVER THERE 453 00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:33,952 AND HIT THE APPLAUSE SIGN BEFORE WE WENT TO COMMERCIAL-- 454 00:27:34,019 --> 00:27:37,922 BASICALLY ALL HIS JOB WAS. NOW HE HAS A REALLY HARD JOB, 455 00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:39,724 RUNNING CNN. THE WORD ON THE STREET IS YOU 456 00:27:39,791 --> 00:27:41,726 GUYS AREN'T ALLOWED TO BE LIBERAL ANYMORE? 457 00:27:41,793 --> 00:27:45,196 IS THAT THE CASE? >> I DON'T THINK WE EVER WERE 458 00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:46,064 LIBERAL. >> Stephen: WHAT. 459 00:27:46,131 --> 00:27:48,767 >> I DON'T THINK WE EVER WERE LIBERAL. 460 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:50,001 >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT ME SAYING THAT. 461 00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:53,705 IT'S THE PEOPLE OUT THERE SAYING HE WON'T LET YOU BE LIBERAL 462 00:27:53,772 --> 00:27:54,939 ANYMORE. >> I THINK WHAT CHRIS IS SAYING 463 00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:59,577 IS HE WANTS REPUBLICANS, SENSIBLE REPUBLICANS, HE WANTS 464 00:27:59,644 --> 00:28:01,913 US TO HOLD PEOPLE TO ACCOUNT, BUT HE WANTS PEOPLE TO COME ON 465 00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:06,151 AND FEEL COMFORTABLE COMING ON AND TALKING ON CNN, APPEARING ON 466 00:28:06,217 --> 00:28:08,086 CNN. IF YOU INVITE SOMEONE IN YOUR 467 00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:09,854 HOUSE YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM FEEL COMFORTABLE. 468 00:28:09,921 --> 00:28:13,892 BUT, ALSO, BY THE NATURE OF WHAT WE DO, WE HAVE TO HOLD PEOPLE TO 469 00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:15,493 ACCOUNT. THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN 470 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,831 WE'RE GOING LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE OR WHATEVER. 471 00:28:19,898 --> 00:28:23,835 IT JUST MEANS WE ARE DOING WHAT WE DO, AND THAT'S GOOD 472 00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:27,305 JOURNALISM. >> Stephen: ACCOUNTABLE, NOT 473 00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,808 CONFRONTATIONAL. >> UHM, I THINK SOMETIMES ONE 474 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:33,178 MUST BE CONFRONTATIONAL. I DON'T THINK A CONVERSATION ON 475 00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:35,480 TELEVISION SHOULD BE ANY DIFFERENT THAN A CONVERSATION IN 476 00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:37,782 PERSON. LISTEN, I HAVE CONFRONTATIONAL 477 00:28:37,849 --> 00:28:38,883 CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE I LOVE. 478 00:28:38,950 --> 00:28:41,052 AND I HAVE UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE I 479 00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:42,720 LOVE. AND I THINK IT'S NECESSARY. 480 00:28:42,787 --> 00:28:48,059 AND I THINK IT'S ALSO NECESSARY TO DO THAT ON TELEVISION, ON 481 00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:50,261 CNN. AND THEN-- BUT YOU CAN DO THAT 482 00:28:50,328 --> 00:28:54,933 WITHOUT BEING VITRIOLIC. I THINK NOT BEING VITRIOLIC IS A 483 00:28:54,999 --> 00:28:56,634 MAYBE A BETTER WAY OF PUTTING IT. 484 00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:59,938 YOU CAN DO THAT AND NOT HAVE VITRIOL. 485 00:29:00,004 --> 00:29:04,309 AS PEOPLE SAY, YOU CAN DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE. 486 00:29:04,375 --> 00:29:06,945 THAT'S WHAT OUR MISSION IS. >> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT 487 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:11,749 THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS THAT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR WHEN THE BALL 488 00:29:11,816 --> 00:29:14,519 DROPS IN TIMES SQUARE. OKAY. 489 00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:19,224 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT, THE NEWS NETWORKS COVER NEW YEAR'S EVE 490 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:21,359 BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THAT TIME HAD STOPPED. 491 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:22,560 >> RIGHT. ( LAUGHTER ). 492 00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:27,732 AND ANDY ARE OUT THERE SAYING, "IT'S MIDNIGHT," WE GO,s OH, 493 00:29:27,799 --> 00:29:30,468 TIME CONTINUES. ENTROPY EXISTS. 494 00:29:30,535 --> 00:29:33,271 I'M SO GLAD CNN COULD HAVE HAD THIS. 495 00:29:33,338 --> 00:29:36,574 BUT THIS YEAR, YOU'VE BEEN OUT THERE MANY YEARS-- 496 00:29:36,641 --> 00:29:39,110 >> I'VE BEEN OUT THERE EVERY YEAR. 497 00:29:39,177 --> 00:29:42,313 >> Stephen: YOU AND GARY TUCKMAN AND VARIOUS PEOPLE OUT 498 00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:47,051 IN VEGAS-- THE GREAT THING ABOUT CNN THEY START COVERING NEW 499 00:29:47,118 --> 00:29:50,255 YEAR'S EVE IN SYDNEY. THIS YEAR YOU GUYS AREN'T 500 00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:52,123 ALLOWED TO DRINK. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS? 501 00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:53,658 LEGALLY YOU HAVE TO DRINK IN NEW ORLEANS. 502 00:29:53,725 --> 00:29:55,960 YOU COULD BE ARRESTED FOR NOT DRINKING IN NEW ORLEANS. 503 00:29:56,027 --> 00:29:58,630 >> I AM IN-- I AM FROM LOUISIANA. 504 00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:01,833 AND SO WHEN I-- AS SOON AS I STEP FOOT OFF THE PLANE IN 505 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:06,304 LOUISIANA, IN NEW ORLEANS, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE HOME! 506 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:08,940 LET ME BUY YOU A DRINJ! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M 507 00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:11,376 GOING TO DO THIS YEAR. DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE. 508 00:30:11,442 --> 00:30:14,679 >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO? WHAT'S YOUR COCKTAIL? 509 00:30:14,746 --> 00:30:18,516 >> TEQUILA. >> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE 510 00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:19,951 SOME? >> SURE. 511 00:30:20,018 --> 00:30:23,087 BOSS, THIS IS-- YOU KNOW HIM. YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME IN 512 00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:24,022 TROUBLE. >> Stephen: HE DOESN'T WORK 513 00:30:24,088 --> 00:30:26,891 HERE ANYMORE. HE CAN'T STOP ME FROM DOING 514 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:29,894 ( BLEEP ). >> WE HAD A LITTLE SIDE BET, IF 515 00:30:29,961 --> 00:30:31,863 I'M GOING TO WIN OR YOU'RE GOING TO WIN. 516 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:34,432 >> Stephen: ABOUT WHAT? >> OBVIOUSLY WE HAD A LITTLE 517 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:36,167 CONVERSATION. >> Stephen: YOU AND CHRIS. 518 00:30:36,234 --> 00:30:37,302 BEFORE YOU CAME CAME OVER? >> HE SAID, "IF YOU TALK ABOUT 519 00:30:37,368 --> 00:30:40,638 ME IT WILL NEVER MAKE AIR BECAUSE WHO CARES WHO I AM?" 520 00:30:40,705 --> 00:30:44,776 I SAID, "YOU ARE A DIFFERENT CHRIS LICTH. 521 00:30:44,842 --> 00:30:46,578 >> Stephen: NOBODY CARED WHEN HE WORKED HERE. 522 00:30:46,644 --> 00:30:49,581 BUT NOW HE'S A MEDIA MOGUL, A TITAN OF THE INDUSTRY. 523 00:30:49,647 --> 00:30:54,886 >> YES, SO THIS IS-- WE'LL PRETEND THIS IS NEW YEAR'S EVE. 524 00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:57,755 >> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR, DON! 525 00:30:57,822 --> 00:31:04,495 >> HAPPY NEW YEAR! ( APPLAUSE ) 526 00:31:04,562 --> 00:31:09,934 STEPHEN COLBERT? >> Stephen: I HOPE SO. 527 00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:13,238 YOU KNOW WHO REALLY LIKES TO DRINK? 528 00:31:13,304 --> 00:31:21,045 CHRIS LICHT. >> YOU'RE MAKING THIS-- YOU'RE 529 00:31:21,112 --> 00:31:24,349 MAKING THIS REALLY EASY FOR ME. >> Stephen: YOU'RE LOVING 530 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:28,486 THIS, CHRIS, AREN'T YOU? >> I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I TALK TO 531 00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:29,554 HIM. >> Stephen: THEY'RE TELLING ME 532 00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:32,824 TO RAP OVER THERE. >> NO, CAN WE CONTINUE TO TALK 533 00:31:32,890 --> 00:31:34,926 ABOUT CHRIS. >> Stephen: LET'S TALK SMACK, 534 00:31:34,993 --> 00:31:36,327 BABY. >> WHAT SHOULD I KNOW ABOUT 535 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:38,196 CHRIS? GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. 536 00:31:38,263 --> 00:31:39,797 I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE I CAME OUT. 537 00:31:39,864 --> 00:31:42,333 >> Stephen: WHEN HE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, HE WAS A RADIO D.J. 538 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,902 >> RIGHT. >> Stephen: ON A CLASSIC ROCK 539 00:31:44,969 --> 00:31:50,775 STATION AND WENT BY THE NAME "THE LICHT MAN." 540 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:57,815 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO TALK 541 00:31:57,882 --> 00:31:58,549 ABOUT. >> I KNOW. 542 00:31:58,616 --> 00:32:02,620 >> Stephen: BUT WE'VE GOT TO GO. 543 00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:04,922 >> NURT BEST, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: "CNN THIS MORNING" 544 00:32:04,989 --> 00:32:06,324 AIRS WEEKDAYS ON CNN. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 545 00:32:06,391 --> 00:32:08,993 GABRIELLE UNION. ♪ ♪ ♪ 546 00:32:09,060 --> 00:32:12,764 ( APPLAUSE ) 547 00:32:21,873 --> 00:32:28,079 ( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY! 548 00:32:28,146 --> 00:32:32,917 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR, 549 00:32:32,984 --> 00:32:37,422 ACTIVIST, AND A "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR. 550 00:32:37,488 --> 00:32:43,061 HER LATEST FILM IS "THE INSPECTION." 551 00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:47,999 >> SLOW. 552 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:55,540 PIECE OF PAPER. THAT'S ALL I HAVE LEFT OF... 553 00:32:55,606 --> 00:33:03,581 THE DREAM I HELD FOR YOU. IF YOU DON'T COME BACK THE SON I 554 00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:09,520 GAVE BIRTH TO, CONSIDER THIS CERTIFICATE VOID. 555 00:33:09,587 --> 00:33:11,022 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," GABRIELLE 556 00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:14,759 UNION! ♪ ♪ ♪ 557 00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:29,707 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 558 00:33:29,774 --> 00:33:42,987 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 559 00:33:43,054 --> 00:33:46,224 AGAIN. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 560 00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:49,961 >> NICE TO SEE YOU. CLEARLY, MY MOTHER CALLED AHEAD. 561 00:33:50,027 --> 00:33:52,563 >> Stephen: SHE GAVE EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE $5. 562 00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:54,432 >> I THINK SHE DID. I THINK SHE DID. 563 00:33:54,499 --> 00:33:57,335 >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU! >> IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 564 00:33:57,402 --> 00:33:59,570 IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: WE HAD YOUR 565 00:33:59,637 --> 00:34:03,307 HUSBAND ON, I THINK EARLY ON WHEN WE CAME BACK TO THIS 566 00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,308 THEATER. DID YOU WATCH? 567 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:05,643 DID YOU WATCH-- >> YEAH. 568 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,646 >> Stephen: WE PLAYED WASTE PAPER BASKETBALL. 569 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:10,181 >> I DID SEE THAT. >> Stephen: YOU SAW I SMOKED 570 00:34:10,248 --> 00:34:11,482 HIM. >> I DID, I DID. 571 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,217 >> Stephen: HOW IS HE DEALING WITH THAT? 572 00:34:13,284 --> 00:34:15,920 >> IT'S NOT BEEN GREAT. IT'S NOT BEEN GREAT. 573 00:34:15,987 --> 00:34:20,858 YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT? NO, HE GETS OUT OF BED AND DRAGS 574 00:34:20,925 --> 00:34:23,494 HIMSELF. HE SAID, "I'M STILL HOT AND RICH 575 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:28,933 AND A LEGEND, YOU KNOW, FUTURE HALL OF FAMER, BUT..." 576 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,770 >> Stephen: BUT. >> BUT DOT, DOT, DOT. 577 00:34:32,837 --> 00:34:34,939 GOD CAN'T GIVE YOU EVERYTHING. >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE. 578 00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:39,710 ONLY A FEW OF US GET THAT. LAST MONTH, YOU CELEBRATED A 579 00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,612 MAJOR MILESTONE BIRTHDAY. 50 YEARS. 580 00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:42,480 CONGRATULATIONS. >> THANK YOU. 581 00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:44,849 THANK YOU. >> Stephen: "A," I WOULD NOT 582 00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:47,752 HAVE BELIEVED IT. BUT IF YOU SAY SO. 583 00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,654 I'M NOT ASKING FOR A BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 584 00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:50,855 YOU LOOK AMAZING. >> THANK YOU. 585 00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,590 >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE? 586 00:34:52,657 --> 00:34:55,259 >> WE CELEBRATED BY TAKING A TOUR OF AFRICA. 587 00:34:55,326 --> 00:34:57,328 WE HIT FOUR DIFFERENT COUNTRIES ON THE CONTINENT. 588 00:34:57,395 --> 00:35:00,131 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. >> AND IT WAS AMAZING. 589 00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:05,503 WE STARTED IN TANS MIA, TO GHANA, NAMIBIA AND SOUTH AFRICA. 590 00:35:05,570 --> 00:35:06,637 >> Stephen: YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER-- 591 00:35:06,704 --> 00:35:08,172 >> THERE WERE ABOUT 20 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY. 592 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:12,376 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. WHAT IS IT LIKE TRAVELING, WORLD 593 00:35:12,443 --> 00:35:14,645 TRAVELING LIKE THAT WITH A SMALL CHILD. 594 00:35:14,712 --> 00:35:18,449 IS SHE A GOOD TRAVELER? >> SHE'S GOOD FOR 15, 20 595 00:35:18,516 --> 00:35:20,284 MINUTES. AND THEN YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE 596 00:35:20,351 --> 00:35:21,085 FLYING -- >> Stephen: THE FLIGHT ARE 597 00:35:21,152 --> 00:35:27,358 LONG. >> IT'S 20-PLUS HOURS WITH A 598 00:35:27,425 --> 00:35:28,693 TODDLER. AND YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE ON THE 599 00:35:28,759 --> 00:35:32,230 PLANE, AND YOU'RE BEING LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE SWEET, EMPATHETIC 600 00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:33,331 PARENT. >> Stephen: SURE. 601 00:35:33,397 --> 00:35:35,333 >> "OH, GIRL, I FEEL YOU." AFTER A MINUTE YOU'RE LIKE, 602 00:35:35,399 --> 00:35:37,502 "OKAY! WHERE ARE THE DAMN PARENTS!" 603 00:35:37,568 --> 00:35:40,838 AND THEN THE PRARNTS LIKE... WE WERE THOSE PEOPLE. 604 00:35:40,905 --> 00:35:43,140 WE JUST GAVE UP AT A CERTAIN POINT. 605 00:35:43,207 --> 00:35:45,343 WE'RE LIKE, LISTEN, IF YOU GOT SOMETHING BETTER, YOU TRY IT. 606 00:35:45,409 --> 00:35:48,012 >> Stephen: AND TODDLERS ARE NOTORIOUSLY REASONABLE. 607 00:35:48,079 --> 00:35:50,882 >> YEAH. DIDN'T WANT TO SIT IN HER SEAT. 608 00:35:50,948 --> 00:35:55,353 DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH WHATEVER. ALL THE 80 BILLION THINGS WE 609 00:35:55,419 --> 00:35:56,420 DOWNLOADED. SHE'S LIKE, "NO. 610 00:35:56,487 --> 00:35:58,789 I WOULD LIKE TO MEET ALL THE PEOPLE ON THIS FLIGHT. 611 00:35:58,856 --> 00:36:01,926 GLCHMENT YOUR NEW MOVIE IS CALLED "THE INSPECTION." 612 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:06,197 AND IT'S ABOUT A YOUNG GAY BLACK MAN WHO IS REJECTED BY HIS 613 00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:07,064 MOTHER. YOU PLAY HIS MOTHER. 614 00:36:07,131 --> 00:36:08,866 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHAT DID THIS PART 615 00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:13,170 MEAN TO YOU, TO PLAY THIS PART? >> I MEAN,s IT WAS A 616 00:36:13,237 --> 00:36:14,872 CHALLENGE. I LIKE TO THINK THE WAY I MOVE 617 00:36:14,939 --> 00:36:16,874 THROUGH THE WORLD AND THE WAY I DEAL WITH MY FAMILY AND, YOU 618 00:36:16,941 --> 00:36:22,880 KNOW, FOLKS WHO HAVE NOT BEEN QUITE AS OPEN TO DIVERSITY AND 619 00:36:22,947 --> 00:36:26,317 FOLKS' IDENTITY, I GENERALLY READ YOU. 620 00:36:26,384 --> 00:36:29,987 SO INITIALLY WHEN I WAS OFFERED THE ROAD, I WAS LIKE WHAT HAVE I 621 00:36:30,054 --> 00:36:33,891 EVER GIVEN OFF THAT MAKES PEOPLE BE LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHO WOULD 622 00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:38,062 PLAY A GREAT TERRIBLE MOTHER? YOU. 623 00:36:38,129 --> 00:36:40,364 YOU. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE OF MY LIST 624 00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:43,000 OF MY TERRIBLE MOTHER LIST." WHEN YOU LIVE IT DAY TO DAY, 625 00:36:43,067 --> 00:36:46,304 IT'S HARD TO EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT HAVING THOSE KINDS OF 626 00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,007 WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, THE KINDS OF WORDS THAT CAUSE SO 627 00:36:50,074 --> 00:36:52,843 MUCH HEARTACHE AND PAIN. BUT THEY CONVINCED ME THAT ME 628 00:36:52,910 --> 00:36:55,947 BEING IN THIS ROLE COULD OPEN MORE EYES AND CHANGE MORE 629 00:36:56,013 --> 00:36:58,049 HEARTS. SO I JUMPED AT THE CHANCE. 630 00:36:58,115 --> 00:37:01,953 >> Stephen: IS IT IMPORTANT FOR YOU, FOR THE ROLES THAT YOU 631 00:37:02,019 --> 00:37:04,322 DO, THAT THERE BE A MESSAGE OR A MEANING TO THE STORY? 632 00:37:04,388 --> 00:37:07,825 OR DO YOU JUST REALLY ENJOY THE CHARACTER? 633 00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:10,227 >> NOWADAYS, YEAH, I FOLLOW MY PASSION. 634 00:37:10,294 --> 00:37:15,499 I FOLLOW MY HEART. WHATEVER SCARES ME, MY 635 00:37:15,566 --> 00:37:19,470 GIRLFRIEND SAID IF IT DOESN'T SCARE YOU, BABY, IT'S NOT WORTH 636 00:37:19,537 --> 00:37:21,505 DOING. AND I SAID, "I DON'T LIKE THAT." 637 00:37:21,572 --> 00:37:23,941 I FOLLOWED MY BANK ACCOUNT FOR MANY YEARS. 638 00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:28,112 ME AND MY ACCOUNTANT, THE I.R.S., EVERYONE WAS VERY HAPPY 639 00:37:28,179 --> 00:37:31,582 WITH THAT. BUT I WAS-- I WASN'T EMOTIONALLY 640 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:34,385 AND CREATIVELY FULFILLED. SO IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, 641 00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:37,521 I JUST WANTED TO JUST DO PROJECTS THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO 642 00:37:37,588 --> 00:37:40,057 ME, THAT CAN HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD. 643 00:37:40,124 --> 00:37:42,460 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE THAT 644 00:37:42,526 --> 00:37:45,930 MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU. YOU ARE DOING THIS THING NOW-- 645 00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:50,034 YOU DO "WOMAN CRUSH WEDNESDAY" A SERIES OF SOCIAL MEDIA POST 646 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:53,738 WHERE'S YOU HIGHLIGHT DIFFERENT WOMEN YOU ADMIRE. 647 00:37:53,804 --> 00:38:04,682 WE'VE GOT KARINE JEAN-PIERRE, WHAT DOES IT TAKE? 648 00:38:04,749 --> 00:38:09,887 WHAT'S THE-- WHAT'S THE CRITERIA FOR "MAKING WOMEN CRUSH" 649 00:38:09,954 --> 00:38:11,989 WEDNESDAY. YOU HAVE TO BE GREAT AT 650 00:38:12,056 --> 00:38:13,290 SOMETHING? >> I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK 651 00:38:13,357 --> 00:38:16,427 PART OF THE CRITERIA IS YOU HAVE TO BE A FRIEND, A PERSONAL 652 00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:21,399 FRIEND OF MINE. MOST OF MY WCWs I DON'T KNOW. 653 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:25,803 >> Stephen: DO THEY RESPOND? >> THE MAJORITY DO, YES. 654 00:38:25,870 --> 00:38:28,706 BUT THERE ARE SOME THAT ARE LIKE... I DON'T LIKE HER. 655 00:38:28,773 --> 00:38:31,108 AND I'M LIKE THAT'S FINE, THAT'S FINE. 656 00:38:31,175 --> 00:38:33,477 YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE ME TO BE GREAT. 657 00:38:33,544 --> 00:38:35,446 I'M STILL GOING TO SHINE A LIGHT ON YOU. 658 00:38:35,513 --> 00:38:38,416 AND I THINK WE AS WOMEN DON'T CELEBRATE EACH OTHER ENOUGH. 659 00:38:38,482 --> 00:38:40,151 I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS NOW. 660 00:38:40,217 --> 00:38:43,688 I TRY TO LOOK UNDER EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY AND TRY TO HIGHLIGHT 661 00:38:43,754 --> 00:38:46,123 PEOPLE THAT ARE DOING GREAT STUFF. 662 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:48,726 >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU STAY SUCH A POSITIVE PERSON? 663 00:38:48,793 --> 00:38:51,595 HOW DO YOU STAY POSITIVE IN WHAT CAN BE VERY DARK TIMES? 664 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:54,765 >> MY FAMILY, YOU KNOW. LIKE, I WATCH MY KIDS AND HOW 665 00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:57,568 FREE THEY ARE AND HOW MUCH JOY THEY HAVE IN THEIR LIVES. 666 00:38:57,635 --> 00:39:01,138 AND I-- I REALIZE THAT I MAKE THINGS A LOT MORE DIFFICULT THAN 667 00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:03,808 THEY NEED TO BE. SO I-- YOU KNOW, LIKE, GET OUT 668 00:39:03,874 --> 00:39:08,112 OF MY OWN WAY, DING DONG. I'M LIKE, "YOU ARE THE PROBLEM." 669 00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:12,283 REMEMBER THAT GREAT SPEECH THAT ANGELA BASSETT GAVE IN "WHAT'S 670 00:39:12,349 --> 00:39:16,520 LOVE GOT TO DO WITH YOU." AND SHE'S LIKE, "YOU'RE ALL A 671 00:39:16,587 --> 00:39:19,156 BAD INFLUENCE!" AND I SAY THAT TO MYSELF IN THE 672 00:39:19,223 --> 00:39:20,424 MIRROR. AND I LET THAT LAND. 673 00:39:20,491 --> 00:39:23,994 >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE PUBLICLY POSITIVE, BUT YOU'RE REALLY HARD 674 00:39:24,061 --> 00:39:24,895 OW. >> YOU KNOW. 675 00:39:24,962 --> 00:39:26,764 I'M LIKE IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS HARD. 676 00:39:26,831 --> 00:39:28,365 IT REALLY DOESN'T. I CAN LEAD WITH LOVE. 677 00:39:28,432 --> 00:39:31,402 >> Stephen: IN THE SPIRIT OF YOUR POSITIVITY, WE WOULD LIKE 678 00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:37,508 TO, IF YOU'LL ACCEPT IT, SHOUT OUT YOU AS "THE LATE SHOW'S" 679 00:39:37,575 --> 00:39:38,843 WOMAN CRUSH WEDNESDAY." AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY. 680 00:39:38,909 --> 00:39:41,746 >> THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE ) 681 00:39:41,812 --> 00:39:43,180 >> Stephen: SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 682 00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:46,484 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. >> Stephen: "THE INSPECTION" IS 683 00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:49,286 IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE NOW. GABRIELLE UNION, EVERYBODY. 684 00:39:49,353 --> 00:39:51,288 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 685 00:40:11,142 --> 00:40:12,743 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 686 00:40:12,810 --> 00:40:15,646 TOMORROW MY GUEST WILL BE SALLY FIELD AND NOBEL 687 00:40:15,713 --> 00:40:16,580 PRIZE-WINNING JOURNALIST MARIA RESSA. 688 00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:21,852 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT!