1
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,401
Okay, sorry. Hello, family.

2
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,194
Let's find the surprise.

3
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,113
Where's the surprise?

4
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,740
Here's the surprise!

5
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,033
- Surprise!
- Granny!

6
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,826
Oh, my gosh.

7
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:37,912
- Oh, Grandma, I miss you.
- Hello, lovey.

8
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,374
Bertie, blow out the candles.

9
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,502
Oh, well, now, you know I can't,
'cause I'm not there.

10
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,355
- I hope you don't want me to...
- Blow on the screen!

11
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,965
Well, okay.

12
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:57,140
Bertie, what are you going to do
to celebrate without us?

13
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,516
Oh, um...

14
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,518
I don't really know.

15
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,855
Um... But I think Mickey's got
something planned.

16
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:08,526
I'll probably just spend some time
with all of my friends here in LA.

17
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,528
There's always something great to do here.

18
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,238
So, it's gonna be good.

19
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,324
I'm so jealous. I wanna come visit.

20
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,701
But Mom says if I go,
she has to come, too.

21
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:17,911
- It's not fair.
- No.

22
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,746
Oh, well, what's wrong with that?

23
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:25,084
A mom and her two daughters
doing lovely things in LA together.

24
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,129
- Oh, how cool would that be?
- That would be really cool.

25
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,966
Um, anyway, guys,
it's been so nice chatting to you,

26
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,427
and I'm happy to see you,
and I love you so much,

27
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:38,306
but I do really wanna get a little bit
more rest before my big day of fun.

28
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:41,100
So I'm gonna have to say
goodbye for now, okay?

29
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,771
- Bye, Bertie, I miss you. I love you!
- Your Uncle Basil died!

30
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:45,855
Bye.

31
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,214
Hey.

32
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,008
How'd you sleep?

33
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,219
How did I sleep?

34
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,348
That's a little creepy.
Seems like a kinda personal question.

35
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,393
I was just trying to have
some normal breakfast conversation.

36
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,563
- We're out of toilet paper.
- Then buy some.

37
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,815
Ladies should choose
the toilet paper they want

38
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,359
because you have to use it
in two different areas.

39
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,611
Just tell me what you want,
and I can get it for ya.

40
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,406
Good morning, everyone.

41
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,784
- Guess whose birthday it is today.
- Uh, Dakota Fanning?

42
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,913
- Oh, wait. That's in February, right?
- No. No, close.

43
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,665
It's me, Bertie Beverly Bauer.

44
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,542
"Sweet as honey
'cause she's got three Bs."

45
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,920
- That's what Daddy used to say.
- Bertie, happy birthday!

46
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,631
Holy shit. Happy birthday!
I feel bad I didn't know.

47
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,677
- I'm usually on top of that kind of thing.
- Oh, you are? Hmm.

48
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,762
I'm sorry. Why didn't you fucking tell me?

49
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,222
I would have gotten you a stripper

50
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,933
to come serve you breakfast in bed
or something.

51
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,061
Oh, didn't I mention it?
I guess, my mistake.

52
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,523
It's my first birthday in America.
Yankee doodle birthday!

53
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,067
I was hoping you guys
would join me celebrating tonight.

54
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,947
Oh, shit. Bertie, I wish I could,
but I can't tonight. I got...

55
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,743
This is kind of embarrassing.
I have a colonoscopy tomorrow.

56
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,120
Dr. Schnittman fit me in
at the last minute.

57
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,414
It's really hard to get an appointment.

58
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:27,537
He's the best in the West.

59
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,876
I have to chug
this gross, gray drink all night

60
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,461
to clear me out for the procedure.

61
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:35,173
You turn into a faucet,
and things pour out of you, basically.

62
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:36,358
I have to be close to a toilet.

63
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,927
Schnittman says don't go
more than ten feet from a toilet,

64
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,387
or there's gonna be some sort of disaster.

65
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,682
And you're gonna be shitting all
of that out at our place?

66
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,310
Yeah, in the bathroom.

67
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,313
So you're definitely buying us
some fucking toilet paper.

68
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,690
Yeah, I'll get you toilet paper.

69
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,028
Oh, before I forget, can you drive me
to my colonoscopy tomorrow?

70
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,364
Absolutely. That's fine by me.

71
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:02,283
Bertie, I'm so sorry. I can't, either.

72
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,179
We're interviewing this sex worker.
Tonight's the only night she can do it.

73
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,123
No. No worries, really. It's my fault
for not alerting you earlier.

74
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,917
Um, well, that's fine.

75
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,671
I'm gonna go start my year off right
by going to Bar Body,

76
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,967
where I'll be toning my thighs
and mayhaps my buttocks. So...

77
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,970
- My bag.
- Oh.

78
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,054
Yeah. Bye.

79
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,806
Happy birthday, Bertie!

80
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,558
Press your lower back down,
hold on behind your thighs,

81
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,019
extend your legs up to a diagonal.

82
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,231
Keep going. Exhale. Exhale.

83
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,733
Okay, no hands touching. Thank you.

84
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,485
- A little up. A little down.
- Oh, okay.

85
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,362
- Yes, out. And in.
- Great.

86
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,197
- Two more times. Up.
- I got it, I think.

87
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,657
- Down. Okay, out...
- Thank you.

88
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,534
- Lift up.
- No.

89
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:48,329
Switch. Curl. Switch. Curl.

90
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:52,792
Soften your knees more.
Draw your shoulders back. Tuck. Tuck.

91
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:56,838
Keep going. Just 50 more. Curl.

92
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,257
- Pull your abdominals in. Lift...
- That's okay.

93
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,301
You don't need to help me. Thank you.

94
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,594
This guy seemed nice.

95
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:07,098
He was tall and not bald,
which never happens on Tinder.

96
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,016
Uh-huh.

97
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:13,396
I always match with these short, fat guys
who have no money.

98
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,858
But this guy, he was handsome.
He was smart.

99
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,527
- We go to this new Italian place.
- Uh-huh.

100
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:22,780
- Oh, girl, hello. It was really good.
- Yeah.

101
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,533
- So, I planned on going home, you know?
- Mmm.

102
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:30,872
- But, well, to make a long story short...
- Too late. Kidding. Kidding.

103
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,155
- Good morning.
- So...

104
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,666
Clayton!

105
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,043
- What's up?
- Hey!

106
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,128
Bye, Sandra. So great to chat.

107
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,130
- How are you?
- Good. How about you?

108
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:42,842
- I'm really good. It's so nice to see you.
- Yeah, you too.

109
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,343
- Hey.
- Hi, take it easy.

110
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,678
- Bye, Sandra!
- How you doing?

111
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,013
I have a bit of news.

112
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,473
- What's up?
- It's my birthday.

113
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,266
What? Happy birthday, Bertie!

114
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:53,853
I went for a big, crazy weekend
with all my besties last weekend.

115
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,688
We went on a big pub crawl.

116
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,566
But it seems kind of weird
to not do anything tonight.

117
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:00,777
It's your birthday.
You gotta do something.

118
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:05,406
I was wondering if you would like to go
for a drink after work or something?

119
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,242
Oh, man, like, I would love to,

120
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:12,830
but my girlfriend is real strict about me
not having any female friends.

121
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,540
Right. Tight leash. I get it.

122
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,460
Yeah. She says it'll lead
to emotional affairs

123
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:21,255
and then, ultimately, that leads
to fucking. She's not wrong.

124
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:24,801
I don't have any platonic friends.
I'm an extremely sexual person.

125
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,386
If it's in front of me,
I'm probably gonna fuck it.

126
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,681
Not what I was doing here.
But it's a no. That's cool. I get it.

127
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,768
But you have a good time.
Enjoy your birthday, B.

128
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,311
Thank you so much. I will.

129
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,313
- All right.
- It's gonna be fun. Whoo!

130
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,822
If anybody's wondering,
I do have crab legs,

131
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:49,200
which is probably why it's so hard
to keep my pants on.

132
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,701
Just having fun.

133
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,079
I'll be back to check on you.
All right? Great.

134
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,583
- What's up, guys?
- Hey.

135
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,668
- Hey.
- Hey.

136
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:03,339
Did you hear?
He went with the crab legs joke again.

137
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,174
God. He's like a walking dad joke.

138
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,969
If I'm working here when I'm 30,
light me on fire.

139
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:11,472
And what the hell is he smiling about?
His life is so sad.

140
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,557
I know.

141
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,411
Do you remember
when he brought his parents here?

142
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,020
- How excited he was?
- He was so happy.

143
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,870
- Pinot noir.
- All right.

144
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,917
And welcome to the Smoke House.

145
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,461
- Oh, you're here.
- Hey!

146
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,754
What are you doing here?
I wasn't expecting you.

147
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,925
You coming over tonight?
I can steal tiramisu from the kitchen.

148
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,220
- There's, like, tons.
- Uh, hey, babe, just a heads-up.

149
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,682
Tom is about to stop by.
He wanted to have lunch here.

150
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,477
What? Why?
You told me you guys were separated.

151
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,479
You said he doesn't respect
your spirituality.

152
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,939
We're separated.
We will be separated. Whatever.

153
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,774
I tried to get him to go somewhere else,

154
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,651
but he loves
the fucking onion blossom here.

155
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,320
Who doesn't? It's our signature dish.

156
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:10,490
- This is gonna be awkward as...
- Hi. I'm so sorry.

157
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,617
I got so caught up. I apologize.

158
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,952
Could I get a bourbon, neat, please?

159
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,330
Oh, you'd actually go
through the bartender for drinks.

160
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,664
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.

161
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:21,542
- Uh, can we start with a...
- Uh, an onion blossom?

162
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,252
I'm a psychic, so...

163
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:24,836
I'm playing with ya.

164
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,919
- She told me that's what you want.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

165
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:28,925
I'll put that in for you.

166
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,593
- Thanks.
- Okay.

167
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,552
- Hi.
- Hi.

168
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,346
Sorry I'm late. How's it going?

169
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,597
- Good.
- Good.

170
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,184
So, bad news.
They don't have the moon roof...

171
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,267
Oh, God.

172
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,555
Enjoy.

173
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,727
Hey! Bertie, you showed up.

174
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,062
- Hi!
- That's so cool.

175
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,648
Well, I love cake, and I love free things.

176
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,026
And come to think of it,
free is my favorite flavor.

177
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:33,531
Yeah.

178
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:36,117
Uh... You know what?
Let's get you a table.

179
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,245
- Follow me. We'll talk to the hostess.
- Great.

180
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:42,373
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

181
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:47,253
♪ Happy birthday
Smoke House's favorite customer ♪

182
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:51,340
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

183
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,180
You want me to sing
"Happy Birthday" backwards?

184
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,349
- Um, okay.
- Okay.

185
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:06,856
♪ Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to... ♪

186
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,900
I'm just being dumb.

187
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,194
Well, I love it here.

188
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,779
It seems like the kind of place

189
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,657
where someone would get gunned down
by the mob,

190
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,035
and wind up face down
in a plate of lamb chops.

191
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,536
- Right?
- It's really cool.

192
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,955
Yeah. It's a celeb hangout, too.

193
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,834
We're actually sitting
in the George Clooney booth right now.

194
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,169
- Really?
- Yeah.

195
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,629
Well, as legend has it,

196
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,882
this is where he was sitting when he
got the call that he had booked ER.

197
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:33,799
Wow.

198
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:38,346
Yeah, I mean, if these walls could talk,
like, they would be like, you know,

199
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,892
"Lots of stuff has happened here!
All the big-time guys hang out here."

200
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:47,647
I have to admit I had, like, this fantasy
that for my first birthday in America,

201
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:53,194
I would have a big party,
and there would be a celebrity there.

202
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,112
Not like a Kardashian,

203
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:59,367
but maybe someone
from The Bachelor or a CSI show,

204
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,828
and I could get a selfie with them
and send it to my family back home.

205
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:06,082
Apparently, when they were
filming Batman Returns,

206
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,210
um, Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer
and Danny DeVito

207
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,253
would often have dinner here.

208
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,298
Apparently, Danny DeVito
never broke character.

209
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,526
He was always the penguin.
He would order as the Penguin.

210
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,219
- That's so cool.
- Yeah.

211
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,264
What else do you got planned
for your birthday?

212
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,767
Oh, um...

213
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,603
It's gonna be fun, I think. It will be...

214
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,314
I'll probably meet up
with some other people,

215
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,024
and we'll go and have, uh...

216
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,736
go in a limo,
go for a pub crawl or something.

217
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:41,075
Or maybe none of those things,
'cause I don't have any more plans.

218
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:44,328
- What? Bertie, it's your birthday!
- Yeah.

219
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,956
You gotta do something fun
on your birthday.

220
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,237
I'm doing something fun tonight.

221
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,501
- Really?
- Yeah.

222
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,379
I would love to have company
if you want to come with me.

223
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,713
Aw...

224
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,384
- Yeah, okay. I think that would be great.
- That's awesome.

225
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,468
What's up, Mike?

226
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,723
He did that on purpose.
We have a whole thing.

227
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,309
He's the weird one.

228
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,187
Friggin' Mike.

229
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,233
This isn't part of the adventure.
I gotta get gas.

230
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,401
- Got it.
- Okay.

231
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,406
All right.

232
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,244
I'll be right back.
Do you need anything from in there?

233
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,913
Uh, chewing tobacco! Lots of it.

234
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,540
- Just kidding.
- All right.

235
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,002
Is this weird?
I like to pay inside.

236
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:36,255
I just try and find human interaction
wherever I can in LA.

237
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,299
That's a cool idea.
I'm gonna do that next time.

238
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,926
Right? Life hack, bitch!

239
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,429
Sorry, the "bitch" isn't directed at you.

240
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,015
Oh, no, I get it.
The universe is your bitch.

241
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,517
Exactly. Okay, I'll be right back.

242
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,602
- Bye.
- Okay.

243
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,466
It's pumping.

244
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,602
- It clicks once it's done.
- Okay.

245
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,194
- After you.
- Thank you.

246
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,155
- Chris!
- I know, right?

247
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,658
Yeah. You gotta wait for it.

248
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,119
Oh, my gosh!

249
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,414
This is probably one
of my favorite things,

250
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,499
probably of all time.

251
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,751
Is this where you come to dance
when you're sad,

252
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:58,003
like Kevin Bacon in Footloose?

253
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,713
No!

254
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,841
Oh, wow!

255
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,510
What is this?

256
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:08,222
W818, the best of Van Nuys wrestling!

257
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:11,141
Oh, my God. This is crazy!

258
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:16,021
I love how in LA the best stuff is always
in the most unexpected places.

259
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,483
Like, there'll be really good sushi
in a weird strip mall.

260
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,778
That's the only example
I can think of, actually.

261
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,114
You're the first person I've brought here.

262
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,365
- Really?
- Yeah.

263
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:27,575
Well, I'm honored.

264
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,119
Suck it, Chris' other friends.

265
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,954
Right?

266
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,539
- It's scary.
- Hey, my man!

267
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,040
- Hey! What's up?
- You made it!

268
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,251
Hey, what's going on? Hey!

269
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,919
Oh, have you guys ever met Bertie?

270
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,796
This is Frank and Allan
from the Springwood.

271
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,424
- Hi.
- They introduced me to this place.

272
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,009
Kind of like Springwood royalty.

273
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,344
- Oh, well, very nice to meet you.
- Stop.

274
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,638
- This place is amazing.
- Isn't it great?

275
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,223
Sit down. We got seats for you.

276
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,641
- Let's go.
- Thank you.

277
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,020
They got wrestling here.
They shoot porno down the block.

278
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,646
Very versatile neighborhood.

279
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,024
And surprisingly good schools.

280
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,819
Chris, is tonight the night you're gonna
go up and show us what you got?

281
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,154
- Nah...
- Nah.

282
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,781
Every month he comes
and chickens out on the action.

283
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,038
Who is that guy? He seems really good.

284
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:18,417
Oh, yeah. That is Colin Follenweider.
I worship him.

285
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,294
Who is that?

286
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:23,505
Okay. She is awesome.
She calls herself Mayday Marge.

287
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,383
Oh, she should be called Marge in Charge.

288
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,468
Oh, yeah, right?

289
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,803
Or Sarge Marge 'cause of her outfit.

290
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,597
Holy shit! You should tell her!

291
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,557
Okay, I will.

292
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,352
Actually, she looks a bit scary,
so I don't want to.

293
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,757
Kill her! Kill her! Fucking kill her!

294
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,258
Kill her!

295
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,517
Holy shit, Bertie.
You've been screaming all night.

296
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560
You got a real fire inside you.

297
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,314
Oh, my God.
Colin Follenweider is walking towards me.

298
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,858
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Listen to you.

299
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,152
Two hours ago, you had no idea who he was.

300
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,880
Two hours ago, I was an idiot.

301
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,531
Hi, Bertie. I heard a rumor

302
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,742
that you need a picture taken
for a very special occasion.

303
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,994
It's not a rumor. I told him.

304
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,663
- He told me.
- Mr. Follenweider, I would love that.

305
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:38,807
Can you take it on my phone?

306
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,141
Let's get the ring in the background.

307
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,500
Good idea.

308
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,103
- You can call me Colin.
- Okay, Colin.

309
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,423
- Can you do a move on me for the photo?
- Yeah. I call this the sleeper.

310
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,467
Epic! One, two, three.

311
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,928
- Got it.
- I gotta get back to the ring.

312
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,558
- I hope you have a great birthday, Bertie.
- Thank you so much. Break a leg.

313
00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,435
Someone else's.

314
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,020
Thanks, CF.

315
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,230
- That was incredible.
- Right?

316
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,150
Oh, my God. I'm texting that
to my mom right now.

317
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,901
- I'll get us beers.
- Thanks.

318
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,986
Yeah.

319
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,573
Hey, what's up, Rex?

320
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,200
Excuse us.

321
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,161
Thank you.

322
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,747
He's Scottish.

323
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:21,832
- I love it.
- Yeah.

324
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:28,005
But, man, Australia, huh?
What even gave you the balls to move here?

325
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,298
Ah.

326
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,427
Okay. Why I Left Australia
by Bertie Bauer.

327
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:39,933
I had this boyfriend. And we had known
each other since we were in year seven.

328
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:45,314
And I worked at this flower shop Petals.
Very chic flower shop.

329
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:50,027
I drowned thousands of maidenhair ferns
while I worked there.

330
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,238
But, you know,
I was there for eight years.

331
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,239
Wow.

332
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,201
And one day, I just flipped out,

333
00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:01,413
and I decided I wanted
to move over here and start over.

334
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:06,251
So I told my boyfriend
that I'd gotten a job over here,

335
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,129
which, as you probably guessed, was a lie.

336
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:14,885
And, yeah, I just wanted to get away
from him and from my apartment

337
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,470
and my old life.

338
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,263
Sorry.

339
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,433
No! Good for you.

340
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,478
I mean, you're here now, right?
That's the cool part.

341
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,272
That flower store sounded cool, too.

342
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:31,944
Yeah, but now I've just settled
for another kind of comfortable situation.

343
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,405
Oh, I remember you said you...

344
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,451
have a habit of doing that
at Mickey's work thing.

345
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:43,622
But, I mean, Randy seems
like a good guy, right?

346
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:46,458
- Oh, yeah. I didn't mean...
- Yeah.

347
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,378
- I wasn't necessarily talking about that.
- Oh, yeah.

348
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,755
I just mean, I wanna try new things

349
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:57,636
and have more exciting nights like this
and jump off the top turnbuckle of life.

350
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:01,473
Dude, me too! Like, oh, God...

351
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,559
Look at me. I'm such a wimp.

352
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,436
I've been coming here for months
and haven't wrestled once.

353
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,772
Well, why not? You should try it.

354
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,400
Excuse me. Hi.

355
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:15,737
Hi. Does anyone here by any chance
need someone to wrestle with tonight?

356
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:23,829
Whoa!

357
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,372
It's Cremator time!

358
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:42,347
Hey, Keith! You suck! Big time!

359
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,057
What'd you say?

360
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,810
Oh, you didn't hear?
Maybe you need a hearing aid!

361
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:50,772
I said, Keith the Cremator sucks!

362
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,525
My little niece Julia
hits harder than that,

363
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,860
and she's only five!

364
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,280
Keith's coming for him, everyone!
This is unplanned!

365
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,450
Watch out, Chris. Control your mind
and you control your body.

366
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:06,079
- Keith, tear his fucking balls off!
- Keith the Cremator sucks!

367
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,665
Keith the Cremator sucks!

368
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,711
Keith the Cremator sucks!
Keith the Cremator sucks!

369
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,922
Keith the Cremator sucks!

370
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,506
All right, big mouth, you so tough?

371
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,217
Get in this ring and show me what's up!

372
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,135
- Who, me?
- Yeah, you!

373
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,386
All right. You got it, pal!

374
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:26,767
Ladies and gentlemen,
W818 Van Nuys Wrestling presents

375
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,938
Keith the Cremator
versus an audience member!

376
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,942
You messed with the wrong dude!

377
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,243
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

378
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:52,209
Why don't you pick on
somebody your own size, buster?

379
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,016
Take it easy.

380
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,358
It's getting hot in here!

381
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,614
He picked him up by his face!

382
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,123
Cremator time, baby!

383
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:39,006
♪ What a day for a daydream ♪

384
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,844
♪ What a day for a daydreamin' boy ♪

385
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:47,472
♪ And I'm lost in a daydream ♪

386
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:52,019
♪ Dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy ♪

387
00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:56,648
♪ And even if time ain't really
On my side ♪

388
00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:00,902
♪ It's one of those days
For takin' a walk outside ♪

389
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,155
♪ I'm blowin' the day to... ♪

390
00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:07,951
The winner is...

391
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:10,203
- Let's go check him out!
- Oh, my gosh!

392
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,707
Keith the Cremator!

393
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,502
Oh, my God!

394
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,380
Chris, that was so good!

395
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:25,177
I really felt like you had a long,
uncomfortable history with the Cremator.

396
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,262
Holy shit! That felt amazing!

397
00:22:27,345 --> 00:22:30,057
You know what I did?
I thought about Mike from the steak house.

398
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:33,310
Guy doesn't even memorize the specials.
That's so fuckin' lazy, right?

399
00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:35,270
- That was awesome.
- Thanks, man.

400
00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:36,521
I'm proud of you!

401
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,440
Oh, shit. You got blood.

402
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:39,900
Huh? Huh?

403
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,319
I'm bleeding? Oh, my God, I'm bleeding?

404
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,029
Holy shit, my first battle wound!

405
00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:47,324
You better stay away from vampires,
'cause they're gonna tear you up.

406
00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:48,742
Hilarious, Bertie.

407
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:50,827
All right. Come on, let's go.

408
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,080
- You do look cool.
- Yeah?

409
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:57,000
Like a brave soldier
with a very small cut on his head.

410
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,711
Ah, I'm still pumped.

411
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,215
Phew.

412
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,258
I needed that.

413
00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:09,262
It felt like a little push
in the right direction or something.

414
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:13,558
Now I can't seem
to shake Mike from my brain!

415
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,770
Oh, sorry.
Is it really that bad with this guy?

416
00:23:16,853 --> 00:23:20,565
I feel like a lot of the waiters there
think I'm a joke.

417
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:25,695
I moved to LA to be a stuntman,
and I'm not even close to doing it at all.

418
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,573
Chin up!
You got pushed through a table tonight.

419
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:30,700
Yeah, I did.

420
00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:32,744
I don't know.

421
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:36,498
I've got three months left
on my lease at the Springwood.

422
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,710
Part of me feels like
maybe I shouldn't renew it.

423
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,295
You're thinking about leaving?

424
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:44,965
Maybe it'd be easier
to move back to Chicago

425
00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:47,801
and not have to pay $2,300 a month
in rent.

426
00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:50,595
Holy shit! I thought you lived there
because it's cheap.

427
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,973
No, that place is a paradise.

428
00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:56,268
You do realize all those apartments
are fully furnished, right?

429
00:23:57,102 --> 00:24:01,231
Listen, you've got three months left
on that lease. Let's make them count.

430
00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:02,482
You're not leaving LA

431
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,734
until you've given it a real shot
as a stuntman,

432
00:24:04,818 --> 00:24:08,572
and I'll try to do something new and cool
in that time, too.

433
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:10,574
Like go back to Bar Body.

434
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:14,161
I really hated it,
but I paid a lot for the classes.

435
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,121
- He's... He...
- Oh!

436
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,456
That happens sometimes in here.

437
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,834
- I don't care. It's cool.
- Very casual.

438
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,131
Well, thank you for the most
action-packed birthday ever.

439
00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:28,175
Awesome night.

440
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,511
How about a birthday hug
and then I'll let you go?

441
00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:32,804
Okay.

442
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,064
Oh, Bertie, wait.

443
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,400
I didn't get your number.

444
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,235
Yeah.

445
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:48,653
You want to do that?

446
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,989
- Let's swap numbers.
- What the heck, right?

447
00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:53,492
- Do you wanna just punch it in?
- That's easy.

448
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:54,576
Here you go.

449
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,999
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

450
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,418
Happy birthday again.

451
00:25:03,501 --> 00:25:06,880
- Thank you. You made it so fun.
- Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming with.

452
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:08,798
- And get home safe.
- You, too.

453
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:09,883
Thanks.

454
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:13,595
- Night!
- Bye.

455
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,678
Bye.

456
00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:25,857
Randy?

457
00:25:26,441 --> 00:25:27,442
Hey, Bertie.

458
00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:34,157
What is all this?

459
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,761
I wanted to give you something special
for your birthday, but...

460
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:40,497
since I was trapped in the house all day,
I had to Postmates this cake.

461
00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:42,832
That is so nice.

462
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,885
- It melted a little bit.
- Mm-hmm.

463
00:25:57,806 --> 00:26:01,017
I also bought you some fresh toilet paper.

464
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:06,439
But I had to open it
and use some of it, so...

465
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:09,109
Oh, wow!

466
00:26:09,192 --> 00:26:11,236
It smells so good in here.

467
00:26:11,861 --> 00:26:16,908
Yeah. I lit all your scented candles
because of, you know...

468
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,202
the shit smell.

469
00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,455
I'm sorry I couldn't hang out
with you today.

470
00:26:23,206 --> 00:26:24,874
Happy birthday, Bertie bear.

471
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,919
Aw... Thanks, bear.

472
00:26:34,175 --> 00:26:35,295
What are you gonna wish for?

473
00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:38,847
Oh... I can't tell.

474
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:41,308
Otherwise, it won't work.

475
00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:45,812
I wished for...

476
00:26:46,479 --> 00:26:50,233
my colonoscopy to come back positive or...

477
00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:53,528
you know, everything to come back good.

478
00:26:53,611 --> 00:26:54,779
Yeah.

479
00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:58,867
Should we eat?

480
00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:01,786
I guess.

481
00:27:19,846 --> 00:27:23,892
♪ And after all's been said and done ♪

482
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:27,937
♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪

483
00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:30,899
♪ Let's just forget ♪

484
00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:34,235
♪ Leave it behind and carry on ♪

485
00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:41,910
♪ If you should find the time to speak ♪

486
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:44,579
♪ Then speak to me ♪

487
00:27:44,662 --> 00:27:51,252
♪ I'd never keep you
From your final destiny ♪

488
00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:53,129
♪ So carry on ♪

489
00:27:55,757 --> 00:28:00,428
♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪

490
00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:04,933
♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪

491
00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:09,437
♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪

492
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,272
♪ So carry on ♪

493
00:28:49,769 --> 00:28:54,190
♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪

494
00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:58,820
♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪

495
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:03,283
♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪

496
00:29:03,366 --> 00:29:04,951
♪ So carry on ♪

497
00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:12,041
♪ And now that all's been said and done ♪

498
00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:16,212
♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪

499
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:21,384
♪ Let's just forget, leave it behind ♪

500
00:29:21,968 --> 00:29:24,429
♪ And carry on ♪