>> NEW CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS.
LAWYERS FOR DONALD TRUMP SAY THY DISCOVERED MATERIAL WHILE
SEARCHING A STORAGE UNIT IN WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA.
THE ITEMS WERE REPORTEDLY FOUND AMONG A MIX OF BOXES, GIFTS,
SUITS, AND CLOTHES, INCLUDING SWORDS AND WRESTLING BELTS.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> THIS SEASON ON "STORAGE
WARS," A TREASURE SEEKER OPENS A UNIT IN WEST PALM BEACH AND GOES
ON THE HUNT. >> A WITCH HUNT.
>> I PAID $1,100 FOR THIS UNIT. CAN'T WAIT TO GET IN THERE AND
DIG AROUND. >> WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'LL FIND.
>> THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE.
THE BEAUTIFUL LETTER FROM KIM JONG-UN.
MY SON ERIC. >> DAD!
DAD! IT'S DARK IN HERE!
>> WILL HE DISCOVER TREASURE, OR WILL IT BE A BUST?
>> SO FAR, ALL I GOT IS THIS SWORD, THIS WRESTLING BELT, AND
THESE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES. >> IT'S ALL HAPPENING ON THIS
SEASON OF "STORAGE WARS." >> DAD, I GOTTA GO PEE-PEE.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
ALICIA KEYS AND EDDIE IZZARD
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND. ED
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Louis: GOOD TO SEE YOU,
MAN. >> Stephen: HELLO, HELLO.
>> Audience: STEPHEN! STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: HAPPY THURSDAY! MY FRIENDS!
OH, MY FRIENDS. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DOWN THERE.
ALL AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO
"THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND HERE'S SOMETHING-- ( APPLAUSE )
THERE'S GOOD NEWS OUT OF RUSSIA, BECAUSE THIS MORNING,
WRONGFULLY-DETAINED W.N.B.A. STAR BRITTNEY GRINER WAS
RELEASED FROM RUSSIAN DETENTION! BOOM!
( APPLAUSE ) THE RACK AND IS REJECTED!
NOW BRITTNEY IS COMING HOME, BUT SHE HAS TO DRIBBLE THE ENTIRE
TIME, OR IT IS TRAVELING. ( LAUGHTER )
FREEDOM. A BIG WIN FOR JOE BIDEN, WHOSE
ADMINISTRATION BROKERED THE RELEASE.
THE PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED THE NEWS WITH THIS TWEET: "MOMENTS AGO, I
SPOKE TO BRITTNEY GRINER. SHE IS SAFE.
SHE IS ON A PLANE. SHE IS ON HER WAY HOME."
( APPLAUSE ) SIMPLY STATED.
CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. THAT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.
I'M SURE SHE GOT ON THAT PLANE, AND THEY SAID, "BRITTNEY, YOU
CAN FINALLY REST EASY, AFTER YOU TAKE THIS 20-MINUTE CALL
ABOUT THE RISE AND FALL OF SCRANTON'S HISTORIC TAFFY
FACTORY." ( LAUGHTER )
WAS THIS? BACK IN FEBRUARY AND SENTENCED
TO NINE YEARS IN PRISON AFTER AIRPORT SECURITY FOUND VAPE
CARTRIDGES WITH .7 GRAMS OF CANNABIS OIL IN HER LUGGAGE.
THEY GAVE HER HARD TIME FOR SEVEN-TENTHS OF ONE GRAM.
THAT'S THE AMOUNT OF WEED WILLIE NELSON SCRAPES OUT OF HIS BELLY
BUTTON. ( LAUGHTER )
HE JUST SECRETES IT. IT'S LIKE A TAP.
THERE YOU GO. HOLD STILL, WILLIE.
BUT NOW GRINER'S HEADING HOME AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE AGREED TO
A ONE-FOR-ONE PRISONER SWAP FOR RUSSIAN ARMS DEALER VIKTOR BOUT,
WHOSE NICKNAME IS THE "MERCHANT OF DEATH."
SO TO GET A SPORTS STAR WHO HAD LESS THAN ONE GRAM OF WEED, WE
HAND OVER "THE MERCHANT OF DEATH."
THIS IS ALWAYS HOW IT GOES WITH RUSSIAN PRISONER SWAPS.
( RUSSIAN ACCENT ) WHO TOOK UNFLATTERING PHOTO OF
RED SQUARE. YOU RELEASE GARGOG THE
FLESH-MANGLER." ( LAUGHTER )
DWOWER OF SOULS. THE PRISONER EXCHANGE WENT DOWN
IN ABU DHABI, AND GRINER IS EXPECTED TO BE BACK ON U.S. SOIL
WITHIN 24 HOURS. WELCOME HOME, BRITNEY!
A LOT HAS CHANGED. DON'T GOOGLE "KANYE HITLER."
JUST TRUST ME. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER. SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT HAS BEEN A
ROUGH MONTH FOR THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AND THINGS GOT WORSE
YESTERDAY WHEN WE LEARNED THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S TEAM
FOUND TWO MORE DOCUMENTS WITH CLASSIFIED MARKINGS.
IS THERE ANY PLACE THIS GUY DOESN'T HAVE CLASSIFIED
DOCUMENTS? FOR HIM, IT'S LIKE GLITTER.
THEY JUST GET EVERYWHERE. A MONTH LATER, YOU'RE LIKE, "WHY
AM I STILL FINDING NUCLEAR SECRETS IN MY BUTT CRACK?"
( LAUGHTER ) NOT IN MAR-A-LAGO OR ANY OF HIS
OTHER PROPERTIES. INSTEAD, THEY WERE FOUND IN A
FLORIDA STORAGE UNIT. HOW FITTING.
THE OTHER GUYS HAVE PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARIES.
HE HAS A PRESIDENTIAL CUBESMART. ( LAUGHTER )
CUBESMART. THAT'S A FUNNY WORD.
CUBE-- CUBESMART. BOUILLON CUBE.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S TEAM IS ALREADY MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM.
ONE SOURCE SAYS, "HE HAS NEVER BEEN INSIDE THE STORAGE
FACILITY." CLASSIC LEGAL ARGUMENT.
SAME REASON YOU CAN'T CONVICT SOMEONE OF MAIL FRAUD UNLESS YOU
CATCH THEM INSIDE A MAILBOX. ( LAUGHTER )
SERIES OF BAD HEADLINES, WHAT WITH HIM CALLING FOR THE
TERMINATION OF THE CONSTITUTION AND SHARING NACHOS WITH NAZIS.
NOW, YOU'D THINK HE'D LEARN FROM THAT LAST ONE, BUT YOU'RE
FORGETTING HE IS INCAPABLE OF LEARNING.
SO IT'S NOT SURPRISING THAT ON TUESDAY, HE WAS PHOTOGRAPHED
WITH A QANON PIZZAGATE CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT
MAR-A-LAGO. HE'LL HANG OUT WITH ANYBODY.
HI NEXT MAR-A-LAGO PHOTO-OP IS WITH THE MERCHANT OF DEATH.
( LAUGHTER ) THE CONSPIRACY THEORIST WAS
THERE TO PROMOTE A MOVIE FULL OF QANON LIES AND SHE BRAGS THAT
THE MOVIE IS "BANNED BY YOUTUBE, FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, TWITTER,
AND PAYPAL." FIRST OF ALL, YOU CAN WATCH
MOVIES ON PAYPAL? ( LAUGHTER )
SECOND, IF YOU CAN'T WATCH ON PAYPAL, WHAT'S LEFT?
DO I HAVE TO STREAM IT ON GRUBHUB?
DOORDASH? THESE SCANDALS HAVE TAKEN A TOLL
ON THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S POPULARITY.
AMONG HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS IT'S GONE FROM "MAGA!" TO
"MAG-EHH." AND NOW SOME REPUBLICANS ARE
GEARING UP TO CHALLENGE HIM. FORMER NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER
JOHN BOLTON SAYS THAT IF G.O.P. CANDIDATES WON'T DENOUNCE THE
EX-PRESIDENT, "I'M GOING TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER GETTING IN."
MAKES SENSE. BOLTON ALREADY LOOKS LIKE A
PRESIDENT! FROM 1886.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S RIGHT!
"IF ELECTED, ALL VOTERS WILL
RECEIVE A BOLT OF CALICO, A LATE MODEL BUTTER-CHURN, AND A KICK
FROM A HANDSOME HORSE!" THERE'S A BIG STORY-- IN
CHARACTER? NOT IN CHARACTER.
VERY DEEP WORK. THERE'S A BIG STORY OUT OF PERU,
BCAUSE YESTERDAY, PERU'S PRESIDENT WAS IMPEACHED AND
ARRESTED AFTER HE TRIED TO DISSOLVE CONGRESS.
SO YOU CAN TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION AGAINST A PRESIDENT WHO ATTACKS
CONGRESS? I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO DITHER
ABOUT IT FOR TWO YEARS UNTIL HE HAS DINNER WITH NAZIS AND THEN
STILL NOT DO ANYTHING! THE PRESIDENTIAL--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BOUILLON CUBE!
PRESIDENTIAL CORRUPTION HAS BEEN AN ONGOING PROBLEM DOWN IN PERU.
IN FACT, THEY'VE NOW HAD FIVE PRESIDENTS IN A LITTLE MORE THAN
TWO YEARS. DTHEY'VE HAD MORE PRESIDENTS
THAN WE'VE HAD SPIDER-MEN! ( LAUGHTER )
CORRUPTION. THE PRESIDENT WHO GOT OUSTED
THIS WEEK IS LEFTIST POLITICIAN, PEDRO CASTILLO, SEEN HERE
DEMANDING TO KNOW WHO STOLE HIS GIANT NOTEPAD.
( LAUGHTER ) REPUTATION.
SINCE TAKING OFFICE ABOUT A YEAR AGO, HE'S BEEN HOUNDED BY
CORRUPTION CHARGES. AND YESTERDAY, TO STOP A PLANNED
INVESTIGATION OF HIS ADMINISTRATION, HE ANNOUNCED THE
IMMEDIATE DISSOLUTION OF CONGRESS AND SAID HE WOULD RULE
BY DECREE, BECAUSE CONGRESS WAS "OVERSTEPPING ITS POWER."
OF COURSE, BECAUSE IT WAS A PERUVIAN COUP, HE IMMEDIATELY
GOT THE SUPPORT OF THE "MY ALPACA GUY."
THAT WOULD BE COMFY. I WOULD SLEEP ON AN ALPACA.
AFTER BEING DETAINED, CASTILLO WAS PHOTOGRAPHED IN CUSTODY AT A
POLICE STATION, OR PERHAPS THE WAITING ROOM OF A CHIROPRACTOR
WHO BELIEVES IN THE POWER OF ANGELS.
HERE'S A FUN FACT: AFTER PERU'S CONGRESS IMPEACHED HIM, CASTILLO
MADE A RUN FOR IT, BUT HE WAS CAUGHT BECAUSE BAD TRAFFIC
APPEARED TO PREVENT HIM FROM ESCAPING.
THERE'S A TRAFFIC REPORT I'D LOVE TO HEAR:
( AS TRAFFIC REPORTER ) BUMPER OUT THERE DUE TO A
WANNABE DICTATOR JACKKNIFED ON THE EXPRESSWAY.
SO IF YOU'RE HEADING TO MACHU PICCHU, YOU SHOULD HAVE
LEFT IN THE YEAR 1450." ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS ) IT'S CALLING FROM INSIDE THE
NEWS. BECAUSE STARTING AT MIDNIGHT
LAST NIGHT, "NEW YORK TIMES" JOURNALISTS AND OTHER STAFFERS
WENT ON STRIKE. WHICH EXPLAINS TODAY'S FRONT
PAGE: "HOW DO YOU WORK PRINTER? JANET USUALLY DOES THIS!
WHERE JANET?!" ( LAUGHTER )
JANET! DAMN IT!
DAMN IT, JANET! "THE NEW YORK TIMES" UNION HAS
BEEN NEGOTIATING FOR BETTER PAY AND BENEFITS SINCE LAST YEAR,
BECAUSE STAFF COMPENSATION HASN'T KEPT UP WITH THE PAPER'S
PROFITS. IN FACT, SOME STAFFERS HAD TO
TAKE SECOND JOBS TO MAKE ENDS MEET, WHICH IS WHY THE NEW TIMES
SQUARE BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP MASCOT IS PAUL KRUGMAN.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S SAD.
THE UNION HAS ASKED READERS NOT TO CROSS THE DIGITAL PICKET LINE
BY AVOIDING THE TIMES WEBSITE, NOT USING THEIR COOKING RECIPES,
AND BREAKING THEIR WORDLE STREAK.
NOOOO, WITH FOUR Os! THAT'S A TOUGH ONE TO GIVE UP.
WITHOUT THE WORDLE, WHAT STUPID ACHIEVEMENT WILL WE LORD OVER
OUR SPOUSES? ( LAUGHTER )
NEW YORK TIMES" UNION, WE AT "THE LATE SHOW" ARE HAPPY TO
FILL THE VOID FOR ALL YOU WORDLE NERDLES BY LAUNCHING THE
ONE-TIME-ONLY COLBERTDLE. ( LAUGHTER )
THINKING OF A FIVE-LETTER WORD. YOU GUESS ONE GUESS.
LET'S TRY A ROUND RIGHT NOW: EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE, SHOUT
OUT A FIVE-LETTER WORD. ( AUDIENCE SHOUTS )
>> Stephen: ONE OF YOU WAS CORRECT.
IF YOU'RE PLAYING AT HOME, TWEET YOUR GUESS WITH THE HASHTAG
#COLBERTDLE. TOMORROW, WE'LL POST THE ANSWER.
"NEW YORK TIMES," ONCE YOU REACH AN AGREEMENT WITH YOUR UNION, I
WILL SELL YOU COLBERTDLE FOR $1 BILLION.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE ALICIA KEYS AND EDDIE IZZARD.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
JOIN US, WON'T YOU. OF
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK! GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND RIGHT THERE! ( APPLAUSE )
GOTTA SAY THAT YOU GUYS-- YOU ALWAYS LOOK FANTASTIC OVER IN
THE BAND. BUT YOU ARE LOOKING A LITTLE BIT
EXTRA SPIFFY TONIGHT. >> Louis: WHY, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: IS THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE "THE LATE SHOW"" HOLIDAY
PARTY TONIGHT. IS THAT WHY YOU'RE LOOKING SO
NICE? I SEE A LOT OF PURPLES GOING ON.
VERY NICE. IT'S A HOLIDAY PARTY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE SAY AROUND HERE-- HAVE A GOOD TIME, NOT A
GREAT TIME. >> Louis: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO
COME BACK. >> Stephen: GREAT TIME USUALLY
MEANS THERE'S SOME TROUBLE. "HOW WAS THE PARTY?"
"IT WAS GOOD." TONIGHT, SPEAKING OF GOOD AND
GREAT, WE HAVE TWO AMAZING PERFORMERS OUT HERE TONIGHT.
EDDIE IZZARD, COMEDIAN, ACTOR, ACTIVIST, WRITER.
( APPLAUSE ) AND THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE GREAT
NEW YORK SOUND, ALICIA KEYS WILL BE OUT HERE IN A LITTLE WHILE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). ALSO PERFORMING.
GOT A NEW CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
>> Louis: I HEARD. >> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND MOST
OF MY TIME OVER IN THE NEWS KITCHEN, SWEATING THE DAY'S
BIGGEST STORY SHALLOTS, ADDING A CHIFFONADE OF TARRAGON AND
CHERVIL, CREATING A REDUCTION OF CHAMPAGNE VINEGAR AND LOUIS
JADOT CHARDONNAY, WHISKING IN THE YOLKS OF ORPINGTON HEN EGGS,
THEN EMULSIFYING IT WITH CLARIFIED RODOLPHE LE MEUNIER
BUTTER TO BRING YOU THE MICHELIN STAR "SAUCE BEARNAISE" THAT IS
MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES,
FOLKS, I CRASH A STOLEN DUNE BUGGY INTO A COMPOST TANKER,
SCRAPE TOGETHER SOME PUMPKIN HUSKS, GRASS CLIPPINGS, AND FISH
HEADS, BOIL IT ALL IN A HUBCAP OVER AN OIL DRUM FIRE
WITH SOME FIREBALL AND MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED, THEN LET AMERICA
KEG-STAND THE BOTULISM-LACED CHUM GRAVY OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: >> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). CAN GET!
ALWAYS, ALWAYS A JOY. MEANWHILE, UBER IS LAUNCHING
SELF-DRIVING CARS IN LAS VEGAS, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
"WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, WILL PROBABLY KILL SOME PEDESTRIANS."
( LAUGHTER ) NEWS, ON TUESDAY, JOEY CHESTNUT
DOMINATED THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS' PIEROGI-EATING
COMPETITION. OKAY, THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK
HERE. JOEY CHESTNUT IS A COMPETITIVE
EATER MOST FAMOUS FOR THE NATHAN'S HOT DOG CHAMPIONSHIP
CONTEST, AND THE CAVALIERS ARE AN N.B.A. BASKETBALL TEAM, AND A
PIEROGI-EATING CONTEST IS A CRY FOR HELP.
ALL IN, CHESTNUT POUNDED 47 PIEROGIES WHILE HIS THREE
COMPETITORS ATE 33 PIEROGIES COMBINED!
HE ATE MORE THAN ALL THREE OF THOSE ADULT MEN.
I'D SAY HE PUT THEM TO SHAME. BUT IF YOU'RE EATING DOUBLE-
DIGIT PIEROGIES, SHAME IS WHERE YOU LIVE.
( LAUGHTER ) HELLMANN'S WANTS YOU TO PUT MAYO
IN YOUR EGGNOG THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
NO. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, IN MUSEUM NEWS, THE "RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT"
MUSEUM IN ATLANTIC CITY IS ABOUT TO CLOSE.
APPARENTLY, THE MUSEUM'S FOUNDERS FAILED TO ANTICIPATE
HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD CHOOSE "OR NOT."
( LAUGHTER ) JOURNAL "SCIENCE" FOUND THAT FOR
MOST HEALTHY ADULTS, DRINKING EIGHT CUPS OF WATER A DAY IS
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY AND IS MISGUIDED, IN PART BECAUSE IT
DOESN'T TAKE INTO ACCOUNT ALL THE WATER THAT WE GET FROM OUR
FOOD. WHICH IS WHY I WILL ASK BEN &
JERRY'S TO RE-RELEASE AMERICONE DREAM WITH THE NEW LABEL
"TECHNICALLY, AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF WATER."
MMM. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TIME TO HYDRATE.
( LAUGHTER ) MMM.
( LAUGHTER )
SOME DAIRY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ALICIA
KEYS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST
GUEST TONIGHT IS A 15-TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING ARTIST WHO
HAS SOLD OVER 65 MILLION RECORDS WORLDWIDE.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALICIA KEYS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS A GOOD, GOOD VIBE.
>> Stephen: IT IS A GOOD VIBE. I LIKE ALL THE SPARKLES.
>> I BROUGHT SOME HOLIDAY CHEER FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU DID, EXACTLY. YOU'RE LIKE A LIT-UP CHRISTMAS
TREE. >> I AM.
>> Stephen: YOU ALWAYS BRING THE GOOD VIEBDZ.
UPPER, BACK IN 2020, YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE I
INTERVIEWED OVER ZOOM IN THE BEGINNING OF COVID WHEN I WAS
BACK AT HOME AND MY WIFE WAS MY CREW.
BACK IN THE DAY. >> IT WAS CRAZY.
I REMEMBER IT WAS HARD FOR YOU TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T
FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THE STUFF.
( LAUGHTER ). COULDN'T HAVE ANYBODY--
>> IT WAS WEIRD. >> Stephen: I JUST TALK AT IT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS! YOU WERE VERY GOOD.
YOU CALMED ME DOWN, ACTUALLY. YOU WERE MY SENSAI.
>> I'M HERE FOR YOU. >> Stephen: YOU LED ME THROUGH
SOME MEDITATIONS. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
>> I REMEMBER THIS. I WAS IN MY HOUSE, OBVIOUSLY.
YOU WERE IN YOUR HOUSE. I THINK YOU GAVE EVERYBODY MY
TELEPHONE NUMBER. YOU VIOLATED, MAN.
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE. YOU GOT ME TO BREATHE AND YOU
WANTED ME TO MANIFEST AND EXPRESS TOO THE UNIVERSE WHAT I
WANTED TO BRING INTO MY LIFE. AND I SAID, "I WANT A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE." I THINK YOU MANIFESTED THESE
PEOPLE FOR ME. >> WE MANIFESTED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK TOO,.
WE'RE HAPPY TO BE BACK. WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE BACK.
GLAD TO BE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
I'M BIG ON MANIFESTATION. I'M BIG ON ASPIRATIONS AND
MANTRAS, LIKE I'M STRONG, CAPABLE, AND ABLE.
LIKE, I'M COMPLEX, LAYERED AND DEFINED.
>> Stephen: COMPLEX, LAYERED AND DEVINE.
>> YES. >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A
WONDERFUL CAKE. >> NO, THAT'S ME!
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY. >> AND YOU!
>> Stephen: YOUR FACIAL CAROLINE.
CAN YOU DO ANYTHING FOR MY T-ZONE?
I GOT VARIABLE. I GOT SOME OILY, SOME DRY.
>> I HAVE CLEANSER, RICH TRANSFORMATION SKIN CREAM FOR
YOU. >> Stephen: HOOK ME UP.
LET'S MANIFEST. >> I GOT YOU, BABY!
>> Stephen: SPEAKING IN FRONT OF AND MANIFESTING A LIVE
AUDIENCE, YOUR WORLD TOUR, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2013.
>> CAN ANYBODY-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO TIME.
FIRST OF ALL, WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THREE YEARS, WE CAN LET IT
GO. THREE YEARS OF ALL THE TIMES WE
WERE JUST EXPERIENCING A WHOLE WORLD PANDEMIC IS NOT TO BE
COUNTED. BUT IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE
I WAS ON TOUR. GOING ON TOUR THIS SUMMER, I WAS
WITH MY FAMILY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ALL OF US TOGETHER ON
TOUR. MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD LEARNED HOW TO
RIDE A BIKE WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS IN BORDEAUX, FRANCE.
I WAS LIKE -- >> Stephen: SURE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> THAT'S NOT HOW I LEARNED HOW
TO RIDE MY BIKE. >> Stephen: 12 YEARS AGO, YOUR
12 YEARS THE LAST TIME YOU TOURED WAS THREE.
THIS IS YOUR SON EGYPT. >> YES.
>> Stephen: HE PLAYS PIANO. HE WENT UP THERE AND PLAYED A
SONG IN FRONT OF 17,000 PEOPLE. WHERE WAS THAT?
>> THIS WAS IN MANHEIM, GERMANY. LET ME TELL YOU A QUICK STORY --
>> Stephen: I HAVE A PHOTO WHILE YOU'RE TELLING THE STORY.
>> EVER SINCE EGYPT WAS A KID, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN WANTING TO
PERFORM. HE WANTS TO GET ON THE STAGE AND
DO THE DANCE. AND I'M LIKE, "EGYPT, YOU HAVE
TO PRACTICE. PRACTICE SOMETHING WE CAN TRY
IT." THIS TIME HE WAS LIKE, "I WANT
TO GET ON STAGE." I SAID PUT TOGETHER SOMETHING.
HE PUTS TOGETHER THREE OR FOUR ANIME SONGS AND FINISHEDS WITH
"GAME OF THRONES." HE ORGANIZED IT HIMSELF.
HE SAID I'M READY. I SAID COME TO SOUND CHECK.
MAKE SURE YOU FEEL GOOD. WHEN YOU COME OUT YOU HAVE TO
SAY, WHAT'S UP, MAN! HI!"
YOU HAVE TO ENGAGE THE AUDIENCE. WE WORK ON IT AND HE DOES THE
SOUND CHECK AND HE'S A TINY BIT RUSTY BUT HE SOUNDED GOOD.
I SAD TO HIS DAD, LET'S HAVE HIM WAIT.
AND HE WAS LIKE HE'S READY TONIGHT.
AND I WAS LIKE ARE YOU SURE SNIFFS ALL MOM.
HE SAID HE'S READY. I ASKED EGYPT, DO YOU WANT TO DO
IT? HE SAID I'M READY.
I SAID ARE YOU SURE? YOU CAN WAIT.
I WAS BEING ALL MOMMY HE SAID I CAN DO IT.
I GET ON STAGE, AND I SAID, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN GIVE IT UP
FOR MY SON EGYPT. HE COMES OUT, WHAT'S UP,
MANHEIM! HE GOES TO THE PIANO, AND HE'S
LIKE, "YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS? AND I WAS LIKE...
>> Stephen: WERE YOU READY FOR THIS?
>> I WAS NOT READY. I LEFT THE STAGE TO GET CHANGED,
AND THE BOY KILLED IT. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
( APPLAUSE ). THAT'S NICE.
YOU COULD HEAR IT. YOU COULD HEAR IT.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT COME ON BACK, BECAUSE WE'LL
BE HERE WITH MORE ALICIA KEYS, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WORE BACK WITH ALICIA KEYS WITH
A NEW CHRISTMAS ALBUM, "SANTA BABY."
>> LOOK AT THAT! >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
IT'S GOT "SANTA BABY" "CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE" "PLEASE
COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS" SOME ORIGINAL SONGS.
"AVE MARIA." WHY, WHY-- I WAS SAYING TO LOUIS
THESE ARE GOING INTO ROTATION FOR ME THIS CHRISTMAS.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU WANT
TO DO A CHRISTMAS ALBUM? >> I ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT IT.
HEME SAID ALICIA YOU NEED TO DO A CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
IT WILL BE SO COOL. AND I SAID I'LL DO IT.
I'LL GET TO IT. THIS YEAR FELT RIGHT.
THIS TIME OF YEAR IS SO SPECIAL. ALL OF THE SONGS THAT CREATE OUR
MEMORIES. I WANT TO BE A PARENT OF THAT.
I WANT TO BE PART OF SOMETHING THAT CREATES MEMORIES FOR
PEOPLE. THIS ALBUM IS SO GOOD.
YOU CAN PLAY IT WHILE MAKING DINNER, SITTING BY THE FIRE,
WHILE YOU'RE HANGING OUT WITH YOUR KIDS.
YOU CAN PLAY IT AT ANY MOMENT. >> Stephen: I AM HAPPY TO HAVE
IT, I AM HAVING TROUBLE GETTING INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
>> WHY. >> Stephen: I'M TOO BUSY.
TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON. I NEED TO SLOW DOWN AND
APPRECIATE YOU ONLY GET SO MANY OF THESE IN YOUR LIFE.
>> I FEEL YOU. I THINK THAT'S THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PART. I THINK A LOT OF TIMES WE GET
CAUGHT UP WITH WHAT CAN WE GET THE PERSON AND DO I HAVE ENOUGH
MONEY TO BUY THE THING? AND IT RUINS KIND OF THE POINT
OF IT ALL. >> Stephen: WHAT SHOULD I GET
MY WIFE FOR CHRISTMAS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?
HOLD ON ONE SECOND. EV, DON'T WATCH THIS PART.
>> EV, I WAS ABOUT TO GO IN FOR YOU, SOME CARS, DIAMONDS!
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS. A DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED CAR.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS. IS THERE A SONG-- IS THERE
ANYTHING-- THESE ARE GREAT SONGS.
ARE THERE ANY BIG CHRISTMAS SONGS THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT
THAT YOU WISH YOU HAD ANOTHER TRACK FOR?
I HAVE A MOMENT WHERE I WAS GOING TO DO A MASH-UP WITH "AVE
MARIA" AND "FALLEN," BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A BEAUTIFUL
MOMENT. IT DIDN'T END UP WORKING OUT FOR
THE ALBUM, BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO DO IT LIVE.
I'M DOING A HOLIDAY MASQUERADE BALL ON SATURDAY.
AND I'M GOING TO DO-- YOU HAVE TO GET DRESSED UP AND HAVE A
MASK. IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
YOU SHOULD COME. >> Stephen: WHERE CAN WE COME?
>> IT'S IN WASHINGTON HEIGHTS AT THE UNITED PALACE THEATER.
I'M DOING A WHOLE CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK THEME.
VERY HARLEM, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS. IT'S SUPER GREAT.
AND I'M GOING TO PERFORM THAT THERE.
EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT ON THE ALBUM, YOU CAN POTENTIALLY HEAR
A LIVE VERSION OF IT. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
YOU'VE COLLABORATED WITH A LOT OF INCREDIBLE PEOPLE.
ONE PERSON THAT YOU COLLABORATED WITH IS I'M AN ENORMOUS FAN OF,
NOT ONLY HER MUSIC BUT HER AS A PERSON, YOU AND BRANDY CARLISLE.
>> LOVE BRANDY CARLISLE! I LOVE HER!
( APPLAUSE ). WITH HER ON "A BEAUTIFUL NOISE"
IN 2020. IS SHE-- DID YOU EVER HEAR HER
OR SEE HER DO ANY OF JONI MITCHELL'S "BLUE?"
>> I JUST REALIZED SHE DID THE ENTIRE ALBUM.
I KNOW THAT SHE LOVES JONI. SHE TALKS ABOUT JONI SO MUCH.
AND I KNOW SHE COVERED "BLUE." I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS THE
ENTIRE EYE DIDN'T PUT THAT TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: IS THERE SOME ARTIST OUT THERE THAT YOU LOVE
SO MUCH YOU'RE LIKE I'D LIKE TO RECREATE THAT ENTIRE ALBUM AS AN
HOMAGE TO THAT PERSON? >> I FEEL LIKE IF I WAS TO PICK
ONE, IT WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO BE, LIKE, SONGS IN THE KEY OF
LIFE. >> Stephen: OOOOH.
YEAH. >> WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> Stephen: YEAH. >> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, IT
WOULDN'T BE EASY THOUGH. IT WOULDN'T BE EASY.
THAT WOULD BE HARD. BECAUSE THERE IS NOBODY WHO CAN
PLAY LIKE STEVIE WONDER, PERIOD, END OF STORY.
YOU CAN TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN, BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET THAT
CHORD EXACTLY RIGHT. THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO BE PERFORMING FOR US TONIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE DOING FOR THE PEOPLE OUT HERE AND THE
PEOPLE ON THE TV? ( APPLAUSE ).
I'M GOING TO DO "SANTA BABY." I'M DEFINITELY HONORING THE GOES
OF GODDESS, EARTHA KITT, AND IT'S GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS. ARE YOU ALL READY FOR THIS?
( APPLAUSE ). STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE
OF "SANTA BABY," BY ALICIA KEYS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EDDIE
IZZARD. THANK YOU, ALICIA.
( APPLAUSE ). EVERYBODY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY WINNER AND
TONY NOMINEE WHO HAS PERFORMED IN FOUR DIFFERENT LANGUAGES IN
OVER 45 COUNTRIES. SHE NOW STARS IN A SOLO STAGE
PRODUCTION OF "GREAT EXPECTATIONS" HERE IN NEW YORK.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," EDDIE IZZARD.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> VERY GOOD TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: NOW, THE LAST TIME
WE WERE TOGETHER. 2017.
AND AT THE TIME, IF YOU REMEMBER, YOU SAID, WITHIN FOUR
TO FIVE YEARS-- AND IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS-- YOU WOULD BE
RUNNING FOR PARLIAMENT. >> YEAH.
>> Ste.. >> Stephen: YOU ARE ONE OF
YOUR WORD. ON SUNDAY YOU HAD YOUR PRIMARY
ELECTION. HERE IS A PAMPHLET.
THIS PROVES YOU WERE RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
>> YES. BUT WE SHOULD ADD TO THIS --
>> Stephen: PRIMARY, PRIMARY WAS SUNDAY.
HOW DID IT GO? >> I DIDN'T GET IT.
I CAME SECOND. BUT IT'S THE GREAT PEOPLE IN THE
CITY OF SHEFFIELD. AND PEOPLE-- YOU MAY NOT KNOW
SHEFFIELD SO WELL. BUT IT'S A GREAT HEART, GREAT
CHARACTER. IT WAS A STEEL CITY, AND THE
STEEL INDUSTRY WENT AWAY FROM BRITAIN.
AND THEY REINVENTED THEMSELVES. TWO GREAT UNIVERSITIES, A LOT OF
GREAT TALENT THERE. IT'S WHERE YOU WENT TO.
WHERE I WENT TO FOR MY DEGREE WHEN I WAS DOING ACCOUNTING AND
FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE AN
ACCOUNTING DEGREE? SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON?
>> I DROPPED OUT AFTER ONE YEAR, JUST LIKE STEVE JOBS AND BILL
GATES DID. >> Stephen: VERY SIMILAR.
VERY SIMILAR. >> I KNEW I WANTED TO PERFORM.
WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO PERFORM?
>> Stephen: WHEN I ENDED UP BEING THE YOUNGEST OF 11
CHILDREN. THERE WAS ALWAYS AN AUDIENCE
THERE. >> SEVEN YEARS OLD, MOM DIED
WHEN I WAS SIX, SEVEN YEARS OLD. I LOST THE LOVE AND AFFECTION OF
MOM. AND THERE WAS AN AUDIENCE GIVING
OUT LOVE AND AFFECTION AND I SAID I THINK I NEED THAT AND IT
LOCKED ON IN. AND I HAD TO PRETEND, YES, I'LL
GO TO UNIVERSITY. >> Stephen: DO YOU GET THAT, I
LOST MY FATHER AND A COUPLE OF MY BROTHERS WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND
THAT LED ME TO KEEP MY MOM HAPPY.
THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF MY PERFORMING, I THINK, WHEN I WAS
AROUND 10. DID YOU THEN-- DID THAT SUPPLANT
THAT LOVE, DID THAT FEED THAT MISSING PIECE OF YOU SINCERELY,
I MEAN? ER WAS IT LIKE A GHOST YOU WERE
CHASING? >> I THINK IT WAS A GHOST I WAS
CHASING. I HAVE TRIED TO DO AMAZING
THINGS. I HAVE BEEN RUNNING MULTIPLE
MARATHONS AND STUFF AND PERFORMING, AS YOU SAID, IN
MULTIPLE LANGUAGES. IN MY DOCUMENTARY THAT WAS DONE
ON ME, IT WAS ABOUT TRYING TO DO ENOUGH SO THAT MAYBE MOM COULD
SEE THAT STUFF WAS HAPPENING THAT WAS DIFFERENT, AND SHE
COULD SEE FROM BEYOND, YOU KNOW, WHEREVER.
BUT I, UNFORTUNATELY, DON'T THINK-- I THINK MOM'S GONE.
BUT SHE'S IN HERE. AND I'M TRYING-- I'M JUST-- I
KNEW WHEN I WAS FOUR OR FIVE. YEAH, BUT I TRIED TO LEAD A
POSITIVE LIFE, BEING HONEST, BEING OUT FOR 37 YEARS, ACTING
AND DOING STAND-UP COMEDY, WHICH ARE QUITE DIFFERENT THINGS.
>> Stephen: VERY MUCH SO. I NEVER DID STAND-UP.
I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE IT.
IT SEEMS A BIT OF A LONELY THING.
>> IT CAN BE. I FEEL LIKE I'M WITH THE
AUDIENCE. IN STY STAND-UP I'M TALKING
COMPLETE NONSENSE WITH PIGS AND SPACE AND THE BAN JOE, AND THE
AUDIENCE IS THERE, AND IN DRAMA, IT'S A DIFFERENT THING.
DICKENS IS A DRAMA. IT'S NOT A COMEDY.
>> Stephen: LET'S GET TO THAT RIGHT HERE.
YOU ARE ALSO, BESIDES RUNNING FOR OFFICE-- I DO WANT TO ASK
YOU ABOUT THAT IN JUST A MOMENT, ABOUT THAT.
BUT YOU ARE ALSO AT THE GREENWICH HOUSE THEATER HERE
DOWNTOWN IN NEW YORK. YOU ARE DOING A ONE-PERSON
ADAPTATION OF THE DICKENS CLASSIC "GREAT EXPECTATIONS."
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: OKAY, SO I--
( APPLAUSE ) A LOT OF DICKENS FANS HERE
TONIGHT. >> WELL, PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY--
PATRICK STUART HAS BEEN DOING "CHRISTMAS CAROL."
A NUMBER OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING "CHRISTMAS CAROL."
SO THE IDEA OF DOING SOLO SHOWS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.
IT'S JUST THE INTERESTING THING ON IS I'M USING RICHARD PRYOR'S
STAND-UP TECHNIQUE WHICH INFUSED MY STAND-UP.
RICHARD USED TO DO THIS THING-- IF YOU WATCH RICHARD PRYOR LIVE,
I THINK IT'S STALKING ABOUT TWO AFRICAN AMERICAN GUYS HUNTING.
AND ONE SAYS GIVE ME THE GUN. I HAVEN'T GOT THE GUN.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE GUN? AND IT IS THE TALKING OF TWO
CHARACTERS, SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VOICES AND POSTURES TALKING TO
EACH OTHER. AND I THOUGHT I LIKE THAT.
I COME FROM SKETCH COMEDY AND I'LL DO IT IN MY STAND-UP.
AND I REALIZED WITH THE DICKENS I COULD DO IT IN THE DICKENS
DRAMATICALLY. AND THEY'RE TALKING TO EACH
OTHER, CHANGE THE ATTITUDE, THE VOICE, AND I JUST GET ALL THE
CHARACTERS TALKING TO EACH OTHER THAT WAY.
SOMETIMES UP TO FIVE OR SIX CHARACTER S.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER GET CONFUSED?
>> YES, ALL THE TIME. ( LAUGHTER ).
STAGE. >> YES, IN LIFE.
>> Stephen: COME ON, LET'S SELL SOME TICKETS.
LET'S BUILD EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS.
>> BUILD GREAT EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS.
>> Stephen: HOW GREAT ARE THESE EXPECTATIONS?
>> YOU WANT ME TO TELL THE STORY?
>> Stephen: YES. >> IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY,
IT'S KIND OF A IT'S A RAGS-TO OF-RICHES STORY, A KID GROWING
UP FROM AN APPRENTICE TO A BLACKSMITH.
HE GETS THE MOTHER AND THINKS IT'S FROM A CRANKY OLD LADY WHO
LIVES IN THE HOUSE WITH A BEAUTIFUL ADOPTED DAUGHTER.
BUT IT ISN'T. AND HE BECOMES A GUY THROWING
MONEY LEFT, RIGHT, AND CENTER. HE THINKS MONEY WILL MAKE HIM
HAPPY. IT DOESN'T IN THE END.
AND HE LEARNS THE LESSONS AND HE TRIES TO BECOME A DECENT HUMAN
BEING BY THE END OF THE STORY. IT'S ONE OF HIS MORE ADVANCED
STORIES, HIS LATEST STORIES. AND IT'S A GREAT-- IT'S A GREAT
EPIC. >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT THE POLITICS FOR JUST ONE SECOND HERE.
>> YOU HAVE POLITICS IN YOUR COUNTRY, TOO.
>> Stephen: WE DO HAVE POLITICS HERE.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT POLPOLITICS IN MY COUNTRY OTHER
THAN THIS-- YOU HAVE A SUCCESSFUL CAREER.
>> YES. >> YOU MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR
PEOPLE BY DOING YOUR COMDIERKS AS YOU SAID.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE, THEY'RE NOT ALONE, BECAUSE THEY'RE WITH YOU
IN THE THEATER. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO POLITICS?
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME WITH THESE PEOPLE?
I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
I JUST MEET SO FEW OF THEM. IS YOUR POLITICS DIFFERENT FROM
OUR POLITICS? >> IT'S THE SAME THING.
THERE ARE CERTAIN POLITICIANS WHO DECIDED THEY COULD DO LYING
INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, TELLING THE TRUTH.
AND YOU'VE GOT DONALD TRUMP ON YOUR SIDE.
AND WE HAD BORIS JOHNSON ON OUR SIDE, THE TWEEDLE DUM AND
TWEEDLE DEE OF "PANTS ON FIRE" POLITICS, YOU KNOW
( APPLAUSE ) WHO HAVE PERSONALITY, WHO HAVE
EGO, BUT DECIDE I'M JUST GOING TO LIE MY WAY THROUGH THE WHOLE
OF THIS, AND IT APPEALS TO CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE IT
APPEALS TO CERTAIN BASE. I'M A RADICAL BUT MODERATE I'M
RUNNING 130 MARATHONS MAKING MONEY FOR CHARITIES AROUND THE
WORLD. IT'S MODERATE IN INTENTION, BUT
A RADICAL THING TO DO. IT'S OUT THERE.
BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING AND SALUTES NELSON MANDELA.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOUR KNEES?
>> MY KNEES ARE FINE BIZARRELY. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
MY KNEES KEEPING. >> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL
RUNNING? >> I'M GOING TO KEEP DOING
MARATHONS FOREVER. >> Stephen: NOT FOREVER.
>> AFTER DEATH IT WILL BE HARDER BUT MAYBE SOMEONE CAN PUSH ME
AROUND. >> Stephen: RUB THE ASHES ON
THEM AND THEY RUN AROUND. >> I BELIEVE I HAVE ENERGY.
I HAVE ANALYSIS. YOU KNOW, I CAME OUT AS TRANS 37
YEARS AGO TRYING TO SHOW LEADERSHIP AND TRYING TO MAKE A
SPACE FOR MYSELF. IF ANYONE ELSE IS THINKING I'M
TRANS AND THEY WANT TO COME OUT, THEY CAN SAY I'M A BIT LIKE THAT
PERSON AND WE CAN MOVE FORWARD. NO ONE WAS DISCUSSING TRANS IN
'85. >> Stephen: I LIKE TO THINK OF
MYSELF AS A BIT LIKE EDDIE IZZARD.
>> IN A POSITIVE WAY, TRYING THINGS DIFFERENT WAYS, PUSHING
OUT. THERE ARE A NUMBER OF US OUT
THERE, TRYING TO GET OURSELVES IN A GOOD PLACE, AND TRYING TO
REACH OUT, CAN WE HELP ANYBODY ELSE, BRING PEOPLE UP, MAKE
CONNECTION RATHER THAN BREAK FEM THEM?
CAN WE LEARN FROM YOU? CAN YOU LEARN FROM US?
THAT'S MY POLITICS. I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING UNTIL
I GET INTO PARLIAMENT AND TRY TO KEEP MAKING THINGS BETTER FOR
ME. >> Stephen: EDDIE, LOVELY TO
SEE YOU. >> Stephen: "GREAT EXPECTATIONS"
BEGINS TOMORROW AT THE GREENWICH HOUSE THEATER.
EDDIE IZZARD, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY ALICIA KEYS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
A >> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING
THE TITLE TRACK FROM HER HOLIDAY ALBUM, "SANTA BABY," ALICIA
KEYS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ >> HELLO, SANTA
IS THIS REALLY YOU? UH, WELL I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, BUT I DO HAVE A LITTLE LIST, AND I'VE
BEEN SUCH A GOOD GIRL, AND I KNOW I DESERVE IT.
DO YOU WANNA HEAR IT?
♪ SANTA BABY, JUST SLIP A SABLE UNDER THE TREE FOR ME
♪ BEEN AN AWFUL GOOD GIRL SANTA BABY, SO HURRY DOWN THE
CHIMNEY TONIGHT ♪ SANTA BABY, JUST A SIMPLE
PROJECT, ONE FOR FUN I'LL WAIT UP FOR YOU, DEAR
♪ SANTA BABY, SO HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT
♪ THINK OF ALL THE FUN I'VE MISSED
♪ THINK OF ALL THE FELLAS THAT I HAVEN'T KISSED
♪ NEXT YEAR COULD BE JUST AS GOOD
♪ IF YOU CHECK OFF MY CHRISTMAS LIST
♪ SANTA BABY, I WANT A YACHT AND REALLY, THAT'S NOT A LOT
♪ BEEN AN ANGEL ALL YEAR SANTA BABY, AND HURRY DOWN
THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT YEAH, YEAH
♪ SANTA CUTIE, AND FILL MY STOCKING WITH THE DUPLEX AND
CHECKS ♪ SIGN YOUR "X" ON THE LINE
SANTA CUTIE, AND HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT, YEAH
♪ WON'T YOU COME AND COME AND COME
♪ COME AND TRIM MY CHRISTMAS TREE
♪ WITH SOME DECORATIONS BOUGHT AT TIFFANYS
♪ I REALLY DO BELIEVE IN YOU LET'S SEE IF YOU BELIEVE IN ME
♪ SANTA BABY, FORGOT TO MENTION ONE LITTLE THING
♪ A RING I DON'T MEAN ON THE PHONE
♪ SANTA BABY, AND HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT
HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT ♪ SANTA, BABY, WON'T YOU HURRY,
COME AND SEE ME ♪ HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT
HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PERFORMANCE ON colbertlateshow.com.
ALICIA KEYS, EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT! ( APPLAUSE )