♪ ARE YOU READY OR NOT ♪ ♪ ON THE 45TH HOUR ♪
♪ WINNING THE LOTTERY ♪ ♪ IT'S THROUGH THE SPITE ♪
♪ "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
Reggie: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALL THE WAY FROM
INSIDE A TWO-WAY CRASHING DEVICE, GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR ONE,
THE ONLY, JAMES CORDEN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
James: THANK YOU SO MUCH, I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY!
HELLO, GOOD EVENING.
AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW"!
AND HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY TO DO THE WOMEN EVERYWHERE,
BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU FOR COMING.
I THINK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AND SEE
WHO OUR GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
HE IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM
"THE AMERICANS," "PERRY MASON," AND HIS BREAKOUT
ROLE IN THE HUGE MOVIE "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HAROLD SMITH?"
THE DASHING, THE CHARMING, MATTHEW RHYS IS HERE TONIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OH, THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
Matthew: WE HAVE IT HERE.
James: THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
Matthew: YEARS IN THE BIZ, LOVE.
SPEW NO WORRIES, I MADE THAT MYSELF.
YES, I MIX IT UP.
I MIX IT UP.
TOMORROW I WILL PROBABLY DO A LITTLE TAXI.
Matthew: AFTERS.
James: IT'S HARD TO SAY TOUCH THE KEY IN A MOOD.
YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST ACTORS ALIVE, IF IN YOUR SCRIPT YOU HAD
TO SAY I'M DONE WITH THIS TED SIDDIQUI, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
DO IT PROPER.
AND ACTION.
Matthew: I AM DONE WITH THIS--
James: MATTHEW RHYS, EVERYBODY.
SHE'S A TALENTED ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE PARENT TRAP," "SHALL
WE DANCE" AND HER BRILLIANT SHOW "ABBOTT ELEMENTARY."
THE SENSATIONAL, THE SCREEN ACTORS AWARD-WINNER, LISA ANN
WALTER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SHE IS HERE TONIGHT!
Lisa Ann: HI.
James: HOW ARE YOU?
Lisa Ann: YOU UP GOOD COOKIES.
James: WE DO, I'M GLAD YOU NOTICED.
Lisa Ann: I LOVE A HOME-BAKED GOOD, AS LONG AS IT
IS NOT A POT COOKIE, BECAUSE THEN IT COULD BE A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT SHOW.
SORRY.
James: YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE NOT OKAY WITH THAT?
Lisa Ann: NO, IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?
James: LISA ANN WALTER, EVERYBODY!
AAND A TREMENDOUSLY TALENTED STAND-UP COMEDIAN, WE ARE
THRILLED AND OVERJOYED HE IS MAKING HIS LATE NIGHT STAND UP
DEBUT HERE ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW"!
THE INCREDIBLE GREG BARRIS IS HERE!
HEY, GREG.
I LOVE THIS.
I LOVE THIS, GREG.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?
Greg: I'M DOING MY PRESHOW SOUND BATH.
James: DO YOU WANT US TO OBSERVE THIS?
Greg: SURE, THIS IS MY GONG DIED, CARL.
WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO IT, BUT THANKS.
[LAUGHTER] James: GREG BARRIS,
EVERYBODY, ARE YOU READY?
I AM JAMES CORDEN, AND THIS, THIS IS "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
"THE LATE LATE SHOW," WOO! ♪ ♪ "THE LATE LATE SHOW," OH, OH,
"THE LATE LATE SHOW" OH-OH! ♪ ♪ IT'S "THE LATE, LATE SHOW" ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] James: BLESS YOU.
BLESS YOU.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE FRONT ROW, I CANNOT WORK OUT, WERE YOU
SENDING ME A HEART, OR SOME SORT OF ILLUMINATI?
ALL HEART.
James: ALL HEART FOR YOU, BABY, BLESS YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I FEEL BAD NOW, I FEEL BAD THAT WE ARE GOING TO PUNCTURE WITH
WHAT IS OUT QUESTION A JOYOUS AND EUPHORIC FEELING IN THE
STUDIO, BUT I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT I NEED TO
MAKE, AS YOU KNOW, WE TAKE OUR JOB HERE AT "THE LATE LATE SHOW"
VERY SERIOUSLY, AND WE KNOW YOU LOOK TO US NOT ONLY FOR THE
LATEST NEWS, BUT YOU LOOK TO US FOR THE TRUTH.
THE ACCURATE TRUTH.
AND, THE BEST THING WE CAN DO IS HOLD OUR HANDS UP AND SAY LAST
NIGHT WE FAILED YOU.
IF YOU WATCHED THE SHOW LAST NIGHT, YOU KNOW THAT WE HAD TO
HIM DATED TO BREAK THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR TRADING
JERSEYS.
THE PREVIOUS RECORD-- PLEASE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
[LAUGHTER] THE PREVIOUS RECORD WAS 4.4
SECONDS, THE RECORD WAS ATTEMPTED BY LOUIS AND ROB.
WRITER OF THE SHOW AND PRODUCER ON THE SHOW WHO IS KNOWN AROUND
AS HOT ROB, WHICH IS VERY DIFFICLT EVERY TIME HE IS
CALLED HOT ROB FOR OUR UPPER ROB TO COMPREHEND.
BUT LAST NIGHT, THEY BROKE THE WORLD RECORD, AND WE CELEBRATED.
HAVE A LOOK.
THREE, TWO, ONE.
GO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OH, MY GOSH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] IT WAS A MASSIVE DAY.
A LOT OF US WENT OUT, WE TORE IT UP.
WE JUST WENT NUTS ON IT.
WE GOT FREE DRINKS EVERYWHERE WE WENT.
PEOPLE WERE SWAPPING JERSEYS EVERYWHERE WE COULD GO.
BUT IN OUR EXCITEMENT, IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION,
THAT WE MAY HAVE JUMPED THE GUN.
BEN WINSTON, OUR EXECUTIVE PRODUCER IS ON THE
LINE.
SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED?
NO RECORD WAS BROKEN.
ROB MOVED HIS HAND TO EARLY.
TAKE THE CLIP.
HERE HE IS, PLEASE WATCH THE RIGHT-HAND MOVING BEFORE THE
CLOCK.
THE RIGHT HAND, KEEP GOING, ROLL IT FORWARD.
LOOK AT IT, THERE IT IS.
THAT IS A DISQUALIFICATION.
WE HAVE A NEW VIDEO FOR YOU, JAMES.
TAKE A LOOK.
THIS IS THE ACCURATE TIME.
4.63.
[LAUGHTER] James: WOW.
I MEAN, ROB, LOUIS, THIS MUST BE ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING.
I JUST KNOW THAT WE CAN DO IT.
I THINK WE JUST HAVE TO GET IT GOING.
[APPLAUSE] I KNOW THAT WE ARE RECORD
BREAKERS.
JAMES, THEY ARE NOT RECORD BREAKERS.
I MEANT IT SPIRITUALLY.
[LAUGHTER] I WILL SEE YOU IN COURT.
JUST TO CLARIFY AGAIN, NOT A RECORD BREAKER.
James: ROB, IS THIS SOMETHING, WHEN WERE YOU TOLD
THE NEWS THAT THE RECORD HAD NOT BEEN BROKEN?
WE WERE TEXTED.
James: YOU WERE TOLD BY TEXT?
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I'M SORRY, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
THAT'S AWFUL.
BEND TEXTED US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
James: HE TEXTED YOU AT 3:12 THIS MORNING JUST SAYING
YOU-- JUST SAYING WHAT?
THAT THEY ARE NOT RECORD BREAKERS.
[LAUGHTER] James: I WANT TO SAY RIGHT
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO RUN WITH THIS TOMORROW, IF YOU WANT TO
RUN WITH THIS TOMORROW, MAYBE WE JUST--
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] MAYBE TOMORROW AFTERNOON WITHOUT
THE PRESSURE OF THE STUDIO AUDIENCE, WE FILM IT AND SEE IF
WE CAN BREAK THE RECORD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S IT, THEY WILL NOT BE
BEATEN.
LOOK, THAT'S IN THE PAST.
TODAY IS ABOUT TODAY, THE NOW, AND THE FUTURE.
BECAUSE WE HAVE "THE NEWS" FOR YOU.
BECAUSE IT'S THAT TIME.
IT'S TIME FOR "THE NEWS."
ACCORDING TO NEWLY REVEALED DOCUMENTS FROM THE ONGOING
DEFAMATION SUIT AGAINST FOX NEWS, COMMENTATOR TUCKER CARLSON
PRIVATELY ADMITTED TO HATING DONALD TRUMP-- DESPITE THE
NETWORK'S PUBLIC SUPPORT OF HIM.
WE ARE VERY, VERY CLOSE TO BEING ABLE TO IGNORE TRUMP MOST
NIGHTS, I CAN'T WAIT.
I HATE HIM PASSIONATELY.
IMAGINE BEING LIKE I HATE HIM PASSIONATELY, AND THEN BEING
LIKE "HERE HE IS CALLING LIVE FROM MAR-A-LAGO."
THIS HAD TO BE BRUTAL ON TUCKER CARLSON.
HE WORKS FOR FOX NEWS.
THIS WOULD BE LIKE ME PASSIONATELY
HATING YOUNG SHELDON.
AND HERE'S CARLSON ON THE AFTERMATH OF THE CAPITOL
RIOTS.
"HE'S A DEMONIC FORCE, A DESTROYER.
BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO DESTROY US.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS EVERY DAY FOR FOUR YEARS."
TO BE FAIR, HE ALSO SAID THE SAME EXACT THING WHEN
THEY MADE THE GREEN M&M LESS SEXY.
[LAUGHTER] MOVING ON.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS, PRESIDENT BIDEN IS CLOSE TO KICKING OFF
HIS REELECTION CAMPAIGN, BECAUSE HE'S NOW PLANNING TO TRAVEL TO
THE WEST COAST TO DO SOME FUNDRAISING EARLY NEXT WEEK.
BIDEN IS EXCITED TO SEE HOW MUCH CALIFORNIA HAS CHANGED SINCE HIS
FIRST VISIT DURING THE GOLD RUSH OF 1848.
AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
SCIENTISTS MADE A HORMONE INJECTION ABOUT THE TIME THAT IT
TAKES TO SOBER UP FROM A DRUNKEN STUPOR, IT CUTS THE TIME IN HA
HALF.
I DON'T LIKE THIS, I PREFER THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY, A KEBAB AT
3:00 A.M., THAT'LL DO IT.
OH, DON'T EVEN.
[APPLAUSE] I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK, I KNOW
THAT YOU ARE FROM ENGLAND.
YOU HEAR THE WORD "3:00 A.M. AND KEBAB" AND YOU INSTINCTIVELY GO
"ENGLAND."
I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKE A GREAT IDEA UNTIL YOU REALIZE THE
ENTIRE THING IS BASED ON TRUSTING DRUNK PEOPLE WITH
NEEDLES.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
"I GOT IT.
I GOT IT."
OH, [BLEEP].
AND HERE IS A STORY FOR YOU, A COUPLE HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO
JAIL FOR STEALING $1.7 MILLION WORTH OF WINE FROM A MICHELIN
STARRED RESTAURANT IN SPAIN.
THEY STOLE A KEY TO THE RESTAURANT'S WINE CELLAR WHILE
STAYING IN THE ADJACENT HOTEL, THEY THEN FLED WITH 45 BOTTLES
IN THEIR LUGGAGE.
[LAUGHTER] THEY HAVE GONE TO JAIL.
BUT POLICE DESCRIBED THE THEFT AS BRAZEN...
WITH OAK NOTES, A HINT OF CHERRY, AND A FRESH, JUICY
FINISH."
45 BOTTLES FOR $1.7 MILLION.
CAN I BE HONEST, I'D BE MORE IMPRESSED IF
THEY'D STOLEN $1.7 MILLION WORTH OF
TWO BUCK CHUCK FROM TRADER JOE'S.
NOW THAT WOULD TAKE REAL COMMITMENT.
THEY TRIED TO STEAL 1.7 MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH OF RARE WINE.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE GOT PINOT GREED-IO.
HIT ME!
AND FINALLY, WE HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
THE CITY OF NEWARK, NEW JERSEY HAS JUST ADMITTED THAT THEY
ACCIDENTALLY ENTERED INTO A SISTER CITY AGREEMENT WITH A
FAKE CITY.
IT'S TRUE, THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE ENTERING INTO A
CULTURAL AND TRADE DEAL WITH THE "UNITED STATES OF
KAILASA," AN EMERGING NATION IN INDIA.
HOWEVER, NO SUCH COUNTRY ACTUALLY EXISTS.
THE FIRST SUSPICIOUS THING?
THIS PLACE WANTED TO BE SISTER CITIES WITH NEWARK, NEW JERSEY.
[LAUGHTER] THE BIGGEST CITY IN NEW JERSEY
GOT SCAMMED?
I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE.
NEW JERSEY IS THE ONE THAT IS MEANT TO DO THE SCAMMING.
APPARENTLY, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME NEWARK HAS GOTTEN CONFUSED.
HERE THEY ARE ENTERING INTO A SISTER CITY AGREEMENT WITH
PANDORA...
[LAUGHTER] THEN THERE WAS THIS TIME, WHEN
NEWARK GOT MIXED UP AND SIGNED A TRADE AGREEMENT
WITH LEGO LAND.
EASY MISTAKE.
AND, OF COURSE, WHO COULD FORGET THE TIME WHEN NEWARK THOUGHT
THERE REALLY WAS A PLACE CALLED FLAVORED TOWN.
AND THAT'S "THE NEWS!" WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
James: WELCOME BACK, LET'S MEET OUR GUEST TONIGHT!
HE STARS IN "PERRY MASON," PLEASE WELCOME HIM MATTHEW RHYS!
♪ IT'S MY FAVORITE MATTHEW RHYS ♪
James: THIS GUY.
SHE STARS IN "ABBOTT ELEMENTARY," LISA ANN WALTER!
♪ IT IS LISA ANN WALTER ♪ ♪ ♪
James: IT'S FANTASTIC TO SEE YOU.
HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE.
Lisa Ann: HI!
HI!
HEY!
James: HOW ARE YOU?
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I'M SO THRILLED YOU COULD BOTH FIND THE TIME FOR US.
AND I WANT TO SAY THIS, MATTHEW, I AM LOVING THIS LITTLE
MUSTACHE.
IS IT FOR A ROLE I IMAGINE?
Matthew: YES, I WILL PLAY EN IN A BIOPI OF HIS LIFE.
NO, SADLY, I LIVE IN BROOKLYN HAS ONE OF THE HIGHER
CONCENTRATION OF SUCCESSFUL ACTORS HAVE STUMBLED ACROSS,
HAVING NOT WORKED IN A VERY LONG TIME I AM SEEING A LOT OF THESE
DADS AT SCHOOL, AND I THOUGHT I WOULD GROW A MUSTACHE, SO THAT
IF THEY SAW ME PASSING IN THE STREET THEY WOULD THINK I WAS
WORKING, BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER REASON WHY YOU WOULD HAVE
A BURT REYNOLDS, A TOM SELLECK.
James: IT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.
Matthew: IT WORKED THE OTHER DAY.
YES, IS THIS SOMETHING?
AND I SAID YES, YES, I DID NOT SAY WHAT.
HE SAID IS IT FOR SOMETHING?
AND I SAID YES.
IT IS FOR SOMETHING.
Lisa Ann: IT IS LIKE '70s DIVORCED DAD DRIVING AND
EL CAMINO.
Matthew: WE CAN DO IT RIGHT HERE.
Lisa Ann: I'M THE FLOOZY THAT YOU SLEEP WITH ON THE
BLOCK.
I WANT TO GET IN ON IT.
Matthew: IT IS WRITING ITSELF.
James: WHO ARE THE ACTORS THAT LIVE IN THIS CONCENTRATION?
Matthew: I CANNOT POSSIBLY--
James: JOHN KRASINSKI, REESE.
Matthew: I LIKE TO INCLUDE MYSELF, PAUL BETHANY, PAUL RUDD,
CRAIG.
YES, SHOWBIZ TOWN.
James: J.J. REDDICK, THE BASKETBALL PLAYER.
HE IS THERE.
Matthew: YES, THE THREE-POINTER.
James: THIS IS MAKING US FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I'M AT SHERMAN OAKS, NOBODY IS HANGING OUT THERE.
IT'S ME AND A BUNCH OF MY CHILDREN.
James: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
I AM THRILLED THAT YOU ARE HERE, LISA.
YOU HAVE BEEN DOING STAND UP SINCE HE '80s.
Lisa Ann: I WAS TEN.
James: YOU DO IT BRILLIANTLY!
Lisa Ann: THANK YOU.
James: I AM INTERESTED TO KNOW, WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING A
FEMALE COMEDIAN AT THAT TIME IN CLUBS AND WORKING AND ALL OF
THOSE THINGS WHEN YOU BROKE THROUGH?
Lisa Ann: JAMES, IT WAS DELIGHTFUL.
EVERY MOMENT WAS GLORIOUS.
THERE WAS A LOT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, THAT'S WHAT I
REMEMBER.
THERE WAS MAYBE IN THE COUNTRY, 25 OF US.
EVEN NOW IT'S A STRUGGLE FOR WOMEN COMPARED TO MEN, BUT BACK
THEN THERE WAS NOT A WHOLE LOT.
AND BARELY ANYBODY WAS A MOM AND MARRIED LIKE I WAS.
SO IT WAS WEIRD.
HE WOULD GO TO THE CLUB, I WOULD DO MY SHOW AND AT THE END OF THE
NIGHT TO GET THE CASH TO PAY YOU, BECAUSE LITTLE KNOWN FACT,
EVERY COMEDY CLUB WAS LIKE A MOB LAUNDERING OPERATION, FYI.
THEY HUNG THE MEAT AND THEIR VICTIMS IN THE WALK-IN IN THE
BACK.
James: AND JUST A ROGUE MICROPHONE ON A STAND.
Lisa Ann: I WILL ROLL IT IN THE BRICK WALL FOR YOU.
AND THEY GO TO PAY YOU, AND HERE'S SOME MONEY IN FRONT OF ME
IN THE CLOAKROOM, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WILL BE ONE HAND UP
MY DRESS, ANOTHER DOWN MY SHIRT, AND I'M LIKE WHERE DID THE MONEY
GO?
I AM PRETTY SURE NOT KEEPING IT.
James: OH, MAN.
MATTHEW, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
LAST WEEK WAS SAINT DAVID'S DAY.
A BIG DAY AS A WELSHMAN, EXPLAINED TO WHAT I LIKE TO
CALL, OUR AMERICAN AUDIENCE, WHAT IS SAINT DAVID'S DAY ABOUT?
Matthew: ST. DAVID IS THE PATRON SAINT OF WALES, AND I WAS
EXPLAINING TO SOME MEDICAL FRIENDS OF MINE, I WAS LIKE IT'S
WALES ST. PADDY'S DAY, IT'S BASICALLY THAT.
IT'S WHEN WE BECOME VERY TRADITIONAL AND VERY PATRIOTIC,
AND WE DRINK TOO MUCH.
AND MAYBE-- MAYBE THE SLIGHT DIFFERENCE IS THE WELSH WOULD
SING MORE POSSIBLY THAN THE IRISH IN A CLOSE BAR HARMONY.
BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT.
James: AND MORE OF AN INFLUENCE OF A DAFFODIL.
Matthew: WE ARE PRONE TO WEAR A DAFFODIL OR A LEAK.
Lisa Ann: LIKE THE VEGETABLE?
YOU WEAR IT LIKE A CORSAGE?
Matthew: YOU DO.
THE COUNTRYIN THE YEARS GONE BY DID NOT HAVE MUCH BY WAY OF--
Lisa Ann: FRESH FLOWERS.
Matthew: SO RUDE TO VEGETABLES.
IT'S HOT CURRENCY.
James: SO HAPPY SAINT DAVID'S DAY.
AND TO EVERY WELSH PERSON WATCHING, WE ABSOLUTELY LOVE YO
YOU.
NOW, LISA, AS YOU JUST MENTION, YOU'RE A SINGLE MOM WITH FOUR
KIDS.
Lisa Ann: WHICH IS WHY I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO SPEAKING
IN THOSE GREAT ACCENTS ACROSS FROM ME.
James: TALK TO ME ABOUT LIFE IN THE WALTER HOUSEHOLD,
WHAT AGES ARE THEY?
Lisa Ann: FOUR KIDS THAT I KNOW OF.
James: YES.
Lisa Ann: MY VAGINA IS A CLOWN CAR.
THEY JUST COME OUT.
IT'S THE BIG SHOES.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
SO IT IS DELIGHTFUL, BUT THE TWO OLDER ONES.
I MADE BABIES ALMOST IMMEDIATELY WHEN I WENT TO NEW YORK TO BE AN
ACTOR.
AND INSTEAD I GOT KNOCKED OUT.
THAT'S WHEN I STARTED DOING STAND UP.
SO I HAD THE TWO OLDER ONES.
THEY ARE DOING GREAT.
MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING HER PhD IN NEW YORK.
YES, I AM BRAGGING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.
SHE TURNED OUT OKAY.
AND THEN I HAVE THE KIDS.
I HAVE TWIN TEENAGE BOYS, WARILY BORN ON THE SAME DAY AS THE
TWINS IN "THE PARENT TRAP."
IDENTICAL TWIN BOYS.
SO NANCY MYERS PUT A SPELL ON ME.
AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, IF YOU KNOW YOUNG PEOPLE, IT IS WHY I
COME HERE.
BECAUSE IT IS JUST NICE TO BE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE ME.
THEY ARE HORRIFYING.
AND THEY DON'T SPEAK-- THANK YOU!
TELL MY KIDS, BECAUSE THEY DON'T TALK TO ME.
Matthew: HAVE THEY SEEN YOU DO STAND UP?
Lisa Ann: THEY HAVE, AND THEN UNASHAMEDLY RAN AWAY.
Matthew: THE TWINS HAVE SEEN YO DO STAND UP?
Lisa Ann: ONE OF THEM SAW A BIT I DID, AND I THINK HE WAS
ACTUALLY QUITE PROUD.
BUT I WAS LIKE YOU KNOW I AM TOTALLY BUSTING YOU.
YOU DON'T TALK TO ME, WHENEVER YOU DO, IT'S TO CRITICIZE
SOMETHING ABOUT ME.
IT'S LIKE I GET A LECTURE ON THE GIG ECONOMY, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
RETURN ANY FOOD AT A RESTAURANT.
I AM A CARING ALL OF A SUDDEN.
BUT THEY KEEP COMING HOME, BECAUSE I HAVE FREE FOOD AND
WI-FI.
SO THEY KEEP SHOWING UP.
BUT TODAY BRING THEIR GAIN OF STONER FRIENDS WITH THEM, WHICH
I WOULD NOT MIND, BUT HOW ABOUT A FIVE MINUTE HEADS UP SO MOMMY
HAS TIME TO PUT ON A BRA.
YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE THINGS.
BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED THESE IDIOTS POPPING A LITTLE TENT IN
THEIR PANTS TO THE NANNY FROM "TO THE PARENT TRAP" AND WE ARE
ALL CONFUSED.
James: I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD LIKE TO GO
AND WATCH MY MOTHER DO STAND UP COMEDY.
MY MOM BEING LIKE, ALL RIGHT, HOW ARE WE DOING?
ALL GOOD.
LET'S LOOK AT A LITTLE SOMET SOMETHING.
I MEAN WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Lisa Ann: THE BEFORE AND AFTER WITH THE DOWNSTAIRS WITH
THESE LOTS.
James: CAN WE TALK ABOUT "PERRY MASON," WHICH HUGE SMASH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Lisa Ann: IT IS!
James: WHERE DO WE FIND THE SHOW IN SEASON 2.
Matthew: ON HBO MAX, MONDAY NIGHTS AT 8:30.
WE LEFT HIM IN SEASON ONE, HE HAD BECOME A LAWYER, AND WE
THINK WE ARE GOING TO DIE BACK IN AND FIND HIM WINNING CASES,
BUT NO, HAVING A SMALL CRISIS OF FAITH IN HIS CAREER AND NOT ALL
IN THE GARDEN IS ROSY AFTER ALL.
James: YOU RIDE HORSES IN THE SHOW, AND IS THIS TRUE THAT
YOU VISITED A HORSE PSYCHIC?
FOR YOUR HORSE?
NOW KNOWING YOU AS I DO, YOU DON'T STRIKE ME AS SOMEONE THAT
GOES, I THINK I NEED TO SEE A HORSE.
GET ME A HORSE PSYCHIC NOW!
Matthew: BECAUSE ANYWHERE YOU COULD, IT WOULD BE
HOLLYWOOD.
BUT THE REAL STORY IS I USED TO OWN HORSES HERE IN L.A. AND TO
KEEP THEM IN GRIFFIN PARK, HOLLYWOOD HILLS, AND A FRIEND OF
MINE WAS A PROFESSIONAL RODEO COWBOY, AND HE SAID I USE THIS
HORSE, NOW I THOUGHT IF A PROFESSIONAL RODEO COWBOY IS
TELLING ME THAT THE HORSE PSYCHIC WORKS, AND HE WOULD NOT
BELIEVE, I WILL BELIEVE FAR MORE THAN HE.
James: IT'S NOT LIKE MANY RODEO GUYS ARE LIKE LET'S SEE
WHAT THE TAROT CARDS SAY.
Lisa Ann: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT.
Matthew: BECAUSE THEY DO IT OVER ZUMA AND WITHIN SECONDS SHE
TOLD ME, THE HORSE TOLD HER NOT ONLY WHAT I WEAR--
James: HANG ON, THE HORSE IS ON ZOOM.
YOU HAVE OPENED UP THE LAPTOP-- Matthew: THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT HE SAYS.
James: THAT IS THE FILTER!
OKAY.
GO ON.
Matthew: SO I THINK SHE WAS PROVING TO ME IMMEDIATELY THAT
SHE WAS NT SOME KIND OF GREAT FAKE AND THIS WAS LEGIT.
AND SHE SAID YOU OFTEN WEAR THESE TYPE OF CLOTHES WHEN YOU
WEAR AND THIS HAD, AND YOUR HORSE IS TRAUMATIZED BY SOMEONE
WHO WORE THOSE SUMMER CLOTHES IN THE PAST, AND THAT'S WHY HE WILL
BACK AWAY FROM YOU.
AND ALL OF THESE OTHER FACTS STARTED POURING OUT, AND FROM
THAT DAY FORWARD, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE HORSE WAS
INCREDIBLE.
James: SO YOU CHANGED YOUR CLOTHES, AND THE HORSE--
Matthew: I CAME BACK IN A TUXEDO.
WELCOME, LET'S GO!
AND OFF WE RODE INTO THE SUNSET.
Lisa Ann: DOES SHE DO DATING IN LOS ANGELES?
James: ARE YOU INTERESTED IN DATING A HORSE?
THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
Lisa Ann: CATHERINE THE GREAT.
IT'S FINE.
James: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, MATTHEW RHYS, THIS IS
ONLY COME TO MY MIND NOW.
THE FIRST TIME I EVER CAME TO LOS ANGELES, WE HAD WORKED
TOGETHER YEARS AGO AND WE VAGUELY KNEW EACH OTHER AND WERE
AT A BARBECUE, LOTS OF BRITISH PEOPLE THAT DON'T KNOW ANYBODY
ELSE JUST TURN UP WITH LIKE A STEAK AND A SIX PACK AND GO,
HELLO, BRITISH PERSON.
HOW ARE YOU?
AND IT DID NOT HAVE A CAR, THIS WAS PREUBER, AND HE SAID, I WILL
DRIVE YOU BACK TO YOUR HOTEL, AND WE GOT LOST FOR LIKE HALF AN
HOUR.
YOU WERE IN A PREVIOUS, AND I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY TIME I
DRIVE DOWN THAT ROAD.
Matthew: GOD BLESS YOU.
James: AND I THINK ABOUT HOW KIND YOU WERE TO ME ALL
THOSE YEARS AGO.
YOU ARE THE LOVELIEST MAN.
Matthew: OUT IS NOT LOST, I WAS JUST ENJOYING OUR CHAT.
James: YOU JUST WERE LIKE MAYBE WE CAN SING A SONG.
THIS IS AN IDEA.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE CLIP FROM "PERRY MASON" THAT ERRORS
MONDAYS AT 9:00 ON HBO AND HBO MAX.
AFTER TALKING WITH THE BROTHERS.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU WENT TO SEE THEM.
AND WHERE THEY ARE BEING HELD.
AND I'M SURE THAT THEY INVITED YOU RIGHT IN WRITE IN.
I DON'T THINK THEY DID IT.
MILLIGAN'S CASE HAS HOLES AND I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT WE CAN
SUGGEST AGAINST THEM.
IF YOU ARE HOPING TO SECURE A PLEA DEAL FOR THEM, I ALREADY
TRIED, BURGER SHOT ME DOWN.
YOU'RE NOT THERE LAWYER.
AND YOU ARE?
James: STICK AROUND, MORE WITH THESE TWO WHEN WE COME
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT ♪ ♪ YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪
♪ YOU BETTER BE READY TO SAY THAT YOU AIN'T, NOW I I GOT YOA
PRESENT-- IT'S YOUR COURTSIDE SEATS TO THE
76ers.
IT'S A TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK MIRACLE.
THANK YOU, YOU CAME THROUGH AGAIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] James: THAT WAS A CLIP FROM
"ABBOTT ELEMENTARY"!
IT AIRS WEDNESDAY NIGHTS AT 9:00 ON ABC.
CONGRATS ON THE SHOW.
IT IS AN ABSOLUTE TRIUMPH!
ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PARTS IN THE ENTIRE SHOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH SHERYL LEE RALPH WHO WE ABSOLUTELY LOVE HERE ON THE
SHOW, AND YOU ARE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE.
Lisa Ann: WE ARE WORK FRIENDS ON THE SHOW, AND IN LIFE
WE ARE RUNNING BUDDIES.
AND I CAN THINK OF NOTHING BETTER THAN HANGING WITH YOU AND
AND, HOW DO WE GET INVITED, AND WHAT WE DO?
Lisa Ann: GUARANTEED IT WOULD INVOLVE SHOPPING, AND WE
SHOP LIKE SINGLE MOTHERS WHO LIVE IN LOS ANGELES WHO MAKE A
DOLLAR STRETCH FOR A LOT OF YEARS.
HONEST TO GOD, YOU THINK ABOUT SHOPPING AND WE ARE ON A HIT TV
SHOW, WE ARE GOING TO A RODEO DRIVE AND WE ARE GETTING THIS,
THAT, NO, WE ARE LOOKING ONLINE TO BUY VERSE ASHI FOR CUT RATE
PRICES.
WE GO TO A MALL LIKE THE OUTLET MALLS, AND WE START AT ONE END
AND RUN IN AND OUT, AND BOTH OF US GO TO THE BACK WHERE THE
CLEARANCE RACK IS AND IF IT COMES OUT, AND LIKE NO, THAT'S
NOT 75% OFF, IT GOES BACK ON THE RACK.
WE GET A BARGAIN AND IT GIVES US A THRILL.
James: AS IT SHOULD.
AND ONE THING, YOU ABSOLUTELY NAILED THE PHILLY ACCENT ON THE
SHOW.
WHAT IS THE TRICK TO THE PHILLY ACCENT.
IS IT HALF AND THE VOICE AND HALF WITH THE HANDS?
Lisa Ann: IT'S BRINGING ALL OF THE WORDS TO THE FRONT OF
YOUR MOUTH.
SO DO A LITTLE BIT AT THIS.
BRING IT TO THE FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH.
SO FIRST OF ALL, DON'T ENUNCIATE ANYTHING.
SO IT'S LIKE BRITISH, YOU DON'T SAY O, YOU SAY EH.
- James: ♪ ALL THE SMART
THINGS ♪ Lisa Ann: WANT TO FIND OUT,
YOU CAME TO MY HOUSE AND I HAVE TO FEED YOU, BECAUSE I AM
ITALIAN, YEAH-- Matthew: DID I EAT?
NO.
Lisa Ann: NO, I HAD A-- WATER ICE.
YET, BECAUSE I HAD A WATER ICE.
- Matthew: I HAD A WATER ICE.
Lisa Ann: I HAD A SLICE ON THE PLANE AND A WATER ICE.
Matthew: I'M WORRIED THAT I CAN ONLY DO A CHARACTER LIKE
THIS.
BECAUSE I CAN IMAGINE DOING THIS ACCENT AND BEING LIKE--
IT'S FINE IF I GOT A WATER ICE AND A PIZZA.
Matthew: I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE SHOW ENDING.
THIS IS THE EAGLE CALL.
James: I NEED A WATER ICE AND A SLICE.
THAT'S IT.
WELL, IF WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT SIDE HUSTLES, LET'S TALK,
MATTHEW, LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU TALKED ABOUT THE FACT
THAT YOU HAD FINISHED RESTORING YOUR WOODEN BOAT IN NEW YORK
HARBOR, WE HAVE A PICTURE OF IT HERE.
LOOK AT THIS BEAST OUT ON THE CDs!
HOW'S IT GOING?
IS IT STILL SEAWORTHY?
Matthew: IT WAS AN ACT OF MADNESS, BUT SHE IS AN ACTIVE
CHARTER BOATS, AND I DO HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE CAPTAIN WHO RUNS
IT, BUT SHE TAKES IT OUT, AND I EXPECT HER TO CALL AND SAY "WE
ARE GOING DOWN, IT'S WHAT YOU DID!"
BUT IT IS STILL RUNNING AND OPERATIONAL.
STILL RUNNING.
James: DO YOU EVER TAKE IT OUT ON THE WEEKEND?
Matthew: NO, I HAD THEM INTO GLASSES, AND THE KIDS WOULD
LOVE IT AND WE WOULD SPEND TIME ON THE WATER.
THEY ARE LIKE, ARE WE GOING TO SEE THAT WOMAN AGAIN?
IF BY THAT WOMAN, DO YOU MEAN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY?
YES, WE CAN COME AND NO I DON'T HAVE WI-FI FOR YOU YET.
SO IT DID NOT QUITE WORK OUT.
Lisa Ann: MAYBE YOU NEED A BOAT PSYCHIC.
Matthew: OH, THAT'S GOOD.
James: WE WILL BE BACK AFTER THE BREAK!
James: WELCOME BACK.
REGGIE, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR GUESTS THIS EVENING?
Reggie: YES, I DO, JAMES.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION GOES LIKE THIS...
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLACE WHERE YOU ARE LIKE WHAT, WHY?
WHAT DOES IT DO WHEN THAT HAPPENS?
Lisa Ann: DO ONE OF YOU BRITS WANT TO ANSWER THAT.
James: HE IS LIKE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLACE WHERE YOU
ARE LIKE WHAT WYATT?
AND WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lisa Ann: SO AT LEAST ONE OF MY MARRIAGE IS--
[LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TWO EX-HUSBANDS AND YES, ONE WAS A LOVELY JEWISH MAN, AND TURNED
OUT TO ALSO LIKE MEN, BECAUSE THAT HAPPENS, AND THE SECOND ONE
WAS A CHEATER WHICH IS NOT TECHNICALLY A RELIGION, BUT HE
PRACTICED LIKE IT WAS.
HIT ME.
James: IS THAT CORRECT?
Reggie: WELL, JAMES, I AM AFRAID THEY ARE ALL CORRECT!
James: THANK YOU TO LISA ANN WALTER AND MATTHE
MATTHEW RHYS!
James: WELCOME BACK, OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT
STAND-UP COMEDIAN, SO PROUD HE& IS MAKING HIS DEBUT HERE ON "THE
LATE LATE SHOW," HIS NEW ALBUM IS CALLED "DEEP HEALING," AND
PLEASE WELCOME THE ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING GREG BARRIS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Greg: YES, YES!
THANK YOU FOR THAT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE, THANK YOU FOR HAVING
ME, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THE SHOW, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
HAVING ME!
ONE ER TWO MORE IS OKAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HEALING ENERGY!
OH, WOW.
I AM THE KIND OF GUY WHO IS NOT SO GREAT WITH RED FLAGS, LIKE I
SEE A RED FLAG, I BECOME LIKE AN OLYMPIC DOWNHILL SKIER.
I'M LIKE "YEAH [LAUGHS] "
I LOVE RED FLAG, THE FIRST RED FLAG COULD BE A PERSON'S
NAME, I ALWAYS STAYED PEOPLE WITH RIDICULOUS NAMES, LIKE
PULAT, WHO HAS DATED PULAT?
I HAVE DATED AND SHOT, I ASHI.
MY NAME IS GREGORY, I SHOULD BE WITH PAM.
PAM COMES UP TO YOU AND SAYS "I MAKE TACOS.
IT'S TACO TUESDAY."
BUT A PULAT IS LIKE "I AM AT THE WRONG AIRPORT, MY SHE WAS OPEN,
I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET, WHERE ARE YOU."
AND YOU ARE SO WRAPPED UP IN THAT PULAT LIFE, SO YOU'RE LIKE
"I AM SORRY, PULAT.
I'M SORRY, I LOVE YOU.
MY LIFE IS YOUR LIFE.
SOMETIMES I THINK I AM YOU, PULAT.
HELLO."
BUT A PAM IS LIKE, "I DID THE TAXES.
THEY ARE DONE."
SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, WHEN I WAS FIVE, MY PARENTS
MOVED US INTO A NEW HOUSE, AND BEFORE WE MOVED IN, THEY TOLD US
THERE WAS A MURDER SUICIDE BEFORE WE MOVED IN, THAT ROOM IS
HAUNTED, AND WHEN WE WERE IN REAL BIG TROUBLE, THEY WOULD
LOCK US IN THE ROOM OVERNIGHT.
WHO ELSE?
WHO ELSE GOT GHOST-ROOM?
I WENT TO SCHOOL AND A SCHOLARSHIP, GHOST ROOM YOUR
KIDS.
[LAUGHTER] MY PARENTS, I LOVE THEM.
THEY ARE GREAT PEOPLE, AND THEY DID A GREAT JOB RAISING ME, AND
I KNOW I SOUND SARCASTIC, BUT I'M NOT.
[LAUGHTER] MY PARENTS, THEY LIVE IN
FLORIDA.
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE] AND THEY ARE BOTH RETIRED, AND
THEY ARE MUCH MORE BORED THAN THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE AT
THIS JUNCTURE IN THEIR LIFE, AND NOW MY PARENTS HAVE BECOME UBER
DRIVERS.
MY PARENTS ARE UBER DRIVERS, AND THEY DO IT TOGETHER.
MY MOM DRIVES WHILE MY DAD JUST RIDES ALONG.
[LAUGHTER] MY DAD IS 82 YEARS OLD.
HE PICKS YOU UP A SLEEP, AND HE DROPS YOU OFF ASLEEP.
[LAUGHTER] THERE IS ZERO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
A SLEEPING 82-YEAR-OLD MAN AND AN OLD DEAD MAN.
[LAUGHTER] YOU MIGHT WAKE UP FOR A SECOND
TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE LIFE ADVICE.
LIKE "SOMETIMES YOU ARE DYING FASTER THAN YOU ARE LIVING.
THIS IS REALLY FUN IF YOU JUST TELL ME, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A
QUESTION.
WHAT ARE SOME KINKS EVERYBODY HAS?
ALL RIGHT, I WILL START.
I WILL START.
THIS IS TRUE.
BUT FIRST LET ME SAY THAT I AM AN EXTREMELY POOR PERSON
[LAUGHS] SO IF THAT IS YOUR, YOU LET ME
KNOW.
[LAUGHTER] BUT I WENT TO A WEDDING WHERE
THERE WAS A BILLIONAIRE THERE, AND I WENT WITH MY EX, AND IT
WAS ON A BOAT, AND WE WERE HAVING A REAL GOOD TIME, AND WE
WERE GETTING A LITTLE HOT AND HEAVY AND FRISKY AND STARTED
MAKING OUT ON THE ROOF OF THIS BOAT, AND NO ONE WAS AROUND, BUT
THEN I NOTICED OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, THE BILLIONAIRE JUST
WATCHING US.
AND THAT IS MY.
[LAUGHTER] THAT'S WHAT I NEED.
I NEED A BILLIONAIRE TO WATCH.
OH, YOU CAN GO TO A SEX STORE AND BUY YOUR.
YOU KNOW WHAT MONEY CAN'T BUY IT?
A BILLIONAIRE WATCHING.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HEALING ENERGY!
OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.
James: GREG BARRIS, "DEEP HEALING" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
COME RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY!
James: THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
TOMORROW NIGHT MILO VENTIMIGLIA WILL BE HERE.
MADELYN CLINE, AND MUSIC FROM OUR VERY OWN TIM YOUNG!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!
REGGIE, TAKE US HOME!