Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com
- That was crazy. - Yeah, it was fun.
Yeah, it was fun.
Guessing you're not a real "sex in public" guy.
No.
I should get going.
Yeah. Good idea.
Um, all right.
Um...
Okay.
- Uh, bye. - Bye.
You're an asshole.
Okay, so 620,000 American men died during the Civil War.
Now that's roughly the same amount as all the wars we've fought combined.
I have a happy scene today. Why are you depressing me?
It's a bad thing,
but sometimes history can be, uh, a bit of a bummer.
I can't learn if I'm sad.
Right. No, I'm... You're right.
You got that...
Sorry, sweetie.
Ten-minute warning for set. We got the big stunt today.
Heidi's death scene.
Oh, right.
Yeah. No, I know. I co-wrote the episode, so...
Uh, "Story by."
Yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to it, though.
Should be pretty cool.
Oh, you're not gonna be there. No non-essential personnel on set today.
Not on a stunt day. No way.
Okay. But I'm, like, one of the co-writers, so...
"Story by" isn't a writing credit.
Well, it's something.
Not much.
Okay. Um, I guess, um...
I'll just stay here then.
Yes, you will.
Actually, uh, Evan, wait.
I'm a little scared about this whole stunt thing
and I'd feel a lot more comfortable if Gus came with me to set.
You got it, kiddo.
Yeah! All right!
Arya, thank you so much. Appreciate that.
You owe me.
Hey.
Who you texting with?
It's just scheduling for this weekend. It doesn't concern you.
Yeah, I... Good point. That's... that's funny, Mickey.
Walk with me.
Okay.
So, Wednesday, I wanna do a whole show about marriage.
Good ones, bad ones, weird ones,
ones where, like, three people get married and they each wear two rings.
Thrupples, they call 'em. All the gender spectrum stuff...
Oh, and really, really big age differences.
That's always really sexy.
Like a young guy married to a, a really, really old lady.
Harold and Maude-type stuff.
Are you okay? What's... what's going on? Are you...
Yeah. I'll have the interns look into it.
- Hey, guys. - Oh, hey, Erika.
That's a rockin' shirt you got on.
Really? Huh. Girl said it looked good on me and, so I bought it
and realized she didn't even work in the store.
No, I like it. I'm into it. It's very cool.
Yeah, it's very beautiful.
Very fashion-forward.
Cool. Mickey, have you seen Truman anywhere?
No. Do you need him for something?
Yeah. He's supposed to transfer, like,
the whole archive into some digital storage.
It's got to be backed up by tomorrow.
I... I've really had it with him.
He's flaked, like, three times this month on me.
Yeah, well, it's all about boundaries and consequences.
He crosses a boundary, you give him a consequence.
Yeah, well, the consequence is, he's gonna get fired...
and, you know, a lot of people would love this job.
Now that you say that,
I remembered he told me his buddy is an engineer
at one of those storage companies,
so I think he went over to make sure it was all being done properly,
but I can find him and make sure it's going okay.
- That would be huge. Thank you. - Yeah.
So great that you guys got that...
- Yep. Yep. - done.
I got to tell you that I love seeing women work out a problem like that.
I mean it. I've always said
that testosterone is the enemy of conflict resolution.
Uh, I just realized that I gotta talk to Matt in the newsroom.
So, I'll see you in a few.
Oh.
Look at that, huh?
Excited for the big stunt?
I kind of thought it'd be higher.
Arya, come on, that's, like, 20 feet high off the ground.
That's nothing. Have you seen Mad Max?
I have seen Mad Max.
- Yeah. - This is nothing compared to that.
I mean, these stunt guys have the easiest job.
They get paid a ton of money for doing, like, four seconds of work.
Mmm, that's one point of view.
Hey, would you mind taking a picture of me with the steeple,
so I can send it to my parents?
Oh, my God. Act like you've been on a set before.
- Heidi. - Hi.
- Hey. - Well, this is officially weird.
Hey, I just wanna say, I'm...
I'm sorry that things, sort of, ended negatively...
- Mmm-hmm. - between the two of us,
'cause, you know, I...
I really respect you and I think you're a good person.
So, I'm just gonna stay out of your way today.
I think that's probably for the best.
I'm just really... I'm trying to avoid toxic things in my life.
Right. Right.
Same here.
So, yeah, let's just both try to be positive and civil.
Sure. I mean, you do whatever you want.
You know? 'Cause I can only worry about myself.
- Mmm-hmm. - Um, and right now this, like, between us,
I've just... Um, I'm not my best self when we talk.
You know, that's so funny to hear you say that. 'Cause it's a relief.
'Cause I always felt like, you and me, when we were together,
I was never my best self. So...
- Not that we were ever "together," but... - Okay, Gus.
I'm trying to be more direct with people.
- Mmm-hmm. - So this conversation is over,
and I'm gonna go meditate before this stunt.
Good-bye.
- Hey. - Hey.
Did you hear Susan's notes on the séance scene?
- No. - She said it was "too dramatic."
- Like what would... - What is that?
- I don't know. - It's a drama.
- That's what I said. - Hey, buddies.
- Hey. - I wanna say I'm sorry
for flippin' out in the writers' room last week.
- That was just, like... - Very crazy.
- Are you kidding? - Crazy and unprofessional.
It was the highlight of our year.
It was cool to see a story
that everyone's gonna talk about for years.
I mean, it was like the...
You know Mr. Belvedere's story? About how he sat on his balls?
But, like, we were there.
Yeah. And he did sit on his balls. That's real.
Crushed 'em. "Pulverized." That was the word I heard.
"Pulverized" his balls.
I'm glad I could be your Belvedere balls story.
Yeah. Um, so we're supposed to watch the stunt from over there.
I guess, if you have thoughts, you can come with us, check it out.
Uh, yeah. Can I have thoughts?
You could have thoughts. You can't say them.
But you can have them. Write 'em down. Don't say it out loud.
Okay.
- You can nod and smile. - That's good.
Truman!
Been trying to call you. Truman.
Truman? You here?
Hey.
Whoa. Hi.
Dude.
Hey, I'm sorry about the mess.
Erika's super pissed at you.
You gotta get up and go to work, man.
Who cares? That job sucks, anyway.
No. Truman, I need you. We're a unit. We're the cool kids.
What's going on? Are you watching porn?
Were you jerking off before I got here?
No, I just leave it playing sometimes.
It really doesn't do anything for me.
Dude, what's going on?
Someone stole my car,
and I thought that was a good enough excuse just not to show up to work.
Your car got stolen? Did you call the cops?
No. My, uh, girlfriend stole the car.
- What? - It's not a big deal, okay? Whatever.
Mickey, it's a whole fucked-up thing. Don't judge me.
Dude, no judgments.
Two days ago, I said I was gonna take a break from men, and then I...
fucked this guy in a parking lot last night.
Oh, okay. Cool.
Anyway, basically, um, she's a horrible monster.
She spends all my money, and she's a fuckin' beast.
She's strong. She's a boxer. She's seven and oh.
She's seven feet tall?
What? Seven and oh. She's won seven times and lost none.
She just beat this Brazilian chick.
Split her face open. It was fuckin' crazy.
Anyway, she stole my car and she said
it's because I deserved it or something.
Well, your car is at her place, right? Is she home?
No, she works out every day until, like, 7:00.
That's perfect. Right?
We'll just go over there, we'll get your car,
and then we'll return to work like conquering heroes, man.
It's gonna be so simple.
I'll drive you, we'll break in,
we'll get your keys, and then we'll get out of there.
We don't have to break in. I have a key to her place.
Even better, dude.
All right. Fine, fuck it. Let's... let's go.
I was, kind of, excited about the prospect of breaking in, though.
Hey, if you use the bathroom, don't touch anything.
She's weird about it.
- I get that. - Okay.
So what are we looking for exactly?
It's a regular keychain.
It's got this Las Vegas thing with the name Edward on it.
They didn't have one for "Truman."
I like the name Edward. I don't know why.
Christ.
Nice boxers, dude.
Yeah, they're not mine.
Doesn't bother you that there's another guy's boxers in here?
So, um, I didn't tell you but...
Lilly and I have an arrangement.
What's that mean?
Basically, we have an open relationship,
but she's allowed to fuck other people and I can't.
That's not an open relationship. That's just her cheating on you.
That's what I said. But she said it's fair.
Something about the biological nature of women. I don't know.
What? Wow. Okay.
She's not the easiest woman to fuckin' date.
I mean, she's mean, I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing.
Dude, nobody knows what they're doing. Nobody knows.
And I don't know this chick.
I hate to tell people what to do, but really, after we leave here today,
I want you to think about is this what you want?
'Cause if not, you gotta get out now, before she gets in too deep.
You're fuckin' right.
Oh, my God, I think she's here.
Okay, this is gonna be okay. We got this.
All right? You're cool.
What the hell?
Hey, I couldn't find one of my credit cards,
and I thought I might've left it here.
Why didn't you text me? And who is she?
- I'm Mickey. I work with Truman. - Uh-huh.
Tru, can I talk to you on the balcony?
What? Talk?
- Okay, um, excuse me? - Mmm-hmm.
It's a great apartment, by the way.
Coyote ears, please.
Folks, if your name's not Evan, you should not be talking.
- Thank you. - I got to admit,
this is pretty fucking cool.
Did you talk to the stuntman at all? He's super annoying.
- The worst. - On and on about Tobey Maguire,
how he does all of Tobey's stunts, and they're good friends.
- "We play poker together." - Tobey.
That's cool though.
He did all those stunts in the Spiderman movies.
That's the weird part. He was like,
"I've done all of Tobey's movies, except the Spiderman ones."
- Huh. - I was like, "Okay."
All right, folks.
There will be three cues.
I will call "Action." I will call, "Action, Pastor."
And I will call, "Action, Heidi,"
at which point our stuntman, Glenn, will make his fall from the steeple.
The stunt team has just started inflating the airbag,
and in five minutes, we'll be ready for the fall.
Now, if anyone has any questions at all, now's the time to ask them, all right?
I don't need to...
- Oh, my God! Medic! - Oh, my God!
- Medic! - Shit!
What happened? Is he okay? Is he okay?
What the fuck happened?
He fell just like a rock! Just like a rock onto the floor.
Everybody remain calm. Give the medic some space.
- Please. - What happened? Is that normal?
Yeah, Gus. That's how a stunt works.
Guy falls into an empty bag
while the cameras aren't even rolling, and everybody freaks the fuck out.
Do you feel terrible?
This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't written it.
No, no, no, no. He'll be okay.
It'll be like the Mr. Belvedere story.
People will tell it and it'll be a funny story. Right?
- Oh, I'm gonna barf. - Not cool at all, bro.
No, this is terrible.
Dude, I'm gonna have to make mad comfort food for this. For everybody!
Shouldn't have put him on a fuckin' steeple.
What did you say?
I said we shouldn't have put it on the steeple! Okay?
We should've done my idea, which was a quarry,
or something cool. Okay?
You know, this is just a fuckin' rip off of Vertigo, anyway.
Hey! Don't fuck with me about Hitchcock, okay?
That's, like, my guy.
- Hitchcock's your guy? - Yes.
Oh. Did you write a paper in college about how
Rear Window is about the movie-going experience?
What was the original title of Strangers on a Train?
I'm Gus, I know everything about Hitchcock.
- I don't... Fuck you. - Get the fuck out of here.
There wasn't an original title for Strangers on a Train.
Oh, and by the way, my professor loved that paper,
and he invited me out to lunch to talk about it.
Oh, my God! That's blood. Fuck!
Just... Whatever.
Hey, Arya.
- You okay? - Yeah, why?
Well, you know, the accident. That's scary.
You think so? I saw a guy get his arm cut off by a propeller once.
Arya, a guy almost died.
- That's his job. - Oh. It's his job to almost die?
They love it. They get off on it.
Don't say that. Where'd you learn an expression like that?
Oh, please. This guy's going to workers comp heaven.
He probably gets paid more than I do in a whole episode,
for just breaking his collarbone.
Could you give the medic space...
- You need to calm down. - Give the medic space!
You need to calm down.
You are overreacting! Are you juicing again?
- Do you wanna strangle me again? - I really do.
You're telling me, you come home and see me snooping around your place
with a dude from work, you wouldn't be pissed?
I didn't do anything.
You did call me an emotional terrorist.
I never called you an emotional terrorist! I can tell by the words!
I'm not smart enough to use a phrase like that.
Ask Alex. He was there.
Guys, I'm gonna head out. I feel bad about being here.
Oh, okay, um, sorry about this.
Oh. Don't worry. Everybody's got their something.
Good luck to you. Bye.
Um, Truman, I'll be in touch.
What was that?
Nothing. Uh, she has to leave.
- You're sorry? - Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry for everybody.
- Can you believe this? This is awful. - Oh, my God!
This is... I mean, it's unspeakable.
Oh, God, I just hope he's okay.
They're gonna have to shut down the set for the night.
So, like, I'm gonna have to come back on another day
to just shoot my fucking death scene.
Like, a second time!
Yeah. Well, I mean, we're all gonna have to come back, yeah.
Right. I mean, I know. But it's particularly traumatizing for me.
'Cause I... I basically just watched myself die.
What?
That's... that's my character. That's me. And he fell.
Right. He fell.
Oh, my God! Gus...
This is... this is my career, okay? Stay away.
You are... you are just toxic, and I'm honestly not surprised
that this happened while you were here.
- You think this is my fault? - I don't know if it's your fault.
I just know that I feel this, like, agita, you know,
when I'm around you. So, um...
I think I need to call my team.
Copy that.
They're saying he has a broken clavicle. Clavicle's your collarbone.
Yeah, I had a show about med school on the air for four seasons.
I know what a fucking clavicle is.
Copy that as well.
Because of the impact, he may have bitten about half of his own tongue off.
Mickey, get in! Start the car!
- What? - Start the car, Mickey!
- Get in! She's behind me! - Truman.
- Truman, what are you doing? - Ah!
What are you doing?
- Shit. - We need to talk.
Let's go! Let's go!
- Move! - What are you... Get back!
Truman! What the hell?
- Don't walk away from me! - Go! Go!
- What happened? - I'll tell you later. Just go.
- All right. - She's gaining! Let's go!
Let's go, go, go!
- Truman! - Oh, my God!
We need to talk!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Truman!
I feel like vomiting. I haven't run in, like, ten years.
- Oh, my God! - Take a right.
Okay. Honestly, dude, that chick is...
- Holy shit! - Fuck!
I need to talk to you.
Do you want me to just keep driving?
No, no, no. I got this, okay?
Okay, calm down.
I am so sorry.
We'll talk it out. Everything's gonna be fine, okay?
Come here!
Holy shit!
Okay.
Okay, guys, calm down.
I think the best thing is just to have a little space right now...
Oh, so you know what's best for us? You don't know shit about us.
Okay. Well, Truman actually did tell me a lot.
- Mickey, just forget about it. - He told you a lot?
Did he tell you when we're fuckin', he only wants to do stuff
that he's seen in porn?
No judgments. Uh, that's a common thing.
You know, I let him have his fun.
I see chicks text you pics of their tits and their asses on your phone.
It's still not enough for him.
What about this "arrangement" you guys have where you're fuckin' other dudes?
- What? - Mickey, I lied about that.
I have problems. I'm so sorry.
I gave him 400 bucks last week. You know what he did? Bet on me to lose.
Your knee was way worse than you were saying it was.
- I thought I had inside information. - No, shut up.
I just want everybody to be safe. You can't steal his car.
Is that what he told you?
That... that I stole your car?
He showed up here last night a total mess.
He wanted me to hold on to his car for safekeeping,
because he thought he'd drive it off a cliff.
Truman, really?
I'm a little dramatic sometimes, you know.
Everything's fine. I'm good.
Um, Mickey, why don't you just go back to work?
Are you sure that's what you want?
Yeah, I'm gonna stay here for a while. Lilly and I are gonna work it out.
I'll see you in the office later, okay?
Okay! Whatever.
Fuck! Just...
I'm so fucking tired. Good luck.
Thanks for your help!
Fuck. Okay.
Gus?
- Sorry. Fuck. - Cruikshank.
Susan! Hey.
Um, I was just headin' home.
- So, I'll... I'll see you later. - Get the fuck over here.
What up?
Oh, you think I care that you saw me smoking weed?
Oh, is that weed? I didn't know.
- I wouldn't even know the smell. - What're you gonna do?
- You're gonna call my boss? - Hmm?
I'm the boss.
And I got a weed card. So, I'm straight.
Those are all good points.
So, uh, secret's safe with me.
- Hmm. You know something? - Hmm?
I wanna talk to you.
- Okay. - Yeah. We should talk.
- All right. - Walk me to my car.
Okay. I just have a few minutes, 'cause I'm meeting some friends
at my place. So...
Relax, Gus. Jesus!
You could use some weed.
I'm not wasting this weed on you, though, 'cause this stuff is unreal.
Pretty crazy day, huh?
Well, I had two hours of sleep.
We're already $160,000 over budget on this episode,
and then this guy just almost fuckin' dies.
If I really think about it, it's probably, like, the eighth-toughest day
I've had in the last two months.
Jesus!
Yeah, well, the fun part is
I just learned that if this guy decides to sue us, and we have to pay him out,
apparently, all that shit comes out of my back end.
What? That's funny to you?
That I could potentially lose millions of dollars?
Oh. No, I'm sorry. It's just...
You just said, "All that shit comes out my back end."
Yeah.
I did say that, didn't I?
Gus, I'm stoned.
You got to drive me home.
I'm your boss. You have time.
Hey, thanks for your help today.
I didn't want you to see all that stuff.
I like her. I don't know what else to say.
Lilly's good to me and, uh, I'm an asshole.
It's all good, man. I've seen it all.
Right. 'Cause you're the sex-in-the-parking-lot girl.
Like that compares to my crazy shit.
I'm letting us off the hook.
Fuck it! I'm letting everybody off the hook today.
Hey, how'd you escape?
Oh, I went down on Lilly for about 20 minutes.
She had two orgasms and she was cool with that.
Mmm.
Wow! So this whole thing is your house, huh?
- Houses. Plural. - Mmm.
There's a pool house and a guest house.
They're behind this giant house.
Oh, my gosh!
Okay, let me ask you something.
Mmm-hmm?
What do you tell people when someone asks,
"What's it like to work with Susan Cheryl?"
- I say that you're very smart... - Mmm.
and you work really hard.
And you're tough, but it's worth it.
Huh!
Yeah. I know what that's code for.
So why don't you come inside and fuck me one time? Mmm?
Hmm? What?
One-time offer, Gus.
You and me.
I got a huge bed, all kinds of shit up there.
We'll just go crazy. You go home.
No strings. Hmm?
You're messing with me, right?
- You're not messing with me? - Mmm-mmm.
Uh...
I'm sorry... but I'm involved with somebody right now.
- Wait! - I... I can't be...
So it's like that?
You and Heidi are exclusive now or something?
She's a lunatic, Gus.
I mean, if she doesn't end up, like, Sandra Bullock famous,
she's gonna snap and rob a bank.
No, it... It's not Heidi. It's actually somebody else.
Sort of thing...
Wow, wow.
- Look, I'm really flattered, Susan... - This is, uh, nuts.
- I wish I could, but... - You know what?
I was... I was joking.
I was joking anyway.
Just so you know.
Okay, well, that...
That's a funny joke. We'll laugh about that.
Leave the car here, Gus.
All right, I'll just... I'll walk.
And I'll Uber.
See you at work!
Good night!
♪ The angels were weeping ♪
♪ While you were sleeping ♪
♪ Secrets for keeping ♪
♪ While you were sleeping ♪
- Oh. - Oh, no, no, no. Just go back to the...
No, it's fine, it's fine!
- What happened? I was so into it. - It would've been fine.
Dean fucked up.
♪ Dean fucked up ♪
- Uh, Dean? - Yeah, I did.
Dean, please take this seriously, okay?
This movie needs a theme song and we're its last hope, okay?
I'm very sorry.
I, honestly... I take this very seriously.
- Okay. - This is all I think about.
It's, like, kind of pathetic actually.
Okay. I can do it.
If we could just maybe get a little rhubarb on that and hit it on the cran...
let's get it on the dam.
- Rhubarb! - One, two, bring it to me, go,
bring it to me now, here we go.
♪ The angels were weeping ♪
♪ While you were sleeping ♪
♪ Secrets we're keeping ♪
- Hello? - Can I come in?
Sure.
So, I... I told Gus that I didn't want to date for a year
and then we had sex in my car.
Is that bad?
Well, you're a sex addict, right?
And love, yeah.
So maybe having sex right now is, like...
risky and ill-advised.
I think that I was going over the top with the year thing,
and I'm going to meetings, which I wasn't before.
And I think that I'm being honest and I genuinely do like Gus.
So I think it's fine. I think it's just like a funny story.
Yeah. It is...
Actually, it's pretty funny,
'cause it's like... you shouldn't be doing it.
You're in... You're outside in a car
so it's probably uncomfortable.
Yeah.
I feel very mummish right now, giving you advice from my bed like this.
Do what I say. Stop having sex!
I'm gonna let you go to sleep. And I'll see you in the morning.
Good night.
♪ It's a little distracting ♪
♪ That Peter Gallagher ♪
♪ Plays a character ♪
♪ Who's a guy, whose name is ♪
♪ Also Peter ♪
♪ Just like Peter Gallagher ♪
♪ The angels were weeping ♪
♪ While you were sleeping ♪
♪ We had secrets worth keeping ♪
♪ While you were sleeping ♪
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com