- Where is she?
- Just over six weeks ago,
ten brave singles
took a blind leap of faith in order to find love.
They married as complete strangers.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Don’t know the square root of 3,000 ♪
Last time, our couples went on a retreat
in hopes of strengthening their marriage
before that all-important Decision Day.
- ♪ Play my heart like a violin ♪
- Jasmina, if you, like--you decide
you don’t want to stay, you’re gonna really regret
the moment of not staying in this marriage
because you’re gonna say,
"I really did love him,"
and it’s mutual,
but you just don’t both know that yet.
♪ ♪
- I woke up this morning at four,
really sick to my stomach.
- Thanks for taking me. - Oh, yeah, of course.
As long as she knows I’m there.
No matter what happened yesterday,
I’m still gonna, you know, help her,
no matter what we go through.
- I really appreciate it.
- ♪ You’re taking up all my time ♪
- You know, it sounds like you want your single life,
you know, and that’s not married life.
- You know, it’s just, like, a big life change for me.
- A part of me is a bit concerned because
it may be a signal
that she might not be taking the marriage seriously.
Okay, do you really want to be married to me?
♪ ♪
- I know you--you said you
wanted to have kids in two years right?
How much more do you have left in school?
- Two years.
- How you gonna have kids in two years
when you just coming out of school?
Our timeline is not meeting,
and these are decisions that I have to make
when it gets close to Decision Day.
I want you to be realistic, that’s all.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Come back home ♪
- And tonight, with less than two weeks
before Decision Day, our husbands and wives
will get a glimpse into each other’s pasts...
- This is my childhood home.
- As they try to build an even stronger bond
with their partner.
- One person made all the pain and loneliness
you felt disappear.
- I do appreciate Jasmina being super open.
- This was actually my main stuffed animal, Sparky.
- So cute!
- I mean, he’s, like 38.
That’s a long time to have a stuffed animal.
- Why no kissing and touching?
- I don’t have, like, the urge.
- It’s hard to hear from somebody that you want to be
in a relationship with tell you that
she doesn’t want to be physically intimate.
- All men require attention, but for him,
he requires, like, a little higher level.
And it could be draining for me, personally.
♪ ♪
- I’m not gonna let you hurt me.
That’s it. The wall is up.
You’re out.
♪ ♪
- ♪ It’s all or nothing ♪
- This is "Married at First Sight."
- ♪ There’s no other way ♪
♪ It’s all or nothing ♪
- ♪ I don’t need anybody but you ♪
♪ No, I don’t need anybody but you ♪
- Back home we go.
- The couples retreat has come to an end,
and our couples are returning home to Boston.
And with less than two weeks before Decision Day,
it’s important that our couples dive deeper
and be vulnerable with each other
before they have to make
the most important decision of their lives.
♪ ♪
- When the medium came, who did you think
was gonna come and speak to you?
- I assumed my mom, my grandmother,
was probably gonna come about,
or give them messages at some point.
I didn’t--I didn’t expect my brother would at all.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- She also mentioned two people.
- There was something, like, two other people.
Were there two other people that were involved
in what happened to him?
- Damn, yeah.
- ’Cause they’re saying two other people.
- Yeah.
Um, the two people she’s referring to
were the two people that picked him up from work.
- Mm-hmm. - And...
The story is, on the drive back to bring him
home from work, he got into some type
of road rage incident where he got to the red light,
and the guy in the car
shot at the passenger seat my brother was in.
And there was a guy driving and somebody else
in the back, so...
That’s what she means by two people.
- Wow. - Yeah.
When I heard that, I’m like, "Oh, [bleep]."
- I know.
That’s when I was like, oh, damn.
I’m noticing a lot of change in him.
It definitely has become a lot easier for Michael
to trust me to be able to open up and be vulnerable.
- Anything she said to you shock you?
In terms of where she-- - About me?
- Yeah.
- Twins, a year and a half.
- Yeah, that’s the part that’s like, hmm, I don’t know.
- That mean that we had a slip-up.
[both laugh]
- ♪ So let’s chill out and take a ride ♪
- Oh, my knees hurt.
♪ ♪
- I’m looking forward to more road trips with you, husband.
- Oh, are you?
- Yeah! I liked that.
Can we go when it’s snowing?
In wintertime? - Oh, Jet Skiing?
I mean skiing? - No.
- I love to ski. - I want to do that dog thing.
- You want to do the dog thing. What’s that?
- You know when the dog-- sleigh ride thing?
- Oh, sleigh, yeah. - Yeah.
Being in Vermont gave us a chance to spend time
with each other away from the city.
We got into some nature and we got to do new things
we’ve never experienced before.
I feel like since I’ve met him,
I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone.
I never thought I would run with the sheep,
or whatever that animal is...
[music winds down]
[crickets chirp]
So I’m thankful for my future baby daddy
because he just makes me feel like a superwoman.
[laughs]
- I feel like we--I feel like the biggest thing we got
out of the couple retreat is learning about each other,
like, hitting-- going deeper than the surface.
That’s the biggest thing I got out of that whole thing.
That’s the part that matters to me.
That’s what part I’m focused on moving forward.
It was cool chilling with all the couples.
I had fun, but time is cutting down.
It’s time for us to really start
locking in on deep questions.
- Yeah, of course.
- I’m worried about our future timeline.
Can we have kids within two years?
[clears throat] Am I gonna sacrifice traveling?
Am I gonna sacrifice to see if Katina could keep me
satisfied while adding more to her plate?
I don’t have an answer.
[sighs]
God, I’ve been waiting for this
since we got out of bed this morning.
[laughs] - To lay back down?
- A very positive day. - [laughs]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Last night there was a dream in my head ♪
♪ There was a dream in my head ♪
- Every couple’s marriage journey
is uniquely their own.
But it’s our job as experts to make sure
they have the all the tools to make
the biggest decision of their lives.
- Are you excited to see where I come from?
- Yeah, I want to see where little Olajuwon grew up.
- Got my first car at this car place on the corner here.
- This week, as the couples share
insights into their pasts...
- Oh, my God, that’s the nursing home
right there that I used to volunteer at.
- The brick building right there?
- The goal is to build
more emotional intimacy
by revealing something vulnerable about themselves.
For some, that will be easier than it will be for others.
So this week, we’ve also encouraged
each person to write a letter to their younger self
at a significant time in their life.
We hope that revealing more about themselves
and their past will allow for a clearer picture
of their present and their future.
♪ ♪
- How does it feel to be back home?
- Amazing. - Yeah?
- I always love coming home.
Cannot believe we are on my old childhood street.
Wow.
Well, this is my childhood home.
♪ ♪
This was, like, the last place where,
like, I lived with my mommy and dad under one roof.
We eventually left this place ’cause,
after they got a divorce, my mom didn’t want to stay
in a house that was originally his.
- Okay.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
Our bathtub was like, green.
But like, all of my sisters have a photo
in the same bathtub with, like, our dad
just, like, washing our hair.
So I’ll always remember that.
Showing Michael around my home is kind of bittersweet
because growing up was a little rough,
but I feel like it’s important
for him to just understand how I am
the way I am today, and, you know,
understand things that I’ve been through,
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
♪ ♪
Right here. This is my school.
Wow, playground, everything’s still here.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
This is where I went to school
when a lot of things were happening back home,
and it was, like, my safe space, like my outlet.
Like, my sister and I--
like, we just, like, really had each other.
My dad was just always on the road
because of work.
Like, he was a truck driver. - Mm-hmm.
- He used to come here and pick me up
in his big-ass truck,
and I used to be so embarrassed.
And I had met a teacher here, and her name was Mrs. Potaski.
And I, like, loved her so much.
She used to make me, like, forget about
anything that was, like, happening, like, at home...
- Yeah, yeah.
- And gave me a lot of love when she didn’t know
that that was, like, missing in my life.
♪ ♪
- You think if you never met Ms. Ptaki, then--
- Potaski. You gonna respect her!
- What’d I say? - "Ptaki."
- Okay, Ms. Potaski. If you didn’t meet her,
you think you wouldn’t be a teacher now?
She had that much of a profound impact?
- Yeah. Probably not. - Damn.
Does she know that?
- No, I don’t think she knows that.
- Damn.
It’s tough to hear, you know,
the things that she’s been through
and how they affected her
because, you know, I do care for her.
But, you know, when it comes to traumas,
when it comes to childhood, of course,
I want to know those things, because those are
the things that really help me understand her
and see her as a full person.
♪ ♪
- So I’m gonna read you
a letter that I wrote to my younger self,
which is around this time.
- I’m excited.
- Here I go. [laughs]
"You went through a lot as a child.
"Your biological mom left you. Your dad left you.
You got bullied."
♪ ♪
- Take your time.
♪ ♪
- "Your first stepmom...
[sniffles] "she never hugged you.
"She never loved you.
"And you felt alone in that house.
"During this time, school became
your safe space, and you met Mrs. Potaski."
♪ ♪
"One person made all the pain
"and loneliness you felt disappear
"and change your life for the better.
"Now fast forward 24 years later.
"You’re 29 and a teacher.
♪ ♪
"You’re a teacher because you love children.
"You want to make a difference in their lives,
"guide them, and teach them.
You want school to be a safe space for them..."
♪ ♪
"Just like it was for you."
♪ ♪
"You made it out, and not many people can say that.
"So keep living the life you’re living now,
and I promise you’ll be proud of the woman you become later."
♪ ♪
[both sniffling]
[both chuckle]
I do appreciate having Jasmina be super open,
super vulnerable, I mean.
Okay. [clears throat]
♪ ♪
I’ve never heard her go into such detail
about the things that she’s been through.
It’s just showing me
how much progress we’ve made,
because, up until recently,
we couldn’t even have these conversations.
And I love getting to see what made Jasmina who she is today.
Hearing all that, it’s like I see you more.
I think it also makes me appreciate, like,
how strong you are now.
You know?
And you can see somebody and see they’re strong,
see they’re articulate, see they’re confident,
and just assume that they have never been through anything.
♪ ♪
It makes me proud of you, like, knowing all of that.
Makes me proud. - You’re proud of me?
- Yeah. - ♪ I think you’re a star ♪
♪ Can I watch you shine? ♪
♪ Let me see you ♪
- ♪ Think you’re messing with my head ♪
♪ Just cause I let you in my bed ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Think you know me ♪
♪ But you don’t know me ♪
- I feel like Mark has spent the greater majority
of our time together saying how I’m "too much"--
too loving, too giving, too caring, too energetic,
too much, too much, too much, too much.
And I spent a good majority of last night listening to him
talk about how I was too much in five different ways.
- It makes me realize that
he should find a lesser woman
because I don’t want to make
myself any less for someone else.
♪ ♪
[train horn blares]
- ♪ Everybody always acting like they know me ♪
- ♪ They do, they do ♪ - ♪ But they don’t though ♪
- It was interesting growing up around here.
Having a single mother
with three brothers, two sisters.
Four people were living in a two bedroom.
My bedroom in the back-- it had twelve windows,
and it was literally a back porch.
One of my other brothers-- his bedroom was the attic.
That’s not-- that’s not a bedroom.
- Mm-hmm.
- These buildings is what made me who I am.
I love where I come from.
But it was tough as [bleep] growing up in the projects.
And me and my wife are raised totally different,
so I just hope that, you know, she doesn’t judge me.
This is why I take everything so serious.
When I say, "Let’s go to college,
let’s bang out our student loans,"
these are things I accomplished.
Buy a house. Sell a house.
These are things I accomplished.
It’s all because these brick buildings.
♪ ♪
We used to play football right here in the street.
If you touch a car, it’s out of bounds.
We’ll make this, like, the touchdown zone.
Every day, somebody’s arguing
cause somebody hit somebody’s car who came out here.
- Oh, my God. - But there was so many kids.
We just didn’t care.
But these are the things that--that--
it’s special to me.
- It’s like I can see little Olajuwon
running around with his brothers.
- I used to be a little fat boy when I lived out here, though.
- I know, you told me you were ten pounds
when you were born. I’m like, "Holy [bleep]."
I definitely think that it’s cool and admirable that
he’s not ashamed of where he came from.
’Cause, you know, some people, it’s not something
that they want to go back to when they become successful.
They just want to, like,
keep that in the past and block it out.
So I’m just happy that he’s letting me
into that side of his life to express himself to me.
I like that you brought me back
to, you know, where you grew up.
It’s like I get to see a piece of who you are.
- Yeah. - Even if, like, later on,
if we have kids, I’ll be like, "Your dad grew up here."
When we’re, like, passing by, you know,
like, I can tell your story too.
- I’m very open and I’m very passionate
about where I come from, you know?
It’s why I am who I am.
I know I get tough on you.
I know I get upset kind of easy.
[laughs]
But I think it’s just because of how I was raised.
Like, out here, just growing up,
you can’t be-- you can’t be soft.
They will smack you, whatever, call you a bi--
whatever they want.
So I think that’s the reason why,
when I feel like I’m being triggered
or I’m being played with,
I let it be known right from the beginning,
because that’s how I was raised.
It’s not because I’m trying to be a tough guy,
but this explains half of my battle.
This explains to you why I am why I am.
- I see it.
- Katina’s life experience is different than mine
because she was raised in the suburbs, you know.
Her mom has a nice house.
She has a five-bedroom house, two baths.
This [bleep]’s real.
I don’t want you to ever think that I’m just
this guy with high energy and he’s good
and then, when he gets upset, he’s not good.
And I love that you take the time to know me,
’cause you--you could have easily said,
"Nah, he doesn’t come from where I come from,
"and I’m straight, I’m not doing this.
"I don’t want a man who’s like this.
"I want more of a guy who is more proper
with how he dressed."
But you don’t. You look past that.
♪ ♪
I thank you for that, for real. - I got you.
- ♪ Yeah, it’s time to shine ♪
♪ Yeah, it’s time to shine ♪
- Thank you, for real.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Did you know you were playing with fire? ♪
♪ Did you know you were playing with fire? ♪
[knock at door]
- Hey. How are you? - Hi there.
I’m good. I hope you are too.
- I’m okay. It’s good to see you.
- Likewise.
With just a week and a half left until Decision Day,
this is such a crucial time in these marriages
because each husband and wife really needs to focus
on whether or not their partner is truly giving them
what they need to sustain a long-term marriage.
And we expect our couples to use this time left
to continue being vulnerable
because without vulnerability at a marriage’s foundation,
it is sure to eventually crumble.
I know it’s been difficult.
I know you guys have been up and down a lot.
So tell me where you think you’re at,
and what are the things that
you need to work on that I can help with?
- My struggle in the marriage has been
the same struggle I feel like I’ve had for weeks,
where we have good times,
and then very frustrating conversations for me.
It’s hard for me to be overly affectionate
if we have difficult arguments that drain me.
When we were in Vermont, um, I used the word "hyper,"
I think, and it triggered something up.
I thought that, because you get so hyper,
it might be nice-- - Okay, that’s rude.
- I wasn’t being rude. It was a joke.
- I’m gonna go get a water.
- I would never know that, so it’s like I get--
I feel bad, but I get frustrated.
It’s like, I have no clue all the words
that may trigger you to feel a way.
- Well, "hyper" is not a compliment.
♪ ♪
What do you mean by hyper?
- Like there’s times when we’ll be, like,
laying down, and like, Lindsey will want to wrestle,
and I, like--
I know that she’s, like, being playful,
but sometimes it’s too much, so I’m like,
"Okay, you need to like stop. I don’t want you to be like--
"I don’t need you licking my neck
"and biting me and pinching me.
It’s just too much. Like, once, cool."
But too much, and then I tell her to stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, and--
- And you don’t stop?
- I don’t think he’s ever said to me, like,
"Lindsey, I really don’t like that, stop."
Usually it’s like, "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop."
You know, it’s like this playful thing with him.
- I have never said it like that, ever.
♪ ♪
[laughing] Can you stop?
- It’s time to wake up.
- [laughing] Stop, please.
- Wha--what?
- [laughing] Stop, stop. Stop means stop.
- Well, what this is telling me is you guys are lacking
a lot of basic understanding of each other.
- Absolutely.
- Can you ask each other questions?
- No. - Why not?
- He’s so quick to justify everything.
"Oh, it was a joke."
"Oh, well, you took it the wrong way."
"Oh, you’re too oversensitive."
Like, you just always make these justifications
for your behavior.
And then you say you apologize,
and we resolve them-- nothing is ever resolved.
You walk away, and you dismiss me.
I don’t know what to tell you.
I get to this point where I’m like, "Okay,
"you don’t want to care?
I don’t want to care more," and I don’t care.
♪ ♪
And I’m not gonna let you hurt me.
No more.
You don’t get to come in anymore.
That’s it. The wall’s up.
You’re out.
♪ ♪
- Those are final types of words.
Why don’t you talk to him, ask him if he doesn’t care?
- I--I don’t want to hear his answer.
[dramatic music]
Because I’m not sure this is the right guy for me.
♪ ♪
- Why don’t you talk to him?
Ask him if he doesn’t care.
♪ ♪
- I--I don’t want to hear his answer...
♪ ♪
Because I’m not sure this is the right guy for me.
♪ ♪
- I think you should hear his answer.
- Mark, do you care about what I say?
- I do.
- How?
- I don’t do anything to deliberately hurt you.
And I think you view it as I’m doing stuff
to deliberately hurt you, and I’m not.
If I was deliberately gonna-- I’m gonna hurt you,
I would just end this relationship
and be done with it.
- I actually believe that. I do.
- I don’t think he considers-- - But the second question
is a different question. - Yeah.
- "Are you thinking about how things will affect me?"
That’s a different question.
- For me, I think it’s the same one.
Like, if you’re my husband, and you’re supposed to--
like, your vow is choose me first,
and you’re vowing to choose me first,
you’re gonna take me into consideration
in all things you do and act.
♪ ♪
You know, the other day, I said,
"Mark, pay attention to us."
And then he went straight to Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat,
text messages. I said, "Wait a minute.
I just asked you for, you know, a few minutes."
And it’s hard for me because I’m like,
I just can’t get his attention even for five seconds.
♪ ♪
- One of the things that both of you said
is how much you were going to give to this.
Both of you were people who said you’d give your all.
- I think I’ve done that.
- And I think you have in many ways.
But it also takes growth.
And what it needs is for both of you
to work against the things
that have kept you from marriage
up to this point.
My firm belief is that if you could give more affection
and support and focus to your wife,
that some of the behavior that bothers you the most
would diminish greatly.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I’ve asked you to try and reduce the pressure.
Let him move towards you,
as opposed to you moving towards him.
- You know what, though?
I want somebody I can have fun with.
I want somebody who’s going to be dynamic
and embrace me and lean into me,
not telling me I’m too much and I need to be less.
I want somebody who’s going to try the new food.
Talk to the new person-- - He did try the new food.
Didn’t he try sushi? - I’ve tried a lot of food.
- No, seriously, didn’t he?
- He tried some cucumber rice?
- Are you chewing it?
- Yeah, two to three bites.
- What is this stuff again? I don’t even know what this is.
- Salsa. That’s my favorite salsa.
- What is that? - A grape leaf.
It’s, um--
- [chewing] [laughs]
What is this?
- Give him a break. Seriously.
You just said, "I want somebody who will try new foods,"
and he’s trying new foods through you because of you.
- It’s hard to hear that because I feel as though
the majority of it, he was like, "Don’t try and--
Don’t give me new things. I don’t like it."
- Can you just do it in chewable bites?
If we have seven meals a week, I know, with knowing you,
every meal, you’re gonna, "Here, try this.
"Have you tried it before? You haven’t tried it before?
Why don’t you try it? Try it."
- [laughing] "I hate that.
I don’t like it." "Have you ever had it before?"
"No." "Then how do you know?"
- But-but--but, like-- - But he’s saying baby steps.
He saying something fair, Lindsey.
Baby steps. - I say to you several times,
the food is the same thing with the feelings.
Let me get there.
Demanding them and needing them, I get--
you want it, I get it. I know it.
You tell me every day, every week.
I get it. I know what you want.
Like, I know how to love someone.
I have, plenty of times, been overly romantic
when I haven’t been--
you gotta give me what I need.
If you let me, I can bet all my money on it.
I can do everything you’ve never been given,
like I said pre-wedding.
You want to be told you’re important.
You want to be told that I appreciate you.
You want to be told that no matter what happens, Lindsey,
you’re going to make it through because you’re a fighter.
I know how to touch your heart.
- ♪ ’Cause I know we’ve been hurt ♪
♪ But I know we can make it ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ You take the high road ♪
♪ I’ll take the heart road ♪
- So where I’m taking you today...
is the last place me and my mother lived together.
- Okay. - I lived there from 14 to 18,
so pretty much all my high school years.
- Have you been back since, or...
- No.
I haven’t been back since...
The last time I was on that street,
I was cleaning out the house.
It’s a lot of mixed emotions
bringing Jasmina to my old neighborhood
’cause I haven’t even been here myself
over a decade, when my mother passed away.
- It’s this one right here? - Yeah.
It’s the little gray house.
It was green when we lived there.
♪ ♪
So I’m a little anxious.
I’m not sure how I’m gonna feel
being in my old neighborhood.
Remember, I told you this. The last time my mom
tried to give me, like, a spanking,
she hurt herself in the process,
and we looked at each other and just laughed,
like, all right, I’ve outgrown that.
It was in that house. - In that house.
[laughs] - It was in that house.
Hindsight, looking at it, like, between 14 and 18
was a lot of like, joyous, happy,
loving times.
It feels good to be here. I thought it’d be a lot more
emotional for some reason, but...
It’s a lot of happy moments in this house,
on this street in general.
- Was gonna say it’s good that you can just pull up
and your first thoughts are, like, nice ones.
- Yeah.
My past and my upbringing has made me someone
who, you know, deals with things
and goes through life kind of
as a lone wolf, I would say.
I’m gonna take you to the park that I went to
that’s, like, right around the corner.
But means a lot to me to have my wife, Jasmina,
by my side right now because,
even though it is uncomfortable
for me to open up, I know it’s for the better,
and I’m not running away from it.
I feel like doing a lap for old times’ sake.
- I’ll be right here watching you.
- [chuckles]
- Whoo!
- I brought you to this park because
me and my brother always used to get up here
every single day in the summertime.
7:00 a. m.
Faithfully.
And at the time, it was annoying.
At the time, we were just like,
"Yo, why is he bothering me?"
Now that I think about it, I feel like I needed that.
♪ ♪
- Did your mom ever come out to the park?
- Mm...
No, but I remember us talking about, like,
when she see me and my brother working out all the time,
we always talked about, like, her coming with us
one of these days and just walk in the park with us.
Kind of wish we did, though. - Yeah.
- Hindsight.
♪ ♪
So without further ado...
"Dear younger Mike.
"Life is not going to be full of laughter
"and smiles all the time, and that’s okay.
You’ll be okay."
♪ ♪
"But here’s a bit of advice to help you along your journey.
"Don’t be afraid of letting your emotions out
"during these tough times.
"You don’t have to go through any of this alone.
"Voicing your feelings does not make you weak.
"Showing emotions does not make you any less strong.
"There’s beauty in resilience.
Let people in and see that part of you."
♪ ♪
"I’m not sure how else to tell you this, but...
"hold your mom a little tighter.
"Appreciate her a little more.
"When she brings up things like going to church with her,
"go.
"Don’t pout. Don’t complain.
"Just go.
"Spend more time with her.
♪ ♪
"She’ll beat cancer the first time.
"And you guys will both dance, jump up and down,
"when she does.
"But when it comes back the second time,
"it’s here to stay.
♪ ♪
"Cherish these last few moments.
"You’ll regret it if you don’t.
"I know all that I’m saying
"sounds like your life is full of hardship.
"It isn’t.
"Continue on the path that you’re on.
"You’ll be okay.
"Actually, you’ll be better than okay.
You’ll thrive."
♪ ♪
- That was beautiful. - Thanks.
♪ ♪
- The growth from when I first met you
to now is just beautiful.
- Yeah.
’Cause I remember in Puerto Rico,
I was just like, "Nah,
"we’re not talking about certain [bleep].
Just not happening."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You know, that level of vulnerability
that I built with Jasmina,
putting all your feelings,
all your insecurities, everything out on the table,
and knowing that she’s not going to judge me
for whatever I say, or for whatever emotions come out.
I just hope that can only make the romantic part
of the relationship grow before Decision Day.
♪ ♪
I mentioned in my letter, like,
being more present, cherishing moments.
And that’s obviously something that me and you have to do,
because we’ve made a lot of progress together,
but we still have things that we need
to figure out, being so close to Decision Day.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Back in love ♪
♪ Back in love with you ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ I just wanna make you happy ♪
♪ I just wanna make you feel good ♪
♪ Even if for only just one day ♪
♪ ♪
- So this is it, huh?
- This is it.
♪ ♪
- Hi, how are you? - Hi.
- Welcome! [laughs]
- Thanks for having us over. I missed you guys.
- It’s pretty significant to bring my wife
to my childhood home
because, I mean, we always lived here,
so there’s a lot of history here
between family parties, us growing up as children,
us coming back now, you know,
bringing my nieces and nephews back around.
So you know, it’s a huge, important place in my life.
And this is the backyard.
One kind of cool feature is that we have,
like, a back driveway here and a front driveway.
- Oh, nice. - So like, yeah, we--
- That’s how the kids would escape at night,
you know, when the-- [all laugh]
When we’re sleeping, they’d be like,
"Oh, let’s snea--"
- They would run out the back.
- We had this one trick where we would throw
the car in neutral, so you didn’t start it.
- [laughing] Roll it down. - And roll it down
the driveway, and then start it once you got halfway
down the street. - That was a game you played?
- That wasn’t a game.
It was a way to get out without me--
- Without waking anyone up. - Oh.
- We heard you, but... [laughs]
- And just to give you a bit of Waltham history.
There were some epic parties thrown in this basement.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You guys are pretty popular. - My name rings bells
around the city. [all laugh]
You know, ask an old Walthamite about what happened here.
They’ll tell you a few stories. - Yep.
- Can’t wait to hear about it.
♪ ♪
- This is the room that me, Jeff, and Dan
all lived in as children.
- You guys all lived in this room?
- Yeah, there was a bunk bed over there.
And then there was another bed here.
- I can’t believe, like, three boys grew up in here.
- Yeah, Jenny lucked out ’cause she was the only girl,
so she had her own bedroom, and we all shared this one.
I mean, now you can see it’s completely made
for the, you know...
- The grandkids. - The grandkids, yeah.
- There are so many toys and diapers.
- Yeah, this was actually--
I don’t know if it was my first,
but it was my main-- - That’s yours?
- Yeah, this was my main stuffed animal,
Sparky. Yeah. - So cute.
I mean, he’s, like, 38,
That’s a long time to have a stuffed animal.
- Probably should bring him with me,
but he’s probably safer here.
- [laughing] So-- but it’s very sweet.
I’m, like, imagining him as a kid
running around the house with little Sparky.
Now it’s replaced with little Sushi.
[laughs]
What year did you graduate high school?
- 2001. - 2001.
Oh, I didn’t play lacrosse this year ’cause I broke my hand.
- That’s right.
- Superlatives, here we go. - [laughs]
- Oh, were you voted best...
dancer?
What?
- 2001. - How am I not surprised?
- Oh, you shouldn’t be surprised.
Nothing should surprise you. [both laugh]
- So were you pretty popular in high school?
- Oh, yeah, I think so.
I got along with everyone. - Oh.
Since we just came into each other’s lives,
you know, we don’t have a really good understanding
of what, you know, our lives have been like
leading up to this point.
So visiting the childhood home of my husband--
it gives me a really good sense
of him as a full person.
And, I mean, it’s all new information,
so it’s, like, really, like, cool to hear about it.
- So I think I told you the story.
I had a friend, Ryan.
We used to just sit in the basement all day long,
just making beats.
We made, like, I want to say, like, you know,
somewhere between 15 and 20 songs for the album.
So this song is called "Get Down."
- Oh, my gosh.
[bombastic electronic music plays]
- "Get Down" was a hit in our home town.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Massive ♪ - ♪ Get down ♪
- Oh, I haven’t heard this in such a long time.
I’m so excited. [laughs]
- So the CD basically-- you know, it just circulated.
And this is before streaming and before anything like that.
We had burnt CDs that we would sell.
And yeah, I mean, you know,
you would hear it in cars around the city.
- I like it.
- This is you? Oh, God.
- I mean, it sounds like something that you would hear
on the radio. It was awesome.
♪ ♪
- I never imagined a situation where
I’d be playing this for my wife.
So yeah.
[laughs]
- ♪ Doing it in the left coast ♪
♪ Shout out to my boy Mike Prophet ♪
[laughter]
- Yay, that was so good.
Oh, my gosh. - There it is.
- It seems like he had a pretty wonderful childhood.
You know, he was always surrounded
by family, and they were all supportive,
and he always had a ton of friends.
But I feel like, because I had such a rough childhood,
it’s made me a little bit tougher,
um, has made me, you know,
probably grow up in a faster way.
So I just hope that he understands
how wonderful he’s had it.
I can’t believe I married a rapper.
- [laughs] - You married a rapper.
- ♪ Y’all not as fly as me ♪
♪ Why you keep tryin’ me, I built this dynasty ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ I feel the love ♪
♪ I feel the love ♪
♪ ♪
- I’m taking baby JC to the vet...
to get that eye checked out.
Aw.
Dad’s having a hard time.
JC’s 14 years old.
What a good boy.
♪ ♪
- So here we are today at the veterinary place,
emergency vet in Boston.
I brought JC. He had a sore in his eye.
He’s got two on his back, and I found two more
this morning and last night, so I brought him right in,
’cause I just don’t want to keep him in pain.
If he’s in--if he’s in pain,
so I want him to get looked at right away
to make a decision on what’s the best for him.
I got JC in 2007 and he was only six weeks old.
He’s been with me since I started
my first job in the gym industry.
He has been there through when my dad died, many apartments,
and he made it all the way to my wedding.
♪ ♪
It’s, uh...
I think of just how nice it is to have, like,
a friend that you can...
♪ ♪
You’ve done so many things with.
♪ ♪
- Come here, baby JC.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God, he’s purring.
♪ ♪
What’s up, baby?
♪ ♪
- The X-rays.
Um, she saw one of them... [sniffles]
One of them looked like there was some stuff on his lungs
that will spread.
- They didn’t see it last time?
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
So, uh... [sniffling]
She was like, you know, if it was--
"If it was my cat..."
She was like, you know, to probably just--you know,
"What’s his quality of life gonna be?"
[sighs]
So if it’s on his lungs, and it’s gonna spread,
even if he’s okay, right today, it’s gonna get worse.
Then he’s gonna be in real pain, sitting there,
even worse, and not eating.
So I think it’s probably
in his best interest to say goodbye.
♪ ♪
- You’re a good cat dad.
- ♪ I can’t help but traveling down ♪
♪ Memory lane ♪
- I’m glad Lindsey’s here to be supportive of me.
And...
it’s one of those events that
when a couple goes through a tragedy,
it can really-- can really shapen them,
their bond.
So I’m glad that we went through this together.
It’s one of those things that I won’t forget.
- ♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Goodbye, my friend ♪
- Let’s go. - Okay.
- ♪ Ain’t nobody ♪
♪ Gonna love you like I do ♪
♪ Ain’t nobody ♪
♪ Gonna show you the things I’ve showed you ♪
- You ready to pray with me? [laughs]
- I’m right here, baby.
I love the art on the windows.
- Come sit, so we can talk.
♪ ♪
The reason why I brought you to church
is because, when I was younger,
I, like, grew up in church, even though it was only for,
like, two hours, every Sunday, I had fun.
Like, that’s where I got my first best friend, Imani,
the one who was a bridesmaid.
- Church here?
- Yeah, met her at church.
- Oh. - My mom forced me to do
a purity ring class.
You know what that is?
- Mm-mm.
- It’s when you won’t have sex before you’re married.
[music winds down]
[chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- I think I was, like, ten.
And I was like, "I don’t want to do that."
I always knew I wasn’t gonna wait that long.
[laughs]
But, like, when I think back to my childhood,
that was, like, one of the funnest times that I had
’cause I had my friend there.
It was, like, kind of, like,
I guess an escape, I guess?
- Your whole family used to go, or just--
- Yeah. When I was young,
my grandmother used to live with us.
So it would be me,
my grandmother, and then all--all my brothers.
So we had to go to church. We couldn’t miss it.
- Damn. - Yeah.
[chuckles] - My dad was like that, too.
When I was being raised, my dad wasn’t there every day.
- Mm-hmm. - But he would come
every Sunday on the beat.
- Come get you guys? - Come get us and, like,
would sit through one, like, session, and then
he was like, "Hey, we’re gonna do another one."
- Mm.
And then she--after,
we would always go get donuts after.
- My dad would make us go get cheeseburgers.
- Oh, he--he was giving you cheeseburgers?
- Yeah, he did. - It’s like, I don’t know.
Maybe that was like their way of being, like, "All right."
- "You did it." - Yeah.
[chuckles]
It wasn’t until as I started,
like, growing more into my youth,
I saw different, like, prayers being answered.
And, like, I always believed,
but it was like, you know, someone’s showing you.
And I mentioned it when we first got married,
but when I was going through this process,
I found out my mom had breast cancer.
♪ ♪
I’m the type of person--
I just think, like, positive.
So I knew that they found it early enough.
So I just had confidence in God that he wouldn’t--
this is for whatever reason, for whatever reason
my mom got this, he’s not gonna use it
to, like, take her off the Earth.
- No. - Like, she will be fine.
So I just put that in my mind that she would be fine.
And of course, I prayed for her.
I pray--I pray every single day.
And I think that’s why I have, like, so much peace
in my life.
So just ’cause, like, I’m always--
I include him like he’s my friend every single day.
- It was touching to hear about her mom,
because both my mom and Katina’s mom
went through breast cancer.
And they both are on recovery.
So I can see why Katina goes to church.
That’s her way to feel like
she’s being heard, she never feels alone.
So would you raise your child-- your children in a church?
- Yes, 100%. - Yeah.
- ’Cause I feel like,
you know, you should plant the seed in your children.
And then, when they get to a age, they can decide.
- Yeah, and it just puts a little thought in their mind,
like, hey, if you ever feel like you’re lonely
and you cannot go to anybody,
you--there’s always somebody there you could go to.
- Mm-hmm. - Even if it’s not physical,
but there is somebody you could rely on.
It’s a blessing.
- Yeah. - So, absolutely like that.
- Phew, I’m glad we’re on the same page.
- Yeah, I like that.
- [laughs] - That’s huge. That’s huge.
♪ ♪
- Hello.
- Hi! - Hi, I’m Noi.
- I’m Aly. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Aly.
- Steve. - Aly, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Aly.
- You guys ready to dance?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Well, we’re gonna have fun today.
It’s gonna be cool, no worries.
I’m gonna just jump right in.
- Okay, awesome.
When I think about my childhood, like,
my favorite memories are usually of me, like,
just dancing and having fun.
- Step one, two, three, four.
- Growing up, my parents were so stressed out,
and they worked all the time.
And we were not encouraged
to express ourselves as children.
So dancing let me let go and be free and get lost
in the movement and the music.
So I’m excited to do this with my husband.
And hopefully, he’ll enjoy it, too.
- Okay.
- Ready? - Think so.
♪ ♪
- ♪ La-la, make you move ♪
♪ Let’s start talking ♪
♪ ’Cause I know what you’re feeling ♪
♪ Saying our hearts are rocking ♪
♪ In sync with the beat, so insane ♪
- I feel like Steve is doing so good.
I’m so impressed.
His face is so stern,
and he’s so serious, and he’s hitting it.
You know, it’s just like,
"Whoa, my husband is, like, really serious about this!"
- ♪ I don’t want to be the one waiting on you ♪
♪ Go ahead and make them, make ’em, make ’em move ♪
- [laughing]
Steve’s having better luck with the moves,
but I’m definitely having more fun, I think.
- ♪ Got nothing to lose ♪
♪ La-la, make you move ♪
- Yay!
I think Noi’s bringing me here
because music is such a big part of her life.
- That was so fun. Thank you.
- Thank you. - You’re very welcome.
- That was awesome.
Whew, I got a workout in.
- You watch her social media story,
she’s always doing some type of singing and dancing.
So yeah, I think it’s an important aspect
of who she is.
I think we have a lot in common in that respect,
that we can take life seriously,
but at the same time, joke around and dance around,
you know, just enjoy the moment.
♪ ♪
I feel like we need--we need,
like, five more runs. - Yeah.
- And then I’ll feel like we’ll tighten it up.
- When I was a kid, we had, like,
mirrors in our basement, actually.
- Really? - Just like this.
- You had a dance studio in your basement?
- Yeah, so I would just, like, play all, like,
my pop music and, like, dance.
It was really fun. I used to pretend
I was, like, a singer. [chuckling]
I mean, I still do that, honestly.
- Yeah, every time I--
- I think you’ve caught me doing that.
- Every time I walk into the bathroom, you’re like...
[chuckling] Like, I know what you’re doing.
- It’s like, "I wasn’t dancing."
[laughter]
The reason why music is so important to me
now and when I was growing up is because, like,
we weren’t encouraged to really express our anger
or, like, when we were emotional or upset.
That just wasn’t acceptable in our household.
So I think for me,
it was a really good emotional release, too.
Like, sometimes I would just listen
to, like, sad or emotional songs.
And I’d be like--and all these emotions would just come out.
And so it was really kind of
a therapeutic kind of release for me, even as a child.
I don’t know.
It would just make me feel better.
And I think that’s why, when we’ve had arguments,
why I had such a hard time expressing that to you.
So it wasn’t, you know,
me making the choice to not express myself.
It just wasn’t something that I had grown up doing,
so it just didn’t come natural for me.
- It is a bit sad to hear that.
She wasn’t able to express her emotions.
But for me, I’ve always
been allowed the freedom to create
and to dream up things for myself,
so hopefully can create an environment
that she can dream and picture, you know,
possible futures
and give me an understanding of who she is
and what she needs.
- I want you to know that
sometimes, when I fight with you over things,
like, social media or whatever,
it’s not because I’m not invested,
but it’s me holding on to my independence, and--
not independence from being married.
But, like, just me as an individual.
- I think, you know, what it comes down to is,
you know, it’s nice to hear
that it’s just a matter of, you know, taking the things
I’m saying and taking them into consideration,
you know, I mean, while still feeling
free enough to express yourself, right?
Like, you know, I’m not trying to
stifle your being or stop you from, you know,
expressing who you are.
You know, you’ve seen
the considerations I’ve made for your feelings, right?
Like, I--I have adjusted things I wanted to say or do
or whatever just to make sure that you’re okay and that
I wouldn’t do something to hurt you
if I know it’s going to
because I do want to put your feelings first, you know,
and I just wanted to feel like
that I’m getting the same respect back.
- ♪ So free ♪
♪ Yeah, ooh ♪
♪ And though I’m not really sure ♪
♪ What this all might mean ♪
♪ Yeah, trial by fire ♪
[upbeat music]
- ♪ When I was standing letting go ♪
♪ What if we tried something different next time ♪
[knock on door]
- You need to go open it.
- Drumroll, please.
- [chuckles] Hi, there.
- Hello.
- Michael and I are definitely excited
to have this conversation with Dr. Pepper.
And I think it has a lot to do with us
being in a really good place.
So it feels good to finally be around an expert
’cause we know that we’ve been putting in our work
every single day.
- Well, that’s pretty.
- Thank you. I got them for Mike.
- Oh, nice!
- He said women don’t give men flowers.
- I give flowers to my guy.
- Really? - Yeah, I do.
- Mike and I have not had a conflict
for a very long time,
so I am very proud of that.
- It sounds like things have been pretty good.
But maybe you want to tell me
how it’s been going and what--
what has been happening that has created
a so much better situation.
- You know, the turning point for us was
when we did the Dr. Viviana exercise.
With the lack of communication,
I don’t feel that you
honestly care sometimes.
- I wish I trust you more.
Once we have more conversations
and I don’t feel like you’re being defensive,
that would be a step in the right direction.
- Since then, we haven’t, like, had any conflicts
or, if we felt some type of way
about something, we talked it out.
- I know when we talked, you talked about
you need to soften, and you seem softer to me right now,
you know, in terms of being open and emotional,
but that you couldn’t be until
you felt you knew who you are with.
- Mm-hmm.
- What have you learned about your husband
that has made you feel
like you’re not only getting along,
but that you’re communicating well?
- I felt like in the beginning, I had to, like,
pull teeth or always, like, ask him questions about himself.
And now, naturally,
it just comes to just talk about himself.
- I had to just push through that discomfort in order
for us to have a chance at staying married.
- So once he started
to become more vulnerable and more open,
I got soft. [chuckles]
- Yeah, you did.
- Let me ask you a different question.
What do you have to unlearn from your past?
- Hmm, that’s a good question.
♪ ♪
Growing up,
I kind of built a muscle of, like,
if I’m going through something, to just handle it on my own.
We wouldn’t really let people know how I’m feeling.
And I think it just came from
not wanting to burden people, right?
But that’s something I’m really gonna have to unlearn,
because if I’m with somebody,
and I’m not letting-- letting her know
what I’m feeling or what I’ve been through
or the thoughts that I have, then we’re not gonna
be able to grow with each other ’cause she’s not gonna
ever really get to know me.
- We do have to be strong in life.
Life challenges us.
But we’ve been told that we need to be strong alone,
and that’s not true.
We’re stronger together.
- Right, right.
- Kind of, like, you know, you have to be tough
as opposed to open and vulnerable.
- Yeah. - What about you?
♪ ♪
- Just piggybacking off of you said,
this--me being independent.
- Can’t steal mine. - [chuckles]
I’m not stealing yours. - It could be true
for more than one person.
- But I mean, I was taught to be independent.
Never, like, depend on a man to do X, Y, and Z,
like, you can do it yourself.
You know, if a man leaves, who’s going to do it?
You, you know? - Right.
- So what kinds of things would you
need to answer that you feel
is still in play between you
about feeling not only good about Decision Day,
but thereafter as well?
- Well, we talked about,
if we were to have kids, when that would happen.
- What’d you say?
- We both said a couple of years.
- Did we?
- Two to three-ish. - Two to three?
- What’s your number?
- A year and a half.
[laughs] - No, seriously?
- Yes. - Oh.
- I want a lot of children.
I got to start pushing ’em out.
- So you want to be trying in 18 months, or...
- Yeah, trying. - Okay.
It’s a big difference. - Well, there, you see?
You know.
Now, of course, that brings up another issue
in terms of "How are we trying now?"
[laughs] I mean, what are we--
[laughter]
Or what are we trying?
- We walked right into that, too.
- Ooh, okay.
Well, we still aren’t physical in the sense of, like, kissing.
- I can see a lot of intimacy between you.
You know, you look at each other.
You’re reading each other.
There seems to be a great connection.
You’re talking about very serious things.
Why no kissing and touching?
- This is the happiest I’ve been.
But in that department, I’m just not there yet.
I don’t know if I just really gotta kiss him
to see if I’m there yet,
but I don’t have, like, the urge to, like,
just run up and, like, lay one on him.
- It’s hard to hear from somebody that you
want to be in a relationship with,
but there’s nothing I can do to force romance.
All I can do is continue doing the things
that Jasmina has asked of me as a husband,
and the rest is up to her.
- Well, I would advise you to start doing some--
certainly, like, holding hands.
Do you hold hands at all?
- Yeah, yeah. - We’ll randomly hold hands.
You was holding my hand in my sleep.
I felt that. - Yeah.
- Holding hands, cuddling.
There’s many expressions of affection
that you can do genuinely.
It’d be good for you,
because here you are, planning families,
and I have to tell you that there’s sex involved.
[laughter]
- Yeah, it’s great that we have this connection.
It’s great that we have progressed.
It’s great that we can communicate
with each other now, but the romance factor
has to grow.
’Cause, you know, I do want my wife
to be my best friend, of course,
but not just my best friend.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
- Hi. - Hey, how’s it going?
- Good.
I just finished up my letter to myself.
- Oh, yeah?
You think you’re ready to read it?
- I’m, like, a little nervous.
- You look a little nervous.
- But I think it’s a good exercise,
’cause I feel like there’s still going to be so much
that we have to learn about each other.
So, I guess--
you want to hear it?
- Yeah, let’s do it.
- [sighs] Okay.
"Dear Noi,
"you don’t know yourself yet,
"and as a result, the world seems overwhelming and complex.
"This is because there’s a world of emotions
"inside of you.
"Right now, it’s unnerving, but you will soon realize
"that it is not a curse to feel so much,
"even though you were reprimanded for it.
♪ ♪
"I’m sorry you felt the need to hide
"when you were scared and upset.
"I remember like it was just yesterday when you watched Ma
"come home from the chicken factory.
"And she had bloodstains on her face,
"and you cried yourself to sleep
"because it broke your heart
"to see her have to work so hard.
"In some ways, this made you feel like a burden.
"None of that weight was ever yours to carry.
"And if your family knew you carried this pain,
"it would break their hearts too.
"I’m sorry you were not allowed to express
"the full range of emotions inside of you.
"Since you felt being seen and heard was such a burden,
"you will hide a lot about yourself to people you meet
"because you were afraid of being seen.
"I’m sorry that you ever questioned your place
"in this world, because you are more than worthy.
"And the love and acceptance you are seeking
"is actually inside of you.
"Trust it.
"And it’s okay if you don’t yet,
"because I still love you endlessly.
Love, your future self."
[chuckles]
- Good job.
- Thanks, honey. - Hey, give me a hug.
- Love you. - I love you.
♪ ♪
I can tell that there’s a lot to unpack there.
It’s such a sensitive topic when it comes to her childhood
and her past.
So I think it definitely was pretty cathartic,
but also extremely emotional for her.
- I was writing
to me when I was five to ten.
You know, I don’t feel like I had
a real childhood, in some regards.
Like, I always worried about my family,
and I was always scared of, like,
expressing myself as a child
and not being able to process
those emotions and verbalize it.
It just made everything feel so, like, heavy and scary.
♪ ♪
[sniffles] So I don’t know,
I think now...
♪ ♪
I want to tell that kid what I felt mattered.
[breathes shakily]
- Can you tell me about
what you meant when you were talking about your mom?
♪ ♪
- I think every kid thinks their parent,
you know, is invincible.
And seeing, like, these bloodstains on her face,
like, just made me so sad.
♪ ♪
Because I was like-- I mean, even as a kid,
I was like, I don’t want my parents
to ever have to work that hard, and, you know,
it made me feel like a burden.
Because if they didn’t have me and my siblings,
like, would they have to work like this?
♪ ♪
- It’s hard for me to put myself
in her shoes, you know, seeing
her parents work themselves to the bone
in these harsh conditions.
And I definitely have a lot of empathy for that.
I can’t imagine what that’s like.
And I think, in some ways,
it affects us because seems like she needs
a higher level of certainty and security.
You know, I do have to understand
and respect that and do what I can to make sure
she doesn’t feel uncomfortable or uncertain
about her well-being or about us.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Underwater ♪
- [sniffles]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh, one, two, three, four ♪
♪ Counting every second till you open my door ♪
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Counting every second till you come back, come back ♪
- Yesterday was a tough day for Mark.
JC was his first cat.
The poor guy has just had to go through
hurdle to hurdle to hurdle.
But, fortunate for him, I’m really used to that.
So let’s do this.
I’m driving the bus.
We’re getting out of the [bleep]storm.
Oh, what do you think?
- Where the hell are you taking me?
- [laughs]
- There’s no benches.
- No, we’re in the woods.
Look at this one!
I just hope, like, that the expert visit
really got through to Mark.
I hope that Mark is gonna start considering me,
choosing me first,
and thinking about me and his actions.
♪ ♪
Look, these are buttercups.
If you smell them, they’ll turn your nose yellow,
and they’re so pretty.
- Okay.
This looks like, you know, a jungle.
- No, it’s nature.
- ♪ I’d forgiven something ♪
- Just, you know, step on the wood.
You’ll be fine.
- ♪ I took you for something special ♪
- Slow and steady, baby.
♪ ♪
- Kill myself.
♪ ♪
Are you [bleep] me?
Hold on, we--we’re not going down to there.
- Yeah, I’m taking you off-roading.
- No, no.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, where--where’s there, like, a bench?
- When I was a kid,
there was no trail. - Yeah.
- I would literally just do that.
I would, like, be like,
"That’s a path. I can see it."
- There’s no arrows pointing that way.
- No, there is. There’s a big clearing.
And then I’d be like, "I’m gonna live here.
I’m gonna make a tent."
And I’d sit there and dream of, like,
I don’t know, living in the woods.
- Oh, okay.
Lindsey likes the woods. She likes the nature.
I think this is where she gets peace.
Not me, no.
You never know what’s out there.
[chuckles]
- Growing up, all behind my house
was all woods and swamp.
- Okay. - And so, like, I’d just,
like, in my head, run away.
Could never run away. I tried to once or twice.
The neighbors would always be like,
"Your daughter’s at our house," and I’d be like,
"Why’d you have to tell them?"
- Why would you run away?
- I just felt like my house was always
somewhere I never belonged.
I didn’t feel like there was a lot of love
in my house growing up.
My dad was always gone.
His--his version of being a father was to provide for us
in the way he never was provided for.
And my mom wanted to be a stay-at-home mom,
but really was not suited for that.
♪ ♪
I think, like, she grew resentful over time of my dad.
♪ ♪
- Mm-hmm. - She carried the role
of two parents
for all of my childhood. - Yeah.
- And she didn’t handle the stress of that very well.
And I kind of got all the burden of it.
And so I’d just, like, go out in the woods
and do crafts... - Yeah.
- And projects in the woods.
- By yourself? - Mm-hmm.
I just always tried to stay busy.
I had to get out.
- I’m sorry. - It’s all right.
You want to read my letter? - Yeah.
- All right, I’ll read it to you.
"Dear Lindsey,
"Growing up is hard.
"They don’t call it ’growing pains’
"because it’s easy.
"Most of your young life, you’ll stand out.
"You’ll be clumsy, unfiltered, quick-witted,
"and a little too sassy and outspoken for your age.
"Things keep happening in life that make you
"feel like you don’t belong.
"People will tell you you’re too much
"and that you’ll always feel out of place.
"As you get older, you’ll find
"freedom in your voice and power.
"You’ll enjoy the spaces you create, and you’ll learn
"how to navigate tough situations
"and pick yourself up.
"One day, the life you live will be more
"than you ever hoped for.
"Your wildest dreams will come true,
"and people will appreciate you for your uniqueness.
"You’re destined to do great things,
and you can change the world."
♪ ♪
- That’s great.
It’s nice when she can be vulnerable
because it--it lets me see the deep person
that she is and she can be.
And that’s a side that I enjoy.
I think, if I see more of that vulnerability,
she’ll see more of mine,
and things will be peaceful.
I think your younger self would really appreciate that note.
And I think they would, like,
look at you as, like, a role model, you know?
- Thank you. - I think your younger self
needed someone like you.
I appreciate how you just kind of step up and
just kind of move forward with things
and helped me with JC,
and I’ve always appreciated you in my own way.
If I don’t say it a lot...
- Well, I’m feeling it today.
And I’m hearing you today, so thank you.
- ♪ Oh ♪
- You got one bite-- - Oh!
- [laughs] - I had to kill--
- There wasn’t even a bug there.
- It’s gone, it’s gone.
- I’ve seen a lot worse, but you have
one big red bug bite on the side of your face.
- Yes.
- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ I’m on top of the mountain ♪
♪ How did we get here ♪
- [laughs]
- ♪ It was all you, it was all you ♪
- [laughs]
- ♪ I’m on top of the mountain ♪
♪ Nothing to see here ♪
♪ It was all you, it was all you ♪
- Yeah, we need to practice more.
[knock at door]
- Hello! - Hi, there.
- Hi!
I am a little nervous
to meet with Dr. Pepper.
But as far as Steve and myself,
there are still some things
that are still unknown at this time.
And I think they’re gonna be tough conversations with her.
♪ ♪
- So one of the reasons I’m here
is to be helpful,
and to answer and give advice on anything
that’s worrying you or helping move you on your way
to having a positive answer on Decision Day.
That said, I know that there’s been
a lot of great things that have happened between you,
but what I’d like to hear from you guys
is more about how you’ve opened up
and deepened the relationship.
Do you think,
your own estimation of yourself,
that you’ve made progress in opening up to him
and--and not shutting down?
- I feel like
I’ve made a lot of progress on my own.
I mean, I feel like
Steve has made it a lot easier for me too.
♪ ♪
But it’s really just a matter of--
we just didn’t grow up expressing ourselves.
You know, we were kind of butting heads
because I was saying, "I need time to process.
"I--I’m really struggling with this.
"I don’t feel safe enough in those moments
"to really have those conversations with you--
"have those tough conversations with you
because I’m scared."
♪ ♪
But for him, it felt like,
you know, I was walking away from him
and not wanting to work it out with him.
But it wasn’t a personal,
you know, response towards you
or, you know, me not trusting you
with those feelings, it was a matter of, you know,
that’s just how I’ve coped with those feelings,
like, as a child.
And, you know, I still carry that,
you know, with me as an adult.
Before, I wasn’t telling him anything.
Like, I wasn’t even comfortable saying I’m upset, I’m angry.
I couldn’t even do that.
- Aww. - I know.
- [laughs]
- Imagine the turmoil-- the internal turmoil
I was feeling. - Yeah.
- I was like, "I have all these feelings,
but I don’t feel comfortable saying it and expressing it."
But now, at least, you know,
even if I’m not ready to say, "This is why I’m upset,"
I can just at least address that I’m upset.
I just need, like, a moment.
- Thank you. - What about you, Steve?
What have you offered of yourself
and your own vulnerabilities
and the moments of shame in your past that you could
unload and let her know and let her see?
- I guess something that comes to mind there is--
is, if things are gonna get hard,
are you just gonna just shut down and walk away?
And, you know, I think
some of those feelings come from
past relationships that didn’t work out
or situations where, you know,
abandonment in whatever form there is.
And it’s like,
for me, it was like, "Can this really work?"
Up until that point, I didn’t have any of those thoughts.
But when that happened, I was just like,
"I don’t--I don’t think this can work."
Then, you know, it’s gonna be too painful for me.
I’d imagine probably for you, too.
♪ ♪
- One of the things that have been talked about is
the fact that you might not
want to--to give up your place.
So I wondered about how you guys have discussed that
in terms of what it means and how you handle it.
- I originally expected for us to move in together.
So when she had mentioned it, it was just first, like,
"Oh, I never-- I didn’t consider that.
Let me understand the reasons why."
And also understanding that a big piece of this was
her accomplishment of getting to this place of independence,
having her own apartment,
and I wanted her to honor those feelings
while also considering how I feel.
♪ ♪
- And let me just say, just so
I’m not a hypocrite to myself,
just so you know-- - Do you live separately?
- I live separately. - [gasps]
- [laughs] - Oh, my God!
- Dun-dun-dun! - Dun-dun-dun.
The secret to a successful marriage
is living separately, ladies and gentlemen.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
- However, however,
this is my second marriage.
We’ve been together 16 years.
But in my previous 23-year marriage,
I raised kids,
and so we lived together. - Mm.
- And that is a big difference.
My question to you is,
if you’re married and you’re not
living together all the time,
how do you reassure each other so that
you feel taken care of and truly married?
♪ ♪
- We haven’t ironed out all the details.
But, you know, we want to try to...
♪ ♪
Incorporate each other into our routines as much as possible.
I’m just not sure
exactly what that’s gonna look like yet.
But I know I want you to be in my life every day.
I don’t know, you know, how we can do that,
but just like we haven’t come to a resolution
for everything we’re going through,
this is just one more thing that
we might not have figured out by Decision Day.
- I think just as long as that
if you aren’t with each other all the time,
then you really should think
in a very practical way about
"How do you make sure that each of you
"feels emotionally taken care of,
"that you feel that you’re married,
that you’re doing things for each other?"
Seeing each other every day,
if that’s an important part of it.
Whatever it is,
you want to make sure that you find your own way
that feels good
and emotionally sustaining to each of you,
not just one of you,
so that the marriage gets the nourishment it needs,
but you can do it your own way.
- It is okay to not necessarily have
a traditional way of living or marriage.
But I mean, you can’t really
raise kids productively
and bounce off each other when we are across town.
Right now, it’s just a hypothetical future for us.
So we do need to prepare for that.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I want to ♪
♪ Want to remember ♪
♪ What it was like to ♪
♪ Come home ♪
♪ ♪
- Right over here. - Yeah.
- That was my high school.
- North Quincy High? - Yeah.
Today, we are in Quincy,
and I’m taking Lindsey to my parents’ house
that I grew up in.
This is where I went for my dad’s funeral.
- This white--
- White one, Hamilton-Lydon.
- I’m sorry.
- It’s been two years since we’ve lived here
and two years since my dad passed away,
but it always--always feels like home
whenever I’m in this neighborhood and on the street.
♪ ♪
This is my childhood home.
Wow, they--they repaved everything.
♪ ♪
Wow.
♪ ♪
It’s...
It’s so different ’cause there was--there was, like,
all dirt and plants, and we have bushes over here.
I had a hoop.
I had all my friends’ initials.
I used to, like, spray-paint their initials
along the whole-- the whole path.
- Your dad let you do that? - Yeah.
- He would sit here.
Yeah, he would sit here and just
watch the cars drive by.
- Hmm.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, this is--this is my street.
♪ ♪
Wow, this is the original fence.
This--this ground is throwing me off a lot.
It’s not like how it was.
It looks nice, but it’s not how it was.
That door is different.
But the siding is the same.
Wow.
- How does it make you feel to be here?
♪ ♪
- It’s a--it’s a lot.
Um...
♪ ♪
It’s a lot of emotion.
♪ ♪
My dad would sit here,
and my mother would yell out that window.
♪ ♪
- Like what? "Dinner!"
- No, she’d be like, "John, no one wants
"to vis--wave to you.
No one wants you to talk to them."
♪ ♪
She’d just sit there and stare out the window,
whatever he did.
We would put candles in those windows for Christmas.
Yeah, this is home.
♪ ♪
It still feels like yesterday, he was
sitting outside and my mom was in the window
and we were all living here.
♪ ♪
I have the letter that I wrote to my younger self,
and I’d really like to read it to you.
"Dear Mark, this house is gonna shape you in many ways.
"You’ll see your father do what he can for his family.
"You’ll see your mother clean,
"cook, and take care of the house.
"You’ll see her and Nana Jo
"get things ready for the holidays in the kitchen.
"They always make Christmas feel like a movie.
"And I was a little lucky boy
"who got to see Santa every year.
"If I could give you, Mark, any advice as a kid,
"love your parents more than you do now.
"Spend as much time with them as you can.
♪ ♪
"Take pictures and videos you’ll appreciate later,
when you get older."
♪ ♪
- It sounds like while there’s a lot of good memories,
there’s also a lot of sadness.
And there’s this sense of longing
and miss for that nostalgia
and that life you had.
- Yeah.
- I’ve seen Mark get emotional a lot.
I know that he’s somebody who feels very deeply.
I’m very grateful that he’s being vulnerable
and opening up and sharing these experiences with me.
We missed the mark on a lot of situations,
but where we align is so deep and connected
that it’s a gift that not many other people are able to have.
♪ ♪
- This is where I’d--
this is where I’d live.
Raise kids here.
- In this type of neighborhood.
- Just--right here in this house.
I think it makes sense.
Someday, we should move in this home.
This is a place that I love so much,
and it will always feel like home to me,
no matter how old I get and no matter who lives here.
If there’s a way I can one day
get this home, that-- that’d be great.
I’d leave in a second.
♪ ♪
- Oh, my gosh, Mark.
I can’t just live in your family’s home
for the rest of my life, okay?
I don’t think so!
I’m not gonna compete with the past.
I’d live in that house or that house
or that house or that house or that house.
But, like, I wouldn’t want you to live
in any of my old houses,
and I wouldn’t want to live in any of your old houses.
- What if we paint it?
- I want a new beginning.
I’m looking at you look at this house,
and I’m hearing about these moments that you really loved.
And what I hear about most of the love is, like,
how fun and friendly this neighborhood was.
- Right?
Wouldn’t you want to be on this street?
- Yeah, but not in this house.
♪ ♪
♪ And I feel it for you ♪
♪ Baby, this is love ♪
♪ I’m lost in it, too ♪
[knock at door] - I’ll get it.
Hello, Dr. Pepper.
- What a great color on you. That looks great.
- Thank you, how are you? - Nice to see you.
- The last time I spoke with Dr. Pepper, I wasn’t okay.
You’re pointing me out to make me look like the bad guy.
But I’m really bothered about--about all this.
I’m really serious.
This is my life, I think--I don’t--
I don’t even think it’s funny.
I got real. [laughs]
Wow, you came out hot today! - Yup!
- I know she did. - You are hot tonight!
But now Decision Day is around the corner.
I think Katina and I really need guidance,
so I’m definitely happy that she’s here.
- We’re getting close to decision-making time,
so what I would like to do is
make sure that
we help you keep going deeper
and into more profound parts of your relationship.
- Mm-hmm.
- Because after all, the vows you made
were for marriage, and that’s a big deal.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
- It’s a really big deal.
So what are you feeling?
- I feel good... [clears throat]
With Katina.
Our energy is there. Chemistry’s there.
We have a disagreement, we bounce back
in a matter of-- [chuckles]
You go take a pee and come back, you’d be like,
"I can’t believe those two were just arguing two seconds ago."
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- For example, the other day,
we got in an argument and got so heated
to the point where I was like,
"Jeez, can you just shut up for a second?"
♪ ♪
And I caught myself instantly.
I went to the bathroom, I came back out,
and within seconds, I was like,
"I should never say that to you.
"You’re my wife. You’re somebody I care for.
I gotta watch how I talk before I speak."
- I mean, that’s growth.
- Yeah, and it felt good
to mess up and have somebody
open their arms and forgive you.
It’s great.
But now it’s more of getting
into deeper conversations, you know?
The things that really matter.
What’s--what do you want in your future?
And what do I want really in my future?
We know we like each other.
But what we doing? What are we trying to do?
- Well, tell me about that. Tell me what goals you share,
and then maybe ones that you’re more in conversation about.
- We were talking about having kids within two years.
That’s something that we both
made clear when we first started this,
like, at our wedding.
- Do you want kids?
- Yeah, in the future.
In the future. - Okay.
How far in the future?
- Maybe three years, something like that?
I--we gotta travel the world. - Okay, see,
that works out so nice.
[gasps] - I gotta travel the world.
I love to travel. - You work on my timeline!
- I love to travel.
- I said, like, two years.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That was huge to us.
- So you both agree
that the two-year kid thing
was something you both want?
- Yeah, we both want.
Now we’re getting into a deeper conversation,
not saying it’s impossible, but we--we have to put it
to the light that will be tough.
When I came out of high school,
I went to college,
but Katina is still in school.
So the conflict we have is,
can Katina finish her bachelor’s
and finish her nursing while being married
and having a kid?
That is a lot,
and I don’t ever
want to see Katina become overwhelmed.
And I know this could happen,
and I also want to make sure
that I’m happy at the same time.
- For sure. - And I’m being answered.
♪ ♪
- Katina.
What are the things that you want most?
You know, I mean, just you.
- I think, for me,
it’s just making sure that,
you know, that I’m, like you said, like,
not getting overwhelmed and things like that
and seeing that if I can
be able to, like, focus while I’m trying to be a wife.
All men require attention,
but I think for him, he requires, like,
a little higher level of attention.
And he already is, no offense, a lot to deal with.
- There’s nothing wrong with it.
There’s nothing wrong with it. [laughter]
I understand. I understand.
- It could be draining, in a sense,
for me, personally.
♪ ♪
- If we can’t find a resolution...
’Cause I know Katina cares about school a lot.
♪ ♪
I’m just being truthful.
I haven’t said this to her, but if I was her,
I would lock in.
I would lock in, and I would dedicate my life to myself,
’cause I know, if I do it, I can bang this out
in two years and be ready for you.
If you--this is love, I’ll be ready for you.
I’m not going nowhere.
You know, I’m not gonna tell her that.
[laughs] I don’t want her to do that,
but if I was in her shoes, I would--
if she asked for advice,
that would be my truest answer.
[sighs]
- Yeah.
- Yeah, if you care for somebody,
you will always look out for what’s best for them.
♪ ♪
[exhales]
- ♪ Going in circles ♪
♪ ♪
- Break! - Break.
- Next time on "Married at First Sight,"
with less than a week left until Decision Day,
our couples will have the chance to talk
to their trusted friends and family
before making the biggest decision of their life.
- What’s making you want to get another ring?
- I think giving her this will just really
send her a message as to how I feel.
- I definitely feel more connected to him,
but feelings have still not come.
- So how’s it going?
♪ ♪
Up and down, up and down? - Mm-hmm.
- I’d rather have more ups than downs,
and we’ve had an equal amount.
It’s just probably why I’m, like,
torn between which way to go.
- I don’t see how she could be a wife,
getting her bachelor’s and then going to nursing school.
I just went through this with my ex.
- Right. - And it didn’t work.
- I still have some questions.
I mean, I don’t really know the Steve
that has had a job.
[cymbals crash]
- Does the good outweigh the con?
- Regardless of how great of friends we are,
we didn’t come here to...
- Be friends. - To be friends, yeah.
♪ ♪
- You knew that this is the chance that we take, so...
- Okay.
♪ ♪