1
00:00:30,652 --> 00:00:32,821
I'll be right back.

2
00:00:40,995 --> 00:00:44,541
Adam Mitchell...

3
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:50,088
I think of you fondly.

4
00:00:51,089 --> 00:00:53,466
No, that's stupid

5
00:00:57,262 --> 00:00:59,264
I love you.

6
00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:02,892
I've always loved you.

7
00:01:08,523 --> 00:01:11,317
"You look beautiful, Cassie."

8
00:01:11,568 --> 00:01:13,887
I don't know what's happening.

9
00:01:13,987 --> 00:01:18,658
This is the only thing that you
should be wearing right now.

10
00:01:21,744 --> 00:01:23,621
Chester, have you seen Cassie?

11
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,027
Are you moist?

12
00:01:29,127 --> 00:01:33,031
- It's supposed to help.
- I don't...

13
00:01:33,131 --> 00:01:35,533
I think so.

14
00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:38,845
Good enough. Okay, just... let's get...

15
00:01:39,554 --> 00:01:41,331
I can't get it in.

16
00:01:41,431 --> 00:01:45,293
It's kind of... squishy.

17
00:01:45,393 --> 00:01:47,670
Are you sure you're ready?

18
00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:49,547
Yeah.

19
00:01:49,647 --> 00:01:51,482
I was born ready.

20
00:01:52,066 --> 00:01:55,970
Hey. Hey, Adam. Adam, it's okay.

21
00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:58,515
It's a lot of pressure.

22
00:01:58,615 --> 00:02:03,853
Hey. Hey, Adam. Adam, it's okay.

23
00:02:03,953 --> 00:02:06,539
It's just us.

24
00:02:07,582 --> 00:02:09,542
I...

25
00:02:12,337 --> 00:02:15,198
- I...
- I need to pee.

26
00:02:15,298 --> 00:02:16,591
Maybe.

27
00:02:22,222 --> 00:02:25,767
We could always try again later.

28
00:02:27,018 --> 00:02:28,753
Adam?

29
00:02:28,853 --> 00:02:31,731
Are you freaking kidding me?

30
00:02:33,024 --> 00:02:36,235
Get out of my parent's bed, you tramp!

31
00:02:38,655 --> 00:02:42,825
Adam? Adam, my clothes are in there.

32
00:02:43,451 --> 00:02:46,896
- Adam. Adam, please.
- Get out of my house before I call the police.

33
00:02:46,996 --> 00:02:52,085
- For what?
- For stuff. I don't know. Whore.

34
00:02:53,753 --> 00:02:55,905
What a whore!

35
00:02:56,005 --> 00:02:58,675
Where are you going, slut?

36
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:01,369
What are you doing?

37
00:03:01,469 --> 00:03:05,473
Come on, the party just started.
Stay awhile.

38
00:03:09,644 --> 00:03:12,981
Oh, my God. What a little tramp.

39
00:03:14,399 --> 00:03:15,775
Bye!

40
00:03:22,865 --> 00:03:24,767
Hey.

41
00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,894
Cassie Cranston, is that you?

42
00:03:26,994 --> 00:03:30,540
- Shit!
- Did you just say "shit"?

43
00:03:37,547 --> 00:03:39,073
Jesus, Seth.

44
00:03:39,173 --> 00:03:41,551
- That's my mom's.
- I'll bring it back.

45
00:03:42,677 --> 00:03:44,595
Okay.

46
00:03:48,599 --> 00:03:54,339
Lana Parker called me about you,
said you streaked through her backyard.

47
00:03:54,439 --> 00:03:58,384
And she wasn't the only one.
All of Beaver's Ridge is abuzz about you.

48
00:03:58,484 --> 00:04:03,598
- It was so horrible, Mom. They all...
- Don't say another word.

49
00:04:03,698 --> 00:04:08,061
You embarrassed me tonight.
You embarrassed yourself.

50
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:12,498
- Please, Mom, I'm...
- Don't you care what others think of you?

51
00:04:14,459 --> 00:04:16,736
Don't you?

52
00:04:16,836 --> 00:04:20,365
Oh, stop sulking.
Go in the house before anyone sees you.

53
00:04:20,465 --> 00:04:24,218
Unless you can think of another way
you can mortify me tonight.

54
00:04:50,077 --> 00:04:52,538
Fuck, yeah.

55
00:05:13,643 --> 00:05:18,339
Hey, Ellie. Sorry I missed all your calls.
I have your pages, I just...

56
00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:21,843
Cassie, it's your mom.

57
00:05:21,943 --> 00:05:25,304
- Oh, Christ, what now?
- <i>She passed.</i>

58
00:05:25,404 --> 00:05:28,057
Good. I didn't want her writing
the forward, anyway. That was your idea.

59
00:05:28,157 --> 00:05:31,661
No. She's gone.

60
00:05:32,411 --> 00:05:34,705
On tour?

61
00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:36,512
No.

62
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:42,071
<i>I'm sorry, Cassie. I know the two of you
weren't very close, but, look...</i>

63
00:05:42,171 --> 00:05:47,952
<i>I still need that manuscript
from you as soon as possible.</i>

64
00:05:48,052 --> 00:05:50,054
<i>But...</i>

65
00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:53,516
you know, take a few days.

66
00:05:54,016 --> 00:05:55,893
<i>Go home.</i>

67
00:07:13,596 --> 00:07:17,833
Afternoon, Adam. How are you doing?
You're looking very good. Looking fit.

68
00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:20,044
I just want to talk to you about
the apple butter festival this year.

69
00:07:20,144 --> 00:07:22,755
'Cause last year the judging got
some complaints. Are you in this year?

70
00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:24,757
- Absolutely.
- 'Cause you'd make a great judge.

71
00:07:24,857 --> 00:07:28,027
- You love apple butter, don't you?
- I love apple butter.

72
00:07:30,112 --> 00:07:33,057
Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me.

73
00:07:33,157 --> 00:07:35,518
If you're here for the tour,
Justin's taking one out now.

74
00:07:35,618 --> 00:07:38,854
Yeah. Mr. Thicodedious,
have you got your insulin this time?

75
00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:43,109
All right, now, for our first stop,
everybody, it's gonna be the church

76
00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:48,631
that inspired the exciting conclusion
to the fifth Victoria novel...

77
00:07:49,215 --> 00:07:55,638
I'm not here for the tour. I just wanted
to check the place out. It's cool.

78
00:07:56,222 --> 00:07:59,708
Holy fuck. You're Cassie Cranston.

79
00:07:59,808 --> 00:08:03,754
I'm... I'm literally reading
your column right now.

80
00:08:03,854 --> 00:08:07,925
- It's like my Bible.
- Thank you.

81
00:08:08,025 --> 00:08:11,303
That's a good one.
How's that working out for you?

82
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:15,474
Oh, it's... yeah.
No, it's like... not really. It's fine.

83
00:08:15,574 --> 00:08:19,103
I'm sorry, I just... I never thought
that I would get to meet you.

84
00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:22,898
I saw you the night
that you went through town

85
00:08:22,998 --> 00:08:26,418
with your tits and stuff and it just...

86
00:08:26,669 --> 00:08:30,072
it blew my mind, and every time,
I just get fed up with this place,

87
00:08:30,172 --> 00:08:33,367
I read your first article that you ever wrote.
The one that made people hate you.

88
00:08:33,467 --> 00:08:35,786
And, like, it's so comforting to me.

89
00:08:35,886 --> 00:08:39,331
"Dear Beaver's Ridge, the following article
has been formatted to fit your narrow

90
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:43,127
and oppressed view of the universe."
It is a great opening line. It's so epic.

91
00:08:43,227 --> 00:08:46,422
- Thank you.
- What are you doing here?

92
00:08:46,522 --> 00:08:49,733
Well, my mom died, so...

93
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,361
Fuck and shit.

94
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:56,807
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know
who the wills and estates lawyer is?

95
00:08:56,907 --> 00:09:00,286
I do. Yes.

96
00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:04,231
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

97
00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:06,834
Oh, God.

98
00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:09,820
Nice to meet you. Thank you so much.

99
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,839
Bye.

100
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:16,885
Fuck.

101
00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:32,593
- Why can't we show it today?
- The town's national treasure died.

102
00:09:32,693 --> 00:09:36,947
People are super sad and stuff. No one
wants to buy a house when they're sad.

103
00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:41,185
It's listed too high.

104
00:09:41,285 --> 00:09:44,229
In the city, we'd list it 25% lower.
It starts a bidding war.

105
00:09:44,329 --> 00:09:48,400
No. See? There's no bidding wars here.
What you do is, you go 25% higher,

106
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:52,379
and then people think they're getting
a bargain when they Jew us down.

107
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,218
I'm Jewish.

108
00:10:00,262 --> 00:10:02,581
- I'm sorry.
- Don't apologize.

109
00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:05,084
Just don't say that in front of clients,

110
00:10:05,184 --> 00:10:08,729
unless small-town bigotry is something
that binds the town together.

111
00:10:09,354 --> 00:10:13,342
Kind of. Although we do have
a major that's a Paki.

112
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:17,054
So... or Paki... He's a Paki... Pakistan.
Pakistan... Pakistani.

113
00:10:17,154 --> 00:10:19,515
Is that what you call those people?

114
00:10:19,615 --> 00:10:22,685
Look, the main selling point
of all the homes in Beaver's Ridge,

115
00:10:22,785 --> 00:10:26,063
is that you're coming
to a community, you know?

116
00:10:26,163 --> 00:10:29,733
It's wholesome, those family values.

117
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:35,322
You know, the kind of place you could see
yourself setting up your own little family.

118
00:10:35,422 --> 00:10:37,549
Are you fucking shitting me?

119
00:10:37,966 --> 00:10:40,594
Oh, hey, Bruce.

120
00:10:41,637 --> 00:10:42,663
Hey, buddy.

121
00:10:42,763 --> 00:10:44,915
I told you I was bringing
my new partner by today!

122
00:10:45,015 --> 00:10:49,086
Was that today? What time...
I'm sorry that slipped my mind.

123
00:10:49,186 --> 00:10:52,022
So you're the home owners?

124
00:10:52,314 --> 00:10:55,717
- This is my wife.
- Nah, ex-wife.

125
00:10:55,817 --> 00:10:57,469
Temporary separation, Alice.

126
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,596
Until you get off your ass
and sign the papers.

127
00:10:59,696 --> 00:11:04,393
- This is my house!
- My goodness. It's not. It's my house!

128
00:11:04,493 --> 00:11:07,287
Why don't you get your shit out of it?

129
00:11:15,629 --> 00:11:19,283
I will rip the batteries out of that game
thing so fast, your head is gonna spin.

130
00:11:19,383 --> 00:11:21,410
Stop treating me like a child, Mom.

131
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:24,246
- Take this casserole over to Maureen's.
- No one's even there.

132
00:11:24,346 --> 00:11:29,084
If that little tramp daughter of hers
turns up, she'll need food.

133
00:11:29,184 --> 00:11:30,961
Did you make me one of these?

134
00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:34,756
This is the house where Maureen
wrote every single one of the books.

135
00:11:34,856 --> 00:11:39,803
Okay, now it's also the inspiration
for Victoria's childhood home.

136
00:11:39,903 --> 00:11:42,723
And this tree right here, folks,
this is the tree

137
00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:45,100
where Victoria had her first kiss.

138
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:50,330
Also, the tree where Mr. Cobell
proposed marriage.

139
00:11:53,041 --> 00:11:56,945
- Sorry about your mom.
- Go ahead and take some photos if you want.

140
00:11:57,045 --> 00:11:59,631
Thanks, Seth.

141
00:12:03,135 --> 00:12:05,621
Do you play Father-Daughter Warfare?

142
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:08,557
I have no idea what that is.

143
00:13:06,656 --> 00:13:11,561
Ovulation begins in t-minus five days.
I've given your secretary the itinerary,

144
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:14,106
and she's freed your schedule
for the corresponding times.

145
00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:16,984
Those are non-negotiable.
3:00 p.m. means 3:00 p.m.

146
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:20,320
- Not quarter after.
- I'm sorry I was late today.

147
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:23,615
When you walk in that door, I want you
to be fully aroused. Okay, sweetheart?

148
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:26,343
Fully aroused, yeah.

149
00:13:26,676 --> 00:13:29,621
- This is fun?
- Sweetie, this isn't for enjoyment.

150
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:32,082
The doctor said that we need
to keep a steady flow

151
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:34,751
of semen going to maximize
our chances for when the time comes.

152
00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:38,338
We don't want to be the only 30-year-olds
in town without a child, do we?

153
00:13:38,438 --> 00:13:41,233
- We just need to keep the semen schedule.
- All right.

154
00:13:44,903 --> 00:13:47,973
- Adam, we need to finish.
- That's my work ring though.

155
00:13:48,073 --> 00:13:50,392
Oh! God, Connie! Oh, my God.

156
00:13:50,492 --> 00:13:53,662
Can I just answer it real quick,
and I'll get back to you?

157
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:57,290
Okay.

158
00:14:01,044 --> 00:14:03,947
- Adam Mitchell.
- Hi.

159
00:14:04,047 --> 00:14:07,701
It's Cassie Cranston.

160
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:11,221
- Hi.
- So you're a lawyer.

161
00:14:12,013 --> 00:14:15,642
Honey, it's super dry.

162
00:14:21,565 --> 00:14:25,552
Wills and estates, mostly, yeah.
When did you get back into town?

163
00:14:25,652 --> 00:14:27,821
Just now.

164
00:14:28,446 --> 00:14:31,600
- The library's gone?
- Yeah, yeah.

165
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,685
It burned to the ground
about eight years ago.

166
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,687
It was a huge fire.
It was a terrible tragedy.

167
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:40,250
Those poor schoolchildren with nothing
to do with their free time.

168
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:45,906
Right. So... I need to plan the funeral.

169
00:14:46,006 --> 00:14:49,843
Oh, I did that already.
I did it all by myself...

170
00:15:01,354 --> 00:15:04,799
- Sorry, where were we?
- Everything okay over there?

171
00:15:04,899 --> 00:15:09,638
Yeah. I'm... I'm glad you're in town.

172
00:15:09,738 --> 00:15:11,323
Why?

173
00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:15,185
Well, you know, you're next of kin,
you got to sign the documents...

174
00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,520
relevant documents,
there's all sorts of stuff, and...

175
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:21,249
I mean, I just always kind of assumed
you would never be coming home.

176
00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:25,904
My mom died. I mean, why wouldn't
I come home? 'Cause of the article?

177
00:15:26,004 --> 00:15:28,448
Right, yeah, of course.

178
00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:31,509
So, when do we read the will?

179
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,929
- After the funeral.
- Right.

180
00:15:36,431 --> 00:15:39,209
I've bothered you
after business hours, so...

181
00:15:39,309 --> 00:15:43,463
I'll let you get back to your wife.
I assume you're married.

182
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:46,132
Oh, yeah, actually.

183
00:15:46,232 --> 00:15:48,760
Okay, well... thanks for everything.

184
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,446
<i>You actually know my wi...</i>

185
00:15:52,072 --> 00:15:57,494
Sweetie, we talk about you warning me
before you release your demons.

186
00:15:57,786 --> 00:16:01,731
That face you make
it's like staring into the sun.

187
00:16:01,831 --> 00:16:04,542
A lot of that is involuntary.

188
00:16:16,596 --> 00:16:19,057
You didn't call.

189
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:22,644
What was I supposed to say?

190
00:16:25,396 --> 00:16:29,843
You will now have a passage
from Maureen's first Victoria book

191
00:16:29,943 --> 00:16:35,657
read by Heather Mitchell, president of the
Victoria of the True North Festival committee.

192
00:16:38,827 --> 00:16:41,855
"Victoria had always been aware,

193
00:16:41,955 --> 00:16:44,274
ever since her first memories,

194
00:16:44,374 --> 00:16:48,419
that she was very near
to a world of deviant morality.

195
00:16:50,338 --> 00:16:54,868
But sometimes, just for a moment,

196
00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:58,121
her loved ones neared it,
and she caught a glimpse,

197
00:16:58,221 --> 00:17:00,915
of the bewitching world beyond,

198
00:17:01,015 --> 00:17:04,853
and she knew that it would be
her life's work...

199
00:17:05,311 --> 00:17:08,481
to keep herself and others from it."

200
00:17:10,733 --> 00:17:13,403
I hate everything.

201
00:17:16,239 --> 00:17:19,100
Remember when you left me here
alone with all of these people?

202
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,811
The sooner I get out of here, the better.

203
00:17:21,911 --> 00:17:25,356
- She just had to show up today.
- Oh, my God.

204
00:17:25,456 --> 00:17:27,876
- It's her mother's funeral.
- Oh, button it.

205
00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:30,653
- I'm gonna go give her a piece of my mind.
- Honey, don't.

206
00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:34,382
Is this really the best place
for a confrontation like this?

207
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,368
Cassie Cranston.

208
00:17:37,468 --> 00:17:41,789
Heather Murray. Or is it Mitchell now?

209
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:44,459
On behalf of Beaver's Ridge
welcoming committee,

210
00:17:44,559 --> 00:17:48,338
I would like to formally let you know
that you are not welcome.

211
00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:51,232
That is, you are not welcome here.

212
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:54,802
As far as condolences go,
that was original.

213
00:17:54,902 --> 00:17:58,615
- Did I do something?
- You did something to this entire town.

214
00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,476
Right, the article. Is that it?

215
00:18:01,576 --> 00:18:04,854
You may have grown up here,
but you know nothing about us.

216
00:18:04,954 --> 00:18:10,068
I mean, we get up to some
pretty wild shenanigans.

217
00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:13,363
Like what? The True North Festival?

218
00:18:13,463 --> 00:18:16,824
- The apple butter parade?
- Hey, I don't mean to butt in here,

219
00:18:16,924 --> 00:18:21,329
but I will not stand idly by, while you
trash talk the apple butter parade.

220
00:18:21,429 --> 00:18:25,683
- Bruce, can we give Cassie a break?
- Whose side are you on, really, Adam?

221
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:28,586
Wipe that smile off your face.

222
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:31,506
You think you're the only one
who's had a little excitement?

223
00:18:31,606 --> 00:18:35,051
Well, let me tell you,
I have had my share of excitement.

224
00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:38,096
Okay. Do tell.

225
00:18:38,196 --> 00:18:40,948
I slept with a black man in college.

226
00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:44,535
My stars. Ever been with a woman?

227
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:49,315
- I kissed a girl once, I didn't care for it.
- Sex tape?

228
00:18:49,415 --> 00:18:54,112
We make them, and watch them often.
Big whoop. Anything else?

229
00:18:54,212 --> 00:18:57,215
Have you ever been in an orgy?

230
00:18:58,883 --> 00:19:01,219
I'm sorry.

231
00:19:06,891 --> 00:19:09,877
Hey, you know, hon,
it's been kind of a rough day,

232
00:19:09,977 --> 00:19:14,632
we've got a little time before dinner,
maybe we could, you know...

233
00:19:14,732 --> 00:19:17,552
- I'm not ovulating.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

234
00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:21,222
I just thought maybe
we could have a little fun.

235
00:19:21,322 --> 00:19:23,307
Sweetie.

236
00:19:23,407 --> 00:19:28,454
No. Fun time was yesterday just...
just like the schedule says, remember?

237
00:19:28,746 --> 00:19:32,708
You just have to keep your sperm fresh.
You don't need me for that.

238
00:19:33,835 --> 00:19:38,631
Besides, it really turns me on
to think of you doing that to yourself.

239
00:19:39,674 --> 00:19:41,551
Yeah?

240
00:19:42,593 --> 00:19:45,913
Yeah, I could do that.
Hey, you wanna watch?

241
00:19:46,013 --> 00:19:48,975
No, that's okay, that's okay. Yeah.

242
00:20:02,071 --> 00:20:04,907
You look beautiful, Cassie.

243
00:20:05,408 --> 00:20:07,535
It's okay.

244
00:20:07,743 --> 00:20:10,288
It's just us.

245
00:20:10,913 --> 00:20:13,207
It's always been just us.

246
00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:17,461
- But I ran away.
- You're not going anywhere now.

247
00:20:19,881 --> 00:20:22,717
Are you freaking kidding me?

248
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:59,403
<i>Well, the results say that Adam
suffers from "necrzoospermia,"</i>

249
00:20:59,503 --> 00:21:04,091
<i>which means that all of his sperm
are non-viable. Which means dead.</i>

250
00:21:04,383 --> 00:21:07,954
- All of them?
- <i>There's really nothing we can do.</i>

251
00:21:08,054 --> 00:21:11,457
I'm sorry, doctor, I just don't know
what I'm supposed to do in this situation.

252
00:21:11,557 --> 00:21:14,752
<i>After all this time,
I know how frustrated you must be.</i>

253
00:21:14,852 --> 00:21:19,715
<i>The waiting list for sperm banks and adoption
agencies are at least two to three years.</i>

254
00:21:19,815 --> 00:21:24,512
<i>If you want my honest, completely
off-the-record opinion, if it were me,</i>

255
00:21:24,612 --> 00:21:29,867
<i>I would try to get a friend, or someone
I knew to give me a personal donation.</i>

256
00:21:33,704 --> 00:21:36,248
First you folks tell me
what you paid for it.

257
00:21:36,749 --> 00:21:40,795
Then we'll have a good laugh about it
and we'll start "jewing" them down.

258
00:21:41,796 --> 00:21:43,864
- The hell with it.
- Line one for you, Bruce!

259
00:21:43,964 --> 00:21:46,384
Yes, thank you, Georgina.

260
00:21:49,679 --> 00:21:51,539
The Buck Stops here, how can I help you?

261
00:21:51,639 --> 00:21:54,750
- <i>Bruce? It's Heather Mitchell.</i>
- You're the only Heather in town.

262
00:21:54,850 --> 00:21:58,087
You don't need to tell me your full name
every single time you call.

263
00:21:58,187 --> 00:22:00,147
You know.

264
00:22:01,023 --> 00:22:04,610
Not a lot of funerals end
with an orgy throw-down.

265
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,223
- I'd go to an orgy.
- No, you wouldn't.

266
00:22:09,323 --> 00:22:11,267
I can grow a mustache for it,

267
00:22:11,367 --> 00:22:14,520
- or a soul patch.
- Whatever.

268
00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:16,897
I'll have you know,
I'm an extremely sexual person.

269
00:22:16,997 --> 00:22:21,027
- Oh, my God.
- I had a sex dream about you once.

270
00:22:21,127 --> 00:22:23,738
I don't want to know that.

271
00:22:23,838 --> 00:22:27,491
Do you have any idea how many people
I've had sex dreams about?

272
00:22:27,591 --> 00:22:30,469
It's hardly an exclusive club, okay?

273
00:22:33,973 --> 00:22:37,143
So... how was I?

274
00:22:38,978 --> 00:22:41,088
Oh, screw you! Whatever.

275
00:22:41,188 --> 00:22:44,133
If I sucked, it's probably because
you have a shitty imagination.

276
00:22:44,233 --> 00:22:47,094
You know what? I knew you'd be weird
about this. I knew you would be.

277
00:22:47,194 --> 00:22:50,306
You're my boss, dude,
and you babysat me once.

278
00:22:50,406 --> 00:22:53,267
I think. It is actually illegal for you
to be into me, or something.

279
00:22:53,367 --> 00:22:57,188
First of all, I did not say I was into you,
and secondly, I didn't babysit you.

280
00:22:57,288 --> 00:23:00,816
We played videogames while our moms
smoked cigarettes and played bridge.

281
00:23:00,916 --> 00:23:03,944
- So, it doesn't...
- That's what guys do, though, isn't it?

282
00:23:04,044 --> 00:23:08,115
They befriend a girl just to gain her trust,
so that they can have sex with them.

283
00:23:08,215 --> 00:23:12,286
- I mean, why else are you friends with me?
- Must be your shining personality.

284
00:23:12,386 --> 00:23:15,347
Your sarcastic tone is unnecessary.

285
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,811
Hey, Heather. What's going on?

286
00:23:21,896 --> 00:23:27,760
In the matter of the last will and testament,
of Maureen Margaret Cranston...

287
00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:32,807
she has declared that her residuals
from any book sales, which as you know

288
00:23:32,907 --> 00:23:36,602
are still quite considerable,
as well as any assets that she has,

289
00:23:36,702 --> 00:23:41,690
financial institutions, holdings,
etcetera, be used to build...

290
00:23:41,790 --> 00:23:44,460
a new town library.

291
00:23:48,297 --> 00:23:50,199
I'm sorry. What?

292
00:23:50,299 --> 00:23:53,410
She wants to build a library. Remember
I told you the library burned down?

293
00:23:53,510 --> 00:23:56,080
I could show you the blueprints,
if you give me a second here,

294
00:23:56,180 --> 00:23:58,916
because they are something to behold.

295
00:23:59,016 --> 00:24:01,977
- They spared no expense.
- Is this a joke?

296
00:24:02,895 --> 00:24:04,964
No, we're still on dial-up. Yeah.

297
00:24:05,064 --> 00:24:07,299
Town council actually voted
down high-speed Internet,

298
00:24:07,399 --> 00:24:10,052
something about
ready access to pornography.

299
00:24:10,152 --> 00:24:13,222
No, no. I mean, about the money.

300
00:24:13,322 --> 00:24:16,183
- There's... there's nothing?
- No, that's not true.

301
00:24:16,283 --> 00:24:20,563
You can live in the house
for as long as you should want to.

302
00:24:20,663 --> 00:24:24,567
- Well, what would that be worth?
- It's not... I mean...

303
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:27,861
A lot, but... again, if you
should choose to sell the house,

304
00:24:27,961 --> 00:24:33,717
- go right back into the library.
- So... she left me nothing, then?

305
00:24:37,012 --> 00:24:42,084
Well, Heather actually made you
this casserole, so.

306
00:24:42,184 --> 00:24:47,256
There's three kinds of cheese,
and there's broccolini in there, I think.

307
00:24:47,356 --> 00:24:50,801
Would you mind giving me a minute, please?

308
00:24:50,901 --> 00:24:53,904
- Alone.
- Yeah. Yeah.

309
00:24:58,617 --> 00:25:01,537
Oh, my God. Of course.

310
00:25:04,289 --> 00:25:05,399
Hello?

311
00:25:05,499 --> 00:25:08,193
Hey. I was just calling to check in,
see how you're doing.

312
00:25:08,293 --> 00:25:11,463
Well, you know,
I'm pretty terrible, actually.

313
00:25:13,757 --> 00:25:17,077
- Okay.
- I don't have your book.

314
00:25:17,177 --> 00:25:19,388
- Next week is fine.
- No, I mean,

315
00:25:19,555 --> 00:25:22,583
I don't have your book,
I haven't written anything.

316
00:25:22,683 --> 00:25:26,754
<i>I came back here hoping I could use
my inheritance to pay back the advance,</i>

317
00:25:26,854 --> 00:25:30,065
but my mother didn't leave me anything.

318
00:25:30,941 --> 00:25:33,026
Nothing.

319
00:25:33,819 --> 00:25:36,347
- We had plans.
- I know.

320
00:25:36,447 --> 00:25:38,807
<i>All this time,
why didn't you say something?</i>

321
00:25:38,907 --> 00:25:41,201
I don't know.

322
00:25:42,161 --> 00:25:44,188
- I fucked up.
- <i>Look.</i>

323
00:25:44,288 --> 00:25:48,275
I'm gonna make this easy for you because
you're going through a lot right now.

324
00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:51,195
<i>It doesn't have to be the book
that you originally pitched me,</i>

325
00:25:51,295 --> 00:25:53,364
<i>but it has to be something.</i>

326
00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:57,117
<i>It has to be sexy and honest and raw.</i>

327
00:25:57,217 --> 00:25:59,511
<i>Dig deep.</i>

328
00:25:59,928 --> 00:26:02,998
You have 24 hours to send me
a pitch or return the money.

329
00:26:03,098 --> 00:26:06,043
And if neither of those happen?

330
00:26:06,143 --> 00:26:10,881
- You know any good lawyers?
- Nope, just a shitty small-town one.

331
00:26:10,981 --> 00:26:14,151
And here we are.

332
00:26:16,987 --> 00:26:20,349
Hey, you weren't counting
on these royalties, were you?

333
00:26:20,449 --> 00:26:22,768
No, of course not.

334
00:26:22,868 --> 00:26:26,747
Yeah. Right. Big city writer, right?

335
00:26:28,081 --> 00:26:31,026
It's nice to see you... I mean,

336
00:26:31,126 --> 00:26:34,113
with lots of terrible
circumstances, but...

337
00:26:34,213 --> 00:26:36,490
you never realize
how much you miss somebody,

338
00:26:36,590 --> 00:26:39,993
- until...
- Until what?

339
00:26:40,093 --> 00:26:43,038
I don't know where I was
going with that. I just...

340
00:26:43,138 --> 00:26:49,002
You know, I just didn't like how...
things ended with us, obviously.

341
00:26:49,102 --> 00:26:53,423
You mean like how you ran off,
like a coward and you hid in the bathroom?

342
00:26:53,523 --> 00:26:56,985
Yes, that's... that's... yeah.

343
00:26:57,444 --> 00:27:02,266
You know, technically,
we never really ended things.

344
00:27:02,366 --> 00:27:04,434
Yeah.

345
00:27:04,534 --> 00:27:06,728
And we never broke up.

346
00:27:06,828 --> 00:27:10,248
I came back for you, Adam.

347
00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,628
Okay, I can't tell
if you're messing with me.

348
00:27:15,045 --> 00:27:17,406
- Can't you?
- I...

349
00:27:17,506 --> 00:27:19,383
Hey.

350
00:27:21,802 --> 00:27:23,829
What're you doing here?

351
00:27:23,929 --> 00:27:27,124
Well, I could ask you
the same thing, sugar pie.

352
00:27:27,224 --> 00:27:30,043
- Just... the estate meeting today...
- Of course.

353
00:27:30,143 --> 00:27:33,380
- Is what we're doing, talking about it.
- What are you doing here?

354
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:38,485
Well, I was hoping we could have
a little chat. Just us girls.

355
00:27:41,571 --> 00:27:43,907
So... you and Adam.

356
00:27:45,075 --> 00:27:47,144
Absolutely.

357
00:27:47,244 --> 00:27:52,065
It's funny. I just never really
pictured you two together.

358
00:27:52,165 --> 00:27:56,586
You know, he will make a wonderful father.

359
00:27:57,754 --> 00:28:03,135
Well, sounds like you have your future
all mapped out. That's really nice.

360
00:28:03,427 --> 00:28:05,996
So... funny thing,

361
00:28:06,096 --> 00:28:09,082
I was re-reading
that one article of yours.

362
00:28:09,182 --> 00:28:13,629
Some very witty and wonderful
turns of phrase, by the way.

363
00:28:13,729 --> 00:28:15,922
- No wonder it caught a virus.
- Went viral?

364
00:28:16,022 --> 00:28:18,800
And I was thinking,
you may be right about a few things.

365
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:22,763
Perhaps we are a little bit
sexually repressed.

366
00:28:22,863 --> 00:28:24,389
At any rate, I was thinking,

367
00:28:24,489 --> 00:28:28,226
you know we probably could use
a little shake up here in Beaver's Ridge,

368
00:28:28,326 --> 00:28:31,938
and I think your orgy idea
is just the ticket.

369
00:28:32,038 --> 00:28:34,291
What... hang on, my orgy-what-now?

370
00:28:34,624 --> 00:28:39,321
- I'll organize, and you can instruct.
- No.

371
00:28:39,421 --> 00:28:41,948
At least think about it.
It's really the least you could do.

372
00:28:42,048 --> 00:28:45,427
Actually, the least I can do is nothing.

373
00:28:45,719 --> 00:28:47,996
Well, now who's being
the small-minded one?

374
00:28:48,096 --> 00:28:51,333
You know, I thought you would jump
at the chance to watch all of us

375
00:28:51,433 --> 00:28:56,088
make fools of ourselves as we delve
into the perversions of your mind.

376
00:28:56,188 --> 00:28:59,758
You know, probably give you fodder
for a whole new series of articles,

377
00:28:59,858 --> 00:29:04,738
"How to plan an orgy in a small town."
If you can come up with a better title.

378
00:29:05,322 --> 00:29:08,533
Unless, of course, you can't handle it.

379
00:29:09,868 --> 00:29:14,022
So all I would have to do is instruct?

380
00:29:14,122 --> 00:29:15,957
I mean, like,
I wouldn't actually have to...

381
00:29:16,208 --> 00:29:19,503
Fornicate with us? Oh, God. No.

382
00:29:23,924 --> 00:29:27,177
Heather wants me to plan a sex party.

383
00:29:28,303 --> 00:29:30,722
Oh, that's fucking hilarious.

384
00:29:32,933 --> 00:29:35,435
But... what's wrong?

385
00:29:36,102 --> 00:29:38,647
I'm a virgin.

386
00:29:43,610 --> 00:29:48,723
So, just to clarify everything
you know about sex is bullshit?

387
00:29:48,823 --> 00:29:52,477
No, that... that's not true. I've...

388
00:29:52,577 --> 00:29:55,355
interviewed people,
and I go to bars, and...

389
00:29:55,455 --> 00:30:00,168
I belong to a few sex clubs.
It's just no applied knowledge.

390
00:30:03,546 --> 00:30:06,366
Wait. Did your father molest you?

391
00:30:06,466 --> 00:30:08,994
- Alice, Jesus Christ.
- Okay.

392
00:30:09,094 --> 00:30:12,706
Well, I'm sorry. I just have to ask
'cause that happens to people.

393
00:30:12,806 --> 00:30:15,584
And then they get all psychologically
mashed up, and then they...

394
00:30:15,684 --> 00:30:19,045
like their vagina's sealed shut,
so they can't even have sex.

395
00:30:19,145 --> 00:30:21,673
Okay, well, it's not that.

396
00:30:21,773 --> 00:30:25,135
- 'Cause you're terrified of sex?
- No.

397
00:30:25,235 --> 00:30:29,639
I'm just waiting for someone I can trust.

398
00:30:29,739 --> 00:30:32,058
I need a new drink
'cause I just threw up in that one.

399
00:30:32,158 --> 00:30:34,995
Okay, fuck off.

400
00:30:35,370 --> 00:30:37,689
Will you come with me
to this thing or not?

401
00:30:37,789 --> 00:30:42,402
Sweetie, you're my very best friend
in this whole stupid town.

402
00:30:42,502 --> 00:30:46,781
I will totally come to your orgy,
and I will totally be there for you,

403
00:30:46,881 --> 00:30:51,386
and I will totally bang
all the hot guys that show up.

404
00:30:55,598 --> 00:30:58,143
That was fast. What's the verdict?

405
00:30:58,977 --> 00:31:01,563
I'm digging deep.

406
00:31:33,094 --> 00:31:35,180
You ready?

407
00:31:35,597 --> 00:31:38,833
I don't know.
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

408
00:31:38,933 --> 00:31:42,253
I mean... I mean,
can we do this? Is this us?

409
00:31:42,353 --> 00:31:47,066
- Are we... are we orgy people?
- What we're not is quitters.

410
00:31:47,525 --> 00:31:50,345
Now, if we don't go downstairs
and open that door,

411
00:31:50,445 --> 00:31:53,932
then everything that Cassie Cranston thinks
about us and Beaver's Ridge will be true.

412
00:31:54,032 --> 00:31:56,351
She'll think that we're cowards.

413
00:31:56,451 --> 00:31:59,329
Is that what you want her
to think about you?

414
00:32:00,705 --> 00:32:04,150
So, I know all of you are sexually active,

415
00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:07,570
but what you are about to
embark on needs to be treated

416
00:32:07,670 --> 00:32:12,033
and seen with the respect
of a sport. Okay?

417
00:32:12,133 --> 00:32:15,286
There will be surprises. The odd queef.

418
00:32:15,386 --> 00:32:19,557
Yeah, okay, yeah. What is a "queef"?

419
00:32:20,475 --> 00:32:25,772
Okay, it's like flatulence,
that comes out of your...

420
00:32:26,272 --> 00:32:30,218
Basically, you're hammering
large quantities of air

421
00:32:30,318 --> 00:32:34,097
into a tight, moist space,
so sounds are gonna be made.

422
00:32:34,197 --> 00:32:36,975
Next, stamina.

423
00:32:37,075 --> 00:32:40,353
It's gonna go a lot faster than you think.
Pornography lies.

424
00:32:40,453 --> 00:32:43,940
No man can go properly for 40 minutes
without having an aneurism,

425
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:48,445
and at that point, any woman's vagina is
gonna be squealing like a worn-out brake pad

426
00:32:48,545 --> 00:32:51,406
at the end of a high-speed chase.

427
00:32:51,506 --> 00:32:54,534
Are these colorful phrases
really necessary?

428
00:32:54,634 --> 00:32:58,496
You need to know what to expect.
You need to stay hydrated.

429
00:32:58,596 --> 00:33:02,458
You're gonna sweat.
Which brings me to my next topic.

430
00:33:02,558 --> 00:33:05,044
Sex stank.

431
00:33:05,144 --> 00:33:07,338
You're not gonna notice your own.

432
00:33:07,438 --> 00:33:11,885
But you will notice other peoples,
and in a room full of people sweating,

433
00:33:11,985 --> 00:33:16,389
and mashing their genitals together,
it's gonna create a...

434
00:33:16,489 --> 00:33:18,449
Musk.

435
00:33:18,825 --> 00:33:21,060
How bad could it possibly be?

436
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,732
Bad. Thick.
It's gonna seep into everything.

437
00:33:25,832 --> 00:33:30,503
Thank God I got these
lovely plastic couch covers.

438
00:33:30,837 --> 00:33:34,365
- So shall we just dive right in?
- Well...

439
00:33:34,465 --> 00:33:38,036
I think this was supposed
to just be a preliminary chat.

440
00:33:38,136 --> 00:33:41,347
Did anyone here think
we were just gonna dive right in?

441
00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:45,852
Okay, well.

442
00:34:16,174 --> 00:34:19,494
Okay, guys,
I think if you're gonna do this,

443
00:34:19,594 --> 00:34:24,766
you just have to rip the band-aid off,
and do it. You know?

444
00:34:25,058 --> 00:34:27,085
Yeah.

445
00:34:27,185 --> 00:34:29,337
- Heather, do you have an egg timer?
- Yes, I do. Yeah.

446
00:34:29,437 --> 00:34:31,130
That way we can set
the timer for 5 minutes

447
00:34:31,230 --> 00:34:35,526
and give everybody a chance
to switch it up, if they want to.

448
00:34:37,695 --> 00:34:39,514
I...

449
00:34:39,614 --> 00:34:42,684
All right, we're gonna kick it old-school.

450
00:34:42,784 --> 00:34:44,936
Gentlemen, put your keys in the bowl.

451
00:34:45,036 --> 00:34:48,398
- Yeah.
- I walked here, can I use fishing license?

452
00:34:48,498 --> 00:34:51,834
- How do you not have keys?
- Who locks their door?

453
00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:59,409
So my choices are Adam, or Bruce.

454
00:34:59,509 --> 00:35:01,619
Can't have sex with Adam.
He's your husband.

455
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,580
Right, I mean,
why would you want to sleep with me?

456
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,916
- You're right.
- I was kidding.

457
00:35:07,016 --> 00:35:09,919
Okay, Bruce. Let's make the best of it.

458
00:35:10,019 --> 00:35:12,730
A little less enthusiasm, please.

459
00:35:20,321 --> 00:35:23,808
- How are we not already having sex?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just...

460
00:35:23,908 --> 00:35:26,978
- You... you're really beautiful.
- I'm sorry.

461
00:35:27,078 --> 00:35:29,605
It's okay. You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna close my eyes,

462
00:35:29,705 --> 00:35:34,794
and I'm just gonna imagine that you
have leprosy. Otherwise, this is gonna...

463
00:35:34,961 --> 00:35:37,071
And that's not...

464
00:35:37,171 --> 00:35:40,007
You shouldn't tell people that.

465
00:35:48,099 --> 00:35:52,144
No... okay. Just give me a second.
Give me a second.

466
00:35:52,687 --> 00:35:57,066
Okay, I'm good now. I'm good. Nope. Nope.

467
00:35:57,984 --> 00:36:01,529
- That's my jawbone. Yeah.
- Oh, so defiant.

468
00:36:02,238 --> 00:36:06,284
Slow it down, slow it way down.
Slow it way down.

469
00:36:09,245 --> 00:36:11,163
Okay.

470
00:36:12,290 --> 00:36:14,942
- Oh, my God, your lips.
- My lips?

471
00:36:15,042 --> 00:36:19,380
They're so soft. What do you put on them?

472
00:36:20,381 --> 00:36:22,758
Well, wine. Wine, mostly.

473
00:36:23,884 --> 00:36:28,539
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, I can't.

474
00:36:28,639 --> 00:36:31,767
No, no, no, no, just hold it. Hold on.

475
00:36:33,269 --> 00:36:36,714
- Stop staring, it's rude.
- Where am I supposed to look?

476
00:36:36,814 --> 00:36:42,695
- Is this turning you on?
- It's not... not turning me on.

477
00:36:44,196 --> 00:36:48,267
Three, two, wait.
No, I need... I need six...

478
00:36:48,367 --> 00:36:50,286
No, that's it.

479
00:36:51,037 --> 00:36:54,232
- Come on, I was just getting my groove on.
- Time's up. Chester?

480
00:36:54,332 --> 00:36:57,652
Yeah, I'm sorry. Excuse me, I'm gonna
need a few minutes, to pardon me.

481
00:36:57,752 --> 00:37:01,030
- Replenish the fluids here 'cause...
- Did you already?

482
00:37:01,130 --> 00:37:04,492
- I just grazed the tip. I grazed it.
- Please tell me it was on the couch cover.

483
00:37:04,592 --> 00:37:06,744
- I'm ready to party.
- Jeez.

484
00:37:06,844 --> 00:37:08,829
- Is that normal?
- God no.

485
00:37:08,929 --> 00:37:10,748
- Why don't we have some make-up sex?
- Oh, no.

486
00:37:10,848 --> 00:37:13,334
Did not all the energy in here
just get sucked out?

487
00:37:13,434 --> 00:37:15,211
No, no, it didn't.

488
00:37:15,311 --> 00:37:18,547
I think we ripped the band-aid off
a little too quickly here.

489
00:37:18,647 --> 00:37:21,884
- We should have catered.
- A potluck would have been nice.

490
00:37:21,984 --> 00:37:24,387
Cassie, I feel like we're gonna
need some spare dicks,

491
00:37:24,487 --> 00:37:27,807
in case, you know, chappy gets pre-maturely
excited, just keep the party going.

492
00:37:27,907 --> 00:37:29,183
- I can hear you.
- Agreed.

493
00:37:29,283 --> 00:37:32,228
You know what would be good? Is maybe
if we had some other ladies as well?

494
00:37:32,328 --> 00:37:36,023
People from around town.
Or Cassie, if you wanted get involved.

495
00:37:36,123 --> 00:37:39,902
No. I mean, I... that wasn't...
that wasn't part of the...

496
00:37:40,002 --> 00:37:42,446
No. Okay.

497
00:37:42,546 --> 00:37:46,467
I think this little experiment has just proven
that we need to go a little bit slower.

498
00:37:46,675 --> 00:37:50,705
So let's get together again,
but this time,

499
00:37:50,805 --> 00:37:55,918
ease into it, focus on the basics.
And if all goes well, then, round two.

500
00:37:56,018 --> 00:37:59,630
I don't wanna sound like a jerk. But what
am I supposed to do with this erection?

501
00:37:59,730 --> 00:38:02,925
I saw a papaya on the counter there
you could probably have your way with.

502
00:38:03,025 --> 00:38:05,928
No, it's too ripe. It's not gonna work.

503
00:38:06,028 --> 00:38:08,405
Why do you know that?

504
00:38:13,577 --> 00:38:15,020
What about Michael Lobucks?

505
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,815
He's got a terrible back issue.
He wouldn't the last 5 minutes.

506
00:38:17,915 --> 00:38:22,253
- What about the mayor?
- Gus, Gus? Been there.

507
00:38:23,087 --> 00:38:26,799
- They can't be black.
- Oh, my God.

508
00:38:27,299 --> 00:38:29,618
Wait, Gus is black?

509
00:38:29,718 --> 00:38:31,720
- Mrs. Reddick.
- Bruce, she's dead.

510
00:38:31,846 --> 00:38:35,082
Margo and Dave Anderson.

511
00:38:35,182 --> 00:38:38,127
No... no. Absolutely not.
Have you seen how he plays charades?

512
00:38:38,227 --> 00:38:40,337
I'm not getting into a sexual
situation with that man.

513
00:38:40,437 --> 00:38:44,258
So, there's a bunch of us
and we're doing this thing, okay?

514
00:38:44,358 --> 00:38:46,010
And I don't know how to ask...

515
00:38:46,110 --> 00:38:49,221
We've been encouraged to invite
other people to the thing.

516
00:38:49,321 --> 00:38:52,349
- What we're gonna be doing is...
- What kind of thing is it?

517
00:38:52,449 --> 00:38:55,895
We're gonna... it's like a pri...
it's like a very...

518
00:38:55,995 --> 00:38:58,314
- It's a private fun thing.
- Yeah.

519
00:38:58,414 --> 00:39:00,816
Like, we're all... we are all together...

520
00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:06,155
In the private thing where you touch each
other's nipples and you fuck each other?

521
00:39:06,255 --> 00:39:09,909
- How do you know... what are you...
- Stop trying to invite me to the orgy.

522
00:39:10,009 --> 00:39:12,620
- How do you know about the orgy?
- How do I not know about the orgy?

523
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:14,955
Bruce is all over town
and you need to talk to that guy

524
00:39:15,055 --> 00:39:18,209
because everybody in this town
is gonna know what you idiots are up to.

525
00:39:18,309 --> 00:39:21,086
Okay, okay, okay. So...
did Bruce invite you to it, already?

526
00:39:21,186 --> 00:39:22,796
- Yes, he did.
- He did?

527
00:39:22,896 --> 00:39:25,633
- Yes.
- So you...

528
00:39:25,733 --> 00:39:29,553
No. No! I knew you were gonna ask me that.

529
00:39:29,653 --> 00:39:31,764
- You disappoint me, Chester.
- What?

530
00:39:31,864 --> 00:39:34,391
You guys haven't RSVP'ed to my party, yet.

531
00:39:34,491 --> 00:39:37,436
Hey. Seth, man. How long
have you been standing there?

532
00:39:37,536 --> 00:39:42,233
Actually, funny that you're here because
Chester has something that he wants to ask you.

533
00:39:42,333 --> 00:39:44,401
- No...
- There's this thing that's happening.

534
00:39:44,501 --> 00:39:45,986
And people are encouraged...

535
00:39:46,086 --> 00:39:48,489
- No, that's not...
- To invite other people...

536
00:39:48,589 --> 00:39:51,925
and he wanted to talk to you
about this thing.

537
00:39:52,426 --> 00:39:54,828
What? Coming.
I gotta grab this... this delivery.

538
00:39:54,928 --> 00:39:57,122
- Really? Interesting.
- I gotta get this delivery here.

539
00:39:57,222 --> 00:39:58,666
- Isn't that your bathroom?
- What?

540
00:39:58,766 --> 00:40:00,601
- Are you going to the bathroom?
- Hey, Seth.

541
00:40:00,851 --> 00:40:04,421
- Hi, Pauline.
- How is your day going, buddy?

542
00:40:04,521 --> 00:40:06,690
- It's busy.
- Yeah.

543
00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:14,265
So you want to have an orgy in a town
where you can dial the wrong number,

544
00:40:14,365 --> 00:40:18,477
- and still have a ten-minute conversation?
- I'll owe you.

545
00:40:18,577 --> 00:40:21,188
I really need to work
the numbers in my favor, and you coming

546
00:40:21,288 --> 00:40:23,816
- helps knock some of the other guys out.
- How?

547
00:40:23,916 --> 00:40:26,460
You know...

548
00:40:27,002 --> 00:40:30,406
- You smoke a pole man, you know.
- The pole?

549
00:40:30,506 --> 00:40:33,158
You play the skin flute, you put penises
in your mouth, 'cause you're gay.

550
00:40:33,258 --> 00:40:35,035
Not 'cause you're happy,
'cause you're a homosexual.

551
00:40:35,135 --> 00:40:38,789
Not that you couldn't be a homosexual
and be happy I'm sure you love it.

552
00:40:38,889 --> 00:40:41,041
So...

553
00:40:41,141 --> 00:40:44,186
You want me at this orgy because I'm gay,

554
00:40:44,978 --> 00:40:48,048
and that will force one of the other
non-gay men to sleep with me,

555
00:40:48,148 --> 00:40:50,968
which will make more women
available for you?

556
00:40:51,068 --> 00:40:52,986
Look.

557
00:40:53,153 --> 00:40:55,681
I really need this, man.

558
00:40:55,781 --> 00:41:00,769
Allie's leaving me, it was...
it was a huge hit to my ego.

559
00:41:00,869 --> 00:41:05,399
If I agree to this, you give me
the full commission on your house.

560
00:41:05,499 --> 00:41:07,234
That's a big commission, man.

561
00:41:07,334 --> 00:41:09,737
- Are you coming to my birthday party?
- Jesus Christ.

562
00:41:09,837 --> 00:41:14,967
- My mom wanted an RSVP like, yesterday.
- I don't know, man.

563
00:41:15,801 --> 00:41:19,429
You should totally come
to our party, Seth.

564
00:41:23,058 --> 00:41:24,268
I...

565
00:41:29,022 --> 00:41:31,942
- Alice.
- Fuck! Jesus, Seth.

566
00:41:32,526 --> 00:41:35,888
- You haven't RSVP'ed to my party, yet.
- Haven't I?

567
00:41:35,988 --> 00:41:39,950
It's just my mom. She doesn't know how many
cupcakes to make. She's freaking out.

568
00:41:41,201 --> 00:41:44,121
- Okay.
- Are you going to that party?

569
00:41:44,830 --> 00:41:46,815
- What party?
- I don't know.

570
00:41:46,915 --> 00:41:50,444
- Bruce told me about some party at Adam's.
- That's been cancelled.

571
00:41:50,544 --> 00:41:52,946
Are you sure? Because he just
told me about it like, just now.

572
00:41:53,046 --> 00:41:56,325
Well, Seth, I don't know,
because Bruce is an idiot.

573
00:41:56,425 --> 00:42:01,121
Yeah. Hey, that's good,
because tomorrow's my party anyways,

574
00:42:01,221 --> 00:42:03,999
so you can just tell everybody to RSVP,
and then they can come.

575
00:42:04,099 --> 00:42:07,920
Okay, I... I'll try to remember.

576
00:42:08,020 --> 00:42:11,048
- Can I have a glass of water?
- I don't. I don't have any water.

577
00:42:11,148 --> 00:42:13,859
I'm thirsty.
Do you have a blanket? I'm cold.

578
00:42:19,114 --> 00:42:22,893
So I think the first thing
we need to do here is just...

579
00:42:22,993 --> 00:42:26,480
acknowledge the awkwardness
of the situation.

580
00:42:26,580 --> 00:42:31,109
So, Chester, if maybe we could switch
spots. So you could sit over here.

581
00:42:31,209 --> 00:42:33,862
- You wanna do...
- Yeah.

582
00:42:33,962 --> 00:42:35,881
Okay.

583
00:42:36,590 --> 00:42:39,243
So let's start with Heather.

584
00:42:39,343 --> 00:42:44,264
How does it make you feel
to see Adam with someone else?

585
00:42:47,726 --> 00:42:49,753
Well, I...

586
00:42:49,853 --> 00:42:52,839
- I think we can all be adults here.
- Yeah?

587
00:42:52,939 --> 00:42:58,904
Okay, so, this doesn't bother you,
or make you upset or uncomfortable at all?

588
00:43:01,865 --> 00:43:03,600
No.

589
00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:07,145
No, I think that's...
that's very neighborly of you,

590
00:43:07,245 --> 00:43:10,983
- of both of you.
- I'm very neighborly.

591
00:43:11,083 --> 00:43:14,920
- Is this... is this hard for you, Adam?
- Oh, it's hard for me.

592
00:43:15,128 --> 00:43:19,741
I mean... it would... that would be hard
for me. That would be challenging.

593
00:43:19,841 --> 00:43:23,120
Yeah, what about this, Heather?

594
00:43:23,220 --> 00:43:28,333
This must be driving you
absolutely insane.

595
00:43:28,433 --> 00:43:32,587
- Bruce, what are you doing?
- We're just easing into it, big fella.

596
00:43:32,687 --> 00:43:37,484
You know, you are carrying
a lot of tension...

597
00:43:37,609 --> 00:43:41,430
in your buster deltoids. You know what?
I'd be a lot easier if I got your shirt off.

598
00:43:41,530 --> 00:43:44,975
- That way we can really get at it.
- I don't think...

599
00:43:45,075 --> 00:43:47,561
I'll get it.
That'll be our additional guests.

600
00:43:47,661 --> 00:43:50,564
Yeah, let's just go ahead.
That's a weird way to open a shirt, anyway.

601
00:43:50,664 --> 00:43:53,108
Let's just put the kybosh on that
and see who these guests are.

602
00:43:53,208 --> 00:43:56,628
- Go away!
- Jesus fucking...

603
00:43:56,878 --> 00:44:01,033
- Hi, guys. Hey, come on in.
- Thank you.

604
00:44:01,133 --> 00:44:05,787
Everybody, you remember Anna and Otis.

605
00:44:05,887 --> 00:44:09,724
- From racquetball, right?
- Who the fuck invited you?

606
00:44:11,184 --> 00:44:14,254
Honey, I don't know about this.

607
00:44:14,354 --> 00:44:17,315
- Just a moment, everyone.
- Sure.

608
00:44:18,942 --> 00:44:23,221
Sweetie, we agreed to this.
Everything we tried hasn't been working.

609
00:44:23,321 --> 00:44:26,058
The long walks, the spicy food,
the primrose oil.

610
00:44:26,158 --> 00:44:29,519
The mid-wife thought that maybe this would
do the trick. We want to do it naturally.

611
00:44:29,619 --> 00:44:33,273
I know, I know,
but why can't it just be you?

612
00:44:33,373 --> 00:44:38,003
Because it's been me for the last
48 hours and I'm exhausted.

613
00:44:40,922 --> 00:44:44,951
Listen, you're peeing every ten minutes,
you're not sleeping.

614
00:44:45,051 --> 00:44:49,014
I love you so much,
but this baby needs to come out.

615
00:44:51,141 --> 00:44:53,268
- You're right.
- Yeah.

616
00:44:53,393 --> 00:44:55,754
- We need to do this.
- Right.

617
00:44:55,854 --> 00:44:59,674
I love you. Okay.

618
00:44:59,774 --> 00:45:02,027
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

619
00:45:03,612 --> 00:45:05,764
Okay.

620
00:45:05,864 --> 00:45:09,534
So, who's gonna fuck my wife first?

621
00:45:11,620 --> 00:45:14,773
- Okay, sexual positions...
- I know all three of them,

622
00:45:14,873 --> 00:45:18,819
- but we only do the doggy-style.
- I'm sorry, all three of them?

623
00:45:18,919 --> 00:45:21,321
You guys don't look
at each other when you...

624
00:45:21,421 --> 00:45:22,823
Nope.

625
00:45:22,923 --> 00:45:25,659
- Why not?
- I don't think anyone wants to know that.

626
00:45:25,759 --> 00:45:27,077
- I wanna know.
- I'd love to know.

627
00:45:27,177 --> 00:45:29,287
- It's private, it's between us.
- He makes a face.

628
00:45:29,387 --> 00:45:31,498
- Okay.
- It's very unpleasant.

629
00:45:31,598 --> 00:45:33,416
- It's involuntary.
- It's disturbing, actually.

630
00:45:33,516 --> 00:45:36,294
It's like a sneeze. Would you judge
a person for how they sneeze?

631
00:45:36,394 --> 00:45:40,023
Okay, let's not ruin the surprise.

632
00:45:41,358 --> 00:45:44,344
We have some work to do.
Everybody grab a partner.

633
00:45:44,444 --> 00:45:47,681
Okay, I drew up some sexual positions
for us to try here.

634
00:45:47,781 --> 00:45:49,432
- What, really? Me?
- Get lost.

635
00:45:49,532 --> 00:45:51,268
Thank you. I would be honored.

636
00:45:51,368 --> 00:45:54,896
If we could just skip the lego instructions.
I mean, clearly, I've done this before.

637
00:45:54,996 --> 00:45:58,083
I really just need someone
to bang the baby out of me.

638
00:45:58,541 --> 00:46:03,713
Also, if you could ejaculate directly inside
my wife's vagina, that would be great.

639
00:46:04,089 --> 00:46:06,032
It actually contains prosteligence

640
00:46:06,132 --> 00:46:10,220
which can stimulate the cervix
and can cause contractions.

641
00:46:10,595 --> 00:46:12,055
Yeah.

642
00:46:14,724 --> 00:46:18,962
Can you not put all your weight on me?
It makes me feel like I gotta pee.

643
00:46:19,062 --> 00:46:22,674
- You wanna pee on me?
- That is not even close to what I said.

644
00:46:22,774 --> 00:46:27,654
Okay, Bruce, why don't you try
putting her leg over your shoulder?

645
00:46:29,614 --> 00:46:32,642
Actually this does feel good.
Why have we never tried this position?

646
00:46:32,742 --> 00:46:35,645
- I didn't know you liked that.
- Well, you could have asked.

647
00:46:35,745 --> 00:46:39,190
- I'm not a mind-reader, pumpkin.
- That's why you should ask.

648
00:46:39,290 --> 00:46:42,277
I don't think this is the time
for that, guys.

649
00:46:42,377 --> 00:46:45,947
Right. Sorry, honey. We're being rude.
Bruce is trying to penetrate me.

650
00:46:46,047 --> 00:46:49,242
I'm sorry, Bruce.
All right, give me what you got.

651
00:46:49,342 --> 00:46:52,120
- I got nothing. This is...
- What?

652
00:46:52,220 --> 00:46:54,914
- This is fucked up, man.
- What?

653
00:46:55,014 --> 00:46:57,559
What the fuck is your problem?

654
00:46:58,435 --> 00:47:01,921
- Two, three, okay. I gotta get it right...
- Yep, yep, okay.

655
00:47:02,021 --> 00:47:06,009
...in here. Cassie?

656
00:47:06,109 --> 00:47:08,345
I don't know, I think one of us
has to be lesbian to do this.

657
00:47:08,445 --> 00:47:12,599
No, not if... see here,
if you're more like this... then...

658
00:47:12,699 --> 00:47:16,061
I see. Yeah, no,
we both have to be lesbian.

659
00:47:16,161 --> 00:47:18,580
That's not gonna work.

660
00:47:21,624 --> 00:47:25,044
There's no need to be shy, Otis.

661
00:47:25,461 --> 00:47:29,699
I for one am very interested
in fornicating with you.

662
00:47:29,799 --> 00:47:34,537
Well, no, no, no. I'm just here for Anna,
in case the baby pops.

663
00:47:34,637 --> 00:47:38,291
Surely there's better ways
to pass the time.

664
00:47:38,391 --> 00:47:41,628
Well, I'm gonna say thank you,
but no thank you.

665
00:47:41,728 --> 00:47:43,296
Okay, I'm gonna level with you here,

666
00:47:43,396 --> 00:47:45,715
Anna told me that you got her
pregnant without even trying.

667
00:47:45,815 --> 00:47:50,804
- I need your baby batter, so be a neighbor.
- I mean, my semen isn't sugar, Heather.

668
00:47:50,904 --> 00:47:54,682
Besides, Anna and I have been having
sex all day, all right? I'm exhausted.

669
00:47:54,782 --> 00:47:59,996
Even if I could get it up,
it's like a ghost coughing down there.

670
00:48:02,916 --> 00:48:05,485
- Oh, my God.
- Did you just...

671
00:48:05,585 --> 00:48:08,254
No, no. I'm good.

672
00:48:09,923 --> 00:48:14,244
Okay, I think we can...
start with the actual sex now. I'm...

673
00:48:14,344 --> 00:48:18,206
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I think I'm ready. Yeah.

674
00:48:18,306 --> 00:48:21,709
- I felt the baby kick.
- Well, don't make it weird.

675
00:48:21,809 --> 00:48:24,295
She just wants to say hello.
Don't you baby?

676
00:48:24,395 --> 00:48:27,966
- Please don't talk like a baby.
- She just wants to meet everybody.

677
00:48:28,066 --> 00:48:31,803
- Help her meet everybody, Adam.
- I don't know that I'm qualified for that.

678
00:48:31,903 --> 00:48:34,389
Keep it sexy, okay?

679
00:48:34,489 --> 00:48:39,936
If you arch your back, I think it'll allow
for at least another inch of penetration.

680
00:48:40,036 --> 00:48:42,538
Thank you, Cassie.

681
00:48:43,873 --> 00:48:46,234
Oh, my God. Oh, jeez.

682
00:48:46,334 --> 00:48:49,754
Just for the record,
I am not inside you right now.

683
00:48:51,923 --> 00:48:55,243
- Is this a good position?
- It's just the water stage.

684
00:48:55,343 --> 00:48:58,346
- The baby's not gonna come for hours.
- Water stage?

685
00:49:04,686 --> 00:49:07,964
- Are you having a seizure? What's...
- It's coming!

686
00:49:08,064 --> 00:49:12,176
- Oh, my God. Are you having a contraction?
- I'm coming! Oh, thanks, sweet Lord.

687
00:49:12,276 --> 00:49:16,556
- There it is! Okay, it's happening.
- It's fine, it's fine. We got a while yet.

688
00:49:16,656 --> 00:49:19,934
No, no, no. If we could get it wrapped up
as soon as possible. If that's possible.

689
00:49:20,034 --> 00:49:22,061
- Let's get her up.
- This feels so fucking good.

690
00:49:22,161 --> 00:49:24,105
Why don't you ever feel this fucking good?

691
00:49:24,205 --> 00:49:26,774
She doesn't mean that, guys.
That's the baby talking.

692
00:49:26,874 --> 00:49:29,235
Can we get this guy off?
This is my wife, here.

693
00:49:29,335 --> 00:49:32,672
Just a little bit of help guys,
would be really...

694
00:49:35,007 --> 00:49:37,744
Screamer. Okay, there it is.

695
00:49:37,844 --> 00:49:40,788
- There we go.
- I would throw those out.

696
00:49:40,888 --> 00:49:43,708
See, what did I tell you
about the plastic couch covers?

697
00:49:43,808 --> 00:49:46,811
What a great night guys. Thank you.

698
00:49:50,022 --> 00:49:52,692
Can I ask a silly question?

699
00:49:54,193 --> 00:49:59,323
How come none of you have realized
what a terrible idea this is?

700
00:50:00,575 --> 00:50:05,313
I mean, for one night of awkward pleasure,

701
00:50:05,413 --> 00:50:08,291
you are gonna jeopardize friendships...

702
00:50:09,208 --> 00:50:11,944
marriages even...

703
00:50:12,044 --> 00:50:16,132
Look around, these are
your neighbors, your friends.

704
00:50:16,966 --> 00:50:19,952
I just want to make sure
that you've thought about this.

705
00:50:20,052 --> 00:50:22,038
Really thought about it.

706
00:50:22,138 --> 00:50:24,874
This is a small town.
People are gonna find out.

707
00:50:24,974 --> 00:50:28,252
One of you will talk,
maybe not right away,

708
00:50:28,352 --> 00:50:30,229
but eventually.

709
00:50:30,897 --> 00:50:35,484
I read Cassie's article and the reason why
it upset at everybody is 'cause she's right.

710
00:50:36,068 --> 00:50:39,739
You are not the type of people
to do this sort of thing.

711
00:50:41,490 --> 00:50:44,160
You're not adventurous.

712
00:50:45,953 --> 00:50:48,581
Who are you trying to fool?

713
00:51:03,679 --> 00:51:06,999
Half a dozen chimps are locked in a room.

714
00:51:07,099 --> 00:51:10,795
And in the center of the room,
there's a ladder...

715
00:51:10,895 --> 00:51:14,048
on top of which a banana
dangles from the ceiling.

716
00:51:14,148 --> 00:51:16,968
So one the chimps decides
to go for the banana.

717
00:51:17,068 --> 00:51:23,141
But before he can even touch the ladder,
they're all sprayed with ice cold water.

718
00:51:23,241 --> 00:51:25,810
- I'm so confused right now.
- Shut up.

719
00:51:25,910 --> 00:51:28,938
So after a while,
they figure out the connection,

720
00:51:29,038 --> 00:51:34,085
between the ladder and the water,
and they don't go for the banana anymore.

721
00:51:35,336 --> 00:51:39,407
So then one of the chimps
is replaced by a new chimp.

722
00:51:39,507 --> 00:51:42,869
And he decides to go for the banana.

723
00:51:42,969 --> 00:51:47,498
Before he can even touch the ladder,
they... they attack him.

724
00:51:47,598 --> 00:51:52,879
He goes for it again and they literally,
they beat the message into him,

725
00:51:52,979 --> 00:51:56,607
do not touch the fucking ladder.

726
00:51:58,234 --> 00:52:02,822
Eventually, all the chimps are replaced
by an entirely new group.

727
00:52:03,489 --> 00:52:07,727
They don't know about the water.
They don't even know it exists.

728
00:52:07,827 --> 00:52:12,231
But anytime any of them
go for that banana,

729
00:52:12,331 --> 00:52:14,650
they attack them.

730
00:52:14,750 --> 00:52:17,628
And they have no idea why.

731
00:52:18,129 --> 00:52:20,323
All they know is,

732
00:52:20,423 --> 00:52:25,720
this is what happens when you go after
the thing you want the most.

733
00:52:26,846 --> 00:52:31,016
Something someone else
says you can't have...

734
00:52:32,059 --> 00:52:35,521
and they never question it,
it's just what they do.

735
00:52:35,980 --> 00:52:38,090
So my question is,

736
00:52:38,190 --> 00:52:41,444
are you gonna go after your banana?

737
00:52:42,319 --> 00:52:45,865
Or are you gonna let
all the other chimps knock you down?

738
00:52:47,491 --> 00:52:52,104
- Did that make anyone else a little bit hard?
- Bruce, there are ladies present.

739
00:52:52,204 --> 00:52:55,316
I'm sorry, did it make
anyone hard, or wet?

740
00:52:55,416 --> 00:52:58,753
Look, y'all want this.

741
00:53:00,004 --> 00:53:02,590
You need this.

742
00:53:04,592 --> 00:53:08,762
And if you're in, then I'm in, too.

743
00:53:09,263 --> 00:53:11,891
All the way.

744
00:53:14,727 --> 00:53:18,339
- I'd like to go after my banana.
- Me, too.

745
00:53:18,439 --> 00:53:21,384
Can I put the whole thing in my mouth?

746
00:53:21,484 --> 00:53:25,279
Saturday. My place.

747
00:53:38,125 --> 00:53:40,711
Maybe they're late.

748
00:53:44,131 --> 00:53:47,368
Why don't you come on the cruise with me?

749
00:53:47,468 --> 00:53:52,998
It'd be good for you to get out of town.
You don't need these people.

750
00:53:53,098 --> 00:53:56,101
They've never accepted you.

751
00:54:14,453 --> 00:54:18,749
Well. Well, happy birthday, Seth.

752
00:54:28,592 --> 00:54:30,511
Okay.

753
00:54:33,389 --> 00:54:35,307
Okay.

754
00:54:37,601 --> 00:54:42,089
Okay. Pace yourself, Chester, buddy. Pace.

755
00:54:42,189 --> 00:54:45,901
Hello. You're very pretty. I'm Chester.

756
00:54:47,236 --> 00:54:49,780
Slow down, slow down.

757
00:54:51,907 --> 00:54:55,536
Yeah, yeah, here comes the good stuff.

758
00:54:58,163 --> 00:55:02,001
God dammit, why? Why?

759
00:55:03,335 --> 00:55:05,254
Dude.

760
00:55:05,546 --> 00:55:08,949
Everyone can fucking see you!
You know that that chick has a dick, right?

761
00:55:09,049 --> 00:55:12,761
- Yeah, thanks.
- I support masturbation.

762
00:55:15,347 --> 00:55:19,710
Hey, you're not...
you're not gonna mention this...

763
00:55:19,810 --> 00:55:22,963
to anyone are you?
'Cause I'm... I'm a little just...

764
00:55:23,063 --> 00:55:27,568
- you know, embarrassed about it.
- I would never do that.

765
00:55:28,485 --> 00:55:31,639
No, I'm serious. Why would I go
and tell anybody that's private.

766
00:55:31,739 --> 00:55:34,058
It's personal, that I walked in on you.
It's totally fine.

767
00:55:34,158 --> 00:55:38,954
Don't be embarrassed. I've done
weird shit. Like eat half a pizza.

768
00:55:41,582 --> 00:55:45,169
Why don't you have any friends, seriously?

769
00:55:49,298 --> 00:55:50,366
That kinda...

770
00:55:50,466 --> 00:55:53,202
- No!
- I mean, what the fuck are you?

771
00:55:53,302 --> 00:55:56,955
No, I didn't mean it like that, I meant like,
why don't you have friends other than me?

772
00:55:57,055 --> 00:56:00,834
Friends your own age, 'cause you're...
you're so... I mean, you...

773
00:56:00,934 --> 00:56:03,045
I don't know. People are idiots.

774
00:56:03,145 --> 00:56:05,381
- Generally. You're an idiot.
- Yeah, I am an idiot.

775
00:56:05,481 --> 00:56:08,050
- You're just an idiot, at all times.
- It's true.

776
00:56:08,150 --> 00:56:11,178
I mean, you're only friends with me
because you wanna bang me.

777
00:56:11,278 --> 00:56:14,598
Oh, fuck, holy shit.
It was a dream. It was a dream.

778
00:56:14,698 --> 00:56:18,102
I had a sex dream about
my aunt Merga, once. Okay?

779
00:56:18,202 --> 00:56:21,855
- You shouldn't tell people that.
- No, I'm trying to make a point here.

780
00:56:21,955 --> 00:56:25,234
All right, that it doesn't mean...
it's nothing.

781
00:56:25,334 --> 00:56:29,071
It's just a dream. Okay?

782
00:56:29,171 --> 00:56:32,032
- What's so wrong about me, anyway?
- What?

783
00:56:32,132 --> 00:56:35,702
Why wouldn't you want to bang me?
You keep saying, "no I would never do that,"

784
00:56:35,802 --> 00:56:40,499
- but I mean, do I... am I repulsive?
- Why would you wanna have sex with me?

785
00:56:40,599 --> 00:56:42,709
No, no, that's not what I said,
I didn't say that.

786
00:56:42,809 --> 00:56:45,395
- But you didn't not say that, right?
- Okay.

787
00:56:45,562 --> 00:56:49,007
- You did not say that.
- You should be a detective.

788
00:56:49,107 --> 00:56:52,261
- Really?
- Yeah. No. No.

789
00:56:52,361 --> 00:56:55,431
Get a badge or something?

790
00:56:55,531 --> 00:56:57,891
I'll get you a detective badge.

791
00:56:57,991 --> 00:56:59,952
Thanks.

792
00:57:00,369 --> 00:57:02,287
What?

793
00:57:09,211 --> 00:57:11,864
What... what're you doing?

794
00:57:11,964 --> 00:57:13,866
Oh, God.

795
00:57:13,966 --> 00:57:16,385
What're you...

796
00:57:16,802 --> 00:57:20,806
- What're you doing right now?
- I'm bored.

797
00:57:31,525 --> 00:57:34,152
What's happening right now?

798
00:57:39,992 --> 00:57:42,828
Nothing is happening, Chester.

799
00:57:44,079 --> 00:57:47,357
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

800
00:57:47,457 --> 00:57:52,613
I just made it... I made it really
weird here. I feel really stupid.

801
00:57:52,713 --> 00:57:54,907
- You feel really stupid?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.

802
00:57:55,007 --> 00:57:57,117
That's how you feel right now?

803
00:57:57,217 --> 00:57:59,511
Fuck you, Chester.

804
00:58:28,915 --> 00:58:32,627
Hey, it's Polly.

805
00:58:33,795 --> 00:58:36,798
I'm coming to your orgy.

806
00:58:44,347 --> 00:58:49,127
Happy orgy day! Right?

807
00:58:49,227 --> 00:58:52,756
- And Chester...
- Yes.

808
00:58:52,856 --> 00:58:55,358
Hey, everyone. Hi.

809
00:58:56,568 --> 00:59:00,405
- Polly, you look, you look really nice.
- Oh, do I?

810
00:59:01,907 --> 00:59:03,433
Well, let's get started, shall we?

811
00:59:03,533 --> 00:59:06,520
- I call Cassie.
- What? No.

812
00:59:06,620 --> 00:59:09,856
Come on, I'm really in the mood to have sex
with someone I've never been with before.

813
00:59:09,956 --> 00:59:15,420
She said "no," you know? Why don't you
just take another shot at Heather there?

814
00:59:17,088 --> 00:59:19,007
What?

815
00:59:19,508 --> 00:59:22,010
In high school I put his penis
in my mouth a little.

816
00:59:22,385 --> 00:59:25,330
- Oh, jeez.
- She didn't say I have a small penis.

817
00:59:25,430 --> 00:59:29,334
- No, she kind of did.
- Those two are out and I'm not into Polly?

818
00:59:29,434 --> 00:59:33,021
- What the shit?
- Do you want to have sex with me?

819
00:59:33,313 --> 00:59:37,300
- I don't feel comfortable answering that.
- Thank you very much. Cassie and I then.

820
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:41,096
I... I wanna have sex with Spencer.

821
00:59:41,196 --> 00:59:44,891
Are you serious? Spencer's gay.

822
00:59:44,991 --> 00:59:47,018
You're the only one in town
who actually thinks that.

823
00:59:47,118 --> 00:59:49,855
Oh, seriously? Really?

824
00:59:49,955 --> 00:59:53,400
What about that fruity real estate job you
have? What about your hair? The clothes?

825
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:58,630
- That awesome Cologne?
- I don't wear Cologne. That's just me.

826
00:59:59,130 --> 01:00:00,240
Okay.

827
01:00:00,340 --> 01:00:04,161
Cassie wants to have sex with Spencer.
Who else wants to have sex with Spencer?

828
01:00:04,261 --> 01:00:06,621
For fucks sake.
Who are you sleeping with then?

829
01:00:06,721 --> 01:00:09,583
- Adam.
- No, I don't think so.

830
01:00:09,683 --> 01:00:13,879
Guess what? Cock-blocking isn't actually
on the list of things to do in an orgy.

831
01:00:13,979 --> 01:00:17,674
So why don't you let Adam decide
who he'd like to stick it in.

832
01:00:17,774 --> 01:00:19,676
Okay.

833
01:00:19,776 --> 01:00:24,473
You know, you're all
wonderful people, and...

834
01:00:24,573 --> 01:00:27,976
- Polly would be...
- Awkward.

835
01:00:28,076 --> 01:00:31,313
- And weird.
- Okay.

836
01:00:31,413 --> 01:00:35,484
Alice, my main concern with you is that
I wouldn't be able to meet your level of...

837
01:00:35,584 --> 01:00:39,087
- experience.
- Go fuck yourself.

838
01:00:39,671 --> 01:00:44,868
So I guess I choose Cassie.

839
01:00:44,968 --> 01:00:48,079
- Too late, I already called dibs on her.
- Okay, stop it.

840
01:00:48,179 --> 01:00:51,291
I'm not participating in anything
where dibs take precedence.

841
01:00:51,391 --> 01:00:54,502
- Have sex with me, please.
- I said no.

842
01:00:54,602 --> 01:00:59,507
God, you are such a hypocrite, Cassie.
You... you run off with your vagina,

843
01:00:59,607 --> 01:01:02,344
and your sexy article things,
and then you have an issue

844
01:01:02,444 --> 01:01:05,513
sleeping with some mildly-annoying person
that you've known your entire life?

845
01:01:05,613 --> 01:01:08,225
No, you do not get to be a prude,
and the town slut,

846
01:01:08,325 --> 01:01:10,577
you're having sex with Bruce,
and that's that.

847
01:01:10,702 --> 01:01:15,290
Jesus fucking Christ, Heather,
she's not a slut, she's just a virgin.

848
01:01:20,795 --> 01:01:26,009
Yeah. Cassie's a virgin.
That would be rich.

849
01:01:27,469 --> 01:01:32,499
But I everything that I know about
sex is because of... your column.

850
01:01:32,599 --> 01:01:35,685
Yeah, me too. This makes a lot of sense.

851
01:01:37,854 --> 01:01:40,507
I'd like you all to leave now.

852
01:01:40,607 --> 01:01:44,970
Okay. Okay, I'm sure this is
extremely embarrassing for you,

853
01:01:45,070 --> 01:01:46,930
but we've all
been looking forward to this,

854
01:01:47,030 --> 01:01:48,848
- so I think that we should...
- Get out.

855
01:01:48,948 --> 01:01:50,809
We're having our carpets cleaned,
there's nowhere to go.

856
01:01:50,909 --> 01:01:52,769
Get out!

857
01:01:52,869 --> 01:01:58,166
- It's her house, you guys, just...
- Shut up, Alice. You get the fuck out first.

858
01:02:11,971 --> 01:02:15,250
Alice. Hey, Alice.
Alice, excuse me. Hey...

859
01:02:15,350 --> 01:02:18,211
- Don't. What the fuck do you want, Bruce?
- What the fuck were you doing?

860
01:02:18,311 --> 01:02:20,714
You really ruined that for me in there.
What're you doing?

861
01:02:20,814 --> 01:02:23,842
- I could not give a baker's fuck.
- A baker's fuck?

862
01:02:23,942 --> 01:02:26,177
- 13 fucks? What are you talking about?
- That's 13 fucks.

863
01:02:26,277 --> 01:02:29,864
Do you have any idea
how much I needed this?

864
01:02:30,532 --> 01:02:34,978
First, you embarrass me by leaving me,
and then you rub it in my fucking face

865
01:02:35,078 --> 01:02:39,315
by getting it on with every single guy
in town. You know... You're embarrassing.

866
01:02:39,415 --> 01:02:40,900
- I'm embarrassing?
- Yeah.

867
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,152
You're pathetic.

868
01:02:42,252 --> 01:02:45,864
- You need to sign our divorce papers.
- You want pathetic? No.

869
01:02:45,964 --> 01:02:49,200
- Not until you tell me why.
- Really? Do you really not know why?

870
01:02:49,300 --> 01:02:52,579
Because, if I recall,
you didn't touch me for like, a year.

871
01:02:52,679 --> 01:02:56,583
- And you're acting like a victim, in...
- Oh, what? 'Cause you're so innocent?

872
01:02:56,683 --> 01:02:58,626
- I had some sex.
- Some?

873
01:02:58,726 --> 01:03:01,296
- I may have over-compensated.
- Oh, yeah, you think?

874
01:03:01,396 --> 01:03:04,357
You broke my heart!

875
01:03:05,358 --> 01:03:07,777
My fucking heart!

876
01:03:08,528 --> 01:03:10,405
Asshole.

877
01:03:11,948 --> 01:03:15,702
Sign the fucking papers.
It's the least you could do.

878
01:03:20,832 --> 01:03:23,735
So, I have been thinking about the orgy...

879
01:03:23,835 --> 01:03:25,945
The orgy's cancelled.

880
01:03:26,045 --> 01:03:29,824
No, I'm Heather Mitchell,
no one cancels a social event on me.

881
01:03:29,924 --> 01:03:33,411
Honey, please, will you just forget
about the orgy and come to bed.

882
01:03:33,511 --> 01:03:36,331
Adam, I am trying to figure out
a way to keep this orgy going.

883
01:03:36,431 --> 01:03:39,542
The last thing I have time for
right now is to have sex with you.

884
01:03:39,642 --> 01:03:42,545
- Why is it so important to you?
- To us, it's important to us.

885
01:03:42,645 --> 01:03:46,424
No, it isn't. I thought we were trying
to have a baby, that's the goal.

886
01:03:46,524 --> 01:03:49,427
And that is exactly why
the orgy is so important.

887
01:03:49,527 --> 01:03:52,113
What are you talking about?

888
01:03:54,407 --> 01:03:56,367
Okay.

889
01:03:57,368 --> 01:03:59,787
Look, I...

890
01:04:00,580 --> 01:04:01,606
What?

891
01:04:01,706 --> 01:04:05,026
I don't want you to take this
the wrong way, but...

892
01:04:05,126 --> 01:04:07,879
I had your sperm tested.

893
01:04:09,172 --> 01:04:12,659
It's just we've been trying for a really
long time, and I got tested first,

894
01:04:12,759 --> 01:04:17,638
and everything was fine,
so it was the next step.

895
01:04:18,514 --> 01:04:22,810
What do you mean? I didn't give you
any sperm. How'd you get my sperm?

896
01:04:24,395 --> 01:04:29,859
Well, when you make deposits,
I make withdrawls.

897
01:04:32,195 --> 01:04:34,113
You...

898
01:04:36,741 --> 01:04:39,285
Oh, my God.

899
01:04:41,496 --> 01:04:43,623
Okay.

900
01:04:45,625 --> 01:04:46,693
And...

901
01:04:46,793 --> 01:04:50,238
They said that you have the worst sperm
that they've ever seen.

902
01:04:50,338 --> 01:04:54,258
- We can get a second opinion.
- I got five.

903
01:04:57,470 --> 01:05:02,917
So you were using this... orgy
as some sort of sperm bank?

904
01:05:03,017 --> 01:05:06,796
- That wasn't the original plan.
- You wanted to get pregnant, and then...

905
01:05:06,896 --> 01:05:09,298
trick me into raising the child with you

906
01:05:09,398 --> 01:05:12,260
with complete disregard for the fact
the kid would look nothing like me.

907
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,696
I have to be a mother, Adam. Okay?
I mean, I wouldn't have married you if I...

908
01:05:15,822 --> 01:05:21,327
- Please, go on.
- Honey, I'm just... I'm being emotional.

909
01:05:21,619 --> 01:05:25,665
I would hate for Heather Mitchell
to ever have an emotion.

910
01:05:26,374 --> 01:05:29,460
I had to learn to love you.

911
01:05:31,796 --> 01:05:35,341
- That came out wrong.
- Did it?

912
01:05:38,928 --> 01:05:40,847
Okay.

913
01:06:26,517 --> 01:06:28,519
You kept the tape?

914
01:06:29,687 --> 01:06:34,025
Just getting rid of the rest
of my old junk before I leave.

915
01:06:35,484 --> 01:06:36,886
So you're, you're going?

916
01:06:36,986 --> 01:06:39,597
Well, the whole town found out
my deepest, darkest, secret.

917
01:06:39,697 --> 01:06:42,241
So, yeah, I'm gonna go.

918
01:06:42,533 --> 01:06:44,602
Everybody has bad days apparently.

919
01:06:44,702 --> 01:06:48,873
And mine's gonna get even worse until I
leave this shit-hole. So if you'll excuse me.

920
01:06:49,707 --> 01:06:52,401
What if you don't leave?

921
01:06:52,501 --> 01:06:54,695
Well, then I'll have to stay.

922
01:06:54,795 --> 01:06:58,241
And everybody knows
I'm a fraud and a virgin,

923
01:06:58,341 --> 01:07:02,328
and I can't look anybody
in the eye ever again.

924
01:07:02,428 --> 01:07:05,348
You're looking me in the eye right now.

925
01:07:05,848 --> 01:07:08,768
You know, I'm pretty good at it.

926
01:07:13,481 --> 01:07:15,441
Look.

927
01:07:17,276 --> 01:07:19,053
Cassie, when you left town the first time

928
01:07:19,153 --> 01:07:23,074
it was the worst thing
that ever happened to me.

929
01:07:23,741 --> 01:07:26,435
I've never forgotten about you.
I think about you all the time.

930
01:07:26,535 --> 01:07:31,357
I mean, the only reason that I'm...
the only reason I married Heather is...

931
01:07:31,457 --> 01:07:34,819
You know, I get it, okay? I get it.
You had to do what you had to do.

932
01:07:34,919 --> 01:07:37,530
You had to get out of town,
you had to leave us all behind.

933
01:07:37,630 --> 01:07:42,676
You had to just go do your own thing
and that's fine, okay? I forgive you.

934
01:07:44,970 --> 01:07:49,809
- You forgive me?
- Yeah. Yes, I forgive you.

935
01:07:50,935 --> 01:07:53,254
You forgive me?

936
01:07:53,354 --> 01:07:58,301
Do you have any idea why I didn't
leave town the second after that funeral?

937
01:07:58,401 --> 01:08:02,029
It's because I thought you and your idiot
friends would be good material for a book,

938
01:08:02,446 --> 01:08:04,515
but you're not.

939
01:08:04,615 --> 01:08:08,561
You're just a bunch of sad, boring,
bumpkins, who were born here,

940
01:08:08,661 --> 01:08:13,290
and will die here
and accomplish nothing in between.

941
01:08:19,839 --> 01:08:23,134
Does becoming a bitch
count as an accomplishment?

942
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:29,181
- Please leave. I have packing to do.
- Yeah, I'm going thank you.

943
01:08:46,407 --> 01:08:48,450
- What's that for?
- It's for you.

944
01:08:48,742 --> 01:08:52,229
It's just weird.
You've never done that before. So...

945
01:08:52,329 --> 01:08:54,231
Yeah, I thought it would be nice.

946
01:08:54,331 --> 01:08:57,610
Okay. You know you don't
owe me anything, right?

947
01:08:57,710 --> 01:09:02,464
That I'm not some, like, little girl,
whose feelings have been hurt?

948
01:09:03,549 --> 01:09:07,119
Relax, okay? It was...
it's just a muffin, okay?

949
01:09:07,219 --> 01:09:10,806
It's not even a good one.
I gave you the one that I dropped.

950
01:09:14,727 --> 01:09:17,313
I put my notice in.

951
01:09:17,771 --> 01:09:21,383
- What? What are you talking about?
- This town sucks, it's always sucked.

952
01:09:21,483 --> 01:09:26,388
So... I am out of here. I don't want
to become like my cousin Heather.

953
01:09:26,488 --> 01:09:30,117
You know, just settle for somebody
just because they're there.

954
01:09:30,492 --> 01:09:34,622
You should do the same.
Or not, I don't know.

955
01:09:36,081 --> 01:09:40,669
It's not really fair for me to say it,
I guess. You do you.

956
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:43,989
All I know is that leaving here
scares the shit out of me,

957
01:09:44,089 --> 01:09:46,659
and if you're scared of something,
it's worth doing.

958
01:09:46,759 --> 01:09:49,386
So, I am gonna do that.

959
01:09:49,929 --> 01:09:52,765
Anyway, thank you for the dropped muffin.

960
01:10:09,031 --> 01:10:11,784
Jay Macmaster and his wife
are gonna be delayed.

961
01:10:12,493 --> 01:10:16,080
- You're gonna have to get over this.
- I feel like there's a hole inside of me.

962
01:10:16,372 --> 01:10:20,693
Could I be perfectly frank
with you right now?

963
01:10:20,793 --> 01:10:24,154
- Of course.
- Stop being such a little bitch

964
01:10:24,254 --> 01:10:28,534
- and do what you want.
- I want to have the orgy.

965
01:10:28,634 --> 01:10:32,413
- So, have the orgy.
- I can't.

966
01:10:32,513 --> 01:10:35,249
Cassie kicked everyone out.

967
01:10:35,349 --> 01:10:38,560
So how does that stop you?

968
01:10:39,978 --> 01:10:42,214
If you have it, though, I wanna come.

969
01:10:42,314 --> 01:10:44,258
No, you're not getting
the commission on my house.

970
01:10:44,358 --> 01:10:48,612
That's fine.
I'm making a killing in this town.

971
01:10:48,779 --> 01:10:51,615
God, if I didn't want to be you,
I would hate you so much.

972
01:10:51,782 --> 01:10:56,245
- What was that?
- What? Nothing, I didn't... did you...

973
01:10:57,162 --> 01:10:58,831
Okay.

974
01:11:06,004 --> 01:11:07,448
Jesus!

975
01:11:07,548 --> 01:11:10,617
- I want to rent my own apartment.
- I'm a bit busy right now, okay, Seth?

976
01:11:10,717 --> 01:11:14,288
I have to move out now before my mom
gets back to town or she won't let me.

977
01:11:14,388 --> 01:11:20,002
Whatever. But you're in that house
right now all by yourself?

978
01:11:20,102 --> 01:11:22,796
Yeah, she gets back next week.

979
01:11:22,896 --> 01:11:25,382
Do you want to have a party, Seth?

980
01:11:25,482 --> 01:11:27,843
Why, so no one will show up? No thanks.

981
01:11:27,943 --> 01:11:30,679
No, no, people will show up.
I can promise you that.

982
01:11:30,779 --> 01:11:34,141
- Like, girls?
- Girls, totally. Tons of girls.

983
01:11:34,241 --> 01:11:37,311
- Do they like videogames?
- They love videogames. Anything you want.

984
01:11:37,411 --> 01:11:39,813
- Are they Japanese?
- Sure, yeah.

985
01:11:39,913 --> 01:11:42,191
Japanese girls, yeah, totally.
Chinese girls.

986
01:11:42,291 --> 01:11:44,359
- No.
- Okay.

987
01:11:44,459 --> 01:11:49,047
- No Chinese.
- Yeah, okay, no Chinese girls.

988
01:11:52,092 --> 01:11:54,011
Hey.

989
01:11:54,845 --> 01:11:58,765
- Bruce.
- So you still wanna do this thing?

990
01:11:59,766 --> 01:12:03,462
Great okay, cool. Maybe lose
the pajamas, get more cleavage.

991
01:12:03,562 --> 01:12:06,215
Like, sexy, cleavage.

992
01:12:06,315 --> 01:12:08,984
Like, right now.

993
01:12:10,611 --> 01:12:14,306
Hi, so I think we found a way
to keep the orgy going.

994
01:12:14,406 --> 01:12:16,783
I don't know.

995
01:12:17,910 --> 01:12:20,354
Vintage Vnyl, all sale's final.
This is Chester.

996
01:12:20,454 --> 01:12:23,899
It's back on. Seth's place. Tonight.

997
01:12:23,999 --> 01:12:27,753
Ding-dong. Ding... ding... I'll be there.

998
01:12:28,587 --> 01:12:32,157
- Good afternoon, Mayor.
- Nice to see you, Heather.

999
01:12:32,257 --> 01:12:35,636
So there's no delicate way to put this
so I'm just gonna come right out with it.

1000
01:12:35,844 --> 01:12:39,790
We're having an orgy this evening
and we could use some additional penises,

1001
01:12:39,890 --> 01:12:42,584
- if you would care to attend?
- Oh, absolutely.

1002
01:12:42,684 --> 01:12:45,128
Do you guys have
your own anal beads, or...

1003
01:12:45,228 --> 01:12:48,398
is this more of a BYOAB kind of thing?

1004
01:12:59,785 --> 01:13:04,164
So, where shall we fornicate, Bruce?

1005
01:13:10,504 --> 01:13:12,422
Yeah!

1006
01:13:26,186 --> 01:13:28,647
I'm going to regret that.

1007
01:13:44,287 --> 01:13:46,648
- Cocktail?
- No, no thanks.

1008
01:13:46,748 --> 01:13:48,667
Boys?

1009
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:56,325
- There's my guy.
- Hey

1010
01:13:56,425 --> 01:13:59,536
Hey. I'm so glad that you could make it.

1011
01:13:59,636 --> 01:14:03,248
- I'm really glad I could come.
- I'm even happier when you do.

1012
01:14:03,348 --> 01:14:06,685
- You okay? Got a little...
- Yeah, I'm good.

1013
01:14:07,519 --> 01:14:10,631
Why is my living room
like a whore dungeon?

1014
01:14:10,731 --> 01:14:14,234
What are you guys doing with my mom's
pashminas? She loves those.

1015
01:14:14,443 --> 01:14:17,737
- For the orgy.
- What orgy? This is a party.

1016
01:14:18,029 --> 01:14:20,766
Yeah, yeah, it's a party.
It's a party for your penis, bro.

1017
01:14:20,866 --> 01:14:25,537
I don't want a penis party for my penis.
I want a party party for me.

1018
01:14:28,540 --> 01:14:32,110
- Hey, where you going?
- I'm gonna go play some video games.

1019
01:14:32,210 --> 01:14:36,381
- Does anybody want to play with me?
- No, maybe later, man. Maybe later.

1020
01:14:53,106 --> 01:14:56,176
So, do you wanna go somewhere?

1021
01:14:56,276 --> 01:14:58,236
I...

1022
01:14:59,613 --> 01:15:02,557
It doesn't bother me at all
that you ejaculated quickly.

1023
01:15:02,657 --> 01:15:06,728
That is a sign of a man
who has his priorities straight.

1024
01:15:06,828 --> 01:15:09,898
But there is something else that...

1025
01:15:09,998 --> 01:15:13,735
- Why don't you finish that drink?
- For you...

1026
01:15:13,835 --> 01:15:16,071
- Yeah?
- That might tickle your fantasy...

1027
01:15:16,171 --> 01:15:19,299
And there it is. Okay.

1028
01:15:20,008 --> 01:15:23,912
Polly, can I talk to you, please? I want you
to know that I think that you're kind of...

1029
01:15:24,012 --> 01:15:26,414
We're sort of in the middle
of something here, sport.

1030
01:15:26,514 --> 01:15:29,376
Yeah, give me a second, okay, Spencer?

1031
01:15:29,476 --> 01:15:33,797
I just want you to know
that I think you're really beautiful.

1032
01:15:33,897 --> 01:15:37,025
And that I just...
I think you're fucking amazing.

1033
01:15:37,525 --> 01:15:40,320
I... I screwed up the other night, okay?

1034
01:15:40,654 --> 01:15:43,640
It's fine. You know what, Chester,
it was... it really was nothing.

1035
01:15:43,740 --> 01:15:47,477
No. It's not fine.
Okay, and it wasn't nothing.

1036
01:15:47,577 --> 01:15:50,080
And you weren't bored.

1037
01:15:50,455 --> 01:15:53,500
This is worth doing.

1038
01:15:54,542 --> 01:15:57,253
Yeah? How do you know?

1039
01:15:58,171 --> 01:16:00,840
'Cause I'm scared shitless.

1040
01:16:04,052 --> 01:16:09,432
I declare this orgy officially...
begun! Yeah!

1041
01:16:15,480 --> 01:16:17,090
- Adam.
- Do you know where Cassie is?

1042
01:16:17,190 --> 01:16:20,051
- No.
- I think she left town.

1043
01:16:20,151 --> 01:16:23,221
- Without saying, goodbye?
- Wouldn't she?

1044
01:16:23,321 --> 01:16:25,265
Bitch.

1045
01:16:25,365 --> 01:16:27,225
Guess you don't want
to go to Seth's either?

1046
01:16:27,325 --> 01:16:30,286
- What at... What's at Seth's?
- What do you think?

1047
01:16:31,496 --> 01:16:34,816
Really?
Heather was the one that told me...

1048
01:16:34,916 --> 01:16:37,544
How do you not know about this?

1049
01:16:41,381 --> 01:16:44,050
I want you inside of me right now.

1050
01:16:47,011 --> 01:16:50,098
- Come here.
- Things are progressing nicely.

1051
01:16:52,183 --> 01:16:55,712
Oh, this is my cue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1052
01:16:55,812 --> 01:17:00,467
What, yeah, take this off.
Yeah, just... yeah, yeah, whatever.

1053
01:17:00,567 --> 01:17:03,319
Yeah, now we're better.

1054
01:17:04,112 --> 01:17:06,114
Yeah.

1055
01:17:07,991 --> 01:17:11,102
Come on, guys. Come on,
let's ease up on the kissing.

1056
01:17:11,202 --> 01:17:14,606
Come on, guys, let's use our mouths
for the greater good here.

1057
01:17:14,706 --> 01:17:16,566
Bruce.

1058
01:17:16,666 --> 01:17:20,195
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Bruce!

1059
01:17:20,295 --> 01:17:22,656
What? What? It's a goddamn fucking orgy.

1060
01:17:22,756 --> 01:17:24,908
If you've got a hole and you're
not using it you're being selfish.

1061
01:17:25,008 --> 01:17:27,202
- Clearly, they're having a moment.
- If they're having a fucking moment,

1062
01:17:27,302 --> 01:17:29,788
they should take this fucking
romantic moment to a room.

1063
01:17:29,888 --> 01:17:31,998
- Yeah, come on.
- Room. Room.

1064
01:17:32,098 --> 01:17:34,376
No, I didn't mean it. I didn't actually...
I was just just saying it!

1065
01:17:34,476 --> 01:17:38,521
I was just just saying it in the heat
of the moment. It wasn't sexy... fuck!

1066
01:17:47,322 --> 01:17:51,184
- Hello?
- Hey. You left without saying, "goodbye"?

1067
01:17:51,284 --> 01:17:55,021
- Fuck you, Judas.
- Are you kidding?

1068
01:17:55,121 --> 01:17:59,109
I saved you from losing
your virginity to fucking Bruce.

1069
01:17:59,209 --> 01:18:02,237
<i>You would really, really
want to hold that against me?</i>

1070
01:18:02,337 --> 01:18:06,116
I trusted you with that. You know
how hard it is for me to trust people?

1071
01:18:06,216 --> 01:18:10,453
Yeah, sorry. You should just get
the fuck over it. When did you leave?

1072
01:18:10,553 --> 01:18:13,289
- Just now.
- Okay, come back.

1073
01:18:13,389 --> 01:18:15,834
I can't. I'm on the lam.

1074
01:18:15,934 --> 01:18:19,587
The book people are gonna come after me.
My career's over, life's over...

1075
01:18:19,687 --> 01:18:23,425
- Why don't you just write a book?
- <i>Yeah, what am I supposed to write about?</i>

1076
01:18:23,525 --> 01:18:26,553
A virgin who plans an orgy
for a bunch of prudes?

1077
01:18:26,653 --> 01:18:31,324
And then out myself
to the entire world in the process?

1078
01:18:32,533 --> 01:18:36,062
- That's not bad, actually.
- You said your career's over anyway,

1079
01:18:36,162 --> 01:18:41,417
so it saves you from having to remember
a bunch of bullshit lies all the time.

1080
01:18:42,168 --> 01:18:44,128
These people don't want me here.

1081
01:18:44,420 --> 01:18:48,449
- Adam just came looking for you.
- Yeah, I saw him last night.

1082
01:18:48,549 --> 01:18:53,163
You did? So, you know
about him and Heather?

1083
01:18:53,263 --> 01:18:55,598
What about him and Heather?

1084
01:19:02,105 --> 01:19:04,732
Stop the orgy!

1085
01:19:22,625 --> 01:19:26,029
Heather? Do you have something
you want to say?

1086
01:19:26,129 --> 01:19:29,757
No. How nice of you to join us.

1087
01:19:30,675 --> 01:19:33,469
Are you gonna tell them or should I?

1088
01:19:33,761 --> 01:19:37,056
- What's going on, here?
- My money's on gonorrhea.

1089
01:19:37,223 --> 01:19:39,417
Gentlemen, the...

1090
01:19:39,517 --> 01:19:43,546
the only reason that Heather
wants to sleep with you,

1091
01:19:43,646 --> 01:19:45,715
the only reason that this whole thing
is happening in the first place,

1092
01:19:45,815 --> 01:19:50,528
is because Heather Murray
is trying to get pregnant.

1093
01:19:50,945 --> 01:19:53,806
And she doesn't want your DNA
in the mix. Yeah, I get that.

1094
01:19:53,906 --> 01:19:56,142
No, not... that's not what I'm saying.

1095
01:19:56,242 --> 01:19:59,729
First of all, I have dead sperm,
apparently, okay?

1096
01:19:59,829 --> 01:20:03,608
But point is, this whole thing
is based on a lie. All right?

1097
01:20:03,708 --> 01:20:06,986
And Cassie who we slut-shamed
out of town years ago,

1098
01:20:07,086 --> 01:20:09,822
now, she's leaving town again
because she's a virgin?

1099
01:20:09,922 --> 01:20:13,826
How does that make sense? And we're
doing this to prove that we're not prudes?

1100
01:20:13,926 --> 01:20:16,621
You know what? I'm a prude, okay? I am.

1101
01:20:16,721 --> 01:20:20,166
I don't wanna have sex in front of anybody.
I want it to be me and one other person.

1102
01:20:20,266 --> 01:20:23,586
Nobody watching, no toys, no lubes.

1103
01:20:23,686 --> 01:20:26,673
Just vanilla. That's me, I'm vanilla.

1104
01:20:26,773 --> 01:20:30,301
As for the rest of you, I don't even know
how you could have sex in front of...

1105
01:20:30,401 --> 01:20:33,471
You know how much confidence it takes to
lay naked like that on somebody's couch?

1106
01:20:33,571 --> 01:20:35,640
- You ever been in this house before?
- Yeah, never.

1107
01:20:35,740 --> 01:20:40,395
And yet it's like he lives here.
Good for you. But you know what?

1108
01:20:40,495 --> 01:20:43,648
Be yourself, all right? Everybody
just be themselves and be honest.

1109
01:20:43,748 --> 01:20:48,653
Is this all true, Heather?
You want us to impregnate you?

1110
01:20:48,753 --> 01:20:51,506
Nobody ever has to know.

1111
01:20:52,340 --> 01:20:55,218
All I've ever wanted was to be a mother.

1112
01:20:56,093 --> 01:20:58,704
And they say that it takes
a village to raise a child...

1113
01:20:58,804 --> 01:21:02,917
- I'm down with it
- Me too.

1114
01:21:03,017 --> 01:21:06,129
Would we have to help... raise the kid?

1115
01:21:06,229 --> 01:21:08,923
No, I just need your sperm.

1116
01:21:09,023 --> 01:21:11,192
Don't care.

1117
01:21:11,859 --> 01:21:14,470
Do what you gotta do.

1118
01:21:14,570 --> 01:21:17,990
But I'm... I'm out.

1119
01:21:23,829 --> 01:21:25,189
- So, who's first?
- Me.

1120
01:21:25,289 --> 01:21:28,860
- How about you go third?
- What? Come on! Gus is gonna go before me?

1121
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:30,611
You don't want to have a Samoan baby.

1122
01:21:30,711 --> 01:21:34,198
How is it that no one
in this town knows what I am?

1123
01:21:34,298 --> 01:21:36,701
- I'm Indian.
- No, you're not.

1124
01:21:36,801 --> 01:21:38,953
Dot, not feather.

1125
01:21:39,053 --> 01:21:41,873
Actually, you people make
really beautiful mixed babies.

1126
01:21:41,973 --> 01:21:43,599
- I'm first.
- Okay.

1127
01:21:43,724 --> 01:21:46,752
Oh, okay. All right, yes.
Here we go, let's do this.

1128
01:21:46,852 --> 01:21:49,630
- Let's do this, here we go.
- What?

1129
01:21:49,730 --> 01:21:52,483
Nothing, I thought you'd be smaller.

1130
01:22:23,472 --> 01:22:29,353
How do you do that? Your tongue,
it's like an Olympic athlete.

1131
01:22:31,272 --> 01:22:34,650
I'm gonna give you
this ice cream on a cone.

1132
01:22:35,318 --> 01:22:37,720
And what flavor am I?

1133
01:22:37,820 --> 01:22:39,597
Tiger tale.

1134
01:22:39,697 --> 01:22:42,975
No, tiger tale is disgusting.

1135
01:22:43,075 --> 01:22:48,372
- Do my lady bits taste like black licorice?
- I love black licorice.

1136
01:23:14,899 --> 01:23:17,276
Oh, God.

1137
01:23:21,447 --> 01:23:23,616
Cassie.

1138
01:23:24,283 --> 01:23:28,746
Oh, my God, I'm so glad you came back.

1139
01:23:29,830 --> 01:23:32,650
There's so much stuff I wanna say
about last night, I shouldn't have...

1140
01:23:32,750 --> 01:23:35,820
Okay. If you wanna
talk first, that's fine, too.

1141
01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:41,242
Fuck you. God, I've been wanting
to do that for so long.

1142
01:23:41,342 --> 01:23:44,036
I mean, if this is part of some
sort of big-city foreplay...

1143
01:23:44,136 --> 01:23:47,056
you're gonna have to walk me through.

1144
01:24:03,405 --> 01:24:05,491
There's a musk.

1145
01:24:43,362 --> 01:24:46,599
- So, have you fucked anyone, yet?
- No.

1146
01:24:46,699 --> 01:24:48,726
Okay.

1147
01:24:48,826 --> 01:24:50,744
Well...

1148
01:24:51,537 --> 01:24:54,815
- where should we do this?
- Do what?

1149
01:24:54,915 --> 01:24:57,318
The sex. We're going to bang.

1150
01:24:57,418 --> 01:24:59,753
That's okay.

1151
01:25:02,673 --> 01:25:06,160
I'm offering you farm-fresh,

1152
01:25:06,260 --> 01:25:09,955
free range, grade A pussy here.

1153
01:25:10,055 --> 01:25:12,750
Yeah, you don't have to do that. I'm fine.

1154
01:25:12,850 --> 01:25:16,086
Fine? What is all this? What is this?

1155
01:25:16,186 --> 01:25:19,356
What's your deal?
Are you not attracted to me?

1156
01:25:23,986 --> 01:25:26,363
You're okay.

1157
01:25:28,991 --> 01:25:33,938
I'm sorry, what sort of bar
are we comparing me to, porn stars?

1158
01:25:34,038 --> 01:25:36,415
Mostly, yeah.

1159
01:25:37,291 --> 01:25:39,818
I hate to tell you this, sweetie, but...

1160
01:25:39,918 --> 01:25:43,255
those women aren't actually real.

1161
01:25:44,173 --> 01:25:46,800
What's so real about you?

1162
01:25:49,345 --> 01:25:51,455
That's it. It's on.

1163
01:25:51,555 --> 01:25:55,334
Oh, fuck. This is so nice.
This is just so nice.

1164
01:25:55,434 --> 01:25:58,128
I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna
make it. Not gonna make it.

1165
01:25:58,228 --> 01:26:01,924
- 218 X 4 million.
- What? I don't understand that.

1166
01:26:02,024 --> 01:26:05,152
- Just focus. Add.
- Focus on what?

1167
01:26:13,911 --> 01:26:18,148
You know what my dad used to say,
life gives you lemons, you make lemonade."

1168
01:26:18,248 --> 01:26:20,526
Absolutely, bro.

1169
01:26:20,626 --> 01:26:23,128
A whole jug of it.

1170
01:26:24,046 --> 01:26:27,841
- So, that's that, then.
- Yeah, that's that.

1171
01:26:28,967 --> 01:26:32,096
That's... what's what?

1172
01:26:32,387 --> 01:26:35,140
Let's make some lemonade.

1173
01:26:36,934 --> 01:26:39,937
Yeah, absolutely. Sure.

1174
01:26:40,687 --> 01:26:43,649
So, what... what's happening?

1175
01:26:45,234 --> 01:26:49,029
If you got a hole,
and you're not using it...

1176
01:27:14,972 --> 01:27:19,209
- Does that hurt?
- The piercing, no.

1177
01:27:19,309 --> 01:27:20,919
It's good.

1178
01:27:21,019 --> 01:27:23,522
You sure it doesn't hurt?

1179
01:27:27,526 --> 01:27:31,196
- Can we just play video games now?
- Yeah, absolutely, we can.

1180
01:27:35,742 --> 01:27:38,120
How is it?

1181
01:27:40,330 --> 01:27:45,319
Well, the stinging has subsided,
so that's something.

1182
01:27:45,419 --> 01:27:47,588
I'm sorry.

1183
01:27:48,255 --> 01:27:51,258
I just really had to hurt you.

1184
01:27:52,259 --> 01:27:55,220
Well, mission accomplished.

1185
01:27:57,180 --> 01:28:01,476
Do you know why I was afraid
to come back here?

1186
01:28:03,645 --> 01:28:07,190
Because I didn't want to see you happy.

1187
01:28:09,943 --> 01:28:13,155
Well, you sure fixed
your wish with that one.

1188
01:28:16,241 --> 01:28:19,578
What about you? Are you happy?

1189
01:28:21,288 --> 01:28:23,373
I'm tired.

1190
01:28:24,791 --> 01:28:29,004
All that stuff I said last night
about forgiving you, that was shitty.

1191
01:28:30,213 --> 01:28:32,741
It's not your fault that I married Heather,
or I stayed in town,

1192
01:28:32,841 --> 01:28:35,469
it's got nothing to do with you.

1193
01:28:38,764 --> 01:28:42,476
I'm the reason that nothing
happened between us.

1194
01:28:44,811 --> 01:28:48,523
I guess I should be
asking you for forgiveness.

1195
01:28:49,358 --> 01:28:51,318
So...

1196
01:28:52,152 --> 01:28:54,237
I'm sorry.

1197
01:28:55,405 --> 01:28:57,683
That's what I was gonna say before you...

1198
01:28:57,783 --> 01:29:02,120
slapped me in the face
and kneed me in the balls. I'm sorry.

1199
01:29:02,537 --> 01:29:06,500
For... all of it.

1200
01:29:09,920 --> 01:29:12,381
How's your balls?

1201
01:29:13,298 --> 01:29:18,996
Still intact, I guess. It's not like
I'm gonna be using them for anything.

1202
01:29:19,096 --> 01:29:21,014
Ever.

1203
01:29:23,141 --> 01:29:25,435
Can I see?

1204
01:29:26,269 --> 01:29:29,189
It's not really my best feature.

1205
01:29:34,319 --> 01:29:39,241
You know, it doesn't feel
that useless to me.

1206
01:29:41,493 --> 01:29:43,687
Cassie, I...

1207
01:29:43,787 --> 01:29:45,205
Yeah?

1208
01:30:10,939 --> 01:30:11,965
Did you get some lube?

1209
01:30:12,065 --> 01:30:15,761
- All I could find was some apple butter.
- Yeah, sure, fine. Fuck it. Whatever.

1210
01:30:15,861 --> 01:30:18,346
- We don't have to do this.
- No, we're gonna do this, come on.

1211
01:30:18,446 --> 01:30:20,390
- Let's just do this, all right?
- Yup. Here we go.

1212
01:30:20,490 --> 01:30:23,894
- Hey, what are you doing there, Captain?
- You need to be erect.

1213
01:30:23,994 --> 01:30:27,105
I can get myself erect,
thank you very much.

1214
01:30:27,205 --> 01:30:29,316
- Be my guest.
- Yeah, watch this.

1215
01:30:29,416 --> 01:30:32,377
- Geez.
- Oh, look at that.

1216
01:30:33,628 --> 01:30:36,840
Oh, fuck. Auschwitz.

1217
01:30:37,132 --> 01:30:41,094
Dachau, Dachau. Bergen-belsen. Terezin.

1218
01:30:41,553 --> 01:30:45,165
- Wait, what? What are you saying? What?
- Those are concentration camps.

1219
01:30:45,265 --> 01:30:47,642
From the holocaust.

1220
01:30:48,393 --> 01:30:51,254
Why? Is that too dark? Too much?

1221
01:30:51,354 --> 01:30:53,565
- Yeah, it's a little much.
- Okay.

1222
01:30:57,611 --> 01:31:02,057
What is the appeal, here? You just die
and then you do it all over again.

1223
01:31:02,157 --> 01:31:04,659
Yeah. That's what I like about it.

1224
01:31:04,910 --> 01:31:09,105
When Mario dies, he doesn't rage
against the world, he just...

1225
01:31:09,205 --> 01:31:12,192
picks himself up, goes back
to the start and tries again,

1226
01:31:12,292 --> 01:31:15,587
until he figures out
how to save the princess.

1227
01:31:22,177 --> 01:31:24,095
Seth?

1228
01:31:25,680 --> 01:31:30,293
What's your plan? I mean, you can't really
just stay in your mother's basement

1229
01:31:30,393 --> 01:31:33,630
and play video games
for the rest of your life.

1230
01:31:33,730 --> 01:31:37,092
What other life am I gonna have?
I'm the town loser.

1231
01:31:37,192 --> 01:31:40,445
Well, to the town, yeah.

1232
01:31:40,737 --> 01:31:43,348
But who are you to you?

1233
01:31:43,448 --> 01:31:46,326
I mean, they all see Clark Kent but...

1234
01:31:46,618 --> 01:31:50,205
I'm pretty sure there's a Kal-El
hiding in there somewhere.

1235
01:31:52,957 --> 01:31:55,794
I'm ready to have sex with you now.

1236
01:32:00,673 --> 01:32:04,744
- It's not so squishy this time.
- Yeah.

1237
01:32:04,844 --> 01:32:07,664
- Adam?
- Yes?

1238
01:32:07,764 --> 01:32:10,308
Adam Mitchell?

1239
01:32:13,019 --> 01:32:15,855
I think of you fondly.

1240
01:32:18,316 --> 01:32:22,529
I am... quite fond of you as well.

1241
01:32:25,281 --> 01:32:28,310
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.

1242
01:32:28,410 --> 01:32:31,913
- Oh, thank you.
- Don't mention it.

1243
01:32:32,831 --> 01:32:34,791
Okay.

1244
01:32:35,959 --> 01:32:38,503
Okay, you just...

1245
01:32:39,295 --> 01:32:42,532
- You're over thinking it. Just do it.
- I just don't want to hurt you.

1246
01:32:42,632 --> 01:32:45,076
You won't.
Stop being such a fucking pussy.

1247
01:32:45,176 --> 01:32:49,639
Look, this is new for me. All right,
I gotta need some positive reinforcement.

1248
01:32:51,474 --> 01:32:57,464
Look, I'm sorry. Would you please fuck
my bum with your beautiful, manly penis?

1249
01:32:57,564 --> 01:33:01,359
- Okay. Okay.
- Good. All right. Okay, here we go.

1250
01:33:04,821 --> 01:33:07,198
There you go.

1251
01:33:14,080 --> 01:33:16,040
Okay.

1252
01:33:19,669 --> 01:33:21,696
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

1253
01:33:21,796 --> 01:33:23,448
- Fuck!
- Oh, shit!

1254
01:33:23,548 --> 01:33:26,076
- Keep going, Chester. Chester, keep going.
- I'm going to go.

1255
01:33:26,176 --> 01:33:28,469
Keep going!

1256
01:33:34,100 --> 01:33:37,003
- Thank you.
- Over here.

1257
01:33:37,103 --> 01:33:40,273
Fill me with baby juice. Do it!

1258
01:33:55,455 --> 01:33:57,732
- Do you wanna flip around or something?
- What?

1259
01:33:57,832 --> 01:34:00,610
Where we can't look at each other,
just to be fun, just to switch it up.

1260
01:34:00,710 --> 01:34:02,946
- No, no, no. This is perfect.
- Okay.

1261
01:34:03,046 --> 01:34:06,908
- Just like that. Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

1262
01:34:07,008 --> 01:34:10,203
- Yeah.
- What are you doing? Adam?

1263
01:34:10,303 --> 01:34:13,373
Hey. Look at me.

1264
01:34:13,473 --> 01:34:18,211
Everybody looks weird when they come.
Just look weird with me. Okay?

1265
01:34:18,311 --> 01:34:20,271
Okay.

1266
01:35:24,127 --> 01:35:27,672
- Chester?
- Yeah?

1267
01:35:28,965 --> 01:35:32,176
Please don't put your penis
inside of anybody else.

1268
01:35:32,552 --> 01:35:35,413
- Can we play video games now?
- Yeah, let's play video games now.

1269
01:35:35,513 --> 01:35:37,473
Okay.

1270
01:35:45,690 --> 01:35:47,567
That...

1271
01:35:48,151 --> 01:35:51,054
That went a lot better
then in high school.

1272
01:35:51,154 --> 01:35:53,114
Yeah.

1273
01:35:54,532 --> 01:35:58,536
And nobody had to run down the street
without any clothes on.

1274
01:35:59,287 --> 01:36:00,621
Yeah.

1275
01:36:02,331 --> 01:36:04,667
It's okay.

1276
01:36:05,251 --> 01:36:07,545
I'm over it.

1277
01:36:16,804 --> 01:36:18,723
Adam?

1278
01:36:26,147 --> 01:36:29,692
Adam! Everyone can see you.

1279
01:36:31,444 --> 01:36:36,574
- What are you doing?
- Something I should've done 12 years ago.

1280
01:37:27,249 --> 01:37:30,962
- Come on.
- It's so cold.

1281
01:37:31,253 --> 01:37:33,497
Fucking white people.

1282
01:37:37,093 --> 01:37:40,513
Hey, you, wait up.