Oh, thank you! What a terrific crowd!
Welcome to my inauguration!
I'm Lucy, Lucy mirando, of the mirando corporation.
Welcome to my grandfather's old factory.
Now, I know, we all know, that grandpa mirando was a terrible man.
We know of the atrocities he committed in this space.
We know these walls are stained with the blood of fine working men.
But today, I reclaim this space...
To tell you a beautiful story.
Now the rotten CEOs are gone.
It is mirando is new era with me,
and with new core values, environment and life.
Awesome.
You're much more fun than the last chief executive.
Well, former ceo Nancy's my sister, but, uh...
We're very different people.
We have very different ways of being. We have very different business ethics.
But she is totally ignorant about humanity.
She lacks vision beyond her next round of golf
The world is population is at seven billion.
805 million human beings struggle with hunger e very da y,
including 30 million right here in the United States.
The world is running out of food, and we're not talking about it.
We needed a miracle.
And then we got one.
Say hello to a super piglet.
This beautiful and special little creature
was miraculously discovered on one Chilean farm.
We brought this precious girl to the mirando ranch in Arizona.
Our scientists have been raising her with love and care ever since,
observing and performing various studies.
And we've successfully reproduced 26 miracle piglets
by nonforced, natural mating.
They are like nothing on earth.
Last week, we sent the 26 super piglets
to the 26 countries where the mirando offices are located.
Each one was given to an esteemed local farmer.
Iha ve asked each farmer to raise their special guest,
honoring traditional techniques unique to their respective cultures.
My top scientists in the mirando branch offices
will be on hand to offer whatever support is required.
These little piggies will be the ancestors of a whole new species.
Mama natures gifl.
A revolution in the livestock industry.
And now we have a competition!
Yeah!
One local farmer will raise the biggest, most beautiful and special one.
The ultimate super pig! But who will it be?
Hmm. I'm not an expert, but I know someone who is.
Tvs most belo ved zoologist and veterinarian,
and the new face of the mirando corporation,
Dr. Johnny wilcox!
Who said a brilliant scientist can't be fun?
See, everybody wants to eat him up.
When the competition reaches its climax,
Dr. Johnny will crown the winner at a magical animals live telecast
right here in New York City.
And that is when we will unveil our super pigs to the world
how long will the wait be?
When do we get to see the big pig with our own eyes?
Ten years.
Ten years?
Jesus Christ, I'll be dead by then.
J'all babies together... j'
our super pigs will not only be big and beautiful,
they will also leave a minimal footprint on the environment,
consume less feed and produce less excretions.
And most importantly...
They need to taste fucking good.
J' oh, when will there be a harvest for the world? J'
It won't hurt. Don't move.
It's okay.
Not too hard!
They're not even ripe yet.
You had some already!
Ija!
Ija, what are you doing?
Look at all the fish here!
Ija!
I want fish stew today!
What? Now?
Again?
Mija!
Is she not here yet?
Mija!
Where has she gone off to?
Mija joo of 37-1, sanyang town!
Promptly return home for dinner. Mija!
Come home quick. Grandpa is starving!
Don't be scared. It's a shortcut.
No! Go back up!
Ija!
Where are you?
Ija!
Mundo from the office is coming to visit.
Mundo?
To collect the money for ija?
I've already sent them the money.
So ija is ours now, right?
Of course.
Hmm...
So why is he coming? Papen/vork?
They said soccer would be on.
Huh? Son of a...
Great. Now we can buy a new TV.
This one's still fine.
Such a tightwad...
Welcome. Hard climb?
Good afternoon.
Here, have some water.
I thought a bunch of you were coming.
They're behind me.
Ija!
Always on top of her dental hygiene!
Wait, wait. Let me out, ija.
Mundo?
Hello, mundo.
- Did you brush your own teeth? - Yeah.
Retina display!
Bring me the black box.
Does ija eat and poop well?
Yes, and she has a super high metabolism.
Right. That's what the readings say.
Fuck me!
I'm here!
All right!
I'm fucking here, god damn it!
He... he's that guy! From TV, right?
He is.
What was it? Animal magic!
He's the "very healthy" guy!
All the other super pigs were on flat land, accessible by car.
Japan's one was five minutes from the airport.
And you... I notice that you had to leave the fucking mountaintop super pig
till the end, because you knew that the climb would rile me.
Well, guess what? I'm riled.
Wow. He looks exactly like he does on TV.
Oh, that's great.
Can somebody...
Can somebody at least bring me some water?
Seeing as I'm about to be filmed for fucking television!
And not sparkling water. I don't want to belch my way through the broadcast.
Get him some water.
I don't think they have sparkling water here.
Excuse me, sir.
If you don't mind, Dr. Johnny's a bit thirsty.
Thank you.
Here's your water.
Wait, that's soju...
Hey, that's mine...
Hey, ija. It's okay. Come on out.
That's it. Very good.
Well, fucking film me, Jennifer!
You can't fake these emotions.
Oh! Uh, film him. Um...
Get him his uniform. Quick.
Oh!
They're filming!
Pick up his bag. Come on. Uh...
Oh, that's it. Is your... mundo?
Mundo, get out of the shot, please. Thank you very much. That's it.
And, uh, his hat. Get his hat. Looking good, Dr. Johnny.
That's it. Everything's gonna be okay.
Mundo, get out of the shot. Thank you very much.
And... roll.
Ten years ago, 26 local farmers from 26 far-fiung countries
were each given a super piglet. This year, I traveled to each...
- What's he saying? - Dunno.
One of those 26 farms to decide who will be invited to the best super pig fest
in New York City, where it will be unveiled to the world.
You've done an incredible job.
Thank you.
Pan to the old man!
- Oh! Pan to Johnny. - Johnny, Johnny!
Ever since she was little, I've always been fascinated with ija
and her monthly health reports and data.
I've only known her through numbers and graphs and pictures,
but seeing her here today,
and studying her with my own eyes and hands,
she amazes me even more.
This is it. The moment of mutual trust
between mirando's very own Dr. Johnny and the esteemed local farmer.
She's truly exceptional.
How did you do it? What were your methods?
Hmm.
He just let her run around.
"He just let her run around." How beguiling!
Show the sash to the camera, Jennifer, and go!
- Ready for the festival in New York City? - New York?
Very healthy.
One more sash, please.
A special sash for a special little lady,
who I'm sure helped raise this super pig in her own special little way.
And cut. Get some cutaways of the pig!
Here. Autograph, please.
Oh, I guess I'm still hip in Korea.
The kids at home don't really appreciate me anymore.
But here...
I'm sorry if I was a little grumpy when I first came to the farm.
But, you know, being a television presenter can be stressful.
I always have to be "on"...
Now that I'm the face of the mirando corporation.
Mija. Let's go visit your mom and dad.
Now? I want to watch this.
They'll be doing this all day.
Your mom and dad appeared in my dream last night
and said they missed you.
Come on.
Thank you.
Come quick.
It won't take long.
Who do you miss more?
Mom or dad?
I can't remember...
Their faces.
It's been so many years.
Just the two of us in the mountains.
Not two. Three.
Huh?
Oh, sure. Three.
The three of us.
Ija, too.
Our little fatty!
What's that?
This is...
A gold pig.
100% real gold.
In the old days,
the elders would give a gold pig to their daughters as a wedding gift.
Mija, it's yours now.
Take it.
Why all of a sudden?
Well, you're not getting married now.
But ija is going far away.
So you can keep this gold pig instead.
What?
The pig competition's nearly over.
So they're taking all the pigs back to the company.
But ija's ours.
We bought her from them.
You sent them the money!
Actually,
they wouldn't let me buy ija.
So I bought you this gold pig instead.
- What are you talking about? - Huh?
Hey, did you hear that?
Your daughter raises her voice at me now.
Mija.
They say ija was selected as the best pig.
They have plans for her in america.
America?
She'll spend the night at the mirando building in Seoul.
And tomorrow, she'll be on a plane to america.
She's a celebrity now!
Mija.
To be honest,
you're nearly a grown woman now.
I don't like you playing with that pig all day.
You should go to town, meet a boy and...
You must be hungry.
I made your favorite, chicken stew.
Go wash up so we can eat.
I put in this and that.
Everything that's good for you.
Where are you going?
Seoul.
What?
I'm going to bring ija home.
Are you crazy?
Seoul? In the middle of the night?
You have no money to go to Seoul.
Stop! It's dangerous. Don't move!
Oh, my god...
Oh, god...
Go away, you'll get hurt!
Where do you think you're going?
You're not going anywhere!
Stop right there!
Blade shoulder! Loin! Spare rib! Hock!
Got it?
This is what will happen to her.
This is ija's fate!
Mija.
Mija! Mija!
Mija!
Excuse me!
I'm here for ija!
Use the phone.
Hey, could you come to the lobby?
No, some kid is here. She wants me to open the door.
Please state the name you are looking for.
M-u-n-d-o.
Sony, please speak clearly.
You can't just send anybody up here.
Screen these people, okay?
M-u-n-d-o!
Excuse me!
Excuse me.
What the...
You little bitch! Hey!
Mundo!
- Hey! - You little shit!
- Stay where you are! - Hey! Stop!
Just open the door!
Open the door so we can talk.
Open the damn door!
Ija!
Ija! Ija!
Come on, you guys. Stop taking photos, okay? This is classified.
These are direct orders from hq in america.
No photos!
I don't want to see anything on Instagram or Facebook. Okay?
Ija! Ija!
Ija, I'm here! Ija!
Let's talk! Where are you going?
Wait! No, stop!
Look how tall the truck is! Right?
Are you new here?
Call the police!
Wait! Stop! Damn it!
What does that say? 4.2...
This isn't taller than 4.2 meters, is it? Is it?
Oh!
Do you have a license to drive this thing?
A commercial license?
Wait! Hey! Come on, now! Hey, no!
Ija! Ija!
What now? What's that noise?
What's that?
What the hell?
Nice to meet you.
We're not terrorists!
What?
We don't like violence!
We don't want to hurt you!
Stop... stop the truck!
What the hell is he saying?
Stop...
Just cooperate, guy.
What?
Hi.
- Hey. Hey, over here! - What's going on?
Hey, old man! Safety!
I don't think he gets it!
Buckle! Buckle!
Put on your seat belt!
'Cause we're gonna come on board now, right?
But we're not gonna hurt you. You'll be okay. Yes? Okay.
No compromise!
Hey! Hands up!
- We come in peace! Drop that! - Stay back!
Hello? Police?
Terrorists! There are terrorists here!
Hey!
What's he writing?
Is this fucking amusing to you?
It's not mine. It's company property.
Everybody follow...
Ija!
Hold her! Hold her!
No, no. No!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey! Hey! - Whoa, whoa, stop!
Catch her!
Everybody in the Van!
They're leaving! Start the truck! Quick!
- Fuck it. - What?
What do I care? I'm leaving this shithole anyway.
Huh?
You know what?
I do have a commercial license, but I don't have workman's comp.
Insurance? You want insurance?
Then show some loyalty to the company!
This is what company loyalty looks like!
This way!
I'm sorry!
Get out of the way!
Oh!
Watch out!
Move!
I you fill up my senses .f'
I like night in a forest I
I like the mountains in springtime .f'
I like a walk in the rain I
I like a storm in the desert .f'
I like a sleepy blue ocean I
I you fill up my senses .f'
I come fill me again I
- "A-I-f"? - .F' come let me love you I
- "animal liberation front." - .F' let me give my life to you... I
Animal liberation front?
We are good people. On your side.
Guys!
I'm so sorry we hurt you. It wasn't our intention, okay?
I let me always be with you I
- this way! - Guys, be careful!
I come let me love you I
- .f' come love me again I -where are you?
Me! Me, too!
There! Right there!
Back door! Go to the back door!
- Keep moving! Keep moving! Keep moving! - Back door!
Stop!
I you fill up my senses .f'
I like a night in a forest I
I like the mountains in springtime .f'
Mija! Don't!
- Don't do that! - .F' like a walk in the rain I
stop rubbing!
He's having a shitty day.
It's beautiful.
And eco-friendly, you know?
I you fill up my senses .f'
I come fill me again I
Hey, baby, it's me.
What kind of body wash do we have?
Fruity Lucy lemon?
The girl showed up, so I'm providing the team with unfolding intel.
- I don't care. Sounds creepy. - I'm not creepy.
That's not... that's my voice. That's my actual voice.
Can you translate?
My name is Jay.
He's Jay.
My name is k.
- Silver. - I'm blond.
I'm mija. This is ija.
We are animal lovers.
We rescue animals from slaughterhouses, zoos, labs.
We tear down cages and set them free.
This is why we rescued ija.
Thank you very much.
For 40 years, our group has liberated animals from places of abuse.
- Is that it? - Yeah.
Go on.
- It's very important she gets every word. - It's all right. That's it.
We infiict economic damage on those who profit from their misery.
We reveal their atrocities to the public.
And we never harm anyone, human or nonhuman.
That is our 40-year credo.
We...
Fight people who harm animals...
What was the second thing you said?
- We reveal their atrocities... - Yeah.
- Whoa! - Are you okay, silver?
I'm fine.
- You okay? - I'm good. I'm... I'm good.
He still hasn't eaten anything?
No, he's, uh...
Still trying to leave the smallest footprint on the planet that he can.
All food production is exploitative.
- Try this. - Mmm-mmm.
Come on. It's just a tomato.
Ripened in ethylene gas. Transported in trucks.
I admire your conviction, silver, but your pallid complexion concerns me.
How long have you and ija lived together?
Since she was four.
Do you know where she was being taken?
To america. To the best super pig competition.
Yes. But she was being taken somewhere else first.
This is where they're really taking ija.
This underground laboratory in paramus, New Jersey.
This is the building where ija was created.
She thinks she was born in Arizona and her mom in Chile.
Mija. Everything you believe you know about ija is a lie.
Ija was created in this lab. So was her so-called mother.
This is the building where mirando experiments
on their genetically-mutated animals.
Because genetic mutation is too dangerous,
mirando's been disguising it as natural, safe and non-gmo.
But that's a complete scam.
Millions of gm pigs are already lining up in front of slaughterhouses.
You and the other local farmers are just promotional devices for them.
Just a picturesque backdrop.
Promotion.
Mirando know their consumers would be disgusted
by the idea of eating mutant, gm foods.
So ten years ago, their boss, Lucy mirando,
went inside the lab and dug around amongst all the disfigured creatures
to find the 26 prettiest ones,
like your ija.
And then, big fanfare, she sent them around the world.
They've been frantically breeding their super pigs,
and soon, the supermarkets will be filled with their flesh and organs.
Dog food, hot dogs, bacon and jerky.
Our plan is to put a stop to their project.
But to do so, we need video from inside the lab,
footage of the horrible atrocities being committed against the animals.
And there's a problem. The security is impenetrable.
But... there is a way.
Although we will only go ahead with it if you give us your consent.
Jay. If this kid doesn't give her consent, what, we just abandon the mission?
Is that what you're saying?
'Cause, brother, we've come halfway around the world for this.
- We should get this done now. - Ugh! Don't be so selfish.
This isn't about you or us, and she is ija's family.
So of course we need her consent.
I will not harm her by forcing a mission upon her that she does not consent to.
As members of the alf, we are obliged to honor its credo.
We are going to abort because some guy from the 1970s wrote a fucking credo?
Is that what you're saying?
Tradition does not make a movement strong.
We make a movement strong.
If that's how you feel, call yourself something else and not the alf
and get out of this truck.
In order to expose mirando, we need video from inside the lab.
And this is where ija comes in.
The mirando scientists are dying to run tests on her in their underground lab.
Their star super pig. Which is why we've made this.
It looks exactly like the black box on her ear, right?
Only this one can wirelessly send a video feed to us from inside the lab.
Ija will become a hidden camera.
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
Okay.
I'm sorry, but this was our plan.
Rescue ija, replace the black box and let mirando retake ija.
You want to send ija to america?
To this laboratory?
Yes. But don't worry.
They wouldn't dare hurt her.
She needs to be perfect for their beauty pageant.
Whatever tests they do on her in there will need to be harmless.
We have a detailed plan on how to rescue her from the event in New York City.
We promise to bring her back to you.
If our mission succeeds,
we'll be able to shut down mirando's super pig project completely.
And we'll be saving millions of super pigs like ija from death.
But we won't do it without your approval.
If you don't approve, we won't do the mission.
What is your decision?
Take ija back to the mountains.
She agrees to the mission.
Thank you.
- Thank you so much. - This is a giant leap for animal kind.
Thank you.
It's ziploc.
- Water won't be so bad. - Oh, it'll be great!
Move! Move! I'm gonna do it! Holy shit, I'm gonna do it!
Whoa!
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Hey!
Ija, I'll see you in New York.
Huh?
Till we meet again.
Mija! Try learning English. It opens new doors!
Hey, wait! Mister!
Hey, you!
Gmbmm!
He jumped! How did he do that?
Hey, kid. It's dangerous.
Get out of there.
Hey, kid. Hey, come out!
- Are you kidding me? - It's supposed to hold.
You're a fucking joke-show, mate.
- Fucking awesome, epic plan, man. - It's a ziploc.
- Fucking ziploc, my ass. - It was supposed to hold.
Seriously?
- You okay? - Yeah. Yeah.
Last night in South Korea,
mirando employees were securing their super pig when a young girl
suddenly stepped in and tried to stop them.
These extraordinaiy events began earlier in the day
with a highly-organized pignapping attempt made by the animal liberation front.
I wouldn't worry too much, luce. The alf technically failed.
They weren't even able to take the product.
Yeah, it's a kerfuffie over nothing. We shouldn't make a big deal out of it.
It actually means our security here in the us is so airtight,
they wouldn't even think about breaking in.
Which is why they went all the way to Korea.
The alf hasn't been in the headlines for a number of years,
but the y're back in the spotlight after todayis chaotic events.
Well, the good news is that the pig is on its way to New York now.
Right. And the best super pig fest will continue as planned.
Significant damage to mirando is stock price seems inevitable.
Yeah. Mirando is completely fucked
mirando. Thatis your current employer, correct?
Yup. But I don't care.
They fucked, not me. They fucked up.
I know what they're calling me, those alf fuckers.
They're calling me a psychopath.
You're not a psychopath.
They're the psychopaths. Right, Ms. Mirando?
They're narcissists.
Do narcissists wear balaclavas?
Crazy radicals have been calling us psychopaths since the '60s.
"You're a psychopath.
Your sister was a psychopath. Your father was a psychopath."
Well, daddy was a psychopath, frank. I mean, that's hardly an unfair slur.
"What did you do in the war, daddy?"
"I manufactured the napalm that made everybody's skin fall off."
And this is a man who called his child an idiot loser.
Well, in fairness to your father, when he called you an idiot loser,
you had just signed up for a course in California
called "unleash your calling."
At a highly-respected institute for the advancement of human potential
where many a fonivard-looking ceo go.
And you know what I was doing while I was at the institute?
I was visualizing new and better ways of doing business.
While my sister was ceo... What was the name of that lake?
Moose lake.
Moose lake. While my sister was ceo,
dumping so much toxic waste into moose lake that it exploded...
The only lake ever to explode. Well done, Nancy.
I was visualizing ways of turning the most hated agrochemical company in the world
into the most likable miracle pig-rearing company.
And it's working! It's working!
It was working until last night.
Until six hours ago.
The synthesis of old mirando and new mirando was impeccable.
I took nature and science,
and I synthesized.
And everyone loved it.
You remember what the New York times said about our super pigs?
"Intriguing," right?
Slate: "Lucy mirando is pulling off the impossible.
She is making us fall in love with a creature
that we are already looking fonivard to eating."
I mean, these are journalists who never write about pigs.
They never write about pigs! They wrote about our pigs.
Ten years in planning!
On the cusp of a product launch that will feed millions!
And what happens?
We get tangled up in this terrorism thing,
and somehow we end up being the ones who look bad.
We don't look too bad.
- We don't? Open that thing! - Yup.
No, rewind. Rewind.
Rewind!
Okay, play.
The girl was later re vealed to be the granddaughter
of a local farmer selected by mirando ceo...
Pause, there.
That's it.
That's the image.
That is the image that is gonna destroy us.
Who are those morons?
Find out and fire them.
Sure.
Abusing that adorable girl.
And in the uniforms that I personally designed myself.
And shoving her best friend onto a truck.
That's gonna kill us.
Right there. That's it.
That image. We're dead.
Lucy, may I ask you a question?
The girl. You're thinking of bringing her to New York, aren't you?
I was about to say that!
Yes, of course.
You'll invite her to the best super pig festival and...
A moving reunion!
The best super pig and the adorable farmer girl forced apart
and somehow brought together on our stage.
Brilliant, Lucy.
An emotional reunion, and then they leave the stage together.
Hand in hand. Hand in trotter.
She can be the new face of the mirando corporation.
She can be the embodiment of the mirando ideal.
She's young, she's pretty, she's female.
She's eco-friendly and she's global! She's a godsend!
Are you writing this down?
She's not the face of the mirando corporation. I am.
You don't even know if she can do anything but cry.
Whereas I am loved...
All over the world.
Could you sit down and shut the fucking squeaking and whining?
You know...
You are forcing me...
I'm forcing you to do what?
To examine my options.
Oh, really? Okay.
Go ahead. Examine them.
Are you examining them now? Have you finished examining them?
Sit. You're a deadbeat.
Your ratings are shit. Epic fail.
Jennifer, get her a first class ticket.
Get her a passport. She probably hasn't got a passport. Get her a visa.
We'll pay for all the damage the super pig did in Korea.
Get an attorney on that.
Don't force an image on her, like benetton did with those Asian models.
Oh, no. I have a much better idea.
Okay, we got it all figured out. We got a strategy. We got a plan.
We're gonna think of it like a love story.
That's what we 're gonna do. Hand those bits of paper out quickly.
We got a little girl running around the city all alone.
We've got a big, big giant pig.
We gotta bring them back together because they miss each other.
Now they go to New York City
look at her, so sweet. Cute. Totally gorgeous.
Totally sexy. Hot, tiny, perfect.
At this rate, she'll be doing mirando commercials.
- It's very likely! - Thank you!
- Mija! - Mija.
Everything is worked out! Don't worry about a thing.
Let's take a photo for our company Twitter.
Get ija on the phone now!
I want to know how she's doing.
On the phone? With a pig?
And we gotta tell this to everybody in New York City!
On Instagram, on YouTube, on tumblr, on Facebook, on Twitter.
Ija. Ija, the giant pig. She's, like, this big.
She's, like, oh, my god. She's bigger.
Yeah, she's got one big, giant nipple.
Hasn't ija landed yet?
Can we phone her now?
Let's take a picture first, then call her.
- Really? - Of course.
In the plane, if you get airsick...
Chew the end of this.
Like this, okay?
Look at me.
Mija. Take this.
Congratulations! Best super pig competition
English for beginners
Just what I need!
Hey, Nance.
How's London? Is that rain? That can't be good for the golf.
Just letting you know I'm thinking of you.
You're having a moment, lsee.
Yes, things are going super well. It's all a massive success.
Really?
They keep showing very unflattering pictures of you in the press.
Those ones of you as a fat child on daddyis knee.
Such nasty remarks.
All eyes are on you, aren't they, squeaky clean icon?
We sent you a reminder of the true face
of the most powerful ceo mirando has ever had
you go, girl.
Okay. Signal's good.
We're seeing what ija's seeing.
Enjoy this moment.
Because soon the whole world will know what we know.
Oh, my god, Jay. We're about to change everything.
With my shiny antennae.
I'll put some distance between us and them.
We have to test how far the signal reaches.
Oh, man. We're really cooking now.
- There she goes. - Wow.
- Ija gets to see everything. - Quiet.
This is historical. It's historical. This is history.
Ija!
Ah!
We're reunited.
In this wretched laboratory, no less.
Someone you're going to find very special.
Here is Alfonso!
Where is he?
I got a special treat for Lucy's star super pig.
Hey! Chop, chop!
Let me introduce you to someone.
Alfonso, ija!
Ija, Alfonso! Your boyfriend.
It's all good.
- Come on. - Are we recording?
Oh, my god.
We should never have sent her there.
Can you turn it off, please?
No, we need to record this. We need to show this.
At least turn the volume down.
- We knowingly sent her to that hellhole. - No, we didn't.
We didn't know they were gonna do this to her.
We didn't know they were gonna put her through this mating.
We suspected!
Come on, we all suspected.
Turn it off!
I know it's painful.
But we can't be weak.
That's right.
This is why we need to stay focused.
This is why we need to stick to the mission.
The little girl trusted us with ija. We have to respect her bravery.
She never agreed to send ija.
What'd you just say?
She was in our truck.
She said...
"I wanna take ija back to the mountains."
- God. - Why did you lie?
I don't know. In that moment, it's just... I couldn't...
I couldn't stop the mission.
You know, this is... This is the coolest mission ever.
- I have all this stuff and— - Hey, k... k.
It's okay.
I hold you dear to my heart,
but you have dishonored the 40-year history
and meaningful legacy of the animal liberation front.
You have betrayed the great minds and brave fighters that have preceded you.
Never mistranslate.
Translation is sacred.
From this moment on...
You are no longer a member of the alf. You are permanently banned.
Gaom.
However...
Since it is vital that we continue with our mission...
We will return your equipment to you after its completion.
Consider this your final contribution to the alf.
Ah, shit.
Oh, my god.
You want some?
It'll make you feel better.
This is an unspeakable place.
I know. I know.
There are worse rooms out there.
Lucy mirando says I'm not supposed to harm you in here.
Well, at least not visibly.
She wants you perfect for her big telecast!
But...
When a woman humiliates a man
in front of his own colleagues,
a man is inclined to make his own decisions.
This is nothing, really.
It's used on beef. I mean, live cows.
To check their marbling.
Hi, Dr. Johnny. Is ija with you?
Our precious farmer Princess insists that she speaks to her on the phone.
What?
Whatever. She says you should lift her ear and put the receiver underneath.
- You're on speakerphone! - Ija!
Ija!
Ija! Are you okay?
Ija! Ija! What did you say?
I can't hear you!
Ija! Ija!
Ija! Are you okay?
Bang! Sirloin.
Ooh!
Don't worry. You won't die.
We're just gonna take some of your meat.
And of course, I'm not gonna eat any.
We have tasters for that.
They're a bunch of half-wit, degenerate fucktards!
I'm gonna... I'm gonna poke you in five places.
And I'm sorry. It's gonna hurt.
I shouldn't be here.
I'm an animal lover.
Everybody knows that about me!
Tasty.
Fuck, yeah.
That was the best I've ever had. The best of the best.
Today mirando presents to you our super gourmet sausage.
Juicy like you've never tasted before.
An exquisite taste with a very affordable price!
Made fresh from our naturally-grown, grade a super pigs.
Veiy healthy! Come and fly!
Pink streamers, pink fireworks.
Lucy's gonna be happy. I'm gonna get my bonus.
I'm gonna be— what the hell is this?
That's Lucy's autograph. "Designed by Lucy mirando."
Oh! She can't get enough of herself, can she?
Hey! Oh, how's everyone doing?
Still with this thing. It looks super tacky.
Don't touch it!
Don't touch it.
Okay, okay. The Fanny pack is fine.
I think she understands some English.
So we should be careful what we say.
Yes, yes, everything is fine.
But you have to wear this.
Oh, it's a special edition, custom-made, just for you.
Look. The ceo even autographed it.
Boop! Totally rad, right?
Wow. Hmm?
Now, let's put it on.
Not until I see ija.
Mija... oh! Think about how dramatic it will be.
Ija— ija doesn't even know you're here.
If you show up on stage without telling her,
it'll be such a great surprise.
You know? Surprise?
I don't care about that.
I want to see ija first. Or I won't cooperate.
- Mija... - She said no.
Mija. Mija, I don't think you understand this situation.
No, no, no. We are the ones who have ija. Okay?
We are doing you a favor. Do you get it now?
Yep, yep, yep. You want to go back home with ija, right?
Then do as you're told.
Othenivise, this is what will happen to ija.
Put it on.
The turnout's looking good, don't you think?
- Lucy must be thrilled. - Yeah. Tell me about it.
All eyes on her.
Thinks it's her own fashion show.
Mija.
It's me.
Oh, shut up!
Oh, man, this is so good, man. You gotta try this.
It's actually really good.
Good day, all. Thank you very much.
These are for you.
Oh! Thanks, frank.
Ten years. An extraordinary accomplishment.
Ten years, finally coming to fruition.
You have to try one of these. They're completely delicious.
Delicious.
Beautiful.
- Mmm! - Mmm.
Such a shame we had to tell all those little white lies.
It's not our fault that the consumers are so paranoid about gm foods.
These are really beautiful.
Oh!
Your taste is as impeccable as always.
Oh.
Well, the flowers aren't actually from me.
Oh?
- Are they from Nancy? - Yes.
Nancy's here. Not in London.
She's here? In New York?
Fuck Nancy.
- She's been here a while. - I told you to keep her away!
She frightens people!
You frighten people, too, Lucy.
Yeah, but she really frightens people. She reminds them of daddy.
This is mine. This is my project.
She just wants to support you on your special day.
Is she watching me?
Johnny's in the house! Johnny's in the house!
Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Yes! - We love you, Johnny!
Whoo, whoo, whoo!
Johnny!
Dr. Johnny's...
Magical animals!
Everybody knows Dr. Johnny can't stand anything boring!
No!
- Have I ever given you a boring show? - No!
Who's ready?
Ten years ago, 26 farmers from lands far away
were each given a magical super piglet.
This year, I met these wonderful people,
to decide which super piglet would have the honor of being invited
to this prestigious occasion.
Are you ready to meet the winner of this contest?
Yeah!
The best super pig on the face of the earth?
Yeah!
Are you ready?
Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to meet somebody else first.
Isn't that the way it always is?
Before you meet the talent, you gotta meet the suits.
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
She is an amazing little lady...
And she happens to be the brain behind this entire super pig project!
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together
for the one, the only,
Lucy mirando!
"Lucy mirando!"
Fucking idiot.
You look amazing!
Oh, Johnny.
You're skating on thin ice. Watch out you don't fall in and drown.
Don't worry. I'm not here to put you to sleep
with some corporate speech like my boring sister might have.
Yeah, there it is!
Go on, Lucy!
Lucy, we love you!
No. I'm here to introduce you to a real superstar.
Maybe you've already seen her on YouTube, enjoying her little shopping spree
in that underground mall in Seoul!
So let's all welcome an extraordinary little girl.
A local farmer who raised her beloved super pig
in wild and beautiful nature.
The fearless pig rider from across the globe!
Please welcome...
Mija!
And here she is! Our ultimate super pig!
Ija!
Ija! Ija!
Hey, get her off the stage!
Ija!
Come on. Now!
Good. Here's Johnny!
Mija!
Don't look back.
Just look at me.
Turn it off! Turn it... kill the screen!
I'm an animal lover.
Stop it!
Save that pig! Save that pig! Save that pig!
No! No, no, no! No! No!
I promise... no, I pledge, to learn everything I can,
everything from this situation...
For more details and shocking proof
of mirando's crimes against humanity and animals,
go to YouTube and search "mirando is fucked."
That's right, folks. Go to YouTube now
and search "mirando is f-u-c-k-e-d."
I don't think we have a choice, Nancy.
You have to go out there.
You don't say.
What a clusterfuck.
Let's get private security in there.
Black chalk.
We're on good terms with the NYPD, correct?
Hundred percent.
We have an arrangement.
Ija! No!
Black chalk!
- Let's go. Come on! - You okay?
- Blond! Let's move! - Go, go, go!
Come here, come here.
Red, let's go.
Move!
- Where's the truck? - Up to the right!
More black chalk! Hurry!
Take 'em down!
Move! Move!
Well, good luck with clearing up my mess, twinny.
Well, for a while back then, you forgot you were such a loser.
I mean, daddy was a terrible man.
He was a real horror.
But, by god, did he know about business.
Don't worry about your apology speech, twinny.
I'll pretend to be you in front of the press.
Ah! The police.
You'll understand that I will be instructing our corporate attorneys
not to assist you in any way.
Frank.
- Zero delay on the distribution plan. - Of course.
Scrap Lucy's precious promotional marketing crap.
- Tell everyone asap. - Definitely.
We already have fda approval, correct?
Yes, we do. But I'm not sure how the customers will react after today.
If it's cheap, they'll eat it.
I guarantee early sales will be strong.
Shut down the lab as already discussed.
We'll visit the production facility later tonight.
Get all the execs there, even the ones on vacation.
Put all the pigs into production.
Even the best super pig?
Every last one of them.
- You okay? - K...
What are you doing?
We need to hurry.
Look, I'm just saying that if I call you one time,
I like for you to pick up the first time, know what I mean?
Like, I have a friend here who's incredibly sick.
Are you even certified? Do you know what you're doing?
The guy's bleeding out! Do you know what you're doing?
Mija, are you okay?
She wants to know where we're going.
We're going to ija.
Ija?
Yes, but you should know the situation is not good.
What is it?
I didn't... there is no other way.
I wish you didn't have to see this.
Just tell me where she is!
We are going to need your help. Mija...
Ah!
Ija.
Wait! Mija!
Ija!
- Ija! Ija! - Ija!
- Ija!
Ija!
- Ija! - Ija!
Ija!
- Ija! - Ija!
Emergency, emergency. We have intruders in section a-24!
Come on.
I'm so sorry.
This is nonlethal. This is a nonlethal choke hold, okay?
All right, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay?
Six minutes, 45 seconds before black chalk arrive!
This is our last chance.
- Ija! - Ija!
Ija!
No! Don't go inside!
Hey!
Ija!
- Ija... - Wait.
- This what caused the alarm? - I believe so.
I'm fiummoxed that security is so lax as to allow a bunch of hooligans
to delay the production line, even for a second.
It won't happen again. Please note that black chalk was here exactly on time.
- No, guys, guys, this is— - Please, don't touch her!
- Sir! Sir, put the gun down. It's okay. - Stop! Less violence!
No! No violence!
Isn't this Lucy's beloved fearless pig rider?
She is. And that's our best super pig.
Well, what's the hiccup?
Why is it still alive?
Why you want to kill ija?
Well, we can only sell the dead ones.
I wanna go home with ija.
No, it's my property.
- You're a fucking psychopath. - You should be ashamed of yourself.
Fuck off! We're extremely proud of our achievements.
We're very hardworking businesspeople.
We do deals, and these are the deals we do.
This is the tenderloin for the sophisticated restaurants.
The Mexicans love the feet. I know. Go figure!
We all love the face and the anus, as American as apple pie! Hot dogs.
It's all edible. All edible, except the squeal.
- So you're the other mirando. - And you are?
- Let mija and ija go. - Why?
You already have a shitload of money.
- Please. - This is business.
Hey, Nancy! I hold all creatures dear to my heart,
but you are crying out to be an exception.
Mija!
Oh, okay.
Termina/o.
No, wait!
I want to buy ija... alive.
Hmm.
Very nice.
We have a deal.
This thing is worth a lot of money.
Make sure our customer and her purchase get home safely.
Our first ever mirando super pig sale. Pleasure doing business with you.
Liberalo.
[Gunshofl
Did you pick a lot?
Don't scare the chickens.
It's gonna be big. Record-breaking.
Lot of folks flying in from midwest and Canada.
Oh, let me introduce you to a new member.
Hey.
He runs mirandoisfucked.Com. Just got in from Seoul.
- Hi. What's your name? - Red.
Red. Oh, it's because of your hair?
Hey. Quit bugging her.
He's a chatty one.
I'm assuming mirando bigwigs will be there?
- Of course. - Mirandoisfucked.Com.
Including Nancy mirando.
There it is.