- Oh, my God, I’m so happy to finally meet you.
- Me too.
- Ten singles took a leap
into the unknown in search of love.
They married as complete strangers,
and in less than a month,
they will have to make the decision
whether they will stay married or get a divorce.
- ♪ Let’s make some waves ♪
- Last time, our couples celebrated
their one-month anniversary. Stacia and Nate.
- We’re in this forever, you know what I’m saying.
all: Mm-hmm.
- I definitely am falling in love with you.
And so I want my best friend next to me,
and Stacia is definitely my best friend.
- Aww. - That’s nice.
- Lindy and Miguel.
- I’ve been in relationships where I’ve been able
to get away with murder and just like spew
my [bleep], say whatever, and they’re gonna take it.
It’s taking a lot of work on my end,
but he’s more than worth it, so...
- Aww. - Yeah.
- Krysten and Mitch.
- When does Krysten stop compromising and not,
oh, I don’t wanna put pressure on Mitch.
Oh, I--I gotta make sure I do this and do this.
I’m gonna snap soon. - Yeah.
- I’m gonna snap.
- Alexis and Justin.
- And when you come back and apologize and you’re like,
"You know what? You were right, babe."
It still hurts.
- Did I do something is all I’m asking.
I understand. - I need a break, babe.
[dramatic music]
- Morgan and Binh.
- Definitely talked to Justin behind your back.
- Behind my back, you were talking [bleep] about me.
- Not talking [bleep]. - Talking [bleep].
- No way, no.
- Talking [bleep]. - That’s crazy.
- And you thought you weren’t gonna get caught.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I don’t think that we should be ♪
- And tonight...
- Take a little trip through my life.
- Our couples will have the opportunity
to share their roots and build
an even stronger bond between themselves and their partners.
- So you was really just hustling.
- Yeah. - You’re the best.
- You’re the best too.
- You’re gonna find a total babe
that you’re gonna fall madly in love with.
- Hey.
♪ ♪
- Straight setup. - It’s about to go down.
- I understand that she’s hurt, but I’m trying.
- What’s up with the hostility?
- As for the one person out of everyone here
who should have had my back, it should have been my husband
and he did not.
- I really, really wanted to make him happy,
and I lost a little bit of myself in that.
And I--to be honest with you, I don’t wanna do it anymore.
♪ ♪
- ♪ It’s all or nothing ♪
- This is "Married at First Sight."
- ♪ There’s no other way ♪
♪ ♪
♪ It’s all or nothing ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- I don’t know.
I don’t know what happened tonight.
♪ ♪
Hey, there. - Hey, baby.
- How you feeling? Okay.
[soft dramatic music]
- I don’t get how we got here
in that quick of a moment of me just not having anything
to say--to say, like, I don’t you see how
that, like, in my perspective.
- I get that, and I understand that.
I thought in a moment that I was--I was [bleep] it up.
Your body language looked like it shut down.
- In what ways?
- I--like, babe, you was just sitting there literally.
- At a dinner, at a table-- - I’m just telling you
- Sitting there?
- I’m just telling you what I-- what I saw compared to
what I see you that’s constantly always bu--bubbly,
most of the time you’re majority
you’re--you’re positive, you know what I’m saying?
So when I see my wife sitting there, like, you got nothing
to say, I’m like, "Oh, what?"
You don’t see how, like, how that can, like,
throw me a curve--out what?
- I do, I do, I do.
- So that’s why I thought exactly what--I was like,
"oh, [bleep]" You know what I’m saying?
Maybe, maybe it’s not, I’m telling you
exactly what my thought processed.
Maybe she don’t wanna say that, you know, like, or call me out
or whatever, whatever it may be.
And so that’s why I was just like, "Baby,
are you sure you are okay?"
And that’s why I kept whispering.
- So, baby, going forward, can you say, "Hey, babe,
"are you feeling isolated or alone?
I’m trying to check on you and doing my part."
Because when you’re saying,
"Hey, how are you?" And you’re saying
things like, "Hey, you sure you don’t wanna tell ’em
about my progress," that doesn’t make it seem like
you’re trying to check on me.
That makes it seem like you want me to tell them
about your progress.
- No, no, no, don’t say my. I said our progress.
- Either way, baby, but it’s saying like,
you want--that doesn’t seem like you’re checking on me.
You get what I’m saying? - Yeah.
- That’s what it felt like in that moment.
And it’s not that I didn’t wanna do that, I just didn’t.
I was chilling, and I don’t want it to be a big thing.
- It’s not.
We’re talking about it right now.
- Okay.
Truce? - Cool.
We hug it out?
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- ♪ You got the sweetest sides ♪
♪ I like the way you see me ♪
♪ You’ll always keep me laughing ♪
♪ With you, it’s always easy ♪
- Wash ’em dishes. - Wash ’em dishes.
- After reaching their one-month milestone
in their marriages, our couples are
settling into their everyday lives together.
- You’re always so cute.
- We are doing some Korean barbecue.
- Pork belly. - [laughs]
- As experts, we can give all the advice
in the world to our married couples,
but ultimately, it’s up to them to dig in
to find out what they really need to know
to feel good about making the decision
to stay married or get a divorce.
♪ ♪
- Hi. - Oh, wow.
- Oh, my gosh. - Hello.
- It’s so good to see you. - I’m here.
- Yo, hi. - There he is.
- Hi. - How are you?
- What’s up, Binh? - How are you doing?
- Good.
- Morgan, tell us what’s going on.
- We’ve missed you. - Yeah.
- Yes, Alexis and I met up and hung out.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, cause I’m like, I feel like Binh is lying.
- Oh.
- I feel like he’s lying about something.
I feel like he’s going behind my back like,
something’s going on, and I just don’t know.
- I mean, long story short,
I’ve been talking to Justin behind her back
and lying to her face about it,
but it’s tough for me because, like, in the moment
when we argue, it’s like, I can’t get a word in,
’cause she’s so strong,
and then when I do, when I get frustrated--
- Right.
- I say the wrong thing,
and she doesn’t-- she’s not forgiving.
Like it--it’s tough.
So, like, I try to really watch what I say,
which is almost for me... - Yeah.
- It’s worse because then I hold it in.
- Right, no you don’t want--
- And then it becomes a ticking time bomb.
I really--I really felt like I had no one to talk to.
And so like I-- I made--I definitely
went behind her back.
- Here’s the thing, like--like, the fact that you’re gonna
talk to your friends about your experience
being married to a stranger, that’s [bleep] normal, dude.
Like, she shouldn’t be, you know,
like, she--if she can’t deal with that, that’s her [bleep].
- I know he lied, and that’s no excuse,
I’m not making excuses for him, but it ain’t like
bruh cheated or something.
I personally don’t think Morgan
was ready to be married,
I think Morgan was looking more for somebody
to listen to her and watch her vent,
but she didn’t really wanna reciprocate it, you know?
I feel like it’s just all about her.
I don’t think she ready for marriage, in my opinion.
- When everything went down on the honeymoon and I’m like,
you do realize that, like, I took you back
the first time after you lied to me, backstabbed me,
and everything. - Mm-hmm.
- And that was huge. - Yeah.
- Like, that was-- I don’t do that.
So to find out you’re still doing it
after you knew how I felt, I was like,
"All you had to do was just come and talk to me."
I’m like, you-- it’s always been about you,
Binh, this entire time.
The reason why you lied to me the first time
was to save face for you.
And you keep lying ’cause you keep trying
to save face, and you keep trying to validate yourself
with other people with me, and you just give people
the best version of yourself,
but that version changes between each person.
So I don’t know who you are.
- Binh is in a different place in his life.
He’s figuring out himself
and what he needs, and that’s just
not the place you wanna be in
when you’re starting a marriage with a stranger.
I don’t--I don’t know what else to say that, like,
figure it out, bro, like.
- So we’re separated. - Oh, geez.
- Oh, wow. - I’m sorry.
- I moved out.
- I’m so sorry to hear that, Morgan.
- Is he fighting for it?
Or is he just like, "Okay, that’s what you want, okay."
- I couldn’t tell you.
- So he’s not reaching out to you?
- No. - He’s not doing anything.
- Not talking.
- No, mm-mm, nothing.
It’s been to radio silence.
- I mean, we gotta talk to Dr. Pepper
to--together tomorrow.
- Hmm, so, like, if you guys see Dr. Pepper, and Morgan
starts to maybe see that, like,
she’s tripping, do you think, like,
that maybe she starts to see
that she might be unfair to you, like,
and she’s willing to work on herself.
If she gives you some grace, like,
you know what I mean, for lack of a word.
- I would--I would love to at least
do the eight weeks and then make a decision
from that based off that.
- I’m--I’m at the point where all I have to do
at this point is just defend myself.
- Yeah.
- Because he’s gonna keep lying.
And I know he’s hanging out with the guys right now,
and God knows what he’s saying. - Right.
- I know that Morgan that I met bachelorette party,
and I know that she wants to be married.
I know she wants to be a wife.
She has a lot to bring to the table,
but I’m feeling like she’s tired
and that she might just need some help.
- You wanna go over to Nate’s and Stacia’s,
I’ll come with you guys. - Whoa.
- We’ll all go! - Let’s go!
- Bust right in! - Oh, my God.
If this isn’t girl power, I don’t know what is.
- How do you feel, man?
- Honestly, bro, for the last--
the first three days after that happened,
I felt like [bleep]. Like, I couldn’t sleep.
I was breaking out.
I looked at the weight. Seven pounds lost.
♪ ♪
- Hi, honey. - Hey.
- Oh, [bleep].
- Hey. - Looks like a setup.
- Straight setup.
- Oh, wow. - It’s about to go down.
- What’s up, baby?
Obviously, there’s still a lot of hurt and frustration
with Binh and Morgan, but I can tell, like,
he truly wants this to work.
So I hope they--they do what it takes to make it work.
Binh gave me his side of the story.
So I guess I just wanna ask you
what was your breaking point?
- He broke my trust the first time
on the honeymoon. - Mm-hmm.
- And it was-- it also bothered me
that he was so big about lying.
He was like, "We shouldn’t be starting off
this marriage with any lies."
Like, "I’m not about lying, even if it’s a white lie,
I don’t like lies."
And then to find out he’s been lying to me this entire time.
So you’re telling me you don’t wanna do lies.
You’re telling me that lies are awful and horrible,
but you’ve been lying to my face essentially daily.
- Hmm, lying about what? - Yeah, what’s the lie?
- Yeah, what’s the daily lie?
- He’s been going to Justin this entire time,
telling Justin essentially everything about our marriage
and then coming to my face and saying,
"I’d never tell him anything."
At any point in time, he could have come to me
and said, "God, today was just a really bad day.
I was venting to Justin. here’s what I told him."
And it would’ve been handled much better than this.
But it wasn’t only that it was never like, "Yeah,
"I’ve been lying to you. I did that.
"I hurt you. I see that.
I apologize."
- Okay, so you feel like there was an overall lack
of accountability on his part. - Absolutely.
- Binh, do you think that’s true? Is that fair?
- Yeah, that’s fair. I can see that.
- You know, we’re all being all politically correct.
Like, what’s up with the hostility?
♪ ♪
- I was--
- Because, like, I see his temperament all the time
and it’s cool, calm, and collected,
you know, all-- all I’m seeing
is just Morgan hella pissed off...
- Mm-hmm. - All the time.
- Yeah.
- And I feel like everything he does is wrong.
I feel like Morgan has a personality
of never being satisfied,
so, like, anything that Binh is gonna do,
she’s not gonna believe it,
but he needs to voice his opinion.
He needs to be firm and not let Morgan
overpower the conversation or anything in general.
I feel like it’s very subjective for you to say,
he’s doing this against you.
We’re--we’re having an abnormal experience...
- Mm-hmm.
- That no one in this whole entire world
is having, you know what I’m saying?
- Yeah, but I feel like since this is so abnormal,
I feel like I needed him on my side,
and I needed him to have my back,
and he did not, not at all. - Okay.
- You know, which is also where, like,
the betrayals coming in,
’cause for the one person out of everyone here
who should have had my back, it should have been
my husband, and he did not.
He did not when it came to the nursing career thing
and did not when it came to the lies,
which is why I was so upset.
- No, yeah, I definitely take responsibility
for lying behind her back,
and then I also came into this naive for sure.
A lot of the questions are like, "Oh,
"can you handle a strong personality?
Can you handle somebody that’s not within your culture?"
And I in my mind was like, "Easy,"
but the truth is it’s not easy.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows,
and I also through this experience
learned that I had past traumas that I didn’t truly heal from,
so how can I make somebody else happy
if I’m not happy myself?
♪ ♪
And I definitely feel bad for you, Morgan,
I signed up for therapy today.
So just trying to demon slay my demons.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I’m so sorry for the words I’ve spoken ♪
♪ And I’m sorry for the things done ♪
- It’s tough, man.
I understand that she’s hurt. She’s feels scorned.
So I understand her perspective,
but I’m trying, I tried, I’m still trying.
- ♪ I’m sorry ♪
- Hey. - What’s up, Dr. Pepper?
it’s important that our couples dive deeper
into their relationships and learn
how to be vulnerable with one another
before they have to make one of
the biggest decisions of their lives,
whether to stay married or get a divorce.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[knocks]
- I came into this wanting to be in love
and to be married so much,
and, you know, I still want for this to work out,
but I’m still kind of, you know,
iffy about Binh, kind of uncomfortable
because I don’t know where he’s at mentally,
and if he even understands damages that he’s caused.
You know, I was still very hurt by the whole situation.
- So, look, you know,
they--they keep me up to date
about everything, and I wanna be helpful
to you in terms of thinking about what’s going on,
and I hope you can show some compassion and forgiveness
to each other because, and I know
how much you wanted this marriage.
♪ ♪
So Binh respond to me about why and how all this happened.
- I think coming into it,
I didn’t think that I had expectations,
but surely, I did.
♪ ♪
I was over judgmental, insensitive.
I think one thing that I struggled with
in all this was I was scared to--
to convert--converse with her
and so I went behind her back for sure
and then lied to her face,
but it was just less stressful and more comfortable
just to go and talk to Justin,
but I definitely made a lot of mistakes.
♪ ♪
- My first thought was that you were completely overwhelmed.
So I wonder if what you’ve seen is a more male world
with a wife sort of in it, as opposed to
wife and husband being the best friends
and kind of having each other’s back against the world.
And I’m not letting Morgan entirely off the hook here
I do wanna talk about some stuff there too.
But--but what you did was exclude her the possibility
of knowing what you were really feeling and thinking
and taking it elsewhere. - Yeah.
♪ ♪
- What about you?
- You know, I’ve really looked back and like,
could I have made a safer space for Binh?
You know, could I have used different tones?
Could I have said different things differently?
Like, what-- what could I have done
to make him feel more comfortable
coming and talking to me?
But, you know, like, it’s really hard for me
to bring someone back in when, like, my trust is gone,
but I let him back in after he betrayed me the first time
and, you know, slowly over time,
I was like gaining more trust in him.
My walls were coming down. I was opening up more.
And then this is what you did with your clean slate.
It was just a lot.
♪ ♪
- What I want you to get is how important trust is
and how important working things out is with the person
you’ve pledged your life to.
And part of what we’re planning for you,
which I think really would be valuable
to you is we ask you to think
about yourself at some point of your childhood
and you write the letter to yourself
from who you are now,
and then we ask you to read that letter to each other
because it gives more insight into some of the things
that you had to either deal with,
conquer, or build upon.
♪ ♪
I think that would be a good exercise.
I think it’s a powerful one,
and I hope you guys can progress.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Tell me, tell me you love ♪
♪ Who I am I now ♪
♪ Sorry, is this enough? ♪
♪ Come on, love me crazy ♪
♪ Na, na, n
[upbeat music]
- Hey, what’s up? - Hi, Dr. Pepper.
- Look at that. - Come in.
- I haven’t seen you since you came over
to my studio. I was single.
- That’s some big changes.
I do know about those changes.
A couple of things here today,
I wanna make you guys happy with how you resolve things
and how you’re feeling about each other
and that you can solve some problems
or at least figure out some approaches
to things while I’m here.
What are the things that have been
getting in your way in terms of feeling
that you’re getting everything you need out of this marriage?
- I think the things that we struggled with in our marriage
were I like to move quickly, so I’m like,
I know exactly who I am, I know exactly what I want,
and I’m all-in, like, show me that you’re all-in,
and I’m doing everything to show you,
but I feel like he was a little bit slower.
- So first let me make one statement
that I think is really important for you
to think about. You didn’t marry you.
♪ ♪
You’re fully entitled to want that
because you like it, that’s who you are,
that’s how you give,
but I think if you ask a man to give it the same way
and in the same style that you require,
that you’re gonna be disappointed.
- We do have, you know, stimulating conversations
for the most part, but sometimes
I can be very just concise
and just very, you know, very matter of fact.
- He’s never really been in a--in a household where,
you know, the way women talk, the way we discuss things,
the way we overanalyze things,
but I think what everybody needs
is active--active listening. - Right.
- I think one of the things, you correct me if I’m wrong,
that would help her a lot is the kind
of questions where you’re-- you’re getting
to learn more.
She’s talking, you’re-- she’ll know you’re listening.
She’ll know you’re thinking about it.
- Yep, understood.
Do you feel like I’m reciprocating
and asking inquisitive questions?
- Now you are, yeah. - Okay.
- The other thing is I know you guys have had some fights.
- I mean, I think when we have our disagreements,
like, I was looking at him with, like, so much concern
because I had never seen him like that.
- You’re not patient enough for me to actually grow
and get deep with you.
That’s what I think it is.
- I’m not saying it’s not enough.
That’s what I think you’re not understanding.
- Well, that’s how it’s coming out--
- I’m just saying that I want an emotional connection
as well. That’s all I’m saying.
- We got emotion now. You happy?
- I understand that,
and I think one way to help her with that
is to say, "I’m angry, but I’m not going anywhere."
Give you one other hint that I truly love.
I think if you’re gonna have a tough discussion, hold hands.
- Oh, my God. My mom told me the same thing.
- Love your mom. It’s true.
Hold your hands now.
Let me-- a little tiny experiment.
Do you not instantly feel more connected?
- Of course. - Yeah.
- Okay, so when you are having
a tough discussion, if you hold hands,
it will modify how you talk.
You will remember that you’re the team
addressing the question. - Mm-hmm.
- You’re not the problem. You’re not the problem.
The problem is the problem,
and the team is going to address it.
- Yeah, there you go. I like that, yeah.
- Where are you on physical intimacy?
I know you hold hands so there you go.
- I know what you’re trying to ask.
- Good.
- Yes, we consummated the marriage.
Yeah. - Okay.
So that should make you feel more married, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And does that make you feel more secure or less?
- More secure. - Okay.
I think sex can be great without love,
but I think it’s just amazing with love.
- I agree.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- First of all, I wanna catch up
and see what’s been going on.
I do understand there’s been some frictions,
so I wanna know kind of how you managed it or not.
So you--you fill me in about what you experienced
during this time and what else has gone on
in the last couple days.
- We started off very rocky,
and he has been vocal
about the beginning,
about you not-- I’m so sorry--
about you not feeling it,
and I was trying to overcompensate.
I wanted to be the best wife I could be to make--
not give him any reason to continue to feel
the way he was feeling. I like Mitch.
We have fun together. I think he’s a good person.
I think my issue is that I really, really
wanted to make him happy,
and I lost a little bit of myself in that,
and I, to be honest with you, I don’t wanna do it anymore.
♪ ♪
I am just done with walking on eggshells.
- Well, I think it’s good that you’re not walking
on eggshells, but let’s differentiate that
from just being your own good self
and seeking to support the marriage
without being on eggshells. - Yeah.
- That’s not a marriage.
That’s not good for a marriage.
It’s not good for the individuals.
What would it take for you to feel more
like he’s really working
and putting in what you are putting in?
- Yeah, I guess, like, what I would need
is some questions answered.
Do you still feel the way
that you felt day two of the honeymoon?
Are you completely over that or do you still wish
that you got a different wife?
That’s my main question.
The second question would be,
I don’t necessarily, like, need,
a "I’m in love with you."
But I do need, like, "I could.
I could fall in love with you."
- So there’s a lot of demand in that.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is a guy who doesn’t do well with demands.
- Then he shouldn’t have gotten married.
- Well, I think he can be a good husband,
but you have to figure out each other’s language
and each other’s feelings and see the feeling
underneath the question.
You’re good at being directive...
- Mm-hmm.
- But that’s not showing your feelings.
- Correct.
- You’re not telling him what to do.
- Right. - You’re saying what you need.
- Yeah.
- I need some show of affection.
I wanna know that I make you happy sometimes.
- Mm-hmm.
- I need to hear it,
and I think that when somebody says their true feelings,
that you’re more likely to get the response
you want from him.
♪ ♪
Do you admire her?
- Yeah.
- Do you feel affectionate towards her?
- I do.
- Do you say that to her?
- Pro--I mean--
- I want you to just do a string of nice words
that you truly feel about her...
- Okay.
- To her.
- I do admire you.
I think you’re really strong.
You know, I am grateful for you and just the way
that you’ve approached this whole, I guess, marriage.
It’s a lot more courageous.
I feel like I’ve gone into it where I kind of--
♪ ♪
I sort of just got, like, skeptical,
you know what I mean?
I just---I was doing a lot of things
that were just protecting myself
’cause I was afraid. - Mm-hmm.
- And you--you were much more brave.
- I mean, one of your roadblocks is fear,
and I think you get critical and even self-righteous
when you feel threatened.
So I think you could work on that and still be you.
- Yeah.
- What do you need?
- Wanting to feel more validated than I do.
- She’s asking you if you will take on that fear
and will want to love her.
Do you want to do everything
you can to see if you can love her
in the way that you both need?
♪ ♪
- Yeah, I do.
♪ ♪
- If you truly take the commitment
and work through your fears, your fears
of not being loved enough, your fears
of this not being perfect in some fantastical way,
that spark will be there.
- ♪ ’Cause all we gotta do is be fearless ♪
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- I’m down here. - Hello there.
Hello, stranger. How are you?
- Nice to see you.
- It’s good to see you too. - Likewise.
- Come on in. - You’re so tall.
- It’s the shoes I got on.
- Okay.
This is more--you know, you’re so big.
Like I don’t know how to handle it.
Well, nice to be in your place. - Yes.
- I’m forward to talking to you guys.
- Welcome.
- You guys sit on the couch and catch me up here.
♪ ♪
So my purpose here today is to help you out,
you know, to see how you’re doing.
So tell me what’s happening right now.
- Ah, it’s been an emotional day.
- I see.
Tell me about it.
- Can you tell her?
- Oh, so his dog, Maya, when we moved in the apartment
had attacked Newton.
And, you know, those are both our babies, and we’re like,
"How can we work through this?"
And we came to the compromise that Maya would
go away to this training camp.
And the trainer had just called yesterday
and said that she’s just inconsistent
and she attacks and she’s like, "I don’t think you should
even come pick her up, Justin." - Oh.
- So he’s decided to just-- you know,
she’s gonna be out there working on the farm,
but she cannot come back.
- Oh, Justin, I’m so sorry.
I know what it’s like.
I mean, it’s family. I get it.
- Yeah, Maya’s my baby.
She’s my first dog.
Had her almost seven years.
It needed to be done, but I just needed to trust
that she’s in a good place, and so--
- Sounds like a great place, actually.
- Yeah.
- I know that that was a big issue
when your dog got hurt,
so I gather there’s been some,
um, I don’t know if it’s called healing?
Tell me about it.
- Like, after Sunday and the dinner,
I heard him say comments like,
"I don’t feel like I-- we can overcome by the time
Decision Day comes."
And he was just kind of getting defeated,
and we both were kind of just getting defeated
of past experiences.
And I really was just playing everything out.
And I was just like, "I don’t wanna--
"I don’t wanna hurt anymore.
"And the easiest way for me to not hurt
anymore is to forgive."
And we had, like, a fresh start.
- That’s wonderful and, of course,
I’m very happy for you guys, but that doesn’t
clear up everything, right?
What are the things that you think
could be in the way of you moving to a successful yes
on Decision Day?
- I think what it was is for me is,
like, for Sunday, you know, I felt alone, you know?
Now I think because I felt that,
it gave me a reality check as to how that makes her feel,
you know what I’m saying?
When she feels isolated and alone.
And if I’m being honest, like, because I saw how dominant
she was and she had this alpha personality,
I sort of forgot she’s still sensitive.
- Oh. - She’s sensitive.
- I am not. - She is.
- You don’t think you’re a sensitive person?
- Sensitivity is equated to vulnerability to me,
and that’s not a place that I like to dwell.
- Where does it come from?
- So, Dr. Pepper, I--
it’s my family.
I’ve grown up with strong Black women,
and there’s just some things where you don’t let people
see you sweat, you know?
And I know that’s something that’s sometimes not healthy,
and I’m trying to be more vulnerable,
but I’ve never seen my mom cry in my life.
So it’s just really what I saw growing up.
And, for me, it’s just like I had no choice but to be
a strong woman, and a part of being strong
was not being sensitive. It was not being vulnerable.
It’s not letting everybody see all your cards and expose,
you know, like you being quote-unquote weak.
And I know, like, weakness isn’t affiliated with tears,
but that’s what I learned, you know?
That’s what I saw growing up, and I’m noticing it now,
but it’s still like vulnerability
is to me is danger.
You know, like, if I show you everything
then it gives you power over me.
You can play me however you wanna play me,
and that terrifies me.
- I think that’s an important thing
to build up because there’s no way
to be in love or in a marriage
without being vulnerable.
Letting someone really know you,
letting somebody experience
the places you’re imperfect in,
that shouldn’t scare you.
That should be something
you’re strong enough to embrace.
It’s our ability to be vulnerable
that makes us strong.
♪ ♪
I wanna help you feel that it’s okay to feel.
- I’m--I’m working on it.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You’re making it easy to breathe ♪
♪ You’re making it easy ♪
♪ You’re making life easy for me ♪
♪ You’re making it easy ♪
- This is the apartments that I lived in
basically from first grade to 11th grade.
- I’d skip through that little alley
’cause I was too lazy to walk all the way around.
- This week, we’ve asked our couples
to return to their roots and share
some of their childhood experiences
with their spouse. - My dad would be really proud.
- Aw.
- He was a lifelong baseball guy.
- We’ve also encouraged each person
to write a letter to their younger self
about a significant point in their life.
- I don’t know why I’m so [bleep] nervous right now.
- It’s adorable.
- Understanding a person’s past
can often provide valuable information
about who they are in the present.
- Do you wanna go first?
- You go first.
- Oh, you wanna put me on the spot.
- And learning these things about each other
will have a major impact on whether they decide
to stay married or get a divorce.
♪ ♪
- Whoa. - I’m pumped.
- This is kind of intimidating.
- Feels great.
What’s your comfort level with baseball or softball?
- What’s the scale? - Zero to ten.
- Like, maybe like a two. I don’t know.
It’s been--
I don’t think I’ve played softball--baseball
since I was, like, a kid. - Okay.
- And I knew that I sucked then.
- I wanted bring Mitch to the softball field
because I spent the better part of a month
trying to be the best wife I can be,
and I did start to lose myself a little bit,
so I want to share with him my sporty side.
He hasn’t really got to see a lot of that yet,
and be able to be at a place
where I can share the younger version of myself with him
and why I am the way I am.
- So did you play other sports besides softball?
- Yeah, I ran track, played volleyball.
That was really it. Just those.
So did you play any sports growing up?
- Ah!
It’s really scary, you know, when you’re not used to it.
- Is Mitch the next Jackie Robinson?
♪ ♪
- Ugh.
- Catching is not his strong suit...
- Ugh.
- By any means.
He’s decent at throwing.
♪ ♪
Try to just a little more here. - Okay.
♪ ♪
- Oh, my God.
Ah!
Just try to get it over the plate.
- Okay.
♪ ♪
Sorry--it’s ’cause I don’t have an umpire.
- He surprised me with hitting.
I thought he did a decent job hitting and running the bases.
Yeah!
Mitch is not striking out today.
- [laughs]
- Mitch is getting, like, to first or second base.
That was good.
He gets a-- he gets a B minus from me.
This field just brings me back to my childhood,
almost like the entirety of my childhood.
And I have not negative memories,
but just definitely, like, emotional memories.
- Yeah. - Like--
- Caring about a game or feeling the pressure--
- More so, my parents were really hard on me,
and I was not allowed to make a mistake.
Like, I was--I knew if I struck out that I was gonna get
a talking to when I got home.
- Wow. - Yeah.
Typically, it would begin right in the car ride home.
- Was it more your dad or more your mom or was it equal?
- It was actually a little more of my mom.
No room for error, and not only on the softball field,
but also with my grades.
And sometime in high school, I can’t remember exactly when,
but my parents were like,
"So it’s time for you to get a job."
So I did.
And it came time where I had to decide
if I was gonna play softball or stay at the job,
and I chose the job.
- You chose to be a badass woman of real estate?
- Honestly, I regret it.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Because, looking back, I do wish
I had a little bit more time to be a kid.
I felt like a lot of pressure to be good at everything
and be the best.
And sometimes it’s hard to turn off
crazy perfectionist Krysten in my relationships.
- Mm.
- So anytime you or Dr. Pepper says
I’m being a little bit demanding,
it’s triggering, and I know it’s true.
So I, like, try to listen to that feedback.
So keep letting me know if I do it
and know just where it comes from.
It just comes from growing up.
No room for error.
- That sounds hard. - It was hard.
- It’s so different than my upbringing.
Me as a kid, there was a large margin for error.
And I didn’t play group sports,
and I didn’t get great--good grades.
- Well, that’s so opposite-- - I didn’t play sports.
I had nothing.
I didn’t have a lot of structure.
- I mean, that’s so interesting.
It makes sense though
why sometimes when we have our disputes,
it’s because we had just totally different upbringings.
- Yeah.
- ♪ We can make this work ♪
- Hi. - Hello.
So good to see you. - Likewise.
Been a while. Really.
Fantastic to see you. - Yeah, it’s good to see you.
- And you as well. - Hi, Dr. Pepper.
Welcome to our home. - Oh, my goodness, yeah.
- It’s good to see you.
- Oh, likewise.
- Is Santa coming?
[all laughing]
- Well, she had to bake cookies.
- We should get some milk.
You’re welcome to some if you’d like.
- I will try them, but not right away...
- Okay. - ’Cause I have to...
- Yes.
- I have to be here on a mission, right?
- Gather your thoughts. Yes.
- So my mission today...
- Yes.
- Is to be of service to your marriage.
- Okay.
- Which I understand is going pretty darn well.
- Yeah, I think so. - Yeah.
- Which is great. - Yeah.
- I mean, I love that.
- Yeah.
- But since I wanna be useful,
one way is to help you go deeper
and to also help you with whatever the problems
are that you’re facing. - Yes.
- For me, I’m still learning
how to not be defensive.
- Mm-hmm.
- And it’s--it’s not, like, huge things.
Like, for example, the other day, I’m, like,
cooking eggs and, you know, I’m sautéing onions,
and Miguel walks in and he’s like, "You shouldn’t put
"the spinach in, like, yet.
You should sauté the onions more."
I just was immediately defensive.
- Yeah. - I’m insecure.
I’m not comfortable in the kitchen.
It’s just like, "How do I be a wife,
and how do I do it right?"
- I think you’re killing it for real.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
- Which is wonderful to hear, and you need to believe it.
- Yes.
- So I see a couple of things.
First of all, judgment, but also
you fought very hard for control...
- Yes. - Over your own life
to be an independent adult
with your own values and lifestyle.
- Mm-hmm.
- And so when you feel controlled at all,
it’s gonna go deeper. - Yeah.
- But you have to distinguish control from help.
- Yeah.
- Nobody, least of all him,
is gonna wanna put you in the position
that you’ve worked so hard to get out.
♪ ♪
Have you guys told each other you love each other?
- No, not yet.
- Well, I’ll tell you what I think about love.
- Yeah.
- I think you’ll be sure at some point,
and then ten years from now, you’ll go like,
"That wasn’t what this is."
And then you’ll realize that you didn’t even know
that there was that much more that could grow
and it does.
- Aw, it’s beautiful.
- We all love to hear, like, the ’I love you,’
but it’s very special to me
’cause we haven’t said it to each other yet.
So when I do say it, I just wanna make sure
I’m not doing a disservice to her.
And it’s important to me. It’s heavy.
I’m a romantic at heart.
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I wanted to bring you here because this area,
I grew up here. My brother raised me.
We--we lived in some apartments over there,
and my brother actually never came here.
It would just be me and my friends,
and we would hoop, just kinda kick it.
We would be out here for like hours,
and then I’d just walk to the house.
I had to--I still had to get to the house
before the street lights
And so, when I would come out here
and just wanted to clear my head,
and I’d just wait for my friends,
I would always bring a kite here.
I was big on kites.
When I would fly a kite, I would kinda just zone out,
and I would feel like I’m the kite.
♪ ♪
- It’s a beautiful park.
- Yeah, it’s--it’s nice.
I feel like, you know, like this era
at the time in my life,
it was my first time getting exposure to the world.
When I moved from Alabama, I had never left Alabama.
Like I had just been in my neighborhood.
You ever hear kids be like, "I’ve never..."
They go to another city that’s like 15 minutes away
from their city,
but they just normally stay in their own area?
That was me.
I remember, me and my brother slept in the same bed actually.
He had this king-size bed
that was way too big for the bedroom.
Took up the entire bedroom.
He slept on one side, I slept on the other.
- How--what’s your brother doing this time?
- How old was he?
He was only...
might have been 19. - Raising a 13 year old?
- I got in trouble at school.
If I didn’t make good grades, if I was late,
it kinda always went back to the old school spanking.
It helped grow me for sure,
but I would’ve totally wish he had done it
a little differently, you know?
- How did helped-- how did it help you grow?
- Well, when I asked for help, my brother would be like,
figure it out. - Oh.
- That was his go-to, figure it out.
I’m like, "Well, how do you figure it out?"
"I don’t know. Figure it out."
It trained my mind to get everything right, you know.
It’s nobody else’s responsibility
to figure it out for you. Do it for you, you know?
- Do you think that’s why you’re so hard on yourself
when you don’t get things right?
- Oh, hell yeah.
I know for fact that’s why I’m so hard on myself.
- I definitely learned why he tends to shut down
and he doesn’t ask for help
because he was always told to figure it out.
And I think that helps me understand
why we don’t think the same way
and understand why some
of our perspectives don’t match.
I mean, it only makes sense.
So you fly kites? - Yeah.
- This is the thing that you do?
- I did.
- When’s the last time you flew a kite?
- It’s been over 10, probably 15 years.
- ’Cause I’m about to say, you are 33.
10 years, you 23 out here flying.
I’m like that math not mathing.
- Probably like when I was 16, maybe.
- Okay. - Yeah.
It--it was fun, it was fun.
I did bring a kite with me today
and I wanna go and get it.
- Go, please. - All right.
- I didn’t think I would be flying a kite
in the park with my husband.
I’ll tell you that much.
You ready? - Yep.
- All right.
- Set. - Go.
♪ ♪
Like it just--it’s just weird. Like, I don’t know.
Like, I love that my husband’s sensitive,
but, oh, honey, all right, honey.
That’s my husband. I’m like, that’s him.
Accept him for who he is.
That’s all I gotta do.
You’re doing it, great job.
♪ ♪
- Think I can climb up there?
- Absolutely not.
- No?
♪ ♪
- So I went to visit Mommy,
and she-- - Mommy?
- Mama has a big suitcase full of photos,
so... - Wow.
- Wanna take a little trip through my life?
- Yeah.
- This is some pictures of, this is--
- I wonder who this one is?
- This is--my mom told me this is basically
right after the divorce,
so you can see, I look a little...
- Staring off into the distance.
- Look a little sad, right?
Yeah. - Yeah.
- That’s what I-- - What year is that?
- Maybe ’83 or ’84. - Okay.
- Yeah.
I hope sharing today is giving Krysten
a deeper insight into who I am.
I mean, luckily there’s a lot of things
that she respects about me and really likes about.
But there’s some stuff that she doesn’t,
and I want her to have more context
on why I act the way I do.
And I just wanna share with her, you know.
This is a picture I found from after the earthquake in--
- Oh, my God.
- In ’94, we lived my--me and my brother
lived with my dad in a condo in Sherman Oaks, California.
- Mm-hmm.
- And the Northridge earthquake of ’94
ruined our house-- - Wow.
- And we actually had to move out, yeah.
- My God.
- My brother’s bunk bed actually fell on me.
Luckily, like, it only fell partly...
- Yeah. - And it didn’t crush me.
And I just remember being so scared.
And my dad, during the earthquake,
he was actually running down the hallway
to try to get to us.
I thought he was kinda, like, heroic.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
My father died in January 2014,
and it’s hard for me
because I feel bad that my dad isn’t here with us
to have experienced this part of my life.
My marriage, he would’ve ultimately
really liked Krysten.
And you know, I just hope he’s proud
of the decisions I’ve made.
I hope he’s proud of his son.
♪ ♪
- It’s nice to see your dad.
I mean, you’ve talked about him,
but I’ve never seen a photo of him, so...
- Yeah, it’s funny ’cause, you know,
you can’t help but run through memory lane.
You know, I looked at me and my mom,
we were looking through his photos too.
And I was asking her about
when I started becoming rebellious
after my parents’ divorce.
And she always has this story about how the day--you know,
the day my dad left was like on a Saturday,
and that following Monday when I went to school,
that’s when I started being frustrated,
and that would turn to anger.
So I was definitely the troublemaker as a kid,
you know, me and my latchkey friends,
just running around, terrorizing the neighborhood.
I almost got-- just kept back breaks.
I failed my classes, you know, I didn’t have that structure.
So growing up, I didn’t have discipline.
I didn’t have respect, you know, I thought I knew--
I thought I knew what was best.
- Right. - And I didn’t.
I probably rejected a lot of help.
- Yeah.
- I don’t know.
- We’ve had high highs, low lows.
And I wish during those low lows
that I already knew where he came from
and how where he came from affected him.
I feel like I would have been more patient.
I think it created a soft spot
that wasn’t really there before.
- ♪ I have finally found the one ♪
♪ ♪
- "To Stacia or Sweet Pea."
That was my nickname.
Why are you looking at me like that?
- I’m listening.
- Okay, "If I could first give advice
"to Stacia as a first grader through like elementary.
Changing schools will be tough.
Meeting new people, knowing you are very shy,
will seem difficult,
but you will meet the right friends
that will last lifetime.
Don’t worry about fitting in.
You are made to stand out and stand on your own.
It’s not about being popular. You will get picked on,
it’s just part of growing up.
Now, Stacia, as a high schooler,
this is when you will start to grow into a woman,
stay strong.
You’re going to start challenging authority,
not in a bad way, but in a way
that will allow you to live your own life.
Continue to live in your truth.
You are going to be surprised
at what the future holds for you."
- Jeez, that was nice.
All right.
"Nathan, this is you writing to yourself from the future.
Your first year, moving back to the States
will give you a feeling of feeling different.
Embrace your unique talents and way of thinking,
and choose your hobbies and passions.
Don’t let your friends or even Dad choose them for you
and learn to control your temper.
It’s not healthy,
and you’ll get into unnecessary trouble in school.
At age 14, you’ll be in high school.
Dad will divorce Maria,
and you’ll be very quiet your freshman year.
You need to snap out of your introverted self
and do extracurricular activities with other kids.
Just do your homework.
You’re smarter than the smartest kid
in all of the grades.
You have the ability to bend the universe and command it.
There’s just a time delay.
Listen to your inner voice when there’s chaos,
I’m already proud of you.
Talk to you later."
- Aww.
♪ ♪
How was it for you, writing that?
- It was interesting what I was highlighting,
you know what I mean?
Because I’ve always felt different since age six,
because I wasn’t the typical American boy
growing up in the apartment complex.
I was the weird European Black kid
that was wearing shorts above his kneecaps.
you know what I’m saying? - Yeah.
- And it’s like my freshman year in high school,
like, I was very quiet.
- Yeah, why? ’Cause of the divorce?
- Probably the divorce.
♪ ♪
And then just like me going into high school,
I was kinda, like, awkward.
It was like an awkward chapter for me, you know?
Like I was like more introverted at that time.
- I was like shy as a child.
- Really? - Like, really shy.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Like eat by myself at lunch. - Really?
- Yeah, just--
- You didn’t hang out with cool kids?
- Mm-mm, there were times where I was like in school
where I wanted to be popular or wanted to, you know,
be in the in crowd, but... - Right.
- It wasn’t worth it. - Yeah, same.
- I’m actually, you know, very surprised
at how deep Nate is going.
He’s really sharing a lot.
He’s really sharing his thoughts.
And I feel like he’s communicating with me
on a level of intimacy that I didn’t think
was possible for him.
I’ve been waiting for this moment,
and I’m just really excited
for what the future holds for us.
- ♪ Together to the end, my darling ♪
- Oh, hey. - Hey, guys.
- How’s it going? - Hello?
- How are you? - We’re doing well.
How are you? - I’m Megan. What’s your name?
- I’m Miguel. Nice to meet you. - Miguel,
- Nice to meet you. How are you guys today?
- Good. Yeah. - Doing great, yeah.
- Awesome, so we’re gonna be doing
a little bit of swing today. It’s upbeat, fun dance.
Do we have any dance experience?
- I’ve gone a few times,
but like, I usually just let the guy lead,
so I really don’t know what I’m doing.
- That’s good.
Being a good follow is like half of it
is most of it, and being a good lead is most of it.
So we’ll definitely learn that today.
- Dancing it kinda, to me, represents
like freedom from being educated
in such strict institutions growing up.
We weren’t allowed to dance
all through high school or college.
So I think it’s important that Miguel appreciates
the parts of me that are very free and easygoing
because it--it wasn’t, it was a hard journey to get there.
But the more I get to explain, I think the more
he understands the depth of it.
- We have rock, step, step.
Step, good, rock, step.
We step to the right and then the left.
All right. Let’s put you guys together.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Nice. Don’t look at your feet.
♪ ♪
They’ll still be there, I promise.
♪ ♪
Feels good. Not so scary once you get started.
- You’re not in rhythm.
♪ ♪
Perfect.
Pull her back, yes.
♪ ♪
- [humming] I gonna now that song stuck in my head forever.
That was really fun. - That was fun.
- Thank you for doing that with me.
- Thank you for having me.
Thank you for inviting me to this.
- For me, it’s definitely, like, empowering to be dancing.
’Cause, like, I think I’ve told you this before.
Like, our first dance literally at the wedding
was like the first time
I probably really like formally danced with someone else.
Like in my schools growing up,
we weren’t allowed to dance at all, like,
any kind of dancing.
I don’t really understand it.
I guess it’s just, to me, it doesn’t make sense
because like, there was so much dancing
in the Bible and stuff, it seems like there’s dancing.
- There’s partying in the Bible, yeah.
- Yeah, but I guess it’s just a sexual thing maybe
that they think would lead to-- - Sure--
- Or just inappropriate. I really don’t know.
And I feel bad that I’m speaking
for a denomination that I was raised in,
but, I just, I can’t tell you, I don’t know why--
- This is your perspective-- - I really don’t know--
- Yeah, I’m listening. - I really don’t know.
- I’m listening to your-- - It makes no sense to me.
And that’s why I’m happy I’m able to dance
and have fun and...
- You’re a natural dancer.
You’re tearing it up on the floor.
- It was really fun.
- Have you ever seen your parents dance?
- No, I’ve never seen my parents dance,
and I’ve never seen my parents drink.
- Wow. - Yeah.
Yeah, they’re just very conservative.
Like my--my parents have never eaten pork in front of me.
- Are you allowed to eat shellfish?
- No, no seafood, shellfish, yeah, no.
- Man. - Yeah.
- Well, cheers to different times.
- Cheers to wine and sushi and dancing.
- When I hear about Lindy’s childhood,
it makes me feel sad for her,
but she has fought to not let that control
who she is and her future.
Similar to me, like, we both made it a point
to be in a better place and to remove ourselves
from our childhood and our upbringing.
- I do have something I will share it with you.
You know, my parents had just divorced.
I was, like, in eighth grade.
It was the summer before going to boarding school.
So this is set when I’m like around age 13, 14.
Lindy, I know you don’t know who you are
or who you want to be.
Growing up is hard on all of us.
I’m not sorry.
I’m not sorry you’re homesick
and being raised by your other 14-year-old friends.
You are out of a toxic home situation.
You’re exactly where you need to be.
I know it’s scary and painful to be alone
in a new environment,
especially when your home life just imploded
and you don’t have a phone to call home.
♪ ♪
Here is why I don’t feel bad for you.
You are about to meet your long life friends.
The pain and fear and uncertainty you’re feeling
is what is going to help drive you
to the most healthy outlets.
Believe me, you are exactly where you need to be.
Each tear that falls is helping you grow
to the woman you are going to be.
I’m so proud of you. - Mm-hmm, yeah.
- I was so homesick.
Like, it was so hard, like, moving out at 14,
especially with such a turbulent home environment
that I was leaving.
It was such a-- yeah, it was a really,
a really strange--strange transition, really tough time.
- You know, I’m very curious and eager to see
how, eventually, we start a family
and how we raise our kids,
because I feel like we’ve--we’ve been dealt
kind of like a difficult hand early on,
then coming out, hardened from those experiences,
but not turned off from life.
I think I’m--I’m really curious and--and excited.
- ♪ I don’t want to close my eyes ♪
♪ I’m not leaving paradise without you ♪
♪ ♪
- Final stop in the tomb raider tour, 2022,
is the one and the only...
- Stanley Silverstein.
- My dad, the man, the myth, the legend.
You know, it’s been a really long time
since I’ve been here, and it feels really good
to--to be here, to bring you.
I’m so happy that you’re here with me.
- Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.
- I guess if I had any regrets,
I do wish I would’ve told him that I was proud of him
as much as he told me that he was proud of me.
It’s good to be here.
- He knows you’re proud of him.
- And Dad, this is my wife, Krysten.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Yeah, I think you’d like her.
She’s spicy.
She’s a spicy one.
You know, like if anything, I wish my dad
could’ve seen me get married.
He would’ve definitely got a kick out of the way
we got married, and that just would’ve made him so happy.
Yeah, so Stan Silverstein.
Love you, Dad.
♪
- This is it. The tree was different.
And you know, my-- my best friends lived
right there across the street.
- How long did you live here?
- We lived here for about five years.
My dad got separated with Maria,
so, like, we moved to an-- into an apartment complex
my freshman year.
So yeah, so 9 until, like, around 14.
Yeah. You know, I want her
to understand who I am.
I want her to understand how I think and perceive life
because she’s my wife,
and for her not to understand me--
that would be a disservice for our future together.
- What is, like, one of your best memories
with you and your dad here?
- My best memories.
- Or one memory that you can recall.
- My dad--he let me, like, you know, meet other kids.
He wasn’t, like, super strict.
So yeah, it was good times here.
- Good times. - Yeah.
This is where, like, a lot of my memories
are basically playing outside.
My best friend, Jeff, at the time--he was like,
"I bet you can’t throw this rock over that house."
And I was like, "I bet you I can."
And I-I got a rock, and I threw it right into the window,
broke the window.
- You broke the window?
- Yeah, and then I ran home, yeah.
- You never got in trouble?
- Nah, they didn’t catch me, so...
Oh--hey, what’s up? - Hey.
- Hey, Dad.
How are you? - I’m good.
- I’m just telling her how I, like, just picked up a rock
and just threw it straight into the window.
Crash.
- There’s a lot of little sneaky things
that I didn’t know about
that I’m hearing later on. - Uh-huh.
[laughter]
- I’ve had some confrontations with some people over him.
- Really? - Really.
- Tell me about it. - ’Cause I used--I used--
- What happened? - I was playing outside.
I was always like-- you know, kids fight.
You know what I’m saying? - Well.
- And then, you know, they go tell and...
- What--you know, I always told him, never start a fight.
And he was pretty good at doing that.
- I got hands.
- So, you know, "Joe" or "Dad"?
- Either one’s fine with me.
- Nate always talks so highly of you.
And I know you were a single dad,
and I know that had to have been hard.
So I mean, how did you do it?
How are you able to get through this?
- Well, people used to-- I get teared up now.
- Oh, no.
♪ ♪
- People used to say, "Man, I commend you
for what you you’re doing."
And I’m like, "Hey, those are my kids.
I wouldn’t want it any other way."
- Oh, can I use your shirt?
- So it was easy for me. It was easy.
I--I, like I said, I wouldn’t have it
any other way.
♪ ♪
- Appreciate you, Dad.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, love you.
- I don’t know why I’m crying now.
- Yeah, why you crying?
- ’Cause he got choked up.
I’m sorry, babe.
- That’s the first time I’ve seen you cry, ever.
♪ ♪
My dad--he grew up a certain way, you know, now.
He’s from the South.
You know, six, what, six, seven siblings
or something like that.
Then he went straight to the military,
like, 18 or whatever.
So, you know, he’s basically like--
he was born that way.
You know, he was raised a certain way.
So emotions isn’t really, like, a normal thing for him.
He doesn’t show his emotions but...
♪ ♪
- It’s not the first time that I’ve teared up,
but I usually hide it.
- You just didn’t wanna show it.
- Exactly. ’Cause, you know,
from what I was taught, gotta be tough,
and crying was not part of being tough.
- Is that what you kind of passed on to him?
- That’s what I tried to pass on him.
I think I did a good job.
- Talking to his dad, you know, he--he’s confirming
the reason why Nate is the way that he is.
He was at brunch with my mom and my friend,
and I think they asked... - Mm-hmm.
- Like, "What are the great characteristics
that you wanna take from your dad?"
- Yeah. - He started
tearing up a little bit.
- Hmm. - Like the sacrifices.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
Never expected that from him either.
- You know, I--I think Nate is doing a great job,
and I really appreciate the fact that he is able
to articulate his feelings,
he’s able to process those emotions,
and he doesn’t have to hide it, and that’s okay.
I’m glad that I’m able to connect with him
in a deeper way, and I think that
that’s gonna be very useful for our future.
♪ ♪
- I was trying hard to open--
[laughter]
Ah, do not hold.
- Okay, that was great.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Hoping that tomorrow is better than today ♪
♪ ♪
- Dr. Pepper’s homework was writing a letter
to our inner self and reading it out loud
to explore the feelings in that moment,
and it might be our final chance
to bring us together so I can somehow win my wife back.
♪ ♪
- Hey. - Hey, what’s up?
♪ ♪
I understand the walls are still up,
and that’s a tough pill to swallow, but I did hurt her,
so she has every right to--to feel how she feels.
♪ ♪
- Do you wanna go first?
- Um...
- "To my younger self.
"You’re loved, even when you question it.
"The strict environment you were raised in
"is what your parents thought was the only way.
It’ll be hard to understand and appreciate
"their sacrifices for you,
"but know it was outta love and loyalty.
"Even so, you’re more than your grades
"and your accolades.
"I know how disheartening it is to never feel
"like you’re quite good enough, but I promise you are.
"This is something you’ll struggle with.
"You’ll look to others to find your worth,
"but learn to love who you are and let that be enough.
"Stop worrying so much about how you’re
"gonna achieve your next goal and instead love
every moment that you’re alive and never take it for granted."
♪ ♪
- I’m just not comfortable
reading to you my letter.
♪ ♪
Every time I’ve opened up
and every time I’ve shared something with you,
it’s been used against me
or, you now, it’s--it’s been
shared with someone else.
So I just don’t feel comfortable, like, giving you
anything personal or deep anymore.
♪ ♪
♪ Turn up the beat I came in style ♪
- Wanna warm up first?
♪ ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪ - ♪ Turn up the heat ♪
♪ Turn up the dial ♪
♪ Turn up the beat I came in style ♪
♪ It’s going down ♪
♪ Crazy wild ♪
- I wanted to bring Justin to the basketball court today
because basketball has played an important role in my life.
I hope that he really grasps that tomboy side of me
’cause a lot of the times,
I’ve been dressed up and makeup-ed up,
and, you know, I fart and burp and stuff.
Game.
But there’s more to me being a tomboy
than just being nasty.
Good game, baby. - Yeah.
- Let’s go.
Got some things to show you.
♪ ♪
All righty. You have fun, baby?
- I did. That was nice.
You got some skills, girl.
- No, I felt like a scrub, but thank you.
- Yeah, that’s what I thought, too, but I gotta tell you.
I’m just playing.
- Scrub enough to beat your ass.
- That’s all right. - All righty.
So have my scrapbooks,
my freshman year in high school,
the one that I was on JV.
- Look at this photo. Ooh!
- MVP always.
It’s like my honor societies and stuff.
- You look like a nerd on here, baby.
- Do I? - Mm-hmm.
- I was--I wasn’t. I mean, I was smart.
- You were a cute nerd.
- And that’s me.
- That’s--that’s super cool, though.
- Yeah.
- Like, we never had nothing like that.
That’s really cool.
How many games do you think
you ever played in your lifetime?
- Over 300 for sure. - Yeah.
- I’ve been playing since I was seven.
- Damn. - Yeah.
Even though I don’t play basketball anymore,
haven’t in years, it’s still a big part
of how I became the woman I am now.
Basketball really just showed me
that if you put in that hard work
and you put in that dedication in anything in this life,
like even this marriage, the hard work will persevere,
you know, and it’ll become whatever you want it to be.
- I love that about you, though.
- I wanted to read you a letter.
- You wanna read me a letter? - Yeah.
It’s called "Bag Lady," okay?
I biologically inherited my mother’s lips,
hips, and, inadvertently, her hyper-independence.
One day as I struggled to get my groceries
into my shared apartment,
I noticed that my best friend, Emerald,
just continued watching television.
Frustrated, I yelled out, "Are you not going to help me?"
To wish she replied, "You never ask for help,
so I stopped offering."
As I sought to understand myself,
I learned that I didn’t have to do everything on my own.
It was then that I sought out to facilitate
an environment where people could openly
and shamelessly ask for help,
an environment that would honor the little girl in me
that once yearned for a safe place
as seemingly mystical as the mythical characters
that comforted her to sleep.
- That’s beautiful.
- So I’m trying to break the cycle though.
- Cycle to what? - Hyper independence.
’Cause it’s just like, it comes from a place.
It comes from, like, women in my life, family--
everybody in my life was just like hyper-independence,
but it’s just what I saw.
In my past relationships, I was getting in my own way,
but we’re a team now.
Kind of like basketball, like, yeah, you could go to the room
and do everything by yourself, technically,
but would you win?
No.
So I just gotta change my perspective.
So if I could tell my childhood self anything,
it would just be "Be soft."
You know, "You can be soft and strong."
- I like that. Thank you for sharing that.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Lift me up ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We’re going higher and higher now ♪
- This is so cute.
House of Puerto Rico.
- Welcome to the house of Puerto Rico.
- Oh, thank you.
♪ ♪
- If you want to look around at, you know..
- Yeah, yeah. - There is a, you know...
- Yes, so here is--yeah.
So this is San Juan. This is the capital.
El Yunque, the national forest,
is the only rainforest
in all of the United States.
So this is my favorite beach, El Faro de Cabo Rojo.
Like, you can be waist deep and see your toes.
- Mm, those blue waters. - Crystal clear water, yeah.
They also have bioluminescent bays.
For me, it’s important to share this part of my life
with Lindy because I want her to know
where I grew up, my upbringing, with my culture, right?
Like the culture that I grew up with as a kid.
It’s an integral part of my life.
It really shaped me.
They have a saying, which is la isla encantada,
which is like the--
both: Enchanted island.
- Yeah, ’cause it really is.
It is very important to me that she understands my past
and she wants to continue to understand my future.
And I can’t wait to take her to Puerto Rico
so she can see all these things firsthand.
It’s funny. It’s like a whole different
chapter of my life.
- Yeah.
- Some good, some--like, some--some good pages,
some bad pages in that chapter. - Of course, yeah.
- ’Cause when I-- so when I grew up in New York,
I got picked on for being Puerto Rican,
like, looking like this. - Mm.
- Yeah, and then, when I moved to Puerto Rico,
I got picked on for not knowing Spanish.
It was like either I wasn’t, like,
white enough in the U. S....
- Yeah.
- And I wasn’t Latino enough in Puerto Rico.
Like, I was always, like, the outsider.
It was always awkward.
So I--I--I do this thing, and I did, I guess,
a little bit going into this whole experiment
of like, you know, hoping for the best...
- Yeah.
- But kinda expecting the worst.
- Yeah.
I know he’s had so many hurts in his--in his past,
so it’s a hard dance to do
if, like, I’m all in forever
but also, like, I think he is skeptical, still,
about everything that’s happening,
and it’s scary.
♪ ♪
Are you gonna share
your letter with me?
- Sure.
"Dear Lil Miguel,
"you’re gonna go through some [bleep],
"but stay strong.
"I wanna say it gets better, and in a way, it does,
"but before it does, you’re gonna suffer a bit.
"Maybe it breaks you, maybe it doesn’t.
"I know it broke me,
"but from the ashes rises the phoenix.
"What didn’t kill you for sure made you stronger,
"the strongest. And so this is me now, at 35,
"keeping wishful and hopeful of better times,
"’cause they will come, and they do.
"I won’t spoil the surprise for you,
"but keep on keeping on, ’cause at some point,
"you’re gonna find a total babe
that you’re gonna fall madly in love with."
♪ ♪
- Oh. That’s beautiful.
- I love you.
♪ ♪
- Aww. I love you too.
- That’s a first.
- [laughs]
So you love me!
Yeah, I’m, like, elated.
- So you love me?
♪ ♪
[laughs]
It doesn’t feel weird to love Lindy
even though I’ve only known her for a month,
and it’s just so, like, organic and natural.
Like, it’s so--like falling in love with her
was, like, possibly the easiest thing
I’ve ever done in a relationship.
It’s funny, though, ’cause, right, it’s like,
first comes love, then comes marriage.
- I know.
Marriage then love, okay.
- So next is?
- A baby in a baby carriage.
- ♪ I got love just love ♪
♪ You’ll never be alone ♪
♪
the majority of, like, my childhood,
.
We were kinda alone, you know, a lot.
So it was just me, my brother, and my sister.
But, like, we did a lot of stuff, like, on our own,
and I would walk up that hill to get
to elementary and to high school.
And then I actually walked to middle school,
and my middle school was, like, a few miles down that way.
- And you walked? - And I walked.
- Every day? - Yeah.
You know, I do come from humble beginnings,
and that’s where my ambitious nature comes from.
You know, I wanna be able to live a comfortable life.
I want to be able to have a life that I can share
with my children, share with my husband,
have the time to do so.
I don’t wanna have to work 24 hours a day,
seven days a week.
One funny story, though: here is--
I used to make purses in high school
to kinda, like, get extra money.
I would, like, make purses. - Who were you selling ’em to?
- To the girls at school.
Like, I would make these jean purses,
and I would sew them myself.
And then I would go to the mall
and get their name embroidered on them.
- I hear trapping and [bleep].
This purse. About to flip that [bleep].
Ya.
I see you. - Mm-hmm.
- Girl, I see you.
I see you.
Well, we had something in common.
- Yeah, you was a hustler, too, selling purses, slinging.
- We both s--sold purses.
- Fake designer.
- Yeah, fake designer purses.
- And then-- - I used to sell gum too.
Buy, like, a little 50-pack
and then sell each little stick
for, like, 25 cents.
- We hustlers. - Yeah.
That’s dope. I love that.
I feel really excited because I’ve always wanted
a power couple dynamic.
So learning that Stacia used to sell purses--
That’s who Stacia is.
She’s--she’s very independent. She’s very strong.
You know, she is an entrepreneur.
- This is the Mintos house. - The Mintos.
- And this is basically where I spent
the last year of high school. - Okay.
- And I’ve known Deanna for, like--
since the first grade. - Wow.
- So we go... - That’s way back.
- Way back.
- Sheesh.
This is a nice house.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Look how beautiful you are. - Good to see you.
- So good to see you.
So this is Robyn Minto. - I’m Nathan.
- This is Mama Minto. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Mama Minto. - Come on in.
- Hey. - How are you?
Lovely to see you.
- Me too. This is Deanna.
- Hi, Deanna. Nice to meet you.
- Me too.
- Come over here, babe.
Sit on this side with me.
- It’s a nice house, guys. - Yeah.
See, the house is a little bit different than when we lived
or when I lived here. - Yeah.
- Yeah, they waited until we moved out,
and then they remodeled.
- So I was telling Nate that I’ve known Deanna
since, like, first grade, when I moved to Covina.
We also played volleyball together,
so her and I are really close. - Mm-hmm.
- I mean, volleyball is really how I got here, really,
because yeah, my mom and dad bought a house
out in the IE
and they wanted to move out, like, my senior year
and Robyn basically stepped in.
- I was like, "She can’t do that.
She’s been with these girls forever."
And I--I turned to her and I said,
"She can live at our house for the rest of the year."
- Wow.
- I mean, it was really meaningful
because it was like somebody was looking out for me.
Stacia was to us just like our daughter,
Deanna, or our son, David.
- Well, I can definitely feel, like, good vibes and energy
in this whole place. That’s awesome.
How--how was--how was Stacia in high school?
- Just one great story in particular was--
I came home one evening.
I think it was a Friday night and I see Stacia
all looking pretty as heck and walking around here
and then, "What are you doing?"
"Oh, I’m going on on a date tonight."
I said, "Oh, okay. Who with?"
"Oh, so and so," and I said, "Really?"
and about then, I heard the horn honk,
and she jumps up to go to the door, and I said,
"Wait a minute. No one’s gonna honk the horn
and have you run down to ’em. They’re gonna come to here."
- That’s right, that’s right,
- So he did, and he was very--very nice polite guy.
I tell you when he was here half an hour earlier
than he said he’d be back...
- Yeah.
- Papa Minto really showed me
a loving father, a loving husband,
really taught me to respect myself,
and you know, he--he was a protector as well.
That was something that I wanted to have in my marriage.
Yeah, ’cause he knew that there was
somebody here waiting for me.
It was also treating, you know, me with respect.
I was learning to respect myself,
but also, like, I had a protector
that was looking out for me as well.
- Cool. I mean, that’s what it’s about.
That’s what dads are there for.
- Right.
♪ ♪
- Is this spot right here good, babe?
- Yeah. - You help me roll it out?
- Yeah. - Like right there.
♪ ♪
How was your letter?
How’s your letter going? Are you...
- You mean, did I do it?
- Where--did you do it?
Are you ready to share it? - Yeah.
- I’m excited to hear yours.
I’m excited to share mine as well.
So without further ado...
- Drum roll, please.
- "Dear younger self,
"remember when you were young and always hoping to be
"perfect, popular, and make your parents proud.
"Remember when you were striving
"to be the best at track, softball,
"volleyball, yearbook, newspaper, student council,
"and work every day after school.
"Soon you will realize you put too much on your little plate
"and grew up too fast.
"Remember it’s okay to not be perfect.
"Keep laughing and seeing the beauty
"in yourself and others.
"Hold on to your high standards,
"but give grace for realistic expectations.
Love, Krysten."
That is my letter.
- I like it.
It feels like good advice...
- Yeah. - For any time of your life.
- Thank you.
- All right. - It felt good to write it.
- Yeah, all right.
Well, hats off.
I’m gonna read you mine.
- Hats off without further ado.
- Yeah.
"Dear younger Mitch, what’s up, my man?
"You’ll never believe it, but this is
"a letter from your older self.
"Let’s start with the good news.
"I can’t give you any details because to do so
"would potentially corrupt the timeline,
"but I will say this.
"I know if you could see me now,
"you’d be proud of the person you’ve become.
"You’re not a dragon slayer or a starship captain,
"but you’re somebody who works extremely hard
to make the world a better place."
- Aww. - "And you still get
"to stick it to the Man every day.
"Now comes the hard part.
"You’re gonna feel like you don’t fit in a lot,
"like there isn’t a group for you,
"like you’re on the outside, looking in.
"It can be lonely, but from where I stand now,
"I don’t see any way around it.
"It’s more important to be true to yourself,
"just embrace who you are.
"Mitch, your strength is that you chart your own path,
"and is precisely this quality
"that earns respect and admiration
"from the people around you.
"Being your own person is what makes you cool,
so stay true to yourself, even when it’s difficult."
I’m almost done. [laughs]
"You’re gonna feel isolated a lot,
"but it’s not because you’re different.
"It’s because you don’t-- because you haven’t learned
"how to process your feelings
"and talk about them with the people you trust.
"You don’t know how to admit when you’re scared
"or when you’re sad.
"If there’s one thing I could change about my adult life,
"it’s that I would’ve found my path sooner.
"You’re gonna get lost for a while,
"but if you stick to your guns and remember my advice,
"you’ll get there.
"Ultimately, all your wrong turns,
distractions, and mistakes
"will lead you right back to your truth,
"and thanks to all those missteps
"along the way and the lessons they teach you,
"you’ll recognize the path when you find it.
"Have faith. Take care of yourself.
Your older self."
- Can I hug you?
- Yeah, sorry.
- Horrible crying.
Oh, my God.
I have never seen this side of Mitch before.
And I think my biggest takeaway is that
I’ve--I was harboring some anger to him
about how we started, still,
and I don’t--I don’t feel the anger anymore.
That’s why I’m getting so emotional.
I think ’cause I’m just so happy.
- I feel like, you know, like the hard exterior,
the chip on the shoulder, like, a lot of the anger
is just sadness and fear, you know?
- Yeah.
- Learning how to be vulnerable--
like, that’s strength. - Yeah.
- I mean, it’s just nice to be able to get--
get it out, you know? - Yeah.
I can’t believe that something that started off so rocky
has turned into this really incredible marriage.
I’m very hopeful that it will continue this way.
♪ ♪
- Anyways. [laughs]
- Thank you again. You’re the best.
- You’re the best too.
- ♪ I know there so much more that you wanna say ♪
♪ Honey I can’t wait ♪
♪ ♪
- Next time on "Married At First Sight"...
- What would you think if you caught me watching porn?
- All couples must explore ways to form a foundation of trust
and intimacy in their marriage
before they make
the biggest decision of their lives.
- That really kind of is what our baby might look like.
- We’ve put the brakes on sex.
- So ’cause I won’t sleep with you, you don’t feel
like you’re wanted. I just didn’t picture
a marriage to be like this. I’m sorry.
I didn’t.
- You don’t trust exactly what I’m saying.
That’s what’s kind of, like, bothering me.
- I’ve had to defend myself multiple times
because of what Binh has said.
- You’re pretty vindictive, then.
- Do you feel you’re ready to get married
to Justin particularly?
- I don’t know. I don’t think so.
♪ ♪