sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
El Gato!
2x05 - "Squad"
Ah. You truly have a way with a polishing rag.
My boots could not be happier. Could you, Boots?
No, we could not, Uncle Puss.
"Uncle Puss." They amuse me so.
Boots, say "thank you" to the nice man.
Thank you, nice man.
You're welcome... Boots.
Ah, the buffing.
The most crucial step in the entire process.
The one stage that may not, under any circumstances, be interrupted.
Puss in the Boots! He stole my lamp.
Thieves can be afraid of the dark too. Don't judge me.
No! If you move, the polish will get all streaky.
I am rendered helpless.
I'll stop him, Puss.
Darn it! I can snag him with a bandit-snaring spell.
It should only take five minutes.
Or a year.
Someone, please!
I cannot have streaked boots. It is gauche.
Hm?
You are San Lorenzo's last line of defense.
You can be a hero.
I think you should let me pass.
Clearly, there is only one hero in this town.
Come, Boots. Ya-ha!
Puss, I finished it faster than I thought!
And...
My life choices are validated by your failure!
No need to thank me, Puss.
I had no plans to.
My friends, it has become clear
that when I am unavailable, this town has no defense whatsoever.
I am worried about the number of monsters and villains
that have been showing up in town.
There was the dragon, the mole people, that creepy mermaid...
Puss in the Boots, you were the one who brought them all here.
Yes, well...
...this is no time for the blame game.
What we need are suggestions on how to better protect San Lorenzo.
Um, a moat filled with lava.
A moat filled with pickles.
Barrels that go around the barrels we already have.
Double barrels.
No, no, and no.
This is all nonsense, which is the worst kind of sense.
Well, I could, I don't know, take a crack at fixing that spell
that once hid San Lorenzo from the rest of the world.
Wait, you can restore San Lorenzo's protective spell?
Why have you not done so?
I've been busy, Puss.
Macramé owls don't just make themselves.
Artephius, you must do everything in your power to restore that spell.
I'll try. It should only take five minutes.
Or a year.
Also, can someone remind me where I live?
No other suggestions? Nothing else?
Suppose I am eaten by a snake?
- Or an octopus? - Mm.
Or if a snake eats the octopus that has eaten me?
Or if, having eaten the octopus...
We can help you, Puss. Me and Mr. Cubbie.
Let's go, team!
Did you know that anyone who comes within a two-foot radius of me
will definitely get kicked?
Yay!
Oh.
Yeah!
See, Puss?
You've already got the best defense ever.
The Junior Puss Squad. Present badges!
Toby, that is not your Junior Puss Squad badge.
That is your biscuit from a snack time.
It can't be, I ate my biscuit.
Oh, boy...
My friends, I admire your gusto,
but I am afraid that none of these tricks could repel a serious threat.
Aw!
On the other hand...
if I were to train you in my brand of heroic combat,
you would, in no time, become a nearly undefeatable force.
Do you mean it, cat? You'll teach us?
Say you will, Puss.
I will.
Now, who wants to become a real hero?
- Me, me, me, me! - We begin tomorrow.
I cannot imagine another threat coming to San Lorenzo before then.
Somebody take this horrible, noisy box.
It's keeping my baby awake at night.
And it smells!
It is El Moco, the terrible one.
He steals from nuns. And babies.
- And baby nuns. - He kills people who look at him funny.
Or who dream about looking at him funny.
He... uh... doesn't look too good.
In fact, he looks like he wouldn't mind
if we helped ourselves to his sword and nice clothes.
You three, why did you not attack?
We are terrified of you and never want to come near you.
That is nice of you to say.
Now get over here. You are my henchmen.
You are going to help me get revenge
on the one who trapped me in the box:
Puss in the Boots.
I am Puss... in Boots.
I am Toby... in a vest.
Huh?
Fear us...
...if you dare!
So the orphans are already done with their training?
You be the judge of that.
They have put together a little show for you.
Oh, look! Here comes an evildoer!
I am a terrible villain.
I am kidnapping, and...
littering.
The Junior Puss Squad has not attacked yet.
They are stalling in order to build suspense.
Very heroic.
And in four, three, two, one...
Ha! Ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha!
You see how good they look? Eh? Eh?
Hear this, villain.
'Tis not red the streets will run with your blood,
but black, for your heart is black as darkest night.
And then we do a bunch of fighting stuff,
you know, blah, blah, blah...
And then, once we've won, we sing our victory song!
♪ Oh, we're the Junior Puss Squad ♪
♪ We always save the day ♪
♪ So if you're an evil villain, you better run away ♪
♪ We're fearless, we're valiant, we're braver than you ♪
♪ And we'll stomp down on your head ♪
♪ Until your brains squirt out like goo ♪
I'm a bit confused, Puss.
I thought you taught them how to fight.
So far I've just seen a lot of strutting around and posing.
That is 99 percent of fighting.
Beyond that, there is really only swordsmanship,
fisticuffs, Irish wrestling, equestrian technique,
and that spinning through the air thing.
Perhaps I could check their skill level in these areas, but I hardly see the need.
♪ Oh, we're the Junior Puss Squad ♪
♪ We always save the day ♪
♪ So if you're an evil villain, you better run away... ♪
Children, I take orders from no man, cat or vegetable.
But Dulcinea thought perhaps I should do a quick check
on your combat technique.
I assume that fighting comes as naturally to you
as it does to me, but let us make sure.
I will portray a victim needing to be rescued.
Here's the plan: we hurtle through the town like demons,
ruthlessly slaughtering anyone who steps in our path,
until we have captured Puss in the Boots,
or die trying.
Aw, I don't want to do this.
You see? I am completely helpless,
at the mercy of anyone who would wish to do me harm.
Or maybe we don't do all that.
That guy really knows how to teach.
I mean, it's one visual aid after another.
Look, we let the cat out of the bag.
But not out of his fate.
El Moco, you brutish fiend.
I have but one thing to say to you:
Nice hideout. I like the quilts.
It's an abandoned quilt mill.
So I see. Very homey.
No, it's abandoned, so it's scary and menacing.
Uh, ignore the quilts.
Puss in the Boots, I was planning to just kill you,
but since you disrespected my hideout, I've changed my mind.
Torture him for a while.
No. No, no, no, no. No!
You fiends! Is there no end to your deviltry?
Ooh. It's a string.
Who wants a string?
No, stop it, stop it, stop it!
I'm telling ya, this isn't right.
He's been gone so long.
She's right. There's something fishy about this whole setup.
Come on, let's go rescue Puss.
Guys, I'm sure it's just a part of Puss' training.
Like how he taught me to deal with monsters under my bed.
They're not real, so if I just close my eyes,
they'll go away.
Mm...
Toby!
Monsters! They're everywhere.
All right, what's next?
Hm...
We don't have many torture-y things around here.
We could wrap him in quilts.
Very tight, so it's uncomfortable.
That's not torture.
How about, we could make scary faces at him.
Like, really scary.
No, I've got it!
We'll lock him in the same box that he locked the boss in.
See how he likes it.
No!
Are you sure we're going the right way?
Of course. Did you know that when you're a highly trained hero,
you develop a sixth sense for finding people who need to be rescued?
Also, there are footprints.
I don't hear anything. Maybe he passed out from fear.
Or maybe he was driven mad by the impossibly cramped quarters.
Open it. I can't wait to see his broken spirit.
Huh?
Leche fountain...
- His will is too strong for our torture! - Shh!
He's sleeping.
No more playtime with the three idiotas.
I'm handling you now.
Do what you want.
Before long, the Junior Puss Squad will be here,
and they will handle you.
The Junior Puss Squad?
The children I have groomed to be heroes like myself.
I spent an entire afternoon training them in the Way of Me.
Children?
You think that children are going to rescue you?
Of course. That is, unless they find themselves too distracted
by all of your lovely, pretty lovely quilts.
Well, since you like the quilts so much,
maybe you would like to learn how to make one.
This gear powers all those looms.
It is very strong,
as you will learn firsthand, when it grinds you into cat food.
By which I mean... food made from cats,
not food for cats.
You are wasting your time, El Moco.
If I trained the Junior Puss Squad well, and I did, of course,
they will be bursting through that door
in four, three, two, one.
Kids. What are you going to do?
Why didn't you hear them coming, big ears?
I did. I just did not want to spoil the surprise.
Look at that strutting.
Hi-yah!
Are they going to... do anything?
They are doing plenty.
That is world-class posturing, right there.
Hear this, villains.
Though the temptation to do evil lies fallow in the... Whoa!
Perhaps I did go a little light on the fighting instruction.
You sure trained yourself
a nice little rescue team there, Puss in the Boots.
All of your showy antics, but no skill.
Useless.
It was foolish to try to make children into heroes like you.
Junior Puss Squad, he is right.
You cannot be heroes like me.
You can only be heroes like you.
You guys get what he's saying?
- Uh-uh. - Mm-mm.
We have to be us.
Hm. I can never figure out how to get these things started.
Good. This will buy some time.
That was not much time.
Mr. Cubbie needs to go potty.
Wait. Teddy bears don't ever need to go...
I filled Mr. Cubbie with rocks.
Huh?
Ha! Did you know that is definitely going to leave a bruise?
Yay!
Holy smokes!
Take one step closer and I drop him in.
Or stay where you are, and I drop him in.
- Huh? - What?
The point I'm making is that I'm going to drop him in.
Children, perhaps I was a bit unclear a moment ago.
Now would be an ideal time to be yourselves.
Heard you loud and clear, boss.
Cleevil, what are you doing?
- Yay! - Puss in Boots!
Huh?
It stings!
The secret ingredient is brine.
I'll get you, Puss in the Boots!
Toby, roll!
Huh?
No! My favorite sword.
There's so many people we didn't get to stab.
Hi-yah!
Yeah!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Fear us...
...if you dare.
This is not over!
I will come back stronger than ever and destroy you, Puss in the Boots!
That is what they all say.
I apologize, my friends, for trying to change you.
You are not like me.
You are like you, and that is a wonderful thing.
Forget everything I taught you.
Like not to eat my badge?
No, remember that.
Wait, how did you get your badge back?
I would prefer not to talk about it.
Hey, Puss, I think there's at least one more thing you taught us
that might be useful right now.
♪ Oh, we're the Junior Puss Squad ♪
♪ We always save the day ♪
♪ So if you're an evil villain, you'd better run away ♪
♪ We're fearless, we're valiant... ♪
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~