1
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,410
Okay, sorry. Hello, family.
2
00:00:26,489 --> 00:00:28,199
Let's find the surprise.
3
00:00:28,283 --> 00:00:30,123
Where's the surprise?
4
00:00:30,201 --> 00:00:31,751
Here's the surprise!
5
00:00:31,828 --> 00:00:33,038
-Surprise!
-Granny!
6
00:00:33,121 --> 00:00:34,831
-Oh, my gosh.
7
00:00:34,914 --> 00:00:37,924
-Oh, Grandma, I miss you.
Hello, lovey.
8
00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,379
Bertie, blow out the candles.
9
00:00:41,463 --> 00:00:44,513
Oh, well, now, you know I can't,
'cause I'm not there.
10
00:00:44,591 --> 00:00:46,301
-I hope you don't want me to--
-Blow on the screen!
11
00:00:46,384 --> 00:00:48,974
Well, okay.
12
00:00:52,474 --> 00:00:57,154
Bertie, what are you going to do
to celebrate without us?
13
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,518
Oh, um...
14
00:00:59,064 --> 00:01:00,524
I don't really know.
15
00:01:00,607 --> 00:01:03,857
Um... But I think Mickey's got
something planned.
16
00:01:03,943 --> 00:01:08,533
I'll probably just spend some time
with all of my friends here in LA.
17
00:01:08,615 --> 00:01:10,525
There's always something great to do here.
18
00:01:10,617 --> 00:01:12,237
So, it's gonna be good.
19
00:01:12,327 --> 00:01:14,327
I'm so jealous. I wanna come visit.
20
00:01:14,412 --> 00:01:16,712
But Mom says if I go,
she has to come, too.
21
00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:17,920
-It's not fair.
-No.
22
00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:19,749
Oh, well, what's wrong with that?
23
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:25,094
A mom and her two daughters
doing lovely things in LA together.
24
00:01:25,173 --> 00:01:28,133
-That would be really cool.
25
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:31,968
Um, anyway, guys,
it's been so nice chatting to you,
26
00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:34,425
and I'm happy to see you,
and I love you so much,
27
00:01:34,516 --> 00:01:38,306
but I do really wanna get a little bit
more rest before my big day of fun.
28
00:01:38,394 --> 00:01:41,114
So I'm gonna have to say
goodbye for now, okay?
29
00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:44,779
-Bye, Bertie, I miss you. I love you!
-Your Uncle Basil died!
30
00:01:44,859 --> 00:01:45,859
Bye.
31
00:02:11,219 --> 00:02:12,099
Hey.
32
00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:14,012
How'd you sleep?
33
00:02:15,098 --> 00:02:16,218
How did I sleep?
34
00:02:17,016 --> 00:02:20,346
That's a little creepy.
Seems like a kinda personal question.
35
00:02:20,436 --> 00:02:23,396
I was just trying to have
some normal breakfast conversation.
36
00:02:24,107 --> 00:02:26,567
-We're out of toilet paper.
-Then buy some.
37
00:02:26,651 --> 00:02:28,821
Ladies should choose
the toilet paper they want
38
00:02:28,903 --> 00:02:31,363
because you have to use it
in two different areas.
39
00:02:31,447 --> 00:02:33,617
Just tell me what you want,
and I can get it for ya.
40
00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:36,409
Good morning, everyone.
41
00:02:36,494 --> 00:02:39,794
-Guess whose birthday it is today.
42
00:02:40,665 --> 00:02:43,915
-No. No, close.
43
00:02:44,002 --> 00:02:45,672
It's me, Bertie Beverly Bauer.
44
00:02:45,753 --> 00:02:47,553
"Sweet as honey
'cause she's got three Bs."
45
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:50,930
-That's what Daddy used to say.
-Bertie, happy birthday!
46
00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:53,639
Holy shit. Happy birthday!
I feel bad I didn't know.
47
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,680
-I'm usually on top of that kind of thing.
Hmm.
48
00:02:57,765 --> 00:02:59,765
I'm sorry. Why didn't you fucking tell me?
49
00:02:59,851 --> 00:03:01,231
I would have gotten you a stripper
50
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,941
to come serve you breakfast in bed
or something.
51
00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:07,072
Oh, didn't I mention it?
I guess, my mistake.
52
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:10,530
It's my first birthday in America.
Yankee doodle birthday!
53
00:03:10,612 --> 00:03:13,072
I was hoping you guys
would join me celebrating tonight.
54
00:03:13,656 --> 00:03:17,946
Oh, shit. Bertie, I wish I could,
but I can't tonight. I got...
55
00:03:18,536 --> 00:03:21,746
This is kind of embarrassing.
I have a colonoscopy tomorrow.
56
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:24,127
Dr. Schnittman fit me in
at the last minute.
57
00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:26,421
It's really hard to get an appointment.
58
00:03:26,502 --> 00:03:27,502
He's the best in the West.
59
00:03:27,587 --> 00:03:29,877
I have to chug
this gross, gray drink all night
60
00:03:29,964 --> 00:03:31,474
to clear me out for the procedure.
61
00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:35,179
You turn into a faucet,
and things pour out of you, basically.
62
00:03:35,261 --> 00:03:36,301
I have to be close to a toilet.
63
00:03:36,387 --> 00:03:38,927
Schnittman says don't go
more than ten feet from a toilet,
64
00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:41,385
or there's gonna be some sort of disaster.
65
00:03:41,476 --> 00:03:44,686
And you're gonna be shitting all
of that out at our place?
66
00:03:44,771 --> 00:03:47,321
Yeah, in the bathroom.
67
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:50,318
So you're definitely buying us
some fucking toilet paper.
68
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:52,700
Yeah, I'll get you toilet paper.
69
00:03:53,321 --> 00:03:57,031
Oh, before I forget, can you drive me
to my colonoscopy tomorrow?
70
00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:59,366
Absolutely. That's fine by me.
71
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:02,292
Bertie, I'm so sorry. I can't, either.
72
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:05,122
We're interviewing this sex worker.
Tonight's the only night she can do it.
73
00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:09,128
No. No worries, really. It's my fault
for not alerting you earlier.
74
00:04:09,629 --> 00:04:10,919
Um, well, that's fine.
75
00:04:11,005 --> 00:04:14,675
I'm gonna go start my year off right
by going to Bar Body,
76
00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:18,969
where I'll be toning my thighs
and mayhaps my buttocks. So...
77
00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:21,982
-My bag.
-Oh.
78
00:04:22,058 --> 00:04:23,058
Yeah. Bye.
79
00:04:23,142 --> 00:04:24,812
Happy birthday, Bertie!
80
00:04:24,894 --> 00:04:27,564
Press your lower back down,
hold on behind your thighs,
81
00:04:27,647 --> 00:04:30,017
extend your legs up to a diagonal.
82
00:04:30,108 --> 00:04:33,238
Keep going. Exhale. Exhale.
83
00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:35,739
Okay, no hands touching. Thank you.
84
00:04:35,822 --> 00:04:37,492
-A little up. A little down.
-Oh, okay.
85
00:04:37,573 --> 00:04:39,373
-Yes, out. And in.
-Great.
86
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,200
-Two more times. Up.
-I got it, I think.
87
00:04:41,286 --> 00:04:42,656
-Down. Okay, out...
-Thank you.
88
00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:44,535
-Lift up.
-No.
89
00:04:44,622 --> 00:04:48,332
Switch. Curl. Switch. Curl.
90
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:52,798
Soften your knees more.
Draw your shoulders back. Tuck. Tuck.
91
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,840
Keep going. Just 50 more. Curl.
92
00:04:56,926 --> 00:04:59,256
-Pull your abdominals in. Lift--
-That's okay.
93
00:04:59,345 --> 00:05:01,305
You don't need to help me. Thank you.
94
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,595
This guy seemed nice.
95
00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:07,103
He was tall and not bald,
which never happens on Tinder.
96
00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,016
Uh-huh.
97
00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:13,404
I always match with these short, fat guys
who have no money.
98
00:05:13,484 --> 00:05:16,864
But this guy, he was handsome.
He was smart.
99
00:05:16,946 --> 00:05:19,526
-We go to this new Italian place.
-Uh-huh.
100
00:05:19,615 --> 00:05:22,785
-Oh, girl, hello. It was really good.
Yeah.
101
00:05:22,869 --> 00:05:25,539
-Mmm.
102
00:05:25,621 --> 00:05:30,881
-But, well, to make a long story short--
-Too late. Kidding. Kidding.
103
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,130
-Good morning.
So--
104
00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:33,671
Clayton!
105
00:05:33,755 --> 00:05:35,045
-Hey!
106
00:05:35,131 --> 00:05:37,131
Bye, Sandra. So great to chat.
107
00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:42,848
-I'm really good. It's so nice to see you.
-Yeah, you too.
108
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,350
-Hey.
-Hi, take it easy.
109
00:05:44,432 --> 00:05:45,682
-Bye, Sandra!
I have a bit of news.
110
00:05:47,101 --> 00:05:48,481
-It's my birthday.
111
00:05:48,561 --> 00:05:50,271
What? Happy birthday, Bertie!
112
00:05:50,354 --> 00:05:53,864
I went for a big, crazy weekend
with all my besties last weekend.
113
00:05:53,941 --> 00:05:55,691
We went on a big pub crawl.
114
00:05:55,777 --> 00:05:58,567
But it seems kind of weird
to not do anything tonight.
115
00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:00,784
It's your birthday.
You gotta do something.
116
00:06:00,865 --> 00:06:05,405
I was wondering if you would like to go
for a drink after work or something?
117
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:08,245
Oh, man, like, I would love to,
118
00:06:08,331 --> 00:06:12,841
but my girlfriend is real strict about me
not having any female friends.
119
00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,549
Right. Tight leash. I get it.
120
00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:17,469
Yeah. She says it'll lead
to emotional affairs
121
00:06:17,548 --> 00:06:21,258
and then, ultimately, that leads
to fucking. She's not wrong.
122
00:06:21,344 --> 00:06:24,814
I don't have any platonic friends.
I'm an extremely sexual person.
123
00:06:24,889 --> 00:06:27,389
If it's in front of me,
I'm probably gonna fuck it.
124
00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:30,685
Not what I was doing here.
But it's a no. That's cool. I get it.
125
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:33,770
But you have a good time.
Enjoy your birthday, B.
126
00:06:33,856 --> 00:06:35,316
Thank you so much. I will.
127
00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:37,319
-All right.
-It's gonna be fun. Whoo!
128
00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:45,829
If anybody's wondering,
I do have crab legs,
129
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:49,210
which is probably why it's so hard
to keep my pants on.
130
00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:50,705
Just having fun.
131
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:53,080
I'll be back to check on you.
All right? Great.
132
00:06:56,587 --> 00:06:57,587
-Hey. -Hey.
-Hey.
133
00:06:59,298 --> 00:07:03,338
Did you hear?
He went with the crab legs joke again.
134
00:07:03,427 --> 00:07:05,177
God. He's like a walking dad joke.
135
00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:07,973
If I'm working here when I'm 30,
light me on fire.
136
00:07:08,057 --> 00:07:11,477
And what the hell is he smiling about?
His life is so sad.
137
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:12,561
I know.
138
00:07:13,187 --> 00:07:15,357
Do you remember
when he brought his parents here?
139
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,030
He was so happy.
140
00:07:32,373 --> 00:07:33,883
Pinot noir.
-All right.
141
00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:39,915
And welcome to the Smoke House.
142
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,466
-Oh, you're here.
-Hey!
143
00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:43,759
What are you doing here?
I wasn't expecting you.
144
00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:47,931
You coming over tonight?
I can steal tiramisu from the kitchen.
145
00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:51,234
-There's, like, tons.
-Uh, hey, babe, just a heads-up.
146
00:07:51,309 --> 00:07:54,689
Tom is about to stop by.
He wanted to have lunch here.
147
00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:57,480
What
You told me you guys were separated.
148
00:07:57,565 --> 00:07:59,475
You said he doesn't respect
your spirituality.
149
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,937
We're separated.
We will be separated. Whatever.
150
00:08:02,028 --> 00:08:03,778
I tried to get him to go somewhere else,
151
00:08:03,863 --> 00:08:05,663
but he loves
the fucking onion blossom here.
152
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,330
Who doesn't? It's our signature dish.
153
00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:10,498
-This is gonna be awkward as--
-Hi. I'm so sorry.
154
00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:12,618
I got so caught up. I apologize.
155
00:08:12,705 --> 00:08:14,955
Could I get a bourbon, neat, please?
156
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,341
Oh, you'd actually go
through the bartender for drinks.
157
00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:18,668
-Oh, sorry.
158
00:08:18,753 --> 00:08:21,553
-Uh, can we start with a--
159
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,261
I'm a psychic, so...
160
00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:24,801
I'm playing with ya.
161
00:08:24,884 --> 00:08:26,844
-She told me that's what you want.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
162
00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:28,934
I'll put that in for you.
163
00:08:29,013 --> 00:08:30,603
-Thanks.
-Okay.
164
00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:31,561
-Hi.
-Hi.
165
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,351
Sorry I'm late. How's it going?
166
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:34,604
-Good.
-Good.
167
00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:38,185
So, bad news.
They don't have the moon roof...
168
00:08:38,272 --> 00:08:39,152
Oh, God.
169
00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:15,557
Enjoy.
170
00:09:19,272 --> 00:09:21,732
Hey! Bertie, you showed up.
171
00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:23,066
-Hi!
-That's so cool.
172
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,650
Well, I love cake, and I love free things.
173
00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:29,026
And come to think of it,
free is my favorite flavor.
174
00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:33,536
Yeah.
175
00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:36,119
Uh... You know what?
Let's get you a table.
176
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,246
-Follow me. We'll talk to the hostess.
-Great.
177
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:42,383
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
178
00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:47,261
♪ Happy birthday
Smoke House's favorite customer ♪
179
00:09:47,341 --> 00:09:51,351
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
180
00:09:55,099 --> 00:09:58,189
You want me to sing
"Happy Birthday" backwards?
181
00:09:58,269 --> 00:10:00,349
-Um, okay.
182
00:10:01,188 --> 00:10:06,858
♪ Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to... ♪
183
00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:09,906
I'm just being dumb.
184
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,200
Well, I love it here.
185
00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:13,783
It seems like the kind of place
186
00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:16,658
where someone would get gunned down
by the mob,
187
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:19,036
and wind up face down
in a plate of lamb chops.
188
00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:20,543
-It's really cool.
189
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,955
Yeah. It's a celeb hangout, too.
190
00:10:23,044 --> 00:10:26,844
We're actually sitting
in the George Clooney booth right now.
191
00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:28,172
-Yeah.
192
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:29,627
Well, as legend has it,
193
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:32,887
this is where he was sitting when he
got the call that he had booked ER.
194
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:33,800
Wow.
195
00:10:33,888 --> 00:10:38,348
Yeah, I mean, if these walls could talk,
like, they would be like, you know, "Lots of stuff has happened here!
All the big-time guys hang out here."
196
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:47,650
I have to admit I had, like, this fantasy
that for my first birthday in America,
197
00:10:47,735 --> 00:10:53,195
I would have a big party,
and there would be a celebrity there.
198
00:10:53,282 --> 00:10:55,122
Not like a Kardashian,
199
00:10:55,201 --> 00:10:59,371
but maybe someone
from The Bachelor or a CSI show,
200
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:02,825
and I could get a selfie with them
and send it to my family back home.
201
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:06,087
Apparently, when they were
filming Batman Returns,
202
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:09,220
um, Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer
and Danny DeVito
203
00:11:09,298 --> 00:11:11,258
would often have dinner here.
204
00:11:11,342 --> 00:11:14,302
Apparently, Danny DeVito
never broke character.
205
00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:16,467
He was always the penguin.
He would order as the Penguin.
206
00:11:16,555 --> 00:11:18,215
-Yeah.
207
00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:22,274
What else do you got planned
for your birthday?
208
00:11:22,978 --> 00:11:24,768
Oh, um...
209
00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:27,605
It's gonna be fun, I think. It will be...
210
00:11:27,691 --> 00:11:30,321
I'll probably meet up
with some other people,
211
00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:32,033
and we'll go and have, uh...
212
00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:35,743
go in a limo,
go for a pub crawl or something.
213
00:11:36,409 --> 00:11:41,079
Or maybe none of those things,
'cause I don't have any more plans.
214
00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:44,333
Bertie, it's your birthday!
-Yeah.
215
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,957
You gotta do something fun
on your birthday.
216
00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:49,172
I'm doing something fun tonight.
217
00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:50,512
-Yeah.
218
00:11:50,589 --> 00:11:53,379
I would love to have company
if you want to come with me.
219
00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:54,717
Aw...
220
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:58,392
-Yeah, okay. I think that would be great.
221
00:11:58,472 --> 00:11:59,472
What's up, Mike?
222
00:12:02,059 --> 00:12:04,729
He did that on purpose.
We have a whole thing.
223
00:12:06,188 --> 00:12:07,308
He's the weird one.
224
00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,190
Friggin' Mike.
225
00:12:11,777 --> 00:12:14,237
This isn't part of the adventure.
I gotta get gas.
226
00:12:14,321 --> 00:12:15,411
Got it.
-Okay.
227
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:20,410
All right.
228
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,252
I'll be right back.
Do you need anything from in there?
229
00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:27,922
Uh, chewing tobacco! Lots of it.
230
00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,552
-Just kidding.
-All right.
231
00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:33,008
Is this weird?
I like to pay inside.
232
00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:36,260
I just try and find human interaction
wherever I can in LA.
233
00:12:36,343 --> 00:12:38,303
That's a cool idea.
I'm gonna do that next time.
234
00:12:38,387 --> 00:12:40,927
Right
235
00:12:41,015 --> 00:12:43,425
Sorry, the "bitch" isn't directed at you.
236
00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:46,017
Oh, no, I get it.
The universe is your bitch.
237
00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:48,523
Exactly. Okay, I'll be right back.
238
00:12:48,606 --> 00:12:49,606
-Bye.
-Okay.
239
00:13:19,303 --> 00:13:20,473
It's pumping.
240
00:13:29,647 --> 00:13:31,607
-It clicks once it's done.
-Okay.
241
00:13:38,447 --> 00:13:40,197
-Thank you.
242
00:13:40,991 --> 00:13:43,161
-Chris!
243
00:13:43,744 --> 00:13:45,664
Yeah. You gotta wait for it.
244
00:13:46,413 --> 00:13:49,123
Oh, my gosh!
245
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:52,418
This is probably one
of my favorite things,
246
00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:53,503
probably of all time.
247
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:55,757
Is this where you come to dance
when you're sad, like Kevin Bacon in Footloose?
248
00:13:58,092 --> 00:13:59,722
No!
249
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,850
Oh, wow!
250
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,520
What is this?
251
00:14:04,598 --> 00:14:08,228
W818, the best of Van Nuys wrestling!
252
00:14:08,310 --> 00:14:11,150
Oh, my God. This is crazy!
253
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:16,030
I love how in LA the best stuff is always
in the most unexpected places.
254
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:19,490
Like, there'll be really good sushi
in a weird strip mall.
255
00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:22,781
That's the only example
I can think of, actually. You're the first person I've brought here.
256
00:14:25,202 --> 00:14:26,372
-Yeah.
257
00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:27,583
Well, I'm honored.
258
00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:30,124
Suck it, Chris' other friends.
259
00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:31,957
Right?
260
00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,542
-It's scary.
Hey, my man!
261
00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:35,047
-You made it!
262
00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,259
Hey, what's going on? Hey!
263
00:14:37,339 --> 00:14:38,919
Oh, have you guys ever met Bertie?
264
00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,798
This is Frank and Allan
from the Springwood.
265
00:14:40,885 --> 00:14:43,425
-Hi.
-They introduced me to this place.
266
00:14:43,512 --> 00:14:45,012
Kind of like Springwood royalty.
267
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:47,347
-Oh, well, very nice to meet you.
-Stop.
268
00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:49,643
-This place is amazing.
269
00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:51,227
Sit down. We got seats for you.
270
00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:52,652
-Let's go.
Thank you.
271
00:14:52,730 --> 00:14:56,030
They got wrestling here.
They shoot porno down the block.
272
00:14:56,108 --> 00:14:57,648
Very versatile neighborhood.
273
00:14:58,235 --> 00:15:00,025
And surprisingly good schools.
274
00:15:00,613 --> 00:15:03,823
Chris, is tonight the night you're gonna
go up and show us what you got?
275
00:15:03,908 --> 00:15:05,158
-Nah...
-Nah.
276
00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:07,792
Every month he comes
and chickens out on the action.
277
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:14,040
Who is that guy? He seems really good.
278
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:18,416
Oh, yeah. That is Colin Follenweider.
I worship him.
279
00:15:19,423 --> 00:15:20,303
Who is that?
280
00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:23,512
Okay. She is awesome.
She calls herself Mayday Marge.
281
00:15:23,594 --> 00:15:26,394
Oh, she should be called Marge in Charge.
282
00:15:26,472 --> 00:15:27,472
Oh, yeah, right?
283
00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:29,806
Or Sarge Marge 'cause of her outfit.
284
00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:31,602
Holy shit! You should tell her!
285
00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:33,555
-Okay, I will.
286
00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:36,356
Actually, she looks a bit scary,
so I don't want to.
287
00:16:03,509 --> 00:16:06,759
Kill her! Kill her! Fucking kill her!
288
00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:08,255
Kill her!
289
00:16:09,556 --> 00:16:11,846
Holy shit, Bertie.
You've been screaming all night.
290
00:16:16,605 --> 00:16:18,565
You got a real fire inside you.
291
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:22,319
Oh, my God.
Colin Follenweider is walking towards me.
292
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:24,863
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-Listen to you.
293
00:16:24,947 --> 00:16:27,157
Two hours ago, you had no idea who he was.
294
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,831
-Two hours ago, I was an idiot.
295
00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:30,539
Hi, Bertie. I heard a rumor
296
00:16:30,619 --> 00:16:33,749
that you need a picture taken
for a very special occasion.
297
00:16:33,831 --> 00:16:35,001
It's not a rumor. I told him.
298
00:16:35,082 --> 00:16:37,672
-He told me.
-Mr. Follenweider, I would love that.
299
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:38,751
Can you take it on my phone?
300
00:16:38,836 --> 00:16:40,086
Let's get the ring in the background.
301
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,510
Good idea.
302
00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:43,088
-You can call me Colin.
-Okay, Colin.
303
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:50,471
-Epic! One, two, three.
304
00:16:50,556 --> 00:16:52,926
-Got it.
-I gotta get back to the ring.
305
00:16:53,017 --> 00:16:57,557
-I hope you have a great birthday, Bertie.
-Thank you so much. Break a leg.
306
00:16:57,646 --> 00:16:59,436
Someone else's.
307
00:17:00,024 --> 00:17:01,034
Thanks, CF.
308
00:17:01,108 --> 00:17:03,238
-That was incredible.
309
00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:06,158
Oh, my God. I'm texting that
to my mom right now.
310
00:17:06,238 --> 00:17:07,908
-I'll get us beers.
-Thanks.
311
00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:08,990
Yeah.
312
00:17:11,452 --> 00:17:12,582
Hey, what's up, Rex?
313
00:17:14,204 --> 00:17:15,214
Excuse us. Thank you.
314
00:17:18,751 --> 00:17:19,751
He's Scottish.
315
00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:21,837
-I love it.
-Yeah.
316
00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:28,007
But, man, Australia, huh?
What even gave you the balls to move here?
317
00:17:28,093 --> 00:17:29,303
Ah.
318
00:17:29,386 --> 00:17:33,426
Okay. Why I Left Australia
by Bertie Bauer.
319
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:39,937
I had this boyfriend. And we had known
each other since we were in year seven.
320
00:17:40,022 --> 00:17:45,322
And I worked at this flower shop Petals.
Very chic flower shop.
321
00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:50,032
I drowned thousands of maidenhair ferns
while I worked there.
322
00:17:50,115 --> 00:17:53,235
But, you know,
I was there for eight years.
323
00:17:53,327 --> 00:17:54,237
Wow.
324
00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:57,208
And one day, I just flipped out,
325
00:17:57,289 --> 00:18:01,419
and I decided I wanted
to move over here and start over.
326
00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:06,262
So I told my boyfriend
that I'd gotten a job over here,
327
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:09,130
which, as you probably guessed, was a lie.
328
00:18:09,802 --> 00:18:14,892
And, yeah, I just wanted to get away
from him and from my apartment
329
00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:16,483
and my old life.
330
00:18:17,351 --> 00:18:18,271
Sorry.
331
00:18:18,352 --> 00:18:21,442
No! Good for you.
332
00:18:21,522 --> 00:18:24,482
I mean, you're here now, right?
That's the cool part.
333
00:18:25,025 --> 00:18:27,275
That flower store sounded cool, too.
334
00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:31,951
Yeah, but now I've just settled
for another kind of comfortable situation.
335
00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:35,406
Oh, I remember you said you...
336
00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:39,458
have a habit of doing that
at Mickey's work thing.
337
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:43,630
But, I mean, Randy seems
like a good guy, right?
338
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,460
-Oh, yeah. I didn't mean...
-Yeah.
339
00:18:46,547 --> 00:18:49,377
-I wasn't necessarily talking about that.
-Oh, yeah.
340
00:18:49,466 --> 00:18:51,756
I just mean, I wanna try new things
341
00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:57,644
and have more exciting nights like this
and jump off the top turnbuckle of life.
342
00:18:57,724 --> 00:19:01,484
Dude, me too! Like, oh, God...
343
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,560
Look at me. I'm such a wimp.
344
00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:06,437
I've been coming here for months
and haven't wrestled once.
345
00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:08,779
Well, why not? You should try it.
346
00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:11,411
Excuse me. Hi.
347
00:19:11,488 --> 00:19:15,738
Hi. Does anyone here by any chance
need someone to wrestle with tonight?
348
00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:23,828
Whoa!
349
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:25,377
It's Cremator time!
350
00:19:37,973 --> 00:19:42,353
Hey, Keith! You suck! Big time!
351
00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:44,056
What'd you say?
352
00:19:44,146 --> 00:19:46,816
Oh, you didn't hear?
Maybe you need a hearing aid!
353
00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:50,779
I said, Keith the Cremator sucks!
354
00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:53,531
My little niece Julia
hits harder than that,
355
00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:54,874
and she's only five!
356
00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:58,289
Keith's coming for him, everyone!
This is unplanned!
357
00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:01,458
Watch out, Chris. Control your mind
and you control your body.
358
00:20:01,538 --> 00:20:06,078
-Keith, tear his fucking balls off!
-Keith the Cremator sucks!
359
00:20:06,168 --> 00:20:08,668
Keith the Cremator sucks!
360
00:20:08,754 --> 00:20:12,724
Keith the Cremator sucks!
Keith the Cremator sucks!
361
00:20:12,799 --> 00:20:14,929
Keith the Cremator sucks!
362
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,510
All right, big mouth, you so tough?
363
00:20:16,595 --> 00:20:18,215
Get in this ring and show me what's up!
364
00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:20,135
-Yeah, you!
365
00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:21,394
All right. You got it, pal!
366
00:20:22,434 --> 00:20:26,774
Ladies and gentlemen,
W818 Van Nuys Wrestling presents
367
00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:30,935
Keith the Cremator
versus an audience member!
368
00:20:31,026 --> 00:20:34,946
-You messed with the wrong dude!
369
00:20:42,246 --> 00:20:44,246
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
370
00:20:47,709 --> 00:20:52,209
Why don't you pick on
somebody your own size, buster?
371
00:21:06,853 --> 00:21:08,023
Take it easy.
372
00:21:14,903 --> 00:21:16,363
It's getting hot in here!
373
00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:22,618
He picked him up by his face!
374
00:21:29,167 --> 00:21:31,127
Cremator time, baby!
375
00:21:35,757 --> 00:21:39,007
♪ What a day for a daydream ♪
376
00:21:40,137 --> 00:21:43,847
♪ What a day for a daydreamin' boy ♪
377
00:21:43,932 --> 00:21:47,482
♪ And I'm lost in a daydream ♪
378
00:21:48,562 --> 00:21:52,022
♪ Dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy ♪
379
00:21:52,816 --> 00:21:56,646
♪ And even if time ain't really
On my side ♪
380
00:21:57,237 --> 00:22:00,907
♪ It's one of those days
For takin' a walk outside ♪
381
00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:03,160
♪ I'm blowin' the day to-- ♪
382
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:07,959
The winner is...
383
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,210
-Let's go check him out!
-Oh, my gosh!
384
00:22:10,292 --> 00:22:13,712
Keith the Cremator!
385
00:22:16,089 --> 00:22:17,509
Oh, my God!
386
00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:20,391
Chris, that was so good!
387
00:22:20,969 --> 00:22:25,179
I really felt like you had a long,
uncomfortable history with the Cremator.
388
00:22:25,265 --> 00:22:27,265
Holy shit! That felt amazing!
389
00:22:27,350 --> 00:22:30,060
You know what I did?
I thought about Mike from the steak house.
390
00:22:30,145 --> 00:22:33,315
Guy doesn't even memorize the specials.
That's so fuckin' lazy, right?
391
00:22:33,398 --> 00:22:35,278
-That was awesome.
-Thanks, man.
392
00:22:35,358 --> 00:22:36,528
I'm proud of you!
393
00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:38,450
Oh, shit. You got blood.
394
00:22:38,528 --> 00:22:39,908
Huh?
395
00:22:39,988 --> 00:22:42,318
I'm bleeding
396
00:22:42,407 --> 00:22:44,027
Holy shit, my first battle wound!
397
00:22:44,117 --> 00:22:47,327
You better stay away from vampires,
'cause they're gonna tear you up.
398
00:22:47,412 --> 00:22:48,752
Hilarious, Bertie.
399
00:22:49,498 --> 00:22:50,828
All right. Come on, let's go.
400
00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:53,088
-You do look cool.
401
00:22:53,168 --> 00:22:57,008
Like a brave soldier
with a very small cut on his head.
402
00:22:57,089 --> 00:22:59,719
Ah, I'm still pumped.
403
00:23:02,052 --> 00:23:03,222
Phew.
404
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,260
I needed that.
405
00:23:05,764 --> 00:23:09,274
It felt like a little push
in the right direction or something.
406
00:23:10,102 --> 00:23:13,562
Now I can't seem
to shake Mike from my brain!
407
00:23:13,647 --> 00:23:16,777
Oh, sorry.
Is it really that bad with this guy?
408
00:23:16,858 --> 00:23:20,568
I feel like a lot of the waiters there
think I'm a joke.
409
00:23:21,279 --> 00:23:25,699
I moved to LA to be a stuntman,
and I'm not even close to doing it at all.
410
00:23:25,784 --> 00:23:28,584
Chin up!
You got pushed through a table tonight.
411
00:23:28,662 --> 00:23:30,712
Yeah, I did.
412
00:23:31,623 --> 00:23:32,753
I don't know.
413
00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:36,502
I've got three months left
on my lease at the Springwood. Part of me feels like
maybe I shouldn't renew it.
414
00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,299
You're thinking about leaving?
415
00:23:42,384 --> 00:23:44,974
Maybe it'd be easier
to move back to Chicago
416
00:23:45,053 --> 00:23:47,813
and not have to pay $2,300 a month
in rent.
417
00:23:47,889 --> 00:23:50,599
Holy shit! I thought you lived there
because it's cheap.
418
00:23:51,268 --> 00:23:52,978
No, that place is a paradise.
419
00:23:53,603 --> 00:23:56,273
You do realize all those apartments
are fully furnished, right?
420
00:23:57,107 --> 00:24:01,237
Listen, you've got three months left
on that lease. Let's make them count.
421
00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:02,489
You're not leaving LA
422
00:24:02,571 --> 00:24:04,741
until you've given it a real shot
as a stuntman,
423
00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:08,583
and I'll try to do something new and cool
in that time, too.
424
00:24:09,244 --> 00:24:10,584
Like go back to Bar Body.
425
00:24:10,996 --> 00:24:14,166
I really hated it,
but I paid a lot for the classes.
426
00:24:14,249 --> 00:24:16,129
-He's-- He--
427
00:24:16,710 --> 00:24:18,460
That happens sometimes in here.
428
00:24:18,545 --> 00:24:20,835
-I don't care. It's cool.
-Very casual.
429
00:24:22,424 --> 00:24:26,144
Well, thank you for the most
action-packed birthday ever.
430
00:24:26,219 --> 00:24:28,179
Awesome night.
431
00:24:28,972 --> 00:24:31,522
How about a birthday hug
and then I'll let you go?
432
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,810
-Okay.
433
00:24:42,068 --> 00:24:43,068
Oh, Bertie, wait.
434
00:24:44,196 --> 00:24:45,406
I didn't get your number.
435
00:24:46,239 --> 00:24:47,239
Yeah.
436
00:24:47,324 --> 00:24:48,664
You want to do that?
437
00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,992
-Let's swap numbers.
438
00:24:51,453 --> 00:24:53,503
-That's easy.
439
00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:54,580
Here you go.
440
00:24:59,586 --> 00:25:00,996
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
441
00:25:02,339 --> 00:25:03,419
Happy birthday again.
442
00:25:03,506 --> 00:25:06,886
-Thank you. You made it so fun.
-Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming with.
443
00:25:06,968 --> 00:25:08,798
-And get home safe.
-You, too.
444
00:25:08,887 --> 00:25:09,887
Thanks. -Night!
-Bye.
445
00:25:13,683 --> 00:25:14,563
Bye.
446
00:25:24,736 --> 00:25:25,856
Randy?
447
00:25:26,446 --> 00:25:27,446
Hey, Bertie.
448
00:25:32,869 --> 00:25:34,159
What is all this?
449
00:25:34,246 --> 00:25:36,536
I wanted to give you something special
for your birthday, but...
450
00:25:37,082 --> 00:25:40,502
since I was trapped in the house all day,
I had to Postmates this cake.
451
00:25:41,086 --> 00:25:42,836
That is so nice.
452
00:25:51,388 --> 00:25:53,888
-It melted a little bit.
-Mm-hmm.
453
00:25:57,811 --> 00:26:01,021
I also bought you some fresh toilet paper.
454
00:26:01,731 --> 00:26:06,441
But I had to open it
and use some of it, so...
455
00:26:07,028 --> 00:26:09,108
Oh, wow!
456
00:26:09,197 --> 00:26:11,237
It smells so good in here.
457
00:26:11,866 --> 00:26:16,906
Yeah. I lit all your scented candles
because of, you know...
458
00:26:17,664 --> 00:26:19,214
the shit smell.
459
00:26:20,292 --> 00:26:22,462
I'm sorry I couldn't hang out
with you today.
460
00:26:23,211 --> 00:26:24,881
Happy birthday, Bertie bear.
461
00:26:25,547 --> 00:26:27,917
Aw... Thanks, bear.
462
00:26:34,180 --> 00:26:35,180
What are you gonna wish for?
463
00:26:36,474 --> 00:26:38,854
Oh... I can't tell.
464
00:26:39,811 --> 00:26:41,311
Otherwise, it won't work.
465
00:26:44,816 --> 00:26:45,816
I wished for...
466
00:26:46,484 --> 00:26:50,244
my colonoscopy to come back positive or...
467
00:26:51,197 --> 00:26:53,527
you know, everything to come back good.
468
00:26:53,616 --> 00:26:54,776
Yeah.
469
00:26:54,868 --> 00:26:55,868
Should we eat?
470
00:27:00,498 --> 00:27:01,788
I guess.
471
00:27:19,851 --> 00:27:23,901
♪ And after all's been said and done ♪
472
00:27:24,356 --> 00:27:27,936
♪ Who said it best ♪
473
00:27:28,735 --> 00:27:30,895
♪ Let's just forget ♪
474
00:27:30,987 --> 00:27:34,237
♪ Leave it behind and carry on ♪
475
00:27:37,869 --> 00:27:41,919
♪ If you should find the time to speak ♪
476
00:27:42,374 --> 00:27:44,584
♪ Then speak to me ♪
477
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:51,257
♪ I'd never keep you
From your final destiny ♪
478
00:27:51,341 --> 00:27:53,131
♪ So carry on ♪
479
00:27:55,762 --> 00:28:00,432
♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪
480
00:28:00,517 --> 00:28:04,937
♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪ ♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪
481
00:28:09,526 --> 00:28:11,276
♪ So carry on ♪
482
00:28:49,774 --> 00:28:54,204
♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪
483
00:28:54,279 --> 00:28:58,829
♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪
484
00:28:58,908 --> 00:29:03,288
♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪
485
00:29:03,371 --> 00:29:04,961
♪ So carry on ♪
486
00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:12,046
♪ And now that all's been said and done ♪
487
00:29:12,547 --> 00:29:16,217
♪ Who said it best ♪
488
00:29:17,093 --> 00:29:21,393
♪ Let's just forget, leave it behind ♪