1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:04,070 >> SCIENTISTS AT A DEPARTMENT OF 2 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:06,673 ENERGY LAB IN CALIFORNIA HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,144 PRODUCE A NUCLEAR FUSION REACTION WITH A NET ENERGY GAIN. 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:16,649 THAT MEANS THEY HAVE SUCCEEDED IN TAKING TWO HYDROGEN ATOMS AND 5 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:24,924 USING 192 POWERFUL LASERS TO FORCE THOSE ATOMS TO FUSE 6 00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:35,402 TOGETHER. >> COMMENCING TEST 1149. 7 00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:38,905 >> ACTIVATING LASER CONVERGEENCE. 8 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:47,447 >> FOCUS, FOCUS. DAMMIT, WHO LET THAT CAT IN 9 00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:49,916 HERE? >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 10 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,151 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT: 11 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:55,822 KEEP CALM AND MARRY ON! AND, A "LATE SHOW" ANIMATED 12 00:00:55,889 --> 00:01:01,127 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 13 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:11,938 RuPAUL AND MUSICAL GUEST, ED SHEERAN 14 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:16,176 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND! 15 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:21,047 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THEñ< ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 16 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:35,995 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! >> Stephen: YEAH. 17 00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:40,266 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! >> Stephen: YEAH. 18 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,869 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW. 19 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,073 GOOD SHOW. HAPPY TUESDAY. 20 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:53,179 WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW, EVERYBODY. WELCOME, ONE AND ALL... 21 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:56,015 THANK YOU. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 22 00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:59,886 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 23 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,421 >> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 24 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:03,890 IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR LOVE, AND FOR LOVING LOVE. 25 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:10,063 AND FOR THOSE WHO LOVE TO LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE LOVE. 26 00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:12,899 BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED THE 27 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,069 "RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE ACT," WHICH GUARANTEES LEGAL 28 00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:19,372 RECOGNITION OF ALL MARRIAGES. THAT IS GREAT NEWS! 29 00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:22,775 AND I HOPE YOU WERE LISTENING, ALAN AND BRAD. 30 00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:27,881 NO MORE EXCUSES! GRANDMA'S NOT GOING TO LIVE 31 00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,415 FOREVER. I BOOKED THE DOUBLETREE BY THE 32 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,952 LAKE FOR JUNE 9th. GET A LINEN SUIT. 33 00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:35,455 THIS LAW IS THE CULMINATION OF A HUGE CHANGE IN AMERICAN SOCIETY. 34 00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:39,492 SINCE 2004, SUPPORT FOR SAME-SEX MARRIAGE HAS GONE FROM 42% TO 35 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:50,403 68%. AND EVEN AMONG REPUBLICANS, 36 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:54,307 -- THAT NUMBER-- HAS GONE FROM % TO 43%. 37 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,642 SO, PROGRESS. BUT, STILL SLIGHTLY LESS THAN 38 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,578 THE NUMBER OF REPUBLICANS WHO BELIEVE J.F.K. JR. IS GOING TO 39 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:09,322 RISE FROM THE DEAD TO CREATE AN EVEN BETTER PILLOW. 40 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,157 (APPLAUSE) THE WHITE HOUSE MADE THE SIGNING 41 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,527 A BIG EVENT, WITH DRAG QUEENS IN ATTENDANCE ON THE SOUTH LAWN. 42 00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:18,765 THAT'S HOW WE SHOULD CELEBRATE EVERY NEW PIECE OF LEGISLATION. 43 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:21,568 "HERE TO COMMEMORATE THE PASSAGE OF EFFICIENCY STANDARDS FOR 44 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:25,572 MANUFACTURED HOMES, PLEASE WELCOME TRIXIE MATTEL!" 45 00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:31,444 "YOUR HVAC SYSTEM'S GOING TO WERK!" 46 00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:38,084 HE INSULATED WERK, CHANGE THOSE FILTERS WERK, WERK! 47 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,552 WE'RE WE'RE LEARNING MORE INSIDE 48 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,788 DETAILS ABOUT WHAT WENT ON IN THE LEAD-UP TO THE JANUARY 6th 49 00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:47,427 ATTACK, COURTESY OF FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF 50 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:49,596 MARK MEADOWS, SEEN HERE SCARING THE GIRL FROM "THE RING" BACK 51 00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:55,602 INTO THE TV. MEADOWS WAS FORCED TO HAND OVER 52 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:59,172 HIS JANUARY 6th TEXT MESSAGES TO THE HOUSE SELECT COMMITTEE, 53 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,441 AND LAST NIGHT, THE WEBSITE TALKING POINTS MEMO ANNOUNCED 54 00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:05,778 THAT IT HAD OBTAINED A BUNCH OF THEM, SHOWING THAT MEADOWS 55 00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:09,782 EXCHANGED TEXTS WITH 34 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ABOUT PLANS TO 56 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:15,822 OVERTURN THE 2020 ELECTION. THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE. 57 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:19,592 34 PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO MARK MEADOWS? 58 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:24,530 THE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS THESE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, ALL 59 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,299 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS COMMUNICATING WITH MEADOWS 60 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,001 WERE-- AND IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO EDITORIALIZE-- 61 00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,769 STUPID, EVIL TRAITORS WHO WERE TRYING TO DO CRIMES AGAINST 62 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,571 DEMOCRACY, FOR WHICH THEY SHOULD BE PUNISHED WITH DECADES 63 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:37,577 OF JAIL TIME. IS 64 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:43,583 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ONE OF THE WORST OF THE BADS IS 65 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:47,320 SOUTH CAROLINA REPRESENTATIVE RALPH NORMAN-- 66 00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,589 BREAKER-BREAKER, 10-4 BACK DOOR, WHAT'S YOUR 10-20, CATCH YOU ON 67 00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:53,359 THE FLIP. HE WROTE TO MEADOWS, "MARK, 68 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,595 WE ARE AT A POINT OF NO RETURN IN SAVING OUR REPUBLIC! 69 00:04:55,662 --> 00:05:01,534 OUR LAST HOPE IS INVOKING MARSHALL LAW!" 70 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,370 OKAY, INVOKING MARTIAL LAW MEANS THIS CONGRESSMAN WAS CALLING FOR 71 00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,872 MILITARY INVOLVEMENT IN A COUP. AGAIN, PUT HIM IN JAIL. 72 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:09,776 ALSO, PUT HIM THROUGH SPELL-CHECK, BECAUSE IT'S 73 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:16,649 "MARTIAL LAW," WITH A "T." "MARSHALL LAW" IS THE NEW CBS 74 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:23,589 LEGAL DRAMA STARRING EMINEM AS JUDGE MARSHALL. 75 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,591 MATHERS. WHICH REMINDS ME, WATCH 76 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:33,132 "MARSHALL LAW" ON CBS, SATURDAYS, AT 1:45. 77 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:37,603 RIGHT AFTER ALL-NEW EPISODES OF "THE ENFORCENATOR." 78 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,774 NORMAN ALSO CALLED OUT ANYONE UNWILLING TO OVERTURN THE 79 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:46,412 RESULTS, TEXTING, "JUST RESULTS, TEXTING, "JUST 80 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:50,016 BECAUSE THE BIASED MEDIA HAS CALL THE ELECTION?" 81 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,317 HE RIGHT. I CAN'T BELIEVE BIAS MEDIA 82 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:58,291 CALL THE ELECTION JUST BECAUSE VOTE WERE COUNT! 83 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:03,529 THEN THERE'S THIS HELPFUL TEXT FROM ARIZONA REPRESENTATIVE PAUL 84 00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,997 GOSAR: "CALL ME, I HAVE SOME FIREWORKS COMING OUT OF ARIZONA 85 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:11,270 EARLY TOMORROW. CALL ME ANYTIME, I'M UP." 86 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,572 "I'M UP?" I KNOW ARIZONA IS A DESERT, BUT 87 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:18,911 THIS GUY IS THIRSTY. SPEAKING OF CRIMINALS, IT'S 88 00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:22,815 BEEN A ROUGH FEW WEEKS FOR CRYPTO EXCHANGE FOUNDER AND 89 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:28,020 MAN WHO TOLD HIS BARBER, "GIVE ME THE SHOWER DRAIN"... 90 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,690 SAM BANKMAN-FRIED. BANKMAN-FRIED WAS THE C.E.O. OF 91 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:35,995 CRYPTO-EXCHANGE FTX, WHICH RECENTLY WENT BELLY-UP AND COST 92 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:42,368 INVESTORS $1.8 BILLION. WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO, 93 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,470 WHEN YOU CAN'T TRUST THE GUY SELLING IMAGINARY COMPUTER COINS 94 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:50,443 WHOSE NAME IS ALMOST EXACTLY "BANK MAN FRAUD"? 95 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:56,449 WHAT NEXT? WHAT IS NEXT. 96 00:06:56,516 --> 00:07:00,353 TALK TO ME IT WHAT'S NEXT. DON'T GET YOUR ANNUAL CHECK-UP 97 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:05,057 FROM DR. GUY DETH-KAUSER? YESTERDAY, BANKMAN-FRIED WAS 98 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:08,528 ARRESTED IN THE BAHAMAS. TODAY, PROSECUTORS UNSEALED AN 99 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:12,365 EIGHT-CHARGE INDICTMENT, RANGING FROM WIRE FRAUD, TO MONEY 100 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:15,968 LAUNDERING, TO CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT FRAUD ON THE UNITED 101 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:20,339 STATES, WHICH MEANS HE COULD FACE UP TO 115 YEARS IN PRISON. 102 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:24,076 BECAUSE THIS ALLEGEDLY GUILTY GUY IS ALLEGEDLY VERY GUILTY. 103 00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:28,548 ALLEGEDLY. HOW ALLEGEDLY? 104 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,950 GILLEE IS HE ALLEGEDLY? TURNS OUT, FTX'S INNER CIRCLE 105 00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:37,790 HAD A SECRET CHAT GROUP CALLED "WIREFRAUD." 106 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:38,925 (LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: OKAY, 107 00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,459 THAT'S A WEIRD CONFESSION. THAT'S LIKE GETTING A BUMPER 108 00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:42,361 STICKER THAT SAYS, "PROUD PARENT OF AN HONOR STUDENT, AND I'M AN 109 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:48,367 ARSONIST." SPEAKING OF FRAUD, THERE'S A 110 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:59,979 NEW SCHEME FROM FORMER PRESIDENT THE WHITE SCROTUS. 111 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,481 REPORTEDLY, HE'S GOING TO RELEASE A "BOOK OF LETTERS" NEXT 112 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,550 YEAR. FIRST, OF COURSE, HE'LL HAVE TO 113 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:16,529 LEARN ALL 26. >> NICE, NICE. 114 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:20,399 (APPLAUSE) "'A' IS FOR AMERICA-- 115 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:24,170 I MADE IT GREAT AGAIN. 'B IS FOR BOOBIES-- 116 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:28,541 WHICH WERE ALWAYS PRETTY GREAT. 'C' IS FOR KING-- 117 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:37,216 I LOVE HIS BURGERS." >> WOW, HOW THEY TASTE. 118 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:40,019 >> Stephen: HAVEN'T DOON THAT IN A PEW YEARS. 119 00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,254 ACTUALLY, THE BOOK WILL CONTAIN THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE 120 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,755 CORRESPONDENCE WITH PAST AND PRESENT CELEBRITIES AND 121 00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:47,693 INTERNATIONAL ICONS. WOW. 122 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,063 PRESIDENT OBAMA'S MEMOIR WAS OVER 750 PAGES, SINGLE-SPACED, 123 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:54,133 AND THAT WAS PART ONE. THIS GUY'S PUBLISHING BIRTHDAY 124 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,535 CARDS FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE SIGNED BY THEIR INTERNS. 125 00:08:56,602 --> 00:09:00,339 IT'S THE LAZIEST PRESIDENTIAL BOOK SINCE EISENHOWER'S 126 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:08,247 "ALL MY CVS RECEIPTS." ALLEGEDLY, THE BOOK WILL INCLUDE 127 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,351 CORRESPONDENCE WITH ELTON JOHN, PRINCESS DIANA, AND MICHAEL 128 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,820 JACKSON. IT'S GOING TO BE FASCINATING TO 129 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,657 SEE HOW THESE ICONS, EACH IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAY, SAY, 130 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:23,562 "I DO NOT WANT TO BE ON 'CELEBRITY APPRENTICE'." 131 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:24,897 THERE'S ANOTHER SMALL STORY TODAY-- ALL OF OUR ENERGY 132 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:28,768 PROBLEMS MAY BE OVER. BECAUSE TODAY, THE U.S. 133 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:32,538 ANNOUNCED A MAJOR NUCLEAR FUSION BREAKTHROUGH THAT COULD HELP 134 00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:36,342 HARNESS THE SUN'S POWER. HA-HA! 135 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,744 SCREW YOU, SUN! WE DON'T NEED YOU ANY MORE, OLD 136 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,646 MAN! PACK YOUR SUNGLASSES, AND QUIT 137 00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,348 LURKING AROUND THE CORNER OF OUR KIDS' DRAWINGS! 138 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:47,653 IT'S CREEPY! HERE'S THE BREAKTHROUGH. 139 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,057 SCIENTISTS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GENERATE POWER USING NUCLEAR 140 00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,758 FUSION FOR ABOUT 70 YEARS. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, 141 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:56,529 THEY HAVE CREATED A REACTOR THAT GENERATED MORE POWER THAN IT 142 00:09:56,595 --> 00:10:06,339 CONSUMED. IT'S A HANUKKAH MIRACLE! 143 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:10,209 AND... I'M BEING TOLD IT'S ACTUALLY SCIENCE. 144 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,611 HERE'S HOW IT WENT DOWN. SCIENTISTS CREATED THIS FUSION 145 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:16,749 ENERGY BY SMASHING ATOMS TOGETHER AT INCREDIBLY 146 00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:20,453 HIGH SPEEDS, USING 192 LASERS, AS NPR EXPLAINED. 147 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:23,990 >> THIS IS VERY EXCITING! HOW DID THEY DO THIS? 148 00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:25,725 >> WITH LASERS. IT'S LIKE THE-- 149 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,527 >> LASERS! >> CLASSIC SCIENCE. 150 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:40,272 PEW-PEW-PEW! >> Stephen: THAT CLEARS THAT UP. 151 00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,341 IT REMINDS ME OF THE FAMOUS WORDS OF ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL. 152 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:46,912 >> MR. WATSON, COME HERE. IT'S LIKE 153 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:55,287 RING-A-DING-A-DING-DONG, HELLOOO? 154 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,790 THEY HAD THE FORE THOUGHT TO RECORD THAT, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 155 00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,492 >> Stephen: THIS IS A BIG DEAL. FUSION COULD BE AN INFINITE 156 00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:00,626 SOURCE OF CLEAN ENERGY, THAT COULD HELP END DEPENDENCE ON 157 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:08,534 FOSSIL FUELS. HOT DOG, GLOBAL WARMING IS OVER! 158 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:12,505 GOOD NEWS, FLORIDA! YOU'RE SAVED. 159 00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:18,177 BAD NEWS, AMERICA-- WE SAVED FLORIDA. 160 00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,246 ONLY ONE SMALL PROBLEM... FUSION WILL NOT CONTRIBUTE 161 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,015 MEANINGFULY TO STOPPING CLIMATE CHANGE IN THE NEXT 20-30 YEARS. 162 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,917 HERE'S WHY. ACCORDING TO A EXPERT IN THE 163 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:28,187 U.K., THE CURRENT FUSION SETUP CAN ONLY PRODUCE ENOUGH ENERGY 164 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,824 TO BOIL ABOUT TEN KETTLES OF WATER. 165 00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:34,827 THAT IS THE MOST BRITISH WAY TO MEASURE ANYTHING. 166 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:39,932 (/ BRITISH/ ) BOIL TEN KETTLES, COOK FIVE 167 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,368 SHEPARD'S PIES, OR ROAST ONE PADDINGON BEAR." 168 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:46,238 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! 169 00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,875 MY GUEST IS RuPAUL. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, THE 170 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:56,582 DEBUT OF OUR ANNUAL "LATE SHOW" HOLIDAY CARTOON. 171 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:41,494 >> Stephen: >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 172 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,732 LOUIS KALT CATO. WELCOME BACK. 173 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:50,169 WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, RUPAUL WILL BE OUT TO 174 00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:54,607 SPEND SOME HOLIDAY CHEER BUT UNTIL THEN IT'S THE HOLIDAYS 175 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,709 WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITIONS: 176 00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:57,910 "THE LATE SHOW" CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! 177 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:01,213 EVERY YEAR, WE FOLLOW THE ADVENTURES OF SANTA AS HE TRIES 178 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,750 TO BRING PRESENTS TO ALL THE GOOD LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS, AND 179 00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:07,319 FIGHTS THE ENEMIES OF JOY. THIS YEAR, SANTA BROUGHT US A 180 00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:10,222 CHRISTMAS PRESENT EARLY: A CARTOON CALLED "A VERY COLD 181 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:17,496 WAR CHRISTMAS." ENJOY! 182 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:21,500 >> LOOK ALIVE, ELVES! T-MINUS TWO HOURS 'TIL TINSEL 183 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:26,472 TIME! DEPARTMENTS HEADS, 184 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:31,777 STATUS REPORT! MUFFIN, WHAT'S THE HOT PRESENT 185 00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:33,345 THIS YEAR? >> THANKS TO THE SUPREME COURT, 186 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,282 IT'S TICKLE-ME I.U.D.s! >> LICK THIS, SAM ALITO! 187 00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:39,418 >> GUMDROP, DID YOU GET ENOUGH GAS FOR THE SLEIGH? 188 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,353 >> SURE DID, SANTA! HAD TO SELL ALL MY CLOTHES, BUT 189 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:44,823 SHE'S READY TO GO! >> WOW, THIS ECONOMY'S ROUGH. 190 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,159 BUMBLE LOST EVERYTHING IN CRYPTO. 191 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:51,463 >> MATT DAMON LIE! FORTUNE NO FAVOR BUMBLE! 192 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:54,700 >> OH, WELL, LET'S LOAD UP THE SLEIGH! 193 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,336 JINGLE, ANY LAST-MINUTE LETTERS BEFORE WE TAKE OFF? 194 00:13:57,403 --> 00:14:01,774 >> JUST A FEW! >> "DEAR SANTA, I FORGOT TO TELL 195 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,944 YOU THAT I LOVE YOU, AND I LOVE THE ELVES AND REINDEER, TOO." 196 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,312 >> AWWW! >> AWWW! 197 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:09,081 >> AWWW! >> THIS IS WHAT MAKES IT ALL 198 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,150 WORTHWHILE! IN THE END, TO LOVE AND BELIEVE 199 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:15,254 IS ALL WE NEED ON CHRISTMAS EVE. OOH, THAT'S GOOD! 200 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,590 PUT THAT ON A MUG, LENNY! >> RIGHT AWAY, SIR! 201 00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:20,192 >> ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE, THEN WE FLY. 202 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:21,327 (PUTIN) >> "DEAR BIG FAT COCA-COLA 203 00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:23,128 MAN"... >> WHA-- ? 204 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:27,333 (PUTIN) >> I WANT UKRAINE FOR CHRISTMAS. 205 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,134 THEY WILL NOT GIVE. YOU WILL GIVE. 206 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:32,538 >> WHAT? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 207 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,074 COOKIE, SEND THIS TO THE HOLLY JOLLY HAGUE. 208 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,243 WHAT A BORSCHT-HOLE. NXT LETTER! 209 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,544 (PUTIN) >> I HEARD THAT. 210 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,146 >> UH-OH. (PUTIN) 211 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:45,150 >> YOU DID NOT GIVE UKRAINE. NOW I ANNEX NORTH POLE. 212 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,152 >> SANTA, COME QUICK! WE'RE ALL OVER CNN! 213 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,457 >> BREAKING NEWS-- IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT 214 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:55,461 LIKE CRISIS. I'M HERE IN RED SQUARE, WHERE 215 00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,329 VLADIMIR PUTIN IS CALLING FOR THE DE-NAUGHTY-FICATION OF THE 216 00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:01,333 NORTH POLE. >> COMRADES, JUST LIKE UKRAINE, 217 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:05,237 NORTH POLE HAS ALWAYS BEEN PART OF RUSSIA. 218 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:08,807 TODAY, WE TAKE IT BACK! (SILENCE) 219 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:09,675 CHEER! >> YAY. 220 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:17,449 >> YAY. MOMENT, PLEASE WELCOME RUSSIA'S 221 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,118 HOTTEST BOY BAND: PILE OF TURNIPS. 222 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:20,119 (BOY BAND MUSIC) (LIGHT SHOW) 223 00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:27,660 I LIKE THE CUTE ONE. AND NOW, THE MOMENT I'VE ALL 224 00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:28,661 BEEN WAITING FOR: LAUNCH SPECIAL CHRIS-MILITARY 225 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:34,099 OPERATION! >> MORE NEWS BREAKING BY AN OPEN 226 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:40,072 FIRE-- RUSSIAN FORCES HAVE CROSSED THE DE-MISTLETOE ZONE. 227 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,408 SO FAR, SOVIET-ERA WEAPONS PROVING NO MATCH FOR SANTA'S 228 00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:45,577 GINGERBREAD INFANTRY. >> AH! 229 00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:48,280 THE COOKIES ARE TOO STRONG FOR RUSSIAN TANK! 230 00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:52,084 >> BUT, WILL THEY BE ABLE TO HOLD OUT AGAINST PUTIN'S ARMY OF 231 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:56,255 MERCENARY SNOW BEASTS AND GUERRILLA GUE-RINCHES? 232 00:15:56,322 --> 00:16:00,259 >> DISTINGUISHED MEMBERS OF CONGRESS... AND THE OTHER ONES. 233 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:04,063 >> SUCK MY CHESTNUTS, SANTA. >> CHRISTMAS IS A SEASON OF 234 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:08,267 GIVING. BUT THIS YEAR, ONE MAN IS 235 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:12,271 HELL-BENT ON TAKING. AND SO, SANTA MUST ASK YOU FOR A 236 00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:16,075 GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS. THE PRESENT EVERY GOOD LITTLE 237 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,577 BOY AND GIRL DREAMS OF: $17.6 BILLION IN SECURITY 238 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,145 ASSISTANCE. >> THAT WAS SANTA'S PITIFUL 239 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,249 ADDRESS TO CONGRESS EARLIER TODAY. 240 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:28,954 NO SURPRISE, THE MAN WHO BUILT HIS REPUTATION BREAKING INTO OUR 241 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:29,955 HOMES, NOW ASKING TO BREAK INTO OUR POCKETBOOKS. 242 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:33,058 HERE TO AGREE WITH ME: MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE. 243 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:37,796 >> I COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU MORE, TUCKER! 244 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:42,334 IN FACT, I HEARD ON AN INTERNET POST THAT I WROTE THAT SANTA IS 245 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:45,938 A NAZI! >> A NAZI? 246 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,340 I'M HALF-JEWISH! WHY DO YOU THINK I WORK ON 247 00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,542 CHRISTMAS? >> SANTA! 248 00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:57,082 THEIR FORCES ARE MULTIPLYING! >> SANTA, ISN'T ANYONE GOING TO 249 00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,185 SEND HELP? >> I'M AFRAID THAT MUCH LIKE 250 00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:05,691 SAINT KEVIN McALLISTER, WE'RE HOME ALONE. 251 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,092 >> HEY, SANTA! (TRAIN WHISTLE) 252 00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:12,331 CHOO-CHOO, MOTHER-(BLEEP)! >> HOLY MALARKEY, THE 253 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,533 PRESIDENT'S COME WITH AID! >> YOU BET YOUR GIFT WRAP, JACK, 254 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,337 THE CAVALRY'S HERE-- >> GASP! 255 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:21,340 >> I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY! 256 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:22,641 I HEARD SOMEONE HERE MADE A CHRISTMAS WISH FOR HELP FIGHTIN' 257 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,643 OFF THE SPARTANS. THE PRUSSIANS? 258 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,580 THE RUSSIANS! >> HOW OLD IS HE? 259 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,482 >> HE'S BEEN THIS WAY SINCE WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 260 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:34,553 >> TO THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS ROOM, LET'S GO! 261 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:38,524 YOU ADORABLE LITTLE CREATURES ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MOST 262 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,827 ELITE STEALTH FORCE ON EARTH. YOU CAN HIT EVERY HOUSE IN ONE 263 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:46,432 NIGHT, AND NEVER SHOW UP ON RADAR. 264 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:50,536 WELL, TODAY, WE'VE GOT A PAYLOAD TO DELIVER TO THE DEADLIEST 265 00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:54,006 CHIMNEY OF ALL: >> PLUM PUDDING! 266 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:56,341 >> THE KREMLIN. >> THAT'S RIGHT, JACK FROST. 267 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,544 WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THIS FIGHT TO VLAD'S BACKYARD. 268 00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:02,548 NOW, LET'S GO GET BIN LADEN! I MEAN, GILGAMESH! 269 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:14,493 I MEAN, PUTIN! >> ALL RIGHT, ELVES, LET'S FLY! 270 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:22,534 HIT IT, KENNY YULE LOGGINS! (SANTA CRACKS REINS) 271 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:28,740 (IGNITION SWITCH) ("HIGHWAY TO THE MANGER ZONE") 272 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:30,976 >> SLEIGH SQUADRON, CALL SIGNS! NICEMAN, STANDING BY. 273 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:35,547 >> RED NOSE, STANDING BY. >> CHRISTMAS GOOSE, STANDING BY. 274 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:36,815 >> NUTCRACKER, STANDING BY! >> COLD CRANBERRIES, STANDING 275 00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:48,994 BY! >> LET'S GO DECK SOME SKULLS! 276 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,497 >> DANCE, MY TUCK-OOSHKA! DANCE, MY TUCK-OOSHKA! 277 00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:56,301 >> THE LIBERAL MEDIA WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE I'M DANCING FOR 278 00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:58,804 VLADIMIR PUTIN, BUT THERE'S NOTHING FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. 279 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:03,275 >> NOW, FOR BIG FINALE: GLORIOUS VICTORY OVER SANTA WITH 280 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:08,780 NUCLEAR MISSILE-LIGHTING CEREMONY! 281 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:10,716 >> WE'VE GOT A CREATURE STIRRING! 282 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:12,985 TALK TO ME, RUDOLPH! >> "NOSE SO BRIGHT" ENGAGED. 283 00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:17,389 NEED SOME COVER! >> LET'S BASTE THIS TURKEY! 284 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:20,993 >> GOT HIM! YOU WANT TO LAUGH AND CALL ME 285 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,997 NAMES NOW, ROOSKIE? EAT A BAG OF (BLEEP)! 286 00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:26,765 TAKE IT EASY RED NOSE. 287 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:30,969 GET ME INTO POSITION. I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS 288 00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:35,641 (BLEEP). SUCK IT, PUTIN! 289 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:40,379 >> NOW, GET READY TO POUT, GET READY TO CRY, GET READY TO 290 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:46,018 SHOUT, I'M TELLING YOU WHY: SANTA CLAUS IS GOING TO DIE. 291 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:49,688 >> NOOO! >> NOOO! 292 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:50,489 >> NOOO! >> I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO 293 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,991 RESPOND TO YOUR LETTER, VLADIMIR. 294 00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:56,094 IT'S A NO! NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE UKRAINE FOR 295 00:19:56,161 --> 00:20:01,166 CHRISTMAS, AND NO, YOU WON'T BE TAKING THE NORTH POLE EITHER. 296 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,000 >> KRINGLE! LOOKS LIKE WE FINISH THIS 297 00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:07,506 MONO-A-ELF-O. CHECK THESE OUT: 298 00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:09,908 WOP-BOP-A-LOO-BOP, BA-LOP-BAM-BOO. 299 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,209 YOU LIKE THE BOO-BOOS? >> AHHH! 300 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,680 AHHHH! AHHH! 301 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:24,890 >> COME GET SOME FIGGY PUDDING. >> DRONE HIM! 302 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,626 (EXPLOSION) >> SANTA! 303 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:28,460 >> AND TO ALL OF YOU, FROM ALL OF ME... 304 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:40,272 A GOOD NIGHT! >> HO... 305 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,175 HO... HO! 306 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,710 >> NO... NO! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE? 307 00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:48,447 >> I'M MADE OF CHILDREN'S DREAMS, BE-YOTCH! 308 00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:56,355 (CHEERS) AND WAY TOO MANY CHILDREN THIS 309 00:20:56,421 --> 00:21:00,459 YEAR HAD ONLY ONE DREAM: TO SURVIVE YOUR SELFISH WAR. 310 00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:04,262 >> WE LOVE YOU, SANTA! >> WE LOVE YOU, SANTA! 311 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:08,467 >> LOVE YOU, TOO, KIDS! WELL, VLAD, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE 312 00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:12,471 MAKE SOME DREAMS COME TRUE? YULE TEAM-- DROP THE PAYLOAD. 313 00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:16,008 >> HA! YOUR LITTLE ELF WEAPONS WILL 314 00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:20,479 NEVER DEFEAT ME! HA-HA-HA! 315 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:24,449 >> I DON'T NEED WEAPONS TO DEFEAT YOU. 316 00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:39,398 >> READY STRIKE... >> LET'S GIVE IT TO 'EM! 317 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:44,670 >> READY STRIKE... >> LET'S GIVE IT TO 'EM! 318 00:21:44,736 --> 00:21:46,571 MY FRIENDS, IN UKRAINE, HERE IN 319 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:50,042 RUSSIA AND ALL AND THE WORLD, SANTA CLAUS IS STILL 320 00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:57,582 COMING TO TOWN! (CHEERS) 321 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:01,586 AND SO, LET US REMEMBER THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. 322 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:05,424 YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM JOLLY OLD ST. NICK: 323 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:09,761 BE KIND! GIVE! 324 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,430 JUST DON'T BE A (BLEEP). LENNY, PUT THAT ON A MUG AS 325 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:17,402 WELL. AND SPEAKING OF (BLEEP)-- 326 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:23,408 VLADIMIR, I EVEN GOT A GIFT FOR EVERYONE TO SHARE WITH YOU. 327 00:22:23,475 --> 00:22:28,580 IS POTATO. LET HIM HAVE IT! 328 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:31,083 >> NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! 329 00:22:31,149 --> 00:22:32,851 >> NOW, IT'S CHRISTMAS! LET'S GO DELIVER SOME MORE 330 00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:36,988 PRESENTS! >> BUT, SANTA! 331 00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:39,491 WE'LL NEVER MAKE ROUND THE WORLD IN TIME IN THE SLEIGH! 332 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:44,696 >> WHO NEEDS A SLEIGH? YEE-HAW! 333 00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:46,164 OOPS! THINK I HIT ANOTHER SQUIRREL. 334 00:22:46,231 --> 00:22:49,601 AH, WELL, LET'S GO SAVE CHRISTMAS! 335 00:22:49,668 --> 00:22:53,405 GRAB YOUR SACK AND GET IN, JACK! >> IT'S KRIS. 336 00:22:53,472 --> 00:23:01,279 MERRY CHRISTMASTO ALL, AND TO ALL, SLAVA UKRAINE! 337 00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:05,417 >> AND SUCK IT, SATAN! I MEAN, SKELETOR. 338 00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:10,889 I MEAN, PUTIN! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 339 00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:16,361 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IF YOU-- >> Stephen: IF YOU WANT TO HELP 340 00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:21,600 FEED THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE, SCAN THE QR CODE, GO TO THE 341 00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:25,537 WEBSITE, AND BUY YOUR OFFICIAL "LATE SHOW" "IS POTATO" T-SHIRT 342 00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:28,940 AND MUG. ALL "LATE SHOW" PROCEEDS GO TO 343 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:33,612 WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN TO HELP FEED THE PEOPLE OF UKRAINE. 344 00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:37,449 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RuPAUL. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 345 00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,834 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT SHOT, THAT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL. 346 00:23:55,901 --> 00:23:58,670 WHAT WAS THAT, BACK THERE. >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 347 00:23:58,737 --> 00:24:04,810 WELCOME BACK. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY. 348 00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:08,380 FOLKS, YOU LUCKY PEOPLE, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A 12-TIME 349 00:24:08,446 --> 00:24:09,848 EMMY AWARD-WINNER, A POP CULTURE ICON, AND THE QUEEN OF DRAG. 350 00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:24,796 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," RuPAUL. 351 00:24:24,863 --> 00:24:29,034 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," RuPAUL. 352 00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:33,572 >> HELLO, HI. 353 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:40,645 >> THAT'S SO SWEET. THAT'S LOVELY. 354 00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:42,681 HELLO. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 355 00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:46,518 VERY SWEET, MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> Stephen:ER INY CHRISTMAS. 356 00:24:46,585 --> 00:24:56,228 >> I LIKE TO SAYS CHRISSY KISS MASS, KISSY COUNTRIESMAS, 357 00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:59,931 AMERICA. ISN'T IT FUN TO SAY PRICEY 358 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,199 KISSMASS. >> Stephen: I WILL TAKE YOUR 359 00:25:01,266 --> 00:25:04,669 WORD FOR T I AM OBSESSED WITH PRICEY KISSMASS AND WHILE OU'RE 360 00:25:04,736 --> 00:25:07,472 ASKING, I'M ALSO OBSESSED. >> Stephen: WHAT ELSE ARE YOU 361 00:25:07,539 --> 00:25:16,715 OBSESSED WITH, RUPAUL. >> WITH THE WORD MEXICONTESMENT, 362 00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:21,052 IT IS A WORD I READ ON SUNSET BLSTLED. 363 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:28,360 >> Stephen: A MEX CAN. >> HOW GENIUS IS THAT. 364 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:31,663 MEXICAN. >> Stephen: I LIKE THE MIXTURE 365 00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:32,998 OF MISSISSIPPI AND MASSACHUSETTS. 366 00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:39,237 >> IS MISSI SIPI CHUSSINESS I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. 367 00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:44,643 I COULD NEVER SAY MASSACHUSETTS I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO SAY IT 368 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:47,545 >> YOU CANS YOU ARE DOING A CHEW SETS. 369 00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:52,651 >> Jon: MASSACHUSETTS. >> MASSACHUSETTS, DID I DO IT? 370 00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:56,321 YEAH, I'M NOT SURE THOUGH STILL. I'VE ALWAYS HAD PROBLEM WITH 371 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,555 THAT. >> Stephen: THERE ARE VERY FEW 372 00:25:57,622 --> 00:25:59,925 REASONS TO SAY THAT STATE'S NAME UNLESS YOU ARE. 373 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:01,593 THERE UNLESS ARE YOU. THERE. 374 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:04,529 >> YES, UNLESS WE ARE. THERE WELL, LISTEN, I WILL TELL 375 00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:07,766 YOU WHERE ARE YOU MY FRIEND. >> WHERE'S THAT. 376 00:26:07,832 --> 00:26:09,935 >> Stephen: YOU ARE COMING UP, SEASON 15. 377 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:16,875 >> SEASON 15 OF OUR SHOW, DRAG RACE. 378 00:26:16,942 --> 00:26:20,812 >> Stephen: 2009-2022, SP YEARS, 15 SEASONS. 379 00:26:20,879 --> 00:26:25,450 >> AMAZING. >> Stephen: CON-DRAGULA TIRKS 380 00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:33,591 ONS THAT IS LOVELY. >> THAT IS SORT OF A 381 00:26:33,658 --> 00:26:37,462 REINTERPOTATION. >> Jon: IT IS CONGRATULATIONS. 382 00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:44,302 >> BUT WE SAY CON KZ DRAGULATIONS, STEFEN. 383 00:26:44,369 --> 00:26:45,270 >> Stephen: YESTERDAY YOU ANNOUNCED A SPINOFF. 384 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:48,506 >> DID I? >> Stephen: YOU DID, IT SAYS 385 00:26:48,573 --> 00:26:52,577 HERE DRAG RACE GLOBAL ALL-STARS. >> OH HONEY, YES, CHILD, WE ARE 386 00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:56,514 TAKING OVER THE WORLD. >> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO 387 00:26:56,581 --> 00:26:58,883 SHOOT AROUND THE WORLD BECAUSE NOT EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD IS 388 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:02,754 AS WELCOMING TO DRAG SHOWS AS THE UNITED STATES IS. 389 00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:05,757 >> THEY'RE NOT? >> Stephen: SOME AREN'T, I 390 00:27:05,824 --> 00:27:09,694 HATE TO TELL YOU. >> WE, I DO DOWN UNDER AND DO I 391 00:27:09,761 --> 00:27:12,831 THE U.K. AND I DO THE U.S. BUT THE OTHERS ARE, YOU KNOW, OTHER 392 00:27:12,897 --> 00:27:15,300 PEOPLE DO-- . >> Stephen: HOUROUSES. 393 00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:17,469 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> YES. 394 00:27:17,535 --> 00:27:19,237 >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT LIKE DOING THE SHOW DOWN UNDER. 395 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:23,608 >> IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE THE STUDIO IS SO SMALL T IS LIKE 396 00:27:23,675 --> 00:27:24,976 SOMEONE'S GARAGE THAT WE DO IT IN. 397 00:27:25,043 --> 00:27:28,313 MY DRESSING ROOM F THIS WERE THE STAGE, MY DRESSING ROOM WOULD BE 398 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:31,016 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL RIGHT THERE IT IS SO TINY BUT IT 399 00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:34,252 IS SO FUN. BECAUSE PEOPLE IN THAT PART OF 400 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:35,920 THE WORLD, I'M MARRIED TO AN AUSTRALIAN. 401 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:39,691 AND THEY ARE SO FUNNY AND SO FUN. 402 00:27:39,758 --> 00:27:44,029 SO I LOVE GOING DOWN THERE. WE ACTUALLY SHOOT IT IN NEW 403 00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:45,096 ZEALAND. WE DON'T GO TO-- . 404 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:48,099 >> Stephen: SO IT IS OFFICIALLY, WAIT SO IT IS DOWN 405 00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,535 UNDER, ARE THERE KI-W-I DRAG ARTIST THERE TOO. 406 00:27:50,602 --> 00:27:52,670 >> YES. >> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW 407 00:27:52,737 --> 00:27:58,043 WHETHER YOU WERE CHEATING AND GOING TO GIANT AUSTRALIA AS I 408 00:27:58,109 --> 00:28:00,612 CALL NEW ZEALAND. >> ST STILL DOWN UNDER. 409 00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:02,280 >> Stephen: AND A LITTLE OVER. >> THAT'S RIGHT. 410 00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:04,682 >> Stephen: ARE YOU WELLINGTON, AUCKLAND. 411 00:28:04,749 --> 00:28:07,919 >> WE ARE IN AUCKLAND AND WHICH WILL BE BACK THERE NEXT YEAR FOR 412 00:28:07,986 --> 00:28:11,790 THE THIRD OR FOURTH TIME. I'VE LOST TRACK OF ALL TIME, 413 00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:13,458 HONESTLY. I JUST HAVE NO IDEA. 414 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:14,993 >> Stephen: THEY ARE LOVELY PEOPLE. 415 00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:18,630 >> HE HAD ARE SO MUCH FUN AND IT IS SO GORGEOUS DOWN THERE, SO 416 00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:19,731 MUCH FUN DOWN THERE, ITS HE'S GREAT. 417 00:28:19,798 --> 00:28:22,534 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A TRADITION WHEN YOU ASK THE 418 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,603 FINALISTS ON DRAG RACE TO ADDRESS A YOUNGER PHOTO OF 419 00:28:25,670 --> 00:28:28,640 YOURSELF. WE DID RESEARCH AND WE FOUND A 420 00:28:28,706 --> 00:28:34,646 LOVELY PHOTO HERE OF A LITTLE RUPAUL ANDRE CHARLES. 421 00:28:34,712 --> 00:28:36,247 >> YES. >> Stephen: AND SO WHAT WOULD 422 00:28:36,314 --> 00:28:40,919 YOU WANT TO SAY TO THIS YOUNG GENTLEMEN RIGHT HERE, WHAT WOULD 423 00:28:40,985 --> 00:28:46,658 YOU WANT HIM TO KNOW. >> OKAY. 424 00:28:46,724 --> 00:28:49,527 LITTLE ARE YOU ARE YOU, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE 425 00:28:49,594 --> 00:28:55,800 THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW AND THAT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR 426 00:28:55,867 --> 00:29:02,474 FUTURE. INVEST IN LASER SURGERY. 427 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:08,813 REMOVE ALL YOUR HAIR. IT WILL COME IN HANDY ONE DAY, 428 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,483 TRUST ME. >> Stephen: BECAUSE AT A 429 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:16,087 CERTAIN POINT IT IS TOO LATE OR JUST SAVING YEARS OF WAXING. 430 00:29:16,154 --> 00:29:20,158 >> YEARS OF WAXING, I HAD ELECTROLYSIS ALL OF OVER MY FACE 431 00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:23,995 BUT KEPT MY GOATEE. >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU KEEP 432 00:29:24,062 --> 00:29:26,397 IT. >> BECAUSE I'M STILL A MAN, YOU 433 00:29:26,464 --> 00:29:31,603 KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING, I'M STILL A DUDE, YOU KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT 434 00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:33,004 I'M GOING TO NEED T NEVER NEEDED IT. 435 00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:35,740 >> Stephen: IT IS TOO LATE, CAN'T YOU USE LASER NOW. 436 00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:40,145 >> YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I'M SO OLD THAT ALL OF THIS HAIR IS NOW 437 00:29:40,211 --> 00:29:41,613 WHITE. AND YOU CAN'T LASER THE HAIR 438 00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:42,914 THAT IS WHITE. DID YOU NO HE THAT. 439 00:29:42,981 --> 00:29:45,717 >> Stephen: NO. >> IT HAS TO BE BLACK, THE HAIR 440 00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:48,319 HAS TO BE BLACK. >> Stephen: IT REFLECTS OFF. 441 00:29:48,386 --> 00:29:49,921 >> I DON'T KNOW-- WE'LL HAVE TO ASK NASA ABOUT THAT. 442 00:29:49,988 --> 00:29:53,658 IT HAS TO BE BLACK HAIR FOR IT TO LASER. 443 00:29:53,725 --> 00:29:58,830 SO LITTLE ARE YOU ARE YOU, GET THE HAIR LASERRED OFF YOUR FACE. 444 00:29:58,897 --> 00:30:00,565 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THAT IS SOUND ADVICE. 445 00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,434 WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 446 00:30:03,501 --> 00:30:08,139 RUPAUL, EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND. 447 00:30:14,412 --> 00:30:16,247 >> Stephen: SHAY, CHECKING OUT THE WARDROBE OVER HERE. 448 00:30:16,314 --> 00:30:22,053 WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOST OF "RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE," RuPAUL. 449 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,089 NOW YOUR HOSTING DUTIES DON'T STOP THERE WITH THE RAG DRAG 450 00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,525 RACE, WHAT IS THE U.K. VERSION CALLED. 451 00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:28,493 >> IT IS CALLED THE U.K. VERSION. 452 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,095 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, KEPT IT SIMPLE. 453 00:30:31,162 --> 00:30:32,997 >> KEPT IT SIMPLE, YES. >> Stephen: AND ARE YOU 454 00:30:33,064 --> 00:30:38,469 HOSTING A GAME SHOW, A NEW GAME SHOW CALLED LINGO, HERE ON CBS. 455 00:30:38,536 --> 00:30:40,471 >> ON CBS. I'M FINALLY ON CBS. 456 00:30:40,538 --> 00:30:44,275 >> Stephen: YOU WEREN'T ON CBS BEFORE. 457 00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:47,245 >> LISTEN, I WAS ALWAYS A DISTANT COULD YOU SIFN THE CBS 458 00:30:47,312 --> 00:30:51,182 FAMILY BECAUSE ST VIACOMCBS SO I AM A DISTANT SORT OF HALF COULD 459 00:30:51,249 --> 00:30:55,086 YOUSIN. BUT NOW I'M A FIRST COUSIN. 460 00:30:55,153 --> 00:30:58,823 >> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE NETWORK. 461 00:30:58,890 --> 00:31:00,625 SO WHAT IS LINGO. I LIKE GAME SHOWS. 462 00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:04,262 >> IT IS FABULOUS. IT COMES OUT JANUARY 11th ON 463 00:31:04,329 --> 00:31:07,098 CBS AT NIGHT TIME IT IS A PRIME TIME SHOW, STEPHEN. 464 00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:10,535 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. >> AND IT IS A WORD GAME SHOW. 465 00:31:10,602 --> 00:31:13,104 IT'S NOT UNLIKE THAT OTHER WORD GAME THAT IS IN THE PAPERS ALL 466 00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:18,176 THE TIME THAT I PLAY EVERY DAY. >> Stephen: WORDLE. 467 00:31:18,243 --> 00:31:19,978 >> O OH E YOU ARE GOING TO SEE IT. 468 00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:22,247 >> Stephen: ARE THERE LAWYERS WAITING BACKSTAGE. 469 00:31:22,313 --> 00:31:24,916 >> I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO CONFUSE, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE, 470 00:31:24,983 --> 00:31:26,284 BECAUSE LINGO IS THE ORIGINAL WORD GAME. 471 00:31:26,351 --> 00:31:29,454 AND. >> Stephen: IT EXISTED BEFORE. 472 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,055 >> YES, SIR. >> Stephen: WOW. 473 00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:33,157 >> IT CERTAINLY DID. >> Stephen: SOUNDS LIKE WE 474 00:31:33,224 --> 00:31:34,892 NEED TO GET SOME LAWYERS. >> YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHY, I DON'T 475 00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:41,132 WANT PEOPLE TO GET CONFUSED. >> Stephen: IT THEY WON'T BE 476 00:31:41,199 --> 00:31:43,101 CONFUSED BECAUSE WORD EARTH IS NOT HOSTED BY RUPAUL STRKS 477 00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:47,105 HOSTED BY THE OLD GRAY LADY, NEW YORK THYME TIMES. 478 00:31:47,171 --> 00:31:48,773 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: WHAT KIND OF GAME 479 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,510 SHOW HOST ARE YOU GOING TO BE, FUN, MEAN, TASK MASTER. 480 00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,812 >> OH NO, NO, NO. THERE IS NO MEANNESS HERE. 481 00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:58,850 WE ONLY-- YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY, WELL, I WILL LET YOU BE 482 00:31:58,916 --> 00:32:03,254 THE JUDGE OF THAT. I CAN'T TAKE MEANNESS ANY MORE. 483 00:32:03,321 --> 00:32:07,091 AFTER THE PAST FIVE YEARS, IT'S LIKE THERE IS A MOVE 484 00:32:07,158 --> 00:32:09,494 YEAROR-- MOVIE OR SOMETHING ON TRVETION WHERE THEY ARE STARTING 485 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,097 TO BE MEAN, HAVE I TO LOOK AWAY. I ONLY CAN DO LOVELY, KIND SWEET 486 00:32:13,164 --> 00:32:18,670 THINGS IT. >> Stephen: I CAN DIG T I CAN 487 00:32:18,736 --> 00:32:20,305 DIG IT. >> THAT IS HOW LITTLE ARE YOU 488 00:32:20,371 --> 00:32:26,177 ARE YOU ROLLS. LITTLE RURU CAN'T TAKE NO MEAN 489 00:32:26,244 --> 00:32:30,682 FOLKS SO ON LINGO, I'M LOVELY, I'M SWEET, I'M DIRECTING 490 00:32:30,748 --> 00:32:34,152 AND IT IS A FABULOUS SHOW. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE 491 00:32:34,218 --> 00:32:37,889 ANOTHER LITTLE BREAK HERE BUT PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY, YOU 492 00:32:37,955 --> 00:32:39,390 EITHER, PLEASE. WHEN WE COME BACK, MORE 493 00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:42,060 RUPAUL,-- Y'ALL. STICK AROUND. 494 00:32:48,466 --> 00:32:50,535 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK HERE ABOUT THE HOST 495 00:32:50,601 --> 00:32:53,638 OF RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE AND WHAT IS THE OTHER SHOW CALLED. 496 00:32:53,705 --> 00:32:57,208 >> LINGO ON CBS. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. 497 00:32:57,275 --> 00:33:03,981 RUPAUL, I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT ANOTHER MILESTONE WE ARE COMING 498 00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:08,453 UP, THIS IS THE 30th ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR OF YOUR 499 00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:12,490 BREAKOUT HIT SUPERMODEL, YOU BETTER WERK. 500 00:33:12,557 --> 00:33:14,625 >> 30 YEARS. >> Stephen: 30 YEARS. 501 00:33:14,692 --> 00:33:17,995 30 YEARS. FIRST OF ALL, WHAT WAS THAT 502 00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:21,666 MOMENT LIKE 30 YEARS AGO. BECAUSE IT IS AN ICONIC, I MAID 503 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:24,936 A REFERENCE TO IT IN THE MONOLOGUE HAVING NOTHING TO DO 504 00:33:25,002 --> 00:33:26,671 WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WERE HERE TONIGHT. 505 00:33:26,738 --> 00:33:28,639 THOSE WERE JUST PARALLEL EVOLUTIONS. 506 00:33:28,706 --> 00:33:30,608 WHAT IS IT LIKE WHEN YOU BREAK THROUGH LIKE THAT AND SUDDENLY 507 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:36,280 BECOME A TOUCHSTONE, A BUY WORD? >> LISTEN, ALL SERIOUSLY, IT IS 508 00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:40,718 SO AMAZING. IN FACT, I WAS BACKSTAGE THINK 509 00:33:40,785 --> 00:33:45,790 BEING THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, GROWING UP WATCHING THE 510 00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:48,526 SUPREMES. IN THE VERY THEATER. 511 00:33:48,593 --> 00:33:52,463 AND IT IS SO AMAZING TO HAVE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE LIKE THIS. 512 00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:58,436 AND YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, MY MOTHER-- SAID, SHE SAID YOU 513 00:33:58,503 --> 00:34:02,440 KNOW, MY MOTHER WHEN SHE WAS PREG NAPT WITH ME, SHE WENT TO A 514 00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:05,243 PSYCHIC WHO TOLD HER, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BOY AND HE'S 515 00:34:05,309 --> 00:34:09,313 GOING TO BE FAMOUSMENT AND I HAD NO IDEA HOW I WAS GOING TO MAKE 516 00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:10,248 THAT HAPPEN. I DIDN'T FLOW I WAS GOING TO BE 517 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,150 IN DRAG. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT. 518 00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,452 I JUST KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. 519 00:34:14,519 --> 00:34:18,489 AND TO HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFETIME WITH SCO 520 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,725 WHERE SO MANY THINGS CAN GO WRONG, IT'S AMAZING. 521 00:34:20,792 --> 00:34:25,963 AND THIS, THIS CAME OUT ON MY BIRTHDAY, NOVEMBER 17th,, 522 00:34:26,030 --> 00:34:26,831 1992. AND IT WAS-- I COULDN'T HAVE 523 00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:30,601 PLANNED IT ANY BETTER. >> Stephen: WOW. 524 00:34:30,668 --> 00:34:34,439 I WANT TO POINT SOMETHING OUT. WHEN ARE YOU FULLY IN DRAG, YOU 525 00:34:34,505 --> 00:34:38,609 YOU YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. YOU ARE LIKE, YOU GOT TO SEND ME 526 00:34:38,676 --> 00:34:41,212 A CARD OF YOUR DOCTOR OR SOMETHING. 527 00:34:41,279 --> 00:34:45,850 HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU LOOK EXACTLY JUST AS GLAMOROUS, DIVA 528 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:50,488 GLARNLINGS I REALIZE BUT HOW DO YOU STAY SO GLAMOROUS. 529 00:34:50,555 --> 00:34:54,192 >> I DON'T KNOW T IS ALL A SYSTEM OF PULLEYS AND WEIGHTS 530 00:34:54,258 --> 00:34:57,228 AND SMOKE AND MIRRORS. YOU KNOW, I HONESTLY. 531 00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:59,597 >> Stephen: A LOT OF TAPE. >> LOTS OF TAPE. 532 00:34:59,664 --> 00:35:03,568 HERE IS THE THING, WHEN I'M ALL DONE UP AND SEE MYSELF IN THE 533 00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:08,372 MIRROR, I GO WOW, THAT IS ME? EVEN SEEING THAT PICTURE RIGHT 534 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:12,777 THERE, WOW, THAT'S AMAZING. YOU KNOW, IT IS NOT-- IT IS NOT 535 00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:15,913 LOST ON ME. IT IS AMAZING TO ME TOO. 536 00:35:15,980 --> 00:35:19,250 >> Stephen: WERE YOU THE FIRST DRAG PERFORMER WHO GOT A BIG 537 00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:22,153 COSMETIC DEAL? BECAUSE YOU WERE THE FACE OF MAC 538 00:35:22,220 --> 00:35:26,624 BACK IN THE '90S. >> I WAS THE FIRST MAN TO HAVE A 539 00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:32,763 COSMETIC, YES, I AM A MAN. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A GOATEE. 540 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:36,467 >> I WAS THE FIRST MANS TO HAVE A COSMETIC CONTRACT AND THAT WAS 541 00:35:36,534 --> 00:35:42,340 THE MAC CAMPAIGN BACK YEARS AGO. AND BUT YES, AND FIRST DRAG, 542 00:35:42,406 --> 00:35:43,241 ABSOLUTELY. AMAZING. 543 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:45,243 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATION ON SEASON A. 544 00:35:45,309 --> 00:35:47,912 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU 545 00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:50,381 AGAIN. >> THANK YOU, I LOVE ME SOME 546 00:35:50,448 --> 00:35:56,454 STEPHEN COLBERT, HONEY. I LOVE ME SOME STEPHEN COLBERT. 547 00:35:56,521 --> 00:36:00,791 SAICH THAT FOR THE PROMO. >> Stephen: THE 159 SEE SOFN 548 00:36:00,858 --> 00:36:04,095 RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE PREMIERS JANUARY 6th ON M TV AND 549 00:36:04,161 --> 00:36:08,733 LINGO PREMIERS JANUARY 119 ON THE TIFFANY NETWORK CBS. 550 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:10,468 RUPAUL, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A 551 00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:16,507 PERFORMANCE BY ED SHEERAN. 552 00:36:24,215 --> 00:36:26,918 >> Stephen: PERFORMING BAD HABITS FROM HIS ALBUM EQUALS, 553 00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:33,658 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, ED SHEERAN. 554 00:36:33,724 --> 00:36:38,930 OOH-OOH OOH-OOH 555 00:36:38,996 --> 00:36:41,098 EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND YOU KNOW I CAN'T SAY NO 556 00:36:41,165 --> 00:36:44,869 ♪ EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND YOU KNOW I CAN'T SAY NO 557 00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:50,942 ♪ EVERY TIME THE SUN GOES DOWN I LET YOU TAKE CONTROL 558 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:58,783 ♪ I CAN FEEL THE PARADISE BEFORE MY WORLD IMPLODES 559 00:36:58,849 --> 00:37:09,894 ♪ AND TONIGHT HAD SOMETHING WONDERFUL 560 00:37:09,961 --> 00:37:13,831 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO LATE NIGHTS ENDIN' ALONE 561 00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:17,835 ♪ CONVERSATIONS WITH A STRANGER I BARELY KNOW 562 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:20,805 ♪ SWEARIN' THIS'LL BE THE LAST BUT IT PROBABLY WON'T 563 00:37:20,871 --> 00:37:23,074 ♪ I GOT NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE OR USE 564 00:37:23,140 --> 00:37:25,643 ♪ OR DO MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO 565 00:37:25,710 --> 00:37:30,314 ♪ WIDE EYES STARIN' AT SPACE AND I KNOW I LOSE CONTROL 566 00:37:30,381 --> 00:37:33,084 ♪ OF THE THINGS THAT I SAY YEAH, I WAS LOOKIN' FOR 567 00:37:33,150 --> 00:37:37,288 ♪ A WAY OUT NOW I CAN'T ESCAPE 568 00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:38,956 ♪ NOTHIN' HAPPENS AFTER TWO IT'S TRUE 569 00:37:39,023 --> 00:37:43,227 ♪ IT'S TRUE MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU 570 00:37:43,294 --> 00:37:47,231 ♪ OOH-OOH OOH-OOH 571 00:37:47,298 --> 00:37:51,102 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU OOH-OOH 572 00:37:51,168 --> 00:37:59,243 ♪ OOH-OOH MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU 573 00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:03,114 ♪ EVERY PURE INTENTION ENDS WHEN THE GOOD TIMES START 574 00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:09,086 ♪ FALLIN' OVER EVERYTHING TO REACH THE FIRST TIME'S SPARK 575 00:38:09,153 --> 00:38:19,230 ♪ IT STARTED UNDER NEON LIGHTS AND THEN IT ALL GOT DARK 576 00:38:19,296 --> 00:38:27,104 ♪ I ONLY KNOW HOW TO GO TOO FAR 577 00:38:27,171 --> 00:38:31,242 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO LATE NIGHTS ENDIN' ALONE 578 00:38:31,308 --> 00:38:35,246 ♪ CONVERSATIONS WITH A STRANGER I BARELY KNOW 579 00:38:35,312 --> 00:38:39,083 ♪ SWEARIN' THIS'LL BE THE LAST BUT IT PROBABLY WON'T 580 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,419 ♪ I GOT NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE OR USE 581 00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:43,320 ♪ OR DO MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO 582 00:38:43,387 --> 00:38:47,224 ♪ WIDE EYES STARIN' AT SPACE AND I KNOW I LOSE CONTROL 583 00:38:47,291 --> 00:38:51,328 ♪ OF THE THINGS THAT I SAY I WAS LOOKIN' FOR 584 00:38:51,395 --> 00:38:54,598 ♪ A WAY OUT NOW I CAN'T ESCAPE 585 00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:57,068 ♪ NOTHIN' HAPPENS AFTER TWO IT'S TRUE 586 00:38:57,134 --> 00:39:00,971 ♪ IT'S TRUE MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU 587 00:39:01,038 --> 00:39:06,711 ♪ OOH-OOH OOH-OOH 588 00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:09,080 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU OOH-OOH 589 00:39:09,146 --> 00:39:15,086 ♪ OOH-OOH WE 590 00:39:15,152 --> 00:39:23,227 ♪ TOOK THE LONG WAY 'ROUND AND BURNED 591 00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:29,500 ♪ 'TIL THE FUN RAN OUT NOW 592 00:39:29,567 --> 00:39:31,402 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO LATE NIGHTS ENDIN' ALONE 593 00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:35,239 ♪ CONVERSATIONS WITH A STRANGER I BARELY KNOW 594 00:39:35,306 --> 00:39:39,076 ♪ SWEARIN' THIS'LL BE THE LAST BUT IT PROBABLY WON'T 595 00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:41,812 ♪ I GOT NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE OR USE 596 00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:45,082 ♪ OR DO MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO 597 00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:47,685 ♪ WIDE EYES STARIN' AT SPACE AND I KNOW I LOSE CONTROL 598 00:39:47,752 --> 00:39:51,555 ♪ OF THE THINGS THAT I SAY YEAH, I WAS LOOKIN' FOR 599 00:39:51,622 --> 00:39:55,226 ♪ A WAY OUT NOW I CAN'T ESCAPE 600 00:39:55,292 --> 00:39:57,094 ♪ NOTHIN' HAPPENS AFTER TWO IT'S TRUE 601 00:39:57,161 --> 00:40:01,832 ♪ IT'S TRUE MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU 602 00:40:01,899 --> 00:40:07,238 ♪ OOH-OOH OOH-OOH 603 00:40:07,304 --> 00:40:11,242 ♪ MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU OOH-OOH 604 00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:19,083 ♪ OOH-OOH MY BAD HABITS LEAD TO YOU ♪ 605 00:40:19,150 --> 00:40:24,855 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 606 00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:26,490 >> Stephen: EDS SHEERAN, EVERYBODY. 607 00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:29,527 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." GOOD NIGHT.