- Gosh, you are stunning. - Oh, thank you.
- I did good. Ooh. - [laughs]
- 10 singles took an audacious leap of faith
In order to find love.
[cheers and applause]
They married as complete strangers.
- Yay!
- This stranger is now my wife.
I'm super excited.
- ♪ can't you see? ♪
♪ you're the one for me ♪
- Last time, most of our couples
Took another step forward as they shared time
With their friends and family.
♪ ♪
Krysten and mitch.
- We've been consummating like bunnies.
- Yeah, you have. - Bunny rabbits!
- I feel like she really likes me, and I--
It just makes me confident.
- I think that this is a lifelong marriage.
- Lindy and miguel.
- You've seen that--
Where I can go if I don't feel safe and secure.
- Yeah, I don't like that place.
- I hear you, and I'll just keep
Trying my best to prove that to you.
- Stacia and nate.
- I just feel like there is this wall.
- He hasn't had a ton of long-term relationships
With women, especially, like,
Not having a mom around as well.
So you have to be patient with him.
- She knows how to articulate her emotions and--
- Yeah. - But I'm giving my 100% all.
- Morgan and binh.
- I'm trying to make amends.
I'm trying to make it work.
- It takes her a lot longer to forgive.
- If binh walked through the door right now,
And I said, "is she a nurse or not?"
What do you think he would say? - He would say yes.
- Okay, so, like, you gotta just forgive and forget.
- Ah...
- Alexis and justin.
- He was vomiting up blood.
You still didn't share that to me.
- The reason I didn't overcommunicate
'cause I didn't feel like it was necessary,
'cause I was handling it.
- That's how marriages work. We just don't communicate.
- Because--because-- - and we're just in the house.
- Because you're just perfect.
- ♪ this the city that don't ever sleep ♪
- And tonight...
- How you doing?
- Our couples will examine
What it will take to fall in love.
- Whoo!
- Seeing her walls brought down, it feels good.
And whatever I have to do to make her happy,
I'm gonna do.
- You're putting in 100% effort in this date.
And that means a lot to me.
- Trying to keep up, you know?
- You were trying to get my intentions
The wrong way, which is a form of manipulation.
- I hurt you, and it's 'cause I'm hurt.
- It doesn't seem, like, authentic.
- Are you gonna gaslight me?
"it feels inauthentic"?
- And then the couples will meet with a guest expert
To dive into deeper emotions.
- Alexis, do you buy that?
- No.
- If there were no feelings involved--
- You'd be counting down the days.
- I would be.
- If you keep not believing in what I'm trying to do,
It's--it's just not gonna work out.
[dramatic music]
- ♪ it's all or nothing ♪
- This is "married at first sight."
- ♪ there's no other way ♪
♪ ♪
♪ it's all or nothing ♪
- ♪ you got me feeling like ♪
♪ I'm crazy, out of my mind ♪
♪ got my walking on sunshine ♪
- Hi, good morning.
- Look at morgan wanting us to go to the gym
At 7:30 a.M. On a Saturday.
- So no one's here.
- Who does that?
We're doing legs, too, so it's, like, a double whammy.
- We're doing legs. Hell yeah.
- We got--she's got a date planned up today,
And she's been smirking all morning...
- I'm not telling you anything. - All night.
So I can't wait to see what it is.
We'll see. Oh, yeah.
- Our five couples are fully immersed in marriage,
For better or for worse.
And between work, family, and friends,
It can be a lot to get used to.
- Miguel made me a delicious omelet.
It looks really good.
I can't wait to eat it. Thanks, baby. [laughs]
- Okay, we're on our first walk as a married couple
Walking luna.
- I just learned to walk for the first time
With a dog and a wife.
If we're lucky, she might go number two.
- She will go number two.
A mother knows, babe.
- Oh. - That's number one.
That's number one.
- That's numero uno.
Numero uno.
- For most couples, love is already
The glue that holds them together
As they navigate through the challenges
That come their way.
- I bought husband something. - I'm scared.
- Like, I didn't even, like, wrap it or anything.
- Oh.
Oh, okay, it looks like a shirt.
- Hopefully, it fits.
- ♪ think about how good it could be ♪
- Yeah, it looks good.
- Our five couples started with commitment.
But their process of building and maintaining
That critical connection begins now.
- So he has his first face mask on,
Then we have to do a lip mask.
- Oh, for real?
- Yeah, and then we have to do our smile lines
'cause we both smile a lot.
And then, we have to do our final mask.
- I thought that's what this was.
- No, this is just step one, honey.
- Because in almost five weeks,
They will have to decide
Whether to stay married or get a divorce.
♪ ♪
- Cheese.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ come on and take a chance with me ♪
♪ we are headed to uncharted waters ♪
♪ I don't know what we'll see ♪
- I'm so excited.
[laughter]
- What is that?
- After everything we've been through,
I feel like binh and I are doing better.
But there is a lot
That we both need to work on as a couple.
- Why don't you guys try to start clean and go on a date?
- So after talking with the girls,
The best advice that I got was just to kind of, like,
Take each other on a first date
And give each other a clean slate.
- Welcome to mermaid school.
- Oh, my gosh. - [laughs]
And we have tails you guys can slip on.
- I'm so excited.
- Yes. I'm putting one of those on?
- Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you're gonna put one of those on.
- Uh... - Which one do you want?
- You pick.
Do you have, like, a--
- All right, I'm taking the green one, then.
You get the pink one.
- Perfect.
- I've always wanted someone who would say yes to anything.
So this is a really good challenge to see if binh
Is up to kind of do anything.
So I just kind of want to let loose and have fun,
Focus on our intimacy and building
That foundation again.
- You got a aquaman fetish?
- [laughs]
- You guys can, like, hold hands here,
And do a brisk dolphin kick.
Slow, work up to your comfort level.
- Okay.
- There you go.
- ♪ I'm open-hearted ♪
♪ a hopeful pause ♪
♪ took forever just to get it ♪
♪ why now, but why not? ♪
- This is, like, every little girl's dream
Is to be a mermaid.
- ♪ call it what you want ♪
♪ I won't fade and run ♪
♪ can we talk about it? ♪
♪ I've been feeling it for years ♪
♪ you say the right thing ♪
♪ but we're doing nothing, doing nothing ♪
- Whoo!
[laughter]
- I think you're enjoying this more than you'd like to admit.
- I never would have guessed that I would have been taking
Mermaid lessons with my wife.
But just seeing her happy made me happy.
And whatever I have to do to make her happy,
I'm gonna do, because I want this marriage to work.
- Ooh.
- Aquaman ain't got nothing on me.
[laughter]
- ♪ I want to have the time ♪
♪ I want to take it higher ♪
♪ I want to start a fire ♪
♪ so what's the lighter? ♪
- [italian accent] spinachio.
- [laughs]
[music distorts]
Nothing like just some family time,
My dog having sex with her very expensive tempur-pedic bed.
- [normal voice] dude, she is sprung.
- Oh, someone's done humping their bed.
- [italian accent] so first, I'm going to chop the onions.
This knife is not too sharp, so I'm gonna hopefully
Not cut my finger off.
- How was your day?
- [normal voice] mm, thanks for asking.
I have recently received a new position at work.
So now I am training my heir.
She's overwhelmed. - Yeah.
- I feel for her 'cause I know the feeling.
It's an overwhelming job, and then, plugging
Away at my policy stuff.
I very much wear my heart on the sleeve,
In terms of what drives me.
And I don't know as much about how you feel.
You know, what are your more life goals
And what do you want...
- Yeah. - Out of life?
Not just, like, career, you know what I mean?
- I want to focus on me and you,
Honestly, right now and hopefully having
Babies sometime soon-ish.
- I like how it's all emulsifying,
Just like this vinaigrette.
- [laughs] yeah.
But I do want to get to a point where
I'm not working for a company. - Mm.
- And I have my own entrepreneurial ventures.
You know I have my california real estate license.
What I really want to do is, after we have
One to two babies, I want to flip houses.
♪ ♪
I want to take a beautiful home that's already existing.
Maybe we even have, like, a sustainable edge to it,
Where we very efficiently but--
[quirky music]
Are you taking this seriously?
- I am. Sorry.
Sorry for my flair as the cook.
♪ ♪
So you want to flip homes?
- Yeah, I think to create homes for someone
Means something to me.
- Well, I think that's great, babe.
♪ ♪
- Excellent.
- Well, let me ask you this, and I don't mean to be weird.
♪ ♪
Environmentalism kind of intersects with social justice
A lot, and it seems like rising housing prices
In san diego and everywhere else
Are really pushing... - Yeah.
- So many people out, and it's really only the rich
Who can afford houses.
Is there a way to somehow--
- Not gentrify every single neighborhood?
- I don't actually know.
I'm just letting you know this up front because, obviously,
As a guy who's working in politics,
I just have a lot of opinions on everything.
That's all. - Yeah, okay.
- I've just gotta process it.
- Well, I'm gonna pour another glass of wine.
[knock on door]
Do you mind if I get that?
- Yeah.
- Who do you think it is?
Oh-ho-ho.
I like what I see.
- What do we got? - We got booze and a card.
- All right.
- This is so cute.
- Special delivery.
- Babe.
- For our couples who met at the altar as strangers,
They're still navigating a lot of first experiences together,
And love might be slower to grow.
- Oh, this makes me really nervous.
- Yep.
- Love is unlikely to appear out of thin air.
So if you do romantic things, if you're open and honest
With your spouse, you have the hope
Of creating those feelings.
- "we encourage you to have an open and vulnerable
"conversation about what you think it will take for you
"to fall in love or continue to grow
In love with your new spouse in the real world."
- "and later, you'll all be meeting with a guest expert
"to dive deeper into your feelings
As you are on your path towards love."
- To help them explore the potential for love,
We've given them some deeper topics to discuss.
- ♪ you got me, you got me doing things for you ♪
♪ I've been trying to get you comfortable, no ♪
♪ ♪
- Are you ready for this love conversation?
- I was born ready.
- We've kind of touched on it, but...
- A little bit. - I kind of want to know, like,
Where you are just based on, like, the spectrum of, like,
You like me, you're falling for me,
You're working towards loving me.
Where are we on the spectrum?
- I'm, like, kind of inching towards the middle.
You know, 4 out of 10,
5 out of 10, you know, give or take.
- 4 out of 10?
- Yeah, 40 out of 100.
It's the same thing.
- I know.
That's why I'm like, damn, you're only at 40?
[tense music]
- So me low-balling my, like, feelings for you
Is more realistic because there's more
Upside potential.
- So then how do I get, like, closer to 100%?
What-- - it's just time.
The more that we're around each other,
The more comfortable we both are.
- Mm-hmm.
- What about you? Where am I at on that spectrum?
- I'm, like, almost at love.
0 to 10, I'm probably at, like, an 8.
- Wow.
Dang, I feel like an [bleep] now.
[laughs]
- I mean, I'm at 40%.
Don't inch over here any closer.
- Why not? - Be over there.
♪ ♪
- Does that hurt your feelings that I said that?
- I want you to be honest, like, where you are.
I don't want you to, like, say something because I say it...
- Right. - Or anything like that.
- Well, here's the thing. I don't want to be
Overly excited and be like, I'm in love with you.
- I'm kind of, like, going back to what pastor cal said.
- Right. - You know, love
Is more of a commitment and not a feeling.
- I can't be a robot and be like, oh, yeah,
You're a 10 out of 10.
- I don't expect, like, you to just be
At 10 out of 10, but I don't--
I just didn't think that we were at 40--you were at 40.
- Yeah.
It has to continue to evolve and have
To be comfortable with that.
So the more that I'm comfortable around you,
Then I'll be able to see the bigger picture.
- When was the last time you were in love, though?
Like, do you know what that feeling is like for you?
- I'm just gonna let you know that, like,
It's been a long time, like high school.
So I haven't had the feelings of being in love
As, like, a grown-up.
- So you were in these relationships for, let's say,
Two years and never loved that person?
- I don't want to risk my marriage.
I want to be married one time.
And so I'm gonna be a little bit slower to actually
Opening up my heart to my wife.
It sounds counterproductive, but I want to--
I want to go all in with this commitment
And really understand her 100% before I just get really
Excited about falling in love with her
And then it gets--you know, it gets unstable.
So I'm definitely gonna take my time and go with my gut.
- So what would keep you from falling in love with me?
- Not a whole lot, honestly.
I've said this multiple times.
I want my best friend next to me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Just, like, little things.
Like, what's my favorite candy bar?
- Okay.
- Like, if we're gonna be married
For 20-plus years, forever, for life,
We're, like, week three.
I haven't even taken you on many dates yet.
- Right.
- We haven't even got, like, drunk together yet.
We haven't done a lot of things together.
- [laughs] - so...
- So you need to experience all that?
- Yeah.
- Like, I'm not trying to put you on, like, a timeline
Or anything like that.
I'm not like, okay, I want to know
That you love me before decision day, or I'm like--
- Right. - I'm saying no.
Like, it's not like that, but it's kind of like that--
But not really like that.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ one shot, give me a shot 'cause I want you ♪
- So let's talk about love.
Do you really think that you have
Never been in love before?
- I have definitely loved, but I don't know
If I've been in love.
And I don't even know where that fine line is.
- Yeah.
- So I'm just a confused young boy.
You have, right? - Oh, absolutely.
- Yeah.
- I think, to be honest with you,
I probably fall in love a little more easily than you,
It sounds like.
And my last stint--
My last couple of stints at love
Ended not badly, but catastrophically.
- I can only imagine that that feels devastating.
- Yeah.
- And even though that--
I mean, I'm actually scared of that too.
Even though that hasn't happened to me,
That's what happened to my parents.
- Yeah.
- You know, they divorced,
And it wasn't on good terms.
And it's been an extremely significant thing
In my life, you know?
So I think I didn't even really think about marriage
Or long-term commitment for so long.
And then I've kind of recently come around why it's good,
You know?
So...
- Do you think, from our short marriage,
That a life married is better than a life single?
- Yeah, I do.
- Me too.
- I just want to be in love, and I want
To get that love in return and maybe, you know,
Have a great family, you know, because that's not
Something I had growing up.
And I think we both have the kind of character...
- Yeah.
- Behind what we want to want to do it right,
You know what I mean?
Like, I can definitely see a lot of compatibility--
I can definitely see us, like, making it,
You know what I mean? - Yeah.
- Like, I can definitely see that.
- Honestly, when I think about my ideal vision of marriage,
It's crazy to say, but honestly,
I don't think that we're very far away from it.
- That's nice to hear.
- I'm really happy every single day.
Sometimes you drive me a little crazy.
Like, you know, a little bit earlier tonight
When I was, like, being vulnerable and kind of,
Like, pouring out my heart about my dreams,
You know, you were being a little goofy and playful.
When I am, like, unveiling my soul, I want you to listen.
- You know, you're right, so, you know, sorry about that.
And you know, I should have just
Been a little more attentive.
You were definitely talking about your life goals
And plans.
But like, I do feel like maybe
It's just because of my--the work I do
And I have a lot of compassion for people who have less
Than me, like, can I really be, like,
A force for good in the world but still,
Like, live in a big frickin' house
With a nice car and [bleep]?
Like, is that hypocritical in-- it its core, you know I mean?
So that's like-- - no, it's not.
I'm just saying, I don't want to live a life of guilt.
I want to live a life... - Yeah.
- That I worked hard for.
- But also, just everything in moderation,
You know what I mean?
Like... - It should be--
- Just because I can afford a private jet
Doesn't mean I should buy one.
I can just fly first-class.
[both laughing]
♪ ♪
- ♪ yeah, crashing parties ♪
♪ like we throw them, throw them ♪
♪ they don't know it, so we show them, show them ♪
♪ ♪
- [coughs]
- You all right there?
- I'm trying to laugh and--
Be careful.
You know how that be detaching sometimes.
So, baby, have you ever been in love before?
- You know what?
I thought I was in love once, but I really wasn't.
- What made you think you were in love, and you were like,
Oh, wait, maybe I wasn't?
- Because I was willing to do anything for her.
She was, like, my very first girlfriend,
Who I lost my virginity to.
I was 20. - Ooh.
Okay, late bloomer, but go on. - Yeah, I was definitely--
I was trying to wait till marriage, girl.
I was definitely trying to wait,
But I thought I was in love. - Mm-hmm.
- But it was all about just benefits, you know?
And she dogged me and--and--
- Why she dog you?
- Because I allowed her to. I was a yes-man.
- Oh. - I did everything.
Like, whatever she wanted to do,
I did, you know what I'm saying?
Even if I ain't like it.
- So was this, like, a theme in your life
To where, like, you yearned to please people
So that they would love you?
- Yes, because I thought that was the right way.
I thought if I pleased them, that they would love me.
- Then they would love me. - You know?
Yes, that's why--
- Oh, baby.
- [laughs] yeah.
It's all right.
- So I don't--
I should ask this question because obviously,
It doesn't--ah, my knee.
Oh, glory be to god.
Ow.
Ooh. - You want that heating pad?
- Oh. No, I'm good. - Okay.
- So this is my question, and if this is too personal...
- It's all right, I'm sure. - You don't have to answer it,
But growing up, like,
Receiving love from family members,
Was it one-sided for you, or like...
- Yes. - Did you never--okay.
- My dad's side, he was always in and out of my life,
You know?
I was like, well, what did I do?
Well, let me--let me try to be better at this.
Let me try and be better at that.
And so over time, I felt like I was trying
To please him to get his love.
And so yeah, it was always one-sided.
- How do you feel about the concept
Of falling out of love?
Do you think it's a thing?
- I think--I think it's possible to fall out of love.
- I mean, it's just so hard.
If you--if I love somebody that much,
And I say that I love them, that [bleep]
Just don't go away.
- Can you tell me how much you love me?
- Right in this moment?
- Uh-huh. - No.
♪ ♪
I'm uncomfortable.
I'm sorry.
Just the consistency for me, that trust, because I don't--
I felt really alone that time in the candy store.
For me to be just fed up over somebody, who at one point,
It was rainbows and sunshine, it's draining.
- And if that's the case, then I just
Won't say anything at all. - That's how marriages work.
We just don't communicate-- - because--because--
- And we're just in the house.
- Because you're just perfect.
♪ ♪
- All right, because you're doing the absolute most.
- Okay.
- Just I want that security back.
I want to feel like I felt on the honeymoon
Where it was just, like, no matter what I say,
I know this man right behind me.
- I know--
I'm aware that I have to gain that security back because
Of that moment, and I deserve to be working towards that,
You know, because that happened for a reason, you know?
And--and maybe it's gonna strengthen
Our relationship even more.
- Mm.
I feel that. I feel that.
♪ ♪
- Pastor cal was talking about, like, having measurable goals
For our relationship.
- Right. - I feel like--
Like I was trying to tell you that, like, downstairs,
And you were just like--
- Measuring. - I don't want this.
I don't--yeah, I just want to be in the moment.
- Yeah. I mean, during the--
- They're not always gonna be, like, financial goals.
- I see. I see. I mean--
- They're gonna be like where you are with me
On this whole love thing.
- Well, what are you asking me?
Where do I stand?
- Well, I'm just saying that, like,
That is gonna have to be a goal of the marriage...
- To measure? - Is obtain--yeah.
- To have a goal?
- Everything has to be measurable.
- Like, love as well has to be measured?
- Well, I want to make sure that, you know,
We are moving forward... - Right.
- And those feelings are also moving forward.
- Just know that we're good,
And I want to get to know you fully.
I want to, like, understand your soul.
I want to know what your vision is.
I want to know, you know,
What family means to you, right?
To us.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like, that's very important.
- So then going back to what pastor cal says,
It's just a commitment, you making the choice.
- Yeah.
- Are you making the choice or--
- Of course.
- What are you making the choice to do?
- I'm making the choice to be married to you.
- Oh, but not committed or loved or all that?
I don't know.
- Of course I am. - Great.
- I wouldn't be talking about kids with you
If I wasn't committed to our relationship.
Love is not just one single thing.
It's multifaceted.
Moving in, me talking about joining accounts,
Me actually talking about kids is a serious gesture.
- But I can have somebody live with me,
And I can have somebody, like,
Want to have a joint bank account with me,
And they don't love me.
♪ ♪
- Okay.
I don't really know what to say anymore because I feel
Like you're just playing the devil's advocate
With the love thing. - Mm-hmm.
- So I feel like we're just going around in circles now.
You see what I'm saying?
- Yes and no.
- Okay, so this rice is probably burning,
Which it is.
- Is this our first argument?
- I wouldn't say it's an argument.
- You feel like I'm trying to attack you
Or anything like that?
- I don't think you were trying to attack me.
I think you were trying to get my intentions
The wrong way, which is a form of manipulation,
In my opinion.
That's just my opinion, though.
- That doesn't feel good, that you think
That I was trying to manipulate you.
[dramatic music]
- Yeah.
- Do you feel different about me now?
- Um...
- I feel like I want him to love me
And just I want him to say it because I want to hear it,
But I really want him to really feel it.
So if he doesn't know that he loves me
Or not by decision day, yeah,
That's gonna be something
That I'm gonna consider in my decision.
♪ ♪
- ♪ so real ♪
♪ now, this is how the party should feel ♪
♪ come across the floor ♪
♪ move over here ♪
♪ we gonna have a good time ♪
- Sorry I'm late, brother.
- Hey.
- Yeah, let's cheers real quick.
- Cheers, man.
- Got to just get it in.
- Welcome to sunny san diego.
Every day is an adventure right now.
- Wow, that's a good hazy.
- You guys got a good spot here.
- We do.
We do.
You just jumped in that chair like you're
Like a four-year-old trying to get into a seat.
I'm surprised you didn't, like, crawl up on your arm
Or elbows first. - Right. Eh.
- Can I--can I share an honest moment...
- Let's go. - With you real quick?
- Why else would you be here?
- So when we were at the housewarming...
- Yeah. - And cy and I
Were talking to lindy,
She--she got pretty emotional.
- I don't have health care,
And I've asked to be on his health care.
And it was very much so, "well, are you taking my last name?"
- It definitely turned us off...
- I know. - To, like, what was,
You know... - Yeah.
- Like, we're-- we're getting to know her.
We don't want this to color our opinion of her.
- Right. - Because the rest
Of the party was awesome. - I know.
- And that one part just kind of like, oh,
A little wet blanket.
- A little bit. - Killed the fun.
- No, and I'm so glad you said that,
'cause I felt the same way, like I said.
And to be honest, like, it turned me off
To the point that I started questioning, like,
Who did I actually marry?
Who is lindy?
- Is she past the point of being, you know,
Jekyll and hyde?
- I don't--I can't answer that question.
I want to say I hope so, and I think so.
- It's--there's--there's a bit of a skeptic in me,
Naturally... - Good.
- Just about saying... - Good.
- Things are going great. - Right.
- So part of me says, when's that other shoe gonna drop?
And I thought that that's what the house--
The housewarming party conversation was...
- Well, it kind of was.
- I was like, whoa, this is a big deal,
Or is this something that you guys can
Talk through and get past...
- Right. - And grow from?
- It was both of those things, and I confronted her as such.
And she reassured me that, like--
She was like, "no, that was a slip-up.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
- Do you turn off your red-flag detector right now?
Like, everything is great.
I mean, the way you talk about it...
- Yeah. - It is [bleep] roses.
- Right. - Like, this is fantastic.
- I don't think I am.
- And do you--no one seeks them, but--
- Right. - If something comes up, do--
Does it trigger things for you? Like...
- At this point-- - can you see them?
- That's a good question. - Because if you're reliant...
- That's a good question. - On your friends,
Who we only get to see you a little bit a week.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Like, an hour a week, basically, right?
- Right, right. - Then that--
You could be setting yourself up for some--
Some surprises.
- I want to say no, that I'm not turning off
My red-flag detector.
But to your point, who am I to say?
Maybe I am.
- Okay.
♪ ♪
- ♪ even though I try to run from your love ♪
♪ your circles got me running right back to you ♪
- Over here, baby.
Whoo! Okay.
Back to my groove.
- One of the first things I actually learned about krysten
Is she loves karaoke and that she
Just takes over at karaoke.
So I want to see it.
I want to experience it.
And that's what we're doing.
- Okay, so I'm not even kidding you.
I really did sing this song in a school play.
- Oh. - I won't give away my age,
But it was in the '90s.
[upbeat rock music]
- Krysten definitely lives up to the hype
Of a karaoke superstar.
She knows all these songs a lot better than I do.
And she's coming out strong, for sure.
I'm really impressed.
- ♪ I've known some other girls ♪
♪ but they didn't make me feel this way ♪
- I just think it's attractive,
Seeing people get loose.
You know, I like seeing an unguarded person having fun,
Doing something they love.
- ♪ all I ever wanted ♪
♪ was someone to hold my hand ♪
- It's fun, and it's also funny.
♪ real life, san diego, california ♪
♪ popping bottles of champagne at the beach in the morning ♪
♪ me and pastor cal ♪
♪ yeah, he's my pal ♪
♪ yeah, I got a gal ♪
♪ yeah, she's my wifey ♪
- I found out that my husband likes to freestyle rap
And is actually really, really good and on beat.
- ♪ move by example, man ♪
♪ do not follow the crowd ♪
♪ and these fricking politicians ♪
♪ I'm gonna vote they asses out, listen ♪
- We're having such a good time.
You would think we've been married for 10 years.
- ♪ had sex with my wifey ♪
♪ yo, I hit her from that [bleep] ♪
- Oh, god.
So it's just pretty cool that he's
Willing to put himself out there and get
Immersed in karaoke with me.
Wow, you're so, like, fun.
I knew you would be, but, like, you're almost as fun as me,
If not equally fun.
- I'm trying to keep up, you know?
- You're doing great.
I can tell you are putting in 100% effort in this date.
And that means a lot to me.
♪ ♪
- Okay, so I think last night, you may have seen me
Kind of, like, react a little bit half-heartedly to, like,
Their whole real estate ventures and like...
- Mm-hmm.
- I just want to come out with it so you know.
- Uh-huh.
- But when you said, like, flipping houses,
It did kind of, like, trigger certain things in me
Because, like, there's a lot of families--
There's a lot of just everyday people out there
Who want to buy a house that they can afford.
And then there's these developers, you know,
Who go in and buy the house with a higher offer,
Price out families, and then flip it.
It just seems a little predatory to me.
[quirky music]
I get it, that it's, like, a career path,
You know what I mean?
Like, it's not like it's illegal.
I don't think society--
- I'm sorry, I blush at the word "illegal."
- I don't think society, like, teaches us that that's
Unethical or immoral. - I hope not.
- But it didn't like--it doesn't sit perfectly with me,
Just, like, the idea of just, like, flipping houses.
- Number one, I'm not trying to be this huge corporation.
I am literally trying to be compensated
For the fruits of my labor.
I'm trying to purchase a home with my money
That I've worked hard for and make it
A good place for a family to live in
Is all I'm trying to do.
And I have been very open to learning more
About environmentalism and coastal policy
And sustainability.
And I love that about you, and I hope
To get that same respect in return with my dreams.
♪ ♪
- I'm just trying to speak up to the fact
That things aren't fair and just acknowledge that.
- The world is full of injustice.
It is.
We have to do everything that we can to fight,
But we can't--
- Yeah, but I mean, that sounds like a platitude to me.
- Okay. - Like, I'm--
I don't need to hear platitudes
About oh, we need to do everything we can,
And hang in there, and, you know,
We believe in this.
Like, talk is cheap, as far as I'm concerned.
I don't--I'm not asking for you to comfort me.
Like, I'm not-- you know what I mean?
- Trust me, I'm not trying to.
- Okay.
- I'm just trying to have a normal evening
Is all I'm trying to do.
- I just don't want you to make me feel
Like there's something wrong with me for--
For--for feeling the way I do about things, that's all.
But this is me.
- I don't think it's fair for you to tell me
That I can't be an ally or agree.
- It doesn't seem, like, authentic to just--you know.
- Have I ever once called you inauthentic?
- I'm not calling you inauthentic.
[dramatic music]
- Are you gonna gaslight me?
"it feels inauthentic"?
What is this puppet mastery?
What are you trying to say?
♪ ♪
I can't acknowledge and respond?
I can't have a positive outlook and be kind?
- For the record, I do not think you're inauthentic.
Just because I felt like one thing you said wasn't
Fully authentic doesn't mean--
It's not the same as you're not authentic, that's all.
- I'm just saying, do not question me
Unless you have facts to back it up.
Don't say it feels inauthentic.
Don't say stuff like that to me.
- Well, that's how I felt at the moment,
So sorry if it doesn't sit well with you.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ I know just what you're feeling ♪
♪ y'all won't let me speak with meaning ♪
- I just got a big bite of wasabi.
- Yep, yep. - Oh, did you see it?
- No, but I did it myself.
[laughter]
- So do you want to start off and talk about, like, love
And our experiences with it? - Sure.
- So do you think you've ever actually been
In love with someone before?
- Not with a significant other. - Hmm.
- No, I don't think so.
What about you? - I have.
- Yeah. - I have.
- Recent or--or--
- Uh-huh, yeah.
My last relationship, it was love.
- Mm-hmm. - And it was genuine.
We showed up for each other every single day,
And we made it work every single day,
Even if something happens.
Like--and he got really drunk one night, and he was like,
I would fight every freaking person on this planet for you.
He's like, I don't care who it is.
I would fight everyone for you, and I'm like...
- That's, for sure, technically true love, yeah.
- Damn. [laughs]
- That's awesome.
- Oh, god. - That was a whole--
- That, for sure--that, for sure, was love.
- And that's hard to find too.
You don't find that often, and it just--
It was one of those, like, right person, wrong time...
- Yeah.
- Kind of a relationship, you know?
- I feel that, for sure.
- So you've never been in love? Never...
- I remember in college, there was a girl
In my computer science class. - Mm-hmm.
- And for, like, three--two, three years, everything was
Good, and then just life hit.
Like, nothing in my life went right, like...
- Mm-hmm. - My grandma passed.
- Mm-hmm.
- I lost two aunts to breast cancer.
My--my best friend died in a car accident.
And it was all topped off with my dad's heart attack.
So I feel like that was the one that kind of got away.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's probably, like, the deepest
I've ever been in love.
And not that I took it out on her,
But it's just I had so much to deal with.
And so I--
I took a step back and got distant.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then she felt it,
And we just kind of from there,
Slowly just separated. - Mm.
- After that, I've had other relationships, but I still--
Still trying to figure it all out too.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, like, I took time
To really think of what transpired on the honeymoon.
- Mm.
- And when I said all that stuff to you,
It was my insecurities. - Mm.
- The finances, the family things,
Because growing up in an asian home, you're--
You're almost, like, forced to--
To be a doctor, to go to a prestigious school.
And if you're not, it's like you're only--
You're only loved for what you can achieve,
Not for who you are as a person.
- And so I projected that onto you.
- Mm.
- And my whole life, even, like,
The last three years, I still to this day
Feel like I'm not enough.
- Mm.
- And so in relationships after that, I just
Never felt like I was enough.
And I projected that onto you. - Mm-hmm.
- And ultimately, hurt people hurt people.
And I hurt you.
- Mm-hmm. - And it's 'cause I'm hurt.
♪ ♪
I never got satisfaction from my dad...
- Yeah. - For not loving me.
♪ ♪
I thought that you were the only one with daddy issues,
But truthfully, in a different way,
Different circumstances,
Different ways we handle it, but I have daddy issues too.
- Yeah.
- It's not my dad's fault. Like, he came here
At 19 with little. - Mm-hmm.
- He never had a dad growing up.
- Mm-hmm.
- And he did what he did for me and my brother,
But I sat, and I thought, and it wasn't fair
To project that onto you.
And I'm just genuinely sorry for all that.
- Mm-hmm.
No, I really appreciate you, like...
- Yeah. - Really figuring that out.
And then also not only just, like,
Figuring that out, but, like, verbalizing
Everything and telling me.
So I really--I really appreciate you actually
Telling me all of this.
It's really nice, you know, because I always
Felt like I was never gonna meet your standards, ever,
You know? - And you shouldn't have to be.
And that's the thing that I came to the realization is,
Is that you are enough.
I am enough. - Mm-hmm.
- And no matter what, I get belittled from asian culture
For not being a doctor
Or going to a prestigious school,
I have to understand and try to find a way to fix it,
To understand that not everybody is gonna love me
For who I am or what I do. - Mm-hmm.
- But I have to figure out how I am enough.
And I'm still honestly trying to figure that out.
- Yeah.
I'm glad you, like, recognize that, 'cause that's huge.
That is absolutely huge that you've come to that,
Because you know you're such a people pleaser,
It's hard.
And it's hard recognizing the cycle
And breaking the cycle.
So I'm really happy, you know, and I'm here
To support you, too, with however you decide to,
Like, figure that out and do what you want to do.
Like, I'm gonna support you with all of that.
This is good.
I'm happy for you.
This is a good thing.
This is a really good thing.
- ♪ ooh, and it's ooh ♪
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- ♪ there ain't nothing to it ♪
♪ celebrate your life right now, yeah ♪
♪ it's yours ♪
- Oh, cooking lessons.
- How you doing, chefs?
- Hell yeah, let's go.
- Oh, we have to wear these hats, huh?
- You don't have to. - Oh.
[laughter] - I'm gonna rock it.
- It's more fun if you do, though.
- You have to wear it. You have to wear it.
- Having that tough night with nate was kind
Of eye-opening to see how we are when we,
You know, get into a conflict.
I felt myself retreating and putting up a wall.
And I told myself going into this process
That I would run towards my husband and not away from him.
So I just want to show him, you know, we're good.
We're still moving forward.
I'm still committed to my husband.
I just hope that it doesn't become a recurring problem.
- Awesome. - Okay, you look good.
- There you go. - Let's cook!
- ♪ I wanna do it with, with, with, with, with ♪
♪ ♪
♪ and you do this to me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
♪ me, me, me, me, me ♪
♪ ♪
- How are you feeling today
After our disagreement last night?
- I'm feeling good. You know--
- Did you--
- We weren't screaming at each other.
It was just like... - No.
- We just got into, like, a little argument, that's it.
- But I could tell, like, you were elevating.
Your whole demeanor, like, your face changed.
- Right.
- I just was, like, trying to be calm.
- So you held your demeanor. Good job.
- Yeah, because if I elevate, then you're
Probably gonna elevate,
And then I'm gonna really elevate.
- Yeah, because I was like, she's playing games right now.
And I didn't like it.
- I was just trying to get, like, my point across.
Like, saying that I was manipulating you, I was like,
Oh, you're, like, trying to attack my character now.
Like, when you get upset, are you gonna, like, lash out?
- If someone's playing the devil's advocate for too long,
Then it's not even a challenge.
It's not even a debate or opinions anymore.
It's hard-headedness.
♪ ♪
- I'm just trying to keep it all in.
However, inside, I'm, like, going crazy.
Like, my attitude, everything is on 10.
Like, I'm, like, cussing up a storm inside.
- I feel like I was looking at with--
Like, from a positive light.
And I feel like your point of view
Was, like, coming from, like, a darker place.
And I don't know where that's coming from.
- I don't understand "a dark place."
- You mentioned, like, you being
Afraid of being in a-- like, a loveless marriage.
Like, where did that come from?
- Because, like, you were saying that
You were in a relationship for two years
And you didn't love her.
- I mean, I had love for her, but I had
A pretty toxic relationship.
She would essentially hit me with ultimatums,
Like, all the time.
She used to say stuff like if you don't act this way,
Then we're done.
And then I would have to, like, chase after her
And be like, no, like, what are you doing?
Like, no.
- So will that be like us too?
Because I'm still at a four.
- Like, if I didn't have any feelings,
It would be a 0 out of 10.
Does that make any sense?
- Yeah, but I'm trying to get to the place
Where you, like, love me and will say it.
♪ ♪
- So like, are you afraid of me not being in love with you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Why didn't you just say that?
- I was trying to.
- Right.
- I guess I'm--
I don't know, like, if you're okay
With even saying, like, I love you, either.
You know, it's just a choice. - Mm-hmm.
- Either you're gonna do it, or you're--you're not.
- I mean, you don't have to worry about that
Because I just have to let you know that...
♪ ♪
I really like you.
♪ ♪
I think you're beautiful.
And I want you to believe in me
And believe in us
With 100% faith.
- Nate telling me that I need to have
More faith is [bleep] to me.
- I mean, I'm already married, so it's like--
- I'm not going to sit here with blinders on.
I do have faith.
I mean, I have it tattooed here,
"for we walk by faith and not by sight."
But I'm still gonna challenge him.
- Cheers to faith.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ we are all the same, and we will keep on cruising ♪
- Are you excited for beach clean-up?
- Hell yeah.
- It's so nice out too. Yeah.
- Nice and windy.
It's just really thoughtful of her
To kind of bring me out to the beach, you know?
- This area good? Oh.
- Wrap life. - Wrap life chose me.
- Peanut m&m?
- Honestly, I think I got dental floss.
We know how you feel about... - Ah.
- One-time use dental floss is a no-no in mitch world.
- "floss-il" fuel.
She's ready to listen to me pontificate
About the plastics and the trash
And the marine debris
And doesn't tell me to shut up.
Should we head back to our blankie?
- Yeah. - I think we've done--
I think we've done the deed. - I do too.
- You know, she's keeping me in her thoughts.
I love that.
- Anyone want a fruit tart?
- Oh, babe, you know I love those.
- Me too.
But I think we should start with the wrap.
- Veggie wrap?
- Yeah.
Should we just talk briefly, very briefly, about karaoke?
- Karaoke was awesome until that one moment
Where it wasn't.
- We were just having so much fun,
And I just don't know how or why things took
Such a harsh turn towards the end.
- Maybe I said some things I--
That maybe offended you and probably weren't
The best way to say it, you know?
- I do feel like I bring a lot to the table.
I just want to make sure you realize that and not
Somehow take something I say or a life dream of mine
And kind of manipulate it
Into something negative... - Yeah.
- And then make a generalization about me
That is just, for lack of a better word, just not true.
- Not true. - And some things you say
Make me feel like you wish I was different in some aspect.
♪ ♪
I just don't want to be made to feel like
Somebody who's with me is ungrateful for me,
'cause I'm gonna start to resent you.
And I just don't want that to happen.
So I'm just sharing that with you.
- Yeah, I think you don't deserve that.
I'm gonna do my best, you know?
And to be honest, I am really grateful for you.
And I really appreciate us being here today
And that you set this all up.
I really appreciate it.
- But I just want to make sure it's not just, like,
The picnic--
Like, overall that you see my value
And that you don't take it for granted.
- Okay.
I appreciate you.
- Okay.
Just think about how you can verbalize it
And show it a little more.
- Okay. Well, it's good for me to know.
I mean... - Yeah.
- I wasn't fully aware that you felt unappreciated, so--
- With the honeymoon issue and then
I just saw that old maybe mitch kind of creep up
Again last night, and I just want to put him back down.
♪ ♪
- ♪ somebody save me, yeah ♪
♪ but baby, I'm gonna rock you like you a stone ♪
- I didn't tell you this before.
It's really nice when you're here.
Even though I'm working...
- Mm-hmm.
- I get to catch up with you.
I'm not completely alone... - Yeah.
- With a cat that hates me that's...
- [laughs]
- Conspiring to kill me.
She's like...
[cat meows]
♪ ♪
- Just eyeballing you.
- Yeah, eyeballing, and then she, like, moves slowly.
- 'cause she's afraid of you.
- I think it's very much mutual at this point.
I don't know.
- Oh, god.
- Do you want some bubbly? [cork pops]
- Oh, my god.
[laughter]
Miguel, you didn't warn me.
Jeez.
Okay, sorry, I'm a little on edge.
"what do you think it takes for you to fall in love?"
- Time. - Yeah.
- Definitely time.
- I was gonna say that too.
Like, eight month thing I've always
Had in my head where, like, you've
Probably seen someone when they're
Tired, when they're hungry.
Seeing the worst part of someone and, like,
Hating that part of them but still choosing
And figuring out how to find the love and the connection
And, like, bring it back to the good part.
- Hmm.
So I'm the opposite.
Like, I would not stick around for that.
If I was with someone and they were acting out,
I perceive them to be crazy, rude, or inconsiderate--
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm like, oh, not for me, bye, like...
- But I am human, and I would hope
That there would be grace.
- I know, but even grace is finite, right?
It's not, like, a bottomless pit of, like,
I'm just gonna have all these outbursts and breakdowns,
And expect me to stick around.
♪ ♪
[tense music]
- If I was with someone and they were acting out,
I perceive them to be crazy, I'm like, oh, not for me, bye.
Because I've been in relationships where
I've been taken for granted.
- Mm-hmm.
- I've been used because of how easygoing
And forgiving I can be.
I try to put my foot down a little bit more
And be kind of more firm and vocal.
I don't want us to ever get to that point
Where things become, like, toxic, if you will, you know?
- I'm just hoping that you'll support me in times
Where I am emotionally distraught.
- Well, what do you think?
- And you're not gonna be like,
Okay, here's a checkmark.
I only have so many more of these in me.
- But there's different designations to how--
Like, the severity of an issue.
You know, if I were to betray you, like, how many of those
Would you give me grace for? - I don't know.
That's the thing is I wouldn't be like,
Okay, here's my book of scores with miguel.
- Right. - Like, that is not what
I want with our relationship. - Mm-hmm.
- Because if we're keeping score on every time
That we've wronged each other,
We're gonna crash and burn, miguel.
Like, we have to--
If in the moment we fix something, that's it.
Real love, to me, is seeing someone at their worst
And then still choosing to love them and fighting for them.
And if there isn't grace and forgiveness in a relationship,
Then it's just not gonna be successful,
Because we're human.
- But what if we address something important and then
I, like, go back on it?
You would still give me grace? - Of course.
It's a learning curve.
There's gonna be so much learning with each other.
- Yeah.
- We're not gonna get it overnight.
It's gonna take a lot of work.
There's gotta be a lot of grace
Because that's gonna take a while.
- Good, yeah.
I'm lucky, then.
I don't know.
Lindy has an infinite pool to give someone grace.
I am very much the opposite.
There's a fine line between, like, patience
And being taken advantage of.
- Okay, we'll drop it, then.
- Well, we don't have to drop it if you don't want to.
- I'd like to see your scorebook later.
How many times has lindy [bleep] up
In knowing you for three weeks?
- It's not like that.
Things add up.
- If you let them.
- Okay, let me put it this way, then.
How do you know someone is right for you?
- To me, we've already made the commitment.
We're already married. - Yeah.
- Now, we figure it out and make it work.
If continually, just, like, we're losing our happiness,
No one's learning, fine.
But there's no timeline on that.
- Right.
- If 90% of the time, miguel is making me laugh.
He's making me feel supported.
He's making me feel sexy.
But there's 10% of miguel that, like, I can't stand...
- Pisses you the [bleep] off.
- I'm not gonna give up 90%
Of a successful marriage... - Yeah.
- In hopes that I could find 91%.
Like, no, thank you.
I'm gonna work my ass off for as long as I can
And as long as you'll let me and have me.
- But that's--same, but I will say,
If there were no feelings involved...
- You'd be counting down the days.
- I would be. I would be.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ I know we said we'd be forever-er-er ♪
♪ I know we made these plans together-er-er ♪
♪ ♪
- Look at that smile.
- It's so pretty, babe.
- Welcome to our romantic date.
These are for you. - Thank you.
- It's intimate, but yet it's beautiful.
And it's too good to be true.
And I feel like if she sees that
And she can be comfortable and vulnerable around me,
Then my wife will fall in love with me again.
There's a saying, only time will tell,
You know, and I genuinely believe that.
- So like, when you thought you were getting married,
Like, even before this process, how did you picture
Yourself, like, as a husband?
- I only pictured just, like, being a great husband
And hoping to have a great wife.
- What does that look like?
- Being a great listener, being supportive.
- That's it?
- Yeah, I mean, I can make up something, but--
- No, no, I'm just asking.
I'm curious.
But what's the difference between having a partner,
Like, somebody that you're dating to do that role with
And being, like, actually married?
- Because actually--being actually married, there's--
I mean, there's not an easy out.
You can't just say, hey, I'm done with this.
There's consequences to that, you know what I'm saying?
Whereas you're just dating somebody,
You can say, hey, you know what,
I'm not gonna deal with this. On to the next person.
That I mean, I personally think that's the difference.
- Okay, another question.
So do you feel like, at this point with us--
- Mm-hmm.
- If we weren't married, we were just dating,
That you would still be wanting to date me?
- I think so, yeah.
I think so.
I'm not like--for me, even though,
You know, dating is an easy out,
I've never been the type of person
Where I'm like, you know, I'm done.
Like, if my mind is made up that I want
A future with you-- - mm-hmm.
- Then I'm gonna do everything I can to do that,
Whether that's working on me, you know,
And still building a relationship with you.
That just--that's just in my nature.
So I can't really speak for anybody else,
But for myself, you know, that's the route I would take.
- Mm.
- What about you? - What about me?
- Same question.
What is making you stay committed?
Because you say you're a runner,
You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, I'm a track star.
- Yeah, you're a track star.
So if we weren't married and we were going
Through the exact same issues that we're going through now,
Would you stick around?
- I can--no, I don't think I would.
[tense music]
The newton thing really got to me.
Newton started to throw up blood,
And he's like, "oh, yeah, he did that yesterday too."
Why didn't you tell me that, justin?
- So in the dating scenario, I would not allow someone to--
What seemed like a lie.
Like, because I think, for me, it's like
I accept people by face value.
Whatever you show me, whoever you show me you are,
I'm going to believe you, because I have
No other choice. - Yeah.
- And for me, it's just like if you're telling me
All these things and your actions show otherwise,
What am I doing here?
And I think that's maybe a reason why I haven't been
Married in the past because it's just like I didn't have
That--that push in me, that drive in me
To just be like, okay, give him some time, work it out.
Like, I feel like I'm putting in more effort
Because we are married, and that's what
I needed because I do run.
So now, I'm seeing other things that I might have never seen
Because we were just dating.
I'm being real. - No, I get it. I get it.
I mean, I'm just-- I'm trying to understand.
- You can't--some things you won't be able to understand
Because you-- we don't relate in that way.
You said you're not the type to get up and go.
- Yeah. - You're not,
So you're not gonna be able to relate to somebody
Who gets up and goes every chance they get.
- [laughs] that's true. - You know what I'm saying?
Like it's-- - that's a good point.
- It's not gonna make a connection.
We'll be here all day.
You just won't get it because you
Don't have that perspective. - That's fine.
- Whereas somebody else, who is just like, no, she right.
Get on. Leave that man.
You know, like, it's--
Different perspective is everything.
So it's like I don't--
I don't need you to empathize with me.
I need you to sympathize.
I need you to not put yourself in my shoes
'cause you won't be able to fit them
Because you wouldn't do that in those circumstances.
I just need you to understand me.
Like, okay, that's her truth.
- ♪ silly of me to be a fool because you ain't really ♪
♪ love me like you say you do ♪
♪ you ain't really love me like you say you do ♪
- ♪ I got that honey ♪
♪ sugar and sweet ♪
♪ you know I got that honey ♪
♪ get loud ♪
♪ no, we don't care ♪
♪ so close ♪
♪ hey, we don't care ♪
♪ don't sprint ♪
♪ no, we double dare ♪
♪ celebrate, both hands in the air ♪
♪ hey ♪
- Oh, hello. - Hey.
How you doing? - I'm good.
- Good. - I'm tired.
- You ready for this? - No.
- Look. - Oh, what is this?
Korean barbecue thing? - That's the korean barbecue.
- Damn. - Yeah.
- Lychee martini or soju?
- Whatever you have. I had the--
- We have both.
- I had the worst day at work today, so like--
- Okay, so we'll do-- we'll bring both.
We'll bring both. - Just bring both of them.
- Okay.
- This is nice. - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Let's put it in there.
- We got all the premiums.
- That's actually pretty comfortable.
- Remember when you got premium?
- Yeah.
- We got all the premium meats.
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah, that's good.
- I mean, like, this is, like, some professional stuff
You got going on.
- Oh, you know.
Back in the day, they used to call me--
- Did they--what did they--
- Korean barbecue papi. - Oh, did they?
[laughs]
- Like champagne papi but korean barbecue.
- [laughs] I can't deal with you right now.
I had a really bad day today.
You know what the best part was?
I have an ethiopian coworker, and she brought in
All of her home-cooked food.
[alarm blaring]
I don't think this is gonna work.
- Of course. Of course.
Of course.
- Okay, we gotta open the windows.
I kind of expected that, though, where you're literally
Grilling meat indoors, so...
Hold on. It's okay.
We just gotta open all the windows.
Open this one.
I'll open this one.
Hopefully, the neighbors won't complain.
Oh, that's good.
- It's good? - Mm-hmm.
- I really like being vulnerable with you.
- No, I thought it was great, you finally opening up.
- I would love to do it more. - Mm-hmm.
- Do you have anything to open up about,
Or do you want me to go again?
- I don't think--
I mean, not that I can think of.
- Okay.
- I mean, unless you want to, like, talk about something.
- You know how you always call me people pleaser?
- Uh-huh.
- I wanted to go in depth of why I
Think the root cause of it is.
- Okay.
- Basically, my parents were immigrants,
So we lived in areas where we could afford.
- Mm-hmm. - And because of that,
I was the only asian kid on the block,
In the school, wherever. - Mm-hmm.
- And with that came a lot of, like,
Racist jokes. - Mm-hmm.
- Doing, like, the squinting thing...
- Mm-hmm. - And things of that magnitude.
- Mm-hmm.
- So the only way that I could combat that
Was to, one, overachieve in school and things like that,
But also to be kind. - Mm-hmm.
- And there's times where I sacrifice my happiness.
- Yeah. - And that's a struggle
For me to figure out.
- Yeah, I feel that.
I mean, I grew up the same exact way...
- Mm-hmm. - Being a people pleaser.
It took me a long time to do this.
- What was the-- what was the breakthrough?
- Cutting my dad off.
- Mm-hmm. - That was it.
All my life, I was a people pleaser
Because I wanted to please him.
But I wasn't good enough.
No matter what I did, no matter what my grades were,
No matter what sports he wanted me to do, like, anything,
It was not good enough.
And it's such a shame that the little child in me
Thought that I had to change for him.
And then finally, I stood up for myself.
I was like, I'm done because obviously, no matter what
I do, it's not good enough.
Well, then I just cut him off.
- Just out of your own willpower?
- Mm-hmm.
And the little girl in me would be very proud,
You know, my little child.
- Can I ask if you have genuinely
Healed from everything?
- Oh, yeah. - How did that happen?
- I just work on myself. - Work on yourself?
- Mm-hmm. You need to speak
To the little child inside of you and say,
It's okay that you weren't good enough.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, because you are enough.
You need to take a step back and look
At everything that you've done with your life.
How can you not say you're not proud of yourself, you know?
You have achieved a lot.
How is that not enough for you?
And it should be.
You just have to start loving yourself.
You have to start accepting yourself.
That's it.
But it's hard because you don't like yourself.
I didn't like myself.
For years, I hated myself.
Now, I don't care.
- That's honestly awesome. - I don't care.
- I love that.
And I don't know at what point in my life
That I'll get there, but I hope to get there, for sure.
- You will. I'll help you out.
It's okay.
- ♪ light my fire ♪
♪ hold me up, I wanna... ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ oh, they smile in your face ♪
♪ that what they do, that what they do ♪
♪ that what they do ♪
♪ they may lie ♪
♪ it's okay, that what they do ♪
♪ that what they do, that what they do ♪
- You ready to go meet the other couples?
- Yeah.
- See how everybody's doing?
- Yeah.
- Here. Come here real quick.
- What's up?
- I bought this for you.
- Wow.
- I think it would be nice to wear today.
You want to wear it today?
- I will wear it today.
- I like your shirt. - This shirt is awesome.
Thank you so much, yeah. - Yeah?
- This is such a nice gift.
- You got me something to wear? - Yeah.
♪ ♪
- Good job on the size.
Fits me really good.
- Does it? - Yeah.
- Nice shirt.
- Thank you. - It fits good.
- Yeah? It fits good? - Yeah.
- Okay, yeah, I'm glad I found that,
Because I thought it would look good.
♪ ♪
- What?
- I really appreciate you buying this for me.
I don't think I'm gonna wear it, though.
- Why?
- It's just not something I would wear.
♪ ♪
- Okay.
Why don't you, for this one time,
Just trust me and wear it?
- Sorry, babe.
I don't really want to wear this shirt.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
- Can I talk to you in the bathroom real quick?
- Sure.
So if you don't wear it,
You'll be the only one not in it.
It's fine if you don't want to.
- It's just--no, there's no [bleep] way--
There's no chance in hell
Mitch would ever wear this shirt,
I'm sorry.
Like, the [bleep] little buttons and--
- The buttons?
- I'm sorry, I'm not wearing this shirt.
- I guess we're waiting for everyone else, right?
- Yeah. - It's just us.
- I honestly thought we were gonna be the last ones again
Like last time. [laughter]
- Seriously last. - And we're the first ones.
- To literally everything.
- Hi.
- Oh, hello.
- What is happening today, man?
- You guys look so cute.
- What, is this intentional, or is this not intentional?
- Oh, wow.
[laughter]
- Okay, there's no--
There's no way.
Just--our wives planned this [bleep], bro.
- I got mitch to agree to wear the shirt,
Not without a disclaimer.
- I'm not gonna be wearing it for long, sorry.
- He tells me that he'll wear it for a little bit,
And then the shirt's coming off.
- You guys look good. [laughter]
- I'm now referring it as shirtgate 2022.
- Ah!
Here comes another one.
- Hi, guys.
- He still hasn't noticed.
- How you doing, man?
- Oh.
[laughter]
It took me a second. - Hi.
- Why do we all have the same shirt?
[laughter]
What the hell is happening right now?
- They planned this [bleep], bro.
- They did this on purpose. [laughs]
We definitely gotta get you know what I'm saying?
I don't know what it is,
But we gotta get 'em back, for sure.
- All right, I'm changing.
[laughs]
- Yeah, yeah, no.
- Mitch!
- Why did you change your shirt?
- That's the better option?
- I was just getting a little cold, you know?
- Oh. - I'm just gonna leave it
At that. - Lies, lies, lies.
- So why did you bring another shirt?
- So it's gonna be a thing?
- This was a thing, and you went and changed it.
- Speak your truth.
- You know, to me, it's--
I just look at it a little differently.
I know it's not the way most people look at it.
But I think when you buy someone a physical thing,
It's kind of like you're putting that on them.
And it's a responsibility that they have to take on.
And it's not-- so I just try to say--
I don't really like to buy people stuff
That they might not want or didn't ask for,
You know what I mean?
It's just--to me, it's kind of materialistic,
So we made a compromise that okay,
I'd go with it, I'd wear it up.
And it was funny.
I mean, okay.
- If I may respond. - You may.
[laughter] - um, I--I think
It's weird to not wear a shirt your wife gets you.
And then, in order to get you to wear the shirt,
I actually had to reveal the surprise and say,
"you're going to be the only guy not wearing a shirt
If you don't wear the shirt." - oh.
- That's the only way I got you to wear the shirt.
So it was a thing.
So it can't not be a thing 'cause it is a thing.
- Okay, fair enough.
I mean, to be honest, it's not even that big of a deal.
It's just like, I don't want to be forced to do things,
You know what I mean? Like, it just doesn't--
That's always rubbed me the wrong way,
Like, my whole life, and I've always felt
Like I've been forced to do things.
So it was more triggering.
It was definitely more triggering
Than she thought it would be.
And it was even more triggering than I thought it would be.
- Hi. - Hi, everybody.
Hello.
I am dr. Pia.
Nice to meet all of you all.
- Dr. Pia. - Dr. Pia.
- Wonderful. - Okay.
- All right, so I'm a psychologist.
I specialize in couples and sex therapy.
And the experts have brought me in today to help
Strengthen the relationship.
And I've been put up to speed to everything that's been
Going on amongst y'all.
So we're gonna be doing some pseudo group therapy work
Today, all right?
- Okay.
- Trust and intimacy is the bedrock
Of any healthy relationship.
So we've brought in dr. Pia because she's
An expert, as a clinical psychologist, in that area.
And we believe she'll be able to guide
Our couples into a better understanding
Of vulnerability.
- We went to school. We learned math.
We learned science. We learned all these things.
We didn't learn about emotions.
We certainly didn't learn how to talk about them.
But that's at the core of facilitating
A great relationship. - Mm.
- Okay. - Okay?
And so you've got these little emotion
Wheels on your table, okay?
A lot of times, what we talk about
Are some of, like, the primary emotions.
We all know what anger looks like or, you know,
Happiness, excitement.
But a lot of times, when we're saying that we're angry,
You know-- - it's a secondary emotion.
- It's a--ah, 100%, it's a secondary emotion,
Oftentimes to hurt.
And I want you to share what has it felt like
When you've been hurt?
- You know, like, when I'm hurt, I feel--you know,
I feel betrayed, whether it's friendship,
Whether it's a relationship.
But I know how to protect myself,
You know what I'm saying?
So it's almost like my body has naturally
Shaped into, like, not necessarily bullet--
Bulletproof, but close enough.
You know, I'm not cold, but I can become cold.
And I don't--I don't really know where it comes from.
- Mm-hmm. - Maybe it's, like,
From my past or, you know,
The consistency of being hurt,
And then I've just developed this tough skin
That like, hey, you know, like, I'm prepared.
And maybe I'm contradicting myself,
And I don't realize it. - That's okay.
- But maybe that hurt
Is the reason why I'm so protected.
- Sure. - You know,
But also, like, I'm not bringing,
Like, any of my past traumas into my next relationship.
It's almost like when you're a child
And over time, you just grow, and your body develops.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, and over that time from being hurt,
It's just like, all right, cool,
I ain't gonna let nobody else hurt me, you know?
But I'm still gonna be vulnerable,
If that makes sense.
- So right-- - it makes sense to me.
- So can I--
I'm gonna challenge you a bit on that,
Because you said you're not bringing
Your trauma into--past trauma into the current relationship.
And what you just described was you bringing your trauma
Into this relationship.
It's a trauma response, right? - Yes, okay.
- So here's the thing about trauma,
We have something bad happen to us.
We now become hypervigilant, right?
Anything that looks, smells remotely like what
Has happened in our past, we're like, oh, hell no,
Let me back away from that, right?
You've got that armor up because you damn sure
Not gonna want to do that again.
- Okay, all right, stop right there.
I hear you. I hear you. - Okay.
- But I guess the-- what I'm trying to get you
To understand is that it doesn't stop me
From being vulnerable.
It doesn't stop me from being open
'cause I'm not afraid of being hurt.
I'm not at all.
- Alexis, do you buy that?
- No.
- Okay, tell us why.
- But she also doesn't know me that well,
You know what I'm saying? She only knows--
- So now I don't know you?
- Well, no time like the present, right?
So, alexis, can you share why you don't buy it?
- So you remember that one time where
You were like, when you're emotional,
You just say things? - Go ahead, say it.
- I feel like this is one of those moments.
- It's not one of those moments.
Baby reads into a lot of stuff and sometimes--
- Do I really? So now you're speaking for me?
♪ ♪
- I feel completely misunderstood.
And it's frustrating because I feel like it's exhausting.
[bleep] frustrating.
It's exhausting, trying to get you to understand.
Like, that's why I shut down,
Because it's like, you not gonna understand me,
Even if I try to break it down like a third-grader.
It's like, oh, okay, you know?
I'm--one, I'm not good at explaining myself anyway.
And two, if I have to constantly go in circle three
Different times and you still don't get it,
I'm like, [bleep] it. It makes sense in my head.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[tense music]
- I shut down because it's like you're not
Gonna understand me, even if I try to
Break it down like a third-grader.
It's like, oh, okay, you know?
If I have to constantly go in a circle three different times
And you still don't get it, I'm like, okay,
It makes sense in my head.
- But I feel like that's a-- it brings up a controversy
In our relationship because I respect what you're saying,
And I want to understand you because it's not
About being right or wrong.
It's about understanding you, because if I understand you,
I know how your characteristics are gonna carry on
For many other situations.
So I need to understand you.
♪ ♪
And when you give up on me and when you shut down,
You're not helping me help you, help us.
- Ooh. - And I hear that.
I hear that. - Damn.
- But-- - I'm sorry.
[laughter]
- I love what you said, alexis.
But I also really hear you, justin.
You--you need to feel understood
Because if you don't, that means
We don't feel safe, right?
'cause you're shutting down. You're like, oh, screw it.
Like, I said this a million times.
They're not gonna get it.
- Facts. - Okay?
But here's the thing:
You do that, it's gonna come up again
And again and again and again
Because it hasn't been resolved.
We need to keep talking until we are understood.
And you might get spent.
It might be frustrating.
You might have to say, "you know what? Time out.
We'll revisit this another time."
And let's set a date and time and then
Revisit the conversation.
- I can agree to do that. - I like that.
- But just be honest with each other.
Like, if you need it, say it, please.
- Good. All right.
So, mitch and krysten, what's--what's coming up
For you guys' relationship with the emotions?
- I'm giggling to myself looking at the wheel and just
Kind of living a little more in the surprised area,
Sometimes astonished.
I was astonished earlier today during shirtgate 2022.
With the guys, we wanted to do something fun
And get them all a shirt.
Mitch didn't want to wear the shirt.
He wore the shirt.
Thank you.
- I temporarily wore the shirt.
- What is it about the shirt?
Was that a control thing?
- I don't really want other people deciding
What I'm gonna wear or what I need to have
Or what I need to own,
Especially in a materialistic way.
I'm, like, an environmentalist.
Like, I'm a sustainability guy.
So like, I don't really want [bleep].
I don't want anyone's [bleep].
Like, that's just me.
So that's the baggage I'm bringing in,
And I'm fully self-aware about it.
So yeah, the shirt thing just--
That's not what I want. - Okay.
We could all argue, like it's simple.
Just put on the [bleep] shirt, right?
Like, you know, like, there wouldn't
Have been an argument, no big deal, right?
And I also understand wanting to be true to yourself
And not wanting to, like, say, well,
Then I'm signing up to be disrespected.
So how do we compromise then?
Because we are in a union.
- There's a point where if you compromise too much,
You're not being true to yourself
And you're being a pushover, and that's not me.
[tense music]
Because I've been there in the past.
I've lost myself in the past.
♪ ♪
- Do you feel like you're losing yourself
In the relationship?
- I do.
I do feel like sometimes I'm getting a little
Lost in trying to please you and maybe
Be a version of myself that I think mitch would really like.
But sometimes I fall back.
I'm like, wait a second, what am I doing here?
You know, I love--
I love nice things.
I worked hard for these nice things.
And I--I don't know.
It is a struggle. - Okay.
So part of the struggle, it sounds
Like there's a disconnect.
In order to validate, you don't have to agree, right?
There's just, like, this level of understanding
Because you gotta take mitch, and you gotta take krysten.
Y'all were, you know, individual people.
But how do you come together as a union?
What balance needs to take place?
- Yeah.
- I want to move on to morgan and binh.
What's--what's been going on for you guys emotionally?
- It's been better because the emotional stuff
Started off really bad.
It started off in the red, right?
- Okay.
- It started off humiliated, disrespected,
All the nasty things.
But I feel like we're getting back into the yellow, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Because like, we're--
We're opening up with each other.
Like, we're having fun with each other.
We're going and doing stuff with each other.
So I feel like the emotions were down, but, like, we're,
Like, back on the incline...
- Yeah. - It kind of feels like.
- What do you think you both need to see from one another
To strengthen the relationship?
- It's--it's the reminders throughout the day that
You're thinking about me or, you know, you see me and,
You know, like, compliments too.
Like, he's not a very, like, compliment person.
He's not like, oh, wow, you look really good today.
He's just kind of like--
- I said you look drippy today. - Yeah.
- Icy--icy too. - That's nice.
- Icy. - Yes, thank you.
I love being called icy by my husband.
That's super great.
- So what--hold on, hold on.
What just came up there, morgan?
- It's not--it's a good thing, but it's not like--
It's not, like, romantic. - Okay.
- You know, I don't-- I don't like that.
- That's fair.
- What do you like? - I can work on that, yeah.
- You know, like, "you look beautiful today."
Something. - Mm-hmm.
- Like make me feel like a woman.
- Okay. - I'm not your bro.
I'm your wife, you know? - So it's the word choice.
- Yeah. - Yeah, it's the word choice.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Yeah. - Okay.
- Thank you for sharing. - Yeah.
Good. - Thank you for listening.
- All right, what about this side here?
What's coming up emotionally with our other two couples?
- Okay, so this is what I wanted to say.
- Okay. - I was talking to the girls
About how I want miguel to see my crazy side.
And like, he hasn't yet because it hasn't come out.
- What are we talking about?
- The par--like, me being overly emotional
And just saying whatever's on my head.
- That comes from baggage or trauma, past...
- That comes from, like, an inner--
An angry inner child... - Okay.
- That's just like, [bleep] you,
La, la, la, and she goes crazy.
- I got a taste of it. - He got, like, a little--
- And I immediately shut that [bleep] down.
I was like, I do not-- I do not like this.
- And that's the thing is, like,
Because I have so much respect for you,
I feel like even when I want to go there, you're gonna,
Like, help reel me in.
So I don't know. - I'll try, but--
- And we'll see. - Right.
- Lindy, do you feel like you're holding back at all?
- Um...
The holding back comes from a place of respect.
I like-- - but you feel like
You are holding back? - Oh, yeah,
But it's because I respect you. - Really?
- So I want to ask a question.
When you said because you respect him--
I heard earlier that you feel like
You sometimes have outbursts, and you said,
Like, you don't like that.
Is that part of the reason that you feel like
You're holding back, you're afraid
Of how he's gonna respond?
- I'm not sure.
It's kind of this weird spot where I'm at where I'm like,
Does he need to see me in that aspect?
And then will he still choose me?
So I--that's where I'm at, and we've had this discussion.
- That's a fair question.
Yeah, that's a fair question, yeah.
- So for you, there has to be a space where you
Can be your authentic self? - Yes.
- Where you can trust him?
- Like, at this time, I think the thing we need is time.
- Okay. - Yeah.
♪ ♪
- So what came up for you all?
What have we been feeling in our marriage?
- I would say lonely, vulnerable,
Isolated, abandoned, sad.
- Mm.
- I came into the process kind of, like,
All-in, giving everything, kind of showing
Everything very quickly.
And I feel like I'm being very vulnerable.
But I also feel like he doesn't match me.
- That's her opinion.
And I'm doing things
That are actionable steps to showing my wife, stacia,
That I'm trying, and I'm, you know, getting deeper.
For example, I've always wanted to sign up for therapy.
So I'm like, all right, [bleep] it.
I'm about to pull the trigger and, like, sign up for therapy,
You know what I mean? - Good.
- And those are actionable steps
That I want to show my wife that I'm truly into this,
And I really want our--
Our relationship to grow.
And so--so for that reason, I feel
That when it's just a hard no, that I'm not trying,
It's frustrating. - Mm-hmm.
- It's just like, what more can I, like, prove to you
That, like, I'm all in?
I need you to understand me when I say that stuff
Because if you continue to not believe me
And have faith in me, I'm gonna start giving up.
♪ ♪
And that's all I need to say, I mean,
'cause that's why I'm disappointed.
- Oh, gosh.
Does anybody have a tissue?
- I'm sorry.
I mean...
♪ ♪
- Like, I don't want him to give up in the marriage.
- ♪ and I can't shake this game ♪
♪ sitting here playing with you ♪
- But then I also have to think about how long
Am I gonna wait for you to catch up?
♪ ♪
- ♪ and do you feel the same? ♪
♪ ever feel the same as I do? ♪
♪ do you? ♪
♪ lessons in love ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ is this right for me? ♪
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
♪ is this right for me? ♪
- Obviously, you can tell that I'm irritated.
There's definitely a disconnect happening now
Because I think people are realizing
That I am putting in effort.
It's not just me.
And it's just, like, really disappointing
That the person that I care about the most
Isn't recognizing that.
And that hurts my feelings.
You know, you told me in order for you to trust somebody,
You needed to see action.
That was, like, one of the most important things
I heard from you because it was very, very important to you.
And I took it seriously.
And I don't want to feel like I'm proving to you
That I'm putting in action.
You said that words don't mean nothing.
So what am I supposed to do if the actions
Don't mean anything, either?
- I hear everything that you're saying.
And the reason why I said everything that I said
Was because it wasn't just a group activity.
There was a therapist in front of us.
So everything that I was saying was just to give background
On what we've been through in the week
For her to give us her perspective.
- You didn't say, no, I felt. You said, no, I feel.
That's a present-tense word.
So right now, what I'm feeling is,
Like, you don't believe me.
And I told you in our marriage that one of the most important
Things that I needed in my wife was for you to believe in me.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm getting to the want to prove myself anymore.
I don't care if it's past tense, present tense.
I'm telling you right now that if you keep not believing
In what I'm trying to do
And you're not gonna believe my actions, like,
It's just not gonna work out.
- I do think that you're making effort.
I do think that you saying that you want to move
To a different place with me,
You are committed to going to therapy,
Those are all actionable things.
- But what?
- Those are future things that I think you'll do.
The thing that I think you can do right now in this moment
And every day after is the communication
And the vulnerability with me.
- But you're not patient enough for me to actually
Grow and get deep with you.
That's what I think it is.
- I'm not saying it's not enough.
That's what I think you're not understanding.
- Well, that's how it's coming off.
- I'm just saying that I want
An emotional connection as well.
That's all I'm saying.
- Well, you got emotion now.
You happy?
- No, because I feel like it's, like, an attack.
I got married at first sight because I thought
I was gonna have this committed husband
Who knew exactly what he wanted.
I wanted to hit the ground running.
So it's concerning that he's getting so upset
Over something that I don't see as big.
I think, you know, throughout the marriage,
We're gonna go through bigger and greater issues.
And if this is how he's reacting, it's scary.
We're always gonna have conflict.
But you're basically saying, like, I'm just gonna--
I'll be done.
That's--that's not what a marriage is.
I didn't sign up for that.
- Right now, I don't understand where you're
Coming from because I don't believe you,
Because I feel like it's just gonna happen
In the future again.
I don't think it's me anymore.
I think it's a you thing.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I don't want to ♪
♪ I don't want to hurt anymore ♪
- Alexis came to me woman to woman,
Friend to friend.
♪ ♪
- And essentially, binh has been going behind my back
And telling lies about me to other people.
♪ ♪
- Things are not good right now.
I'll leave it up to the imagination, but you--
I'm gonna have a lot to say tomorrow to binh.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ ah, ah ♪
- Next time on "married at first sight"...
- Happy one month, babe.
- Our couples search for ways to go deeper...
- Oh, my god. - You are so dramatic.
- Perfect, honey!
- I love it. - [grunting]
- Before they are faced
With the biggest decision of their lives.
- I think we can both find love, for sure.
- Here's a gift.
- Thanks.
♪ ♪
- When does krysten get to do krysten?
I'm gonna snap soon.
I'm gonna snap.
- Behind my back, you were talking [bleep] about me.
- I'm not talking [bleep]. - Talking [bleep],
And you are going to continue to lie to my face
Until the [bleep] end.
- You're very emotional.
You call it passionate.
But I'm hurt.
And when you come back and apologize
And you're like, "you know what, you were right, babe,"
It still hurts.
- I understand. - I need a break, babe.
♪ ♪