1 00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:07,893 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:07,895 --> 00:00:10,431 (TENSE MUSIC) 3 00:00:33,255 --> 00:00:35,522 (ENERGETIC MUSIC) 4 00:00:35,524 --> 00:00:38,193 (SIREN WAILING) 5 00:00:39,362 --> 00:00:43,263 (GUNSHOT BANGS) (PUNCHES THUDS) 6 00:00:43,265 --> 00:00:46,299 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 7 00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:48,638 (CHUCKLING) 8 00:00:49,605 --> 00:00:53,508 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 9 00:00:55,577 --> 00:01:00,347 I'm so sorry, this is the story of Charlotte and Brandon, 10 00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:02,349 they love my TV show. 11 00:01:02,351 --> 00:01:05,686 Oatmeal, exercise, well, sort of. 12 00:01:05,688 --> 00:01:08,122 They both hate sleeping alone. 13 00:01:08,124 --> 00:01:10,558 Beer and hairy nipples. 14 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,494 The good news is they are a perfect match. 15 00:01:13,496 --> 00:01:15,563 The bad news is, they have never met. 16 00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:19,968 And Charlotte is with Steven while Brandon is with Ashley. 17 00:01:23,038 --> 00:01:26,106 (MELLOW MUSIC) 18 00:01:26,108 --> 00:01:26,976 Oh, um. 19 00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:30,377 Well, I can't marry you 20 00:01:30,379 --> 00:01:33,214 because I'm marrying someone else in May. 21 00:01:33,216 --> 00:01:35,483 You don't even have a boyfriend. 22 00:01:35,485 --> 00:01:37,753 Well, actually I do. 23 00:01:38,387 --> 00:01:41,222 We've been together since high school, for 14 years. 24 00:01:41,224 --> 00:01:43,123 It's just that he's been living very far away 25 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:45,759 and now, he's moving back so we can be together. 26 00:01:45,761 --> 00:01:47,428 14 years? 27 00:01:47,430 --> 00:01:49,531 Sounds like commitment issues. 28 00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:51,199 No, it's just that he was waiting 29 00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:53,635 until we were both ready. 30 00:01:53,637 --> 00:01:55,637 Why am I defending myself to a first grader? 31 00:01:55,639 --> 00:01:58,174 Well, when it all falls apart, you know where to find me. 32 00:01:59,175 --> 00:02:01,409 Look, Lance, we've done all the graphics 33 00:02:01,411 --> 00:02:05,446 for your packaging and prints ads at very reasonable rates. 34 00:02:05,448 --> 00:02:08,717 We've created the signature look for Be Yourself Cosmetics. 35 00:02:08,719 --> 00:02:12,387 Now, it's great that your nephew's a whiz at Photoshop 36 00:02:12,389 --> 00:02:13,756 but believe me, there's just so much... 37 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,290 Screw you, Lance! 38 00:02:15,292 --> 00:02:17,359 And your oxymoronically named product 39 00:02:17,361 --> 00:02:19,730 and your muttonheaded fucktard nephew! 40 00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:22,664 Christ, are you off your meds? 41 00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,132 That's our biggest account! 42 00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:26,735 He's an asshole, Brandon, asshole. 43 00:02:26,737 --> 00:02:29,170 Bro, I went to RISD with Seth MacFarlane, 44 00:02:29,172 --> 00:02:30,674 I don't need that shit! 45 00:02:31,642 --> 00:02:33,508 That asshole was paying off my student loans. 46 00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:35,710 Yeah, and our bills. 47 00:02:35,712 --> 00:02:36,581 Shit! 48 00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,450 You think you can get him back on the phone? 49 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,353 LANCE: I'm still here you broke bitches. 50 00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:51,261 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 51 00:02:57,734 --> 00:02:58,733 For you. 52 00:02:58,735 --> 00:02:59,668 Thank you. 53 00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:00,636 BRANDON: My pleasure. 54 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,705 ASHLEY: You're a pretty decent drawer. 55 00:03:02,707 --> 00:03:03,741 Thank you. 56 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:09,378 You know, I've been called the Vermeer of napkin art. 57 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:10,248 Who? 58 00:03:11,549 --> 00:03:14,317 Did I leave my amethyst necklace at your place? 59 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,318 Yeah, yeah, think I saw it in the bathroom. 60 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,788 Okay, remind me to get that from you. 61 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:21,557 So, my boss gave us free tickets 62 00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,693 to the Charger's game Sunday. 63 00:03:23,695 --> 00:03:24,563 Wanna go? 64 00:03:26,564 --> 00:03:28,433 The 405 on a Sunday? 65 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,305 Okay, I'll drive. 66 00:03:35,473 --> 00:03:37,707 Yeah, you know I'm not really into drunk crowds 67 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:40,545 and football, or people. 68 00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:41,911 Of course. 69 00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,746 What's that mean? 70 00:03:43,748 --> 00:03:46,649 You know, I have dated guys with commitment issues. 71 00:03:46,651 --> 00:03:47,617 Lot's of them. 72 00:03:47,619 --> 00:03:48,719 Pretty standard stuff, but you, 73 00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:51,588 I can't even get you to commit to a football game. 74 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,255 Well, I don't like football. 75 00:03:53,257 --> 00:03:54,891 It's not that, it's everything. 76 00:03:54,893 --> 00:03:55,892 You won't go to Coachella. 77 00:03:55,894 --> 00:03:57,628 You won't move in together 78 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:58,562 because that would be moving too fast. 79 00:03:58,564 --> 00:04:00,931 You won't even book that cruise next summer 80 00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:03,532 because a lot can happen in six months! 81 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,301 Those tickets are non-refundable. 82 00:04:05,303 --> 00:04:07,470 And you're a cheapskate! 83 00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:08,772 Which is why I thought you'd like the free tickets 84 00:04:08,774 --> 00:04:09,973 in the first place! 85 00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,474 I'm not cheap, my money's tied up. 86 00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:12,743 And I can't go to the game 87 00:04:12,745 --> 00:04:15,579 because I wanna start training for that Rwanda charity ride. 88 00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:17,214 You know, where people are dying. 89 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,616 Yeah, like that's gonna happen. 90 00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:20,853 Ashley, Ashley. 91 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:24,721 Okay, you're right. 92 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:25,591 I'm sorry. 93 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:30,927 Let's do it Ashley, you and me, Coachella next year. 94 00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:31,895 ASHLEY: Ugh! 95 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,664 Oh, my god. 96 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:35,565 You have to see this house. 97 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,902 It has an entertainment room that would be so perfect 98 00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,537 for you to have your buddies over 99 00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:41,505 so you can watch your football matches, and then... 100 00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:43,607 It's games, it's not matches. 101 00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:45,910 Uhm, anyway, there's a chef's kitchen, 102 00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:47,678 newly remodeled bathrooms, 103 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,883 there's a study that would make a perfect nursery. 104 00:04:51,885 --> 00:04:55,585 I think maybe we should hold off on the house. 105 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,653 Why? 106 00:04:56,655 --> 00:05:00,758 I just got here, you know, starting a new job. 107 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,460 There's a lot to figure out. 108 00:05:02,462 --> 00:05:05,732 You don't have to figure us out, right? 109 00:05:07,701 --> 00:05:09,534 You do? 110 00:05:09,536 --> 00:05:11,301 Now, Charlotte, just wait a minute. 111 00:05:11,303 --> 00:05:13,303 No, no, no no, no, I am not waiting. 112 00:05:13,305 --> 00:05:15,673 I waited through college, through med school 113 00:05:15,675 --> 00:05:16,641 and through your residency. 114 00:05:16,643 --> 00:05:18,341 That was the plan. 115 00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:20,645 I know, I know, and you've been so great 116 00:05:20,647 --> 00:05:21,679 through all of that. 117 00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:22,612 Is there someone else? 118 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,016 Is it that Nurse Newcombe? 119 00:05:24,018 --> 00:05:25,616 No, no way. 120 00:05:25,618 --> 00:05:26,752 Well, then what is it? 121 00:05:26,754 --> 00:05:28,621 It's just, you, 122 00:05:30,024 --> 00:05:31,723 so predictable. 123 00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,725 Wha, wha, wha, what the heck does that mean? 124 00:05:33,727 --> 00:05:36,728 Up every morning at 6:00 a.m., the same Honey Nut Oatmeal, 125 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,330 you're off to work, back home, then in bed at 10 o'clock. 126 00:05:39,332 --> 00:05:40,698 You don't follow sports. 127 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,700 Sex, missionary position with the lights off. 128 00:05:42,702 --> 00:05:44,502 There's no surprises. 129 00:05:44,504 --> 00:05:46,871 I'm bored out of my mind. 130 00:05:46,873 --> 00:05:50,542 Well, I didn't know it was so horrible for you. 131 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:53,779 Well that explains the engagement ring, 132 00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:57,950 the promise ring and the pre-promise ring. 133 00:05:57,952 --> 00:06:01,254 14 years, Steven! 134 00:06:01,554 --> 00:06:05,356 In hindsight, I probably should have done this sooner. 135 00:06:05,358 --> 00:06:07,391 Did you bring me up here so I wouldn't make a scene? 136 00:06:07,393 --> 00:06:08,459 Because I am gonna make a scene. 137 00:06:08,461 --> 00:06:09,827 I'm gonna tell everybody in town. 138 00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:10,762 I'm gonna announce it in church... 139 00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:11,897 Charlotte, 140 00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:13,632 - would you please just... - I'm gonna put posters up... 141 00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,867 Hey, calm down and hydrate, please. 142 00:06:14,869 --> 00:06:18,637 Don't you tell me to hydrate, you jackass! 143 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:20,739 (GROANS) 144 00:06:20,741 --> 00:06:24,578 (STEVEN SCREAMING AND GRUNTING) 145 00:06:26,547 --> 00:06:28,314 Steven, are you okay? 146 00:06:29,984 --> 00:06:31,817 STEVEN: Fuck no! 147 00:06:31,819 --> 00:06:33,752 JUDGE: We find the defendant, Charlotte Wells, 148 00:06:33,754 --> 00:06:36,923 guilty of criminal assault and battery. 149 00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:39,391 If you complete community service, 150 00:06:39,393 --> 00:06:42,361 anger management classes and probation, 151 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:44,663 the felony charge will be expunged. 152 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,035 Sentence is 30 days in jail. 153 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:53,405 Don't tell me how to live my life. 154 00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:54,873 Yes sir, motherfucker. 155 00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:56,677 Goddamn fucking shit. 156 00:06:59,113 --> 00:07:03,082 I gotta do me, fuck all y'all if you can't appreciate! 157 00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:03,952 Step off! 158 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,120 Who do you think you are, Princess Elsa? 159 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,656 It's not goddamn Arendelle. 160 00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:10,926 Skinny ass bitch! 161 00:07:29,946 --> 00:07:32,747 (LIVELY MUSIC) 162 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:35,016 Ash? 163 00:07:35,817 --> 00:07:36,685 Ashley? 164 00:07:40,188 --> 00:07:41,756 MAN: Oh, yeah 165 00:07:45,093 --> 00:07:46,127 Give it baby 166 00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:52,066 That's what I'm talking about, baby 167 00:07:52,068 --> 00:07:54,068 Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot. 168 00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:55,803 I'm on fire. 169 00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:56,672 Oh, yeah. 170 00:08:00,776 --> 00:08:04,711 MAN: Somebody's earning their lunch money. 171 00:08:04,713 --> 00:08:05,780 Oh, yeah. 172 00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:10,819 (SCREAMING) 173 00:08:11,954 --> 00:08:13,621 Jesus, Brandon, what can I say? 174 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,857 She's a treacherous whore, you're better off without her. 175 00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:18,759 You're gonna give yourself a heart attack. 176 00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:19,996 What've you gone, 177 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:22,062 a mile and a half? 178 00:08:22,064 --> 00:08:24,632 Shit, you're in terrible shape. 179 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,535 I bought this bike so that I could get fit 180 00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:30,738 and do the Rwanda ride. 181 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,640 You ever seen me on it? 182 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,074 No. 183 00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:35,644 The whore's right, Dan. 184 00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:38,545 I can't commit to anything, especially women. 185 00:08:38,547 --> 00:08:40,714 Which explains why I've had 50 girlfriends 186 00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:43,051 in the past 10 years. 187 00:08:43,053 --> 00:08:45,721 I can get 'em but I can't keep 'em. 188 00:08:46,555 --> 00:08:48,589 I want a lasting love, Dan. 189 00:08:48,591 --> 00:08:49,492 I wanna be married. 190 00:08:50,526 --> 00:08:53,094 You have had a run of lousy luck with women. 191 00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:55,095 Luck has nothing to do with it, it's me. 192 00:08:55,097 --> 00:08:56,597 It has to be me. 193 00:08:56,599 --> 00:08:58,098 I have to change, Dan. 194 00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:01,438 Come on champ, you stink, let's go get a shower. 195 00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:09,744 Welcome home, girl. 196 00:09:09,746 --> 00:09:12,280 (THUDS) Oh my god! 197 00:09:12,282 --> 00:09:13,580 Ow! 198 00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:15,516 - Oh, my god. - Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow! 199 00:09:15,518 --> 00:09:16,952 I'm so sorry. 200 00:09:16,954 --> 00:09:19,753 Carly, I'm so sorry, it's my prison reflexes. 201 00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:20,721 Fuck that hurt! 202 00:09:20,723 --> 00:09:22,960 Oh my god, you are so strong. 203 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:27,163 Is it sick that I envy you? 204 00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:28,997 You're an ass kicker now. 205 00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:31,300 You look great, you've lost weight. 206 00:09:31,302 --> 00:09:32,368 Man, I wanna go to jail. 207 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:36,604 Oh yeah, everybody should, and it's so simple. 208 00:09:36,606 --> 00:09:37,973 All you have to do is spend half your life 209 00:09:37,975 --> 00:09:41,042 in a disastrous relationship and commit a felony. 210 00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:43,278 Okay, none of which was your fault. 211 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,647 It was all my fault. 212 00:09:45,649 --> 00:09:49,151 Look, okay, I read online that the average woman 213 00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:50,686 will have four serious relationship before she gets 214 00:09:50,688 --> 00:09:52,587 married. So, at the rate you're going, 215 00:09:52,589 --> 00:09:54,689 you're not gonna get married till like you're 84. 216 00:09:54,691 --> 00:09:56,759 You need to get right back on the horse. 217 00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:58,060 How? 218 00:09:58,062 --> 00:10:00,096 I have nothing to offer. 219 00:10:00,098 --> 00:10:02,198 Men just want some spontaneous, 220 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,634 unpredictable sexual deviant. 221 00:10:05,069 --> 00:10:06,701 Girl, you're giving men too much credit. 222 00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:07,969 They're simple beasts. 223 00:10:07,971 --> 00:10:10,772 All's they crave is sex, sports, beer, food 224 00:10:10,774 --> 00:10:12,342 and sometimes a little anal. 225 00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:13,176 Really? 226 00:10:13,178 --> 00:10:13,843 Really. 227 00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:14,710 Really? 228 00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,245 Really. 229 00:10:16,247 --> 00:10:18,781 Okay, if that's what men want, 230 00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:20,950 then that is what I'm gonna give them. 231 00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:23,686 Except that last part, not gonna happen. 232 00:10:23,688 --> 00:10:24,854 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: Yeah, yeah, 233 00:10:24,856 --> 00:10:27,089 we've all seen the makeover sequence 234 00:10:27,091 --> 00:10:28,960 so I won't bore you with it. 235 00:10:30,328 --> 00:10:32,964 (LIVELY MUSIC) 236 00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:51,947 (BURPING) 237 00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:54,717 Kapernick, Manning, Brees, cradle the balls! 238 00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:55,818 Work the shaft! 239 00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:56,952 - (GRUNTS) - Yes! 240 00:10:56,954 --> 00:10:59,155 You are now an expert on men. 241 00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:01,658 All right, this is all the shit that he gave you 242 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,393 over the last 14 years. 243 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:05,798 Throw away, sell online and, 244 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,333 whatever the fuck this is. 245 00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:12,701 Yeah, he got it at an Infectious Diseases Conference 246 00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,137 in Shanghai. 247 00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:15,773 I kinda like it. 248 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:20,045 It's going. 249 00:11:20,845 --> 00:11:22,247 Yeah, this is disgusting. 250 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:27,953 (MELLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 251 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:38,363 Hmm. 252 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,625 (CHUCKLES) 253 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,494 Wow, so you're a graphic designer, 254 00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:17,231 you must be really artistic. 255 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,500 Well, I have been called the Vermeer of napkin art. 256 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:24,102 (SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 257 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,872 Wait, what are you watching? 258 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,210 Oh, it's this, this silly show 259 00:13:30,545 --> 00:13:32,878 about this Swiss police woman who is... 260 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,146 Schweizer Polizei Frau? 261 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:35,380 You know it? 262 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,381 Ja! 263 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,550 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 264 00:13:37,552 --> 00:13:39,818 (LAUGHS) 265 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,888 I binge-watched all seven seasons in like six days. 266 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,223 Yeah, I'm on season four. 267 00:13:44,225 --> 00:13:46,825 Oh, there's great ones coming up. 268 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:50,829 We talked last night for four hours. 269 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,999 I think he's a really nice guy. 270 00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:53,967 Oh. 271 00:13:53,969 --> 00:13:55,867 Do you think I should tell him about Steven? 272 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,837 If you never wanna hear from him again. 273 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,940 Dating one guy your whole life might come off a little... 274 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:02,908 - Sad? - Freakish. 275 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,077 Like you were raised on a polygamist compound. 276 00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:07,480 Don't show him the woman you were, 277 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:10,418 show him the woman you're going to be. 278 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,252 You mean lie? 279 00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:13,886 Hell yes, lie. 280 00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:16,856 Don't tell her you have 56K in student loans. 281 00:14:16,858 --> 00:14:18,524 Tell her you have a 10 inch schlong 282 00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:21,060 and you're the heir to Walmart fortune. 283 00:14:21,062 --> 00:14:21,928 It's the internet. 284 00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,498 If you're not lying, your not trying. 285 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,800 Hey, hey! 286 00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,835 My last boyfriend? Uh... 287 00:14:29,837 --> 00:14:35,242 Let's see, I was with him for 14 months. 288 00:14:35,244 --> 00:14:38,612 Wow, so brief. 289 00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:41,515 Well, how long do your relationships only last for? 290 00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:44,551 Uh, you know, two, 291 00:14:44,553 --> 00:14:45,552 three years. 292 00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,987 So, you haven't been with that many women. 293 00:14:47,989 --> 00:14:49,889 A handful. 294 00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:53,893 You know, for me, it's more about quality than quantity. 295 00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:55,395 My biggest fault? 296 00:14:55,397 --> 00:14:57,930 Sometimes, I give too much, you know, 297 00:14:57,932 --> 00:14:59,533 whether it's work or relationships. 298 00:14:59,535 --> 00:15:03,337 I'm all in, kind of a warp speed ahead kinda guy. 299 00:15:03,339 --> 00:15:06,073 And sometimes, I'm so spontaneous and unpredictable 300 00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:07,541 that people find it exhausting. 301 00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:09,278 But I'm working on that. 302 00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,478 I mean maybe 'cause I'm country 303 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,581 but there's nothing like a cold brewski, right? 304 00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,015 Hell yeah. 305 00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:17,418 Steelers baby! 306 00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:19,219 Big Ben is my boy. 307 00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:22,558 The San Diego Super Chargers! 308 00:15:23,527 --> 00:15:25,360 Well, you're looking at the two-time 309 00:15:25,362 --> 00:15:27,997 salsa dancing champion of West Virginia. 310 00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:33,167 Look, I'm not saying I'm Lance Armstrong or anything, 311 00:15:33,169 --> 00:15:35,002 I'm kinda on the level just below him, 312 00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:37,071 but cycling is my passion. 313 00:15:37,073 --> 00:15:39,206 God, you're food looks amazing, 314 00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:40,974 where did you learn to cook? 315 00:15:40,976 --> 00:15:41,842 Oh please, look at you, 316 00:15:41,844 --> 00:15:43,346 making your own pasta from scratch? 317 00:15:45,281 --> 00:15:46,613 You have beautiful eyes. 318 00:15:46,615 --> 00:15:49,019 You have a very sexy smile. 319 00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:50,951 Salut. 320 00:15:50,953 --> 00:15:52,155 Saluts. 321 00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,089 Oh, oh, god! 322 00:15:54,091 --> 00:15:55,690 CHARLOTTE: Hey. 323 00:15:55,692 --> 00:15:56,358 Ah, no, no! 324 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,459 No, it's not what you think. 325 00:15:57,461 --> 00:16:01,629 I just, I didn't have time to get dressed before... 326 00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:01,997 Me too. 327 00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,067 I want you. 328 00:16:07,069 --> 00:16:08,302 Come to LA. 329 00:16:08,304 --> 00:16:10,003 I'll pay for the ticket. 330 00:16:10,005 --> 00:16:12,641 Look, I want to so bad, but I looked into tickets, 331 00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:14,976 they are $700. 332 00:16:14,978 --> 00:16:16,311 Or we could split it, 333 00:16:16,313 --> 00:16:18,714 if it feels like I coming on too strong. 334 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:22,519 This is gonna be so amazing! 335 00:16:22,719 --> 00:16:24,686 Oh my god, I can't believe I'm here. 336 00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:26,388 BRANDON: I can't believe you're here. 337 00:16:26,390 --> 00:16:28,723 CHARLOTTE: Oh, I love your car. 338 00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:29,691 BRANDON: Thanks. 339 00:16:29,693 --> 00:16:31,259 (LIVELY MUSIC) 340 00:16:31,261 --> 00:16:34,629 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 341 00:16:34,631 --> 00:16:37,400 ♪ I am done 342 00:16:37,402 --> 00:16:39,468 ♪ Is it that I like you 343 00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:42,505 So that's the Getty Villa, right there. 344 00:16:42,507 --> 00:16:44,272 J. Paul Getty was the world's richest man 345 00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:47,710 but he had a pay phone for all his house guests. 346 00:16:47,712 --> 00:16:50,178 Oh god, what a cheapskate. 347 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,547 I hate that! 348 00:16:52,549 --> 00:16:54,683 Yeah. 349 00:16:54,685 --> 00:16:56,586 Me too. 350 00:16:57,654 --> 00:16:59,021 Hey, isn't that, that restaurant 351 00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:00,625 where all the celebrities hang out? 352 00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:01,957 BRANDON: Yeah. 353 00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,225 CHARLOTTE: Have you ever been there? 354 00:17:03,227 --> 00:17:04,160 Sure. 355 00:17:04,162 --> 00:17:05,630 Oh, I bet it's amazing. 356 00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:09,233 (LIVELY MUSIC) 357 00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:19,207 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 358 00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:22,511 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 359 00:17:22,513 --> 00:17:24,346 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 360 00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:28,652 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 361 00:17:28,654 --> 00:17:32,087 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 362 00:17:32,089 --> 00:17:33,625 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 363 00:17:36,227 --> 00:17:37,526 BRANDON: It's gettin' kinda chilly, huh. 364 00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:38,762 - Yeah. - Wanna head back? 365 00:17:38,764 --> 00:17:40,531 Sure. 366 00:17:40,731 --> 00:17:43,668 Or, we could jump in the water. 367 00:17:46,304 --> 00:17:47,270 Yeah, right. 368 00:17:47,272 --> 00:17:48,405 No, I'm serious. 369 00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:50,507 Come on, Charlotte, you just ate five course meal, 370 00:17:50,509 --> 00:17:51,408 you're not going for a swim. 371 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:52,342 No, come on, let's do it. 372 00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:53,677 I've never even been in the ocean before 373 00:17:53,679 --> 00:17:55,212 and it would just be like absolutely... 374 00:17:55,214 --> 00:17:56,613 Hey, hey, listen to me. 375 00:17:56,615 --> 00:17:58,582 We're not jumping off the pier. 376 00:17:58,584 --> 00:17:59,816 (CHARLOTTE LAUGHING) 377 00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:00,985 Oh, my god. 378 00:18:01,653 --> 00:18:04,721 Okay, you are completely insane! 379 00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:05,555 Really? 380 00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:06,656 Yes, you're crazy. 381 00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:09,494 And you are the most exciting guy I've ever met. 382 00:18:10,094 --> 00:18:10,627 Really? 383 00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:11,296 Yeah. 384 00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:17,069 (MELLOW MUSIC) 385 00:18:28,347 --> 00:18:29,581 (CHARLOTTE GIGGLING) 386 00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,122 All right, Carly, let's see what you got me. 387 00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:39,390 How does... 388 00:18:39,392 --> 00:18:41,659 I don't even... 389 00:18:41,661 --> 00:18:43,228 I'm not using that. 390 00:18:51,303 --> 00:18:52,437 I've seen thicker dental floss. 391 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,747 You are one sexy bitch, Charlotte. 392 00:19:02,749 --> 00:19:05,149 And you've had sex with a thousand men. 393 00:19:05,151 --> 00:19:05,883 With a hundred men. 394 00:19:05,885 --> 00:19:08,488 23, eight, eight. 395 00:19:16,596 --> 00:19:20,733 You're gonna go in there and be just a super sexy lady. 396 00:19:22,735 --> 00:19:24,538 God, I look like my mom with these things. 397 00:19:36,749 --> 00:19:39,385 (MELLOW MUSIC) 398 00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,112 CHARLOTTE: Ow! 399 00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,580 Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. 400 00:20:09,582 --> 00:20:10,581 So you like it rough? 401 00:20:10,583 --> 00:20:11,851 Huh, oh no, I was just... 402 00:20:11,853 --> 00:20:13,685 'Cause I can be really rough. 403 00:20:13,687 --> 00:20:16,889 Oh yeah, no, I'm rough, I'm like super rough. 404 00:20:16,891 --> 00:20:18,390 Like this kinda rough? 405 00:20:18,392 --> 00:20:19,324 Ah! 406 00:20:19,326 --> 00:20:20,392 Oh! 407 00:20:20,394 --> 00:20:23,729 Goin' for the sexy proctologist, yeah, no I dig that. 408 00:20:23,731 --> 00:20:24,596 Yeah? 409 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,731 Is that all you got? 410 00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:27,566 You're in luck 'cause his two friends 411 00:20:27,568 --> 00:20:29,468 just decided to join the party. 412 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,672 (YELLING) 413 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:39,313 What're you thinking? 414 00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,651 I was just thinking, uhm 415 00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:47,352 I was just wondering, 416 00:20:47,354 --> 00:20:50,591 if it's too soon to tell him that um, 417 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,895 he's just the kind of man I've always wanted to be with. 418 00:20:55,396 --> 00:20:58,530 Confident and uhm, 419 00:20:58,532 --> 00:21:00,767 unhesitating, 420 00:21:00,769 --> 00:21:02,203 sure of what he wants. 421 00:21:03,538 --> 00:21:04,904 Extremely handsome. 422 00:21:04,906 --> 00:21:07,006 Well. 423 00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,244 And um, 424 00:21:10,945 --> 00:21:13,213 it's gonna break my heart to get back on that plane. 425 00:21:16,851 --> 00:21:18,651 Well, that's funny actually, 426 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:23,824 because I was thinking that she is 427 00:21:23,826 --> 00:21:27,427 the most exciting 428 00:21:27,429 --> 00:21:31,330 and spontaneous person 429 00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:34,300 I've met in my entire life. 430 00:21:34,302 --> 00:21:37,639 Not to mention gorgeous, bombshell, knockout 431 00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:40,907 and blonde too, the most blonde person. 432 00:21:40,909 --> 00:21:43,411 (LAUGHING) 433 00:21:44,612 --> 00:21:45,745 And I was actually wondering 434 00:21:45,747 --> 00:21:47,583 if it's too soon to give her this. 435 00:21:51,554 --> 00:21:53,556 And to tell her that I love her. 436 00:21:54,857 --> 00:21:56,659 (LIVELY MUSIC) 437 00:22:11,007 --> 00:22:12,441 (YELLING AND CHEERING) 438 00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:24,718 I know this is moving insanely fast 439 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,521 but she's not like the women here. 440 00:22:27,523 --> 00:22:29,056 Is that a heel mark? 441 00:22:29,058 --> 00:22:31,391 She's sexy and smart 442 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,926 and we just have this, this connection! 443 00:22:32,928 --> 00:22:35,029 What did you get on my upholstery? 444 00:22:35,031 --> 00:22:36,664 Oh, that's just saltwater. 445 00:22:36,666 --> 00:22:38,432 Is that what the kids are calling it? 446 00:22:38,434 --> 00:22:40,367 You desecrated the Stang! 447 00:22:40,369 --> 00:22:41,703 Dude, I'll get it washed and waxed. 448 00:22:41,705 --> 00:22:43,705 Are you listening to what I'm saying, I'm in love. 449 00:22:43,707 --> 00:22:45,506 I can clearly see that you're excited 450 00:22:45,508 --> 00:22:47,674 and I'm very happy for you, really I am. 451 00:22:47,676 --> 00:22:48,711 Okay yes. 452 00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:56,350 You might wanna keep this for your scrap book. 453 00:22:56,352 --> 00:22:56,986 Oh, yes. 454 00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,021 That's her neck. 455 00:23:00,023 --> 00:23:00,889 Just smell that. 456 00:23:00,891 --> 00:23:01,923 - No. - Just smell. 457 00:23:01,925 --> 00:23:02,957 - It's just a neck. - It's not.. 458 00:23:02,959 --> 00:23:04,759 - It's a neutral zone. - This is not appropriate. 459 00:23:04,761 --> 00:23:06,694 BRANDON: Oh god, that's good. 460 00:23:06,696 --> 00:23:10,598 And, did you do the things that we talked about? 461 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,467 We did things no one talks about. 462 00:23:12,469 --> 00:23:15,402 Ooh, and how did that go? 463 00:23:15,404 --> 00:23:16,738 He gave me this. 464 00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:17,572 Oh, my god. 465 00:23:17,574 --> 00:23:19,707 And he told me that he loves me. 466 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,608 Oh, my god! 467 00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,978 I know, and I told him I love him too 468 00:23:22,980 --> 00:23:25,713 which I know seems like crazy and rushed 469 00:23:25,715 --> 00:23:28,550 but it was just so magical. 470 00:23:28,552 --> 00:23:30,420 That no good mother. 471 00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:44,732 You know, good for him. 472 00:23:44,734 --> 00:23:46,769 Good for him, he deserves to be happy. 473 00:23:46,771 --> 00:23:48,504 CARLY: Char... 474 00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:50,639 I know what you're gonna say and I'm gonna be fine 475 00:23:50,641 --> 00:23:53,676 because I'm happy and he's happy. 476 00:23:53,678 --> 00:23:55,578 - Charlotte! - And everybody's happy. 477 00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:56,411 Charlotte! 478 00:23:56,413 --> 00:23:57,445 It's gonna be, 479 00:23:57,447 --> 00:23:58,115 oh my god! 480 00:24:02,053 --> 00:24:04,654 (LIVELY MUSIC) 481 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:09,927 Asshole! 482 00:24:11,596 --> 00:24:14,730 No, you cannot cause an avalanche just by yodeling. 483 00:24:14,732 --> 00:24:17,800 No, I am telling you, it is completely possible. 484 00:24:17,802 --> 00:24:19,068 You can't. 485 00:24:19,070 --> 00:24:20,769 And even if you could, 486 00:24:20,771 --> 00:24:23,138 you can't make it fall right on a fleeing bank robber. 487 00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:25,541 Schweizer Polizei Frau can. 488 00:24:25,543 --> 00:24:26,577 Yeah well. 489 00:24:27,845 --> 00:24:31,881 Hey, I made something at work today, you mind taking a look? 490 00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:33,017 Yeah, sure. 491 00:24:34,451 --> 00:24:37,588 (LIGHT MELLOW MUSIC) 492 00:24:39,157 --> 00:24:40,857 Hey, is that me? 493 00:24:40,859 --> 00:24:41,960 Lookin' good. 494 00:24:49,567 --> 00:24:51,903 Oh, thank you, it's beautiful. 495 00:24:55,006 --> 00:24:57,475 (LAUGHING) 496 00:25:03,882 --> 00:25:07,753 It would be the most unpredictable thing ever. 497 00:25:09,755 --> 00:25:12,958 It would be the ultimate commitment. 498 00:25:15,260 --> 00:25:18,596 (LIGHT MELLOW MUSIC) 499 00:25:22,734 --> 00:25:23,702 Geronimo! 500 00:25:28,807 --> 00:25:30,909 (LAUGHING) 501 00:25:35,013 --> 00:25:36,112 We want a divorce. 502 00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:37,614 Between the two of ya? 503 00:25:37,616 --> 00:25:38,581 Yep. 504 00:25:38,583 --> 00:25:39,816 Well, I'll be, usually, 505 00:25:39,818 --> 00:25:42,585 I represent only one party's interests. 506 00:25:42,587 --> 00:25:43,520 We have the same interest. 507 00:25:43,522 --> 00:25:44,721 An immediate divorce. 508 00:25:44,723 --> 00:25:46,824 Well then, I reckon we oughta discuss 509 00:25:46,826 --> 00:25:48,626 dividin' property, assets... 510 00:25:48,628 --> 00:25:49,794 We don't have any. 511 00:25:49,796 --> 00:25:52,529 How long you two been hitched? 512 00:25:52,531 --> 00:25:53,898 BRANDON AND CHARLOTTE: 10 days. 513 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:54,767 10 days? 514 00:25:58,938 --> 00:26:01,673 (MELLOW MUSIC) 515 00:26:04,609 --> 00:26:05,608 BRANDON AND CHARLOTTE: Oh! 516 00:26:05,610 --> 00:26:06,776 Thank you so much, Carly. 517 00:26:06,778 --> 00:26:09,115 Thanks, Carly, it's awesome! 518 00:26:10,049 --> 00:26:11,749 Oh, and that is from us. 519 00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:12,850 Oh. 520 00:26:12,852 --> 00:26:13,720 Thank you. 521 00:26:21,728 --> 00:26:25,262 Aw, thank you very much, that's so sweet, Jerry and Judy. 522 00:26:25,264 --> 00:26:27,765 Thanks, Mom, thanks, Dad, that's uh. 523 00:26:27,767 --> 00:26:30,001 No, the people of Tibet thank you. 524 00:26:30,003 --> 00:26:34,005 It's such a noble gesture in your name. 525 00:26:34,007 --> 00:26:35,807 Though it has none of the bourgeoisie cache 526 00:26:35,809 --> 00:26:38,045 of a shiny kitchen appliance. 527 00:26:39,847 --> 00:26:42,080 Anyway, speaking of exotic places, 528 00:26:42,082 --> 00:26:43,647 have you guys finally decided 529 00:26:43,649 --> 00:26:44,582 where you're gonna take your honeymoon? 530 00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,917 Not yet, I'm start teaching really soon 531 00:26:46,919 --> 00:26:50,355 and we have to find a bigger apartment or maybe a house. 532 00:26:50,357 --> 00:26:52,089 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 533 00:26:52,091 --> 00:26:54,091 So we have to put that on hold. 534 00:26:54,093 --> 00:26:56,660 No, no, no, you must do something special, Brandon. 535 00:26:56,662 --> 00:26:58,295 Sri Lanka is lovely. 536 00:26:58,297 --> 00:27:00,699 As far as exploited, underdeveloped 537 00:27:00,701 --> 00:27:01,900 island nations go. 538 00:27:01,902 --> 00:27:05,037 It's really the sad teardrop of the Indian subcontinent. 539 00:27:05,039 --> 00:27:06,738 But the beaches are beautiful. 540 00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:08,240 Well, that sounds fun, right, honey? 541 00:27:08,242 --> 00:27:11,810 Oh yeah, it's just a shame about all the tsunamis. 542 00:27:11,812 --> 00:27:13,245 I'll tell you what though, for special, 543 00:27:13,247 --> 00:27:14,880 there's some really great spots 544 00:27:14,882 --> 00:27:16,747 right within driving distance. 545 00:27:16,749 --> 00:27:19,920 I mean, San Diego, Santa Barbara, Pismo. 546 00:27:21,754 --> 00:27:22,621 Oh, what about you? 547 00:27:22,623 --> 00:27:24,223 Where'd you two go on your honeymoon? 548 00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:25,324 Jail. 549 00:27:25,326 --> 00:27:27,828 (LAUGHING) 550 00:27:29,797 --> 00:27:31,029 JUDY: He's not kidding. 551 00:27:31,031 --> 00:27:32,631 After we exchanged our vows, 552 00:27:32,633 --> 00:27:34,699 we went off to a No Nukes rally, 553 00:27:34,701 --> 00:27:37,370 she acted up and the po-po picked us up 554 00:27:37,372 --> 00:27:38,770 and threw us both in the slammer. 555 00:27:38,772 --> 00:27:41,306 So you spent your whole honeymoon in jail? 556 00:27:41,308 --> 00:27:42,475 We had only known each other 10 days 557 00:27:42,477 --> 00:27:46,779 so every minute we spent together was like a honeymoon. 558 00:27:46,781 --> 00:27:50,649 And we actually managed to slip a little connubial bliss in 559 00:27:50,651 --> 00:27:52,754 right under the man's nose. 560 00:27:55,190 --> 00:27:57,290 So we were in adjacent cells, right, 561 00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:59,992 and right after all of the other inmates went to sleep, 562 00:27:59,994 --> 00:28:02,861 my beautiful bride, she backed her tight little rump 563 00:28:02,863 --> 00:28:04,863 right up against the bars, 564 00:28:04,865 --> 00:28:09,868 I dropped trou and we made the sweetest, sweetest love. 565 00:28:09,870 --> 00:28:12,740 Oh, oh, Christ, I need a drink! 566 00:28:16,878 --> 00:28:19,145 Being an only child and losing both my parents, 567 00:28:19,147 --> 00:28:22,281 I definitely want a big family, like three or four kids. 568 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:24,450 You know, they say, it costs over a quarter million 569 00:28:24,452 --> 00:28:27,753 to raise a child and that's before college. 570 00:28:27,755 --> 00:28:30,756 You can't put a price tag on happiness. 571 00:28:30,758 --> 00:28:34,727 True but I was an only child and I have to say, 572 00:28:34,729 --> 00:28:35,462 I was very happy. 573 00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:37,431 Oh come on, Brandon. 574 00:28:37,433 --> 00:28:39,266 You use to always want a younger brother. 575 00:28:39,268 --> 00:28:42,369 And a matter of fact, Brandon was an accident. 576 00:28:42,371 --> 00:28:44,071 We thought long and hard 577 00:28:44,073 --> 00:28:46,072 about whether or not we should keep him. 578 00:28:46,074 --> 00:28:47,940 You were gonna put him up for adoption? 579 00:28:47,942 --> 00:28:50,344 Oh god no, I wouldn't have the heart for that. 580 00:28:50,346 --> 00:28:53,045 We were gonna abort him. 581 00:28:53,047 --> 00:28:53,915 Jesus. 582 00:28:55,016 --> 00:28:56,716 But we were in Burma, 583 00:28:56,718 --> 00:28:59,052 we couldn't find anyone to perform the procedure. 584 00:28:59,054 --> 00:29:00,022 Thank god. 585 00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:03,390 I think we made the right decision. 586 00:29:03,392 --> 00:29:04,326 I do too. 587 00:29:05,761 --> 00:29:06,960 Most of the time. 588 00:29:06,962 --> 00:29:09,329 JUDY: Oh, Jerry. 589 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:10,497 Hey, you know, we better get going, 590 00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:13,834 we got a flight to catch, we gotta get to Buenos Aries. 591 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:16,069 Oh, leaving so soon? 592 00:29:16,071 --> 00:29:17,337 We're gonna the Antarctica, 593 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,872 we're gonna scuttle some Japanese whale killers. 594 00:29:19,874 --> 00:29:20,773 If it were up to me, 595 00:29:20,775 --> 00:29:23,311 I'd have those boats sunk in the ocean 596 00:29:23,313 --> 00:29:26,847 and have any remaining survivors fed to the sharks. 597 00:29:26,849 --> 00:29:28,815 I hear you, I respect your feelings. 598 00:29:28,817 --> 00:29:31,885 Now, get you things we gotta go, we gonna be late. 599 00:29:31,887 --> 00:29:34,522 Charlotte, it's been so lovely meeting you. 600 00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:35,523 Likewise. 601 00:29:35,525 --> 00:29:37,124 Carly, till next time. 602 00:29:37,126 --> 00:29:38,992 Okay, let's go. 603 00:29:38,994 --> 00:29:43,699 She gets so blood thirsty when it comes to the Japanese. 604 00:29:45,834 --> 00:29:47,502 Those are some weird fucking people. 605 00:29:47,504 --> 00:29:50,807 Okay, I don't know, they're unique. 606 00:29:52,409 --> 00:29:54,542 It's kinda refreshing. 607 00:29:54,544 --> 00:29:55,876 You need to be thankful 608 00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:57,212 that their DNA skipped a generation. 609 00:29:57,214 --> 00:29:59,147 LAUGHING: 610 00:29:59,149 --> 00:30:01,949 But isn't, Brandon's pretty amazing, right? 611 00:30:01,951 --> 00:30:04,117 You did good, girl. 612 00:30:04,119 --> 00:30:06,820 And he can't freak if he finds out that you're a jail bird. 613 00:30:06,822 --> 00:30:07,955 'Cause with parents like that, 614 00:30:07,957 --> 00:30:09,557 he was probably conceived in the joint. 615 00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:11,826 Why would you tell Charlotte the Stang is yours? 616 00:30:11,828 --> 00:30:13,194 You're the one who told me to lie. 617 00:30:13,196 --> 00:30:15,196 When you're trying to lure her to the honey pot! 618 00:30:15,198 --> 00:30:17,031 You can't keep it going now that you're married. 619 00:30:17,033 --> 00:30:18,266 It's insane. 620 00:30:18,268 --> 00:30:19,568 Just let me break it to her slowly, okay? 621 00:30:19,570 --> 00:30:22,337 Can you go along with it for a couple weeks? 622 00:30:22,339 --> 00:30:23,471 Come on man, you have another car. 623 00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:24,472 Please, I'll owe you. 624 00:30:24,474 --> 00:30:25,406 With what? 625 00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:26,808 You don't have any money. 626 00:30:26,810 --> 00:30:28,009 Which you also told me not to tell her about. 627 00:30:28,011 --> 00:30:30,979 And now she's talking about honeymoons and houses and kids. 628 00:30:30,981 --> 00:30:33,348 Well, you screwed up, man, you took my advice. 629 00:30:33,350 --> 00:30:36,018 Okay, okay, okay okay, you can take the Stang 630 00:30:36,020 --> 00:30:37,986 for a couple more weeks but, but 631 00:30:37,988 --> 00:30:40,089 if I see you drive it more than twice, 632 00:30:40,091 --> 00:30:42,090 I will bring down your house of cards. 633 00:30:42,092 --> 00:30:43,091 Understood, thanks. 634 00:30:43,093 --> 00:30:44,593 I'll see you at dinner. 635 00:30:44,595 --> 00:30:47,496 No, this is yours now, you have to take care of it! 636 00:30:47,498 --> 00:30:48,332 Oh! 637 00:30:49,567 --> 00:30:51,567 Our first dinner party as a married couple. 638 00:30:51,569 --> 00:30:52,401 Yeah. 639 00:30:52,403 --> 00:30:54,436 What are you making? 640 00:30:54,438 --> 00:30:59,377 Well, I thought maybe you could make your homemade pasta. 641 00:31:02,546 --> 00:31:04,213 (DAN LAUGHING) 642 00:31:04,215 --> 00:31:06,548 I remember on our honeymoon, we went to a movie in Maui 643 00:31:06,550 --> 00:31:08,884 and Dan was playing with his wedding ring, 644 00:31:08,886 --> 00:31:11,053 it fell off and rolled down the floor. 645 00:31:11,055 --> 00:31:12,288 Ting, ting, ting, ting. 646 00:31:12,290 --> 00:31:13,888 We had to wait till the movie was over 647 00:31:13,890 --> 00:31:15,190 and then search through all this popcorn 648 00:31:15,192 --> 00:31:17,859 and crud and found it in a puddle of Pepsi. 649 00:31:17,861 --> 00:31:19,328 DAN: She was really mad. 650 00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:20,995 And then the next week, he does it again! 651 00:31:20,997 --> 00:31:23,899 And she punched me right in the dick. 652 00:31:23,901 --> 00:31:25,635 (LAUGHING) 653 00:31:25,637 --> 00:31:28,571 You're lucky I didn't divorce you. 654 00:31:28,573 --> 00:31:31,106 It turned out he done it intentionally. 655 00:31:31,108 --> 00:31:33,042 Well yeah, so I had tied it to a string 656 00:31:33,044 --> 00:31:35,545 and I was pulling it along and she kept going after it. 657 00:31:35,547 --> 00:31:37,012 That was really. 658 00:31:37,014 --> 00:31:39,581 (LAUGHING) 659 00:31:39,583 --> 00:31:41,350 Oh god, weren't you furious? 660 00:31:41,352 --> 00:31:42,186 Yes. 661 00:31:43,421 --> 00:31:46,121 But then I realized that this is who Dan is 662 00:31:46,123 --> 00:31:48,058 and that's why I love him. 663 00:31:48,060 --> 00:31:49,426 DAN: That's why she loves me. 664 00:31:49,428 --> 00:31:50,660 He's a lovable jackass. 665 00:31:50,662 --> 00:31:52,595 My ass is very jacked. 666 00:31:52,597 --> 00:31:54,397 (LAUGHING) 667 00:31:54,399 --> 00:31:55,200 Moving on! 668 00:31:56,535 --> 00:31:59,369 Brandon, what is your biggest regret? 669 00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:01,604 My choice of best friends. 670 00:32:01,606 --> 00:32:02,572 I was just being honest. 671 00:32:02,574 --> 00:32:04,842 I'm just being honest. 672 00:32:06,378 --> 00:32:09,044 I guess maybe not visiting my grandpa enough 673 00:32:09,046 --> 00:32:10,315 before he died. 674 00:32:11,451 --> 00:32:12,550 He was living in this nursing home 675 00:32:12,552 --> 00:32:15,686 like a mile from our house and, 676 00:32:15,688 --> 00:32:17,120 I don't know, I guess I was too busy 677 00:32:17,122 --> 00:32:19,324 being a teenager or something. 678 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,161 Anyway, I hope he forgave me. 679 00:32:25,163 --> 00:32:26,563 Of course he did. 680 00:32:26,565 --> 00:32:28,433 He knew you loved him. 681 00:32:43,683 --> 00:32:47,117 Okay, I gonna say what we're all thinking. 682 00:32:47,119 --> 00:32:47,953 Four-way. 683 00:32:49,054 --> 00:32:49,888 Hey! 684 00:33:00,666 --> 00:33:03,667 Hey, how come you never wear that necklace I gave you? 685 00:33:03,669 --> 00:33:05,469 Don't you like it? 686 00:33:05,471 --> 00:33:06,404 I love it. 687 00:33:06,406 --> 00:33:08,174 I absolutely love it. 688 00:33:09,008 --> 00:33:10,741 And you know what else I love? 689 00:33:10,743 --> 00:33:12,610 That pretty little ass of yours. 690 00:33:12,612 --> 00:33:14,680 (LAUGHING) 691 00:33:15,548 --> 00:33:18,284 You remember the three amigos? 692 00:33:20,152 --> 00:33:23,087 (LIVELY MUSIC) 693 00:33:23,089 --> 00:33:23,956 Arriba! 694 00:33:24,725 --> 00:33:26,058 MAN: Whoo! 695 00:33:28,495 --> 00:33:31,030 (TENSE MUSIC) 696 00:33:34,567 --> 00:33:36,600 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 697 00:33:36,602 --> 00:33:39,537 Schweitzer Polizei Frau. 698 00:33:39,539 --> 00:33:41,641 (LAUGHING) 699 00:33:46,012 --> 00:33:47,579 What are you working on? 700 00:33:47,581 --> 00:33:49,448 Welfare application. 701 00:33:49,450 --> 00:33:51,049 You? 702 00:33:51,051 --> 00:33:52,617 Suicide note. 703 00:33:52,619 --> 00:33:53,687 Touche. 704 00:33:55,222 --> 00:33:56,788 You know, screw it! 705 00:33:56,790 --> 00:33:59,724 I guess I'm gonna call that slimy prick Matthew 706 00:33:59,726 --> 00:34:01,326 and see if he'll throw us a bone. 707 00:34:01,328 --> 00:34:03,697 Oh man, that's gonna suck. 708 00:34:05,064 --> 00:34:06,598 You just know he's gonna make you feel like a pathetic, 709 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,099 shit-eating failure. 710 00:34:09,101 --> 00:34:10,638 I'll call for you. 711 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,105 I'm just so glad I found it. 712 00:34:14,107 --> 00:34:15,607 I had to go to 10 different stores to find it, 713 00:34:15,609 --> 00:34:17,444 and it cost $1,200. 714 00:34:18,278 --> 00:34:19,644 CARLY: Oh, at that price, 715 00:34:19,646 --> 00:34:20,779 I think I would have just come clean. 716 00:34:20,781 --> 00:34:25,584 Yeah, I wanted to but he spent so much money on it, 717 00:34:25,586 --> 00:34:29,187 and, I don't know, he picked it out himself 718 00:34:29,189 --> 00:34:31,692 which I think is very sweet, so. 719 00:34:34,094 --> 00:34:35,695 BRANDON: So, you must be looking forward 720 00:34:35,697 --> 00:34:37,430 to getting back to work, huh? 721 00:34:37,432 --> 00:34:40,833 Yes, I'm so excited to be back in the classroom with kids. 722 00:34:40,835 --> 00:34:42,702 It's gonna be nice to have income coming in, too. 723 00:34:42,704 --> 00:34:44,704 Speaking of which, I was thinking 724 00:34:44,706 --> 00:34:46,438 that we could start planning our honeymoon. 725 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,241 You know, maybe go on my spring break. 726 00:34:49,243 --> 00:34:51,578 What do you think about Aruba? 727 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,180 Yeah, that's fine. 728 00:34:55,182 --> 00:34:58,751 But what about Catalina Island, huh? 729 00:34:58,753 --> 00:35:02,788 It's 26 miles across the sea, it is beautiful. 730 00:35:02,790 --> 00:35:06,859 It's, uh, I mean, it's where Natalie Wood drowned. 731 00:35:06,861 --> 00:35:08,661 Sounds romantic. 732 00:35:08,663 --> 00:35:10,229 Hey, you know what? 733 00:35:10,231 --> 00:35:12,231 I think we have to have a couple drinks tonight. 734 00:35:12,233 --> 00:35:13,098 - Yeah? - To celebrate 735 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:14,300 your last couple of days of leisure. 736 00:35:14,302 --> 00:35:15,268 What do you say? 737 00:35:15,270 --> 00:35:16,101 I like that. 738 00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:17,436 Let me do that. 739 00:35:17,438 --> 00:35:19,605 All right, get out there, make me proud, 740 00:35:19,607 --> 00:35:22,076 show me some of those tricks. 741 00:35:31,887 --> 00:35:33,720 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: Achtung, ladies and gentlemen, 742 00:35:33,722 --> 00:35:38,391 he's about to shame, bruise and soil himself. 743 00:35:38,393 --> 00:35:40,728 (TENSE MUSIC) 744 00:35:42,363 --> 00:35:43,231 Fuck! 745 00:35:50,606 --> 00:35:54,374 (BRANDON GRUNTING) 746 00:35:54,376 --> 00:35:57,477 CHARLOTTE: Oh my god, Barndon, are you okay? 747 00:35:57,479 --> 00:36:00,547 BRANDON: Yeah, yeah, no, I meant to do that. 748 00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:01,417 Oh god. 749 00:36:11,594 --> 00:36:13,160 Hey Brandon. 750 00:36:13,162 --> 00:36:14,661 I brought you a little somethin' for the newlyweds. 751 00:36:14,663 --> 00:36:16,496 Oh Mel, thank you. 752 00:36:16,498 --> 00:36:17,331 MEL: Cheers. 753 00:36:17,333 --> 00:36:18,165 Cheers. 754 00:36:18,167 --> 00:36:18,900 Shots. 755 00:36:18,902 --> 00:36:20,567 To all your lucky students. 756 00:36:20,569 --> 00:36:23,236 To my sweet husband and all my bros and hoes. 757 00:36:23,238 --> 00:36:24,106 Yeah! 758 00:36:25,007 --> 00:36:26,607 DJ: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, 759 00:36:26,609 --> 00:36:28,842 can I get Charlotte Conroy on the dance floor? 760 00:36:28,844 --> 00:36:29,676 What? 761 00:36:29,678 --> 00:36:30,711 Did he say my name? 762 00:36:30,713 --> 00:36:31,545 I guess. 763 00:36:31,547 --> 00:36:32,679 What did you tell him? 764 00:36:32,681 --> 00:36:34,315 Yeah, everyone, put your hands together right here, 765 00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,651 Miss Charlotte, the dancing machine, Conroy, 766 00:36:36,653 --> 00:36:39,921 salsa champion, world champion in the house tonight! 767 00:36:39,923 --> 00:36:40,755 BRANDON: That's you. 768 00:36:40,757 --> 00:36:41,856 What did you tell him? 769 00:36:41,858 --> 00:36:43,290 I may have exaggerated a little. 770 00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:44,859 I know you didn't wanna show off at the wedding 771 00:36:44,861 --> 00:36:46,694 but now I get to see your stuff! 772 00:36:46,696 --> 00:36:49,799 (UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC) 773 00:36:51,735 --> 00:36:52,601 Yeah! 774 00:36:59,576 --> 00:37:00,842 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: And that is all 775 00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:03,444 the salsa Charlotte knows, 776 00:37:03,446 --> 00:37:05,782 but tragically, she dances on. 777 00:37:06,616 --> 00:37:09,753 (UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC) 778 00:37:34,344 --> 00:37:36,344 Well look who's here. 779 00:37:36,346 --> 00:37:39,480 The asshole who almost smothered me to death. 780 00:37:39,482 --> 00:37:40,581 Ashley? 781 00:37:40,583 --> 00:37:43,584 You would still hang out here, you cheap bastard. 782 00:37:43,586 --> 00:37:44,752 I'm just kidding. 783 00:37:44,754 --> 00:37:45,854 I come here too. 784 00:37:45,856 --> 00:37:47,556 Ashley, I am... 785 00:37:47,558 --> 00:37:50,728 You, are not still mad at me, are you? 786 00:37:54,732 --> 00:37:59,467 DJ: Okay, Charlotte, thank you, thank you very much. 787 00:37:59,469 --> 00:38:01,337 Very interesting dance. 788 00:38:03,841 --> 00:38:05,273 Hey, honey. 789 00:38:05,275 --> 00:38:06,742 Who's your friend? 790 00:38:06,744 --> 00:38:07,743 Ashley. 791 00:38:07,745 --> 00:38:10,579 Charlotte, Charlotte Conroy. 792 00:38:10,581 --> 00:38:11,613 Who's that, your sister? 793 00:38:11,615 --> 00:38:13,049 No, his wife. 794 00:38:13,051 --> 00:38:16,351 I'm sorry, you're married? 795 00:38:16,353 --> 00:38:17,486 Since when? 796 00:38:17,488 --> 00:38:18,656 Four days ago. 797 00:38:20,624 --> 00:38:23,792 We used to date until he went all fainting goat on, 798 00:38:23,794 --> 00:38:25,627 what the fuck? 799 00:38:25,629 --> 00:38:27,296 That's my necklace! 800 00:38:27,298 --> 00:38:28,030 Oh shit. 801 00:38:28,032 --> 00:38:29,064 What the hell, Brandon? 802 00:38:29,066 --> 00:38:30,532 Brandon? 803 00:38:30,534 --> 00:38:31,633 Yeah, I left it at his place. 804 00:38:31,635 --> 00:38:32,968 He never gave it back to me. 805 00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:34,473 Is that true? 806 00:38:36,508 --> 00:38:37,507 Told ya. 807 00:38:37,509 --> 00:38:39,508 This isn't your necklace. 808 00:38:39,510 --> 00:38:40,442 The hell it isn't. 809 00:38:40,444 --> 00:38:41,711 Okay. 810 00:38:41,713 --> 00:38:42,812 CHARLOTTE: No, I think your necklace 811 00:38:42,814 --> 00:38:43,947 I ground up in the garbage disposal. 812 00:38:43,949 --> 00:38:45,347 ASHLEY: Bullshit! 813 00:38:45,349 --> 00:38:46,750 CHARLOTTE: Listen, I was freaked out 814 00:38:46,752 --> 00:38:48,350 because I found out my ex-fiance was getting married. 815 00:38:48,352 --> 00:38:49,318 Ex-fiance? 816 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,652 Okay, like you have the right to speak, 817 00:38:50,654 --> 00:38:52,354 you gave this skank's necklace! 818 00:38:52,356 --> 00:38:54,456 Oh my god, this is hilarious. 819 00:38:54,458 --> 00:38:56,627 You wanna know what I think? 820 00:39:00,465 --> 00:39:02,499 You're not gonna do anything? 821 00:39:02,501 --> 00:39:03,368 Stop! 822 00:39:06,104 --> 00:39:07,904 Look at it this way, most women our age 823 00:39:07,906 --> 00:39:09,739 have a lot of wear and tear on 'em 824 00:39:09,741 --> 00:39:11,541 but you got her from the original owner. 825 00:39:11,543 --> 00:39:13,510 She's in mint condition. 826 00:39:13,512 --> 00:39:15,779 Anyway, you really trumped her on that necklace debacle. 827 00:39:15,781 --> 00:39:16,780 What were you thinking? 828 00:39:16,782 --> 00:39:17,714 I don't know, man. 829 00:39:17,716 --> 00:39:19,048 Never the twain shall meet? 830 00:39:19,050 --> 00:39:22,452 Okay, once, when Rita and I were married 831 00:39:22,454 --> 00:39:24,955 for maybe two months, she asked me if this dress 832 00:39:24,957 --> 00:39:26,723 she was wearing made her butt look big. 833 00:39:26,725 --> 00:39:29,093 I told her, yes, but I like big butts. 834 00:39:29,095 --> 00:39:30,426 You know, I'm a black man. 835 00:39:30,428 --> 00:39:31,761 It nearly ruined us. 836 00:39:31,763 --> 00:39:33,630 But it didn't. 837 00:39:33,632 --> 00:39:36,633 It took some work and that's what you gotta do, man. 838 00:39:36,635 --> 00:39:38,968 You gotta make some grand gesture, all right? 839 00:39:38,970 --> 00:39:41,404 Something repentant and sweet. 840 00:39:41,406 --> 00:39:42,505 Maybe a little pathetic thrown in there 841 00:39:42,507 --> 00:39:47,511 and with any luck, it will all be forgotten about. 842 00:39:47,513 --> 00:39:48,781 In a few years. 843 00:39:51,050 --> 00:39:51,918 Come on. 844 00:39:55,822 --> 00:39:57,822 (CAR HORN BEEPING) 845 00:39:57,824 --> 00:39:59,824 God, it was so humiliating. 846 00:39:59,826 --> 00:40:01,058 CARLY: So you both screwed up. 847 00:40:01,060 --> 00:40:03,628 You each take a gimme and move on. 848 00:40:04,764 --> 00:40:07,965 I just got an email from him. 849 00:40:07,967 --> 00:40:10,837 (ROCKET WHIRRING) 850 00:40:15,142 --> 00:40:17,543 Oh my gosh, it's so sweet! 851 00:40:18,644 --> 00:40:20,044 He just sent me the cutest apology. 852 00:40:20,046 --> 00:40:20,878 CARLY: See? 853 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,613 He's a peach. 854 00:40:22,615 --> 00:40:24,949 Do something nice for him tonight, like really nice. 855 00:40:24,951 --> 00:40:26,584 Did you get that link I sent you? 856 00:40:26,586 --> 00:40:28,152 Oh, that site was nasty. 857 00:40:28,154 --> 00:40:29,689 CARLY: Exactly. 858 00:40:43,736 --> 00:40:46,539 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 859 00:40:52,678 --> 00:40:53,978 Not in the bedroom. 860 00:40:53,980 --> 00:40:55,779 ♪ Get it on, get it on, get it on ♪ 861 00:40:55,781 --> 00:40:57,849 ♪ Get it on, we have it all now ♪ 862 00:40:57,851 --> 00:41:00,018 ♪ Get it on, get in on, get it on ♪ 863 00:41:00,020 --> 00:41:00,852 Lower. 864 00:41:00,854 --> 00:41:02,687 ♪ Get it on, we have it all now ♪ 865 00:41:02,689 --> 00:41:04,756 ♪ Get it on, get it on, get it on ♪ 866 00:41:04,758 --> 00:41:08,795 ♪ Get it on, we have it all now ♪ 867 00:41:10,530 --> 00:41:11,963 DAN: This is ridiculous. 868 00:41:11,965 --> 00:41:13,732 They've been making this racket for hours. 869 00:41:13,734 --> 00:41:15,834 What the hell are they trying to prove? 870 00:41:15,836 --> 00:41:16,701 (BRANDON AND CHARLOTTE MOANING) 871 00:41:16,703 --> 00:41:18,670 Dan, maybe you should come to bed. 872 00:41:18,672 --> 00:41:21,039 Yeah, yeah, in a minute. 873 00:41:21,041 --> 00:41:23,175 ♪ Mama say, mama say 874 00:41:23,177 --> 00:41:25,810 ♪ It's the ride in this world 875 00:41:25,812 --> 00:41:28,080 ♪ Oh, when it's one of these days ♪ 876 00:41:28,082 --> 00:41:30,149 ♪ And no, don't let it miss it though ♪ 877 00:41:30,151 --> 00:41:32,651 ♪ Like the love 878 00:41:32,653 --> 00:41:35,087 ♪ Like the love, oh 879 00:41:35,089 --> 00:41:37,489 ♪ Beneficial ride 880 00:41:37,491 --> 00:41:40,825 ♪ On top of the world 881 00:41:40,827 --> 00:41:41,628 Oh my god. 882 00:41:43,797 --> 00:41:45,800 Oh, that was incredible. 883 00:41:47,001 --> 00:41:48,703 Okay, I gotta pee. 884 00:41:57,912 --> 00:42:00,148 (SHRIEKING) 885 00:42:05,552 --> 00:42:08,020 I'm sure it's nothing serious. 886 00:42:08,022 --> 00:42:10,656 You haven't had problems down their before, have you? 887 00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:11,526 Never. 888 00:42:13,828 --> 00:42:15,930 NURSE: Brandon Conroy. 889 00:42:22,603 --> 00:42:23,803 Hello Mr. Conroy. 890 00:42:23,805 --> 00:42:24,637 BRANDON: Hi. 891 00:42:24,639 --> 00:42:25,905 I'm Dr. Sahni. 892 00:42:25,907 --> 00:42:28,674 Oh, yeah, I normally see Dr. Kurtzman? 893 00:42:28,676 --> 00:42:31,777 Oh, he retired five or six months ago. 894 00:42:31,779 --> 00:42:33,947 This is my first week. 895 00:42:33,949 --> 00:42:34,817 Welcome. 896 00:42:35,684 --> 00:42:37,818 So, what's the problem? 897 00:42:37,820 --> 00:42:41,554 It's like someone took a sand blaster to my boom stick. 898 00:42:41,556 --> 00:42:43,125 Let's have a look. 899 00:42:46,627 --> 00:42:47,662 Oh my god. 900 00:42:48,663 --> 00:42:49,795 This looks like something I saw 901 00:42:49,797 --> 00:42:51,797 in my tropical disease seminar. 902 00:42:51,799 --> 00:42:53,133 How long's it been like this? 903 00:42:53,135 --> 00:42:54,567 Just since this morning. 904 00:42:54,569 --> 00:42:56,902 And before that, was your penis normal 905 00:42:56,904 --> 00:42:59,675 or has it always been disfigured? 906 00:43:00,709 --> 00:43:02,809 Normal, it's normal. 907 00:43:02,811 --> 00:43:04,111 Do you work with toxic chemicals? 908 00:43:04,113 --> 00:43:05,245 No. 909 00:43:05,247 --> 00:43:06,346 Have you recently spent time in the African bush? 910 00:43:06,348 --> 00:43:07,581 No. 911 00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:09,583 Have you had sex with any prostitutes from that region? 912 00:43:09,585 --> 00:43:10,350 No! 913 00:43:10,352 --> 00:43:12,219 Any exposure to monkey feces? 914 00:43:12,221 --> 00:43:13,720 Monkey feces? 915 00:43:13,722 --> 00:43:15,789 So, no interspecies intercourse? 916 00:43:15,791 --> 00:43:16,923 Oh, for fuck, no! 917 00:43:16,925 --> 00:43:18,758 Mr. Conroy, I'm going to need the names 918 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,795 of your sexual partners. 919 00:43:23,199 --> 00:43:25,899 Get Dr. Palmer down here right away to look at Mr. Conroy. 920 00:43:25,901 --> 00:43:29,036 We have a possible miasmic STD of unknown origin. 921 00:43:29,038 --> 00:43:30,704 Is it that serious? 922 00:43:30,706 --> 00:43:33,274 He's had sex with 21 women in the last four years. 923 00:43:33,276 --> 00:43:34,210 Go, go, go. 924 00:43:36,945 --> 00:43:39,079 I've never seen anything like this before. 925 00:43:39,081 --> 00:43:40,714 It looks like a mix of genital herpes, 926 00:43:40,716 --> 00:43:42,816 syphilis and a gun shot wound. 927 00:43:42,818 --> 00:43:45,287 Maybe it's a mutant hybrid? 928 00:43:46,656 --> 00:43:47,922 You ask him about money feces? 929 00:43:47,924 --> 00:43:49,893 I did, and negative. 930 00:43:51,327 --> 00:43:52,960 Sterile swab. 931 00:43:52,962 --> 00:43:54,228 Whoa. 932 00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,963 What's up with the swab? 933 00:43:55,965 --> 00:43:58,866 I'm gonna insert this into your urethra, get a culture, 934 00:43:58,868 --> 00:44:00,234 run a test and see if we can figure out 935 00:44:00,236 --> 00:44:02,702 what's goin' on with you, okay? 936 00:44:02,704 --> 00:44:03,772 'Kay. 937 00:44:06,842 --> 00:44:07,709 Hmm. 938 00:44:09,179 --> 00:44:11,280 (BRANDON GROANING) 939 00:44:11,282 --> 00:44:13,215 (SQUEAKING) 940 00:44:13,217 --> 00:44:15,685 (GROANING) 941 00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:21,656 Oh god. 942 00:44:21,658 --> 00:44:22,356 There we go. 943 00:44:22,358 --> 00:44:24,761 That wasn't so bad, was it? 944 00:44:28,231 --> 00:44:30,098 I'm so sorry. 945 00:44:30,100 --> 00:44:31,299 It's okay, we got another one. 946 00:44:31,301 --> 00:44:32,733 No that's good. 947 00:44:32,735 --> 00:44:34,103 I'm sure that's fine. 948 00:44:34,105 --> 00:44:37,039 Come on, the three second rule, right? 949 00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,042 It's okay, let's try this again, shall we? 950 00:44:40,044 --> 00:44:41,078 Please no. 951 00:44:55,459 --> 00:44:56,858 CHARLOTTE: Hey. 952 00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:59,194 Oh sweetie, thank god you're here. 953 00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:00,896 How you doing, honey? 954 00:45:00,898 --> 00:45:02,831 They don't know what I have. 955 00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:05,367 Oh, I'm sure everything will be okay 956 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:07,436 once they figure out which one of your 21 sluts 957 00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:09,171 gave you the disease! 958 00:45:09,173 --> 00:45:11,874 Whatever happened to quality over quantity? 959 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:15,844 The numbers don't matter, I always wore condoms. 960 00:45:15,846 --> 00:45:16,979 Except with you. 961 00:45:16,981 --> 00:45:18,180 Oh please! 962 00:45:18,182 --> 00:45:20,349 I only slept with one man for 14 years. 963 00:45:20,351 --> 00:45:21,783 But who did he sleep with, huh? 964 00:45:21,785 --> 00:45:23,921 You're so full of shit! 965 00:45:25,123 --> 00:45:26,389 I'm his wife! 966 00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:28,090 Oh yes, I imagined so. 967 00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:29,758 I'm Dr. Dietz, now let's see 968 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,730 what all this excitement's about. 969 00:45:34,198 --> 00:45:36,131 You already checked for monkey feces, right? 970 00:45:36,133 --> 00:45:37,001 I did. 971 00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:47,510 Mr. Conroy, you have cystitis. 972 00:45:47,512 --> 00:45:48,478 Oh god. 973 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:49,379 Shit. 974 00:45:49,381 --> 00:45:52,781 Commonly known as honeymoon disease 975 00:45:52,783 --> 00:45:56,352 from too much intense sexual activity. 976 00:45:56,354 --> 00:45:58,887 You just need to give the little fellow a rest. 977 00:45:58,889 --> 00:46:01,391 Avoid sex for four or five days. 978 00:46:01,393 --> 00:46:04,093 Only touch it when absolutely necessary 979 00:46:04,095 --> 00:46:06,762 and you'll be right as rain in no time. 980 00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,132 Oh, thank god. 981 00:46:09,435 --> 00:46:11,134 Oh, thank you. 982 00:46:11,136 --> 00:46:12,869 You can put that down. 983 00:46:12,871 --> 00:46:15,271 BRANDON: I'm sorry. 984 00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:16,906 So, let me get this straight, 985 00:46:16,908 --> 00:46:20,544 they swabbed your schlong twice, yet they didn't have to? 986 00:46:20,546 --> 00:46:22,045 Yeah. 987 00:46:22,047 --> 00:46:24,349 (LAUGHING) 988 00:46:25,550 --> 00:46:29,988 Oh boy, that is marriage in a nutshell, ain't it? 989 00:46:37,263 --> 00:46:40,064 Mrs. Halvorsen, I was just getting ready for tomorrow. 990 00:46:40,066 --> 00:46:42,031 I'm afraid there's a problem. 991 00:46:42,033 --> 00:46:44,801 We just received your background check. 992 00:46:44,803 --> 00:46:47,204 You were arrested for a felony. 993 00:46:47,206 --> 00:46:49,540 But I received a deferred adjudication. 994 00:46:49,542 --> 00:46:51,007 I wasn't convicted. 995 00:46:51,009 --> 00:46:53,410 I was still able to teach in West Virginia. 996 00:46:53,412 --> 00:46:55,979 Obviously we hold a higher standard here 997 00:46:55,981 --> 00:46:57,815 at Van Nuys Christian. 998 00:46:57,817 --> 00:46:59,149 I'm an excellent teacher, I've been teaching for... 999 00:46:59,151 --> 00:47:00,351 I'm sorry. 1000 00:47:00,353 --> 00:47:02,419 Maybe if you hadn't been dishonest, 1001 00:47:02,421 --> 00:47:05,522 but we're going to have to terminate your contract. 1002 00:47:05,524 --> 00:47:07,958 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie, 1003 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:09,994 I was just trying to make a good impression. 1004 00:47:09,996 --> 00:47:11,929 (HUSHING) 1005 00:47:11,931 --> 00:47:13,464 Don't apologize to me. 1006 00:47:13,466 --> 00:47:15,067 Apologize to Jesus. 1007 00:47:19,904 --> 00:47:22,908 (STEADY GUITAR MUSIC) 1008 00:47:48,635 --> 00:47:50,602 You're still upset about what happened yesterday, 1009 00:47:50,604 --> 00:47:51,403 aren't you? 1010 00:47:51,405 --> 00:47:52,939 Yeah, I mean no. 1011 00:47:56,443 --> 00:47:59,611 Look, we've both make mistakes and, 1012 00:47:59,613 --> 00:48:00,978 I don't think we should judge each other 1013 00:48:00,980 --> 00:48:03,348 for things that happened before we met. 1014 00:48:03,350 --> 00:48:05,650 Yeah, no, I completely agree. 1015 00:48:05,652 --> 00:48:10,121 The past is the past and we should just be looking forward 1016 00:48:10,123 --> 00:48:12,427 to the road ahead together. 1017 00:48:23,437 --> 00:48:26,840 At least it's all out in the open now. 1018 00:48:28,508 --> 00:48:30,342 Look, I wanna tell you, 1019 00:48:30,344 --> 00:48:31,877 I need to tell you 1020 00:48:33,914 --> 00:48:35,849 that I agree 100%. 1021 00:48:36,617 --> 00:48:37,485 Good. 1022 00:48:40,488 --> 00:48:41,654 Oh, this is one of my favorite episodes. 1023 00:48:41,656 --> 00:48:43,121 Have you seen this one? 1024 00:48:43,123 --> 00:48:44,390 No. 1025 00:48:44,392 --> 00:48:46,259 Oh, this is classic. 1026 00:48:52,199 --> 00:48:56,136 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1027 00:49:01,676 --> 00:49:04,176 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: Ah, I won a Golden Heidi 1028 00:49:04,178 --> 00:49:05,613 for that episode. 1029 00:49:06,614 --> 00:49:08,983 (CHUCKLING) 1030 00:49:11,386 --> 00:49:13,154 I'll be right back. 1031 00:49:30,104 --> 00:49:32,238 Hey, packed your lunch for you. 1032 00:49:32,240 --> 00:49:35,575 Oh my god, where did you find this? 1033 00:49:35,577 --> 00:49:36,612 I made it. 1034 00:49:39,614 --> 00:49:41,482 Knock 'em dead, honey. 1035 00:49:57,599 --> 00:49:59,699 I feel like such a scam artist. 1036 00:49:59,701 --> 00:50:02,469 I'm not built for this kind of deception. 1037 00:50:02,471 --> 00:50:04,704 Okay well, why don't you just find another job real quick 1038 00:50:04,706 --> 00:50:07,607 and then tell Brandon you got a better offer? 1039 00:50:07,609 --> 00:50:09,309 Finding one's not the problem. 1040 00:50:09,311 --> 00:50:12,345 I got an interview at 12, I just, I mean what's the point? 1041 00:50:12,347 --> 00:50:14,114 They'll just vet me too. 1042 00:50:14,116 --> 00:50:17,551 No one's gonna let a low down ex-con near their children. 1043 00:50:17,553 --> 00:50:18,618 Hmm. 1044 00:50:18,620 --> 00:50:20,053 Oh, I got it! 1045 00:50:20,055 --> 00:50:22,556 Okay, your middle name is Lauren, right? 1046 00:50:22,558 --> 00:50:26,259 So why don't you spell it L-A-U-R-A-N instead of E-N 1047 00:50:26,261 --> 00:50:28,261 and then your record won't come up. 1048 00:50:28,263 --> 00:50:29,763 Would that really work? 1049 00:50:29,765 --> 00:50:30,697 I don't know. 1050 00:50:30,699 --> 00:50:32,699 What have you got to lose? 1051 00:50:32,701 --> 00:50:33,734 You know what? 1052 00:50:33,736 --> 00:50:34,769 Nothing, you're right. 1053 00:50:34,771 --> 00:50:36,237 You're absolutely right. 1054 00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,676 Thank you so much, you're a total genius. 1055 00:50:42,345 --> 00:50:43,811 My car won't start. 1056 00:50:43,813 --> 00:50:45,613 Okay, why don't you just call Brandon real quick 1057 00:50:45,615 --> 00:50:46,179 and then ask him... 1058 00:50:46,181 --> 00:50:47,147 I can't call Brandon 1059 00:50:47,149 --> 00:50:48,281 and ask him to take me to a job interview 1060 00:50:48,283 --> 00:50:50,050 when I'm supposed to be in a job that I already have! 1061 00:50:50,052 --> 00:50:50,685 Goodbye! 1062 00:50:50,687 --> 00:50:51,721 Shit. 1063 00:50:53,690 --> 00:50:55,288 Shit. 1064 00:50:55,290 --> 00:50:57,625 ♪ Take the best of me 1065 00:50:57,627 --> 00:50:59,260 ♪ If it sets you free 1066 00:50:59,262 --> 00:51:00,094 Hey, Charlotte. 1067 00:51:00,096 --> 00:51:00,997 Hey, Dan. 1068 00:51:01,664 --> 00:51:04,699 ♪ If we'll ever be again 1069 00:51:04,701 --> 00:51:05,733 Bye, Dan. 1070 00:51:05,735 --> 00:51:06,603 Bye. 1071 00:51:08,171 --> 00:51:10,371 ♪ Glad to have you 1072 00:51:10,373 --> 00:51:12,373 ♪ My love 1073 00:51:12,375 --> 00:51:15,578 ♪ You can have it all 1074 00:51:20,082 --> 00:51:23,654 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1075 00:51:25,623 --> 00:51:26,690 Goddammit! 1076 00:51:30,293 --> 00:51:32,495 (SOBBING) 1077 00:51:39,202 --> 00:51:40,601 ♪ You can have it all 1078 00:51:40,603 --> 00:51:43,671 Eight years teaching first grade. 1079 00:51:43,673 --> 00:51:46,608 Volunteer for the Red Cross. 1080 00:51:46,610 --> 00:51:49,313 Girl Scout camp summer leader. 1081 00:51:50,714 --> 00:51:52,781 Oh, you went to UWV! 1082 00:51:52,783 --> 00:51:54,148 Yeah. 1083 00:51:54,150 --> 00:51:55,217 Proud Mountaineer here! 1084 00:51:55,219 --> 00:51:56,150 You too? 1085 00:51:56,152 --> 00:51:56,785 Teal pride. 1086 00:51:56,787 --> 00:51:59,255 (LAUGHING) 1087 00:52:02,191 --> 00:52:03,692 (LAUGHING) 1088 00:52:03,694 --> 00:52:05,761 Oh, is Professor Vassic still there? 1089 00:52:05,763 --> 00:52:08,897 Oh yes, I loved him, he was amazing. 1090 00:52:08,899 --> 00:52:12,702 Well, then I know you have an excellent education. 1091 00:52:12,704 --> 00:52:13,602 Actually Mrs. Newton, 1092 00:52:13,604 --> 00:52:16,640 there's something I need to tell you. 1093 00:52:18,442 --> 00:52:19,876 AL: Hey, Brandon. 1094 00:52:19,878 --> 00:52:20,844 Hey, bro. 1095 00:52:23,747 --> 00:52:26,615 Look, there's no easy way to say this, man. 1096 00:52:26,617 --> 00:52:28,650 A senior project manager over at Plan C 1097 00:52:28,652 --> 00:52:29,885 is moving to London, 1098 00:52:29,887 --> 00:52:33,358 so Matthew called and offered me the job. 1099 00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:37,192 What can I say, man? 1100 00:52:37,194 --> 00:52:38,795 I'm a weasel. 1101 00:52:38,797 --> 00:52:41,633 I'm a weasel and I'm a sellout. 1102 00:52:42,801 --> 00:52:44,301 Well, thanks. 1103 00:52:45,469 --> 00:52:46,836 No bullshit, I fought for you. 1104 00:52:46,838 --> 00:52:48,370 I swear, man. 1105 00:52:48,372 --> 00:52:49,540 Look, I'm old. 1106 00:52:50,608 --> 00:52:52,742 I got alimony payments up the wang. 1107 00:52:52,744 --> 00:52:54,710 You can still use the office, if you want. 1108 00:52:54,712 --> 00:52:57,382 Nah, it's your garage and all. 1109 00:53:01,786 --> 00:53:06,625 Yeah, and so, I just wanted to be completely up front. 1110 00:53:07,759 --> 00:53:09,559 I appreciate your candor, Charlotte. 1111 00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:12,228 And I'd like to think we're a little more forgiving 1112 00:53:12,230 --> 00:53:16,733 than the Christians over at Van Nuys Christian School. 1113 00:53:16,735 --> 00:53:18,837 So, I'll get back to you. 1114 00:53:36,488 --> 00:53:39,624 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1115 00:53:42,227 --> 00:53:46,265 Hi, I need to report a stolen, or a missing car. 1116 00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:49,201 I don't know where is, 1117 00:53:51,237 --> 00:53:53,236 I don't know the license plate number. 1118 00:53:53,238 --> 00:53:56,573 Look, it's a Mustang, it's really old. 1119 00:53:56,575 --> 00:53:58,609 There can't be that many of them. 1120 00:53:58,611 --> 00:54:00,711 Look, I was really hoping you can help me find this car 1121 00:54:00,713 --> 00:54:03,981 before my husband finds out that it's missing. 1122 00:54:03,983 --> 00:54:06,684 (GRUNTS) 1123 00:54:06,686 --> 00:54:09,689 Oh, my god. (SOBBING) 1124 00:54:11,858 --> 00:54:13,759 Call Brandon Conroy. 1125 00:54:15,862 --> 00:54:18,764 (PHONE RINGING) 1126 00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:22,433 Yeah. 1127 00:54:22,435 --> 00:54:23,767 No, stop, stop! 1128 00:54:23,769 --> 00:54:24,802 No, please stop, stop! 1129 00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:25,736 Hey! 1130 00:54:25,738 --> 00:54:27,640 Charlotte, are you okay? 1131 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:29,842 Charlotte! 1132 00:54:30,676 --> 00:54:32,678 Charlotte, Charlotte! 1133 00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:34,715 Dan. 1134 00:54:36,683 --> 00:54:37,949 Dan, something horrible has happened. 1135 00:54:37,951 --> 00:54:38,883 What? 1136 00:54:38,885 --> 00:54:40,518 Brandon's Mustang was stolen! 1137 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:41,553 No, not the Mustang! 1138 00:54:41,555 --> 00:54:44,421 Yeah, he is gonna be furious. 1139 00:54:44,423 --> 00:54:45,589 Did you call the police? 1140 00:54:45,591 --> 00:54:47,826 Yes and when I didn't know the license plate number, 1141 00:54:47,828 --> 00:54:49,359 they just laughed at me. 1142 00:54:49,361 --> 00:54:51,029 Do you happen to know the number? 1143 00:54:51,031 --> 00:54:52,463 Yes, I do. 1144 00:54:52,465 --> 00:54:53,664 (YELLS) 1145 00:54:53,666 --> 00:54:55,799 Why does he have that stupid car anyways? 1146 00:54:55,801 --> 00:54:56,969 But I thought you loved it. 1147 00:54:56,971 --> 00:54:59,704 Yeah, I mean it's fun to cruise around in sometimes 1148 00:54:59,706 --> 00:55:01,773 but I mean come on, it's ridiculous. 1149 00:55:01,775 --> 00:55:03,641 It's just some loud, gas guzzling, 1150 00:55:03,643 --> 00:55:07,347 middle-aged-mobile for men with tiny dicks. 1151 00:55:08,749 --> 00:55:10,249 Come with me. 1152 00:55:15,989 --> 00:55:19,391 Charlotte Conroy, I need to see her! 1153 00:55:21,629 --> 00:55:23,696 Oh my god, they brought it back. 1154 00:55:23,698 --> 00:55:25,998 No, I had a GPS tracker on it. 1155 00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,734 Oh my god, oh my god, Dan, thank you, thank you so much. 1156 00:55:29,736 --> 00:55:31,738 You totally saved my life! 1157 00:55:32,739 --> 00:55:34,039 Wait, why do you have a... 1158 00:55:34,041 --> 00:55:35,774 It's mine, it's mine, Charlotte. 1159 00:55:35,776 --> 00:55:36,674 It's always been mine. 1160 00:55:36,676 --> 00:55:38,777 It wasn't stolen, I just took it back. 1161 00:55:38,779 --> 00:55:40,378 But the car belongs to Brandon. 1162 00:55:40,380 --> 00:55:41,813 No, it doesn't. 1163 00:55:41,815 --> 00:55:43,548 He borrowed it from me. 1164 00:55:43,550 --> 00:55:46,385 I guess he was trying to impress you. 1165 00:55:46,387 --> 00:55:47,853 Why would that impress me? 1166 00:55:47,855 --> 00:55:51,457 I don't know, maybe because it makes him look cool 1167 00:55:51,459 --> 00:55:53,893 and a little less broke. 1168 00:55:53,895 --> 00:55:55,060 Brandon is broke? 1169 00:55:55,062 --> 00:55:58,798 I shouldn't say anything, I'm so sorry. 1170 00:55:58,800 --> 00:55:59,732 He's worse than broke. 1171 00:55:59,734 --> 00:56:02,367 He's in debt, calamitous, crushing debt! 1172 00:56:02,369 --> 00:56:04,569 You know what, you know, I'm glad I'm saying something, 1173 00:56:04,571 --> 00:56:06,972 this is for his own good. 1174 00:56:06,974 --> 00:56:08,375 I feel better. 1175 00:56:10,745 --> 00:56:13,079 Charlotte no longer works here. 1176 00:56:13,081 --> 00:56:13,913 What? 1177 00:56:13,915 --> 00:56:15,381 We had to let her go. 1178 00:56:15,383 --> 00:56:17,550 She has a felony for assault and battery. 1179 00:56:17,552 --> 00:56:18,884 It's shocking that someone so well-mannered 1180 00:56:18,886 --> 00:56:20,788 could be so vicious. 1181 00:56:27,829 --> 00:56:30,364 (TENSE MUSIC) 1182 00:56:50,085 --> 00:56:50,953 Hey. 1183 00:56:51,954 --> 00:56:52,820 Hey. 1184 00:56:57,793 --> 00:57:01,962 Hey, what was up with that phone call today? 1185 00:57:01,964 --> 00:57:05,901 Oh, sorry, someone almost backed into my car. 1186 00:57:07,669 --> 00:57:08,537 Oh. 1187 00:57:09,504 --> 00:57:10,470 But you're okay now? 1188 00:57:10,472 --> 00:57:11,137 Oh yeah. 1189 00:57:11,139 --> 00:57:12,839 Oh. 1190 00:57:12,841 --> 00:57:14,007 Yeah. 1191 00:57:14,009 --> 00:57:15,409 That's good. 1192 00:57:16,645 --> 00:57:17,813 So how was work? 1193 00:57:18,714 --> 00:57:21,082 Good day with all the kids? 1194 00:57:21,084 --> 00:57:22,484 Yeah, great. 1195 00:57:23,219 --> 00:57:24,819 How about you? 1196 00:57:24,821 --> 00:57:26,455 Make lots of money? 1197 00:57:27,723 --> 00:57:28,790 Yeah. 1198 00:57:30,459 --> 00:57:31,660 That's good. 1199 00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:39,532 By the way, your Aunt Sallie Mae wrote. 1200 00:57:39,534 --> 00:57:41,670 She'd like her $56,000 back. 1201 00:57:46,943 --> 00:57:49,176 Why are you going through my mail? 1202 00:57:49,178 --> 00:57:51,846 Well, don't you mean our mail, dear? 1203 00:57:51,848 --> 00:57:53,681 We're married and we share everything. 1204 00:57:53,683 --> 00:57:55,683 Including a butt-load of debt. 1205 00:57:55,685 --> 00:57:57,251 Huh, you wanna share? 1206 00:57:57,253 --> 00:57:59,586 Okay, let's share. 1207 00:57:59,588 --> 00:58:02,823 Tell me all about the felony you committed, darling. 1208 00:58:02,825 --> 00:58:04,058 What? 1209 00:58:04,060 --> 00:58:07,861 You know, the thing you lost your job over. 1210 00:58:07,863 --> 00:58:08,863 You don't understand. 1211 00:58:08,865 --> 00:58:09,864 No, I think I do. 1212 00:58:09,866 --> 00:58:10,831 Assault and battery. 1213 00:58:10,833 --> 00:58:11,933 It's right there in the title. 1214 00:58:11,935 --> 00:58:13,000 Pretty self-explanatory. 1215 00:58:13,002 --> 00:58:14,236 It was my ex-fiance. 1216 00:58:14,238 --> 00:58:16,037 Oh, well that should help me sleep at night. 1217 00:58:16,039 --> 00:58:17,840 It was an accident! 1218 00:58:18,942 --> 00:58:21,809 And you know what, I wasn't convicted. 1219 00:58:21,811 --> 00:58:25,179 And at least I paid my debt to society, unlike you. 1220 00:58:25,181 --> 00:58:27,715 Student loans aren't a crime. 1221 00:58:27,717 --> 00:58:29,617 They are if you don't pay them! 1222 00:58:29,619 --> 00:58:31,185 Whoa, please don't stab me with your shiv. 1223 00:58:31,187 --> 00:58:33,855 They'll send you back to the joint, sweetheart. 1224 00:58:33,857 --> 00:58:37,726 At least there, you know who people are. 1225 00:58:37,728 --> 00:58:39,828 Then why don't you call the warden 1226 00:58:39,830 --> 00:58:41,797 and get your old bunk back. 1227 00:58:41,799 --> 00:58:44,699 I have let a lot of shit slide. 1228 00:58:44,701 --> 00:58:45,968 Like what? 1229 00:58:45,970 --> 00:58:48,769 You don't know the first thing about cooking. 1230 00:58:48,771 --> 00:58:49,837 Philip Seymour Hoffman 1231 00:58:49,839 --> 00:58:52,573 is not the quarterback of the San Diego Chargers 1232 00:58:52,575 --> 00:58:54,942 and you, sir, are no Lance Armstrong. 1233 00:58:54,944 --> 00:58:55,876 Three words. 1234 00:58:55,878 --> 00:58:58,247 Salsa, dancing, champion. 1235 00:58:58,249 --> 00:59:00,582 Oh, and how long did you think 1236 00:59:00,584 --> 00:59:03,986 that you could pretend that stupid car was yours? 1237 00:59:03,988 --> 00:59:05,721 Goddamn, Dan! 1238 00:59:05,723 --> 00:59:06,922 And the worst part, 1239 00:59:06,924 --> 00:59:09,725 the worst part is that you make made me look like a idiot 1240 00:59:09,727 --> 00:59:10,959 in front of Dan and Rita. 1241 00:59:10,961 --> 00:59:13,895 Like the only friends that I have in this miserable place. 1242 00:59:13,897 --> 00:59:15,897 Hey, you make me look like an idiot too. 1243 00:59:15,899 --> 00:59:17,065 I didn't know who I married. 1244 00:59:17,067 --> 00:59:19,700 Are you this sweet adorable school teacher 1245 00:59:19,702 --> 00:59:22,771 or a deranged grifter come to ruin my life? 1246 00:59:22,773 --> 00:59:24,240 Well, if you really feel that way, 1247 00:59:24,242 --> 00:59:27,110 then maybe, maybe, maybe we should both admit 1248 00:59:27,112 --> 00:59:29,312 that we made a mistake and then just split ways! 1249 00:59:29,314 --> 00:59:30,346 You know what, maybe we should! 1250 00:59:30,348 --> 00:59:31,180 Yeah? 1251 00:59:31,182 --> 00:59:32,014 Yeah! 1252 00:59:32,016 --> 00:59:32,848 Yeah! 1253 00:59:32,850 --> 00:59:33,715 Fine! 1254 00:59:33,717 --> 00:59:34,750 Fine! 1255 00:59:34,752 --> 00:59:35,619 Fine! 1256 00:59:38,055 --> 00:59:40,722 LAWYER: How long you two been hitched? 1257 00:59:40,724 --> 00:59:42,290 BRANDON AND CHARLOTTE: 10 days. 1258 00:59:42,292 --> 00:59:43,160 10 days? 1259 00:59:44,863 --> 00:59:47,163 Are you celebrities of some sort? 1260 00:59:47,165 --> 00:59:48,164 No. 1261 00:59:48,166 --> 00:59:49,632 Peculiar. 1262 00:59:49,634 --> 00:59:51,134 So, how do we get this thing started? 1263 00:59:51,136 --> 00:59:52,769 First of all, let me be clear, 1264 00:59:52,771 --> 00:59:54,804 I'm actin' as a neutral third party 1265 00:59:54,806 --> 00:59:57,940 helpin' to negotiate a fair settlement. 1266 00:59:57,942 --> 00:59:59,842 There's nothing to negotiate. 1267 00:59:59,844 --> 01:00:01,643 We're in complete divorce agreement. 1268 01:00:01,645 --> 01:00:03,946 That's the only thing we're in agreement on. 1269 01:00:03,948 --> 01:00:06,015 Fair enough, I'll draw up the contract 1270 01:00:06,017 --> 01:00:08,918 and y'all can come back next Thursday and sign it. 1271 01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:09,919 Thursday? 1272 01:00:09,921 --> 01:00:11,355 Why not today? 1273 01:00:11,357 --> 01:00:13,756 Don't you have some generic forms lyin' around, 1274 01:00:13,758 --> 01:00:15,325 like divorcezoom.com? 1275 01:00:15,327 --> 01:00:16,694 Generic forms? 1276 01:00:17,996 --> 01:00:20,797 Every divorce is unique. 1277 01:00:20,799 --> 01:00:24,803 Regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. 1278 01:00:25,870 --> 01:00:27,870 Now how would you like to handle my fee? 1279 01:00:27,872 --> 01:00:29,072 We'll split it. 1280 01:00:29,074 --> 01:00:32,709 You got that much or do you need to get another loan? 1281 01:00:32,711 --> 01:00:36,681 You're sure Thursday's the best you can do? 1282 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:42,054 So, where you staying? 1283 01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:45,788 What? 1284 01:00:45,790 --> 01:00:46,923 It's my apartment. 1285 01:00:46,925 --> 01:00:50,294 I gave up my job, my home and best friend for you. 1286 01:00:50,296 --> 01:00:53,263 I'm not leaving the apartment and I'm not paying you rent. 1287 01:00:53,265 --> 01:00:57,267 Well, you'd better start cooking or cleaning or, 1288 01:00:57,269 --> 01:00:58,168 doing something. 1289 01:00:58,170 --> 01:00:59,803 CHARLOTTE: Asshole! 1290 01:00:59,805 --> 01:01:01,240 And your car sucks! 1291 01:01:07,213 --> 01:01:10,681 ♪ When I watch I wake up in the morning ♪ 1292 01:01:10,683 --> 01:01:15,052 ♪ Forgetting the love from the night before ♪ 1293 01:01:15,054 --> 01:01:17,221 ♪ Was it whiskey who kissed me 1294 01:01:17,223 --> 01:01:22,262 ♪ And promised to be my lover forevermore ♪ 1295 01:01:23,396 --> 01:01:25,296 ♪ If I could live in this dream ♪ 1296 01:01:25,298 --> 01:01:27,232 ♪ 'Cause I've long 1297 01:01:27,234 --> 01:01:31,902 ♪ Have I long for you too long 1298 01:01:31,904 --> 01:01:34,472 ♪ Sorry for loving you, darling ♪ 1299 01:01:34,474 --> 01:01:36,341 ♪ I'm moving along 1300 01:01:36,343 --> 01:01:37,741 CARLY: I'm so sorry Char. 1301 01:01:37,743 --> 01:01:39,343 Men are such turds. 1302 01:01:39,345 --> 01:01:42,880 ♪ Said I'm sorry for loving you darling ♪ 1303 01:01:42,882 --> 01:01:45,785 ♪ I'm moving along 1304 01:01:46,453 --> 01:01:48,920 (GUNSHOT BANGS) 1305 01:01:48,922 --> 01:01:52,826 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1306 01:01:58,965 --> 01:02:02,033 (GUNSHOTS BANG) 1307 01:02:02,035 --> 01:02:04,001 So, then you wanna subtract the top number 1308 01:02:04,003 --> 01:02:06,504 from the other one you got right there. 1309 01:02:06,506 --> 01:02:07,372 Okay. 1310 01:02:07,374 --> 01:02:08,940 You go it! 1311 01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:10,645 Awesome, good job! 1312 01:02:12,846 --> 01:02:15,514 ♪ Sue me for loving you darling ♪ 1313 01:02:15,516 --> 01:02:20,084 ♪ I'm moving along 1314 01:02:20,086 --> 01:02:22,887 ♪ I said sue me for loving you 1315 01:02:22,889 --> 01:02:26,793 ♪ I'll just be moving along 1316 01:02:31,264 --> 01:02:33,767 (YODELING) 1317 01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:47,513 DAN: Have a great day in your work. 1318 01:02:47,515 --> 01:02:48,382 Love you. 1319 01:02:49,550 --> 01:02:53,017 ♪ All I wanna do is be good to you ♪ 1320 01:02:53,019 --> 01:02:57,790 ♪ And you say you don't know if you want it ♪ 1321 01:02:57,792 --> 01:02:59,858 ♪ If want me to be back 1322 01:02:59,860 --> 01:03:01,896 No, I haven't done much 1323 01:03:03,030 --> 01:03:06,198 any animated porn but I am a fast learner 1324 01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,467 and I love animation, 1325 01:03:08,469 --> 01:03:10,238 and porn, so win-win. 1326 01:03:11,539 --> 01:03:13,372 Okay, well please keep me in mind. 1327 01:03:13,374 --> 01:03:14,506 Thank you. 1328 01:03:14,508 --> 01:03:15,474 ♪ For loving you 1329 01:03:15,476 --> 01:03:19,046 ♪ I'll just be moving along 1330 01:03:20,482 --> 01:03:22,115 FAMILY: Surprise! 1331 01:03:22,117 --> 01:03:23,250 Happy Birthday! 1332 01:03:23,252 --> 01:03:25,918 Happy birthday, son! 1333 01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,022 Wow, I didn't expect... 1334 01:03:29,424 --> 01:03:30,823 How's the Antarctica? 1335 01:03:30,825 --> 01:03:31,824 Amazing! 1336 01:03:31,826 --> 01:03:33,058 Your mother was the hero. 1337 01:03:33,060 --> 01:03:35,894 She devised a scheme to foul the prop on the Nisshin Maru. 1338 01:03:35,896 --> 01:03:37,029 JUDY: And your father was shot in the balls 1339 01:03:37,031 --> 01:03:39,098 by one of the Japanese deckhands. 1340 01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:40,199 With a rubber bullet. 1341 01:03:40,201 --> 01:03:41,967 It swelled up like coconuts. 1342 01:03:41,969 --> 01:03:44,571 I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. 1343 01:03:44,573 --> 01:03:45,872 Lookin' good boy. 1344 01:03:45,874 --> 01:03:47,173 JUDY: So good to see you. 1345 01:03:47,175 --> 01:03:49,211 JERRY: Yeah, so good. 1346 01:03:57,586 --> 01:03:58,585 Hey, what'd you tell them? 1347 01:03:58,587 --> 01:03:59,586 About what? 1348 01:03:59,588 --> 01:04:01,388 About us, about the divorce. 1349 01:04:01,390 --> 01:04:02,455 When? 1350 01:04:02,457 --> 01:04:03,390 They haven't stopped talking since they got here. 1351 01:04:03,392 --> 01:04:04,559 Oh, thank god. 1352 01:04:05,893 --> 01:04:07,159 You're gonna have to tell them. 1353 01:04:07,161 --> 01:04:09,363 Well, not tonight, it's my birthday. 1354 01:04:09,365 --> 01:04:10,864 Plus it's humiliating. 1355 01:04:10,866 --> 01:04:12,299 They're marriage has lasted 32 years 1356 01:04:12,301 --> 01:04:16,936 and ours lasted about as long as a Hobbit movie. 1357 01:04:16,938 --> 01:04:18,539 JERRY: Happy birthday, son. 1358 01:04:18,541 --> 01:04:22,075 My charitable works continue, I see. 1359 01:04:22,077 --> 01:04:23,610 What's this? 1360 01:04:23,612 --> 01:04:27,547 Two tickets to Tahiti for an all inclusive stay at Brando. 1361 01:04:27,549 --> 01:04:29,649 It's a luxury eco-resort. 1362 01:04:29,651 --> 01:04:33,054 I could have been a contender. 1363 01:04:33,056 --> 01:04:34,555 Because my boy and his beautiful bride 1364 01:04:34,557 --> 01:04:39,095 deserve the absolute best honeymoon the money can buy. 1365 01:04:40,663 --> 01:04:41,595 Speaking of honeymoons, 1366 01:04:41,597 --> 01:04:43,897 you know your father and I are undergoing 1367 01:04:43,899 --> 01:04:46,032 a bit of a second one right now. 1368 01:04:46,034 --> 01:04:48,469 Let's just say, we're experiencing a refreshed sense 1369 01:04:48,471 --> 01:04:50,571 of sexual energy. 1370 01:04:50,573 --> 01:04:53,406 Exploring our aging bodies. 1371 01:04:53,408 --> 01:04:56,946 So many delicious new cavities to explore. 1372 01:04:59,482 --> 01:05:00,981 Well, it's a very thoughtful gift 1373 01:05:00,983 --> 01:05:03,918 and I thank you very much. 1374 01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:05,453 It's thoughtful, isn't it, Charlotte? 1375 01:05:05,455 --> 01:05:07,955 Yeah, yeah, thank you so much. 1376 01:05:07,957 --> 01:05:09,390 Okay, let's have a photo. 1377 01:05:09,392 --> 01:05:11,160 Hold up your present. 1378 01:05:14,297 --> 01:05:16,330 This isn't the Middle East peace talks. 1379 01:05:16,332 --> 01:05:17,567 How about a kiss? 1380 01:05:23,374 --> 01:05:24,241 Lovely. 1381 01:05:31,648 --> 01:05:34,884 (STEADY JAZZ MUSIC) 1382 01:05:37,588 --> 01:05:40,988 I'm sensing a little bit of disharmony. 1383 01:05:40,990 --> 01:05:42,656 I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit... 1384 01:05:42,658 --> 01:05:45,427 Yeah, I know, is it Brandon? 1385 01:05:45,429 --> 01:05:46,595 You know, because he's a sweet boy 1386 01:05:46,597 --> 01:05:48,730 but he can also be a massive pain in the ass. 1387 01:05:48,732 --> 01:05:50,401 Trust me, I know. 1388 01:05:51,969 --> 01:05:52,634 It's not just him. 1389 01:05:52,636 --> 01:05:54,736 It's just that we, 1390 01:05:54,738 --> 01:05:58,707 you know, we both weren't as honest as we should have been. 1391 01:05:58,709 --> 01:05:59,576 Ah. 1392 01:06:02,446 --> 01:06:05,649 Well, I remember when Jerry and I met. 1393 01:06:06,750 --> 01:06:10,586 He thought I was a democrat and a virgin. 1394 01:06:10,588 --> 01:06:11,521 (LAUGHING) 1395 01:06:11,523 --> 01:06:15,090 The truth is, I was in love with Reagan 1396 01:06:15,092 --> 01:06:18,661 and I'd slept with half the boys in the neighborhood. 1397 01:06:18,663 --> 01:06:20,462 So, you? 1398 01:06:20,464 --> 01:06:24,766 Well, I told him what I thought he wanted to hear 1399 01:06:24,768 --> 01:06:27,769 which was not the truth, I... 1400 01:06:27,771 --> 01:06:28,703 You... 1401 01:06:28,705 --> 01:06:31,241 Lied, yes, guilty as charged. 1402 01:06:32,377 --> 01:06:36,245 But when I met him, I knew he was special. 1403 01:06:36,247 --> 01:06:40,616 So all of this nonsense just came babbling out of me. 1404 01:06:40,618 --> 01:06:42,552 And how did you? 1405 01:06:42,554 --> 01:06:45,020 I eventually found the courage 1406 01:06:45,022 --> 01:06:49,059 to tell him what was in my head and in my heart. 1407 01:06:50,394 --> 01:06:52,595 And that's been the glue of our relationship 1408 01:06:52,597 --> 01:06:55,096 from that day forward. 1409 01:06:55,098 --> 01:06:56,767 You sure you don't want some of this? 1410 01:06:56,769 --> 01:06:58,234 It's Peruvian hog's breath. 1411 01:06:58,236 --> 01:07:00,203 They grow it above three line. 1412 01:07:00,205 --> 01:07:01,471 Sweet. 1413 01:07:01,473 --> 01:07:04,106 Nah, I'm good, thanks, Dad. 1414 01:07:04,108 --> 01:07:06,411 I'm not really in the mood. 1415 01:07:07,345 --> 01:07:09,612 Why so glum, Sunny Jim? 1416 01:07:09,614 --> 01:07:11,681 I don't know, Dad. 1417 01:07:11,683 --> 01:07:13,151 Marriage is hard. 1418 01:07:16,521 --> 01:07:20,290 You have a keen grasp of the obvious. 1419 01:07:20,292 --> 01:07:24,497 I think mine was just a bad idea from the start. 1420 01:07:25,664 --> 01:07:29,735 Brandon, not a day goes by that I don't ask myself, 1421 01:07:31,236 --> 01:07:34,771 did I do the right thing marrying that woman? 1422 01:07:34,773 --> 01:07:38,207 That's not very romantic, Dad. 1423 01:07:38,209 --> 01:07:41,412 It is when the answer is always yes. 1424 01:08:03,268 --> 01:08:05,571 (THUDDING) 1425 01:08:08,508 --> 01:08:09,607 (JERRY AND JUDY MOANING) 1426 01:08:09,609 --> 01:08:10,744 Oh, my god. 1427 01:08:14,714 --> 01:08:18,384 (JERRY AND JUDY MOANING) 1428 01:08:25,624 --> 01:08:28,492 CHARLOTTE: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 1429 01:08:28,494 --> 01:08:30,360 (THUDDING) 1430 01:08:30,362 --> 01:08:32,732 (CHUCKLING) 1431 01:08:41,608 --> 01:08:44,243 (MELLOW MUSIC) 1432 01:08:52,251 --> 01:08:53,283 JUDY: Sweetie, what's wrong? 1433 01:08:53,285 --> 01:08:54,251 Are you okay? 1434 01:08:54,253 --> 01:08:55,619 Yeah, Mom, I know, I'm fine. 1435 01:08:55,621 --> 01:08:57,388 I just have a headache, that's all. 1436 01:08:57,390 --> 01:08:59,357 JERRY: I think I have something for that. 1437 01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:01,626 Well, you've always got somethin' for somethin'. 1438 01:09:01,628 --> 01:09:04,829 Great, why do you have a DEA property room 1439 01:09:04,831 --> 01:09:06,297 around your waist? 1440 01:09:06,299 --> 01:09:07,465 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: Oh, I would love 1441 01:09:07,467 --> 01:09:08,633 to make this bust. 1442 01:09:08,635 --> 01:09:12,403 Window Pane acid, peyote, shrooms, mescaline, ecstasy, 1443 01:09:12,405 --> 01:09:14,639 hashish and Viagra. 1444 01:09:14,641 --> 01:09:16,341 It's our mobile first aid kit. 1445 01:09:16,343 --> 01:09:18,676 Recently replenished in Tierra del Fuego. 1446 01:09:18,678 --> 01:09:20,613 You know, they have a very enlightened attitude 1447 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:22,483 towards psychotropics. 1448 01:09:23,350 --> 01:09:24,451 Here it is. 1449 01:09:25,251 --> 01:09:26,752 Ginger root. 1450 01:09:26,754 --> 01:09:29,788 Yeah, Dad, don't you have any Advil? 1451 01:09:29,790 --> 01:09:30,658 Advil. 1452 01:09:31,859 --> 01:09:33,728 That's fuckin' poison. 1453 01:09:35,863 --> 01:09:36,694 (PHONE RINGING) 1454 01:09:36,696 --> 01:09:38,563 Ow, shit! 1455 01:09:38,565 --> 01:09:39,432 Ow, god. 1456 01:09:41,234 --> 01:09:42,467 What? 1457 01:09:42,469 --> 01:09:43,701 BONNIE: Good morning, Charlotte, 1458 01:09:43,703 --> 01:09:46,205 this is Bonnie Newton from the Culver City Charter School. 1459 01:09:46,207 --> 01:09:47,708 Is this a good time? 1460 01:09:48,743 --> 01:09:51,343 Yeah, yeah, definitely, hi. 1461 01:09:51,345 --> 01:09:53,211 BONNIE: Good, well, we're having a gathering 1462 01:09:53,213 --> 01:09:54,980 this afternoon with some of the board. 1463 01:09:54,982 --> 01:09:57,516 I thought it might help your cause if you attended 1464 01:09:57,518 --> 01:09:59,818 and demonstrated to everyone what a solid, 1465 01:09:59,820 --> 01:10:01,520 upstanding, young woman you are. 1466 01:10:01,522 --> 01:10:04,489 Yeah, I would love to, thank you. 1467 01:10:04,491 --> 01:10:05,724 BONNIE: Well, we West Virginia gals 1468 01:10:05,726 --> 01:10:07,693 have to stick together. 1469 01:10:07,695 --> 01:10:08,795 (GIGGLING) 1470 01:10:08,797 --> 01:10:09,696 I'll email you the details. 1471 01:10:09,698 --> 01:10:11,430 Okay, great. 1472 01:10:11,432 --> 01:10:12,766 BONNIE: Oh, and bring that charming 1473 01:10:12,768 --> 01:10:14,934 and supportive husband of yours. 1474 01:10:14,936 --> 01:10:17,403 Yeah, of course, thank you, yeah. 1475 01:10:17,405 --> 01:10:19,238 I'll will see you there, thanks. 1476 01:10:19,240 --> 01:10:20,508 BONNIE: Bye. 1477 01:10:24,512 --> 01:10:25,577 First, you want me to tell my parents 1478 01:10:25,579 --> 01:10:28,280 we're getting divorced and now, you want me to go 1479 01:10:28,282 --> 01:10:31,850 to a garden party and pretend we're happily married? 1480 01:10:31,852 --> 01:10:33,520 Brandon, just please. 1481 01:10:33,522 --> 01:10:35,755 If I get this job, then I'll have enough money 1482 01:10:35,757 --> 01:10:37,324 and I can move out. 1483 01:10:38,593 --> 01:10:39,428 Okay. 1484 01:10:40,529 --> 01:10:42,494 That makes sense. 1485 01:10:42,496 --> 01:10:44,766 So nice to see you again. 1486 01:10:46,768 --> 01:10:47,599 Oh, Charlotte. 1487 01:10:47,601 --> 01:10:48,567 Hi. 1488 01:10:48,569 --> 01:10:49,668 BONNIE: So glad you could make it, dear. 1489 01:10:49,670 --> 01:10:50,737 Thank you for having us. 1490 01:10:50,739 --> 01:10:51,704 You're welcome. 1491 01:10:51,706 --> 01:10:53,639 Mrs. Newton, this is my husband Brandon. 1492 01:10:53,641 --> 01:10:54,841 Very nice to meet you. 1493 01:10:54,843 --> 01:10:57,277 And this is our host and head of the board, 1494 01:10:57,279 --> 01:10:59,713 Dr. Glenn Wooster and his mother, 1495 01:10:59,715 --> 01:11:03,418 - Lilian Cavendish Wooster. - Nice to meet you. 1496 01:11:04,586 --> 01:11:07,923 (MELLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 1497 01:11:09,558 --> 01:11:10,790 You know, Charlotte has been teaching first grade 1498 01:11:10,792 --> 01:11:12,759 for over eight years. 1499 01:11:12,761 --> 01:11:13,927 You don't find it challenging 1500 01:11:13,929 --> 01:11:15,662 to be around children all day? 1501 01:11:15,664 --> 01:11:18,865 Oh, god no, I just love kids so much. 1502 01:11:18,867 --> 01:11:22,335 They're so honest and entertaining. 1503 01:11:22,337 --> 01:11:24,605 I have this one student, Emily, 1504 01:11:24,607 --> 01:11:26,372 every day, anywhere she went, 1505 01:11:26,374 --> 01:11:28,641 she always had her two Barbie dolls at her side. 1506 01:11:28,643 --> 01:11:30,710 And on her birthday, I asked her what she wanted 1507 01:11:30,712 --> 01:11:32,779 and she told me, she want more Barbies. 1508 01:11:32,781 --> 01:11:34,547 And so I asked Emily, I was like, 1509 01:11:34,549 --> 01:11:36,050 well, you already have Barbies, why do you need more? 1510 01:11:36,052 --> 01:11:38,718 And he said, because my Barbies smoke and drink 1511 01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:39,654 way too much. 1512 01:11:41,356 --> 01:11:43,625 (LAUGHING) 1513 01:11:46,095 --> 01:11:46,927 Excuse me. 1514 01:11:46,929 --> 01:11:48,362 Sure. 1515 01:11:48,364 --> 01:11:49,730 So I just, I don't know. 1516 01:11:49,732 --> 01:11:51,465 They are so much fun and you never know 1517 01:11:51,467 --> 01:11:53,734 what they're gonna say or do next. 1518 01:11:53,736 --> 01:11:56,504 AL: Brandon, I bear good tidings. 1519 01:11:56,506 --> 01:11:58,806 I just got you a full-time gig working with me 1520 01:11:58,808 --> 01:12:01,709 over here at Plan C, as promised, buddy. 1521 01:12:01,711 --> 01:12:03,677 Now, please go find a toilet, 1522 01:12:03,679 --> 01:12:04,945 lest you shit yourself with joy 1523 01:12:04,947 --> 01:12:06,679 when I tell you how much you're getting paid. 1524 01:12:06,681 --> 01:12:07,849 Okay, bye. 1525 01:12:07,851 --> 01:12:10,319 (LAUGHING) 1526 01:12:13,456 --> 01:12:14,789 It was so great to meet you. 1527 01:12:14,791 --> 01:12:15,623 Good luck. 1528 01:12:15,625 --> 01:12:16,457 Thank you. 1529 01:12:16,459 --> 01:12:17,092 BRANDON: Hey. 1530 01:12:17,094 --> 01:12:17,925 Hey. 1531 01:12:17,927 --> 01:12:19,027 Got you a beer. 1532 01:12:19,029 --> 01:12:19,896 Thanks. 1533 01:12:21,864 --> 01:12:25,099 You know, I really don't like beer. 1534 01:12:25,101 --> 01:12:25,933 Really? 1535 01:12:25,935 --> 01:12:26,803 Yeah. 1536 01:12:28,070 --> 01:12:30,004 Neither do I. 1537 01:12:30,006 --> 01:12:31,806 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: At last the truth. 1538 01:12:31,808 --> 01:12:34,812 American beers taste like shizer. 1539 01:12:36,580 --> 01:12:39,446 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 1540 01:12:39,448 --> 01:12:41,549 Mr. Wooster, I don't know what the philosophy 1541 01:12:41,551 --> 01:12:43,118 of your school is but my wife and I 1542 01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,821 are big supporters of constructivism. 1543 01:12:45,823 --> 01:12:47,755 Yes, you know, we really like the notion 1544 01:12:47,757 --> 01:12:49,891 that the teacher are facilitating the students 1545 01:12:49,893 --> 01:12:51,826 to interact among themselves. 1546 01:12:51,828 --> 01:12:53,694 Instead of merely lecturing at them 1547 01:12:53,696 --> 01:12:56,999 as they sit and becoming passive listeners. 1548 01:12:57,001 --> 01:12:58,567 And having the students realize 1549 01:12:58,569 --> 01:13:01,503 that everyone has something to contribute. 1550 01:13:01,505 --> 01:13:03,638 Everyone has a value. 1551 01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:06,141 You must have read our website. 1552 01:13:06,143 --> 01:13:08,844 No, we have a son who attended a school 1553 01:13:08,846 --> 01:13:10,645 that was based on constructivism. 1554 01:13:10,647 --> 01:13:15,416 And we could not be happier with the way he turned out. 1555 01:13:15,418 --> 01:13:16,086 Cheers. 1556 01:13:21,693 --> 01:13:23,826 I think you made a very good impression. 1557 01:13:23,828 --> 01:13:25,161 Thank you so much. 1558 01:13:25,163 --> 01:13:26,761 You're welcome, keep it up. 1559 01:13:26,763 --> 01:13:30,632 And by the way, your in-laws are fabulous. 1560 01:13:30,634 --> 01:13:32,001 Yeah, they're something. 1561 01:13:32,003 --> 01:13:33,102 Oh, my daughter's here! 1562 01:13:33,104 --> 01:13:34,603 She's visiting from Morgantown. 1563 01:13:34,605 --> 01:13:35,670 Hi, honey. 1564 01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:36,571 ANAIS: Hey, Mom. 1565 01:13:36,573 --> 01:13:37,839 BONNIE: Hi, sweetie. 1566 01:13:37,841 --> 01:13:40,075 Charlotte Conroy, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, 1567 01:13:40,077 --> 01:13:42,644 Anais, and her husband, Steven. 1568 01:13:42,646 --> 01:13:43,745 ANAIS: Hi, there. 1569 01:13:43,747 --> 01:13:44,881 Steven. 1570 01:13:44,883 --> 01:13:45,815 So predictable. 1571 01:13:45,817 --> 01:13:47,083 Sex, missionary position. 1572 01:13:47,085 --> 01:13:50,820 (STEVEN SCREAMING) 1573 01:13:50,822 --> 01:13:51,888 CHARLOTTE: Asshole! 1574 01:13:51,890 --> 01:13:53,858 Pleasure to meet you. 1575 01:13:55,660 --> 01:13:57,929 Purse is in the dishwasher. 1576 01:14:03,835 --> 01:14:06,501 STEVEN: Mother, this is wonderful. 1577 01:14:06,503 --> 01:14:08,804 So lovely what you put together here. 1578 01:14:08,806 --> 01:14:10,873 Grilled shrimp? 1579 01:14:10,875 --> 01:14:12,775 I guess it must have taken you a very long time 1580 01:14:12,777 --> 01:14:14,044 to ride back from Rwanda. 1581 01:14:14,046 --> 01:14:14,913 Ah! 1582 01:14:19,050 --> 01:14:21,486 Sorry, will you excuse me. 1583 01:14:27,025 --> 01:14:29,759 Hey, honey, look at that. 1584 01:14:29,761 --> 01:14:31,962 Let's go for a walk. 1585 01:14:31,964 --> 01:14:33,797 Hey, you feelin' okay? 1586 01:14:33,799 --> 01:14:34,998 Do you wanna play doctor? 1587 01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,566 Okay, Charlotte, what is going on here? 1588 01:14:37,568 --> 01:14:38,735 I forgot to feed my cat. 1589 01:14:38,737 --> 01:14:39,604 Oh, boy! 1590 01:14:40,272 --> 01:14:42,141 Charlotte, talk to me. 1591 01:14:43,842 --> 01:14:45,110 Charlotte, hey. 1592 01:14:47,012 --> 01:14:48,278 Brandon. 1593 01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:50,047 What the hell are you two doing here? 1594 01:14:50,049 --> 01:14:51,114 We came to help Charlotte. 1595 01:14:51,116 --> 01:14:52,815 This is very important to her. 1596 01:14:52,817 --> 01:14:53,749 We know. 1597 01:14:53,751 --> 01:14:54,850 We know everything. 1598 01:14:54,852 --> 01:14:56,053 That's why we come here, 1599 01:14:56,055 --> 01:14:57,721 we don't want you to make a terrible mistake 1600 01:14:57,723 --> 01:14:59,523 and throw away your soul partner before the cosmos... 1601 01:14:59,525 --> 01:15:00,123 Wait a second. 1602 01:15:00,125 --> 01:15:01,560 Wait a minute. 1603 01:15:05,064 --> 01:15:06,296 Are you two high? 1604 01:15:06,298 --> 01:15:07,130 Brandon! 1605 01:15:07,132 --> 01:15:07,998 Of course we are. 1606 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:09,666 Oh my god. 1607 01:15:09,668 --> 01:15:10,701 You don't think that we would turn up 1608 01:15:10,703 --> 01:15:12,703 to something like this straight. 1609 01:15:12,705 --> 01:15:14,871 We've been fighting these people our entire lives 1610 01:15:14,873 --> 01:15:16,773 with their bourgeoisie pretentiousness. 1611 01:15:16,775 --> 01:15:18,041 And anal bleaching. 1612 01:15:18,043 --> 01:15:19,777 Would you folks care for some conflict-free 1613 01:15:19,779 --> 01:15:21,946 Ugandan artichoke confit on lardo brushed crostini? 1614 01:15:21,948 --> 01:15:22,816 No. 1615 01:15:24,717 --> 01:15:25,784 I'm so sorry. 1616 01:15:36,296 --> 01:15:37,696 Mrs. Conroy. 1617 01:15:38,731 --> 01:15:40,264 How's the new bride? 1618 01:15:40,266 --> 01:15:42,132 Couldn't be better. 1619 01:15:42,134 --> 01:15:44,902 Do I sense trouble in paradise? 1620 01:15:44,904 --> 01:15:45,937 Not now, Steven. 1621 01:15:45,939 --> 01:15:48,339 Charlotte, this isn't you. 1622 01:15:48,341 --> 01:15:49,173 CHARLOTTE: What? 1623 01:15:49,175 --> 01:15:50,208 What do you mean? 1624 01:15:50,210 --> 01:15:51,378 I am so sorry. 1625 01:15:52,979 --> 01:15:56,781 I hurt you very badly and your life has taken an ugly turn, 1626 01:15:56,783 --> 01:15:57,817 I apologize. 1627 01:15:58,985 --> 01:16:02,753 You obviously married the first guy you met after me. 1628 01:16:02,755 --> 01:16:04,055 Where was it? 1629 01:16:04,057 --> 01:16:05,289 A dating website? 1630 01:16:05,291 --> 01:16:06,991 Singles bar? 1631 01:16:06,993 --> 01:16:08,193 Old Navy? 1632 01:16:08,195 --> 01:16:09,163 No, eBay. 1633 01:16:10,897 --> 01:16:12,131 Good god. 1634 01:16:12,133 --> 01:16:13,931 You bought a husband online? 1635 01:16:13,933 --> 01:16:18,002 No, we met online, and then fell in love and got married. 1636 01:16:18,004 --> 01:16:20,372 And not after 14 years, Steven. 1637 01:16:20,374 --> 01:16:23,674 Not all the changes are bad. 1638 01:16:23,676 --> 01:16:24,711 The clothes. 1639 01:16:25,745 --> 01:16:26,613 The hair. 1640 01:16:28,882 --> 01:16:31,784 Do you think about me, Charlotte? 1641 01:16:31,786 --> 01:16:34,386 'Cause I think about you. 1642 01:16:34,388 --> 01:16:35,821 Of course, I think about you. 1643 01:16:35,823 --> 01:16:38,625 We spent half our lives together. 1644 01:16:39,827 --> 01:16:42,862 (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC) 1645 01:16:49,270 --> 01:16:50,902 The whale song. 1646 01:16:50,904 --> 01:16:53,071 The whale song, the mating cry of the humpback. 1647 01:16:53,073 --> 01:16:54,772 Let's get you into the house, mother, 1648 01:16:54,774 --> 01:16:57,778 and you can take a nice little nap. 1649 01:16:59,381 --> 01:17:01,080 How dare you? 1650 01:17:01,082 --> 01:17:02,683 Let's go, mother. 1651 01:17:03,984 --> 01:17:06,787 Oh, I miss your father so much! 1652 01:17:09,423 --> 01:17:10,823 Steven? 1653 01:17:10,825 --> 01:17:11,692 Yes. 1654 01:17:12,860 --> 01:17:14,795 You're such an asshole. 1655 01:17:16,263 --> 01:17:18,263 Is that all it took? 1656 01:17:18,265 --> 01:17:20,934 You want me now that I'm with someone else? 1657 01:17:20,936 --> 01:17:22,368 There's more to it than that, Charlotte. 1658 01:17:22,370 --> 01:17:23,836 Oh yeah, really, like what? 1659 01:17:23,838 --> 01:17:25,071 And you'd really better be quick 1660 01:17:25,073 --> 01:17:27,173 because my husband is right outside that door. 1661 01:17:27,175 --> 01:17:30,276 And your wife, that poor woman. 1662 01:17:30,278 --> 01:17:32,245 I mean, you don't even understand. 1663 01:17:32,247 --> 01:17:36,183 Anais, she is so spontaneous and unpredictable. 1664 01:17:37,818 --> 01:17:39,985 One minute, we're snowboarding in Telluride, 1665 01:17:39,987 --> 01:17:44,257 the next we are making love in a Mexican agave field. 1666 01:17:44,259 --> 01:17:46,359 I miss your predictability. 1667 01:17:46,361 --> 01:17:49,963 I miss the quiet, boring times, the unimaginative sex, 1668 01:17:49,965 --> 01:17:51,197 all of it. 1669 01:17:51,199 --> 01:17:54,236 I never appreciated it until it was gone. 1670 01:17:55,703 --> 01:17:58,271 Well, it's not coming back. 1671 01:17:58,273 --> 01:17:59,141 Ever. 1672 01:18:00,275 --> 01:18:03,278 Hey, hey, I just got a new job in DC. 1673 01:18:04,112 --> 01:18:06,412 Let's leave these two horrible, 1674 01:18:06,414 --> 01:18:10,850 disgusting mistakes behind and get back to our old lives. 1675 01:18:10,852 --> 01:18:13,153 My husband is not a mistake. 1676 01:18:13,155 --> 01:18:14,888 Yes, we rushed into marriage 1677 01:18:14,890 --> 01:18:16,423 and things haven't been perfect 1678 01:18:16,425 --> 01:18:18,459 and after 10 ridiculous days, 1679 01:18:18,461 --> 01:18:21,828 things are just blowing up in our faces, but 1680 01:18:21,830 --> 01:18:24,931 there have been moments, in between all the lies 1681 01:18:24,933 --> 01:18:26,766 and the bullshit where I've loved him more 1682 01:18:26,768 --> 01:18:29,903 than anybody in my entire life. 1683 01:18:29,905 --> 01:18:30,906 Including you. 1684 01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:33,843 So it's over. 1685 01:18:35,344 --> 01:18:36,277 Perfect. 1686 01:18:36,279 --> 01:18:37,511 No, Steven. 1687 01:18:37,513 --> 01:18:40,813 Hey, I dare you to kiss me one more time 1688 01:18:40,815 --> 01:18:43,750 and tell me you don't love me. 1689 01:18:43,752 --> 01:18:44,784 (GRUNTS) Ow! 1690 01:18:44,786 --> 01:18:45,919 Oh, fuck. 1691 01:18:45,921 --> 01:18:46,853 Sorry, Steven. 1692 01:18:46,855 --> 01:18:50,123 But as we say in the yard, I gotta do me. 1693 01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:53,159 So fuck all y'all if you can't appreciate it! 1694 01:18:53,161 --> 01:18:54,029 Huh! 1695 01:19:02,539 --> 01:19:04,872 Mr. Wooster, I wanna apologize for earlier. 1696 01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:06,040 My wife threw her back out 1697 01:19:06,042 --> 01:19:08,542 and I was giving her an adjustment. 1698 01:19:08,544 --> 01:19:10,811 Anyway, we really love the school 1699 01:19:10,813 --> 01:19:14,848 and we'd like to make a small donation. 1700 01:19:14,850 --> 01:19:18,920 I don't see how that's gonna make any difference. 1701 01:19:19,789 --> 01:19:21,389 This is very generous. 1702 01:19:21,391 --> 01:19:22,557 Thank you very much. 1703 01:19:22,559 --> 01:19:27,863 I'm gonna find Mrs. Newton and tell her the good news. 1704 01:19:28,898 --> 01:19:30,265 Wasn't that check for Brandon? 1705 01:19:30,267 --> 01:19:31,932 Our son's not very good with money anyway 1706 01:19:31,934 --> 01:19:33,901 so it doesn't matter. 1707 01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,036 And an investment in her future. 1708 01:19:36,038 --> 01:19:39,008 Is an investment in their future. 1709 01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:50,885 Did you mean what you said in there? 1710 01:19:50,887 --> 01:19:52,053 Yes. 1711 01:19:52,055 --> 01:19:52,923 No, maybe. 1712 01:19:55,325 --> 01:19:56,426 I don't know. 1713 01:20:01,831 --> 01:20:02,564 JERRY: Hey. 1714 01:20:02,566 --> 01:20:03,698 Hey. 1715 01:20:03,700 --> 01:20:06,133 Wow, looks like you could use a little first aid, 1716 01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,603 my friend. 1717 01:20:07,605 --> 01:20:10,375 (MYSTICAL MUSIC) 1718 01:20:11,942 --> 01:20:14,978 (GUESTS CHATTERING) 1719 01:20:23,587 --> 01:20:26,390 (MYSTICAL MUSIC) 1720 01:20:27,591 --> 01:20:30,058 PEGAVERNEIUS: All hail, all hail the chosen one. 1721 01:20:30,060 --> 01:20:31,059 Who said that? 1722 01:20:31,061 --> 01:20:32,528 PEGAVERNEIUS: It is I my lord, 1723 01:20:32,530 --> 01:20:34,130 Pegaverneius Candoe of the Nexus Space and Guild. 1724 01:20:34,132 --> 01:20:38,634 I have traveled nearly 12 parsecs to find you. 1725 01:20:38,636 --> 01:20:39,602 Okay. 1726 01:20:39,604 --> 01:20:40,935 PEGAVERNEIUS: You are the rightful heir 1727 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:42,371 to the throne of Nargathus. 1728 01:20:42,373 --> 01:20:44,540 The star child as foretold in our prophesies. 1729 01:20:44,542 --> 01:20:46,242 A magnificent creature of unlimited wisdom 1730 01:20:46,244 --> 01:20:47,976 and breath taking physical perfection. 1731 01:20:47,978 --> 01:20:48,812 Yeah. 1732 01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:51,014 I get that. 1733 01:20:52,383 --> 01:20:53,582 PEGAVERNEIUS: The great epiphany is at hand. 1734 01:20:53,584 --> 01:20:55,250 Reveal your magnificence to the members 1735 01:20:55,252 --> 01:20:57,086 of the Culver City Charter School Board, 1736 01:20:57,088 --> 01:20:59,055 and then the world. 1737 01:20:59,057 --> 01:21:01,324 Let them kowtow at your feet. 1738 01:21:01,326 --> 01:21:02,958 Worship you. 1739 01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:05,596 Tremble at you your unlimited power. 1740 01:21:06,964 --> 01:21:09,967 (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) 1741 01:21:14,205 --> 01:21:16,372 I must tell you how delighted we all are 1742 01:21:16,374 --> 01:21:20,910 about the substantial donation from your in-laws. 1743 01:21:20,912 --> 01:21:23,547 Well, they are very surprisingly generous people. 1744 01:21:23,549 --> 01:21:24,481 Well, I can tell you, 1745 01:21:24,483 --> 01:21:26,182 there's a lot we can do with those funds. 1746 01:21:26,184 --> 01:21:28,117 Loyal subjects! 1747 01:21:28,119 --> 01:21:30,054 I am your unicorn king! 1748 01:21:31,457 --> 01:21:34,924 By the powers vested in me through the flames of Asinoff, 1749 01:21:34,926 --> 01:21:39,163 I command you, kneel, kneel before your unicorn king. 1750 01:21:40,666 --> 01:21:42,498 GUEST: That guys I fucking crazy. 1751 01:21:42,500 --> 01:21:46,470 The time in neigh, the season is in bloom, 1752 01:21:46,472 --> 01:21:49,539 I call upon you subjects to step forth 1753 01:21:49,541 --> 01:21:51,876 and harvest this royal seed. 1754 01:21:53,112 --> 01:21:55,347 (GRUNTING) 1755 01:21:56,682 --> 01:21:59,618 (GUESTS SCREAMING) 1756 01:22:02,521 --> 01:22:05,489 Steven, what the hell are you doing? 1757 01:22:05,491 --> 01:22:08,193 Fair Anais, Steven is no more. 1758 01:22:11,196 --> 01:22:12,866 Your milk has soured. 1759 01:22:14,667 --> 01:22:15,901 Oh, Momma! 1760 01:22:16,969 --> 01:22:18,034 (GUESTS SCREAMING) 1761 01:22:18,036 --> 01:22:22,040 Look upon me as I raise the imperial scepter. 1762 01:22:25,010 --> 01:22:27,946 CHILD: Mommy, that man is nasty. 1763 01:22:29,648 --> 01:22:31,684 Prepare to receive me! 1764 01:22:33,119 --> 01:22:33,984 (THUDS) 1765 01:22:33,986 --> 01:22:34,719 MAN: Bam! 1766 01:22:34,721 --> 01:22:36,254 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1767 01:22:36,256 --> 01:22:38,523 GUEST: That has to hurt. 1768 01:22:38,525 --> 01:22:40,993 (APPLAUDING) 1769 01:22:44,196 --> 01:22:46,131 And, as I was saying, 1770 01:22:48,568 --> 01:22:51,001 could you come in on Monday? 1771 01:22:51,003 --> 01:22:53,336 Oh, we would be honored to have a young woman 1772 01:22:53,338 --> 01:22:55,641 of your character at Culver City Charter. 1773 01:22:55,643 --> 01:22:56,775 I'd love to! 1774 01:22:56,777 --> 01:22:58,677 Thank you so much. 1775 01:22:58,679 --> 01:22:59,711 Oh my god, thank you. 1776 01:22:59,713 --> 01:23:00,580 Thank you. 1777 01:23:06,786 --> 01:23:09,454 What in the world got into Steven? 1778 01:23:09,456 --> 01:23:10,688 I don't know. 1779 01:23:10,690 --> 01:23:11,957 Any ideas? 1780 01:23:12,659 --> 01:23:14,292 Food poisoning perhaps? 1781 01:23:14,294 --> 01:23:18,698 I think the artichoke confit looked a little sketchy. 1782 01:23:21,302 --> 01:23:24,770 Since there's no dispute over assets or property, 1783 01:23:24,772 --> 01:23:26,607 just sign and it's done. 1784 01:23:27,741 --> 01:23:31,643 You'll never have to see one another again. 1785 01:23:31,645 --> 01:23:35,781 That line right there, the one with your name next to it. 1786 01:23:35,783 --> 01:23:36,650 I know. 1787 01:23:43,122 --> 01:23:47,495 On second thought, I want the Chinese rocket statue. 1788 01:23:50,164 --> 01:23:51,131 Alrighty. 1789 01:23:52,032 --> 01:23:55,536 If you agree, Mr. Conroy, we're done here. 1790 01:23:57,805 --> 01:23:59,571 No. 1791 01:23:59,573 --> 01:24:01,840 No, I can't part with that. 1792 01:24:01,842 --> 01:24:05,744 Well, what if y'all shared joint custody? 1793 01:24:05,746 --> 01:24:08,648 Each of you take it for a week or two at a time? 1794 01:24:08,650 --> 01:24:11,350 No, that won't work. 1795 01:24:11,352 --> 01:24:14,086 Can you just buy a second statue? 1796 01:24:14,088 --> 01:24:16,789 That way, y'all can each have your own. 1797 01:24:16,791 --> 01:24:18,223 No. 1798 01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,194 No, it's one of a kind. 1799 01:24:21,462 --> 01:24:23,662 Well bless your hearts. 1800 01:24:23,664 --> 01:24:25,831 I don't mean to be rude 1801 01:24:25,833 --> 01:24:27,699 but I've gotta be gettin' out to Malibu. 1802 01:24:27,701 --> 01:24:30,235 I'm havin' lunch at Gerard's. 1803 01:24:30,237 --> 01:24:32,672 Try the lobster, it's delicious. 1804 01:24:32,674 --> 01:24:34,674 And not cheap. 1805 01:24:34,676 --> 01:24:36,743 Can we please get this thing goin'? 1806 01:24:36,745 --> 01:24:38,611 Hey, don't rush our divorce, man. 1807 01:24:38,613 --> 01:24:39,846 Yeah. 1808 01:24:39,848 --> 01:24:43,583 You know, maybe we should get lunch, too. 1809 01:24:43,585 --> 01:24:46,753 Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't do this on an empty stomach. 1810 01:24:46,755 --> 01:24:47,854 Right. 1811 01:24:47,856 --> 01:24:49,454 Now, hold on a second. 1812 01:24:49,456 --> 01:24:51,724 What about your signatures? 1813 01:24:51,726 --> 01:24:53,191 Damn it to hell. 1814 01:24:53,193 --> 01:24:55,796 The wheels are comin' off the wagon. 1815 01:24:55,798 --> 01:24:58,899 This divorce is fallin' apart. 1816 01:24:58,901 --> 01:25:02,201 - I blame her. - It's his fault. 1817 01:25:02,203 --> 01:25:04,739 (MELLOW MUSIC) 1818 01:25:12,647 --> 01:25:15,684 (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC) 1819 01:25:16,751 --> 01:25:17,884 This ends now. 1820 01:25:17,886 --> 01:25:20,888 I'm getting out of here and you're not stopping me! 1821 01:25:20,890 --> 01:25:22,590 (THUDS) 1822 01:25:22,592 --> 01:25:24,525 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: An so concludes our story. 1823 01:25:24,527 --> 01:25:26,159 Poor Charlotte and Brandon, 1824 01:25:26,161 --> 01:25:28,796 their journey has taught them nothing. 1825 01:25:28,798 --> 01:25:30,563 Oh my god, I'm so sorry. 1826 01:25:30,565 --> 01:25:31,765 Did I slap you too hard? 1827 01:25:31,767 --> 01:25:34,603 Nein baby, it was just right. 1828 01:25:35,637 --> 01:25:38,638 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1829 01:25:38,640 --> 01:25:40,673 (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1830 01:25:40,675 --> 01:25:43,813 (LIGHT LIVELY MUSIC) 1831 01:25:52,288 --> 01:25:55,689 ♪ We found each other far from home ♪ 1832 01:25:55,691 --> 01:25:59,493 ♪ Without a shelter from the cold ♪ 1833 01:25:59,495 --> 01:26:00,728 ♪ And we took each other 1834 01:26:00,730 --> 01:26:05,467 ♪ With our arms on everything that we own ♪ 1835 01:26:06,836 --> 01:26:11,875 ♪ Now I know, I couldn't go it alone ♪ 1836 01:26:13,844 --> 01:26:18,882 ♪ Now I know, I couldn't go it alone ♪ 1837 01:26:21,617 --> 01:26:24,752 ♪ Though it's such a winding road ♪ 1838 01:26:24,754 --> 01:26:28,489 ♪ Traversing what we not be known ♪ 1839 01:26:28,491 --> 01:26:30,424 ♪ Time was by the game 1840 01:26:30,426 --> 01:26:35,465 ♪ Played it while I watched you grow ♪ 1841 01:26:36,566 --> 01:26:40,904 ♪ Now I know, I couldn't play it alone ♪ 1842 01:26:43,372 --> 01:26:48,411 ♪ Now I know, I couldn't go it alone ♪ 1843 01:26:50,546 --> 01:26:55,585 ♪ I know that I could never go it alone ♪ 1844 01:26:57,721 --> 01:27:02,693 ♪ I know that I 1845 01:27:03,694 --> 01:27:08,331 ♪ Could never go it alone 1846 01:27:12,402 --> 01:27:15,737 ♪ Summer's coming, winter's go 1847 01:27:15,739 --> 01:27:19,542 ♪ Years flow by, you know 1848 01:27:19,544 --> 01:27:20,910 ♪ Bones are getting sleepy 1849 01:27:20,912 --> 01:27:25,950 ♪ But I keep on keeping on 'cause you know ♪ 1850 01:27:26,851 --> 01:27:31,889 ♪ I could never keep it alone 1851 01:27:34,357 --> 01:27:39,396 ♪ I know I couldn't go it alone ♪ 1852 01:27:41,832 --> 01:27:45,634 ♪ Though the destination meet the point ♪ 1853 01:27:45,636 --> 01:27:48,037 ♪ It's just the end 1854 01:27:48,039 --> 01:27:51,040 ♪ But there's all road to salvation ♪ 1855 01:27:51,042 --> 01:27:56,279 ♪ There's much to learn, the pride it bring ♪ 1856 01:27:57,749 --> 01:28:02,787 ♪ I know that I could never go it alone ♪ 1857 01:28:04,856 --> 01:28:09,895 ♪ And I know that I 1858 01:28:10,896 --> 01:28:14,632 ♪ Could never go it alone 1859 01:28:21,039 --> 01:28:25,074 ♪ Ooh 1860 01:28:25,076 --> 01:28:28,778 ♪ And I know 1861 01:28:28,780 --> 01:28:32,349 ♪ 'Cause I know 1862 01:28:32,351 --> 01:28:36,455 ♪ That I could never go it alone ♪ 1863 01:28:42,728 --> 01:28:45,862 ♪ There you are 1864 01:28:45,864 --> 01:28:50,903 ♪ The woman of my dreams and so it seems ♪ 1865 01:28:53,437 --> 01:28:56,706 ♪ Here we are 1866 01:28:56,708 --> 01:29:01,747 ♪ Forgetting all the things we said we were ♪ 1867 01:29:03,015 --> 01:29:06,149 ♪ The way we weren't 1868 01:29:06,151 --> 01:29:10,587 ♪ And what we might've been 1869 01:29:10,589 --> 01:29:15,627 ♪ Is nothing compared to this love we're in ♪ 1870 01:29:17,663 --> 01:29:22,702 ♪ And I know I'm not the only one who agrees ♪ 1871 01:29:23,803 --> 01:29:27,504 ♪ You know what it's like 1872 01:29:27,506 --> 01:29:30,975 ♪ What it's like to be 1873 01:29:30,977 --> 01:29:33,443 ♪ To be in love 1874 01:29:33,445 --> 01:29:38,049 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1875 01:29:38,051 --> 01:29:39,983 ♪ To be in love 1876 01:29:39,985 --> 01:29:45,024 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1877 01:29:46,826 --> 01:29:49,961 ♪ Here we are 1878 01:29:49,963 --> 01:29:55,001 ♪ Listening to terrible advice 1879 01:29:56,803 --> 01:30:00,872 ♪ Some strategy 1880 01:30:00,874 --> 01:30:05,711 ♪ We're making this connection for a price ♪ 1881 01:30:07,047 --> 01:30:10,148 ♪ The way we weren't 1882 01:30:10,150 --> 01:30:14,485 ♪ And what we might've been 1883 01:30:14,487 --> 01:30:19,525 ♪ Is nothing compared to this love we're in ♪ 1884 01:30:21,728 --> 01:30:26,766 ♪ And love, even in this troubled time ♪ 1885 01:30:28,835 --> 01:30:33,674 ♪ Yes, love can reach 3,000 miles ♪ 1886 01:30:35,843 --> 01:30:40,881 ♪ And I know I'm not the only one who breeze ♪ 1887 01:30:42,515 --> 01:30:45,851 ♪ You know what it's like 1888 01:30:45,853 --> 01:30:49,553 ♪ What it's like to be 1889 01:30:49,555 --> 01:30:51,756 ♪ To be in love 1890 01:30:51,758 --> 01:30:56,495 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1891 01:30:56,497 --> 01:30:58,664 ♪ To be in love 1892 01:30:58,666 --> 01:31:03,637 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1893 01:31:04,138 --> 01:31:05,837 ♪ To be in love 1894 01:31:05,839 --> 01:31:10,809 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1895 01:31:10,811 --> 01:31:12,711 ♪ To be in love 1896 01:31:12,713 --> 01:31:17,751 ♪ Now, we know what it's really like ♪ 1897 01:31:19,020 --> 01:31:22,654 ♪ Here you are 1898 01:31:22,656 --> 01:31:27,228 ♪ The woman of my dreams and I'm in love ♪ 1899 01:31:52,120 --> 01:31:54,122 I see you understand sign language. 1900 01:31:54,124 --> 01:31:54,718 Subtitles by explosiveskull