1 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,600 [Randy snoring] 2 00:00:14,519 --> 00:00:16,269 [ringing] 3 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,410 Okay, sorry. Hello, family. 4 00:00:26,489 --> 00:00:28,199 [mom] Let's find the surprise. 5 00:00:28,283 --> 00:00:30,123 Where's the surprise? 6 00:00:30,201 --> 00:00:31,751 Here's the surprise! 7 00:00:31,828 --> 00:00:33,038 -Surprise! -Granny! 8 00:00:33,121 --> 00:00:34,831 -Oh, my gosh. -[all laughing] 9 00:00:34,914 --> 00:00:37,924 -Oh, Grandma, I miss you. -[Granny] Hello, lovey. 10 00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:39,341 [all exclaiming] 11 00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,379 [mom] Bertie, blow out the candles. 12 00:00:41,463 --> 00:00:44,513 Oh, well, now, you know I can't, 'cause I'm not there. 13 00:00:44,591 --> 00:00:46,301 -I hope you don't want me to-- -Blow on the screen! 14 00:00:46,384 --> 00:00:48,974 Well, okay. [blowing] 15 00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:51,595 [all cheering] 16 00:00:52,474 --> 00:00:57,154 Bertie, what are you going to do to celebrate without us? 17 00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,518 Oh, um... 18 00:00:59,064 --> 00:01:00,524 I don't really know. 19 00:01:00,607 --> 00:01:03,857 Um... But I think Mickey's got something planned. 20 00:01:03,943 --> 00:01:08,533 I'll probably just spend some time with all of my friends here in LA. 21 00:01:08,615 --> 00:01:10,525 There's always something great to do here. 22 00:01:10,617 --> 00:01:12,237 So, it's gonna be good. 23 00:01:12,327 --> 00:01:14,327 I'm so jealous. I wanna come visit. 24 00:01:14,412 --> 00:01:16,712 But Mom says if I go, she has to come, too. 25 00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:17,920 -It's not fair. -No. 26 00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:19,749 Oh, well, what's wrong with that? 27 00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:25,094 A mom and her two daughters doing lovely things in LA together. 28 00:01:25,173 --> 00:01:28,133 -Oh, how cool would that be? -That would be really cool. 29 00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:31,968 Um, anyway, guys, it's been so nice chatting to you, 30 00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:34,425 and I'm happy to see you, and I love you so much, 31 00:01:34,516 --> 00:01:38,306 but I do really wanna get a little bit more rest before my big day of fun. 32 00:01:38,394 --> 00:01:41,114 So I'm gonna have to say goodbye for now, okay? 33 00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:44,779 -Bye, Bertie, I miss you. I love you! -Your Uncle Basil died! 34 00:01:44,859 --> 00:01:45,859 Bye. 35 00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:50,910 -[sighs] -[theme music playing] 36 00:02:11,219 --> 00:02:12,099 Hey. 37 00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:14,012 How'd you sleep? 38 00:02:15,098 --> 00:02:16,218 How did I sleep? 39 00:02:17,016 --> 00:02:20,346 That's a little creepy. Seems like a kinda personal question. 40 00:02:20,436 --> 00:02:23,396 I was just trying to have some normal breakfast conversation. 41 00:02:24,107 --> 00:02:26,567 -We're out of toilet paper. -Then buy some. 42 00:02:26,651 --> 00:02:28,821 Ladies should choose the toilet paper they want 43 00:02:28,903 --> 00:02:31,363 because you have to use it in two different areas. 44 00:02:31,447 --> 00:02:33,617 Just tell me what you want, and I can get it for ya. 45 00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:36,409 Good morning, everyone. 46 00:02:36,494 --> 00:02:39,794 -Guess whose birthday it is today. -Uh, Dakota Fanning? 47 00:02:40,665 --> 00:02:43,915 -Oh, wait. That's in February, right? -No. No, close. 48 00:02:44,002 --> 00:02:45,672 It's me, Bertie Beverly Bauer. 49 00:02:45,753 --> 00:02:47,553 "Sweet as honey 'cause she's got three Bs." 50 00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:50,930 -That's what Daddy used to say. -Bertie, happy birthday! 51 00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:53,639 Holy shit. Happy birthday! I feel bad I didn't know. 52 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,680 -I'm usually on top of that kind of thing. -Oh, you are? Hmm. 53 00:02:57,765 --> 00:02:59,765 I'm sorry. Why didn't you fucking tell me? 54 00:02:59,851 --> 00:03:01,231 I would have gotten you a stripper 55 00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,941 to come serve you breakfast in bed or something. 56 00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:07,072 Oh, didn't I mention it? I guess, my mistake. 57 00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:10,530 It's my first birthday in America. Yankee doodle birthday! 58 00:03:10,612 --> 00:03:13,072 I was hoping you guys would join me celebrating tonight. 59 00:03:13,656 --> 00:03:17,946 Oh, shit. Bertie, I wish I could, but I can't tonight. I got... 60 00:03:18,536 --> 00:03:21,746 This is kind of embarrassing. I have a colonoscopy tomorrow. 61 00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:24,127 Dr. Schnittman fit me in at the last minute. 62 00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:26,421 It's really hard to get an appointment. 63 00:03:26,502 --> 00:03:27,502 He's the best in the West. 64 00:03:27,587 --> 00:03:29,877 I have to chug this gross, gray drink all night 65 00:03:29,964 --> 00:03:31,474 to clear me out for the procedure. 66 00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:35,179 You turn into a faucet, and things pour out of you, basically. 67 00:03:35,261 --> 00:03:36,301 I have to be close to a toilet. 68 00:03:36,387 --> 00:03:38,927 Schnittman says don't go more than ten feet from a toilet, 69 00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:41,385 or there's gonna be some sort of disaster. 70 00:03:41,476 --> 00:03:44,686 And you're gonna be shitting all of that out at our place? 71 00:03:44,771 --> 00:03:47,321 Yeah, in the bathroom. 72 00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:50,318 So you're definitely buying us some fucking toilet paper. 73 00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:52,700 Yeah, I'll get you toilet paper. 74 00:03:53,321 --> 00:03:57,031 Oh, before I forget, can you drive me to my colonoscopy tomorrow? 75 00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:59,366 Absolutely. That's fine by me. 76 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:02,292 Bertie, I'm so sorry. I can't, either. 77 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:05,122 We're interviewing this sex worker. Tonight's the only night she can do it. 78 00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:09,128 No. No worries, really. It's my fault for not alerting you earlier. 79 00:04:09,629 --> 00:04:10,919 Um, well, that's fine. 80 00:04:11,005 --> 00:04:14,675 I'm gonna go start my year off right by going to Bar Body, 81 00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:18,969 where I'll be toning my thighs and mayhaps my buttocks. So... 82 00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:21,982 -My bag. -Oh. 83 00:04:22,058 --> 00:04:23,058 Yeah. Bye. 84 00:04:23,142 --> 00:04:24,812 [both] Happy birthday, Bertie! 85 00:04:24,894 --> 00:04:27,564 Press your lower back down, hold on behind your thighs, 86 00:04:27,647 --> 00:04:30,017 extend your legs up to a diagonal. 87 00:04:30,108 --> 00:04:33,238 Keep going. Exhale. Exhale. 88 00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:35,739 Okay, no hands touching. Thank you. 89 00:04:35,822 --> 00:04:37,492 -A little up. A little down. -Oh, okay. 90 00:04:37,573 --> 00:04:39,373 -Yes, out. And in. -Great. 91 00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,200 -Two more times. Up. -I got it, I think. 92 00:04:41,286 --> 00:04:42,656 -Down. Okay, out... -Thank you. 93 00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:44,535 -Lift up. -No. 94 00:04:44,622 --> 00:04:48,332 Switch. Curl. Switch. Curl. 95 00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:52,798 Soften your knees more. Draw your shoulders back. Tuck. Tuck. 96 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,840 Keep going. Just 50 more. Curl. 97 00:04:56,926 --> 00:04:59,256 -Pull your abdominals in. Lift-- -That's okay. 98 00:04:59,345 --> 00:05:01,305 You don't need to help me. Thank you. 99 00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,595 This guy seemed nice. 100 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:07,103 He was tall and not bald, which never happens on Tinder. 101 00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,016 Uh-huh. 102 00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:13,404 I always match with these short, fat guys who have no money. 103 00:05:13,484 --> 00:05:16,864 But this guy, he was handsome. He was smart. 104 00:05:16,946 --> 00:05:19,526 -We go to this new Italian place. -Uh-huh. 105 00:05:19,615 --> 00:05:22,785 -Oh, girl, hello. It was really good. -[chuckles] Yeah. 106 00:05:22,869 --> 00:05:25,539 -So, I planned on going home, you know? -Mmm. 107 00:05:25,621 --> 00:05:30,881 -But, well, to make a long story short-- -Too late. Kidding. Kidding. 108 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,130 -Good morning. -[woman] So-- 109 00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:33,671 Clayton! 110 00:05:33,755 --> 00:05:35,045 -What's up? -Hey! 111 00:05:35,131 --> 00:05:37,131 Bye, Sandra. So great to chat. 112 00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:39,136 -How are you? -Good. How about you? 113 00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:42,848 -I'm really good. It's so nice to see you. -Yeah, you too. 114 00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,350 -Hey. -Hi, take it easy. 115 00:05:44,432 --> 00:05:45,682 -Bye, Sandra! -How you doing? I have a bit of news. 116 00:05:47,101 --> 00:05:48,481 -What's up? -It's my birthday. 117 00:05:48,561 --> 00:05:50,271 What? Happy birthday, Bertie! 118 00:05:50,354 --> 00:05:53,864 I went for a big, crazy weekend with all my besties last weekend. 119 00:05:53,941 --> 00:05:55,691 We went on a big pub crawl. 120 00:05:55,777 --> 00:05:58,567 But it seems kind of weird to not do anything tonight. 121 00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:00,784 It's your birthday. You gotta do something. 122 00:06:00,865 --> 00:06:05,405 I was wondering if you would like to go for a drink after work or something? 123 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:08,245 Oh, man, like, I would love to, 124 00:06:08,331 --> 00:06:12,841 but my girlfriend is real strict about me not having any female friends. 125 00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,549 Right. Tight leash. I get it. 126 00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:17,469 Yeah. She says it'll lead to emotional affairs 127 00:06:17,548 --> 00:06:21,258 and then, ultimately, that leads to fucking. She's not wrong. 128 00:06:21,344 --> 00:06:24,814 I don't have any platonic friends. I'm an extremely sexual person. 129 00:06:24,889 --> 00:06:27,389 If it's in front of me, I'm probably gonna fuck it. 130 00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:30,685 Not what I was doing here. But it's a no. That's cool. I get it. 131 00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:33,770 But you have a good time. Enjoy your birthday, B. 132 00:06:33,856 --> 00:06:35,316 Thank you so much. I will. 133 00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:37,319 -All right. -It's gonna be fun. Whoo! 134 00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:45,829 [Chris] If anybody's wondering, I do have crab legs, 135 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:49,210 which is probably why it's so hard to keep my pants on. [chuckles] 136 00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:50,705 Just having fun. 137 00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:53,080 I'll be back to check on you. All right? Great. 138 00:06:56,587 --> 00:06:57,587 -What's up, guys? -Hey. -Hey. -Hey. 139 00:06:59,298 --> 00:07:03,338 [chuckles] Did you hear? He went with the crab legs joke again. 140 00:07:03,427 --> 00:07:05,177 God. He's like a walking dad joke. 141 00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:07,973 If I'm working here when I'm 30, light me on fire. 142 00:07:08,057 --> 00:07:11,477 And what the hell is he smiling about? His life is so sad. 143 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:12,561 I know. 144 00:07:13,187 --> 00:07:15,357 [waiter 1] Do you remember when he brought his parents here? 145 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,030 -How excited he was? -[waiter 2] He was so happy. 146 00:07:32,373 --> 00:07:33,883 -[woman] Pinot noir. -All right. 147 00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:39,915 And welcome to the Smoke House. 148 00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,466 -Oh, you're here. -Hey! 149 00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:43,759 What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you. 150 00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:47,931 You coming over tonight? I can steal tiramisu from the kitchen. 151 00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:51,234 -There's, like, tons. -Uh, hey, babe, just a heads-up. 152 00:07:51,309 --> 00:07:54,689 Tom is about to stop by. He wanted to have lunch here. [sighs] 153 00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:57,480 What? Why? You told me you guys were separated. 154 00:07:57,565 --> 00:07:59,475 You said he doesn't respect your spirituality. 155 00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,937 We're separated. We will be separated. Whatever. 156 00:08:02,028 --> 00:08:03,778 I tried to get him to go somewhere else, 157 00:08:03,863 --> 00:08:05,663 but he loves the fucking onion blossom here. 158 00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,330 Who doesn't? It's our signature dish. 159 00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:10,498 -This is gonna be awkward as-- -Hi. I'm so sorry. 160 00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:12,618 I got so caught up. I apologize. 161 00:08:12,705 --> 00:08:14,955 Could I get a bourbon, neat, please? 162 00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,341 Oh, you'd actually go through the bartender for drinks. 163 00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:18,668 -Oh, sorry. -Yeah. [chuckles] 164 00:08:18,753 --> 00:08:21,553 -Uh, can we start with a-- -Uh, an onion blossom? 165 00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,261 I'm a psychic, so... [chuckles] 166 00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:24,801 I'm playing with ya. 167 00:08:24,884 --> 00:08:26,844 -She told me that's what you want. -Oh, I'm sorry. 168 00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:28,934 I'll put that in for you. 169 00:08:29,013 --> 00:08:30,603 -Thanks. -Okay. 170 00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:31,561 -Hi. -Hi. 171 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,351 Sorry I'm late. How's it going? 172 00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:34,604 -Good. -Good. 173 00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:38,185 [Tom] So, bad news. They don't have the moon roof... 174 00:08:38,272 --> 00:08:39,152 [woman] Oh, God. 175 00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:15,557 Enjoy. 176 00:09:19,272 --> 00:09:21,732 [chuckles] Hey! Bertie, you showed up. 177 00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:23,066 -Hi! -That's so cool. 178 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,650 Well, I love cake, and I love free things. 179 00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:29,026 And come to think of it, free is my favorite flavor. 180 00:09:29,115 --> 00:09:30,945 [laughing] 181 00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:33,536 Yeah. 182 00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:36,119 Uh... You know what? Let's get you a table. 183 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,246 -Follow me. We'll talk to the hostess. -Great. 184 00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:42,383 [waiters] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 185 00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:47,261 ♪ Happy birthday Smoke House's favorite customer ♪ 186 00:09:47,341 --> 00:09:51,351 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 187 00:09:51,429 --> 00:09:52,599 [Chris chuckles] 188 00:09:55,099 --> 00:09:58,189 You want me to sing "Happy Birthday" backwards? 189 00:09:58,269 --> 00:10:00,349 -Um, okay. -Okay. [clears throat] 190 00:10:01,188 --> 00:10:06,858 ♪ Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to... ♪ 191 00:10:06,944 --> 00:10:08,614 [Chris and Bertie chuckling] 192 00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:09,906 I'm just being dumb. 193 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,200 Well, I love it here. 194 00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:13,783 It seems like the kind of place 195 00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:16,658 where someone would get gunned down by the mob, 196 00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:19,036 and wind up face down in a plate of lamb chops. 197 00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:20,543 -Right? -It's really cool. 198 00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,955 Yeah. It's a celeb hangout, too. 199 00:10:23,044 --> 00:10:26,844 We're actually sitting in the George Clooney booth right now. 200 00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:28,172 -Really? -Yeah. 201 00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:29,627 Well, as legend has it, 202 00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:32,887 this is where he was sitting when he got the call that he had booked ER. 203 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:33,800 Wow. 204 00:10:33,888 --> 00:10:38,348 Yeah, I mean, if these walls could talk, like, they would be like, you know, "Lots of stuff has happened here! All the big-time guys hang out here." 205 00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:47,650 I have to admit I had, like, this fantasy that for my first birthday in America, 206 00:10:47,735 --> 00:10:53,195 I would have a big party, and there would be a celebrity there. 207 00:10:53,282 --> 00:10:55,122 Not like a Kardashian, 208 00:10:55,201 --> 00:10:59,371 but maybe someone from The Bachelor or a CSI show, 209 00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:02,825 and I could get a selfie with them and send it to my family back home. 210 00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:06,087 Apparently, when they were filming Batman Returns, 211 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:09,220 um, Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito 212 00:11:09,298 --> 00:11:11,258 would often have dinner here. 213 00:11:11,342 --> 00:11:14,302 Apparently, Danny DeVito never broke character. 214 00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:16,467 He was always the penguin. He would order as the Penguin. 215 00:11:16,555 --> 00:11:18,215 -That's so cool. [chuckles] -Yeah. 216 00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:22,274 What else do you got planned for your birthday? 217 00:11:22,978 --> 00:11:24,768 Oh, um... 218 00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:27,605 It's gonna be fun, I think. It will be... 219 00:11:27,691 --> 00:11:30,321 I'll probably meet up with some other people, 220 00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:32,033 and we'll go and have, uh... 221 00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:35,743 go in a limo, go for a pub crawl or something. 222 00:11:36,409 --> 00:11:41,079 Or maybe none of those things, 'cause I don't have any more plans. 223 00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:44,333 -What? Bertie, it's your birthday! -Yeah. 224 00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,957 You gotta do something fun on your birthday. 225 00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:49,172 I'm doing something fun tonight. 226 00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:50,512 -Really? -Yeah. 227 00:11:50,589 --> 00:11:53,379 I would love to have company if you want to come with me. 228 00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:54,717 Aw... 229 00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:58,392 -Yeah, okay. I think that would be great. -That's awesome. [chuckles] 230 00:11:58,472 --> 00:11:59,472 What's up, Mike? 231 00:12:02,059 --> 00:12:04,729 He did that on purpose. We have a whole thing. 232 00:12:06,188 --> 00:12:07,308 He's the weird one. 233 00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,190 Friggin' Mike. [chuckling] 234 00:12:11,777 --> 00:12:14,237 This isn't part of the adventure. I gotta get gas. 235 00:12:14,321 --> 00:12:15,411 -[Bertie] Got it. -Okay. 236 00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:20,410 All right. 237 00:12:20,494 --> 00:12:21,454 [grunts] 238 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,252 I'll be right back. Do you need anything from in there? 239 00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:27,922 Uh, chewing tobacco! Lots of it. 240 00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,552 -Just kidding. -All right. 241 00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:33,008 [stammers] Is this weird? I like to pay inside. 242 00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:36,260 I just try and find human interaction wherever I can in LA. 243 00:12:36,343 --> 00:12:38,303 That's a cool idea. I'm gonna do that next time. 244 00:12:38,387 --> 00:12:40,927 Right? Life hack, bitch! [chuckles] 245 00:12:41,015 --> 00:12:43,425 Sorry, the "bitch" isn't directed at you. 246 00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:46,017 Oh, no, I get it. The universe is your bitch. 247 00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:48,523 Exactly. Okay, I'll be right back. 248 00:12:48,606 --> 00:12:49,606 -Bye. -Okay. 249 00:13:19,303 --> 00:13:20,473 It's pumping. 250 00:13:25,226 --> 00:13:26,476 [sniffles] 251 00:13:29,647 --> 00:13:31,607 -It clicks once it's done. -Okay. 252 00:13:38,447 --> 00:13:40,197 -After you. [chuckles] -Thank you. 253 00:13:40,991 --> 00:13:43,161 -Chris! -I know, right? 254 00:13:43,744 --> 00:13:45,664 Yeah. You gotta wait for it. 255 00:13:46,413 --> 00:13:49,123 -[Bertie] Oh, my gosh! -[chuckling] 256 00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:52,418 This is probably one of my favorite things, 257 00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:53,503 probably of all time. 258 00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:55,757 Is this where you come to dance when you're sad, like Kevin Bacon in Footloose? 259 00:13:58,092 --> 00:13:59,722 -[laughs] No! -[chuckles] 260 00:13:59,802 --> 00:14:00,892 [crowd cheering] 261 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,850 Oh, wow! 262 00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,520 What is this? 263 00:14:04,598 --> 00:14:08,228 W818, the best of Van Nuys wrestling! 264 00:14:08,310 --> 00:14:11,150 Oh, my God. This is crazy! 265 00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:16,030 I love how in LA the best stuff is always in the most unexpected places. 266 00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:19,490 Like, there'll be really good sushi in a weird strip mall. 267 00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:22,781 That's the only example I can think of, actually. You're the first person I've brought here. 268 00:14:25,202 --> 00:14:26,372 -Really? -Yeah. 269 00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:27,583 Well, I'm honored. 270 00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:30,124 Suck it, Chris' other friends. 271 00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:31,957 [Chris chuckles] Right? 272 00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,542 -It's scary. -[Frank] Hey, my man! 273 00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:35,047 -Hey! What's up? -You made it! 274 00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,259 Hey, what's going on? Hey! 275 00:14:37,339 --> 00:14:38,919 Oh, have you guys ever met Bertie? 276 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,798 This is Frank and Allan from the Springwood. 277 00:14:40,885 --> 00:14:43,425 -Hi. -They introduced me to this place. 278 00:14:43,512 --> 00:14:45,012 Kind of like Springwood royalty. 279 00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:47,347 -Oh, well, very nice to meet you. -Stop. 280 00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:49,643 -This place is amazing. -Isn't it great? 281 00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:51,227 Sit down. We got seats for you. 282 00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:52,652 -Let's go. -[Bertie] Thank you. 283 00:14:52,730 --> 00:14:56,030 They got wrestling here. They shoot porno down the block. 284 00:14:56,108 --> 00:14:57,648 Very versatile neighborhood. 285 00:14:58,235 --> 00:15:00,025 And surprisingly good schools. 286 00:15:00,613 --> 00:15:03,823 Chris, is tonight the night you're gonna go up and show us what you got? 287 00:15:03,908 --> 00:15:05,158 -Nah... -Nah. 288 00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:07,792 Every month he comes and chickens out on the action. 289 00:15:10,623 --> 00:15:11,713 [crowd cheers] 290 00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:14,040 Who is that guy? He seems really good. 291 00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:18,416 Oh, yeah. That is Colin Follenweider. I worship him. 292 00:15:19,423 --> 00:15:20,303 Who is that? 293 00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:23,512 [Chris] Okay. She is awesome. She calls herself Mayday Marge. 294 00:15:23,594 --> 00:15:26,394 Oh, she should be called Marge in Charge. 295 00:15:26,472 --> 00:15:27,472 Oh, yeah, right? 296 00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:29,806 Or Sarge Marge 'cause of her outfit. 297 00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:31,602 Holy shit! You should tell her! 298 00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:33,555 -Okay, I will. -[chuckles] 299 00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:36,356 Actually, she looks a bit scary, so I don't want to. 300 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,910 [music over dialogue] 301 00:16:03,509 --> 00:16:06,759 Kill her! Kill her! Fucking kill her! 302 00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:08,255 Kill her! 303 00:16:09,556 --> 00:16:11,846 [crowd cheering] Holy shit, Bertie. You've been screaming all night. 304 00:16:16,605 --> 00:16:18,565 You got a real fire inside you. 305 00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:22,319 Oh, my God. Colin Follenweider is walking towards me. 306 00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:24,863 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -Listen to you. 307 00:16:24,947 --> 00:16:27,157 Two hours ago, you had no idea who he was. 308 00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,831 -Two hours ago, I was an idiot. -[laughs] 309 00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:30,539 Hi, Bertie. I heard a rumor 310 00:16:30,619 --> 00:16:33,749 that you need a picture taken for a very special occasion. 311 00:16:33,831 --> 00:16:35,001 It's not a rumor. I told him. 312 00:16:35,082 --> 00:16:37,672 -He told me. -Mr. Follenweider, I would love that. 313 00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:38,751 Can you take it on my phone? 314 00:16:38,836 --> 00:16:40,086 Let's get the ring in the background. 315 00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,510 Good idea. 316 00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:43,088 -You can call me Colin. -Okay, Colin. 317 00:16:43,173 --> 00:16:47,433 -Can you do a move on me for the photo? -Yeah. I call this the sleeper. [grunts] 318 00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:50,471 -Epic! One, two, three. -[phone camera clicks] 319 00:16:50,556 --> 00:16:52,926 -Got it. -I gotta get back to the ring. 320 00:16:53,017 --> 00:16:57,557 -I hope you have a great birthday, Bertie. -Thank you so much. Break a leg. 321 00:16:57,646 --> 00:16:59,436 Someone else's. 322 00:17:00,024 --> 00:17:01,034 Thanks, CF. 323 00:17:01,108 --> 00:17:03,238 -That was incredible. -Right? 324 00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:06,158 Oh, my God. I'm texting that to my mom right now. 325 00:17:06,238 --> 00:17:07,908 -I'll get us beers. -Thanks. 326 00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:08,990 Yeah. 327 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,370 [Chris clears throat] 328 00:17:11,452 --> 00:17:12,582 Hey, what's up, Rex? 329 00:17:14,204 --> 00:17:15,214 Excuse us. Thank you. 330 00:17:18,751 --> 00:17:19,751 He's Scottish. 331 00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:21,837 -I love it. -Yeah. 332 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,710 [chuckling] 333 00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:28,007 But, man, Australia, huh? What even gave you the balls to move here? 334 00:17:28,093 --> 00:17:29,303 Ah. [chuckles] 335 00:17:29,386 --> 00:17:33,426 Okay. Why I Left Australia by Bertie Bauer. [chuckles] 336 00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:39,937 I had this boyfriend. And we had known each other since we were in year seven. 337 00:17:40,022 --> 00:17:45,322 And I worked at this flower shop Petals. Very chic flower shop. 338 00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:50,032 I drowned thousands of maidenhair ferns while I worked there. 339 00:17:50,115 --> 00:17:53,235 But, you know, I was there for eight years. 340 00:17:53,327 --> 00:17:54,237 Wow. 341 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:57,208 And one day, I just flipped out, 342 00:17:57,289 --> 00:18:01,419 and I decided I wanted to move over here and start over. 343 00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:06,262 So I told my boyfriend that I'd gotten a job over here, 344 00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:09,130 which, as you probably guessed, was a lie. 345 00:18:09,802 --> 00:18:14,892 And, yeah, I just wanted to get away from him and from my apartment 346 00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:16,483 and my old life. 347 00:18:17,351 --> 00:18:18,271 Sorry. 348 00:18:18,352 --> 00:18:21,442 No! Good for you. 349 00:18:21,522 --> 00:18:24,482 I mean, you're here now, right? That's the cool part. 350 00:18:25,025 --> 00:18:27,275 That flower store sounded cool, too. 351 00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:31,951 Yeah, but now I've just settled for another kind of comfortable situation. 352 00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:35,406 [stammers] Oh, I remember you said you... 353 00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:39,458 have a habit of doing that at Mickey's work thing. 354 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:43,630 But, I mean, Randy seems like a good guy, right? 355 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,460 -Oh, yeah. I didn't mean... -Yeah. 356 00:18:46,547 --> 00:18:49,377 -I wasn't necessarily talking about that. -Oh, yeah. 357 00:18:49,466 --> 00:18:51,756 I just mean, I wanna try new things 358 00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:57,644 and have more exciting nights like this and jump off the top turnbuckle of life. 359 00:18:57,724 --> 00:19:01,484 Dude, me too! Like, oh, God... 360 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,560 Look at me. I'm such a wimp. 361 00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:06,437 I've been coming here for months and haven't wrestled once. 362 00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:08,779 Well, why not? You should try it. 363 00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:11,411 Excuse me. Hi. 364 00:19:11,488 --> 00:19:15,738 Hi. Does anyone here by any chance need someone to wrestle with tonight? 365 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:17,830 [grunting] 366 00:19:17,911 --> 00:19:19,161 [crowd cheering] 367 00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:23,828 [both] Whoa! 368 00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:25,377 It's Cremator time! 369 00:19:26,753 --> 00:19:28,763 [crowd groans] 370 00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:36,098 [bell dings] 371 00:19:37,973 --> 00:19:42,353 Hey, Keith! You suck! Big time! 372 00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:44,056 What'd you say? 373 00:19:44,146 --> 00:19:46,816 Oh, you didn't hear? Maybe you need a hearing aid! 374 00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:50,779 I said, Keith the Cremator sucks! 375 00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:53,531 My little niece Julia hits harder than that, 376 00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:54,874 and she's only five! 377 00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:58,289 Keith's coming for him, everyone! This is unplanned! 378 00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:01,458 Watch out, Chris. Control your mind and you control your body. 379 00:20:01,538 --> 00:20:06,078 -Keith, tear his fucking balls off! -Keith the Cremator sucks! 380 00:20:06,168 --> 00:20:08,668 [crowd chanting] Keith the Cremator sucks! 381 00:20:08,754 --> 00:20:12,724 Keith the Cremator sucks! Keith the Cremator sucks! 382 00:20:12,799 --> 00:20:14,929 Keith the Cremator sucks! 383 00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,510 All right, big mouth, you so tough? 384 00:20:16,595 --> 00:20:18,215 Get in this ring and show me what's up! 385 00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:20,135 -Who, me? -Yeah, you! 386 00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:21,394 All right. You got it, pal! 387 00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:22,345 -[bell dings] -[laughs] 388 00:20:22,434 --> 00:20:26,774 [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, W818 Van Nuys Wrestling presents 389 00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:30,935 Keith the Cremator versus an audience member! 390 00:20:31,026 --> 00:20:34,946 -You messed with the wrong dude! -[Bertie screaming] 391 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,620 [grunting] 392 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,159 [screams] 393 00:20:42,246 --> 00:20:44,246 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 394 00:20:47,709 --> 00:20:52,209 Why don't you pick on somebody your own size, buster? 395 00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:54,760 [crowd gasps] 396 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,350 [grunts] 397 00:21:02,975 --> 00:21:04,345 [crowd exclaims] 398 00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:05,944 [grunting] 399 00:21:06,853 --> 00:21:08,023 [referee] Take it easy. 400 00:21:14,903 --> 00:21:16,363 [Keith] It's getting hot in here! 401 00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:22,618 [laughing] He picked him up by his face! 402 00:21:29,167 --> 00:21:31,127 [Keith] Cremator time, baby! 403 00:21:31,211 --> 00:21:33,211 ["What a Day for a Daydream" playing] 404 00:21:35,757 --> 00:21:39,007 ♪ What a day for a daydream ♪ 405 00:21:40,137 --> 00:21:43,847 ♪ What a day for a daydreamin' boy ♪ 406 00:21:43,932 --> 00:21:47,482 ♪ And I'm lost in a daydream ♪ 407 00:21:48,562 --> 00:21:52,022 ♪ Dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy ♪ 408 00:21:52,816 --> 00:21:56,646 ♪ And even if time ain't really On my side ♪ 409 00:21:57,237 --> 00:22:00,907 ♪ It's one of those days For takin' a walk outside ♪ 410 00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:03,160 ♪ I'm blowin' the day to-- ♪ 411 00:22:03,243 --> 00:22:06,003 [crowd exclaiming] 412 00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:07,959 -[bell dings] -[announcer] The winner is... 413 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,210 -Let's go check him out! -Oh, my gosh! 414 00:22:10,292 --> 00:22:13,712 [announcer] Keith the Cremator! 415 00:22:16,089 --> 00:22:17,509 Oh, my God! 416 00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:20,391 Chris, that was so good! 417 00:22:20,969 --> 00:22:25,179 I really felt like you had a long, uncomfortable history with the Cremator. 418 00:22:25,265 --> 00:22:27,265 Holy shit! That felt amazing! 419 00:22:27,350 --> 00:22:30,060 You know what I did? I thought about Mike from the steak house. 420 00:22:30,145 --> 00:22:33,315 Guy doesn't even memorize the specials. That's so fuckin' lazy, right? 421 00:22:33,398 --> 00:22:35,278 -That was awesome. -Thanks, man. 422 00:22:35,358 --> 00:22:36,528 I'm proud of you! 423 00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:38,450 Oh, shit. You got blood. 424 00:22:38,528 --> 00:22:39,908 -Huh? Huh? -[chuckling] 425 00:22:39,988 --> 00:22:42,318 I'm bleeding? Oh, my God, I'm bleeding? 426 00:22:42,407 --> 00:22:44,027 Holy shit, my first battle wound! 427 00:22:44,117 --> 00:22:47,327 You better stay away from vampires, 'cause they're gonna tear you up. 428 00:22:47,412 --> 00:22:48,752 Hilarious, Bertie. 429 00:22:49,498 --> 00:22:50,828 All right. Come on, let's go. 430 00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:53,088 -You do look cool. -Yeah? 431 00:22:53,168 --> 00:22:57,008 Like a brave soldier with a very small cut on his head. 432 00:22:57,089 --> 00:22:59,719 [chuckles] Ah, I'm still pumped. 433 00:23:02,052 --> 00:23:03,222 Phew. 434 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,260 [exhales] I needed that. 435 00:23:05,764 --> 00:23:09,274 It felt like a little push in the right direction or something. 436 00:23:10,102 --> 00:23:13,562 [grunts] Now I can't seem to shake Mike from my brain! 437 00:23:13,647 --> 00:23:16,777 Oh, sorry. Is it really that bad with this guy? 438 00:23:16,858 --> 00:23:20,568 I feel like a lot of the waiters there think I'm a joke. 439 00:23:21,279 --> 00:23:25,699 I moved to LA to be a stuntman, and I'm not even close to doing it at all. 440 00:23:25,784 --> 00:23:28,584 Chin up! You got pushed through a table tonight. 441 00:23:28,662 --> 00:23:30,712 Yeah, I did. [chuckles] 442 00:23:31,623 --> 00:23:32,753 I don't know. 443 00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:36,502 I've got three months left on my lease at the Springwood. Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't renew it. 444 00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,299 You're thinking about leaving? 445 00:23:42,384 --> 00:23:44,974 Maybe it'd be easier to move back to Chicago 446 00:23:45,053 --> 00:23:47,813 and not have to pay $2,300 a month in rent. 447 00:23:47,889 --> 00:23:50,599 Holy shit! I thought you lived there because it's cheap. 448 00:23:51,268 --> 00:23:52,978 No, that place is a paradise. 449 00:23:53,603 --> 00:23:56,273 You do realize all those apartments are fully furnished, right? 450 00:23:57,107 --> 00:24:01,237 Listen, you've got three months left on that lease. Let's make them count. 451 00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:02,489 You're not leaving LA 452 00:24:02,571 --> 00:24:04,741 until you've given it a real shot as a stuntman, 453 00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:08,583 and I'll try to do something new and cool in that time, too. 454 00:24:09,244 --> 00:24:10,584 Like go back to Bar Body. 455 00:24:10,996 --> 00:24:14,166 I really hated it, but I paid a lot for the classes. 456 00:24:14,249 --> 00:24:16,129 -He's-- He-- -Oh! [chuckles] 457 00:24:16,710 --> 00:24:18,460 That happens sometimes in here. 458 00:24:18,545 --> 00:24:20,835 -I don't care. It's cool. -Very casual. 459 00:24:22,424 --> 00:24:26,144 [Bertie] Well, thank you for the most action-packed birthday ever. 460 00:24:26,219 --> 00:24:28,179 [Chris chuckles] Awesome night. 461 00:24:28,972 --> 00:24:31,522 How about a birthday hug and then I'll let you go? 462 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,810 -Okay. -[chuckles] 463 00:24:42,068 --> 00:24:43,068 Oh, Bertie, wait. 464 00:24:44,196 --> 00:24:45,406 I didn't get your number. 465 00:24:46,239 --> 00:24:47,239 Yeah. 466 00:24:47,324 --> 00:24:48,664 You want to do that? 467 00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,992 -Let's swap numbers. -What the heck, right? 468 00:24:51,453 --> 00:24:53,503 -Do you wanna just punch it in? -That's easy. 469 00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:54,580 Here you go. 470 00:24:59,586 --> 00:25:00,996 -Thanks. -Yeah. 471 00:25:02,339 --> 00:25:03,419 Happy birthday again. 472 00:25:03,506 --> 00:25:06,886 -Thank you. You made it so fun. -Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming with. 473 00:25:06,968 --> 00:25:08,798 -And get home safe. -You, too. 474 00:25:08,887 --> 00:25:09,887 Thanks. -Night! -Bye. 475 00:25:13,683 --> 00:25:14,563 Bye. 476 00:25:24,736 --> 00:25:25,856 Randy? 477 00:25:26,446 --> 00:25:27,446 Hey, Bertie. 478 00:25:32,869 --> 00:25:34,159 What is all this? 479 00:25:34,246 --> 00:25:36,536 I wanted to give you something special for your birthday, but... 480 00:25:37,082 --> 00:25:40,502 since I was trapped in the house all day, I had to Postmates this cake. 481 00:25:41,086 --> 00:25:42,836 That is so nice. 482 00:25:51,388 --> 00:25:53,888 -It melted a little bit. -Mm-hmm. 483 00:25:54,891 --> 00:25:56,521 [Randy breathes deeply] 484 00:25:57,811 --> 00:26:01,021 I also bought you some fresh toilet paper. 485 00:26:01,731 --> 00:26:06,441 But I had to open it and use some of it, so... 486 00:26:07,028 --> 00:26:09,108 Oh, wow! 487 00:26:09,197 --> 00:26:11,237 It smells so good in here. 488 00:26:11,866 --> 00:26:16,906 Yeah. I lit all your scented candles because of, you know... 489 00:26:17,664 --> 00:26:19,214 the shit smell. 490 00:26:20,292 --> 00:26:22,462 I'm sorry I couldn't hang out with you today. 491 00:26:23,211 --> 00:26:24,881 Happy birthday, Bertie bear. 492 00:26:25,547 --> 00:26:27,917 [clicks tongue] Aw... Thanks, bear. 493 00:26:34,180 --> 00:26:35,180 What are you gonna wish for? 494 00:26:36,474 --> 00:26:38,854 Oh... I can't tell. 495 00:26:39,811 --> 00:26:41,311 Otherwise, it won't work. 496 00:26:44,816 --> 00:26:45,816 I wished for... 497 00:26:46,484 --> 00:26:50,244 my colonoscopy to come back positive or... 498 00:26:51,197 --> 00:26:53,527 you know, everything to come back good. 499 00:26:53,616 --> 00:26:54,776 Yeah. 500 00:26:54,868 --> 00:26:55,868 [sighs] Should we eat? 501 00:27:00,498 --> 00:27:01,788 I guess. 502 00:27:02,459 --> 00:27:04,959 [Norah Jones' "Carry On" playing] 503 00:27:19,851 --> 00:27:23,901 ♪ And after all's been said and done ♪ 504 00:27:24,356 --> 00:27:27,936 ♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪ 505 00:27:28,735 --> 00:27:30,895 ♪ Let's just forget ♪ 506 00:27:30,987 --> 00:27:34,237 ♪ Leave it behind and carry on ♪ 507 00:27:34,324 --> 00:27:36,284 [Randy snoring] 508 00:27:37,869 --> 00:27:41,919 ♪ If you should find the time to speak ♪ 509 00:27:42,374 --> 00:27:44,584 ♪ Then speak to me ♪ 510 00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:51,257 ♪ I'd never keep you From your final destiny ♪ 511 00:27:51,341 --> 00:27:53,131 ♪ So carry on ♪ 512 00:27:55,762 --> 00:28:00,432 ♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪ 513 00:28:00,517 --> 00:28:04,937 ♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪ ♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪ 514 00:28:09,526 --> 00:28:11,276 ♪ So carry on ♪ 515 00:28:49,774 --> 00:28:54,204 ♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪ 516 00:28:54,279 --> 00:28:58,829 ♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪ 517 00:28:58,908 --> 00:29:03,288 ♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪ 518 00:29:03,371 --> 00:29:04,961 ♪ So carry on ♪ 519 00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:12,046 ♪ And now that all's been said and done ♪ 520 00:29:12,547 --> 00:29:16,217 ♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪ 521 00:29:17,093 --> 00:29:21,393 ♪ Let's just forget, leave it behind ♪