1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,772 >> James: GOOD EVENING. WE'VE JUST FINISHED TAPING OUR 2 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:12,746 SHOW, WHERE WE TRIED TO HAVE FUN WAS A NIGHT OF UNDERLYING 3 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:16,950 SADNESS, AS MORE NEWS OF EVENTS IN TEXAS CAME IN TO US. 4 00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:20,286 AS YOU'LL KNOW BY NOW A GUNMAN ENTERED A SCHOOL IN TEXAS AND 5 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:28,094 KILLED AT LEAST 18 CHILDREN AND IT'S UNFATHOMABLE. 6 00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:32,065 AS A FATHER, I CAN'T IMAGINE THE HORROR OF THAT PHONE CALL. 7 00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,634 WHEN I DROPPED MY KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL THIS MORNING, AND KISSED 8 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,303 THEM GOODBYE, IT DOESN'T CROSS YOUR MIND THAT THAT COULD EVER 9 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:45,311 BE THE LAST GOODBYE. CALL... THAT YOUR CHILD IS THE 10 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:52,986 VICTIM IN A MASS SHOOTING IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION AS A HUMAN 11 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:58,992 I AM SO DEEPLY SAD FOR THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN, THE 12 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:02,228 TRAUMA OF THE SURVIVORS, AND FOR THE FUTURE THESE KIDS WILL NEVER 13 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:08,935 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN I AM CONSTANTLY SHOCKED BY THE 14 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,504 NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO MUST THINK THIS IS AN OKAY BYPRODUCT-- TO 15 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:17,811 NEVER MAKE MEANINGFUL CHANGES IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. 16 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:21,981 THIS DOESN'T REFLECT THE COUNTRY THAT I THINK AMERICA IS. 17 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:26,052 YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND YOU'RE ON THE FOREFRONT OF 18 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:30,023 MEDICINE, OF TECHNOLOGY, OF INNOVATION. 19 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:36,629 WHEN THERE'S A WORLD WAR, YOU THIS ISSUE, AMERICA IS ONE OF 20 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:42,635 THE MOST BACKWARD PLACES IN THE THIS YEAR THERE HAVE BEEN NO 21 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:51,978 THIS YEAR THERE HAVE BEEN NO THIS YEAR THERE HAVE BEEN NO 22 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:58,051 THIS YEAR THERE HAVE BEEN 27 SCHOOL SHOOTINGS IN AMERICA, 23 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:09,329 AND WE ARE 5 MONTHS INTO THE NOTHING WILL CHANGE. 24 00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,931 IN THE WAY OF MORALITY. AND SO, JUST AS I STOOD HERE 25 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,766 LAST WEEK, AND TALKED ABOUT A MASS SHOOTING AT A GROCERY STORE 26 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:21,574 IN BUFFALO, TODAY IS AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN TEXAS. 27 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:29,048 TALKING, IN ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO ABOUT ANOTHER PLACE. 28 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:33,753 WORDS OF THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL COME FROM OUR LEADERS. 29 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:42,028 BUT I FEAR CHANGE NEVER WILL. COUNTRY WILL EVENTUALLY WAKE UP 30 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:46,699 AND CHANGE THIS SENSELESS GUN CULTURE, WHILE MY HEART SIMPLY 31 00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:48,768 GOES OUT TO EVERYONE IN TEXAS TONIGHT. 32 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:12,525 Captioning sponsored by CBS ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH 33 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,594 THE LATE LATE SHOW, WOO! ♪ THE ATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH 34 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:18,932 >> Reggie: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, >> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES 35 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,934 AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW." 36 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,937 THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. WE APPRECIATE YOU BEING HERE. 37 00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:27,941 LET'S SEE WHO THE GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, SHE IS A 38 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,809 TALENTED OSCAR AND EMMY WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "BOYHOOD," 39 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,911 "ESCAPE AT DANNEMORA," "THE ACT," AND SO MUCH MORE, THE 40 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:39,986 ACCLAIMED, PATRICIA ARQUETTE! PATRICIA. 41 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,354 >> HELLO! >> James: HOW ARE YA? 42 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,856 WOULD YOU LIKE A SNACK? PIMENTO? 43 00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:46,359 >> James: OH, YEAH. BREAD? 44 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,561 >> James: WHAT ELSE HAVE WE GOT IN THERE. 45 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:51,898 >> I'VE GOT SOME SALTINE TYPE CRACKERS. 46 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,534 >> James: YEAH. I'VE GOT SOME CARROTS. 47 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,103 >> James: YEAH. AND THERE'S SOME FRIED 48 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,105 CHICKEN AND A COOKIE. >> James: WE DON'T NEED IT 49 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,306 BECAUSE IT'S ALL FOR YOU. >> THANK YOU. 50 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:04,310 >> James: UNLESS YOU LEAVE IT IN YOUR ROOM AND IT ENDS UP IN 51 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,646 WINNIE'S DESK. JUST KNOW THAT. 52 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,915 WE APPRECIATE YOU BEING HERE! PATRICIA ARQUETTE EVERYBODY! 53 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,316 HE'S A HILARIOUS EMMY-WINNING ACTOR, COMEDIAN, AND WRITER YOU 54 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,920 KNOW FROM "THE AFTERPARTY," "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG," AND "SPACE 55 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:14,887 FORCE." WE LOVE IT EVERY TIME HE STOPS 56 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:20,026 BY THE SHOW. THE BEAUTIFUL, BEN SCHWARTZ! 57 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,995 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 58 00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:24,230 >> HEY, JAMES! HOW YOU? 59 00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,899 >> James: HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING AMAZING. 60 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:31,938 I KNOW YOU'RE LEAVING IN A YEAR SO I'M STEELING AS MUCH 61 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,742 ( BLEEP ) AS I CAN! >> James: WE DO STILL NEED 62 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:38,678 THAT. >> YEAH, BUT TECHNICALLY NOBODY 63 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:42,682 CARES, RIGHT? DOES ANYBODY CARE IF I STEAL 64 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:43,716 THIS? NO. 65 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,620 AND SEEMS EVERYBODY WHO WORKS HERE IS A ZOMBIE. 66 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:50,657 DID YOU HEAR THEM SAY NO? >> James: YES. 67 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:52,959 TRY ANOTHER QUESTION. THEY WILL ALWAYS SAY YES. 68 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,762 >> OKAY, DOES EVERYBODY FEEL GOOD TODAY? 69 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:56,829 >> YES. WOW, WOW! 70 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,599 I CAN'T WAIT TO BRING THIS INTO MY BATHROOM. 71 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,002 >> James: ALL YOURS, BUDDY. TAKE ATE MILLIONS TIME OVER. 72 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:08,041 WE LOVE YOU, BEN SCWARTZ, EVERYBODY! 73 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:09,375 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHE'S A TREMENDOUSLY TALENTED 74 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:10,476 STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND WRITER AND WE'RE THRILLED SHE'S PERFORMING 75 00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:16,015 HERE FOR US TONIGHT, THE HILARIOUS, OPHIRA EISENBERG! 76 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,784 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OPHIRA, HOW ARE YOU? 77 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,185 >> GOOD. I'M VERY GOOD. 78 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,486 JAMES, HI! >> James: HI! 79 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:24,157 ARE YOU JUST TENDING TO SOME SNRANTS. 80 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:31,097 >> THIS IS MY TRAVEL ORCHID -- I'M SORRY -- MY EMOTIONAL 81 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:35,535 SUPPORT ORQ I WOULD. >> James: ARE YOU FEELING 82 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:36,402 OKAY? >> YEAH, IT PERFORMED ITS 83 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:37,503 SERVICE EARLIER SO I'M JUST MISTING IT. 84 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:44,944 >> James: MIST AWAY. OPHIRA EISENBERG, EVERYBODY! 85 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,047 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD GUESS. 86 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:53,453 HAVE YOU SEEN THE PATRICIA ARQUETTE SHOW, "SEVERANCE." 87 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,955 >> INCREDIBLE. >> James: IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN 88 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,424 IT,, PEOPLE UNDERGO A PROCEDURE TO SEPARATE THEIR WORK MEMORIES 89 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:06,899 FROM THEIR PERSONAL MEMORIES. FALL YOU COULD DO THAT, LAUREN, 90 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:08,935 IF YOU COULD SEPARATE IT, WOULD YOU DO IT? 91 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,670 >> IT'S A GREAT QUESTION. YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK SO, 92 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:14,807 BECAUSE I WOULD WANT TWO CARRY OF WHAT GUILLERMO IS WEARING 93 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,111 RIGHT NOW AT WORK WITH ME EVERYWHERE. 94 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,212 ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I LIKE IT. 95 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,914 I'M DIGGING IT. >> WELL, EVERY DAY THAT I 96 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:27,920 PERFORM HERE, I AM SELECTED -- CLOTHES ARE SELECTED FOR ME, AND 97 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:30,456 I PUT THOSE UP. >> James: YOU HAVE NO SAY IN 98 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:33,126 WHAT YOU WEAR? >> I HAVE A SAY, BUT IT'S THERE 99 00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,694 AND -- >> James: AND YOU PUT IT ON. 100 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:39,298 I'LL TRY IT, YEAH. >> James: SO WHO CHOOSES YOUR 101 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:44,504 CLOTHES? >> EITHER LAUREN OR CHRISTINA. 102 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,140 LAUREN SHAPIRO. >> James: YEAH, I KNOW WHO 103 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,508 LAUREN IS. I'VE WORKED HERE SEVEN YEARS. 104 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,811 SO YOU'RE SAYING I COULD GO ON A SHOPPING TRIP, SLIP SOME THINGS 105 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:57,750 TO LAUREN SHAPIRO, SHE WOULD PUT THEM OUTSIDE YOUR DRESSING 106 00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:01,154 UPROOM AND YOU WOULD WEAR THEM? >> YEAH. 107 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:04,524 FOR THE HEALTH OF THE SHOW. >> James: NO, I WOULD TAKE IT 108 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,658 SERIOUSLY. >> THANK YOU. 109 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:10,897 >> James: I WOULD PUT MY MIND -- IMAGINE I'M -- HOW OLD 110 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,166 ARE YOU, 40-SOMETHING? >> YES. 111 00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:18,905 >> James: IMAGINE I'M A 40-SOMETHING FATHER -- SO FAR, 112 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,840 -OPENED-MINDED SWINGER WHO LIVES IN LOS ANGELES. 113 00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:24,911 ( LAUGHTER ) WE COULD TALK LIKE THIS ALL DAY 114 00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:31,250 BUT IT'S THAT TIME. IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS! 115 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:32,451 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 116 00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:33,820 THIS EVENING, PRESIDENT BIDEN RETURNED TO THE WHITE HOUSE 117 00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:35,054 AFTER HIS FIVE-DAY TRIP TO ASIA. AND LIKE EVERY WHITE PERSON WHO 118 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,925 HAS TRAVELED TO ASIA, BIDEN DESCRIBED HIS VISIT AS 119 00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,627 (CALIFORNIA ACCENT) "LIIIKE, SOO LIFE CHANGING." 120 00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:45,464 BIDEN FLEW FROM JAPAN, TO ALASKA, TO WASHINGTON D.C. 121 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,367 WHICH IS ALSO HOW SPIRIT AIRLINES TAKES YOU FROM BOSTON 122 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:54,106 TO WASHINGTON D.C.. SO FAR, TWELVE ASIAN COUNTRIES 123 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:57,543 HAVE JOINED BIDEN'S ECONOMIC INITIATIVE FOR THE REGION. 124 00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:00,580 WHICH IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE JOE BIDEN CAN'T EVEN GET 125 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,317 TWELVE PEOPLE TO SUPPORT HIM HERE. 126 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:05,685 ( LAUGHTER ) BEFORE RETURNING TO THE STATES, 127 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:09,155 BIDEN MET IN TOKYO THIS MORNING WITH THE SO-CALLED QUAD LEADERS. 128 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,091 AN INFORMAL ALLIANCE BETWEEN INDIA, THE UNITED STATES, JAPAN, 129 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,394 AND AUSTRALIA. THERE THEY ARE, LOOKING LIKE 130 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:20,166 YOUR DAD AND HIS FRIENDS TRYING A TIK-TOK DANCE. 131 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,567 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY LOOK LIKE THE AVENGERS IF 132 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:25,471 THE AVENGERS' SPECIAL POWER WAS BEING MENTALLY PREPARED FOR A 133 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:31,344 COLONOSCOPY AT ANY TIME. ( LAUGHTER ) 134 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:34,614 QUAD LEADERS. I LIKE THAT. 135 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:41,020 THAT'S WHAT ME AND REGGIE CALL OURSELVES 136 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,990 ON LEG DAY. >> Reggie: QUAD SQUAD. 137 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:56,569 >> James: MOVING ON -- YESTERDAY, OFFICIALS IN NEW YORK 138 00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:57,837 HELD A CEREMONY TO REMOVE THE LAST PUBLIC PAY PHONE IN THE 139 00:08:57,904 --> 00:08:59,538 CITY. THERE THEY ARE, REMOVING IT WITH 140 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:00,907 A CRANE. IT'S NOT THAT IT'S EVEN THAT 141 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,108 HEAVY, IT'S JUST THAT NO ONE WAS WILLING TO TOUCH IT WITH THEIR 142 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,843 HANDS. THE LAST PAY PHONE. 143 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:05,344 I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, APPLE MAKES A PAY PHONE. 144 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:08,014 IT'S JUST YOU HAVE TO PAY TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR IT. 145 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:22,929 THE LAST PAY PHONE, WHERE ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED -- 146 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,430 IN OTHER NEWS, QUEEN ELIZABETH ATTENDED THE CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW 147 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,765 IN LONDON, AND SHE SHOWED UP IN A NEW, TRICKED-OUT GOLF BUGGY, 148 00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:28,100 COMPLETE WITH RECLINING LEATHER SEATS AND AN ONBOARD 149 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,435 MINI-FRIDGE. HERE SHE IS HERE: 150 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,469 SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE SHOULD BE PULLING UP TO A CLUB IN A DRAKE 151 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,472 MUSIC VIDEO. ( LAUGHTER ) 152 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:35,841 THE QUEEN'S NEW RIDE COMES COMPLETE WITH AN ON-BOARD MINI 153 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,443 FRIDGE. WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE. 154 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:41,447 THE QUEEN ONLY DRINKS MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED 155 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,916 IF IT'S ICE COLD. ( LAUGHTER ) 156 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:46,585 BUT LOOK AT THE CHAUFFEUR HE KNOWS FULL WELL HE'S DRIVING 157 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:53,926 A GOLF BUGGY BUT HE'S USING ALL HIS POWERS TO PRETEND HE'S NOT, 158 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:59,765 LIKE "I'M DRIVING A ROLLS ROYCE 159 00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,000 I'M DRIVING A ROLLS ROYCE I'M DRIVING A ROLLS ROYCE." 160 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:01,968 REGGIE, AS PART OF THE CAR COMMUNITY, HOW WOULD YOU IMPROVE 161 00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,936 THE QUEEN'S BUGGY? >> Reggie: WELL, I'D PULL 162 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:14,547 WALLS ON IT, LARGER WHEELS, A TRANSMISSION, TRANSAXEL, MAKE IT 163 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:15,881 INTO A NEW CAR. >> James: RIGHT. 164 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:20,853 WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD IF THE QUEEN STARTED DRIVING A, YOU KNOW, 165 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,022 ( BLEEP ) BIG, LIKE, TRUCK. >> Reggie: A HUMMER. 166 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:26,392 >> James: SHE USED TO DRIVE TRUCKS. 167 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,828 >> YEAH. >> James: WHEN DID THE QUEEN 168 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:31,564 DRIVE TRUCKS. >> WORLD WAR II. 169 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,165 >> James: WHAT? ( BLEEP ). 170 00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:43,509 >> ANNA TOLLY, PULL IT UP. >> James: PULL IT UP. 171 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:48,848 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, OKAY, THAT IS A PICTURE OF 172 00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:52,618 THE QUEEN STOOD NEXT TO A TRUCK. OKAY? 173 00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:58,090 IF SHE DROVE A TRUCK, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SEASON ONE, EPISODE 174 00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:03,095 FOUR OF THE CROWNE. >> LOOK. 175 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,197 HUH-OH, LOOKY. >> I'M SERIOUS. 176 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,768 IT WAS BIG TIME. >> James: LOOK AT THAT! 177 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:12,872 IT WAS HER PART OF THE WORLD. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. 178 00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:17,943 ( APPLAUSE ) >> JAMES: AND FINALLY, THE HOT 179 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:18,978 DOG BRAND, BALL PARK, HAS JUST INTRODUCED A NEW SUMMERTIME 180 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:22,915 ACCESSORY. IT'S CALLED THE HOT DOG HELMET - 181 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:26,719 AND FEATURES BUILT-IN HOLDERS AND NOZZLES FOR KETCHUP AND 182 00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:30,356 MUSTARD. HERE IT IS HERE: 183 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,691 LOOK AT THAT. AT THE VERY LEAST, IT'S A 184 00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:36,962 CONVERSATION STARTER. AND THAT CONVERSATION WOULD 185 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:41,600 START WITH, "DAD. WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT YOU." 186 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:42,735 ( LAUGHTER ) WHEN THEY SAW THIS, PEOPLE IN 187 00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:43,969 LOS ANGELES WERE LIKE "NO PLACE FOR VEGAN 188 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,105 GARLIC AIOLI MAYONNAISE? PASS." 189 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:49,975 BUT THE TIMING OF THE HOT DOG HELMET COULDN'T HAVE BEEN 190 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,846 BETTER. IT'S JUST IN TIME FOR MEMORIAL 191 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:58,284 DAY COOKOUTS, AND EVEN BETTER THE QUEEN'S JUBILEE! 192 00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,286 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THAT'S THE NEWS! 193 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:27,379 >> James: WELCOME BACK. LET'S MEET OUR GUESTS TONIGHT, 194 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:34,120 HE STARS AS SONIC, IN "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2," BEN SCHWARTZ. 195 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,455 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 196 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:45,631 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 197 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:50,936 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 198 00:12:51,003 --> 00:13:05,885 THANK YOU! OH! 199 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,519 THANK YOU! OH! 200 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:09,455 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> OH! 201 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,291 TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH! 202 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:20,232 THIS IS TOO MUCH. ( CHEERING ) 203 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,602 THANK YOU SO MUCH! WOW! 204 00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:28,073 WOW! >> James: OKAY -- 205 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,276 WOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 206 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:35,814 >> James: OKAY, SO WHAT -- WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING, BEN, I 207 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:41,687 DON'T UNDERSTAND. >> THAT'S HILARIOUS. 208 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:45,357 ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'LL SAY IT, AS OF THIS 209 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:46,859 APPEARANCE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE ALL HERE FOR THIS, THANK YOU 210 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,595 SO MUCH, I HAVE NOW BEEN THE GUEST WHO HAS BEEN ON "THE LATE 211 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,798 LATE SHOW" MORE THAN ANY OTHER GUEST IN THE HISTORY OF "THE 212 00:13:52,865 --> 00:14:00,973 LATE LATE SHOW"! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 213 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,211 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 214 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:08,280 >> Reggie: CONGRATULATIONS. CHECK THE CARDS, JAMES. 215 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,116 >> James: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. 216 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,687 IS THAT TRUE, ROB? >> ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT. 217 00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:26,532 THIS IS BEN'S TWELVE TIME ON THE SHOW BUT 218 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,900 BUT ALLISON JANNEY HAS BEEN ON 14 TIMES. 219 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,535 >> JAMES: THEN WHY DID WE BUY ALL THE CONFETTI CANNONS AND THE 220 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,769 BANNER? >> WE DIDN'T BUY THAT. 221 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,972 >> I BOUGHT IT, JAMES. >> JAMES: YOU PAID FOR ALL THAT? 222 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,808 AND YOU DIDN'T CHECK TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE ACTUALLY THE GUEST 223 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:36,942 WHO'S BEEN ON THE MOST TIMES? >> ROB IS OBVIOUSLY A STUPID 224 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:38,444 FOOL. I KNOW FOR A FACT. 225 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:41,480 YOU WILL SAY YOU'RE A STUPID FOOL, RIGHT? 226 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:46,919 >> I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT. I'M JUST ACCURATE. 227 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:52,491 >> James: I THINK HE'S RIGHT. ALLISON JANNEY'S BEEN ON THE 228 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:57,796 SHOW 14 TIMES. YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ON 12. 229 00:14:57,863 --> 00:15:01,767 >> WE'VE DONE SO MANY INCREDIBLE BITS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. 230 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,436 >> James: I DON'T THINK WE'VE DONE ANY BITS. 231 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:11,610 >> REALLY? ROB, ROLL THE CLIP, BABY! 232 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:16,215 SNOOD POKEÉMON CARD SOLD FOR $420,000 AT AUCTION. 233 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:28,360 THAT WAS THE HEADLINE. THE WINNING H HEADLINE, 234 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,529 BROKE-A-MON. >> JUST THREE BEST FRIENDS 235 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:40,439 HANGING OUT HAVING TEA, RIGHT? LET'S SPILL THE TEE. 236 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,008 WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I TRIED A LOT. ( LAUGHTER ) 237 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:52,484 THEY SAY DON'T LOOK UP WHEN YOU'RE SKY DIVING. 238 00:15:52,551 --> 00:16:01,193 ( BLEEP ) OH! THREE BEST FRIENDS! 239 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,928 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 240 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:17,876 ♪♪ >> WHOO! 241 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:18,677 ♪♪ >> WHOO! 242 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:25,851 A, WHOA, WHOA, CAR POOL KARAOKE. 243 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:30,889 >> HEY THERE. -- 244 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:38,931 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YOU WANT TO GO FOR A SPIN? 245 00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:45,838 >> SEE? MOST EVER APPEARANCES 246 00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:49,842 EVER! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 247 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:59,818 ( BAND PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 248 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:00,319 >> James: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY. 249 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,913 >> OH, I LIKE IT! >> James: WELCOME BACK! 250 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:31,116 LET'S BRING OUT OUR OTHER GUEST TONIGHT SHE STARS IN 251 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:36,455 "SEVERANCE," PATRICIA ARQUETTE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 252 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:51,403 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> James: YEAH, YEAH! 253 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:56,442 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> James: YEAH, YEAH! 254 00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,187 I'M A DISGRUNTLED GUEST. >> James: WHY? 255 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:14,693 I GOT PIMENTO CHEESE, AND HE GOT CHAMPAGNE, AN EMMY, FLOWERS. 256 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,296 SO, HERE, TAKE THE CANDY. TAKE IT ALL. 257 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,466 >> James: I DO THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT BEN 258 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:23,802 DID A LOT OF THAT HIMSELF. >> THAT CAME OUT OF MY BUDGET. 259 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:26,505 >> James: HE PERSONALLY FUNDED ALL OF THAT. 260 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:32,478 >> DID HE REALLY? HERE IT COMES. 261 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:36,482 ( APPLAUSE ) >> James: DOES IT GO SOME WAY 262 00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:40,919 TOWARDS HELPING? >> MY, MY -- MINE, MINE. 263 00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,989 I DID PAY FOR THOSE. TECHNICALLY, THEY'RE ON LOAN TO 264 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,425 YOU NOW. >> James: I'M PUTTING THEM 265 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:50,162 OVER HERE FOR SAFEKEEPING. IT'S TRUE. 266 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:54,666 WE LOVE YOU AT THIS SHOW. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 267 00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:57,669 >> James: BECAUSE YOU WERE OUR SECOND-EVER GUEST ON THE SHOW. 268 00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:01,106 >> THAT'S TRUE! >> James: YOU JUST WON AN 269 00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:05,944 OSCAR FOR "BOYHOOD," WHICH WAS AN AMAZING TIME OF YOUR LIFE. 270 00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,746 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THAT 271 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,648 TIME? >> IT WAS JUST SO CRAZY, THE 272 00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,416 WHOLE KIND OF CIRCUIT OF THAT THING. 273 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,820 YOU'RE JUST CONSTANTLY GOING. I REMEMBER LAYING DOWN ON THE 274 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,823 GROUND AND ALMOST CRYING AT ONE POINT. 275 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,124 >> James: BECAUSE IT WAS THE PRESSURE OF IT. 276 00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,994 >> I WAS, LIKE, I CAN'T DO ANOTHER THING, I CAN'T CHANGE MY 277 00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,996 CLOTHES AGAIN. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I'M SAYING 278 00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,564 ANYMORE. WHO AM I? 279 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:28,967 >> James: IT'S SUCH A BRILLIANT FILM AND WE'LL ALWAYS 280 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:32,170 REMEMBER YOU AS OUR SECOND GUEST ON THE SHOW. 281 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:36,174 YOU CAME, DID A SKETCH. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO AMAZING. 282 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,342 >> THANK YOU. >> James: AS WAS MR. BEN 283 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:40,879 SCWARTZ, WHO WAS ON OUR FIRST EVER PILOT SHOW THAT NEVER 284 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,516 AIRED. AND NOW THIS IS BIG NEWS, YOU'RE 285 00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:49,221 GETTING SOME BIG EMMY BUZZ FOR YOUR BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE IN 286 00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:53,091 "THE AFTERPARTY." IT'S ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. 287 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,127 >> THAT'S VERY KIND. >> James: BUT THIS WOULDN'T BE 288 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:59,231 THE FIRST EMWHEREY. YOU WON AN EMMY FOR WRITING. 289 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,401 >> WHEN HUGH JACKMAN HOSTED THE OSCARS. 290 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:07,873 WE AND TWO OTHERS WROTE A MUSICAL BEGINNING. 291 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,975 I WAS LIVING IN A SMALL APARTMENT IN LOS ANGELES. 292 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:15,080 IT WAS SITTING NEXT TO MY NINTENDO AND MY XBOX. 293 00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:20,953 SO AS A BIT I PUT IT IN MY KITCHEN AND I PUT MY SAL TEENS 294 00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:25,223 IN THE LITTLE GLOBE ON TOP THINKING IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. 295 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:31,096 TURNS OUT THE SALT IN THE SAL TEENS PUTS GREY LINES THROUGH 296 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:36,234 THE GOLD SO MY EMMY LOOKS LIKE GHOST FROM CHRISTMAS PAST. 297 00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:40,005 IT'S SEEN A LOT. >> James: PATRICIA, YOU HAD AN 298 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:44,776 INTERESTING CHILDHOOD. YOUR PARENTS TOOK YOU TO A THING 299 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:51,283 WHICH I'VE NEVER HEARD OF CALLED A WAL WALK PARTY. 300 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,818 >> YEAH. AS SOON AS A BABY STARTS TO WALK 301 00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:56,955 AND TAKE THEIR FIRST STEPS, THEY INVITE PEOPLE OVER, FAMILY AND 302 00:20:57,022 --> 00:21:00,959 FRIENDS AND SAY BRING SOMETHING THAT KIND OF INDICATES A CAREER. 303 00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:05,464 SO YOU PUT IT ALL AROUND THE BABY AND THE BABY KIND OF CRAWLS 304 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:10,302 TO WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE. IT'S ALL IN ONE, BUT I DID PICK 305 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:12,738 A JUDGE'S GAVEL. AND IT'S REALLY TRUE. 306 00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:16,541 I AM LIKE THAT. >> James: VERY JUDGE MEANTLE? 307 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,076 I AM. I REALLY AM! 308 00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:21,079 TEN YEARS! THAT'S IT! 309 00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:30,589 >> James: YOUR FIRST TO RE INTO IMPROVE IS YOU WORKED AS A 310 00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:32,958 JAN TORE. >> ONE OF MY DUTIES WAS TO DO 311 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:39,131 THE RECYCLING AND THE GARBAGE. THERE ARE PIPES BECAUSE WE WERE 312 00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:43,135 UNDERNEATH A SUPERMARKET. THERE WERE PIPES LEAKING STUFF 313 00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:47,205 FROM THE DELI MEET, SO I WOULD HAVE TO REPLACE THE GARBAGE BAGS 314 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:50,976 THAT HOLDS THE LIQUID. THAT'S HOW I KNOW THE COMEDY IS 315 00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,345 FRESH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> James: LET'S CALL IT WHAT 316 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,147 IT IS. MEAT JUICE. 317 00:21:55,213 --> 00:22:00,752 >> THERE'S MEAT JUICE UP THERE. STRAIGHT-UP MEAT JUICE UP THERE. 318 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,188 >> WOW. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS AT THE 319 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,857 END OF "SEVERANCE," YOU GUYS WILL GO CRAZY. 320 00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:07,626 THERE ARE EIGHT EPISODES. >> James: TEN, HUH? 321 00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:10,896 I KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE. OKAY. 322 00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,731 >> James: LET'S CONGRATULATE YOU ON SEVERANCE. 323 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,966 IT'S SUCH A GOOD SHOW. IT REALLY IS. 324 00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:19,171 FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN IT, TELL THEM WHAT IT'S ABOUT AND 325 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:22,541 WHO YOU PLAY. >> WELL, IT'S KIND OF THIS RETRO 326 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:27,045 FUTURISTIC WORLD THAT STARTS IN THIS WORKPLACE, AND THERE'S THIS 327 00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:32,350 GUY NAMED MARK PLAYED BY ADAM SCOTT, AND HE GETS THIS 328 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:35,687 PROCEDURE CALLED SEVERANCE WHERE YOU GET THIS MEDICAL PROCEDURE 329 00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:38,590 THAT MAKES YOU, WHEN YOU'RE AT WORK, YOU CAN ONLY REMEMBER 330 00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:41,760 BEING AT WORK AND WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME YOU CAN ONLY REMEMBER BEING 331 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:50,836 AT HOME, AND I PLAY HIS BOSS. ( LAUGHTER ) 332 00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:53,538 >> James: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO REALLY TALK ABOUT -- 333 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:56,408 >> I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING FOR EVERYBODY OR 334 00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:57,809 ANYBODY. I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE MAY HAVE 335 00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:00,378 SEEN IT, SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT HAVE. 336 00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:03,415 >> James: YOU'RE A BIG FAN. HUGE FAN. 337 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,051 HUGE FAN. I THINK YOU'RE ALL AMAZING AND 338 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:10,756 BEN STILL DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB. >> BEN STILLER DIRECTED IT. 339 00:23:10,822 --> 00:23:13,992 AND YOUR LAST TV SHOW. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. 340 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:21,433 I THINK YOU'RE FANTASTIC. CAN YOU GIVE ME A BRIEF 341 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:25,303 DESCRIPTION OF THE AFTERPART THAT YOU SAID I HAVE A HUGE EMMY 342 00:23:25,370 --> 00:23:28,640 BUZZ FOR IN IT'S ON APPLE TV PLUGS -- 343 00:23:28,707 --> 00:23:32,677 >> James: LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S YOU -- I WAS JUST ABOUT TO 344 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:34,012 SAY YOU -- >> TELL ME ABOUT IT. 345 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:39,985 >> James: I WILL! YOU, SAM RICHARDSON, TIFFANY HAD 346 00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:43,622 DISH, DAVE FRANCO, A LOT OF OTHER FUNNY PEOPLE. 347 00:23:43,688 --> 00:23:49,561 A MURDER'S HAPPENED, AT A SCHOOL REYEUN YOB, AND EACH EPISODE IS 348 00:23:49,628 --> 00:23:55,634 IN A DIFFERENT GENRE. YOURS IS MUSICAL. 349 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,670 >> HAS EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SHOW BEEN ON THIS SHOW? 350 00:23:58,737 --> 00:23:59,905 BE HONEST. ( LAUGHTER ) 351 00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:03,441 THAT WAS AMAZING, SHOW. WILL YOU WATCH SOMETIME IN THE 352 00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:06,945 NEXT WEEK AND TEXT ME? OF COURSE, NOT. 353 00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:09,381 EVER SEEN ANY EPISODES OF SEVERANCE? 354 00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:12,117 NO. >> James: I'VE SEEN SOME 355 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:16,922 "SEVERANCE." I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET. 356 00:24:16,988 --> 00:24:20,725 I'M SAVING "THE AFTERPARTY" FOR A SPECIAL WEEKEND FOR ME AND MY 357 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,860 WIFE. OKAY, I CAN'T WAIT TO CHAT. 358 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:26,998 >> James: FOR OUR 25 25th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 359 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,100 LET'S LOOK AT A CLIP FROM "SEVERANCE," WHICH IS STREAMING 360 00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:33,872 NOW ON APPLE TV+. >> BOARD FINDS THIS DEEPLY 361 00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:35,407 TROUBLING. THE BOARD WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU 362 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:40,846 KNEW HE WAS MISSING AND IF YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO THE POLICE? 363 00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:44,449 >> WHOEVER KILLED MR. GREINER IS PROBABLY THE SAME PERSON WHO 364 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:52,891 REINTEGRATED PETER GILMER. >> THE BOARD REMINDS YOU 365 00:24:52,958 --> 00:24:54,125 REINTEGRATION -- >> REINTEGRATION HAPPENED AND I 366 00:24:54,192 --> 00:24:59,364 HAVE THE DATA TO PROVE IT, AND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SHARE MY 367 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:05,337 FINDINGS IN PERSON WITHOUT INTERMEDIARIES. 368 00:25:05,403 --> 00:25:08,974 >> James: STICK AROUND, MORE WITH THIS TWO WHEN WE COME BACK, 369 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,042 EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 370 00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:25,824 >> YEAH! I MAKE THIS LOOK GOOD! 371 00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:29,361 >> HUH! OH, GREAT, THE WINTER 372 00:25:29,427 --> 00:25:34,366 SOLDIER. AAAHHH! 373 00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:39,304 FOR A GUY NAMED KNUCKLES, YOU ARE REALLY BAD AT PUNCHING. 374 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,307 >> SURRENDER THE COMPASS. YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME! 375 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,509 I HAVE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE. 376 00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:49,314 >> AND I HAVE NO TRAINING AT ALL, YET HERE I AM AHEAD OF YOU, 377 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:56,955 THAT'S GOT TO BE EMBARRASSING! ♪♪ 378 00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,323 ♪♪ >> JAMES: THAT WAS A CLIP FROM 379 00:25:58,390 --> 00:25:59,691 "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2," WHICH IS AVAILABLE NOW TO BUY ON DIGITAL 380 00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:04,963 AND STREAM ON PARAMOUNT+. CONGRATS ON THE FILM. 381 00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:07,399 >> THANK YOU! >> James: IT'S THE HIGHEST 382 00:26:07,465 --> 00:26:11,703 GROSSING VIDEO GAME MOVIE EVER. TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS 383 00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:12,904 ONE. >> OKAY, SO SONIC UNDERGOES A 384 00:26:12,971 --> 00:26:16,574 SURGERY THAT SEPARATES HIS WORK FROM HIS PERSONAL LIFE. 385 00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:24,249 ( LAUGHTER ) AND A GUYS FROM PARKS AND REC IS 386 00:26:24,316 --> 00:26:28,620 THERE -- NO, TAILS IS WITH HIM, KNUCKLES IS THE FOE AND JIM 387 00:26:28,687 --> 00:26:31,823 CAREY IS IN IT WHO'S BRILLIANT AND HILARIOUS. 388 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:35,560 IT'S MORE ACTION AND ADVENTURE. IT'S OUT ON YOUR COUCH. 389 00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:38,797 YOU CAN WATCH IT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU OWN A COUCH? 390 00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:42,467 >> James: I HAVE TWO. YOU OWN TWO? 391 00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:46,237 >> James: DON'T MAKE A DEAL ABOUT IT, I'M DOING PRETTY WELL. 392 00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:50,108 I'M A TWO-COUCH GUY. YOU MENTIONED JIM CAREY IS IN 393 00:26:50,175 --> 00:26:51,609 THE FILM. >> YES. 394 00:26:51,676 --> 00:26:53,345 >> James: YOU AND I BOTH HUGE FANS. 395 00:26:53,411 --> 00:26:56,247 FOR YOU, HE IS VERY MUCH A HERO, RIGHT? 396 00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:59,250 >> I LOVE HIM. >> James: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE 397 00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:03,722 JIM CAREY MOVIE? >> DUMB AND DUMBER IS THE TOP 398 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:08,059 FIVE MOVIE OF ALL TIME. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 399 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:13,231 THIS IS GOING TO AGE ME, BUT BACK IN THE DAY THERE'S A TV SET 400 00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:15,767 WITH THE VHS HOOKED UP. >> James: I REMEMBER THAT, 401 00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:17,836 BABY. >> I THINK I STILL HAVE ONE IN 402 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:20,872 MY BASEMENT. >> TECHNOLOGY. 403 00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:24,175 YOU CAN USE IT. WHEN MY SISTER DIDN'T NEED IT, I 404 00:27:24,242 --> 00:27:30,015 PUT IT IN MY BATHROOM CLOSET AND WE HAD FIVE, SO ANYTIME I WENT 405 00:27:30,081 --> 00:27:33,618 TO THE BATHROOM I WOULD WATCH DUMB AND DUMBER. 406 00:27:33,685 --> 00:27:36,921 I GUESS WE'LL CUT THAT OUT FOR THE REAL SHOW. 407 00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:38,890 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I'VE SEEN THAT MOVIE ONE 408 00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:41,259 BILLION TIMES. >> James: IT HOLDS UP. 409 00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,795 IT'S AMAZING. WHAT'S YOUR MOVIE OF ALL TIME. 410 00:27:43,862 --> 00:27:46,398 >> James: OF ALL TIME. CAN'T SAY "BOYHOOD." 411 00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:53,838 >> James: IT'S NOT "BOYHOOD." IT'S ACTUALLY "SONIC THE 412 00:27:53,905 --> 00:27:55,507 HEDGEHOG" ONE. >> WHAT? 413 00:27:55,573 --> 00:27:58,910 OH, MY! >> James: IT'S WHY I REFUSE TO 414 00:27:58,977 --> 00:28:02,347 WATCH THE SEQUEL BECAUSE IT'S A SMASH IN OUR HOUSE. 415 00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:05,350 MY FAVORITE JIM CAREY FILM IS ALSO DUMB AND DUMBER. 416 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:09,821 YOU KNOW THE STORY ABOUT DUMB AND DUMBER, THEY KEPT PITCHING 417 00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:13,825 HIM COMEDIANS TO BE THE OTHER CHARACTER AND JIM CAREY VERY 418 00:28:13,892 --> 00:28:18,930 RIGHTLY SAID, NO, NO, NO, GET ME AN ACTOR, JUST GET ME THE BEST 419 00:28:18,997 --> 00:28:22,267 ACTOR YOU CAN FIND WHO WILL PLAY IT COMPLETELY TRUTHFULLY AND 420 00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:25,837 THEN PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE THEY ARE THIS DUMB AND THAT'S WHY 421 00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:29,841 JEFF DANIELS WAS ACCEPTED. >> AND IMAGINE A SCENE WHERE HE 422 00:28:29,908 --> 00:28:32,777 HAS TERRIBLE DIARRHEA FOR FIVE MINUTES. 423 00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:35,146 >> James: CORRECT. AND PATRICIA, YOU ARE WHAT I 424 00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:39,684 WOULD CALL A COLLECTOR. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT REFER TO THIS 425 00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:42,921 AS HOARDING OR A PACK RAT, SHOULD WE SAY? 426 00:28:42,987 --> 00:28:47,659 BUT I LIKE TO CALL YOU A COLLECTOR. 427 00:28:47,725 --> 00:28:50,628 HOW SERIOUS IS THIS COLLECTING/HOARDING? 428 00:28:50,695 --> 00:28:52,831 SET THE SCENE. >> EVERYTHING HAS A PURPOSE. 429 00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:57,368 >> James: BEING YOU STILL HAVE A TV VHS IN YOUR CRAG. 430 00:28:57,435 --> 00:29:00,772 >> YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU NEED THAT. 431 00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:03,675 ( LAUGHTER ) NO, BUT OVER HERE IS 100 432 00:29:03,741 --> 00:29:08,546 CROCHETED COSTUMES I MADE. THAT'S WHAT THESE BINS ARE. 433 00:29:08,613 --> 00:29:14,486 THEY'RE NOT TRASH. I DO EASTER EGG HUNTS WITH CLUES 434 00:29:14,552 --> 00:29:17,555 AND THINGS. YES, I MADE THOSE EGGS OUT OF 435 00:29:17,622 --> 00:29:20,525 PAPIER MACHE, THAT'S NOT TRASH. >> James: RIGHT. 436 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:24,329 I MADE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. I MAKE THINGS. 437 00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:28,299 I'M SORRY, YOU KNOW. >> James: YOU DON'T NEED TO 438 00:29:28,366 --> 00:29:29,834 APOLOGIZE. >> WELL, IT IS A MESS. 439 00:29:29,901 --> 00:29:33,805 YOU COME IN, IT'S, LIKE, THAT GIANT PILE, NO, NO, THAT'S THIS 440 00:29:33,872 --> 00:29:39,110 OTHER PROJECT I'M WORKING ON. THAT OTHER ONE, NO, ON DANA'S 441 00:29:39,177 --> 00:29:43,815 PHOTO SESSION, I GOT AN IDEA. >> James: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU 442 00:29:43,882 --> 00:29:46,951 CROCHETED COSTUMES. I HAVE A DREAM FOR YOU TO 443 00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:48,987 CROCHET A SUIT FOR ME. >> REALLY? 444 00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:51,990 >> James: THAT'S A LIFELONG DREAM OF MINE. 445 00:29:52,056 --> 00:29:54,526 >> THEY'RE PRETTY BIG HITS. I'VE WORN THEM AROUND, NOBODY 446 00:29:54,592 --> 00:29:59,130 KNOWS WHO I AM. >> James: WILL YOU MAKE ME A 447 00:29:59,197 --> 00:30:01,666 CROCHET SUIT BEFORE I LEAVE THE SHOW? 448 00:30:01,733 --> 00:30:04,569 >> THAT GIVES ME A WHILE. I THINK I COULD DO IT. 449 00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:05,837 >> WOW, WOW. IT WILL HAPPEN. 450 00:30:05,904 --> 00:30:06,971 ( APPLAUSE ) >> James: REGGIE, DO YOU HAVE 451 00:30:07,038 --> 00:30:10,074 A QUESTION FOR OUR GUESTS THIS EVENING? 452 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:15,380 >> Reggie: YES. TONIGHT'S QUESTION -- 453 00:30:15,446 --> 00:30:17,115 ( DRUM ROLL ) -- GOES TO THE COUCH. 454 00:30:17,182 --> 00:30:25,223 IF YOU ONLY HAD FIVE INGREDIENTF MARSHMALLOWS, TWO USED TRICYCLE 455 00:30:25,290 --> 00:30:34,899 WHEELS, A FEW COMPONENTS FROM A PARAGLIDER, A SMALL, LINEAR 456 00:30:34,966 --> 00:30:40,071 REACTOR, AND A MOUSE THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BIGGER THAN YOUR 457 00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:42,807 USUAL MOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU MAKE FROM THAT? 458 00:30:42,874 --> 00:30:45,843 >> I'D PUT THE MOUSE IN THE TIRE, PUT THE LINEAR EXPANDER, 459 00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:50,548 AND THE WHOLE IDEA IS IF WE CAN GET THE MOUSE TO GO FAST ENOUGH, 460 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:53,184 WE CAN GET ENOUGH ELECTRICITY TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME. 461 00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:56,287 I WANT TO GO FIVE SECONDS BEFORE THE WHOLE THING STARTED. 462 00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:59,224 SO IT'S JUST A LOOP OF FIVE SECONDS -- 463 00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:02,460 >> WHY ARE WE DOING THAT? LET'S GO SOMEWHERE FUN. 464 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,063 >> WATCH THIS, WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE FUN. 465 00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:10,902 WHERE DO WE WANT TO GO? THE '60s, I'VE NEVER BEEN 466 00:31:10,969 --> 00:31:12,570 THERE. >> YOU WANT TO GO TO FIVE 467 00:31:12,637 --> 00:31:15,673 MINUTES AGO. >> BUT DRESSED LIKE I'M IN 468 00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:17,842 1920s. I REALLY WANT TO SCREW WITH MY 469 00:31:17,909 --> 00:31:25,516 AND POP ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS. WHAT WILL WE DO IN THE '20s IN 470 00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:28,753 PARIS? >> WE'RE GOING TO BUY PAINTINGS! 471 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:32,523 THIS IS THE NEW OCEANS 11. >> James: REGGIE? 472 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:36,127 >> Reggie: THAT IS MEGA CORRECT. 473 00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:40,965 >> James: IT IS! THANK OUR AMAZING GUESTS! 474 00:31:41,032 --> 00:31:43,034 WE HAVE STANDUP FROM OPHIRA EISENBERG WHEN WE COME BACK! 475 00:31:59,050 --> 00:32:01,052 >> James: WELCOME BACK. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT 476 00:32:01,119 --> 00:32:02,687 STAND-UP COMEDIAN WITH A BRAND-NEW ALBUM, "PLANT-BASED 477 00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:06,691 JOKES," AVAILABLE NOW. PLEASE WELCOME, THE HILARIOUS, 478 00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:09,193 OPHIRA EISENBERG. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 479 00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,695 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 480 00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:18,703 >> HEY! ALL RIGHT! 481 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,338 HELLO, EVERYBODY! NICE! 482 00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:23,841 SO GREAT TO BE HERE! THIS IS AWESOME! 483 00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:32,750 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO, I'M SINGLE -- I'M SORRY. 484 00:32:32,817 --> 00:32:37,822 I AM MARRIED WITH A CHILD. I ALWAYS FORGET WHICH FEMALE 485 00:32:37,889 --> 00:32:40,992 COMEDIENNE I AM. I AM MARRIED WITH A CHILD. 486 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:47,832 I HAVE A LITTLE SIX-YEAR-OLD SON ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 487 00:32:47,899 --> 00:32:50,134 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. IT IS WEIRD BEING HERE KNOWING 488 00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:52,170 HE'S HOME ALONE, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT. 489 00:32:52,236 --> 00:32:55,506 YEAH, AND I HAD HIM LATER IN LIFE. 490 00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:57,875 WHEN IT WAS PREGNANT, I WAS CONSIDERED BOTH RIGHT 491 00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:07,085 HIS EXCE -- BOTHHIGH RISK AND A. ( APPLAUSE ) 492 00:33:07,151 --> 00:33:10,221 AS A WOMANNICS IF YOU DO ANYTHING OFF OF SOCIETY'S TIME 493 00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:13,758 CLOCK FOR YOU, YOU ARE JUDGED, ASKED A LOT OF DUMB QUESTIONS. 494 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:18,796 I CAN'T TELL YOU THE NUMBER OF TIMES I HAVE BEEN ASKED, WHY DID 495 00:33:18,863 --> 00:33:22,700 YOU WAIT SO LONG? IT'S BECAUSE I HATE KIDS. 496 00:33:22,767 --> 00:33:26,437 YEAH. YEAH. 497 00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,507 ( APPLAUSE ) BUT THEY SAY YOU LOVE YOUR OWN, 498 00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:31,342 YOU KNOW. FINGERS CROSSED. 499 00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:33,644 IT'S A LITTLE TOO YOUNG TO TELL. NO, HE'S COOL. 500 00:33:33,711 --> 00:33:35,980 I HAVE A COOL KID. I GUESS. 501 00:33:36,047 --> 00:33:39,817 I DON'T KNOW, I CALL HIM MY GOOD EGG BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT HE 502 00:33:39,884 --> 00:33:45,390 WAS MY LAST GOOD EGG. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD THIS 503 00:33:45,456 --> 00:33:49,160 KID BIOLOGICALLY, BUT WE'RE RAISING HIM ADOPTED BECAUSE I 504 00:33:49,227 --> 00:33:54,699 WANT HIM TO FEEL CHOSEN, OKAY. I WANT HIM TO FEEL CHOSEN. 505 00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:59,203 I THINK THE RUDEST THING ANYONE SAID TO ME WAS, IT WAS A MAN, A 506 00:33:59,270 --> 00:34:04,542 STRANGE MAN, I DID NOT KNOW HIM, I WAS WITH MY LITTLE KID AND HE 507 00:34:04,609 --> 00:34:07,311 CAME UP TO ME AND SAID, IS THAT YOUR FIRST CHILD? 508 00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:10,681 I SAID, YES. HE GOES, THAT'S WONDERFUL. 509 00:34:10,748 --> 00:34:13,751 I'M JUST CURIOUS, HOW LONG WERE YOU TRYING? 510 00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:14,819 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW. 511 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:18,322 I JUST ANSWERED. AND I SAID, I THINK IT WAS FIVE 512 00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:26,697 OR SIX MINUTES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 513 00:34:26,764 --> 00:34:30,701 I REMEMBER "GAME OF THRONES" WAS ON PAUSE. 514 00:34:30,768 --> 00:34:34,472 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN THE MAGIC HAPPENED, OH, 515 00:34:34,539 --> 00:34:35,907 YEAH. MY HUSBAND IS A NERD. 516 00:34:35,973 --> 00:34:39,177 I MARRIED A NERD. I ASKED HIM TO BUY CLOTHES FOR 517 00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:43,681 OUR KID. SO HE BOUGHT OUR SON A T -SHIRT. 518 00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:47,819 THEY LOVE PUTTING SLOGANS ON KIDS CLOTHES. 519 00:34:47,885 --> 00:34:51,422 IF IT'S BOY THEY'RE ALL ABOUT DADDY. 520 00:34:51,489 --> 00:34:56,461 SO WE GOT A T-SHIRT FOR OUR SON THAT READS "TOUGH LIKE DADDY." 521 00:34:56,527 --> 00:35:02,066 I WAS, LIKE, WAIT TILL THEY MEET DADDY -- NO, NO, WE NEED OVERLY 522 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:05,036 SENSITIVE, LIKE DADDY. THAT WOULD BE GOOD. 523 00:35:05,102 --> 00:35:09,407 OR OFTEN CONFUSED, LIKE DADDY, THAT'S ACCURATE. 524 00:35:09,474 --> 00:35:14,078 CAN'T HOLD HIS LIQUOR, LIKE DADDY, THAT'S -- 525 00:35:14,145 --> 00:35:18,683 ( APPLAUSE ) -- HOW THE WHOLE THING STARTED. 526 00:35:18,749 --> 00:35:22,587 YEAH, SO WE'RE TRYING. YOU KNOW, IT'S OUR FIRST KID SO 527 00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:26,123 WE'RE FIGURING IT OUT. AND THEN THE PANDEMIC HAPPENED, 528 00:35:26,190 --> 00:35:30,394 AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS, NOBODY TOLD ME AS A MOTHER THAT I WOULD 529 00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:34,065 HAVE TO RAISE MY OWN CHILD. OKAY? 530 00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:36,601 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS RIDICULOUS. 531 00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:41,172 SOMETIMES I LOOK BACK TO BEFORE ALL OF THIS AND I WONDER, DID I 532 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:45,243 USED TO PARENT BEFORE? LIKE, SERIOUSLY, WHEN THERE WAS 533 00:35:45,309 --> 00:35:50,081 SCHOOL AND ACTIVITIES AND BABYSITTERS AND A GRANDPARENT, I 534 00:35:50,147 --> 00:35:54,418 THINK I USED TO WEIGH IN, LIKE, 12% OF THE TIME. 535 00:35:54,485 --> 00:35:55,987 OKAY? AND I WANT THE TEAM BACK, 536 00:35:56,053 --> 00:35:58,556 PEOPLE. I WANT THE TEAM BACK. 537 00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:02,693 I'M JUST LOOKING FOR SOME POSITIVITY, REALLY. 538 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,329 SO, OBVIOUSLY, HARD TO READ THE NEWS. 539 00:36:05,396 --> 00:36:10,034 I'M JUST SCROLLING THROUGH MY LIFESTYLE PIECES AND THEY ARE 540 00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:13,304 BUMMERS, TOO. I'VE GOT TO SAY, I WAS LOOKING 541 00:36:13,371 --> 00:36:14,906 AT THE HEADLINES AND THEY'RE LIKE, HAS ZOOM CHANGED YOUR 542 00:36:14,972 --> 00:36:19,343 BRAIN CHEMISTRY PERMANENTLY? I WAS, LIKE, OH, MY GOD! 543 00:36:19,410 --> 00:36:23,347 YOUR RELATIONSHIP SURVIVED THE PANDEMIC BUT WILL IT SURVIVE THE 544 00:36:23,414 --> 00:36:25,750 SUMMER? EXPERTS SAY NO! 545 00:36:25,816 --> 00:36:30,655 TEN THINGS YOU LOVE THAT ARE GONE! 546 00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:32,757 ( LAUGHTER ) I JUST NEED SOME LEVITY RIGHT 547 00:36:32,823 --> 00:36:34,926 NOW. I WANT SOME OPTIMISM. 548 00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:38,462 I'LL READ ANYTHING POSITIVE EVEN IF IT'S CLICK BAIT GARBAGE, I 549 00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:42,800 WANT TO READ IT, OKAY. I WANT TO READ STUDIES SHOW 550 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:48,773 ALTERNATING COFFEE AND WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR BRAIN CHEMISTRY! 551 00:36:48,839 --> 00:36:53,411 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT? 552 00:36:53,477 --> 00:36:58,282 CRYING, CREATE FOR YOUR SKIN! YEAH! 553 00:36:58,349 --> 00:37:02,453 ( LAUGHTER ) TEN UNMOTIVATED PEOPLE WHO 554 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:09,393 BECAME BILLIONAIRES! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 555 00:37:09,460 --> 00:37:15,433 OH, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! ( BAND PLAYING ) 556 00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:16,500 >> JAMES: OPHIRA EISENBERG EVERYONE! 557 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:19,470 THE ALBUM IS, "PLANT-BASED JOKES" AND IT'S OUT NOW. 558 00:37:19,537 --> 00:37:20,438 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 559 00:37:20,504 --> 00:37:21,505 ( BAND PLAYING ) 560 00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:57,628 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 561 00:39:57,695 --> 00:39:58,596 >> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 562 00:39:58,662 --> 00:39:59,663 TOMORROW NIGHT: BRETT GELMAN AND AMANDA PEET. 563 00:39:59,730 --> 00:39:59,764 WE HOPE YOU WILL BE HERE, TOO. REGGIE, TAKE US HOME.