>> SOME G.O.P. LAWMAKERS ARE
WEARING 'OK BUTTONS TO SHOW THEIR SUPPORT FOR KEVIN
MCCARTHY AS HOUSE PEEKER. THE O.K. BUTTONS STAND FOR "ONLY
KEVIN" AND ARE MEANT AS A COUNTERWEIGHT TO THE "NEVER
KEVIN" MOVEMENT. >> HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE
BURSTING WITH ENTHUSIASM FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY TO BE SPEAKER,
SHOWING THEIR SUPPORT WITH "ONLY KEVIN" BUTTONS.
BUT THERE ARE EVEN MORE BUTTONS YOU CAN WEAR TO SHOW YOUR
EXCITEMENT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY, LIKE THESE:
ED
SO STAND UP TODAY AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY BY
SAYING PROUDLY:
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN AND A SPECIAL HOLIDAY
PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANKS, EVERYBODY. WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL,
DOWN HERE, UP THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
THIS RIGHT NOW-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE MADE IT! MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE
GOING TO BE "WORKING OUT MORE" AND "NOT HAVING TO TALK ABOUT
NAZIS." I WONDER--
( APPLAUSE ) BREAK
FIRST. THE YEAR IS ENDING ON A BANG.
WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SLOW NEWS DAY HAS SUDDENLY BEEN TRANSFORMED
INTO A BRASING MOMENT OF HISTORY.
AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
YESTERDAY, HE POSTED ON HIS SOCIAL MEDIA SITE PROMISING
A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW, ALONG WITH THIS VIDEO:
>> AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HUH.
KIND OF MYSTERIOUS. WHAT WOULD HE POSSIBLY USE LASER
VISION FOR? JIM, CAN WE PULL OUT A LITTLE
BIT? THERE YOU GO.
THAT MAKES SENSE. THAT'S ON BRAND.
( APPLAUSE ) ANNOUNCEMENT WAS GOING TO BE,
BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF ACTUAL SPECULATION.
WOULD HE ANNOUNCE A LONG-SHOT BID TO BECOME SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE? WOULD HE ANNOUNCE HIS INTENDED
RUNNING MATE? AND WOULD KID ROCK SAY YES?
( LAUGHTER ) ANNOUNCEMENTS TURN OUT TO BE
DUDS. NOT THIS ONE.
BECAUSE LATE THIS MORNING, THE FORMER PRESIDENT DROPPED THE
BLOCKBUSTER NEWS: MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY OFFICIAL DIGITAL TRADING CARD COLLECTION IS HERE!
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU READ THAT RIGHT!
THE EX-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, THE EX-MOST POWERFUL MAN
IN THE WORLD, HAS LAUNCHED A LINE OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S GROPE-E-MON! ( LAUGHTER )
PIKA-PIKA! PIKA-COUP!
LORD HAVE MERCY. THIS IS THE LEAST-DIGNIFIED
ATTEMPT AT POST-PRESIDENTIAL MERCHANDISING SINCE THE LAUNCH
OF "TICKLE-ME-TRUMAN." ( LAUGHTER )
WEBSITE-- AND, YES, THERE IS ONE.
IT'S www.the saddest (BLEEP) thing you've ever seen.org.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT TELLS YOU JUST WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT FROM
THIS PREMIUM OPPORTUNITY. >> I'M DOING MY FIRST OFFICIAL
DONALD J. TRUMP N.F.T. COLLECTION, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT
NOW. >> Stephen: HE'S A BUSINESS
GENIUS! JUMPING IN ON THE N.F.T.
MARKET, WHEN IT'S AT ITS HOTTEST!
NEXT, HE'S RELEASING AN EXCLUSIVE LINE OF ROTARY PHONES.
( LAUGHTER ) THE TRADING CARDS ALLOW YOU TO
COLLECT ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM THE EXTENDED
FORMER PRESIDENT UNIVERSE, BECAUSE EVERY CARD IS HIM.
THERE'S-- AND THESE ARE ALL REAL-- HIM PLAYING GOLF, HIM
APPROVING OF GOLD, HIM WEARING A HAT THAT SAYS "DOW"-- JUST LIKE
THEY DO ON WALL STREET-- AND HIM STEALING THE TORCH FROM THE
STATUE OF LIBERTY. ( LAUGHTER )
MAKES SENSE. SHE WAS HOLDING IT UP TO LIGHT
THE WAY FOR IMMIGRANTS. HE'S LIKE, "BACK, YOU HUDDLED
MASSES! I'LL BURN YOU!
I'VE GOT A SILVER BULLET! BANG-BANG!
EAT FLAME, JOSE!" THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAYS THE CARDS FEATURE "AMAZING ART OF MY
LIFE AND CAREER." THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS.
BUT THEY DEPICT HIM AS A COWBOY, A RACE CAR DRIVER, AND AN
ASTRONAUT. SO IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE THE
CARDS MEMORIALIZE EVERYTHING HE'S NEVER DONE, LIKE HAVE ABS.
( LAUGHTER ) SAYING, "STEVE, YOU'RE PROBABLY
PICKING OUT THE STUPIDEST OF THESE TRADING CARDS."
NO, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL EQUALLY STUPIDEST.
HERE HE IS STANDING ON THE 45-YARD LINE ABOUT TO PUNCH A
FOOTBALL. AND HERES ONE WHERE HE IS
DRESSED UP AS A PILOT AND STOOD ATOP THE EARTH WITH THE SUN
SHINING OUT OF WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.
ANY OF THESE PRICELESS IMAGES CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $99 EACH.
THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A LOT, BUT REMEMBER, YOU DON'T GET TO
CHOOSE WHICH ONE, BECAUSE THE WEBSITE SAYS, "THESE TRADING
CARDS ARE RANDOMLY GENERATED AND DELIVERED, SO YOU WON'T KNOW
WHICH CARD YOU RECEIVE UNTIL YOU CHECK YOUR WALLET AFTER
PURCHASE." OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT.
OH, COWBOY AGAIN. OKAY.
GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ANOTHER $99.
COWBOY! ALL RIGHT, NEVER AGAIN.
AFTER THIS ONE. OKAY...
ERIC! DAMMIT!"
( APPLAUSE ) STANDS BEHIND WHATEVER HE SELLS
WITH THIS PROMISE AND GUARANTEE: "WE MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE
OR GUARANTEE THAT THE N.F.T.s WILL INCREASE IN VALUE OR
MAINTAIN THE SAME VALUE AS THE AMOUNT YOU PAID TO PURCHASE
SAME. YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT
THE N.F.T.s HAVE NO INHERENT MONETARY VALUE."
SOLID. REMINDS ME OF ARBY'S SLOGAN, "WE
MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE OR GUARANTEE THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS
MEATS." ( LAUGHTER )
TASTY, THOUGH. >> Louis: THEY DO TASTE GOOD.
>> Stephen: IN A WAY, THIS IS ALL KIND OF GRATIFYING, BECAUSE
A MONSTER WHO TRIED TO INSTALL HIMSELF AS OUR FASCIST STRONGMAN
IS NOW REDUCED TO HAWKING A LINE OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S LIKE IF HITLER ESCAPED THE BUNKER AND RELEASED MEIN KOMIC
BOOK. OF COURSE, IF THAT N.F.T.
ASTRONAUT WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT AGAIN, HE'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT
JOE BIDEN. MAYBE.
BECAUSE BIDEN HASN'T YET SAID WHETHER HE'LL RUN FOR
RE-ELECTION, AND DEMOCRATS AREN'T SURE IF HE SHOULD.
THE MAJORITY OF HIS OWN VOTERS SAY HE SHOULDN'T RUN AGAIN, AND
THE MAJOR REASON IS HIS AGE. WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
MOST 80-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T OUT THERE BATTLING PUTIN.
THEY'RE AT HOME BATTLING PUDDING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GET THE SPOON THROUGH THE SKIN!
BRING ME MY CORDLESS DRILL!" APPARENTLY, THE PRESIDENT IS
GETTING SICK OF ALL THE TALK ABOUT HIS AGE, RECENTLY SNAPPING
AT ONE ALLY: "YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW HOW (BLEEP) OLD I AM?"
"SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER SORRY.
I'M SORRY, FOLKS, NO. "SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER
THAN A REHOBOTH TAFFY, BUT JEEPERS, JACK?
I KNOW HOW OLD I AM! I'VE KNOWN SINCE BACK WHEN YOU
COULD BUY A NICKEL FOR A PENNY! I KNOW THE NUMBER, YOU KNOW THE
NUMBER, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY IT, AND I'LL TELL YOU IF
YOU'RE RIGHT. 80?
FAIR ENOUGH, OKAY. BUT THESE TEETH
ARE ONLY 15! GIVE 'EM A TAP, THEY RING LIKE
CHIMES! YOU SHOULD HEAR ME IN
THE BREEZE!" ONE PERSON--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE JOURNEY WE'VE BEEN ON HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) JOB IS OUTGOING SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE, NANCY PELOSI, SEEN HERE SHOWING WHAT SHE'D DO TO KEVIN
McCARTHY'S BALLS IF HE HAD ANY. ( LAUGHTER )
A DIAMOND! PELOSI PASSED THE TORCH OF
DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP IN THE HOUSE TO HAKEEM JEFFRIES.
AND, YESTERDAY, TO MARK THE END OF HER TERM, REPUBLICANS AND
DEMOCRATS GOT TOGETHER TO UNVEIL HER OFFICIAL PORTRAIT.
THAT IS REALLY LOVELY. BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PAINTING, MADAM SPEAKER?
OH, NICE. AND WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO WITH
IT IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT? OKAY, TOUGH BUT FAIR.
AND WHO IS LIKELY TO FOLLOW YOU AS THE NEXT SPEAKER?
>> THE POO POO. >> Stephen: YES, YES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). AN APT-- APT DESCRIPTION.
BUT HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM KEVIN. NOW, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY
THERE'S A STUPID NEW STORY ABOUT TESLA C.E.O. AND BOND VILLAI
( BOOING ) ANNOUNCING, "I WILL DESTROY THE
WORLD UNLESS YOU GIVE ME $8 A MONTH!" ELON MUSK.
EVER SINCE MUSK BOUGHT TWITTER, HE'S CLAIMED TO BE A FREE-SPEECH
ABSOLUTIST, AND EVEN TWEETED: "MY COMMITMENT TO FREE SPEECH
EXTENDS EVEN TO NOT BANNING THE ACCOUNT FOLLOWING MY PLANE, EVEN
THOUGH THAT IS A DIRECT PERSONAL SAFETY RISK."
THE ACCOUNT HE'S TALK ABOUT, @ELONJET, IS THE ONE THAT
AUTOMATICALLY POSTED THE MOVEMENTS OF HIS PRIVATE JET.
AND TO MUSK'S CREDIT, HE STOOD BY HIS FREE-SPEECH PRINCIPLES
AND LET IT STAY UP... UNTIL YESTERDAY, WHEN TWITTER
SUSPENDED THE ACCOUNT THAT TRACKED MUSK'S PRIVATE JET.
>> I REMEMBER TELLING MY ROOMMATE, "HEY, ELON MUSK JUST
DIRECT MESSAGED ME." >> ACCORDING TO THE MESSAGES,
ELON SAID, "I DON'T LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING SHOT BY A NUTCASE
AND THEN OFFERED JACK $5,000 TO SHUT THE ACCOUNT DOWN.
>> THEN I BASICALLY ASKED FOR $50,000 OR A TESLA AND HE SAID,
"THINKING ABOUT IT." >> Stephen: BUT MUSK DECIDED NOT
TO SHELL OUT 50,000 TO SHUT THE KID UP, INSTEAD SPENDING 44
BILLION TO BUY THE COMPANY AND BAN HIM.
HE'S A FINANCIAL GENIUS! AND AS A RESULT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I GOT A COUPLE, THERE YOU GO.
AS A RESULT OF HIS BUSINESS SAVVY, MUSK'S NET WORTH HAS
RECENTLY PLUMMETED, AND THIS WEEK, HE SOLD $3.5 BILLION
OF TESLA STOCK, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY.
I THINK I KNOW WHY. COULD IT BE TO INVEST IN TRADING
CARDS? ( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S PUPPIES!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREATEST BAND ON TELEVISION, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND. BEFORE WE GO OI WANT TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING WE STARTED JUST THIS WEEK.
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW, YOU KNOW WE HAVE
LAUNCHED A CHARITY DRIVE. IT'S ON THIS T-SHIRT.
IT'S CALLED THE "IS POTATO" T-SHIRT.
AND YOU ALSO GET "IS POTATO" MUG.
"IS POTATO." ALL THE SALES FROM THIS GO TO
WORLD CENTRAL AND WHICH OUR FRIEND JOSE ANDRES.
YOU GO RIGHT THERE, AND GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
A FANTASTIC CHRISTMAS PRESENT RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) AND WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN, AND
THEIR EFFORTS TO FEED THE DISPLACED PEOPLE OF UKRAINE
DURING THIS TERRIBLE WAR, WHICH IS NOW REACHING ITS TENTH MONTH.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY, OVER JUST THE LAST TWO DAYS, YOU PEOPLE
OUT THERE HAVE RAISED OVER $100,000 BY BUYING THESE
T-SHIRTS. ( APPLAUSE )
NICE THINGS. >> Louis: THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE NICE THINGS TO DO ON THIS SHOW IS BE
ON STAGE WITH THE TALENT ASKED AMAZING PEOPLE, BUT THE AMAZING
THING TO DO A SHOW WITH AN AUDIENCE LIKE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. LOVELY BOSS-- WE HAVE LOVELY
BOSSES, DON'T WE, TOM? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE LIKE MAN'S BEST FRIEND WHO NEVER ASKS YOU TO HELP THEM
MOVE. AND BECAUSE I LOVE DOGS, I ALSO
LOVE MY SEGMENT "RESCUE DOG RESCUE," WHERE WE HELP FIND
HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES. AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO
FAR, WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED
GETTING ADOPTED! THAT'S RIGHT, 100% SUCCESS--
WHICH, IN DOG MATH, IS 700%. THAT'S WHY I'M SO EXCITED TO
ANNOUNCE IT'S TIME FOR A SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION OF "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE"! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA♪ WELCOME TO "RESCUE DOG RESCUE."
HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS: WE'RE ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME
ADORABLE PUPPIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH
NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
AND TO MAKE SURE THESE LITTLE DOGS FIND A HOME, WE HAVE MADE
UP A SERIES OF FLATTERING LIES ABOUT EACH OF THEM TO MAKE YOU
WANT TO ADOPT THEM EVEN MORE. NOW, IF ONLY, IF ONLY THERE WERE
SOME CELEBRITIES WILLING TO HELP
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN! OH, MY GOD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FEALS!
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> WE SPEND ALL DECEMBER CAMPED OUT IN DOWNTOWN
>> YEAH, JUST IN CASE THE BALL DROPS EARLY.
>> Stephen: REALLY? >> NO, STEPHEN!
WE'RE LYING TO PROVE WE CAN HELP YOU LIE ABOUT THESE DOGS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT YOU NEVER LIE WHEN YOU'RE REPORTING AT
CNN, RIGHT? >> ABSOLUTELY, I LIE ONLY FOR
PUPPIES. >> Stephen: OKAY, GREAT TO
HEAR IT. LET'S DO IT.
FIRST UP: HELLO! IT'S OKAY!
FIRST UP, THIS IS PIXIE!
DUE TO A TICKETMASTER ERROR, PIXIE ACTUALLY GOT THE ENTIRE
FRONT ROW FOR THE UPCOMING TAYLOR SWIFT TOUR!
( LAUGHTER ) SELL THE TICKETS AND RETIRE
TOMORROW! >> WELL, THIS IS JUDAH.
JUDAH KNOWS HOW TO THROW THE PERFECT CELEBRATION FOR HANUKAH.
AND EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE: HE KNOWS HOW TO SPELL IT.
LOVE YOU! >> Stephen: OH!
THERE YOU GO! >> THIS IS WOLFY BLITZER.
THIS LITTLE GUY IS A TOTAL NEWSHOUND AND AN IMPARTIAL
JOURNALIST. HE DOESN'T SEE RED STATES OR
BLUE STATES, BECAUSE DOGS ARE COLORBLIND.
>> Stephen: THIS-- OH, HOLD ON, KRINGLE.
THERE YOU GO. THIS IS KRINGLE.
KRINGLE WOULD-- HELLO! KRINGLE WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT BECAUSE HE IS ADORABLE, CUDDLY AND, ALSO, A
FULLY FUNCTIONING PLAYSTATION 5. DON'T ASK WHERE THE PLUG GOES.
>> THIS FELLA IS YUKON. YUKON HAS BEEN SPECIALLY TRAINED
TO CLEAN UP ALL THE DISHES AFTER YOUR HOLIDAY DINNER, AND HE
PROMISES TO ONLY HUMP SOMEONE'S LEG IF YOU NEED A DISTRACTION
WHEN YOUR UNCLE CARL SAYS SOMETHING RACIST.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
KIND OF LOOKS LIKE YOU. >> AND BREAKING NEWS: WE HAVE A
VERY SPECIAL RESCUE DOG SILVER FOX!
THIS IS SILVER FOX. THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS REGGIE, A
12-YEAR-OLD TERRIER MIX. REGGIE IS A MATURE DOG, WHICH
MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM CHEWING ON YOUR
FURNITURE, AND HE WON'T JUDGE YOU FOR THAT LOUD GROAN YOU MAKE
WHEN YOU SIT ON THE COUCH. LET'S GO BACK HERE, RICHEY.
>> Stephen: OH! OH!
HOLD ON THERE, FELLA! THERE YOU GO!
THIS IS GLITTER. ADOPT HIM AND HE'LL SAVE YOU A
FRONT-ROW SPOT FOR NEW YEARS IN TIMES SQUARE.
HE DOESN'T MIND GETTING THERE EARLY BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE REST
OF THE CROWD, HE'S USED TO PEEING IN THE STREET.
>> THIS IS ROXANNA. I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE ROXANNA
IS THE FIRST CAST MEMBER OF THE BRAND-NEW BRAVO SERIES "REAL
HOUSEPETS OF NEW YORK." HER TAGLINE IS "I MAY BE A DOG,
BUT THIS BITCH IS NO MAN'S BEST FRIEND."
( LAUGHTER ) >> HEY, HOW'S IT GOING.
>> THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU, TOO. >> I KNOW!
FINALLY, THIS IS SPICE. SPICE WANTS TO SPEND NEW YEAR'S
EVE WITH YOU WATCHING THE BALL DROP, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T BRING
UP THE FACT THAT HE HIMSELF NO LONGER HAS ANY DROPPABLE BALLS.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT DOES IT FOR "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"!
ALL THESE DOGS ARE UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE
ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA. HEAD TO THEIR SITE OR SCAN THE
Q.R. CODE RIGHT THERE FOR MORE INFO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, TO "THE
LATE SHOW." LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUESTS
TONIGHT ARE THE ANCHOR OF CNN'S "ANDERSON COOPER 360," AND THE
HOST OF BRAVO'S "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE."
THEY'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 25 YEARS.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY
COHEN! ♪ YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME
YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME ♪ ( APPLAUSE ).
ELEPHANT MUSIC? WAH-WAH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE BOTH OF YOU GUYS HERE.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE. >> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING US PUSH THE PUPPIES.D&
>> LOVE PUSHING PUPPIES. >> Stephen: ANDY THANK YOU FOR
DRESSING APPROPRIATELY. >> YES, I WAS A BIT SURPRISED AS
WELL. >> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO A
LOT OF JONNY CASH. >> YEAH!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T BLAME YOU.
ALWAYS GOOD, MAN IN BLACK RIGHT THERE.
>> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THE ALBUM "HURT."
IT'S SO GOOD. >> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
WOW. YOU OKAY?
HERE'S THE THING, YOU GUYS-- EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S NOT
NEW YEAR'S EVE WITHOUT THE TWO OF YOU IN TIMES SQUARE FREEZING
YOUR BONES OFF. >> WE LIKE TO THINK WE ARE THE
ONLY TV HOSTS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE WHO ARE ACTUALLY HAVING FUN.
>> Stephen: IN YEARS PAST, YOU REALLY DO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE
HAVING FUN. AND I KNOW YOU'RE ACTUAL
FRIENDS. WRUR NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.
OF COURSE, IT'S BIG NEWS OUT THERE, THAT OUR OLD FRIEND CHRIS
LICHT, WHO USED TO BE THE EXEC ON THIS SHOW, SAID NO DRINKING
ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. IS THAT GOING TO HOLD?
IS THAT GOING TO HOLD ( AUDIENCE BOOING )
HE DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE. HOW ABOUT A COCKTAIL?
ANDERSON... THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) >> CHEERS!
>> WHAT ARE WE DRINKING. >> Stephen: WHAT ARE WE
DRINKING? THIS IS ANDY'S.
>> WE'RE HAVING A TEQUILA FRESCA.
THIS IS A FRESQUILA, A TEQUILA AND FRESCA.
>> Stephen: I FEEL LIKE IT'S 1977 AND I SHOULD BE SMOKING A
VIRGINIA SLIM. I HAVEN'T SEEN FRESCA SINCE I
WAS LIVING WITH MY MOTHER. >> I DIDN'T KNOW THEY STILL MADE
IT. >> YES!
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY DELICIOUS.
YOU CAN REALLY TASTE THE, TASTE THE-- AH... SACCHARIN.
WELL, FELLAS-- NO, NO, NO. IT STAYS RIGHT THERE.
YOU CAN PUT IT DOWN.
YOU CAN TUT OF PUT IT DOWN. >> THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE ALSO HAVE A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA IF YOU WANT TO
DO A SPIDER BITE. >> A SPIDER BITE?
THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO. >> Stephen: COME ON, I'LL JOIN
YOU. THERE YOU GO.
NOW, FELL AS, LET ME ASK YOU THIS ABOUT-- DO YOU WANT A LIME?
>> SURE. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> HE IS SO BAD AT THIS. >> Stephen: YOU ALL RIGHT?
THERE YOU GO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT
SHOT? JONNY CASH.
>> YEAH. ( LAUGHTER ).
AWAY FROM YOU, YOUNG MAN. >> NO, NO, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
STEPHEN. >> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, FELLAS. WHY-- I'M JUST CURIOUS-- WHY--
WHY DOES CNN COVER NEW YEAR'S EVE?
>> THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. YOU KNOW, I STARTED COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE, LIKE, 17 YEARS AGO FOR CNN.
>> Stephen: ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT TIME DIDN'T PASS THAT
NIGHT? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY
NEWS IS IF 2 DIDN'T BECOME JANUARY 1 AT MIDNIGHT.
>> THEY HAD NO ONE ELSE TO DO IT, SO I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT.
I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT BECAUSE I HATE-- I HAVE ALWAYS HATED NEW
YEAR'S EVE. >> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND I DIDN'T WANT TO, LIKE-- NEW YEAR'S EVE IS NEVER WHAT YOU
EXPECT IT TO BE. YOU TRY TO GO TO A CLUB IN NEW
YORK. THE LINES ARE TOO LONG.
YOU CAN'T GET A CAR. >> YOU WIND UP GETTING
CHLAMYDIA. >> EXACTLY.
WHO AMONGST US -- >> Stephen: IS THAT A FLOWER?
A TYPE OF ORKIT KID. >> I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 17
YEARS. >> Stephen: DO YOU ENJOY NEW
YEAR'S EVE, ANDY? >> I LOVE NEW YEAR'S EVE.
I LOVE AN OVER-HYPED EVENT. AND, YOU KNOW, COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE IS-- I SAY THIS EVERY YEAR-- IT IS LIKE A TELETHON
WITH NO DISEASE. WE'RE STANDING THERE JUST
MARKING THE PASSAGE OF TIME. ( LAUGHTER ).
ENTROPY. >> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S ENTROPY. >> SO IT'S AN ODD THING.
>> WE'RE THERE FOR FOUR AND A HALF HOURS.
AND IT'S FREEZING COLD. >> Stephen: THAT'S INSANE!
>> AND THEY DON'T ALLOW SPACE HEATERS OR ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT? >> IT'S A SECURITY ISSUE.
I DON'T KNOW. NEW YORK CITY DOES NOT --
>> Stephen: DO YOU WEAR FLAMMABLE CLOTHING?
>> ONE YEAR WE WORE ELECTRIC CLOTHING TO TRY THAT OUT.
IT DIDN'T SEEM TO WORK. >> Stephen: ANDY, LAST YEAR,
YOU WERE A BIT... OVERSERVED AND AT A CERTAIN
POINT YOU WENT ON-- >> THIS MAY BE WHY WE AREN'T
ALLOWED TO DO THIS YEAR. >> ALL RIGHT!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU WERE GOING ON A RANT--
>> THAT WAS ONE OF MY RANTS, YES.
I HAD THINGS TO SAY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
RANT ABOUT. >> Stephen: I BELIEVE THE RANT
WAS ABOUT THE BAND JOURNEY WHO WAS PERFORMING WITHOUT STEVE
PERRY IN TIMES SQUARE. >> I THINK RYAN SEACREST
ACTUALLY HAD BOOKED THE BAND JOURNEY AND THEY WERE PERFORMING
BEHIND US. >> AND THEY SPRAYED ME WITH
THEIR STUFF. >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN? >> I'M COVERED WITH THEIR
GLITTER THERE. >> Stephen: OH, LIKE THE
GLITTER BOMBS AND STUFF LIKE THAT?
>> YES. SO IT JUST RUBBED ME THE WRONG
WAY AND I WENT OFF. >> Stephen: THERE WAS FALLOUT
FOR THIS, WASN'T THERE? >> HE WAS RANTING IT WASN'T THE
REAL JOURNEY. >> I WAS CALLING IT "FAKE
JOURNEY." >> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
PHONY. >> RIGHT, RIGHT.
NEIL SCHOEN WONT AFTER ME FOR A YEAR.
>> Stephen: THE GUITARIST. >> YES, AND I FELT TERRIBLE
AFTERWARD, BUT I'M A BIG STEVE PERRY FAN.
>> I'M A JOURNEY FAN AND I THINK THEY'RE FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE AN AN BIASED JOURNALIST IS WHAT YOU
ARE. YOU DON'T PICK SIDES.
>> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: I WANT TO POINT
OUT, LOOK HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO WATCH HIM GET IN TROUBLE.
>> YEAH, I KNOW. THAT IS A FACE OF SOMEBODY
WATCHING MY OLD FRIEND JUST, LIKE, DIG HIS GRAVE.
AND I'M JUST LIKE, I'M SO GLAD THIS IS NOT ME.
AND I'M JUST KNOW-- >> Stephen: EVERYONE THIS IS
LIKE-- AGAIN, THIS DOES LOOK LIKE THE MAN WHO IS ENJOYING
HIMSELF TO A DEGREE THAT WAS NOT ANTICIPATED BY THE CREE.
>> RIGHT. >> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
EVERYBODY HAS A FIRST GETTING TOO DRUNK STORY.
DO YOU, ANDY, I'M GOING TO GUESS, DOWCH ONE?
>> I DO. I REMEMBER I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS UNDERAGE. I SHOULDN'T VSH DRINK EXPUG
DRANK TOO MUCH. AND I REMEMBER I WOKE UP IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I HAD TO-- I WAS SICK.
AND I KNEW THEY WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM.
AND SO I PULLED OFF MY BOXERS, AND I BARFED IN MY BOXERS, AND I
WASN'T OF RIGHT MIND. SO I JUST OPENED THE WINDOW AND
THREW THE BOXERS OUT, OUT WINDOW.
OF COURSE, WHAT I WASN'T REALLY THINKING BECAUSE MY ROOM IS OVER
THE FRONT YARD. AND SO THE NEXT MORNING MY DAD
TURNS UP AT MY DOOR AND SAYS THERE'S A PAIR OF YOUR BOXERS ON
THE FRONT LAWN THAT ARE MESSY? THAT WAS MY FIRST.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WE ALWAYS
REMEMBER. >> WE ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR FIRST.
AND NOW LOOK AT ME! I'M A PROFESSIONAL, DAD!
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GIVE HER A KISS. WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOSTS OF
CNN'S "NEW YEARS EVE LIVE," ANDY COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
WE'VE HEARD THIS YEAR ABOUT BOTH OF YOUR NEW BABIES.
>> YES! >> Stephen: THIS IS THE SECOND
BABY FOR BOTH OF YOU. THIS IS RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS SECOND BABY FOR BOTH, RIGHT.
>> YES. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE ANDERSON SON SEBASTIAN LUKE ROUTE HERE,
AND ANDY'S DAUGHTER RIGHT HERE. >> THEY BOTH LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
FRENEMIES. THEY'RE SKEPT PEL OF EACH OTHER.
>> Stephen: SEBASTIAN LUKE IS A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS AND AFRAID
SHE'S GETTING THE AUDITION RIGHT HERE.
>> SHE GOT THE PART! >> Stephen: SHE GOT THE PART.
CAN I ASK WHERE SEBASTIAN LUKE COMES FROM.
MY PARTNER, BENJAMIN, AND I WE JUST LIKEDLET NAMES.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO NAME YOUR CHILD--
>> BENJAMIN, HE IS MY EX, BUT WE'RE RAISING KIDS TOGETHER, AND
HE'S THEIR PAPA AND I'M THEIR DADDY, AND HE WORKS IN FRENCH
AND ENGLISH. AND WE COLLECT ARTS, AND HE LIKE
THE ICONOGRAPHY OF ST. SEBASTIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU NAMED YOUR BABY BY SOMEONE KILLED WITH
ARROWS. >> IT'S ICONIC AND OLD MASTER
PORT RATOUR. >> Stephen: CLASSY, CLASSY.
LUCY EVE. WHAT'S THE STORY?
>> SEBASTIAN WAS TAKEN. AND SO --
>> Stephen: YOU LOVE THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
>> YES, EXACTLY. NO, MY DAD'S NAME IS LOU, MY
MOM'S NAME IS EVELYN. >> I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR THE
PEANUTS. HE LOVES SNOOPY.
>> I DO. >> Stephen: THEN HE WOULD NAME
HIS DAUGHTER SNOOPY. YOUR FOLKS ARE STILL WITH US,
CORRECT? >> THEY ARE.
.OH, THANKS FOR BRINGING THAT U. >> Stephen: I KNOW FROM--
>> I CALLED MY RABBI. IT'S OKAY.
THERE ARE MANY TRADITIONS IN THE JEWISH RELIGION.
AND-- >> Stephen: ONE OF THEM HERE,
EXPLAIN WHAT THAT TRADITION IS. >> ONE IS THAT YOU DON'T NAME
YOUR CHILDREN DIRECTLY-- THE DIRECT NAME OF YOUR PARENTS--
YOUR LIVING PARENT. THIS IS A-- THESE NAMES ARE IN
TRIBUTE. THEY'RE NOT THEIR EXACT NAMES,
OF COURSE. AND IT'S OKAY-- I GOT A
CLEARANCE FROM MY RABBI. THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
>> Stephen: IS IT TOP MAN? LYCRA BY POPE?
>> TOP WOMAN. >> Stephen: OH, GOOD, GOOD FOR
HER. >> OH, NICE!
I GOTTA TELL YOU. >> Stephen: YES SIR.
>> I THINK I'M DRUNK FROM THAT TEQUILA
>> AND YOU'RE ON THE AIR TONIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A SHOW TONIGHT?
>> YES, HE DOES. >> Stephen: LET'S DO ANOTHER.
>> NO, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.
( APPLAUSE ) I'M GOOD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S THE TWO OF YOU AS KIDS.
THERE YOU GO. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU TWO LIKE AS KIDS?
>> THIS IS EMBARRASS AGO. >> Stephen: LOOK AT YOU RIGHT
HERE. >> I LOOK LIKE YOUNG PAUL LYNN
ON THE CENTER SQUARE, OR A MIX BETWEEN TRUMAN CAPOTE OR PAUL
LYNN. I'M NOT SURE WHICH IS GAYER.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WERE HITTING THAT BANANA PRETTY HARD
RIGHT THERE. WHAT WERE YOU GUYS LIKE AS A
KID? WERE YOU A GOOD CHILD, ANDERSON?
>> I WAS A VERY GOOD CHILD, YEAH.
I WAS VERY RESPONSIBLE AND VERY SWEET.
>> Stephen: RESPONSIBLE. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THAT TODDLER?
HE'S SO RESPONSIBLE. VERY FEW TODDLERS ARE DESCRIBED
THAT WAY. ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW ABOUT YOU? >> I WAS GREAT.
I USED TO GO AROUND TO THE NEIGHBORS' HOUSE, I USED TO
IMITATE THIS PREACHER NAMED ERNEST AINGELY, A FAITH HEALER
ON TV. >> Stephen: OH, SURE.
>> I AND WOULD GO TO THE NEIGHBORS AND HEAL THEM.
>> I USED TO IMITATE DIANA BRELIN.
>> Stephen: REALLY. DID YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS AS A
KID KID? >> I WAS A VERY STRANGE KID,
CLEARLY. I WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN...
>> HE'S DRUNK. >> NO, I'M NOT.
>> HE'S DRUNK! LEES DRUNK!
HE'S DRUNK! HE'S GONE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> ONE SHOT!
ONE SHOT! >> I WAS
( GIGGLING ) I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY IT.
I WAS ( GIGGLING ).
>> Stephen: WHAT AS A CHILD COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT MADE
YOU GIGGLE? AS A CHILD YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN. >> I WAS INTERESTED IN THE ZULU
WARS. >> Stephen: LIKE CHELMSFORD?
>> I WAS. >> Stephen: DID YOU SING "MEN
OF ARLIK." >> THE VANDERBILT BOY!
>> YES, I KNOW. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ANOTHER LITTLE BREAK HERE. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL TALK
ABOUT FINDING LOVE IN THE NEW YEAR WITH ANDERSON AND ANDY.
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. LOOK WHO'S THERE.
IT'S ANDY COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER, HOST OF CNN'S "NIEFS
LIVE" NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE. NEW YEAR'S, OBVIOUSLY, IS ALL
ABOUT NEW STARTS, FRESH STARTS, PEOPLE TAKING A NEW APPROACH TO
LOVE. ANDY, ARE YOU READY TO GET BACK
OUT THERE? >> I AM.
I'M BACK OUT THERE. I'M ON THE YAPPS.
I'M ON TINDER. I'M ON RYA.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS RYA? >> IT'S A MEMBERS ONLY DATING
THING. IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF INSTAGRAM
INFLUENCERS -- >> Stephen: IS THERE AN
INTERVIEW PROCESS TO GET ON THERE?
>> YOU HAVE TO BE REFERRED BY SOMEONE TO GET ON.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU ON THERE? >> NO!
>> I WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE, AND I WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE ON TINDER.
>> I'M NOT ON AN APP. >> Stephen: CAN YOU IMAGINE,
ANDERSON COOPER COMES UP. THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC.
MY FAVORITE THING IS TO TALK ABOUT THE BATTLE FROM 1840?
WHAT IS IT? >> EARLIER THAN THAT.
THE MOST VICTORIA CROSSES EVER AWARDED.
>> I SAW SWRULUE WITH MICHAEL CAINE.
INTRODUCING MICHAEL CAINE. LET'S WORK ON HIS PROFILE.
LET'S SELL ANDY T PEOPLE OUT THERE.
BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIEND? >> HE'S THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
HE'S LOYAL. HE'S FUNNY.
HE'S A GENUINELY GOOD PERSON. >> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S BE
HONEST. WHAT'S THE DOWN SIDE?
>> DOWN SIDE? >> Stephen: WELL YOU HAVE TO
BE HONEST HERE. >> HE WORKS CONSTANTLY.
HE PRODUCED CONTENT AROUND THE CLOCK, AND IS EXHAUSTING TO BE
AROUND. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
ANDY, AN DIERKS LET'S GET ANDERSON OUT THERE.
LET'S SELL SOME TICKETS TO ANDERSON COOPER.
WHAT'S THE BEST PART? >> SILVER FOX.
YOU GET LOST IN HIS BIG BLUE EYE S.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. >> SUPER SMART.
>> Stephen: SUPER SMART. >> COME FROM THE VANDERBILT
LINEAGE. A LOT OF BAGGAGE THERE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF BAGGAGE. >> PLUS AND MINUS.
PLUS AND GLIENESS BUT ON THE PLUS, HE'S A QUICK DRUNK.
>> QUICK DRUNK, CHEAP DATE, BIG GIGGLER.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. GENTLEMEN, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE
YOU AGAIN. HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR'S EVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR. ( APPLAUSE )
ANDERSON. "NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE WITH
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN" IS ON CNN DECEMBER 31st.
ANDERSON AND ANDY EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS
CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. >> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING
STEVIE WONDER'S "SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS" WITH THE HARLEM
GOSPEL CHOIR, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MEN WON'T BE BOYS
♪ PLAYING WITH BOMBS LIKE KIDS PLAY WITH TOYS
♪ ONE WARM DECEMBER OUR HEARTS WILL SEE
♪ A WORLD WHERE MEN ARE FREE SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL BE
♪ NO WARS WHEN WE HAVE LEARNED WHAT
♪ CHRISTMAS IS FOR WHEN WE HAVE FOUND OUT WHAT
♪ LIFE'S REALLY WORTH THERE'LL BE PEACE ON EARTH
♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL COME TO BE
♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE MEN ARE FREE
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND ME
♪ BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME ♪ ♪ ♪
SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS
♪ WE'LL SEE A LAND WITH NO HUNGRY CHILDREN,
♪ NO EMPTY HAND ONE HAPPY MORNING
♪ PEOPLE WILL SHARE OUR WORLD WHERE PEOPLE CARE
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL BE NO TEARS
♪ WHEN ALL MEN ARE EQUAL AND NO MAN HAS FEARS
♪ ONE SHINNING MOMENT ONE PRAYER AWAY
FROM OUR WORLD TODAY ♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE ♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE
MEN ARE FREE ♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MAN WILL NOT FAIL
♪ HATE WILL BE GONE AND LOVE WILL PREVAIL
♪ SOMEDAY A NEW WORLD THAT WE CAN START
WITH HOPE IN EVERY HEART, ♪ SOME DAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE ♪ SOMETIMES IN A WORLD WHERE MEN
ARE FREE. ♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LATE SHOW BAND, EVERYBODY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! GOOD NIGHT!
( APPLAUSE )