1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,904 >> A FEDERAL JURY FOUND OATH 2 00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,907 KEEPERS FOUNDER, STEWART RHODES, GUILTY OF SEDITIOUS CONSPIRACY. 3 00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:12,145 RHOADES WAS CONVICTED FOR HIS PART IN THE VIOLENT JANUARY 6 4 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,681 ASSAULT ON THE CAPITOL AND HIS FAILED PLOT TO OVERTURN THE 2020 5 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,685 ELECTION. >> STEWART RHODES IS THE GUY 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,121 WITH THE EYE PATCH THAT COMES FROM AN INCIDENT WHEN HE 7 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,589 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT OUT HIS OWN EYE. 8 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:25,625 HE'S THE LEADER OF THE FAR-RIGHT OATH KEEPERS' GROUP. 9 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:40,573 ( "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" THEME 10 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:55,121 ( "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" THEME 11 00:00:55,188 --> 00:01:01,261 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 12 00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:06,766 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 13 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:12,505 TREASURY SECRETARY JANET YELLEN AND ROB DELANEY. 14 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,607 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE 15 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:19,345 LATE SHOW BAND. 16 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,414 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 17 00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:26,753 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 18 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:41,701 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 19 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:47,040 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 20 00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,442 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: I GOT YOU. 21 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,410 I GOT YOU. ALL RIGHT. 22 00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:54,447 WATCH OUT FOR HIM. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THIS ONE. 23 00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:57,617 HAPPY WEDNESDAY. >> Audience: STEPHEN! 24 00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:58,852 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 25 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,520 >> Stephen: HELLO! >> Louis: YOU CAN FEEL IT. 26 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:04,958 YOU CAN FEEL IT. ( APPLAUSE ) 27 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:09,162 IN HERE, UP THERE, OUT THERE, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 28 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:12,332 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. AND, FOLKS, I AM FEELING, I 29 00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:17,136 GOTTA SAY PRETTY DARN GOOD, AND I FEEL A LITTLE BAD ABOUT THAT, 30 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:20,773 BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT ABOUT SOMEBODY GOING TO PRISON. 31 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,876 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT. 32 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:29,949 THE LORD SAYS NO. YESTERDAY, IN A TRIAL OVER THE 33 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,185 HORRIFIC EVENTS OF JANUARY 6th, THE FOUNDER OF THE OATH KEEPERS, 34 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,687 STEWART RHODES, WAS FOUND GUILTY OF SEDITIOUS CONSPIRACY. 35 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:39,058 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S A BIG ONE. 36 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:48,768 THAT IS A BIG ONE. THAT'S INSURRECTION WITH A 37 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:53,273 CREAMY CENTER RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE. 38 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:55,074 RHODES WAS ALSO FOUND GUILTY OF OTHER BAD STUFF, WHICH IS WHY HE 39 00:02:55,141 --> 00:03:02,282 IS NOW FACING A MAXIMUM OF 60 YEARS IN PRISON. 40 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:05,752 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S A LONG STRETCH. 41 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:07,487 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, BY 2082, THE HIP NEW LOOK MIGHT BE 42 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:12,725 STEAMPUNK COWBOY PIRATE. ( LAUGHTER ) 43 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,729 NOW, WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME "OATH KEEPERS" AND THE EYE PATCH 44 00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,398 MAKES IT SEEM LIKE RHODES IS SOME SORT OF, LIKE, HEROIC 45 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,199 FREEDOM REBEL. IN REALITY, HE'S A DISBARRED 46 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:24,103 YALE LAW GRAD WHO WEARS AN EYE PATCH AFTER ACCIDENTALLY 47 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,105 SHOOTING HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH HIS OWN GUN. 48 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:29,509 ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER ) 49 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,845 THAT'S LIKE-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 50 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:37,083 IT'S EMBARRASSING, IS WHAT IT IS. 51 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:42,221 THAT'S LIKE FINDING OUT RAMBO WEARS THAT HEADBAND TO COVER UP 52 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:50,964 HIS LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE TATTOO. THIS CONVICTION IS A HUGE DEAL. 53 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,865 IT MARKS THE FIRST TIME THAT A JURY HAS DECIDED THAT THE 54 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,034 JANUARY 6 VIOLENCE WAS THE PRODUCT OF AN ORGANIZED 55 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:58,137 CONSPIRACY. WELL, YEAH! 56 00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:04,477 ( APPLAUSE ) ORGANIZED. 57 00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:06,379 I DON'T REMEMBER ANY HEADLINES THAT SAID, "CAPITOL MEET-CUTE 58 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,548 GETS OUT OF HAND." ( LAUGHTER ) 59 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:13,319 RHODES IS SUCH A SCUMBAG, EVEN HIS ESTRANGED WIFE CHIMED IN, 60 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,155 SAYING THAT THE CONVICTION IS THE FIRST TIME RHODES HAS EVER 61 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:18,791 FACED CONSEQUENCES. ( APPLAUSE ) 62 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:24,864 DAMMN! THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL "WINNING 63 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:30,470 THE BREAKUP." ( LAUGHTER ) 64 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:34,073 LAST NIGHT, THE SENATE VOTED TO PASS THE "RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE 65 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,975 ACT," WHICH-- ( APPLAUSE ). 66 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:40,880 ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS. >> Louis: LET'S GO. 67 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,982 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. I LIKE DOING THE MONOLOGUE 68 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,518 TONIGHT. IT'S PLEASANT. 69 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,420 THE "RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE ACT," WHICH WOULD ENSHRINE MARRIAGE 70 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:52,625 EQUALITY IN FEDERAL LAW. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE MOMENT. 71 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,926 I FEEL SO PROUD TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE ANYONE, 72 00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,796 REGARDLESS OF THEIR SEXUALITY, CAN DISAGREE FOR DECADES ABOUT 73 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,499 THE RIGHT WAY TO LOAD A DISHWASHER! 74 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:06,906 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S JUST WASHING THE DISHES 75 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,042 BEFORE THEY GO IN THE DISH WASHER. 76 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:12,111 DON'T WASH THEM. THAT'S THE THING THE DISHWASHER 77 00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:18,317 WENT TO COLLEGE FOR! THE BILL PASSED IN A 61-36 VOTE, 78 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,652 WITH 12 REPUBLICANS JOINING DEMOCRATS TO VOTE FOR IT. 79 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:27,960 WOW. ( APPLAUSE ) 80 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:33,800 NO WONDER MARRIAGE EQUALITY WON. EVEN THE PARTISAN SUPPORT WAS 81 00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:37,804 BI! THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 82 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:42,542 NOW, I'M SURE A LOT OF YOU ARE SAYING, "HEY, STEVE, DON'T WE 83 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,343 ALREADY HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?" 84 00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:45,945 YEAH, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WORRIED WE MIGHT LOSE THAT RIGHT 85 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:52,285 THANKS TO THE LEGION OF DUMB. AFTER THE CONSERVATIVES ON THE 86 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,087 COURT OVERTURNED "ROE V. WADE," THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP THAT MANY 87 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:59,158 CONSERVATIVES WERE CALLING FOR IS TO OVERTURN OBERGEFELL. 88 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,894 HENCE, THE URGENCY TO PASS THIS BILL. 89 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,429 AND TO GET REPUBLICAN SUPPORT, THE BILL HAD TO WALK A FINE 90 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,531 LINE. SO IT WON'T FORCE ALL STATES TO 91 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:08,201 ISSUE MARRIAGE LICENSES TO SAME- SEX COUPLES. 92 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,770 INSTEAD, IT WOULD REQUIRE THAT PEOPLE BE CONSIDERED MARRIED IN 93 00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,272 ANY STATE AS LONG AS THE MARRIAGE WAS VALID IN THE STATE 94 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:17,110 WHERE IT WAS PERFORMED. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU GET 95 00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:20,513 MARRIED IN MASSACHUSETTS AND THEN MOVE TO FLORIDA, NO ONE CAN 96 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,549 QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR MARRIAGE. 97 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,184 OKAY. ( APPLAUSE ) 98 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:34,193 BUT THEY CAN QUESTION WHY YOU MOVED TO FLORIDA. 99 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:45,238 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE BILL DOES REPEAL THE 100 00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:51,010 1996 DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT. SO THAT OLD THING IS GONE. 101 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,147 AS ONE PROMINENT LAWMAKER TOLD THE DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT: 102 00:06:54,213 --> 00:07:04,690 >> "SASHAY AWAY." >> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK 103 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:10,196 YOU, SENATOR RU. IT'S BEEN A REALLY BAD WEEK FOR 104 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,064 THE FORMER PRESIDENT, BECAUSE HE'S STILL GETTING FLAK OVER HIS 105 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:15,368 DINNER LAST TUESDAY WITH KANYE WEST AND WHITE NATIONALIST 106 00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:20,072 ANTI-SEMITE NICK FUENTES. THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS 107 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,209 NOW SCRAMBLING TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL, SO HE WENT TO FOX NEWS. 108 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,180 NOW NORMALLY WE WOULD RUN FOOT ANNUAL OF THAT, BUT WE DON'T 109 00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:31,117 HAVE ANY FOOT ANNUAL OF THAT. BECAUSE THEY ONLY LET HIM TALK 110 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:35,421 TO foxnews.com. EVEN THEIR CAMERAS ARE 111 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:39,125 UNWILLING TO BE SEEN ON CAMERA WITH HIM RIGHT NOW. 112 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,827 THE FORMER PRESIDENT TOLD THE WEBSITE, 113 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:43,696 HE HAD "NEVER HEARD" OF FUENTES BEFORE THE DINNER, ADDING, 114 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,132 "I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HIS VIEWS WERE." 115 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:51,270 YOU KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE BELIEVED THAT SIX YEARS AGO, IF THIS WAS 116 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:55,441 THE FIRST TIME YOU PLAYED FOOTSIE WITH WHITE 117 00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,542 SUPREMACISTS, BUT IT'S HAPPENED A LOT. 118 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,477 AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: IF IT FLIES LIKE A DUCK 119 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:02,315 AND QUACKS LIKE A DUCK, BUT IT GOOSE-STEPS, YOU GOT YOURSELF A 120 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,817 NAZI DUCK. ( LAUGHTER ) 121 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:08,521 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S-- THAT'S JUST LOGIC, 122 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:09,655 BABY. >> Louis: THAT'S SIMPLE LOGIC. 123 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:13,192 >> Stephen: THAT'S MATH. THE BLOWBACK WAS SO BAD, THAT TO 124 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:16,729 PREVENT FUTURE MEETINGS WITH WHITE SUPREMACISTS, THE FORMER 125 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:20,933 PRESIDENT'S TEAM HAS A NEW RULE: THIS IS TRUE-- THAT A SEIZ 126 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,871 OFFICIAL NEEDS TO BE WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT AT ALL TIMES. 127 00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:27,840 YES, IT'S SO IMPORTANT, THEY NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE 128 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:32,812 FORMER PRESIDENT NOT BE LEFT ALONE WITH A WHITE SUPREMACIST. 129 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,146 THE TRICK IS GONNA BE FINDING A WAY TO KEEP HIM OUT OF ANY ROOM 130 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,582 THAT HE'S IN. ( LAUGHTER ) 131 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,285 DOWN IN GEORGIA-- ( APPLAUSE ) 132 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:46,525 THAT JOKE'S A CHIN STROKER. DOWN IN GEORGIA, THEY'RE GETTING 133 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:51,230 CLOSE TO THE BIG SENATE RUNOFF ELECTION BETWEEN HERSCHEL WALKER 134 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,433 AND RAPHAEL WARNOCK. SO FAR, IT'S KICKED OFF WITH A 135 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,169 REAL BANG, BECAUSE ON MONDAY, VOTERS IN GEORGIA BROKE THEIR 136 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:58,905 RECORD FOR THE MOST BALLOTS CAST IN A SINGLE DAY DURING EARLY 137 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:02,742 VOTING. YET ANOTHER RECORD. 138 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:11,617 ( APPLAUSE ) VOTE, VOTE, VOTE, VOTE! 139 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,886 YET ANOTHER NEW RECORD FOR HERSCHEL WALKER'S RESUME! 140 00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:19,125 ALONG WITH HIS COLLEGE RUSHING YARDS RECORD, PLANNED PARENTHOOD 141 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,894 REWARDS POINTS, AND RECORD NUMBER OF NICKELS ACCIDENTALLY 142 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,530 SWALLOWED. ( LAUGHTER ) 143 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:31,938 BOTH CANDIDATES ARE OUT CAMPAIGNING UP A STORM, BUT 144 00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,172 WALKER'S SPEECHES ARE ESPECIALLY NOTABLE, BECAUSE THEY ARE 145 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,776 INSANE. ( LAUGHTER ) 146 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:43,582 CASE FOR A BORDER WALL. >> I'M GONNA SECURE THIS BORDER. 147 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,418 THEY SAID, "HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?" 148 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,654 I SAID THE WAY I CAN DO IT IS PUT UP A WALL, A WALL DO WORK. 149 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,257 WALLS WORK AROUND YOUR HOUSE. WHEN YOU GOT A WALL AROUND 150 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,625 YOUR HOUSE PEOPLE DON'T-- YEAH, BUT THEY CAN GET IN. 151 00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,560 BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY GET IN, IT WOULD BE HARD TO 152 00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,429 GET OUT, BECAUSE I GOT A DOG THAT-- WELL, MY DOG REALLY WON'T 153 00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:59,298 BITE. ( LAUGHTER ) 154 00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:07,606 >> Stephen: THEY'RE-- THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO UPDATE THAT CHANT: 155 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,176 "BUILD THE WALL! ADD A DOG! 156 00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:13,079 ONE THAT BITES? MAYBE NOT!" 157 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:17,550 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 158 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:28,561 IF VOTERS SEND WALKER HOME, HE MIGHT HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING 159 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:30,196 WHERE THAT IS, BECAUSE WHILE WE KNEW THAT WALKER HAS MULTIPLE 160 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,966 HOMES, JUST THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT HE'S CLAIMED HIS 161 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,901 HOME IN TEXAS AS HIS PRIMARY RESIDENCE TO GET A TAX BREAK. 162 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,603 NOT GREAT FOR A WOULD-BE SENATOR FROM GEORGIA. 163 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:42,241 BUT UNLIKE HIS OTHER SCANDALS, WALKER'S BEEN REFRESHINGLY 164 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,244 HONEST ABOUT IT. HERE HE IS IN JANUARY: 165 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:49,749 >> EVERYONE ASKS ME WHY DID I DECIDE TO RUN FOR A SENATE SEAT 166 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:53,953 AS I WAS SITTING IN MY HOME IN TEXAS, AND I WAS SITTING IN MY 167 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,756 HOME IN TEXAS, AND I WAS SEEING WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THIS 168 00:10:56,822 --> 00:11:00,493 COUNTRY, I TELL PEOPLE TO STOP FOR A MOMENT AND LOOK. 169 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:05,131 YO, I LIVE IN TEXAS. ( LAUGHTER ) 170 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,566 AND SAID IT! IT'S THE MOST DISQUALIFYING 171 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:10,403 CAMPAIGN CONFESSION SINCE HERBERT HOOVER'S 1928 SLOGAN: 172 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:15,508 "I SHOVED A NUN DOWN A WELL!" ( LAUGHTER ) 173 00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,477 WHO AREN'T FROM THE STATE THEY RUN FOR OFFICE IN, LOSING 174 00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:21,313 REPUBLICAN AND GUY WHO FELL INTO THE GORILLA ENCLOSURE AND IS 175 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:24,917 TRYING HIS BEST TO BLEND IN, DR. MEHMET OZ. 176 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:28,854 EVER SINCE OZ GOT HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM BY JOHN FETTERMAN, HE'S 177 00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:34,960 BEEN TRYING-- ( APPLAUSE ) 178 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,898 IT'S NEVER TOO IT'S TOO SOON TO ENJOY THAT AGAIN. 179 00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:41,534 HE'S BEEN TRYING TO GET HIS OLD TV JOB BACK. 180 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:46,539 UNFORTUNATELY FOR OZ, HIS FORMER PRODUCERS REPORTEDLY WON'T TALK 181 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:48,340 TO HIM. HE'S SO TOXIC THAT HE COULDN'T 182 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:52,311 EVEN INTEREST PARAMOUNT+ IN HIS DR. OZ PREQUEL: 183 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,781 "YOUNG MEHMET." ( LAUGHTER ) 184 00:11:55,848 --> 00:12:01,353 ONE REASON PRODUCERS DON'T WANT OZ BACK IS BECAUSE THE TV FOLKS 185 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,622 BELIEVE "THE CAMPAIGN BADLY DAMAGED OZ'S REPUTATION." 186 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:07,326 AND THAT'S NO SMALL FEAT, CONSIDERING THAT BEFORE HE RAN, 187 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,628 HIS REPUTATION WAS DOCTOR WHO SAYS, "IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 188 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,499 200 ORGASMS A YEAR, YOU CAN REDUCE YOUR PHYSIOLOGIC AGE BY 189 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:19,205 SIX YEARS." OKAY. 190 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,974 LOOKS LIKE YOUR SECRET IS OUT, PAUL RUDD. 191 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:26,512 ( LAUGHTER ) TURNING TO-- 200. 192 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,348 200. IS THAT ALL? 193 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,184 TURNING TO THE WORLD OF RELIGION, MANY FAITHS AROUND THE 194 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,421 WORLD BELIEVE THAT WITH TIME, PRAYER, AND MEDITATION ONE CAN 195 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,124 ACHIEVE A STATE OF RELIGIOUS ECSTASY. 196 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,860 BUT SOME FOLKS WANT A SHORTCUT, LIKE IN THAILAND, WHERE A 197 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,329 BUDDHIST TEMPLE HAS BEEN LEFT WITHOUT ANY MONKS AFTER THEY ALL 198 00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:49,568 TESTED POSITIVE FOR METH. AS THE ENLIGHTENED ONE HIMSELF 199 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:52,471 SAID, "HOW DO I STAY SO FAT ON THIS MUCH CRANK?" 200 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:56,742 ( LAUGHTER ) TONIGHT. 201 00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,777 MY GUESTS ARE SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY, JANET YELLEN, AND 202 00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:03,182 COMEDIAN ROB DELANEY. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S 203 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:07,520 "MEANWHILE!" JOIN US, WON'T YOU. 204 00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:09,922 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 205 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:54,366 ( APPLAUSE ) IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND THE 206 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,569 LATE SHOW BAND. YEAH. 207 00:13:56,635 --> 00:14:03,876 ( APPLAUSE ) HEY, LOUIS, WE HAVE FANTASTIC 208 00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:06,712 GUESTS TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT-- AND NOT EVERY LATE-NIGHT SHOW GETS 209 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,783 TO SAY THIS: TONIGHT WE HAVE TREASURY SECRETARY JANET YELLEN 210 00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:14,220 IS GOING TO BE HERE. ( APPLAUSE ) 211 00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:18,290 >> Stephen: I'LL ALSO SAY THIS, I'LL ALSO SAY THIS-- THIS 212 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,026 IS RAY COMPLIMENT TO YOU PEOPLE-- NOT EVERY LATE-NIGHT 213 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,663 AUDIENCE WOULD BE THAT EXCITED TO HEAR THAT THE TREASURY 214 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,465 SECRETARY IS HERE. WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE 215 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,701 WHOLE THING. WE'RE GOING TO FIX THE ECONOMY. 216 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,502 WE'RE GOING TO LAUGH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUN. 217 00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,805 WE'RE GOING TO FIX THE ECONOMY. IT'S HAPPENING TONIGHT. 218 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:35,374 YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT THE INTEREST RATE TO BE, AND I'LL 219 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,376 MAKE IT HAPPEN TONIGHT. . 220 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,479 AND THEN WE ALSO HAVE COMEDIAN ROB DELANEY IS HERE. 221 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:44,683 HE'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BOOK. >> Louis: IT'S REALLY, REALLY 222 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,784 GOOD. >> Stephen: ARE WE DOING THIS 223 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,087 THING? ARE WE GOING STRAIGHT INTO THIS 224 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,222 THING? ARE WE DOING THIS? 225 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,258 FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, 226 00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:55,995 EXCAVATING THE NEWS MINES FOR THE PUREST STORY COPPER AND 227 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,397 ZINC, SMELTING IT INTO A TOPICAL GOLD BRASS, THEN HAND-SHAPING A 228 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:07,039 FLARED 5.75" BELL WITH SHEET-BRACED TUBING, A 229 00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:10,376 WIDE-RADIUS TUNING SLIDE, AND A THREADED INTEGRAL MOUTHPIECE TO 230 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:13,545 CREATE FOR YOU THE EXQUISITE MONETTE RAJNA B-FLAT TRUMPET 231 00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:18,350 THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, 232 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,052 FOLKS-- THIS MAN KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT OVER THERE! 233 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:26,125 SOMETIMES, I AM DISGORGED UNCONSCIOUS FROM A SPILLWAY NEAR 234 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,660 A DEFUNCT CONSTRUCTION SITE, RIP THE GAS NOZZLE OUT OF AN 235 00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:33,232 ABANDONED AMBULANCE, JAM IT INTO AN OLD OIL DRUM AND SLAP ON A 236 00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:37,469 MOUTHPIECE MADE OUT OF A TOILET PAPER ROLL, THEN MARCH THROUGH 237 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,338 SOMEONE'S WEDDING HONKING THE MAKESHIFT DOOM-TUBA OF NEWS THAT 238 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:43,075 IS MY SEGMENT: >> MEANWHILE! 239 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:48,981 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS. 240 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:54,219 THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS RIGHT THERE. 241 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,423 MEANWHILE, "THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS" AMED THIS 242 00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:00,759 26-YEAR-OLD CAT THE OLDEST FELINE IN THE WORLD. 243 00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:04,363 BUT SHE STILL HAS THE PERSONALITY OF A KITTEN. 244 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,566 OOOH! THAT'S SWEET, BUT IT'S ALWAYS 245 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,070 SAD TO ME WHEN OLDSTERS TRY TO ACT YOUNG, YOU GET ME FAM? 246 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,572 NO CAP. ZENDAYA. 247 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:17,976 MEANWHILE, I'M SURE WE'RE ALL ABSOLUTELY GLUED TO THE MAJOR 248 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:22,348 INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW IN QATAR. 249 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:25,017 OF COURSE, I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE "CAMEL BEAUTY WORLD CUP"! 250 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,219 HEY, I DON'T MEAN TO OBJECTIFY, BUT I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND THEY 251 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:30,222 AREN'T EASY ON THE EYES. ( LAUGHTER ) 252 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:34,727 SMOKE-SHOWS OUT OF BED FOR REGURGITATING ITS CUD. 253 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:38,764 AND THE JUDGES TAKE THIS VERY SERIOUSLY. 254 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,133 APPARENTLY, THEY USE X-RAYS TO CHECK THAT THE ANIMALS HAVE NOT 255 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,537 HAD ANY SURGICAL ENHANCEMENTS. A SAD NECESSITY AFTER THAT 256 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:49,708 INFAMOUS PLASTIC SURGERY SCANDAL. 257 00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,945 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE-- MMM. 258 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:56,248 MMM. MEANWHILE, IN AN EFFORT TO 259 00:16:56,315 --> 00:17:00,819 DESTIGMATIZE THE DISEASE, THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION 260 00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:10,295 HAS RENAMED MONKEYPOX "MPOX." ( LAUGHTER ) 261 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,631 YOU CAN'T JUST K.F.C. THIS THING. 262 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,233 IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE "M" STANDS FOR. 263 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:16,735 THAT'S LIKE WHEN THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM BRIEFLY CHANGED 264 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,705 THEIR NAME TO "THE WASHINGTON YOU-KNOW-WHATS." 265 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:25,110 ( LAUGHTER ) MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE 266 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:32,117 CATCHING ONE OF THREE VIRUSES: COVID 19, THE FLU, AND R.S.V., 267 00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:33,619 WHICH THEY'RE CALLING A TRIPLEDEMIC. 268 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:37,423 SO I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS: SICK. 269 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:43,295 ( LAUGHTER ) "ZOMBIE VIRUS" HAS BEEN REVIVED 270 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:47,599 AFTER 50,000 YEARS TRAPPED IN THE SIBERIAN PERMAFROST. 271 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:51,370 HEY, SCIENCE, I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU STUDY NEXT: WHY THE 272 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,306 (BLEEP) YOU WOULD DO THAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 273 00:17:54,373 --> 00:18:07,186 ( CHEERS ) THE ANCIENT DISEASE IS WHAT'S 274 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:11,256 KNOWN AS A "PANDORAVIRUS"-- NAMED FOR THAT GREEK STORY ABOUT 275 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:19,631 THE BOX THEY OPENED AND EVERYTHING WENT GREAT. 276 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,533 ( LAUGHTER ) SUING THE MAKER OF VELVEETA'S 277 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,504 MICROWAVABLE MAC & CHEESE CUPS-- NOT, AS I ASSUMED, 278 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,974 BECAUSE IT WAS JUST TOO TASTY AND NUTRITIOUS. 279 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,444 NO, IT'S BECAUSE THE PACKAGING SAYS "READY IN THREE AND A HALF 280 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,446 MINUTES," BUT IT DOES NOT INCLUDE STEPS SUCH AS TEARING 281 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,749 OFF THE LID, ADDING WATER, AND STIRRING IN THE CHEESE SAUCE. 282 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:41,854 THAT ADDS AT LEAST 15-20 SECONDS, AND THAT'S TIME SHE 283 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:46,458 COULD SPEND SUING HER FAMILY. IN EXCHANGE FOR THOSE LOST 284 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:50,796 SECONDS, THE WOMAN IS ASKING FOR MORE THAN $5 MILLION IN DAMAGES. 285 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,698 THAT'S A LOT OF CHEDDAR... IS SOMETHING NO ONE HAS EVER 286 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:56,602 SAID ABOUT VELVEETA. ( LAUGHTER ) 287 00:18:56,668 --> 00:19:00,939 SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY, JANET YELLEN. 288 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,541 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 289 00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:17,990 ♪♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 290 00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:23,729 ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"! 291 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:26,131 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING IS THE ONLY PERSON IN 292 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,766 AMERICAN HISTORY TO HAVE LED THE WHITE HOUSE COUNCIL OF ECONOMIC 293 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:34,339 ADVISORS, THE FEDERAL RESERVE, AND THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT. 294 00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:37,976 PLEASE WELCOME TREASURY SECRETARY JANET YELLEN! 295 00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:52,925 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 296 00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:55,327 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 297 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,163 >> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU. >> THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION. 298 00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,498 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A LATE-NIGHT SHOW BEFORE? 299 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:00,999 >> I'VE NEVER BEEN. >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO 300 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,568 LOVE IT. IT'S GREAT. 301 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:06,071 YOU'VE BEEN CALLED A JEANNEEROUS EXPLAINING ARGUMENTS SIMPLY AND 302 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,874 CLEARLY. YOU HAVEN'T SAID THIS YOURSELF. 303 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:14,112 CAN YOU EXPLAIN HOW INFLATION GOT SO HIGH BECAUSE TWO YEARS 304 00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:20,152 AGO, EVERYTHING SEEMED FINE, EVEN IN 2021, YOU AND OTHER 305 00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:23,221 MEMBERS OF THE ADMINISTRATION BELIEVED THAT INFLATION WAS A 306 00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:28,460 SMALL RISK. WHAT HAPPENED, SIMPLY AND 307 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:29,595 CLEARLIY? ( LAUGHTER ). 308 00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:36,468 >> Stephen: THAT IS, YEAH. >> SO, WE HAD RAPID RECOVERY 309 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:40,339 FROM THE PANDEMIC. WHEN PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS 310 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,207 ELECTED, UNEMPLOYMENT WAS QUITE HIGH. 311 00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:47,145 IT WAS CLOSE TO 7%. AND WE PUT POLICIES IN PLACE 312 00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:50,515 THAT GENERATED A VERY RAPID RECOVERY. 313 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:54,386 UNEMPLOYMENT QUICKLY FELL BACK INTO THE THREEs. 314 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:57,222 >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT NOW? WHAT IS IT NOW? 315 00:20:57,289 --> 00:21:01,360 >> 3.7. SO NORMALLY YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT, 316 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:05,297 JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD A RAPID RECOVERY, FOR INFLATION TO RISE 317 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:09,568 VERY MUCH, IF AT ALL. BUT IT TURNED OUT THE PANDEMIC 318 00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:16,308 HAD VERY SPECIAL IMPACTS ON THE ECONOMY. 319 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,478 REMEMBER, EVERYBODY STOPPED SPENDING ON SERVICES. 320 00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:23,348 THEY WERE IN THEIR HOMES FOR A YEAR OR MORE. 321 00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:27,285 THEY WANTED TO BUY GRILLS AND OFFICE FURNITURE. 322 00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:31,723 THEY WERE WORKING FROM HOME. THEY SUDDENLY STARTED SPLURGING 323 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:39,698 ON GOODS, BUYING TECHNTECHNOLOGU KNOW, SUDDENLY WORKING THROUGH 324 00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:42,234 TECHNOLOGY. AND BOTTLENECKS STARTED 325 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:46,605 DEVELOPING WHERE SUPPLY, IN PARTICULAR IMPORTANT SECTORS OF 326 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,675 THE ECONOMY, JUST COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH DEMAND. 327 00:21:49,741 --> 00:21:55,347 >> Stephen: AMAZON, JPMORGAN, MET TA, DISNEY, PARAMOUNT-- 328 00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:57,482 THEY'VE ALL DONE BIG CUTS IN ANTICIPATION OF A RECESSION. 329 00:21:57,549 --> 00:21:59,985 ONE DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE SHOWN UP YET. 330 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,387 WHO IS RIGHT? ARE WE HEADED FOR A RECESSION? 331 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,824 YOUR COUNTERPART IN ENGLAND SAYS THEY ARE ALREADY IN RECESSION 332 00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,693 AND IT WILL BE THE LONGEST ONE SINCE THE GREAT WAR. 333 00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:11,163 >> I BELIEVE THERE IS A PATH BRINGING INFLATION DOWN WHILE 334 00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:15,200 MAINTAINING A STRONG HEALTHY LABOR MARKET. 335 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,935 >> Stephen: YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE WE'RE NOT HEADING INTO 336 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,705 A RECESSION? >> WE HAD RAPID RECOVERY. 337 00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:22,240 GROWTH HAS SLOWED DOWN. I EXPECT THE PACE OF JOB 338 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:25,877 CREATION TO SLOW DOWN. THAT'S NATURAL AND EXPECTED WHEN 339 00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:30,749 THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS CLOSE TO THE LOWEST IN 50 YEARS. 340 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:35,420 SO I THINK WE CAN TAKE THE HEAT OUT OF THE ECONOMY. 341 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:40,025 AND, REMEMBER, RUSSIA HAS CONDUCTED A BRUTAL WAR AGAINST 342 00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:44,996 UKRAINE. AND THAT CAUSED GAS PRICES TO 343 00:22:45,063 --> 00:22:47,833 SPIKE. IT'S CAUSED FOOD PRICES TO 344 00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:50,001 SPIKE. IT'S CREATING HARDSHIP ALL OVER 345 00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:55,340 THE WORLD. AND WE'RE REALLY TRYING TO 346 00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,609 ADDRESS THOSE-- THOSE STRAINS AS WELL. 347 00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:01,680 THAT'S ANOTHER REASON INFLATION WENT UP, AND WE'RE TRYING TO 348 00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:04,616 HOLD THAT DOWN. >> Stephen: NOW, YOU USED TO 349 00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:09,020 BE, AS I SAID BEFORE, YOU USED TO BE THE HEAD OF THE FED, 350 00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:11,857 CHAIRMAN OF THE FED. WHAT GOES ON IN THERE? 351 00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:16,561 ( LAUGHTER ) THEORIES THAT THE FED IS A 352 00:23:16,628 --> 00:23:20,065 CABAL, AND YOU WEAR RO ROBES AND SACRIFICE A GOAT, AND RIGHT 353 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:22,768 BEFORE THE GOAT BURSTS INTO FLAMES IT TELLS YOU THE NEW 354 00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:26,404 INTEREST RATE HIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY-- WHY IS IT SO 355 00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:27,572 SECRETIVE? WHY IS THE FED SO SECRETIVE? 356 00:23:27,639 --> 00:23:31,276 >> WELL, IT USED TO BE VERY SECRETIVE, AND THERE WAS A 357 00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:34,312 FAMOUS BOOK CALLED, "SECRETS OF THE TEMPLE." 358 00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:37,883 AND THEN THE PHILOSOPHY-- IT WAS THOUGHT ONCE UPON A TIME-- I CAN 359 00:23:37,949 --> 00:23:41,953 NO LONGER REMEMBER WHY-- BUT MONETARY POLICY WOULD BE MOST 360 00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,990 EFFECTIVE IF IT WAS MOST SECRETIVE. 361 00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:50,629 AND THE OF THE TRUTH IS THAT THE FED NEVER EVEN ANNOUNCED TO THE 362 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:54,699 PUBLIC WHAT DECISION THEY HAD MADE ABOUT MONETARY POLICY. 363 00:23:54,766 --> 00:24:00,038 THE FIRST TIME THAT EVER HAPPENED WAS IN FEBRUARY OF 364 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,239 1994. >> Stephen: BEFORE THEN, THE 365 00:24:01,306 --> 00:24:04,075 INTEREST RATES WOULD CHANGE JUST, AND THAT'S HOW WE WOULD 366 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:06,745 FIND OUT? >> THEY WOULD MAKE A SECRET 367 00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:10,048 DECISION, AND YOU TO BE A FED WATCHER, AND YOU WOULD WATCH THE 368 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,084 MONEY SUPPLY NUMBERS. AND YOU REALLY HAD TO UNDERSTAND 369 00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:16,021 HOW WALL STREET WORKED IN ORDER TO REALIZE THEY HAD CHANGED THE 370 00:24:16,087 --> 00:24:21,827 STANCE OF MONETARY POLICY. MEETINGS ENDED, THEY NEVER EVEN 371 00:24:21,893 --> 00:24:23,628 ISSUED A STATEMENT. >> Stephen: THIS MORNING, YOU 372 00:24:23,695 --> 00:24:28,633 CALLED THE RECENT CRYPTO-CRASH "A LEHMAN MOMENT." 373 00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:32,537 OF COURSE A LEHMAN MOMENT, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, IS WHEN ONE FIRM, 374 00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:40,846 OR LARGE ENTITY, ENDS UP BEING A SENECTED FOR A LARGER MARKET. 375 00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:44,983 ARE YOU SAYING SCRIPTO COULD COLLAPSE BECAUSE OF RECENT 376 00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,818 CRYPTO FAILURES? >> I WOULD SAY THE COLLAPSE OF 377 00:24:46,885 --> 00:24:52,157 THIS FIRM, FTX, A LEHMAN MOMENT FOR CRYPTOCURRENCY SECTOR AND 378 00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:56,328 HAS HAD CONTAGION. BUT, FORTUNATELY, THERE HASN'T 379 00:24:56,394 --> 00:25:00,031 BEEN MUCH CONTAGION TO THE REAL ECONOMY. 380 00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:03,735 INVESTORS HAVE LOST A LOT OF MONEY, AND TO ME, THAT POINTS TO 381 00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:09,307 THE NEED FOR MUCH MORE REGULATION OF THIS SECTOR. 382 00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:15,547 AND THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE THIS FIRM WAS OPERATING AT-- MAINLY 383 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:18,550 OUTSIDE THE UNITED STATES -- >> Stephen: WITH NO-- WITH NO 384 00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:20,585 OVERSIGHT. >> WITH NO REAL OVERSIGHT. 385 00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:24,589 BUT EVEN IF IT HAD BEEN IN THE UNITED STATES, THERE ARE REAL 386 00:25:24,656 --> 00:25:26,591 GAPS. THERE'S SOME REGULATORY 387 00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:31,830 AUTHORITY, BUT HUGE HOLES. AND SO THIS IS THE SECTOR WHERE 388 00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,966 INNOCENT INVESTORS COULD REALLY LOSE THEIR MONEY. 389 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:38,536 >> Stephen: WELL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING ABOUT-- LET ME ASK 390 00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:44,009 YOU ABOUT CRYPTO: DO YOU-- DOES CRYPTO MAKE SENSE TO YOU, ON 391 00:25:44,075 --> 00:25:47,579 THIS LEVEL? PEOPLE LIKE RON PAUL WOULD SAY 392 00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:50,148 AFTER THE UNITED STATES WENT OFF THE GOLD STANDARD UNDER 96 KNOW 393 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:53,652 ON, I BELIEVE,s THAT YOU KNOW WE'RE NOW A FIAT CURRENCY. 394 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:57,489 THINGS ARE WORTH WHAT THEY'RE WORTH BECAUSE WE SAY IT'S WORTH 395 00:25:57,555 --> 00:25:58,757 SOMETHING. IT'S BACKED BY THE FULL FAITH 396 00:25:58,823 --> 00:26:01,159 AND CREDIT OF THE UNITED STATES, WHATEVER THAT PARTICULAR PHRASE, 397 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:06,164 THAT TERM OF ART MIGHT MINE. IS CRYPTO, WHERE IEATE A WIDGET 398 00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:09,401 THAT SPITS OUT A COIN THAT I DECLARE A VALUE AND THAT NUMBER 399 00:26:09,467 --> 00:26:13,638 OF THOSE SETS A CAPITALIZATION FOR ALL THAT CRYPTO OUT AND 400 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:17,809 THERE PEOPLE GET INVESTED AND THAT $20 MILLION PEOPLE SAY 401 00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:20,045 THAT'S NOW WORTH $100 MILLION, AND IT'S ALL CREATING OFFED OUT 402 00:26:20,111 --> 00:26:22,180 OF NOTHING. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU? 403 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:28,053 THERE IS NO INHERENT VALUE TO THE ITEM ITSELF? 404 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,456 >> I HAVE BEEN PRETTY SKEPTICAL SINCE THE OUTSET ABOUT WHAT THE 405 00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:34,993 VALUE OF CRYPTO WOULD BE TO THE REAL ECONOMY. 406 00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:38,563 >> Stephen: BECAUSE THE UNITED STATES HAS A FIAT CURRENCY, IS-- 407 00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:41,132 IS THE DOLLAR MAKE ANY MORE SENSE TO YOU THAN CRYPTO DOES? 408 00:26:41,199 --> 00:26:43,168 >> YES, THE DOLLAR MAKES A LOT OF SENSE TO ME. 409 00:26:43,234 --> 00:26:44,336 >> Stephen: WHY? >> 410 00:26:44,402 --> 00:26:47,272 >> BECAUSE IT'S A NATIONAL CURRENCY THAT'S WELL REGULATED 411 00:26:47,339 --> 00:26:49,841 BY THE FEDERAL RESERVE THAT HAS A CLEAR MANDATE. 412 00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:56,581 AND PEOPLE WHO WERE ACCOUNTABLE TO THE PUBLIC AND TO CONGRESS TO 413 00:26:56,648 --> 00:27:01,720 MAINTAIN THE GOALS OF THE FED, WHICH IS MAXIMUM EMPLOYMENT, AND 414 00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:06,257 LOW AND STABLE INFLATION. >> Stephen: THEY KNOW WHAT 415 00:27:06,324 --> 00:27:08,393 THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. THEY'VE GOT THE ROBES AND THE 416 00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,295 GOATS AND EVERYTHING. >> THEY'VE GOT WHOLE THING. 417 00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:11,997 THEY TELL YOU WHAT THEY'RE DOING. 418 00:27:12,063 --> 00:27:15,500 SOMETIMES PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND, BUT THEY TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHAT 419 00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:18,636 THEY'RE-- WELL, ONE PROBLEM IS THERE ARE 19 OF THEM AT FULL 420 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:21,740 STRENGTH, AND THEY HAVE SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VIEWS AND PEOPLE 421 00:27:21,806 --> 00:27:25,744 SOMETIMES FIND IT CONFUSING. >> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU NO 422 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:28,279 LONGER ARE AT THE FED DO, THEY CONFUSE YOU? 423 00:27:28,346 --> 00:27:32,417 ( LAUGHTER ) EVER, AS THE TREASURY SECRETARY? 424 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:36,221 >> NOT ESPECIALLY, BUT -- >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 425 00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:39,691 QUICK BREAK. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL 426 00:27:39,758 --> 00:27:43,762 ASK SECRETARY YELLEN WHY HER NAME ISN'T ON OUR MONEY YET. 427 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:44,362 STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪ 428 00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:47,298 ( APPLAUSE ) 429 00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:53,772 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 430 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:58,243 RIGHT HERE, WE'RE BACK WITH SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY, JANET 431 00:27:58,309 --> 00:28:00,211 YELLEN. HERE'S SOMETHING THAT CONFUSES 432 00:28:00,278 --> 00:28:01,513 ME. THIS IS A DOLLAR BILL RIGHT 433 00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:03,348 THERE. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET A SHOT 434 00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:05,250 OF THAT. AND RIGHT OVER HERE-- CAN YOU 435 00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:07,585 SEE THIS? THIS IS-- WE LOOKED FOR YOUR 436 00:28:07,652 --> 00:28:11,156 NAME. AND IT SAYS STEVE MNUCHIN OVER 437 00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:14,259 THERE IN, I GOTTA SAY, BLOCK PRINT. 438 00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:15,527 HE NEVER LEARNED TO CONNECT HIS LETTERS. 439 00:28:15,593 --> 00:28:17,462 >> IT'S CURSIVE. >> Stephen: WHY ISN'T YOUR 440 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,798 NAME ON THE MONEY, SECRETARY YELLEN? 441 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,499 IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS. >> SO LET'S LOOK AT THIS BILL. 442 00:28:21,566 --> 00:28:26,404 >> Stephen: IT'S REAL. IT'S NOT COUNTERFEIT. 443 00:28:26,471 --> 00:28:31,910 >> NO, NO, I AGREE. BUT, YOU SEE, THERE'S A SECOND 444 00:28:31,976 --> 00:28:34,145 NAME. AND THE SECOND NAME ON THE LEFT 445 00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:36,614 SIDE OF THE CURRENCY IS THE TREASURER OF THE UNITED STATES. 446 00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:40,385 AND NEW MONEY CAN'T BE ISSUED UNTIL THERE IS ALSO A TREASURER, 447 00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:43,855 ALONG WITH A NEW SECRETARY. >> Stephen: DO WE NOT HAVE-- 448 00:28:43,922 --> 00:28:51,729 >> WE NOW DO HAVE A TREASURER. AND OUR TREASURER IS THE FIRST 449 00:28:51,796 --> 00:28:56,734 NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN EVER TO BE APPOINTED TREASURER OF THE 450 00:28:56,801 --> 00:29:00,905 UNITED STATES. ( APPLAUSE ) 451 00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:06,744 YOU GET THE BIG MOMENT? >> NEXT WEEK, I AM GOING TO FORT 452 00:29:06,811 --> 00:29:13,485 WORTH, WHICH IS WHERE ONE OF THE TWO PLANTS ARE LOCATED THAT 453 00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:19,491 PRODUCE OUR CURRENCY. AND I AM GOING TO SEE THE FI 454 00:29:19,557 --> 00:29:22,527 FIRST-- THE FIRST SHEETS OF CURRENCY THAT HAVE BEEN PRINTED 455 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:26,364 WITH BOTH OF OUR NAMES. SO IT IS ABOUT-- 456 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:30,135 ( APPLAUSE ) DID YOU PRACTICE YOUR SIGNATURE? 457 00:29:30,201 --> 00:29:34,038 ARE YOU HAPPY WITH IT? >> I PRACTICED AND PRACTICED. 458 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:40,411 YOU KNOW, I-- I-- I HAD HEARD STORIES-- TWO OF MY 459 00:29:40,478 --> 00:29:43,114 PREDECESSORS, PRESIDENT OBAMA'S TREASURY SECRETARIES, TIM 460 00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:47,752 GEITHNER AND JACK LIU, SIGNED OF CURRENCY. 461 00:29:47,819 --> 00:29:52,090 AND THEIR SIGNATURES WERE SO ILLEG IBLG THAT PEOPLE MADE FUN 462 00:29:52,157 --> 00:29:57,562 OF THEM. AND SECRETARY LIU, HE SIGNED 463 00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:01,766 SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE EIGHT CIRCLES THAT WERE CONNECTED. 464 00:30:01,833 --> 00:30:04,636 >> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT. IT LOOKED LIKE HOW A CHILD WOULD 465 00:30:04,702 --> 00:30:06,404 DRAW SMOKE COMING OUT OF A CHIMNEY. 466 00:30:06,471 --> 00:30:07,639 >> SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 467 00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:11,409 DECIDED THAT THEY SHOULD REDO IT. 468 00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:14,379 AND SO I KNEW THAT THIS WAS SOMETHING YOU COULD REALLY SCREW 469 00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:16,881 UP. AND I WANTED TO GET IT RIGHT. 470 00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:20,485 AND I PRACTICED AND I PRACTICED. AND YOU WILL SEE-- YOU'LL SEE 471 00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:22,554 WHAT YOU THINK. BUT I THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO 472 00:30:22,620 --> 00:30:25,056 READ THE LETTERS. >> Stephen: I'LL DO MY 473 00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:26,257 CRITIQUE ON AIR. HOW ABOUT THAT? 474 00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:28,526 I'LL LET YOU KNOW ABOUT IT. ( APPLAUSE ) 475 00:30:28,593 --> 00:30:36,467 BEFORE WE GO, WE DO SOMETHING ON THE SHOW EVERY WEEK WHICH IS 476 00:30:36,534 --> 00:30:40,104 CALLED "THE SACK," WHERE EVERYBODY THROWS IN A BUCK WITH 477 00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:43,174 THEIR NAME ON IT AND AT THE END OF THE WEEK WE PULL IT OUT. 478 00:30:43,241 --> 00:30:45,376 BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT A LITTLE 479 00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:47,979 BIT EARLY. WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO PULL THE 480 00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:51,049 NAME OUT OF THE SACK TO SAY WHO OUR WINNER IS? 481 00:30:51,115 --> 00:30:55,720 THIS IS FOR ALL THE MONEY. HOW MUCH MONEY IS IN HERE, DO WE 482 00:30:55,787 --> 00:30:57,121 KNOW? $166, SECRETARY. 483 00:30:57,188 --> 00:31:02,927 WHO WON? >> WILLA, IN DIGITAL PA. 484 00:31:02,994 --> 00:31:05,797 >> Stephen: WILLA! DIGITAL! 485 00:31:05,863 --> 00:31:09,200 WILA! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 486 00:31:09,267 --> 00:31:20,511 >> CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO KEEP THAT ONE, HUH? 487 00:31:20,578 --> 00:31:22,914 >> Stephen: TREASURY SECRETARY JANET YELLEN, EVERYBODY! 488 00:31:22,981 --> 00:31:26,017 THANK YOU SO MUCH, SECRETARY. HOLD ON ONE SECRETARY. 489 00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:29,387 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB DELANEY. 490 00:31:29,454 --> 00:31:31,189 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 491 00:31:49,674 --> 00:31:54,879 ( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK! 492 00:31:54,946 --> 00:31:57,815 MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN WHO CO-CREATED AND STARRED IN THE 493 00:31:57,882 --> 00:31:59,817 HIT COMEDY SERIES "CATASTROPHE." HE HAS WRITTEN A NEW BOOK: "A 494 00:31:59,884 --> 00:32:01,452 HEART THAT WORKS." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 495 00:32:01,519 --> 00:32:10,561 SHOW," ROB DELANEY. ♪ ♪ ♪ 496 00:32:10,628 --> 00:32:18,536 ( APPLAUSE ). THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 497 00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:20,538 THIS ONE? OKAY! 498 00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:21,939 >> Stephen: EITHER ONE. THIS SIDE MAKES IT IT EASIER. 499 00:32:22,006 --> 00:32:23,975 >> YOUR BAND IS NASTY. >> Stephen: AREN'T THEY GOOD? 500 00:32:24,042 --> 00:32:25,677 >> NASTY FOLK S. >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 501 00:32:25,743 --> 00:32:28,079 NICE TO MEET YOU. >> IT'S SO GREAT TO MEET YOU. 502 00:32:28,146 --> 00:32:30,948 I MEAN, I CERTAINLY ADMIRED YOUR WORK BEFORE. 503 00:32:31,015 --> 00:32:33,618 "CATASTROPHE," AND A BRIEF BUT MEMORABLE APPEARANCE IN 504 00:32:33,685 --> 00:32:35,820 "DEADPOOL 2", OF COURSING. >> YEAH, YEAH. 505 00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:38,623 >> Stephen: PEOPLE KNOW YOU AS A COMEDIAN, BUT YOU STARTED OFF 506 00:32:38,690 --> 00:32:40,825 IN MUSICAL THEATER. >> I DID. 507 00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:45,129 >> Stephen: WHEN DID THAT-- WHEN AND HOW DID THAT CHANGE 508 00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:47,365 HAPPEN? >> SO WE WERE DOING A NATIONAL 509 00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:52,170 TU A "BUS AND TRUCK" NATIONAL TOUR-- I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE 510 00:32:52,236 --> 00:32:53,438 KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS-- OF "CAMELOT." 511 00:32:53,504 --> 00:32:56,374 >> Stephen: WERE YOU SIR LANCE LOT? 512 00:32:56,441 --> 00:32:58,176 >> I WAS ♪ IF EVER I SHOULD LEAVE YOU ♪ 513 00:32:58,242 --> 00:33:01,612 >> I WOULDN'T DO IT IN SPRINGTIME. 514 00:33:01,679 --> 00:33:03,815 >> Stephen: I COULD SEE YOU AS ROBERT GOULET. 515 00:33:03,881 --> 00:33:05,950 >> THANK YOU. WE'RE WE WERE DOING THAT TOUR 516 00:33:06,017 --> 00:33:09,220 AND OUR BUS BROKE DOWN IN VIRGINIA ONE A DAYWHEN WE WERE 517 00:33:09,287 --> 00:33:11,589 TRYING TO GET TO WEST VIRGINIA TO DO A SHOW, AND WE DIDN'T KNOW 518 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,692 IF WE WOULD MAKE IT. BUT THEY GOT A REPLACEMENT BUS 519 00:33:14,759 --> 00:33:19,163 TOINOUS TIME. AND WE BARELY MADE IT. 520 00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:23,801 THE SHOW STARTED AT 7:30, AND WE GOT THERE AT, LIKE, 7:32. 521 00:33:23,868 --> 00:33:27,438 WE HAD TO DO A SOUND CHECK TO CALIBRATE THE MICS. 522 00:33:27,505 --> 00:33:31,709 THE THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO CHECK ARE GENOVERE AND SIR LANCE 523 00:33:31,776 --> 00:33:32,944 LOT. YOU WOULD GO OUT AND SAY A 524 00:33:33,010 --> 00:33:37,081 COUPLE OF BARS AND DIALOGUE. GENOVERE DID THAT AND ARTHUR AND 525 00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:39,817 I. AND I SAID WAIT THEY DID SOME 526 00:33:39,884 --> 00:33:42,920 DIALOGUE FROM THE PLAY TOTALLY SPOILING IT FOR THESE PEOPLE -- 527 00:33:42,987 --> 00:33:44,088 >> Stephen: THE AUDIENCE WAS THERE. 528 00:33:44,155 --> 00:33:49,827 >> WE HAD TO DO IT IN FRONT OF THE AUDIENCE. 529 00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,730 IMPORTANT DETAIL I LEFT OUT. BUT-- SO THEY SOUND CHECK IN 530 00:33:52,797 --> 00:33:54,465 FRONT OF THEM. AND I'M LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO 531 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:57,168 TELL THEM ANY OF THE DIALOGUE. I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THE 532 00:33:57,235 --> 00:34:00,004 STORY OF CAMELOT BEFORE WE BEGIN-- LIKE THEY DIDN'T ALREADY 533 00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:02,673 KNOW IT. IT'S JUST LIKE 2,500 OLD LADIES 534 00:34:02,740 --> 00:34:04,542 IN THE AUDIENCE. >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT THEM 535 00:34:04,609 --> 00:34:06,878 TON WHAT SHAPE THE TABLE IS. >> PRECISELY. 536 00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:10,148 SO I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO SAY SOME STUFF 537 00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:14,185 ABOUT OUR DAY AND ABOUT HOW OUR BUS BROKE DOWN ON THE BANK OF 538 00:34:14,252 --> 00:34:16,254 THE ELBOW RIVER IN VIRGINIA. AND I DID. 539 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,523 AND I TOLD THEM A LITTLE ABOUT ABOUT OUR DAY. 540 00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:20,992 AND PEOPLE LAUGHED. AND I WAS LIKE, OH, I DON'T DO 541 00:34:21,058 --> 00:34:23,561 MUSICAL THEATER ANYMORE. NOW, I DO COMEDY. 542 00:34:23,628 --> 00:34:25,163 >> Stephen: THAT'S DRUG. RIGHT THERE. 543 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:29,567 >> YEAH, BECAUSE MUSICAL THEATER WAS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A TONING ON 544 00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:31,836 SOME GARBAGE WEED. BUT MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH, WITH 545 00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:35,907 THINGS YOU THOUGHT UP YOURSELF, THAT WAS THE TIE-ME-OFF.& 546 00:34:35,973 --> 00:34:37,542 THE SPOON. THE GOOD STUFF! 547 00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:41,646 >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE. DARK IMAGE, BUT I AGREE. 548 00:34:41,712 --> 00:34:45,183 YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK. IT'S CALLED "A HEART THAT 549 00:34:45,249 --> 00:34:46,717 WORKS." AND IT'S A MEMOIR. 550 00:34:46,784 --> 00:34:52,390 IT'S FUNNY AND IT'S PAINFUL AND IT'S REALLY ABOUT LOVE AND OFTEN 551 00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:54,392 THE PAIN OF LOVE. TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. 552 00:34:54,459 --> 00:35:01,065 >> YEAH, SO MY THIRD SON, HENRY, AROUND THE TIME OF HIS FIRST 553 00:35:01,132 --> 00:35:04,202 BIRTHDAY, GOT SICK. AND HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. 554 00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:06,871 AND IT TOOK A WHILE TO GET IT DIAGNOSED. 555 00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:09,907 IT TURNED OUT TO BE A BRAIN TUMOR. 556 00:35:09,974 --> 00:35:14,812 AND HE WAS-- HE GOT-- YOU KNOW, HE HAD A BIG SURGERY AND 557 00:35:14,879 --> 00:35:18,216 CHEMOTHERAPY AND WAS DISABLED BY THE SURGERY TO REMOVE THE TUMOR. 558 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:23,855 AND THEN WE HAD, YOU KNOW, SOME TIME IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 14 559 00:35:23,921 --> 00:35:26,324 MONTHS IN HOSPITAL, AND THEN SEVEN ADDITIONAL MONTHS AT HOME. 560 00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:32,430 AND THEN HIS TUMOR RETURNED, AND HE DIED. 561 00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:34,765 SO THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT. AND IT'S ABOUT THE TIME BEFORE 562 00:35:34,832 --> 00:35:39,070 AND AFTER THAT. AND HOW OUR FAMILY NAVIGATED IT 563 00:35:39,136 --> 00:35:41,172 ALL. >> Stephen: THAT PAIN OF A 564 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,742 PARENT LOSING THEIR CHILD IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE DON'T 565 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:48,479 REALLY EVEN WANT TO IMAGINE. IT'S SUCH A PAINFUL-- ESPECIALLY 566 00:35:48,546 --> 00:35:49,747 IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN. 567 00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:54,085 IT'S TOO HARD TO CONTEMPLATE. BUT YOU WRITE THAT GRIEF "MAKES 568 00:35:54,151 --> 00:35:56,721 ME WANT TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND." >> YEAH. 569 00:35:56,787 --> 00:35:59,724 >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT YOU-- WHAT IS IT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO 570 00:35:59,790 --> 00:36:01,158 UNDERSTAND? AND WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR 571 00:36:01,225 --> 00:36:08,399 YOU TO MAKE US UNDERSTAND? >> SO, I THINK LOSI LOSING A CHS 572 00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:12,103 ACCURATELY BILLED AS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU, 573 00:36:12,169 --> 00:36:17,408 YOU KNOW. AND YOU-- WE IMMEDIATELY FELT 574 00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:20,077 PLUCKED OWCHT REGULAR HUMAN RACE AND JUST PUT OVER HERE AND FELT 575 00:36:20,144 --> 00:36:25,716 SO SEPARATE AND DIFFERENT AND NOT UNDERSTOOD. 576 00:36:25,783 --> 00:36:28,185 BUT WE HAD ALSO LEARNED SOMETHING SO PROFOUND. 577 00:36:28,252 --> 00:36:33,024 WE HAD SEEN SORT OF MORE DEEPLY INTO THE MECHANISM OF LIFE AND 578 00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:38,629 LOVE AND FEAR AND PAIN THAN WE EVER HAD BEFORE. 579 00:36:38,696 --> 00:36:42,133 AND... I DON'T KNOW. WE KIND OF WANTED TO COME BACK 580 00:36:42,199 --> 00:36:46,170 TO HUMANITY, BUT WE FELT WE HAD TO... 581 00:36:46,237 --> 00:36:49,707 ( SIGHS ) NEEDED, LIKE, TRANSLATOR DEVICES 582 00:36:49,774 --> 00:36:52,343 AND STUFF BEFORE WE COULD MESH WITH OTHER PEOPLE AGAIN. 583 00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:55,012 SO IT WAS... I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING THAT 584 00:36:55,079 --> 00:36:58,049 HELPED KIND OF BRIDGE THAT GAP BETWEEN, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING 585 00:36:58,115 --> 00:37:02,820 THAT MANY PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CONSIDER 586 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:05,022 UNIMAGINABLE. AND, YOU KNOW, REGULAR JOES JUST 587 00:37:05,089 --> 00:37:08,159 WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHISTLING, YOU KNOW, NOT KNOWING 588 00:37:08,225 --> 00:37:11,162 WHAT THAT STUFF IS LIKE. >> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE WITH 589 00:37:11,228 --> 00:37:15,866 YOUR SON HENRY RIGHT THERE. TELL ME ABOUT HIM. 590 00:37:15,933 --> 00:37:19,837 >> HE'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. I MISS HIS EARS IN MY MOUTH. 591 00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:23,007 ALL MY CHILDREN'S EARS HAVE SPENT AN INSANE AMOUNT OF TIME 592 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:25,476 IN MY MOUTH. ( LAUGHTER ) 593 00:37:25,543 --> 00:37:30,915 IN YOUR MOUTH A LOT, I THINK, IS A BIG PART OF PARENTING. 594 00:37:30,982 --> 00:37:33,117 HENRY WAS THE THIRD BOY RIGHT IN A ROW. 595 00:37:33,184 --> 00:37:36,487 SO THERE'S NOT QUITE TWO YEARS BEFORE THE FIRST TWO, THEN JUST 596 00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:40,424 OVER TWO YEARS BETWEEN OSCAR AND HENRY. 597 00:37:40,491 --> 00:37:43,327 SO, YOU KNOW, OUR HOUSE WAS PRETTY CRAZY WITH ALL THESE 598 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:46,030 LITTLE BOYS. AND HE-- HE SEEMED TO KNOW RIGHT 599 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:50,067 AWAY HE WOULD HAVE TO BE VERY SERENE AND MAGNETIC. 600 00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:54,472 HE WASN'T, LIKE, A SCRERM OR, "I'M GOING TO COMFEET FOR 601 00:37:54,538 --> 00:37:56,707 ATTENTION." HE WOULD JUST BE LIKE A LITTLE 602 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:59,410 SWEET POTATO AND MAGNETIZE YOU TOWARD HIM. 603 00:37:59,477 --> 00:38:03,447 SO VERY LOVELY. BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, 11 MONTHS 604 00:38:03,514 --> 00:38:09,720 BEFORE HE BECAME VERY VISIBLY ILL AND VOMITING A LOT-- WHICH I 605 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,591 SHOULD SAY, CAN BE A SYMPTOM OF A BRAIN TUMOR FOR ANYBODY, BUT 606 00:38:13,658 --> 00:38:16,994 PARTICULARLY FOR A YOUNG KID WHO CAN'T EXPLAIN-- LIKE YOU OR I 607 00:38:17,061 --> 00:38:20,297 WOULD BE LIKE, "HEY, THERE'S THIS PRESSURE IN MY HEAD." 608 00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:23,234 OR "I'M HAVING TROUBLE SEEING." BUT SOMEONE WHO CAN'T TALK CAN'T 609 00:38:23,300 --> 00:38:27,605 DO THAT. SO IT WAS VERY HARD TO DIAGNOSE. 610 00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:31,842 AND THE TUMOR WAS NEXT TO HIS BRAIN STEM AND CRANIAL NERVES. 611 00:38:31,909 --> 00:38:34,445 SO TO GET IT OUT, THEY HAD TO DAMAGE HIS BRAIN STEM. 612 00:38:34,512 --> 00:38:39,016 THE DOCTORS DID AN AMAZING JOB, BUT TO GET EVERY BIT OF THIS 613 00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:42,153 TERRIBLE MALIGNANT TUMOR, SO HE WAS QUITE DISABLED AMPEDS AND HE 614 00:38:42,219 --> 00:38:45,790 HAD TO RELEARN A LOT OF SKILLS-- OR EVEN LEARN SOME OF THEM 615 00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:48,559 BECAUSE HE WAS SO YOUNG HE HADN'T EVEN DONE A LOT OF THE 616 00:38:48,626 --> 00:38:51,562 STUFF THAT WE DO WITH THESE BODIES. 617 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:56,400 SO THEN HE BECAME THE HARDEST WORKER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY 618 00:38:56,467 --> 00:38:59,103 LIFE. I MEAN, JUST ASTONISHING TO 619 00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:02,440 WATCH HIS DRIVE AS HE LEARNED HOW TO DO STUFF AND DID HIS 620 00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:04,942 PHYSICAL THERAPY. I MEAN, LIKE, OKAY, ONE WAY THAT 621 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:11,182 MY WIFE AND I CAN MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE IS BY SAYING THE 622 00:39:11,248 --> 00:39:14,652 PHRASE, "HIGH KNEELING." HENRY HAD TO LEARN, HE WAS DOWN 623 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,622 HERE, AND WHEN HE WOULD DO HIGH KNEELING, WHICH WAS ONE OF HIS 624 00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:22,193 ACTIVITIES, WE WOULD CHEER LIKE IT WAS THE SUPER BOWL FREAKING 625 00:39:22,259 --> 00:39:26,163 OUT, WATCHING HIM HIGH KNEEL. AND IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO 626 00:39:26,230 --> 00:39:30,601 SEE THE ASPIRATION AND THE DRIVE AND THE LIFE IN HIM WAS JUST 627 00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:31,602 AMAZING. >> Stephen: WELL, ROB, SO 628 00:39:31,669 --> 00:39:33,037 LOVELY TO MEET YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 629 00:39:33,104 --> 00:39:34,905 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: AND THANK YOU FOR 630 00:39:34,972 --> 00:39:36,974 TELLING THE STORY. IT'S SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO BE 631 00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:39,543 ABLE TO SHARE THAT WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND FOR THEM TO LEARN IT. 632 00:39:39,610 --> 00:39:43,481 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: HIS BOOK, "A HEART 633 00:39:43,547 --> 00:39:45,449 THAT WORKS," IS ON SALE NOW ROB DELANEY, EVERYBODY. 634 00:39:45,516 --> 00:39:48,819 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. IT 635 00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:06,370 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 636 00:40:06,437 --> 00:40:09,373 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE JOHN KRASINSKI AND 637 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:10,174 SARAH POLLEY. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 638 00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:15,146 GOOD NIGHT.