♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, OOH
♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW
IT'S THE LATE LATE SHOW ♪ >> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY.
THANK YOU FOR ENDING IT WITH US, RIGHT HERE.
WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
NOW AS YOU'LL HAVE SEEN LAST NIGHT, FOR SAFETY REASONS, WE'RE
NOT ALLOWED INTO OUR REGULAR STUDIO RIGHT NOW.
SO WE'RE HERE IN MY GARAGE.
BASICALLY, WE'RE ABOUT TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM GETTING DOWNGRADED TO
A PODCAST.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE AT.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M HERE, YOU'RE HERE, REGGIE'S
HERE, THE BAND ARE HERE, IAN'S HERE, THEY'RE ALL IN THEIR
HOUSES.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
IT'S WEIRD.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
I PREFER HAVING THE BAND IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME.
I FEED OFF THEIR "CASUAL DISINTEREST."
TONIGHT, WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE DASHING JAMES MARSDEN, AND
LATER WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM TIM MINCHIN, STICK AROUND FOR
THAT.
I WILL SAY THIS, I DO LIKE SEEING THE INSIDE OF
THE BAND'S HOMES, SEEING HOW I'VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO ANY
OF THEM.
I REALLY THOUGHT WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF
GUILLERMO'S HOUSE, IT WOULD INVOLVE ME PUTTING MY KEYS IN A
BOWL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WOW, YOU'RE GETTING A LOT OF
MILEAGE OFF OF THIS ONE SCENARIO.
I LOVE YOUR IMAGINATION.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OF COURSE WE ARE.
WHAT ELSE THERE TO WORK WITH, GUILLERMO?
THIS IS ALL WE'VE GOT!
>> NO, I'M ALL FOR IT.
I'M JUST COMMENTING ON THE OBVIOUS.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE ALL FOR IT -- >> James: WOULD YOU SWING WITH
ME, GUILLERMO?
WOULD YOU, GENUINELY?
LET'S SAY WE HAVE A COUPLE OF THE DRINKS --
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S COME TO THIS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE BAND I WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE TO
BE IN THAT POSITION WITH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I LOVE IT.
>> James: IAN, WE TALKED ABOUT IT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT, BUT IS
THERE A WORSE SETUP FOR COMEDY THAN WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?
>> I DID STANDUP ONCE IN A BARBECUE RESTAURANT WHERE A GANG
OF BIKERS WERE REVVING THEIR ENGINES OUTSIDE THROUGH MY
ENTIRE SET BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS COMEDIAN HAD PISSED THEM OFF,
AND THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT.
SO, NO, THIS IS AS BAD AS IT GETS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I DON'T LIKE THIS
SITUATION, I REALLY DON'T.
MEANWHILE, YOU KNOW JAY LENO IS LIKE, "TELLING JOKES IN A
GARAGE, THAT'S MY DREAM JOB!" ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S MY IMPRESSION OF JAY LENO.
>> IS THERE A JOKE WRITTEN DOWN THERE OR ARE YOU JUST RIFFING?
WHAT'S THE RATIO.
>> James: THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW, G.
YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN ENERGY LIKE THAT.
>> YOU BRAIN ENERGY?
>> James: FOR THE ONE HOUR A DAY YOU'RE AT WORK.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN
WHILE I'M IN WORK HOURS!
( LAUGHTER ) >> FOR THAT.
FOR THAT.
>> James: SURE.
LET'S BE SPECIFIC.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> James: I CAN TELL YOU, IT WAS WRITTEN DOWN.
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK AT TIM.
TIM, YOU'RE GOING TO BURN QUITE A FEW CALORIES THIS WEEK.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, YESTERDAY, I DID A LITTLE SUMMARY.
IT WAS A 468 CALORIES.
>> James: THAT'S A LOT.
YEAH, I'M JUST GOING NOWHERE, JUST LIKE ALWAYS, BUT NOW I'M IN
MY GARAGE GOING NOWHERE.
>> IT'S ALL RELATIVE.
YEAH.
>> James: I DID 2, 5, 6, ON A BIKE THIS MORNING AND I FELT
HAPPY WITH THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> James: CAN YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THIS IS ON TV?
( LAUGHTER ) >> NOW, I CAN.
>> James: WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND YOU WOULD WATCH,
LIKE, LATE NIGHT SHOWS, YOU KNOW, I IMAGINE THERE WOULD HAVE
BEEN A BIT OF YOU AT SOME POINT WOULD HAVE GONE, NO, I WONDER IF
I WOULD EVER GET TO WORK ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD BE?
>> NO!
NO.
>> NO.
T LIKE THIS.
( LAUGHTER ) I THOUGHT, LIKE, THERE WAS A
GOOD CHANCE I WOULD BE IN A DIAPER GETTING THROWN INTO,
LIKE, A POOL FULL OF BAKED BEANS ON CONAN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS.
>> James: IT WOULDN'T BE AS DEGRADING AS THIS.
>> NO.
>> James: BUT, LOOK, WE'RE DOING ALL THIS, WE'RE JOKING
AROUND, BUT, YOU KNOW, SAFETY COMES FIRST,
COMEDY COMES SECOND.
KEEP THAT IN MIND AS WE GET INTO TODAY'S HEADLINES.
( LAUGHTER ) AS YOU KNOW, THE STATE OF
GEORGIA WENT TO THE POLLS TODAY TO VOTE IN TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS
THAT WILL ULTIMATELY DECIDE WHICH PARTY CONTROLS THE SENATE.
IF REPUBLICANS WIN EITHER RACE, THEY'LL CONTROL THE SENATE.
AND IF REPUBLICANS LOSE THE RACE, THEY'LL STILL SAY THEY
WON, AND WE'LL PRETTY MUCH BE BACK WHERE WE STARTED.
HERE'S THE THING -- I'M A SONG AND
DANCE MAN FROM HIGH WYCOMBE A SMALL MARKET TOWN 40 MINUTES
OUTSIDE OF LONDON, AND I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN I'M NOT
WHITE-KNUCKLING IT ON THE NIGHT OF A GEORGIA SENATE RUNOFF.
I'M NOT SAYING IT'S A STRESSFUL NIGHT, BUT ANYONE TRYING TO DO A
"DRY JANUARY" IS SCREWED.
( LAUGHTER ) TO RALLY REPUBLICANS, PRESIDENT
TRUMP FLEW TO GEORGIA LAST NIGHT, AND ON THE FLIGHT,
IVANKA TRUMP TOOK THIS PHOTO.
THIS LOOKS LIKE A PHOTO YOU WOULD TAKE IF THERE WAS A
CELEBRITY IN THE BOOTH NEXT TO YOU AT A RESTAURANT.
BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT'S A FATHER AND DAUGHTER AND IT'S
JUST KIND OF SAD.
BUT HERE'S THE THING, WHEN SHE POSTED THE PHOTO TO SOCIAL
MEDIA, IVANKA TAGGED THE OFFICIAL G.O.P. ACCOUNT, THE TWO
GEORGIA SENATE CANDIDATES, AND THEN BIZARRELY, THE SINGER
MEAT LOAF.
I THINK I'M OUT OF THE LOOP HERE.
IS MEAT LOAF RUNNING FOR SENATE?
I FEEL BAD FOR MEAT LOAF IN ALL OF THIS.
AI DO.
HE WAS JUST MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS, WEARING A BILLOWING
LINEN SHIRT OPEN TO THE NAVEL, PLAYING TWO GRAND PIANOS AT THE
SAME TIME, ILLUMINATED BY A THOUSAND CANDELABRAS, AND THEN
ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS TWITTER IS BLOWING UP.
NOW, WHEN THEY GOT TO THE RALLY, KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE INTRODUCED
HER BOYFRIEND, DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR, AND SHE GOT A LITTLE...
INTENSE.
>> I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I HAVE THE GREAT HONOR AND PRIDE TO
WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH AN INCREDIBLE MAVERICK WHO LOVES
HIS FATHER, WHO FIGHTS AND BELIEVES IN THIS COUNTRY, AND
THAT'S DONALD TRUMP, JR., THE SON OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES!
( CHEERING ) AND HE LOVES GEORGIA!
>> JAMES: "AND HE LOVES..."
"GEORGIA!" WOW, THAT WAS LOUD.
IS SHE INTRODUCING THE PRESIDENT'S SON, OR TRYING TO
ENTER A GROCERY STORE WITHOUT A MASK ON?
AND HERE'S THE THING, WHEN DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR TOOK THE
STAGE, HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET EVEN LOUDER.
>> GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE AT A DISADVANTAGE, YOU DON'T TAKE
YOUR BALL AND GO HOME!
YOU GET OUT THERE AND YOU FIGHT!
HARDER!
>> JAMES: BASED ON HIS TONE, WHEN HE SAYS "BALL," I ASSUME HE
MEANS "EIGHTBALL."
CAN YOU IMAGINE THESE TWO AT DINNER?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?!!
IT WAS GOOD!!
WHAT ABOUT YOU?!!
IT WAS ALSO GOOD!!
SHOULD WE WATCH "THE CROWN" LATER?!
YES!!
BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FINISH THE REST OF "MASKED SINGER" WE
DVR'D!!
I HOPE WE CAN JUST DO COCAINE!
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT
THESE TWO ARE LIKE IN BED?
>> Reggie: AH!
NO, PLEASE.
>> James: IT MUST BE A CONTEST TO SHOW EACH OTHER WHO'S HAVING
A BETTER TIME.
LATER IN THE RALLY, PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE, AND HE TALKED ABOUT
THE GALLUP POLL THAT NAMED HIM --
>> WE HAVE MADE AMERICA POWERFUL AGAIN, THE MILITARY.
WE HAVE MADE AMERICA WEALTHY AGAIN, OUR STOCK MARKET.
WE HAVE MADE AMERICA STRONG AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT ARM.
LOOK AT THAT ARM.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT MUST BE HIS
TWEETING ARM.
THIS IS HOW WE END UP WITH TRUMP IN A BOXING RING HAVING A FIGHT
WITH LOGAN PAUL.
I'M ALL FOR IT.
I AM.
( LAUGHTER ) AS USUAL, TRUMP ENDED THE RALLY
BY, ONCE AGAIN, DANCING TOO THE YMCA.
>> GO GET 'EM DAVID, GO GET 'EM, KELLY!
GO GET 'EM TOMORROW!
♪♪♪ >> OH!
I JUST -- >> James: LOOK AT THEM ARMS!
IT'S ACTUALLY DISTURBING.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S PULLING A LEAVE ON TWO FROYO MACHINES AT
THE SAME TIME.
WHEN I SAW THAT LAST NIGHT, I GOT SAD BECAUSE I REALIZED THIS
WAS PROBABLY TRUMP'S LAST RALLY AS PRESIDENT, WHICH MEANS WE'VE
JUST WATCHED HIM DANCE TO THE YMCA FOR THE LAST TIME.
BUT WE'LL NEVER FORGET.
AND TO COMMEMORATE THIS MOMENT, WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE
VIDEO, ENJOY.
♪♪♪ ( YMCA )
♪♪♪ >> JAMES: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW!" ♪♪♪
>>> THANKS A LOT FOR COMING BACK.
HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS SEGMENT.
IT'S CALLED SEGMENT TWO.
>> James: WELCOME BACK.
NOW, YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHY WE SUDDENLY
LOOK SO FABULOUS.
IT'S BECAUSE TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL AND MOST AUSPICIOUS DAY.
A DAY OF WONDER, A DAY OF EXCITEMENT, A DAY OF FEDORAS,
CELEBRATION, AND MORE FEDORAS.
TODAY WE CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF OUR FAVORITE FASHION ICON.
I AM, OF COURSE, TALKING ABOUT DIANE KEATON.
IT WILL COME AS NO SURPRISE THAT DIANE'S BIRTHDAY IS ALWAYS THE
BIGGEST DAY OF THE YEAR AT THE SHOW.
EVERY YEAR WE DO SOMETHING GREAT.
AND WITH THIS YEAR BEING HER 75TH BIRTHDAY, WE PULLED OUT ALL
THE STOPS.
NOW, UNFORTUNATELY, WE'VE SINCE HAD TO SCALE BACK ON THIS EVENT.
NONE OF US ARE TOGETHER, BUT WE STILL WANTED TO DO A
LITTLE SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.
AND, IT SEEMED ONLY FITTING WE HONOR THIS PANTSUIT GODDESS BY
HOSTING OUR VERY OWN DRESS LIKE YOUR FAVORITE DIANE KEATON STAFF
CHALLENGE.
>> DIANE KEATON STAFF CHALLENGE...
>> Announcer: NOW, IAN AND REGGIE HAVE GRACIOUSLY
OFFERED TO HELP ME JUDGE TODAY'S STAFFER LOOKS.
BUT BEFORE WE DO THAT, LET'S DISCUSS THE GORGEOUS DIANE
KEATON MOMENT WE'RE ALL HAVING.
WE'RE ALL DIANE KEATON IN "THE FIRST WIVES CLUB."
LOOK AT US.
HOW ARE WE FEELING?
>> ME?
HOW AM I FEELING?
( LAUGHTER ) OH, I DON'T KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: LOOK AT THIS.
IMAGINE IF SOMEONE JUST TUNED IN AT THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW.
NOW, LOOK, IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT FOR ANYONE TO BEAT OUR
DIANE KEATON VIBE, BUT WE'RE NOT IN THE COMPETITION.
SO WE'LL LET THEM TRY.
JOINING US FROM HOME ARE SIX "THE LATE LATE SHOW" STAFFERS,
ALL OF WHOM ARE ADORNED IN THEIR FAVORITE DIANE KEATON FIT.
OKAY, THERE WERE NO REAL PRARMINGTS WHEN CHOOSING WHICH
DIANE KEATON WE WERE GOING TO BE, ONLY THAT EACH PERSON'S LOOK
BE INSPIRED BY ONE OF DIANE'S OWN, OKAY.
SO JOINING US FIRST IS LOUIE, WHO IS A WRITER ON THE SHOW, AND
HE WILL BE RE-CREATING THIS ICONIC LOOK FROM ANNIE HALL.
SO LET'S SEE HOW LOUIE DID.
OH, IT'S GOOD.
OH, IT'S VERY GOOD LOUIE.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
>> I FEEL GREAT.
THIS IS 2021 LOUIE.
>> I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM CHASING A LOBSTER AROUND THE KITCHEN.
I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM GETTING FLUSTERED IN THE STREETS OF
NEW YORK.
I THINK HE LOOKS FANTASTIC.
.>> James: REGGIE?
>> Reggie: YEAH, I THINK IT'S SHOCKINGLY ACCURATE.
I WOULD SAY THAT I AM MISSING THAT HIGH WAISTLINE, YOU KNOW,
THAT REALLY HIGH WAIST WITH A BELT, WITH A SMALL BELT.
I THINK THAT WOULD REALLY KIND OF FINISH OFF THE OUTFIT.
>> James: WELL, LOOK, IT'S TIME TO AT THE SIDE WHAT WE GIVE
THIS LOOK.
EACH JUDGE HAS TWO CARDS WITH THEM THAT HAVE BEEN SENT TO YOUR
HOME.
SO WE HAVE A GLAD KEATON AND A MAD KEATON.
SINCE WE KNOW THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A MAD DIANE KEATON,
INSTEAD, WE WILL BE USING A PHOTO OF MICHAEL KEATON AT THE
POINT THAT HE REALIZED HE DID NOT WIN BEST ACTOR AT THE OSCARS
AND EDDIE REDMAYNE WON.
SO YOU'VE GOT A GLAD AND MAD KEATON.
REGGIE, LET'S VIEW FIRST.
ARE YOU MAD KEATON OR GLAD KEATON?
>> Reggie: I'M GOING TO GO GLAD.
IT'S A REALLY GOOD EFFORT.
>> James: IAN?
>> Ian: MY GRANNY HALL ALWAYS TOLD ME TO GIVE LOUIE A GLAD
KEATON.
>> James: IT'S THREE GLAD KEATONS.
WELL DONE, LOUIE, YOU CAN'T GET BETTER THAN THAT.
NEXT WE'RE GOING TO SUSAN.
SUSAN, IN MANY WAYS, IS "THE LATE LATE SHOW"'S OWN DIANE
KEATON AND SHE'S DONE WITH -- GONE WITH THIS CHIC KEATON OUT
IN THE WILD LOOK.
LET'S SEE HOW SHE DID.
OH, SUSAN!
>> Reggie: DAMN!
>> James: I CAN'T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE THERE, SUSAN.
I REALLY REALLY CAN'T.
HOW DID YOU FEEL IN THIS LEVEL OF FLAIR, SUSAN?
>> I FEEL FANTASTIC.
I FEEL I'M A NATURAL KEATON BY NATURE.
IT JUST COMES NATURAL TO ME.
>> James: REGGIE, ARE WE GLAD OR ARE WE MAD?
>> I'M PRETTY GLAD.
AGAIN, I'M MISSING THE HIGH WASTEDNESS WHERE THERE'S A LOT
OF LOW 90s WAIST GOING OBSERVE.
BUT I'M GOING TO GIVE A GLAD BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY SHOCKING.
>> James: IT'S A GLAD KEATON.
IAN?
>> I'VE GOT TO BE HONEST.
I'M MISSING THE BELT.
I'M MISSING THE BIG BELT, YOU KNOW.
BELT WAS A LITTLE BIT BIGGER.
IT'S BIG, BUT I WISH IT WAS A LITTLE BIT BIGGER HOLDING
TOGETHER THE PARTS THAT ARE EQUAL ZINNIA AND CLASSY THAT
MAKES DIANE KEATON SO I HAVE TO GIVE IT A MAD KEATON.
I'M SORRY.
>> James: WOW, I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
SUSAN,IVE GIVEN YOU A GLAD KEATON.
TWO OUT OF THREE.
WELL DONE.
NEXT UP, WE HAVE CECE ALSO RECREATING THE ICONIC
ANNIE HALL.
LET'S SEE HOW SHE DID.
JUDGES ANY COMMENTS?
>> I THINK IT WOULD BE CECE24-7, 364.
>> Reggie: IN MY CECE PERSPECTIVE I ALWAYS GO FOR
DEVILLE, BUT IN THIS CASE I THINK WE'RE DOING REALLY NEW
CECE TERRITORY.
>> James: WE'VE GOT TWO ANNIE HALLS.
SO THIS CALLS FOR A HAUL-OFF, AND ONLY ONE CAN MAKE IT
THROUGH.
CAN WE SEE IT SIDE BY SIDE?
>> LA TI DA.
LA TI DA.
OKAY, I'M GOING TO GO.
I'M GOING TO GO.
OKAY.
>> I'M GOING WITH LOUIE.
THE LA TI DA SOLD ME.
>> James: I'M GOING WITH CECE.
REGGIE, IT'S UP TO YOU.
>> Reggie: LOUIE, ONLY BECAUSE TO HAVE THE VEST CUT -- ONLY
BECAUSE OF THE VEST CUT, THE ROUNDED PART, THAT'S WHAT DOES
IT.
>> James: LOUIE, YOU'RE DONE.
CECE, YOU'RE OUT.
NEXT TO JOEL WHO RECREATES THE CLASSIC KEATON POWER SUIT.
THAT'S WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE.
LET'S SEEO JOEL'S.
WOW, YOU LOOK LIKE JULIAN ASSANGE.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS COULD BE MICHAEL KEATON IN
BATMAN.
I'M GOING TO SAY, JOEL, I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A MAD KEATON.
>> I'M GOING MAD, TOO.
THE SUIT ISN'T FITTED.
I WANT TO SEE IT HUG IN THE CURVES.
DIANE KEATON WOULDN'T EVER STEP OUT IN SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T FIT
HER FORM UNLESS SHE DELIBERATELY HEADED OUT IN A BAGGY KHAKI
ENSEMBLE IN "SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE," SO I'VE GOT TO GIVE IT A
BAD KEATON.
>> James: REGGIE?
MAD ABOUT YOU.
>> James: IT'S A MAD KEATON.
SORRY, JOEL.
NEXT UP, WIN ANY, WHO IS RE-CREATING THIS LESSEN BUT
EXTREMELY GREAT KEATON.
VERY GOOD.
I SHOULD ALSO SAY IT'S WINNIE'S BIRTHDAY TODAY.
WINNIE, DID YOU ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU SHARED A BIRTHDAY WITH DIANE
KEATON?
>> OH, YEAH.
YEAH, SHE'S THE CAPRICORN QUEEN.
SHE'S MY BIRTHDAY TWIN.
OF COURSE, I DID.
>> James: IS THIS HOW YOU IMAGINED YOU WOULD BE SPENDING
THIS BIRTHDAY, WINNIE.
>> THIS IS ACTUALLY BETTER.
I THINK THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO SPEND MY BIRTHDAY.
>> James: OKAY.
I'M GOING TO DUCK POINTS HERE BECAUSE WINNIE'S KEPT HER
ORIGINAL HAIR WHICH DOES DETRACT SOMEWHAT BUT IT IS WINNIE'S
BIRTHDAY, SO I'M GIVING YOU A GLAD KEATON.
OKAY.
IAN.
>> THE HOLD ON THE CHICO'S IS PERFECT, THE BERET IS PERFECT.
SHE'S NOT WEARING LINEN, BUT IT'S STILL SCREAMING LINEN TO
ME.
I'M GIVING IT A GLAD KEATON.
>> James: REG.
>> Reggie: I'M GOING TO GIVE A NICE ONE, NOT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR
BIRTHDAY BUT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
>> James: THAT'S THREE GLAD CEETENS.
FINALLY, CARTER RE-CREATING THIS STUNNING PLAID MOMENT FROM THE
ACADEMY AWARDS.
LET'S SEE HOW HE DID.
CRTER, LOOK AT THIS!
IT'S STUNNING!
>> THANK YOU, JAMES.
>> James: SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE AND WHAT'S GOT TO GIVE IS
ME GIVING YOU A HUGE ROUND OF APPLAUSE!
( APPLAUSE ) IAN, ANY THOUGHTS?
>> Ian: I LOVE IT.
I THINK CARTER NAILED IT.
I CAN SEE CARTER ON STAGE CALLING NANCY MEYERS A SISTER, A
POETENNED A QUEEN.
I GIVE THE PLAQUE TO YOU.
>> James: REGGIE?
>> Reggie: IN THE PICTURE, YOU DON'T SEE HER WEARING AIR PODS,
SO THAT'S SOMETHING --IO REALLY LIKE THAT, BUT I WILL GO WITH
THE POSITIVE JUST BECAUSE OF THE DOUBLE JACKET AND THE BELT.
I MEAN, COME ON.
>> James: THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
I'M ALSO GOING TO GO WITH A GLAD KEATON.
SO THERE WE GO, GUYS.
THE TIME HAS COME, IAN AND REGGIE, ON THE COUNT OF THREE,
WE WILL SAY WHO HAS WON.
THE WINNER OF THE DRESS LIKE YOUR FAVORITE DIANE KEATON STAFF
CHALLENGE IS -- ONE, TWO, THREE -- CARTER!
>> CARTER.
>> Reggie: CARTER!
>> James: WELL DONE, CARTER.
EVERYONE'S A WINNER TODAY, AND WE WANT TO THANK ALL OF TODAY'S
CONTESTANTS AND MOST ESPECIALLY WE WANT TO THANK DIANE KEATON
HERSELF.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIANE KEATON.
BACK WITH JAMES MARSDEN, EVERYBODY.
♪♪♪
>> Reggie: ONE IN A LIFETIME EXERCISE VIDEO RIGHT HERE.
BACK TO THE SHOW.
>> James: WELCOME BACK.
HE'S THE HANDSOME STAR OF 'WESTWORLD', 'DEAD TO ME' AND
'MRS. AMERICA,' THE CHARMING THE TALENTED, JAMES MARSDEN!
THERE HE IS!
LOOK AT THIS GUY!
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CLAP.
HANG ON, LOOK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK AT THAT.
HOW ARE YOU, JAMES?
ARE YOU WELL?
>> I'M GREAT.
YOU KNOW, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, IT'S THE UNSPOKEN ALL THINGS
CONSIDERED WE ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY, RIGHT?
I CAN'T COMPLAIN.
I'M DOING WELL.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> James: YOU'VE HAD QUITE THE YEAR BECAUSE YOU'VE MOVED TO
AUSTIN, TEXAS.
SO YOU DID THAT SORT OF, I THINK, JUST INTO -- I THINK WHEN
QUARANTINE JUST STARTED.
WHAT MADE YOU WANTED TO MOVE THERE?
HOW IS IT GOING?
ARE YOU ENJOYING LIFE THERE?
>> I'M -- I AM ENJOYING IT HERE.
I GREW UP IN OKLAHOMA CLOSE BY, SO I'M BACK IN THE REGION, AND
I'VE ALWAYS VISITED AUSTIN THE LAST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE, ALWAYS
TAKEN MY KIDS DOWN HERE, ALWAYS WANTED TO GET A RAMP, BUILD ON
SOME LAND, AND NOW I'M KIND OF -- THIS LAST YEAR HAS MADE ME
REALIZE THAT MAYBE NOW IS TIME FOR A LITTLE CHANGE AND, HEY, GO
DO IT.
SO I'M DIVING IN HEAD FIRST.
NOTHING IS IRREVERSIBLE.
IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, I CAN ALWAYS COME BACK.
BUT I'M ENJOYING IT.
>> James: YOU'VE HAD SUCH AN INCREDIBLE CAREER TO THIS POINT.
YOU'VE MADE SO MANY INTERESTING AND BRILLIANT CHOICES.
WHEN YOU FIRST GOT TO LOS ANGELES, WHAT WERE THOSE
FIRST YEARS IN L.A. LIKE FOR YOU?
>> I LOVED IT.
I LOVED IT.
LIKE I SAID, I GREW UP IN OKLAHOMA, I LEFT WHEN I WAS 19.
MY PARENTS SUPPORTED MY FINANCIALLY.
THEY SUPPORTED MY DECISION TO MOVE TO L.A. TO BE AN ACTOR FOR
A YEAR.
IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND I WASN'T ABLE TO SUPPORT MYSELF,
THEY WOULD SAY COME BACK AND FINISH SCHOOL.
IT WAS AWESOME, IT WAS THRILLING.
IT WASN'T SCARY TO ME.
I ENJOYED ALL OF IT.
I GOT REALLY LUCKY EARLY ON.
I GOT OFFERED TO BE ON "DAYS OF OUR LIVES," SIGNED A THREE-YEAR
CONTRACT ON "DAYS OF OUR LIVES" TO WHICH MY MANAGER SAID AT THE
TIME WE GOT A LOT OF GOOD FEEDBACK FROM OTHER PROJECTS,
MAYBE JUST DON'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
I CAME FROM MOWING LAWNS IN OKLAHOMA AND GOING WHY AM I
IT WAS BASICALLY YOU DON'T WANT TO GET LOCKED IN AND KEEP YOUR
OPTIONS OPEN AND BE SMART.
SOMETIMES SAYING NO IS A BETTER THING.
THERE ARE A FEW THINGS IN MY PAST I WAS HAPPY TO SAY NO TO,
AND A FEW OTHER THINGS I MAYBE WOULD HAVE DONE IT OVER.
>> James: WHAT HAVE YOU PASSED ON THAT YOU WISHED YOU WOULD
HAVE DONE?
>> NOW THAT HE'S SAYING THAT, I'M BLANKING.
I WAS OFFERED A ROLE IN "MAGIC MIKE."
>> James: REALLY?
YEAH, I HAD THE FEAR THAT I WOULD BE EDIT OUT OF THE MOVIE
AND I WOULD JUST -- ALL MY LINES WOULD BE CUT OUT AND I WOULD BE
AN EXTRA RUNNING AROUND IN A G-STRING.
SO I THINK IT WAS A LACK OF COURAGE ON MY PART.
BUT THEN I WAS, LIKE, WHAT AM I DOING?
I JUST SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.
BUT I STILL HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO THINK IT WAS A NICE
THING NOT TO DO IT BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE ME LIKE THAT.
I COULD HAVE JUMPED IN AND HAD FUN WITH THAT.
BUT MORE LIKELY THAN NOT I AVOIDED PITFALLS.
ER.
>> James: IN "THE STAND," TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU PLAY.
>> ONE OF HIS MASTER PIECES FROM THE LATE '70s, I PLAY STU
REDMAN, A GUY FROM EAST TEXAS, SMAWFL-TOWN, BLUE-COLLAR WORKER
WHO IS IMMUNE TO THE VIRUS WIPING OUTT 9% OF THE POPULATION
IN TWO WEEKS CALLED CAPTAIN TRIPS, AND THERE ARE A HANDFUL
OF PEOPLE WHO ARE IMMUNE TO THE VIRUS AND THEY START TO
CONGREGATE TOGETHER IN THESE CAMPS, ONE IN BOULDER, ONE IN
LAS VEGAS, AND ALEXANDER SCARSGUARD IS THE EPITOME OF
EVIL AND COMES TO PEOPLE IN THEIR DREAMS.
MOTHER ABIGAIL PLAYED BY WHOOPI GOLDBERG IS THE MOTHER OF DREAMS
WHO IS GOOD.
SO WHILE IT'S ABOUT A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, IT'S A STORY MECHANISM
OF TELLING THE BIGGER STORY OF GOOD VERSUS EVIL.
>> James: YOU RAPPED PRODUCTION IN MARCH LAST YEAR,
JUST AS SHUTDOWNS WERE STARTING FROM COVID.
GIVEN THE SUBJECT MATERIAL, HOW PARANOID WERE YOU WHEN, YOU
KNOW, COVID STARTED TO JUST ENTER ALL OF OUR LIVES?
>> RIGHT, YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, WE WERE SHOOTING IN VANCOUVER,
AND YOU STARTED TO HEAR ABOUT IT LATE DECEMBER AND THEN INTO
JANUARY, AND WE SHOT UP UNTIL MARCH, AND IN FEBRUARY YOU'D
START TO SEE A MASK OR TWO ON SET AND, YOU KNOW, SOME HAND
SANITIZER COME OUT, AND THEN THERE WERE STRICTER MEASUREMENTS
TAKEN.
BUT IT WAS JUST STRANGE, HAVING FINISHED SIX MONTHS OF DOING A
SHOW ABOUT A PERCHING AND NOW THIS IS ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,
HAPPENING.
OBVIOUSLY, MARCH IS WHEN IT SORT OF WENT, YOU KNOW, REALLY REALLY
HEAVY WITH THE LOCKDOWNS AND EVERYTHING, BUT WE WERE ABLE TO
WRAP UP THE 15th OF MARCH, FLEW BACK TO LOS ANGELES AND,
YOU KNOW, GO INTO LOCKDOWN IMMEDIATELY.
SO IT WAS A STRANGE, STRANGE THING FOR SURE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S PROBABLY NOT THE
BEST TIMING, BUT -- >>James: I THINK IT IS,
THOUGH, I DO, BECAUSE I THINK WATCHING A SHOW LIKE THAT, QUITE
OFTEN YOU THROUGH THOSE THINGS AREN'T GOING TO HAPPEN, AND I
FEEL LIKE IT ROOTS IT, IT GROUNDS IT SOMEHOW, I REALLY DO,
AND I THINK YOU ARE FANTASTIC IN THE SHOW.
AND LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT A CLIP FROM "THE STAND," WHICH DROPS
NEW EPISODES EVERY THURSDAY EXCLUSIVELY ON CBS ALL ACCESS.
>> MOTHER ABIGAIL ASKED THESE FIVE PEOPLE UP HERE ON THIS
STAGE TO HELP US TAKE THE LEAD AND GET THIS PLACE UP AND
RUNNING ON ITS FEET.
AS I LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM, IT SEEMS TO ME WE'RE ON OUR FEET
NOW.
( APPLAUSE ) >> WHAT HAPPENED?
AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO TAKE A VOTE ON WHO
YOU WANT IN CHARGE.
>> James: OH, THAT'S GOOD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE JAMES MARSDEN, EVERYBODY.
>> Reggie: OKAY.
IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BACK.
GET READY FOR SOME MORE -- MARSDEN!
>> James: WE ARE BACK WITH SOME MORE MARSDEN!
REGGIE, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR GUESTS THIS EVENING?
>> Reggie: YES, I DO.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION GOES TO -- ( DRUM ROLL )
-- LET'S MAKE IT FOR MR. MARSDEN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BY THE WAY.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Reggie: THANKS, MAN.
SO MY QUESTION IS DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY THAT'S HAD LASIK EYE
SURGERY AND ARE THEY HAPPY WITH IT?
>> I DO.
MY EX-WIFE HAD LASIK EYE SURGERY, AND SHE WAS UNHAPPY
WITH IT FOR A SOLID YEAR BECAUSE I THINK IT WORSENED HER EYESIGHT
WAS LASIK, IT WAS SOME SORT OF LASER EYE SURGERY SO I DON'T
WANT TO TAKE DOWN A COMPANY BY SAYING THAT.
IS LASIK A COMPANY OR A PROCEDURE?
>> Reggie: I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE, UH -- YEAH, NOW SHE'S HAPPY SHE DID IT.
GREAT QUESTION.
>> Reggie: THAT'S -- THAT'S THE CORRECT ANSWER.
>> James: IT'S COMPLETELY CORRECT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE THANK THE ONE, THE ONLY JAMES
MARSDEN.
WHEN WE COME BACK, TIM MINCHIN IS HERE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.
>> James: WELCOME BACK.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN UNBELIEVABLY TALENTED ACTOR,
MUSICIAN, COMPOSER, AND WRITER WHO IS JOINING US FROM SOMEWHERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF AUSTRALIA, THE AMAZING TIM MINCHIN!
HE'S HERE ON THE SHOW.
HOW ARE YOU, TIM?
>> HI, JAMES.
I'M PRETTY GOOD, REALLY.
YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
I'M HERE IN THE HOUSE -- >> James: WHERE ARE YOU IN THE
WORLD RIGHT NOW?
WHERE ARE YOU?
>> I'M IN A LITTLE VALLEY A COUPLE OF HOURS SOUTH OF S SYDNE
BELOW THE SOUTHERN HIGHLANDS AND I'M HERE, BASICALLY, I'M IN THE
MIDDLE OF 12 ACRES OF RAIN FOREST AND KIND OF IN A HOUSE
BUILT IN, CLEARLY, 1981, AND, YEAH, IT'S NICE.
CAN YOU HEAR THE CECADAS?
>> James: I CANNOT.
WE ARE SURROUNDED BY SCREAMING CECADAS.
>> James: I DON'T.
YOU SHOULD, JAMES.
THEIR LIFE CYCLE -- >> James: IS SHORT, I KNOW
>> THEY SPEND SEVEN YEARS UNDERGROUND AS NYMPHS AND FEED
ON ROOT MATTER FOR SEVEN YEARS.
THEY COME OUT OF THE GROUND.
THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL WINGS, LITTLE PLATES ON THEIR ABDOMEN
WHICH VIBRATE AND THEY SCREAM AND THERE ARE THOUSANDS
SCREAMING AT THE SAME TIME AND IF YOU SPEAK CECADA, WHICH I DO,
IS THEY'RE SAYING SOMEONE COME AND SHAG ME, I HAVE BEEN
UNDERGROUND SEVEN YEARS, I'M DESPERATE FOR A SHAG!
I'M UP HERE ON A TREE!
AND IT'S BASICALLY TINDER, AND SOMEBODY SHAGS THEM AND THEN
THEY DIE.
SO IT'S TOUGHER THAN BEING IN LOCKDOWN.
>> James: ALTHOUGH I THINK THAT'S HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL
LEAVE LOCKDOWN WHEN IT COMES.
>> I THINK 2022 IS, LIKE, I WANT SOMEBODY SHAG ME!
DEFINITELY.
>> James: THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, YOU JUST
RELEASED YOUR AL ALBUM, "APART TOGETHER," AND IT'S BEEN THE
MOST PHENOMENAL SUCCESS.
IT WENT STRAIGHT TO NUMBER THREE IN THE AUSTRALIAN ALBUM CHARTS.
DID YOU EXPECT THE ALBUM WOULD DO SO WELL COMMERCIALLY?
>> YEAH, I DID.
I THOUGHT, WHEN THIS COMES OUT, IT'S GOING TO BE AC/DC, BTS AND
ME DOING THIS.
I DON'T SEE MYSELF AS THAT SORT OF ARTIST.
I HAVE BEEN WRITING SONGS FOR 30 YEARS AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
DOWNIT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT MY LIVE SHOWS, YOU KNOW HOW IT
WENT, AND I WASN'T SOMEBODY THAT GOT RADIO PLAY IN THE SOUTH
BECAUSE TO HAVE THE CONTENT IN MY SONGS AND BECAUSE THEY'RE
STUPID AND, YES, ALTHOUGH I REALLY WANTED THIS RECORD TO BE
OUT OF REACH OF A NEW AUDIENCE, CHARTS.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CHARTS MEAN THESE DAYS, BUT THE RESPONSE HAS
BEEN SO GORGEOUS.
AND PEOPLE ARE BUYING THE VINYL AND STUFF.
HOW GREAT'S THAT, THERE'S VINYL BACK IN THE WORLD?
>> James: IT'S RICHLY DESERVED BECAUSE I THINK THE ALBUM IS
COMPLETELY BRILLIANT.
THE SONG YOU WILL PERFORM IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONG TITLES MAYBE
EVER BUT CERTAINLY THAT YOU'VE COME UP WITH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT
A FAN I AM, BUT THE SONG IS CALLED "TALKED TOO MUCH, STAYED
TOO LONG."
>> YEAH.
DOES THAT RING A BELL.
>> James: TELL US WHAT THE SONG IS ABOUT AND WHERE IT CAME
FROM.
>> QUITE OFTEN, I FIND MYSELF WAKING UP IN THE MORNING HAVING
BEEN OUT WITH FRIENDS OR AT A DINNER PARTY.
I LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN DRINKING WINE WITH FRIENDS
AROUND A DINNER PARTY AND HAVING A GOOD CHAT.
AS YOU KNOW, I DON'T MIND A WRESTLE OVER IDEAS AND I LOVE A
GENTLE ARGUMENT, BUT I QUITE OFTEN WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND
SAY TO SARAH, DID I -- DO WE -- I THINK I MIGHT HAVE -- DID WE
TALK TOO MUCH AND STAY TOO LONG?
AND IT'S THE REFRAIN THAT MY REMORSE IN THE MORNING IS I
SHOULD HAVE LEFT EARLIER AND JUST SHUT UP.
AND I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE A GOOD EPITAPH, I SHOULD HAVE IT
ON MY TOMBSTONE, "TALKED TOO MUCH, STAYED TOO LONG."
AND IF I'M GOING TO HAVE IT ON MY TOMBSTONE I SHOULD TRACK ALL
THE TIMES I'VE NOT SHUT UP.
>> James: COMPLETELY BRILLIANT AND WE'RE SO THRILLED ANYTIME
YOU'RE ON THE SHOW.
PERFORMING 'TALKED TOO MUCH, STAYED TOO LONG,' THE WONDERFUL
TIM MINCHIN!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ DON'T WANNA BE IN YOUR CLUB
IF YOU'D TAKE ME AS A MEMBER ♪ I'M NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY
INTERESTED IN WHETHER ♪ I'M REMEMBERED
I SAY ASHES TO ASHES, ♪ DUST TO DUST
GIMME A TOMBSTONE ♪ IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST
SAYING "HERE LIES A CLOWN ♪ WHO WROTE SOME SONGS
HE TALKED TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAYED TOO LONG"
BACK HOME IN PERTH I PLAYED ♪ PIANO DOWN AT CAFÉ PIAZZA
SWALLOWING SECOND-HAND SMOKE ♪ AND SINGING STANDARDS
BY THE MASTERS ♪ LEARNED THAT EVERY LYRIC'S
SACRED ♪ THAT LOVE'S EVERYTHING
AND THAT THREE DRINKS ♪ MAKE YOU STRAIGHTEN UP
AND FOUR GET YOU SWINGIN' ♪ 'TIL MY CROWDS SCARED THE
SUITS AWAY AND I'D ♪ PLAY MY OWN SONGS
AND THEN WE'D TALK TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAY TOO LONG
TALK TOO MUCH AND STAY TOO LONG ♪ DON'T WANNA BE IN YOUR CLUB IF
TOOK MY EYELINER TO EDINBURGH ♪ IN TWENTY-OH-FIVE
PLAYED TO 45 PAYING PUNTERS ♪ ON THE OPENING NIGHT
BUT TO MY SURPRISE ♪ THERE WAS A RISING DEMAND
FOR A LOVECHILD OF LIBERACE ♪ AND EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
DUDE FROM THE PAPERS SAID ♪ THAT DIGGING ME WAS WRONG
HE SAID I TALKED TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAYED TOO LONG
I'VE PLAYED THE ALBERT HALL ♪ AND WEMBLEY, I'VE PLAYED
BASEMENTS AND BARS ♪ I'VE BEEN TO HOLLYWOOD AND
BROADWAY, MET THOSE ♪ A-LISTER STARS
I'VE SHARED CIGARETTES WITH ♪ KNIGHTS, SHOT TEQUILA WITH
DAMES ♪ FOUND I'M MORE INTERESTED IN
LAUGHTER THAN IN ♪ HOTNESS AND FAME
SO LONG AS YOU GOT IRONY ♪ HONEY WE'LL GET ALONG
WE CAN TALK TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAY WAY, WAY TOO LONG
DON'T WANNA BE IN YOUR CLUB IF ♪ YOU'D TAKE ME AS A MEMBER
I'M NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY INTERESTED ♪ IN WHETHER I'M REMEMBERED
I SAY ASHES TO ASHES, ♪ DUST TO DUST
GIMME A TOMBSTONE ♪ IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST
SAYING "HERE LIES A CLOWN ♪ WHO WROTE SOME SONGS
HE TALKED TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAYED TOO LONG"
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪ BUT THAT "LIVE FAST DIE YOUNG"
I PLAN ON GETTING RICKETY ♪ BABY I INTEND TO STICK AROUND
TIL' ALL YOU ARE SICK OF ME ♪ AND WHEN THEY COME TO WASH MY
OLD MAN AND FEED ME ♪ MASHED BANANA
THEY'LL FIND ME IN THE COMMON ♪ ROOM PLAYING BLUES ON THE
PIANO ♪ SAME OLD THREE CHORDS AND
CLICHED IN' RUNS ♪ AND I'LL TALK TOO MUCH AND
STAY TOO LONG ♪ AND I'LL TALK TOO MUCH
DON'T WANNA BE IN YOUR CLUB ♪ IF YOU'D TAKE ME AS A MEMBER
I'M NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY INTERESTED ♪ IN WHETHER I'M REMEMBERED
I SAY ASHES TO ASHES, ♪ DUST TO DUST
GIMME A TOMBSTONE ♪ IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST
SAYING "HERE LIES A CLOWN ♪ WHO WROTE SOME SONGS
HE TALKED TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAYED TOO LONG"
ANOTHER WHITE MOTHERER ♪ RAMBLING ON
HE TALKED TOO MUCH ♪ AND STAYED TOO LONG
♪♪♪ >> JAMES: THANK YOU SO MUCH!
AND TIM'S ALBUM 'APART TOGETHER' IS OUT NOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
>> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
TOMORROW NIGHT -- HAILEE STEINFELD, JIM GAFFIGAN, AND
MUSIC FROM SEVENTEEN.
WE HOPE TO SEE YOU THEN.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY.