1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:15,240 [gentle piano music] 4 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,960 "Go to the edge," he said. 5 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,920 "We're afraid," they said. 6 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,080 [clock ticking] 7 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,480 "Go to the edge," he said. 8 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,280 They went to the edge. 9 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,520 They were pushed. 10 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,800 And they flew. 11 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,280 [chimes] 12 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,760 [birds chirping] 13 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,200 Once upon a time, in 1994 actually, 14 00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:33,522 in the kingdom of South Africa, 15 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,812 there lived in the hamlet of Port Elizabeth - 16 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,360 me. 17 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,960 I was a twenty-seven-year-old. 18 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,720 No aspirations, no great career plans. 19 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,480 I don't remember even as a child 20 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,480 having great dreams and wanting to be anything specific. 21 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,840 I wasn't really good at much at school either. 22 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,080 I studied secretarial for a year after school - 23 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,120 just really to have something to fall back on as my mother said. 24 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,120 I spent four years overseas before returning home. 25 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,160 I remember my mom being relieved that I was back home - safe. 26 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,560 18 December 1994. 27 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,160 It was a perfect summer's day, I remember. 28 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,600 One of those summer days 29 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,640 when you've been at the beach all day. 30 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,520 Your skin's still tight from being in the sun. 31 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,040 Still taste the salt on your skin, 32 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,840 braaivleis, smoke in the air. 33 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,000 Went back to my place, ordered pizza, played games. 34 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,880 At the end of the evening, I offered my friend a lift. 35 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,120 Picked up my laundry from her house, and then came back home. 36 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,040 My parking was now taken, 37 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,600 so I had to park a little bit further down. 38 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,440 [ambient sound] 39 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,160 I can remember it as if it was yesterday. 40 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,360 I felt the knife at my throat, 41 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,080 and I just heard the voice: 42 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,680 "Move over or else I'll kill you." 43 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,480 I hadn't locked my car doors. 44 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,920 I bet you I know what you're thinking, I should have jumped, 45 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,679 but I didn't want to believe the worst, 46 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,506 so I chose to believe the best. 47 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,400 [car noise] 48 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,040 After all, he said he didn't want to hurt me, 49 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,000 just wants to use my car for about an hour. 50 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,680 "My name's Clinton," he said. 51 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,000 "Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked me. 52 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,280 And the problem with that 53 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,600 is that it gave me a false sense of security. 54 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,600 If only I'd known. 55 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:39,800 And he stopped. Pulled over. 56 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,840 And here the second big, bad wolf gets into the car 57 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,560 and I remember just looking in the rear-view mirror 58 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,480 and catching his eyes 59 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,000 and that's when my relief just turned to sheer fear; 60 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:58,880 'cause all I saw was dead, cold evil. 61 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,120 And it was in that moment that it finally dawned on me 62 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,160 that I wouldn't be going home. 63 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,920 [music] 64 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,360 They drove past the last street lights, 65 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,280 the last vestige of hope, 66 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,960 and into darkness. 67 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,200 Just the three of us. 68 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,120 [music] 69 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,120 And he stopped in an alcove. 70 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,800 He said, "Are you going to fight?" 71 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,360 Do I fight? How do I fight? I don't know how to fight. 72 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,360 He forced me to have oral sex with him 73 00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,600 and then he did the same to me. 74 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,520 Saying things like, "Does your boyfriend do this to you?" 75 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,800 "Do you like it? You've got the nicest-tasting fanny." 76 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,400 He gave me a love bite on my breast and kissed me. 77 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,080 Then he raped me. 78 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,080 My body responded. 79 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,400 And although I now know that that's a protection mechanism, 80 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,080 it was for me the ultimate betrayal. 81 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,160 "Frans!" Theuns came over. 82 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,400 That's when I realised his name was not "Clinton", 83 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,640 it was "Frans". 84 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:36,960 Frans said to Theuns, 85 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,880 "Do you also want to have sex with the lovely lady?" 86 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,480 Theuns just said, "No, I want to fuck the bitch." 87 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,880 "You can't talk to her like that," 88 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,520 the man who's just raped me says. 89 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,520 "She's a lady, you must speak properly to her." 90 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,640 [ambient sound] 91 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,160 [shoes crunching into the sand] 92 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,480 Before I even knew it, his hands were at my throat. 93 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,960 And the last thing I remember, 94 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,960 my bowels evacuated. 95 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,600 They stabbed me in the abdomen and pubic area, 96 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,200 I'm told, in excess of 37 times. 97 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,680 [screaming] 98 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,880 Theuns was the first to cut my throat. 99 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,360 Frans pushed him out the way. 100 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,480 [screaming] 101 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,880 The moon behind him ironically gave him a halo. 102 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,520 He slashed my throat 17 times. 103 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,520 [distorted screams] 104 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,800 [exhaling sharply] 105 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,520 Their feet started getting smaller and smaller. 106 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,520 Their voices, fainter. 107 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,680 They drove off, throwing my clothing out the car. 108 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,160 Although I couldn't feel any pain, 109 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,920 the noise of my breathing through my severed windpipe - 110 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,920 was horrifying. And that realisation, 111 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:20,520 that overwhelming feeling of sadness, when it dawned on me - 112 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,040 that I was injured beyond hope. That I was dying. 113 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,440 That I wasn't going to live anymore. 114 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,520 Then I literally left my body - 115 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,760 [music] 116 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,080 and the noise stopped. 117 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,120 [silence] 118 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,560 I remember looking down and already feeling distanced enough 119 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,800 but not far enough that I couldn't go back. 120 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,320 I knew I had that choice. 121 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,800 And I realised that I wanted to go back. 122 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,800 [music] 123 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,493 I wanted a chance to live my life better. 124 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,880 [music] 125 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:43,880 And then, I was back in my body and the noise was back. 126 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:47,814 But first things first. 127 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,440 I had to make sure 128 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,000 that they would never do this again to anyone else. 129 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,960 [ambient sound] 130 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:18,480 Frans. 131 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:23,480 [ambient sound] 132 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,640 Theuns. 133 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,640 In the hope that they'd be caught and sent to jail. 134 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,360 And then I wrote: 135 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,520 I 136 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:56,920 love 137 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,960 [ambient sound] 138 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:10,920 mom. 139 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,480 I felt something wet at my legs. 140 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,680 I realised that my intestines were actually outside my body. 141 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,480 The denim shirt was nearby. 142 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,000 [ambient sound] 143 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,200 I was able to hold everything in 144 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,120 with my denim shirt with one hand 145 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,760 and then started crawling with the other 146 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,000 over this ash and cut glass. 147 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,400 I was getting weaker. 148 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,240 Now if I'd died here, 149 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,920 my mom would know that I had survived a bit 150 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,560 and the unanswered questions that she would always have. 151 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,120 I can't do that to Mom. 152 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,600 I realised though that the crawling was too awkward. 153 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,560 I wasn't going to make it. 154 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,160 I had to do better. 155 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,440 So I managed to hoist myself up onto my feet with great effort 156 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,320 and everything went black. 157 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,480 I put my other hand up to my throat 158 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,720 and my entire hand went into the injury. 159 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,920 They'd severed the muscle on the side of my neck 160 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,120 and I realised that my head had actually flopped 161 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,320 right back between my shoulder blades. 162 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,200 I took my other hand and literally pulled my head up 163 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,680 so that I could see. 164 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,280 That's when it happened. 165 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,080 It was as if someone else had taken my feet 166 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,960 and was moving them for me. 167 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,520 And the next thing I knew I was at the road. 168 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,280 I just fell down. I mean, what's the worst that can happen - 169 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,240 that someone's going to drive over me? 170 00:11:59,817 --> 00:12:00,777 A car was coming. 171 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,680 It came closer and I realised 172 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,760 Frans and Theuns could be in that car. 173 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,960 [engine roaring] 174 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,320 There's nothing I can do. 175 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,760 I fought so hard but the fight's out of me now. 176 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,760 And then the car sped off. 177 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,360 [engine roaring] 178 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,960 And then I heard another car coming. 179 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,120 I was a twenty-year-old veterinary technology student 180 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,880 studying at the Technikon in Pretoria, 181 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:39,120 and we were on holiday down in Port Elizabeth with friends. 182 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,960 So you wouldn't expect anything bad to happen on a holiday. 183 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,280 The first thing we saw when we climbed out of the car 184 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,120 was a person lying in the road with no clothes on. 185 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,840 It's something that you'll never forget in your life. 186 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,680 I took her hand. 187 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,200 She was not able to speak. I looked into her eyes. 188 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,400 It was bloodshot, very, very frightened. I just told her, 189 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,040 "Listen, you've got nice eyes." 190 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,480 He was my knight in shining armour. 191 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,720 He was trying so hard to keep me alive. 192 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,400 I mean typical me, I didn't want to give up for his sake. 193 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,320 Luckily one of our friends had a cell phone 194 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,560 which was a new technology for that time. 195 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,240 Phoned the emergency services 196 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,200 and they told us they'll send an ambulance out. 197 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,960 From where we found her up to the hospital 198 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,720 was about fifteen minutes' drive. 199 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,240 We waited. 200 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,120 Twenty minutes. 201 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,040 Thirty minutes. 202 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,680 Fourty minutes. 203 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,880 Eventually the paramedics arrived. 204 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:56,960 We drove to the hospital. 205 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,960 I asked them if they can drive faster. 206 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,440 They didn't see the urgency to that. 207 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,680 It's like they've almost decided she's not going to make it, 208 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:05,880 so why rush. 209 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,280 After arriving in casualties, 210 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,280 that was the first time I had to let go of her hand. 211 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,360 My whole ordeal from abduction to that point 212 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,360 had taken only 90 minutes 213 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,960 and the journey that I travelled had been 30 km, 214 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,360 but the real journey was only beginning. 215 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,040 The incident that happened that night in December definitely 216 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,720 had a big, big impact on my life. 217 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,800 That was basically what I needed to make a decision 218 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,480 what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. 219 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,760 And that was, that was to become a doctor. 220 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:51,640 My appreciation of life has been determined largely 221 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:58,240 by my background as a scientist, as a doctor and as a specialist 222 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,160 in intensive care medicine and anaesthetics. 223 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,680 And I've been exposed to severe trauma, 224 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,200 life-threatening illness. 225 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,240 But I don't think I've ever experience the horror 226 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,520 of the injuries suffered by Alison. 227 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:21,560 And the sheer brutality, the ferociousness and the 228 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:30,560 mindless destruction of a human really got to me. 229 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:44,040 I saw a young lady with the most horrific wound to her neck. 230 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:48,440 And I saw that the laceration was from ear to ear and that 231 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:52,600 her trachea, windpipe, had been cleanly cut through and 232 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,760 she was breathing through a gaping hole 233 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,880 just above her collarbones. 234 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,880 When I finished my examination, 235 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,440 the young junior doctor who'd admitted her 236 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,520 said to me: "Dr Comyn, that's not all." 237 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:11,880 And he very gently pulled back the sheet to show me her abdomen 238 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,800 and I could see that this lady 239 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,600 had been completely disemboweled, 240 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:21,520 with large loops of her small bowel lying on top of her tummy. 241 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,799 Close inspection of that showed that it was 242 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,120 grossly contaminated with beach sand, 243 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,880 with lumps of charcoal 244 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:34,200 and even lumps of what looked like lamb chop fat. 245 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,360 And then we looked very carefully inside her abdomen, 246 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,520 saw the extent of her injuries 247 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,800 and it became evident to us that it would be unlikely 248 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,720 for this lady to ever have the privilege of bearing children. 249 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,400 I arranged for 250 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,960 the general surgeon on call, 251 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:00,360 whose name was Dr Dimitri Angelov. 252 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:04,840 I took him aside and said, 253 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:10,200 "Dr Angelov, I believe that we should call an ENT surgeon 254 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:16,800 to help us with the severed trachea and the neck muscles 255 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:21,320 and then I think that we'll move onto the abdomen 256 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:22,800 which you can do." 257 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,560 He pulled himself up to his - 258 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,600 the tallest he could and he, 259 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,840 in a very, almost Germanic way clicked his heels, 260 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,200 and looking me straight in the eyes, he said, 261 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:39,960 "Dr Comyn, in my country I am trained both as an ENT surgeon 262 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:44,440 and a general surgeon. I can do this." 263 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:50,160 Doctors see a lot of things. Blood. Injuries. 264 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,560 But somehow that injury 265 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,880 made a striking impression of severe cruelty 266 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,510 which one doesn't see very often. 267 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,320 You know, having an injury from a motor vehicle accident, 268 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:11,040 or a fight in a pub or a club, you name it, 269 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,760 doesn't look as severe as what we saw that morning. 270 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,640 Here the cruelty was which struck everybody in fact 271 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,160 in theatre, not only me. 272 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,840 The first impression which she made 273 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,960 is when I saw her through the window 274 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,280 signing the consent form with a steady hand. 275 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,680 When you look at her signature, you wouldn't think that such a 276 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,960 severely injured person can write in such a... 277 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,560 a comprehensible way, you know, and underneath 278 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,960 she had written the telephone number of her mother. 279 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:43,680 I was amazed. 280 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,400 People with such strength are difficult to find nowadays. 281 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:54,480 I was most impressed with the meticulous surgical technique 282 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,202 that Dr Angelov exhibited that night. 283 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:02,360 I remember him passing the loops of bowel through his fingers. 284 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,000 Every nook and cranny 285 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,879 he meticulously cleaned and in some instances 286 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,400 he even took a scrubbing brush 287 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,600 to remove debris that was firmly stuck. 288 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,080 I really don't have a scientific answer. 289 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:22,240 Yes, we can debate and talk all the academic stuff. 290 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,720 We must accept that it is a miracle. 291 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,080 I've always thought it a bit of a cop-out 292 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:35,080 to ascribe things that you don't understand to miracles. 293 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,920 But these events most certainly has led me 294 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,920 out of my strict scientific appreciation 295 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,520 to believe that things happen for a purpose 296 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,840 and that's probably a good definition of a miracle. 297 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,760 I'm going to start with her neck. 298 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,760 Of particular importance are the blood vessels, 299 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,040 which supply blood to the head and brain. 300 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:02,520 And with those vessels severed, Alison would have haemorrhaged; 301 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,960 she would have died within three or four minutes. 302 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,080 There are also some very important nerves 303 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,000 that come down from the neck to supply 304 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:13,280 some of the important organs - none of those were damaged. 305 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,920 And the oesophagus was undamaged, 306 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,760 but of course the trachea was severed, 307 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,960 and this miracle is that it has healed so perfectly. 308 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,840 You can see the multiple stab wounds in her chest. 309 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,720 The miracle is that none of these 310 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,160 penetrated to the lung or the heart. 311 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,160 Then I'll go to the abdomen. 312 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,960 This is the major incision when she was disemboweled. 313 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,000 And it is a miracle that that didn't result 314 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,200 in peritonitis and severe infection. 315 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,480 There are multiple stab wounds all around her abdomen, 316 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,280 none of which penetrated through to damage the internal organs. 317 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,800 I didn't go home that first night - 318 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,240 I stayed in the intensive care 319 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,320 and during the early part of the morning 320 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:09,520 the nursing staff told me that there were two police officers 321 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,520 in the waiting room who wished to speak with me. 322 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:18,200 I was informed that it was a brutal rape - terrible case - 323 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:23,320 and they needed my assistance to help with the rape case. 324 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:29,360 I knew Frans du Toit from a previous 325 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,160 arrest where he was arrested also for rape. 326 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:38,120 And I met him that Monday morning in the cells 327 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,040 at the Murder and Robbery unit, 328 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,760 him and Theuns Kruger; they were both there. 329 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,040 That's how I met them. 330 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:54,360 After the normal procedures were completed 331 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,480 at the Murder and Robbery offices, 332 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,960 the next step was to go and introduce myself to the victim, 333 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,320 who was Alison at the hospital 334 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,400 and to inform her that I would be 335 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,400 the investigating officer in her case. 336 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,480 They gave her a folder 337 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,640 and turn the pages over one by one 338 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,520 and when she came to the picture of 339 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,240 Frans she pointed to it 340 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,280 and wrote the name "Frans" on the piece of paper. 341 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,920 They turned over a few more photographs 342 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,880 and then she pointed to the picture of Theuns 343 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,280 and wrote his name on the piece of paper 344 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,880 and that satisfied the police. 345 00:22:35,930 --> 00:22:38,987 During the course of that day and the early afternoon, 346 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,040 the two police constables came back again 347 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,560 and they explained to me 348 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,760 that they have been in contact with the 349 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:56,240 chief prosecutor who had indicated to them 350 00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:02,080 that the prosecution case would be far stronger 351 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,160 if Alison would verbalise 352 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,280 the names of the two suspects. 353 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:19,200 And I was horrified at that. 354 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,800 Because what that meant was that I would have to 355 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:27,240 remove the tube from her lungs, 356 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:33,240 because with the tube through the vocal chords or voice box, 357 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:40,000 patients being ventilated with the tube are unable to speak. 358 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:47,160 I was very, very apprehensive that by removing the tube 359 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,080 I would disrupt the trachea suture line 360 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,840 and jeopardise the good work 361 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,720 that we had done the night before. 362 00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:00,080 I went to Alison and I described the 363 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,840 interview with, the second interview with the police, 364 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:09,120 asked her, her opinion and she said, she wrote, 365 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,440 "Take it out." 366 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,360 I removed the tube 367 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:18,000 and Alison said: "That's wonderful," 368 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,880 were her first words. And she said: 369 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,680 "My attackers were Frans and Theuns." 370 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,120 Alison was discharged from the intensive care 371 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,560 to the general surgery ward 372 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,360 and that's the last time I saw Alison. 373 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,840 The office where we worked, we were all like a little family. 374 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,520 Everybody had fun together. 375 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:54,040 Every day was a day to look forward to at work 376 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,080 because there was always something to laugh about. 377 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,200 I had come to the office in the morning 378 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,960 and one of my colleagues 379 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,760 who is also a very good friend of Alison's - Kim - 380 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,000 had come into the office and she just looked very upset, 381 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:13,120 but she was upset in a way 382 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,400 that we've never seen her that upset before. 383 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,120 And she sat at her desk 384 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,960 and it's not like Kim to sit at her desk and cry. 385 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,040 And I turned around and I asked her like, 386 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,360 "Are you okay? What's wrong?" 387 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,480 All she said was, "It's Alison." 388 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,840 We were not allowed to go see her immediately 389 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:38,600 because of her having to undergo so many surgeries and so forth. 390 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,640 I think we went a couple of days later 391 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:49,112 and it was Davida and I who had decided to go together 392 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,000 because neither one of us wanted to go alone. 393 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,760 We needed to muster up the courage to see Alison 394 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,640 because by this time we had all read about 395 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,240 and heard exactly what had happened to her. 396 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,280 The two of us stood quietly at the side of her bed 397 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,680 looking at her, 398 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,720 but by this time we couldn't contain ourselves. 399 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,800 Tears were rolling down our faces looking at her 400 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,640 and she kind of had a feeling that somebody was watching her, 401 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,400 so she opened her eyes 402 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,320 and the minute she opened her eyes we had, 403 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,920 we were stunned to see what we saw 404 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,480 because her eyes were completely bloodshot. 405 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,800 Blood vessels had burst in her eyes, 406 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,600 so all we could see was just blood in her eyes. 407 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:33,360 So that was also quite a distressing sight to see. 408 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,200 And she smiled when she saw us 409 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:42,080 and she didn't want us to cry because she felt she was okay. 410 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,720 She didn't want anybody to be sad for her. 411 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,487 I remember that the sheet was just on, 412 00:26:51,682 --> 00:26:53,602 just below her shoulders, 413 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:58,292 and she pulled out her hand from under the sheet 414 00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,559 and she said to us: 415 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,960 "Look, don't cry guys, look I didn't even crack a nail." 416 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,040 We saw the state of her nails and there were dirt 417 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,600 and blood under her nails. 418 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,600 They were all, they were in a terrible state 419 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,120 and they were cracked. 420 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,920 She had hurt her hands. She had hurt every part of her body. 421 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,280 I remember I was so worried 422 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:29,560 that I wasn't going to get to thank 423 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,000 all these people who had reached out to me 424 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,240 and sent all these letters, cards and flowers 425 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,880 and I decided to try and thank them collectively 426 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,520 in a letter in the newspaper. 427 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,880 For fear of omitting anyone of you from my heartfelt thanks, 428 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,320 I have decided to attempt to thank you all collectively. 429 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,800 [music] 430 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,000 Each one who sent flowers, gifts, cards, 431 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,760 wishes, thoughts, prayers and love, 432 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,240 should know how they brought a smile to my face 433 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,960 and added warmth to my heart. 434 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,320 I have life, beautiful people, and you have my heart. 435 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,920 [music] 436 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:22,520 I might have survived my attack, 437 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,680 but I still had to survive the court case. 438 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,080 When I first came out of hospital, 439 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,120 I had to go back every single day 440 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,280 for Dr Angelov to treat my injuries, 441 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,560 particularly the one in my abdomen. 442 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,480 He had to scrape it until it bled 443 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,840 every day until some new cells grew. 444 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,520 I still had to have plastic surgery later. 445 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,640 [music] 446 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:50,160 When I think of recovery, the word that I think of is pain - 447 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,040 all consuming, all day, through the night. 448 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,000 I didn't sleep. 449 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,160 I just remember feeling that the pain was so big 450 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,440 it would never entirely go away. 451 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:02,440 I would have some of it 452 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:03,960 remaining for the rest of my life. 453 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:05,560 And in fact, to be honest with you, 454 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,000 I still have ongoing medical issues 455 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,640 because of the injuries. 456 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,800 But there was always Melvin, my cop. 457 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,400 Two other ladies were raped before Alison was raped, 458 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:20,280 and it happened in a sequence. 459 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,640 The first lady who was raped took a week 460 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,640 before she reported the case to the police, 461 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,160 after she was threatened 462 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,800 that they would kill her if she went to the police. 463 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,760 The second lady who was pregnant at the time 464 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,600 ran downstairs and straight into a police van 465 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:40,960 and reported the case. 466 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,120 Then the two of them decided that the next victim 467 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,160 that they were going to rape and abduct, 468 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,160 they'll have to kill her 469 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,800 because the other two didn't listen 470 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,000 when they threatened them. 471 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,040 I brought Frans out into my office. 472 00:29:55,800 --> 00:30:00,240 After I'd given him the rights that he had, 473 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,719 he was very surprised when part of of the warning 474 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,400 was that he's been charged for attempted murder. 475 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,600 He was so, so surprised because 476 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,560 he asked me "Why attempted murder?" 477 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,320 I said because Alison is alive. 478 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,920 And it's the first time in my career 479 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,439 that I'd ever seen a hardened criminal 480 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,600 or a hardened person like Frans - 481 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:25,640 he was so surprised 482 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,120 that you could knock him over with a feather. 483 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,640 And he said: "Well then 484 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,080 there's nothing I can hide from you because she will 485 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,440 obviously tell you everything that happened." 486 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,160 And he picked up his hand 487 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:39,920 and he pulled a ring off his finger 488 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,240 and he handed that over to me and he said to me 489 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:43,600 "That belongs to Alison." 490 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:49,440 And when I saw the ring, I noticed blood on the ring, 491 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,920 which we later established belongs to Alison. 492 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,360 One of the questions that I asked Frans was, 493 00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,040 I cannot understand how they go out, how he could go out, 494 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,080 leave his wife and child in the flat 495 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,040 and go and rape an innocent woman. 496 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:10,400 Although Frans du Toit and Theuns Kruger 497 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,320 indicated that they were going to plead guilty, 498 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,360 my work did not stop there, 499 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,839 as they could change their mind at any time, 500 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,280 so I had to see that all the exhibits 501 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,800 and all the samples were taken 502 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,680 and sent to forensic labs for analysis - 503 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,720 documented in a case docket 504 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,600 where I can hand it over to the prosecutor, 505 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,770 because the prosecutor can only prosecute what you give him 506 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,080 as an investigating officer. 507 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,640 Recovery was one thing, the physical recovery, 508 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,040 but then it was the preparation for the trial. 509 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,200 One of the things I had to do 510 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,800 was see a clinical psychologist. 511 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,720 She had to assess me before the trial 512 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,280 and it just wasn't the right time. 513 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,840 I mean it was only five, six months after the attack 514 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:57,840 and I just wasn't ready. 515 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,320 She explained to me at the time the pendulum of trauma, 516 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,280 that I was supposed to go through all the emotions, 517 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,240 grief, and sorrow, hatred and anger. 518 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:06,320 I just wasn't angry. 519 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:07,680 But I remember I punched the pillow 520 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,040 that she wanted me to in the end 521 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,280 just because I was so angry with her for not getting me. 522 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,800 The indignation of having to have your pubic hairs pulled 523 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,920 by different policemen at different times. 524 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,600 Just in someone's office, drop my pants 525 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,320 to have photographs taken of the injuries 526 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,040 and of my pubic area to show the rate of recovery. 527 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,000 Different policemen, different places. 528 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,560 And Alison, every time I requested her to come, 529 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,880 she came without any argument or any question. 530 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:42,800 She was just prepared to do whatever we asked her to do 531 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:44,880 because she knew at that stage 532 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,560 it was for her that we were doing this and for no one else. 533 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:53,080 And her tummy where they stabbed her with a knife 534 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,400 had not healed yet, 535 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,320 and it was an open hole wound 536 00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,920 that had to heal from the inside, 537 00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:01,400 it was still there, 538 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,240 and although that was there she still came for... 539 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,400 for all those examinations and tests to be taken. 540 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,480 As prosecutors, we deal with victims 541 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,640 that have suffered severe trauma 542 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,120 and it's our duty to prevent further traumatisation 543 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,480 through the legal processes to that specific victim. 544 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:30,400 But it's also a team effort 545 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:35,240 because we have to work together with the police 546 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:39,320 and your investigating officer is very important. 547 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,679 In Alison's case it was easy for us because Melvin Humpel was 548 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,400 the investigating officer 549 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:52,680 and he supported Alison and us to a huge extent. 550 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,360 Like for instance, to attend an identification parade. 551 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,680 The laws were that the victim had to go to the perpetrator 552 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,560 and actually place a hand on the perpetrator's shoulder, 553 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:10,560 the suspect's shoulder, 554 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,520 to prove that the suspect was pointed out by the victim. 555 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,480 I decided that it would be better 556 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,280 to try a new thing and it's never happened 557 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,560 in South Africa before, so with the prosecution, 558 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:30,360 we decided to do a one-way glass identification parade. 559 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,160 And that's the norm today. 560 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:48,320 [police interview in Afrikaans] 561 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,840 [police interview in Afrikaans] 562 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,640 [police interview in Afrikaans] 563 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,520 Even though it was behind one-way glass, 564 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:06,800 I was still petrified 565 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,720 to think of being in the same room with them. 566 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,840 I had to leave work and go down to the police station. 567 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:14,280 And then my name was called. 568 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,760 I was taken out and without much warning 569 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,040 was put in the room to do the ID parade. 570 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:22,800 The room just was too small. 571 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,920 I remember even though the one-way glass was there 572 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,440 and even though I tried to concentrate on getting it right, 573 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,760 but at the same time wanting to get it over with because 574 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,280 every second in that room with them felt too long. 575 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,400 Ok, this is a one-way glass. 576 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,600 The people on the other side are wearing numbers. 577 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,320 I want you, if possible, 578 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:45,840 to inform me of the number of the person or persons, 579 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,120 if they are here, 580 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:51,880 who on the 18th of December last year 581 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,560 at about 3 o'clock in the morning 582 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:56,520 [inaudible] 583 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:58,640 attempted to murder you 584 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,560 and who raped you. 585 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,200 If you see the people or the person 586 00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:07,680 you must please inform me of the numbers they are wearing. 587 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,360 Do you understand? 588 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,680 OK, you can have a look. 589 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,520 This is a one-way glass. 590 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,360 [silence] 591 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,840 They look different, but it's number 6 592 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:31,880 and number 13. 593 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:34,840 Is that all? 594 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,880 OK, thank you very much. 595 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,560 In every case that involves victims of crime, 596 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:54,040 you as a professional are also touched as a human being. 597 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,960 Now in Alison's case what made it so difficult for me 598 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:00,706 was the fact that 599 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:06,000 usually victims that had suffered such injuries 600 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,920 would be deceased, 601 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:14,440 and in a sense it's easier to deal with the - 602 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,200 those circumstances where you have a post mortem. 603 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,360 I remember I went home that night 604 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,920 and I actually sat crying in the bath 605 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,240 as I was telling my husband that 606 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,160 I can't believe that she's alive. 607 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,400 On a daily basis I drive past the flats 608 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,919 where they had breakfast with 609 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:46,120 the bloodied knife afterwards and that kind of callousness, 610 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,040 every time I drive past that block of flats, 611 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,840 it's real to me again. 612 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:58,160 During my career I always tried to forget about the case 613 00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,880 the moment they leave court 614 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,400 because the next one was coming up. 615 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,320 but in Alison's case it was completely different. 616 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,960 I immediately noticed the scar on her neck. 617 00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:15,920 And when Alison gave evidence, at a certain stage she remarked, 618 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,360 "I always thought that my neck 619 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,000 was a strong feature of my appearance 620 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,080 and look at my neck now." 621 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:29,000 I'll never forget the faces of those two guys. 622 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,400 Frans was staring at me all the time. 623 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:37,160 When Frans gave evidence in the witness box he was 624 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:43,160 looking me in the eyes as if he was trying to intimidate me. 625 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,480 Frans du Toit gave evidence 626 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:51,280 and testified to the effect that he was a satanist. 627 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:55,320 That he believed in Satan. It was, however, very doubtful. 628 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,800 During the investigation and the incarceration 629 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:07,320 of Frans du Toit, he requested to see a pastor 630 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,720 because he wanted the demons cast out of his body. 631 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,674 So I had to adhere to his request 632 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,635 and I got hold of a pastor that I knew 633 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:17,440 that does this 634 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,360 and took him to the holding cells where 635 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,600 this exorcism was conducted. 636 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,040 I asked the person if he was prepared to testify in court, 637 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,018 which he did. 638 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:41,840 And he mentioned the two demons, Incubus and Succubus. 639 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:46,360 Mr Du Toit actually confused the two demons. 640 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:50,928 It was proved that it was just another ploy of him to 641 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,840 get people to believe that it was satanism that did it. 642 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:18,400 Before we went to court I said to Frans and to Theuns, I said: 643 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,520 "You will see that I'm not going to handcuff you." 644 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,240 I said: "I'm doing that for a reason. 645 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,560 I want you to run. Make my day and run." 646 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:31,480 I would have, without batting an eyelid, I would have shot them. 647 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:38,440 I don't even hunt. I don't like hunting so I don't like killing 648 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:40,720 but those two guys I would have shot. 649 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,080 They went to court, never handcuffed ever. 650 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,280 And they didn't run. 651 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:54,880 Frans's father could not deal with what his son had done 652 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,800 and two years later he committed suicide. 653 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:09,920 When I decided on a proper sentence, I took into account 654 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,640 as far as Alison's case is concerned, 655 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,040 that one of these two guys 656 00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,320 had two previous incidents where they... 657 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,400 where he committed rape and the other one, one. 658 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:30,400 I made the remark that my sentence should be typed 659 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:36,000 and that it should be placed on the record of these two guys 660 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:37,920 in prison, 661 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:43,160 so that the authorities can see and can understand 662 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,080 that I regarded them as a threat to society 663 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:51,120 and that I never wanted them to be released from prison. 664 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,760 That is something that I have never done before 665 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,200 and I did not do it thereafter. 666 00:41:58,699 --> 00:42:01,332 The Constitutional Court at that stage 667 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,600 had already found that the death penalty 668 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:08,760 in South Africa in terms of the constitution 669 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,160 would be unconstitutional. 670 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,200 But thinking back now as I sit here, 671 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,280 I think I would have seriously 672 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,280 considered the death sentence 673 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,760 and probably would have imposed it, 674 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:30,040 had it still been a competent sentence. 675 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,960 [music] 676 00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:39,674 As we stood there, 677 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,240 you could look down the steps towards the cells. 678 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,040 Theuns was the last one to go down the stairs. 679 00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:54,080 The next minute he just hit his hand against the wood panelling 680 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,353 next to the stairs and shouted, 681 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,760 "So here I go, so fuck you all." 682 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:03,960 My baby was six weeks old 683 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:08,200 and that was the very first night that he slept through. 684 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,720 I think the baby was also glad 685 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,280 that this case was finally over. 686 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:21,680 The toughest part of the trial 687 00:43:21,720 --> 00:43:23,799 was for me not really reliving it. 688 00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,120 I know some people say it is, 689 00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:28,000 but I was almost emotionally removed from it. 690 00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:30,240 It was like watching a court room TV drama, 691 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:31,600 which I really love. 692 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:34,680 I almost got a surprise sometimes 693 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:36,759 when I would hear my name mentioned 694 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:37,880 in the middle of the proceedings 695 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:39,880 and remind myself that it was actually about me. 696 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,120 My mom, also, we would sit there 697 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,520 and we'd actually had a notebook. 698 00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:44,440 Here we go. 699 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:46,840 Sometimes we'de make notes, just arbitrary notes 700 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:48,760 like, "Where are we going for lunch?" 701 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:51,640 "Does he know what he's talking about?" 702 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,000 The tough part really, for me, was the media attention. 703 00:43:55,920 --> 00:44:00,680 [distant camera shutter sound and people shouting] 704 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,200 But at least I had a trial. 705 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,560 I can't imagine the injustice of not having that. 706 00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:17,320 Justice doesn't minimise what happened 707 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:18,720 but it certainly does help. 708 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,680 Their sentence though was not a celebration. 709 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,760 They still took something from me that I can never get back. 710 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,800 And there is never a healing point, a finality, 711 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:29,560 "I am healed." 712 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,960 It's what others want for me. 713 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,160 It's what I want for me. 714 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,640 And I guess as time passes it does get a bit easier. 715 00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,600 They seem to have less hold of me. 716 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,160 What happened seems to have less power. 717 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,760 It's like exercise, I guess, you get used to it, 718 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,000 you get better at it. 719 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:47,640 But then out of the blue, for no reason, can be right back there. 720 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,000 This 721 00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,480 is the last bit 722 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:55,160 of the Alison that died that night. 723 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:59,280 [silence] 724 00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,560 After the court case 725 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,720 my soul never really got a chance to mourn. 726 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,000 I had to continually steel myself. 727 00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,840 The PHYSICAL ATTACK. The PHYSICAL RECOVERY. 728 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,040 THE COURT CASE. 729 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,480 To be strong for MOM. For DAD. 730 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:06,800 For SOUTH AFRICA. 731 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,360 For others of violent crime. 732 00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,400 The BAD GUYS went to prison. 733 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,680 I survived and everyone got on with their lives. 734 00:46:14,240 --> 00:46:16,960 But I couldn't go back to life as it had been before. 735 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,240 I couldn't even stay in the same place anymore. 736 00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:20,440 I moved back in with my mom. 737 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:22,600 Fortunately she was a single woman. 738 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:24,480 I think for her she really needed 739 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,280 and wanted to look after me at that time. 740 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:29,519 I still had to have my wounds dressed and cleaned. 741 00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:31,559 I had to have bed baths at first. 742 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:33,120 And she helped me with all of that. 743 00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,760 My friends had lives to get on with 744 00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,240 and my mom was able to set aside hers to help me. 745 00:46:37,323 --> 00:46:39,120 In time my wounds healed 746 00:46:39,573 --> 00:46:42,018 and I decided to have my first proper bath. 747 00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:49,400 [relaxing music] 748 00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:11,160 And that was the night 749 00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,440 I really looked at myself in the mirror 750 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,640 for the first time. 751 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:17,880 [music] 752 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,200 I've never suffered from depression. 753 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:49,640 Not really known what it's like, but I very quickly found out. 754 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,880 I think depression would be different for most people. 755 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,040 For me, I just remember not caring. 756 00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:57,200 And that was a big deal for me 757 00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:59,320 'cause I was someone who was so responsible. 758 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:02,640 And for me to not go to work, to not care about going to work, 759 00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:03,760 to sometimes not even phone them 760 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,000 and tell them I wasn't coming to work. 761 00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,280 I didn't care about how I looked after myself. 762 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,040 I didn't care if I answered phone calls. 763 00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,080 I didn't care if I ate all day or ate too much. 764 00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:13,880 I remember just blaming Frans and Theuns 765 00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:15,840 entirely for how I was feeling at the time. 766 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:17,240 I did have a moment though. 767 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:21,000 I was all on my own sitting at home when I remember thinking 768 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,400 that Alison, at the time when you had to choose 769 00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:25,840 between life and death, 770 00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,280 you chose life. 771 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,880 And it was a challenge in a way to myself 772 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,375 that I had to do it again 773 00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:32,840 because by doing what I was doing 774 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:34,240 at the time and blaming Frans and Theuns, 775 00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,480 I was giving them power over my present life. 776 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,440 I had to once again choose life. 777 00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:44,080 And you won't believe it, with the depths of depression 778 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,160 came the Rotary Club invitation; for me to please come 779 00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,080 and share my experience with them, 780 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,200 seeing as I've been so brave in the public eye. 781 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:57,880 Never mind that doing orals was my biggest fear at school, 782 00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,600 let alone stand in front of people 783 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,760 and live up to their expectations 784 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,200 of me being the heroine. 785 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,120 But of course, me being me, I didn't want to disappoint 786 00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:08,840 the people who had been so supportive. 787 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:09,840 So flipping hell, 788 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,800 I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and I went. 789 00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,120 And to my surprise, 790 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:16,440 I felt better. 791 00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,280 I wanted to do it again. So I did. 792 00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:22,680 And I haven't stopped yet. 793 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:29,680 The talks gave me direction, a cause, a purpose, 794 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,520 a new business and healing. 795 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,359 I travelled all over the world, met incredible people 796 00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,320 and I loved every minute of it. 797 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:48,280 [music] 798 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,440 In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. 799 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:29,000 Well, I am going to share with you about what happened to me 800 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,520 but more importantly for me, I'm also here to share with you 801 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:33,680 how I overcame this difficulty. 802 00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:36,320 And I'm going to share with you then about my ABC. 803 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,920 And I read a little saying that I've always remembered 804 00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,160 so that I can repeat it to these people if anyone ever comes 805 00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:42,920 up to me and says, "You're extraordinary," 806 00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:44,640 and you might want to remember it as well. 807 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:45,840 The little saying says: 808 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,487 "There aren't any extraordinary people in this world. 809 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:49,800 Just ordinary people. 810 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,435 But some of those ordinary people do extraordinary things with their lives." 811 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,670 Every step I took I thought it would be my last. 812 00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,439 And it's impossible to put percentages to it, 813 00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,080 but what felt like more than 99%, 814 00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:04,280 so 99.9% did not believe I would make it. 815 00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,880 I want to share with you today my ABC in overcoming obstacles, 816 00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,760 and as I share with you, I don't want you to think that 817 00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:11,960 it can only apply to a huge trauma. 818 00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:14,360 I put them into practice with a huge trauma 819 00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,520 and I found them come out with flying colours. 820 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,800 And I've used them time and time again 821 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:20,520 in dealing with my everyday problems. 822 00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,400 There was 0.1% that said, "Just try." 823 00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,520 0.1% that every time I fell said, "Get up." 824 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:30,139 0.1% that said, "Take one more step." 825 00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:31,840 And it was enough. 826 00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,467 My ABC stands for Attitude. A is for Attitude. 827 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:35,928 B is for Belief, 828 00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:37,320 and C is for Choice. 829 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,639 And the philosophy that I live my life by is, 830 00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:42,600 that these all fall under is this, 831 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,760 that you cannot always control what happens in your life - 832 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:46,960 we all agree on that. 833 00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:48,800 But we can always control what we do 834 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,200 with what happens in our lives. 835 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,520 You don't live this life 836 00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,160 and at the end get a chance to do it again 837 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,200 or go back and fix some stuff that you didn't do so well. 838 00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,480 It is life. It is happening. 839 00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,479 Every day while you're doing it it's not coming back again. 840 00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:01,480 This is your chance. 841 00:52:02,381 --> 00:52:04,639 [applause] 842 00:52:05,720 --> 00:52:08,318 [thunder] 843 00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:17,440 [ambient sound] 844 00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:21,120 The only other time 845 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:24,240 that I fell into a depression 846 00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,120 was when I had to read in the newspapers 847 00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,240 that my two perpetrators might come up for parole, 848 00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,600 despite the fact that the judge put a special note 849 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:37,920 on their files that they would never again 850 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,000 see the light of day. 851 00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,040 I fought so hard that night to 852 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,000 make sure that they would go to prison 853 00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,160 and never have the chance to do this again. 854 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:49,360 It's hard. 855 00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,320 News of parole 856 00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,640 brings up a whole lot of memories that is best forgotten. 857 00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:04,120 It's hard not just for me but for my family, my mom, my dad - 858 00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,920 who's struggled so much in the first place with the trauma 859 00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:09,080 and now in his old age has to do it again. 860 00:53:10,662 --> 00:53:11,826 My friends. 861 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,000 Maria, who cares so much for me. 862 00:53:18,508 --> 00:53:20,428 I'm petrified that they might get out. 863 00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,520 [music] 864 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:31,000 I mean, I received an email from a woman in America 865 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,639 whose daughter is apparently Frans's fiancée 866 00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,440 and is having a relationship with him while he is in prison, 867 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,000 and she asked me to help her. 868 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,740 This is a known sex offender, 869 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:46,320 who raped several women, 870 00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:47,800 tried to kill me 871 00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,399 and yet he has free access to Facebook. 872 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:54,640 Has a full social life there on warped sex rooms. 873 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,920 And then when I tried to do the right thing 874 00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:00,803 and wrote to the authorities, 875 00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,439 telling them about it, but asking them please not to 876 00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,800 ever let it come out that it came from me, 877 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,680 I found out that my email was printed 878 00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:10,760 and given to Frans himself. 879 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,080 I mean, where are the authorities for me? 880 00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:57,880 My tale is one that is full of miracles 881 00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,120 and I still choose to believe in them every day. 882 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,920 My favourite one of all is the birth of my two miracle boys. 883 00:55:04,464 --> 00:55:06,024 I wasn't meant to have children. 884 00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:08,240 My marriage might not have lasted, 885 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,040 but the best thing to come out of it will always be my boys. 886 00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,200 And Tiaan didn't disappoint either. 887 00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:15,960 Because of what happened to me, 888 00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,680 he was so determined to become a doctor. 889 00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:19,800 It took him 10 years, but he did qualify. 890 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,880 He was the assisting doctor at the birth of my second child. 891 00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,440 I was amazed that I fell pregnant so easily. 892 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,440 I wasn't supposed to be able to have children. 893 00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:32,756 I'd always just accepted that fact. 894 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:34,520 And the fact that I was able to fall pregnant 895 00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:35,920 without any intervention 896 00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:38,320 and then carry the babies to full term, 897 00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,594 that was always my big worry with all the scarring, 898 00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,200 with the injuries that had happened to my abdomen, 899 00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:43,640 that things were going to rip and tear apart 900 00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:44,640 when I was pregnant, 901 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:45,640 but it didn't. 902 00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,039 I had very healthy pregnancies. 903 00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:49,000 I loved being pregnant. 904 00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:52,320 I loved feeling the moving baby inside me 905 00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,320 and I remember missing it really, after they had come out. 906 00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:58,280 I also remember that feeling of early in the morning 907 00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,243 when they were newborn babies, 908 00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,320 two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning, all alone. 909 00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:03,200 I loved it. 910 00:56:03,240 --> 00:56:05,880 I loved knowing that the world was asleep and I was there 911 00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,520 looking after my baby and that they needed me. 912 00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:09,922 It completed me. 913 00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:13,680 [ambient sound] 914 00:56:19,720 --> 00:56:22,000 I'm just me, on the beach with my boys, 915 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,640 reminding myself that I have life. 916 00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:26,880 That I'm just Alison, and that is okay. 917 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,760 Coping with this thing that happened to me 918 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,720 in a way has given a dream to that little girl 919 00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:31,760 who didn't have one. 920 00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,160 Coping with the trauma - 921 00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,360 some days better than others - and being a mom. 922 00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:36,800 That is my wealth. 923 00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:39,840 Even though it's not the traditional 924 00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:41,400 fairytale happy ending, 925 00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,040 because this is my tale, my way. 926 00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:46,400 And this is not the end.